February 13, 2025 • 39 mins
We kicked off the program with four news stories and different guests on the stories we think you need to know about!
Endicott College Celebrates Student Hockey Athlete & Stroke Survivor Jack Smiley’s Return to Ice during Senior Day. With Jack Smiley & Coach R.J. Tolan.
Carolyn Sharp's "Fire It Up" book event on Feb. 15th at the Jabberwocky Bookshop in Newburyport.
Oscar-Nominated Short Films, opening at the Coolidge Corner Theatre on Feb. 14th. With Mark Anastasio, Coolidge Corner Theatre Programming Director.
Jill Robin Payne – Psychotherapist & Communications Coach and Author of "Bempathy: Simplifying Communication by Looking at the Third Side of the Coin" checked in.
Ask Alexa to play WBZ NewsRadio on #iHeartRadio and listen to NightSide with Dan Rea Weeknights From 8PM-12AM!
Endicott College Celebrates Student Hockey Athlete & Stroke Survivor Jack Smiley’s Return to Ice during Senior Day. With Jack Smiley & Coach R.J. Tolan.
Carolyn Sharp's "Fire It Up" book event on Feb. 15th at the Jabberwocky Bookshop in Newburyport.
Oscar-Nominated Short Films, opening at the Coolidge Corner Theatre on Feb. 14th. With Mark Anastasio, Coolidge Corner Theatre Programming Director.
Jill Robin Payne – Psychotherapist & Communications Coach and Author of "Bempathy: Simplifying Communication by Looking at the Third Side of the Coin" checked in.
Ask Alexa to play WBZ NewsRadio on #iHeartRadio and listen to NightSide with Dan Rea Weeknights From 8PM-12AM!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
It's Night Side with Dan Ray on Boston's Radio.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
I'm stunned that Nicole did not mention Alex Bergman. Are
you still in the studio, Nicole, Oh, yes, I'm here.
High Alex Bergman.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
You know I should have mentioned that. I'm sorry. Yes,
another big deal.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Last question it to you is when will we have
the duck boats rolling this This is going to be
the year.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
I cannot wait. Frankly, I think we're overdue. And I
know that's a little pompous to say, but it's only
been what one two years?
Speaker 2 (00:34):
This is seven years. That's why.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Well for the Red Sox of course, but just in general,
you know, we can't go too long without they get Russell.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
I'm going to do when they when they win it
all this year, I'm going to rent a duck boat
for you and me and we'll join the parade.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
I love that. Yes, let's do it. I'll bring one
of those really obnoxious horns just because.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Yes, oh at absolute compulsory. Absolutely yes, absolutely, have a
good show. Thanks very much. Hi, Welcome in everybody. My
name is Dan Ray, the host of Nightside, celebrating Alex
Bergman signing with the Red Sox for three years that
great signing. Great signing. Congratulations the Red Sox. They are
they are alive and kicking. We have a very interesting
(01:15):
show tonight. We're going to tell you all about your taxes.
Mark Misselbeck is going to be here CPA extraordinary answer
all your question about taxes. And then it looks like
maybe maybe the city Boston is going to do a
little bit of reassessment about some of the bus lanes
and bike lanes. Oh that they would. We'll get to
all of that. But we have four really interesting guests
coming up tonight during the eight o'clock hour. Again, my
(01:36):
name is Dan Ray. Rob Brooks is back in the
control room, and I want to start off with the
story of a hockey player place for Endicott College the Goals.
His name is Jack Smiley. He has a very special
game coming up this weekend. Jack, Welcome to Nightside. How
are you, sir.
Speaker 4 (01:54):
Man, Thank you for having me. I'm doing well. I'm
doing great. It's an honor to be and vice it
on Well.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
I'll tell you I wanted to talk with you. We
also have your coach RJ. Tolin with us, the head
hockey coach varsity men's hockey hockey coach at Endicott. This
is quite a story.
Speaker 5 (02:10):
R J.
Speaker 6 (02:12):
This is great. Thanks so much for having us on.
And I'd just like to say that the Red Sox
had me back even before Bregman when they sent Bobby
doll Back back down to the minors.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Dollback probably hit forty five home runs for the White
Sox and saying why can we get players like that? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, anyway,
Let's let me Jack explain what happened to you. You're
a young hockey player. You're a freshman I think at
Endicott College in February of twenty twenty two, just about
three years ago, and you're at a team practice and
(02:50):
you inexplicably suffered a stroke. Tell us about it.
Speaker 4 (02:55):
Yeah, yeah, it was actually in my sophomore year, but okay,
it was in that February of twenty twenty two time frame,
and I had come into the school during COVID, so
we didn't really have a very normal freshman year at all.
And early on in that sophomore year I ended up
(03:18):
having a stroke on the ice for practice, and that
really changed the trajectory of my life. Put me on
a completely different collegiate journey than I ever thought I
would be on I woke up in the hospital on
February twenty second, completely paralyzed on my right side. I
couldn't talk normally. It was very inaudible and incomprehensible. I
(03:45):
was now relearning things that I learned at the ripe
age of two years old, and going from a twenty
two year old ncuble collegiate athlete. That's quite a whirlwind.
So three years so you may road to recover.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Yeah, you have made a remarkable recovery, coach. What's gonna happen? Uh,
he's on the ice. I guess Saturday, Saturday night? Are
you guys at home or away? I know Ray Books?
The rink up there is named after my Friday book?
Are you a Homer? Away? On Saturday night?
Speaker 6 (04:19):
Saturday afternoon, we're home with all the seniors and Jack
And yeah, they'll they'll all be They'll all be out
there and and I'll play Jack as well.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Now, is this Jack's first actual game back?
Speaker 6 (04:37):
This will be his his He's he's been on on
the ice for the season, you know, kind of fully
making his way back into things, and this will be
his first first game back since since what happens Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
And who who you guys playing on Saturday afternoon. I
didn't realize was an afternoon game.
Speaker 6 (04:59):
John to Wales.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
All right, okay, Jack, I know you must be pretty
excited about Saturday. You this is not the final game
of the season, so hopefully there'll be a few more
opportunities to get out there and put the puck up
behind the goaltenders. Uh. There has to be a little
(05:24):
bit of a thought in the back of your head though,
of am I Am I going to be able to
do it? Or maybe not? Is it? Is it kind
of a bittersweet feeling coming up as you approach Saturday.
We've still got, you know, obviously a couple of days
between now and then to think about it. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (05:41):
No, it's definitely a whirlwind of emotion for sure, And
I really try very heavily. Something I've learned throughout the
entire journey is to focus so directly and so heavily
on the day you're in and what you can do
that day to make for a better tomorrow. So I've
been trying to keep out those emotions as as much
(06:04):
as I can so they don't become overwhelming. But there
is definitely that inkling starting to creep in of it's
real now, it's it's coming up. The opportunities here, and yeah,
with being out for so long and going through such
a such a dramatic event and such a real, serious,
(06:26):
life altering occurrence, there are definitely those thoughts of what's
going to happen. But I'm just telling myself, I'm scoring
a couple of goals, I'm putting someone through the glass,
and Coach is playing me every game after that.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
You sound like a hockey player, that is for sure. Now, Coach,
I know that you've got a great student body up there.
I've been on your campus many times, particularly before the pandemic.
We used to do shows from when Doc Wiley was
the president of Endicott College. I suspect you'll have a
full house Saturday afternoon with students and family and friends.
Speaker 6 (07:08):
Yeah, it's a it's a great community, and I think,
especially with you know, the kind of unique occasion, I
would think it will be a pretty lively crowd, be
a great, great event.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
And I assume I assume the medical staff is clear,
Jack and whatever it was, whatever the the the accident was,
or the the the impact, whatever caused this this situation. Uh,
I'm sure that the medical staff has looked at him
pretty clearfulrect.
Speaker 6 (07:42):
Yeah, the more time you'll you would spend talking with Jack,
I'm sure he would say, well, don't worry about me.
You should make sure the people at Johnson and Wales
are medically cleared to play against me.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Uh, sounds like a hockey player. How's the team doing
this year, coach? Where what's the what's the status of
the goals?
Speaker 7 (08:03):
Uh?
Speaker 6 (08:04):
I think they're doing this. It's a great, great group
of kids and where you know, I think they can.
I think it's a special year. Any year you feel
like as a coach you can beat anyone in the country.
So and I truly feel like that. And I enjoy
going in there every day. And part of it starts
(08:24):
with being able to spend every day with someone like Jack,
you know, with the example he sets and how he's
persevered through everything he's been through, and you know it's
he's given us all so much.
Speaker 5 (08:42):
You know.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Yeah, well, well Jack, you know best best of luck.
Hockey is a great game. I have a great friend
of young guy named Matt Brown who unfortunately got badly
injured even worse than you did, playing high school hockey.
And he's in a book called Line Change, and you
may want to pick that up. It's pretty inspirational. Great guy,
(09:06):
and you sound like a great guy. You're going to
stay with hockey after your career. Do you have some
aspirations to coach or anything like that?
Speaker 4 (09:13):
Jack, I don't know exactly what the future holds after
I graduate. I've been so focused on getting back on
the ice and dialed in on getting back on the
sheet and making it the best I can that I
haven't really thought it much else. So We'll see where
the road takes me. But I'm not counting it out.
(09:35):
I love the game of hockey. It's given me so
much that I could definitely see myself trying to get
back give back to it in some capacity.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Well, Jack, best of luck you. Sounds like you're lucked
and loaded ready to go. Best of luck Saturday afternoon, coach,
Best to you and the Gulls for the rest of
the season. Say hi to all our friends at Endicott College.
And what time is that game? We have a lot
of listeners up obviously north through whom I assume there
might be a few tickets still available.
Speaker 6 (10:03):
I hope kids, it's three o'clock on Saturday afternoon.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
All Right, beautiful rink named in honor of Ray bark
Y balk the great Bruins defensemen, and also Stanley Cup
winning with the Colorado Avalanche. Gentlemen. Thanks very much, Jack,
You're an inspiration to all and the best of luck.
I'll be checking out the newspapers on on Saturday, and
I'm hoping to see in the goal goal scoring list. Okay,
(10:31):
thanks Jack, and thanks Coach Paulin. Thanks very much, both
of you.
Speaker 4 (10:35):
Thank you, thank you very much for having us on.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Thanks you, my pleasure, my pleasure. When we get back,
we are going to talk about and I guess we've
had recently who's been a great guest. And she's actually
I think gonna be signing books this weekend up at
I believe it's a new report. We'll get all that information.
We'll be talking to Carolyn Sharp right after this break
(10:58):
here on a Thursday Eve on Nightside.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Now back to Dan Ray live from the Window World
Nightside Studios on WBZ News Radio.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
I want to welcome back to Nightside Carolyn Sharp. She
was with us, I guess a week or so ago,
taking phone calls in tonight. She's here in a more
truncated form, because Carolyn is going to make an appearance
this weekend. And I think you said you're up in
either is it New Report or Gloucester?
Speaker 8 (11:30):
Carolyn, it is Newberry Poor. I'm at Jabberwacke Books in
Newburyport on Saturday from five to seven.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
Okay. Now, your book, which we've talked about in the
air and we can talk about tonight, is Fire It Up.
And yeah, that is a book that essentially it provides
four secrets to reigniting intimacy and joy in your relationship.
And obviously it's around this Valentine's you'll be up here
(12:01):
in Valentine's Day weekend. How's the book going these days?
Is it still as active on Amazon as it was
when we talked to a couple of weeks ago.
Speaker 9 (12:14):
It is.
Speaker 8 (12:14):
It's doing really well. People are responding really positive positively
to it. I'm getting lots of great reviews and people
are writing to me telling me how helpful it is.
So I'm really excited to see the reception and see
how helpful it is, because that's the dream, to help
couples have even more happiness and connection in their relationships
(12:35):
than ever before.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
Now, I know the book became available only about a
month ago on January seventh of this year, correct, and
it is intended for couples. Both couples, you know, need
to take the time to read it and discuss it.
Give us a quick suggestion, what are the fourth secrets?
(12:59):
I'm sure you don't want to give away the entire
book here, and you won't in the few minutes we
have left, But what is the secrets. I've got to
assume communication is one of those secrets.
Speaker 8 (13:10):
Communication is under everything, is throughout everything, and that is
part of the fuel of relationships. And the book is
named Fired Up because it's built on the metaphor of
a healthy fire. Any campers out there will know that
to have a healthy fire, you need oxygen, you need ignition,
and you need fuel, and that all needs to be
on a healthy foundation, like a campfire. And so the
(13:32):
first secret is that foundation. It's having a purpose, the
why of your relationship, as well as solid agreements and
understandings of what your relationship needs. So that's secret number one.
Secret number two is the oxygen, which is the deep
understanding of each other as people, what you each need
to feel like your best self as well as.
Speaker 6 (13:50):
The right amount of.
Speaker 8 (13:51):
Air in between you to each do what you want
and spend time together in time apart. That's also oxygen.
The fuel is that communication you're taught about, and the
emotional safety to be yourself and to make mistakes and
come back and learn from them together. And then finally,
ignition is the spark, the fun, the passion, the romance
(14:12):
that every couple wants, but many don't realize that over
a ten, twenty, thirty forty year relationship, you have to
work at that spark because it doesn't just stay there naturally.
And so in each of those secrets, I give lots
of exercises and stories of real life couples that struggle
in natural, normal ways, so that people realize how ordinary,
(14:37):
how regular it is to have these struggles, so that
they don't feel alone and like, oh, our relationship is doomed. No,
it's just part of making a life over forty years
or however long a couple is together.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
Yeah, five years, ten years, thirty forty years, Yeah, it
doesn't matter.
Speaker 6 (14:53):
Yeah, you got to keep it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Going on there, and you have to keep the excitement
and the spontaneity, and it's naughties because in this day
and age, most couples are pretty busy. That traditional form
of you know, the husband working and moms staying at
home taking care of the kids and cooking dinners, that's
all has gone away from our society. And both both
(15:17):
members of the of the relationship often have very different
type jobs and occupations and different stresses, and all of
that can complicate things. And though I guess if they
take the time to read your book, they'll be able
to work through it. So let's let's talk about the event.
I did mention the last time we're here, I want
you to come back. This is Saturday night, the fifteenth.
(15:39):
We're going to have a little bit of snow this weekend,
so I hope you're going to bring your snow shoes
with you, and if not, be prepared to buy. It's
not going to be a big storm. I don't know
how far you're flying for this, but.
Speaker 8 (15:51):
Oh no, I live in West Newberry, so I moved.
Speaker 6 (15:54):
Here a while ago.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
You're all set, okay, Yeah?
Speaker 8 (15:58):
Yeah, I'm also I.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Couldn't tell from the phone number. And it's the Jabberwakeee
book Shop on Water Street, downtown Newport, and it's beautiful.
Speaker 8 (16:08):
In the Cannery Building, that beautiful, awesome building full of
restaurants and shops, and you know it's built as a
as a date night opportunity to can come by and
do a little book book browsing, get your book signed
here and me read a little bit and then go
out to dinner or get drinks or just explore the
beautiful waterfronts of newbury Port.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
It's great. So it's five to seven. You'll be there
five o'clock and people. You said you'll do a little
bit of a reading and then you're available to talk
to people and sign some books. And that's great. So
I'm so glad that we reconnected tonight. I wish you
all the best, and I hope.
Speaker 5 (16:45):
That everyone who's so much.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Walks in the door and is listening to us will
tell you that they heard you. If not tonight on nightside,
maybe a week or so ago when we were on
for a yeah full hour. Yeah absolutely, yeah, Well thank thanks,
very pleasure to talk with you again and guest on
Saturday night at the Jabberwaukee Bookshop in New Report. Easy
(17:11):
to find ye And as you said, a great you're
you're done by seven o'clock. You got time for drinks, dinner,
and everything else. So ye have a great have a
great time. And I had forgotten you sure that you
had ever told me that that you were that you
lived in our neck of the woods, because I looked
at the phone number you had, and I said, gee,
where's that area, coach, So that was what.
Speaker 8 (17:34):
That's my Seattle number. I moved here in August. So
I'm a I'm a I'm a Massachusetts person now, So happily,
can you.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
A native at this point if you've been.
Speaker 8 (17:44):
Here, thank you for your native wonderful.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Thank you so much. Pleasure to have talked to you again.
Talk soon. Okay.
Speaker 8 (17:53):
Likewise, alrighty bye bye bye bye.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Okay. That's it's a great local connection. I just love
that one. Okay. When we get back after the news,
at the bottom of the hour, we're going to talk
about a short film festival at the Coolidge Corner Theater.
I'm not sure if this is a one day event
or if it is going to be there for a while,
but it's really interesting what we're talking with. Mark Anasasio,
(18:18):
he's the Coolidge Corner Theater programming director. He'll have all
the details and then later on tonight at eight forty five.
We're going to be talking with another author, a psychotherapist
and communications coach so often communications are important, Jill Robin Paine,
and she's written a book called Empathy. I have no
idea what empathy means. Obviously, it's b empat y, simplifying
(18:43):
communication by looking at the third side of the coin.
Stay with us, and then we'll get all of your
tax questions squared away in the nine o'clock hour, and
we'll solve the bike lane problem in Boston and other
major cities around America beginning at ten o'clock tonight. So
we have a lot to accomplish. Stay with us, Dan
Ray on night Side on a Thursday night. Beautiful day
(19:04):
to day, a little bit of melting, but some more
snow coming in this weekend. Back on nightside after.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
This, you're on Nightside with Dan Ray on Boston's news radio.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
All right, it is a film Awards season. I think
everyone knows that. And with us now is Mark Anastasio.
He's the Coolidge Corner Theater programming director and they have
a very interesting event. I know it's tomorrow, Mark, but
I'm unclear from the information that I have in front
of me, is if this is a one day only event,
(19:39):
or if it's going to continue on through the weekend.
Good evening, how are you?
Speaker 5 (19:44):
And good Dan? Thanks for having me, How are you great?
Speaker 2 (19:47):
Just a little confused at the ball. This is a
one or it is going to be longer than just
the fourteenth of February.
Speaker 5 (19:56):
Yeah, it's it's much longer. So we're opening the OSCAR
nominated short films on a full run. So they begin
on February fourteenth, and they'll probably be with us for
a couple of weeks. We start off showing the live
action and the animated short film programs, and then a
couple of weeks from now we'll bring into documentary shorts.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
So okay, im, although I'm a member of the Screen
Actors after Union, I want to make sure that my
audience understands how do you define a short film? Is
it a certain length? I mean, most of us think
of movies as being, you know, an hour and a half,
two hours long. Some of them are epic length, three
(20:39):
hour long movies that you know, But what's my definition
of the short film?
Speaker 5 (20:45):
I think that it varies depending on you know, which
which festival or where they're being submitted. But they tend
to be films that are you know, shorter, shorter than
sixty minutes. Most of the films in these short film
programs are on average about you know, ten to twenty
minutes long, give or take. And there are you know,
(21:05):
there's five or six films in the live action program,
and there are five films in the animated program this year.
And so the programs themselves run about ninety minutes to
two hours, depending And.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
These are films one of which I assume in each
category will actually take home in Oscar this year.
Speaker 5 (21:29):
Correct. Yeah, So, and they're international films that these films
come from all over the world. They they you know,
they run the gamut as far as what genres they are.
There's there's science fiction, there's drama. You know, there's there's
something for everybody, and there are a ton of fun
to watch with an audience. And it's a popular program
(21:50):
at the Coolidge year after year. This is you know,
I've been with the theater seventeen years now and we've
we've run the Shorts program just about every year that
I've been there, and this year we've got them in
a bigger theater than ever before. The Coolidge recently completed
a large expansion project, so we're actually putting these short
films on you know, one hundred and fifty seat theater
(22:13):
in the new wing of our building, so more seats
to accommodate the demand for these short films.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
Those of us in Boston quotes loved the Coolidge Corner Theater.
How is it the project the theater has been able
to develop this, this annual association with Oscar nominated films.
Speaker 5 (22:33):
Oh, that's a good question. It's it's they began coming
from a distributor that we worked with regularly, sort of
more independent distributor called Magnolia Films. This year they're distributed
by an organization just called Shorts, And this is I guess. Oh,
I'm looking at their information now. It is the twentieth
(22:54):
year that they've they've offered the Oscar nominated shorts to theaters.
I don't know if it's exclusive with us. That's something
I should have known before coming out.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
But yeah, I think I think we're the only problem.
The thing that we do know is that if they'd
like if people out there are film aficionados or people
who are just interested in film, you don't have to
be an aficionado. You could go to how can they
get the schedule? What what time of day? And does
(23:30):
one ticket give you whatever is being shown that day?
Tell us, tell us how it works structurally.
Speaker 5 (23:36):
Sure they can get Folks can get tickets on our website,
which is cooliage dot org, and they'll see showtimes listed
for the live action Oscar shorts as well as the
animated Oscar shorts. Each program has two showtimes daily. You
do need a separate ticket for the live action then
for the animated. But this weekend, the live action shorts
(23:58):
are playing at two pm and seven fifteen, while the
animated short screen at four forty five and nine to
fifty pm in that late slot. And yeah, it's it's
just it's such a popular program. It's a great way
for people to see films early on from filmmakers that
are making these short films and are are soon to
(24:20):
go on, you know, to some sort of exciting feature
length film. But short short films themselves are are are
an amazing way to see a story. Some of these
fifteen minute movies are are just as complete and thrilling
as a two hour film that you would go to
a theater to see. So certainly worth checking out.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
Now have you found from years to year? And again,
I don't know if there are regulars who are coming
year after year, but regulars who just focus, say on
either the live action or the animated. They're sort of
like people who are just interested in one of the
(25:04):
subsets of these films and wants to figure out who's
going to take on the Oscar for this group or
people coming yeah, to be exposed across the board there.
Speaker 5 (25:16):
I think that's a great that's a great question. I
think that the majority of the folks that come out
for these programs like to catch all of them because
they want to be able to make their Oscar predictions.
They want to say, be able to say that they've
seen everything that's nominated come Academy Awards night. But then
there are you know, there are some diehard animation fans
(25:39):
that want to come out and see those films in
particular because it might be their only chance for the
live action too, but that it's their only chance to
see them in a theatrical setting, to experience them with
an audience, which you know, only heightens the emotions and
the reactions that you get from from these great movies.
(26:02):
But I think, yeah, overall, everybody wants to see all
of them, the shorts. Fans are fans of each each program,
the live action, the animated, and to some extent, the documentary.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
That's great, And it sounds as if you guys are
renovating the theater, constantly updating it.
Speaker 5 (26:22):
I know.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
It's such a great a great institution. Again, it's it's
worth the trip any time, but it's for the next
two weeks. So we're talking about the last two weeks
of February. If you're a movie buff, great way to
spend most of the last two weeks of February out
of the cold in a theater watching Oscar nominated films. Okay,
(26:46):
absolutely I could.
Speaker 5 (26:49):
Yeah, I couldn't have said it better Dan, that's that's
that's just right. You know, it's a it's a gloomy
time of year, especially on a daylight today where it's
you know, raining and flushy outside. Come on into the
coolidge and see some great film and you know, get
out of that New England February.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Okay, so it starts tomorrow.
Speaker 7 (27:08):
First films started to say at two pm. Yes, that's right,
two pm, okay, and pretty much every day Saturday Sunday
every weekday for the next couple of weeks. The schedule
is available at Coolidge dot org. I don't want people
calling me tomorrow and asking me when is this film?
Speaker 2 (27:28):
I won't know, okay. And by the way, as a
member of SAG after I get to vote on the
Oscar nominations, which is pretty cool.
Speaker 5 (27:36):
Oh wonderful.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
Yeah, you know, I'm serious. That's uh. I've done that
for many, many years, and so you know, not that
I'm not particularly adept at picking winners, but I certainly
do like to do my research, and I might sneak
in the back of the theater up there someday in
the next couple of weeks and catch a few of these.
It sounds like a yeah.
Speaker 5 (27:57):
We give tickets to Yeah, can we give tickets to
SAG members? Dan, It's part of the deal.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
Yeah, you know, I'd be more than happy to buy
and support the support the theater and stay in the
back of the dark glasses and hiding because someone might
ask me a question and think that I actually know
anything about this stuff. Mark, I really appreciate your time.
Thanks so much for being a great sport and explaining
it very very well. Mark Anastasio, the Coolidge Corner Theater
(28:26):
programming Director. Thanks again, Mark, I hope to see you
at some point in a not tra distant future.
Speaker 5 (28:31):
Thank you so much. Dan, You're more than welcome.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
When we get back, we're going to talk about a
concept that I, frankly don't quite understand. It's called empathy.
It's like taking the letter B and putting it before
the word empathy. I know what empathy means, but I'm
going to find out what empathy means simplifying communication by
looking at the third side of the coin. Very interesting title.
(28:55):
The author, Jill Robin Paine, she's an author and a
psychotherapist and communication coach, will join us on the other
side of this quick break on a kind of a
typical Thursday night in February. We're going to get you
to the weekend. Between tonight and tomorrow, we'll get through
another stormy weekend, and pretty soon February we'll turn into
March and we'll be getting scores of the Red Sox.
(29:18):
They did pick up a great addition today to their team,
Alex Bragman, a great player from Houston, from the Houston Astros.
So there's a lot to look forward to. Here and
only on nightside, but on the months ahead, as spring
is getting ready to spring, we'll be back at nightside
right after this.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
Now back to Dan ray Line from the Window World
Nightside Studios on w b Z, the news radio.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
All right, well, we're talking about a subject in a
concept that I have never heard. So therefore, let me
introduce my guest, Jill Roberin Paine. She's an author of
psychotherapist and has written a series of books on something
called empathy. I can take a guess at it, Robin,
(30:07):
but Jill, but I'd rather hear it from you directly.
What exactly is empathy? I see the word empathy with
the letter B before. What are we talking about?
Speaker 9 (30:18):
Well, empathy I came up with is because I've been
doing this my whole life, Dan, and for the last
forty years since I've been working in the mental health field,
I have been bantering with empathy, and that is what
this means. I just trademarked it. It's B which stands
for banter, and empathy, of course is empathy. So we
(30:41):
do this. Actually, you do this a lot because you're
a host on a radio show.
Speaker 6 (30:46):
So you're doing it right now.
Speaker 9 (30:48):
By talking with me and chit chatting and getting to
know me, and this is what's missing in our life now.
We empathy is on the rise if you read about it.
Research shows that it's cyclical, cyclical, so banters missing, is
missing we're texting or my clients will come to me
(31:08):
and they'll say, gosh, I was talking to my partner
or my friends all week and I said, were you
talking or texting? And so we're doing too much of
that and not enough verbal So that's what this is.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
Yeah, I am sorry with you. With my kids, who
are of course much younger than me, they're thirty somethings. Uh,
and they're always trying to convince me just send me
a text, just send me a text. And it's like
you start off at text, you know, what are your
plans for the weekend? And then they send you back
a text. Well, really not sure yet. We might do this,
might do this Okay, Well, which is more likely because
(31:43):
I'm trying to figure out and it's like you realize
for me texting, yeah, it takes me thirty minutes to
text back and forth on many things which could be
completed with a two minute phone conversation.
Speaker 9 (31:55):
And exactly exactly think that.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
The generation X generation, why whatever the whatever the generation
is we're talking about. Yes, I think they're telephone a verse.
I'm not telephone averse. I spend four hours a night,
five nights a week chatting on the phone with complete strangers.
Speaker 9 (32:15):
That's right. And you know what, when I said something
to somebody the other day about a banter and chit chat,
they say, oh, that's so superficial. And they've done studies
that if you chitchat or do small talk, which is
what we used to do in the olden days, it
builds comfortability and it builds connectedness, and then you may
(32:37):
want to talk to the more So. That is part
of my empathy, and we need to practice it more So.
A lot of people are saying the kids are having
problems because they have too much dopamine, or they're getting
so much dopamine from the computers. You know what it is, Dan,
It's there's not enough movement. There's not enough movement. When
you're texting people, do you go oh hi, No, you don't,
(32:59):
you're not in made it. You're just texting. You may
give a smile. So what I've noticed is a lot
of the younger people have a blunted affect, and so
I'm getting them.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
They have a blunted affect.
Speaker 9 (33:12):
Sounds yes, it can be. Do you know that. What
I've noticed is the blunted affect, which is so I
am very animated. You can hear it in my voice.
I'm moving my hands up and down.
Speaker 2 (33:28):
Yeah, exactly, and gesticulating even as you speak.
Speaker 9 (33:33):
Exactly. And so what's happening in a blunted affect. It's
not just your face is sort of blah. It's your
body's blah. And if your body and your face is blah,
how are you feeling blah? So when these kids come
to me, they're feeling blah and they need to get
out and recreate.
Speaker 5 (33:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:51):
I love to use the word gesticulate whenever I can,
because it sounds so horrible. People think you're talking about
something really bad. Oh my god, the guy was caught
sticklating in the park. No, I'm one of those people,
Joe din If I sat next to you on an
airplane for like two hours flying to Chicago or something,
I would have a conversation with you, if you would
(34:11):
allow me. I'll never bother people, but I'll start off
with hey, how you doing? Where from where you're going,
you know, and if they're willing to chat a little bit.
Two hours later, I'll I know everything about you. I
will find some people that we both know. I do
believe in that six steps, six degrees of separation. And
the other thing that I love to do, which she'll
(34:32):
show you how weird I am. I'm weird in many ways.
But you know, you get on to ever get on
an elevator downtown and there's like three people in the
elevator and you get on. He's kind of in a corner,
no eye contact, no conversation. What I love to do
is once the door is closed is look at everybody
and say, I'm sure all of you are wondering why
(34:53):
I've called this meeting, but I appreciate you being here today.
And you get some very weird looks from people.
Speaker 9 (35:00):
I bet some people start talking.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
They do oh yes, they'll stop, look at it, look
at it, and then oh, yeah, how you doing? You know?
And in most cases, and when I do that, I
was on TV here in Boston for thirty one years
as a TV repair. People say you're daing right right,
and yeah, yeah, yeah, how you doing? Nice to meet you.
It's it's it's empathy. Now, I know empathy by you're.
Speaker 9 (35:23):
Doing it, yes, and us humor you just use tumor.
That's part of bantering.
Speaker 5 (35:29):
Yeah, there you go.
Speaker 2 (35:30):
Got to have humor. Oh my god. If you don't
have humor, what what is life without humor? Really think
about it.
Speaker 9 (35:35):
I don't know. Pretty bad, so you. So you.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
Have three books here which I want to give a
good plug to what empathy looking through children's eyes to
simplify communications. My wife and I have a two and
a half year old grandson. I'm doing empathy with him
all the time I'm talking to him. I'm trying to
break down communication. I'm trying to make sure he unders letters,
and I mean, you know, it's like NonStop. Then you
(36:04):
have second one empathy simplify communication by looking at the
third side of the coin. And I see now what
you mean by the third side of the coin not
handing with tails, but the depth the width of the coin,
if you will, which is great. And then a third
one meeting people. It's not a game, your path to
(36:26):
genuine connections through empathy. Has this been a successful series
of books?
Speaker 9 (36:30):
I bet it has, you know what. My clients have
loved it, and I have people call me up and
tell me how they love it. And the meeting people
It's not a game really helps people in relating to
other people and finding their partners. A matter of fact, Dan,
I found my second husband, who have been with for
(36:51):
thirteen years with that book, So it really does work.
And basically empathy is start with empathy, respond with banter,
and focus on a win win situation because if your
partner loses, you've lost, and the same goes with every conversation.
So if you focus on wanting it to win, life
is perception and so just make it a win win.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
Yeah, it's it's just human interaction, is what you're talking
about at the at.
Speaker 6 (37:20):
The core exactly.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
And yeah, you know last night, not to bring politics
into this, but but this guy came back from Russia.
He was in jail like for several years and all else.
Every day when we're not in jail, we should wake
up and say, hey, who can I meet today? What?
What what can I learn today? Just take advantage of
every day. This is these look like three great books.
(37:42):
I assume they're available at Amazon and in bookstores everywhere.
Speaker 9 (37:46):
Right right there, Yes they are. And then meeting people
it's not a game is also on audio all any audio, Spotify, Audible.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
Great. I have I have a lot of people who
listen to my show who happen to be blind because
they self identify as being non visual or blind, whatever
whatever term they want. But it's meeting people. It's not
a game. Uh and again, empathy, empathy. You could look
it up, Jill Robin pain. Jill, you've been a great guest.
(38:15):
You've been a great guest.
Speaker 9 (38:16):
Thank you so much. Thank You'll have you.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
Back and we'll do an hour and we'll take some
phone calls for my listeners in the first hour. We
just that.
Speaker 9 (38:23):
I would love that.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
We'll set something up. I'll have my my producer get
in touch with your folks. Thanks very much, Jill. I
really enjoyed this.
Speaker 6 (38:33):
Stay warm, Stay warm, not that if you're.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
In New England or this is this is almost tropical.
It's only I mean, it's it's above zero. What the heck?
We're okay, thanks, I'm in Houston, okay you Oh yeah,
well you know in July we got better weather than Houston.
Trust me on that. I've been to Houston in July. Thanks, Joe.
I really enjoyed it. Jill Robin pain, empathy, and also
(38:58):
meeting people. It's not a game, and this isn't a game, folks.
This is Nightside. We are coming back on the other
side and we're going to solve all your tax questions.
Cant solve your tax problems, but all your tax questions
with my guest Mark Misselback. He is great. Stick with
us back on Nightside after this
It's Night Side with Dan Ray on Boston's Radio.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
I'm stunned that Nicole did not mention Alex Bergman. Are
you still in the studio, Nicole, Oh, yes, I'm here.
High Alex Bergman.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
You know I should have mentioned that. I'm sorry. Yes,
another big deal.
Speaker 2 (00:19):
Last question it to you is when will we have
the duck boats rolling this This is going to be
the year.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
I cannot wait. Frankly, I think we're overdue. And I
know that's a little pompous to say, but it's only
been what one two years?
Speaker 2 (00:34):
This is seven years. That's why.
Speaker 3 (00:36):
Well for the Red Sox of course, but just in general,
you know, we can't go too long without they get Russell.
Speaker 2 (00:41):
I'm going to do when they when they win it
all this year, I'm going to rent a duck boat
for you and me and we'll join the parade.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
I love that. Yes, let's do it. I'll bring one
of those really obnoxious horns just because.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Yes, oh at absolute compulsory. Absolutely yes, absolutely, have a
good show. Thanks very much. Hi, Welcome in everybody. My
name is Dan Ray, the host of Nightside, celebrating Alex
Bergman signing with the Red Sox for three years that
great signing. Great signing. Congratulations the Red Sox. They are
they are alive and kicking. We have a very interesting
(01:15):
show tonight. We're going to tell you all about your taxes.
Mark Misselbeck is going to be here CPA extraordinary answer
all your question about taxes. And then it looks like
maybe maybe the city Boston is going to do a
little bit of reassessment about some of the bus lanes
and bike lanes. Oh that they would. We'll get to
all of that. But we have four really interesting guests
coming up tonight during the eight o'clock hour. Again, my
(01:36):
name is Dan Ray. Rob Brooks is back in the
control room, and I want to start off with the
story of a hockey player place for Endicott College the Goals.
His name is Jack Smiley. He has a very special
game coming up this weekend. Jack, Welcome to Nightside. How
are you, sir.
Speaker 4 (01:54):
Man, Thank you for having me. I'm doing well. I'm
doing great. It's an honor to be and vice it
on Well.
Speaker 2 (02:01):
I'll tell you I wanted to talk with you. We
also have your coach RJ. Tolin with us, the head
hockey coach varsity men's hockey hockey coach at Endicott. This
is quite a story.
Speaker 5 (02:10):
R J.
Speaker 6 (02:12):
This is great. Thanks so much for having us on.
And I'd just like to say that the Red Sox
had me back even before Bregman when they sent Bobby
doll Back back down to the minors.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Dollback probably hit forty five home runs for the White
Sox and saying why can we get players like that? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, anyway,
Let's let me Jack explain what happened to you. You're
a young hockey player. You're a freshman I think at
Endicott College in February of twenty twenty two, just about
three years ago, and you're at a team practice and
(02:50):
you inexplicably suffered a stroke. Tell us about it.
Speaker 4 (02:55):
Yeah, yeah, it was actually in my sophomore year, but okay,
it was in that February of twenty twenty two time frame,
and I had come into the school during COVID, so
we didn't really have a very normal freshman year at all.
And early on in that sophomore year I ended up
(03:18):
having a stroke on the ice for practice, and that
really changed the trajectory of my life. Put me on
a completely different collegiate journey than I ever thought I
would be on I woke up in the hospital on
February twenty second, completely paralyzed on my right side. I
couldn't talk normally. It was very inaudible and incomprehensible. I
(03:45):
was now relearning things that I learned at the ripe
age of two years old, and going from a twenty
two year old ncuble collegiate athlete. That's quite a whirlwind.
So three years so you may road to recover.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Yeah, you have made a remarkable recovery, coach. What's gonna happen? Uh,
he's on the ice. I guess Saturday, Saturday night? Are
you guys at home or away? I know Ray Books?
The rink up there is named after my Friday book?
Are you a Homer? Away? On Saturday night?
Speaker 6 (04:19):
Saturday afternoon, we're home with all the seniors and Jack
And yeah, they'll they'll all be They'll all be out
there and and I'll play Jack as well.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Now, is this Jack's first actual game back?
Speaker 6 (04:37):
This will be his his He's he's been on on
the ice for the season, you know, kind of fully
making his way back into things, and this will be
his first first game back since since what happens Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
And who who you guys playing on Saturday afternoon. I
didn't realize was an afternoon game.
Speaker 6 (04:59):
John to Wales.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
All right, okay, Jack, I know you must be pretty
excited about Saturday. You this is not the final game
of the season, so hopefully there'll be a few more
opportunities to get out there and put the puck up
behind the goaltenders. Uh. There has to be a little
(05:24):
bit of a thought in the back of your head though,
of am I Am I going to be able to
do it? Or maybe not? Is it? Is it kind
of a bittersweet feeling coming up as you approach Saturday.
We've still got, you know, obviously a couple of days
between now and then to think about it. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (05:41):
No, it's definitely a whirlwind of emotion for sure, And
I really try very heavily. Something I've learned throughout the
entire journey is to focus so directly and so heavily
on the day you're in and what you can do
that day to make for a better tomorrow. So I've
been trying to keep out those emotions as as much
(06:04):
as I can so they don't become overwhelming. But there
is definitely that inkling starting to creep in of it's
real now, it's it's coming up. The opportunities here, and yeah,
with being out for so long and going through such
a such a dramatic event and such a real, serious,
(06:26):
life altering occurrence, there are definitely those thoughts of what's
going to happen. But I'm just telling myself, I'm scoring
a couple of goals, I'm putting someone through the glass,
and Coach is playing me every game after that.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
You sound like a hockey player, that is for sure. Now, Coach,
I know that you've got a great student body up there.
I've been on your campus many times, particularly before the pandemic.
We used to do shows from when Doc Wiley was
the president of Endicott College. I suspect you'll have a
full house Saturday afternoon with students and family and friends.
Speaker 6 (07:08):
Yeah, it's a it's a great community, and I think,
especially with you know, the kind of unique occasion, I
would think it will be a pretty lively crowd, be
a great, great event.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
And I assume I assume the medical staff is clear,
Jack and whatever it was, whatever the the the accident was,
or the the the impact, whatever caused this this situation. Uh,
I'm sure that the medical staff has looked at him
pretty clearfulrect.
Speaker 6 (07:42):
Yeah, the more time you'll you would spend talking with Jack,
I'm sure he would say, well, don't worry about me.
You should make sure the people at Johnson and Wales
are medically cleared to play against me.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Uh, sounds like a hockey player. How's the team doing
this year, coach? Where what's the what's the status of
the goals?
Speaker 7 (08:03):
Uh?
Speaker 6 (08:04):
I think they're doing this. It's a great, great group
of kids and where you know, I think they can.
I think it's a special year. Any year you feel
like as a coach you can beat anyone in the country.
So and I truly feel like that. And I enjoy
going in there every day. And part of it starts
(08:24):
with being able to spend every day with someone like Jack,
you know, with the example he sets and how he's
persevered through everything he's been through, and you know it's
he's given us all so much.
Speaker 5 (08:42):
You know.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Yeah, well, well Jack, you know best best of luck.
Hockey is a great game. I have a great friend
of young guy named Matt Brown who unfortunately got badly
injured even worse than you did, playing high school hockey.
And he's in a book called Line Change, and you
may want to pick that up. It's pretty inspirational. Great guy,
(09:06):
and you sound like a great guy. You're going to
stay with hockey after your career. Do you have some
aspirations to coach or anything like that?
Speaker 4 (09:13):
Jack, I don't know exactly what the future holds after
I graduate. I've been so focused on getting back on
the ice and dialed in on getting back on the
sheet and making it the best I can that I
haven't really thought it much else. So We'll see where
the road takes me. But I'm not counting it out.
(09:35):
I love the game of hockey. It's given me so
much that I could definitely see myself trying to get
back give back to it in some capacity.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Well, Jack, best of luck you. Sounds like you're lucked
and loaded ready to go. Best of luck Saturday afternoon, coach,
Best to you and the Gulls for the rest of
the season. Say hi to all our friends at Endicott College.
And what time is that game? We have a lot
of listeners up obviously north through whom I assume there
might be a few tickets still available.
Speaker 6 (10:03):
I hope kids, it's three o'clock on Saturday afternoon.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
All Right, beautiful rink named in honor of Ray bark
Y balk the great Bruins defensemen, and also Stanley Cup
winning with the Colorado Avalanche. Gentlemen. Thanks very much, Jack,
You're an inspiration to all and the best of luck.
I'll be checking out the newspapers on on Saturday, and
I'm hoping to see in the goal goal scoring list. Okay,
(10:31):
thanks Jack, and thanks Coach Paulin. Thanks very much, both
of you.
Speaker 4 (10:35):
Thank you, thank you very much for having us on.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Thanks you, my pleasure, my pleasure. When we get back,
we are going to talk about and I guess we've
had recently who's been a great guest. And she's actually
I think gonna be signing books this weekend up at
I believe it's a new report. We'll get all that information.
We'll be talking to Carolyn Sharp right after this break
(10:58):
here on a Thursday Eve on Nightside.
Speaker 1 (11:02):
Now back to Dan Ray live from the Window World
Nightside Studios on WBZ News Radio.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
I want to welcome back to Nightside Carolyn Sharp. She
was with us, I guess a week or so ago,
taking phone calls in tonight. She's here in a more
truncated form, because Carolyn is going to make an appearance
this weekend. And I think you said you're up in
either is it New Report or Gloucester?
Speaker 8 (11:30):
Carolyn, it is Newberry Poor. I'm at Jabberwacke Books in
Newburyport on Saturday from five to seven.
Speaker 2 (11:39):
Okay. Now, your book, which we've talked about in the
air and we can talk about tonight, is Fire It Up.
And yeah, that is a book that essentially it provides
four secrets to reigniting intimacy and joy in your relationship.
And obviously it's around this Valentine's you'll be up here
(12:01):
in Valentine's Day weekend. How's the book going these days?
Is it still as active on Amazon as it was
when we talked to a couple of weeks ago.
Speaker 9 (12:14):
It is.
Speaker 8 (12:14):
It's doing really well. People are responding really positive positively
to it. I'm getting lots of great reviews and people
are writing to me telling me how helpful it is.
So I'm really excited to see the reception and see
how helpful it is, because that's the dream, to help
couples have even more happiness and connection in their relationships
(12:35):
than ever before.
Speaker 2 (12:37):
Now, I know the book became available only about a
month ago on January seventh of this year, correct, and
it is intended for couples. Both couples, you know, need
to take the time to read it and discuss it.
Give us a quick suggestion, what are the fourth secrets?
(12:59):
I'm sure you don't want to give away the entire
book here, and you won't in the few minutes we
have left, But what is the secrets. I've got to
assume communication is one of those secrets.
Speaker 8 (13:10):
Communication is under everything, is throughout everything, and that is
part of the fuel of relationships. And the book is
named Fired Up because it's built on the metaphor of
a healthy fire. Any campers out there will know that
to have a healthy fire, you need oxygen, you need ignition,
and you need fuel, and that all needs to be
on a healthy foundation, like a campfire. And so the
(13:32):
first secret is that foundation. It's having a purpose, the
why of your relationship, as well as solid agreements and
understandings of what your relationship needs. So that's secret number one.
Secret number two is the oxygen, which is the deep
understanding of each other as people, what you each need
to feel like your best self as well as.
Speaker 6 (13:50):
The right amount of.
Speaker 8 (13:51):
Air in between you to each do what you want
and spend time together in time apart. That's also oxygen.
The fuel is that communication you're taught about, and the
emotional safety to be yourself and to make mistakes and
come back and learn from them together. And then finally,
ignition is the spark, the fun, the passion, the romance
(14:12):
that every couple wants, but many don't realize that over
a ten, twenty, thirty forty year relationship, you have to
work at that spark because it doesn't just stay there naturally.
And so in each of those secrets, I give lots
of exercises and stories of real life couples that struggle
in natural, normal ways, so that people realize how ordinary,
(14:37):
how regular it is to have these struggles, so that
they don't feel alone and like, oh, our relationship is doomed. No,
it's just part of making a life over forty years
or however long a couple is together.
Speaker 2 (14:49):
Yeah, five years, ten years, thirty forty years, Yeah, it
doesn't matter.
Speaker 6 (14:53):
Yeah, you got to keep it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2 (14:55):
Going on there, and you have to keep the excitement
and the spontaneity, and it's naughties because in this day
and age, most couples are pretty busy. That traditional form
of you know, the husband working and moms staying at
home taking care of the kids and cooking dinners, that's
all has gone away from our society. And both both
(15:17):
members of the of the relationship often have very different
type jobs and occupations and different stresses, and all of
that can complicate things. And though I guess if they
take the time to read your book, they'll be able
to work through it. So let's let's talk about the event.
I did mention the last time we're here, I want
you to come back. This is Saturday night, the fifteenth.
(15:39):
We're going to have a little bit of snow this weekend,
so I hope you're going to bring your snow shoes
with you, and if not, be prepared to buy. It's
not going to be a big storm. I don't know
how far you're flying for this, but.
Speaker 8 (15:51):
Oh no, I live in West Newberry, so I moved.
Speaker 6 (15:54):
Here a while ago.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
You're all set, okay, Yeah?
Speaker 8 (15:58):
Yeah, I'm also I.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Couldn't tell from the phone number. And it's the Jabberwakeee
book Shop on Water Street, downtown Newport, and it's beautiful.
Speaker 8 (16:08):
In the Cannery Building, that beautiful, awesome building full of
restaurants and shops, and you know it's built as a
as a date night opportunity to can come by and
do a little book book browsing, get your book signed
here and me read a little bit and then go
out to dinner or get drinks or just explore the
beautiful waterfronts of newbury Port.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
It's great. So it's five to seven. You'll be there
five o'clock and people. You said you'll do a little
bit of a reading and then you're available to talk
to people and sign some books. And that's great. So
I'm so glad that we reconnected tonight. I wish you
all the best, and I hope.
Speaker 5 (16:45):
That everyone who's so much.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Walks in the door and is listening to us will
tell you that they heard you. If not tonight on nightside,
maybe a week or so ago when we were on
for a yeah full hour. Yeah absolutely, yeah, Well thank thanks,
very pleasure to talk with you again and guest on
Saturday night at the Jabberwaukee Bookshop in New Report. Easy
(17:11):
to find ye And as you said, a great you're
you're done by seven o'clock. You got time for drinks, dinner,
and everything else. So ye have a great have a
great time. And I had forgotten you sure that you
had ever told me that that you were that you
lived in our neck of the woods, because I looked
at the phone number you had, and I said, gee,
where's that area, coach, So that was what.
Speaker 8 (17:34):
That's my Seattle number. I moved here in August. So
I'm a I'm a I'm a Massachusetts person now, So happily,
can you.
Speaker 2 (17:42):
A native at this point if you've been.
Speaker 8 (17:44):
Here, thank you for your native wonderful.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Thank you so much. Pleasure to have talked to you again.
Talk soon. Okay.
Speaker 8 (17:53):
Likewise, alrighty bye bye bye bye.
Speaker 2 (17:55):
Okay. That's it's a great local connection. I just love
that one. Okay. When we get back after the news,
at the bottom of the hour, we're going to talk
about a short film festival at the Coolidge Corner Theater.
I'm not sure if this is a one day event
or if it is going to be there for a while,
but it's really interesting what we're talking with. Mark Anasasio,
(18:18):
he's the Coolidge Corner Theater programming director. He'll have all
the details and then later on tonight at eight forty five.
We're going to be talking with another author, a psychotherapist
and communications coach so often communications are important, Jill Robin Paine,
and she's written a book called Empathy. I have no
idea what empathy means. Obviously, it's b empat y, simplifying
(18:43):
communication by looking at the third side of the coin.
Stay with us, and then we'll get all of your
tax questions squared away in the nine o'clock hour, and
we'll solve the bike lane problem in Boston and other
major cities around America beginning at ten o'clock tonight. So
we have a lot to accomplish. Stay with us, Dan
Ray on night Side on a Thursday night. Beautiful day
(19:04):
to day, a little bit of melting, but some more
snow coming in this weekend. Back on nightside after.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
This, you're on Nightside with Dan Ray on Boston's news radio.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
All right, it is a film Awards season. I think
everyone knows that. And with us now is Mark Anastasio.
He's the Coolidge Corner Theater programming director and they have
a very interesting event. I know it's tomorrow, Mark, but
I'm unclear from the information that I have in front
of me, is if this is a one day only event,
(19:39):
or if it's going to continue on through the weekend.
Good evening, how are you?
Speaker 5 (19:44):
And good Dan? Thanks for having me, How are you great?
Speaker 2 (19:47):
Just a little confused at the ball. This is a
one or it is going to be longer than just
the fourteenth of February.
Speaker 5 (19:56):
Yeah, it's it's much longer. So we're opening the OSCAR
nominated short films on a full run. So they begin
on February fourteenth, and they'll probably be with us for
a couple of weeks. We start off showing the live
action and the animated short film programs, and then a
couple of weeks from now we'll bring into documentary shorts.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
So okay, im, although I'm a member of the Screen
Actors after Union, I want to make sure that my
audience understands how do you define a short film? Is
it a certain length? I mean, most of us think
of movies as being, you know, an hour and a half,
two hours long. Some of them are epic length, three
(20:39):
hour long movies that you know, But what's my definition
of the short film?
Speaker 5 (20:45):
I think that it varies depending on you know, which
which festival or where they're being submitted. But they tend
to be films that are you know, shorter, shorter than
sixty minutes. Most of the films in these short film
programs are on average about you know, ten to twenty
minutes long, give or take. And there are you know,
(21:05):
there's five or six films in the live action program,
and there are five films in the animated program this year.
And so the programs themselves run about ninety minutes to
two hours, depending And.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
These are films one of which I assume in each
category will actually take home in Oscar this year.
Speaker 5 (21:29):
Correct. Yeah, So, and they're international films that these films
come from all over the world. They they you know,
they run the gamut as far as what genres they are.
There's there's science fiction, there's drama. You know, there's there's
something for everybody, and there are a ton of fun
to watch with an audience. And it's a popular program
(21:50):
at the Coolidge year after year. This is you know,
I've been with the theater seventeen years now and we've
we've run the Shorts program just about every year that
I've been there, and this year we've got them in
a bigger theater than ever before. The Coolidge recently completed
a large expansion project, so we're actually putting these short
films on you know, one hundred and fifty seat theater
(22:13):
in the new wing of our building, so more seats
to accommodate the demand for these short films.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
Those of us in Boston quotes loved the Coolidge Corner Theater.
How is it the project the theater has been able
to develop this, this annual association with Oscar nominated films.
Speaker 5 (22:33):
Oh, that's a good question. It's it's they began coming
from a distributor that we worked with regularly, sort of
more independent distributor called Magnolia Films. This year they're distributed
by an organization just called Shorts, And this is I guess. Oh,
I'm looking at their information now. It is the twentieth
(22:54):
year that they've they've offered the Oscar nominated shorts to theaters.
I don't know if it's exclusive with us. That's something
I should have known before coming out.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
But yeah, I think I think we're the only problem.
The thing that we do know is that if they'd
like if people out there are film aficionados or people
who are just interested in film, you don't have to
be an aficionado. You could go to how can they
get the schedule? What what time of day? And does
(23:30):
one ticket give you whatever is being shown that day?
Tell us, tell us how it works structurally.
Speaker 5 (23:36):
Sure they can get Folks can get tickets on our website,
which is cooliage dot org, and they'll see showtimes listed
for the live action Oscar shorts as well as the
animated Oscar shorts. Each program has two showtimes daily. You
do need a separate ticket for the live action then
for the animated. But this weekend, the live action shorts
(23:58):
are playing at two pm and seven fifteen, while the
animated short screen at four forty five and nine to
fifty pm in that late slot. And yeah, it's it's
just it's such a popular program. It's a great way
for people to see films early on from filmmakers that
are making these short films and are are soon to
(24:20):
go on, you know, to some sort of exciting feature
length film. But short short films themselves are are are
an amazing way to see a story. Some of these
fifteen minute movies are are just as complete and thrilling
as a two hour film that you would go to
a theater to see. So certainly worth checking out.
Speaker 2 (24:44):
Now have you found from years to year? And again,
I don't know if there are regulars who are coming
year after year, but regulars who just focus, say on
either the live action or the animated. They're sort of
like people who are just interested in one of the
(25:04):
subsets of these films and wants to figure out who's
going to take on the Oscar for this group or
people coming yeah, to be exposed across the board there.
Speaker 5 (25:16):
I think that's a great that's a great question. I
think that the majority of the folks that come out
for these programs like to catch all of them because
they want to be able to make their Oscar predictions.
They want to say, be able to say that they've
seen everything that's nominated come Academy Awards night. But then
there are you know, there are some diehard animation fans
(25:39):
that want to come out and see those films in
particular because it might be their only chance for the
live action too, but that it's their only chance to
see them in a theatrical setting, to experience them with
an audience, which you know, only heightens the emotions and
the reactions that you get from from these great movies.
(26:02):
But I think, yeah, overall, everybody wants to see all
of them, the shorts. Fans are fans of each each program,
the live action, the animated, and to some extent, the documentary.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
That's great, And it sounds as if you guys are
renovating the theater, constantly updating it.
Speaker 5 (26:22):
I know.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
It's such a great a great institution. Again, it's it's
worth the trip any time, but it's for the next
two weeks. So we're talking about the last two weeks
of February. If you're a movie buff, great way to
spend most of the last two weeks of February out
of the cold in a theater watching Oscar nominated films. Okay,
(26:46):
absolutely I could.
Speaker 5 (26:49):
Yeah, I couldn't have said it better Dan, that's that's
that's just right. You know, it's a it's a gloomy
time of year, especially on a daylight today where it's
you know, raining and flushy outside. Come on into the
coolidge and see some great film and you know, get
out of that New England February.
Speaker 2 (27:06):
Okay, so it starts tomorrow.
Speaker 7 (27:08):
First films started to say at two pm. Yes, that's right,
two pm, okay, and pretty much every day Saturday Sunday
every weekday for the next couple of weeks. The schedule
is available at Coolidge dot org. I don't want people
calling me tomorrow and asking me when is this film?
Speaker 2 (27:28):
I won't know, okay. And by the way, as a
member of SAG after I get to vote on the
Oscar nominations, which is pretty cool.
Speaker 5 (27:36):
Oh wonderful.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
Yeah, you know, I'm serious. That's uh. I've done that
for many, many years, and so you know, not that
I'm not particularly adept at picking winners, but I certainly
do like to do my research, and I might sneak
in the back of the theater up there someday in
the next couple of weeks and catch a few of these.
It sounds like a yeah.
Speaker 5 (27:57):
We give tickets to Yeah, can we give tickets to
SAG members? Dan, It's part of the deal.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
Yeah, you know, I'd be more than happy to buy
and support the support the theater and stay in the
back of the dark glasses and hiding because someone might
ask me a question and think that I actually know
anything about this stuff. Mark, I really appreciate your time.
Thanks so much for being a great sport and explaining
it very very well. Mark Anastasio, the Coolidge Corner Theater
(28:26):
programming Director. Thanks again, Mark, I hope to see you
at some point in a not tra distant future.
Speaker 5 (28:31):
Thank you so much. Dan, You're more than welcome.
Speaker 2 (28:34):
When we get back, we're going to talk about a
concept that I, frankly don't quite understand. It's called empathy.
It's like taking the letter B and putting it before
the word empathy. I know what empathy means, but I'm
going to find out what empathy means simplifying communication by
looking at the third side of the coin. Very interesting title.
(28:55):
The author, Jill Robin Paine, she's an author and a
psychotherapist and communication coach, will join us on the other
side of this quick break on a kind of a
typical Thursday night in February. We're going to get you
to the weekend. Between tonight and tomorrow, we'll get through
another stormy weekend, and pretty soon February we'll turn into
March and we'll be getting scores of the Red Sox.
(29:18):
They did pick up a great addition today to their team,
Alex Bragman, a great player from Houston, from the Houston Astros.
So there's a lot to look forward to. Here and
only on nightside, but on the months ahead, as spring
is getting ready to spring, we'll be back at nightside
right after this.
Speaker 1 (29:38):
Now back to Dan ray Line from the Window World
Nightside Studios on w b Z, the news radio.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
All right, well, we're talking about a subject in a
concept that I have never heard. So therefore, let me
introduce my guest, Jill Roberin Paine. She's an author of
psychotherapist and has written a series of books on something
called empathy. I can take a guess at it, Robin,
(30:07):
but Jill, but I'd rather hear it from you directly.
What exactly is empathy? I see the word empathy with
the letter B before. What are we talking about?
Speaker 9 (30:18):
Well, empathy I came up with is because I've been
doing this my whole life, Dan, and for the last
forty years since I've been working in the mental health field,
I have been bantering with empathy, and that is what
this means. I just trademarked it. It's B which stands
for banter, and empathy, of course is empathy. So we
(30:41):
do this. Actually, you do this a lot because you're
a host on a radio show.
Speaker 6 (30:46):
So you're doing it right now.
Speaker 9 (30:48):
By talking with me and chit chatting and getting to
know me, and this is what's missing in our life now.
We empathy is on the rise if you read about it.
Research shows that it's cyclical, cyclical, so banters missing, is
missing we're texting or my clients will come to me
(31:08):
and they'll say, gosh, I was talking to my partner
or my friends all week and I said, were you
talking or texting? And so we're doing too much of
that and not enough verbal So that's what this is.
Speaker 2 (31:22):
Yeah, I am sorry with you. With my kids, who
are of course much younger than me, they're thirty somethings. Uh,
and they're always trying to convince me just send me
a text, just send me a text. And it's like
you start off at text, you know, what are your
plans for the weekend? And then they send you back
a text. Well, really not sure yet. We might do this,
might do this Okay, Well, which is more likely because
(31:43):
I'm trying to figure out and it's like you realize
for me texting, yeah, it takes me thirty minutes to
text back and forth on many things which could be
completed with a two minute phone conversation.
Speaker 9 (31:55):
And exactly exactly think that.
Speaker 2 (31:57):
The generation X generation, why whatever the whatever the generation
is we're talking about. Yes, I think they're telephone a verse.
I'm not telephone averse. I spend four hours a night,
five nights a week chatting on the phone with complete strangers.
Speaker 9 (32:15):
That's right. And you know what, when I said something
to somebody the other day about a banter and chit chat,
they say, oh, that's so superficial. And they've done studies
that if you chitchat or do small talk, which is
what we used to do in the olden days, it
builds comfortability and it builds connectedness, and then you may
(32:37):
want to talk to the more So. That is part
of my empathy, and we need to practice it more So.
A lot of people are saying the kids are having
problems because they have too much dopamine, or they're getting
so much dopamine from the computers. You know what it is, Dan,
It's there's not enough movement. There's not enough movement. When
you're texting people, do you go oh hi, No, you don't,
(32:59):
you're not in made it. You're just texting. You may
give a smile. So what I've noticed is a lot
of the younger people have a blunted affect, and so
I'm getting them.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
They have a blunted affect.
Speaker 9 (33:12):
Sounds yes, it can be. Do you know that. What
I've noticed is the blunted affect, which is so I
am very animated. You can hear it in my voice.
I'm moving my hands up and down.
Speaker 2 (33:28):
Yeah, exactly, and gesticulating even as you speak.
Speaker 9 (33:33):
Exactly. And so what's happening in a blunted affect. It's
not just your face is sort of blah. It's your
body's blah. And if your body and your face is blah,
how are you feeling blah? So when these kids come
to me, they're feeling blah and they need to get
out and recreate.
Speaker 5 (33:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:51):
I love to use the word gesticulate whenever I can,
because it sounds so horrible. People think you're talking about
something really bad. Oh my god, the guy was caught
sticklating in the park. No, I'm one of those people,
Joe din If I sat next to you on an
airplane for like two hours flying to Chicago or something,
I would have a conversation with you, if you would
(34:11):
allow me. I'll never bother people, but I'll start off
with hey, how you doing? Where from where you're going,
you know, and if they're willing to chat a little bit.
Two hours later, I'll I know everything about you. I
will find some people that we both know. I do
believe in that six steps, six degrees of separation. And
the other thing that I love to do, which she'll
(34:32):
show you how weird I am. I'm weird in many ways.
But you know, you get on to ever get on
an elevator downtown and there's like three people in the
elevator and you get on. He's kind of in a corner,
no eye contact, no conversation. What I love to do
is once the door is closed is look at everybody
and say, I'm sure all of you are wondering why
(34:53):
I've called this meeting, but I appreciate you being here today.
And you get some very weird looks from people.
Speaker 9 (35:00):
I bet some people start talking.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
They do oh yes, they'll stop, look at it, look
at it, and then oh, yeah, how you doing? You know?
And in most cases, and when I do that, I
was on TV here in Boston for thirty one years
as a TV repair. People say you're daing right right,
and yeah, yeah, yeah, how you doing? Nice to meet you.
It's it's it's empathy. Now, I know empathy by you're.
Speaker 9 (35:23):
Doing it, yes, and us humor you just use tumor.
That's part of bantering.
Speaker 5 (35:29):
Yeah, there you go.
Speaker 2 (35:30):
Got to have humor. Oh my god. If you don't
have humor, what what is life without humor? Really think
about it.
Speaker 9 (35:35):
I don't know. Pretty bad, so you. So you.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
Have three books here which I want to give a
good plug to what empathy looking through children's eyes to
simplify communications. My wife and I have a two and
a half year old grandson. I'm doing empathy with him
all the time I'm talking to him. I'm trying to
break down communication. I'm trying to make sure he unders letters,
and I mean, you know, it's like NonStop. Then you
(36:04):
have second one empathy simplify communication by looking at the
third side of the coin. And I see now what
you mean by the third side of the coin not
handing with tails, but the depth the width of the coin,
if you will, which is great. And then a third
one meeting people. It's not a game, your path to
(36:26):
genuine connections through empathy. Has this been a successful series
of books?
Speaker 9 (36:30):
I bet it has, you know what. My clients have
loved it, and I have people call me up and
tell me how they love it. And the meeting people
It's not a game really helps people in relating to
other people and finding their partners. A matter of fact, Dan,
I found my second husband, who have been with for
(36:51):
thirteen years with that book, So it really does work.
And basically empathy is start with empathy, respond with banter,
and focus on a win win situation because if your
partner loses, you've lost, and the same goes with every conversation.
So if you focus on wanting it to win, life
is perception and so just make it a win win.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
Yeah, it's it's just human interaction, is what you're talking
about at the at.
Speaker 6 (37:20):
The core exactly.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
And yeah, you know last night, not to bring politics
into this, but but this guy came back from Russia.
He was in jail like for several years and all else.
Every day when we're not in jail, we should wake
up and say, hey, who can I meet today? What?
What what can I learn today? Just take advantage of
every day. This is these look like three great books.
(37:42):
I assume they're available at Amazon and in bookstores everywhere.
Speaker 9 (37:46):
Right right there, Yes they are. And then meeting people
it's not a game is also on audio all any audio, Spotify, Audible.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
Great. I have I have a lot of people who
listen to my show who happen to be blind because
they self identify as being non visual or blind, whatever
whatever term they want. But it's meeting people. It's not
a game. Uh and again, empathy, empathy. You could look
it up, Jill Robin pain. Jill, you've been a great guest.
(38:15):
You've been a great guest.
Speaker 9 (38:16):
Thank you so much. Thank You'll have you.
Speaker 2 (38:18):
Back and we'll do an hour and we'll take some
phone calls for my listeners in the first hour. We
just that.
Speaker 9 (38:23):
I would love that.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
We'll set something up. I'll have my my producer get
in touch with your folks. Thanks very much, Jill. I
really enjoyed this.
Speaker 6 (38:33):
Stay warm, Stay warm, not that if you're.
Speaker 2 (38:36):
In New England or this is this is almost tropical.
It's only I mean, it's it's above zero. What the heck?
We're okay, thanks, I'm in Houston, okay you Oh yeah,
well you know in July we got better weather than Houston.
Trust me on that. I've been to Houston in July. Thanks, Joe.
I really enjoyed it. Jill Robin pain, empathy, and also
(38:58):
meeting people. It's not a game, and this isn't a game, folks.
This is Nightside. We are coming back on the other
side and we're going to solve all your tax questions.
Cant solve your tax problems, but all your tax questions
with my guest Mark Misselback. He is great. Stick with
us back on Nightside after this
Popular Podcasts
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.