Psychologist Sara Chatwin joined Tyler Adams on The Weekend Collective to discuss new statistics showing that children in New Zealand are using screens far more than children in other countries.
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
You're listening to the Weekend Collective podcast from news Talks
by myself.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Meself every week.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
If you can't tell, they said.
Speaker 4 (00:28):
Welcome back into the Weekend Collective. Thank you very much
as always for your company. And it is time for
the Parents Squad with Sarah chat When. Sarah is a
registered psychologist and social commentator. She's got her own business,
mind works, she's a wealth of knowledge and she's just
good fun. Nice to see you, kin, Sarah. How are you, hey, Tyler?
Speaker 5 (00:48):
How you doing? You're pretty good.
Speaker 6 (00:49):
It's been a beautiful day in Auckland.
Speaker 4 (00:52):
Great I mean g greater here to the all blacks
at Eden Park.
Speaker 6 (00:56):
I know for chous it might mean that we have
a little bit of good luck there. But yeah, absolutely
glorious and yes, amped to be here.
Speaker 4 (01:05):
And now we're going to hopefully have time to have
a chat about traveling with kids in AI in classrooms.
But because and this is why she's the best at
what she does, folks, that you have come armed with
an incredibly recent study hot off the press that Kiwee
kids And this is crazy. I knew that they love
their screen times, but Kiwi kids use screens more than
(01:26):
anywhere else in the OECD, is that right.
Speaker 5 (01:29):
I mean, it's just really scary.
Speaker 6 (01:31):
I was talking and read, doing a lot of reading
and talking to a lovely lady called Judy Cullen who
was part of a coordinated approach to looking at you know,
all of this data, international data, but actually pertaining to
New Zealand about device use, and they came up with
some amazing recommendations for the use of digital technologies and
(01:54):
schools coulda and early childhood education.
Speaker 5 (01:56):
Because yes, it's.
Speaker 6 (01:59):
A little gary that you know, kids in New Zealand
use screens more than most kids around the world.
Speaker 5 (02:07):
And I mean that's just horrific to me.
Speaker 6 (02:08):
I mean, Tyler, you may have heard me talking at
nauseum about you know, the terrors of social media.
Speaker 4 (02:16):
It's such a big thing though, isn't it. And it
is such a mine field for parents to deal with it.
And I know there's been there was a recent book
out by US author called The Anxiety Generation, mainly sort
of older teenagers. But it is that catch twenty two
is how they heat you get kids off phones when
it is so ingrained in their society. If they're the
(02:37):
ones without a phone, they're kind of excluded from the group.
Speaker 5 (02:40):
You're on the margin.
Speaker 4 (02:41):
It's hard thing.
Speaker 5 (02:42):
Yeah, it is.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Well.
Speaker 6 (02:42):
I mean, you know, while screens and that digital environment
can really provide opportunities for learning and fun and can
create you know, knowledge that's accessible to kids and information
and all the rest of it, excessive use of these
kinds of things can have major health risks, like you know,
harming our eyes. I mean these people so it's Julie Cullen,
(03:04):
Alex Munths, Samantha marsh, Lorna Simmons, Jan Mays, Karen O'Neill,
and Scott Duncan. A couple of these are professors from
Mayama Mata Auckland University and a ut from abroad, you know, Switzerland,
you know Massy.
Speaker 5 (03:18):
These people and their.
Speaker 6 (03:19):
Physiotherapists, they're audiologists. A huge amount of you know, intellectual rigor.
This has come This is anchored and a lot of
intellectual rigor from these people who have come together and
and just looked over all the research, you know, done
an incredible literature review and come up with these recommendations
and you know these are things this environment can harm
(03:39):
our eyes. There's some work from ops filmologists they you know,
our posture. There's a lot of harmful effects if children
are stuck in front of these screens and devices and
involved in this digital environment, you know, relentlessly without actually
having breaks. And what I love about the recommendations from
(04:01):
this group is that they have it's very clear, very concrete.
They've gone zero to six years, six to twelve years,
and thirteen to eighteen years. And you know, they've put
it into categories restrict, limit, and encourage, So it's really
clear for parents and for educators, for everybody, for children
to have a look at and to use. And this
(04:22):
is stuff that we need because I remember Tyler, I
talked to him about this, you know, and I don't
know whether you feel the same way we have. We
have sat on our couches and enabled social media to
come and snuggle up beside us and just do whatever
it wants. We haven't put checks and balances in place,
and these people have done this and the recommendations are stellar.
Speaker 5 (04:44):
It's just incredible.
Speaker 4 (04:46):
We're gonna dwelve a lot more into this study. But
if you've got a question for Sarah, now is your opportunity.
She's fantastic. Oh eight hundred eighty ten eighty is the
number to call, or you can text through to nine
to ninety two. Now, sorry, you just mentioned the review
into the zero to six age group, the six to twelve,
thirteen to eighteen. How much screen time have they recommended
(05:06):
for each of those groups.
Speaker 6 (05:07):
Well, I hate to tell parents when they when they
have a little bit of glee about the fact that
their two year old can use screens, restrict no screen
use for undertoos.
Speaker 4 (05:18):
The recommendation Telly as well or as that social media.
Speaker 6 (05:22):
Mobile devices and you know iPads and you know tablets
and all the rest of it, no screen use in
the early childhood education center settings without approval from teachers.
So in that zero to six years, there are definite
limits and restrictions that parents should be cognizant of.
Speaker 5 (05:42):
But also what I love about.
Speaker 6 (05:44):
This research is that they have this category of encouraging
encouraging purposeful and intentional use of these devices for a
short period of time. They they're encouraging outdoor exercise and
free play. I mean, I don't know how many times
I have said that, you know, in this beautiful country
of our styler, we you know, we need to encourage
(06:05):
our kids to get outside, to use that green.
Speaker 5 (06:08):
Space, to go to beaches, to go on walks.
Speaker 6 (06:10):
So these people have actually put these encouraging you know,
words in front of them. Within these recommendations, you know,
they've encouraged parents and educators to reward pro social and
positive learning behaviors and social interactions and to ensure that
kids you know, that are in any environment have the
right lighting and the right ergonomics around them so that
(06:32):
they're comfortable. And they aren't. They're not, you know, there
are no negative physiological factors impacting on their physiology.
Speaker 5 (06:42):
So it's just it's just lovely.
Speaker 6 (06:43):
But zero to six years, this stuff should be to
the minimum.
Speaker 4 (06:48):
Wow, So minimum would be less than an hour a day.
Speaker 6 (06:52):
Oh look they now, because I'm not an expert in this,
and these guys definitely are, I'd actually like you to
get them on the show as well. But I would say, yeah,
I mean, as as little as possible unless it is
sanctioned by teachers or you know, preschool. You know, it's
just maybe a little taste, a little bit of an
(07:12):
introd you know, in an introductory kind of a way.
But zero to six years, you're kind of you know,
you're dealing with the minimum of it, and you're still
encouraging those beautiful pro social behaviors. You're encouraging children to interact,
to socially connect in their homes and their education centers
and those environments. You're encouraging play and all of those
(07:34):
love the activities.
Speaker 4 (07:36):
Just from your point of view. And I've said this
before and I absolutely mean it. I am so thankful
that I didn't grow up around mobile phones. Mobile phones
weren't a thing until I had left high school, and
social media certainly wasn't a thing. And I'm shureing my
age a little bit here, but I think Facebook came
around when I was in my mid twenties. And again
(07:56):
I say, I'm so thankful for that because my parents
didn't have to worry about that minefield of social media
and that screens are everywhere and it's so part of
the culture, particularly for children over the age of say,
ten years old. How and I've got so much sympathy
for parents to try and navigate that. How the heck
can they start to have that conversation with their young teenagers,
primarily that hey, I know you want to be your
(08:18):
friends are doing this and I've got phones and they
are on social media, but we want you to start
not cancel it, but stop using it as much as
you're using it.
Speaker 6 (08:28):
It's really sad when I you know, when I heard
you say that I'm thankful to have grown up like that,
I mean, I guess I'm similar to you. I am too,
But isn't that sad because we actually sit here as people,
you know, I think it's kind of people would it
be late thirties to say sixty and beyond late say,
late thirties or forties and beyond that haven't had that huge,
(08:52):
you know, digital input. It's so sad that we feel
grateful because our kids are at the forefront of this,
and as you mentioned before, if they are not part
of it, then there is that feeling of you know,
ostri as and you know, being on the fringes and
the margin, which you don't want either. But it is
a very very important conversation for parents to have, and
(09:13):
not that anybody tells any parent exactly what they should do,
because every family has a different culture and parents, you know,
they are the architects of their children's destiny. And I
hope they all know that out there and they don't
abdicate responsibility. But these are conversations that they need to
have and when you're looking at research that even includes
zero to six year old children. These devices, the digital
(09:36):
environment is obviously accessible from a very early age in
some households, and we know we've got to be really
mindful of that. So the conversation is important as soon
as we can have it.
Speaker 4 (09:47):
Really, I'm just thinking of a scenario here, Sarah. So,
say you're a parent of a young teenager and they
invite their friends around, and you've decided for that afternoon
you're going to take their phones off them and it's
going to be no phone couple of hours while they
come around to socialize. That for some parents would send
shivers down the spine, saying that's a hard thing to
(10:10):
try and enforce. And then you know, my child could
wear that from their friends. If we're the weird household
that doesn't allow phones, that's a hard thing to navigate
again for parents.
Speaker 6 (10:20):
Yeah, I mean, wow, that would be a big call
to actually make that call and say, right now, let's
put them all in the what is it in the
basket or in the bables, you know, like the keys.
Speaker 5 (10:30):
That would be a big call to make.
Speaker 6 (10:32):
But what I suggest, you know, parents have a look
at you know, alternative activities in the summer, you know,
and in this country there are so many things that
we can do that we can access access, you know,
fairly easily. But also just being interactive with your children.
And also do you know what, I believe you can
achieve most things in life if you have a plan. So,
(10:52):
if you are a parent that is planning to have
teenagers around, see what crops up, you know, two weeks
out from the actual date, that you can put in
place so that digital devices and all of that stuff
isn't so necessary. Maybe it's games, maybe it's a movie,
maybe it's getting out, maybe it's you know, in the environment,
having a barbecue, leading them, you know, cook their own
(11:14):
sauces on the barbie.
Speaker 5 (11:15):
Who knows, But have a plan that.
Speaker 6 (11:18):
Doesn't ne necessarily revolve around devices and that digital environment.
Speaker 4 (11:25):
Do you hope there'll be for lack of a better word,
of natural rebalancing when it comes to social media? And
I say that that there's a lot of adults out there,
men included, Yes, who have I've decided to come off
a lot of my social media accounts because I realized
they weren't servicing me. I wasn't particularly happy when I
was you know, so called doom scrolling. They provide a
(11:45):
lot of benefits. I'm not saying that they're completely evil,
but there has been a bit of a pushback and
the adult generation about using social media. Do you hope
that there may be a similar pushback with the younger generation,
that they start to realize that what was promised about
this connecting with anybody around the world and social cohesion
just hasn't really played out however body thought it was
going to play out.
Speaker 5 (12:06):
I'm a great believer in balance.
Speaker 6 (12:08):
You know, we talk a lot these days about work
life balance and balance and all things, and you know, moderation.
Speaker 5 (12:13):
So I am. I mean, I have just seen, you know,
from about.
Speaker 6 (12:18):
That two thousand and six when everything got a bit
real with regard to social media and devices and all
the rest of it, and the.
Speaker 5 (12:24):
Influence started to grow.
Speaker 6 (12:27):
I'm just hopeful that you know, the pendulum has really
swung that way, and you know, it seems to have
gone a little bit out of perhaps that we you know,
we get that balance back, and yes, that people realize
that there is a whole lot of world and of
life to live away from devices and away from screens
and outside the digital environment. I think it's great. And
(12:49):
you know, and I have talked to people at netsafe
who also provide an amazing service in terms of allowing
people to be comfortable with a relationship with social media
and devices and platforms and you know, that kind of environment,
that landscape. But I just leave in balance. And I
think that as much as parents, you know, rub their
(13:10):
hands together and went, oh great, we have something to
put our children in front of whilst we you know,
do some other things and get jobs done around the
house or in our lives. I just think that perhaps
we've let it go a bit and we need to
rein it in and it would be nice to think that, yeah,
you know, we have that balance.
Speaker 4 (13:29):
Yeah, fantastic. Now the questions are coming in for you,
Sarah are nine to two nine. Tool is the text
number if you've got a question and you prefer to
send it via text. And oh eight hundred and eighty
ten eighty is the phone number, and Sarah's standing by
ida have a chat with you. So this question from Simon. Hi, Sarah.
I've recently moved in with my Vietnamese partner who has
her own kids. What I've found here is key. We
(13:52):
kids do not want to go anywhere or do anything
apart from gaming and eating. So different from the way
I grew up. Is it just a key we culture thing?
Speaker 5 (14:04):
Oh boy, I hope that's not the I hope that's
not the truth.
Speaker 6 (14:07):
Certainly know that that's not necessarily what my kids did
it And I do know a lot of kids that
do get out and about. But of course, you know,
the text is talking about a lot of children who
have just become inactive and they are just really enjoying,
you know, that passive connection that is so easy and
a little lazy, and of course you know when we're
(14:28):
looking at statistics where kids are spending four to six
hours a day on the weekend in front of their
devices and with their devices on. I mean, the great
thing about this study that has been published in the
New Zealand Medical Journal by Julie Cullen and Alex Samantha, Lorna,
Jan Karen and Scott is that, you know, we're really
(14:50):
supposed to be having eyebreaks every twenty minutes if we
are using our devices that much, and I mean we
should not be on devices for four to six hours.
Speaker 5 (14:59):
That's just relentless, and that is you know that means.
Speaker 6 (15:02):
Posturally where we're hunching over our eyes are not having
any breaks. We're kind of feeding into that popcorn brain
scenario where everything is in and around this device, where
you know, somebody might be talking to us, but we
are actually looking at our device and focusing on that
and not really hearing that input. It's just lazy. So
I do agree that was it. Simon is definitely seeing
(15:26):
something that there is out there and a lot of
it and it's going unchecked. And I think what the
study really highlighted for me was there are so many
things that we have to ensure to mean that these
relationships that we have with our devices are healthy and
positive for us eyebreaks, taking time out, understanding that, you know,
(15:47):
we need to be socially connecting face to face, not
just with our devices. And the UN has even called
for urgent talks to manage screen time use in schools
to balance the benefits of this environment and the harm
the harmful.
Speaker 4 (16:01):
Effects just on there. Do you think it was the
right move the government implementing the no Phones in School policy,
perhaps not in terms of increasing educational achievement, but just
in terms of allowing children to break from their phones
while they're at school.
Speaker 6 (16:19):
I kind of loved it, and I just I mean,
you know, you and I went to school and we
didn't take phones into school, and we seemed to turn
out okay, and we and we did okay.
Speaker 5 (16:30):
So I did. Yeah, I enjoyed.
Speaker 6 (16:33):
I enjoyed that that was coming into effect and that
we were actually putting, you know, setting some limits. Because
the new recommendations that I'm talking about today are endorsed
by the Pediatric Society of New Zealand and others, and
they aim to help kids use screens in a safer way,
maximizing all the opportunities that you know, digital technologies can offer,
(16:56):
but with lower risks and negative health effects. So again,
I think that implementation of no phones during you know,
in schools and during that time is wonderful because it's
probably the only time, and it's a lot of time
that kids are away from these devices because you know,
looking at the research on the weekends, they are over
(17:18):
the top.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
Yeah, fascinating and scary research. Where can people if they
want to read a little bit further on the study,
where can they find it? Did you have that information?
I'm know it's just hot off the press now.
Speaker 6 (17:29):
I think the Pediatric Society's website, but I'm going to
get confirmation of that, because these recommendations for the use
of digital technologies in schools, COULDA and early childhood education
are just gold Zero to six years, six to twelve years,
thirteen to eighteen years, very clear, very concise, very concrete.
(17:50):
And the thing that I love about these recommendations is
that they encourage the purposeful and intentional use of devices
in schools only, so you know, you are only really
using your device for a specific purpose. And it just
means that kids have the ability to do a whole
lot of other things that you and I used to do,
you know, go outside, talk to people face to face,
(18:13):
interact with people, play sports, get fit, you know, and
give our eyes, our backs, our bodies, our minds.
Speaker 5 (18:20):
Arrest.
Speaker 6 (18:20):
Because these people put in this study particularly looked at
you know a lot of physical effects, and as a psychologist,
I'm telling you right now that popcorn mind effect and
the effect of you know, increased levels of anxiety that children, teens, adolescents,
and youth feel when they are looking at these platforms
and these Facebook, Instagram and all the rest of it.
(18:42):
That's what I see a lot of today too, and
that is relentless and it is very very concerning.
Speaker 4 (18:47):
So the popcorn brain that's is that almost you get
to a point where you just need constant stimulus, whatever
it may be, and that obviously affects your attention span, focus,
it might raise anxiety. As you say, that's a real
phenomenon that we're seeing right now.
Speaker 6 (19:04):
And it's all so people that it's also encouraging, you know,
ill mannered. You know, it's not encouraging should I say
great manners in our children because they are glued to
these screens and people are talking to them and trying
to connect with them and trying to interact with them.
But you know, their mind is addled because they're you know,
(19:26):
they're focusing on their devices and these digital platforms, so
you know, lack of concentration span, attention span that's very
very limited. They're not necessarily nice people to be around
because the communication pathways of communication are really broken down
and their ability to communicate is not there because they're
not doing it. These skills that we you know, grew
(19:51):
up with, they're not there. And also this passive you know,
just sitting in chairs and just slumping around, not even well,
preferring to be passive in terms of communication and interaction
as opposed to so, you know, talking to people, looking
at people in the eye, going out exercising. It's that
is the popcorn brain, because there is just there's a
(20:13):
lack of attention, shortened attention span. And I think that
kids with popcorn brain are not that they don't enjoy
connection with people because they're not used to it, because
what they are used to is their device, and the
device is easy, it's passive. It does not you know,
neuroplasticas is definitely not encouraged.
Speaker 5 (20:35):
It's yeah, it's a minefield.
Speaker 4 (20:37):
Absolutely, it is right. We've got to take a break.
But if you've got a question for Sarah, oh, eight
hundred and eighty ten eighty is the number to call,
and you can also take through nine two ninety two.
And there's a question here we'll get to after the
ad break, Sarah about gentle parenting. I want to ask
you about that. Very shortly, it is twenty seven past five.
You're listening to the Parent Squad back very shortly, welcome
(20:59):
back in to the Parent Squad on the Weekend Collective
and we are joined by a psychologist Sarah chat. Thank
you again so much for your time, Sarah.
Speaker 5 (21:06):
It is my pleasure loving it.
Speaker 4 (21:08):
So the text questions are coming in thick and fast,
and if you want to have a chat to Sarah,
O one hundred and eighty ten eighty is the number
to call. But a couple of texts that have come
through in the last couple of minutes. Hi, Sarah, my
baby is not talking yet. She is just over eighteen
months old. Should I be worried?
Speaker 5 (21:28):
Well?
Speaker 7 (21:28):
Have you?
Speaker 6 (21:29):
I mean, I'm not a GP or a pediatrician, and
certainly if you have those concerns, I would go to
your medical person, it might be your GPS, your first
port of call, and see if they have any concerns. Obviously,
you know, from our end of things, we would be
encouraging you to check out hearing. And you know, if
(21:51):
you was this the call the texts first child, because
it's really hard when you're a first time parent, isn't it.
Speaker 4 (21:57):
To No, Yeah, they don't specify whether it's their first child,
but perhaps I mean we're just speculating here, but if
it is their first child, that would be quite frightening
and as a new parent just want the best for
your new baby. Oh, man, there's so many things that
you're having to work out on the fly.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (22:14):
Absolutely, And you know what, I don't encourage anybody to
just sit in a really uncomfortable space and go, oh boy,
I'm worried about this reach out And it would be
my suggestion that you go to your GP, who might
then refer you to a pediutrician or an audiologist to
just check out the hearing vision well, a whole lot
(22:35):
of things, and it might just be nothing, because there's
a lot of variation in terms of you know, how
children or when children start to walk, talk, crawl, you know,
all of these things, and so you can't be absolute
and specific, you know, really specific. But I think that
as a parent, trust your GAT and if you have concerns,
reach out to somebody who could you know, quiet the
(22:57):
white noise in your head and give you some assurances
as to what's going on.
Speaker 4 (23:00):
Yeah, beautiful answer. Let's go to the phones.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Nev.
Speaker 4 (23:03):
How are you good, Tyler? How are you very good?
Sarah is standing by?
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Hi.
Speaker 7 (23:09):
Hi, Sarah, Hey good.
Speaker 3 (23:13):
Just to give you my question is about different parenting style,
but just to give you a background, we live in
a big family with you know, me and my wife
and my parents as well, so we all have different
parenting styles. And I'm more of like a softy, you
know kid, and my wife's too strict and my parents
(23:34):
are like waiste, too softer and spoil them. So I
can o. Kids get very confused at times, you know,
about what to do, what not to do. Everybody's telling
them different things.
Speaker 6 (23:45):
But if I actually feel like I want to come
and live in your house, it sounds lovely with all
the extended family members and you know, a lot of
lovely connection going on there. But I understand there's a
lot of people and different parenting styles.
Speaker 5 (23:56):
I get it.
Speaker 3 (23:58):
So what what can I do? I mean, because I
know I don't have my wife and my parents at
the moment to listen to this, but which I don't
want it. But what can I do, like, you know,
to make it easier for the kids to get the
right message?
Speaker 7 (24:12):
You know?
Speaker 3 (24:13):
Yeah, I'm a bit to confuse myself at the moment.
Speaker 6 (24:16):
Well, Well, that's a really interesting question, and thanks for that.
I think that first and foremost, I would perhaps take
a little bit of time to reflect on the messages
that you, as a parent and your wife want to
send to your children, because grandparents are brilliant, but of
course you know, they are not the first port of
call for your children. And I know that in different
families and different cultures. You know, grandparents have a huge
(24:38):
day and they absolutely it's absolutely wonderful.
Speaker 5 (24:40):
It sounds lovely.
Speaker 6 (24:41):
But I think that it just take a little bit
of time to reflect on those messages and those values
that you want to transmit to your children, and then
perhaps even make a little list. I love my lists.
I'm a bit of a list person. I like ticking
things off. It gives me a great feeling of satisfaction
and I'm sure it releases and doorphins. So make a
little list of the values and the things that you
(25:02):
want your kids to learn and to know, and then maybe,
you know, just have a chat to the people in
your household and say.
Speaker 5 (25:10):
Hey, what about this.
Speaker 6 (25:11):
We've all got slightly different parenting styles. I'm a great
proponent of honesty and nov you can probably hear that.
You know, we've all got different parenting stars. Let's I
would quite like the kids to learn, you know, a
b C. What do you guys think?
Speaker 5 (25:23):
You know?
Speaker 6 (25:24):
I have a little bit of a chat and see
what you can come up with so that there's you know,
the building of bridges between parenting styles, and then your
children will be able to reap the benefits of the
you know, the wisdom and all of those great strategies
from every member of the family and your household.
Speaker 5 (25:40):
How does that sound?
Speaker 3 (25:43):
Yes, sounds amazing. I think I can definitely talk to
my wife about this, but I don't know about my parents.
Speaker 5 (25:49):
Baby steps now, baby.
Speaker 3 (25:51):
Steps, Yeah, I think, thank you so much for that.
I think this sounds good. And do you think it's
a good idea to I mean, show that list of
the kids as well with the spectations.
Speaker 6 (26:02):
Are Yeah, I think make it kid friendly and very
concrete and put it put it down in simple terms.
But again, I love the lists and I love you know.
I think that parents, you know, for a lot of years,
have to be consistent and repetitious with regard to the
messages that they send their children. So if your children
want to have a look, absolutely, just make it child
(26:23):
friendly in terms of the language that you use so
that they can understand what it is that you actually want.
But no, brilliant and I think your family sounds awesome, lovely.
Speaker 4 (26:32):
I agree with that, and nev it sounds like a lively,
fun household. Thank you very much, Nev. Great question here, Sarah, Yes, hi, Sarah.
How do you discipline a thirteen month old? I know
he can't reason, but he laughs at me when I
say no, and I'm nervous I'm not being strict enough
and he will be a terror when he's two.
Speaker 6 (26:53):
Well, do you know what I think, banish the terror too, thoughts,
because we're not there yet. At thirteen months, we ain't
it too, So don't think like that, you know, just
try to put those thoughts out.
Speaker 5 (27:04):
Is it it? Is it a little heat?
Speaker 6 (27:06):
He sounds absolutely gorgeous and the laughing, Oh that's just
I mean, bless gorgeous. But I understand at times must
be frustrating too. I do remember those days of you know,
the ones to twos and the terrible twos that weren't
so terrible to be honest. So I think, look, as
long as you are being kind, caring, compassionate, but also
(27:27):
trying to get your messages through in very concrete, simple language,
because remember, you are dealing with a childhood is very young,
and they are looking to you as a role model.
So understand that what you're presenting visually and in terms
of your voice, your eyeline, your tone. Your child is
just a sponge. They are just sponging that in. So
(27:49):
be very aware of how you present to your child.
It sounds like he's you know, from the thumbnail that
you've given us. I just don't think he is going
to be a tear. I think he's going to be
an absolute delight. And that's the mindset that I would
go forward with, you know, putting that out to the universe.
My child is going to be an absolute delight with
an infectious smile and laugh. And but just you know,
(28:13):
be very consistent with your messages and very simple with
your messages so that they get it. And Noah's no
you know. And and if your child is being naughty
and you choose to you know, pick him up or
you know, walk with him outside to take a little
bit of time, do that, take a little bit of
time to get him out of a situation if he's
(28:35):
playing up, and just you know, use soothing words and
try to be kind.
Speaker 5 (28:39):
But you know, parenting it's a tough gig, isn't it.
Speaker 4 (28:42):
Tyler very well said. But that's a great answer. Right,
We're going to take a break if you've got a
question for Sarah, oh, one hundred and eighty ten eighty
is the number to call, and we've got a couple
of calls to get to. It is twenty two minutes
or six back fore shortly here on newstok CB and
the Parents Squad. That's right, you are listening to the
Parents Squad and we're joined by psychologist Sarah Chi. It
(29:05):
will thank you again so much for your time, Sarah.
Speaker 5 (29:07):
It's been so much fun. We've had some great questions.
Speaker 4 (29:09):
Have we watched and Allison is standing by with another
great question. Hey Allison, oh.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
Hullo, it's not a question, it's just an I had
three boys and the first two walk at eleven and
a half to twelve months, and the last one was
twenty two months before he woke, and we had him
to psychologists and.
Speaker 7 (29:35):
Not psychologist Pigacris, right, they all came up with the
same idea that because he's got two brothers.
Speaker 6 (29:42):
I was just going to say that, yeah, he's got
two big brothers who could do a lot of things
for him. So often you find that the children that
are further down the ordinal position are a little less.
Speaker 5 (29:54):
Slightly or inclined to be that active. So was that
your answer or was there something else going on?
Speaker 7 (30:01):
It was half the answer, but because why by I
was going for yourself when they're going to help. But
it was very worrying for us. Yes, I find that
he's nearly two and not walking, But the next couple
of weeks it just got up and started walking. So
after a while I sold his pushed here and I
made him walk and he really enjoyed that. But after
(30:24):
that he was really a lazy boy. He wouldn't do
if he didn't have to. But however, however, you got
there in the end.
Speaker 5 (30:34):
That's brilliant.
Speaker 6 (30:35):
You got there in the end, and he's probably running
around and walking perfectly.
Speaker 4 (30:38):
Now. Yeah, great stuff, Allison, Thank you so much. And
I love this teach to finish off because it kind
of brings us full circle back to that fascinating study
you mentioned. It, says Hi Sarah, how was the screen
time affecting adults? I feel like we're almost as bad,
and so this seems quite hypercritical for some parents sometimes
almost like we're saying do as I say, not as
(31:00):
I do. I would love to hear your thoughts about
screen time for adults as well as children absolutely.
Speaker 6 (31:05):
Look, I think when we are seeing great studies like
this for New Zealand kids, teens, youth, you know we
also have to look to parents and guardians because our children,
as I mentioned before, are looking to us. We are
their role models. So you definitely cannot you know, do
as I say, not as I do.
Speaker 5 (31:25):
That's not fair. So of course this.
Speaker 6 (31:27):
Brings into sharp focus adult behaviors and I think, well,
you know, as a parent myself, I'm really aware of
that and I definitely have restrictions and limits in place
in our household. I think I have a whole lot
of friends and clients who have the same thing, and
you know, we're working towards again creating that balance so
that we don't cut those beautiful things out of life,
(31:49):
you know, the walks, the barbecues, the tricks, the exercise,
the actual social connection face to face. But absolutely adults
absolutely need to check themselves and create you know, limits,
rules and regulations and put them in place and stick
to it so that we tea reaching our kids what
to do.
Speaker 4 (32:06):
Brilliant Always a joy to have you on, Sarah. Thank
you so much for your time and we will chat
again soon.
Speaker 5 (32:11):
Thanks Tyler, have a good one.
Speaker 4 (32:13):
You too. That is Sarah Chatwin, a psychologist and she
has her own company, Mind Works as well. Right after
the break, we're gonna catch up with our man Jason
Pine live from Eden Park. We are t minus seventy
five minutes away from kickoff, so we're going to have
a chat to him about the All Blacks versus England
very shortly. It is News Talk zed B sixteen minutes
(32:33):
to six.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
For more from the weekend collective, listen live to News
Talk ZEDB weekends from three pm, or follow the podcast
on iHeartRadio.
You're listening to the Weekend Collective podcast from news Talks
by myself.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Meself every week.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
If you can't tell, they said.
Speaker 4 (00:28):
Welcome back into the Weekend Collective. Thank you very much
as always for your company. And it is time for
the Parents Squad with Sarah chat When. Sarah is a
registered psychologist and social commentator. She's got her own business,
mind works, she's a wealth of knowledge and she's just
good fun. Nice to see you, kin, Sarah. How are you, hey, Tyler?
Speaker 5 (00:48):
How you doing? You're pretty good.
Speaker 6 (00:49):
It's been a beautiful day in Auckland.
Speaker 4 (00:52):
Great I mean g greater here to the all blacks
at Eden Park.
Speaker 6 (00:56):
I know for chous it might mean that we have
a little bit of good luck there. But yeah, absolutely
glorious and yes, amped to be here.
Speaker 4 (01:05):
And now we're going to hopefully have time to have
a chat about traveling with kids in AI in classrooms.
But because and this is why she's the best at
what she does, folks, that you have come armed with
an incredibly recent study hot off the press that Kiwee
kids And this is crazy. I knew that they love
their screen times, but Kiwi kids use screens more than
(01:26):
anywhere else in the OECD, is that right.
Speaker 5 (01:29):
I mean, it's just really scary.
Speaker 6 (01:31):
I was talking and read, doing a lot of reading
and talking to a lovely lady called Judy Cullen who
was part of a coordinated approach to looking at you know,
all of this data, international data, but actually pertaining to
New Zealand about device use, and they came up with
some amazing recommendations for the use of digital technologies and
(01:54):
schools coulda and early childhood education.
Speaker 5 (01:56):
Because yes, it's.
Speaker 6 (01:59):
A little gary that you know, kids in New Zealand
use screens more than most kids around the world.
Speaker 5 (02:07):
And I mean that's just horrific to me.
Speaker 6 (02:08):
I mean, Tyler, you may have heard me talking at
nauseum about you know, the terrors of social media.
Speaker 4 (02:16):
It's such a big thing though, isn't it. And it
is such a mine field for parents to deal with it.
And I know there's been there was a recent book
out by US author called The Anxiety Generation, mainly sort
of older teenagers. But it is that catch twenty two
is how they heat you get kids off phones when
it is so ingrained in their society. If they're the
(02:37):
ones without a phone, they're kind of excluded from the group.
Speaker 5 (02:40):
You're on the margin.
Speaker 4 (02:41):
It's hard thing.
Speaker 5 (02:42):
Yeah, it is.
Speaker 1 (02:42):
Well.
Speaker 6 (02:42):
I mean, you know, while screens and that digital environment
can really provide opportunities for learning and fun and can
create you know, knowledge that's accessible to kids and information
and all the rest of it, excessive use of these
kinds of things can have major health risks, like you know,
harming our eyes. I mean these people so it's Julie Cullen,
(03:04):
Alex Munths, Samantha marsh, Lorna Simmons, Jan Mays, Karen O'Neill,
and Scott Duncan. A couple of these are professors from
Mayama Mata Auckland University and a ut from abroad, you know, Switzerland,
you know Massy.
Speaker 5 (03:18):
These people and their.
Speaker 6 (03:19):
Physiotherapists, they're audiologists. A huge amount of you know, intellectual rigor.
This has come This is anchored and a lot of
intellectual rigor from these people who have come together and
and just looked over all the research, you know, done
an incredible literature review and come up with these recommendations
and you know these are things this environment can harm
(03:39):
our eyes. There's some work from ops filmologists they you know,
our posture. There's a lot of harmful effects if children
are stuck in front of these screens and devices and
involved in this digital environment, you know, relentlessly without actually
having breaks. And what I love about the recommendations from
(04:01):
this group is that they have it's very clear, very concrete.
They've gone zero to six years, six to twelve years,
and thirteen to eighteen years. And you know, they've put
it into categories restrict, limit, and encourage, So it's really
clear for parents and for educators, for everybody, for children
to have a look at and to use. And this
(04:22):
is stuff that we need because I remember Tyler, I
talked to him about this, you know, and I don't
know whether you feel the same way we have. We
have sat on our couches and enabled social media to
come and snuggle up beside us and just do whatever
it wants. We haven't put checks and balances in place,
and these people have done this and the recommendations are stellar.
Speaker 5 (04:44):
It's just incredible.
Speaker 4 (04:46):
We're gonna dwelve a lot more into this study. But
if you've got a question for Sarah, now is your opportunity.
She's fantastic. Oh eight hundred eighty ten eighty is the
number to call, or you can text through to nine
to ninety two. Now, sorry, you just mentioned the review
into the zero to six age group, the six to twelve,
thirteen to eighteen. How much screen time have they recommended
(05:06):
for each of those groups.
Speaker 6 (05:07):
Well, I hate to tell parents when they when they
have a little bit of glee about the fact that
their two year old can use screens, restrict no screen
use for undertoos.
Speaker 4 (05:18):
The recommendation Telly as well or as that social media.
Speaker 6 (05:22):
Mobile devices and you know iPads and you know tablets
and all the rest of it, no screen use in
the early childhood education center settings without approval from teachers.
So in that zero to six years, there are definite
limits and restrictions that parents should be cognizant of.
Speaker 5 (05:42):
But also what I love about.
Speaker 6 (05:44):
This research is that they have this category of encouraging
encouraging purposeful and intentional use of these devices for a
short period of time. They they're encouraging outdoor exercise and
free play. I mean, I don't know how many times
I have said that, you know, in this beautiful country
of our styler, we you know, we need to encourage
(06:05):
our kids to get outside, to use that green.
Speaker 5 (06:08):
Space, to go to beaches, to go on walks.
Speaker 6 (06:10):
So these people have actually put these encouraging you know,
words in front of them. Within these recommendations, you know,
they've encouraged parents and educators to reward pro social and
positive learning behaviors and social interactions and to ensure that
kids you know, that are in any environment have the
right lighting and the right ergonomics around them so that
(06:32):
they're comfortable. And they aren't. They're not, you know, there
are no negative physiological factors impacting on their physiology.
Speaker 5 (06:42):
So it's just it's just lovely.
Speaker 6 (06:43):
But zero to six years, this stuff should be to
the minimum.
Speaker 4 (06:48):
Wow, So minimum would be less than an hour a day.
Speaker 6 (06:52):
Oh look they now, because I'm not an expert in this,
and these guys definitely are, I'd actually like you to
get them on the show as well. But I would say, yeah,
I mean, as as little as possible unless it is
sanctioned by teachers or you know, preschool. You know, it's
just maybe a little taste, a little bit of an
(07:12):
introd you know, in an introductory kind of a way.
But zero to six years, you're kind of you know,
you're dealing with the minimum of it, and you're still
encouraging those beautiful pro social behaviors. You're encouraging children to interact,
to socially connect in their homes and their education centers
and those environments. You're encouraging play and all of those
(07:34):
love the activities.
Speaker 4 (07:36):
Just from your point of view. And I've said this
before and I absolutely mean it. I am so thankful
that I didn't grow up around mobile phones. Mobile phones
weren't a thing until I had left high school, and
social media certainly wasn't a thing. And I'm shureing my
age a little bit here, but I think Facebook came
around when I was in my mid twenties. And again
(07:56):
I say, I'm so thankful for that because my parents
didn't have to worry about that minefield of social media
and that screens are everywhere and it's so part of
the culture, particularly for children over the age of say,
ten years old. How and I've got so much sympathy
for parents to try and navigate that. How the heck
can they start to have that conversation with their young teenagers,
primarily that hey, I know you want to be your
(08:18):
friends are doing this and I've got phones and they
are on social media, but we want you to start
not cancel it, but stop using it as much as
you're using it.
Speaker 6 (08:28):
It's really sad when I you know, when I heard
you say that I'm thankful to have grown up like that,
I mean, I guess I'm similar to you. I am too,
But isn't that sad because we actually sit here as people,
you know, I think it's kind of people would it
be late thirties to say sixty and beyond late say,
late thirties or forties and beyond that haven't had that huge,
(08:52):
you know, digital input. It's so sad that we feel
grateful because our kids are at the forefront of this,
and as you mentioned before, if they are not part
of it, then there is that feeling of you know,
ostri as and you know, being on the fringes and
the margin, which you don't want either. But it is
a very very important conversation for parents to have, and
(09:13):
not that anybody tells any parent exactly what they should do,
because every family has a different culture and parents, you know,
they are the architects of their children's destiny. And I
hope they all know that out there and they don't
abdicate responsibility. But these are conversations that they need to
have and when you're looking at research that even includes
zero to six year old children. These devices, the digital
(09:36):
environment is obviously accessible from a very early age in
some households, and we know we've got to be really
mindful of that. So the conversation is important as soon
as we can have it.
Speaker 4 (09:47):
Really, I'm just thinking of a scenario here, Sarah. So,
say you're a parent of a young teenager and they
invite their friends around, and you've decided for that afternoon
you're going to take their phones off them and it's
going to be no phone couple of hours while they
come around to socialize. That for some parents would send
shivers down the spine, saying that's a hard thing to
(10:10):
try and enforce. And then you know, my child could
wear that from their friends. If we're the weird household
that doesn't allow phones, that's a hard thing to navigate
again for parents.
Speaker 6 (10:20):
Yeah, I mean, wow, that would be a big call
to actually make that call and say, right now, let's
put them all in the what is it in the
basket or in the bables, you know, like the keys.
Speaker 5 (10:30):
That would be a big call to make.
Speaker 6 (10:32):
But what I suggest, you know, parents have a look
at you know, alternative activities in the summer, you know,
and in this country there are so many things that
we can do that we can access access, you know,
fairly easily. But also just being interactive with your children.
And also do you know what, I believe you can
achieve most things in life if you have a plan. So,
(10:52):
if you are a parent that is planning to have
teenagers around, see what crops up, you know, two weeks
out from the actual date, that you can put in
place so that digital devices and all of that stuff
isn't so necessary. Maybe it's games, maybe it's a movie,
maybe it's getting out, maybe it's you know, in the environment,
having a barbecue, leading them, you know, cook their own
(11:14):
sauces on the barbie.
Speaker 5 (11:15):
Who knows, But have a plan that.
Speaker 6 (11:18):
Doesn't ne necessarily revolve around devices and that digital environment.
Speaker 4 (11:25):
Do you hope there'll be for lack of a better word,
of natural rebalancing when it comes to social media? And
I say that that there's a lot of adults out there,
men included, Yes, who have I've decided to come off
a lot of my social media accounts because I realized
they weren't servicing me. I wasn't particularly happy when I
was you know, so called doom scrolling. They provide a
(11:45):
lot of benefits. I'm not saying that they're completely evil,
but there has been a bit of a pushback and
the adult generation about using social media. Do you hope
that there may be a similar pushback with the younger generation,
that they start to realize that what was promised about
this connecting with anybody around the world and social cohesion
just hasn't really played out however body thought it was
going to play out.
Speaker 5 (12:06):
I'm a great believer in balance.
Speaker 6 (12:08):
You know, we talk a lot these days about work
life balance and balance and all things, and you know, moderation.
Speaker 5 (12:13):
So I am. I mean, I have just seen, you know,
from about.
Speaker 6 (12:18):
That two thousand and six when everything got a bit
real with regard to social media and devices and all
the rest of it, and the.
Speaker 5 (12:24):
Influence started to grow.
Speaker 6 (12:27):
I'm just hopeful that you know, the pendulum has really
swung that way, and you know, it seems to have
gone a little bit out of perhaps that we you know,
we get that balance back, and yes, that people realize
that there is a whole lot of world and of
life to live away from devices and away from screens
and outside the digital environment. I think it's great. And
(12:49):
you know, and I have talked to people at netsafe
who also provide an amazing service in terms of allowing
people to be comfortable with a relationship with social media
and devices and platforms and you know, that kind of environment,
that landscape. But I just leave in balance. And I
think that as much as parents, you know, rub their
(13:10):
hands together and went, oh great, we have something to
put our children in front of whilst we you know,
do some other things and get jobs done around the
house or in our lives. I just think that perhaps
we've let it go a bit and we need to
rein it in and it would be nice to think that, yeah,
you know, we have that balance.
Speaker 4 (13:29):
Yeah, fantastic. Now the questions are coming in for you,
Sarah are nine to two nine. Tool is the text
number if you've got a question and you prefer to
send it via text. And oh eight hundred and eighty
ten eighty is the phone number, and Sarah's standing by
ida have a chat with you. So this question from Simon. Hi, Sarah.
I've recently moved in with my Vietnamese partner who has
her own kids. What I've found here is key. We
(13:52):
kids do not want to go anywhere or do anything
apart from gaming and eating. So different from the way
I grew up. Is it just a key we culture thing?
Speaker 5 (14:04):
Oh boy, I hope that's not the I hope that's
not the truth.
Speaker 6 (14:07):
Certainly know that that's not necessarily what my kids did
it And I do know a lot of kids that
do get out and about. But of course, you know,
the text is talking about a lot of children who
have just become inactive and they are just really enjoying,
you know, that passive connection that is so easy and
a little lazy, and of course you know when we're
(14:28):
looking at statistics where kids are spending four to six
hours a day on the weekend in front of their
devices and with their devices on. I mean, the great
thing about this study that has been published in the
New Zealand Medical Journal by Julie Cullen and Alex Samantha, Lorna,
Jan Karen and Scott is that, you know, we're really
(14:50):
supposed to be having eyebreaks every twenty minutes if we
are using our devices that much, and I mean we
should not be on devices for four to six hours.
Speaker 5 (14:59):
That's just relentless, and that is you know that means.
Speaker 6 (15:02):
Posturally where we're hunching over our eyes are not having
any breaks. We're kind of feeding into that popcorn brain
scenario where everything is in and around this device, where
you know, somebody might be talking to us, but we
are actually looking at our device and focusing on that
and not really hearing that input. It's just lazy. So
I do agree that was it. Simon is definitely seeing
(15:26):
something that there is out there and a lot of
it and it's going unchecked. And I think what the
study really highlighted for me was there are so many
things that we have to ensure to mean that these
relationships that we have with our devices are healthy and
positive for us eyebreaks, taking time out, understanding that, you know,
(15:47):
we need to be socially connecting face to face, not
just with our devices. And the UN has even called
for urgent talks to manage screen time use in schools
to balance the benefits of this environment and the harm
the harmful.
Speaker 4 (16:01):
Effects just on there. Do you think it was the
right move the government implementing the no Phones in School policy,
perhaps not in terms of increasing educational achievement, but just
in terms of allowing children to break from their phones
while they're at school.
Speaker 6 (16:19):
I kind of loved it, and I just I mean,
you know, you and I went to school and we
didn't take phones into school, and we seemed to turn
out okay, and we and we did okay.
Speaker 5 (16:30):
So I did. Yeah, I enjoyed.
Speaker 6 (16:33):
I enjoyed that that was coming into effect and that
we were actually putting, you know, setting some limits. Because
the new recommendations that I'm talking about today are endorsed
by the Pediatric Society of New Zealand and others, and
they aim to help kids use screens in a safer way,
maximizing all the opportunities that you know, digital technologies can offer,
(16:56):
but with lower risks and negative health effects. So again,
I think that implementation of no phones during you know,
in schools and during that time is wonderful because it's
probably the only time, and it's a lot of time
that kids are away from these devices because you know,
looking at the research on the weekends, they are over
(17:18):
the top.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
Yeah, fascinating and scary research. Where can people if they
want to read a little bit further on the study,
where can they find it? Did you have that information?
I'm know it's just hot off the press now.
Speaker 6 (17:29):
I think the Pediatric Society's website, but I'm going to
get confirmation of that, because these recommendations for the use
of digital technologies in schools, COULDA and early childhood education
are just gold Zero to six years, six to twelve years,
thirteen to eighteen years, very clear, very concise, very concrete.
(17:50):
And the thing that I love about these recommendations is
that they encourage the purposeful and intentional use of devices
in schools only, so you know, you are only really
using your device for a specific purpose. And it just
means that kids have the ability to do a whole
lot of other things that you and I used to do,
you know, go outside, talk to people face to face,
(18:13):
interact with people, play sports, get fit, you know, and
give our eyes, our backs, our bodies, our minds.
Speaker 5 (18:20):
Arrest.
Speaker 6 (18:20):
Because these people put in this study particularly looked at
you know a lot of physical effects, and as a psychologist,
I'm telling you right now that popcorn mind effect and
the effect of you know, increased levels of anxiety that children, teens, adolescents,
and youth feel when they are looking at these platforms
and these Facebook, Instagram and all the rest of it.
(18:42):
That's what I see a lot of today too, and
that is relentless and it is very very concerning.
Speaker 4 (18:47):
So the popcorn brain that's is that almost you get
to a point where you just need constant stimulus, whatever
it may be, and that obviously affects your attention span, focus,
it might raise anxiety. As you say, that's a real
phenomenon that we're seeing right now.
Speaker 6 (19:04):
And it's all so people that it's also encouraging, you know,
ill mannered. You know, it's not encouraging should I say
great manners in our children because they are glued to
these screens and people are talking to them and trying
to connect with them and trying to interact with them.
But you know, their mind is addled because they're you know,
(19:26):
they're focusing on their devices and these digital platforms, so
you know, lack of concentration span, attention span that's very
very limited. They're not necessarily nice people to be around
because the communication pathways of communication are really broken down
and their ability to communicate is not there because they're
not doing it. These skills that we you know, grew
(19:51):
up with, they're not there. And also this passive you know,
just sitting in chairs and just slumping around, not even well,
preferring to be passive in terms of communication and interaction
as opposed to so, you know, talking to people, looking
at people in the eye, going out exercising. It's that
is the popcorn brain, because there is just there's a
(20:13):
lack of attention, shortened attention span. And I think that
kids with popcorn brain are not that they don't enjoy
connection with people because they're not used to it, because
what they are used to is their device, and the
device is easy, it's passive. It does not you know,
neuroplasticas is definitely not encouraged.
Speaker 5 (20:35):
It's yeah, it's a minefield.
Speaker 4 (20:37):
Absolutely, it is right. We've got to take a break.
But if you've got a question for Sarah, oh, eight
hundred and eighty ten eighty is the number to call,
and you can also take through nine two ninety two.
And there's a question here we'll get to after the
ad break, Sarah about gentle parenting. I want to ask
you about that. Very shortly, it is twenty seven past five.
You're listening to the Parent Squad back very shortly, welcome
(20:59):
back in to the Parent Squad on the Weekend Collective
and we are joined by a psychologist Sarah chat. Thank
you again so much for your time, Sarah.
Speaker 5 (21:06):
It is my pleasure loving it.
Speaker 4 (21:08):
So the text questions are coming in thick and fast,
and if you want to have a chat to Sarah,
O one hundred and eighty ten eighty is the number
to call. But a couple of texts that have come
through in the last couple of minutes. Hi, Sarah, my
baby is not talking yet. She is just over eighteen
months old. Should I be worried?
Speaker 5 (21:28):
Well?
Speaker 7 (21:28):
Have you?
Speaker 6 (21:29):
I mean, I'm not a GP or a pediatrician, and
certainly if you have those concerns, I would go to
your medical person, it might be your GPS, your first
port of call, and see if they have any concerns. Obviously,
you know, from our end of things, we would be
encouraging you to check out hearing. And you know, if
(21:51):
you was this the call the texts first child, because
it's really hard when you're a first time parent, isn't it.
Speaker 4 (21:57):
To No, Yeah, they don't specify whether it's their first child,
but perhaps I mean we're just speculating here, but if
it is their first child, that would be quite frightening
and as a new parent just want the best for
your new baby. Oh, man, there's so many things that
you're having to work out on the fly.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (22:14):
Absolutely, And you know what, I don't encourage anybody to
just sit in a really uncomfortable space and go, oh boy,
I'm worried about this reach out And it would be
my suggestion that you go to your GP, who might
then refer you to a pediutrician or an audiologist to
just check out the hearing vision well, a whole lot
(22:35):
of things, and it might just be nothing, because there's
a lot of variation in terms of you know, how
children or when children start to walk, talk, crawl, you know,
all of these things, and so you can't be absolute
and specific, you know, really specific. But I think that
as a parent, trust your GAT and if you have concerns,
reach out to somebody who could you know, quiet the
(22:57):
white noise in your head and give you some assurances
as to what's going on.
Speaker 4 (23:00):
Yeah, beautiful answer. Let's go to the phones.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Nev.
Speaker 4 (23:03):
How are you good, Tyler? How are you very good?
Sarah is standing by?
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Hi.
Speaker 7 (23:09):
Hi, Sarah, Hey good.
Speaker 3 (23:13):
Just to give you my question is about different parenting style,
but just to give you a background, we live in
a big family with you know, me and my wife
and my parents as well, so we all have different
parenting styles. And I'm more of like a softy, you
know kid, and my wife's too strict and my parents
(23:34):
are like waiste, too softer and spoil them. So I
can o. Kids get very confused at times, you know,
about what to do, what not to do. Everybody's telling
them different things.
Speaker 6 (23:45):
But if I actually feel like I want to come
and live in your house, it sounds lovely with all
the extended family members and you know, a lot of
lovely connection going on there. But I understand there's a
lot of people and different parenting styles.
Speaker 5 (23:56):
I get it.
Speaker 3 (23:58):
So what what can I do? I mean, because I
know I don't have my wife and my parents at
the moment to listen to this, but which I don't
want it. But what can I do, like, you know,
to make it easier for the kids to get the
right message?
Speaker 7 (24:12):
You know?
Speaker 3 (24:13):
Yeah, I'm a bit to confuse myself at the moment.
Speaker 6 (24:16):
Well, Well, that's a really interesting question, and thanks for that.
I think that first and foremost, I would perhaps take
a little bit of time to reflect on the messages
that you, as a parent and your wife want to
send to your children, because grandparents are brilliant, but of
course you know, they are not the first port of
call for your children. And I know that in different
families and different cultures. You know, grandparents have a huge
(24:38):
day and they absolutely it's absolutely wonderful.
Speaker 5 (24:40):
It sounds lovely.
Speaker 6 (24:41):
But I think that it just take a little bit
of time to reflect on those messages and those values
that you want to transmit to your children, and then
perhaps even make a little list. I love my lists.
I'm a bit of a list person. I like ticking
things off. It gives me a great feeling of satisfaction
and I'm sure it releases and doorphins. So make a
little list of the values and the things that you
(25:02):
want your kids to learn and to know, and then maybe,
you know, just have a chat to the people in
your household and say.
Speaker 5 (25:10):
Hey, what about this.
Speaker 6 (25:11):
We've all got slightly different parenting styles. I'm a great
proponent of honesty and nov you can probably hear that.
You know, we've all got different parenting stars. Let's I
would quite like the kids to learn, you know, a
b C. What do you guys think?
Speaker 5 (25:23):
You know?
Speaker 6 (25:24):
I have a little bit of a chat and see
what you can come up with so that there's you know,
the building of bridges between parenting styles, and then your
children will be able to reap the benefits of the
you know, the wisdom and all of those great strategies
from every member of the family and your household.
Speaker 5 (25:40):
How does that sound?
Speaker 3 (25:43):
Yes, sounds amazing. I think I can definitely talk to
my wife about this, but I don't know about my parents.
Speaker 5 (25:49):
Baby steps now, baby.
Speaker 3 (25:51):
Steps, Yeah, I think, thank you so much for that.
I think this sounds good. And do you think it's
a good idea to I mean, show that list of
the kids as well with the spectations.
Speaker 6 (26:02):
Are Yeah, I think make it kid friendly and very
concrete and put it put it down in simple terms.
But again, I love the lists and I love you know.
I think that parents, you know, for a lot of years,
have to be consistent and repetitious with regard to the
messages that they send their children. So if your children
want to have a look, absolutely, just make it child
(26:23):
friendly in terms of the language that you use so
that they can understand what it is that you actually want.
But no, brilliant and I think your family sounds awesome, lovely.
Speaker 4 (26:32):
I agree with that, and nev it sounds like a lively,
fun household. Thank you very much, Nev. Great question here, Sarah, Yes, hi, Sarah.
How do you discipline a thirteen month old? I know
he can't reason, but he laughs at me when I
say no, and I'm nervous I'm not being strict enough
and he will be a terror when he's two.
Speaker 6 (26:53):
Well, do you know what I think, banish the terror too, thoughts,
because we're not there yet. At thirteen months, we ain't
it too, So don't think like that, you know, just
try to put those thoughts out.
Speaker 5 (27:04):
Is it it? Is it a little heat?
Speaker 6 (27:06):
He sounds absolutely gorgeous and the laughing, Oh that's just
I mean, bless gorgeous. But I understand at times must
be frustrating too. I do remember those days of you know,
the ones to twos and the terrible twos that weren't
so terrible to be honest. So I think, look, as
long as you are being kind, caring, compassionate, but also
(27:27):
trying to get your messages through in very concrete, simple language,
because remember, you are dealing with a childhood is very young,
and they are looking to you as a role model.
So understand that what you're presenting visually and in terms
of your voice, your eyeline, your tone. Your child is
just a sponge. They are just sponging that in. So
(27:49):
be very aware of how you present to your child.
It sounds like he's you know, from the thumbnail that
you've given us. I just don't think he is going
to be a tear. I think he's going to be
an absolute delight. And that's the mindset that I would
go forward with, you know, putting that out to the universe.
My child is going to be an absolute delight with
an infectious smile and laugh. And but just you know,
(28:13):
be very consistent with your messages and very simple with
your messages so that they get it. And Noah's no
you know. And and if your child is being naughty
and you choose to you know, pick him up or
you know, walk with him outside to take a little
bit of time, do that, take a little bit of
time to get him out of a situation if he's
(28:35):
playing up, and just you know, use soothing words and
try to be kind.
Speaker 5 (28:39):
But you know, parenting it's a tough gig, isn't it.
Speaker 4 (28:42):
Tyler very well said. But that's a great answer. Right,
We're going to take a break if you've got a
question for Sarah, oh, one hundred and eighty ten eighty
is the number to call, and we've got a couple
of calls to get to. It is twenty two minutes
or six back fore shortly here on newstok CB and
the Parents Squad. That's right, you are listening to the
Parents Squad and we're joined by psychologist Sarah Chi. It
(29:05):
will thank you again so much for your time, Sarah.
Speaker 5 (29:07):
It's been so much fun. We've had some great questions.
Speaker 4 (29:09):
Have we watched and Allison is standing by with another
great question. Hey Allison, oh.
Speaker 2 (29:15):
Hullo, it's not a question, it's just an I had
three boys and the first two walk at eleven and
a half to twelve months, and the last one was
twenty two months before he woke, and we had him
to psychologists and.
Speaker 7 (29:35):
Not psychologist Pigacris, right, they all came up with the
same idea that because he's got two brothers.
Speaker 6 (29:42):
I was just going to say that, yeah, he's got
two big brothers who could do a lot of things
for him. So often you find that the children that
are further down the ordinal position are a little less.
Speaker 5 (29:54):
Slightly or inclined to be that active. So was that
your answer or was there something else going on?
Speaker 7 (30:01):
It was half the answer, but because why by I
was going for yourself when they're going to help. But
it was very worrying for us. Yes, I find that
he's nearly two and not walking, But the next couple
of weeks it just got up and started walking. So
after a while I sold his pushed here and I
made him walk and he really enjoyed that. But after
(30:24):
that he was really a lazy boy. He wouldn't do
if he didn't have to. But however, however, you got
there in the end.
Speaker 5 (30:34):
That's brilliant.
Speaker 6 (30:35):
You got there in the end, and he's probably running
around and walking perfectly.
Speaker 4 (30:38):
Now. Yeah, great stuff, Allison, Thank you so much. And
I love this teach to finish off because it kind
of brings us full circle back to that fascinating study
you mentioned. It, says Hi Sarah, how was the screen
time affecting adults? I feel like we're almost as bad,
and so this seems quite hypercritical for some parents sometimes
almost like we're saying do as I say, not as
(31:00):
I do. I would love to hear your thoughts about
screen time for adults as well as children absolutely.
Speaker 6 (31:05):
Look, I think when we are seeing great studies like
this for New Zealand kids, teens, youth, you know we
also have to look to parents and guardians because our children,
as I mentioned before, are looking to us. We are
their role models. So you definitely cannot you know, do
as I say, not as I do.
Speaker 5 (31:25):
That's not fair. So of course this.
Speaker 6 (31:27):
Brings into sharp focus adult behaviors and I think, well,
you know, as a parent myself, I'm really aware of
that and I definitely have restrictions and limits in place
in our household. I think I have a whole lot
of friends and clients who have the same thing, and
you know, we're working towards again creating that balance so
that we don't cut those beautiful things out of life,
(31:49):
you know, the walks, the barbecues, the tricks, the exercise,
the actual social connection face to face. But absolutely adults
absolutely need to check themselves and create you know, limits,
rules and regulations and put them in place and stick
to it so that we tea reaching our kids what
to do.
Speaker 4 (32:06):
Brilliant Always a joy to have you on, Sarah. Thank
you so much for your time and we will chat
again soon.
Speaker 5 (32:11):
Thanks Tyler, have a good one.
Speaker 4 (32:13):
You too. That is Sarah Chatwin, a psychologist and she
has her own company, Mind Works as well. Right after
the break, we're gonna catch up with our man Jason
Pine live from Eden Park. We are t minus seventy
five minutes away from kickoff, so we're going to have
a chat to him about the All Blacks versus England
very shortly. It is News Talk zed B sixteen minutes
(32:33):
to six.
Speaker 1 (32:38):
For more from the weekend collective, listen live to News
Talk ZEDB weekends from three pm, or follow the podcast
on iHeartRadio.
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