From Psych Ward to Prime Time: Actress Turns Trauma Into Powerful TV Drama

A New Zealand actress is using her personal story of addiction, mental illness and recovery to spark national conversations about stigma and healing, following the release of a new television series inspired by her life.

Speaking onThe Nutters Club, actress and writer Holly Shervey detailed how her series Crackhead draws heavily on her own experiences, including being admitted to a psychiatric facility at just 20 years old after years of substance use, disordered eating and deteriorating mental health.

Shervey, who grew up in Queenstown after being born in Australia, described a turbulent childhood marked by the death of her mother from cancer when she was six. The loss, she said, triggered early anxiety and shaped her identity as “the girl whose mum had died,” a label that followed her through school.

As a teenager, she struggled with body image and turned to alcohol and drugs as a coping mechanism. What began as social behaviour escalated into more harmful patterns after leaving school, culminating in an ecstasy binge, a suicide attempt, and a growing sense of losing control.

Attempts to reset her life by moving cities and seeking therapy proved unsuccessful at the time. “I wasn’t in a space where I could do the work,” she said, reflecting on early treatment efforts.

Her eventual admission into psychiatric care marked a turning point, though not an easy one. Shervey described the three-month stay as both traumatic and transformative, exposing her to a wide range of mental health conditions while equipping her with basic coping tools.

However, reintegrating into everyday life proved challenging. She recalled feeling isolated and ashamed, struggling to rebuild a sense of normalcy while her peers moved forward with university and careers. Progress came slowly, often measured in small victories such as getting through a day without relapsing into harmful behaviours.

A major shift occurred when Shervey discovered acting, which she described as providing purpose and structure. “Instead of living for the weekend, I was living for auditions and productions,” she said.

Her recovery was further strengthened by her relationship with her husband, whom she credits with helping her confront long-held shame. His acceptance, even after learning about her psychiatric history, was a pivotal moment in her journey toward self-acceptance.

Now, through Crackhead, Shervey is sharing her story publicly in the hope of reducing stigma and encouraging others to seek help. She says the response has been overwhelmingly relatable, highlighting how widespread mental health struggles are.

Callers and texts to the show echoed that sentiment, reinforcing that recovery is often non-linear but possible, and that finding purpose, even in small steps, can be key to rebuilding a life.

Click here to watch Crackhead for free on Three Now.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:08):
You're listening to a podcast from Newstalk ZEDB. Follow this
and our wide range of podcasts now on iHeartRadio.

Speaker 2 (00:20):
Greetings and welcome. I'm Hamish Williams, and you're listening to
the podcast version of The Nutters Club, a radio show
about mental health broadcast weekly on news Talk ZEDB. On
this week's show, we're joined by actress Holly Shirvey, who
plays the lead in a new TV series called Crackhead,
about a character that ends up in a rehab facility. Holly, however,

(00:44):
doesn't just act in the series. She created and wrote
it largely based on her own personal story of addiction
that saw her admitted to a psych word when she
was just twenty years old. She shares how she turned
shame into fame when it came to her mental health,
and how she hopes to help others do the same.

(01:06):
Let us know what you think, as well as what
you're from our chat with Holly on any of our
social media platforms. Just search for the Nutters Club en
Z you can come and join over one hundred and
forty one thousand fellow nutters. Let's get into this week's episode.
It's very rare that you get to do this like
Sundays are a quiet day, right, yeah, you know, sort

(01:28):
of a rest day even for most people, well for
most people unless you got a working gig. But you know,
because you and I do the show, I invariably have
a quiet Sunday afternoon. And today I binge washed an
entire series, eight episodes back to back.

Speaker 3 (01:43):
Cale, well done.

Speaker 2 (01:45):
You would like the show. It's got you know, nutcracker,
isn't it so psycho people and all that sort of stuff.
And it's called cram It's called Crackhead.

Speaker 4 (01:54):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:54):
Have you heard about it?

Speaker 3 (01:55):
I have.

Speaker 2 (01:56):
I saw the billboards like a couple of months ago. Yeah,
and I know it's all sort of had this mental
health thing going on. I thought, okay, that could be interesting.
And then it got really interesting because Boris, our producer, said,
I'm going to get the person who's not only written
the show, created the show, also stars in the show.
I think she wrote the theme song as well, that

(02:17):
she was going to actually come on the show. And
I went, all, that's wonderful. Must find time to watch it.
Got to two o'clock today and went, I'm cutting it close.

Speaker 3 (02:25):
Well, you did it like university, you crammed.

Speaker 2 (02:27):
I crammed and I managed to sneak in the six
o'clock news, so it's been a reasonably busy afternoon. Anyway,
it's nice to have her with us. Her name is
Holly Shehrvey. She is in the studio with us in
Auckland tonight. Holly, thank you so much for being.

Speaker 4 (02:41):
Here, thank you for having me, and thank you for
watching eight episodes today.

Speaker 2 (02:45):
Oh you're welcome. It's very rare that you binge watch
a show and then get to go and have a
conversation with the person who starred on it. But here
we are. What a wonderful opportunity. Look holy outside of
the TV show, We'll come to all that in good time.
But tell us a little bit about yourself. Where are
you born? Where'd you grow up?

Speaker 4 (03:00):
Well? I actually was born in a place called Ginderbyne
in Australia, which I don't always love telling that to
Kiwi's But yeah, I grew up well. I spent my
formative years there and then my mom didn't want us
to live there for too much longer, so she moved
our family back to Queenstown. So grew up down south.

Speaker 2 (03:23):
Ah, I've got a tiger girl then, right, Yeah, said,
there's the songs about that. So tell us about growing
up in Queenstown. Then, how old were you when you're
headed there?

Speaker 4 (03:32):
I would have been probably about two years old, and
mum and dad were running a motel and actually so
we had mom and dad, me younger brother, younger sister.
And then when I was about six, my mum was

(03:53):
diagnosed with terminal cancer and she passed away pretty soon
after that, and those are sort of the formative years
in Queenstown.

Speaker 2 (04:03):
Pretty traumatic thing to go through at age six.

Speaker 4 (04:06):
Yeah, yeah, big time. I mean I think that was
the catalyst for where my life took a big turn.

Speaker 2 (04:17):
Where did your life take a big turn? I mean
you continued on obviously, you know, in Queenstown for a while,
or did the family stay there?

Speaker 4 (04:23):
Yeah? We stayed there. So my dad was a single
dad after that, Right, He's raising three kids on his
own and growing up, I never thought of like how
big a deal that was. But when I think of
my dad, who was early thirties, has so sad he
lost the love of his life and he's got to

(04:44):
raise three kids on his own. It was really hard
for him. And he actually fell into a relationship pretty
soon after my mom passed away. She was a Canadian woman,
and we all moved to Canada really fast. We weren't

(05:05):
there for too long, but you know, it was just
even that as a six year old, losing your mum,
then moving to another country, moving into this home with
a new woman, having to learn a different language because
they speak French, Okay in Ottawa and Canada. So yeah,

(05:26):
that was where things started getting a little tricky.

Speaker 2 (05:30):
I mean, one part of it it sounds like a
hell of an adventure, but the next part, you know,
you've actually got to deal with the reality that you
guys were probably still grieving in your own way as well.

Speaker 4 (05:40):
Right, Well, yeah, as a kid, you don't understand death,
and it manifests itself in weird ways. So I remember
feeling really fearful and I had to do this weird
thing as a six year old kid. And every night
before I went to bed. It wouldn't tell anyone, but
I would circle around the outside of our house and
make sure there weren't any murderers. And if I had

(06:03):
a tummy ache, then I'd have to go and find
my dad and immediately need re assurance that I wasn't
dying of cancer. So if you've got that kind of
fear as a six year old, it's a it's anxiety
that's starting out at that young age. It's just doing
it in a different way that it might do. It
might happen when you're a teenager or an adult.

Speaker 2 (06:24):
So how long were you guys in Canada for? Then?

Speaker 4 (06:27):
Six weeks? Right, so not long. The woman my dad
was seeing had fallen pregnant, and I think it was unexpected.
And I think maybe my dad might have realized that,
oh my god, I'm in Canada with my three children

(06:48):
and the rest of their family is in Queenstown. So maybe,
you know, he was having a bit of a midlife
crisis of his own.

Speaker 2 (06:55):
Understandable. So you headed back to Queenstown then, and then
what was that like when you got back, you know,
after having gone through this side mission to Canada.

Speaker 4 (07:06):
I think I think it was okay. It's a weird.
Like I said as a kid, death is a weird thing.
And I remember coming back to Queenstown and I walked
into my classroom. It's such a pivotal moment as like
I would have been probably almost seven, and I could
hear the teacher say, now, everyone be nice to Holly,

(07:26):
her mom's died and she's just come back to this,
to New Zealand, and they were so nice to me.
And I remember it just being like, oh, schools could
now people are nice to me. My mom died, people
are giving me gifts. It's such a weird thing. As
a kid, it does something kind of strange to your psyche.

Speaker 2 (07:48):
What did it do to your psyche for you?

Speaker 4 (07:54):
I think it messed it up a little bit. Okay, Ah,
it's hard to put words to it, but it wasn't
a natural thing.

Speaker 2 (08:08):
So did the niceness stay then, like you know, it
was everyone nice to you for a long period of
time or did this kind of phase out and everyone
sort of, you know, figured that you're just another kid
after a while, Like what what was the experience for
you on thattdie?

Speaker 4 (08:20):
I was always the kid whose mamma died, So.

Speaker 2 (08:22):
That became the identity that you that you had put
on you then?

Speaker 4 (08:25):
Yeah, a little bit, uh, And I mean it's actually
it's not uncommon, So I don't know why. It was
kind of like, oh, why it was such a title
that I had?

Speaker 2 (08:38):
And did that follow through to high school.

Speaker 4 (08:42):
A little bit? Maybe not as much, but yeah, a
little bit.

Speaker 2 (08:46):
Where did your identity start to take its own turn?
From this very well intentioned it has to be said
idea of you know, let's all be nice to Holly.
She's been through a hell of a lot, which you had.
But at some point, you know you want to be you?
What what did that start looking like?

Speaker 4 (09:06):
It's a it's a weird thing being a teenage girl
finding your identity. It's so tricky because you guys haven't
experience this because you've never been a teenage girl.

Speaker 2 (09:21):
But both of us live with chenage girls.

Speaker 5 (09:24):
We have.

Speaker 2 (09:26):
We have a front row seat from a parental point
of view.

Speaker 4 (09:28):
Well, yeah, image is a huge thing with identity, and
it's a scary thing. And I was my friends, our group,
we were obsessed with image dangerously. So where we all
wanted to be very slim and how do we achieve that?

(09:51):
And we all wanted to have we all wanted to
look like Christina Aguillier. How do we achieve that? And
then if we didn't feel hot or we weren't accepted
by the group of guys, how do we sued those feelings?
And it was usually with drugs and alcohol at a

(10:12):
young age to give you confidence at a party, so
finding identity for me almost about impossible. My dad had
fallen into another relationship, and my stepmom was cool. She
was also at the time struggling with her own addiction,

(10:36):
and so I was also trying to find help in
a mother figure. But at the same time, that mother
figure was a friend who would party with us, So
I didn't I don't know if I could find my identity.

Speaker 2 (10:55):
So this kind of search that can lead us to
some interesting places. Right, So when you were going through
high school, like, did you what was the dream when
you finished school? What did you want to do? What
did that look like?

Speaker 4 (11:05):
I wanted to be an Olympic runner of all things.
Unfortunately I went out drinking one night and got smashed
and had an injury, and so that was no longer
the dream. But that's for a long time, that's what
I saw. And then.

Speaker 2 (11:25):
That's quite a harsh lesson early on, though, wasn't it.
You know, actually you wanted to do this thing, and
yet the activities that you were doing, the drinking, was
actually causing that to just head a road you know,
had a movable hurdle.

Speaker 4 (11:40):
Yeah, it did. I don't think. I don't think I
would have felt been aware quite of how much that
might have impacted me. But yeah, definitely in hindsight, you're like, yeah,
could have messed me up a bit.

Speaker 2 (11:53):
So you're still in queen Sound at this.

Speaker 4 (11:54):
Point, still in queens Sound. Yeah, And the lived for
the weekends, lived for those parties in the tea in
my teenage years. I because we had such a tumultuous
home life. I really found excitement in the weekends being
the thing that fulfilled me. I would start thinking about

(12:15):
partying on the weekends on a Monday night, and yeah,
I lived for that. I lived for that feeling of
going out and meeting the boys. Sorry, I laugh because
we can laugh.

Speaker 2 (12:28):
For christ it happened. It happened, So there's no there's
no taking a bag, all right. So was this this happened?
You finished school and did you stay on in Queenstown?
Did you do you start working?

Speaker 6 (12:39):
No?

Speaker 4 (12:41):
Could have't be an Olympic run. Next I had that injury.
I decided I'd go to christ Church and study film
and television production because my stepmom had been a casting
director growing up, so really wanted to get into that world.
And christ Church for me and my girlfriends, you know,
we'd been living in this wonderful bubble in Queenstown, which

(13:03):
was fairly safe on the weekends. We went to christ
Church and it was not safe going out at night
in the same way we had been in Queenstown, So
we ended up in some dicey situations. Christ which was
a wild year, survived it, but definitely started drinking more

(13:26):
and taking stronger stuff on the weekends to kind of
get through.

Speaker 2 (13:32):
So you said this went on for a year. Yeah,
what happened At the end of that year.

Speaker 4 (13:38):
I went on an ecstasy binge basically and stopped eating
and I could feel that was the summer I think
I started going quite downhill to the point where I
had my first suicide attempt and that was Yeah, so

(14:04):
that would have been the first year out of school,
and it was I think it was that thing of like,
you're no longer at home, you're no longer living in
that bubble. You have to be out in the real
world and be an adult, and you have no I
had no way of being able to do that.

Speaker 2 (14:26):
So suicide attempts often can be, you know, a signal
that you need to do something different in your life, right, Yeah,
what changed after that? Did anything change?

Speaker 4 (14:38):
Yeah, I remember the shame that comes with that, but
also that there was it was like twofold. There was
so much shame and it would be easier to just
follow through with it, but I don't know what part
of me just wanted to live. Thank God that part existed,
and so I went to I told a friend, and

(15:00):
then my friend encouraged me to tell my dad and
he was so angry that I'd done this, and it
was not the response I expected, and he just said, well,
what do you think comes after? I mean, you're it's
a black box riding in the ground. And in my head,

(15:21):
I was it sounds amazing because I wouldn't have to
deal with these jagged thoughts that I was struggling with
each day. But to him, he was just say, why
would you want to miss out on life? You know,
your mom died of cancer. All she wanted to do
was live. You've got every opportunity to live, and you
don't want it. So it's amazing the way he saw

(15:44):
it and the way I saw it. But he suggested
I get help, and I wasn't ready to go anywhere
because I was like, no, I'll be too much shame.
And so I think I just I ended up moving
up to Auckland and living with family and trying to
start afresh.

Speaker 2 (16:02):
Now how did that pan out?

Speaker 7 (16:04):
Though?

Speaker 2 (16:04):
I mean did did all the problems stay behind in
the mainland?

Speaker 1 (16:07):
Oh?

Speaker 4 (16:07):
God no. But in the beginning they were less. You know,
You've got a new environment, had a new waitressing job.
It was like these great distractions which only seemed to
last for a time, and then you're just there with
your same problems. And a big thing. For me, I'd

(16:29):
sort of been taken away from my partying friends. So yeah,
I stepped away from the booze and the drugs. But
then I discovered food was starting to fill this void,
and so that I started binging a lot. And I
remember one afternoon I'd gone to the supermarket, got my

(16:52):
stash and I was going to have a big binge
and purging session. And I remember thinking, I feel like
I've actually lost my mind and I don't know if
I'm going to come back from it. It was the
weirdest feeling, and it was really scary.

Speaker 2 (17:08):
Did that prompt you to do anything differently? Did it
prompt you to want to talk to me, reach out
for help, or anything along those lines, you know, all
the things that we would talk about and say every
week here on the show.

Speaker 4 (17:20):
Hey, I ended up believe I was staying with my
auntie there and I had an unco op here as well,
and I asked if I could go and live with him,
thinking again that fresh start, new space, new environment. And
I started seeing a must have been a psychologist or
psychotherapist out at Massy, and we started working on cognitive

(17:44):
behavioral therapy. But it was just such a I wasn't
in a space where I could do the cognitive tasks,
if that makes sense. I just like, when I'm spiraling
like that, it's really hard for me to like step
away and do that, do a mindful task. It's just
something that has never worked for me. So I tried,

(18:08):
but it didn't work, and then I ended up breaking
Queenstown party.

Speaker 2 (18:13):
Well you went back to what you knew, right, Dad? Yeah?
I try. I mean, look, you tried christ Church, you
tried the aunt, you tried the uncle, you tried CBT.
I mean it was it's not working.

Speaker 1 (18:23):
Well.

Speaker 4 (18:24):
I tried, yeah, Queenstown, Auckland, christ Church. So the next
thing to try was Dunedin after that, and I thought, well,
I'm obsessed with eating, I should do a diata tics course,
so I did. I went there. I moved down to
Dunedin and tried to get into health nutrition, thinking that

(18:44):
might help. And then things really spiraled after that to
the point where I was having you know, I was
in Doneda, got great, great flat, great group of mates.
They were going out and enjoying their lives, and I
was sitting there again with those jagged thoughts, and they

(19:05):
were getting they were taking over, and I decided to
ask for help. And that's when my parents suggested I
go to a clinic because they could say I wasn't
really living, and so I did. I went into psychiatric
care and it was horrifying.

Speaker 2 (19:25):
How long are we in psychiatric care?

Speaker 4 (19:27):
For three months? And I remember there was no one.
There was no one to talk to about what it's
like to go into psychaea. So as a twenty year
old woman, I had no person to talk to about
this clinic I was about to go into, and I

(19:48):
remembered the film Girl interrupted and I was like, that's
what I meant for. But you know, the lead, the
main actress on the main character, Susanna Cason. She lives,
she makes it through her treatment. So I held on
to that, and I was like, Okay, well, yeah, she
goes through hell, but she comes out the other side.

(20:08):
So I went into the clinic with that in my head.

Speaker 2 (20:11):
Kyle is twenty quite young to be going into psychkare.

Speaker 3 (20:16):
I mean relatively? The short answer is probably yes. But
I mean so when we had the day program Seega
House here in Auckland, we had people as young as
nineteen twenty, and I think the good thing about doing
treatment at that age is you shift quicker. Yeah, I
mean it's kind of the opposite if you can't teach
an old dog nutricks, right, I mean, we're still your

(20:38):
brain's still flexible. I mean up until twenty five, your
brain's still growing, so you would have learned quickly. But
it's still an intensive treatment three months full time. And
I know what you mean about not being able to
talk to anybody about it, because there's all sorts of
weird and wonderful and well intentioned traditions around group therapy

(21:00):
and how groups run and the culture of how the
place runs, and all the sort of written and unspoken
rules about how these programs run.

Speaker 2 (21:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 4 (21:10):
Yeah, but again, all I had was that film that.

Speaker 2 (21:16):
Was my So did it turn out that was the
reality different to the concept for you and how it
rolled out, or did you feel that that that concept
that you took in was pretty on point.

Speaker 4 (21:28):
Moments of it were on point, and then moments of
it were wildly different. There were actually lots of young
women in the clinic who had eating disorders, but there
was it felt like there was every walk of life
in that clinic. And it wasn't just it wasn't just

(21:50):
Rehabit was in a sense of therapeutic community. So yes,
we had young women with eating disorders, people who had schizophrenia,
bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, so it was it was all sorts.

Speaker 2 (22:07):
What changed for you months of being in there?

Speaker 4 (22:13):
Oh, sometimes I wonder if I in my mind, I
think I came out a little more traumatized. But my
dad reminds me that I told him one day that
I now have tools to cope with life, So there's that.
I think maybe I remember it in a different way
than then obviously the way that he does. So yes,

(22:37):
I did have tools, but I do still feel a
little traumatized by it, and I think, I, oh, this sucks.
The worst part of coming out of a place like
that is how ostracized you feel from society and so

(22:59):
you know, it's like you're a twenty year old woman.
Your mates are at uni. And so I came out
of this place, I was like, Okay, well I'm not
having suicidal thoughts. Ah, there's no way I could go
to university. I think the best I can do each
day is like get out of bed and maybe have
a waitressing job. Whereas before that I had all these

(23:24):
hopes and dreams, and now all I wanted to do
was be able to live through a day.

Speaker 2 (23:30):
How did it feel when you could actually achieve living
through that day? Is it something that built up over time?

Speaker 4 (23:37):
Yeah, it was like the day was a success if
I didn't fall on my old vices. And I fell
on my old vices so much I've got diaries from them.
And yeah, so it was if I got through a
day and I didn't binge or I didn't drink, or
then it was a good day.

Speaker 2 (23:58):
And did the good days start to stack up?

Speaker 4 (24:03):
They did, but they were so lonely. It's so lonely
coming out of a place like that, not being able
to tell people. So I remember my waitressing job. I
had to hide it. And I also didn't want to
go back to Queens Sound because Queen Sound's really small
and everyone new, and my little brother had been teased
at school because his sister was crazy. So just like

(24:24):
head away and to need it.

Speaker 2 (24:26):
We're going to take a break. When we come back,
we'll find out when you came out of hiding with
our guests, Holly Shirvy back soon here on the Nutter's
Club Nutters Club now on News Talks. It'd be welcome
back to the Nutter's Club here with our guest tonight,
Holly is Shurvy. So look, Holly, you're just talking now

(24:47):
about the idea of really kind of by the sounds
of it, taking one day at a time and trying
to really limit the expectation on yourself and keep it
really really basic. So you were doing that by all means,
with what sounds like varying degrees of success, but you
were trying your hardest all the same. But you know

(25:09):
you didn't hide away in Dunedin forever because you know
here you are with us tonight. So what changed and
how did that change?

Speaker 4 (25:18):
So it's this weird little course of events. I out
of the clinic, still struggling with an eating disorder, but
decided to join a modeling agency in Dunedin. Terrible idea,
but thankfully the modeling agency had an acting agency attached
to it, and I met an incredible woman there and

(25:41):
she kind of became a mentor and she got me
into the world of acting and suggested I auditioned for
one of the leading drama schools and did so. Weirdly,
this particular school asked for psychiatric records, so that that.

Speaker 2 (26:01):
Sucked, Like is that because actors have to be crazy
to be good? Or like? Was it? It was? You know,
I'm joking here, but so like I think, sorry, you're
too saying to be an actor. Not it's not going
to work. We are all nuts in this profession, you know.
Like So anyway, they got your CYC report, they did.

Speaker 4 (26:22):
And so I didn't end up going to that school, Okay, right,
but it's like it's such a it's such a hard
thing being a performer. It's a really hard life. And
so maybe that's part of their thinking, but I like
your version, we're not crazy enough. But anyway, ended up
auditioning for a school up in Auckland where they don't
ask for your psych records. Ah, and got in and

(26:46):
this was a school that you're just surrounded by like
minded people, like minded weirdos.

Speaker 2 (26:56):
So you found your folk I did. And what changed
in that, I mean from all of the different guys
is that you'd had you know, everything from the from
the party girl in Queenstown to you know that the
close friends in christ Church to the great mates and
d Need and what was different about this group of people.

Speaker 4 (27:17):
So at the beginning, it wasn't just the group of people.
It was a new addiction, but it was a healthy one.
There is a real high that comes with the entertainment industry.
You're chasing a dream, but it's like a healthy addiction.
It's not you. I wasn't living for the weekends. I

(27:39):
was living for productions and auditions in jobs. So you've
got real purpose to each day. It's not just about
getting through the day. Nail of living for something. And
then the people come with that, does that?

Speaker 2 (27:57):
Yeah, yeah that makes sense. Yeah I get it. So
that's become your course for a number of years since.

Speaker 4 (28:04):
Yeah. In a huge part of that and me staying
probably on this path is when I met my husband Emmett,
and he, like I really wasn't able to have a
relationship with a human since psychiatric here just it was
so hard to be intimate with someone and for them

(28:26):
and to let the guard down and be like, hey,
I went to psychea and he was the first person
I think, I the first person I'd been with that
I told that I was able to. And it was
when he proposed to me, which came out of the blow.

Speaker 2 (28:41):
So hang on, he proposed to you, and you went
just before I give you an answer. Probably should have
told you this earlier, but turns out I was in
a psych word for three months. Is this how the
conversation went?

Speaker 4 (28:52):
Yeah, Well, I said yes, and then I got mad.
I said yes. Well, first I said, is this a joke?
You said no, I've already asked your dad and your grandma.
He asked my grandma because my mum had.

Speaker 2 (29:02):
Boss, I mean, and your dad didn't give me heads
up eve.

Speaker 4 (29:05):
No, No, Dad said, well, ultimately it's to Holly and
that through him. That's another story in itself. But so
he asked me to marry him, and I said yes,
and then I kind of went to the bathroom and
had a moment with myself and I was like, oh, no,
I don't have to tell him I was in psychere
because he may not want to commit the rest of
his life to me. Truly thought that he would run.

Speaker 2 (29:28):
And then I hang on, did you already have the
ring on the finger? Yeah? Yeah, you still thought that way.

Speaker 4 (29:34):
Isn't it? I know here I am laughing, but it sucks.

Speaker 2 (29:38):
So you told him? And how did he respond?

Speaker 5 (29:41):
Yes? It is so?

Speaker 4 (29:44):
And that was one of the best moments of my life, because, yeah.

Speaker 2 (29:49):
That was a great moment. How has life been since?

Speaker 4 (29:54):
It's incredible to have someone who sees all of you
and loves you that much, Like that's just such a win.
I think the shame that comes with feeling that messed
up is a need for him to just love me regardless.

(30:15):
That's been pretty great.

Speaker 2 (30:17):
How do you feel differently about yourself? Ah?

Speaker 4 (30:25):
Self loathing is something I'll always struggle with, but it's
great having someone like m to pull me out of it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (30:35):
So, good days, bad days, but more good days than bad.

Speaker 4 (30:40):
Definitely more than back then. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (30:43):
I think we call that a win, right, yeah, Kyle?

Speaker 3 (30:47):
Yeah, so me, I was just thinking in the break really,
one of the things that we used to talk about
a lot at seek your house and it's a for
people out there who know DBT dialectical behavior theory, it's
a DPT idea that often it's quite common for people
in a period of intensive therapy to find that they
no longer feel suicidal. That you can kind of, you know,
tick that lot and say, Okay, those thoughts are no

(31:12):
longer there, but find yourself on what DBT calls a
place of quiet desperation that actually you don't feel suicidal,
but it's still quite hard to know how to live
a life worth living. And I think it's a really
painful space. Yeah, it's still because the thing is, it's
kind of like you feel like you've done all this work,
like sually I've done dub work, but actually it's kind

(31:32):
of just the beginning of the work in a way.

Speaker 4 (31:35):
I think that. So when I felt like I was
in that space for a really long time and that's
why it felt so good when I found the acting,
then you've got that purpose, so you kind of you
do want to live and you've got a reason to.

Speaker 3 (31:51):
Yeah, like we say on the show, everyone needs a
reason to get out of bed in the morning, right, Well,
that was your reason.

Speaker 2 (31:55):
Yeah, I've got another text here. It just says. I
went into a psych unit full blow and dragon alcohol psychosis,
detoxed and spent four months in the unit and it
was a lonely experience. It was care I was caught
ordered into rehab twenty seventeen. Rehab saved my life. I
have so many tools I use every day, coming up

(32:17):
nine years clean and sober, working full time and living
just for today. I have taken my blows and I'm
still standing. Fantastic, Holly. I just want to read a
quick text message I've got here and it just says
how resilient you are, Holly. I have been through various

(32:37):
issues in life and I have to keep finding ways
to cope the stay out of those dark places, a
lot of self loathing. Currently going through separation after twenty
five years of marriage. We have two amazing young adults
that keep me going as they both let me know
that they love their dad and my wife and I
are amicable. But I've lost my purpose, my anchor. It

(32:59):
is bloody hard and I hate those dark places. But
your resilience is inspiring. What a journey, and it's just
signed in.

Speaker 4 (33:10):
In wow, oh, thank you. And they will find purpose again.

Speaker 2 (33:18):
And I've just said a text me. You should just come
in and say from Lisa and say, hi, guys, where
a bounce? Can we watch Crackhead? This is very very
good because I don't have to answer the question. You
ask the question Lisa's asked us. So Crackhead. It's an
eight episode TV series. Where can people find it? So?

Speaker 4 (33:35):
In New Zealand you can watch it on three three
now and if you're tuning in from Ozzie you can
watch it on HBO Max.

Speaker 2 (33:46):
Very well done. So when did it start playing on
HBO Max?

Speaker 4 (33:49):
Same same day as here? Oh wonderful, March twelfth, So
all eight, all eight episodes should be up there now.

Speaker 2 (33:56):
Look you can binge watch it in an afternoon just like me.

Speaker 3 (33:59):
You can.

Speaker 2 (34:01):
Let's go to the lines. Anyway, we've had May, who's
been waiting very patiently. There love your calls please und
eighteen eighty May. Good morning to you, Hey.

Speaker 6 (34:12):
Guys, first time caller on Time Listener.

Speaker 2 (34:16):
Well, thank you so much for calling out. Welcome.

Speaker 6 (34:19):
Yeah, I've well, I was drinking i FN alcohol from
a really young age, spinted sort of through from most
of my total tenagers through to about until it was
about twenty five twenty five something. I've lost my grandma

(34:43):
in two thousand and three and Halloween and alcohol was
sort of my escape post because we're quite close, sure,
and it was kind of like a post I could
go to that could skate reality in it. And for
a while anyways, I ended up on paytail as well.

(35:05):
And in two thousand and ten I quit rolled into
the Bridge program A mounted them I've got autism and
a few other different things, and I went in there
and it was really hard for me. I found out

(35:26):
really hard talking in the group, and there's people in
there who were quarter pointers and all of it. So
the thing that just sound really quite had and then
I least halfway through who just got too hard. And
then I got back on the alcohol, and the got

(35:49):
back on the alcohol, start drinking again and all that.
Then about three months after that, I gave really ahead
of another clothes and I went to the bridge place
of a bridge and did the day course at Medica
and a graitulated and I have been over to say

(36:14):
the Home.

Speaker 2 (36:15):
And Drug Free well, congratulations, there is an amazing well
done you.

Speaker 6 (36:21):
I found it hard. I think we've had it for out.
I found was because I felt like different from everyone
because I've got autism and it's there just and I
talk funny and look funny like people sort of truly different,
and I didn't really like it. I just kind of
felt even like an outcast been in here because you

(36:43):
know what I mean in a way.

Speaker 2 (36:46):
Well, I think I know what you mean in a way,
but it.

Speaker 6 (36:48):
May I'm not mocking anyone with you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (36:52):
No, I know, I know what you're saying. But I
want you to hear this is that, for a start,
I can't see what you look like, So whether or
not you're funny looking or not as kind of beside
the point because it's radio so that's kind of handy.
But look, what I'm hearing when you speak is somebody
who had the courage to go and not only do

(37:13):
the rehab, because that's just the first step. You had
the courage to get up every day and keep on
sticking to what you learned when you were there and
do that one day after another fourteen years. Wow, that's
that you have. You have the admiration of everyone on

(37:34):
the end of the microphone.

Speaker 4 (37:36):
Oh yeah, so.

Speaker 6 (37:38):
How does this point? I also have and I also
found was trying to find my higher power I couldn't.
I'm fifty fifty with a law. Drne sure, and that
took to ask me, well, what's your highest power? You
know what you believe in? And I think what? Well?
I actually said what's probably meant sense to some people

(38:01):
but not other people, was is my shoes are my
highest power, be from point A to point D.

Speaker 3 (38:11):
If it makes sense makes sense to me. I mean,
I think the thing is is, like we say on
the show, whatever works, Yeah, and if that works for you,
then fantastic.

Speaker 6 (38:21):
Because I'm not effectivego like, I believe you've got it.
We don't believe in shipping and we're devil and all
beatsort of stuff. But to me, it was really hard
trying to find a higher power and to get people
to understand, well, my shoes basically put more in the
morning off at night. You got to walk around in
them all day. So you know what I mean?

Speaker 3 (38:42):
Makes sense to me? Man, That's the thing is, it's
worked for you for ten years, so that tells me
that it works.

Speaker 6 (38:48):
Even though I'll walk around a beer feet now, so.

Speaker 2 (38:53):
You've transcend them.

Speaker 3 (38:54):
You've now transcended beyond shoes or.

Speaker 6 (38:58):
I've got all these flash shoes and five hundred pair
of shoes and whatever else and I've only worn them half.

Speaker 2 (39:03):
Doven dives over that or maybe mate, simply you're wearing
your shoes on the end side.

Speaker 6 (39:09):
Yeah. So also like also I had my first suicial
tenth in twenty ten, and they asked me why I
did it, and it got so bad because I lost
my grandmother at such an age and it still hurts
to this day, Like I still regret going to school

(39:31):
and getting up and going to school and stuff because
the days he said to go to school was the
day she died. And it was really hard watching the
die and stuff, and oh my godness, I don't want
to cry.

Speaker 2 (39:45):
Anyway, all right, you cry as much as you want.

Speaker 6 (39:49):
It still hurts, and I think about it so much.
It's like the alcohol and the drugs were away of
sort of going to a place where I wasn't in pain,
and I didn't have to realize that hurt inside of
rogen because we were affectionately close. And when my granddad died,

(40:14):
it was like here, you'd gone to the last little
but that I that I ahead of, sorry, the last
little bit ahead of my name had gone as well,
and like then the house got demolished and it's now well,
I feel like I've got nothing left, like I feel

(40:37):
like empty inside at times, because I've got you know
what I mean, But I've got memories.

Speaker 3 (40:43):
But in the end, I do have memories, and that's
the most important thing because actually what you have inside
is you have here, even though it hurts to think
about it, because you still miss here, you still.

Speaker 6 (40:54):
Have my mind like I've I've missed it absolutely that
it's not a day of a pass when I don't
think about it. And then dead and it just we.

Speaker 2 (41:04):
Were so close and well, there's another word for it,
may and it's it's a It's a very simple word
that probably gets used far too much. But I think
you're feeling it all in all its power, and that's love. Yeah,
you know you You loved them, and I'm quite sure
that they felt that love and they must have loved
you as well.

Speaker 6 (41:21):
Oh No one name and loved me like untolitionally, Like
when my mother found out she was putting not with me.
My name didn't want to know me. And once I
was born, my name and me were like inseet.

Speaker 2 (41:32):
The ball, that's awesome.

Speaker 6 (41:34):
Yeah, I'll get off. I'm another People speak both words
film story.

Speaker 2 (41:38):
May, thank you so much for calling. It's been an
absolute pleasure to talk to you. And I know you
said this is your first time. Please don't make it
your last. We'd love to have you back on the
show anytime.

Speaker 6 (41:47):
Okay, i'd say thank you and thanks you. Thanksful, awesome.

Speaker 4 (41:51):
Oh it's lovely to hear from you. May. Thank you
for sharing your story.

Speaker 6 (41:55):
Okay, thank you guys.

Speaker 2 (41:56):
Good morning, Okay, go well mate soon Okay, we are
going to take a break. When we come back, more
of you calls, more of your texts here on Another's Club.
Welcome back to the show. My name is say Mish Williams,
and you are listening to the Nutters Club. We've got
a couple of calls that have come in, but I'm
just going to read a couple of text for you.
First one just here. This is from Ady, Thanks so much.

(42:18):
Adie just says I've been watching Crackhead on TV three
and it is fantastic. Keep up the amazing work, Holly
and Emmett, thanks for sharing. This is a text from
Adam and I'm going to throw this one to you Cole,
but it's just as Adams saying that he's just weaned
himself off three hundred and seventy five milligrams of ven

(42:40):
la fact scene over the past three months, but he's
been on it for a couple of years, no issues.
He's tried to go cold Turkey for the other medication
that he's been on, which is thirty milligrams of metra
zeppine metrizipine mertezipin. Yeah, that's the one, and it's absolutely
put him on his RS. He says, I read the

(43:01):
ven La faccine was the hard one to kick, but
the one that you just said Cole has been absolutely
hellish all the bet Adam. So look, when it comes
to kind of dealing with meds and you know, you
have ups and downs something, what's the best course of
action here?

Speaker 3 (43:16):
Look, so just general proviser. I'm not a medical doctor,
but you're right, actually, I mean ven la vaccine is
the one that generally people do find harder. The main
advice is to stay in really good contact with the
prescriber presumably your GP, because there are lots of ways
that they can manipulate the dose in terms of like,

(43:36):
for instance, a half dose you know one day, a
full dose the next, and actually make that slide off
at as smooth as possible. But if you're finding it
really difficult and really uncomfortable, really important to be talking
to your GP or practice nurse on a regular basis
because it may be that you need to slow the
tapering down, or it may be that some other medications

(43:59):
can be used temporarily to sort of soften the landing,
as it were. So i'd suggest you get in contact
with the gp ASP all.

Speaker 2 (44:06):
Right, All the best, at im. I hope you get
that one.

Speaker 3 (44:08):
And obviously Adam's not doing this. Adam is doing it
the right way. But just for people out there, particularly
those medications ven efaccine in particular, don't stop taking them suddenly,
absolutely okay to come off them. Nobody has to take
medication if you're not caught ordered, but do have a
conversation with the GP about it.

Speaker 2 (44:28):
All right, Thanks for that, Cole, and all the best, Adam. Okay,
back to the lines we have got Chris here, Chris,
good morning to.

Speaker 5 (44:36):
You, oh morning, welcome back, you know, thank.

Speaker 2 (44:41):
You, it's nice to be back. I missed you all terribly.

Speaker 6 (44:44):
Well.

Speaker 5 (44:44):
We'll quite enjoyed the variation of your filling people, especially.

Speaker 2 (44:54):
Water and go yeah ingo, breath it has daily ocean
swimming routine. Yeah. Yeah, I have looked that man in
the eye and told him there is no way in
hell that you could love swimming in the s and
you know, off off, you know, the the Auckland coast
in the middle of sort of you know, July, and

(45:15):
he just breaks into this big smileses, Oh how good
it is and how mutually loves it. Seriously, I worry
for the guy. But no, Ingo was great and Susie
was on as well, so you know, it's been wonderful,
wonderful last couple of weeks.

Speaker 5 (45:28):
Yeah, no, it's we missed you when you're gone, but
we also enjoy the soulm people. So yeah, I just
say to May that was just on. Oh yeah. I
could just feel the warmth of her grandparents. So May,
you're very lucky to have had them in your life.
And I know you'll miss them and you just hang

(45:48):
on to that love they gave you. And yeah, I
could feel that. And Holly May, I say to you,
if you're there, Yeah, what an amazing woman you are.

Speaker 4 (46:02):
Thank you.

Speaker 5 (46:04):
I am. I was busy during my dishes and I
was listening to your story and I was thinking of
a girl I went to school when I was little,
and she was the girl in our class whose mother
had died when she was four, and we all looked
after her and I stay at her place. But as
your story went on, I started to resignate. With some

(46:27):
of your story me, I found my journey through mental
health and staying in hospital wards started after my husband
died and I nursed them through a terminal illness over
many years. And prior to that, I was quite high functioning,

(46:53):
working for nearly twenty years in long service in front
rime reception. Then, you know, quite cheerful and everything. And
in my whole world, I went back to work for
a year and a half and did it up on
a drug and a site dragon, you know, de spiraled
and then I ended up mental health and I couldn't eat.

(47:14):
I ended up the eating disorder, you know, And yeah,
my whole worlds fell apart and it just went over
for years and years, you know. So I started reasoning
that and that too was here in Duneda. So yeah,
I saw a lot of similarities. And I found myself
back then hiding in corridors in the hospital in case

(47:38):
someone would see me that I knew and the shame
that came with it.

Speaker 2 (47:44):
What changed to me? Chris? You know what? What what changed?
What changed for you? Because you know you're giving us
a cold to nine you sound pretty chapper. So this
time in the morning, it's got to be said, Yeah,
I just.

Speaker 5 (47:58):
Still have I still feel shame, and I still try
to find a sense of purpose. I was very unwell
and I'm lucky to be alive because I was so
aware I was to go to Princess Margaret or Ashbourne
Clinic and quite frankly, I've actually been with a lady
today that was a terrer and another one I've kept

(48:20):
in touch with who are now elderly, and I helped them.
They told me that they didn't think I was going
to make it. So I was wheelchairs transferred from my
bed to the dying table, and like you, Holly, I
was in. It was just a mixture of everybody from
every walk of life, and I ended up living in
supported living. I had my own home where I was

(48:42):
with my husband and that and just my whole life
changed really and then so ever since, they've been a
long time and I've been away from mental health services
for a long time, but occasionally your slip, but it's
still now trying to shake off and find my identity

(49:04):
and shake off. I still find all these years later,
shame I feel and to have a sense of purpose.
So what I do now is I've had the odd
job and part time jobs since then, but I never
worked full time again. I've done a lot of volunteer
work and now I try and care for people around me,

(49:29):
mainly elderly. I just try and do for them. But I,
you know, I you know, I just still find that
there's people in your life that define you by that
part of your life, but there are others out there
that don't. So I still find I feel the stigma.

(49:50):
And I had many hospital stays over many years, and
mental health and then the eating disorder. I've been asked
to speak an eating disorder meeting so they can set
up a support group here for people when they get
out of hospital. I don't need it, but I spoke
at it and here to help others. But there's not

(50:14):
a lot when you leave hospital. But you've given me
a lot of courage tonight and a lot to think about.
And can I just say thank you and thank you
to your wonderful husband. EMMITTT. Because when I listened to
your story, I thought, that is unconditional love. That yeah,

(50:39):
that you hadn't told him, and he accepted you unconditionally,
and your story just got better and better. So I
see how you've risen from terrible pain and grief and
you've just given me inspiration and hope.

Speaker 4 (50:56):
So thank you, well, thank you, And I mean it
sounds like you're doing incredible things with caring for people,
and I do hope that brings you a lot of
purpose because it sounds like wonderful work.

Speaker 5 (51:12):
Well I go up and down a bit too, but
you know, I found the drugs I was on and
the medications pretty much the date of me. And since
being off that, I've been able to function again and
I have my essence of who I am back, I
kind of self. I had no emotions through that, and

(51:34):
now I feel kind of that. I have emotions back
and my back back, but I still feel a bit
of shame, and then I struggle with but I just
have to move on from that.

Speaker 2 (51:47):
Well, I'm going to tell you that's, Chris, one place
that you never ever had to feel any shame is
with us here at the Nutter's Club, Because I'm going
to tell you this is that there is a significant
number of people who listen to the show who are
part of the show. And you know what, Chris, I've
got a funny feeling there might be more of us

(52:07):
than there are of them, So I think so. Yes.

Speaker 5 (52:11):
So another person that's given me hope over these years,
and a wonderful person that has been Bronnie.

Speaker 2 (52:19):
Oh, we love, we love our Bronnie. Yeah. Absolutely, Bronnie
is a regular call to.

Speaker 5 (52:25):
Go and I will try and look at crack here.
I'm looking forward to having a look at that.

Speaker 4 (52:32):
Thank you, good luck. It's a wild ride.

Speaker 5 (52:37):
Yeah. I was reluctant to go on you tonight, so
it's actually quite healing being able to stay that now.
I see about what.

Speaker 2 (52:48):
Well, Chris, I'm really happy that you did call us tonight. Actually,
thank you so much. You've You've brought a hell of
a lot to us tonight. So thank you.

Speaker 5 (52:56):
Okay, thanks guys, all right.

Speaker 2 (52:58):
Go well, you such a wonderful group who listening here.
If you were just listening. At the top of the hour,
we had a caller May who was talking about their
time and rehab. They went to the Bridge program and
Bridge program, does that remember the Sally Sali, the Bridge programs.

Speaker 3 (53:15):
The Impatient Salvation Army, Alcohol and drug and gambling programs.
Oh yeah, I mean I think that I think I
really liked about mays core was that she keept going
so she went to one program and it didn't quite work,
and then she went to another and it did.

Speaker 2 (53:28):
And has been going on for ten years, you know,
ten years, So they're absolutely fantastic. This is a text
message I've got and just said, I just wanted to
reach through the phone and hug May. You could. You
could tell May really would crack up talking about about
her grandparents. Don't be a stranger, May callback another time.

(53:50):
And I wholeheartedly endorsed that text message. I just thought
that was wonderful. So thank you so much for your
encouragement out there. And we just had Crisp there as well,
saying similar things and so I get it. You know,
it's it's really tough and interesting though. The shame thing, Holly,
you know that was something that you feel bit when
you'd finished your psych word in time as well. Wasn't that,

(54:11):
you know, one of the reasons you didn't want to
go back to Queenstown.

Speaker 4 (54:13):
Oh big time? That it hangs around, and it was
a big reason I didn't tell emmittt for so long.
It's just shame.

Speaker 2 (54:21):
Where do you sit with it now? I mean you're
sitting here and talking nationally about it, and you've made
a whole TV series about it. So what changed for you?
You know, how did that turn its corner for you?

Speaker 4 (54:32):
The first step was in telling Emmett and him being
so accepting of it, and then the whole journey with
Crackhead that has been a seven year process, and so
you know, pitching this show, I was telling people, Okay,
it's a series inspired by my time in psychiatric here,
but that's the beauty of the show. It's written and
performed from my lived experience. And that whole journey has

(54:55):
been hugely cathartic because every person I've told about it,
either they personally have been on their own journey or
someone they love and care about has gone through a
mental health journey. It's hugely relatable for almost everyone.

Speaker 2 (55:08):
I mean, you've had a bit of feedback tonight, But
what's the feedback been like for you over the last
eight weeks.

Speaker 4 (55:16):
It's been mind blowing. It's like crack It is a
comedy in moments right. It's obviously dramatic as well, but
I think the comedy has made it digestible for people
because we're dealing with such raw, dark, real subject matter

(55:38):
that the comedy has made it digestible and people are
relating to it. They can see themselves in it. I've
had messages from people saying, oh my gosh, thank you,
that's just like my psych experience. Oh I had a
sister who burned our house down. There's such a relatability

(56:02):
to the human experience of it.

Speaker 2 (56:05):
One thing I am going to say about the show
is there's there's a lot of like gross out humor
which you put in there as well, which I thought
was kind of like the domain of, you know, teenage boys.
But it would turn out that I'm a psych wards
have got nothing on what I could have imagined.

Speaker 3 (56:22):
I haven't binged all eight episodes yet, I'm about three,
and but I think the thing is is that, like
you say, it is a comedy, drama and dark in places.

Speaker 2 (56:33):
But that's life.

Speaker 4 (56:34):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (56:34):
Like it's funny and it's dark and it's dramatic, and
it's all of those things all at once. It's not
like being in a psych ward of being a group
therapy or even being in a therapy room. Actually it's
just all serious and somber. It also laughs. It's also
fun and weird and everything in between.

Speaker 4 (56:51):
And I wish that there were more easeful conversations around
mental health and it was because it should be that
easy to talk about and we should be able to
laugh at it because life sucks sometimes.

Speaker 2 (57:02):
It does, and then sometimes it's just utterly beautiful. Yeah, Josh,
goode to you.

Speaker 7 (57:09):
Yeah, hey guys, Hey, Holly, congratulations on the TV show.
I've had a few good laughs that are watching it.
It's been great, Oh thank you. But hey, no awesome premise.
And I like the graphics too. You know, when you
come in with new characters and they have sort of

(57:31):
a breakdown of who they are. I think that's that's
really cool. And when I first saw that, I was like, yes,
that's exactly what I would have done, man, because yeah,
you don't like people walking and blind with no premise.
They might be guessing a bit too long. But to

(57:51):
hit them with the whole thing and then see the
character play out is actually quite it's quite clever. It's
quite interesting that I like that. But you know, like
in terms of being therapeutic. Okay, like just thinking about
how we talk about bringing darkness into light, and you know,

(58:15):
I think walking that line of making it very comical
is a good way for people to work through some
issues without getting too precious about it. Like some people
might see you a show and go, hey, I'm a
bit like this guy, but I haven't gotten that bad yet.

(58:37):
You know, they might be having that sort of experience
or whatever. But I mean, there's so much you could
do with those characters and the character development. It's actually
really cool. I'm enjoying it. I think it's well done.
There are many pruds out there that won't approach the
subject in that way, but I reckon, go just go

(59:01):
one hundred and twenty percent.

Speaker 4 (59:02):
You know, thank you. I really appreciate that.

Speaker 7 (59:07):
Yeah, what else can I say? Like, look, I've got
some pretty dark humor too. I've never had I haven't
had your experience. I've had a experience. But one of
the things I wanted to mention was the self loathing thing.
And that was before like one thing I learned about

(59:29):
myself was before I really dug it in deep with
the self loathing. They actually pat myself on the back
and said, you know, you wouldn't be where you're at
or who you are without that. But you can't just
control I'll delete the first twenty years of your life,
you know what I mean, and just to appreciate that

(59:51):
who you are as a result of all the roads
you've been and for me, like, yeah, if I see
that hump of self loathing, I'm just like, hang on
a minute, would you be who you are right now?
Wasn't for everything?

Speaker 3 (01:00:10):
I really love that. I think what you're describing as
self compassion right, that actually wasn't It wasn't fun when
you were there, and it still hurts if you go
back there, but actually it is still you, and you
can be kind and gentle to that part of yourself
now when you look back.

Speaker 7 (01:00:27):
It's actually taking it further to mate. It is actually
just thinking if you did not have those experiences, would
you even be the person that you are? So, you know,
it's like saying, well, yeah, it's been compassionate understanding. You've
had a human experience and hopefully you know, you get

(01:00:48):
the people around you to keep moving forward forward with
the work. Yeah, with the.

Speaker 2 (01:00:56):
With the work and such, but you got it, Josh,
That's it. In a nutshell. Yep, you see you see
it clear as day, my friend.

Speaker 7 (01:01:04):
So thanks Holly. Yeah, I enjoy watching your show. Yeah,
I really like those characters. I really like the idea
that you can introduce all sorts of many character in
that fashion. I think that's quite clever.

Speaker 4 (01:01:21):
I love that, and I love what you said about
control delete. Thank you for sharing that.

Speaker 2 (01:01:28):
Go well, Josh, and thanks again for watching the show.
Now someone else has just texted in here, and it
just pays It shows you guys, you cannot mention promo
things enough. And I'm not promoing this just because Holly
is our guest. Okay, it's a nice thing though. But
Max has just texted and said, can you tell me
the name of the movie that you're talking about please?
I want to watch it. Well, for a start, great news,

(01:01:52):
it's not a movie, which would mean that that's just
one setting. You have got eight episodes and it is
called Crackhead. Crackhead. You can find it in New Zealand.

Speaker 4 (01:02:01):
On three and if you're an Aussie you can find
it on HBO. Max.

Speaker 2 (01:02:06):
So hopefully that makes it all clear. Here, go and
find it. It's a it's a damn good watch, like
I said, if you haven't been listening, I binge watched
the whole thing this afternoon.

Speaker 4 (01:02:17):
Impressive.

Speaker 2 (01:02:19):
You love to tell the tale. I love the well.
You know you do sit there and you go like,
I hope I like this because you know I'm this
eight episodes and then you know I've got the guests
coming in tonight. It's going to be really awkward. If
you're like, oh, it was really cool. Yeah, yeah, No,
it was great. And actually I wonder I will say
this much as you captured very much the Kiwi craziness,

(01:02:42):
and I feel that, like we're quite we're well placed
to talk about that on the show because we had
a lot of crazy Kiwis through through this Door and
on the show over the seventeen years, and you got it.
And we've met some of those people, we've had some
of those people as our guests or iterations of them.
So yeah, you did great on that front. Tick that

(01:03:03):
box back soon here on the Nutters Club. Look, I've
go a of the text message here from Tanya and
Tany just says, Hi, I have been in psych wards
and for a decade suffering with mental health issues and crisis,
and I've struggled with adjusting to mental health psych wards.
I do have memories that aren't great, but I was

(01:03:26):
in the best place as I was so unwell, So
I guess it was a good thing to be in
the ward. I love the ideas from the call of Josh.
You would not be the person you are now without
the experiences you have. I've learned a lot of resilient
skills and tools for life because I'm what I've been through.
Thanks to your guest, Holly, tonight, she's and inspiration. Thanks Tarannia,

(01:03:49):
much appreciated. So we are fast coming to the end
of our show, and so I guess you know the
next question to ask you here is what's the next adventure? Holly.
I mean, you've got a few things cooking away, don't you.

Speaker 4 (01:04:01):
I do. We're gonna survive the next few months because
we're new parents, But once we come out the other
side of that, I've got a psychological thriller series that
I've been developing, also inspired by my real life experience.
But that's my teenage years, whereas crack Kids more early twenties.

(01:04:25):
So we're going back in time a little bit.

Speaker 2 (01:04:27):
More Okay, fantastic, and so we will see this at
some point in the next couple of years type.

Speaker 4 (01:04:34):
You thing, Oh yeah, that's the dream.

Speaker 2 (01:04:36):
Okay, all right? And season season two of crack here, Oh.

Speaker 4 (01:04:40):
Yes, that is also the dream. Right, So fingers crossed everyone.

Speaker 2 (01:04:45):
So the best thing that anyone can do who's listening
is actually what just go and watch it because they
all the metrics, all the numbers. When you go and
press play, they will count them right.

Speaker 4 (01:04:54):
Totally, watch it, enjoy it, and tell your friends and
family that.

Speaker 2 (01:04:58):
I'm social ye, do all of that, do all of
that sort of stuff, and look, you know, in terms
of having done the work, you know, I think it's
interesting sometimes when you finish these You've finished season one
of Crackhead, it's out there in the world. It doesn't
require anything more of you at this point, it's its
own saying. What are you hoping that it will achieve

(01:05:18):
in terms of apart from being an entertaining afternoon watch
for Hamish before he has to have a chat to you,
what are your hopes that the series will go on
to achieve and perhaps be a catalyst.

Speaker 4 (01:05:29):
For so you know what I was saying about going
into psych here and watching Girl Interrupted. I really hope
that Crackhead is for people what Girl Interrupted was for me.
So it's a thing of it's a way for anyone
who's going on that path, their addiction or mental health

(01:05:50):
journey to feel less isolated in their own struggle because
they can relate to Frankie and they can relate to
the other characters in Crackhead.

Speaker 2 (01:05:58):
Have you heard from anybody that's like in a psych
ward who's watched it? Like, are people in psychquards actually
watching it?

Speaker 4 (01:06:05):
I haven't heard from people currently in the but people
who have recently been in them in them saying I
feel seen. So that feels I mean, that feels fills
me to the tippy topic with good vibes.

Speaker 2 (01:06:21):
Well, I mean, I think it's nice when you get
that kind of that kind of reassurance that your interpretation
of it wasn't wildly off track for everybody else that actually,
you know, if you've managed to actually articulate the experience
and in a way that's going to resonate with others totally.

Speaker 4 (01:06:37):
It's a real fine line when you're dealing with that
subject matter and comedy and to not make it trophy.

Speaker 2 (01:06:43):
So I guess, just before we wrap up, if there
was any anyone who you know, perhaps had a family
member or a friend that you was looking at going
to doing the psych ward. Do you think that this
would be a good thing for them to watch, to
be able to help break down any of those kind
of stigmas shames that can be around it.

Speaker 4 (01:07:03):
I think it'll help them to laugh at themselves a
little bit and to not take it also seriously. And
yes it'll give some insight, but it all, it'll do
it in a way that'll make you laugh through the pain.

Speaker 2 (01:07:23):
That's it for this episode of The Nutterers Club. Thanks
to our guest Holly Shehrvey for sharing her incredible experience,
as well as psychotherapist Carl MacDonald for his clinical insights.
The callers and texters were spot on, so thank you
for being part of it all. If you liked what
you heard and you think it might help someone out there,
then please share this episode on your own channels, all

(01:07:45):
with family and friends, and if you ever want to
be part of the show, just give us a caller
a text When we broadcast live on news Talk s
HEIDB eleven pm Sunday nights, New Zealand Standard time. Check
out Newstalk SIDB dot co dot NZ for local frequencies
or a link to the live stream. A big thanks
to New Zealand on Air for their ongoing support and

(01:08:08):
making the show. Take care and always remember the world
is a better place with you in it. Life it
isn't easy, it is however worth it.

Speaker 1 (01:08:23):
For more from News Talks B listen live on air
or online, and keep our shows with you wherever you
go with our podcasts on iHeartRadio.