November 22, 2023 • 21 mins
The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade promises a non-binary and transgender extravaganza. Meanwhile, Dana reflects on some weird things the Libertarians do after discussing Argentina's new President.
Please visit our great sponsors:
All Family Pharmacy
https://allfamilypharma.com/dana
Save 10% with code DANA10 when you order today at https://allfamilypharma.com/dana
Headrest Safe
https://theheadrestsafe.com
Use code DANA for an exclusive $50 off.
Nimi Skincare
https://nimiskincare.com
Don’t compromise. Use promo code DANA for 10% your order.
Patriot Mobile
https://patriotmobile.com/dana
Get FREE activation with the offer code DANA.
Wise Food Storage
https://preparewithdana.com
Save $50 on your 4-Week Survival Food Kit plus free shipping when you order today!
Please visit our great sponsors:
All Family Pharmacy
https://allfamilypharma.com/dana
Save 10% with code DANA10 when you order today at https://allfamilypharma.com/dana
Headrest Safe
https://theheadrestsafe.com
Use code DANA for an exclusive $50 off.
Nimi Skincare
https://nimiskincare.com
Don’t compromise. Use promo code DANA for 10% your order.
Patriot Mobile
https://patriotmobile.com/dana
Get FREE activation with the offer code DANA.
Wise Food Storage
https://preparewithdana.com
Save $50 on your 4-Week Survival Food Kit plus free shipping when you order today!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Dana Lashes of surd Truth podcast sponsoredby Keltech. It's his laugh mission to
make bad decisions. It's time forFlorida man. This is literally the second
time in I think three years ortwo years, that this kind of story
has happened. So a Florida manwas arrested because he tried to run to
(00:25):
London across the Atlantic Ocean in ahomemade hamster wheel. Not making it up.
The West Coast Guard intercepted Reza Bealucciabout seventy miles off of Tybee Island,
Georgia, on August twenty six.They said that the forty four year
old marathon runner refused to leave thevessel for days and sadly had previously threatened
(00:48):
to kill himself. Now he hastried three I wonder I bet he was
the guy then that was in thestory. He's tried three similar voyages before,
all of which ended in Coast Guardintervention. The makeshift contraption that he
was using, it's shaped like awheel, has paddles that are designed to
propel it forward as the wheel revolves, and so they said that it was
(01:10):
not safe. It was manifestly unsafe, and they were prepared. This was
like right before the hurricane arrived.So they got him. He refused to
leave his vessel. Then he saidhe had a bomb on board, but
he was arrested. He had nobomb and he was drifting thirty miles south
of his departure points. So yeah, he had to be rescued in twenty
(01:33):
twenty one. Yeah, he triedto do this before in twenty one.
He also tried to do it againbefore that in twenty fourteen. I don't
know what I get this guy asthe death wish. I think he needs
help. Good Heavens, let's seethis. Oh, let's a man gets
twelve years in prison after he drovehis truck through an ail. There's a
(01:53):
ACE hardware. I like those Acehardware commercials. That's not the story.
This guy drove his truck through one. A Florida man named Lionel Medina got
a twelve year prison term. Heran into ramd his truck into an ACE
hardware. He was just sentenced thoughyesterday. The crime happened last year.
It was all caught on camera.He forced his way into the store and
(02:15):
was able to grab as much stuffas he could before fleeing the scene.
Thousands of dollars of stuff. Clearly, because it was all on video,
they were able to easily identify hisvehicle and identify him, and they arrested
him. And now he's going he'sgoing to the pokey. But oh my
gosh, like everything is on cameranowadays, it's the dumbest way to were
(02:37):
you wanting to get caught? LikeI don't even understand, Like, how
would you? What is the pointof that? I mean, were you
wanting to get captured? Doesn't makeany sense. Let's see this. Oh,
one guy got he got an assaultcharge because he threw repeatedly through snickers
at a manager's face in Walgreens becausehe was denied the sale cigarettes. I
(03:00):
gotta say this before you tomorrow becauseI don't know how many snickers he threw,
but it was a lot of them. He ended up getting arrested.
We're all gonna be in the strugglebus apparently, so Macy's. Their Thanksgiving
Day parade is mod and controversy already. We can't have nice things. It's
because of the Turkey twinks. It'sinvasion of the Turkey twinks. That's what
(03:23):
we have. Seventy thousand people havesigned a petition because they why do you
got to what do people gotta do? They have the parade people, they're
saying they're having two people who arecrotch deniers in their lineup. The it's
stolen from Kane over they there,they call themselves gender non conformed. You're
(03:43):
a crotch denier. They're gender nonconforming. I don't know why they feel
the need to like push that inthe parade, I don't know, but
they do. So there are two, of course, it's Broadway. Uh.
There's one dude who who is acrouch denying singer who is a dude
and uses all the pronouns. Youdon't get all the pronouns. Okay,
(04:08):
look because it's as he uses heshe they pronouns. What the hell is
even that? No, you don'tget you get one. You don't get
all of them. Okay, youget one. And then they have another
dude who wants to be is acroutch denial, wants to be a chick
and uses also all the pronouns.No, this is not correct, we're
(04:30):
not using all the pro And theylook like dudes. They look exactly like
what you think dudes would look like. Uh, with makeup on there it
is, so I just don't understandwhy. Like one of them has a
song and the lyrics are quote,I won't change who I've always been a
wom a n A wo ma aN. Well you have a PNI so
(04:56):
you are not a wom an crushdeniers. It's a whole movement of them.
So I just why do you gottapush that in the Thanksgiving a parade?
Why? Why do you gotta pushit? Why are you gonna push
this in Thanksgiving a parade? Itis? It is complete. Can you
just let America have something without tryingto be obnoxious about it? Can you
(05:18):
just let America have something without pushingsome twinkery or something like? Let people
enjoy the day. They get upand they start the baking and the cooking
of the turkey, and they justwant the parade on in the background without
someone who is there because of whatthey pretend is in between their legs.
(05:39):
Please stop. Can we just havea nice day? It's all I want,
is that that word. I feellike Catherine O'Hara right now in Beetlejuice.
If you don't let me express myselfthe way that I want to,
I will go crazy. Same thingyou know, like the days when when
(06:08):
you would have the rock hats outthere, you know, they're kicking their
legs, and when you you didall them and you had all of that
out there right like, and thenit was just let Santa and and it's
Thanksgiving and you snoopy and no tweaksand all of that. We don't have
to Studio fifty four that the Thanksgivinga parade. We don't have to or
(06:33):
do you watch the parade came?Oh? I have it on watch it.
I'm always cheering and hoping for oneof those giant balloons to get away
from them. Not gonna lie,you know what I mean. That's kind
of what it's like when you watchracing and you just want to see the
crashes kind of that's so horrible.I want to see someone almost die.
Well no, I mean that's whypeople watch. That's just to be funny
to watch a balloon fly away rightthere, hanging on for dear life like
(06:56):
up maybe maybe just like tie,I know, because that'll be you know
where I was going with my trainof thought. You guys understand, yeah,
I I I yeah, I lovethat. That that's that would be.
That's we only have the old schoolstuff, like the old school,
you know, the Thanksgiving I'm usedto. This is how we do Thanksgiving.
(07:21):
You have the Thanksgiving Day parade whenyou're while you're cooking and preparing the
food, and then you eat andthen it's TBS. Used to have is
tbsl thing anymore? When I wasa kid, it was TBS. I
don't even know what the hell itstood for it, but they would have
a Christmas story. Was it duringChristmas or Thanksgiving? Because technically it's a
(07:41):
Christmas story, but it starts beforeThanksgiving, right I think both? Yeah.
And so that was on like twentyfour to seven. It was on
for a full twenty four hours,and you had to have it on,
and at Grandma and Grandpa's house theyhad it on. You weren't allowed to
touch it until at least it cycledtwice. After everyone eating, then you're
allowed to watch football. Then youcould turn it, and then after that
(08:01):
every plays. Everybody's in the backyardfreezing their butts off at the picnic table,
or if it's that cold, theytake over the dining room table.
And my grandparents a little tiny houseand they play dominoes. So that's how
it went so they that's that washow Everything'sgiving went. And so I'm just
saying like, that's let's go backold school. Let's do old school,
right, Let's have a non agendapushing Thanksgiving Day parade. We'll watch twenty
(08:26):
four to seven, watch a couple, a couple rounds of a Christmas story,
football, and then dominoes. That'swhat we should be doing. I
don't want to have somebody up therewho's pretending to be a chick and we're
like, we see the lump inyour neck, that's your Adam's ample.
Okay, we don't need to beseen nuts. And if we don't need
need that, you look like adude who just has nicely applied makeup,
but you're you still look like adude. Dudes look like dudes. Dude,
(08:50):
they do so suad? Is theystill play? Uh It's a Wonderful
Life? Yeah, that's I hatethat movie. What I what? Wait
a minute, No, you hatethat movie? Yeah, because it's depressing.
Sometimes I'm like, just quit bitchingalready. In John he's not depressing,
Yeah, it is? Is it? Yes? Do you think of
(09:11):
a different movie that's the one wherethe little girls like can every time a
bellies. I'm just wow, seemgoing to rip all the bells off the
tree. I can't believe it.Look, I only go so far with
sentiment. Man, all right,then I'm like, shut up. I
just can't. Then it ruins me. I'm ruined. Right, it can
(09:33):
be a classic all at wants to. It's just overwrought. O man,
and I love you. Screwed nothingabout that movie. I'm now I love
the old school. Uh it wasn'tone old man. The three ghosts can't
remember. No, I don't remember. Oh oh yeah, Miracle on thirty
(10:00):
fourth Street. Oh my gosh.Well hold up, you just missed the
most important part of the day,Steve. After prayers and thank you?
R uh. Dog show now aFrench he won it last year. There's
a French bulldog that won Best inShow at the Westminster Dog Show last year.
I'm all about the dog show becauseI like to pretend they're all mine,
and I'm like, that's my dog, and I'd name him. This
all my dogs, I'd named Billy. Like my goal is to get a
(10:22):
dots and a name it Billy.That's so well behaved on TV. Yeah,
look at my dogs on TV.Look at all their all winners,
right, I just that's I loveit. Wait, Steve just adds this
in slack. First off, heteased us about being carjacked and he wasn't.
And then he says his aunt wasin the dog show once. Was
she a handler? Yeah? Whatwhat else would you? Well, it
(10:43):
takes because you could be an owner. Yeah, that's it. Though she
breeds them. Yeah, she wellshe has she's passed away. But her
she used she was in the oneI think ten fifteen years ago. She
did. Uh, she has boorCollies and she it's it takes place in
Pennsylvania, where my family lives.And so she she nomin she she got
that far up in the That's amazingthat I would have a belt buckle made
(11:05):
with that and be like I wasin the dog show. I would totally
do that. That is so cool. That is so awesome. Dog handlers
are like mysteries, man, They'rejust like magical people. They'd get dogs
to do things that it takes normalpeople five thousand years to train their dog
to do. And now all ofthe news you would probably miss. It's
time for Dana's quick five. Allright, So first up, they're making
(11:28):
a suicide safety net for the GoldenGate Bridge, you know the bridge I
own survivors say, may give thema second chance at life. They're making
a net to catch people. Well, wouldn't that just make them go somewhere
else? Right? I mean yeah, Like one person said they were gonna
jump off the bridge and their handsleft the right. You know what you're
(11:52):
gonna have happen. You're gonna havepeople just doing this for fun, throwing
themselves off the bridge into the netfor fun. That's It's going to turn
into a recreational thing. I'm tellingyou. They said that. Uh,
like they had some people like theyinterviewed this guy who jumped and they said
his hands left the raili and aninstantaneous regret for his action. I'm gonna
come back to this because I Ijust you're gonna have people they don't think.
(12:18):
Let's see, uh, Mainam,Massachusetts are the last states to keep
stupid bands on hunt on Sunday hunting. However, that actually might change soon.
There's legislation in the works to getthat changed. So there you have
it. Three were injured after alight pole was knocked over by strong winds
(12:39):
on Disneyland's Main Street waw Disneyland.Wah damn, I'm just not gonna get
into it. Uh let's see.Oh oh oh there was a woman and
this is an old story. No, no, no, I'm not gonna
do this. That was old.That was so old. Okay. So
also, what we have there isa New York Post is a new dating
(13:05):
phenomenon proves traditional relationships are over.What they said that women are sick of
the pressure to follow traditional timelines.What women are you talking to? Like
ugly women that can't get a traditionalrelationship? Like, what are you talking
about? They said, it's adating report. Women are pushing back instead
of from blah blah blah. Thisis not new. Bored women who are
(13:26):
bored with themselves in their lives havebeen doing this since I was a kid.
Stop. They said that thirty onepercent of women aren't focused adhering to
traditional blah blah blah blah blah.You boring broads. I'm so bored with
them. You know why you're singlebecause you're boring. I don't know if
it want to be your friend you'reso boring? Well, moving on it
(13:46):
is I'm so tired of hearing this, right, who is so self indulgent
people are ridiculous. Also, let'ssee here in Israel arrests and NBC journalist
for glorifying Hamas. Oh so apparentlythey were like basically participating. Miravat Alza
was right there with them when theywere doing all their stuff. So before
(14:09):
you get to be like, oh, well, it's a free speech,
yeah, but like when you're actuallyaiding and abutting terrorists and you're right there
with them, it's kind of aproblem, isn't It just seems like that's
kind of an issue. I'm justgonna point that out. Can I just
share a little factoid here about Argentina'snew president, the guy with the piercing
(14:33):
blue eyes and crazy hair. Helooks like a character from The Mighty Boosh,
which, if you were unfamiliar,is one of my kids' absolute favorite
shows. Ever. It's this oldBritish show. It's from the early aughts
and we discovered it during lockdown.And he looks like a character from the
Mighty Boush. This the new presidentelect, Javier Milai, so apparently,
(15:00):
and you can tell he's a libertarianbecause he does this. Libertarians capital el
libertarians all have some weird currency they'llseem totally normal when you talk to him.
Everybody has a weird tick. Republicans, conservatives, socialists are you know,
communi everybody, but libertarians are particularlyinteresting because they'll say things like,
yes, you know, I alsobelieve, yes, we should uh,
(15:24):
we should go back to return togold standard, and we should you know,
abolish everything that's not Article one,Section eight, and we really need
to honor states rights and all thisstuff. And they say things that make
all the sense in the world.And then they'll say things like, yes,
I also use a psychic to communicatewith my dead dog and ask it
for political advice. And you're like, what, well, wait, everything
(15:46):
you were saying sounded so neat.Yes, and also the psychic thing with
the dog. No, no,no, you see what I mean,
though, Cain, I mean,would you agree? Like they all say
things that are totally normal, andthen all of a sudden they come out
of left field with this. I'mnot making this up, by the way,
this apparently is what I have here. I'm not saying this against him.
I don't know how to interpret it. It's intriguing, not intriguing,
(16:07):
it's entertaining. I'm not gonna lieSo the guy, the new president elect,
apparently he had an English Mastiff dognamed Conan, and he has four
other dogs that were cloned with Conan'sDNA and tissue samples. And he said
he always had a dog to love. I mean, he really took it
(16:27):
literally in politics, if you wanta friend, get a dog. He
did, and he cloned it.And then he also in his spare time,
he uses a medium to communicate withthe dead dog. The dead dog
that he had that all the clonesgot came from. I don't dislike the
(16:49):
guy, but you know what I'msaying, Like I'm not kidding you.
You all know this capital A Libertarians. They will always want to They will
always come out of left field withone thing right, like, yes,
I believe in all of these thingsand all of this, and Marian Williamson
too. Yes, I sleep insideof a hollowed up crystal. I'm a
(17:10):
fairy at night. I mean,I mean, it wasn't like that,
but you know, I mean it'sor you know, I I guess I
agree with you about monetary policy,and I also think that we need to
you know, we need this quantityof easy nonsense. By the way,
do you know that I'm actually analien in a meat suit. My real
name is Borg. You see whatI'm saying, Like it's they come out
(17:34):
of left field with something. Iwas just waiting for this one to drop.
I'm like, with hair like that, dude, it's gonna happen,
just waiting for it. Yeah.So it's his dog Cone and uh this
was This was in his biography bythe way, So unless you think I'm
making this up, it's from hisbiography that's written by an Argentinian journalist,
(17:56):
Juan Luis Gonzalez, and it saysthat the new president election studies telepathy and
he uses a medium to talk tohis dead dog, ask his dead dog
about political advice, you know,makes with and he's got his other clone
dogs. All right, but hey, did you see the video where he
(18:18):
was thrown away all the stuff onthe board. If he does even half
of that, okay, all right, I'll give you the dog medium cut
half of that. You know whatI'm saying. I like to make these
unofficial, nonverbal deals with elected leaders, right like that are only exists in
your head, you know what Imean, Like things like, okay,
(18:40):
maybe if you build the whole wall, I'll forgive the spray TND you know,
things like that. That's what I'mtalking about. Like I'm just saying,
you know, I but the CapitolLibertarians, every one of my libertarian
friends, they all have like oneof I have. She's sweet. I'm
(19:02):
not gonna say her name, butshe's gonna know immediately if this ever gets
out. You know, it's justus here, just a few of us,
but Capital Libertarian. And she sleepswith crystals, like a forest of
them on her nightstand. It couldbe something to that. It's like a
forest of them, and it's likethey're like different types. And then they
(19:27):
have little stands and then one ofthem lights up it or no, it
doesn't light it, she illuminates it. I don't know, man, just
and then different crystals throughout our housefor certain energies, like it's a rock
really really with you over there.Kane was over there saying what he showed
(19:52):
me a package of probiotics. Itook a picture of him without him knowing,
because what, yeah, I sendit to you. Even did you
not even look at slack? Youdon't even look at this stuff? He's
like probiotics. And then it's likehe's being filmed by an imaginary cameraman in
here, and the way that hewas taking it out of the box,
it's like he was being filmed.So I'm like, what is happening here?
(20:14):
He's taking holding the package logo outlike he's hand modeling it. It
was hysterical. I'm just saying,you know, I think that's yours.
Yours is your bacteria tea and youryour pills, your your hippie pills of
the probiotics. Anti science. I'mnot anti science. I just think it's
funny, like there's without fail,without fail. I'm never wrong. So
(20:36):
if you meet a libertarian, there'ssomething's gonna come out. It'll be like,
you know, I have an invisiblefifth leg. I don't know,
like they'll come up with something.You know, I had nine fingers and
I or I had eleven fingers andI cut one off. I don't know,
like they'll come up with something.They'll something four visible legs. Yeah,
okay, I don't know. I'mjust I'm scrattling all things top of
(20:56):
my head. It's really hard totop the dog medium you see. Thanks
for tuning in to today's edition ofDana Lash's Absurd Truth Podcast. If you
haven't already, made sure to hitthat subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,
wherever you get your podcasts.
Dana Lashes of surd Truth podcast sponsoredby Keltech. It's his laugh mission to
make bad decisions. It's time forFlorida man. This is literally the second
time in I think three years ortwo years, that this kind of story
has happened. So a Florida manwas arrested because he tried to run to
(00:25):
London across the Atlantic Ocean in ahomemade hamster wheel. Not making it up.
The West Coast Guard intercepted Reza Bealucciabout seventy miles off of Tybee Island,
Georgia, on August twenty six.They said that the forty four year
old marathon runner refused to leave thevessel for days and sadly had previously threatened
(00:48):
to kill himself. Now he hastried three I wonder I bet he was
the guy then that was in thestory. He's tried three similar voyages before,
all of which ended in Coast Guardintervention. The makeshift contraption that he
was using, it's shaped like awheel, has paddles that are designed to
propel it forward as the wheel revolves, and so they said that it was
(01:10):
not safe. It was manifestly unsafe, and they were prepared. This was
like right before the hurricane arrived.So they got him. He refused to
leave his vessel. Then he saidhe had a bomb on board, but
he was arrested. He had nobomb and he was drifting thirty miles south
of his departure points. So yeah, he had to be rescued in twenty
(01:33):
twenty one. Yeah, he triedto do this before in twenty one.
He also tried to do it againbefore that in twenty fourteen. I don't
know what I get this guy asthe death wish. I think he needs
help. Good Heavens, let's seethis. Oh, let's a man gets
twelve years in prison after he drovehis truck through an ail. There's a
(01:53):
ACE hardware. I like those Acehardware commercials. That's not the story.
This guy drove his truck through one. A Florida man named Lionel Medina got
a twelve year prison term. Heran into ramd his truck into an ACE
hardware. He was just sentenced thoughyesterday. The crime happened last year.
It was all caught on camera.He forced his way into the store and
(02:15):
was able to grab as much stuffas he could before fleeing the scene.
Thousands of dollars of stuff. Clearly, because it was all on video,
they were able to easily identify hisvehicle and identify him, and they arrested
him. And now he's going he'sgoing to the pokey. But oh my
gosh, like everything is on cameranowadays, it's the dumbest way to were
(02:37):
you wanting to get caught? LikeI don't even understand, Like, how
would you? What is the pointof that? I mean, were you
wanting to get captured? Doesn't makeany sense. Let's see this. Oh,
one guy got he got an assaultcharge because he threw repeatedly through snickers
at a manager's face in Walgreens becausehe was denied the sale cigarettes. I
(03:00):
gotta say this before you tomorrow becauseI don't know how many snickers he threw,
but it was a lot of them. He ended up getting arrested.
We're all gonna be in the strugglebus apparently, so Macy's. Their Thanksgiving
Day parade is mod and controversy already. We can't have nice things. It's
because of the Turkey twinks. It'sinvasion of the Turkey twinks. That's what
(03:23):
we have. Seventy thousand people havesigned a petition because they why do you
got to what do people gotta do? They have the parade people, they're
saying they're having two people who arecrotch deniers in their lineup. The it's
stolen from Kane over they there,they call themselves gender non conformed. You're
(03:43):
a crotch denier. They're gender nonconforming. I don't know why they feel
the need to like push that inthe parade, I don't know, but
they do. So there are two, of course, it's Broadway. Uh.
There's one dude who who is acrouch denying singer who is a dude
and uses all the pronouns. Youdon't get all the pronouns. Okay,
(04:08):
look because it's as he uses heshe they pronouns. What the hell is
even that? No, you don'tget you get one. You don't get
all of them. Okay, youget one. And then they have another
dude who wants to be is acroutch denial, wants to be a chick
and uses also all the pronouns.No, this is not correct, we're
(04:30):
not using all the pro And theylook like dudes. They look exactly like
what you think dudes would look like. Uh, with makeup on there it
is, so I just don't understandwhy. Like one of them has a
song and the lyrics are quote,I won't change who I've always been a
wom a n A wo ma aN. Well you have a PNI so
(04:56):
you are not a wom an crushdeniers. It's a whole movement of them.
So I just why do you gottapush that in the Thanksgiving a parade?
Why? Why do you gotta pushit? Why are you gonna push
this in Thanksgiving a parade? Itis? It is complete. Can you
just let America have something without tryingto be obnoxious about it? Can you
(05:18):
just let America have something without pushingsome twinkery or something like? Let people
enjoy the day. They get upand they start the baking and the cooking
of the turkey, and they justwant the parade on in the background without
someone who is there because of whatthey pretend is in between their legs.
(05:39):
Please stop. Can we just havea nice day? It's all I want,
is that that word. I feellike Catherine O'Hara right now in Beetlejuice.
If you don't let me express myselfthe way that I want to,
I will go crazy. Same thingyou know, like the days when when
(06:08):
you would have the rock hats outthere, you know, they're kicking their
legs, and when you you didall them and you had all of that
out there right like, and thenit was just let Santa and and it's
Thanksgiving and you snoopy and no tweaksand all of that. We don't have
to Studio fifty four that the Thanksgivinga parade. We don't have to or
(06:33):
do you watch the parade came?Oh? I have it on watch it.
I'm always cheering and hoping for oneof those giant balloons to get away
from them. Not gonna lie,you know what I mean. That's kind
of what it's like when you watchracing and you just want to see the
crashes kind of that's so horrible.I want to see someone almost die.
Well no, I mean that's whypeople watch. That's just to be funny
to watch a balloon fly away rightthere, hanging on for dear life like
(06:56):
up maybe maybe just like tie,I know, because that'll be you know
where I was going with my trainof thought. You guys understand, yeah,
I I I yeah, I lovethat. That that's that would be.
That's we only have the old schoolstuff, like the old school,
you know, the Thanksgiving I'm usedto. This is how we do Thanksgiving.
(07:21):
You have the Thanksgiving Day parade whenyou're while you're cooking and preparing the
food, and then you eat andthen it's TBS. Used to have is
tbsl thing anymore? When I wasa kid, it was TBS. I
don't even know what the hell itstood for it, but they would have
a Christmas story. Was it duringChristmas or Thanksgiving? Because technically it's a
(07:41):
Christmas story, but it starts beforeThanksgiving, right I think both? Yeah.
And so that was on like twentyfour to seven. It was on
for a full twenty four hours,and you had to have it on,
and at Grandma and Grandpa's house theyhad it on. You weren't allowed to
touch it until at least it cycledtwice. After everyone eating, then you're
allowed to watch football. Then youcould turn it, and then after that
(08:01):
every plays. Everybody's in the backyardfreezing their butts off at the picnic table,
or if it's that cold, theytake over the dining room table.
And my grandparents a little tiny houseand they play dominoes. So that's how
it went so they that's that washow Everything'sgiving went. And so I'm just
saying like, that's let's go backold school. Let's do old school,
right, Let's have a non agendapushing Thanksgiving Day parade. We'll watch twenty
(08:26):
four to seven, watch a couple, a couple rounds of a Christmas story,
football, and then dominoes. That'swhat we should be doing. I
don't want to have somebody up therewho's pretending to be a chick and we're
like, we see the lump inyour neck, that's your Adam's ample.
Okay, we don't need to beseen nuts. And if we don't need
need that, you look like adude who just has nicely applied makeup,
but you're you still look like adude. Dudes look like dudes. Dude,
(08:50):
they do so suad? Is theystill play? Uh It's a Wonderful
Life? Yeah, that's I hatethat movie. What I what? Wait
a minute, No, you hatethat movie? Yeah, because it's depressing.
Sometimes I'm like, just quit bitchingalready. In John he's not depressing,
Yeah, it is? Is it? Yes? Do you think of
(09:11):
a different movie that's the one wherethe little girls like can every time a
bellies. I'm just wow, seemgoing to rip all the bells off the
tree. I can't believe it.Look, I only go so far with
sentiment. Man, all right,then I'm like, shut up. I
just can't. Then it ruins me. I'm ruined. Right, it can
(09:33):
be a classic all at wants to. It's just overwrought. O man,
and I love you. Screwed nothingabout that movie. I'm now I love
the old school. Uh it wasn'tone old man. The three ghosts can't
remember. No, I don't remember. Oh oh yeah, Miracle on thirty
(10:00):
fourth Street. Oh my gosh.Well hold up, you just missed the
most important part of the day,Steve. After prayers and thank you?
R uh. Dog show now aFrench he won it last year. There's
a French bulldog that won Best inShow at the Westminster Dog Show last year.
I'm all about the dog show becauseI like to pretend they're all mine,
and I'm like, that's my dog, and I'd name him. This
all my dogs, I'd named Billy. Like my goal is to get a
(10:22):
dots and a name it Billy.That's so well behaved on TV. Yeah,
look at my dogs on TV.Look at all their all winners,
right, I just that's I loveit. Wait, Steve just adds this
in slack. First off, heteased us about being carjacked and he wasn't.
And then he says his aunt wasin the dog show once. Was
she a handler? Yeah? Whatwhat else would you? Well, it
(10:43):
takes because you could be an owner. Yeah, that's it. Though she
breeds them. Yeah, she wellshe has she's passed away. But her
she used she was in the oneI think ten fifteen years ago. She
did. Uh, she has boorCollies and she it's it takes place in
Pennsylvania, where my family lives.And so she she nomin she she got
that far up in the That's amazingthat I would have a belt buckle made
(11:05):
with that and be like I wasin the dog show. I would totally
do that. That is so cool. That is so awesome. Dog handlers
are like mysteries, man, They'rejust like magical people. They'd get dogs
to do things that it takes normalpeople five thousand years to train their dog
to do. And now all ofthe news you would probably miss. It's
time for Dana's quick five. Allright, So first up, they're making
(11:28):
a suicide safety net for the GoldenGate Bridge, you know the bridge I
own survivors say, may give thema second chance at life. They're making
a net to catch people. Well, wouldn't that just make them go somewhere
else? Right? I mean yeah, Like one person said they were gonna
jump off the bridge and their handsleft the right. You know what you're
(11:52):
gonna have happen. You're gonna havepeople just doing this for fun, throwing
themselves off the bridge into the netfor fun. That's It's going to turn
into a recreational thing. I'm tellingyou. They said that. Uh,
like they had some people like theyinterviewed this guy who jumped and they said
his hands left the raili and aninstantaneous regret for his action. I'm gonna
come back to this because I Ijust you're gonna have people they don't think.
(12:18):
Let's see, uh, Mainam,Massachusetts are the last states to keep
stupid bands on hunt on Sunday hunting. However, that actually might change soon.
There's legislation in the works to getthat changed. So there you have
it. Three were injured after alight pole was knocked over by strong winds
(12:39):
on Disneyland's Main Street waw Disneyland.Wah damn, I'm just not gonna get
into it. Uh let's see.Oh oh oh there was a woman and
this is an old story. No, no, no, I'm not gonna
do this. That was old.That was so old. Okay. So
also, what we have there isa New York Post is a new dating
(13:05):
phenomenon proves traditional relationships are over.What they said that women are sick of
the pressure to follow traditional timelines.What women are you talking to? Like
ugly women that can't get a traditionalrelationship? Like, what are you talking
about? They said, it's adating report. Women are pushing back instead
of from blah blah blah. Thisis not new. Bored women who are
(13:26):
bored with themselves in their lives havebeen doing this since I was a kid.
Stop. They said that thirty onepercent of women aren't focused adhering to
traditional blah blah blah blah blah.You boring broads. I'm so bored with
them. You know why you're singlebecause you're boring. I don't know if
it want to be your friend you'reso boring? Well, moving on it
(13:46):
is I'm so tired of hearing this, right, who is so self indulgent
people are ridiculous. Also, let'ssee here in Israel arrests and NBC journalist
for glorifying Hamas. Oh so apparentlythey were like basically participating. Miravat Alza
was right there with them when theywere doing all their stuff. So before
(14:09):
you get to be like, oh, well, it's a free speech,
yeah, but like when you're actuallyaiding and abutting terrorists and you're right there
with them, it's kind of aproblem, isn't It just seems like that's
kind of an issue. I'm justgonna point that out. Can I just
share a little factoid here about Argentina'snew president, the guy with the piercing
(14:33):
blue eyes and crazy hair. Helooks like a character from The Mighty Boosh,
which, if you were unfamiliar,is one of my kids' absolute favorite
shows. Ever. It's this oldBritish show. It's from the early aughts
and we discovered it during lockdown.And he looks like a character from the
Mighty Boush. This the new presidentelect, Javier Milai, so apparently,
(15:00):
and you can tell he's a libertarianbecause he does this. Libertarians capital el
libertarians all have some weird currency they'llseem totally normal when you talk to him.
Everybody has a weird tick. Republicans, conservatives, socialists are you know,
communi everybody, but libertarians are particularlyinteresting because they'll say things like,
yes, you know, I alsobelieve, yes, we should uh,
(15:24):
we should go back to return togold standard, and we should you know,
abolish everything that's not Article one,Section eight, and we really need
to honor states rights and all thisstuff. And they say things that make
all the sense in the world.And then they'll say things like, yes,
I also use a psychic to communicatewith my dead dog and ask it
for political advice. And you're like, what, well, wait, everything
(15:46):
you were saying sounded so neat.Yes, and also the psychic thing with
the dog. No, no,no, you see what I mean,
though, Cain, I mean,would you agree? Like they all say
things that are totally normal, andthen all of a sudden they come out
of left field with this. I'mnot making this up, by the way,
this apparently is what I have here. I'm not saying this against him.
I don't know how to interpret it. It's intriguing, not intriguing,
(16:07):
it's entertaining. I'm not gonna lieSo the guy, the new president elect,
apparently he had an English Mastiff dognamed Conan, and he has four
other dogs that were cloned with Conan'sDNA and tissue samples. And he said
he always had a dog to love. I mean, he really took it
(16:27):
literally in politics, if you wanta friend, get a dog. He
did, and he cloned it.And then he also in his spare time,
he uses a medium to communicate withthe dead dog. The dead dog
that he had that all the clonesgot came from. I don't dislike the
(16:49):
guy, but you know what I'msaying, Like I'm not kidding you.
You all know this capital A Libertarians. They will always want to They will
always come out of left field withone thing right, like, yes,
I believe in all of these thingsand all of this, and Marian Williamson
too. Yes, I sleep insideof a hollowed up crystal. I'm a
(17:10):
fairy at night. I mean,I mean, it wasn't like that,
but you know, I mean it'sor you know, I I guess I
agree with you about monetary policy,and I also think that we need to
you know, we need this quantityof easy nonsense. By the way,
do you know that I'm actually analien in a meat suit. My real
name is Borg. You see whatI'm saying, Like it's they come out
(17:34):
of left field with something. Iwas just waiting for this one to drop.
I'm like, with hair like that, dude, it's gonna happen,
just waiting for it. Yeah.So it's his dog Cone and uh this
was This was in his biography bythe way, So unless you think I'm
making this up, it's from hisbiography that's written by an Argentinian journalist,
(17:56):
Juan Luis Gonzalez, and it saysthat the new president election studies telepathy and
he uses a medium to talk tohis dead dog, ask his dead dog
about political advice, you know,makes with and he's got his other clone
dogs. All right, but hey, did you see the video where he
(18:18):
was thrown away all the stuff onthe board. If he does even half
of that, okay, all right, I'll give you the dog medium cut
half of that. You know whatI'm saying. I like to make these
unofficial, nonverbal deals with elected leaders, right like that are only exists in
your head, you know what Imean, Like things like, okay,
(18:40):
maybe if you build the whole wall, I'll forgive the spray TND you know,
things like that. That's what I'mtalking about. Like I'm just saying,
you know, I but the CapitolLibertarians, every one of my libertarian
friends, they all have like oneof I have. She's sweet. I'm
(19:02):
not gonna say her name, butshe's gonna know immediately if this ever gets
out. You know, it's justus here, just a few of us,
but Capital Libertarian. And she sleepswith crystals, like a forest of
them on her nightstand. It couldbe something to that. It's like a
forest of them, and it's likethey're like different types. And then they
(19:27):
have little stands and then one ofthem lights up it or no, it
doesn't light it, she illuminates it. I don't know, man, just
and then different crystals throughout our housefor certain energies, like it's a rock
really really with you over there.Kane was over there saying what he showed
(19:52):
me a package of probiotics. Itook a picture of him without him knowing,
because what, yeah, I sendit to you. Even did you
not even look at slack? Youdon't even look at this stuff? He's
like probiotics. And then it's likehe's being filmed by an imaginary cameraman in
here, and the way that hewas taking it out of the box,
it's like he was being filmed.So I'm like, what is happening here?
(20:14):
He's taking holding the package logo outlike he's hand modeling it. It
was hysterical. I'm just saying,you know, I think that's yours.
Yours is your bacteria tea and youryour pills, your your hippie pills of
the probiotics. Anti science. I'mnot anti science. I just think it's
funny, like there's without fail,without fail. I'm never wrong. So
(20:36):
if you meet a libertarian, there'ssomething's gonna come out. It'll be like,
you know, I have an invisiblefifth leg. I don't know,
like they'll come up with something.You know, I had nine fingers and
I or I had eleven fingers andI cut one off. I don't know,
like they'll come up with something.They'll something four visible legs. Yeah,
okay, I don't know. I'mjust I'm scrattling all things top of
(20:56):
my head. It's really hard totop the dog medium you see. Thanks
for tuning in to today's edition ofDana Lash's Absurd Truth Podcast. If you
haven't already, made sure to hitthat subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify,
wherever you get your podcasts.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!