August 14, 2026 • 18 mins
Welcome back to our minisode series, "I Have Some Thoughts." These short episodes are designed to contextualize the pop culture moments we're currently paying attention to through a mental health lens. Pop culture isn't just fun to chat about, it can reveal important information about how we relate, cope, and understand ourselves. Join us each Friday to hear Dr. Joy share her thoughts about the happenings of the week.
This week, we're chatting about Jools Lebron's GoFundMe, Tee Grizzley's expungement, and Jacquees' decision not to sing backup for Chris Brown & Usher.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:10):
Hey, y'all, welcome back to I Have Some Thoughts I
Therapy for Black Girls, weekly minisold series where we talk
about all things pop culture, but of course from a
mental health land. I'm joined again this week by Bria Hey,
Bria Hi.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Everyone excited to get into the topics this week. So
first let's talk about Jules Lebron. Now, if you need
a reminder, Jules Lebron is a thirty year old TikTok
influencer who went viral for starting the very Mindful, very
demure TikTok challenge that had everyone in the head block.
Everyone was saying it well. She recently went viral after
(00:45):
launching a GoFundMe seeking forty five thousand dollars. Now, she
shared with her over two million TikTok followers that she
was seeking money for dental surgery. A few months ago.
She did come forward and say, you know, I've been
struggling a lot with addiction. Now because of that, that
is actually rotting her teeth. I think where a lot
of the controversy started to come in was that as
(01:08):
she was announcing this go fund me, she said that
she didn't want to ask fans for help, but she
also doesn't think that getting a quote regular job would
do anything to help her situation. Now, this sparked a
lot of outrage from followers because essentially she's asking them
to use their regular job money to help her in
a way that kind of came off entitled. This led
(01:29):
to her ultimately deleting the go fund me and announcing
that she was going to be stepping away from TikTok entirely.
And I think the broader question for a lot of
the conversation back and forth is how do we recognize
when we are asking for help versus expecting other people
to solve our problems.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Yeah, so I guess my initial reaction was like, either
you were going to give or you weren't, right, And
so I think Jules of course has a larger platform
maybe than most people who are sharing gofund me. But
I feel like I see some of this sentiment anytime
somebody shares like a link that's asking for help, And
I'm always confused because it feels like if you were
(02:08):
going to give, then you kind of have an internal
conversation around like, Okay, what does this mean to me?
Can I do it? Is this something that I feel
like I want to support and you give or if
you weren't going to anyway, then why the commentary red
Like I just get really confused. And I think it
goes back to some of the conversations we've had around
like online behavior and how we almost see each other
(02:30):
as avatars as opposed to actual humans with like a
full life. So I think that this was another one
of those cases that let me very confused as to
why people were having such strong reactions when it seemed
like this was not going to be something they were
going to support anyway. And I think so many of
us have struggles asking for help that I think that
(02:51):
things like gofundmes and buy me a coffee or whatever,
all of the links that you can share are actually
really good practice runs or asking for help, especially if
you are somebody who has struggled to ask for help. Now,
I do think though a lot of people will be
more hesitant to share these kinds of things because of
the kind of backlash that we see here. Right, some
(03:11):
of the other commentary I saw, you know, which I
also think is like just really ludicrous, Like even if
you get like a regular nine to five job that
has dental insurance, like even speaking personally, like, my oldest
just had to get a retainer, and dental insurance doesn't
cover that, even though we have insurance, right, And so
the idea that like dental insurance covers all these things
that even our regular insurance covers all these things. We
(03:34):
know how healthcare works in this country like that is
just something that people are saying to kind of see
what sticks to the wall. But it often feels like
anytimes there's something like this that happens online, there's a
lot of commentary when it really could just be Okay,
I'm gonna support this or not, and if I'm not,
then do I really need to even have any public
critique or commentary about it?
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Absolutely, And I think one of the references that I
was seeing a lot in the conversation was, I think
they actually talked about this a few months ago, was
it was James Charles, I believe one of the airline
workers have lost their clubs as part of the playoffs
and went forward and asked James for money, and he
(04:17):
was like, I don't know, you guys anything like it's
untitled XYZ. And so it's interesting to see it play
out from the other side where it was like, Okay,
remember you guys said you didn't Oh it's anything. Now
you're asking us for things too, which is just like
an interesting kind of dichotomy there. But I think the
common theme between both of these situations is that there
(04:38):
seems to be a disconnect. And we kind of talked
about a little bit last week too. The idea of
money just seems so touchy, like, especially when there's a
perceived like power and balance where it's like you're looking
at a Jewels or James Charles and they have millions
of followers and it seems like they would have money
all figured out. But I guess makes this disconnect so
(05:03):
blatant antritions.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Yeah, I think it's a lack of being in touch
with reality, right, Like a million followers does not mean
a million dollars, Like the platforms do not pay you
per follower, right, so we know that a lot of that,
you know, whether it is like real or not, it
doesn't necessarily mean anything, and it doesn't translate into actual money,
nor does it mean that there is like this we
got it all figured out, a sense of financial literacy, right, like,
(05:27):
especially for people who do not come from money, even
when you get some money, like you still have to
figure out what to do. And I feel like I
read something about like Jewels taking care of her family
with the money that she's received from the very mindful,
very demir, and I feel like I remember also that
there was a bit of back and forth with her,
like getting her trademark together, like you know, we don't
(05:48):
even know how much money was missed, or like opportunities
she didn't get because I don't think this was the
thing she expected to take off and didn't have a
plan for a business, right, So I think we have
to remember that these things don't kind of happen overnight.
That even if you get a windfall of money, that
doesn't mean that you automatically know what to do with it,
or that there hasn't been some other emergency that she
(06:12):
needed to tend to, or that anybody need you tend to.
That then severely lessen the amount of money that you
have available to you, you know, Like I think we
have to be mindful use their word of like how
expensive stuff is, right, like groceries are expensive, but god forbid,
there's like a health emergency like we already talked about,
like health insurance doesn't cover nearly, I think as much
(06:33):
as maybe people assume it does. And so most of
us are like one emergency away from maybe posting our
own gofundms, right, And so I think we got to
remember that we all make different kinds of decisions around money,
and a lot of that depends on whether we grew
up with money, whether we have a good understanding of
how to use it, how do we save, and whether
there is even enough to save after you deal with
(06:55):
maybe all the things that were on the back burner
before you even got the money.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Absolutely, I love that, doctor Jai, Thank you so for
our next topic, We're going to talk about rapper Ti Grizzly. Now.
T Grisly is a rapper out of Michigan. He actually
announced on Instagram last week that his criminal record has
been officially expunged. Now. The felony convictions on his records
stem from a set of robberies he committed while he
(07:22):
attended Michigan State University in twenty fourteen. Tea Gresley went
on Instagram and shared that the felonies cost him a
lot of performances, business opportunities, and even access to certain
insurance policies, and he took to Instagram to express his
relief and gratitude after years of navigating this legal system,
sharing that one decision doesn't have to define your entire story.
(07:45):
And I would love to go into that because I
think that it's not a topic that comes across very often,
especially in the pop culture world, where you do see
these stories of people's records getting expunged and almost getting
this second chance. So carrying a pawer mistake or a
label affects someone's identity, even if they've grown from that
and they've changed.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
M This is such a great question, Bria, although I
do feel like I have to admit my auntie status
and let you know, I have no idea who te Okay,
that'd be helpful, but it doesn't matter. Right Again, this
is just like a jumping off point for a larger conversation,
and I think it is a good point in that
(08:27):
none of us have to be defined by the worst
things that we've done or the worst decision that we made.
And I think that this is an excellent example of
fighting through this system. And even if you are not
proud of some of the decisions that you've made, he's
clearly paid the consequences for these things. His life has
been altered in lots of different ways through this, and
(08:47):
so it is okay for him to be on the
other side of this decision and now think about what
kinds of things do I want to do moving forward?
And it feels like this is especially timely in the
midst of our Surviving middle School series, right when we're
talking all about the decisions that young people make and
how sometimes they are not making logical, rational decisions and
unfortunately sometimes that has very difficult negative consequences. But what
(09:10):
does it look like to come out on the other
side of that? And I think for a t Grizzly
and for anybody else, it can really hamper your sense
of identity, right like that I am now defined by
this awful thing that I did, as opposed to I
made a mistake, like we all make mistakes, and I
have to learn to deal with it and then figure
out how to rebuild my life on the other side
(09:31):
of it. And so there can definitely be significant mental
health consequences to decision making like this, right in terms
of identity, in terms of what that means in terms
about confidence self esteem, I would imagine there have been
maybe some struggles with like anxiety or depression because of
the difficulties with finances. You know, you mentioned not being
(09:52):
able to get certain gigs and insurance policies and all
of those things, and so there definitely is a tie
to your mental health related to decision making and the
mistakes that we've made. But I do think it is
important to see somebody publicly talk about, yes, this thing happened,
and this is how I'm moving forward with my life.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Absolutely, And I think even reflecting on kind of his
career trajectory, missing out on those business opportunities and having
maybe those financial struggles as a result of that, I'm
sure was caused a lot of those things and really
led him to feel that so heavily because he released
a single that have taken over the charts, and then
(10:31):
to not be able to do anything with that or
to feel like you were on the brink of making
it per se and then it just be snatched away too.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
What was the single?
Speaker 2 (10:39):
It's called first Stay Out?
Speaker 1 (10:41):
Oh no, I don't maybe if I hear it, okay?
Speaker 2 (10:47):
And then what role does forgiveness play and all of this,
because you have to forgive yourself, but then at the
same time, courts are forgiving you on paper, business opportunities
that you may want to work with have to extend
as well. So how does the role of forgiveness kind
of play into all of this too?
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Yeah, I think that it's a huge role, right, Like,
of course, going through the core system, whether we want
to view that as a forgiveness, it is, I guess
in some ways, right like, Okay, my records is spunged,
I have been forgiven in the eyes of the law.
But I think the bigger role really is around self forgiveness, right, Like,
how do you make peace with the fact that maybe
you made a decision that has led to some difficult
(11:26):
consequences and still see yourself as valuable and worthy and
deserving even in spite of your mistakes. And so I
think that that is where the talking to yourself more
kindly comes from. Understanding again that you are human in
that we all make mistakes, and some mistakes have bigger
consequences than others. But it doesn't mean that you lose
your humanity because you've made this kind of mistake. And
(11:49):
so I do think making sure that he and anybody
else who is struggling with is is being more compassionate
with themselves and looking for support in places where people
are also validating who you are, not necessarily condoning the behavior,
right or you know, saying like, oh, it was okay
that you did that thing. That's not at all what
we're saying. But you've done it, You've faced the consequences,
(12:12):
and now we're on the other side of it, and
so what does it look like to rebuild your life
and if there is a way to atone with any
of the people that he did rob or whatever, or
maybe there was a public statement made as a part
of his corproceedings where he apologized to the people, right
because people were still harmed. So even if you are
now on the other side of it, we can't kind
of control the reaction to that people have that we've harmed.
(12:35):
And so if there can be an apology or some
atonement or the behaviors that may be more homeful to
other people. I think that that's also an important part
of this forgiveness role.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Absolutely, I always can just go and learn from our mistakes.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Yes, more from our conversation after the break.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
And for our last topic, we're going to talk about
arm Faced singer Jacquis. He did an interview recently, in
which the interviewer asked him why he didn't join Usher
and Chris Brown on their world tour. They've been on
tour for what it seems like months now. It started
I think in Europe and then it's here I think
until the end of September October. But Mario Tank and
(13:19):
Eric Bellinger are on tour with Usher and Chris Brown. However,
they're kind of singing background in some capacity on the tour.
I haven't watched some of the footage. I didn't go,
but a lot of people were asking, like why jack
Quis wasn't on the tour because he actually has a
very close relationship with Chris Brown. Jack Quiz goes on
to explain that he didn't join because he doesn't want
(13:41):
to sing back up. He doesn't feel like that's what
he should maybe reduce his career too. And this has
started a lot of conversation with many actually because a
lot of people interpret it as Jacquis being maybe too
prideful about where his music career actually is. This is
me inserting my opinion is that Chuck Wiz, he's had
like a couple of hit singles every once in a while,
(14:04):
but he's not particularly on a level of a Chris Brown.
When you look at like the chart performance, for example,
a lot of people kind of interpret it as him
being too prideful, and a lot of people actually agree
with him, And it's like, you shouldn't have to lower
himself to background singing if that's not where he feels
that his career is, and he should have to be
(14:24):
able to walk in that confidence if he wants to.
But I think the broader question, or the push and
pull is, how do you know the difference between making
a move out of self respect and making a move
out of ego? For example?
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Hmmmm, this is a tough one. I'm a little familiar withically,
so that full anti status there. But I think my
first reaction is like, why did he have to write
like if he feels like his career is at a
stage where he thinks he's like the opening or the
main act as opposed to to like a background singer,
(15:01):
I think that that is an okay choice to make
for himself and for his career. But I will also
add I don't think there's anything wrong with being a
background singer, right, and so I don't think that there's
a need to make being a background singer seem like
this kind of second rate, like it is a respectable
job and position and a way for you to share
(15:21):
your talent, just like being the main performer, right And
so I don't think it has to be like a
power and balance or a hierarchy there. But I also
think it's fine for him to make the decision that
he feels like is okay for his career right now. Now.
I think about when we think about making decisions though
from ego, I think you want to pay attention to
what are our motivations, right Like, do I feel like
(15:45):
this is something that is beneath me? What other opportunities
am I being given right now? What other opportunities might
come from this situation, versus like, oh, this is not
something that I'm going to do. I think sometimes go
driven decisions really kind of force us to cut off
our nose, to spite our face, so to speak, right
(16:06):
that we can't always see like all the other things
that might be available to us when we are leading
with our ego versus a self respect kind of boundaries
decision I think feels more aligned. It feels more like
this is kind of where I am right now, and
I'm making this decision based on this set of standards
(16:27):
or whatever, and like.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
You kind of touched on it, But what are some
questions that we can ask ourselves to make that delineation.
So like whether it's you know, taking a different job
or having different events or things like that, or opportunities,
what are questions that we can use to pressure test
against ourselves. You're like, Okay, this is not to say
(16:52):
it's a good opportunity, but this is not me making
a decision out of pride for example.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Mm hmm. That's a good question. And I did a
couple I think specific for you know, maybe the music
kind of world. But I think when you think about,
like you gave another great example of taking a different
job that maybe feels like not where we thought we
would be in our career, I think you have to
ask yourself, what need do I have that this opportunity
might help to meet? What other opportunities might arise from this,
(17:21):
What additional skills might I develop by participating in this opportunity,
Like thinking about what can happen on the other side
of this situation. Even if this is not the final stop,
is this something that moves you closer to something that
feels ideal. I think that those are some additional questions
to ask yourself.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
I love that. I think when it comes to the
case of Jacquista, I actually saw he has an album
coming out neither in the next couple of months, and
so for him it's probably like you know, I'm trying
to establish I pressed for them and of that, and
if I'm seeing background, maybe it doesn't provide that same
opportunity for him. So it's a good lends to look
(18:00):
at it through. Yeah, well, that wraps up our topics
for this week.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Thank you doctor Joy, thank you Ria. Great topics as always,
and if there are things that you'd like to hear
our thoughts about, you can always send those to us
at Therapy from Blackgirls dot com slash mailbox until we
talk again. Take good care of yourselves.
Hey, y'all, welcome back to I Have Some Thoughts I
Therapy for Black Girls, weekly minisold series where we talk
about all things pop culture, but of course from a
mental health land. I'm joined again this week by Bria Hey,
Bria Hi.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Everyone excited to get into the topics this week. So
first let's talk about Jules Lebron. Now, if you need
a reminder, Jules Lebron is a thirty year old TikTok
influencer who went viral for starting the very Mindful, very
demure TikTok challenge that had everyone in the head block.
Everyone was saying it well. She recently went viral after
(00:45):
launching a GoFundMe seeking forty five thousand dollars. Now, she
shared with her over two million TikTok followers that she
was seeking money for dental surgery. A few months ago.
She did come forward and say, you know, I've been
struggling a lot with addiction. Now because of that, that
is actually rotting her teeth. I think where a lot
of the controversy started to come in was that as
(01:08):
she was announcing this go fund me, she said that
she didn't want to ask fans for help, but she
also doesn't think that getting a quote regular job would
do anything to help her situation. Now, this sparked a
lot of outrage from followers because essentially she's asking them
to use their regular job money to help her in
a way that kind of came off entitled. This led
(01:29):
to her ultimately deleting the go fund me and announcing
that she was going to be stepping away from TikTok entirely.
And I think the broader question for a lot of
the conversation back and forth is how do we recognize
when we are asking for help versus expecting other people
to solve our problems.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Yeah, so I guess my initial reaction was like, either
you were going to give or you weren't, right, And
so I think Jules of course has a larger platform
maybe than most people who are sharing gofund me. But
I feel like I see some of this sentiment anytime
somebody shares like a link that's asking for help, And
I'm always confused because it feels like if you were
(02:08):
going to give, then you kind of have an internal
conversation around like, Okay, what does this mean to me?
Can I do it? Is this something that I feel
like I want to support and you give or if
you weren't going to anyway, then why the commentary red
Like I just get really confused. And I think it
goes back to some of the conversations we've had around
like online behavior and how we almost see each other
(02:30):
as avatars as opposed to actual humans with like a
full life. So I think that this was another one
of those cases that let me very confused as to
why people were having such strong reactions when it seemed
like this was not going to be something they were
going to support anyway. And I think so many of
us have struggles asking for help that I think that
(02:51):
things like gofundmes and buy me a coffee or whatever,
all of the links that you can share are actually
really good practice runs or asking for help, especially if
you are somebody who has struggled to ask for help. Now,
I do think though a lot of people will be
more hesitant to share these kinds of things because of
the kind of backlash that we see here. Right, some
(03:11):
of the other commentary I saw, you know, which I
also think is like just really ludicrous, Like even if
you get like a regular nine to five job that
has dental insurance, like even speaking personally, like, my oldest
just had to get a retainer, and dental insurance doesn't
cover that, even though we have insurance, right, And so
the idea that like dental insurance covers all these things
that even our regular insurance covers all these things. We
(03:34):
know how healthcare works in this country like that is
just something that people are saying to kind of see
what sticks to the wall. But it often feels like
anytimes there's something like this that happens online, there's a
lot of commentary when it really could just be Okay,
I'm gonna support this or not, and if I'm not,
then do I really need to even have any public
critique or commentary about it?
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Absolutely, And I think one of the references that I
was seeing a lot in the conversation was, I think
they actually talked about this a few months ago, was
it was James Charles, I believe one of the airline
workers have lost their clubs as part of the playoffs
and went forward and asked James for money, and he
(04:17):
was like, I don't know, you guys anything like it's
untitled XYZ. And so it's interesting to see it play
out from the other side where it was like, Okay,
remember you guys said you didn't Oh it's anything. Now
you're asking us for things too, which is just like
an interesting kind of dichotomy there. But I think the
common theme between both of these situations is that there
(04:38):
seems to be a disconnect. And we kind of talked
about a little bit last week too. The idea of
money just seems so touchy, like, especially when there's a
perceived like power and balance where it's like you're looking
at a Jewels or James Charles and they have millions
of followers and it seems like they would have money
all figured out. But I guess makes this disconnect so
(05:03):
blatant antritions.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Yeah, I think it's a lack of being in touch
with reality, right, Like a million followers does not mean
a million dollars, Like the platforms do not pay you
per follower, right, so we know that a lot of that,
you know, whether it is like real or not, it
doesn't necessarily mean anything, and it doesn't translate into actual money,
nor does it mean that there is like this we
got it all figured out, a sense of financial literacy, right, like,
(05:27):
especially for people who do not come from money, even
when you get some money, like you still have to
figure out what to do. And I feel like I
read something about like Jewels taking care of her family
with the money that she's received from the very mindful,
very demir, and I feel like I remember also that
there was a bit of back and forth with her,
like getting her trademark together, like you know, we don't
(05:48):
even know how much money was missed, or like opportunities
she didn't get because I don't think this was the
thing she expected to take off and didn't have a
plan for a business, right, So I think we have
to remember that these things don't kind of happen overnight.
That even if you get a windfall of money, that
doesn't mean that you automatically know what to do with it,
or that there hasn't been some other emergency that she
(06:12):
needed to tend to, or that anybody need you tend to.
That then severely lessen the amount of money that you
have available to you, you know, Like I think we
have to be mindful use their word of like how
expensive stuff is, right, like groceries are expensive, but god forbid,
there's like a health emergency like we already talked about,
like health insurance doesn't cover nearly, I think as much
(06:33):
as maybe people assume it does. And so most of
us are like one emergency away from maybe posting our
own gofundms, right, And so I think we got to
remember that we all make different kinds of decisions around money,
and a lot of that depends on whether we grew
up with money, whether we have a good understanding of
how to use it, how do we save, and whether
there is even enough to save after you deal with
(06:55):
maybe all the things that were on the back burner
before you even got the money.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Absolutely, I love that, doctor Jai, Thank you so for
our next topic, We're going to talk about rapper Ti Grizzly. Now.
T Grisly is a rapper out of Michigan. He actually
announced on Instagram last week that his criminal record has
been officially expunged. Now. The felony convictions on his records
stem from a set of robberies he committed while he
(07:22):
attended Michigan State University in twenty fourteen. Tea Gresley went
on Instagram and shared that the felonies cost him a
lot of performances, business opportunities, and even access to certain
insurance policies, and he took to Instagram to express his
relief and gratitude after years of navigating this legal system,
sharing that one decision doesn't have to define your entire story.
(07:45):
And I would love to go into that because I
think that it's not a topic that comes across very often,
especially in the pop culture world, where you do see
these stories of people's records getting expunged and almost getting
this second chance. So carrying a pawer mistake or a
label affects someone's identity, even if they've grown from that
and they've changed.
Speaker 1 (08:06):
M This is such a great question, Bria, although I
do feel like I have to admit my auntie status
and let you know, I have no idea who te Okay,
that'd be helpful, but it doesn't matter. Right Again, this
is just like a jumping off point for a larger conversation,
and I think it is a good point in that
(08:27):
none of us have to be defined by the worst
things that we've done or the worst decision that we made.
And I think that this is an excellent example of
fighting through this system. And even if you are not
proud of some of the decisions that you've made, he's
clearly paid the consequences for these things. His life has
been altered in lots of different ways through this, and
(08:47):
so it is okay for him to be on the
other side of this decision and now think about what
kinds of things do I want to do moving forward?
And it feels like this is especially timely in the
midst of our Surviving middle School series, right when we're
talking all about the decisions that young people make and
how sometimes they are not making logical, rational decisions and
unfortunately sometimes that has very difficult negative consequences. But what
(09:10):
does it look like to come out on the other
side of that? And I think for a t Grizzly
and for anybody else, it can really hamper your sense
of identity, right like that I am now defined by
this awful thing that I did, as opposed to I
made a mistake, like we all make mistakes, and I
have to learn to deal with it and then figure
out how to rebuild my life on the other side
(09:31):
of it. And so there can definitely be significant mental
health consequences to decision making like this, right in terms
of identity, in terms of what that means in terms
about confidence self esteem, I would imagine there have been
maybe some struggles with like anxiety or depression because of
the difficulties with finances. You know, you mentioned not being
(09:52):
able to get certain gigs and insurance policies and all
of those things, and so there definitely is a tie
to your mental health related to decision making and the
mistakes that we've made. But I do think it is
important to see somebody publicly talk about, yes, this thing happened,
and this is how I'm moving forward with my life.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Absolutely, And I think even reflecting on kind of his
career trajectory, missing out on those business opportunities and having
maybe those financial struggles as a result of that, I'm
sure was caused a lot of those things and really
led him to feel that so heavily because he released
a single that have taken over the charts, and then
(10:31):
to not be able to do anything with that or
to feel like you were on the brink of making
it per se and then it just be snatched away too.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
What was the single?
Speaker 2 (10:39):
It's called first Stay Out?
Speaker 1 (10:41):
Oh no, I don't maybe if I hear it, okay?
Speaker 2 (10:47):
And then what role does forgiveness play and all of this,
because you have to forgive yourself, but then at the
same time, courts are forgiving you on paper, business opportunities
that you may want to work with have to extend
as well. So how does the role of forgiveness kind
of play into all of this too?
Speaker 1 (11:04):
Yeah, I think that it's a huge role, right, Like,
of course, going through the core system, whether we want
to view that as a forgiveness, it is, I guess
in some ways, right like, Okay, my records is spunged,
I have been forgiven in the eyes of the law.
But I think the bigger role really is around self forgiveness, right, Like,
how do you make peace with the fact that maybe
you made a decision that has led to some difficult
(11:26):
consequences and still see yourself as valuable and worthy and
deserving even in spite of your mistakes. And so I
think that that is where the talking to yourself more
kindly comes from. Understanding again that you are human in
that we all make mistakes, and some mistakes have bigger
consequences than others. But it doesn't mean that you lose
your humanity because you've made this kind of mistake. And
(11:49):
so I do think making sure that he and anybody
else who is struggling with is is being more compassionate
with themselves and looking for support in places where people
are also validating who you are, not necessarily condoning the behavior,
right or you know, saying like, oh, it was okay
that you did that thing. That's not at all what
we're saying. But you've done it, You've faced the consequences,
(12:12):
and now we're on the other side of it, and
so what does it look like to rebuild your life
and if there is a way to atone with any
of the people that he did rob or whatever, or
maybe there was a public statement made as a part
of his corproceedings where he apologized to the people, right
because people were still harmed. So even if you are
now on the other side of it, we can't kind
of control the reaction to that people have that we've harmed.
(12:35):
And so if there can be an apology or some
atonement or the behaviors that may be more homeful to
other people. I think that that's also an important part
of this forgiveness role.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
Absolutely, I always can just go and learn from our mistakes.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Yes, more from our conversation after the break.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
And for our last topic, we're going to talk about
arm Faced singer Jacquis. He did an interview recently, in
which the interviewer asked him why he didn't join Usher
and Chris Brown on their world tour. They've been on
tour for what it seems like months now. It started
I think in Europe and then it's here I think
until the end of September October. But Mario Tank and
(13:19):
Eric Bellinger are on tour with Usher and Chris Brown. However,
they're kind of singing background in some capacity on the tour.
I haven't watched some of the footage. I didn't go,
but a lot of people were asking, like why jack
Quis wasn't on the tour because he actually has a
very close relationship with Chris Brown. Jack Quiz goes on
to explain that he didn't join because he doesn't want
(13:41):
to sing back up. He doesn't feel like that's what
he should maybe reduce his career too. And this has
started a lot of conversation with many actually because a
lot of people interpret it as Jacquis being maybe too
prideful about where his music career actually is. This is
me inserting my opinion is that Chuck Wiz, he's had
like a couple of hit singles every once in a while,
(14:04):
but he's not particularly on a level of a Chris Brown.
When you look at like the chart performance, for example,
a lot of people kind of interpret it as him
being too prideful, and a lot of people actually agree
with him, And it's like, you shouldn't have to lower
himself to background singing if that's not where he feels
that his career is, and he should have to be
(14:24):
able to walk in that confidence if he wants to.
But I think the broader question, or the push and
pull is, how do you know the difference between making
a move out of self respect and making a move
out of ego? For example?
Speaker 1 (14:41):
Hmmmm, this is a tough one. I'm a little familiar withically,
so that full anti status there. But I think my
first reaction is like, why did he have to write
like if he feels like his career is at a
stage where he thinks he's like the opening or the
main act as opposed to to like a background singer,
(15:01):
I think that that is an okay choice to make
for himself and for his career. But I will also
add I don't think there's anything wrong with being a
background singer, right, and so I don't think that there's
a need to make being a background singer seem like
this kind of second rate, like it is a respectable
job and position and a way for you to share
(15:21):
your talent, just like being the main performer, right And
so I don't think it has to be like a
power and balance or a hierarchy there. But I also
think it's fine for him to make the decision that
he feels like is okay for his career right now. Now.
I think about when we think about making decisions though
from ego, I think you want to pay attention to
what are our motivations, right Like, do I feel like
(15:45):
this is something that is beneath me? What other opportunities
am I being given right now? What other opportunities might
come from this situation, versus like, oh, this is not
something that I'm going to do. I think sometimes go
driven decisions really kind of force us to cut off
our nose, to spite our face, so to speak, right
(16:06):
that we can't always see like all the other things
that might be available to us when we are leading
with our ego versus a self respect kind of boundaries
decision I think feels more aligned. It feels more like
this is kind of where I am right now, and
I'm making this decision based on this set of standards
(16:27):
or whatever, and like.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
You kind of touched on it, But what are some
questions that we can ask ourselves to make that delineation.
So like whether it's you know, taking a different job
or having different events or things like that, or opportunities,
what are questions that we can use to pressure test
against ourselves. You're like, Okay, this is not to say
(16:52):
it's a good opportunity, but this is not me making
a decision out of pride for example.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
Mm hmm. That's a good question. And I did a
couple I think specific for you know, maybe the music
kind of world. But I think when you think about,
like you gave another great example of taking a different
job that maybe feels like not where we thought we
would be in our career, I think you have to
ask yourself, what need do I have that this opportunity
might help to meet? What other opportunities might arise from this,
(17:21):
What additional skills might I develop by participating in this opportunity,
Like thinking about what can happen on the other side
of this situation. Even if this is not the final stop,
is this something that moves you closer to something that
feels ideal. I think that those are some additional questions
to ask yourself.
Speaker 2 (17:39):
I love that. I think when it comes to the
case of Jacquista, I actually saw he has an album
coming out neither in the next couple of months, and
so for him it's probably like you know, I'm trying
to establish I pressed for them and of that, and
if I'm seeing background, maybe it doesn't provide that same
opportunity for him. So it's a good lends to look
(18:00):
at it through. Yeah, well, that wraps up our topics
for this week.
Speaker 1 (18:04):
Thank you doctor Joy, thank you Ria. Great topics as always,
and if there are things that you'd like to hear
our thoughts about, you can always send those to us
at Therapy from Blackgirls dot com slash mailbox until we
talk again. Take good care of yourselves.
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