Psychologist Dr. Jeff Gardere

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
And welcome to Cindy Stoppo Toughest Nails on w VZ
News Radio ten thirty. And I'm in the studio tonight
with Sammy and Sammy. Who's our handsome guester.

Speaker 2 (00:09):
Doctor Jeff Guardia.

Speaker 1 (00:11):
Is that right?

Speaker 3 (00:12):
That's correct? You can call me doctor Jeff.

Speaker 1 (00:15):
I think that's good. We like that. Sure, okay, doctor Jeff.
It is okay, Doctor Jeff. Tell us a little about yourself.

Speaker 3 (00:23):
Well, I'm a board certified clinical psychologist. I'm a professor
of behavioral medicine. I'm also a clinic director, working with
people with all sorts of mental health challenges. And I
also consult to several global law firms. And let's see,

(00:46):
I'm married, I'm a father of I'm like the old
man in the shoe. I have so many kids. I
don't know what to do.

Speaker 4 (00:52):
I have six children thirty two, thirty one, twenty three,
twenty two and eight. Whoa, yeah, so I love being
a family man, but I have to work.

Speaker 3 (01:07):
Now.

Speaker 1 (01:07):
Wait eight and then the oldest is twenty.

Speaker 3 (01:09):
Three, yes, oh no, the oldest is the oldest is
thirty two, thirty two, and the youngest thirty two down
to eight years old.

Speaker 1 (01:19):
Yes, Oh my god, when'd you get a life?

Speaker 3 (01:23):
My life is working, Cindy, don't get me started. I
work like you. I work about I work about seventy
eight hours a week.

Speaker 1 (01:31):
Yeah, a little bit more for me. I'm working off
three hours sleep last night and three the night before.
Clients in Singapore last night and the night before clients
in UK. So needless to say, Singapore is twelve hours different. Right,
So it was my mato. We started, we didn't get it.
We didn't get done until like three o'clock. I'm so tired.

Speaker 3 (01:50):
But well it's a blessing, isn't it. Well, it's a blessing.

Speaker 1 (01:54):
I can absolutely say my job is fun and rewarding.
Your job is. I would say, well, I actually need
you on my job sites to deal with these hundreds
of guys that I work with that are crazy, right,
but we're good crazy. But then there's bad creates.

Speaker 3 (02:09):
Well, you know what, you know what's really interesting, Cindy.
You know you know I know of your incredible work,
and you know what you do for a living and
what you do with Sam and so you know, when
I was speaking to Alva, who is my manager, and
she said, you've got to be on Cindy's show. You
just got to do it. I said, yeah, but I'm
not a builder or what have you. But she said,

(02:29):
and she reminded me, you know you've done real estate.
I was a real estate broker for several years, as
a matter of fact, had a gig called the real
Estate Doctor. And I would actually work with the most
difficult clients there were because I understood who they were.
I understood, you know, what a lot of their challenges were.

(02:51):
So I would get a signed by Corkoran or a
Halstead at the time, all of the very difficult clients
to do the deals with and get them through the deals.
And I loved I loved doing it.

Speaker 1 (03:04):
Well, let me explain to you. I got to radio
after TV about nine years ago, and I couldn't talk
about construction every Sunday night. So for me to renew
my contract, I said, we're having I want to talk
about whatever goes on between the foundation and the roof.
That means a lifestyle show. Think about this, right, I
build these beautiful homes and you come by them, and

(03:26):
I want you to make beautiful memories and have a
wonderful you know, raise your children. But we all know
reality's reality, right, and kids get involved in drugs, and
there's domestic violence, and there's mental health issues, and there's
so much that goes on between the foundation roof and
Tava's nails became about what goes on. It's we do
construction still, but I like to do the more of

(03:47):
the lifestyle shows what's going on. And I got to
be honest, this is a great show for you and
I to have because I feel as though we all,
I think we all know this with any common sense.
We don't have enough mental health providers. And I don't
see being in construction where we really got that far

(04:08):
with addiction and alcoholism. And I've been around it for
thirty seven years in construction, the worst of the worst,
right union, non union, and we're thirty seven years later
and we're no better than we were thirty seven years ago,
with less doctors to treat. And I always said, look,
and I understand dual diagnosis because there's always an underlining

(04:32):
problem typically and then we go to the drugs and
the booze.

Speaker 5 (04:35):
Right.

Speaker 1 (04:35):
So I never had a drink in my life, but
that was my choice because my att to was if
I never tried it, I won't know if I like
it right, right, So I just never tried it. But
I was very nervous to my own kids.

Speaker 3 (04:50):
Well, the Surgeon General must be so proud of.

Speaker 1 (04:53):
You, No, because I still smoke my four cigarettes to night.
But I got everybody has something that they do. It
can't be misperfect, right. But my problem with the mental
health is that there's no one helping these people. So
I once said to one of my clients, doctor Shrini Play.
I don't know if you know him, but you can
look him up. And I said, Trini, these people sit

(05:16):
on your couches forever. And he said the some do.
And I said, well, why don't you try this Instead
of working on a person's weaknesses, why don't you try
to work on their strengths, Because if you find what
somebody's strengths are, this is what I've done personally my
whole life. Is the only way to get rid of

(05:36):
my weaknesses or my insecurities was to work on my strengths. Right,
What did I bring to the table. And I took
those strengths and I worked on those to make them stronger,
and before you know it, the insecurities or weaknesses just
fall away because you just you're building off the strengths,
and you would think that Trini play, I must have
said something that went to the moon. And he's like,

(05:58):
you know, Cindy, I never looked at psycho are that way.
We're so busy trying to keep the drama and the
drama and the this and the that and work on
that and get rid of that. So but my point is, no.

Speaker 3 (06:09):
That's but that's very sound. It's very sound because what
we talk about all the time now is looking at
what the person's strengths are versus their deficits. So when
I work with patients, quite frankly, I never talk about
what it is that they can't do. I talk about
what it is that they can do and how to

(06:32):
strive for that. What are the things that make you unique?
What are the things that make you stand out in
the crowd? What are what are the things that make
you that very special person? And you know, the funny
thing is, I've got to tell you this joke. I mean,
it's a true story. So I say to my wife
the I don't know, maybe three weeks ago, we're all

(06:54):
sitting around and we have a good good neighbor, a
friend and his wife and this guy he can grow,
uh you know, he grows plants, he does you know,
he does food. He raises chickens and all these farm animals.
And if there's an apocalypse, you know, that's the guy

(07:16):
that you want on your side. He builds, you know,
I'm sure he's not a builder like you, but he builds,
you know, and so on. He's great with his hands.
So I say to my wife, you know, honey, you
know when the apocalypse comes, you know, this is the
kind of person you know, maybe you should have married.
And she says, oh, well, you know, I think you're

(07:39):
perfect for me. I said, well, what am I going
to do for you with the apocalypse? She says, well,
you're a great communicator. And I was like, really, really.

Speaker 1 (07:52):
A great communicator, but you but you.

Speaker 3 (07:57):
Are making a point, and I interrupted you.

Speaker 1 (07:59):
No, no, no, my question And I want to have
this you to come on the show so bad because
I've got so many questions, and I know my listeners
do too. Is we don't have enough psychiatrists to go around,
and the.

Speaker 3 (08:14):
Sich psychiatrists, psychologists, social workers, we don't. That's absolutely right.

Speaker 1 (08:19):
And the ones that are good are aging. And now
we've got everybody wants to do this on zoom. And
my problem with that is if you're a good psychiatrist
and you're seeing somebody for the first few times, my
attitude is they've got to be in your office. You
can read body language. You got to see as they're
foot tapping when they're talking to you, are they nervous?

(08:40):
Are they hands moving? Like the first couple of times, okay, doc,
like you know, see my kid on zoom right, or
see my mother or my father. But at the beginning,
like let's have a person to person meeting. Hold that thought.
We got to go to break I'm Sinny Stumble and
you listen Toughest Nails on w BUZ News Radio ten
thirty and welcome to Sindy Stumble with Toughest Nails on
w WBC News reading you ten thirty. Thank you. I'm

(09:03):
a little taled, doc. So that is my issue, right
that we don't have enough mental health providers. What was
the saying part.

Speaker 2 (09:12):
Of that to have somebody come into your office in
person life the first.

Speaker 1 (09:16):
Correct and not to do the zoom right away. Right,
get to know the patient then you can do the zoom.
Let's figure out what the personality disorder is I love
that one too. Everybody's got a personality disorder, Well, what's
the personality disorder? All right, that's the way we ask
it for. I don't know what's wrong with you.

Speaker 3 (09:36):
Listen, I hear exactly where you're coming from. And I
do have a lot of patients who say, Wow, I'd
love to sit with you in person. These days, that's
really a lost art. And think about it, right, how
many people now have offices where people actually come and visit.
They come less and less and less. It's easier for

(09:57):
them to just hit a button on a computer and
bam they're there, Bam they're out. They don't have to
commute for an hour or an hour and a half.
It saves the environment. So we've had to make the shift, Cindy,
from being able to read the full body language sitting
in an office with someone to now focusing in on

(10:18):
what we have in front of us. So instead of
reading the full body, now we really zoom in no
pun intended on how their eyes are moving, or how
where their eyebrows go, or whether they're smiling or not smiling,
or the intonation or the prosody of their speech. So

(10:40):
necessity is the mother of invention. And I'll tell you
most strengths will not go back to in person visits
because it's so much easier to work from home. It's
so much easier to be at their office and not
have a bunch of people coming into their waiting rooms.
We've had to deal with COVID, God forbid. We have

(11:02):
to deal with bird flu, hopefully not knock on wood.
We don't. So look, the future is now. This is
the way it is. We had Dick Tracy back in
the day with the TV watches. Now we have therapy online.
That's it.

Speaker 1 (11:21):
And you think personally because you're of an age where
you've gone the other way too. It's not like you're
a new psychiatrist or a new psychologist. You've done the
old way, you've done the new way. What do you
think is better the always or the new ways?

Speaker 3 (11:36):
And I loved, Yeah, I love the old way of
sitting with people, you know, going to an office and
working you know all day, you know, seeing people you know,
shaking hands, touching a shoulder. I think all of those
things are really important. But the fact of the matter
is we're in the year twenty twenty five. We are

(11:58):
in the future. This is what we have, and so
we take it and we squeeze everything that we can
out of it and make it work.

Speaker 1 (12:09):
Okay, that's the answer. That's the answer I'm still looking for.

Speaker 3 (12:14):
Well, wouldn't it wouldn't it be great if I could
be sitting in your iHeart studios with you? I mean,
that would have been wonderful. But it was so much
easier for us to just say, all right, let's get
on the computer, let's get on teams or whatever the
case may be, and let's you know, let's let's steamyard
and let's just go ahead and get this done. And

(12:34):
probably the only time in your busy schedule that you
could fit me in and that I can fit you.
And if I had to travel an how to get
to you, I wouldn't have been able to do today.

Speaker 1 (12:44):
Yep. Correct. But again, when you're in the studio with me,
whether you're a celebrity, whether you're an athlete, you're a politician,
you're a normal person, whatever you are is we get
to know each other. And actually a lot of friendships
have been in the studio right because it's you're right
here with us, and we're laughing and we're hanging and

(13:05):
we're going off to commercial and we're you know, the
stuff's coming out here. That is the the fun stuff.
It's always the background stuff, right, it's always the back
end of what we talk about.

Speaker 3 (13:15):
Well, Cindy, here, here, we are right now. And as
the late great Val Kilmer said, I'll be your huckleberry online.

Speaker 1 (13:24):
How many new patients you're taking on? Anybody? Were not? Really?

Speaker 3 (13:29):
No, No, I take new people on all the time.
But you know, the majority of my work now is
working at the global law firms, working at the broadcast
centers and so on. So most of my folks and
I actually sit in an office where I actually see
people who come in, broadcast people who come in. But
for the most part, you know, it's you know, working online.

(13:52):
So I see new people, I hold on to old people,
you know, people coming go. Some people I see them
for two years, years at a time, or a couple
of sessions, and they come back two years later. So
it's one big, happy therapeutic family.

Speaker 1 (14:08):
Okay, next question, is everybody a little crazy? Is it good? Crazy?

Speaker 3 (14:13):
Everybody? Everybody's a little bit crazy, everybody's a lot crazy.
I mean, we've been through a pandemic, we're going through
very very difficult political times right now. A lot of
people are not very happy with the way the world is.
You know, we have all of these possible issues coming

(14:37):
up with perhaps another pandemic that financially, people don't feel
really good with the way things are, and so I
think people are getting a little bit more depressed, a
little bit more anxious, a lot more anxious. We see
depression and anxiety increasing in society. But it's really important,

(14:59):
and you talked about this earlier. We don't have enough
shrinks to go around, and therefore that's why we have
to be our brothers and now sisters keepers. What you
do on your show is provided vice for people, for
for people. I know, that's what you do. You know,
we have family and friends who help us out, so
we all have to be there for one another one way,

(15:20):
one way or another. But I really do believe that
we're all emotionally challenged.

Speaker 1 (15:25):
Yeah I'm not.

Speaker 3 (15:27):
Yes, you are.

Speaker 1 (15:28):
No, I'm not.

Speaker 3 (15:30):
You're you're you're a little you're you're you're a little
bit you're a little bit different. And I really like it.

Speaker 1 (15:35):
So here's the big one.

Speaker 2 (15:37):
What do you take emotionally challenge means to you?

Speaker 1 (15:39):
Yeah, let's get let's what we think what is emotional there?

Speaker 3 (15:44):
Well, you know, Sam, I think you know. I did
a very quick analysis of your mom, uh and I
see her to be a very headstrong, future thinking person,
very very good values. But she does things her way.
It's her way or the highway, and those people who

(16:05):
are around her love her for that because of the
strength of her character. She manifests that through the work
that she's done around the world, and people wouldn't have
it any other way. And so that emotional energy that
she has makes her very different. Some people might see

(16:26):
it as a little challenging for themselves, as we all
may be challenged in that way by different people's personalities.
So to me, it's a badge of honor to be
able to say, yeah, I'm a little bit different, and
you either like it or you don't, but it is
who I am. We call that being authentic.

Speaker 1 (16:44):
Oh that's me a thousand cents.

Speaker 2 (16:45):
So that makes her emotionally challenged.

Speaker 5 (16:48):
I guess emotionally challenge means that, you know, there are
things that she feels that perhaps she can do better,
or some things that she likes or she does doesn't like.

Speaker 3 (17:00):
But I think we all strive to make ourselves better,
no matter what the accomplishments are in life.

Speaker 1 (17:07):
And I don't agree with that. I think most people
don't want to make themselves better. I don't think most
people want. Look, I will never understand from twenty six
years old to this age. Now, I've suffered from severe
crippling panic attacks. Now, going back to twenty six, you
went to a psychiatrist and the first three questions, we
are ever sexually molested?

Speaker 3 (17:28):
No?

Speaker 1 (17:29):
Physically, no emotionally no? Oh wait man, hold on, three
days before my mother got a period. That doesn't count. Okay,
then no, So why do I have these? She couldn't
give me an answer. Within forty five minutes, I walked out.
I said, it's nice knowing you. I asked her, could
these be genetic? Could they be hormonal? Both answers to
those questions were absolutely not. Panic attacks are not genetic,

(17:51):
and they're not hormonal. They're PTSD. I said, okay, I'm leaving.
She's why you're leaving because we're not going to get anywhere.
You and I because you're.

Speaker 3 (17:57):
Not because you didn't agree.

Speaker 1 (18:00):
And my common sense was she asked me three questions,
and I said, lady, you can take an excavator in
my brain. You're not going to find anything in there
that I'm hiding in a corner of my Brain's just
not going to happen. I know it's not there. She
calls me twenty years later after seeing me on TV
apologize like I remembered her, which I didn't, And she said,

(18:21):
I'm called to apologize. Let you know that after you
left my office, I got another woman that was kind
of as strong as you were, a bit older. And
after that I went into hormone and genetics on panic attacks,
and you're right, they can be genetic, el hormonal. The
good news or the bad.

Speaker 3 (18:39):
Can they can be hormonal.

Speaker 1 (18:41):
And I said to her, my mother had them, my
grandmother had them through birthing years.

Speaker 3 (18:46):
There you go, there you go.

Speaker 1 (18:48):
But when I was twenty six, it was no right.
But all that I thought were going to break. I'm sinning,
stumble and you listen to WBZ News Radio ten thirty.
It'd be right back and welcome back to tap his
nails on WBZ News Radio ten thirty. And I'm Sindy
and I'm here with Sammy and I'm here with doctor Jeff.
So my point is doctor Jeff that they were wrong.
I was right at twenty six my common sense was

(19:09):
smarter and sharper than the doctor psychiatrist, and twenty years
later calls me to apologize and then tells me, well,
I just want to know one thing, Sindy, are you
a menapologetic? Go no, you sure well? The doctors say
I'm not. I'm not now yet She goes, well, you
want the good news the bad news? Of course, give
me the bad news first. Why give me the good
news and the bad news? That doesn't make sense to
my brain, she said, When you go through it, they'll

(19:31):
either absolutely disappear or they're going to get horribly worse.
They got horribly worse. Okay, there's where you are. So
what do I do? Live with them? Bing goo? I'm
strong enough to fight them, strong enough to lift to them.
Anybody else would have jumped off this iHeartMedia building and
laid it on their head. They couldn't have done what
I've done by dealing with the Wow.

Speaker 3 (19:53):
Look, first of all, I congratulate you and I honor
you for doing that. I think it brings us back
to the point that we all have emotional challenges. Uh,
and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. We have to
break the stigma of that. You're talking about, that you
had those panic attacks at some point is an emotional challenge.

(20:14):
I will tell you, Sam and Cindy. I will tell
you that I deal with obsessive compulsive disorder, I deal
with hypochondriasis, and I deal with general life anxiety. These
have been my challenges, Doc. What's hypo an absolute a
hypochondriasis an absolute and unreasonable fear of getting illness, Like

(20:37):
I have a hangnail on my you know, off my finger,
and then I shake someone's hands and I'm afraid maybe
they had a hangnail and maybe a germ from their
hangnail got on my hangnail. Sounds crazy. You know these things, hi, hypochondriac, hypochondria, hypochondriac.

(20:59):
You know they're just alterations on the same term.

Speaker 1 (21:02):
Okay, Yeah, Now I think with pan.

Speaker 3 (21:06):
Attack, I think I think we all have challenges. I
really do.

Speaker 1 (21:10):
I think with panic attacks, if you just said of me,
if I just said one time in the middle when
they start, God take me, you want me, I'm all yours,
I don't think another one would hit my body because
when it comes, I think I'm dying and I don't
want to die, so I can't say it. No, I
have to. Literally, if I could just say that once

(21:30):
to myself, Okay, I'm all yours, I'm all yours. I'm
going down. It comes the big one. I'm going down. Okay, Edith,
I'm Colm whatever what was his name from? Uh, I'm coming.
So if I could just say that once and probably
laugh at myself and say, Okay, God take me, I'm dying,
that's it. But the fear of dying is what causes

(21:52):
the panic, of course, because you think you're the first
one you have that you're going to die, right so,
but you never died, better never died. But I will
die one point on.

Speaker 2 (22:02):
But it's not going to be from that.

Speaker 1 (22:03):
We don't know what's gonna be from. But the point
is that she no, she didn't get them, thank God,
thank God. Like now you only hope that your kids
don't get.

Speaker 3 (22:12):
Them, right right, Well, my kids are dealing with severe
anxiety that was genetically passed down. But I think it's
that nature and nurture thing going on to Cindy and
so you know, we.

Speaker 1 (22:27):
Didn't have anxiety. We went around going by did.

Speaker 3 (22:30):
They did they did? They just didn't. They just didn't
label it. They didn't have a name for it, just
like we see all these supposed kids on the autism spectrum.
Oh what's going on? Why are all these No, we
just didn't have a label for it. We weren't diagnosing it.
And thank god we're able to do that because these
kids can get early intervention and just do great things

(22:52):
later in life.

Speaker 1 (22:53):
So you think we had a lot, We had a
lot of that when I was going to get in
the seventh school, I I don't remember one.

Speaker 3 (23:03):
Listen, they may not have had the president we have now,
but they had Nixon, right.

Speaker 1 (23:11):
I just don't remember my friends running around going on
I got anxiety. I don't even have anxiety, by the way,
I don't even know well, but they didn't.

Speaker 3 (23:17):
They didn't. They didn't even they they didn't have a
label that you know, they called it. Oh, I'm a
little bit nervous. I worry a lot that the word
Do you remember that term nervous breakdown? Yes, we don't
use that, I do, right, Well, you do, you do,

(23:38):
but a lot we don't use it clinically anymore. What
we say is, maybe the person is having a severe
panic attack. Maybe they're having a depressive episode. Maybe they're
in an anxiety state, but we don't use the term
nervous breakdown. But in fact it's all the same. It's
always been there. A lot of the stress that we

(24:00):
have today, a lot of them. We've had parallel stressors
in the past. Maybe not to where we are through
a pandemic or where we are politically, but there were
challenges back then.

Speaker 1 (24:11):
Too, agreed. But I think people I think my generation
we could handle adversity. We handled This generation can't handle nothing.
It's like a bunch of aliens between the age of
twenty nine, twenty eight to like that, thirty nine, that
ten years the worst. And I think the new kids
coming up that are sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen twenty, they

(24:34):
got a direction they're going. I think you're going to
see a different generation, but you're lost.

Speaker 2 (24:39):
But that's the generation that wants to better themselves.

Speaker 1 (24:43):
I don't know, Doc, he's probably done more.

Speaker 3 (24:47):
I agree. I agree with Sam. I think where there
is no beauty, you've got to find some beauty. Lord
to have mercy. Listen to me now, and so when
we look at these different generations and talk about all
and you talked about this. Instead of looking at all
of the deficits as to what it is that some
of these generations cannot do, Let's take that page from

(25:08):
Sam and look at what it is that they can do.
They have certain things that they can do. They may
not want to take on the responsibility that your generation
and my generation took on, but they are able to
do things that perhaps we were not able to do.
What So we have to look at well we okay,

(25:30):
I will. We have certain generations now who may not
want to work as hard as we work coming up. Also, however,
they also know how to be involved in more stress reduction,
how to have more work life balance. Okay, to enjoy
that live.

Speaker 1 (25:50):
Let me hold you, Let me hold that work life balance.
Let me tell you something. You come in my office
and you say you want work life balance, there's a door,
and don't let it hit your ass on the way out.
Work life balance, no, no, no no, Go to work, make
something of your life. Then you can have work life balance.

(26:10):
Right now, you need to pay your price, pay your dues,
go to work, work hard. You're never going to twist
my brain on that because that's what I did. So
I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 (26:20):
What was that observation I had earlier, your way or
the highway.

Speaker 1 (26:24):
Exactly, but I think it was Morally, I think my
way is the right way.

Speaker 3 (26:28):
Right.

Speaker 1 (26:28):
So if my way is I'm the responsible, reliable, dependable morally,
they are doing the right thing for everybody at all times.
I expect you to have those values. I got those
values passed down to me.

Speaker 3 (26:44):
I believe. I believe everyone should work hard and achieve
as much as they can. And the point that I'm
making is that perhaps you have a generation that may
not want to work in the same way that we do,
and they work in a different way. So instead of.

Speaker 1 (26:59):
Well, don't cry you can't pay your rent, and don't
cry when you try to do this and do that
and you're living on your mind daddy's basement.

Speaker 3 (27:07):
Okay, I agree, But we also have a generation may
be more involved in startups and thinking out of the box.
So again I'm looking.

Speaker 1 (27:16):
I respects. I respect that if you are kids into
technology or whatever. Look, I believe kids need a job,
whether it was a paper route back in the day.
Whether I don't agree, I don't believe. You know, Florida
passing a law that children should be young, kids should

(27:38):
be working night shifts and going to school the next day.
I don't believe in that at all. But a part
time job after school or weekends, yours chores? Wait a great, Okay,
well you great, you'll have healthier kids. We did agree
we did something wrong. We did something wrong our generation

(27:58):
of your thirty two year old. I don't know wh
your thirty two year old is, but whatever, because I
think that our generation found out things that we didn't
know were happening till we got older, and probably you were.
You were subjected to a lot more coming out of
school and becoming a psychiatrist or psychologist.

Speaker 2 (28:16):
I have a single friend that hasn't put themselves in
therapy and wanted to better themselves. At least that's who
I choose to surround myself with.

Speaker 1 (28:23):
Okay, so everybody needs a therapist. I'm going to hire
a full time therapist just for this family. Jeff, want
to come work with Sea Stumble because yes, I do, Okay.

Speaker 3 (28:31):
I do. I want to travel with you guys too
and help you with, you know, dealing with the psychology
of some of your very interesting customers.

Speaker 1 (28:40):
My customers. Oh, they all need you to Okay, they're
just millionaires. And billionaires. Right, you know when I say
millions buy six seven hundred million. Okay, there's that. What's
that thing called thank you very much? I think of
all times. Right now, we're going off to break again
and this is Cindy Stumble with Toughest Nails and we'll
be right back and welcome back to Toughest Nails on
WBZ News Radio ten thirty And I'm Cindy Stumpo when

(29:02):
you're here with Sammy and doctor Jeff, Doctor Jeff, go ahead.

Speaker 3 (29:08):
So we were talking a little bit about you know
what came first, the chicken or the egg with abuse? Right?
And I think it really always does start with the
mental health challenges because you may have you know, you
have people who are social drinkers, people who may smoke marijuana,

(29:29):
people who occasionally dabble in substances but don't become addicts
or you know, it doesn't destroy their lives. It's not
the first thing they do.

Speaker 1 (29:40):
Okay, So let me hold you there from the kid
that goes on in parties and then goes off to
call partties again, goes off and lives the real world.
Never guess, doesn't get addicted. It moves on. Is there
a genetic component to addiction. Let me stop you right
there and ask you that question, right what are the finding.

Speaker 3 (30:00):
So well, the person who lives their lives, they get
into it just as part of a development of life,
you know, partying in college and so on, and then
they go on and do amazing things. These are people
who don't have the who are not at risk for
substance abuse. But then you have others where the partying

(30:24):
never stops, and what we do know is that perhaps
it is a self medication for issues, you know, having
to do with unresolved psychological traumas or unresolved emotional issues,
and therefore are much more at risk to continuing to use.

(30:45):
The other thing is with people who perhaps have not
been diagnosed. That's why the importance of the dual diagnosis.
Not been diagnosed with a depression or an anxiety, and
therefore they may self medicate, and then we see that
person as being an addict. But when we do get
them into treatment, what we see is, hey, maybe instead

(31:05):
of giving them adderall, or perhaps giving them an antidepressant
instead of the cocaine, then we realize that they don't
really need that street drug anymore, and that being on
a proper medication, getting psychotherapy, working through the issues are
really important to them. And that's why it's so important
for anyone getting substance of use treatment that they also

(31:27):
have a twelve step program, that they're also in therapy,
that the families are involved so that they can get
the proper support and figure out what are the dynamics
in the family or in that person surrounding.

Speaker 1 (31:41):
What does the word personality disorder mean? I hear that
used all the time. Is that the waste basket too,
we can't figure out what you are.

Speaker 3 (31:51):
I think when people use that term personality disorder and
whomever they're talking about does not have a personality disorder,
then it does become a waste basket sort of diagnosis,
not knowing what the person is going through or whatever
their issue may be as far as a neurosis. But

(32:12):
there are real personality disorders and these are lifelong, entrenched
ways of living one's life where they do not take
responsibility for themselves as far as how they behave with
other people. They're not able to understand that they have

(32:32):
an issue. Instead, they are pushing it onto the world
as having an issue. And by the way, not all
people or not many people with personality disorders are bad people.
These are people who perhaps come from trauma, but those
personality disorders are extremely off putting to everybody else.

Speaker 1 (32:54):
So what are we going to do? Doc, We're going
to blame our parents and not grandparents for our problems
that we have in life. That's what you want me
to believe, Like, that's what the world everybody look When
I talked about panic attacks at twenty six, even when
I talked about them on TV at in my forties
on HGTV forty eight, forty nine, fifty, people are still going, Wow,

(33:16):
Cindy Stumple was panic attacks, Like, isn't she embarrassed to
say she has them? I've been vocal about panic disorder
since twenty six years old. I didn't wasn't trying to
hide it. I didn't care because maybe if my mother,
my grandmother spoke about it, by the time it came
down to me, there would have been a cure, right
or maybe not? I don't know. But so you can't
intimidate me by saying, oh, she's weak. I've had guys

(33:37):
say that to me. Oh, well you're a week you've
got panic attacks, buddy, I will put you in my
back pocket. That's how weak I'm not. Okay, back to
the hell down, like I'm not. Don't ever tell me
a press like me is weak. Use she has panic attacks, right,
but they are they. I do have them, But don't
ever tell me I'm weak from them.

Speaker 3 (33:56):
I will.

Speaker 1 (33:56):
I will absolutely like come right at you, right, because
to be so strong to have them and to live
with them, a weak person would literally, like I said,
jump off a roof. It takes as strong to be
able to prevail through those things in their lives. Right.
So I'm just saying everything now today on social media,

(34:18):
which is a nothing that kind of bothers me. If
you don't start off your opening, well, I was raped
and I was this, and I was that, But I'm
gonna teach you how to make a million dollars a month? Hello,
Like did I just say that straight? And if you
were not sex I was sexually molested thing, I was raped,
and I'm gonna teach you how to make ten million.

(34:39):
I'm gonna teach you how to make ten x. What's
what the opening of that?

Speaker 2 (34:43):
Like?

Speaker 1 (34:43):
People really buying into that as a psyche, really going,
oh my god, let me say I've been through this
and that, but I'm going to teach you how to
jow's crazy that all sounds to me.

Speaker 3 (34:57):
Well, I think there are people who have learned, learned,
who have been through so many many things and have
been able to climb out of that and perhaps feel
that because they've been through it, that makes them an
expert in a way that came.

Speaker 1 (35:16):
I didn't finish what I meant. They have nothing to
show for it, they have no net worth. They're talking
to talk and having walk the walk. So I really
don't want to hear you on social media how you
went through this and went through that, And I'm going
to teach you how to make a million dollars a
year or a month or a week, and it's probably
going to get to trillionails very soon. Right, it's a

(35:38):
big joke to me. And these kids are listening to
this and listening and listening and listening and feeding their
brains all this negativity that comes through their social media. Right,
So it's now it's like to a place like if
you didn't have trauma, then you didn't live life. We
all have some trauma, Like now it doesn't have trauma

(36:01):
if you are right, And I would say if you
were sexually molested, you were a parent. Listen, every kid
deserves to grow up and feel loved and safe. So
all a child needs is to feel love and safe.
If you give that kid that, you're given the kid
everything that he needs.

Speaker 3 (36:20):
Those are essential ingredients, of course, and being there for
your child, providing them the foundation, as you said, from
the foundation to the roof, of giving them the love
that they need, listening to them, understanding and being there
for them when they need that hug, when they need

(36:42):
that love, when they need that ear, when they need
the validation. I think goes a very very long way
in helping a child grow up to having a stronger
mental psyche.

Speaker 1 (36:54):
Now you have all those kids, right, and they must
be all different, No, truly.

Speaker 3 (36:59):
They're all different, that's right.

Speaker 1 (37:01):
Can you tell as a as a doctor that you
know which ones like at a young age? Can you
read them at a young age? You know who's going
to be your more healthy ones, the ones that are
going to strive, the ones that are not going to
strive as much, who's got the tenacity? Who doesn't? Can
you read them?

Speaker 3 (37:19):
I think I think yeah, I think as parents, I
think all of us uh in seeing who our children are,
what their resilience may be. What are some of the
things that may be more difficult for them, what are
some of their foiables. I think we are able to
put in our own head and do some future forecasting

(37:41):
that our our kids will go in a particular in
a particular direction. For example, the one who's in law school.
I knew that because she's a lot like you, tough
as nails. We call it the green eyed monster. She
actually has green eyes. I knew that she I knew,

(38:03):
I knew she'd end up in law school. You know.
The other one who was.

Speaker 2 (38:07):
Well, what's her what's her birthday?

Speaker 1 (38:09):
What's her birthday?

Speaker 3 (38:11):
Uh? It is uh March first, pis she is.

Speaker 1 (38:19):
She's a sensitive one, too.

Speaker 3 (38:23):
Loving, but but she covers it all up with that
tough as nails, Not that you know anything about that,
with that tough not, with that tough at nails exterior. Right,
you can't you can't get through? Right?

Speaker 2 (38:40):
Are not as usually as emotional as cancer?

Speaker 1 (38:42):
No, cancer are the worst. We just helicoptering everybody. We
have twenty two nipples, not two nipples.

Speaker 3 (38:47):
And that is absolutely true. My wife is a cancer.
And I can tell you that.

Speaker 1 (38:51):
Oh you got the best wife, loyal and a great mom.
And she does only for her family, and she loves
her roof over her house, and she loves her family.
And we're going to break.

Speaker 3 (38:59):
That's right.

Speaker 1 (39:00):
I'm Sindy Stumbling. Listen Toughest Nails on WBZ News Radio
ten thirty and welcome back to Toughest Nails on WBZ
News Radio ten thirty. And I'm Sindy. I'm here with Sammy.
I'm here at doctor Jeff, Doctor Jeff. How do people
reach you?

Speaker 3 (39:11):
Well, people can email me at doctor Jeff Gardier at
gmail dot com. That's d R j E F F
G A R D E r E dot com, Doctor
Jeff gardiir just go on Google. You can find me
that way too. I'm all over the place.

Speaker 1 (39:26):
I found you in Google. I was doing my homework
on you, you were doing your homework on me. But here,
doctor Jeff. What I'd like I'd love for you to
be back quite a few times throughout the year. I
think people need to hear from you. I'd love people
to know your story, how you got to where you
got to. So will you be Toughest Nails doctor mental doctor?

Speaker 3 (39:44):
I would love I would love to do it. I'd
actually like for us to share our stories together. I
think that would be a lot of fun.

Speaker 1 (39:51):
You got it. Okay, folks, have a great, safe weekend,
and we'll see you next day.

Speaker 3 (39:55):
Night.

Speaker 1 (39:56):
This is Cindy Stumbo Toughest Nails on WBZ News Radio
ten thirty