Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
US guys can be not very smart. I will admit it.
We're kind of dumb creatures and we do things sometimes
it's unintentional that will really mess up our sex lives. Okay,
that's not great, and we will do something you screw
it up and you're like, damn it, why did I
do that? Well, we have a whole list of things
(00:21):
that US guys can do that will totally fuck up
our sex lives.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
We ain't done yet.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
It's time for the podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:32):
A year completely uncensored and uncting filtered except for that
part the show's after show starts.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Now.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
It's not our fault. It's not our fault.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Sometimes I think it is.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
I'm telling you, we don't know. We don't know what
we're doing, especially if we want to have sex, like
our brains don't work, Like we just get stupid.
Speaker 4 (00:56):
Yeah, but like sometimes you're just stupid stupid, not stupid
stupid stupid. Like you know, in my house, it's been
a little while, but my husband and I used to
have a very consistent set sex day.
Speaker 3 (01:09):
Of the week, right and it was Saturday, it was.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
Eight You miss it.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
My husband really misses it, So that was his guaranteed day.
And it would be sometimes like I don't know, one
o'clock in the afternoon on that said Saturday, and he's
starting to bicker with me about something or like disagree
with me, and I go any.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
Other day of the week. You you can do that.
But you know this is fucking up your chance at
sex night because.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
You know, are probably the one who started it, and
you're probably being I know you, I know you, and
I know it's probably your fault, but you won't admit
it's your fault totally. And so what's he supposed to do.
I'm like, oh, now, I can't, you know, defend myself.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
But on a Saturday, that sucks. You can do.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
Whatever you want just because you have the power of.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Yes kind of.
Speaker 5 (01:55):
I've heard his therapy. You really shouldn't use sex as
a weapon, and I don't, I mean literally are saying
that you do.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
No, I'm no, no, I joking. Okay, if you're going
to be an asshole, that's.
Speaker 4 (02:08):
Gonna take me out of the mood. So I'm not
using it as well vice versa, though.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
You should be an asshole either.
Speaker 4 (02:14):
Well, I never said I was being an asshole.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
She was saying that she's never an asshole.
Speaker 5 (02:20):
I don't think she was saying that she was the
one started that.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
She's saying he's being an asshole.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
Yeah, Like, out of all days of the week, why
are you picking this day to be one?
Speaker 5 (02:27):
If you say, what if you do something stupid and
he's annoyed by it.
Speaker 3 (02:31):
Is he not allowed to be not on a Saturday.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
Think about how ridiculous that's using sex as a weapon
on a Saturday.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
Not on a Saturday.
Speaker 4 (02:38):
Yell, let me about it tomorrow. You know what I mean,
You're gonna if we're fighting, it's ruining the mood. So
I'm just putting that out there.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Guys, this sucks. Okay, be cool, be cool. We're always
cool totally.
Speaker 5 (02:50):
We're just very emotional people and creatures. And so if
you're being an asshole, the last thing I'm ever gonna
want to do with is have sex with you.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
That's the way it works.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
Oh my god.
Speaker 4 (02:59):
Yeah, So just know to self, guys, you're just a
perfect and then I ain't gonna.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Say give you the dick cool perfect.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
Didn't work out? Yeah, I'm sorry.
Speaker 4 (03:17):
So ask Men has put together a whole list of
things to let guys know.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
Heads up, if you're not aware.
Speaker 4 (03:25):
If you have the opportunity for sex, these things can
kind of block you, you know what I mean, Like you
may have it in the bag, but some of these
things happen and you're done. So top of the list,
no doubt. Poor hygiene if yeah, if I don't.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
In all honesty for me, I don't want to have sex.
If I'm gross, you know, if I've.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
Gone and worked, yeah, shower or if.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
I've done you know, if I'm coming home from a
game and I'm sweating and gross, I don't like. The
last thing I want to do is have sex. I
feel like gross, Like I want my wife to want me,
and if I'm gross, the last thing I do is
want to have sex. I just won't do. So, yeah,
I like it's gross.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
I think that goes about saying even.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Well, sometimes you know you'll have the morning sex and
morning sex. I have brush my teeth. Yeah, even then
it's like it's kind of cool because you know it's
kind of off the cuff and whatever. But I still
don't feel great about it because I'm gross.
Speaker 3 (04:19):
Yeah, you always feel gross after tapping my.
Speaker 1 (04:21):
Eye sweating night.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
I hate mornings.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Yeah, it's not great.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
I hate it.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
You hate fan at all, So you'd rather pass on
it than do it?
Speaker 2 (04:30):
Yeah at all? Not a fan at all? Why, I
don't know. I just I just I'm not a fan.
You're in the moon waking up.
Speaker 1 (04:37):
We've seen it in the morninge.
Speaker 5 (04:40):
For some reason, it takes me forever to finish during
morning sex. I can It's crazy. It will take me
forever to nut during morning sex. I cannot nut.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
It's crazy.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
I don't know, no big, look.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
No big. It just takes forever.
Speaker 5 (04:54):
And then you get like twenty minutes. I'm fucking over it, dude,
Like I am, like, all right, I'm not that'll make
some pancakes.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Morning, We're gonna be done it. New starts four am,
starts to get dark again. He wakes up four a m.
With a cocktail.
Speaker 3 (05:15):
Oh my god, some weird creepy out.
Speaker 4 (05:17):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, that's my morning sex outfit.
Speaker 3 (05:20):
You guys.
Speaker 4 (05:21):
Okay, next thing that can get in the way if
you're about to have sex is thinking it's funny to
make some sort of sexist joke or comment.
Speaker 3 (05:30):
I would do that, Okay, you know this.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
Is your duty, rights obligation.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
I think that's even what to be honest.
Speaker 4 (05:46):
God, yeah, So whether whether you're you know, talking about
a female co worker, you're making a joke about somebody
on the TV, like whatever.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
It is, server come back to fight when we talk
about chicks on TV. Though.
Speaker 5 (06:03):
I do know my wife though, And yesterday we were
watching the uh Lines game and Jared Goff's wife has
the best pair of tits, Christine Harbor.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
Yes, excuse me.
Speaker 5 (06:15):
Not only is she smoking hot, but she's got like
the pair of tits you'll ever see one.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
They're phenomenal.
Speaker 5 (06:21):
And I know my wife could appreciate good tits, So like,
I didn't have any problems saying to my wife, Hey,
Jared Goff's wife google her tits, trust me, And I
knew she wasn't and she did. She wasn't offended, and
but I knew, like, they better be great tits because
if they're not, she's gonna be mad at me because
then she'll think it's another reason.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
But she saw them and she went whoa, And I
went right, it was crazy.
Speaker 3 (06:44):
Wow, fake are real.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
They're real, and they're real spectacular.
Speaker 5 (06:47):
Oh really, Okay, think I've ever heard you guys talk
about her tits before?
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Yeah, well you talk about lots of tits talk.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
I know you guys and your tits very well together.
Speaker 1 (07:00):
But I would never say anything like this to my way. Okay,
I'm getting yeah school tits that Haley.
Speaker 3 (07:09):
Most women wouldn't be so just don't even go.
Speaker 5 (07:12):
You google those tits, which is delicious.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
Okay, I am fully erect.
Speaker 2 (07:24):
That's not even like the best picture.
Speaker 3 (07:26):
Okay, stop googling images.
Speaker 2 (07:27):
Okay, there's another one.
Speaker 1 (07:30):
I might beat off right now. I'm just saying.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
Those are they're very real. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's done
your half way I finished.
Speaker 4 (07:45):
Another mistake guys make is expecting them to initiate, like
if you're never if you're waiting around, bro, you're gonna
be waiting for a while forever.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
Mostly for most it never happened.
Speaker 4 (07:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
So even though you're wrong with you, I don't know, life.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
Get out of here with that, Yeah what life?
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Let me break beating up.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
That pushy with your fucking dildo. Pussy with the dildo.
Speaker 2 (08:08):
Beatn ed.
Speaker 3 (08:09):
You know what's a vibrator?
Speaker 1 (08:10):
Okay, so get it right, vibrator.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
Thank you very much for saying that.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
Correct.
Speaker 5 (08:16):
Dead now dead rechargeables is not dead.
Speaker 1 (08:24):
Is very much so, it's alive and well, it's very alive.
Speaker 2 (08:27):
Robert's like, I gotta punch that thing.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
Glitters and drop an elbow on it. Another things still working.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
It still works, give it a stunner.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
What whatever?
Speaker 4 (08:41):
Alright, just stop laughing so hard, jab I know Jamie's
like crying behind the camera right now.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (08:47):
Another mistake guys make is not being open to her
fantasies or toys or things she include.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Some guys are, I know, I don't understand that weird Yeah,
toy for me.
Speaker 5 (09:00):
I think that's when I was younger. I got weird
about it. Yeah, when I was young, forget it, but
I don't anymore.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
You care of Haley used it while you guys are
that's a dream.
Speaker 2 (09:09):
Yeah, Like you.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
Wouldn't love that. He'd love anything.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
Yeah, he likes that. He's a big fan of getting real.
He was a big fan of anything.
Speaker 5 (09:19):
You know what I mean, I know, five people in
the room whatever.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Hell yeah, he does.
Speaker 5 (09:31):
What he wants baby oil, and he wants toys, and
he wants sky with the.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
Whole cast of Wicked came running in. Yeah, like I'm
just saying, monkeys. Who knows he's the old thing?
Speaker 3 (09:46):
Well, good thing I've already you know, been date rape drugs.
So it's it's good.
Speaker 4 (09:52):
Diddy ways, Like, isn't that you know you taste the
baby oil. I'm not going to remember the flying monkeys,
very shocking.
Speaker 3 (09:59):
I't remember that.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
I just find that way.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (10:01):
Sorry, they say another mistake guys make forgetting the four play,
or they say it takes women twenty minutes or more
to get excited.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Emily, does it take you twenty minutes.
Speaker 3 (10:14):
Or like make it out and it's hot and stuff,
you're wasting?
Speaker 1 (10:17):
You're wasted?
Speaker 3 (10:18):
Well, fine, five minutes is all I need?
Speaker 2 (10:20):
Twenty minutes.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
Maybe it's a different staff for like sober and not sober.
Speaker 1 (10:23):
You know what, I I.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
Don't think so.
Speaker 5 (10:24):
I mean, it doesn't my wife we after twenty minutes.
It doesn't take twenty minutes together going.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
So that's okay. Either you're kind of in er you're out.
Speaker 5 (10:31):
Yeah, like I I loosen her up a little bit.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
I don't go spread them and then put it in.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
I don't do that. Oh my god, don't do that.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
Guy, No, I don't do that.
Speaker 2 (10:45):
I don't do that.
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Another cranks start, emilyus, so take a while.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
Crank start.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
I can feel like right now. Start. Cranks are like
a jack in the box doesn't make a noise. You
don't need to do that.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
It works. It's just a normal Okay, that's cool.
Speaker 1 (11:17):
Much.
Speaker 4 (11:19):
Another mistake guys make where they can ruin guaranteed sex
is having a messy bedroom and bathroom. You can have
a chick ready to go, she gets to your house
and it's fucking disgusting, she's out.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
I always always have a clean place. Do you ever
go to a guy's house and almost.
Speaker 4 (11:37):
All the guys And the final thing, according to ask Man,
that guys can mess up if they have guaranteed sex
come in their way is drinking too much.
Speaker 3 (11:53):
Yeah, well, they say a couple of things.
Speaker 4 (11:54):
Whether that kind of makes you say stupid ship that
gets you in trouble. Maybe you get beer muscles, or
you could have a little problem getting it up. Either way,
nothing nothing, nothing's good about getting way too drunk.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
Whiskey dick, I have
Speaker 1 (12:10):
A wonderful clin