Pass The Gravy #570: Alex's Dad!

Alex welcomes his Dad to the podcast to talk about golf, mugshots, and being a Dad. They also learn about spontaneous combustion and power rank potatoes. 

Follow the show on twitter/X: @passthegravypod, @AlexJMiddleton, @NotPatDionne, and @RobertBarbosa

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Bravy Gang Gang Gang Baby, Popthe Top and lead spread. That's what
listening to the past, The GrayGrave, go and fish and far your
Bitch today with drunk and Houston HoustonBaby. Now we go ahead and lick

(00:20):
him? Were get rich today?Witch bitch, Gravy, Gravy, Gravy
Gay. What is going on?It is past the gravy episode. I

(00:46):
don't know. I don't know whatepisode this is. This is a emergency
break the glass in case of Alexhis wife having a baby podcast. I
am recording with a very special guest. He's been too many of these live
events through the five hundred plus episodesyou've done. He has supported the podcast
through so many other things, andhe's also my father. So welcome to

(01:08):
the podcast, Mark Hilts, what'sgoing on here? Happy? Been a
minute? Been a minute? Iguess you've never been on the podcast before,
but I think it's the first foran old man. Yes, it
did, but I feel very expectSo I start. We started the podcast
with the pre come segment. Youknow this, but it is the pre
comeback kids segment. Nothing dirty,nothing in appropriate about this. And I

(01:30):
usually bring in some ideas that I'vegot if you have the ideas, I
would love it for you you toshare with me. We've been watching golf
though while we got ready for allof this today the PGA Championships going on.
As were recording this current episode,I had an idea. Cricket,
All right, Cricket is you runback and forth. It's like baseball,
but the bases are just you gothere and you go back. Why don't

(01:52):
we do like a driving range.He did the driving range, but it's
just lanes of ut off from onetea box. The green is right there.
Right behind that green is another teabox that you tee off back towards
the original tea box. It alsohas a green. You could move holes
around, have a bunch of differentholes and just number like this is actually

(02:15):
a whole number one. It's stillin the same green, but you could
have up to eighteen holes and thatway you could have like a shotgun kind
of like, hey, I gotoff work at five, the sun goes
down at seven. I only gottime for like you could go you could
play like, hey, it's thewhat is it? What does the special
they have at golf courses? Yeah, you can do the twilight thing,
Like maybe you get two holes andthis you could just keep going back and

(02:36):
forth. Why don't you get insteadof a golf driving range, just buy
like however much that would be,and just set up five or six lanes
of these. You could do itlike bowl I don't know, I mean
because of the errant shots that peopleare gonna hit you, that's kind of
but like when bowling, sometimes somebodybowls in your lane, but you gotta
have walls, you have nets.That's very doable. I think we should

(03:02):
just stick to nine holes. Nineholes. No, okay, all right,
I'm just trying to throw out ideasthat have changed the game. It
was made for chasing cop This isn'tnecessarily for the game to like do an
eighteen holes. This is like,hey, I only want to do this.
Would you really do that? Atop golf? Because it's like you
keep going back and forth between thesame thing. What's the like, what's
a four apart four? What's apart? Four? Are four? Four

(03:23):
strokes and four hundred? It's gonnaanything from three to seventy five. We
might have dogs walking in during thisepisodute. Shat just to Sinco is just
Sinko hanging out with us. Butyeah, that's enough for I'm gonna a
driving range is pretty much five hundredyards, but you got a second shot.
So if you're doing a driving rangewhere you get on the green in

(03:46):
one, so would we do apar three? Okay, but not the
worst idea, not the worst idea, but the worst yeat. Pat usually
hates the purity of the game.I'm gonna be a soft No. One.
Okay, Okay, I don't know. I was just trying to spipball
coming out here. Next thing Iadd was a Scotty Scheffler as we're watching

(04:10):
the PGA Championship got arrested over theweek. He had a mug shot.
I thought Scotty was going to bea smiling in the mugshot kind of guy.
Do you think it makes you lookcrazier if you smile or don't smile
in a mug shot. Well,fortunately, I've never had a mug shot.
I had too, and I didn'tsmile on either. Now I look
back to and I see no reasonwhy Scotty would have been smiled. But

(04:30):
I do think it's gonna make himmoney in the long run. And whoever
the idiot was that or rest ofhim is gonna probably be looking we're working
a desk shob, maybe maybe reducedto desk. I mean, the guy
was just trying to go to workand he's in a tournament courtesy car that

(04:53):
has its sticker on the side thatsays turn the car, and they're in
front of where the turn right?Yeah right, I got nothing for that.
And I'm a law enforcement guy.I think it's great. No way,
no way, that's that's bullshit.I just I always see sometimes people
like smiling like like maniacally in inmug shots, and I'm like, is

(05:15):
that cool, Like if you're justcrazy, but if you're just ready,
like like a school picture day smile, Like I feel like that now looks
crazier because Scottie Shefferer made me likeI would have no even like, you
don't look crazy if you just havea regular school smile. I think Scotty
shefferd just be like, I'm justgonna do the basic, like whatever I
get. I think you look morecrazy enough smiling than if you don't smile.
He looks like a guy that's madeeight million dollars in the less month.

(05:42):
Yeah, he's like too busy toI don't need to be here.
I mean, this is not goingto be long. I'm gonna be a
good lawyer. I'm gonna make surethis shot, this charge is dropped.
But I hope he wins. He'shaving a rough day to day. Uh,
he's six strokes behind. That's alot of distance to make up.
And yeah, and he's he's doingall right. Mut's move on. Let's

(06:10):
move on to the pre come segment. I have one one other observation ad
seagull. The name seagull is thatjust a combination of sea and eagle.
Never thought of the eagles of thesea. I mean they're kind of scumbags,
which they are, eagles filled upeagles and gardens. I personally think

(06:31):
they're trash birds, but they are. But my hometown of Salisbury and Maryland,
they the college that's there, youknow, the Salisbury seagulls, their
seagulls. That's that. You know. I have a hat with a fighting
seagull. That was a cool mascot. It is a cool mascot now it

(06:51):
is. It's kind of crazy.But if you throw Alpha Seltzer up the
seagulls, though he didn't then didn'texplode, that's as I did that one
time, it was not. Ifelt bad. I felt bad something you
should. Well, hey, Robert, bleep this out of that pocket were

(07:11):
we went to that Peters gave meso pissed. Pissed but just like seagull
an eagle kind of sound the same. And I was like, is it
just sea eagle? And if youthink about it, the Philadelphia Eagles trash,
garbage, Philadelphia garbage. What isseagulls like garbage? Seagulls? Yeah,
diapers, like they just eat useddiapers is what they do. That

(07:32):
makes sense. There's Sea Eagles.Well I don't want to we can't deny
it, but I don't want tomean the eagle by Philadelphia joining them with
I don't think it's fair to theeagle. I mean, I've seen videos
of reelballed Eagles eating trash. Theydo represent this country, they do represent

(07:56):
this country. But the Philadelphia thing, the salaries, See you're hating on
Philly because of football, Yeah,absolutely, you know, if you just
hate on Philly football, that's onething, but Philly everything. I mean,
two weeks ago, I was atthe Rocky Statue. It was kind
of midt though, kind of orated. Well they moved it. There was

(08:20):
a way up on the stairs.Now it's down on the side. He
got booted and he's not real thefictional characters, fictional character, but he's
probably one of the few that madePhiladelphia look good. Yeah, well that's
how you The only way to makephiladelphill look good is fiction. Really,
when you look at it, thatNational treasure, which is just Nicholas Cage

(08:43):
and Chef Steaks, which is good, but they's got the best kind of
steak. It's not the best kindof steak. We did a power ranking
not too long ago, a coupleof weeks ago of sandwiches and Chef Steak
was one of my things. Iput it fourth, but the Chief Steaks
mass that they're good. They're good. And so you got to get Philly
that football. I'm with you onehundred hate him, right, you know,

(09:05):
all garbage, but I can't hatehim on the Chief day they got
there's one thing to come out ofPhiladelphic positive is the cheese Day. And
then Rocky board and okay, allright, they're gonna have that Bell's bells
sucked. Arthur Middleton signed the declaration. That's true. We're a big,

(09:28):
big declaration side that's family descendants.So if you look at ut Middleton on
the Declaration Independence, this country wasn'tfound with Adius. That's right, country
wasn't founded with ad Us. We'rewe're patriots. So don't say me shooting
on Philadelphia is the anti American.My my namesake is on there, so
unless your name is also unless you'rea Hancock or is it Franklin or Jefferson,

(09:52):
which is kind of problematic now,but not even get the Jeffersons.
But don't come at me say I'manti American because we signed the decoration.
Actually, yeah, never say I'mnot American. My name's on the decoration
like that is about you of patriotas I can be. And what's interesting
is Arthur put himself out of businesswoman and signed it because he was selling
everything he made or grew to theBritish. Yeah, they were pissed off.

(10:18):
And again people forget like they did. It wasn't signed like after the
last time before the war, likewe gotta win this whole we're as giant
underdogs and uh, we're giving upour businesses. So that was pretty cool
of the Middletons back in the day. That was pretty much the only like
weird, weird, just like ideasI had. I did have some other

(10:39):
things I wanted to talk about withyou. I'm a big proponent of the
put the damn cart back. I'ma big put the car back in the
goddamn corral guy. I got intothis because I worked at Progrier as my
first job. I got five twentyfive an hour. I've said this many
times the podcast. You though thatwas a news resolution in two thousand and
one? Was it two thousand andone for you? Yeah, it's a

(11:01):
long time you had been on thiscrusade. And I was like, Dad,
I absolutely get it. I remembereverybody. I understand this. You
started the put the damn car backcrusade, and you're how many years strong
now? Well, I mean twentythree years. I have never left the
party, and that includes and thehardest challenge is spect really it is because

(11:24):
they don't have a card, correct, So you have to take it all
the way back in the store,rain or shine. I've done that.
It's been such an obsession for methat even Kim's mom would not leave a
car because she couldn't do it becauseshe thought I would be mad. That's
what I like. And you knowmy grandmother or his grandmother wasn't well and

(11:48):
still would not leave a card inthe parking. It's stupid. It makes
no sense, and I'm pretty adamantabout it. He picked that up.
He's done a great job with it. I have actually gotten carts that people
pushed in the middle in front ofthem and walked in front of them and

(12:13):
pointed at the cart and put itat the corral. I pick up carts
going into the store. It's justbut you've never done the like. I
started to be more combative about it, where you put the cart behind their
car and they backed into it.I ended that twice and then this guy
I thought was gonna get my ass, so I stopped doing that. But

(12:33):
I think it sends the message whereyou backed into a cart. See no,
but see like the beauty of thisis like, now you learned this
is what other people's cars have happened. That sucks. I'm just glad that
it happened to yours and that's someoneelse's car. They didn't do this,
and then they usually I don't knowto say, you just walk off,
But yeah, I'm not gonna bethat guy. I will try to make

(12:54):
them feel bad. About it.Yeah, but I'm not going to speak
to them because if they were leavethem car in the park and great point,
it takes two seconds. It is. It's not even for the store,
it's for the other people who areusing that part. And if the

(13:15):
wind's blowing and it hits a car, it puts a den in it.
There's a million reasons. You can'thow many times have you tried to pull
in a spot and it's a reallygreat spot and then you find a car
right in the middle of it andyou either going to get out or whatever.
It's just being a good human.I agree, and that that's why
we You know, I will neverleave one ever, And I can say,

(13:41):
and I've got twenty plus years ofevidence that i haven't done that.
And my plus ratio, and aplus ratio is when not only do you
not leave one, but you grabone or two on your way into the
store and take them out of theway. I got hundreds. So it's
important to me. I'm dead,it's important to you. You've taken it

(14:05):
to a new level where you're combatdwith it. I'm not. I do
and I'm not so like my newthing, I've been trying to do is
I'm becoming a dad, so Ineed to like act like not a piece
of shit out in public in frontof So it's like, all right,
I'm only mad, but I'm notgonna do the yelling thing. I'm not
gonna do this. So my newthing is like if you just point a

(14:26):
lot of times, like it's sortof soon. Yeah, like you just
if you're watching a YouTube version ofit, you just point at the cart
equent thing and you just don't sayany to them, And sometimes they realize
a lot of times they don't andthey just think you're being a dick.
But I'll be a dick to youbecause you're being a bigger dick because you're

(14:46):
not putting your cart back but Ipopped it up on the curb. That
doesn't matter, dude. But they'regot guys that do this. No,
those guys jobs is not to justput carts back. Those guys out to
do a bunch of other things.Putting carts back is one of the things.
But you're making their jobs harder.And you know their job is related
to this to get it out ofthe crowd and put it back. So
put it back in the fucking crowd. That now it's there within every twenty

(15:07):
fucking cars. It's not that hardto do. I feel that the baton.
Oh it absolutely ass and I feelvery good. So it's your job
for the next generation. And babyL needs to understand when she gets older
and she can push a card.Yeah, I can't wait till the first

(15:28):
thing put it in the crowd.I'll get hurt of yell at people,
and then when a kid yells atyou, you gotta feel way worse.
This is my this is the youth, the youth of America are telling you
put the damn park back. It'spersonal to me and it probably shouldn't be,
but I gotta tell you it's theright thing. It is. It's
a very simple thing that I wildon do. And it's like when somebody

(15:50):
says, like, being a dickto a waiter shows what about you.
I think that's the second thing.It's like that shows you're a giant because
nobody's watching, yes, and whenyou do something, we'll look good when
nobody's watching. Right. I mean, I'm not a great person, but
like I can put a car back, so that covers up for a lot

(16:11):
of the other balance. It's allabout balancing like you be bad and good.
You just gotta put your car backand then you can write off a
lot of other That's what I'm saying. That's all I'm saying. Well,
do we have Yeah, and Ihad pretty much put any in records.
If I had been a you're notyou've only had two sons. You've only

(16:33):
had two sons. I'm gonna bea hashtag girl dad. I don't know,
you know, that's the that's thecool new thing to do. What
do you think would have been differentabout raising daughters as opposed to sons?
You never had to do that,but like in your mind, like what
would your plan have been? Oris it just you kind of figure that
as you go. That's that's atough answer. Just because I wasn't really

(16:56):
good at being the boy dad,I thought, you know, we just
figure it out. Maybe I wouldbe a little more protective, hum just
because I worry about having a daughterversus a son. But I don't think
there'd be a lot of difference.You know, when we when you were

(17:18):
a baby and you were a littlewe were in Memphis, Tennessee, and
we had no family, no friends. We were just me and Kim and
so every day was was figure itout, and and we figured it out.

(17:40):
We didn't have a lot of money, and we said that didn't matter.
Yeah, it didn't matter at all. But we had a lot of
fun with you guys. And it'sit's a tough job. When you have
your first child, you can't imaginehow you could get through it, and
then when you have your second child, you can't everyone imagine why you thought

(18:06):
having won was hard. You justkind of roll with the day and you're
fortunate and I was fortunate with havinga fantastic apartment. And that's what makes
it work, because you know,there's twenty four hours in every day and

(18:26):
that little baby doesn't know what kindof day is. Yeah, there tends
up babies and dumb shit. Wellthey're not dumb. Well, they haven't
had a chance to grow yet.So it may be three o'clock in the
morning, you get paid, tryto sleep enough to get to go to
work. They're hungry. Yeah,they're like, hey, I don't really

(18:48):
eat, I gotta eat, sowell, having a girl would have been
been different. You know, theMiddleton family. If you look at all
our generations, every general ration onlyhave one mm hmm. All the rest
of right or wrong. That's thegood news is the male carry your name.

(19:11):
But so gang's kind of like that'sI did my part. Yeah,
I got to Middleton and now Ihave two daughters. So but it is
kind of interesting though. I've noticedthat, like, uh, not people
that I really talk to, butI've seen instances where people it's that you
get shamed for having like a daughteror whatever thing. I don't think people

(19:34):
really you can't pick like it's justa coin toss, isn't it like a
hundred percent of that? Wow,what a pussy You couldn't produce a But
I mean maybe I'm a pussy becausethey can produce like a male like the
offspring, but whatever, I don'treally care. That's definitely how do you
think we have women? Like they'rehalf of the people have women too?

(19:56):
That that holds no place with me. I mean unless you're you know,
a Windsor in England and you haveto have a male heir for the king,
which the middle she got in onthat shout out to Kate. Kate
didn't invite me to Kate Winsor.But that's that's bullshite. Yeah, and

(20:19):
women are running so much of thecountry. Now. It's just and there's
nothing wrong with that. I don'tthink anybody should get a job because they're
male or feed. They should geta job because of their merit. I
don't care about race, religion oranything. Are you good or not?
That's all what you do. Sobeing demeaned because you had a daughter versus

(20:44):
a son, to me, yeah, it's a weird. Uh, it
was a weird take I saw.But I don't know if people realize that
you don't really have control over that. No, you don't. If some
people can't have a kid at all, and then it's like, well you
can't because I really can't what itis. I mean, honestly, in
the beginning, I was like,yeah, I'm a dude. I would

(21:06):
love it to be boy. I'vealways wanted a little baby Eli, Like,
I love l already. But shecan't go pro. She can't go
pro. And in the NFL youdon't yet you don't have to stop.
That's true. That's true. Man. If my son's in the NFL quarterback,
I think how much money will havehow about just help that too?

(21:26):
I mean first, obviously there thenNFL quarterback can be next to for the
Giants, for the Giants. Ijust what happens? Can you drop like
a twenty seven year old off atthe fire station? Like I don't know
this kid anymore? Not? Ohthink you have all? Right? I

(21:48):
had Pat was gonna be here,Pat had We recorded this right after all
the power went out and Pat hadthe power come on at his work and
they told him and he need togo in to help out some Pats night
here. The first time you metPat was at his house. The Detroit
Red Wings had just lost Stanley CupGame seven in two thousand and eight finals.

(22:11):
Broke through hat. I didn't hewas gonna bring TV top of the
hat all Squatchy learned that lady,it broke the TV. Do you remember
meeting Pat that day where it wasat just more of a more because also
at the same time, I hada friend, he Bred Waller, who

(22:32):
helped us move will stuff to shoethe trailer, So uh it was it
was not it was Yeah. TVhas cost more back then, and there
was really no reason why because CityCrosby, Detroit City should break. He

(22:56):
shouldn't cost me, right, Imean, honestly, Cidney Crosby should have
paid for that team He's made enoughMoneyways, you guys are good about a
thousand, right, No, Imean obvious hand out that was me,
that was on me. But whichis a problem that you don't have to
I think I had the I've madeover the anger that you get because of

(23:19):
a sports game. Did you everhave any anger like that? Like,
like, like at all doing thatat all? None of that was from
you you at all. No,I was capable of separating demise of my
favorite team, and I didn't havethe expectations that in a football game the

(23:44):
other team wouldn't get a first downor complete pass. Well, it's good
defense. You're unrealistic. I don'tthink I'm realist. I just expect the
best. I have high expectations,and I think that's a nice thing to
have. I expectations. But you'dhave to have the ability to separate you're
anger from that, which I've workedon. Now, yelling is different than

(24:10):
breaking things. That's a status now, not this, she's more not sands
last, okay, which, Hell, that's a stride in the right direction.
We're working baby steps. Since babysteps. This isn't an overnight really

(24:30):
tiny baby, really tiny baby stepsthree five years so far. But you
were you were a we don't sayanywhere on the podcast racist but Our Words
fan. You're an Our Words fan. Growing up, you were a Baltimore
Polts fan initially, right, Iwas Colts fan. You grew up in
Southbury, Maryland. There are theColts and they were in the Redskins and

(24:52):
gone in United I remember the days, and I remember watching the Colts.
I was a big fan of theColts. The one play I remember was
Johnny United as a fairly old guyon the two yard line, their own

(25:14):
two yard line, and they calleda quarterback sneaking sixty yards, which nobody
even thought he could run sixty yards. It was the most amazing audible nobody
was expecting. But then the Coltsleft in the middle of the night,
went to Cleveland, and so mymom would never give. She hated Kate

(25:41):
Manning and Kate Manning wasn't even bornwell. And she also hated because Don
Shula left to the Dolphin, andthen she never forgave all the way to
his death. And I think Icarry that gene from her because I am
a patty motherfucker where it's like,Okay, you fucked our team one time,

(26:02):
like I hate you. I hopeyou die. I don't want you
to do anything ever. So Ilove that it but the Redskins have been
part of my life growing up,through the Joe Gibbsia, through the good
and the bad. They won SuperBowl and they were I guess maybe the
most important thing is they hat,which is something you taught me very early

(26:27):
on and as you were a verysmall child, I told you that in
the gray Pants, we don't wantthey won that Super Bowl. We were
not happy that they won that SuperBowl. To be Cordel Stewart, the
Steelers, I can't remember the duobefore the Packers beat the Patriot to whichever
tuber Bowl that was superl Whether wedon't rook for that Tam you're showing your

(26:49):
age because that's the last time theywanted to. Which is there's there's many
people a lot today. I lovethat. But I do love that.
All we hear is there gonna winthe Super Bowl. But then they get
to the playoffs and they well theyhave the NFC championship, don't they.
Oh wait, they have been Thisis like no, they have no,

(27:11):
You're right, they don't get thereeither. I think pretty much the Texans
have more playoff wins than since theSuper Bowl U Cowboys, the Texans had
more playoff wins since the Texans havebeen a team. They have equally admitted,
Yeah, I'm backt about that.I'm not gonna hate on the Cowboys.

(27:33):
There's a lot of Cowboys fans outthere. I'm sorry about that.
Uh, you know they have programsfor you if you need to get into
one. Yeah, but get real, it ain't America team. I'd like
to think though, that you teachingme that you just hate the Cowboys that
much and then then never winning again, like somehow our hatred of that but

(27:57):
went into them like we j becauseI do. I don't know if you
know about my powers that you havethe Jink's ability. I have Jinks so
successfully drinks the Dallas Stars and likethree consecutive playoffs. They made it to
the finals during Kobe when I hadit drinks them before that, and I
drinked them in the Stanley Cup finals. They didn't get that done. I
jinks Dak Prex Scott, I've thinkedJinks Kyler Murray who just gets injured NonStop

(28:21):
because he's a little baby back bitbecause he wouldn't sign autograph or will take
a picture of me. I toldhim he was a bomb in. Daniel
Jones is gonna be way better thanDaniel Jones one playoff win Kyler Murray zero.
So I've lived up to that.I'm I'm great at cursing. And
maybe you being like we don't likethe team of the silar Pants, you'd
been like, fuck that team inthe silver pants that maybe I've cursed the
Cowbs. Am I really responsible?Are we responsible for the downfall of the

(28:41):
Cowboys? No? Absolutely not.That's I hope he never dies. Yeah,
he needs and his son is learningfrom him, I hope as well.
And they need to give dakally like, honestly, I don't think I
think he's worth more than Patrick Mahomes, like twenty years. Maybe I'm saying

(29:03):
twenty years a million a year.Can we do that? Is that?
Just give him a blank contract whateverwhatever Dak wants and then see Lamb.
Look, see Lamb's disposable. Youcan get receivers, Michael Parsons, you
didn't get another You can give hima linebacker. You can't get another Dak
Prescott. I think they should getonly Dak Prescott's Let's get only Dak Prescotts,

(29:30):
that's really what what was What wasit like when you were a Reds
fan and your son was not aRed Excuses fan? Did you? Were
you mad at any point in timethat I was like the Giants based on
a Disney movie that I was likebecause they beat the Cowboys, and I

(29:51):
was like, they beat the cowboys. I like that team to beat the
cowboys on this movie. That's reallife. And then I quickly realize the
Giants in real life, we're notgood. But I stuck it out forever
and then they got good two years. It didn't bother, you know,
because I feel like I was theGiants. Man, it's gonna well,
you gotta let them if she's theCowboys, So I'm taking her fire dish,

(30:15):
I'm taking her. I can't.I'm not letting her be. She's
not that way. She's a while. You can't her grand her other grandfather
is a Cowboys fan. That iswhat freaks me out. I don't want
to be It's gonna kill me whenshe if she if she does that,
she may not even care about rightbetter because but then I'm stupid and I

(30:41):
like this dumb game and I'm like, no, you do't understand what was
the best. But I hate theCowboys. I gave him crayn On the
cheerleader. She can't ch well,the Cowboys cheerleaders, that's not that's the
best part of the team. Theyare. I'm not gonna dog them.
The cheerleader. They are the numberone Cowboys cheerleaders every year. The Cowboys,

(31:06):
shu the Giants. We focus onfootball, so we don't really need
you. Well, everybody's gotta havesomething. I guess. Yeah, I
mean, hey, look at they'renot winning the Super Bowl, but look
at these girls. Let's let's,you know, let's brag out some women
and then you know, sexualize them. Huh, that's what we need.
Wow, great job, Jerry Jarah. As they would say, as they

(31:30):
said, the man made a lotof money. He did, making a
lot of money and he doesn't needBut fucking all right, let's move on.
Let's move on. Let's do somesegments. Let's do some segments.
We do the not Cool segment everyweek. When I started this podcast,
it's just for me, the ventand try and get to a full hour.

(31:53):
And Curtis and I bitched about alot of things. Anyways, I
was like, well, let's justmake this eventing session I have. We
usually read some listener reviewer submitted notcools. We're not doing that this week
since this is an interesting, weirdepisode. It's a one off episode we're
gonna be doing. But if youhave a not cool, hit hit us
up. We're at past Great pot. Use the hashtag PTG not cool.

(32:14):
That's how we search for them atpass Grey Pod hashtag PTG not cool.
There's a lot of things in lifethat are not cool. If you stub
your toe, that's not cool.If you get run over by a bus
that's a little bit bigger but notcool. But they're all kinds of the
same things. Hit us up hashtagPTG not cool. We're gonna pick some
of the best ones each week toread on the normal episodes of the podcast.
If you're also not watching us onYouTube, don't forget you watch every

(32:36):
episode of Past Few on YouTube.It's YouTube dot com. Slash a pass
for your podcast, or just goto YouTube dot com and then search Past
Wee podcast. Make sure you subscribeinto that. If you're watching us on
YouTube, go listen to the audioversion as well. If you're doing buds,
just hit both hit play on boatsgive us, give us the clicks
either or it helps us out.We got to get the advertisers. We
gotta pay Robert rob the be leaveus and you guys suit at past grape

(33:00):
pod hashtag PTJ pull and go subscribeto a YouTube channel past reading podcast on
YouTube. This is the not snot cool man, Dude, that's cool.

(33:21):
I will go first with my notcool if you want to think of
one, while I go first withmine. My not cool This week is
I've never really been a nap guybefore, not big on naps, and
I've recently, in the last monthor so, become a nap guy where
I was like, if I gethome at this time, I can nap
for an hour and then it justmakes me feel way more rested. I'm

(33:43):
about to have a kid, andif you're listening to this podcast, I've
obviously my wife's in the process ofhaving this kid. So this is over.
This is me talking about this isover. I got into enjoying naps
just before I'm supposed to gave upnaps for life. That's my now.
It's just like, naps are kindof cool. I didn't get any sleep,
Let me get one or two hoursback. Wow, I feel rested

(34:06):
for the rest of the day.Now that's gone, and now I'm just
gonna be tired well, because Ithink when you have your child picking that
there's no law against because that's thecute pictures. I can just be like
Shirtlett, shirtless dad and daughter outwith hell and but you don't get to

(34:27):
pick when you're taking naps more so, that's really like just passing out after
watching soccer at the bar and havingsix kits. You don't just get to
go home and nap from eleven tothree. Ever, don't whatever. Ever,
she's funny in college movie. Butbeing a nap guy late in life,

(34:51):
right before I have my kid,was probably the worst decision I've ever
made, because now I appreciate themjust when I can't do them on my
own call. You'll figure, Ihope. So what do you have is
now? You know every day Idrive to work, there is an idiot

(35:13):
on the road that, in rushhour traffic thinks by running past me,
cutting me off, cutting this guyoff, moving back over there, moving
back over there. For some reason, they think they're gonna get there fast
and they're not. I'm just tellingyou you're gonna get there. When you

(35:37):
get there, you may be ableto cut thirty seconds a minute off of
your trip, but you're gonna havea wreck. You're gonna ruin your car
at everybody else's day. Stop it. I like when people do that at
lights and then you catch up tothat person at that same light. Hey,

(35:58):
yes, thanks by the way,huh. And I don't you know,
I can get to work whenever Iget to work, So I'm not
going to buy trying to get thework. We'll take that. Who's idiots,
They're just stupid and they should startgreat. That's good. That's a
good not cool, that's a solidenough, And I'll move on to the

(36:22):
answer segment. And I don't reallyhave it. I don't have the reads
yet. Somebody the other read thatI have if you haven't read this week
for the podcast Robert. So thisis where we play. The answer is
intro. You just answer to thequestion. Just answer the question, you
answer, answer, don't thank thesubject. Just answer that funk question,

(36:45):
answer, answer answer any questions.All right, the final seven one more.
You almost made it through all this. I'm sorry. If it's the
worst thing you've ever done, Iapologize. It's kind of weird, isn't
it. I Mean, I feellike, do you when you watch the
podcast, look when you're at it, they're like, this is kind of

(37:07):
weird that that's like an entire fiton just whatever we're talking about. Yeah,
we watch a lot of podcasts,so this is pretty much what you
assume all podcasts that they mostly they'reall like this. They're all just like
they're all just as separate. Allright. So the answer segment, if
you have any questions for us,you know, parenting advice, huh,

(37:29):
you want relationship advice, you wantpower rank things, We will power rank
the fuck out of all those thebest at power ranking on this podcast.
Just give us five similarly related things. We will power rank the fuck out
of them. If you just havea high thought, a drunk thought,
any questions you got at all thatyou want our pins on at past a
pod on Twitter used ashtag PTG answersuntil we find them first, although this

(37:52):
week we are going to some ofthe emails you get email to us or
pastre a pod at gmail dot com. We don't have answers at pass threepod
dot com because we got of ourwebsite. It's pastorate pod at gmail dot
com. Use just put answers inthe subject and will be there. But
if you want to reach us onTwitter at patree pod hashtag ptg answers,

(38:12):
that's how you submit your questions.This is the answer se So let's start
with Todd Boss at as Underscore seenUnderscore by TV on Twitter. Todd says,
if you were a piece of furniture, what would you be? Mm
hmm. I think I think thecouch. The couch. People fart on

(38:36):
couch all the time. I wouldhave wanted to be at dinner team because
you get to be in on all, like a lot of the conversation that's
going on and the gossip sometimes wellyou can say that, but how many
times dinner table I don't have.But I wouldn't I always thinking anything on
anything? Yeah everyone also with everybody. Everybody does. But i' like dinner.

(39:02):
Then sometimes food falls on yout soyou got like a snack too.
I think there would be a positive. Yeah, you learn a lot.
You're kind of the focal point,you're in the center of the time.
Yeah, so it be that wouldbe my logic for that. But I
do like that question the question alot time. All right, let's go

(39:23):
to Luke soyingho emailed his question andhe says, why doesn't anyone ever die
of spontaneous combustion? They have?Well, so when I I did some
research, and it's not to bragor anything, but a little known fact
a spontaneous combustion is the invention ofthe folio vaccine in nineteen fifty. It

(39:45):
made more people more soluble, sowe didn't spontaneously combust as often as they
used to. Now, it didhappen, and it's happened since, but
it's just not it's not as common, and it's all because FDR and we
kid. That's like that was absolutelymade out, Like I've heard of people

(40:09):
spontaneous I think I've never heard ofspontaneous combustion. I've never heard of people
spontaneously combusting that was involved in theexplosion and they blew up. But no,
to me, it seemed like witchcraft, where it's like witch is spontaneously
combustion. I was like, thatwoman did this thing I don't like,
so that's just burner And it waslike, was that what spontaneous combustion was?

(40:32):
Which? So I was like,what was around Witch's time? Let's
go with that Robert just cut thatup as a crypto and make it seem
like I just was like spontaneous combustionended with polio vaccines. See you guys,
the vaccines are good. Some peopledon't like that. Some people don't
like vaccines that are watching. Vaccinesare not that bad against vaccines. That

(40:57):
combustion of humans bullshit. I meanI'm anti spontaneous. I am too,
Honestly, that might be the bestway to go there. You just don't
know. You just done boom right, it's over, Like whether they're like
if people always say, like thesun is gonna explode and it's gonna come
and just surround these and you're justgonna die in a ballfire in like three

(41:21):
seconds, Like I would love that, Like, I mean, I don't
want to die, but like ifyou had to go, it's like if
the sun just swallows us in threeseconds, Like that's the cool way to
go. It's quick, three secondsworth of like three seconds max of pain.
Like I don't want to hurt.I don't want to really be there
the whole time. I'd like itto be fast. That's something to strive

(41:44):
for. If the world just blewup and like everybody's just gone, okay,
like I don't know, Yeah,that's exactly. I just don't want
to be drawn out or anything likethat. Okay, all right, all
right, great question, Luke swearmhm Okay, now you't the powering the
powering Jordan Welch. He's at JayUnderscore Welch two seven, nine to five

(42:07):
on Twitter, and Jordan says powerrank potatoes, and he gives us five
types of potatoes, either baked potatoes, mashed potatoes, hash browns, French
fries, and potato South first place. French fries from Thrashers in Ocean City.

(42:28):
That's yeah, you haven't been there, spoke about let's go. Nothing
compares to that one. Hash brownsfrom waffle House. I would put the
second, okay, I didn't think, so stay hash guns. It's a

(42:49):
good movie. They're there. They'reconsistent, and recount mashed potatoes and Thanksgiving.
Yeah he's trenching and baby and thenthe rest of them. Put any
where you want, but you gottathrow in there the purple, the purple
potato. And so I great honorwill mention to throwing into a purple sweet
potato. Okay, it's not assweet. It doesn't leak all over your

(43:15):
oven? Why the potatoes always justleak over others? That's like a big
potato. Uh, that makes sense. And then does anybody clean up what's
it called the little light thing onthe oven? The bottom part lights up
all red filement element element to thatthing. Uh, you have to.

(43:39):
It smokes, so yeah. Iusually just let it smoke it out until
it stops. Yeah. Uh,but apartments, I don't is that some

(43:59):
do you guys have europents clean themselveslike a Vagiana self cleaning, right,
that's what I heard. I don'tknow. I don't know. Oh no,
I would power rank it. Iwould go French fries one obviously.
Then you go baked potato, becauseI think the baked potato kind of is

(44:21):
to choose your own adventure. Youcan deck out of baked potato however you
want. Then I go matched potatoesthree, because matched potatoes slightly less is
less good as a baked potato.It's still good, though. Or I
gotta go Hatch browns. Now thatyou mentioned waffle House, I think I

(44:42):
gotta go specifically waffle House Hash brown. Well, you can suck. I've
had shit hash and sometimes it's saggy, I'm just threshed. But fresh fries.
If you're like potatoes, like that'sthe best thing potatoes have ever made,
Like that's your that's your best,you know, like if if they're
making offspring, like the best offspanof potato ever is a French fry.

(45:04):
Well, but how many places doyou put ketchup on your French fries and
they don't even offer ketchup because theyknow they're so good. You also put
vinegar on it too, that whichis different, and I think, yeah,
I think when you put vinegar onfries, those fries have to be
really good because you're like this wayyou're puting vinegar on because vinegar most times
is like that ruins something. Butthese aren't frozen, they're cut right there.

(45:30):
Get a bucket, like a KFCbucket of chicken, but of fries
for like twelve bucks for French fry. So the thrashers French fries. You
will not be dising Maryland stand inline. It's work. You didn't even
go watch the line. You cantell your family to watch. You see
that. My parents would go upto Maryland watch us the line. Fashers.

(45:52):
Okay, I got a couple more. Megan l emails in and says,
how would you describe the colored blueto someone without using the word blue?
You guys say, look at thesky on a clear day, look
at the sky with no class,look at the sky. It's like that,

(46:13):
sometimes darker, sometimes a little lighter, but that that color. Or
go to Turks and Kekos and lookat the water. That's a good one
too. Water sky is pretty good. Where like just look up or look
at the water. Is those colors? Well? But you have to have

(46:36):
white sand under it? Doesn't?Yeah's you Gallous or Coasta Rica. It's
a volcanic island. Island volcanic sothe sand is black. So the sand
is black. So the blue waterdoesn't look blue because the sands underneath it.

(46:59):
It just looks are But it's justas clear, just as pristine.
I didn't know that. But youhave kekos and it's really white. Sam,
that's sure beautiful blue. All right. That was an interesting question though,
just to explain color is somebody withoutbeing able to do that color well,

(47:22):
especially if you're blind. Yeah,like how do you build a blind
person? Like, yeah, they'rein the blue shirts. We don't know
what those are. There's always thosesoccer videos and they'll be like this person's
blind friend he took to a gameand he'll like basically narrate the game by
putting his fingers on his back.So it's like, all right, we
get the ball here, this ishere, and it's like the red red,

(47:44):
I don't know red. I don'tknow red. We read what is
blue? Say the names? Allright, let's wrap this up. We
have one fine questions from ray Mundobeing a Vedez at k Mundo be on
winter and Mundo says, jet skisthe motorcycles in the sea. No I

(48:10):
thought, yeah, how are theynot? Because you got are there everything
their motorcycles and their wheels. Well, but they're people aren't using them for
transportation point a point. They usethe motorcycles from the groundation. That's what
motorcyclists do. Anyways, they're notreally traveling with that. You're like,
let's all get into twelve deep thingand where a leather jackets are are what

(48:35):
are they called? The silks areleathers, colors are colors. We're gonna
go we go to some ice houseand be like, look at our twelve
books, Look at how tough weare. That's what jet skis are but
just for frat ros. I likefrat ro bikeings. I mean, you
know, I guess, But tome, you're just dicking around in the
water. You're just digging around ofthe road. That's not car. Well,

(49:00):
you're born to point. It's likewhen somebody's main vehicle is a motorcycle,
do you judge? Like I'm like, come on, Bud, you're
not like really like that's your onlymotor transportation to the motorcycle. I get
it if you're just like a singledude that lives by yourself. But like,
I don't know of anybody that wouldhave only a motorcycle that's a hobby.
Though that's a hobby of jetsky.Nobody does anybody just have a jetsk

(49:22):
My good friend Bill Quickly Harley daall his life, start getting married the
day shout out his head. He'sa nut. He's a motorcycle. He
has two motorcycles at somebody else's house, so his wife doesn't know he has
those two motorcycles. So that's moreof a bullet. But you can't have

(49:45):
a butt. He's he's you know, last time he rode his bike was
three weekends ago. All the wayto North Carolina for a motorcycle, and
so he's using it a jet ski. Well, you can do. I
mean, you're not fishing off ofmakes too much noise. You're really not

(50:07):
going from here to there, youcan't. You're just going and doing circles
and busting yourself around and popping overwaves, which is not wrong. But
it is a social film. Butso it's motorcycles. I feel like,
I feel like jet skis are themost like they are absolutely the motorcycle.
So that cop on a motorcycle isthe same as a guy on a jetski.

(50:30):
Essentially, I look at him thatway, just like I look at
horse coops like you're a horsetop.You know, it's fastening a car cop.
Yeah, but can you walk througha crowd and move people around?
Absolutely? I can die and shootoff. That's true, So you gotta
that's that's like, that's true.That's the extra on a horse coming.

(50:52):
But I was like, like yourmain transportation that you don't just on a
jet ski. You on a boatand a jet ski. You don't just
own a motorcycle. You own acar and a motorcycle, and your jet
ski is just a fun thing thatwhen you're going to going to the water,
either either the lake or the beach. It's two jet skis. You're
not going boating that day. You'renot going boating, then either go boating

(51:14):
or you go jet skis. Ifeel like they are absolutely the motorcycle we
didn't do. Pat and I agreeto disagree all out of these. Well
they're similar, yeah, similar,okay, but of the sea. I
like that way he praised it.You could hurt yourself. Do jet skis

(51:37):
have sidecars because they need side Thatwould be great. You gotta get a
longer somebody. I would love tosee a jet skis with a sidecar trying
to do trying to hit a wake. So just on the side car.
Well, I mean the problem iswhen you're doing donuts on them, it's

(51:58):
spraying a lot of water up andit's really hard to see. That's true,
and you've can run into other jetskis doing the same thing at the
same time. I leave. Ileave animal plan it on for RUIZI when
I go to work all the time, when I come home all the time,
it's on sometime. It's lone Starlaw. That's a big one I
like, and it's Northwoods law.None star laws obviously Texas game wards and

(52:22):
Northwoods law is like Northeast like Maine, New England, and whenever it's low
star law, like ninety percent ofthe voting stuff has just been like harassing
jet skiers for like going too fastin a no wag zone and stuff like
that. It's like jet skiers seemto be the most lowest like queue of
the people that are usually trying them, but they're also used to the people

(52:44):
that are winting jet skis, soI don't assume them to know everything.
We're like that guy doesn't know ifyou own a jet ski, you shouldn't
be a dickhea about all the time. But if you're just like I just
read this, I don't live here, Like I get those people not knowing
that. But it's always like,now, look, we could take you
in, but we're just saying you'rewe're gonna give you a waiteboard. And
it's like they were going a mileover what they're supposed to be going.

(53:05):
You're just harassing these college kids becauseyou wanted to see if they were drunk.
And it's I understand what the wordsare doing, but it's just a
really funny thing it's like anything waterbased. It's either like people trying to
cross the border on that show,or it's like some college kid on a
jet ski that they're like, uhuh no, no, no, no
no, these college kids don't ship, don't pull them over. What are
you guys doing? Who's jet skis? You steal them? And then they

(53:29):
just harassed the how your profile?I am those those guys are, But
I am just saying what I notice, all right. So that was the
answer to segment. That's it.That's pretty much the podcast. This is
a fot you're my dad. Whatis your favorite one of your from your
dad? Like, do you havea favorite memory from from your dad?
It's just off the top of yourhead right now. These shots Pops,

(53:50):
you're gonna be pops when l comesin, we're gonna have pops and men
instead of Kim. What are yourfavorite favorite men me of pops that you
can think of, just like rightnow, you know, with that many
tacha or something like that. Myfather was not a very learned man college

(54:13):
wise, but he had more commonsense than anybody whatever, and he was
so even cuted and so kind toeverybody. He makes me work hard to

(54:34):
eat mhm, and yeah I didand yeah one one one night, one
maybe two crazy never three though,And so they came to Easton one time
and I bought Crown Royal and Igot the removed and I got the binners

(54:55):
and the cherries and sit down,make said some You don't lose good whiskey.
That's why it's not all the otherstuff cheap whiskey. So I'll do
it this time, but next time, don't pay that much whiskey. It's

(55:17):
a life lesson Manhattan's. You don'tneed to get the Well brand and have
him do it. You don't needa fancy burn. Good dad said you
didn't. Yeah, every you're onhis birthday, we all have Manhattan's.
September twenty second, we've been havea Manhattan post to you box. Honored

(55:38):
to do it. And also apparentlyManhattan's are one of the most difficult drinks
for bartenders to make ever, becauseevery time we bunto a bar, whenever
we're together and we go and they'relike, we gotta look up on our
I phone real fast. Yeah,and she crushes man. She's gonna be
very happy because she will but hehas maybe by thin and she'll be able

(55:59):
to have. It's a It's oneof the things I remember from him.
But aside from that, he wasalways there for me. He uh,
you know. He he liked todo things himself and he made sure that
I figured out how to fix things. He you know, like my bike

(56:22):
wouldn't work. He would help me, but he would make sure I learn.
And don't know that guy sucked atthat a little bit. It's y'all
don't fix much stuff, and youcome to me, We call you a
land to fix it. So youstill teach us how to fix it.
So but now the Middleton family isstrong and man and he was from it's

(56:50):
still in Maryland Town that he's stillon the body acres woods that are problem
work a ton of money and I'llnever in my wife. So gro h.
It was a great day. Hewas a great grandf awesome. He

(57:15):
was so happy about having you andWill. And he worked his ass off,
you know in the day. Heworked forty years with the power company.
I remember when they went on strike. He sold tickets that are a
musical part. There's a side jobwhile he was going strike. So the

(57:43):
man, yeah, and he's theman that we ought to look at to
try to do. I agree,and I'm unfortunate son. You obviously don't
lie for me. Also tell usto lock every door ever somethime, and
he was going locks and garbage.Nobody less on the garbage, but I

(58:05):
still do if you. When wewould go up to Maryland in the summer,
every day he walked around with thetrash bag and empty every single trash
can in the house. Most ofthem didn't have trash because most people wanted
to trash can trash and like oneor two trash can. But there was
this fairite thing he was making sureand it was like you it was.
It was the Navy, the Navybuilding, and we do this, we

(58:28):
lock up, we clean up,and that's it. And it was so
cool to see, like I wishI was just that disciplined, Like his
discipline is my favorite thingity had byhim. I am so undisciplined and ship
like I just forget things all thetime. And pop never did pop.
He was like, we're locked onthis. We're doing this. They were
doing this. They were doing this. I know how to do this,
and you know. I read aletter he wrote to Mom that I found

(58:52):
in the house of his Navy days. And you know, he was all
the swampy, which like the lowestrang for so many years. And they
actually drug them cross the deck whenthey went over the National Day by a

(59:14):
rope on the wo and he wastalking about it didn't feel very good,
it hurt, but he said that'swhat happened when a swampy, you know.
So he put up with some stuff. Yeah, but he did everything
he could to make sure Mom wasokay. And they didn't have a lot
of And I guess what I learnedfrom him is you don't need a lot

(59:38):
of them. You can be happyyou got enough. Yeah, And you
and Emma and l will always haveenough. I can assure you that.
And we were so excited for herto be and I know she's here right

(59:59):
now out you know she's here.And I won't be in front of the
screen. I will be older thanthe baby girl, Kim. I'll make
her. I'll make her one.Yeah. It's fun to see this,

(01:00:20):
it's fun to do this. AndI'm so lucky that I'm lucky that you
and my dad. It could havebeen a lot of other dads that would
have just I would have I wouldn'thave made it. I wouldn't have made
it, wouldn't a minute without allthe stuff that you did. With all
this stuff, you did help meout. Best dad in the world,
and I'm very lucky to be yourself. Call your dads, everybody, if

(01:00:42):
you if you can, call yourdad, call your dad telling me love
them, tell me I love him. Yeah, beef with your dad called
figure it out. Dad's are thebest man. Dad's the best. I
love you, guys. Thank youguys for tuning in today on this special
episode of the podcast. We returnedto a normal episode next week. I
promise Mark Middleton everybody middle of tX on Instagram, No on on Instagram,

(01:01:06):
you're at middle of t X andthen you're at middle of t X
and get his email email uh atmiddle of t X. I'll tag in
my post the episode you guys.Thank you so much for doing this.
Call your dads, tell me lovethem. I love all of you,
guys. Thank you so much.We're at Pass Potter and all socials.
I'm at Alex J. Middleton andall Sois Roberts at Robert barbosas ere through

(01:01:28):
Pats and not Pat d and giveus follows and all of that. If
you're listening to us. Subscribe ifyou're watching us subscribe on YouTube. Go
click subscribe on the audio version aswell. Share us with the friends.
You guys are the best. Ifucking love you guys, and I can't
wait to talk to you guys nextweek and till then. Past the baby
Yep bitches, Baby Gang Gang GangBaby Top and Lead. That's way listen

(01:01:58):
and past the Gray Well, goand fishing for your bitch today with Chunk
and Houston now Houston Bay. Nowwe go ahead and lick and poor get
rich today, Bench bitch, Houston, TeX's on Town Town passa gravy pass
Loud loud, we can talk andgo for ours hours entertainment, superpower,
Gravy Gang getting louder louder, castup, No childer Man, we laugh,

(01:02:22):
no prouder Live on maybe out thetop and Leader spread. That's we're
listen. Then to Pastor Grady GrayWin, Go and fishing for your bitch
today with Chunk and Houston now HoustonBake. No, we go ahead and
lick and poor get rich today,Bench Bitch