Ep5: Dating isn't for the weak!

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Island is back to Island. Thisis episode five? Is it? Oh
my god? Five? A sipand tea Kila. Oh by the way,
let me just put this out there. I would like to apologize to
everyone because I was listening to theprevious episodes, especially episode one. In
episode two, Oh my god,what did I say? No? Not
you? One day, we're probablygonna apologize for something you say. You

(00:22):
haven't you haven't crossed any lines.Okay, I'm trying to be careful.
I tried really hard. No.I love your I love that You're the
wild card though. But my Ibecause I'm running the board, like the
board is in front of me,the computers are in front of me.
And there was something in the settingswhere when my email would come in you
can also hear that in the episode, and it was annoying. I was

(00:44):
listening back to our podcast and itwas so annoying hearing my email goal through
like at least six times in thefirst episode. So I apologize. I'm
gonna make sure that doesn't happen fromnow on. It's like when you need
to put batteries in the smoke alarmand it's just still going. Dude,
I'm getting mad at myself, like, girl, turn off your email?
What's going on? So I appolagi, girl, let them know you you
work, you busy girl. Ithought it was gonna be something you said.

(01:07):
I was like, I don't thinkif you are worried about what you
said. I'm never worried about somethinga set. So I was a little
I was a little worried when yousaid that. I said, oh crap,
when do I start apologizing? Okay, so far it's so good.
Okay, Yeah, no, I'mtrying to be mindful. Only be positive,
right, never negative? That alwaysthe goal in life. Yeah,

(01:29):
negative right now? Yeah? Well, I mean if I don't like me,
you don't know. That's what Imean. Though, it's not really
negative. It's just like facts.It's never talking ship if it's true exactly.
I feel like that's kind of justwhat we do. Mm hmmm,
speak the truth. Yeah it sipand tee quila, sip tea. Well,
let's us spill the tea, bilthe tea. When it comes to

(01:53):
the dating world, because I've neversomething about that girl, it's treacherous.
It's hard out here. It's likediscuss d I mean, it's fine or
whatever. I can't say that I'vegone on any dates yet, I'm on
hinge and it's unhinged. Yeah,there's this guy. He uh you know,

(02:14):
had a nice profile. He's actuallypretty fine. Like I don't be
going for Mexican men like that forreal, because I just love me some
black men. But then you know, he's he's good looking. So I
was like, he was good looking, he's good looking. You get the
picture, and you didn't get thepicture. I just heard the voice message,
bro, and that was the thing. He started sending me voice notes,

(02:35):
which I can appreciate to a point. You know, he wants it
to be like personal, he wantsit to be Yeah, there's a certain
tone and emotion that you can't putthrough exactly. And I also think voice
memo kind of shows he's more interested, just like a shows more of like
an incentive, right, So Idefinitely appreciate it, and I think it's

(02:58):
it's a nice thought. Yeah he'scute. He's cute. Yeah, he's
a little cutie. Yeah, andhe's like all tadded up like and I
mean he's not he's older than me, but not too much older. How
old is he? Thirty one?Oh, that's just fine. That's that's
not old. Yeah, don't youNo, I didn't say no, I
know, but I'm putting it outthere. Don't neither you say that whoa

(03:19):
on my way there. I wouldnever say that that's old. I like
older man, like if you're like, honestly, I don't even judge,
Like I wouldn't do forties, butin the thirties, early thirties for sure.
Yeah, yeah, we're neighbors.But this one happens to have two
grown children, which kind of threwme off. What's grown though, grown
is like ten and fifteen. Oh, that's grown grown girls and girls.

(03:42):
Yeah yeah, that kind of mademe run the opposite direction. That means
he must have had them when hewas fifteen sixteen. I'm not judging,
you know, like, no,no, no judgment at all, but
that is a very difficult age forgirls, especially when dad brings in another
female to the equation. Right.Well, and my thing is to like,
I don't have kids. I thinkit would be different maybe if I
had kids, right, but Idon't. I don't come with that baggage.

(04:08):
Sorry, no disrespect, but forreal, like, I'm yeah,
and you're obviously entitled to like notwant to be involved with somebody that has
kids, like you can say no, right of course, right, And
you know, if they were youngerkids, I would reconsider it. Like
younger kids, I don't really care, like, but ten and fifteen is
like older. Yeah, that's awhole different kind of response. Like once

(04:30):
you're in that life, you intheir life, like they can't forget about
you so easily obviously, like whowould forget about you? No one.
But at the same time too,it's like even coming in, like say,
if it did get serious, comingin as a step parent at that
age is much harder than like whena kid is young and you're in their
life for their whole Yeah, let'sgo get ice cream, Like it's all
like the easier things. Yeah,easy to kind of well, I mean

(04:50):
maybe you can relate to teenage girlsin the sense of like them literally there
their big sales. Don't get mewrong, I definitely could. But like
you know, just me, asa child who came from people parents that
were separated, and I've seen mymom like date a round, It's never
been something where I'm like, rightoff the bat, it's going to be

(05:11):
easy for this person coming in,you know, because and I'm not going
to make it easy because you're notsomebody that I care to know or I
don't even know if you're going tobe around for a long time, and
that's on commitment issues. I respectthat. I really I liked the fact
that he was sending you voice messagesbecause when we were going through these voice
messages, it kind of shows theperson's personality without them like saying it.

(05:34):
Just like they're, like you said, like their tone or the way they
say things immediately kind of gives youa vibe of like how they are.
Yeah, well that's the thing.I appreciated it because it was one of
the messages was a little aggressive whereI'm like, he seems like the type
of guy to get mad very easy. WHOA was sending me voice notes every

(05:55):
five minutes? He's type he's gota little bit of that, Like yeah
he is. Basically if I canmake time, if I could make time
with two grown ass kids, andoh you could make I don't like that,
SUPERD don't tell me you can't maketime. I'm like, boy,
you had no idea what's going onin my life? So please like kittless

(06:18):
right or not? Like you're abusy woman, you don't owe anybody,
especially somebody you just met. SoI started talking that day. See,
I don't like to generalize, butI feel like in our culture, like
men are so much sta and it'sso unattractive to me. It's like super
toxic. Like they are the typethat have to be in control, they're

(06:39):
the ones that decide, They're theones that are the breadwinners. Like I
just hate toxic masculinity, Like that'sjust not healthy in my opinion, and
that's a red flag. But Ialready gave That's exactly what I told her.
I'm like, oh, just theway he's talking is giving off.
Yeah, and just because you haveto Okay, but do you see your
two kids like you can always youknow, maybe you have all this free

(07:01):
time. No. I kind ofended the conversation there because after that,
I was just like, m thisis not something that I see for myself.
I look for you. I lovethat. Yes, from immediately,
you already know what you decided.Dude. I've been through it too many
times. I've wasted too much ofmy time on people and relationships that had
the potential or that I just wantedto have a good time with that ended

(07:23):
up leading into more that. Iwas just like, nah, I think
that's the hardest part in dating,too, is ending those I have no
problem ending. Well, that's whatI want to know, Like how did
you end it? Like what didyou say? I basically was like,
you know, I don't know ifI'm looking for anything serious right now,
so I don't want to waste yourtime or mine, especially since you got

(07:44):
some grown ass kids. And Iliterally said that time well no, I
literally like just kind of left itup to him. I was like,
we could still get to know eachother, but we're keeping the conversation on
here, Like you can't have mynumber because I don't want to have to
block you. Yeah, than me, let's not waste time giving your number,
right, I don't know you andI just met you. I just
won't respond and I'll just block youfrom that profile. I think it's different,

(08:07):
like I'll extend that common courtesy.If it's like somebody that I've known
for some time that we're trying tomake things work and maybe it doesn't work,
then I'll be like, hey,I think we're better office prints.
Obviously. I think that's different.But someone I just met on social media,
it's acting all crazy, like I'msorry. I'm not giving you a
second time a day. Yeah,but I'm proud of you that you were
able to from the beginning just belike, you know what, this is
not what I want, and you'reeasy to walk away. Well, I

(08:31):
think that's what you know. Yougo through these motions, you learn what
you don't want in a relationship moreoften so then you know eventually whenever what
you do want comes around, youcould recognize that. I love that and
it's going to come when you expectyou, Yeah, when you least expect
it. I'm manifesting it for you. I want it for you so literally,

(08:52):
but you're manifesting it works for everybody. Oh it does, like seriously
for me. I'm like, Iwant that for you. So I know
my man is like out like notin Arizona, Like I honestly do believe
that, Like he's going to bein Greece. Home, dude, I
hope men in the UK. I'mgonna move to the UK. I want
to go to Essex. I'm goingin August. And so she comes back

(09:13):
married, what the hell? Butif I go back married, you know
it's serious because I feel like Idon't ever anybody I don't just give my
time a day to anybody. ButI do not record into the system though,
oh not her figuring it out thetweak things. But yeah, I
know that's what I see. Ithink my man is out there somewhere,

(09:35):
is he absolutely is. Yeah,And I do believe that there are good
men out there, just like Ibelieve they are, like because I think
we're great women. So I mean, obviously there's good men out there.
I just haven't found one yet.Same girl, Same But it's one of
those things too. It's like thesemen, they they feel like there's not
a lot of good females out thereeither, So it goes I just need

(10:00):
someone to let me be me,like be wild, dance on top of
the table, like I just wantto secure ass man. I think that's
what it is like when you datea batty, which we are, like,
you just need to be secure andconfident in yourself. And there are
men out there. It's more commonnow to find those men that have put
their ego aside then back then,you know maybe, But also I think

(10:24):
our culture has made situationships such athing that it makes it hard for people
to commit. It's like people wantto like put one foot with somebody,
but they still want to explore whatelse is out there? Like do you
know what I mean? Yeah?I mean that is the dating world.
Oh is that it sucks? Ilike you, but I also like her,
bitch? What right? I mean? I feel like I kind of

(10:46):
would be the same way, LikeI don't know if I would drop everyone
for one guy, because I don'tknow where situationships are different than dating like
that I consider dating like when you'relike exploring with everybody, Like situation relationships
is full blown relationships that you havewith the person without the title. Oh,
that's where you got to put yourboundary exactly. Because I told when

(11:07):
when my husband Baby by the way, that's his nickname baby for those who
don't know, a lot of peoplecan't pronounce his name. His name is
Alvado. Oh I can already pictureswho can't pronounce it. But when he
was like so cause we were justlike messing around, We just like became
friends with benefits because I didn't wanta relationship. I had just gotten out

(11:28):
of a serious relationship and I waslike, I'm just trying to have fun
and I'm trying to have my wholephase here and I told him that,
and he's like, cool, let'shave fun. So we had fun,
but then he wanted it to bemore serious and I didn't want to.
I was like no, no,no, no, no, no,
like legit, no, I toldyou I was afraid of this, and
I was like, I didn't wantyou to catch feelings. And he's like,
let me prove to you that I'mlike the right guy. I know
it's the wrong time, but I'mthe right guy at the wrong time.

(11:50):
And I was like, how poetic. I was like, cool, if
we're going to do this thing,we're dropping everyone that we're talking like,
we're going to do this right fromthe start. The baseline is going to
be clean, the boundaries are gonnabe clear. You're not talking to anyone.
I'm not talking to anyone. AndI find out you are fucking around.
This is over in a heartbeat,period friendship in alle and he was

(12:11):
like period cool, Like from theget go it had to be like that,
Yeah, you know, and that'swhen you're serious with somebody. Yeah,
So like that's what it is,like you invest your time with these
type of guys like that, notlike just specific like bad example, but
you know when you're like, butthen when it's time like that, somebody
wants to commit, they just don'twant to. But then that's kind of
your sign to like, Okay,move on, this is over. And

(12:31):
that's where it gets hard to likeend it is whenever you've already kind of
invested a little bit, you caughtthese feelings, and then it gets a
little bit hard to end it becauseyou're like, well maybe one day,
because I mean, feeling their daydoesn't happen. Nah unless you're you make
it to that. Dude. Thisis how you know I could not I
couldn't be a whole the first personI hold around with. Ye, I'm

(12:52):
married. I'm married with you.No, I'm not gonna lie. I'm
not gonna lie. I'm trying toget into my whole fairs right now too,
because I'll like, I need toget some vitamin due. Save yourself
from the woe phase. Don't doit. I know. He tells me
all the time that he saved theho don't save. You don't want to
be saved. Saved. He thoughtall he did was so drop the streets.

(13:18):
You stripped me so much fun literally, but is too funny. Yeah,
I'm not to worried about it.No, never be worried about I'm
just living my life and if itcomes, it comes. Everyone's timeline is
different and yours going to come,and it's it's for a reason. It's
like the man that's meant for youis still developing. Yeah, and I'm

(13:39):
honestly not even there mentally, LikeI'm kind of more focused on like where
I want to be, like inmy career, my professional like my life
to you know, be focused onlike that. I mean, if it
happens, it'll happen, but youhave to bring peace into my life,
not more chaos to it. Yeah, because I'm chaotic already, like alone

(14:00):
like this myself out like I'm alreadyI'm already crazy as it is. My
thing is like I already have somany things going on as it is,
Like I don't know how I'm gonnamake time for someone else. I'm looking
for someone to really fit into mylife as well as I can fit into
their life, I guess. Butlike I get, I have, like
I have so much family stuff Ido, like so many of the work
events and everything. Like someone hasto be really understanding, you know,

(14:22):
the one when it seems when it'seasy. I need I need it to
be easy. Yeah, but goodsex. Yeah, that's a musk.
Mine started on that. Yeah,I'm gonna be like drop the pants right
now, from the get go,from the get go. No, I'm
just kidding. I do believe notbeing all corny, like it gets better

(14:45):
when there's feelings. Oh absolutely.But I also don't want to be blind,
like I don't want to say it'sbig when it's not. Like,
I just want to be honest,always honest with myself and objects. And
I don't have to lie either.Tell someone even though it's not. I've
always said I'll bust and their ego. It's not it like I'll let you

(15:09):
know. I like that I'll bustand their ego. I'm not shy,
like I will not hype you up. I know it's hard for me to
comment on that because mine literally startedwith that. That's not a very cute
story to tell our kids, youknow, like we were just friends with
benefits, Like that's the reason Istuck around because it was good. Yeah,
good for you. I'm glad youhave a great sex life. You
were so hall like it was onelike drunk because I didn't want I didn't

(15:33):
want anything serious, anything serious,but it was like we were partying,
We're going now. I felt safewith him. He didn't seem like a
creep, he wasn't trying. Onenight, we got too drunk, shit
happened and I was like, hello, I'll continue this, you know.
I was like, I think thatthat's very romantic. Yeah. The hello
is the pitible moment for me.That's why I was like, Wow,

(15:54):
how kute. I was like,hey, you just want to like mess
around because that's what I'm trying todo right now. And he was like
yeah, sure, Wow, Imean yeah, it was my first time
just messing around with someone I wasin with my entire life. Not my
entire life, but like majority ofmy life. I've always been in a
damn serious relationship since seventh grade.Bro, seventh grade, your relationship four

(16:18):
years with another person and then Ijumped into shoes and then you got married.
I love that for you, though. Yeah, and I've been with
him for going on twelve years.Twelve. Yeah, congratulations, thanks.
But I've never had like a seriousboyfriend, but not no, not wanting
had like your heart first heartbreak.I have not. I'm normally the heartbreaker

(16:40):
This is why as the older Iget, the more cautious I am of
who I fall in love with.O. That's scary. It is not
to scare you because for a whileI was like, everyone has to experience
heartbreak. Now I take a pivotalmoment in your life. I agree,
because it changes you. But alsomy husband, he's I'm like his first

(17:03):
girl, like serious, serious,serious girl, Like he dated here and
there, but it never got tothe point over love was like that was
it, you know, So he'snever experienced heartbreak. Hopefully we never divorced.
Yeah, oh his heart would beshattered for it. It's like,
I guess not everyone has to gothrough it. Maybe not. I mean
I hope not, but you justnever know. I feel like if I

(17:26):
were to go through it at whateverage, like you can't avoid heartbreak,
Like if you fall in love rightnow, I could think he's the one
and can completely like break my heartor whatever. I feel like everything happens
for a reason, and you're meantto go through certain things in life to
teach you certain things. I wishsomeone broke my heart. I would be
crazy. I'd be like that CarrieUnderwood. It real windows like I've always

(17:47):
said that I've wanted to know thatbecause I want to be able to sing
in that mad wrong and just likecry up a club like not the Clucks
of Ghetto, but like I mightyou know, have bathroom conversations with girls
and like, you know, likemy madness, my two big heartbreaks like
changed me one eighty well, thatused to be fucking crazy, bro,
like I would find ways to getin your phone, you know. And

(18:11):
because when I knew there was ship, I was like, I'm gonna find
it. I'm gonna find the evidence. You're not gonna make me look crazy
in a reason. But now I'mthe type. Let's say, let's say
if baby were to ever be messy'dbe dead. I'd be like I wouldn't
be snooping, I wouldn't be tryingto find it. I'd be like,

(18:32):
it's gonna it's the truth will alwaysreveal itself and you are fucked if it
is. Like I tell him,I was like, if you ever mess
up like there is, I havezero tolerance. I'm not gonna be trying
to make myself miserable trying to findit. It's gonna it's gonna come out
and you're done and there's no,there's no chance, and he's like,
what did your ex get chances?And I was like, because I didn't
know better? Yeah, so thatwhat kind of response is that? I

(19:02):
see? That would have been likeokay with you ever now Like he's just
like, how come you were sonice to them and so mean to me?
And then well they made me stronger. That's gonna make me mean,
It's like now I'm strong that mightknow how to deal with these graduations.
Yeah, so yeah for you hopefullyno, no no slip ups because that
would be wild, that would becrazy. But yeah, yeah, no

(19:22):
slip ups. So yeah, haveyou gone through your first heartbreak? I've
gone through a few heartbreaks, butmostly from situationships, not like something serious
serious where they met how your familymet their family and it was like I
love you and you like, no, nothing crazy like that. It's just
you catch feelings during the catch feelings. Yeah, and there's just been yeah
things here and there. I onlyhave like one real relationship whenever I was

(19:45):
like eighteen, and it lasted forlike six months and that was like real.
But I grew during that time too, So yeah that was crazy though,
but no, not really damn,just a whole bunch of heartbreak from
situationships because these dudes be playing around. No dude, I literally live y
curiously through like all of the Likeseries and Vampire Diary, Like I lived
my romantic life through all these Youknow, it is scary out It's never

(20:10):
been romantic out here. It's crazybecause you have guys. This is what's
funny. It's like, you haveguys that would do anything for you,
super sweet, they get buy youthings, they send you coffee money,
like, they just do everything right. But they're not the ones you want.
And then the ones that you wantare always the ones that you know
you shouldn't be with. It's solike, why are we like this?

(20:33):
We have the guys that would doit all, but we're not I'm not
attracted to them, sad. Alot of it is like being open minded,
which is extremely hard. Like Iwas so close minded when I when
Baby wanted happy, but I waslike, I was like, he is
straight up the right guy at thewrong time. So I'm going to pass
up on mister Wright because I don'twant it at this moment, you know

(20:55):
what I mean. I felt like, what's the right thing to do?
Here. I do need to bemore open minded, but I also have
extremely high standards and I think that'sokay, but you know, I'll but
I guess now, I won't bend. I don't know, I just I
couldn't have standards, but also likebe more open yeah, a little bit,
just a little bit, because people, I mean, you can always

(21:15):
make someone better, and because someonecan make you better, you know what
I mean, you grow together,and I want someone to grow with obviously,
like we're always going to be changingbecause we're not We're not perfect,
you know what I mean. Iwas. I was very I was very
damaged joining the relationship with baby.I had a lot of trust issues.
And he had to almost like teardown my walls. Oh that's so romantic

(21:37):
you look at it that way.And I had to be open minded in
the sense like what he was sayingwas making sense because I easily could could
have dismissed everything he was saying,you know, been like I'm not crazy,
like you know, but like Iwas like, okay, cool,
He's like, you're holding a lotof resentment, You're holding a lot of
anger towards people in your life,Like you really got to let that shit
go because I was like taking itout on him, that's real. Yeah,
and he didn't deserve that, Yeah, exactly, so crazy and he

(22:00):
didn't deserve that. And I wasgiving him that. But he checked me
and he sent me straight, andI was like, I need somebody in
my life that's gonna check me.And I listened to him and heal and
help you heal healthier ways to dealwith your resentment or your trauma toward anybody.
Yeah. We're all fucked up.Yeah, and we all cope differently

(22:21):
too. That's what I want.I need that for sure. You gotta
be open to it though. Startwell, I'm us cat. Sometimes when

(22:42):
the alcohol be mixing, they don'tbe looking at real quick. Hey,
the girls won't be that all overthem either when they're not like the hottest
guy in the streets. Yeah.True, because when you got the sexiest
man, it is scary. Lethim keep that about that either, like
all these If a girl like reallyis all over my man, I'm like,

(23:03):
it's all how they react though,Like it's how I'm gonna get hit
on all the time. So ifI'm dating somebody, I'm not gonna be
like, you know, entertaining thatI'm like, oh, but we still
feel you know what I mean?I mean, you can feel attracted to
somebody and no, like they're walkingout the house and you know they're the
like the hottest man ever. You'regonna be like, god, you know

(23:25):
what I mean, Like when youeven know, when you yeah, yeah,
when you know you trust them,you still have those feelings. Oh
yeah, I bet that's yeah,you know what I mean. Yeah,
Like, especially too, if youhave a past of like talking to people
that like are kind of whatever,don't really have any regard, then you

(23:45):
could definitely have those feelings. Yeah. So you're saying go for the but
like, no, no, no, because cheat too. But a seven
deserves love that's deserved. Devin isabove Aver exactly like we've they see.
Yeah, and all everybody's spectrum isdifferent, Like my attractiveness of a man

(24:11):
is different than level of attractiveness.The same with you, Like we all
find different people attractive. So yeah, it'd be interesting to see who you
guys end up with. Yeah,we're going to listen back to this and
be like, look at them now, they're all married. No literally imagined
one day there was there was literallyone point in time where I was stood

(24:33):
up so many times. When mydad started calling me the stand up queen,
I was like, I don't knowwhat's going on here, but this
is not okay, And so likeI did some work and then yeah,
that never happened to me again,but I did. That was a wild
time. I don't know. Ijust think, like, I don't know
if it was like my energy wasoff or yeah, or maybe they just

(24:55):
got shy when maybe they were justcheap ass men or whatever. I don't
know. Maybe I'll just pick aI'm wrong, yep, picking them wrong.
That's I have a record of doingthat, honestly, picking them wrong.
But yeah, now it doesn't happen. Now I get malls paid.
So okay. So we said purposelybefore we started recording this episode that we
were going to get into like ourhistory, like ourselves in the next one

(25:18):
because we ain't got a lot oftime today. It's kind of a crazy
week. But next week, forsure, we've got to make time to
like really deep dive into each oneof us. Dam you're going to be
up in my crevices. Yes,we are all up in there. Okay,
Oh oh, there goes my emailagain. But I can't hear it
okay bye, bye bye,