Absurd Truth: Star Wars Director

Disney hands over the $67 Billion Star Wars franchise to a Pakistani feminist activist. Meanwhile, Dana gives a hard truth for her 2024 New Years message.

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Dana Lashes of surd Truth podcast sponsoredby Keltec. It's his life mission to
make bad decisions. It's time forFlorida man. I threw a link for
you and Slack. I need youto put that candy picture up because apparently

(00:21):
there's a lawsuit from a Florida womanwho's filing five million dollars over Reese's Peanut
Butter cups because they were seasonal candyand they were supposed to look like a
Jackeliner and they didn't have a faceon them. So she's literally suing for
five million dollars. Of course,I know eighteen year old bought Reese's Peanut

(00:45):
Butter cups in October, the pumpkinsand the package shows a Jackeliner. She
said she would not have pursased them. She did not know, and so
she pointed out that the other onesalso lack this, and so she filed
a suit saying that it's a violinof state law and she's seeking five million
dollars. This is like it's doctorevil money. Yeah. So yeah,

(01:08):
how are you, like, howare you actually like negatively impacted by this?
I'm very curious, Like where's thatat? So that's that's the first
one if another Florida woman. I'vegot into the season of celebrating our birth
and savior. She struck a victimrepeatedly with a Christmas tree during an argument,
a whole Christmas tree. Her nameis Miracle, of course it is

(01:30):
Miracle. Rivera, twenty was arrestedin charge with domestic battery after the incident
that unfolded in Largo. It wasthe day after Christmas. She and the
victim were in a verbal altercation.They separated from one another. Rivera followed
the victim in the living room,picked up the tree, struck them with
it. It must not have beena big tree. She's booked in a
Penela's County jail net. Must nothave been a big tree, honestly,

(01:55):
huh. Or she's a giant liketitan size, you know, like attack
on titan, that kind of love. Let's see. This woman hid shell
casings from a deadly shooting in herfront private area. I think we know
what that's called. The Florida womanwas charged with evidence tampering and resisting officers

(02:15):
after police says she hid guns,shell casings, and her lady bits that
she snagged from the scene of afatal shooting. According to the police affid
David obtained by law and crime.They arrested Destiny Pendleton, so they have
Miracle and then Destiny. Golly,I'm made of jokes right now. Let's

(02:37):
just try to get through this piece. This is December twenty seventh. They
received calls about a shooting at aresidence. They found a thirty seven year
old man injured. He was alater identified as dead. She was standing
next to his body, and thenshe tried to hide the four shell casings,
you know, and yeah, Ireally can't. They just said she

(03:04):
no, I can't read this either. I thought I could, didn't apparently
scroll down far enough. Hang on, No, no, no, I
can't read that front private area whereshe had taken them out of her front
left pocket and put them in thatprivate area. Yeah, that's those poor
God love the police. They haveto write that in their Affidavid. They
have to sit here and write aboutthis lady that and they have to retrieve

(03:28):
it. Oh no, oh nasty. I feel like that should be like
a whole other charge for groediness,Like you get an additional it's a felony
because you're groedy. It's a felony. You can't be groedy. It's just
no. I'm not gonna do hSome Florida woman lost her whole driveway.
Her whole driveway got stolen. I'veseen some things in my life. This

(03:52):
is new. In Orlando, aCentral Florida woman came home and she had
her entire her entire driveway went missingin the middle of the day, Amando
Brochue, Orange County. She literallyis not exaggerating. There's just a mud
like drive now, just a muddydirt drive. She said that contractors started

(04:15):
coming by measuring her driveway when sheput her home up for sale, and
I don't somebody came and stole it. Why. An image from her doorable
camera captured a bulldozer tearing out theconcrete and hauling it away. Her real
estate agent was at a loss forwords. They said that we've never literally
never seen this happen, so likeanybody before. Oh my gosh. So

(04:39):
the Orange County Sheriff's Office is investigatingwhy just her driveway and nobody else's.
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(05:45):
data sent you. You know,I'm very thrilled about the project. Because
I think what we are about tocreate is something very special. And we're
in twenty twenty four now, andI think it's about time that we had
a woman come forward to shape thestory in a galaxy far far away.

(06:09):
Well, that's oh my gosh,can we just not do this? This
is uh, what's her name?OBITCHINOI, that's her. That's her name.
That is that woman's name. Happytwenty twenty four to me, Welcome
back Dana last year with you Winkthe Apparently she's a director who's going to

(06:35):
further ruin Star Wars. Like theStar Wars people, the Disney people thought,
you know what, we didn't dropa big enough of a deuce into
the whole franchise. So let's dropa turboduce. Let's turboduce it up into
this franchise. That's what's happening.So they got this chick. What's this
chick's name something? Oh bitjinoid,that's what her name is. That's I'm

(07:00):
saying her name, and you guysare just like I am being a professional
radio lady. Charmino. BITCHINOI isher name. That is legit her name.
Stop, that's still her name.She is there. I love all
the hyphenated everything. Pakistani Canadian director. Oh nobody cares. Nobody cares where
the hell you're from. We're talkingsci fi, Okay. I just spent

(07:25):
most of my brain playing Warhammer,So I really don't care where you're from.
It's not gonna be anywhere more exoticthan any of the things that I've
dealt with over the past, Likeyou know, Week plus not gonna be.
But Caine made a very good pointbecause they came out and they're like,
oh, we're gonna have the firstwoman of color do this film,

(07:46):
and then Kane very I mean obviouslysays well, she invisible because she is
a color. I mean she's peachright. I mean we're all if we're
not if we're not invisible, weare of color. It's just the way
it is. What is the soleperson of color? We're all people of

(08:07):
color? She I mean she lookslike another white lady. If I'm being
honest with you, missus Beechenoi,oh bet Chanoi, right, Yeah,
that's it. I mean two wordsthat I would use to describe third Waivers
in one last name, and theyI don't know what she thinks like women

(08:28):
are gonna have to shape What doesthat make her a good director? I
mean, haven't they lost over halftheir value? They're still they love burning
money. They don't need fossil fuelsor any kind of solar or electric power.
They burn cash money. That's whatthey use for energy. So they
did. They literally did a wholething where they had a woman shaped the

(08:48):
story for Star Wars, and itwas that Mary sou named Ray right,
all of a sudden, she wasa sucky Jedi and then she was great,
like immediately and with her little bunsand she went in her hair buns
and she went in and she foughtold man Luke and it was crazy.
I I didn't that already shape it? I mean, what is the difference

(09:09):
in the way you know who?I think Gino Carano that was a good
shape of any part of a trilogy. But this is just more of the
same. I'm just not interested inwatching it. First off, I think
it's oversaturated. I'm so sick ofthey're making me feel like Martin Scorsese where
he was going off on superhero films, like what a year ago or so

(09:30):
a couple of years ago. Itwas the same year that Ricky Gervais just
excortiated everyone with the Golden Globes,one of the best hostings ever, and
Scorsese was saying that he was tiredof He said it was lazy filmmaking,
which I think it is. Iagree with him to an extent. I
mean, I think they can begreat movies, but it is lazy filmmaking.
And now it's oversaturated. Everything issuperhero everything, even on streaming services.

(09:52):
I did check out, and I'mgonna get back to the meat and
potatoes. It was Zack Snyder's ohwhat is it? Rebel Moon. It
was really I think it could havebeen edited a hell of a lot better
than it was. But he didthis film and was pitching it to be
a Disney story or Star Wars,sorry, a Star Wars story, which

(10:13):
you can tell if you watch it. Do we remember what it was streaming
on Rebel Noon. It's on oneof the streaming services like Hulu or Netflix
or something like that. But watchedit over break and it was it was
actually. I thought the story wasgood and the characters were compelling, but
I think it could have been perhapsput together for screen a little bit better,
because parts of it were rushed andparts of it dragged and it was
a little bit convoluted, but ithad a great universe, but they had

(10:35):
to kind of rewrite everything to takeit away. It's on Netflix to take
it out of that Star Wars universeand make it stand alone so you can
kind of tell when you're watching it, and you might even think this would
make a great Star Wars film.And that was Snyder that did that.
The guy who did three hundred,who were it on the street is that
he's very like minded by the way. I don't know. I'm not going

(10:56):
to watch this because I think it'sthe Star Wars thing is so oversaturated,
point is so over over just everything. I feel like a lot of the
people, even at Disney don't evenunderstand what is done with the films that
they did. Because didn't George Lucas'swife totally edit Didn't she edit one of
the I think maybe was it Ray'sstory that one she his wife like completely

(11:18):
edited one of the films. Ifyou want to talk about a woman shaping
a film. But these apparently themorons and acquisitions at Disney don't even understand
this. This is just so stupid. I'm so tired of hearing about vagina.
So here we're gonna check this box. It's dumb and it makes me
hate Hollywood even more than I alreadydo. It makes me hate films.
Stop it. Stop doing this Andnow all of the news you would probably

(11:39):
miss, it's time for Dana's Quickfive. One of the most underreported stories
just of this well of recent timeare the ongoing attacks against Christians in Nigeria.
Christmas attacks against Christians in Nigeria killedat least one hundred and thirteen people,
done by Islamic terrorists, and itcontinued in the early hours of Christmas

(12:00):
Day. They said that more thanthree hundred people were also injured in the
attacks that targeted at least twenty communitiesacross a huge region. A lot of
the video of the aftermath people havebeen burned out homes trying to flee the
region, and vans are online.These are all Christian majority villages as well,
and so those Christians there in Nigeria, which is number six on the
Open Doors World watch list of someof the and it is considered the most

(12:24):
dangerous country for Christians too. Theysaid that the people were wanting to celebrate
their Christmas and they were ended upbeing attacked. Also this I'm not going
to read that cat headline. Alocal cat apparently saved a dog. I'm
not doing it. A local manis trying to break againest Book of World
records for most hours playing pinball.Whooped dee do whoop do do? Yeah,

(12:50):
Like that's you know, nobody cares. Nobody cares. Let's see.
Also Toronto subway e bike fires lithiumion batteries. These are the things you
can't bring on the plane, right, lithium ion batteries. So they said
that they're dealing with fire. Didthey just like, wait a minute,
did they just like catch fire,just boom like all by themselves? A

(13:11):
slight puncture can do it, We'llshow yeah, right, which is why
they don't allow it in check bagsat all. You have to take it
with you. I didn't even knowthat. I guess they just don't have
anything with a lithium ion battery thatI've ever taken on a plane. Anyway,
they said that e bikes and can'tin Toronto. This has been a
big deal because they said their batterieshave been igniting and now the city's questioning

(13:33):
the safety of using these. Theysaid that One guy was on a train,
a Shepherd Young train station. Hesaid there was an e bike that
fully caught on fire. He goes, one of the guy's bikes just started
to make noise, and then hegoes, it sounded like a flare and
then all of a sudden, smokecame out of the out of the bike
and people had to evacuate. Somepeople got hurt because everyone was just running

(13:54):
for the door. So now they'rereconsidering how they do all the whole e
bike thing. Just good green note, so green. How Daario, how
dare you speaking of a lithium ionbatteries? A cargo ship carrying burning lithium
lithium ion batteries reached Alaska, butit was kept, according to the EP
off shore obviously for safety. Thiswas an anchorage. It was a huge

(14:16):
cargo ship being kept two miles offshore as a precaution while efforts are undertaken
to extinguish the flame. They said, no injuries. Nineteen crew above on
board, no injuries. They said, this thing's dude. The fire started
on Christmas Day. Christmas Day isstill going dude. The Yeah, they

(14:37):
said that carbon dioxide was released andthey're worried about more explosions. That sounds
so green love how green? Thatsounds love that for us? So green?
Follow la la lah green green green. Right, I'm just the same.
Let's see the five. So onJanuary second, there's a five mile
per hour speed limit day observed.Fifty what's as five? Oh? I

(15:01):
see fifty five? Fifty five?Nobody? That sounds horrible? What is
that? This is the anniversary ofwhen the fifty five mile an hour speed
limit was introduced federally, and there'sa day of observation for it. Yeah,
apparently it was yesterday. So waita minute, there's a day of
observation for government regulation. Yep,or the thing I've ever heard. I

(15:26):
can't drive fifty five. I don'tcelebrate government regulations like that. And fifty
five is way too slow. I'msorry, it's just too slow. I
just feel like I have a reallygood understanding of how fast my car needs
to go on certain roads. Obviously, some roads you can't go full on,
but others you can't. I'm goingto say one other thing, and
you can get mad about it ifyou want. New Year and knew me.
Maybe I saw this. The primarywa had one of the candidates talking

(15:52):
about building the FBI a new andspectacular building, which shocked me because it
was a candidate whose campaign was directlytargeted by the end FBI, that colluded
with the DOJ to get an illegallyillegal and fraud FISA warrant to spy on
his campaign, and he wants tobuild a new and spectacular FBI building.
How about building a new and spectacularwall, or a new and spectacular border

(16:14):
patrol, or new and spectacular borderintegrity. We don't give a rants ask
about an FBI building, especially especiallyconsidering I mean, what would the J
six people say to that that areactually in detention? Still curious, curious.
I don't want to hear about anynew and spectacular federal buildings when I

(16:34):
see this hot mess at the border. Oh, don't tell me that somebody
tried. I don't believe it.You can't legislate by executive FIAT. You
got to lead, and you gotto have Congress make it permanent, like
tax cuts which should have been permanentand weren't. Yeah, I got issues
and stupid little town halls by networkscovering their backsides because they realized they sort

(16:56):
of stepped in it. By schedulingit on scheduling one of their town halls
on a debate night. It's notgoing to cut it. Not going to
cut it. So I don't doresolutions. I hate New Year's I just
think I'm gonna let the burning bridgeslight my path forward from here on out
because I don't care. I don'tgive a rats ass about trying to kiss

(17:17):
up to anybody in a network.I don't care about trying to make friends
with anyone in DC. I hateall of these people, and I don't
say that for the lack of abetter word. I truly don't like them.
I don't like any of these people. I don't care about your stupid
DC stuff. I don't care aboutyour elbowing and trying to be all popular
with contributors and all of that stuff. Been there, done that, don't
need to do it again, don'twant to do it no more. That's

(17:40):
why I always say no, don'tcare. I care about being left alone.
I care about the future of thecountry. I care about the state
of the twenty twenty four election.I care about actually winning. Anything that
bars a win is an obstacle anda problem and should be obliterated. That
is how I look at it.So let the burning bridges of a thousand

(18:00):
fires, Let the fires of allthese burning bridges, let our path going
forward. Otherwise I really don't haveI hate New Year's And I'll add one
thing, and I said something aboutthis on Facebook. I think I'm a
little bit optimistic. I think justwhen you think if the news is heavy,
and it will be, it'll it'sgonna ebb and flow if it feels
heavy, you know, going intothis twenty twenty four news cycle, I

(18:22):
want you to consider this that weare very lucky to have all been placed
on this rock by a grand designer. And if not us, then who
And if not now, then when? So I don't say have faith in
your fellow man, I will nevertell you that because I have faith in
no man, but have faith inthe plan from the Grand Designer. We

(18:48):
have a a awesome God and that'swhat your face should be in. So
think about you know, we're allhere on this rock together at this exact
time having been here. I'm justsaying, there's you know, take heart
in that because I know I trustmyself to kind of TCB. I think
you kind of do too. Somaybe there's something to that. So just

(19:10):
feel a little optimistic. And Isay this as somebody who's never optimistic.
So the the battle's been won,so it's gonna be. We're going into
Iowa, and this is just dayone of a new year, so just
get ready, folks, buckle up, and most importantly, have fun with
it. Thanks for tuning in totoday's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Youth podcast.
If you haven't already, made sureto hit that subscribe button on Apple

(19:33):
Podcasts, Spotify, wherever you getyour podcasts.