February 22, 2025 • 27 mins
Imposter syndrome, age gaps and a crush on a married boss?? Sounds like another round of Dear Banya! Becca and Tanya are ready to share some expert advice for Scrubbers in need!
Plus, we discuss how long before getting back in the “dating” saddle after a break-up, and a Scrubber shares an inspiring message from Tanya!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Scrubbing In with Beccatelli and Tanya rap an iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.
Speaker 3 (00:12):
Scrub a dub dumb webe a little.
Speaker 4 (00:14):
Dear Bonia episode that we do. Oh sorry, choking We you.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Know how it started with me too?
Speaker 4 (00:24):
None, it was more like the water down the wrong pipe.
But I'll keep you posted on my glossy eyes. Yeah,
let's get right to it.
Speaker 5 (00:33):
Hey, it's from anonymous. Hello Bekatanya, Mark and Easton and
the whole gang. I think that's the gang right, the
new scrubber here. I've been dealing with an issue. Would
love to hear your advice. I'm twenty three. I've never dated.
I was fine with that until recently when I noticed
all of my peers are getting engaged, in married, or
are in relationships unlike me. It's so it's started to
bother me. I've tried a couple of online dating apps.
(00:54):
Nothing has really come from them. At first, I would
back out of the dates at the last minute because
of my commitment issues, but I eventually got over that.
Kept trying, but nothing it's worked out. Is it normal
to have never dated at my age? I would love
any advice from you guys on how to proceed. I
feel like I've grown emotionally and I'm ready for a relationship.
Side note, I'm Ukrainian and I have been living in
Poland for five years now. Could a difference in mentality
(01:16):
be playing a role? I spent my teenage years in
another country? Anyway, I love you all, Thank you so
much for the podcast. You guys brighten my day every day.
And ps, I'm on season one, so it's fun following
you all from the beginning.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Oh that's fun.
Speaker 6 (01:31):
Of the show.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
Yeah, yeah, oh, we have seasons.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
No, but I'm sure like from the beginning, I guess
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (01:37):
But it's funny that she's not going to hear the
answer to this until like three four years from now.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
I wish we did have seasons. That'd be cute.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Yes, now in two season three, I love that there's
a Ukrainian woman in Poland listening to scrubbing again.
Speaker 6 (01:50):
That makes me so happy.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
Yeah, I love that's the cool thing.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
Here's the thing. I did not date anyone until after
The Bachelor. Yeah, and I was twenty six twenty seven,
so I I personally see nothing wrong with this. I
do think that when you're watching all of your peers
and your friends going through these things and having relationships
(02:16):
and having heartbreak and having these life stages that our
society pushes and encourages in terms of like how life
should go in terms of timing. I get where the
pressure comes from. And also if that's like a desire
of your heart to ultimately be married and find your person.
But you're so young, and I know that you're hearing
(02:38):
this being like, oh, I hate when people say that,
But I'm thinking I'm thinking back to when I went
on the Bachelor at twenty six, and I was like,
I'm going to find my person to get engaged. Maybe
how crazy that felt in hindsight. I would have crushes
on people. I would chase people, and then as soon
as they liked me back. I also had commitment issues.
(03:01):
I don't know if that was because I there was
something that I felt. I grew up in a very
Christian conservative background. I was waiting for marriage. I felt
very protective over my space and my emotions and my vulnerability,
and I didn't realize that, but I think looking back now,
I was scared of anyone getting too close to me,
(03:21):
so I would run the other way if they showed
interest to me. So I don't think you're behind. I
don't think you're doing anything wrong. I think if you're
wanting to date and meet someone and have a romantic relationship,
sure like put in the effort on dating apps and
go out and you know, put yourself out there when
you're out in public if you see someone you're interested in.
(03:42):
But that also takes practice letting yourself be open to that.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
In my opinion, I feel like I want to focus
on that, is it normal to have never done all
that in my age? Because I feel like normal is
out the door now, you know what I mean. Like
it's no one's doing things that are normal anymore. I
feel like it's just we're so far past that. And
I just want you to get that out of your
head because I feel like you feeling like you're not
(04:05):
normal is gonna hinder you in your dating life and
it shouldn't. You should not treat that as like any
sort of insecurity because I don't think it's weird, and
it's all in your approach. If you start dating people
and you're like, I've never dated before, and you like
approach it with that type of insecure attitude. It's gonna
show where. I don't even think you need to. It
(04:28):
doesn't even to be an issue. You're just dating, Yeah,
just dating.
Speaker 4 (04:32):
You're open to whatever, open to whatever, wherever, if it's
when it's happened. Even think about, honestly, think about the
people that you know or that you've heard about who
have gone through a breakup and they're having to put
themselves back out there. There's still a everyone goes through
this feeling of like, oh, I'm putting myself out there,
I'm opening myself up to rejection or someone getting to
(04:56):
know me. Like even if it's even if you've been
in a relationship, this is a this is a very
human feeling that you're experiencing.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
So go into it with confidence.
Speaker 4 (05:04):
Of like I'm ready to go, Like, let's see who
number one is going to be.
Speaker 6 (05:08):
I agree, nice, I like that.
Speaker 5 (05:11):
I tell my daughters that there is no such thing
as normal. Ye stop that, because everybody's got their stuff.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
Everybody, many people you think are normal are so notice that.
Speaker 6 (05:21):
They're working on stuff.
Speaker 5 (05:22):
They deal with all of it. Anonymous, I've liked the
same person for a year and a half. It's troublesome
because she's my boss, and she's married. We interact closely
every day because of the nature of our job, and
I've overanalyzed every interaction. Our hands have brushed a couple
of times longer than normal eye contact. She calls me nicknames.
Sometimes we have one on one lunches when no one
(05:42):
else does. I've traveled together for work, I've gone close
to her. My feelings have grown stronger. I thought after
a year the crush would fade, but I've never been
so attracted to someone or cared to spend so much
time with someone and learn as much as I quit
about their past and present life. I've thought about writing
too many times, but I feel embarrassed in like a
horrible person, because I know holding onto feelings for a
married person is wrong and out of bounds. I justify
(06:05):
to myself because I never have feelings for anyone and
I want to hold on.
Speaker 6 (06:08):
Too finally liking someone.
Speaker 5 (06:09):
Do you think it's wrong to stay in my position
with the feelings I have for my boss? Should I
quit my job, switch departments see if the feelings fade.
I feel I'm too comfortable around her in my reactions
and interactions, too informal, and I'm afraid one day I'll
cross the line of unprofessionalism because I have these feelings
for her. At any point, is it appropriate to tell
a married person you have feelings for them and that's
(06:30):
why you're leaving a job. For context, I'm a woman
in my early thirties, old enough to know better. That's
her words, not mine. Thank you for the podcast each week.
Hope you won't think too lowly of me. We don't
think lowly of you.
Speaker 4 (06:44):
First, Yeah, we don't think this is you know, you're
sometimes are.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Human.
Speaker 4 (06:51):
Feelings are out of our control, but what is in
our control is how we navigate them and act on them.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
And I think that you need.
Speaker 4 (06:59):
To stay far away from acting on your feelings with
this one.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Yeah, I feel like telling a married person that you
have feelings for them is so disrespectful.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
I don't, but then again, it's like your feelings and you.
Speaker 6 (07:16):
Can you can see it in her head right.
Speaker 5 (07:18):
She says, Look, I have to leave this job because
I'm in love with you, and then the boss says, wait.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
But even that is messy.
Speaker 4 (07:27):
It is even if it goes the way you want
it to go, it's messy, and it's going to put
you in a bad position.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
I think you know that. Well, I don't know if
this is a if anonymous is a man or woman,
So I don't know if this.
Speaker 5 (07:38):
Is a anonymous. Oh do you know that second to
last sentence for context, I'm a.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
Woman, Okay, okay.
Speaker 4 (07:49):
I think maybe you try and date women because maybe
it's I don't know the situation. If it's the first
woman you've had feelings for, so it feels like really
deep and really big. You're spending most of your time
with this person. This is probably the most like connection
you have with another person in an intimate, in like
a close way. I think that maybe you start putting
(08:12):
yourself out there to date other people, and I personally
think that the way that it's leading you should potentially look.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
For another job.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
I just feel like there's something about the forbidden fruit,
like for me, even when I'm single, Like seeing a
guy with a wedding ring on, I was like, that's
so sexy and hot, you know, so like there might
be some of that going on with your boss, like
she's married and like or you know, she's married and
like I can't have her, and.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
Like there's something to it.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
So that also might be playing into like your like
fixation on this fairy tale.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
Yeah, it's it's a no for me.
Speaker 4 (08:48):
I just think if you're if you are already anticipating
that you might cross the line and the interactions are
getting more informal, I just think it might save yourself
so many things, either rejection, either getting yourself into this mess,
or or just making a huge mistake career wise. I
(09:11):
think that it might be best to find another place
of employment.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
Let me tell you, because here's the thing.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
Robbie came home to me and said, yeah, my secretary
said she has feelings for me. You best believe I
would not be bejeweled that woman would be halfway across
the four or five okay, knowing he's married.
Speaker 5 (09:34):
No, you know what I mean, Like thatocating right, change jobs.
Speaker 4 (09:39):
I don't think to say why she's changing jobs that.
I think you need to remove yourself from the temptation
because I agree. I think forbidden fruit and like the
chase of something that's unavailable is very innate in us
as humans.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
I think, and look, keep looking her up on Instagram,
keep a tab on her, just to see what's going on.
Speaker 3 (09:59):
Maybe one day she gets divorced, and then you.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
Can do not listen to that cool advice.
Speaker 4 (10:06):
I think if she gets to if she is in
a position where she's not happy in her marriage and
the feelings are reciprocated, she needs to deal with that
on her side before you're at all involved.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
And she no, I know, I know, but I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
I don't need to keep tabs on her.
Speaker 5 (10:21):
Secretary keeping tabs on Robbie, just in case you guys
get divorced.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Guess what she can she she'd be waiting for a
long time, locking his photos, engaging with him, responding to
his messages.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
No, no, no, no no no, it's engage. I just to
keep an eye. No liking, no, stay away.
Speaker 5 (10:37):
I think your best bet is to find somebody else.
If you guys start dating somebody else and put these
kind of this kind of energy into her, that would
be ideal and then you could move on. But if
that's not feasible, I think, yeah, you're gonna have to
go somewhere else to work.
Speaker 6 (10:51):
I just think she doesn't want to do that though.
That's the drag. She does not want to chase jobs something.
Speaker 5 (10:55):
She's got a great relationship with the loss, just in
terms of one on one the relationship seems cool aside.
Speaker 4 (11:01):
If you're going to stay at the job and you're
going to have these interactions, I think you need to
set boundaries and make the interactions more professional, less less informal,
so that you are setting a boundary for yourself and
for your boss. And if you can't do that, if
you think you're going to cross the line, I think
you remove yourself from the situation.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
That's my advice.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
And I also think you put yourself out there and
start dating, because maybe you're seeking a relationship and intimacy,
but you're getting enough of it, of a tease of
it at work, so you have stopped putting in the
effort outside of work. I don't know if that's the case,
but we don't think lowly of you. I think you're
having a very human experience. But I don't want you
(11:43):
to get hurt and put yourself in a position of
messiness of someone else's marriage.
Speaker 6 (11:49):
Coming up next, we're talking age gaps.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
Love it.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
All right, we are back with an age gap question.
Speaker 5 (12:10):
Hi, Bega, Tanya, Marc and easton day one Scrubber Here,
I'm needing some advice. What do you think is an
appropriate age gap to be dating someone? I'm thirty four
years old. I'm starting to develop a crush on someone
who's twenty five. Is that crazy? I know we're at
different stages in our lives, but he is very mature
for his age and has a good job.
Speaker 6 (12:27):
I know.
Speaker 5 (12:27):
If roles were reversed and this is a thirty four
year old man dating a twenty five year old woman,
it wouldn't be that weird. Am I overthinking this? Should
I just go for it and have fun? Or is
this age gap too much? Thanks for any and all advice.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
I say go for it and have fun.
Speaker 5 (12:40):
I don't love it, and I'll tell you why. That
twenty five year old guy, he is not fully formed.
I have a low opinion of young men. I'm sorry
I do because I was one teenage boys are the worst.
Doesn't get a lot better by twenty five. Thirty three great,
twenty five not awesome. So my concern is that men.
I mean, you say he's mature, I don't know in
terms of maturity. To me, this is like twenty five
(13:03):
to thirty four in this situation is like nineteen to
forty five. Right, you are fully formed. You are an
adult woman who knows what she wants. And is not
going to take any nonsense. He's all nonsense at twenty five.
I could be wrong. But if you're just looking to
have fun, great, go have fun. But if you're thinking
of this as a long term commitment, I don't know.
Speaker 4 (13:23):
I say have fun. I say you are aware of
what could happen with a twenty five year old because
you're writing and asking about it, so you know all
the you know what could happen, the possibilities.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
I love an age gap. I am in an age gap,
and I'm all for it.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
Let's go.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
Yeah, But I guess age gap.
Speaker 4 (13:45):
Y'all are both at an age where the age gap
isn't as like A isn't as prominent in terms of
like maturity and goal setting.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
Who's to say I feel confident about that?
Speaker 5 (13:55):
You do?
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (13:56):
Based on Robbie at twenty five.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Robbi did not know him at twenty five. But I
feel like Robby at twenty five was probably excellent.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
That's very sure he was. But I'm saying you.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
You at twenty five, that's another story. So that's another story.
Me at twenty five, she was, she was, she was lost.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
Listen, I think do your thing.
Speaker 4 (14:20):
I just watched Bridget Jones diary The New Wow.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
It's so emotional.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
I've never seen a single Bridget Jones diary.
Speaker 6 (14:29):
You never want not one.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Oh my, you should do a binge weekend.
Speaker 4 (14:35):
So anyways, she has a relationship with a much younger guy,
Leo Woodall oh yeah, yeah, yeah, love love and there
you know, they they explore all these things. And I
just thought it was so cute because he spoiler alert,
but he kind of gets her back on her feet,
you know, and and I think back in the saddle
(14:57):
to ride the stallion and and have fun, and just
just know that there could be a moment where he
isn't aligned in what y'all are looking for long term.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
Jump one it, let's do it.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Ride it my twenty five year old old, I say,
get on it.
Speaker 6 (15:18):
From a day one scrubber.
Speaker 5 (15:20):
Hey everyone, I'm twenty nine and finally at the chapter
in my life where me and my husband are trying
to have kids. With that I struggle every day with
imposter syndrome. I can't help it feel bad for any
of my future kids that might get stuck with me
as a mom. Is it normal to feel this way?
It makes me question if I want kids or if
I'm completely going to mess them up.
Speaker 6 (15:38):
Love you all.
Speaker 5 (15:38):
You put a smile on my face anytime I open
my phone to a new podcast episode.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
Mark, you're the only one who can truly speak to
this as a parent.
Speaker 6 (15:47):
One at a time. Here, I think it's very common.
Speaker 5 (15:50):
I remember when my youngest was born in the spring,
about six and they gave her to us, really.
Speaker 3 (15:56):
Mean your oldest. Huh what I say, youngest?
Speaker 6 (15:58):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (15:58):
Sorry, my oldest is born. And I said, what are
you doing? You're just gonna give this child to us.
We have no idea what's supposed to happen here. And
you go home and you're like, we don't know what
we're doing. We're just morons. And there's a baby here
and holy crap, well now she's in college. So you
figure it out, and also feelings come in to you.
The quote I always use is you think right now
(16:20):
that you know what love is and what love feels like,
but you have no idea. When you see that baby
laying there helpless in the whatever the cradle, you realize.
Speaker 6 (16:29):
Oh, this is love.
Speaker 5 (16:30):
This is a whole you unlocked the whole other level,
and so that's gonna happen naturally. I guarantee it. I
think my wife wondered if she would be a good mom.
She's a spectacular mom so much, and now it's she's
all mom. She's one hundred percent mom. She's such a mom,
even the one in college. They're always talking. It's always
(16:51):
the mothering never stops. And boy, that came out strong.
Your natural maternal instincts are going to kick in and
you're gonna be amazed at how well you do with this.
And also, so you are going to mess them up,
because that's what every.
Speaker 6 (17:03):
Parent does to their children.
Speaker 5 (17:04):
As committed as you are to not messing them up,
you will in some ways. They will be in therapy
one day talking about something that you did as a parent,
and it's all You're going to do the best you
can and there's nothing you can do about that. But
that's okay. They're going to love you no matter what.
So I think you're gonna be great. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:21):
I think you're going to be great too. And I
think that you're even aware of this. And I also
think if you're not already in therapy working on things
that you feel impacted you as a child, that your
parents did, like working on things that you've carried that
you're scared to mess and putting quotes up, mess them up.
Start working on that so that when you have a baby,
you feel like you're at least working and healing on
(17:44):
something that you are afraid of.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
Yeah, And I think everybody has these feelings.
Speaker 4 (17:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
I was Ali.
Speaker 4 (17:50):
I was with Ali last night, who's pregnant, and we
were talking about She was like, I feel like you're
so maternal, Like there's this natural like maternal energy that
you have talking to me, and I was I was like, yeah,
but I don't think that that makes a difference of
how you're going to be as a mom. I think
some people have a natural urge towards kids or I
was surrounded by kids my whole life. It was like
(18:11):
very innate in me. But I also think it doesn't
mean that you're going to be not like not a
good mom, or the maternal instinct isn't going to kick in.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Yeah, Like I often think about when I think about
being a mom, Like I think about the like the
years from like five on, Like the thought of having
a newborn baby that you have to like like we
were saying take home not like that freaks me out.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
Yeah, Like totally freaks me out.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
That's what I got favorite.
Speaker 5 (18:36):
You know, those dumb baby on board stickers people on
the car and I always hated those and always make
fun of them. As I was driving home from the
hospital that day with Ali in the back seat, I
remember thinking to myself, these people would not be driving
so crazily if they knew I had a newborn baby
in this car.
Speaker 6 (18:50):
And I'm like, Oh, those are those damn spines. That's
why they put those up.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Yeah, yeah, that that is what that's that freaks me out.
Speaker 5 (18:57):
I was gripping that wheel of ten and two. I
was so scared for the first time.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
It's scared driving like my step kids and they're fully grown,
Like I cannot imagine fully grown well you.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
Know what I mean, not babies.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
I could not imagine driving a newborn baby and a
like a motorized vehicle on the freeways here in Los Angeles.
Speaker 6 (19:23):
Don't feel bad for your future kids.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
You're going to be amazing, amazing, so.
Speaker 5 (19:26):
Lucky to have you as a mom, and they're going
to love you so much. And just the fact that
you're asking these questions is the indicator that you're going
to be spectacular. I think we should take another break.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
All right, we are back, and I think we have one.
Speaker 6 (20:00):
She actually gave a name on this one.
Speaker 5 (20:02):
Everything is anonymous except for this one from single Sierra
him My sweet Friends.
Speaker 6 (20:07):
Huh.
Speaker 5 (20:08):
I've been a listener since the very first episode. It's
crazy to reflect and see how many lives I've lived
and how many monumental moments you guys have unknowingly experienced
with me.
Speaker 6 (20:17):
That's really nice.
Speaker 5 (20:19):
I've gone through a long term relationship in that time,
I was single for two years. I just got out
of a six month relationship. I'm twenty six, and while
that's obviously still young, it's hard to not be bummed
at the thought of starting over yet again. But nothing
scares me more than being with the wrong guy and
starting over even later in life. Just because I'm scared now, Tanya,
you've helped me in more ways than you know in
(20:39):
not settling, waiting for mister Wright, and to not fear
that I'll be too much for anyone as I too
lead with my heart and dive all in. With all
that being said, recently getting out of this relationship, how
long do I wait before getting back on the saddle,
and not necessarily the inappropriate saddle, Tony, it's probably thinking
of right now. I'm doing fine because i've after he
(21:00):
wasn't my person and it was my decision to end things.
But the thought of talking to guys again in this
moment feels icky. But at the same time, I want
to find my person. I'd love your thoughts on this.
Thank you for being my people all these years. Never
stop the pod or I'll have to replay old episodes
like I do with my friends daily.
Speaker 6 (21:17):
Single Sierra, she.
Speaker 3 (21:20):
Knows me too well, this Sierra, she does.
Speaker 4 (21:22):
She called you out before you could even have the
thought actually get back on that side.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
She was about to go back and uncomfortable.
Speaker 3 (21:34):
Rat it his pony. But that's not what she's.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
That's not what she was wanting from us.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
I say, start now, but now it's not now.
Speaker 5 (21:47):
When?
Speaker 2 (21:48):
If not you, who? If not here, where?
Speaker 3 (21:53):
What are we waiting for?
Speaker 2 (21:54):
What are you waiting anyway? Love me like you do,
love me like you do?
Speaker 1 (22:02):
Who?
Speaker 3 (22:03):
Here's the thing, Sierrah.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Tell her get back on the saddle immediately, because here's
the thing. Even if you if it's too soon, you
don't want like I remember, I went on a zoom
date with somebody when Robin and I were broken up,
and I ended up talking about Robbie the whole date,
and it's like who cares no harm, no fouls, do
you know what I mean?
Speaker 4 (22:21):
Like, yeah, he wasn't your guy, so it's like follow
that guy way.
Speaker 3 (22:24):
Yeah, and he's married with a baby now.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
Actually this is the crazy Maybe we should get the
guy on the podcast because I was talking about Robbie
the whole date, and he was talking about his ex
the whole date, and then he got back with his
ex and is married to her now with the baby,
And I'm back with Robbie about to get married hopefully
soon have a baby.
Speaker 6 (22:44):
That's the best booking I can imagine.
Speaker 3 (22:45):
Isn't that crazy?
Speaker 5 (22:47):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Yeah, I still follow him, but but yeah, that's what
I'm saying, Like, I went on this date obviously was
too soon.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
I was still obsessed with Robbie, but it is what
it is.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
What was the timeframe of that, I don't know. I
want to say it's maybe like a month after it
broke up. It wasn't like right away, yeah, but it
was like a definitely a month.
Speaker 4 (23:07):
I think if you are even thinking about wanting to
go out and date and meet other people, I say,
do it like whatever you have drinks, you meet people,
you'll be like. You might be like, okay, well I'm
not ready for this. Or you might be like that
didn't feel terrible. Yeah, let's do it again, right, get
a free meal, free drin.
Speaker 6 (23:25):
Now, nothing wrong with people?
Speaker 2 (23:27):
No, no, there's not.
Speaker 4 (23:29):
And maybe you go maybe go on a date with
someone you're like, that's not my person, but maybe you
become friends and then they have a friend or do
you feel like the.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
Most horrible dates that I went on and like my
worst experiences are still like funny stories and like memory
the plot, it's part.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
Of the plot.
Speaker 6 (23:46):
Yeah, for the plot.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Do it for the plot.
Speaker 4 (23:48):
Single Sierra, time to get back in the saddle, jump on.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
We say, if not now when?
Speaker 3 (23:57):
If not you who.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
We did have?
Speaker 5 (24:02):
Like?
Speaker 2 (24:02):
Is this an update this story?
Speaker 5 (24:04):
She hasked for us that she thought you'd be sure
a story story from Aaron Hi easton Mark, Oh, easton Mark,
Tanya and Becca look at that.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
Billing at me on the docket.
Speaker 5 (24:15):
But of whatever I'm writing to you specifically because of
something Tanya said a while back that stuck with me.
I don't remember when, but Tania spoke about her belief
that God always fulfills the desires he puts.
Speaker 6 (24:26):
On your heart.
Speaker 5 (24:26):
Don't want to share my story to preface. I was
so I am so fortunate to have all of my children.
I do not want this to come up as insensitive
to people struggling with infertility or people whose outcome wasn't
the same as mine. I've always pictured having a daughter,
to the point that I started a baby girl clothing
box before I even became pregnant with my first. Fast
forward to twenty twenty four. We have two boys, the
lights of my life. I wouldn't trade them for anything,
(24:48):
but this was the year to have our third and
final child. We got pregnant, I prayed every single day
for a girl. I took a blood test it was
another boy. I am ashamed to say. I cried for weeks.
I knew I'd love this baby like my others, but
I couldn't understand why God would put this yearning on
my heart and not fulfill it. I confided in a
friend and explain to her that Tanya's words struck stuck
(25:09):
with me and gave me hope for a daughter, and
I was so mad that it was wrong. My friend
told me stop praying for that baby girl and start
praying for understanding and belief in God's plan. So I
did this, I became happy with the outcome. I bought
the perfect blue paint, started designing a new nursery. I'm
here to tell you with tears in my eyes, I'm
currently holding my three month old baby girl aided James.
(25:32):
I went in from my ultrasound and she told me
I was not.
Speaker 6 (25:34):
Having a boy. I was having a girl.
Speaker 5 (25:36):
I made three ultrasound texts confirm it, and I did
another blood test to be sure. God works in mysterious ways.
I think the blood test being wrong was God's way
of testing my faith. And with faith, God really does
fulfill what he puts on your heart. It may not
be how you envisioned it, but he does. Hope my
story makes you smile. Thanks for being a highlight of
my day twice a week. Love you, guys. And she
(25:57):
has attached a picture of her beautiful fan. Look at
those two young guys in the middle swaddled up here.
Speaker 3 (26:08):
That's such a sweet story. Thank you for sharing that.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
It's so true though, it's so interesting because like I do,
I do fully believe that that He fulfills the desires
of your heart. They're put there for a reason. But
you're so right that like it might not be. You
just have to trust in the you know what I mean.
Even if you didn't end up with your girl, there
there was a reason for that, you know.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
But that's beautiful. I'm so happy that you got your daughter.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Yeah. We love hearing from me all. We love stories
like this.
Speaker 4 (26:37):
And if you have questions that you need advice on
or sharing stories updates, whatever it is, dms on Instagram
at scrubbing in pot or email us at scrubbing in
at iHeartMedia dot com. That's all for today, folks, All
for today. Another week of scrubbing in.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
Next week we're back and I test my ovulation.
Speaker 4 (27:00):
Oh my god, stay tuned, Stay tuned, everybody. You know.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
I'm excited because last month I was on day twelve
after do the math, it was day twelve.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
No, say this, save this for the pod. This is
what you mean. Save this for the next week. Give
the scrubbers something to look forward.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
I feel like you're making fun of me.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
I'm gonna say it.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
Don't make it feels making fun.
Speaker 4 (27:27):
Don't give it all the way right now, Wait till
we can talk about it in depth and have an
update on Monday.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
I feel she'd make it fun of me.
Speaker 6 (27:35):
No, I don't get that at all.
Speaker 4 (27:37):
Secret will never tell you know you love me, xoxo,
gossip Girl
Scrubbing In with Beccatelli and Tanya rap an iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.
Speaker 3 (00:12):
Scrub a dub dumb webe a little.
Speaker 4 (00:14):
Dear Bonia episode that we do. Oh sorry, choking We you.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Know how it started with me too?
Speaker 4 (00:24):
None, it was more like the water down the wrong pipe.
But I'll keep you posted on my glossy eyes. Yeah,
let's get right to it.
Speaker 5 (00:33):
Hey, it's from anonymous. Hello Bekatanya, Mark and Easton and
the whole gang. I think that's the gang right, the
new scrubber here. I've been dealing with an issue. Would
love to hear your advice. I'm twenty three. I've never dated.
I was fine with that until recently when I noticed
all of my peers are getting engaged, in married, or
are in relationships unlike me. It's so it's started to
bother me. I've tried a couple of online dating apps.
(00:54):
Nothing has really come from them. At first, I would
back out of the dates at the last minute because
of my commitment issues, but I eventually got over that.
Kept trying, but nothing it's worked out. Is it normal
to have never dated at my age? I would love
any advice from you guys on how to proceed. I
feel like I've grown emotionally and I'm ready for a relationship.
Side note, I'm Ukrainian and I have been living in
Poland for five years now. Could a difference in mentality
(01:16):
be playing a role? I spent my teenage years in
another country? Anyway, I love you all, Thank you so
much for the podcast. You guys brighten my day every day.
And ps, I'm on season one, so it's fun following
you all from the beginning.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
Oh that's fun.
Speaker 6 (01:31):
Of the show.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
Yeah, yeah, oh, we have seasons.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
No, but I'm sure like from the beginning, I guess
I don't know.
Speaker 5 (01:37):
But it's funny that she's not going to hear the
answer to this until like three four years from now.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
I wish we did have seasons. That'd be cute.
Speaker 1 (01:43):
Yes, now in two season three, I love that there's
a Ukrainian woman in Poland listening to scrubbing again.
Speaker 6 (01:50):
That makes me so happy.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
Yeah, I love that's the cool thing.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
Here's the thing. I did not date anyone until after
The Bachelor. Yeah, and I was twenty six twenty seven,
so I I personally see nothing wrong with this. I
do think that when you're watching all of your peers
and your friends going through these things and having relationships
(02:16):
and having heartbreak and having these life stages that our
society pushes and encourages in terms of like how life
should go in terms of timing. I get where the
pressure comes from. And also if that's like a desire
of your heart to ultimately be married and find your person.
But you're so young, and I know that you're hearing
(02:38):
this being like, oh, I hate when people say that,
But I'm thinking I'm thinking back to when I went
on the Bachelor at twenty six, and I was like,
I'm going to find my person to get engaged. Maybe
how crazy that felt in hindsight. I would have crushes
on people. I would chase people, and then as soon
as they liked me back. I also had commitment issues.
(03:01):
I don't know if that was because I there was
something that I felt. I grew up in a very
Christian conservative background. I was waiting for marriage. I felt
very protective over my space and my emotions and my vulnerability,
and I didn't realize that, but I think looking back now,
I was scared of anyone getting too close to me,
(03:21):
so I would run the other way if they showed
interest to me. So I don't think you're behind. I
don't think you're doing anything wrong. I think if you're
wanting to date and meet someone and have a romantic relationship,
sure like put in the effort on dating apps and
go out and you know, put yourself out there when
you're out in public if you see someone you're interested in.
(03:42):
But that also takes practice letting yourself be open to that.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
In my opinion, I feel like I want to focus
on that, is it normal to have never done all
that in my age? Because I feel like normal is
out the door now, you know what I mean. Like
it's no one's doing things that are normal anymore. I
feel like it's just we're so far past that. And
I just want you to get that out of your
head because I feel like you feeling like you're not
(04:05):
normal is gonna hinder you in your dating life and
it shouldn't. You should not treat that as like any
sort of insecurity because I don't think it's weird, and
it's all in your approach. If you start dating people
and you're like, I've never dated before, and you like
approach it with that type of insecure attitude. It's gonna
show where. I don't even think you need to. It
(04:28):
doesn't even to be an issue. You're just dating, Yeah,
just dating.
Speaker 4 (04:32):
You're open to whatever, open to whatever, wherever, if it's
when it's happened. Even think about, honestly, think about the
people that you know or that you've heard about who
have gone through a breakup and they're having to put
themselves back out there. There's still a everyone goes through
this feeling of like, oh, I'm putting myself out there,
I'm opening myself up to rejection or someone getting to
(04:56):
know me. Like even if it's even if you've been
in a relationship, this is a this is a very
human feeling that you're experiencing.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
So go into it with confidence.
Speaker 4 (05:04):
Of like I'm ready to go, Like, let's see who
number one is going to be.
Speaker 6 (05:08):
I agree, nice, I like that.
Speaker 5 (05:11):
I tell my daughters that there is no such thing
as normal. Ye stop that, because everybody's got their stuff.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
Everybody, many people you think are normal are so notice that.
Speaker 6 (05:21):
They're working on stuff.
Speaker 5 (05:22):
They deal with all of it. Anonymous, I've liked the
same person for a year and a half. It's troublesome
because she's my boss, and she's married. We interact closely
every day because of the nature of our job, and
I've overanalyzed every interaction. Our hands have brushed a couple
of times longer than normal eye contact. She calls me nicknames.
Sometimes we have one on one lunches when no one
(05:42):
else does. I've traveled together for work, I've gone close
to her. My feelings have grown stronger. I thought after
a year the crush would fade, but I've never been
so attracted to someone or cared to spend so much
time with someone and learn as much as I quit
about their past and present life. I've thought about writing
too many times, but I feel embarrassed in like a
horrible person, because I know holding onto feelings for a
married person is wrong and out of bounds. I justify
(06:05):
to myself because I never have feelings for anyone and
I want to hold on.
Speaker 6 (06:08):
Too finally liking someone.
Speaker 5 (06:09):
Do you think it's wrong to stay in my position
with the feelings I have for my boss? Should I
quit my job, switch departments see if the feelings fade.
I feel I'm too comfortable around her in my reactions
and interactions, too informal, and I'm afraid one day I'll
cross the line of unprofessionalism because I have these feelings
for her. At any point, is it appropriate to tell
a married person you have feelings for them and that's
(06:30):
why you're leaving a job. For context, I'm a woman
in my early thirties, old enough to know better. That's
her words, not mine. Thank you for the podcast each week.
Hope you won't think too lowly of me. We don't
think lowly of you.
Speaker 4 (06:44):
First, Yeah, we don't think this is you know, you're
sometimes are.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Human.
Speaker 4 (06:51):
Feelings are out of our control, but what is in
our control is how we navigate them and act on them.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
And I think that you need.
Speaker 4 (06:59):
To stay far away from acting on your feelings with
this one.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
Yeah, I feel like telling a married person that you
have feelings for them is so disrespectful.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
I don't, but then again, it's like your feelings and you.
Speaker 6 (07:16):
Can you can see it in her head right.
Speaker 5 (07:18):
She says, Look, I have to leave this job because
I'm in love with you, and then the boss says, wait.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
But even that is messy.
Speaker 4 (07:27):
It is even if it goes the way you want
it to go, it's messy, and it's going to put
you in a bad position.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
I think you know that. Well, I don't know if
this is a if anonymous is a man or woman,
So I don't know if this.
Speaker 5 (07:38):
Is a anonymous. Oh do you know that second to
last sentence for context, I'm a.
Speaker 3 (07:45):
Woman, Okay, okay.
Speaker 4 (07:49):
I think maybe you try and date women because maybe
it's I don't know the situation. If it's the first
woman you've had feelings for, so it feels like really
deep and really big. You're spending most of your time
with this person. This is probably the most like connection
you have with another person in an intimate, in like
a close way. I think that maybe you start putting
(08:12):
yourself out there to date other people, and I personally
think that the way that it's leading you should potentially look.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
For another job.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
I just feel like there's something about the forbidden fruit,
like for me, even when I'm single, Like seeing a
guy with a wedding ring on, I was like, that's
so sexy and hot, you know, so like there might
be some of that going on with your boss, like
she's married and like or you know, she's married and
like I can't have her, and.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
Like there's something to it.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
So that also might be playing into like your like
fixation on this fairy tale.
Speaker 3 (08:47):
Yeah, it's it's a no for me.
Speaker 4 (08:48):
I just think if you're if you are already anticipating
that you might cross the line and the interactions are
getting more informal, I just think it might save yourself
so many things, either rejection, either getting yourself into this mess,
or or just making a huge mistake career wise. I
(09:11):
think that it might be best to find another place
of employment.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
Let me tell you, because here's the thing.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
Robbie came home to me and said, yeah, my secretary
said she has feelings for me. You best believe I
would not be bejeweled that woman would be halfway across
the four or five okay, knowing he's married.
Speaker 5 (09:34):
No, you know what I mean, Like thatocating right, change jobs.
Speaker 4 (09:39):
I don't think to say why she's changing jobs that.
I think you need to remove yourself from the temptation
because I agree. I think forbidden fruit and like the
chase of something that's unavailable is very innate in us
as humans.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
I think, and look, keep looking her up on Instagram,
keep a tab on her, just to see what's going on.
Speaker 3 (09:59):
Maybe one day she gets divorced, and then you.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
Can do not listen to that cool advice.
Speaker 4 (10:06):
I think if she gets to if she is in
a position where she's not happy in her marriage and
the feelings are reciprocated, she needs to deal with that
on her side before you're at all involved.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
And she no, I know, I know, but I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
I don't need to keep tabs on her.
Speaker 5 (10:21):
Secretary keeping tabs on Robbie, just in case you guys
get divorced.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Guess what she can she she'd be waiting for a
long time, locking his photos, engaging with him, responding to
his messages.
Speaker 3 (10:32):
No, no, no, no no no, it's engage. I just to
keep an eye. No liking, no, stay away.
Speaker 5 (10:37):
I think your best bet is to find somebody else.
If you guys start dating somebody else and put these
kind of this kind of energy into her, that would
be ideal and then you could move on. But if
that's not feasible, I think, yeah, you're gonna have to
go somewhere else to work.
Speaker 6 (10:51):
I just think she doesn't want to do that though.
That's the drag. She does not want to chase jobs something.
Speaker 5 (10:55):
She's got a great relationship with the loss, just in
terms of one on one the relationship seems cool aside.
Speaker 4 (11:01):
If you're going to stay at the job and you're
going to have these interactions, I think you need to
set boundaries and make the interactions more professional, less less informal,
so that you are setting a boundary for yourself and
for your boss. And if you can't do that, if
you think you're going to cross the line, I think
you remove yourself from the situation.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
That's my advice.
Speaker 4 (11:22):
And I also think you put yourself out there and
start dating, because maybe you're seeking a relationship and intimacy,
but you're getting enough of it, of a tease of
it at work, so you have stopped putting in the
effort outside of work. I don't know if that's the case,
but we don't think lowly of you. I think you're
having a very human experience. But I don't want you
(11:43):
to get hurt and put yourself in a position of
messiness of someone else's marriage.
Speaker 6 (11:49):
Coming up next, we're talking age gaps.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
Love it.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
All right, we are back with an age gap question.
Speaker 5 (12:10):
Hi, Bega, Tanya, Marc and easton day one Scrubber Here,
I'm needing some advice. What do you think is an
appropriate age gap to be dating someone? I'm thirty four
years old. I'm starting to develop a crush on someone
who's twenty five. Is that crazy? I know we're at
different stages in our lives, but he is very mature
for his age and has a good job.
Speaker 6 (12:27):
I know.
Speaker 5 (12:27):
If roles were reversed and this is a thirty four
year old man dating a twenty five year old woman,
it wouldn't be that weird. Am I overthinking this? Should
I just go for it and have fun? Or is
this age gap too much? Thanks for any and all advice.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
I say go for it and have fun.
Speaker 5 (12:40):
I don't love it, and I'll tell you why. That
twenty five year old guy, he is not fully formed.
I have a low opinion of young men. I'm sorry
I do because I was one teenage boys are the worst.
Doesn't get a lot better by twenty five. Thirty three great,
twenty five not awesome. So my concern is that men.
I mean, you say he's mature, I don't know in
terms of maturity. To me, this is like twenty five
(13:03):
to thirty four in this situation is like nineteen to
forty five. Right, you are fully formed. You are an
adult woman who knows what she wants. And is not
going to take any nonsense. He's all nonsense at twenty five.
I could be wrong. But if you're just looking to
have fun, great, go have fun. But if you're thinking
of this as a long term commitment, I don't know.
Speaker 4 (13:23):
I say have fun. I say you are aware of
what could happen with a twenty five year old because
you're writing and asking about it, so you know all
the you know what could happen, the possibilities.
Speaker 1 (13:35):
I love an age gap. I am in an age gap,
and I'm all for it.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
Let's go.
Speaker 2 (13:43):
Yeah, But I guess age gap.
Speaker 4 (13:45):
Y'all are both at an age where the age gap
isn't as like A isn't as prominent in terms of
like maturity and goal setting.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
Who's to say I feel confident about that?
Speaker 5 (13:55):
You do?
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (13:56):
Based on Robbie at twenty five.
Speaker 1 (14:00):
Robbi did not know him at twenty five. But I
feel like Robby at twenty five was probably excellent.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
That's very sure he was. But I'm saying you.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
You at twenty five, that's another story. So that's another story.
Me at twenty five, she was, she was, she was lost.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
Listen, I think do your thing.
Speaker 4 (14:20):
I just watched Bridget Jones diary The New Wow.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
It's so emotional.
Speaker 3 (14:27):
I've never seen a single Bridget Jones diary.
Speaker 6 (14:29):
You never want not one.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Oh my, you should do a binge weekend.
Speaker 4 (14:35):
So anyways, she has a relationship with a much younger guy,
Leo Woodall oh yeah, yeah, yeah, love love and there
you know, they they explore all these things. And I
just thought it was so cute because he spoiler alert,
but he kind of gets her back on her feet,
you know, and and I think back in the saddle
(14:57):
to ride the stallion and and have fun, and just
just know that there could be a moment where he
isn't aligned in what y'all are looking for long term.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
Jump one it, let's do it.
Speaker 1 (15:12):
Ride it my twenty five year old old, I say,
get on it.
Speaker 6 (15:18):
From a day one scrubber.
Speaker 5 (15:20):
Hey everyone, I'm twenty nine and finally at the chapter
in my life where me and my husband are trying
to have kids. With that I struggle every day with
imposter syndrome. I can't help it feel bad for any
of my future kids that might get stuck with me
as a mom. Is it normal to feel this way?
It makes me question if I want kids or if
I'm completely going to mess them up.
Speaker 6 (15:38):
Love you all.
Speaker 5 (15:38):
You put a smile on my face anytime I open
my phone to a new podcast episode.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
Mark, you're the only one who can truly speak to
this as a parent.
Speaker 6 (15:47):
One at a time. Here, I think it's very common.
Speaker 5 (15:50):
I remember when my youngest was born in the spring,
about six and they gave her to us, really.
Speaker 3 (15:56):
Mean your oldest. Huh what I say, youngest?
Speaker 6 (15:58):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (15:58):
Sorry, my oldest is born. And I said, what are
you doing? You're just gonna give this child to us.
We have no idea what's supposed to happen here. And
you go home and you're like, we don't know what
we're doing. We're just morons. And there's a baby here
and holy crap, well now she's in college. So you
figure it out, and also feelings come in to you.
The quote I always use is you think right now
(16:20):
that you know what love is and what love feels like,
but you have no idea. When you see that baby
laying there helpless in the whatever the cradle, you realize.
Speaker 6 (16:29):
Oh, this is love.
Speaker 5 (16:30):
This is a whole you unlocked the whole other level,
and so that's gonna happen naturally. I guarantee it. I
think my wife wondered if she would be a good mom.
She's a spectacular mom so much, and now it's she's
all mom. She's one hundred percent mom. She's such a mom,
even the one in college. They're always talking. It's always
(16:51):
the mothering never stops. And boy, that came out strong.
Your natural maternal instincts are going to kick in and
you're gonna be amazed at how well you do with this.
And also, so you are going to mess them up,
because that's what every.
Speaker 6 (17:03):
Parent does to their children.
Speaker 5 (17:04):
As committed as you are to not messing them up,
you will in some ways. They will be in therapy
one day talking about something that you did as a parent,
and it's all You're going to do the best you
can and there's nothing you can do about that. But
that's okay. They're going to love you no matter what.
So I think you're gonna be great. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:21):
I think you're going to be great too. And I
think that you're even aware of this. And I also
think if you're not already in therapy working on things
that you feel impacted you as a child, that your
parents did, like working on things that you've carried that
you're scared to mess and putting quotes up, mess them up.
Start working on that so that when you have a baby,
you feel like you're at least working and healing on
(17:44):
something that you are afraid of.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
Yeah, And I think everybody has these feelings.
Speaker 4 (17:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
I was Ali.
Speaker 4 (17:50):
I was with Ali last night, who's pregnant, and we
were talking about She was like, I feel like you're
so maternal, Like there's this natural like maternal energy that
you have talking to me, and I was I was like, yeah,
but I don't think that that makes a difference of
how you're going to be as a mom. I think
some people have a natural urge towards kids or I
was surrounded by kids my whole life. It was like
(18:11):
very innate in me. But I also think it doesn't
mean that you're going to be not like not a
good mom, or the maternal instinct isn't going to kick in.
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Yeah, Like I often think about when I think about
being a mom, Like I think about the like the
years from like five on, Like the thought of having
a newborn baby that you have to like like we
were saying take home not like that freaks me out.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
Yeah, Like totally freaks me out.
Speaker 2 (18:35):
That's what I got favorite.
Speaker 5 (18:36):
You know, those dumb baby on board stickers people on
the car and I always hated those and always make
fun of them. As I was driving home from the
hospital that day with Ali in the back seat, I
remember thinking to myself, these people would not be driving
so crazily if they knew I had a newborn baby
in this car.
Speaker 6 (18:50):
And I'm like, Oh, those are those damn spines. That's
why they put those up.
Speaker 1 (18:53):
Yeah, yeah, that that is what that's that freaks me out.
Speaker 5 (18:57):
I was gripping that wheel of ten and two. I
was so scared for the first time.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
It's scared driving like my step kids and they're fully grown,
Like I cannot imagine fully grown well you.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
Know what I mean, not babies.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
I could not imagine driving a newborn baby and a
like a motorized vehicle on the freeways here in Los Angeles.
Speaker 6 (19:23):
Don't feel bad for your future kids.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
You're going to be amazing, amazing, so.
Speaker 5 (19:26):
Lucky to have you as a mom, and they're going
to love you so much. And just the fact that
you're asking these questions is the indicator that you're going
to be spectacular. I think we should take another break.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
All right, we are back, and I think we have one.
Speaker 6 (20:00):
She actually gave a name on this one.
Speaker 5 (20:02):
Everything is anonymous except for this one from single Sierra
him My sweet Friends.
Speaker 6 (20:07):
Huh.
Speaker 5 (20:08):
I've been a listener since the very first episode. It's
crazy to reflect and see how many lives I've lived
and how many monumental moments you guys have unknowingly experienced
with me.
Speaker 6 (20:17):
That's really nice.
Speaker 5 (20:19):
I've gone through a long term relationship in that time,
I was single for two years. I just got out
of a six month relationship. I'm twenty six, and while
that's obviously still young, it's hard to not be bummed
at the thought of starting over yet again. But nothing
scares me more than being with the wrong guy and
starting over even later in life. Just because I'm scared now, Tanya,
you've helped me in more ways than you know in
(20:39):
not settling, waiting for mister Wright, and to not fear
that I'll be too much for anyone as I too
lead with my heart and dive all in. With all
that being said, recently getting out of this relationship, how
long do I wait before getting back on the saddle,
and not necessarily the inappropriate saddle, Tony, it's probably thinking
of right now. I'm doing fine because i've after he
(21:00):
wasn't my person and it was my decision to end things.
But the thought of talking to guys again in this
moment feels icky. But at the same time, I want
to find my person. I'd love your thoughts on this.
Thank you for being my people all these years. Never
stop the pod or I'll have to replay old episodes
like I do with my friends daily.
Speaker 6 (21:17):
Single Sierra, she.
Speaker 3 (21:20):
Knows me too well, this Sierra, she does.
Speaker 4 (21:22):
She called you out before you could even have the
thought actually get back on that side.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
She was about to go back and uncomfortable.
Speaker 3 (21:34):
Rat it his pony. But that's not what she's.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
That's not what she was wanting from us.
Speaker 3 (21:43):
I say, start now, but now it's not now.
Speaker 5 (21:47):
When?
Speaker 2 (21:48):
If not you, who? If not here, where?
Speaker 3 (21:53):
What are we waiting for?
Speaker 2 (21:54):
What are you waiting anyway? Love me like you do,
love me like you do?
Speaker 1 (22:02):
Who?
Speaker 3 (22:03):
Here's the thing, Sierrah.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Tell her get back on the saddle immediately, because here's
the thing. Even if you if it's too soon, you
don't want like I remember, I went on a zoom
date with somebody when Robin and I were broken up,
and I ended up talking about Robbie the whole date,
and it's like who cares no harm, no fouls, do
you know what I mean?
Speaker 4 (22:21):
Like, yeah, he wasn't your guy, so it's like follow
that guy way.
Speaker 3 (22:24):
Yeah, and he's married with a baby now.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
Actually this is the crazy Maybe we should get the
guy on the podcast because I was talking about Robbie
the whole date, and he was talking about his ex
the whole date, and then he got back with his
ex and is married to her now with the baby,
And I'm back with Robbie about to get married hopefully
soon have a baby.
Speaker 6 (22:44):
That's the best booking I can imagine.
Speaker 3 (22:45):
Isn't that crazy?
Speaker 5 (22:47):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (22:47):
Yeah, I still follow him, but but yeah, that's what
I'm saying, Like, I went on this date obviously was
too soon.
Speaker 3 (22:54):
I was still obsessed with Robbie, but it is what
it is.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
What was the timeframe of that, I don't know. I
want to say it's maybe like a month after it
broke up. It wasn't like right away, yeah, but it
was like a definitely a month.
Speaker 4 (23:07):
I think if you are even thinking about wanting to
go out and date and meet other people, I say,
do it like whatever you have drinks, you meet people,
you'll be like. You might be like, okay, well I'm
not ready for this. Or you might be like that
didn't feel terrible. Yeah, let's do it again, right, get
a free meal, free drin.
Speaker 6 (23:25):
Now, nothing wrong with people?
Speaker 2 (23:27):
No, no, there's not.
Speaker 4 (23:29):
And maybe you go maybe go on a date with
someone you're like, that's not my person, but maybe you
become friends and then they have a friend or do
you feel like the.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
Most horrible dates that I went on and like my
worst experiences are still like funny stories and like memory
the plot, it's part.
Speaker 3 (23:45):
Of the plot.
Speaker 6 (23:46):
Yeah, for the plot.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Do it for the plot.
Speaker 4 (23:48):
Single Sierra, time to get back in the saddle, jump on.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
We say, if not now when?
Speaker 3 (23:57):
If not you who.
Speaker 2 (24:01):
We did have?
Speaker 5 (24:02):
Like?
Speaker 2 (24:02):
Is this an update this story?
Speaker 5 (24:04):
She hasked for us that she thought you'd be sure
a story story from Aaron Hi easton Mark, Oh, easton Mark,
Tanya and Becca look at that.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
Billing at me on the docket.
Speaker 5 (24:15):
But of whatever I'm writing to you specifically because of
something Tanya said a while back that stuck with me.
I don't remember when, but Tania spoke about her belief
that God always fulfills the desires he puts.
Speaker 6 (24:26):
On your heart.
Speaker 5 (24:26):
Don't want to share my story to preface. I was
so I am so fortunate to have all of my children.
I do not want this to come up as insensitive
to people struggling with infertility or people whose outcome wasn't
the same as mine. I've always pictured having a daughter,
to the point that I started a baby girl clothing
box before I even became pregnant with my first. Fast
forward to twenty twenty four. We have two boys, the
lights of my life. I wouldn't trade them for anything,
(24:48):
but this was the year to have our third and
final child. We got pregnant, I prayed every single day
for a girl. I took a blood test it was
another boy. I am ashamed to say. I cried for weeks.
I knew I'd love this baby like my others, but
I couldn't understand why God would put this yearning on
my heart and not fulfill it. I confided in a
friend and explain to her that Tanya's words struck stuck
(25:09):
with me and gave me hope for a daughter, and
I was so mad that it was wrong. My friend
told me stop praying for that baby girl and start
praying for understanding and belief in God's plan. So I
did this, I became happy with the outcome. I bought
the perfect blue paint, started designing a new nursery. I'm
here to tell you with tears in my eyes, I'm
currently holding my three month old baby girl aided James.
(25:32):
I went in from my ultrasound and she told me
I was not.
Speaker 6 (25:34):
Having a boy. I was having a girl.
Speaker 5 (25:36):
I made three ultrasound texts confirm it, and I did
another blood test to be sure. God works in mysterious ways.
I think the blood test being wrong was God's way
of testing my faith. And with faith, God really does
fulfill what he puts on your heart. It may not
be how you envisioned it, but he does. Hope my
story makes you smile. Thanks for being a highlight of
my day twice a week. Love you, guys. And she
(25:57):
has attached a picture of her beautiful fan. Look at
those two young guys in the middle swaddled up here.
Speaker 3 (26:08):
That's such a sweet story. Thank you for sharing that.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
It's so true though, it's so interesting because like I do,
I do fully believe that that He fulfills the desires
of your heart. They're put there for a reason. But
you're so right that like it might not be. You
just have to trust in the you know what I mean.
Even if you didn't end up with your girl, there
there was a reason for that, you know.
Speaker 3 (26:31):
But that's beautiful. I'm so happy that you got your daughter.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
Yeah. We love hearing from me all. We love stories
like this.
Speaker 4 (26:37):
And if you have questions that you need advice on
or sharing stories updates, whatever it is, dms on Instagram
at scrubbing in pot or email us at scrubbing in
at iHeartMedia dot com. That's all for today, folks, All
for today. Another week of scrubbing in.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
Next week we're back and I test my ovulation.
Speaker 4 (27:00):
Oh my god, stay tuned, Stay tuned, everybody. You know.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
I'm excited because last month I was on day twelve
after do the math, it was day twelve.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
No, say this, save this for the pod. This is
what you mean. Save this for the next week. Give
the scrubbers something to look forward.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
I feel like you're making fun of me.
Speaker 2 (27:24):
I'm gonna say it.
Speaker 3 (27:25):
Don't make it feels making fun.
Speaker 4 (27:27):
Don't give it all the way right now, Wait till
we can talk about it in depth and have an
update on Monday.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
I feel she'd make it fun of me.
Speaker 6 (27:35):
No, I don't get that at all.
Speaker 4 (27:37):
Secret will never tell you know you love me, xoxo,
gossip Girl
Hosts And Creators
Tanya Rad
Rebecca Tilley
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