September 2, 2024 • 42 mins
Gary Tanguay filled in on NightSide:
Most of us strive to be kind and compassionate in our communications with others, but sometimes we unintentionally fall short. There are 6 common phrases you may not realize are condescending, and to straighten it all out is seasoned psychotherapist Dr. Elisabeth Crain!
Most of us strive to be kind and compassionate in our communications with others, but sometimes we unintentionally fall short. There are 6 common phrases you may not realize are condescending, and to straighten it all out is seasoned psychotherapist Dr. Elisabeth Crain!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's nice eyes with Ray.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
I'm doing you easy Boston's News Radio. All right, Al,
thanks a lot, buddy, appreciate it. Boston College with the
upset of a Florida state. I just quick sports thing
I have, Dude, he had some big shoes to fill
den in Foxborough when he took over for Josh uh.
(00:25):
I thought he kind of got a raw deal with
the Texans. I think there's been some family situations he's
had to deal with. And good for BC because they
got a good guy and I'm glad they got to win. Okay,
welcome back to Night's that. I'm Gary Tangoy filling in
for Dan ray tonight. Elizabeth Crane is our guest that
she is a psychotherapist from usc and the reason we're
talking to Elizabeth here, he's a Celeste Hedley wrote an
(00:49):
article on HUFFI did post six common phrases that you
may not realize are condescending, and Elizabeth took part in
the article. And I find this. I find this fascinating.
I think it's it's just hilarious because we see it
every read day. And let's bring Elizabeth right now. Thank
(01:09):
you for joining us on WBC's Night Side.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
Hi there, Kenny for having me.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
I appreciate that. Before we get through the six phrases
the condescending terms, this just popped into my head. Do
you think it's equal with both sexes? Do you think
men and women both use the same condescending terms, but
men would be condescending in a different way, maybe a
(01:38):
more physical way, you know what I do.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
I think it's equal opportunity when it comes to condescension.
But I do think that for example, in the article
we talk about man explaining, obviously that's men towards women
that you know, I think women can be condescending too.
It goes both ways.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
But I'm just thinking, like, for example, like one of
the phrases, which is, oh, how cute? Right, condescending phrase
number one, Oh how cute? And I can't you know,
I'm just trying to say, like how my buddies or
I would handle something like that. We do it in
our own different way, whether it would be on the
(02:20):
golf course or the basketball, and not even a joking way.
If you say, like how cute, that's a dagger. That's
not needling, that's a freaking dagger. So I think for
a guy, if you're playing basketball. It'd be like an
elbow below the belt, you know what I mean, I'm serious, right, well, yeah,
(02:41):
but you know, women women will guys would you know,
be jerks and women will boom man, they'll cut like
a knife.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
But like, oh, how you know some of this is
you know a little backhanded you know, compliment with a
little zinger attached.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Right, oh, if there's a compliment at all, really, I
mean to me, you know like that it's it's as
a zinger disguised as a compliment.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
That's cute. You know some women might like it, I
don't know. Men definitely would not.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Right, So yeah, then then the other one is and
a lot of it has to do with the tone,
you know, with the tone like I, oh god, my
one of my best friends wants his girlfriend and my
girlfriend did not get along, and it was just all
(03:34):
the tone, like I can hear one of them say
to the other one, well actually right, like well I
can totally see, like, well, actually my car is better
than your car. Well actually I'm prettier than you are.
I mean that's just like such a correction, like well,
actually your nose is bigger than my nose. I mean whatever, right, And.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
It's like you don't even need to know what they're saying.
The tone gives it all away. The condescension is right.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
There, right, Yeah, it's totally see. Like I've always said this.
You know, women, men, I don't know. Do you think
do you think this is true? Or do you think
this is a misnomer. Women hold grudges, men don't.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
Oh, that is correct. I mean, I would say across
the board, I'm sure some men hold grudges, but that
is a female trait predominantly. I would say, yeah, it's
it's for sure.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Yeah, because my wife, Yeah, my wife has a couple.
That's just they're never going away. I mean it's not
it's to the end of time. It's just never. They
like I can try to explain it, I can try
to tuckle off the ledge, and it's just not happening.
It's just not gonna happen.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
I think everyone women, you know, don't want to let
it go, right. It's you know, they like to hold
on to things and ruminate and then revisit them down
the road.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Oh, don't worry, they're in storage. They're in storage. This
one's tough. The next one is is tough because I
say it as a parent, and when I say it
as a parent, like I have I have three kids,
and they're all, oh my god, they're all so different.
(05:24):
If I said this to my third one, my youngest,
who is extremely competitive in academics and sports, does not
like to lose, does not handle losing well. If I
in the car after a lacrosse game and if they
lost by a goal or two goals, and if I
say you're you tried your best, her head will go
(05:47):
three sixty and I would be like, she would evaporate
me in a minute. Like if you say that to
a kid, you're trying your best, that's like they think
you're talking to you're talking down to them, even insulting that.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
I think after two most of us can lose that phrase.
You know, that's really for toddlers. And then you know,
once we can carry on with you tried your best. Uh,
you know that's that's where the condescension kicks in.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
I made a mistake.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
Why your team doesn't like it?
Speaker 2 (06:18):
And I get it, you know, but I've said that
like you're trying, Like, oh, well, you know you tried,
you gave it to your college, try, you tried your best.
Dad shut up. You know, you're like, okay, all.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
Right, those about saying yeah, you tried your best, right, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
You just you tried your best condescending lines. That is
the topic right here with Elizabeth Crane, psychotherapist from usc UH.
I don't know about this one. This next one was
you just need to what's so bad about that? Like
you just need to? I think it depends what follows,
(06:54):
like you just need to grow up? You just need to.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
Yeah, I think there's an absolute on that one. Right
instead of saying maybe you should try it this way,
you need to or you must, sort of telling someone
how to live their life.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
What do you think is it what causes somebody to
use these to use this language?
Speaker 3 (07:17):
You know, it's an interesting phenomenon. I think some people
are condescending. It's part of their personality. It's just like
a personality trait. And then you see some people where
it's a reaction to an emotional state. So if they're
under stressed, or they're having a bad day, or they're frustrated,
then all of a sudden, that reaction can be condescension
(07:38):
and you'll start to see it, like out in the world,
people get snappy at the barista you know, ordering a
coffee or whatever because they've had a bad day. So
you know, it varies, and some people are just in
sort of inherence in their maybe their upbringing, they had
a condescending parent, they just picked up on that trait
and then they carry it into their adulthood.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
Well, I think if somebody consistently, you know, would you
this is my kids watch all the high school musicals one, two,
and three. I don't know if you're familiar with them to.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
Yeah, I think I've seen the first couple.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Okay, all right, Well if if you, if you have
kids at a certain age, you've seen all three like
fifty million times. And there's like this this character shar Pei,
you know, and that's all. She's completely condescending, just complete.
It can almost at times, it can almost be funny.
But if someone is consistently condescending, it's obviously a USU
(08:37):
inferiority complex.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
Yeah, and people get annoyed with it, you know, it's
it becomes really I wouldn't say anyone finds it to
be a positive. You know, in a character trait of somebody,
it can get really exhausting. So I would say nine
times out of ten, though, people don't realize they're being condescending,
which is sort of an interesting phenomenon as well.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
That's true too, some self.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
Awareness should know is beneficial when that is a problem.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Sometimes I've sometimes with sarcasm, I'm maybe a little sometimes
I'm a little slow to the take on it. I
gotta be honest with you. One of my kids is
I'm not going to say which one. They're not listening.
They don't listen to me on the radio anyways. They're
much too cool for that. But one of them definitely
is slowing to take with sarcasm. Like sometimes I'm even
like hmm, but sometimes I like, somebody will say something
(09:32):
sarcastic and I'll go really and they go no, And
then I go, well, listen, jerk, how do I know? Like,
how do I know if you're being sarcastic? Sometimes you
say it in such a genuine manner. Our guest is
Elizabeth Kreed here, psychotherapist from usc Can you hang on
through the break? I got a couple more I want to.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Run by you, sure of course.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Okay. Condescending phrases the top six, we're counting them down.
We got number one, number two coming up next to WBZ.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
Now back to Dan Ray live from the Window World
night Side Studios on WBZ News Radio.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Pleasure with the Crane's our guest from the West Coast
USC psychotherapist, talking about six phrases that are condescending. All right, Elizabeth,
you oh, I know, I know. Before I get to that,
I wanted to jump on a topic that I'm sure
you're familiar with. That We spoke earlier with our guest
Michelle Deane about bullying and as a parent, I thought,
(10:35):
I mean bullying when I was in school. I mean
it happened all the time. I mean, you just done
the playground whatever, It's just part of the deal. But
she said, like bullying is now more rampidt than ever.
I mean, in your analysis of your worker, maybe you
don't have an opinion at all, do you? And I'm
not even talking about online. I mean, we know online
(10:55):
bullying is a problem, but have you seen it still
one on one with kids? Is that something you're familiar with?
Speaker 3 (11:04):
Yeah, I mean you're right, it's always been pervasive, right,
kids in the eighties, sixty seventies, you know, they all
went through it. But I think it's like a different
iteration these days. The way bullying is sort of manifesting.
It just seems to have there's a little more charge
to it, I would say, And I think the social
(11:25):
media component is a huge factor. You know, people are
more bold behind computer screens, so that's a big piece
to that's why it's more pervasive in the culture. With kids.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
It's brutal on a kid. I mean, look, if you
have we have, I have kids, the social media, my son,
my middle child, my son, he put it away. He
actually put he'd put his phone away for like twelve hours,
which was a pain in the butt when you wanted
to try to reach him, you know, but he would
just he said, I can't deal with all this ig
Instagram and what everybody's saying. He hardly posted anything. I
(11:58):
think he's a rarity. But but you're right, and so
are you saying that it's led to the physical aspect
of that too. That has spilled over to the physical
aspect of blink because I thought, you know, the fights
on the playground and the picking on kids, I thought
that was kind of going away.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
One on one, I think it's happening through social media.
But then I think there's there's that boldness factor because
when you're behind the screen, you can do it, you know,
recourse right exactly, and so then that creates sort of
that boldness. Then you can go out in the world
(12:36):
and do it as well, and that factor I think
is different than before social media.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Do you think kids are meaner to each other than
they ever have been?
Speaker 3 (12:48):
You know, that's a great question. I don't know that
I have the answer for it. I think meanness has
always been there, and you know, that's just sort of
earning your stripe through school. Hopefully people come out relatively unscathed.
(13:08):
You know, it seems like there's more angst in the
world these days and kids are feeling that and it's
sort of permeating the culture and that that meanness factor.
It seems like there's more attached to that. So maybe
maybe there's more today than ever. I don't know that
I have the exact answer for you.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Well, it's that's okay. It's just it's a talk It's
a talk show, not an answer show, so we don't
worry about answers. We just talk. You know, I don't
have any answers either. The anxiety is a big issue
and I've totally got off topic here, but you know, whatever.
The anxiety is a huge issue and from the pandemic.
I know with my kids who go to public school.
(13:51):
You know, when you send your room for a year
on and off, and you know you're trying to learn
on a screen. It it's brutal because I think, you know,
speaking from experience as a parent where I had, you know,
a child missed the freshman year of high school. That's
a big year, man, that's a big year. And having
(14:17):
to do classes from inside your house your freshman year
of high school. I think that that was detrimental to
kids big time because I look at like my freshman year,
I remember Richard Welch, you know, picked on me, you know,
the senior football player Mexico High School, or you know
some guys that you know standing in you know, you
go through all of those rights of passage or whatever
(14:40):
that you deal with, and that that group didn't have it.
And I'm telling you it was it was brutal. But
I digress. You know, I don't know if we'll ever
recover from it, but I think that that caused a
great amount of anxiety too.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
Yeah, I agree with you. I think a lot of
people lost adversity. I call it like adverse city stripes
you go through you know, you're talking about freshman year.
That's such a formative year entering high school and to
not have had that experience, you have to wonder where
the gap lives, you know, in a person, and what
the recourse is from all of that.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Elizabeth is that is a great point adversity stripes. That
is outstanding. I've never heard that term, but that is
you nailed it. You absolutely nailed it. Yeah, and that's
that it doesn't you know. And then you get into
the you know, it's reading an article the other day
where you know, one in six parents are showing up
a job interviews with their kids. I'm like, this is
(15:35):
out of control. I mean, this is crazy, this is
this is yeah, this is out of control. And then
it's my whole theory about parents look at their kids
as trophies and their success to their kid is a
reflection on them, which I keep telling people is a
bunch of crap, because your kid is a different person.
It's an individual. It's not you. Yes, you brought them
into the world, but it's not you. You know, it's
(15:58):
not it's just not exactly.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
I mean, that's where the narcissistic parents sort of kicks
in when they can't differentiate between themsells them their child.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
There's a lot of them, man, there's a lot of them.
I think that's I think there are what you just
described as a narcissistic parent. I think there's more of
them now than ever ever, you know.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
And that's what's going on with that.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
Yeah, well, I think it's just well, it's in the
world I live in though too. You know where you know,
I live in a nice town, you know, you know,
you know, people we're fortunate, you know, what can I
tell you? And then I think that people, you know,
keep score. That's what I think. That's the problem. I
think people keep score that.
Speaker 3 (16:42):
You know.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
Where I grew up, you know, in Maine, we had
a used car. We had one car. I tell my
kids we had one car and it was used and
now people like to say previously owned because it sounds better.
But my dad would go to the mill at work
with the car. We didn't have a car at home,
and people, oh my god, how did you survive? You
know what we did? We actually did? We did okay,
(17:07):
all right?
Speaker 3 (17:07):
Yeah, and your parents would probably never take you to
a job interview right walk you and there.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
They would never take me to a job interview. That
would not happen. No, you know, that would not happen.
As a matter of fact. My dad was a mill worker.
So I went in. I lied to them. When I
went to college, a lot of the kids came back
and worked in the summer, and they put in their
application to work in the summer. And I wanted to
work in radio, and I lied and said I put
(17:33):
in my application and I didn't. They didn't call me,
but I didn't put in my application to go into
the middle, and I left, and you know, fifty years later,
here I am all right, Elizabeth Lesser, how about this one.
It's not that big of a deal. Now, When my
wife says that in a certain tone, I know I
am screwed.
Speaker 3 (17:56):
So you're not acknowledging her feelings.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
That's it that it's not that bad. And my daughter too,
it's not that big of a deal.
Speaker 3 (18:04):
Yeah, it's I mean, that's the gender difference right there.
I mean, write that phrase right there, because to women
it is a big deal a lot of the time,
and to men it's not. And so there's a barrier.
And so men, maybe you need to try to bring
in a little bit of a sensitivity chip.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
If they said, yeah, if that's true, if they say
it's not a big deal, it's a big freaking deal, period,
it's a big and then this one, this one is
the worst. This is number one on the hit list,
because when I'm told this, it's basically saying I'm stupid.
(18:44):
You wouldn't understand. Ouch, that's you wouldn't understand. Okay, I'm
just a dummy, I'm just an egghead. I wouldn't understand.
And that's what I get pissed. If I hear that.
That's that starts a fight. Then I go, you wouldn't understand.
(19:04):
I go, okay, try me, you know, and then it
just goes downhill from me. It's just it's just.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
That one came after the one before where you said
you just need.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
To get over it, right, right, it's not that hand those.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
Yeah a deal, right, And then you wouldn't understand.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
No, that's true. That's true. You wouldn't understand, and you
wouldn't understand. Well, Elizabeth, you've been a great guest. I
appreciate you coming on. I don't know if there's a
afraid this was fun it's fun. Good way to end
the night. So Elizabeth Crane, psychotherapist, usc enjoy the Left Coast.
(19:44):
Thank you, all right, take care. We'll talk to you again.
H WBC's Knightside Gary Tangway filling in for Dan Ray tonight.
I'll run down the list again here in case you
guys missed it. Uh condescending terms that initially appeared to
be flattering comments. Oh how cute, oh how oh, oh
(20:11):
how cute? Well actually, well, actually I made more money
than you. Well, actually my country club's better than yours. Well,
you're trying your best. It's still not very good, but
you're trying your best. She's right, you should not say
(20:31):
that to anybody above two. Elizabeth was right. You should
not say to anybody above the age of two that
you're trying your best, tried your best. Say that my
thirteen year old, she'd cut me off at the knees.
Um question. Oh, you just need to, You just need to.
You just need to set up straight. You just need
(20:52):
to listen more. It's not that big of a deal.
Like I said, if your wife says that to you,
it's not that big of a deal. You better hire
a lawyer because it's a big deal. Or you wouldn't
understand then that that is the That's like flipping me
the bird. You would not understand. It's just like m
(21:16):
You are dumb. That's it, You are dumb. All right,
Gotta take a break. Here on WBZ, Gary Tankwaite feeling
in for Dan Ray. Here on to twelve midnight on WBZ,
Boston's news radio. It's a night Side with Boston's news Radio.
(21:36):
Welcome back, Gary Tankway feeling in for Danny. We listen,
we got any exciting week coming up. I'm just telling
you it's gonna be a good gonna be a good week, people,
Gonna be a good week. Tomorrow night on the show
on wbz's Night Side, Chris Bauer is gonna join us
at nine o'clock. Now you may not know the name,
(21:58):
but you'll know the voice and you know the resume.
This guy's been acting a long time and he's one
of those great character actors that when you see him,
you know him. And he's always nails. He's always great.
He's always great. I mean, I The Wire, he was
in the I. This is so sad. I didn't really
(22:22):
watch The Wire, and I don't know why because all
of my friends did. I blame it on my kids.
That's when we start having kids, when the wire came on,
And that's the only excuse I have. But I have
watched clips with him in it, and he's fantastic. He's fantastic,
And I mean the list of his IMDb page goes
(22:43):
on and on and on and on and on. And
then in my friend Michael Mallley's show, Heals he's stealing
the show as a wrestler, as an over the hill
wrestler who at once is on top of the big
show but now is come back down to the regional
wrestling circuit. He's terrific of that. Survivors Or Morse played
the owner of the Atlanta Hawks. Jimmy and I sounded
(23:06):
for like one scene. I go, who's this guy? This
guy's good, And then when I looked at his IMDb
pigeons said, oh my god, this guy's better. I should
I shouldn't. I should have known this. It's been doing
a lot of work. So we're going to talk to
him tomorrow night, coming up here on WBZ, So stick
around for that. Also, my good friend, as always Sam Metler,
(23:27):
the Moderate, The Moderate from Los Angeles the moderate from Hollywood,
which basically in Hollywood means he's like a reactionary. He
is so far to the right in Hollywood. He didn't
immediately jump on the Kamala Harris bandwagon. He said, wait
a minute, I got a few questions. I hope he
(23:48):
has a few friends left out there in Hollywood. Interesting
conversation tonight with Alan Lickman, professor of history from American University.
Presidents who exceeded expectations, and he's got Ronald Reagan is
one of the three. No, he didn't say Reagan is
one of the three great presidents. He said, Washington and Lincoln.
(24:12):
Oh my god, I should have written any other. Oh
a FDR, FDR because FDR had to come out of
the out of the Depression. Washington, Lincoln, Well, Washington, that
makes sense obviously, the Revolutionary Wars we declared our independence
from England, and then Lincoln because of the Civil War,
(24:34):
and then FDR, which guided America through the Great Depression.
But that's some other questions. You know, Ronald Reagan. You know,
I've told you guys, I'm a registered Democrat, but I
vote both ways. I don't care I go across. I'm
not going to be so crazy that I'm going to
(24:54):
go to the party. I mean, I voted for Romney
for president the first time around, Obama the second time around.
But then with the way you look at the Republican
Party now, I mean Romney pretty much is a Democrat, sorry, Mitt,
but Reagan, who was considered very conservative then compared to
(25:19):
what's happening with Megan, now, forget about it. I don't
know if anybody can sit there and say that they
knew Obama was going to be good. I mean, we
didn't know. Well, that's the thing. That's my point with
Kamala Harris. Everybody thinks if she gets elected president based
on past performance as a vice president and as a
(25:40):
presidential candidate, which was a disaster for her, she was
out of the race before it even started, that that's
an indication of how she'll be as president, and it's not.
It's not. People didn't think Truman was going to be
any good, took over for FDR, ended World War two.
(26:00):
You know, even the newspaper in Chicago said he didn't
even win reelection. Do we did? So you just don't know.
You don't know if she's elected president, you don't know
who she's gonna do if Trump's elected president, because he's
obviously been there, you have a pretty good idea of
(26:24):
what's going to happen. Right, It's going to be the
Donald Trump show. It's going to be his thing. It's
going to be all about him. Now, I'm not saying
that politicians don't have egos, and it's not about to
a lesser degree, it will be not about her. If
(26:45):
Trump gets in for another four years, it will be
the Trump Show. You're really yeah, it'll be it'll it'll
be the Donald Trump show again. It's going to be interesting.
Interest rates are going to come down, that's the plan. An,
So if interest rates come down before the election, that
will definitely help the Democrats. It's because I don't know,
(27:07):
you know, it just seems to me nobody's going to
change their mind at this point. If you're a Trump person,
you're a Trump person. Are you going to change your mind?
I suppose to it. There may have been some moderates
that felt Biden was just didn't have his faculties anymore,
an agent cut up with him and he couldn't do it,
(27:28):
and that they just couldn't vote for Joe Biden, and
maybe they wouldn't have voted at all. Maybe the Democrats
would have lost a vote. There might have been some
you know, moderate Republicans who could or independence who are
going to vote for Trump because they didn't feel that
(27:51):
Biden had the faculties to do the job, which we
all wondered at. I mean, come on, you could admire
the guy for what he'd done, but we but he's accomplished,
but we all wondered it. You gotta be kidding me.
I mean, if you don't, you're not being honest with yourself.
(28:11):
You're just at all, You're not. So I don't I
don't know how many people actually would have abandoned the
Democratic Party to go vote for Trump. Maybe some people
with a lot of money, some very rich Democrats who
felt maybe tax wise, Donald would have been better for them.
But I don't know if that would have been the case.
(28:32):
I mean, Trump's just out for himself. I mean, he
is the guy, you know, he's out for whatever gets
Donald be in. And it's a big ego stroke man,
and Maga gives it to him, a big ego stroke,
because if he wanted what was best for the country,
he wouldn't have held up the border issue, and like
I said before tonight, the border issue, I don't know
(28:55):
if politicians wanted to go away. You can't tell me
that they can't do a better job than this. I
don't know if they use it as bait as a
negotiating tool for dealing with the other party. I don't
know why this has gone on so long. Doesn't make
(29:15):
any sense to me. People will say it's too big,
it's not fixable. I don't believe that, like it's not
going to happen overnight, but I don't believe it's not fixable.
I don't believe that you can't now. I believe that
there could be a system. It's yes. I don't know
(29:37):
if you want to privatize it, you would probably want
to keep it part of the federal government. I don't
know if you want to privatize border control, that could
be an issue. This could be some conflicts of interest there.
But I think I just think it's a cop out
by both parties. I just think it's a cop out.
(29:57):
And I don't think that the answer is taking families
and separating them. If a family comes across the border
from another country and they want to sil them in
the UX and they want a better life for themselves.
I don't think the answer is taking a mother and
a father and putting them in one hold up and
taking the kids and putting them in another. I don't.
I think that's in humane. I think it's in humane,
(30:19):
but it should be. We can do it. We just
don't want to do it. We want to use it
as a political plank, and we were almost there. At
least we were heading in the right direction. I'm not
saying it would have solved all the problems, but they
had a bipartisan agreement and Trump didn't want to deal
with it. Actually, I need to check that he didn't
(30:44):
want it to pass because he wanted to use it
for his own political purposes. Do I know who's going
to ruin the presidential race. I think Kamala Harris is
going to win by a smidge because I think the
brats are going to be the difference. I don't think
(31:04):
Trump has lost any voters, but I don't think he's
gained any voters, and the Democrats I think have gained voters.
I think it's the younger people. I think it's the
eighteen plus, the people who would not vote that will vote,
and they don't know what Harris stands for. I shouldn't.
I shouldn't say that some do and some don't. And
I shouldn't even say that as an age issue. There
(31:26):
are fifty year old people that vote and they don't
know the issues and they just cast a ballot because
they like somebody. And there are people that are eighteen
years old. Let's say, you know what, I like the
brad movement, so I'm going to vote for Kamala Harris,
and I don't like Donald Trump because he's just an old,
rich grouch. So I shouldn't say that that's limited to
just one age group. I think that happens all over
(31:50):
the place. But I think that's what's going to happen
with Aras and I think the important thing is to
surround her with a great staff. And she's a very
smart woman. Come on, she's a smart woman. You don't
district you don't be a district attorney and do the
things that she's done. She's no dummy. But like I
(32:14):
said earlier tonight, based on what I saw in her
interview with CNN, she just needs to be a little
more deliberate and speak with a little more clarity when
she makes a statement like when Trump, when Trump says
something as crazy as it may be, this is for it.
(32:36):
This is an example exemplary purposes only. This is not
this is I'm not quoting Donald Trump. The moon is
made of cheese. Trump would say the moon is made
of cheese. Right now, Harris is saying, well, the moon,
(32:56):
you know, they say, is made of cheese. You gotta
hammer it. You got to hammer it. Say it with confidence.
Repeat after me, the mood is made of cheese. We'll
put that on a WBZ t shirt. All right, We're
gonna wrap up the show. Gary tagwave for Dan Ray
here on night's side all week long. Final words are
(33:20):
coming up after this on WZ Boston's news Radio.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
Now back to Dan Ray mine from the Window World
night Side Studios on WBZ News Radio.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
All right, Gary Tag, we finishing things out for Dan
tonight on this Labor Day. I hope you guys had
a good, safe, long weekend. Back to the grind tomorrow
and I'm here all week so they have it. You've
been warned. Interesting idea because it's under their ideas. Written
by Mark Shanahan on the Boston Globe, writing my father's
(33:53):
obituary with him revealed a man I never knew. You
never really know your dad. You really don't. I mean,
you know one aspect of him, right, but you don't
really know him. I think this is an awesome idea.
This is just a tremendous idea where he sits down
(34:15):
and he learns things about by writing the obituary, learns
things about his dad that he never knew. I mean
I would learn things about my dad as I got older,
and he would just he would never never really like
volunteer atle like say I'm going to tell you my
life story. I mean, Noah Tanguage just wasn't that guy.
But you'd pick up bits and pieces, like he lived
(34:36):
in Boston for a while when he was a young man,
and he went to Mass at this you know, a
certain church over in downtown Crossing, which because he went
to Mass there when I first moved to Boston, I
would go to Mass there. When my grandfather was in
the hospital in Boston, he came down. He took some
(34:56):
art courses at Harvard. I mean things that I'm like, what,
becuse me? What you took art courses? I got a
Harvard Night School type of thing, you know, And he
really wanted to be an artist and was interested in
advertising layouts, but he went back home to run for
man and he decided to work in the mill. That's
the biggest thing that kids don't realize is that mom
(35:17):
and dad had dreams too. Nobody ever think they did.
They had ideas, they had dreams. Perhaps they weren't as
encouraged as much as we were because my parents were
children of the depression and came out of World War
two and get a job, start a family. That's what
you did, you know. Now, as parents, I think we're
(35:40):
certainly more open to our kids having big ideas and
pursuing dreams, some more than others. I mean to me,
that's you got to pursue your dream I mean, other
than that was the point. What are you doing here?
Speaker 3 (35:53):
You know?
Speaker 2 (35:53):
Why bother? But I think it's cool because even my kids,
if I like I get out my high school year,
even though they laugh at the pictures, you know, I'll say,
you know, there you go, take a look at it.
Take a look at take a look at the old
man there problem ah and had light blue tucks with
a very wide lapel and lots of ruffles. Oh my god,
(36:18):
what was with it? In the tuxedos, all those ruffles
ish no such thing as a clean look back at
the old prom at Mexico High School in nineteen eighty
one or nineteen eighty two. Good God, But there are
moments when you learned that your parents could be cool too,
(36:40):
Like I would learn that, like my you know, my
mom was a nurse, and when she was a nurse
in the in the fifties and sixties, you didn't have
to she could be a anesthesiologist. You didn't have to
be a doctor to do that. So she would handle
the anesthesia also asist and the surgeries and so forth.
(37:02):
And everybody in my town would say, your mom was
there when my kids were born, and I made feel
go was proud, you know, I was proud of that fact.
It's kind of cool when kids see something about their
parents that's cool, because they don't, I mean, they really don't,
(37:25):
you know. They they're like, no, you know, my dad
was a very good artist, and I would you know,
now I've been able to keep some things that he
could draw, And I'm like, what what do you mean
You didn't you mean your goal wasn't to work in
the paper mill all your life, which is a fine
believe me, made a fine living, Don't get me wrong,
(37:46):
but yeah, your parents had dreams too, and some of
them pursued them and some of them fulfilled them. Like me,
I'm very lucky, very very lucky. So read that in
the Boston Globe and the Ideas section. Mark Shanahan writing
his father's obituary with him, and he learned a number
of things that he never knew. Coming up on Thursday
(38:08):
Show at nine o'clock, a friend of mine, Ben Selkoe,
is going to join us. He's a great documentarian. He
did he was a producer on the Mary Tyler Moore documentary.
If you haven't seen it, it's on Hulu. It's great.
It is great. And he's got a documentary out on
(38:32):
Hulu and National Geo called The Killer Lies, and it's
going to be really good. It's about it's a guy
who's writing these stories about following serial killers and there
are no serial killers and he's making it all up.
(38:55):
So there you have it. So we'll talk to bet
about that. I got the MTM documentary really good. If
you haven't seen, I mean, if you grew up watching
the Mary Tyler Moore Show like me, which to me
was that's one of the greatest television shows in history.
James L. Brooks less the great James L. Brooks. Well,
(39:18):
I had a chance to work with The Spring down
in Providence, which is a real thrill, along with Albert Brooks.
You know, we talked Albert Brooks and Jamie Lee Curtis,
and you know, I was talking to Chris Pappas earlier
as a producer writer. He was talking about how like
people like Danny McBride and Adam Sandler, they just work
(39:40):
really hard. It's like it was on the set with
Albert Brooks for a movie that's coming out. I think
it'll be on next year. And I mean, Albert Brooks
has nothing to prove. He's one of the great comedians
of all time. He's a legend. And he worked and
worked to get this scene right. And I know acting
(40:01):
is not physical labor. I understand everybody is a trailer.
It's a good life to make a good living. So
I'm not saying that, but Sky worked for hours on
this one scene just to get it right. Kept talking
with James Brooks back and forth of Jimmie Lee Curtis too,
like they don't just show up read the lines and leave.
(40:22):
They'll stay there for hours to get it right. So
there as my parents, as my dad would say, there
are no shortcuts for success. You gotta have hard work,
all right. Coming up on the show tomorrow night, Chris Bauer,
as I mentioned, terrific actor. Check out Heels on Stars.
My Boy of Maalle is running at vic Levin's on
(40:43):
there and at Chris Bauer is a great role and
it's terrific, terrific actors on that. And then on Wednesday,
Casey Sherman is going to be joining us. Casey Sherman's
get some great books coming out also as a terrific
article in Boston Magazine about an innocent man still imprisoned.
John Powers, the legend great John Powers from the Boston Globe.
(41:04):
This guy, he was there when Zeus started the Olympics.
John Powers was there at the first Olympic Games, saw
the first torchlit. He has covered so many Olympic Games
for the Boston Globe. He is one of the great writers.
And quite often, you know, when you think of the Globe,
you think of like Bob Bryan, who I do a
(41:25):
podcast with. You think of Dan Shaughnessy, you think of
Peter Gammons. You think of the late great Nick Cavardo,
Jackie McMullen, the late great Will McDonough. John Powers is
right there with him. He is on the mount Rushmore
of sports writers period. I mean in Boston. Is not
enough room in the mountain. There's too so many in Boston.
(41:47):
Toy Champagne, my buddy joins us on Wednesday too. It's
gonna be interesting because he has a documentary I don't
know if you've seen it yet on ESPN plus The
Rhythm of Sports, The Rhythm of Sports with Mickey Hart
The Grateful Dead, relating the rhythm of music and the
(42:07):
rhythm of sports together. It's a little out there, man,
but it is a fun watch. Let me tell you
that right now. It is a fun watch. I gotta go.
I think I've gone long. Thank you very much. No,
you did a great job, Karen. Thank you very much
as well for all the help tonight. I'll be back
tomorrow night at eight o'clock right here on WBZ.
It's nice eyes with Ray.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
I'm doing you easy Boston's News Radio. All right, Al,
thanks a lot, buddy, appreciate it. Boston College with the
upset of a Florida state. I just quick sports thing
I have, Dude, he had some big shoes to fill
den in Foxborough when he took over for Josh uh.
(00:25):
I thought he kind of got a raw deal with
the Texans. I think there's been some family situations he's
had to deal with. And good for BC because they
got a good guy and I'm glad they got to win. Okay,
welcome back to Night's that. I'm Gary Tangoy filling in
for Dan ray tonight. Elizabeth Crane is our guest that
she is a psychotherapist from usc and the reason we're
talking to Elizabeth here, he's a Celeste Hedley wrote an
(00:49):
article on HUFFI did post six common phrases that you
may not realize are condescending, and Elizabeth took part in
the article. And I find this. I find this fascinating.
I think it's it's just hilarious because we see it
every read day. And let's bring Elizabeth right now. Thank
(01:09):
you for joining us on WBC's Night Side.
Speaker 3 (01:12):
Hi there, Kenny for having me.
Speaker 2 (01:16):
I appreciate that. Before we get through the six phrases
the condescending terms, this just popped into my head. Do
you think it's equal with both sexes? Do you think
men and women both use the same condescending terms, but
men would be condescending in a different way, maybe a
(01:38):
more physical way, you know what I do.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
I think it's equal opportunity when it comes to condescension.
But I do think that for example, in the article
we talk about man explaining, obviously that's men towards women
that you know, I think women can be condescending too.
It goes both ways.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
But I'm just thinking, like, for example, like one of
the phrases, which is, oh, how cute? Right, condescending phrase
number one, Oh how cute? And I can't you know,
I'm just trying to say, like how my buddies or
I would handle something like that. We do it in
our own different way, whether it would be on the
(02:20):
golf course or the basketball, and not even a joking way.
If you say, like how cute, that's a dagger. That's
not needling, that's a freaking dagger. So I think for
a guy, if you're playing basketball. It'd be like an
elbow below the belt, you know what I mean, I'm serious, right, well, yeah,
(02:41):
but you know, women women will guys would you know,
be jerks and women will boom man, they'll cut like
a knife.
Speaker 3 (02:49):
But like, oh, how you know some of this is
you know a little backhanded you know, compliment with a
little zinger attached.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Right, oh, if there's a compliment at all, really, I
mean to me, you know like that it's it's as
a zinger disguised as a compliment.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
That's cute. You know some women might like it, I
don't know. Men definitely would not.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Right, So yeah, then then the other one is and
a lot of it has to do with the tone,
you know, with the tone like I, oh god, my
one of my best friends wants his girlfriend and my
girlfriend did not get along, and it was just all
(03:34):
the tone, like I can hear one of them say
to the other one, well actually right, like well I
can totally see, like, well, actually my car is better
than your car. Well actually I'm prettier than you are.
I mean that's just like such a correction, like well,
actually your nose is bigger than my nose. I mean whatever, right, And.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
It's like you don't even need to know what they're saying.
The tone gives it all away. The condescension is right.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
There, right, Yeah, it's totally see. Like I've always said this.
You know, women, men, I don't know. Do you think
do you think this is true? Or do you think
this is a misnomer. Women hold grudges, men don't.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
Oh, that is correct. I mean, I would say across
the board, I'm sure some men hold grudges, but that
is a female trait predominantly. I would say, yeah, it's
it's for sure.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Yeah, because my wife, Yeah, my wife has a couple.
That's just they're never going away. I mean it's not
it's to the end of time. It's just never. They
like I can try to explain it, I can try
to tuckle off the ledge, and it's just not happening.
It's just not gonna happen.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
I think everyone women, you know, don't want to let
it go, right. It's you know, they like to hold
on to things and ruminate and then revisit them down
the road.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
Oh, don't worry, they're in storage. They're in storage. This
one's tough. The next one is is tough because I
say it as a parent, and when I say it
as a parent, like I have I have three kids,
and they're all, oh my god, they're all so different.
(05:24):
If I said this to my third one, my youngest,
who is extremely competitive in academics and sports, does not
like to lose, does not handle losing well. If I
in the car after a lacrosse game and if they
lost by a goal or two goals, and if I
say you're you tried your best, her head will go
(05:47):
three sixty and I would be like, she would evaporate
me in a minute. Like if you say that to
a kid, you're trying your best, that's like they think
you're talking to you're talking down to them, even insulting that.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
I think after two most of us can lose that phrase.
You know, that's really for toddlers. And then you know,
once we can carry on with you tried your best. Uh,
you know that's that's where the condescension kicks in.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
I made a mistake.
Speaker 3 (06:17):
Why your team doesn't like it?
Speaker 2 (06:18):
And I get it, you know, but I've said that
like you're trying, Like, oh, well, you know you tried,
you gave it to your college, try, you tried your best.
Dad shut up. You know, you're like, okay, all.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
Right, those about saying yeah, you tried your best, right, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
You just you tried your best condescending lines. That is
the topic right here with Elizabeth Crane, psychotherapist from usc UH.
I don't know about this one. This next one was
you just need to what's so bad about that? Like
you just need to? I think it depends what follows,
(06:54):
like you just need to grow up? You just need to.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
Yeah, I think there's an absolute on that one. Right
instead of saying maybe you should try it this way,
you need to or you must, sort of telling someone
how to live their life.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
What do you think is it what causes somebody to
use these to use this language?
Speaker 3 (07:17):
You know, it's an interesting phenomenon. I think some people
are condescending. It's part of their personality. It's just like
a personality trait. And then you see some people where
it's a reaction to an emotional state. So if they're
under stressed, or they're having a bad day, or they're frustrated,
then all of a sudden, that reaction can be condescension
(07:38):
and you'll start to see it, like out in the world,
people get snappy at the barista you know, ordering a
coffee or whatever because they've had a bad day. So
you know, it varies, and some people are just in
sort of inherence in their maybe their upbringing, they had
a condescending parent, they just picked up on that trait
and then they carry it into their adulthood.
Speaker 2 (07:58):
Well, I think if somebody consistently, you know, would you
this is my kids watch all the high school musicals one, two,
and three. I don't know if you're familiar with them to.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
Yeah, I think I've seen the first couple.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Okay, all right, Well if if you, if you have
kids at a certain age, you've seen all three like
fifty million times. And there's like this this character shar Pei,
you know, and that's all. She's completely condescending, just complete.
It can almost at times, it can almost be funny.
But if someone is consistently condescending, it's obviously a USU
(08:37):
inferiority complex.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
Yeah, and people get annoyed with it, you know, it's
it becomes really I wouldn't say anyone finds it to
be a positive. You know, in a character trait of somebody,
it can get really exhausting. So I would say nine
times out of ten, though, people don't realize they're being condescending,
which is sort of an interesting phenomenon as well.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
That's true too, some self.
Speaker 3 (09:03):
Awareness should know is beneficial when that is a problem.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Sometimes I've sometimes with sarcasm, I'm maybe a little sometimes
I'm a little slow to the take on it. I
gotta be honest with you. One of my kids is
I'm not going to say which one. They're not listening.
They don't listen to me on the radio anyways. They're
much too cool for that. But one of them definitely
is slowing to take with sarcasm. Like sometimes I'm even
like hmm, but sometimes I like, somebody will say something
(09:32):
sarcastic and I'll go really and they go no, And
then I go, well, listen, jerk, how do I know? Like,
how do I know if you're being sarcastic? Sometimes you
say it in such a genuine manner. Our guest is
Elizabeth Kreed here, psychotherapist from usc Can you hang on
through the break? I got a couple more I want to.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Run by you, sure of course.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Okay. Condescending phrases the top six, we're counting them down.
We got number one, number two coming up next to WBZ.
Speaker 1 (10:03):
Now back to Dan Ray live from the Window World
night Side Studios on WBZ News Radio.
Speaker 2 (10:11):
Pleasure with the Crane's our guest from the West Coast
USC psychotherapist, talking about six phrases that are condescending. All right, Elizabeth,
you oh, I know, I know. Before I get to that,
I wanted to jump on a topic that I'm sure
you're familiar with. That We spoke earlier with our guest
Michelle Deane about bullying and as a parent, I thought,
(10:35):
I mean bullying when I was in school. I mean
it happened all the time. I mean, you just done
the playground whatever, It's just part of the deal. But
she said, like bullying is now more rampidt than ever.
I mean, in your analysis of your worker, maybe you
don't have an opinion at all, do you? And I'm
not even talking about online. I mean, we know online
(10:55):
bullying is a problem, but have you seen it still
one on one with kids? Is that something you're familiar with?
Speaker 3 (11:04):
Yeah, I mean you're right, it's always been pervasive, right,
kids in the eighties, sixty seventies, you know, they all
went through it. But I think it's like a different
iteration these days. The way bullying is sort of manifesting.
It just seems to have there's a little more charge
to it, I would say, And I think the social
(11:25):
media component is a huge factor. You know, people are
more bold behind computer screens, so that's a big piece
to that's why it's more pervasive in the culture. With kids.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
It's brutal on a kid. I mean, look, if you
have we have, I have kids, the social media, my son,
my middle child, my son, he put it away. He
actually put he'd put his phone away for like twelve hours,
which was a pain in the butt when you wanted
to try to reach him, you know, but he would
just he said, I can't deal with all this ig
Instagram and what everybody's saying. He hardly posted anything. I
(11:58):
think he's a rarity. But but you're right, and so
are you saying that it's led to the physical aspect
of that too. That has spilled over to the physical
aspect of blink because I thought, you know, the fights
on the playground and the picking on kids, I thought
that was kind of going away.
Speaker 3 (12:15):
One on one, I think it's happening through social media.
But then I think there's there's that boldness factor because
when you're behind the screen, you can do it, you know,
recourse right exactly, and so then that creates sort of
that boldness. Then you can go out in the world
(12:36):
and do it as well, and that factor I think
is different than before social media.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Do you think kids are meaner to each other than
they ever have been?
Speaker 3 (12:48):
You know, that's a great question. I don't know that
I have the answer for it. I think meanness has
always been there, and you know, that's just sort of
earning your stripe through school. Hopefully people come out relatively unscathed.
(13:08):
You know, it seems like there's more angst in the
world these days and kids are feeling that and it's
sort of permeating the culture and that that meanness factor.
It seems like there's more attached to that. So maybe
maybe there's more today than ever. I don't know that
I have the exact answer for you.
Speaker 2 (13:28):
Well, it's that's okay. It's just it's a talk It's
a talk show, not an answer show, so we don't
worry about answers. We just talk. You know, I don't
have any answers either. The anxiety is a big issue
and I've totally got off topic here, but you know, whatever.
The anxiety is a huge issue and from the pandemic.
I know with my kids who go to public school.
(13:51):
You know, when you send your room for a year
on and off, and you know you're trying to learn
on a screen. It it's brutal because I think, you know,
speaking from experience as a parent where I had, you know,
a child missed the freshman year of high school. That's
a big year, man, that's a big year. And having
(14:17):
to do classes from inside your house your freshman year
of high school. I think that that was detrimental to
kids big time because I look at like my freshman year,
I remember Richard Welch, you know, picked on me, you know,
the senior football player Mexico High School, or you know
some guys that you know standing in you know, you
go through all of those rights of passage or whatever
(14:40):
that you deal with, and that that group didn't have it.
And I'm telling you it was it was brutal. But
I digress. You know, I don't know if we'll ever
recover from it, but I think that that caused a
great amount of anxiety too.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
Yeah, I agree with you. I think a lot of
people lost adversity. I call it like adverse city stripes
you go through you know, you're talking about freshman year.
That's such a formative year entering high school and to
not have had that experience, you have to wonder where
the gap lives, you know, in a person, and what
the recourse is from all of that.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Elizabeth is that is a great point adversity stripes. That
is outstanding. I've never heard that term, but that is
you nailed it. You absolutely nailed it. Yeah, and that's
that it doesn't you know. And then you get into
the you know, it's reading an article the other day
where you know, one in six parents are showing up
a job interviews with their kids. I'm like, this is
(15:35):
out of control. I mean, this is crazy, this is
this is yeah, this is out of control. And then
it's my whole theory about parents look at their kids
as trophies and their success to their kid is a
reflection on them, which I keep telling people is a
bunch of crap, because your kid is a different person.
It's an individual. It's not you. Yes, you brought them
into the world, but it's not you. You know, it's
(15:58):
not it's just not exactly.
Speaker 3 (16:00):
I mean, that's where the narcissistic parents sort of kicks
in when they can't differentiate between themsells them their child.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
There's a lot of them, man, there's a lot of them.
I think that's I think there are what you just
described as a narcissistic parent. I think there's more of
them now than ever ever, you know.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
And that's what's going on with that.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
Yeah, well, I think it's just well, it's in the
world I live in though too. You know where you know,
I live in a nice town, you know, you know,
you know, people we're fortunate, you know, what can I
tell you? And then I think that people, you know,
keep score. That's what I think. That's the problem. I
think people keep score that.
Speaker 3 (16:42):
You know.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
Where I grew up, you know, in Maine, we had
a used car. We had one car. I tell my
kids we had one car and it was used and
now people like to say previously owned because it sounds better.
But my dad would go to the mill at work
with the car. We didn't have a car at home,
and people, oh my god, how did you survive? You
know what we did? We actually did? We did okay,
(17:07):
all right?
Speaker 3 (17:07):
Yeah, and your parents would probably never take you to
a job interview right walk you and there.
Speaker 2 (17:12):
They would never take me to a job interview. That
would not happen. No, you know, that would not happen.
As a matter of fact. My dad was a mill worker.
So I went in. I lied to them. When I
went to college, a lot of the kids came back
and worked in the summer, and they put in their
application to work in the summer. And I wanted to
work in radio, and I lied and said I put
(17:33):
in my application and I didn't. They didn't call me,
but I didn't put in my application to go into
the middle, and I left, and you know, fifty years later,
here I am all right, Elizabeth Lesser, how about this one.
It's not that big of a deal. Now, When my
wife says that in a certain tone, I know I
am screwed.
Speaker 3 (17:56):
So you're not acknowledging her feelings.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
That's it that it's not that bad. And my daughter too,
it's not that big of a deal.
Speaker 3 (18:04):
Yeah, it's I mean, that's the gender difference right there.
I mean, write that phrase right there, because to women
it is a big deal a lot of the time,
and to men it's not. And so there's a barrier.
And so men, maybe you need to try to bring
in a little bit of a sensitivity chip.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
If they said, yeah, if that's true, if they say
it's not a big deal, it's a big freaking deal, period,
it's a big and then this one, this one is
the worst. This is number one on the hit list,
because when I'm told this, it's basically saying I'm stupid.
(18:44):
You wouldn't understand. Ouch, that's you wouldn't understand. Okay, I'm
just a dummy, I'm just an egghead. I wouldn't understand.
And that's what I get pissed. If I hear that.
That's that starts a fight. Then I go, you wouldn't understand.
(19:04):
I go, okay, try me, you know, and then it
just goes downhill from me. It's just it's just.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
That one came after the one before where you said
you just need.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
To get over it, right, right, it's not that hand those.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
Yeah a deal, right, And then you wouldn't understand.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
No, that's true. That's true. You wouldn't understand, and you
wouldn't understand. Well, Elizabeth, you've been a great guest. I
appreciate you coming on. I don't know if there's a
afraid this was fun it's fun. Good way to end
the night. So Elizabeth Crane, psychotherapist, usc enjoy the Left Coast.
(19:44):
Thank you, all right, take care. We'll talk to you again.
H WBC's Knightside Gary Tangway filling in for Dan Ray tonight.
I'll run down the list again here in case you
guys missed it. Uh condescending terms that initially appeared to
be flattering comments. Oh how cute, oh how oh, oh
(20:11):
how cute? Well actually, well, actually I made more money
than you. Well, actually my country club's better than yours. Well,
you're trying your best. It's still not very good, but
you're trying your best. She's right, you should not say
(20:31):
that to anybody above two. Elizabeth was right. You should
not say to anybody above the age of two that
you're trying your best, tried your best. Say that my
thirteen year old, she'd cut me off at the knees.
Um question. Oh, you just need to, You just need to.
You just need to set up straight. You just need
(20:52):
to listen more. It's not that big of a deal.
Like I said, if your wife says that to you,
it's not that big of a deal. You better hire
a lawyer because it's a big deal. Or you wouldn't
understand then that that is the That's like flipping me
the bird. You would not understand. It's just like m
(21:16):
You are dumb. That's it, You are dumb. All right,
Gotta take a break. Here on WBZ, Gary Tankwaite feeling
in for Dan Ray. Here on to twelve midnight on WBZ,
Boston's news radio. It's a night Side with Boston's news Radio.
(21:36):
Welcome back, Gary Tankway feeling in for Danny. We listen,
we got any exciting week coming up. I'm just telling
you it's gonna be a good gonna be a good week, people,
Gonna be a good week. Tomorrow night on the show
on wbz's Night Side, Chris Bauer is gonna join us
at nine o'clock. Now you may not know the name,
(21:58):
but you'll know the voice and you know the resume.
This guy's been acting a long time and he's one
of those great character actors that when you see him,
you know him. And he's always nails. He's always great.
He's always great. I mean, I The Wire, he was
in the I. This is so sad. I didn't really
(22:22):
watch The Wire, and I don't know why because all
of my friends did. I blame it on my kids.
That's when we start having kids, when the wire came on,
And that's the only excuse I have. But I have
watched clips with him in it, and he's fantastic. He's fantastic,
And I mean the list of his IMDb page goes
(22:43):
on and on and on and on and on. And
then in my friend Michael Mallley's show, Heals he's stealing
the show as a wrestler, as an over the hill
wrestler who at once is on top of the big
show but now is come back down to the regional
wrestling circuit. He's terrific of that. Survivors Or Morse played
the owner of the Atlanta Hawks. Jimmy and I sounded
(23:06):
for like one scene. I go, who's this guy? This
guy's good, And then when I looked at his IMDb
pigeons said, oh my god, this guy's better. I should
I shouldn't. I should have known this. It's been doing
a lot of work. So we're going to talk to
him tomorrow night, coming up here on WBZ, So stick
around for that. Also, my good friend, as always Sam Metler,
(23:27):
the Moderate, The Moderate from Los Angeles the moderate from Hollywood,
which basically in Hollywood means he's like a reactionary. He
is so far to the right in Hollywood. He didn't
immediately jump on the Kamala Harris bandwagon. He said, wait
a minute, I got a few questions. I hope he
(23:48):
has a few friends left out there in Hollywood. Interesting
conversation tonight with Alan Lickman, professor of history from American University.
Presidents who exceeded expectations, and he's got Ronald Reagan is
one of the three. No, he didn't say Reagan is
one of the three great presidents. He said, Washington and Lincoln.
(24:12):
Oh my god, I should have written any other. Oh
a FDR, FDR because FDR had to come out of
the out of the Depression. Washington, Lincoln, Well, Washington, that
makes sense obviously, the Revolutionary Wars we declared our independence
from England, and then Lincoln because of the Civil War,
(24:34):
and then FDR, which guided America through the Great Depression.
But that's some other questions. You know, Ronald Reagan. You know,
I've told you guys, I'm a registered Democrat, but I
vote both ways. I don't care I go across. I'm
not going to be so crazy that I'm going to
(24:54):
go to the party. I mean, I voted for Romney
for president the first time around, Obama the second time around.
But then with the way you look at the Republican
Party now, I mean Romney pretty much is a Democrat, sorry, Mitt,
but Reagan, who was considered very conservative then compared to
(25:19):
what's happening with Megan, now, forget about it. I don't
know if anybody can sit there and say that they
knew Obama was going to be good. I mean, we
didn't know. Well, that's the thing. That's my point with
Kamala Harris. Everybody thinks if she gets elected president based
on past performance as a vice president and as a
(25:40):
presidential candidate, which was a disaster for her, she was
out of the race before it even started, that that's
an indication of how she'll be as president, and it's not.
It's not. People didn't think Truman was going to be
any good, took over for FDR, ended World War two.
(26:00):
You know, even the newspaper in Chicago said he didn't
even win reelection. Do we did? So you just don't know.
You don't know if she's elected president, you don't know
who she's gonna do if Trump's elected president, because he's
obviously been there, you have a pretty good idea of
(26:24):
what's going to happen. Right, It's going to be the
Donald Trump show. It's going to be his thing. It's
going to be all about him. Now, I'm not saying
that politicians don't have egos, and it's not about to
a lesser degree, it will be not about her. If
(26:45):
Trump gets in for another four years, it will be
the Trump Show. You're really yeah, it'll be it'll it'll
be the Donald Trump show again. It's going to be interesting.
Interest rates are going to come down, that's the plan. An,
So if interest rates come down before the election, that
will definitely help the Democrats. It's because I don't know,
(27:07):
you know, it just seems to me nobody's going to
change their mind at this point. If you're a Trump person,
you're a Trump person. Are you going to change your mind?
I suppose to it. There may have been some moderates
that felt Biden was just didn't have his faculties anymore,
an agent cut up with him and he couldn't do it,
(27:28):
and that they just couldn't vote for Joe Biden, and
maybe they wouldn't have voted at all. Maybe the Democrats
would have lost a vote. There might have been some
you know, moderate Republicans who could or independence who are
going to vote for Trump because they didn't feel that
(27:51):
Biden had the faculties to do the job, which we
all wondered at. I mean, come on, you could admire
the guy for what he'd done, but we but he's accomplished,
but we all wondered it. You gotta be kidding me.
I mean, if you don't, you're not being honest with yourself.
(28:11):
You're just at all, You're not. So I don't I
don't know how many people actually would have abandoned the
Democratic Party to go vote for Trump. Maybe some people
with a lot of money, some very rich Democrats who
felt maybe tax wise, Donald would have been better for them.
But I don't know if that would have been the case.
(28:32):
I mean, Trump's just out for himself. I mean, he
is the guy, you know, he's out for whatever gets
Donald be in. And it's a big ego stroke man,
and Maga gives it to him, a big ego stroke,
because if he wanted what was best for the country,
he wouldn't have held up the border issue, and like
I said before tonight, the border issue, I don't know
(28:55):
if politicians wanted to go away. You can't tell me
that they can't do a better job than this. I
don't know if they use it as bait as a
negotiating tool for dealing with the other party. I don't
know why this has gone on so long. Doesn't make
(29:15):
any sense to me. People will say it's too big,
it's not fixable. I don't believe that, like it's not
going to happen overnight, but I don't believe it's not fixable.
I don't believe that you can't now. I believe that
there could be a system. It's yes. I don't know
(29:37):
if you want to privatize it, you would probably want
to keep it part of the federal government. I don't
know if you want to privatize border control, that could
be an issue. This could be some conflicts of interest there.
But I think I just think it's a cop out
by both parties. I just think it's a cop out.
(29:57):
And I don't think that the answer is taking families
and separating them. If a family comes across the border
from another country and they want to sil them in
the UX and they want a better life for themselves.
I don't think the answer is taking a mother and
a father and putting them in one hold up and
taking the kids and putting them in another. I don't.
I think that's in humane. I think it's in humane,
(30:19):
but it should be. We can do it. We just
don't want to do it. We want to use it
as a political plank, and we were almost there. At
least we were heading in the right direction. I'm not
saying it would have solved all the problems, but they
had a bipartisan agreement and Trump didn't want to deal
with it. Actually, I need to check that he didn't
(30:44):
want it to pass because he wanted to use it
for his own political purposes. Do I know who's going
to ruin the presidential race. I think Kamala Harris is
going to win by a smidge because I think the
brats are going to be the difference. I don't think
(31:04):
Trump has lost any voters, but I don't think he's
gained any voters, and the Democrats I think have gained voters.
I think it's the younger people. I think it's the
eighteen plus, the people who would not vote that will vote,
and they don't know what Harris stands for. I shouldn't.
I shouldn't say that some do and some don't. And
I shouldn't even say that as an age issue. There
(31:26):
are fifty year old people that vote and they don't
know the issues and they just cast a ballot because
they like somebody. And there are people that are eighteen
years old. Let's say, you know what, I like the
brad movement, so I'm going to vote for Kamala Harris,
and I don't like Donald Trump because he's just an old,
rich grouch. So I shouldn't say that that's limited to
just one age group. I think that happens all over
(31:50):
the place. But I think that's what's going to happen
with Aras and I think the important thing is to
surround her with a great staff. And she's a very
smart woman. Come on, she's a smart woman. You don't
district you don't be a district attorney and do the
things that she's done. She's no dummy. But like I
(32:14):
said earlier tonight, based on what I saw in her
interview with CNN, she just needs to be a little
more deliberate and speak with a little more clarity when
she makes a statement like when Trump, when Trump says
something as crazy as it may be, this is for it.
(32:36):
This is an example exemplary purposes only. This is not
this is I'm not quoting Donald Trump. The moon is
made of cheese. Trump would say the moon is made
of cheese. Right now, Harris is saying, well, the moon,
(32:56):
you know, they say, is made of cheese. You gotta
hammer it. You got to hammer it. Say it with confidence.
Repeat after me, the mood is made of cheese. We'll
put that on a WBZ t shirt. All right, We're
gonna wrap up the show. Gary tagwave for Dan Ray
here on night's side all week long. Final words are
(33:20):
coming up after this on WZ Boston's news Radio.
Speaker 1 (33:24):
Now back to Dan Ray mine from the Window World
night Side Studios on WBZ News Radio.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
All right, Gary Tag, we finishing things out for Dan
tonight on this Labor Day. I hope you guys had
a good, safe, long weekend. Back to the grind tomorrow
and I'm here all week so they have it. You've
been warned. Interesting idea because it's under their ideas. Written
by Mark Shanahan on the Boston Globe, writing my father's
(33:53):
obituary with him revealed a man I never knew. You
never really know your dad. You really don't. I mean,
you know one aspect of him, right, but you don't
really know him. I think this is an awesome idea.
This is just a tremendous idea where he sits down
(34:15):
and he learns things about by writing the obituary, learns
things about his dad that he never knew. I mean
I would learn things about my dad as I got older,
and he would just he would never never really like
volunteer atle like say I'm going to tell you my
life story. I mean, Noah Tanguage just wasn't that guy.
But you'd pick up bits and pieces, like he lived
(34:36):
in Boston for a while when he was a young man,
and he went to Mass at this you know, a
certain church over in downtown Crossing, which because he went
to Mass there when I first moved to Boston, I
would go to Mass there. When my grandfather was in
the hospital in Boston, he came down. He took some
(34:56):
art courses at Harvard. I mean things that I'm like, what,
becuse me? What you took art courses? I got a
Harvard Night School type of thing, you know, And he
really wanted to be an artist and was interested in
advertising layouts, but he went back home to run for
man and he decided to work in the mill. That's
the biggest thing that kids don't realize is that mom
(35:17):
and dad had dreams too. Nobody ever think they did.
They had ideas, they had dreams. Perhaps they weren't as
encouraged as much as we were because my parents were
children of the depression and came out of World War
two and get a job, start a family. That's what
you did, you know. Now, as parents, I think we're
(35:40):
certainly more open to our kids having big ideas and
pursuing dreams, some more than others. I mean to me,
that's you got to pursue your dream I mean, other
than that was the point. What are you doing here?
Speaker 3 (35:53):
You know?
Speaker 2 (35:53):
Why bother? But I think it's cool because even my kids,
if I like I get out my high school year,
even though they laugh at the pictures, you know, I'll say,
you know, there you go, take a look at it.
Take a look at take a look at the old
man there problem ah and had light blue tucks with
a very wide lapel and lots of ruffles. Oh my god,
(36:18):
what was with it? In the tuxedos, all those ruffles
ish no such thing as a clean look back at
the old prom at Mexico High School in nineteen eighty
one or nineteen eighty two. Good God, But there are
moments when you learned that your parents could be cool too,
(36:40):
Like I would learn that, like my you know, my
mom was a nurse, and when she was a nurse
in the in the fifties and sixties, you didn't have
to she could be a anesthesiologist. You didn't have to
be a doctor to do that. So she would handle
the anesthesia also asist and the surgeries and so forth.
(37:02):
And everybody in my town would say, your mom was
there when my kids were born, and I made feel
go was proud, you know, I was proud of that fact.
It's kind of cool when kids see something about their
parents that's cool, because they don't, I mean, they really don't,
(37:25):
you know. They they're like, no, you know, my dad
was a very good artist, and I would you know,
now I've been able to keep some things that he
could draw, And I'm like, what what do you mean
You didn't you mean your goal wasn't to work in
the paper mill all your life, which is a fine
believe me, made a fine living, Don't get me wrong,
(37:46):
but yeah, your parents had dreams too, and some of
them pursued them and some of them fulfilled them. Like me,
I'm very lucky, very very lucky. So read that in
the Boston Globe and the Ideas section. Mark Shanahan writing
his father's obituary with him, and he learned a number
of things that he never knew. Coming up on Thursday
(38:08):
Show at nine o'clock, a friend of mine, Ben Selkoe,
is going to join us. He's a great documentarian. He
did he was a producer on the Mary Tyler Moore documentary.
If you haven't seen it, it's on Hulu. It's great.
It is great. And he's got a documentary out on
(38:32):
Hulu and National Geo called The Killer Lies, and it's
going to be really good. It's about it's a guy
who's writing these stories about following serial killers and there
are no serial killers and he's making it all up.
(38:55):
So there you have it. So we'll talk to bet
about that. I got the MTM documentary really good. If
you haven't seen, I mean, if you grew up watching
the Mary Tyler Moore Show like me, which to me
was that's one of the greatest television shows in history.
James L. Brooks less the great James L. Brooks. Well,
(39:18):
I had a chance to work with The Spring down
in Providence, which is a real thrill, along with Albert Brooks.
You know, we talked Albert Brooks and Jamie Lee Curtis,
and you know, I was talking to Chris Pappas earlier
as a producer writer. He was talking about how like
people like Danny McBride and Adam Sandler, they just work
(39:40):
really hard. It's like it was on the set with
Albert Brooks for a movie that's coming out. I think
it'll be on next year. And I mean, Albert Brooks
has nothing to prove. He's one of the great comedians
of all time. He's a legend. And he worked and
worked to get this scene right. And I know acting
(40:01):
is not physical labor. I understand everybody is a trailer.
It's a good life to make a good living. So
I'm not saying that, but Sky worked for hours on
this one scene just to get it right. Kept talking
with James Brooks back and forth of Jimmie Lee Curtis too,
like they don't just show up read the lines and leave.
(40:22):
They'll stay there for hours to get it right. So
there as my parents, as my dad would say, there
are no shortcuts for success. You gotta have hard work,
all right. Coming up on the show tomorrow night, Chris Bauer,
as I mentioned, terrific actor. Check out Heels on Stars.
My Boy of Maalle is running at vic Levin's on
(40:43):
there and at Chris Bauer is a great role and
it's terrific, terrific actors on that. And then on Wednesday,
Casey Sherman is going to be joining us. Casey Sherman's
get some great books coming out also as a terrific
article in Boston Magazine about an innocent man still imprisoned.
John Powers, the legend great John Powers from the Boston Globe.
(41:04):
This guy, he was there when Zeus started the Olympics.
John Powers was there at the first Olympic Games, saw
the first torchlit. He has covered so many Olympic Games
for the Boston Globe. He is one of the great writers.
And quite often, you know, when you think of the Globe,
you think of like Bob Bryan, who I do a
(41:25):
podcast with. You think of Dan Shaughnessy, you think of
Peter Gammons. You think of the late great Nick Cavardo,
Jackie McMullen, the late great Will McDonough. John Powers is
right there with him. He is on the mount Rushmore
of sports writers period. I mean in Boston. Is not
enough room in the mountain. There's too so many in Boston.
(41:47):
Toy Champagne, my buddy joins us on Wednesday too. It's
gonna be interesting because he has a documentary I don't
know if you've seen it yet on ESPN plus The
Rhythm of Sports, The Rhythm of Sports with Mickey Hart
The Grateful Dead, relating the rhythm of music and the
(42:07):
rhythm of sports together. It's a little out there, man,
but it is a fun watch. Let me tell you
that right now. It is a fun watch. I gotta go.
I think I've gone long. Thank you very much. No,
you did a great job, Karen. Thank you very much
as well for all the help tonight. I'll be back
tomorrow night at eight o'clock right here on WBZ.
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