October 3, 2024 • 36 mins
It’s another round of Dear Banya! Becca and Tanya try to help Scrubbers with issues like unkind in-laws, an uncomfortable guest bed, and what do you do when you need some space from your fiancé!
Plus, who would “Banya” be if she were a REAL person??
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in, rub dub dumb. Before
we begin this Dear Bonia episode, I want to wish
a very happy birthday to Kate Stram, a big scrubber.
Her husband reached out and wanted us to give a
shout out, which I think is the cutest thing ever.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
So I love a cute husband.
Speaker 4 (00:29):
We love you, Kate. We hope you have the best
day ever.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
And shout out to your husband Brian.
Speaker 4 (00:34):
And shout out to Brian the Big two nine, last
year of your twenties.
Speaker 5 (00:38):
Live it up girl twenty nine has a husband. It's nice.
Speaker 4 (00:44):
You'll be thirty nine with a husband.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Correct, Yes, yes, I will be.
Speaker 4 (00:48):
And I'll be never with a husband. That's true.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
That is true.
Speaker 4 (00:52):
All right, let's get right into it. We said we
are not waysing time for.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Pace from Brook That requires you maybe reading faster.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Oh wow, okay, well that feels like she'sad wanted to
say it for a minute.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
I have a very frustrating relationship with my in laws.
My husband and I have been together nine years, and
over that time I realized it's not me it's them.
They are unkind people who spend all their time judging others.
They usually keep their distance. I can ignore them, but
they recently spend four days with us, the first trip
to come to see us after we moved across the country,
and I wanted to cry non stop after day two.
(01:29):
My husband and I were so relieved when they left.
But his brother is getting married in November, so we're
gonna have to spend time with him. What can I
do to let their unkind comments roll off my back
and not be so sensitive about them. I've tried to
be nice, but they just won't ever be nice people.
How do you deal with people who make you uncomfortable?
Speaker 2 (01:46):
You know, this is just one of those like classic
things of it has nothing to do with you.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
It's just who they.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Are, and they're probably at an age where they're never
gonna change, unfortunately, And I hate to be like that
unhopeful person who's like they're too far gone. But I
think at a certain age people just stop wanting to
change or trying to change, and if they haven't made
the effort this at this point, I don't know if
you're ever gonna see them change and be like nice people.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
But I think that you just have to do you.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
I don't think it means you stop being kind or
empathetic or accommodating. I think you just don't bend your
break your back trying to get them to be nice,
because I don't think you're ever gonna get what you
want from them.
Speaker 5 (02:28):
Yeah, it's interesting because I find myself being very much
like you. I'm very affected and can be very affected
by other people's behaviors. And it's very interesting. Robbie said,
send something to me once. I'll never forget it. It
was take people as they are. Just take people as
they are, and it really weirdly changed things for me,
(02:50):
Like it was like, that's just how this person is.
I'm never going to change them and has nothing to
do with me, and you just take them for how
they are, who they are, and it really helped me,
like not be upset by the way other people interact
Yeah with me around.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
Me, mm, it really helps.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
I think you just try to avoid spending any unnecessary
time with them.
Speaker 5 (03:11):
Right, I mean, these are your in laws, so you
are going to have to spend time with them, but
it's just take them as they are.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
This is this is who they are.
Speaker 5 (03:17):
Take them for it and prepare mentally, prepare yourself when
you know you're going to be around them, and that's
the best that you can do.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
And I also feel like it's so nice your husband
also understands. Yeah, yeah, because it sounds like he's also
relieved when they like, You're very lucky that you're on
the same page about being pushed by them.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
For sure, to get in your little cocoon together, zip
it up.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
You have each other if you get stuck. If one
of you gets stuck, seek out the other.
Speaker 4 (03:45):
Yeah, and get out of that situation. Onto excuse me,
it's not you, it's them.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
Literally literally Onto the.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Next anonymous, My husband's self pleasure is with porn, and
it's kind of an issue in our relationship. I've asked
him to abstain, but he has not been successful. Whenever
ask him if he's done it, he admits to it
and he's super apologetic, but he never offers to stop.
He's more of a night owl and works late into
the night and he'll do it after I'm asleep and
I'll tell him to wake me up. I'll help him out.
Am I overthinking this? We're in a very committed to
(04:13):
healthy relationship with open communication. And I know he's not
doing it because you're not attracted him he or he
doesn't love me. I don't feel like he's betraying me
or cheating on me. It just feels taboo to me
because of my conservative upbringing. What do you think.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Do you mean to go sure?
Speaker 5 (04:28):
I think if it's affecting your sex life, then I
think you have all the right in the world to
stand firm on it. And if you're not getting the
sex or the pleasure, you're not partaking in it as
much as you want. He's doing this more than he's
pleasing you. I think it's a huge issue, But that doesn't.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
Seem to be the issue here.
Speaker 5 (04:46):
You said you have a very committed, healthy, healthy relationship,
which makes me feel like you're satisfied. So I feel
like you just let him have his thing.
Speaker 4 (05:00):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
I mean, I don't, I don't I don't like it,
So I don't but that I don't like it either.
Speaker 4 (05:07):
But I think if it's I think it's affecting her.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
She took the time to write into the podcast about it,
So I whether it's affecting her sex life or it's
just like bothers her and she's communicated that to him,
then I think that's something worth potentially seeing like a
couple's therapists about because I think that if it's affecting
you and it's making you feel a certain way, no
(05:31):
matter what that way is, I think it's important to handle.
Speaker 5 (05:37):
I've had many conversations with men about this, various men,
which might sound weird.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
Because on the corner, because it's.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
So it's so different to men than it is to women.
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 5 (05:51):
Like when I when I would masturbate, I would have
to think about like you have to, I have to
think about something. With men, I feel like it's so
much more transactional, like they're not getting in there.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
I mean, I have men in here so you can
if I'm wrong. It's more mechanical.
Speaker 5 (06:06):
It's more like this, like I need to just get
get get the poison out. Where For women it's so
it's so much so it's like we I can't it's
hard for us to understand each other because it's just
it's like two separate planets, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (06:22):
But what I don't understand is if she's offering to
be there for his needs twenty four to seven. Why
does he not take advantage of that?
Speaker 4 (06:32):
Up, do not wake me up?
Speaker 2 (06:34):
I'm saying she cares enough about this to say, like,
wake me up in the middle of the night and
I will do what you need me to do. And
he's still taking this fantasy like option over that, which
I don't like.
Speaker 5 (06:53):
I see it's I don't think it's fantasy like for
men then, and he gets fantasy like for women then.
Speaker 4 (06:59):
Why, I guess.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
I guess I don't get why you want to take
the real thing over what you're watching on a screen.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
That's hard for me too, because I would always take
the real thing if it were up to me.
Speaker 6 (07:09):
Yeah, I mean to defend the dude, I guess. Masturbating
and sex with another person are very different experiences, Like
they are very different parts of your of you know,
your sexuality, and uh, like, I don't think that you know,
I don't think that you shouldn't you should never master
(07:29):
ate if you're like in a committed relationship. I think
that's all she says that, like, oh, just wake me
up and I'll handle it. I don't think she would
actually like that if.
Speaker 4 (07:38):
That happened, but I would call that bluff.
Speaker 6 (07:41):
Yeah, I mean, uh, that's what I think is happening.
And also I think the dude is probably like, well,
I mean it's what.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
One in the morning.
Speaker 6 (07:50):
Now, I'm like, like, I just kind of want to
get this hand, you know, it's all he's like lighting
candles and like putting up a picture of doing.
Speaker 3 (07:58):
Kind of like shower after I don't know, that's my story.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
I just like to look on your face sometimes after
you say things that I receive.
Speaker 5 (08:08):
Like sometimes I'm like, like, you know, if he wants
to and I and I'm like, I just don't want
to shower, I'll just be like, let me.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
Just let me help you here, you know. Yeah, I
guess I just don't.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
I might relate to her because I grew up with this,
like a very strong viewpoint on poorn, like a very
conservative Christian mindset on it, So it feels a lot.
Speaker 4 (08:26):
I think it'll.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Always feel heavier to me than like it is for Like,
I think I think it is heavy for some people,
like I do think it becomes a problem for some people.
Speaker 5 (08:35):
But I also think there is something to be said
about having that conversation, being honest about how you feel him,
having an honest conversation about how he feels and then
maybe just understanding it.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
There's there's it is what it is? You know what
I mean?
Speaker 4 (08:47):
That's what I was gonna say. Is it really?
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Is it affecting you in your relationship? Or have you
been told that it does affect you in your relationship?
Speaker 1 (08:54):
It's bad?
Speaker 4 (08:54):
And then's wrong?
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Yeah? And does it come up because you're like, hey,
shall we and he's like, oh, sorry, I a problem? Right,
all right, we move on.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
I feel like we did with that nail that let's.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
Step away, shall we?
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Oh yeah, we got to regroup post breakup words of encouragement.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
No, no, all right, we're back and we are keeping
(09:36):
the pace on this.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
That's right, Mark, take it away.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
We're moving along to Sophia. I'm six months post breakup
with someone who's been four years with and thought I
was gonna spend the rest of my life before being
blindsided with a breakup due to quote social incompatibilities. He's
very extroverted and social. I had trouble becoming close with
his friends, while he became very close with my friends.
(10:00):
I turned thirty four in a few weeks, and I'm
feeling so much pressure to put myself back out there
even when I feel so heartbroken and devastated by this loss.
I'm going to therapy, I started piano lessons. I've been
working really hard on trying new things and battling my
social anxiety, but I still feel so sad. I tried
getting back on dating apps and maybe feel worse. I'm
looking for words of encouragement of ways that you've healed
(10:21):
and come out on the other side of a breakup
feeling stronger.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
I think that you are not ready to put yourself
back out there, and I think that's okay to not
feel like you immediately need to get on the dating
apps and go on dates, like regardless of turning thirty four.
Speaker 4 (10:38):
Like it sounds like you need to let yourself heal.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
It sounds like you're trying to find new things that
you love and you're doing things for yourself, and I
think that is such a beautiful thing to focus on
during this time, because you might not be ready to
give your heart to someone again just yet, And that's okay.
Speaker 5 (10:54):
On the flip side, it's a numbers game, and you're
not if you're sitting on your couch and you're not
meeting anyone and you're not going to meet anyone, you know,
So I say, get back out there. It's a numbers game.
Just keep them coming. But masturbation is a beautiful thing. Sure,
I have a great time with you, and it makes
you more confident.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
I'm glad that we have a theme. But I think that, uh,
dating apps can be depressing, and I get it as
soon as you open it up, Like I never wanted
to be on these again. I thought I was done
with this nonsense. So maybe don't do the dating apps,
but you still got to get out there.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
I'm all for that end.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
But live your.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Life, join social groups, play in anxiety. Well that's true.
I don't know that's a good point.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
Yeah, dating apps are made.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
For her, but she's trying new things to work on
the and I think that doing things for herself and
meeting new people could lead to her meeting someone. And
I don't think that getting on the apps. I think
if she was like I've tried everything, I just want
to meet someone. I want to go on dates. But
I don't think she wants to go on dates right now.
I think she's feeling sad and she's going through heartbreak.
Speaker 4 (12:06):
I haven't known you six months past a breakup.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
So what do you mean.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
I haven't known you out of a four year relationship
six months at that point. I know you for the
trigger event and that was not you.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
Never knew me after Arizona guy. Oh wow, she was
a pill day crying. But yeah she got back on
the horse. Let me tell you many horses.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
She did get on.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
Those horses.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
But I feel like there's a lot of tears and sadness, heartbreak, rejection. Yeah,
I personally say, don't do that. I think your heart
needs to heal. I think you're doing what you need
to do for yourself. I think you work on going
to things that aren't a romantic environment to challenge yourself
with your social anxiety and and learn to love yourself
(12:57):
so that when the time comes, you're ready to give
that love to something you knew.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
And also, don't you have to get into the mindset
of that wasn't him. He's still out there. That wasn't it.
And maybe you dodged a bullet because that wasn't it.
What if you married the guy that wasn't it?
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Maybe he still is it.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Oh, don't do that to her.
Speaker 3 (13:15):
What maybe he is?
Speaker 5 (13:17):
I hated when everybody said that to me, he broke
up with you, it's over. I'm like, but it's not.
Inside me, I know it's not over.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
But she needs to move on. You can't. You can't
hang on that true facts.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
So I'm just saying it could it could be this guy.
We don't know, That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
I don't think she needs to rush out there and date.
I don't think she's she wants that. I think she wanted.
I think she still wants it to be this guy.
And I think that in the right now it's it's
not him.
Speaker 5 (13:47):
Having a healthy mindset around it, I think is key
if you're dating. If you have a mindset of I
had to start dating again, that would be me, then
the dates are going to suck. If you have the
mindset of, like I have to start dating again, I
want to find someone and I want to spend my
life with someone. So here we go such a different
mind I know.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
But I think you were just ready to find someone.
I think you were ready for that phase of your
life to meet someone and settle down.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
Correct, And I think she is as well.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Is going to be her guy for four years and
it wasn't him, So she's having to grieve the thought
of it not being the person she had planned her
life with.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
And isn't the mentality also now that we have to
get into this whole work on yourself therapy, great the
reason best person of you and good things will come.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
The whole reason he into things is because there was
this incompatibility of her not wanting to be social. So
work on being social. Put yourself out there, see what people.
He might come back and you might be like, I
don't want you anymore. I've moved on.
Speaker 4 (14:47):
Yeah, so this is the time to work on yourself.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
Yeah, and masturbate a little.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Okay, sure, Anonymous.
Speaker 5 (14:58):
It gives you the what am I trying to say?
It gives you the mojo?
Speaker 3 (15:03):
H it does?
Speaker 1 (15:05):
High Mark Eastern Beka, Tanya, look at me with the
top building there. Thank you very much, Anonymous. My boyfriend
and I have a lot of friends in another city.
We visit a few times a year, but while we're there,
we stay with our best friends. They're a married couple
and they insist we stay with them because they have
a great house with plenty of room in a large
guest suite and they miss us since we moved away.
But their gaft bed sucks. The mattress is lumpy and
(15:25):
it's caving in, and the pillows are too thick, and
less time we slept there, my or ring said, I
got nine minutes of rem it's.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
That bad that would send me What.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Would you do? Would you risk offending them by telling
their bed sucks or getting an airbnb instead? And do
we suck it up? They are by far our best
friends and have by far the most space to host us,
so staying with someone else doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
You guys, the money that you would spend on an airbnb,
buy them a mattress.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
Hey, Hey, they're your best friends.
Speaker 5 (15:52):
Like if I spent them at Becca's house and it
was horrible sleep, I'd be like, Becca, you need a
new mattress because that thing is wha I think.
Speaker 4 (15:57):
I would tell my friend be like, yeah, that's rough.
Have you ever slept in that bad that?
Speaker 5 (16:04):
I would send you a screenshot of my aura rings
and say, look what you did to me?
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Are they sensitive? Because I feel like this is a
funny conversation to.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Have, But I also feel like you could be like, hey,
since we're the ones staying there, when we come visit,
we'll go have these with you, Like, let's go if.
Speaker 4 (16:20):
Your bestie of in yourself a new mattress.
Speaker 3 (16:22):
Yeah, nine minutes of rhyme is criminal.
Speaker 4 (16:26):
That makes me want to throw I would throw up.
I'd be so sick from that.
Speaker 5 (16:29):
If I wake up with less than twenty percent of REM,
it's not a good day.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
I think you get to I think you make it
seem like it's something serious. Okay, we have to have
a talk. We love you guys, but we need to talk. WHOA,
what's going on? Oh my gosh, have you there? They haven't,
you know they haven't.
Speaker 4 (16:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
I think it's I think it's funny. I think you
make it work.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
You could say, hey, if you're if you don't feel
good about doing that, can we sleep in your bed
and y'all can sleep in the trade visit.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Yeah, but I like the idea going in on a
bed with him done.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
Or just like get some bed bugs and slip them
in there and be like, oh my gosh, you have
bed bugs.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
That feels terrible idea?
Speaker 3 (17:05):
How a bad idea?
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Right?
Speaker 3 (17:06):
We should have ended it online.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
From a Mama to Bee Hi, Becca, Tana Easton and
Mark Okaya got top billing and Tany was misspelled. So
I'm the matron of honor and my friend's wedding and
currently planning her bachelorette party, and I just found out
I'm pregnant. I'll be about ten weeks a long at
the bachelorette party, but I'm not sure I want to
tell anybody at that point. I can hide drinking at
(17:28):
the Airbnb, but worry how I can manage this at
the wine tastings I have planned that is more challenging.
Should I tell the bride and have her help me cover?
I don't want to make it a big thing and
be about me, so I'm hesitant. I'll be about thirty
six weeks pregnant at her wedding, which also makes me nervous.
What should I do?
Speaker 3 (17:46):
One hundred percent you should tell the bride.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
I definitely think you should tell the bride, and I
think you just say, hey, I, this is the only
thing that this that I'm going to tell you that
will be about me this weekend because I need you
to know.
Speaker 4 (17:59):
But I she's gonna be so.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Excited for you, first of all, Yeah, but also just say,
I'm not ready to tell everybody, so I just want
you to know why I'm not going to be drinking
at the wine tastings and you know, help if you
can help me cover it up without letting anyone know.
Speaker 5 (18:14):
My tasting's a tough one because it's like I'm like
nobody's really I don't feel like nobody notices that somebody's
not drinking unless you make a point to be like, no,
not drinking.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
I feel like a lot of places they maybe have
non alcoholic wine, like I had a non alcoholic champagne
or like a maybe they have like a sparkling cider
or something that you can sip on so it doesn't
look like just water in a glass.
Speaker 5 (18:36):
Yeah, but yeah, maybe get the wine cellar.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
Yeah, call them and see if they have anything, or
you bring some of your own and they can serve
that tea.
Speaker 3 (18:45):
Yeah, just like, hey, I'm pregnant and I haven't told anybody.
You can help a sister out.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a good idea. And she's
gonna be thirty six weeks at her wedding.
Speaker 5 (18:55):
That makes me notice too, feels very tight. Yeah across
that bridge when we get there.
Speaker 4 (19:02):
Yeah yeah, yeah, let's talk in thirty six weeks.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
Yeah, that feel good. Next Mark next time.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
Here we go from anonymous. I've been a lawyer listening
to your podcast. I appreciate the thoughtful advice you give.
I related to a listener who recently wrote in about
struggling to communicate the need for alone time to their partner.
I'm thirty three, I'm engaged. We've been together six years.
He has an amazing relationship with my ten year old son.
We built a great life together. He is loving, he
always wants to be around me. He's a great communicator.
(19:27):
I love him so much. But why do I feel
like he's more into me than I'm into him? Is
it normal for one person in the relationship to be
on a higher scale than the other. I value my
alone time. While he respects that, I don't think he
truly gets it. I even get excited when he goes
on work trips so I can have some space. I
struggle with this nagging thought, and it's exactly what Beca
(19:48):
said to this previous listener. Maybe he isn't my person.
The thought of ending this relationship kills me because it
would ruin our family, and my son would be devastated,
as well as my friends and family. I feel crazy
for even half having these thoughts and my overthinking and
self sabotaging. What is wrong with me? Any advice would
be appreciated.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
I just have one thing to say.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
Here comes Tana, Here she comes.
Speaker 5 (20:10):
If you're questioning not being in this relationship because it's
gonna hurt your son and your family, that's momentary versus
your life, your life, your life, yeah, and your forever.
Speaker 4 (20:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
With that being said, I think that there's a lot
of people who would resonate with this. I also don't
have kids, so I don't know the dynamic of like
always having a child who is like needing you constantly
and like you're having to give, give, give, and then
also having a partner who's like needing a lot from
you and you're having to give, give, give, So I
(20:48):
don't know that I really am able to like chime
in on this. I just feel like I always thought.
I mean, you can listen to old episodes of the
podcast where I was like, I want to date someone
who travels so that I can have my owlone time,
And now when Haley and I have spent any time
a part I'm like miserable. So I do know that
(21:09):
there's a world where you can where you don't feel
this way.
Speaker 5 (21:13):
I think, yeah, and you're speaking the wrong girl, because
I need no space.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
Well that's the thing. So I think she would regret
ending this relationship. I think she's overreacting to these feelings
she's having. I think everything's actually fine. Patti Rodriguez, remember Patty, Yes,
she used to work here. She had a theory that
the healthiest relationships the woman is a no, the guy
is a little bit more into the woman than vice versa.
(21:41):
And I think there is something to this theory. I
think those are the best relationships. I don't know, I
don't know. I can't explain it, but I think she's right.
I think it's okay that he's a little bit more
into you. Now, if that becomes a gap, a big chasm,
then we got a real problem. But I think it's okay.
I think everything is okay here. Everything I read on
this thing is okay. And as long as you're not
(22:02):
feeling a need to escape the relationship, you just need
some time every once in a while, I think everything's fine.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
She said, I value my alone time, and while he
respects that, I don't think he truly understands that. So
maybe it's a conversation of really explaining to him that
when you get what you need, which is your time
by yourself, you're going to be able to give more
to him and show up better in the relationship. And
maybe he feel like maybe he's like, oh, yeah, I
get it, you need your alone time, but like, maybe
(22:30):
you really solidify what that looks like and block it
out in your schedule where you have time to where
you do something just by yourself. Do you think do
you feel like Robbie's more obsessed with you than you
are with him, or do you find it to be equal.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
I think you're more obsessed than he is with you.
Speaker 4 (22:46):
Really, I don't.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
I just but you only see me. He's pretty obsessed
with me.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
I do find him to be pretty obsessed with her,
like weirdly okay, but so I think we're pretty equally
obsessed with each other.
Speaker 5 (23:01):
But I feel like I've never been the type of
person that needs space right just in general, I'm not
like a space neater when he's out of town, when
we're apart, I'm not like devastated door cra correct.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
I'm fine. I like, I do enjoy it.
Speaker 5 (23:17):
I'll like sit in a song, I'll do my workouts,
so I'm not like sad, but I don't like need it,
Like I'm not like go right right, just not me.
Speaker 4 (23:27):
Yeah, Like I.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
Think it's human to enjoy doing your own thing by yourself.
Like I don't think that that means that he's not
your person just because you need that time for yourself
and I I just think that if you're only with
him because you don't want your son or family or
friends to be sad, that's something to think about.
Speaker 3 (23:51):
I'm still thinking about Mark's judgment of my relationship.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
I know I'm not.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
I have felt like I always felt that about Tom,
but then I've seen like the way he responds to
her text and how he speaks to her and like
the things that he does, and I'm like, oh, I
think he's.
Speaker 4 (24:09):
I think it's a very equal obsession.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
Yeah, he's just not as vocal.
Speaker 4 (24:14):
Yeah, we don't have a podcast where he talks about it.
Speaker 3 (24:16):
Right, But like I do like say same, Like he'll
say things and I'm just like what it looks like.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
I would say, yeah, it's it's pretty cute.
Speaker 3 (24:25):
It is pretty cute.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
But I just asked him, so good, how did you
phrase it?
Speaker 5 (24:29):
Do you think I'm obsessed with you more or you're
obsessed with me more.
Speaker 4 (24:33):
That's such a great I would say it's equal.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
I would say it's pretty equal. That's what I think
he's going to say. Okay, what do you all think he's.
Speaker 4 (24:41):
Going to say.
Speaker 6 (24:41):
Yeah, he's going to be like right down the middle.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
I think he's gonna be a new phone.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Who is I think I'll say fifty to fifty or equal?
Speaker 4 (24:50):
Okay, did we do give you good advice on Yeah?
Speaker 1 (24:54):
I think we did. He's really expert.
Speaker 4 (24:56):
But she's a fiance, so like this.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Is marry him. We won't regret it. Wow, that's my advice.
Speaker 5 (25:02):
He said, I think it's equal. Mind's more quiet obsession,
Yours is more blatant.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
Blatant. That's your autobiography right there, Laton really obsessed.
Speaker 3 (25:16):
I've got three dots. I'm not sure if there's more
than well, you know what.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
We'll find out the rest.
Speaker 4 (25:42):
Right, we're back. Did we get an update?
Speaker 5 (25:44):
We've got an update. So the first part was I
think it's equal. Mind's more quiet obsession, years is more blatant.
And he said, like, I don't stare at you while
we're watching TV, but in my mind, I'm obsessed that
I just get to lay next to you.
Speaker 4 (25:56):
Oh, I'm so cute.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
I know I can't handle it.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
All right, great, all right, one more? We got two more?
Speaker 3 (26:07):
Last one? Do the last one?
Speaker 2 (26:08):
No?
Speaker 4 (26:08):
We got two more?
Speaker 3 (26:09):
Oh we do?
Speaker 2 (26:09):
I No.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
I'm asked my husband as a new colleague that I
am not a fan of if. I met her once
and she was nice, but my husband told me about
something else she said to him, and it rubbed me
the wrong way. At a reason lunch meeting, he went
to shake her hand, and she responded by saying, oh, no,
we're on a hug basis now. I told him that
I would like him to set some boundaries as well
as not hug her. He said he has, but it's
hard not to hug her when everyone else in the
(26:31):
office is hugging. No, I personally don't hug my colleagues,
but I do understand some people hug after they've known
each other for some time. Is my request ridiculous?
Speaker 4 (26:39):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (26:40):
This is so hard because I totally get her side
of being like, set the boundaries, But.
Speaker 4 (26:47):
I totally get him being at work being like, I
can't hug you.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
Right, I'm this girl, I am the hugger girl.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
Me too. I'm a hugger as well, and it makes
me think I need to be aware of who I'm hugging.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
Right, Yeah, yeah, I hug everyone.
Speaker 4 (27:04):
How does he set the boundary now that they've established
a hug?
Speaker 3 (27:09):
He can't.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
He can't, But also can he just avoid it? Can
he just be like hey, kind of walk past her,
like there's nobody's in a hugg but.
Speaker 4 (27:15):
She's like, come here, You're not getting by without a hug.
Speaker 3 (27:18):
No, But you can also be like, oh, I'm a
little sick fist bump.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
Maybe tiny's the huggiest person I know, but she didn't
hugg me every day. We hug before we leave for Christmas,
you know, like I'm bra it's not much more than that, Like, oh,
I'm not going to see it for a few weeks,
have a good time, you know. That sort of thing
is a no.
Speaker 5 (27:35):
But like not daily at work, but like if if
we have like a jingle ball or festival, hug you
when I see you at.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Like something like that out in the wild.
Speaker 3 (27:43):
Yeah, So it's like.
Speaker 5 (27:44):
Less in the office more if I see you outside
the office.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
Yes, So I think maybe this will fizzle out because
she can't keep that forever. Hugging every person every day.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
If she if for whatever reason, the wife's feeling is correct,
and this woman has ill and and she does make
an effort to hug him every day, doesn't matter.
Speaker 4 (28:04):
But she doesn't.
Speaker 5 (28:05):
Trust her husband, I mean at the end of the day,
and like, yeah, there's some certain things he can do.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
You don't think he should be like, hey, like I
I want to be respectful to my relationship.
Speaker 5 (28:18):
No weird, it would make her look weird to his coworkers.
Speaker 3 (28:24):
I think yes, And I.
Speaker 5 (28:26):
Don't care she doesn't want to have and I don't
think it's a look that you want your husband to
have with his colleagues that like, I can't hug you
because my husband thinks my wife thinks it's weird.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Okay, So the advice is you try to just avoid it.
Otherwise you just trust him and know that it's just
I'll ask.
Speaker 5 (28:44):
Him to just say like, hey, I'm a little sick,
fist bump and maybe that.
Speaker 2 (28:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
But also, it doesn't matter what her intentions are. If
you trust your husband, it doesn't matter if you hug
you once in a while at work. It's not the
end of the world. I don't think.
Speaker 4 (28:54):
I mean, I don't know. I think I think men
are easily seduced to do really yes.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Really, yes, it's still on him, I know, but if
he could set the boundary of not hugging someone that
makes his wife uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
But we should get into that this men are easily seduced.
That's interesting what you said, because it also puts the
blame not on him.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
I think it's I think there's equal parties. But I
think she doesn't care about his The woman coming in
does not care about.
Speaker 4 (29:29):
His marriage or his wife. True, she doesn't care.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
That might be overstating it. Though she's just a hugger
like Tanya hugs me. Doesn't mean she doesn't care about
my wife.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
No, but I'm saying that she's not gonna like think
about like Tonya is not hugging you, thinking like, oh
it's Mark's wife.
Speaker 4 (29:45):
She's just like, oh I love Mark, I'm gonna hug Mark.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Yeah right right.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
So but I'm saying, if there's ill intention in that,
then she's like I don't.
Speaker 4 (29:53):
Care, like I like this guy.
Speaker 3 (29:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (29:56):
Fact, wait, I ca I'm in with ill.
Speaker 3 (30:02):
That's the example is me. But let's just go with it.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
But I'm saying, if you're if you were not with
Robbie and you had ill intentions and you wanted Mark,
then you coming into hug.
Speaker 4 (30:12):
Mark, what is just would be like you?
Speaker 2 (30:17):
You wouldn't be like, oh no, I'm worried about what
his wife thinks.
Speaker 4 (30:21):
Facts, you would just be like but it doesn't.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
I don't. I'm just saying, it doesn't matter if the husband,
If you trust your husband and he's a reliable guy,
nothing ever as bad as going to happen. People's thoughts
are people's thoughts.
Speaker 4 (30:31):
Facts, I agree. I'm just saying I there's a lot
of facts being thrown.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
Out my wife when we first started dating, even I
was in an improv goog call comedy sports and improv
people tend to be this way, and so every time
you showed up for a show, everybody hugged everybody, and
that took her a minute like, Okay, this is weird
because she wasn't raised like that, she wasn't like that
with her friends. So it was bizarre to her that
every guy and girl in the room got a hug
when I arrived, and then the next person arrives hug hug, hug,
(30:56):
zug hugs it's weird. So I understand where she's coming
from if it's not her way of being, but they
get too.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
I totally get it. I get the uncomfortableness.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
So your question is not ridiculous. Dance your question.
Speaker 4 (31:08):
No, I don't think you're ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
I just think it's an uncomfortable situation for everyone involved.
Speaker 4 (31:14):
Now, yeah, maybe for future people coming in.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
I just say, like germs like it's no.
Speaker 5 (31:23):
I used to be such a hugger before COVID, and
I feel like since COVID, I've become like way less
of a hugger.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
Hugging was fine during COVID because your germs are going
out the back whatever.
Speaker 4 (31:32):
It all just actually felt safer than the handshake.
Speaker 6 (31:35):
Sure did you see on Dancing with the Stars of
the first episode, the palm moll Horseky I can remember
his name, but he they showed him in the package
like the pro was like, I'm a hugger, and he's like,
I'm a shaker the handout.
Speaker 4 (31:47):
He has a girlfriend, and I like that cool? What
are your where are your thought?
Speaker 3 (31:52):
No one's watching Dancing with the Time. Although we should,
I feel.
Speaker 6 (32:01):
I mean, you shouldn't have to hug everybody damn like
you know, like, uh, just because someone wants to hugg
he doesn't mean you have to do it.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
Alison said, I I feel weird about Becca and I
don't want you hugging her.
Speaker 4 (32:15):
And but we had already established that we hug What
would you do so hard?
Speaker 6 (32:18):
I'd have to say I.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
Was just I was just carefully deflected.
Speaker 6 (32:24):
I guess I wouldn't say I was sick, but I'd
be like, you come in for the hug, and I'd
have to put out the fist or.
Speaker 5 (32:30):
Yeah, yeah, it's just weird, like because if he said
that to you, if he's just like my wife doesn't
really want me hugging other girls, like.
Speaker 4 (32:39):
I mean, I guess I would be more like, oh,
I get it. Respect respect her.
Speaker 3 (32:45):
I'd be like, I'm not trying to hit on you.
Yeah if go maniac.
Speaker 6 (32:51):
If my wife said that, I wouldn't put it on her.
I'd be like, Hey, I you know I'm not really
hugging kind of guy.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
Can we.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Okay? Okay, great, I'm not gonna yeah, all right. We
didn't pay some one my bad, but we didn't all agree,
which that helped.
Speaker 4 (33:12):
That hurts with the pacing.
Speaker 1 (33:13):
True, all right, what more from Rico. Firstly, I wanted
to say, you guys did an amazing job at Epicon.
I hope there's another crossover with call it what it is. Secondly,
so obviously, well, we all know if Banya was a
real human, she would be exuding modern woman energy. But
what else should we know about her? What does she
look like? What's her personality? What is her line of work?
(33:35):
Is she single? Dating? Mary? Divorce? Does she? And the men?
Women are both can't wait to hear more about Bonya
the person I love you all? Well we know it's
a hat.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
Yeah, Bonya has a cone shaped hat on a bonnet
shaped wool hat. She has brownish blondish hair, is bron
she's a bronde.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
She's a brond blue eyes. Sure about mid tit length, the.
Speaker 2 (34:01):
Old mid tip mid length, Yeah, yeah, the old md L.
Speaker 3 (34:07):
I'd say she's.
Speaker 4 (34:10):
I would say she's like.
Speaker 2 (34:11):
A dear abby like call uh, she like writes in
the she's a journalist.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
Oh, journalists to a scientists because she's smart.
Speaker 4 (34:21):
No, no, no, she's a journalist. She's a good writer.
She gives advice.
Speaker 5 (34:24):
Okay, yeah, fine, she's into men and women's yea into both. Yeah,
she's uh more about the person.
Speaker 2 (34:32):
She's dating, married or divorced or single dating I would
say dating too.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
Yeah, that's about she has like cool style.
Speaker 4 (34:44):
She's like cool girl.
Speaker 3 (34:45):
She's a cool girl. But she can also get down
on like sweats.
Speaker 4 (34:47):
Yeah you know nice. Yeah, we got really creative with these.
Speaker 3 (34:54):
And uh.
Speaker 5 (34:55):
She enjoys eyebrow, jel okay and gold hoots and her dogs.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
Loves her dog, loves her dogs.
Speaker 4 (35:04):
She has a and yes, multiple dogs. She has a palm.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (35:12):
Wants children, go either way, either way. Wants to get married.
Speaker 4 (35:26):
But anyway. She's a good gal. She's the best gal. Yeah,
we have no notes for old Banya.
Speaker 3 (35:32):
Everybody wants to be friends with Bonya.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
Yeah, everyone wants to be they everyone comes to Bonya.
Speaker 5 (35:37):
Yes, she's like the neighbor that everybody borrows sugar from.
Speaker 3 (35:41):
Yes, watches your dog when you leave town.
Speaker 4 (35:43):
Yeah, she's there for you.
Speaker 3 (35:46):
Stalks your ex when you don't need to look. She
does it all.
Speaker 4 (35:50):
She does it all. That's one thing about Bonya.
Speaker 3 (35:52):
And that's one thing about her.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
Bonnie Oh yeah, Bonnie for short, well not for short,
that's just her nickname.
Speaker 5 (35:59):
For sure.
Speaker 4 (36:03):
That should be your grandma name.
Speaker 3 (36:05):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I like it. It's cute.
Speaker 4 (36:09):
Sister. Oh no, what was that so called.
Speaker 6 (36:11):
Buying Secrets of the Sister.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
I mean, I don't know what.
Speaker 4 (36:15):
Really came out quick. Well, that's it for this week.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
You guys and girls, we love you so much and
we hope you have a wonderful weekend.
Speaker 3 (36:24):
Yes, we love you, Love you.
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in, rub dub dumb. Before
we begin this Dear Bonia episode, I want to wish
a very happy birthday to Kate Stram, a big scrubber.
Her husband reached out and wanted us to give a
shout out, which I think is the cutest thing ever.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
So I love a cute husband.
Speaker 4 (00:29):
We love you, Kate. We hope you have the best
day ever.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
And shout out to your husband Brian.
Speaker 4 (00:34):
And shout out to Brian the Big two nine, last
year of your twenties.
Speaker 5 (00:38):
Live it up girl twenty nine has a husband. It's nice.
Speaker 4 (00:44):
You'll be thirty nine with a husband.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Correct, Yes, yes, I will be.
Speaker 4 (00:48):
And I'll be never with a husband. That's true.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
That is true.
Speaker 4 (00:52):
All right, let's get right into it. We said we
are not waysing time for.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Pace from Brook That requires you maybe reading faster.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Oh wow, okay, well that feels like she'sad wanted to
say it for a minute.
Speaker 1 (01:08):
I have a very frustrating relationship with my in laws.
My husband and I have been together nine years, and
over that time I realized it's not me it's them.
They are unkind people who spend all their time judging others.
They usually keep their distance. I can ignore them, but
they recently spend four days with us, the first trip
to come to see us after we moved across the country,
and I wanted to cry non stop after day two.
(01:29):
My husband and I were so relieved when they left.
But his brother is getting married in November, so we're
gonna have to spend time with him. What can I
do to let their unkind comments roll off my back
and not be so sensitive about them. I've tried to
be nice, but they just won't ever be nice people.
How do you deal with people who make you uncomfortable?
Speaker 2 (01:46):
You know, this is just one of those like classic
things of it has nothing to do with you.
Speaker 4 (01:52):
It's just who they.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Are, and they're probably at an age where they're never
gonna change, unfortunately, And I hate to be like that
unhopeful person who's like they're too far gone. But I
think at a certain age people just stop wanting to
change or trying to change, and if they haven't made
the effort this at this point, I don't know if
you're ever gonna see them change and be like nice people.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
But I think that you just have to do you.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
I don't think it means you stop being kind or
empathetic or accommodating. I think you just don't bend your
break your back trying to get them to be nice,
because I don't think you're ever gonna get what you
want from them.
Speaker 5 (02:28):
Yeah, it's interesting because I find myself being very much
like you. I'm very affected and can be very affected
by other people's behaviors. And it's very interesting. Robbie said,
send something to me once. I'll never forget it. It
was take people as they are. Just take people as
they are, and it really weirdly changed things for me,
(02:50):
Like it was like, that's just how this person is.
I'm never going to change them and has nothing to
do with me, and you just take them for how
they are, who they are, and it really helped me,
like not be upset by the way other people interact
Yeah with me around.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
Me, mm, it really helps.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
I think you just try to avoid spending any unnecessary
time with them.
Speaker 5 (03:11):
Right, I mean, these are your in laws, so you
are going to have to spend time with them, but
it's just take them as they are.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
This is this is who they are.
Speaker 5 (03:17):
Take them for it and prepare mentally, prepare yourself when
you know you're going to be around them, and that's
the best that you can do.
Speaker 2 (03:23):
And I also feel like it's so nice your husband
also understands. Yeah, yeah, because it sounds like he's also
relieved when they like, You're very lucky that you're on
the same page about being pushed by them.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
For sure, to get in your little cocoon together, zip
it up.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
You have each other if you get stuck. If one
of you gets stuck, seek out the other.
Speaker 4 (03:45):
Yeah, and get out of that situation. Onto excuse me,
it's not you, it's them.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
Literally literally Onto the.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Next anonymous, My husband's self pleasure is with porn, and
it's kind of an issue in our relationship. I've asked
him to abstain, but he has not been successful. Whenever
ask him if he's done it, he admits to it
and he's super apologetic, but he never offers to stop.
He's more of a night owl and works late into
the night and he'll do it after I'm asleep and
I'll tell him to wake me up. I'll help him out.
Am I overthinking this? We're in a very committed to
(04:13):
healthy relationship with open communication. And I know he's not
doing it because you're not attracted him he or he
doesn't love me. I don't feel like he's betraying me
or cheating on me. It just feels taboo to me
because of my conservative upbringing. What do you think.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Do you mean to go sure?
Speaker 5 (04:28):
I think if it's affecting your sex life, then I
think you have all the right in the world to
stand firm on it. And if you're not getting the
sex or the pleasure, you're not partaking in it as
much as you want. He's doing this more than he's
pleasing you. I think it's a huge issue, But that doesn't.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
Seem to be the issue here.
Speaker 5 (04:46):
You said you have a very committed, healthy, healthy relationship,
which makes me feel like you're satisfied. So I feel
like you just let him have his thing.
Speaker 4 (05:00):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
I mean, I don't, I don't I don't like it,
So I don't but that I don't like it either.
Speaker 4 (05:07):
But I think if it's I think it's affecting her.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
She took the time to write into the podcast about it,
So I whether it's affecting her sex life or it's
just like bothers her and she's communicated that to him,
then I think that's something worth potentially seeing like a
couple's therapists about because I think that if it's affecting
you and it's making you feel a certain way, no
(05:31):
matter what that way is, I think it's important to handle.
Speaker 5 (05:37):
I've had many conversations with men about this, various men,
which might sound weird.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
Because on the corner, because it's.
Speaker 3 (05:46):
So it's so different to men than it is to women.
Do you know what I mean?
Speaker 5 (05:51):
Like when I when I would masturbate, I would have
to think about like you have to, I have to
think about something. With men, I feel like it's so
much more transactional, like they're not getting in there.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
I mean, I have men in here so you can
if I'm wrong. It's more mechanical.
Speaker 5 (06:06):
It's more like this, like I need to just get
get get the poison out. Where For women it's so
it's so much so it's like we I can't it's
hard for us to understand each other because it's just
it's like two separate planets, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (06:22):
But what I don't understand is if she's offering to
be there for his needs twenty four to seven. Why
does he not take advantage of that?
Speaker 4 (06:32):
Up, do not wake me up?
Speaker 2 (06:34):
I'm saying she cares enough about this to say, like,
wake me up in the middle of the night and
I will do what you need me to do. And
he's still taking this fantasy like option over that, which
I don't like.
Speaker 5 (06:53):
I see it's I don't think it's fantasy like for
men then, and he gets fantasy like for women then.
Speaker 4 (06:59):
Why, I guess.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
I guess I don't get why you want to take
the real thing over what you're watching on a screen.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
That's hard for me too, because I would always take
the real thing if it were up to me.
Speaker 6 (07:09):
Yeah, I mean to defend the dude, I guess. Masturbating
and sex with another person are very different experiences, Like
they are very different parts of your of you know,
your sexuality, and uh, like, I don't think that you know,
I don't think that you shouldn't you should never master
(07:29):
ate if you're like in a committed relationship. I think
that's all she says that, like, oh, just wake me
up and I'll handle it. I don't think she would
actually like that if.
Speaker 4 (07:38):
That happened, but I would call that bluff.
Speaker 6 (07:41):
Yeah, I mean, uh, that's what I think is happening.
And also I think the dude is probably like, well,
I mean it's what.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
One in the morning.
Speaker 6 (07:50):
Now, I'm like, like, I just kind of want to
get this hand, you know, it's all he's like lighting
candles and like putting up a picture of doing.
Speaker 3 (07:58):
Kind of like shower after I don't know, that's my story.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
I just like to look on your face sometimes after
you say things that I receive.
Speaker 5 (08:08):
Like sometimes I'm like, like, you know, if he wants
to and I and I'm like, I just don't want
to shower, I'll just be like, let me.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
Just let me help you here, you know. Yeah, I
guess I just don't.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
I might relate to her because I grew up with this,
like a very strong viewpoint on poorn, like a very
conservative Christian mindset on it, So it feels a lot.
Speaker 4 (08:26):
I think it'll.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Always feel heavier to me than like it is for Like,
I think I think it is heavy for some people,
like I do think it becomes a problem for some people.
Speaker 5 (08:35):
But I also think there is something to be said
about having that conversation, being honest about how you feel him,
having an honest conversation about how he feels and then
maybe just understanding it.
Speaker 3 (08:45):
There's there's it is what it is? You know what
I mean?
Speaker 4 (08:47):
That's what I was gonna say. Is it really?
Speaker 2 (08:49):
Is it affecting you in your relationship? Or have you
been told that it does affect you in your relationship?
Speaker 1 (08:54):
It's bad?
Speaker 4 (08:54):
And then's wrong?
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Yeah? And does it come up because you're like, hey,
shall we and he's like, oh, sorry, I a problem? Right,
all right, we move on.
Speaker 3 (09:04):
I feel like we did with that nail that let's.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
Step away, shall we?
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Oh yeah, we got to regroup post breakup words of encouragement.
Speaker 2 (09:13):
No, no, all right, we're back and we are keeping
(09:36):
the pace on this.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
That's right, Mark, take it away.
Speaker 1 (09:39):
We're moving along to Sophia. I'm six months post breakup
with someone who's been four years with and thought I
was gonna spend the rest of my life before being
blindsided with a breakup due to quote social incompatibilities. He's
very extroverted and social. I had trouble becoming close with
his friends, while he became very close with my friends.
(10:00):
I turned thirty four in a few weeks, and I'm
feeling so much pressure to put myself back out there
even when I feel so heartbroken and devastated by this loss.
I'm going to therapy, I started piano lessons. I've been
working really hard on trying new things and battling my
social anxiety, but I still feel so sad. I tried
getting back on dating apps and maybe feel worse. I'm
looking for words of encouragement of ways that you've healed
(10:21):
and come out on the other side of a breakup
feeling stronger.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
I think that you are not ready to put yourself
back out there, and I think that's okay to not
feel like you immediately need to get on the dating
apps and go on dates, like regardless of turning thirty four.
Speaker 4 (10:38):
Like it sounds like you need to let yourself heal.
Speaker 2 (10:41):
It sounds like you're trying to find new things that
you love and you're doing things for yourself, and I
think that is such a beautiful thing to focus on
during this time, because you might not be ready to
give your heart to someone again just yet, And that's okay.
Speaker 5 (10:54):
On the flip side, it's a numbers game, and you're
not if you're sitting on your couch and you're not
meeting anyone and you're not going to meet anyone, you know,
So I say, get back out there. It's a numbers game.
Just keep them coming. But masturbation is a beautiful thing. Sure,
I have a great time with you, and it makes
you more confident.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
I'm glad that we have a theme. But I think that, uh,
dating apps can be depressing, and I get it as
soon as you open it up, Like I never wanted
to be on these again. I thought I was done
with this nonsense. So maybe don't do the dating apps,
but you still got to get out there.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
I'm all for that end.
Speaker 2 (11:33):
But live your.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
Life, join social groups, play in anxiety. Well that's true.
I don't know that's a good point.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
Yeah, dating apps are made.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
For her, but she's trying new things to work on
the and I think that doing things for herself and
meeting new people could lead to her meeting someone. And
I don't think that getting on the apps. I think
if she was like I've tried everything, I just want
to meet someone. I want to go on dates. But
I don't think she wants to go on dates right now.
I think she's feeling sad and she's going through heartbreak.
Speaker 4 (12:06):
I haven't known you six months past a breakup.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
So what do you mean.
Speaker 2 (12:09):
I haven't known you out of a four year relationship
six months at that point. I know you for the
trigger event and that was not you.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
Never knew me after Arizona guy. Oh wow, she was
a pill day crying. But yeah she got back on
the horse. Let me tell you many horses.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
She did get on.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
Those horses.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
But I feel like there's a lot of tears and sadness, heartbreak, rejection. Yeah,
I personally say, don't do that. I think your heart
needs to heal. I think you're doing what you need
to do for yourself. I think you work on going
to things that aren't a romantic environment to challenge yourself
with your social anxiety and and learn to love yourself
(12:57):
so that when the time comes, you're ready to give
that love to something you knew.
Speaker 1 (13:01):
And also, don't you have to get into the mindset
of that wasn't him. He's still out there. That wasn't it.
And maybe you dodged a bullet because that wasn't it.
What if you married the guy that wasn't it?
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Maybe he still is it.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
Oh, don't do that to her.
Speaker 3 (13:15):
What maybe he is?
Speaker 5 (13:17):
I hated when everybody said that to me, he broke
up with you, it's over. I'm like, but it's not.
Inside me, I know it's not over.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
But she needs to move on. You can't. You can't
hang on that true facts.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
So I'm just saying it could it could be this guy.
We don't know, That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
I don't think she needs to rush out there and date.
I don't think she's she wants that. I think she wanted.
I think she still wants it to be this guy.
And I think that in the right now it's it's
not him.
Speaker 5 (13:47):
Having a healthy mindset around it, I think is key
if you're dating. If you have a mindset of I
had to start dating again, that would be me, then
the dates are going to suck. If you have the
mindset of, like I have to start dating again, I
want to find someone and I want to spend my
life with someone. So here we go such a different
mind I know.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
But I think you were just ready to find someone.
I think you were ready for that phase of your
life to meet someone and settle down.
Speaker 3 (14:12):
Correct, And I think she is as well.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Is going to be her guy for four years and
it wasn't him, So she's having to grieve the thought
of it not being the person she had planned her
life with.
Speaker 1 (14:23):
And isn't the mentality also now that we have to
get into this whole work on yourself therapy, great the
reason best person of you and good things will come.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
The whole reason he into things is because there was
this incompatibility of her not wanting to be social. So
work on being social. Put yourself out there, see what people.
He might come back and you might be like, I
don't want you anymore. I've moved on.
Speaker 4 (14:47):
Yeah, so this is the time to work on yourself.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
Yeah, and masturbate a little.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
Okay, sure, Anonymous.
Speaker 5 (14:58):
It gives you the what am I trying to say?
It gives you the mojo?
Speaker 3 (15:03):
H it does?
Speaker 1 (15:05):
High Mark Eastern Beka, Tanya, look at me with the
top building there. Thank you very much, Anonymous. My boyfriend
and I have a lot of friends in another city.
We visit a few times a year, but while we're there,
we stay with our best friends. They're a married couple
and they insist we stay with them because they have
a great house with plenty of room in a large
guest suite and they miss us since we moved away.
But their gaft bed sucks. The mattress is lumpy and
(15:25):
it's caving in, and the pillows are too thick, and
less time we slept there, my or ring said, I
got nine minutes of rem it's.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
That bad that would send me What.
Speaker 1 (15:34):
Would you do? Would you risk offending them by telling
their bed sucks or getting an airbnb instead? And do
we suck it up? They are by far our best
friends and have by far the most space to host us,
so staying with someone else doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
You guys, the money that you would spend on an airbnb,
buy them a mattress.
Speaker 3 (15:50):
Hey, Hey, they're your best friends.
Speaker 5 (15:52):
Like if I spent them at Becca's house and it
was horrible sleep, I'd be like, Becca, you need a
new mattress because that thing is wha I think.
Speaker 4 (15:57):
I would tell my friend be like, yeah, that's rough.
Have you ever slept in that bad that?
Speaker 5 (16:04):
I would send you a screenshot of my aura rings
and say, look what you did to me?
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Are they sensitive? Because I feel like this is a
funny conversation to.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Have, But I also feel like you could be like, hey,
since we're the ones staying there, when we come visit,
we'll go have these with you, Like, let's go if.
Speaker 4 (16:20):
Your bestie of in yourself a new mattress.
Speaker 3 (16:22):
Yeah, nine minutes of rhyme is criminal.
Speaker 4 (16:26):
That makes me want to throw I would throw up.
I'd be so sick from that.
Speaker 5 (16:29):
If I wake up with less than twenty percent of REM,
it's not a good day.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
I think you get to I think you make it
seem like it's something serious. Okay, we have to have
a talk. We love you guys, but we need to talk. WHOA,
what's going on? Oh my gosh, have you there? They haven't,
you know they haven't.
Speaker 4 (16:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
I think it's I think it's funny. I think you
make it work.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
You could say, hey, if you're if you don't feel
good about doing that, can we sleep in your bed
and y'all can sleep in the trade visit.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
Yeah, but I like the idea going in on a
bed with him done.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
Or just like get some bed bugs and slip them
in there and be like, oh my gosh, you have
bed bugs.
Speaker 1 (17:04):
That feels terrible idea?
Speaker 3 (17:05):
How a bad idea?
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Right?
Speaker 3 (17:06):
We should have ended it online.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
From a Mama to Bee Hi, Becca, Tana Easton and
Mark Okaya got top billing and Tany was misspelled. So
I'm the matron of honor and my friend's wedding and
currently planning her bachelorette party, and I just found out
I'm pregnant. I'll be about ten weeks a long at
the bachelorette party, but I'm not sure I want to
tell anybody at that point. I can hide drinking at
(17:28):
the Airbnb, but worry how I can manage this at
the wine tastings I have planned that is more challenging.
Should I tell the bride and have her help me cover?
I don't want to make it a big thing and
be about me, so I'm hesitant. I'll be about thirty
six weeks pregnant at her wedding, which also makes me nervous.
What should I do?
Speaker 3 (17:46):
One hundred percent you should tell the bride.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
I definitely think you should tell the bride, and I
think you just say, hey, I, this is the only
thing that this that I'm going to tell you that
will be about me this weekend because I need you
to know.
Speaker 4 (17:59):
But I she's gonna be so.
Speaker 2 (18:00):
Excited for you, first of all, Yeah, but also just say,
I'm not ready to tell everybody, so I just want
you to know why I'm not going to be drinking
at the wine tastings and you know, help if you
can help me cover it up without letting anyone know.
Speaker 5 (18:14):
My tasting's a tough one because it's like I'm like
nobody's really I don't feel like nobody notices that somebody's
not drinking unless you make a point to be like, no,
not drinking.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
I feel like a lot of places they maybe have
non alcoholic wine, like I had a non alcoholic champagne
or like a maybe they have like a sparkling cider
or something that you can sip on so it doesn't
look like just water in a glass.
Speaker 5 (18:36):
Yeah, but yeah, maybe get the wine cellar.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
Yeah, call them and see if they have anything, or
you bring some of your own and they can serve
that tea.
Speaker 3 (18:45):
Yeah, just like, hey, I'm pregnant and I haven't told anybody.
You can help a sister out.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a good idea. And she's
gonna be thirty six weeks at her wedding.
Speaker 5 (18:55):
That makes me notice too, feels very tight. Yeah across
that bridge when we get there.
Speaker 4 (19:02):
Yeah yeah, yeah, let's talk in thirty six weeks.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
Yeah, that feel good. Next Mark next time.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
Here we go from anonymous. I've been a lawyer listening
to your podcast. I appreciate the thoughtful advice you give.
I related to a listener who recently wrote in about
struggling to communicate the need for alone time to their partner.
I'm thirty three, I'm engaged. We've been together six years.
He has an amazing relationship with my ten year old son.
We built a great life together. He is loving, he
always wants to be around me. He's a great communicator.
(19:27):
I love him so much. But why do I feel
like he's more into me than I'm into him? Is
it normal for one person in the relationship to be
on a higher scale than the other. I value my
alone time. While he respects that, I don't think he
truly gets it. I even get excited when he goes
on work trips so I can have some space. I
struggle with this nagging thought, and it's exactly what Beca
(19:48):
said to this previous listener. Maybe he isn't my person.
The thought of ending this relationship kills me because it
would ruin our family, and my son would be devastated,
as well as my friends and family. I feel crazy
for even half having these thoughts and my overthinking and
self sabotaging. What is wrong with me? Any advice would
be appreciated.
Speaker 3 (20:06):
I just have one thing to say.
Speaker 1 (20:07):
Here comes Tana, Here she comes.
Speaker 5 (20:10):
If you're questioning not being in this relationship because it's
gonna hurt your son and your family, that's momentary versus
your life, your life, your life, yeah, and your forever.
Speaker 4 (20:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
With that being said, I think that there's a lot
of people who would resonate with this. I also don't
have kids, so I don't know the dynamic of like
always having a child who is like needing you constantly
and like you're having to give, give, give, and then
also having a partner who's like needing a lot from
you and you're having to give, give, give, So I
(20:48):
don't know that I really am able to like chime
in on this. I just feel like I always thought.
I mean, you can listen to old episodes of the
podcast where I was like, I want to date someone
who travels so that I can have my owlone time,
And now when Haley and I have spent any time
a part I'm like miserable. So I do know that
(21:09):
there's a world where you can where you don't feel
this way.
Speaker 5 (21:13):
I think, yeah, and you're speaking the wrong girl, because
I need no space.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
Well that's the thing. So I think she would regret
ending this relationship. I think she's overreacting to these feelings
she's having. I think everything's actually fine. Patti Rodriguez, remember Patty, Yes,
she used to work here. She had a theory that
the healthiest relationships the woman is a no, the guy
is a little bit more into the woman than vice versa.
(21:41):
And I think there is something to this theory. I
think those are the best relationships. I don't know, I
don't know. I can't explain it, but I think she's right.
I think it's okay that he's a little bit more
into you. Now, if that becomes a gap, a big chasm,
then we got a real problem. But I think it's okay.
I think everything is okay here. Everything I read on
this thing is okay. And as long as you're not
(22:02):
feeling a need to escape the relationship, you just need
some time every once in a while, I think everything's fine.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
She said, I value my alone time, and while he
respects that, I don't think he truly understands that. So
maybe it's a conversation of really explaining to him that
when you get what you need, which is your time
by yourself, you're going to be able to give more
to him and show up better in the relationship. And
maybe he feel like maybe he's like, oh, yeah, I
get it, you need your alone time, but like, maybe
(22:30):
you really solidify what that looks like and block it
out in your schedule where you have time to where
you do something just by yourself. Do you think do
you feel like Robbie's more obsessed with you than you
are with him, or do you find it to be equal.
Speaker 1 (22:44):
I think you're more obsessed than he is with you.
Speaker 4 (22:46):
Really, I don't.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
I just but you only see me. He's pretty obsessed
with me.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
I do find him to be pretty obsessed with her,
like weirdly okay, but so I think we're pretty equally
obsessed with each other.
Speaker 5 (23:01):
But I feel like I've never been the type of
person that needs space right just in general, I'm not
like a space neater when he's out of town, when
we're apart, I'm not like devastated door cra correct.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
I'm fine. I like, I do enjoy it.
Speaker 5 (23:17):
I'll like sit in a song, I'll do my workouts,
so I'm not like sad, but I don't like need it,
Like I'm not like go right right, just not me.
Speaker 4 (23:27):
Yeah, Like I.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
Think it's human to enjoy doing your own thing by yourself.
Like I don't think that that means that he's not
your person just because you need that time for yourself
and I I just think that if you're only with
him because you don't want your son or family or
friends to be sad, that's something to think about.
Speaker 3 (23:51):
I'm still thinking about Mark's judgment of my relationship.
Speaker 1 (23:54):
I know I'm not.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
I have felt like I always felt that about Tom,
but then I've seen like the way he responds to
her text and how he speaks to her and like
the things that he does, and I'm like, oh, I
think he's.
Speaker 4 (24:09):
I think it's a very equal obsession.
Speaker 3 (24:11):
Yeah, he's just not as vocal.
Speaker 4 (24:14):
Yeah, we don't have a podcast where he talks about it.
Speaker 3 (24:16):
Right, But like I do like say same, Like he'll
say things and I'm just like what it looks like.
Speaker 2 (24:21):
I would say, yeah, it's it's pretty cute.
Speaker 3 (24:25):
It is pretty cute.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
But I just asked him, so good, how did you
phrase it?
Speaker 5 (24:29):
Do you think I'm obsessed with you more or you're
obsessed with me more.
Speaker 4 (24:33):
That's such a great I would say it's equal.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
I would say it's pretty equal. That's what I think
he's going to say. Okay, what do you all think he's.
Speaker 4 (24:41):
Going to say.
Speaker 6 (24:41):
Yeah, he's going to be like right down the middle.
Speaker 1 (24:44):
I think he's gonna be a new phone.
Speaker 2 (24:45):
Who is I think I'll say fifty to fifty or equal?
Speaker 4 (24:50):
Okay, did we do give you good advice on Yeah?
Speaker 1 (24:54):
I think we did. He's really expert.
Speaker 4 (24:56):
But she's a fiance, so like this.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Is marry him. We won't regret it. Wow, that's my advice.
Speaker 5 (25:02):
He said, I think it's equal. Mind's more quiet obsession,
Yours is more blatant.
Speaker 1 (25:09):
Blatant. That's your autobiography right there, Laton really obsessed.
Speaker 3 (25:16):
I've got three dots. I'm not sure if there's more
than well, you know what.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
We'll find out the rest.
Speaker 4 (25:42):
Right, we're back. Did we get an update?
Speaker 5 (25:44):
We've got an update. So the first part was I
think it's equal. Mind's more quiet obsession, years is more blatant.
And he said, like, I don't stare at you while
we're watching TV, but in my mind, I'm obsessed that
I just get to lay next to you.
Speaker 4 (25:56):
Oh, I'm so cute.
Speaker 3 (26:01):
I know I can't handle it.
Speaker 1 (26:04):
All right, great, all right, one more? We got two more?
Speaker 3 (26:07):
Last one? Do the last one?
Speaker 2 (26:08):
No?
Speaker 4 (26:08):
We got two more?
Speaker 3 (26:09):
Oh we do?
Speaker 2 (26:09):
I No.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
I'm asked my husband as a new colleague that I
am not a fan of if. I met her once
and she was nice, but my husband told me about
something else she said to him, and it rubbed me
the wrong way. At a reason lunch meeting, he went
to shake her hand, and she responded by saying, oh, no,
we're on a hug basis now. I told him that
I would like him to set some boundaries as well
as not hug her. He said he has, but it's
hard not to hug her when everyone else in the
(26:31):
office is hugging. No, I personally don't hug my colleagues,
but I do understand some people hug after they've known
each other for some time. Is my request ridiculous?
Speaker 4 (26:39):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (26:40):
This is so hard because I totally get her side
of being like, set the boundaries, But.
Speaker 4 (26:47):
I totally get him being at work being like, I
can't hug you.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
Right, I'm this girl, I am the hugger girl.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
Me too. I'm a hugger as well, and it makes
me think I need to be aware of who I'm hugging.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
Right, Yeah, yeah, I hug everyone.
Speaker 4 (27:04):
How does he set the boundary now that they've established
a hug?
Speaker 3 (27:09):
He can't.
Speaker 1 (27:10):
He can't, But also can he just avoid it? Can
he just be like hey, kind of walk past her,
like there's nobody's in a hugg but.
Speaker 4 (27:15):
She's like, come here, You're not getting by without a hug.
Speaker 3 (27:18):
No, But you can also be like, oh, I'm a
little sick fist bump.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (27:20):
Maybe tiny's the huggiest person I know, but she didn't
hugg me every day. We hug before we leave for Christmas,
you know, like I'm bra it's not much more than that, Like, oh,
I'm not going to see it for a few weeks,
have a good time, you know. That sort of thing
is a no.
Speaker 5 (27:35):
But like not daily at work, but like if if
we have like a jingle ball or festival, hug you
when I see you at.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
Like something like that out in the wild.
Speaker 3 (27:43):
Yeah, So it's like.
Speaker 5 (27:44):
Less in the office more if I see you outside
the office.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
Yes, So I think maybe this will fizzle out because
she can't keep that forever. Hugging every person every day.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
If she if for whatever reason, the wife's feeling is correct,
and this woman has ill and and she does make
an effort to hug him every day, doesn't matter.
Speaker 4 (28:04):
But she doesn't.
Speaker 5 (28:05):
Trust her husband, I mean at the end of the day,
and like, yeah, there's some certain things he can do.
Speaker 2 (28:10):
You don't think he should be like, hey, like I
I want to be respectful to my relationship.
Speaker 5 (28:18):
No weird, it would make her look weird to his coworkers.
Speaker 3 (28:24):
I think yes, And I.
Speaker 5 (28:26):
Don't care she doesn't want to have and I don't
think it's a look that you want your husband to
have with his colleagues that like, I can't hug you
because my husband thinks my wife thinks it's weird.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
Okay, So the advice is you try to just avoid it.
Otherwise you just trust him and know that it's just
I'll ask.
Speaker 5 (28:44):
Him to just say like, hey, I'm a little sick,
fist bump and maybe that.
Speaker 2 (28:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:48):
But also, it doesn't matter what her intentions are. If
you trust your husband, it doesn't matter if you hug
you once in a while at work. It's not the
end of the world. I don't think.
Speaker 4 (28:54):
I mean, I don't know. I think I think men
are easily seduced to do really yes.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
Really, yes, it's still on him, I know, but if
he could set the boundary of not hugging someone that
makes his wife uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
But we should get into that this men are easily seduced.
That's interesting what you said, because it also puts the
blame not on him.
Speaker 2 (29:21):
I think it's I think there's equal parties. But I
think she doesn't care about his The woman coming in
does not care about.
Speaker 4 (29:29):
His marriage or his wife. True, she doesn't care.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
That might be overstating it. Though she's just a hugger
like Tanya hugs me. Doesn't mean she doesn't care about
my wife.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
No, but I'm saying that she's not gonna like think
about like Tonya is not hugging you, thinking like, oh
it's Mark's wife.
Speaker 4 (29:45):
She's just like, oh I love Mark, I'm gonna hug Mark.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Yeah right right.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
So but I'm saying, if there's ill intention in that,
then she's like I don't.
Speaker 4 (29:53):
Care, like I like this guy.
Speaker 3 (29:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (29:56):
Fact, wait, I ca I'm in with ill.
Speaker 3 (30:02):
That's the example is me. But let's just go with it.
Speaker 2 (30:05):
But I'm saying, if you're if you were not with
Robbie and you had ill intentions and you wanted Mark,
then you coming into hug.
Speaker 4 (30:12):
Mark, what is just would be like you?
Speaker 2 (30:17):
You wouldn't be like, oh no, I'm worried about what
his wife thinks.
Speaker 4 (30:21):
Facts, you would just be like but it doesn't.
Speaker 1 (30:23):
I don't. I'm just saying, it doesn't matter if the husband,
If you trust your husband and he's a reliable guy,
nothing ever as bad as going to happen. People's thoughts
are people's thoughts.
Speaker 4 (30:31):
Facts, I agree. I'm just saying I there's a lot
of facts being thrown.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
Out my wife when we first started dating, even I
was in an improv goog call comedy sports and improv
people tend to be this way, and so every time
you showed up for a show, everybody hugged everybody, and
that took her a minute like, Okay, this is weird
because she wasn't raised like that, she wasn't like that
with her friends. So it was bizarre to her that
every guy and girl in the room got a hug
when I arrived, and then the next person arrives hug hug, hug,
(30:56):
zug hugs it's weird. So I understand where she's coming
from if it's not her way of being, but they
get too.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
I totally get it. I get the uncomfortableness.
Speaker 1 (31:05):
So your question is not ridiculous. Dance your question.
Speaker 4 (31:08):
No, I don't think you're ridiculous.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
I just think it's an uncomfortable situation for everyone involved.
Speaker 4 (31:14):
Now, yeah, maybe for future people coming in.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
I just say, like germs like it's no.
Speaker 5 (31:23):
I used to be such a hugger before COVID, and
I feel like since COVID, I've become like way less
of a hugger.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
Hugging was fine during COVID because your germs are going
out the back whatever.
Speaker 4 (31:32):
It all just actually felt safer than the handshake.
Speaker 6 (31:35):
Sure did you see on Dancing with the Stars of
the first episode, the palm moll Horseky I can remember
his name, but he they showed him in the package
like the pro was like, I'm a hugger, and he's like,
I'm a shaker the handout.
Speaker 4 (31:47):
He has a girlfriend, and I like that cool? What
are your where are your thought?
Speaker 3 (31:52):
No one's watching Dancing with the Time. Although we should,
I feel.
Speaker 6 (32:01):
I mean, you shouldn't have to hug everybody damn like
you know, like, uh, just because someone wants to hugg
he doesn't mean you have to do it.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
Alison said, I I feel weird about Becca and I
don't want you hugging her.
Speaker 4 (32:15):
And but we had already established that we hug What
would you do so hard?
Speaker 6 (32:18):
I'd have to say I.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
Was just I was just carefully deflected.
Speaker 6 (32:24):
I guess I wouldn't say I was sick, but I'd
be like, you come in for the hug, and I'd
have to put out the fist or.
Speaker 5 (32:30):
Yeah, yeah, it's just weird, like because if he said
that to you, if he's just like my wife doesn't
really want me hugging other girls, like.
Speaker 4 (32:39):
I mean, I guess I would be more like, oh,
I get it. Respect respect her.
Speaker 3 (32:45):
I'd be like, I'm not trying to hit on you.
Yeah if go maniac.
Speaker 6 (32:51):
If my wife said that, I wouldn't put it on her.
I'd be like, Hey, I you know I'm not really
hugging kind of guy.
Speaker 1 (32:58):
Can we.
Speaker 2 (33:00):
Okay? Okay, great, I'm not gonna yeah, all right. We
didn't pay some one my bad, but we didn't all agree,
which that helped.
Speaker 4 (33:12):
That hurts with the pacing.
Speaker 1 (33:13):
True, all right, what more from Rico. Firstly, I wanted
to say, you guys did an amazing job at Epicon.
I hope there's another crossover with call it what it is. Secondly,
so obviously, well, we all know if Banya was a
real human, she would be exuding modern woman energy. But
what else should we know about her? What does she
look like? What's her personality? What is her line of work?
(33:35):
Is she single? Dating? Mary? Divorce? Does she? And the men?
Women are both can't wait to hear more about Bonya
the person I love you all? Well we know it's
a hat.
Speaker 2 (33:44):
Yeah, Bonya has a cone shaped hat on a bonnet
shaped wool hat. She has brownish blondish hair, is bron
she's a bronde.
Speaker 3 (33:56):
She's a brond blue eyes. Sure about mid tit length, the.
Speaker 2 (34:01):
Old mid tip mid length, Yeah, yeah, the old md L.
Speaker 3 (34:07):
I'd say she's.
Speaker 4 (34:10):
I would say she's like.
Speaker 2 (34:11):
A dear abby like call uh, she like writes in
the she's a journalist.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
Oh, journalists to a scientists because she's smart.
Speaker 4 (34:21):
No, no, no, she's a journalist. She's a good writer.
She gives advice.
Speaker 5 (34:24):
Okay, yeah, fine, she's into men and women's yea into both. Yeah,
she's uh more about the person.
Speaker 2 (34:32):
She's dating, married or divorced or single dating I would
say dating too.
Speaker 3 (34:38):
Yeah, that's about she has like cool style.
Speaker 4 (34:44):
She's like cool girl.
Speaker 3 (34:45):
She's a cool girl. But she can also get down
on like sweats.
Speaker 4 (34:47):
Yeah you know nice. Yeah, we got really creative with these.
Speaker 3 (34:54):
And uh.
Speaker 5 (34:55):
She enjoys eyebrow, jel okay and gold hoots and her dogs.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
Loves her dog, loves her dogs.
Speaker 4 (35:04):
She has a and yes, multiple dogs. She has a palm.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (35:12):
Wants children, go either way, either way. Wants to get married.
Speaker 4 (35:26):
But anyway. She's a good gal. She's the best gal. Yeah,
we have no notes for old Banya.
Speaker 3 (35:32):
Everybody wants to be friends with Bonya.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
Yeah, everyone wants to be they everyone comes to Bonya.
Speaker 5 (35:37):
Yes, she's like the neighbor that everybody borrows sugar from.
Speaker 3 (35:41):
Yes, watches your dog when you leave town.
Speaker 4 (35:43):
Yeah, she's there for you.
Speaker 3 (35:46):
Stalks your ex when you don't need to look. She
does it all.
Speaker 4 (35:50):
She does it all. That's one thing about Bonya.
Speaker 3 (35:52):
And that's one thing about her.
Speaker 2 (35:53):
Bonnie Oh yeah, Bonnie for short, well not for short,
that's just her nickname.
Speaker 5 (35:59):
For sure.
Speaker 4 (36:03):
That should be your grandma name.
Speaker 3 (36:05):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I like it. It's cute.
Speaker 4 (36:09):
Sister. Oh no, what was that so called.
Speaker 6 (36:11):
Buying Secrets of the Sister.
Speaker 1 (36:13):
I mean, I don't know what.
Speaker 4 (36:15):
Really came out quick. Well, that's it for this week.
Speaker 2 (36:19):
You guys and girls, we love you so much and
we hope you have a wonderful weekend.
Speaker 3 (36:24):
Yes, we love you, Love you.
Hosts And Creators
Tanya Rad
Rebecca Tilley
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