February 13, 2025 • 31 mins
Love is in the air for this Galentine’s edition of Dear Banya!
We help with some break-up advice, we try to help the rare male Scrubber with the question of how far he’ll go for love, and we spill all on what happens on the podcast behind-the-scenes!
Plus… the toilet story is revealed!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in a.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Rub dub dub and the tub.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Sounds Happy Valentine's Day, Happy.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Galentine's Day and happy are you going to be home
for Galentine's Day? What's what are you doing today?
Speaker 4 (00:24):
I think I should be Yeah, yeah, I think I
should be all day. I think so all day, all night,
maybe the night. The day is young Gallentine's Day. Remember
in uh twenty twenty Valentine's Day.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Where we were I do We were at the Roxy
with all of our scrubbers. Yes, we were live, scrubbing
in good time.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
Scrubbing in live, the last, the second and the last
last shrub to ever be live.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Maybe one day, maybe, one day we'll bring that back.
Speaker 5 (01:02):
I'm curious about this toilet story. It's been bugging me
for a couple of days now. Is there something there
that we should be talking about?
Speaker 2 (01:09):
It was expected etiquette from Tonya, if I'm being honest,
that was all.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
That's all allow. I just wanted you to know that
I had not gone to the bathroom for two days
when I'm traveling, I for some reason just like backed up,
and I had a situation where I had to like
run to the toilet if you pick up when I'm
thrown down, And it wasn't pleasant, and I flush her,
(01:38):
flush her down. But Becca is like claiming that there
was still like toilet paper and stuff in the toilet.
But I definitely know I flushed it twice. It was
not nice.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
Yeah, that's not It's not.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
The splitter splatter.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
The thing is I was as ill. I was like
I was ill, Like I literally was so nauseous. So
I go and I'm like, that's the last thing I
want to see. And also like did she not see it?
Speaker 3 (02:14):
Like did she not?
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Did she like what it was like in the water?
Not gonna stick my hand and like scrub around the water?
Speaker 5 (02:20):
Oh she left skid marks? Yeah, is that what you're saying.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
That's a nice way I'm saying, Oh my.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Gosh, put my hand in the water, in the toilet water.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
No.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
I flushed it twice to try and remove as much
as I could, But I was not putting my bare hand.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Raw dog, you know, the toilet toilet paper, and you
like it.
Speaker 5 (02:38):
Was under the water and then you do it as
the water's down.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Oh, like, is Robbie just like having to just Robbie,
What the hell?
Speaker 1 (02:48):
I don't get ill like that on a regular basis.
And I also have tools and my home that I
can wash with if I need to. There were no said,
There were no said tools in me.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
But she says, she.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
Goes, did you not flush? I go by the way,
you did not bush.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
And she goes, yes, I did. I go no, there
was still toilet paper and she goes no. He's like
there was still and she goes, oh, like the spotter.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
And I'm like, so you saw me.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
I left it knowing we were sharing a bathroom, and
I am ill.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Crazy, What did you expect?
Speaker 3 (03:29):
Told you.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
I was not well, and so I'm not. I didn't
think clearly to like flush, let the water go down,
and then scrub a dub dub. I was not in
a scrub a dub dub mood. Okay, I was.
Speaker 5 (03:43):
Common courtesy when sharing about those ladies going in that
I had sweet conversations with the night before having to
go in there, maybe thinking it was me because I
was in the room.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Sweet ladies.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Yeah, the ladies too cleaned up her.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Oh I thought you met our friends. I was like, no,
what was I gonna say?
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (04:09):
I did want to say though. It was actually really
cute because when we were flying back home back to
lax from Mexico, unlike the women who saw us flying
there and we're like, oh marriage, this guy looks at
me with like my sash and my thing and he
was like what did he say? Exactly?
Speaker 3 (04:23):
He's the best thing you'll every thing you'll.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Ever do, and when you have kids it's going to
be even better.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Nice.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
So nice.
Speaker 5 (04:30):
You went full sash full, NonStop both ways. That's great.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Ways we got We got.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
Like multiple veils and sashes. Selection.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
I was actually upset that I didn't I forgot on
the boat because I didn't know where we were going.
I was upset that I didn't bring my sashes in
my veil. That would have been epic.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
Hmm, it wasn't more lack of options.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Should have worn one to work today?
Speaker 3 (04:55):
Honestly, why not tomorrow?
Speaker 1 (04:59):
The week is still young.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
We do have a Dear Bonya episode, so we go.
Let's begin from Tea.
Speaker 5 (05:07):
Hello, Tanya, Becka, Mark and Easton. I'm a huge fan
of the pod and one of the rare male scrubbers,
and boy do I have an alama. I like advice
on long story short. My husband and I are separated.
We're cordial in all, but no chance of getting back together.
I have a friend who's in a different state. We've
been good friends for about twelve years. We are frett
brothers in college. I came out at twenty three and
he told me, I wish you'd told me sooner. I've
(05:29):
always wanted to be with you. We are both in
the closet and in the same fraternity very twenty eleven behavior,
but we've always remained in touched, and to be quite honest,
I love him also. To preface, he is not the
reason for the divorce with make her and husband. A
part of me wants to leave California to pursue this
is this crazy. I'm sure i can find a job
and everything out there. I'm not worried about that. I'm
(05:49):
just afraid to do something so drastic. Any advice would
be appreciated. Love you all, and FYI, Tanya. A vodkatonic
deserves to be drank with a straw. Let's cut Robbie
a break lots.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
I love it. I love a male scrub.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
I know, honored, honored t.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
My suggestion is you don't pick up and move your life.
I think you date get to know each other long distance.
You already know each other, but you can re get
to know each other on a romantic level now that
you're both in that position to do so, and go
and make trips where you see each other and stay
with each other and really get to know each other
(06:31):
emotionally with the distance, and then you make that decision.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
It's a big it's a big move.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
T SO T T T T. I'm going to the
opposite Oh you said here, you were fraternity brothers, so
you already know him. You've already established this is not
some stranger danger. To be honest, I love him. This
is someone that you love. If you can get a
(06:56):
job out there, why the hell not. Life is short
and long. Why not give it?
Speaker 3 (07:03):
But why not do a couple of visits and make
sure it's really there and like and be together a
long distance before you pick up and move your life.
Speaker 5 (07:12):
Because then it's for him. If you go out a
couple of times and they say, Okay, I've decided I'm
moving to North Carolina or wherever it is right, that
puts a ton of pressure on the relationship if he
just happens like in his mind he knows what he's doing.
But to the other guy, I'm just moving to North Carolina.
I got a job up there.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 5 (07:30):
We when we go on sometime, there's no pressure on
the relationship.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
There is not really.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Yeah, he's still moving forward, picking up his whole life
to move or something that he doesn't even know is
gonna work.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Let me tell you something. If this were a job,
we would tell him to fly out and.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
Move it out, start a job. It's not a job.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Why should we not act with our hearts at about
a job, buying around thing. You can to get the
job of your dreams, but not the man of your dreams.
I don't want to live in a world like that.
Speaker 3 (08:07):
I do, I'm not. You can't base your whole life
around a person.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
You can base your whole life around a job.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
I don't think you should do that either, Well, society does.
I'm just saying I think and that I think.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
The truth is is that if Robbie lived in Ohio
in a farm, not not even in a farm in Ohio,
and you had been friends with him, and then he
he was like, I love you and you're like, I
love you that you would not move your life from
what you are doing now and who you are friends
with now to the middle of nowhere, Ohio.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
If I got if I could keep my job, no, no,
you can't get Tea can get a job out there.
Speaker 5 (08:52):
You could get a job out there, but you couldn't
have this job.
Speaker 6 (08:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Well, if I could get a job that's equally distant,
equal whatever, comparable, comparable, comparable, then yeah I would. You
could leave all of you would leave all.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
Of us for a man you don't even know.
Speaker 5 (09:10):
Your parents in southern California.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Very guys. They can always move around. We can all move.
We're all nomads at the end of the day.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
I would feel very abandoned if you did that. If
you were like, I'm picking up I'm moving for this
one man.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
Well guess what I'm not.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
But you're encouraging Tea to do that.
Speaker 5 (09:28):
And in terms of Tea, I think if t has
best friends, question, what is keeping you here in California?
Do you have family here? Do you have friends here?
Do you have a social network here?
Speaker 3 (09:38):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (09:39):
I think that's a good question.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
If Tea is a total owner, has no friends here,
hates his job here and this could be the start
of a new Well.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
He didn't say that, So we're just going off of
what we're just assuming.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Well, you're assuming wrong, You're you don't know, you don't know.
I'm preparing for the worst.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
Here's the thing. T If you're like, what is keeping
me in LA?
Speaker 2 (10:02):
I don't have friend groups, I'm not like attached here,
I'm not connected here, then I say go for it.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
If you have a life that you love.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
In LA and the only thing that you're thinking about
moving for is this guy that you haven't been in
a relationship with before, I would slow it down, do
the distance thing, get to know each other on the
romantic level. And then if you're like this is the
this is it, he's the one, you go.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
That's what I think.
Speaker 5 (10:28):
He might be looking for a change after a divorce,
and sometimes good to kind of start clean, whether it's
for the guy or not.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
All right, next, no loyalty, just pick up and go.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Life is short and long.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Yeah. But if I was like, I'm moving and I'm
going to Nashville because I met some of the love
of my life, you.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
Would be so you'd be like, you're gonna move for
one person?
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Yeah, if you met this person on Hinge, but not
somebody that you went to college with and.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
You knew and you were I wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Do it for Robbie. When if I met him on Hinge,
should I ask you? If you say no?
Speaker 5 (11:01):
You said yes, you said That's exactly the quote right there.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
They know each other. This isn't a stranger, but Robbie's
was a stranger. Trying to compare the situations and it
just wasn't comparable.
Speaker 5 (11:17):
Comparable. All right, let's move on. Hello ladies, thank you
for always brightening my day with the podcast. Whenever I
need an escape or a smile, I can rely on
you all. I was in a year long relationship until
he decided to end it abruptly out of the blue.
We met on Hinge. He lived fifteen minutes for me.
Things were so positive, healthy, open, the chemistry amazing. His
values and life goes aligned perfectly with mine. Back in September,
(11:40):
he brought bought a house an hour away from me.
Before he moved, he consulted me and kept asking if
I would break up with him because it was too far.
I said no, I'd never do that. We ended up
doing all the home projects together. To the point where
he even put the handles on the cabinets at my
height I'm short, because he anticipated me eventually moving in
with him when we moved. When he moved, he asked
if I could break my lease, but I wasn't ready
(12:01):
for that, as we'd only been together five months. He
even told his mom that I'd eventually been moving in
with him when my lease was up, and we talked
about doing spring projects together. Fast forward to the breakup.
We had not seen each other for two weeks because
of the holidays and things shifted. His explanation was, we
had lost our spark. We don't feel as connected. I
told him how I felt because I'd fallen in love
with him, but he was not saying anything, so I
(12:22):
could tell his feelings were not the same. I asked
him if there was someone else, because they seemed so abrupt,
and he just kept saying no, no, no, we just lost
our spark, but he didn't deny there was someone else.
A few weeks later, I found out there was someone
else and they're spending more time together. I'm just looking
for advice on how to move on from this. I'm
almost thirty and thought he was and clearly he was
not my person, but man, was my intuition so wrong
about him when I truly thought I was going to
(12:44):
marry him. I've gotten back into working out, but any
tips or advised would be helpful to fill the void.
I'm just trying to find my person and I hate
that I miss him all the time when he's happy
over there with his new girl.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
I haven't easy short term solution. There's this book called
Calling in the One and it requires a lot of
time downtime, and you have that right now, so it's
like internal work, it's therapy, and you have to do
it every single day. To me, this sounds like a
perfect exercise for you to do in the short term.
Speaker 5 (13:20):
Because you're up breaking habits, breaking.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
Cycles, breaking habits, putting stuff into the universe, manifesting and
it does. It's it's like girthy. It takes time and
energy and effort, and you're putting it to back into
yourself to grow, to learn to blossom. So that's how
for me, that's how I would feel the void currently
for the next seven weeks.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Is it weird to go for like two weeks during
the holidays where you don't I guess if you don't
see each other if you're like traveling and stuff, but
to not be like talking consistently enough.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Well, she didn't say that they weren't talking.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Yeah, she said we had not oh yeah, not seen
each other. But that's when things shifted. So I guess
he maybe connected with this new girl. Well this isn't
your guy.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
No, she knows as how to feel the void.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
I think you just know that if you felt, I
think it's just let yourself heal and there's gonna be
parts about that that just suck. Like I think sometimes.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
It's like.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
There's this rush to get through things, and sometimes you
can't rush moving on from someone. I definitely don't think
you need to look at his Instagram and stuff like
maybe uh, I don't know what happens that you can't
make him block her, but you just meete him. Just
make sure you don't like naturally see his stuff and
(14:43):
try not to go find it, even though I know
that's hard because if you see them together, you're reminded
of it.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
That's just gonna set you back.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
People say to just like move on and like do
stuff to like better yourself and fill your time, but
like I'm a true fan of feeling your feelings and
if you need to look in the mirror and cry, Like,
look in the mirror and cry.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
That's what I'm saying, Like let yourself just be bummed
and hurt about it, and also surround yourself with people
and things that you love, because that's like you have
to keep living. And you're gonna have a moment when
you go like, oh my gosh, I haven't thought of
him in so long, and it's gonna be the best
feeling ever. I remember there was this guy that had
(15:22):
the biggest crush on for years, you yeah, And I
was like, I will never get over him, you know who?
And I was like, I will never get over him.
And then I remember there was this moment and I
was like I thought about him and I go, oh
my gosh, I don't remember the last time I thought
about him, and and it was the best feeling ever
(15:45):
because in my mind, I thought I would never be
able to like not think about him, and like it's funny,
it's like laughable now because it was so unserious, but.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
I was just so attached to that crush.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
And you're gonna have that moment, and in the meantime,
you can fill your time with the thing and.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
People you love.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
If you are able to like go travel to places,
even if it's like a little road trip away where
you listen to your favorite songs and go be somewhere
that is beautiful.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
You know, just do things that things that you love
to do.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Even without a person, even without a significant other, or
make that to do list.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Of like dreams, goals, vision board. But that's also in
calling in the one.
Speaker 3 (16:24):
So you know, yeah, I feel like they got everything.
Speaker 5 (16:27):
Yeah, that was good advice, Begga, it was. I thought
that was really good advice. I'm not saying yours. Wasn't
that you're saying, bead because we all have that that
that breakup that was so often. Oh that was it.
She was the one. That's the one that got away. No,
she wasn't. No that you never think about her ever again.
When the right thing comes along, it's just a memory
and just time, just time. One thing I want to
(16:52):
get to after the break. We break, so you guys
can discuss who you're talking about.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
Uh.
Speaker 5 (16:56):
Marina has questions about the podcast. I like the BTS question.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
Okay, okay, okay, we'll be back. All right, we are back.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
So we have some bts questions from Marina.
Speaker 5 (17:26):
Yeah, hello, y'all are the best. The dynamic between the
four of you is unmatched. Random email, But I have
but a day one Scrubber, and I'm genuinely curious on
some of the inner workings of the podcast if you
don't mind sharing. You guys mentioned you attempted to rename
the podcast and it didn't work out. Why not and
what would you rename it?
Speaker 3 (17:44):
We wanted to rename it? Is this the recent thing
that we talked about.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
I don't know, but okay, I think.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
That No, yeah, no we can't because it's still someday
in the future.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
We will do it.
Speaker 5 (17:57):
Well, start a new one or rename this one.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
We tried to renamed this one, but we got shot
down by the company.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Yeah, because you build familiar equity or I don't know what.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Yeah, it was just like a whole thing and we
were like, Okay, it's not topic.
Speaker 5 (18:14):
It doesn't really represent the show much anymore.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Correct, right, But it's like that was the point.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
But our listeners are Scrubber, so I get it. There's
like this attachment to the concept and the name.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
What.
Speaker 5 (18:24):
I feel bad for the listeners because they have my
favorite podcast scrub again. Oh really, what's it about?
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Well, these two girls and these two guys, why are
they doctors?
Speaker 4 (18:33):
No?
Speaker 3 (18:36):
Clean the dentist.
Speaker 5 (18:38):
No, nothing like that. It's complicated. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
Anyways, yeah the name.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
If we had way, we would have renamed it.
Speaker 3 (18:45):
And it's so good. But we can't disclose.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
It because we will do it one day, yeah, full faith,
and we will do it one day.
Speaker 5 (18:54):
Where you guys take breaks, how long do you actually break?
Do you talk and discuss topic moving forward or is
just a quick and talking for the ads to be inserted.
And by the way, Tanya trying to break it the
wrong times is my favorite thing.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
They're like super long commercial breaks. We talk about all
of our future.
Speaker 5 (19:10):
We listened to the commercials with you write down our
favorite spots just to make sure we buy.
Speaker 6 (19:15):
Or the whole time.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
They are like five to ten seconds and then we
come back. So but Tanya trying to break it the
wrong time is also one of my favorite things. Become
a thing.
Speaker 5 (19:26):
It's very funny. It's funny because well, anyway, we've talked
about this, but but the one that we just did
a little while ago, we broke tiny something back, like
did you ever go to that thing back, It's like, yeah,
what to the thing? Oh yeah, cool, okay, here we go,
come back. It was it.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
It was just five seconds, yeah, about five seconds, five
to ten seconds.
Speaker 5 (19:42):
Do you guys ever listen to the episodes?
Speaker 2 (19:45):
I've listened to some, but not. I don't listen to
every week at like at all.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
No, I definitely don't listen every week. I listened to some.
I definitely listen usually when I'm off, like when I'm
not on. Yeah, just to like, you know, you and
Robbie's episode that you did together.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
Yeah, listen to the I listened back to the one
when Haley and I went public.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
But it's almost like you're.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
I don't know, you're it's almost like you're seeing an
episode of something that you already saw, and it's.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
Like fresh for me, and this is maybe a double
edged sword or I don't know if that's what I
really meant. But if I listened back to these, I
surely would not. I would get anxiety about, Yes, like
I would think and I would get in my head
about like what I'm sharing and what I'm saying and
how I'm saying it, and I feel like that's bad
for me. Like I just feel like I would just
(20:35):
become a shell of myself. So I think it's better
for me not to watch or listen.
Speaker 5 (20:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:40):
Yeah. I also don't like hearing my voice.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Like sometimes Haley's watching my Instagram stories and I'm like,
what do you Why turn that off?
Speaker 3 (20:47):
But why is the sound on? And she's like, oh,
like if it's an AD or something, She's like, I
just wanted to watch so you guys can get the view.
And I'm like, put this sound.
Speaker 5 (20:55):
Keep watching an interesting phenomenon.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Yeah, and then I don't need to listen to it.
Speaker 5 (21:03):
Yeah, I get that.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
But something else I was gonna say about listen, Oh.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
It would be fun to go and listen to like
all episodes, I bet, because that would feel like brand
new to us.
Speaker 5 (21:12):
That's true. Uh yeah, there's a I used to do
that Who Wants to Be a Millionaire show at Disneyland,
And there's an episode on YouTube I just found out recently.
And watching yourself and having no idea what you were
about to say is very jarring. It's weird. It's a
weird experience.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
I cannot rewatch, especially stuff on TV that I do,
because you pick yourself apart. It's like so dark and like,
I just think it's like a human nature that we
do it. And I know a lot of people that
are like in the industry that like watch back and
they like fixate on like even just like physical stuff,
let alone, like not how they're acting or how they're
(21:49):
saying it, you know, And I'm like, I just don't.
I just don't find it healthy.
Speaker 5 (21:52):
We have a lot of podcast hosts that that asked
to listen to them before they're released and then they
send fifty edits because I didn't like when I said that,
I like, it's not my laugh there, and I was like, no,
best to raw Dog.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
Well, I'll say like that.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
There are times where I the next question is like
do you ever do you ever end it and ask
like why do you say that?
Speaker 3 (22:11):
Or did that come out right? And I was gonna
say sometimes during the.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
Breaks, I'll look at Easton or Mark if I say
something and I'm like, we cut that out.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
So that is another thing, But that.
Speaker 5 (22:19):
Is pretty rare.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
Extremely I think it's not.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
I I never listened back after the episode is done,
like I do it on the moment because I kind
of it's like out of my head once we end
the podcast.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Yeah, but I don't think you do it that often.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
Not often, but I'm saying it's a.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
Handful of times.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
This is years podcast, I know, but I'm saying, like,
I don't. I never asked to listen to the podcast.
I've done that like twice. I think where I'm like
East and westened that to me so I can hear
how it sounded. But like typically it's like on the run,
where I'm like, let's just yeah.
Speaker 5 (22:51):
Also, I definitely watched the videos that Crystal puts up on.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Instagram, Crystal the Wizard, and those are.
Speaker 5 (22:59):
And then Marina says, whatever you're doing, don't change the thing. Ps.
I'm a nurse and I work with a doctor that
works with the Grays writers to give them medical stories.
So some of the patient storylines on the show are
spin offs of my actual patients I've cared for. He
has met Ellen Pompeo and said she's very kind and
very funny. Thank you all for bringing light into our days.
Speaking of listening to old episodes, that's what actually has
(23:22):
been doing. I've been listening to old podcasts again for
the first time since I first found you guys a
few years ago. I was going through a rough breakup
with someone I thought was the one, but she wasn't
confident in her sexuality. I listened to Haley's music a
lot for comfort during that time and shortly after when
you all announced your relationship publicly, and that's how I
found your podcast. Since then, I always listened to you, guys,
and the four of you have become what felt like
(23:42):
friends who I've been with through the roughest times like
finding out my mom has cancer and dealing with that,
to the happy times like getting a new job and
a girlfriend. While listening back, I'd always hear you guys
talk about how you wanted to figure out what was
wrong with Becca, and at least one time she even
says she feels like she just hasn't met the right
person yet. Listening from the future, this is so funny
and frustrating to hear both of you talk about the
(24:03):
struggles of your love lives, knowing you both find you
forever people very very soon, but have no clue at
the time. Thank you to all four of you for
bringing comfort and laughter to so many of us. We
love you and that's a good lesson for U. Longtime
scrubber from earlier in the show and tea for that. Yeah,
you never know when it's right around the corner.
Speaker 3 (24:22):
It's so true.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Uh. Tanya even on her bachelorette said she wasn't looking.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
What was your quote?
Speaker 2 (24:29):
She said she wasn't looking when she when she matched
with Robbie and Pauline and I were.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
Like, okay, no, Paulina said, I said, I wasn't desperate
when I matched with Robbie, like I wasn't when I
it was Sierra that matched with Robbie and told me
to start talking to him. Had it not been for Sierra,
I probably wouldn't have engaged. I was kind of like
aloof about it.
Speaker 5 (24:50):
I was.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Not to say I wasn't desperately looking for somebody for
the past ten years, but in that moment, I wasn't like, like,
I mean, you know, it's actually a miracle. I didn't settle.
Speaker 3 (25:08):
No, that's I think that's what we were talking about.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
I really settled because I was desperate because I wanted
to get married and like have a baby, and I
didn't settle.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
We were saying, it's it's so wonderful that Robbie turned
out to be such a wonderful human and that he's
good looking because Tanya was on the verge of really
settling for whom stever.
Speaker 3 (25:33):
Would settle down with her.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
That's actually not true. You just think there was guys
that I know, But there were guys that I dated
that would have married me, but I was like not
wanting to marry them.
Speaker 5 (25:46):
Norue, Yeah who you were, I don't feel like you
were that deep in any of.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
Those interesting to like look back on, because right after
I went through like my big breakup, the one that
like crushed me to my core, and I like wasn't
ready to like date. I was just like getting back out.
Speaker 5 (26:00):
There fifteenth anniversary of that.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
The two guys I dated immediately after him like wanted
to wipe me up.
Speaker 3 (26:06):
Wow, Oh I don't know those No, I was pre
pre bet.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
I don't remember. I remember one of their first names,
but I don't even remember the other one's first name.
But they like wanted to wipe me up. And I
was like so not in that headspace. And then it
just like flipped because like once I was like looking,
it was just like, oh.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
Yeah, that's how like life sometimes works. Were life's at
your fast all I'm saying. We were just saying, like
it's so great because you, you were definitely on the hunt, Like,
by no means were you just sitting back and waiting
for him to show up at the door.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
If you want a job, if you want the job
of your dreams, would you just sit back and just
let it fall in your lap. No, you'd be sending
resumes to every place that you could think of. You
would be sending baby shoes with your card on them,
like you would be doing giving the most to get
your dream job. So if I want my dream husband,
why would I not be doing the absolute most?
Speaker 2 (26:56):
But you didn't because we had to like fully convince
you to get on dates because you were so anti
dating apps.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
And guess what I did.
Speaker 3 (27:04):
Yeah, but I'm saying you weren't doing the most.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
Well, I was doing the most. In many ways, I
was doing more than most.
Speaker 3 (27:11):
Simply calling in the one was the most. In my opinion.
I would never, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
My personality I could and would never be able to
do that consist like I would probably do two pages.
Speaker 5 (27:21):
And and make it a setting a plate for dinner
for no one like I admire.
Speaker 3 (27:27):
It because I could never.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
And now she's setting a table for picking her table
settings for her wedding.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Exactly exactly abouta sat ladder for the people in the back.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
Now she's now, she's setting her picking out her wedding.
Speaker 3 (27:46):
Table setting at the wedding.
Speaker 5 (27:48):
All right, when we come back, we have an update.
I love updates, follow up.
Speaker 6 (27:53):
We never do them never.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
All right, we are back with the final Dear Bonya from.
Speaker 5 (28:20):
Bailey I Becka, Tanya marcant Easton. This is an update
from episode Dear Bania Wife Swap October tenth, twenty twenty four.
I was the lesbian with a husband asking for advice
in that episode, so greatly appreciated all of your guys'
advice and encouragement. I did have that very difficult conversation
with him shortly after that episode. I told him I
don't want to wake up one date when I'm fifty
(28:41):
and regret not having lived a truly authentic life, and
that as much as I have cherished our friendship, it
was time for me to choose myself and that means
I need to leave it. Of course, has not been
the easiest journey. There have been many ups and downs,
but now months later, I can say that I am
most authentically happy that I have ever been. I've come
out to my family, which went so much better than expected.
(29:02):
And I have even met someone recently and have finally
been able to experience all of the feelings and emotions
that come with connecting with someone on all levels. And
let me say, I now know that experiencing those feelings
outweighs the possibility of every bad outcome I had played
out in my head beforehand. If there are any other
scrubbers out there who have struggled with something similar, just
know you are not alone and you owe it to
(29:23):
yourself to live authentically. Thank you guys for everything.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
Greatay, Yeah, happy ending.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
It's so true. It was.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
I remember when before Haley and I came out, I
was like, oh my gosh, getting getting to experience this
type of love and feelings, and like this type of
partnership makes anything bad that could happen with us going public,
it makes it worth it. Like I'll take it, you know,
because like if the opposite was not being with Haley,
(29:54):
then what's the point, you know.
Speaker 1 (29:56):
Yeah, it's just as to like be off that live
your life off authentically as you want.
Speaker 3 (30:02):
As you are, as you are, sexuality.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
Preference, like your hobbies. If something seems not cool and
you're embarrassed to do it, like do it?
Speaker 3 (30:13):
You get one life and it's short and long. It's
short and long.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
Yeah, both short and long.
Speaker 5 (30:19):
Okay you said that a few times and it's a
little bit of a head scratcher.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
But yeah, it was said to me on the flight
Cabo from these women. You know, life is short but long?
Or did they say it was just long life?
Speaker 3 (30:30):
I wasn't there. I mean I was there, but I
was further back.
Speaker 5 (30:33):
I've been hearing the one lately. The days are long,
but the years are short.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
Exactly same, same, same.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
I wonder if that's what they said to you.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Hard to say, it's hard to know, it's hard to know.
Speaker 3 (30:45):
The same, same thing.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
But thank you, Thank y'all for always writing in. We
love doing these episodes. They are like my favorite. And
if you have questions or comments or concerns, dmos not concerns,
but dms on Instagram at scrubbing in pod or email
us at scrub in at aheartmedia dot com.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
Save the drama for your mama, yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
Or really just anyone else. We We're just we're just
here to live, laugh and love.
Speaker 3 (31:09):
Yeah, we love you all so much.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
Have a wonderful weekend, Happy Valentine's Day, Galentine's Day, Love you,
gin you so much and bye.
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in a.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Rub dub dub and the tub.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Sounds Happy Valentine's Day, Happy.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Galentine's Day and happy are you going to be home
for Galentine's Day? What's what are you doing today?
Speaker 4 (00:24):
I think I should be Yeah, yeah, I think I
should be all day. I think so all day, all night,
maybe the night. The day is young Gallentine's Day. Remember
in uh twenty twenty Valentine's Day.
Speaker 1 (00:41):
Where we were I do We were at the Roxy
with all of our scrubbers. Yes, we were live, scrubbing
in good time.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
Scrubbing in live, the last, the second and the last
last shrub to ever be live.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Maybe one day, maybe, one day we'll bring that back.
Speaker 5 (01:02):
I'm curious about this toilet story. It's been bugging me
for a couple of days now. Is there something there
that we should be talking about?
Speaker 2 (01:09):
It was expected etiquette from Tonya, if I'm being honest,
that was all.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
That's all allow. I just wanted you to know that
I had not gone to the bathroom for two days
when I'm traveling, I for some reason just like backed up,
and I had a situation where I had to like
run to the toilet if you pick up when I'm
thrown down, And it wasn't pleasant, and I flush her,
(01:38):
flush her down. But Becca is like claiming that there
was still like toilet paper and stuff in the toilet.
But I definitely know I flushed it twice. It was
not nice.
Speaker 3 (01:50):
Yeah, that's not It's not.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
The splitter splatter.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
The thing is I was as ill. I was like
I was ill, Like I literally was so nauseous. So
I go and I'm like, that's the last thing I
want to see. And also like did she not see it?
Speaker 3 (02:14):
Like did she not?
Speaker 1 (02:14):
Did she like what it was like in the water?
Not gonna stick my hand and like scrub around the water?
Speaker 5 (02:20):
Oh she left skid marks? Yeah, is that what you're saying.
Speaker 3 (02:24):
That's a nice way I'm saying, Oh my.
Speaker 1 (02:25):
Gosh, put my hand in the water, in the toilet water.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
No.
Speaker 1 (02:30):
I flushed it twice to try and remove as much
as I could, But I was not putting my bare hand.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Raw dog, you know, the toilet toilet paper, and you
like it.
Speaker 5 (02:38):
Was under the water and then you do it as
the water's down.
Speaker 2 (02:42):
Oh, like, is Robbie just like having to just Robbie,
What the hell?
Speaker 1 (02:48):
I don't get ill like that on a regular basis.
And I also have tools and my home that I
can wash with if I need to. There were no said,
There were no said tools in me.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
But she says, she.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
Goes, did you not flush? I go by the way,
you did not bush.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
And she goes, yes, I did. I go no, there
was still toilet paper and she goes no. He's like
there was still and she goes, oh, like the spotter.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
And I'm like, so you saw me.
Speaker 2 (03:17):
I left it knowing we were sharing a bathroom, and
I am ill.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Crazy, What did you expect?
Speaker 3 (03:29):
Told you.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
I was not well, and so I'm not. I didn't
think clearly to like flush, let the water go down,
and then scrub a dub dub. I was not in
a scrub a dub dub mood. Okay, I was.
Speaker 5 (03:43):
Common courtesy when sharing about those ladies going in that
I had sweet conversations with the night before having to
go in there, maybe thinking it was me because I
was in the room.
Speaker 1 (03:59):
Sweet ladies.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
Yeah, the ladies too cleaned up her.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
Oh I thought you met our friends. I was like, no,
what was I gonna say?
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (04:09):
I did want to say though. It was actually really
cute because when we were flying back home back to
lax from Mexico, unlike the women who saw us flying
there and we're like, oh marriage, this guy looks at
me with like my sash and my thing and he
was like what did he say? Exactly?
Speaker 3 (04:23):
He's the best thing you'll every thing you'll.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Ever do, and when you have kids it's going to
be even better.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Nice.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
So nice.
Speaker 5 (04:30):
You went full sash full, NonStop both ways. That's great.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Ways we got We got.
Speaker 3 (04:37):
Like multiple veils and sashes. Selection.
Speaker 1 (04:42):
I was actually upset that I didn't I forgot on
the boat because I didn't know where we were going.
I was upset that I didn't bring my sashes in
my veil. That would have been epic.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
Hmm, it wasn't more lack of options.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Should have worn one to work today?
Speaker 3 (04:55):
Honestly, why not tomorrow?
Speaker 1 (04:59):
The week is still young.
Speaker 3 (05:03):
We do have a Dear Bonya episode, so we go.
Let's begin from Tea.
Speaker 5 (05:07):
Hello, Tanya, Becka, Mark and Easton. I'm a huge fan
of the pod and one of the rare male scrubbers,
and boy do I have an alama. I like advice
on long story short. My husband and I are separated.
We're cordial in all, but no chance of getting back together.
I have a friend who's in a different state. We've
been good friends for about twelve years. We are frett
brothers in college. I came out at twenty three and
he told me, I wish you'd told me sooner. I've
(05:29):
always wanted to be with you. We are both in
the closet and in the same fraternity very twenty eleven behavior,
but we've always remained in touched, and to be quite honest,
I love him also. To preface, he is not the
reason for the divorce with make her and husband. A
part of me wants to leave California to pursue this
is this crazy. I'm sure i can find a job
and everything out there. I'm not worried about that. I'm
(05:49):
just afraid to do something so drastic. Any advice would
be appreciated. Love you all, and FYI, Tanya. A vodkatonic
deserves to be drank with a straw. Let's cut Robbie
a break lots.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
I love it. I love a male scrub.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
I know, honored, honored t.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
My suggestion is you don't pick up and move your life.
I think you date get to know each other long distance.
You already know each other, but you can re get
to know each other on a romantic level now that
you're both in that position to do so, and go
and make trips where you see each other and stay
with each other and really get to know each other
(06:31):
emotionally with the distance, and then you make that decision.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
It's a big it's a big move.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
T SO T T T T. I'm going to the
opposite Oh you said here, you were fraternity brothers, so
you already know him. You've already established this is not
some stranger danger. To be honest, I love him. This
is someone that you love. If you can get a
(06:56):
job out there, why the hell not. Life is short
and long. Why not give it?
Speaker 3 (07:03):
But why not do a couple of visits and make
sure it's really there and like and be together a
long distance before you pick up and move your life.
Speaker 5 (07:12):
Because then it's for him. If you go out a
couple of times and they say, Okay, I've decided I'm
moving to North Carolina or wherever it is right, that
puts a ton of pressure on the relationship if he
just happens like in his mind he knows what he's doing.
But to the other guy, I'm just moving to North Carolina.
I got a job up there.
Speaker 1 (07:29):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 5 (07:30):
We when we go on sometime, there's no pressure on
the relationship.
Speaker 3 (07:35):
There is not really.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Yeah, he's still moving forward, picking up his whole life
to move or something that he doesn't even know is
gonna work.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Let me tell you something. If this were a job,
we would tell him to fly out and.
Speaker 3 (07:48):
Move it out, start a job. It's not a job.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
Why should we not act with our hearts at about
a job, buying around thing. You can to get the
job of your dreams, but not the man of your dreams.
I don't want to live in a world like that.
Speaker 3 (08:07):
I do, I'm not. You can't base your whole life
around a person.
Speaker 1 (08:11):
You can base your whole life around a job.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
I don't think you should do that either, Well, society does.
I'm just saying I think and that I think.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
The truth is is that if Robbie lived in Ohio
in a farm, not not even in a farm in Ohio,
and you had been friends with him, and then he
he was like, I love you and you're like, I
love you that you would not move your life from
what you are doing now and who you are friends
with now to the middle of nowhere, Ohio.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
If I got if I could keep my job, no, no,
you can't get Tea can get a job out there.
Speaker 5 (08:52):
You could get a job out there, but you couldn't
have this job.
Speaker 6 (08:55):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Well, if I could get a job that's equally distant,
equal whatever, comparable, comparable, comparable, then yeah I would. You
could leave all of you would leave all.
Speaker 3 (09:07):
Of us for a man you don't even know.
Speaker 5 (09:10):
Your parents in southern California.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Very guys. They can always move around. We can all move.
We're all nomads at the end of the day.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
I would feel very abandoned if you did that. If
you were like, I'm picking up I'm moving for this
one man.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
Well guess what I'm not.
Speaker 3 (09:26):
But you're encouraging Tea to do that.
Speaker 5 (09:28):
And in terms of Tea, I think if t has
best friends, question, what is keeping you here in California?
Do you have family here? Do you have friends here?
Do you have a social network here?
Speaker 3 (09:38):
Yes?
Speaker 5 (09:39):
I think that's a good question.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
If Tea is a total owner, has no friends here,
hates his job here and this could be the start
of a new Well.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
He didn't say that, So we're just going off of
what we're just assuming.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
Well, you're assuming wrong, You're you don't know, you don't know.
I'm preparing for the worst.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
Here's the thing. T If you're like, what is keeping
me in LA?
Speaker 2 (10:02):
I don't have friend groups, I'm not like attached here,
I'm not connected here, then I say go for it.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
If you have a life that you love.
Speaker 2 (10:10):
In LA and the only thing that you're thinking about
moving for is this guy that you haven't been in
a relationship with before, I would slow it down, do
the distance thing, get to know each other on the
romantic level. And then if you're like this is the
this is it, he's the one, you go.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
That's what I think.
Speaker 5 (10:28):
He might be looking for a change after a divorce,
and sometimes good to kind of start clean, whether it's
for the guy or not.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
All right, next, no loyalty, just pick up and go.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Life is short and long.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Yeah. But if I was like, I'm moving and I'm
going to Nashville because I met some of the love
of my life, you.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
Would be so you'd be like, you're gonna move for
one person?
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Yeah, if you met this person on Hinge, but not
somebody that you went to college with and.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
You knew and you were I wouldn't.
Speaker 1 (10:56):
Do it for Robbie. When if I met him on Hinge,
should I ask you? If you say no?
Speaker 5 (11:01):
You said yes, you said That's exactly the quote right there.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
They know each other. This isn't a stranger, but Robbie's
was a stranger. Trying to compare the situations and it
just wasn't comparable.
Speaker 5 (11:17):
Comparable. All right, let's move on. Hello ladies, thank you
for always brightening my day with the podcast. Whenever I
need an escape or a smile, I can rely on
you all. I was in a year long relationship until
he decided to end it abruptly out of the blue.
We met on Hinge. He lived fifteen minutes for me.
Things were so positive, healthy, open, the chemistry amazing. His
values and life goes aligned perfectly with mine. Back in September,
(11:40):
he brought bought a house an hour away from me.
Before he moved, he consulted me and kept asking if
I would break up with him because it was too far.
I said no, I'd never do that. We ended up
doing all the home projects together. To the point where
he even put the handles on the cabinets at my
height I'm short, because he anticipated me eventually moving in
with him when we moved. When he moved, he asked
if I could break my lease, but I wasn't ready
(12:01):
for that, as we'd only been together five months. He
even told his mom that I'd eventually been moving in
with him when my lease was up, and we talked
about doing spring projects together. Fast forward to the breakup.
We had not seen each other for two weeks because
of the holidays and things shifted. His explanation was, we
had lost our spark. We don't feel as connected. I
told him how I felt because I'd fallen in love
with him, but he was not saying anything, so I
(12:22):
could tell his feelings were not the same. I asked
him if there was someone else, because they seemed so abrupt,
and he just kept saying no, no, no, we just lost
our spark, but he didn't deny there was someone else.
A few weeks later, I found out there was someone
else and they're spending more time together. I'm just looking
for advice on how to move on from this. I'm
almost thirty and thought he was and clearly he was
not my person, but man, was my intuition so wrong
about him when I truly thought I was going to
(12:44):
marry him. I've gotten back into working out, but any
tips or advised would be helpful to fill the void.
I'm just trying to find my person and I hate
that I miss him all the time when he's happy
over there with his new girl.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
I haven't easy short term solution. There's this book called
Calling in the One and it requires a lot of
time downtime, and you have that right now, so it's
like internal work, it's therapy, and you have to do
it every single day. To me, this sounds like a
perfect exercise for you to do in the short term.
Speaker 5 (13:20):
Because you're up breaking habits, breaking.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
Cycles, breaking habits, putting stuff into the universe, manifesting and
it does. It's it's like girthy. It takes time and
energy and effort, and you're putting it to back into
yourself to grow, to learn to blossom. So that's how
for me, that's how I would feel the void currently
for the next seven weeks.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Is it weird to go for like two weeks during
the holidays where you don't I guess if you don't
see each other if you're like traveling and stuff, but
to not be like talking consistently enough.
Speaker 1 (13:56):
Well, she didn't say that they weren't talking.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
Yeah, she said we had not oh yeah, not seen
each other. But that's when things shifted. So I guess
he maybe connected with this new girl. Well this isn't
your guy.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
No, she knows as how to feel the void.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
I think you just know that if you felt, I
think it's just let yourself heal and there's gonna be
parts about that that just suck. Like I think sometimes.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
It's like.
Speaker 2 (14:22):
There's this rush to get through things, and sometimes you
can't rush moving on from someone. I definitely don't think
you need to look at his Instagram and stuff like
maybe uh, I don't know what happens that you can't
make him block her, but you just meete him. Just
make sure you don't like naturally see his stuff and
(14:43):
try not to go find it, even though I know
that's hard because if you see them together, you're reminded
of it.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
That's just gonna set you back.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
People say to just like move on and like do
stuff to like better yourself and fill your time, but
like I'm a true fan of feeling your feelings and
if you need to look in the mirror and cry, Like,
look in the mirror and cry.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
That's what I'm saying, Like let yourself just be bummed
and hurt about it, and also surround yourself with people
and things that you love, because that's like you have
to keep living. And you're gonna have a moment when
you go like, oh my gosh, I haven't thought of
him in so long, and it's gonna be the best
feeling ever. I remember there was this guy that had
(15:22):
the biggest crush on for years, you yeah, And I
was like, I will never get over him, you know who?
And I was like, I will never get over him.
And then I remember there was this moment and I
was like I thought about him and I go, oh
my gosh, I don't remember the last time I thought
about him, and and it was the best feeling ever
(15:45):
because in my mind, I thought I would never be
able to like not think about him, and like it's funny,
it's like laughable now because it was so unserious, but.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
I was just so attached to that crush.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
And you're gonna have that moment, and in the meantime,
you can fill your time with the thing and.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
People you love.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
If you are able to like go travel to places,
even if it's like a little road trip away where
you listen to your favorite songs and go be somewhere
that is beautiful.
Speaker 3 (16:10):
You know, just do things that things that you love
to do.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
Even without a person, even without a significant other, or
make that to do list.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Of like dreams, goals, vision board. But that's also in
calling in the one.
Speaker 3 (16:24):
So you know, yeah, I feel like they got everything.
Speaker 5 (16:27):
Yeah, that was good advice, Begga, it was. I thought
that was really good advice. I'm not saying yours. Wasn't
that you're saying, bead because we all have that that
that breakup that was so often. Oh that was it.
She was the one. That's the one that got away. No,
she wasn't. No that you never think about her ever again.
When the right thing comes along, it's just a memory
and just time, just time. One thing I want to
(16:52):
get to after the break. We break, so you guys
can discuss who you're talking about.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
Uh.
Speaker 5 (16:56):
Marina has questions about the podcast. I like the BTS question.
Speaker 3 (17:00):
Okay, okay, okay, we'll be back. All right, we are back.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
So we have some bts questions from Marina.
Speaker 5 (17:26):
Yeah, hello, y'all are the best. The dynamic between the
four of you is unmatched. Random email, But I have
but a day one Scrubber, and I'm genuinely curious on
some of the inner workings of the podcast if you
don't mind sharing. You guys mentioned you attempted to rename
the podcast and it didn't work out. Why not and
what would you rename it?
Speaker 3 (17:44):
We wanted to rename it? Is this the recent thing
that we talked about.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
I don't know, but okay, I think.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
That No, yeah, no we can't because it's still someday
in the future.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
We will do it.
Speaker 5 (17:57):
Well, start a new one or rename this one.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
We tried to renamed this one, but we got shot
down by the company.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Yeah, because you build familiar equity or I don't know what.
Speaker 2 (18:10):
Yeah, it was just like a whole thing and we
were like, Okay, it's not topic.
Speaker 5 (18:14):
It doesn't really represent the show much anymore.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Correct, right, But it's like that was the point.
Speaker 3 (18:19):
But our listeners are Scrubber, so I get it. There's
like this attachment to the concept and the name.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
What.
Speaker 5 (18:24):
I feel bad for the listeners because they have my
favorite podcast scrub again. Oh really, what's it about?
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Well, these two girls and these two guys, why are
they doctors?
Speaker 4 (18:33):
No?
Speaker 3 (18:36):
Clean the dentist.
Speaker 5 (18:38):
No, nothing like that. It's complicated. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
Anyways, yeah the name.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
If we had way, we would have renamed it.
Speaker 3 (18:45):
And it's so good. But we can't disclose.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
It because we will do it one day, yeah, full faith,
and we will do it one day.
Speaker 5 (18:54):
Where you guys take breaks, how long do you actually break?
Do you talk and discuss topic moving forward or is
just a quick and talking for the ads to be inserted.
And by the way, Tanya trying to break it the
wrong times is my favorite thing.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
They're like super long commercial breaks. We talk about all
of our future.
Speaker 5 (19:10):
We listened to the commercials with you write down our
favorite spots just to make sure we buy.
Speaker 6 (19:15):
Or the whole time.
Speaker 2 (19:18):
They are like five to ten seconds and then we
come back. So but Tanya trying to break it the
wrong time is also one of my favorite things. Become
a thing.
Speaker 5 (19:26):
It's very funny. It's funny because well, anyway, we've talked
about this, but but the one that we just did
a little while ago, we broke tiny something back, like
did you ever go to that thing back, It's like, yeah,
what to the thing? Oh yeah, cool, okay, here we go,
come back. It was it.
Speaker 1 (19:39):
It was just five seconds, yeah, about five seconds, five
to ten seconds.
Speaker 5 (19:42):
Do you guys ever listen to the episodes?
Speaker 2 (19:45):
I've listened to some, but not. I don't listen to
every week at like at all.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
No, I definitely don't listen every week. I listened to some.
I definitely listen usually when I'm off, like when I'm
not on. Yeah, just to like, you know, you and
Robbie's episode that you did together.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
Yeah, listen to the I listened back to the one
when Haley and I went public.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
But it's almost like you're.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
I don't know, you're it's almost like you're seeing an
episode of something that you already saw, and it's.
Speaker 1 (20:14):
Like fresh for me, and this is maybe a double
edged sword or I don't know if that's what I
really meant. But if I listened back to these, I
surely would not. I would get anxiety about, Yes, like
I would think and I would get in my head
about like what I'm sharing and what I'm saying and
how I'm saying it, and I feel like that's bad
for me. Like I just feel like I would just
(20:35):
become a shell of myself. So I think it's better
for me not to watch or listen.
Speaker 5 (20:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (20:40):
Yeah. I also don't like hearing my voice.
Speaker 2 (20:42):
Like sometimes Haley's watching my Instagram stories and I'm like,
what do you Why turn that off?
Speaker 3 (20:47):
But why is the sound on? And she's like, oh,
like if it's an AD or something, She's like, I
just wanted to watch so you guys can get the view.
And I'm like, put this sound.
Speaker 5 (20:55):
Keep watching an interesting phenomenon.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Yeah, and then I don't need to listen to it.
Speaker 5 (21:03):
Yeah, I get that.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
But something else I was gonna say about listen, Oh.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
It would be fun to go and listen to like
all episodes, I bet, because that would feel like brand
new to us.
Speaker 5 (21:12):
That's true. Uh yeah, there's a I used to do
that Who Wants to Be a Millionaire show at Disneyland,
And there's an episode on YouTube I just found out recently.
And watching yourself and having no idea what you were
about to say is very jarring. It's weird. It's a
weird experience.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
I cannot rewatch, especially stuff on TV that I do,
because you pick yourself apart. It's like so dark and like,
I just think it's like a human nature that we
do it. And I know a lot of people that
are like in the industry that like watch back and
they like fixate on like even just like physical stuff,
let alone, like not how they're acting or how they're
(21:49):
saying it, you know, And I'm like, I just don't.
I just don't find it healthy.
Speaker 5 (21:52):
We have a lot of podcast hosts that that asked
to listen to them before they're released and then they
send fifty edits because I didn't like when I said that,
I like, it's not my laugh there, and I was like, no,
best to raw Dog.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
Well, I'll say like that.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
There are times where I the next question is like
do you ever do you ever end it and ask
like why do you say that?
Speaker 3 (22:11):
Or did that come out right? And I was gonna
say sometimes during the.
Speaker 2 (22:14):
Breaks, I'll look at Easton or Mark if I say
something and I'm like, we cut that out.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
So that is another thing, But that.
Speaker 5 (22:19):
Is pretty rare.
Speaker 1 (22:20):
Extremely I think it's not.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
I I never listened back after the episode is done,
like I do it on the moment because I kind
of it's like out of my head once we end
the podcast.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
Yeah, but I don't think you do it that often.
Speaker 3 (22:33):
Not often, but I'm saying it's a.
Speaker 1 (22:35):
Handful of times.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
This is years podcast, I know, but I'm saying, like,
I don't. I never asked to listen to the podcast.
I've done that like twice. I think where I'm like
East and westened that to me so I can hear
how it sounded. But like typically it's like on the run,
where I'm like, let's just yeah.
Speaker 5 (22:51):
Also, I definitely watched the videos that Crystal puts up on.
Speaker 1 (22:54):
Instagram, Crystal the Wizard, and those are.
Speaker 5 (22:59):
And then Marina says, whatever you're doing, don't change the thing. Ps.
I'm a nurse and I work with a doctor that
works with the Grays writers to give them medical stories.
So some of the patient storylines on the show are
spin offs of my actual patients I've cared for. He
has met Ellen Pompeo and said she's very kind and
very funny. Thank you all for bringing light into our days.
Speaking of listening to old episodes, that's what actually has
(23:22):
been doing. I've been listening to old podcasts again for
the first time since I first found you guys a
few years ago. I was going through a rough breakup
with someone I thought was the one, but she wasn't
confident in her sexuality. I listened to Haley's music a
lot for comfort during that time and shortly after when
you all announced your relationship publicly, and that's how I
found your podcast. Since then, I always listened to you, guys,
and the four of you have become what felt like
(23:42):
friends who I've been with through the roughest times like
finding out my mom has cancer and dealing with that,
to the happy times like getting a new job and
a girlfriend. While listening back, I'd always hear you guys
talk about how you wanted to figure out what was
wrong with Becca, and at least one time she even
says she feels like she just hasn't met the right
person yet. Listening from the future, this is so funny
and frustrating to hear both of you talk about the
(24:03):
struggles of your love lives, knowing you both find you
forever people very very soon, but have no clue at
the time. Thank you to all four of you for
bringing comfort and laughter to so many of us. We
love you and that's a good lesson for U. Longtime
scrubber from earlier in the show and tea for that. Yeah,
you never know when it's right around the corner.
Speaker 3 (24:22):
It's so true.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Uh. Tanya even on her bachelorette said she wasn't looking.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
What was your quote?
Speaker 2 (24:29):
She said she wasn't looking when she when she matched
with Robbie and Pauline and I were.
Speaker 1 (24:33):
Like, okay, no, Paulina said, I said, I wasn't desperate
when I matched with Robbie, like I wasn't when I
it was Sierra that matched with Robbie and told me
to start talking to him. Had it not been for Sierra,
I probably wouldn't have engaged. I was kind of like
aloof about it.
Speaker 5 (24:50):
I was.
Speaker 1 (24:52):
Not to say I wasn't desperately looking for somebody for
the past ten years, but in that moment, I wasn't like, like,
I mean, you know, it's actually a miracle. I didn't settle.
Speaker 3 (25:08):
No, that's I think that's what we were talking about.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
I really settled because I was desperate because I wanted
to get married and like have a baby, and I
didn't settle.
Speaker 2 (25:17):
We were saying, it's it's so wonderful that Robbie turned
out to be such a wonderful human and that he's
good looking because Tanya was on the verge of really
settling for whom stever.
Speaker 3 (25:33):
Would settle down with her.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
That's actually not true. You just think there was guys
that I know, But there were guys that I dated
that would have married me, but I was like not
wanting to marry them.
Speaker 5 (25:46):
Norue, Yeah who you were, I don't feel like you
were that deep in any of.
Speaker 1 (25:49):
Those interesting to like look back on, because right after
I went through like my big breakup, the one that
like crushed me to my core, and I like wasn't
ready to like date. I was just like getting back out.
Speaker 5 (26:00):
There fifteenth anniversary of that.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
The two guys I dated immediately after him like wanted
to wipe me up.
Speaker 3 (26:06):
Wow, Oh I don't know those No, I was pre
pre bet.
Speaker 1 (26:10):
I don't remember. I remember one of their first names,
but I don't even remember the other one's first name.
But they like wanted to wipe me up. And I
was like so not in that headspace. And then it
just like flipped because like once I was like looking,
it was just like, oh.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
Yeah, that's how like life sometimes works. Were life's at
your fast all I'm saying. We were just saying, like
it's so great because you, you were definitely on the hunt, Like,
by no means were you just sitting back and waiting
for him to show up at the door.
Speaker 1 (26:37):
If you want a job, if you want the job
of your dreams, would you just sit back and just
let it fall in your lap. No, you'd be sending
resumes to every place that you could think of. You
would be sending baby shoes with your card on them,
like you would be doing giving the most to get
your dream job. So if I want my dream husband,
why would I not be doing the absolute most?
Speaker 2 (26:56):
But you didn't because we had to like fully convince
you to get on dates because you were so anti
dating apps.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
And guess what I did.
Speaker 3 (27:04):
Yeah, but I'm saying you weren't doing the most.
Speaker 1 (27:07):
Well, I was doing the most. In many ways, I
was doing more than most.
Speaker 3 (27:11):
Simply calling in the one was the most. In my opinion.
I would never, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
My personality I could and would never be able to
do that consist like I would probably do two pages.
Speaker 5 (27:21):
And and make it a setting a plate for dinner
for no one like I admire.
Speaker 3 (27:27):
It because I could never.
Speaker 2 (27:30):
And now she's setting a table for picking her table
settings for her wedding.
Speaker 1 (27:35):
Exactly exactly abouta sat ladder for the people in the back.
Speaker 2 (27:40):
Now she's now, she's setting her picking out her wedding.
Speaker 3 (27:46):
Table setting at the wedding.
Speaker 5 (27:48):
All right, when we come back, we have an update.
I love updates, follow up.
Speaker 6 (27:53):
We never do them never.
Speaker 2 (28:13):
All right, we are back with the final Dear Bonya from.
Speaker 5 (28:20):
Bailey I Becka, Tanya marcant Easton. This is an update
from episode Dear Bania Wife Swap October tenth, twenty twenty four.
I was the lesbian with a husband asking for advice
in that episode, so greatly appreciated all of your guys'
advice and encouragement. I did have that very difficult conversation
with him shortly after that episode. I told him I
don't want to wake up one date when I'm fifty
(28:41):
and regret not having lived a truly authentic life, and
that as much as I have cherished our friendship, it
was time for me to choose myself and that means
I need to leave it. Of course, has not been
the easiest journey. There have been many ups and downs,
but now months later, I can say that I am
most authentically happy that I have ever been. I've come
out to my family, which went so much better than expected.
(29:02):
And I have even met someone recently and have finally
been able to experience all of the feelings and emotions
that come with connecting with someone on all levels. And
let me say, I now know that experiencing those feelings
outweighs the possibility of every bad outcome I had played
out in my head beforehand. If there are any other
scrubbers out there who have struggled with something similar, just
know you are not alone and you owe it to
(29:23):
yourself to live authentically. Thank you guys for everything.
Speaker 1 (29:28):
Greatay, Yeah, happy ending.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
It's so true. It was.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
I remember when before Haley and I came out, I
was like, oh my gosh, getting getting to experience this
type of love and feelings, and like this type of
partnership makes anything bad that could happen with us going public,
it makes it worth it. Like I'll take it, you know,
because like if the opposite was not being with Haley,
(29:54):
then what's the point, you know.
Speaker 1 (29:56):
Yeah, it's just as to like be off that live
your life off authentically as you want.
Speaker 3 (30:02):
As you are, as you are, sexuality.
Speaker 1 (30:06):
Preference, like your hobbies. If something seems not cool and
you're embarrassed to do it, like do it?
Speaker 3 (30:13):
You get one life and it's short and long. It's
short and long.
Speaker 1 (30:17):
Yeah, both short and long.
Speaker 5 (30:19):
Okay you said that a few times and it's a
little bit of a head scratcher.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
But yeah, it was said to me on the flight
Cabo from these women. You know, life is short but long?
Or did they say it was just long life?
Speaker 3 (30:30):
I wasn't there. I mean I was there, but I
was further back.
Speaker 5 (30:33):
I've been hearing the one lately. The days are long,
but the years are short.
Speaker 1 (30:36):
Exactly same, same, same.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
I wonder if that's what they said to you.
Speaker 1 (30:41):
Hard to say, it's hard to know, it's hard to know.
Speaker 3 (30:45):
The same, same thing.
Speaker 2 (30:46):
But thank you, Thank y'all for always writing in. We
love doing these episodes. They are like my favorite. And
if you have questions or comments or concerns, dmos not concerns,
but dms on Instagram at scrubbing in pod or email
us at scrub in at aheartmedia dot com.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
Save the drama for your mama, yeah.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
Or really just anyone else. We We're just we're just
here to live, laugh and love.
Speaker 3 (31:09):
Yeah, we love you all so much.
Speaker 2 (31:11):
Have a wonderful weekend, Happy Valentine's Day, Galentine's Day, Love you,
gin you so much and bye.
Hosts And Creators
Tanya Rad
Rebecca Tilley
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