May 17, 2025 • 36 mins
A nine year old boy was told he's too fat to play rugby this week, sparking a major debate.
But really, kids do tend to grow out before up - so when is it an issue, and how do you discuss it with them?
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
You're listening to the Weekend Collective podcast from News talksb.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Yes, welcome back to the Weekend Collective. By the way,
if you missed a one rief radio show with Mike
Atkinson him from a SPA property management, the latter part
of it talking about basically pets and the rules and
things like that, you can go and check out the
conversation on iHeartRadio News Talks, Beat at Court and Zeven. Also,
we had a fantastic panel with a Peak wolf Camp
(00:47):
and Joe McCarroll discussing some of the bigger issues of
last week, which was a big issue, a big week
when it comes to politics. So yeah, do go and
check that out.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
We up.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Actually, I thought we had a quite a stellar out
there talking about some difficult stuff. But right now it
is time for the parents squad. Well, I'm talking about
a couple of tricky issues there was. There was the
story this week which put the spotlight on children's weight
when a nine year old boy was told he was
too heavy I guess to play rugby because of the
(01:19):
weight for age, and there's been a bit of a
debate around that. But I guess the question is how
do we manage these issues as children grow and the
whatever hellmones kicking and eating habits maybe aren't the healthiest
and partly maybe that's on parents or not, or they're
just not interested in exercising as much because they're stuck
on their bloom and phones and you're concerned at the
(01:41):
trend or the way that they're going. Is it something
you can ever have a conversation with your children about
or is it a no go zone? And parents, how
do you handle that when you think you know, my son,
my daughter, their beautiful kids. I love them so much,
but goodness me, they're looking like they're just not as
healthy as they could be. And I'm going to tip
(02:02):
tipto around through the tulips on with the youanisms today.
Speaker 4 (02:06):
Because it is a tricky issue.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Anyway, joining us, she is I'm a psychologist at mindin
Works and her name is Sarah Chaplin and she is
with me now, Sarah, good afternoon, how are you good?
Speaker 5 (02:17):
Afternoon? Good? Slash evening? Good? I think we're going to
have another stellar hour to recreate that other stellar hour
you have. Oh, it's going to be great.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
It's tricky, isn't it dealing with with Yeah? Wait, and
it's not about I mean, look, there are I actually
don't know how to set it. I don't really know
how to describe the issue because in a way I
sort of think it's it's something that you should never
really talk to your kids about how they look. You
should talk to them about.
Speaker 5 (02:47):
I think his parents. We often end up doing a
little bit of that. And it's a very subjective kind
of a thing too.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
Because of you know, further down the track, there are
probably the potential for eating disorders and kids who don't
feel good about themselves, and maybe you.
Speaker 5 (03:02):
Have body shaming and dietary requirement and all the rest
of it. There's a lot of stuff involved in this year.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Because I tend to think that off straight off the bat,
without being a psychologist or anything. If I was concerned
about anything to do with my children, I would be
thinking about messages around I'm not. I think you're eating
too much sugar, and the question will be why. It's like,
because I see how much sugar you're eating. You're eating
(03:28):
and eventually you're really going to feel the health You're
not going to feel great because eating too much sugar,
or I think you're eating too many fatty things or whatever.
Speaker 5 (03:38):
Or you could do it completely differently and have the
same results or consequence if you like, you could say, hey, listen,
you know, I'm thinking of really starting to cook some
healthy stuff for us and for us to eat more
healthy meals. What do you think about that and talk
through the issue of eating more healthy meals and choosing
(03:59):
really healthy options to eat. Also exercising, activity, play things
like that that can contribute to keeping people feeling really
good about themselves and their bodies. And really you're not
even touching on the body image kind of a thing.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Things, but you see even that, I think if you've
got kids who are relatively you know, intuitive or smart
or clever, you know, we're not talking about five or
six year old necessarily, you're.
Speaker 5 (04:29):
Talking about a nine year old. So that's still a child,
that's middle.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Child, that's a nine year old. But for what do
you do with your teenagers who are like daddy, are
you telling.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
Me I'm fat?
Speaker 5 (04:38):
Well, you say no, I'm not saying that. I'm saying
that as a family we should think about and talk
about healthier options in terms of eating, because we are
eating a lot of fast foods, and a lot of
people eat obviously more fast food and those kind of
options these days than you know, ten, fifteen, twenty years ago. Certainly,
(04:58):
So no, you say no, I'm not necessarily saying anything
other than I'd like to think about changing our family
eating habits a bit so that we, you know, live
longer and we're healthy. And you know, I'd also like
to talk about activity. We go for walks as a family,
we might play sports. Lots of kids play sports in
(05:19):
this little If it.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
Was being a cynical teenager, I'd be like mum, explaining,
is losing?
Speaker 4 (05:23):
Are you saying I'm fat?
Speaker 5 (05:24):
Oh? And you just say no, I'm actually just thinking
about healthy choices. And you could also say that from
a parental perspective, you know your child. So if you
see and if you feel as a parent that your
child is getting weighty for no good reason other than
perhaps there's too much sugar happening in the.
Speaker 4 (05:44):
You know, sugar is the devil.
Speaker 5 (05:47):
In the eating choices, then as a parent you should
be able to make some decisions around what you're feeding
them and what is in your cupboards.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
On The tricky thing is is that once they become
more independent and they have I mean, you look at
any sporting team at the end of the game that
the sweets get handed around and they get you know,
I was going to say scaled down. But of course
you eat sweets, but you are not the only source
of nutrition for your children. For instance, when I was
a kid, and I never would have ever thought about this,
(06:18):
and in fact, I was probably burning through so many
calories it didn't matter.
Speaker 4 (06:21):
But I used to get my treat for myself.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
And I think I would have been probably about eight
or nine years old.
Speaker 4 (06:28):
If I saved up forty cents, I could go.
Speaker 5 (06:31):
Go and get about twenty lollies.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
No, no, I would get a big I would get
the family pack of cheesels or twistings, Oh wow, and
I would sit on I would still remember, I'd sit
in my dad's office or something, reading an asterisk, and
I would get through that whole packet of cheesels.
Speaker 5 (06:47):
And were they great? Those are those days? The old day?
Speaker 2 (06:53):
It was literally like it, pick up, we are the cheesels.
Speaker 4 (06:56):
But probably that was the start of.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Me at some stage not eating very well. And I'm
not going to get all paranoid about it, but so
do you.
Speaker 5 (07:06):
Think that you're obese because you.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Don't look I'm look magnificent, Dona you do athlete? Actually no, well, actually,
the way I would deal with it, And by the way,
we'd love your calls on this. If you've been concerned
with your child or your grandchildren, how there's a slippery
slape as well. If you have the grandchildren, how do
you deal with it? Like, dear, do you think you're
(07:29):
feeding the kids too many?
Speaker 4 (07:31):
Too much? KFC?
Speaker 2 (07:33):
But I would probably say, in fact, this is what
I would probably say. Gosh, I've been thinking about how
much sugar we been eating around the place because I'm
getting a little bit. I'm getting a little bit loose
around the middle. And I'd ask them, and I was saying,
you know what, girls, I think if I'm doing this
to me, I don't want to do the same to you.
I think we need to tighten up on our diet.
Speaker 5 (07:51):
It's quite nice to have the conversation so that you're
not angling at anyone, you're not blaming your perhaps taking responsibility.
And at the end of the day, you are the parents,
so as your wife, so your architects of their destiny.
And you said to me before, well there are other
sources of nutrition for your kids. Yeah, but in the home,
you kind of set the standard. I guess the caregivers, guardians'
(08:13):
parents set you know, they are able to set the
standard and also teach children's self control because we don't
live in a vacuum. We lived with, you know, all
of these things around us, and we do have to
learn to say no and to say when, and to
stop some of these things.
Speaker 4 (08:29):
I've got a couple of texts on this way.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
One says you're feeding them, you have to take ownership,
and another one says don't buy them crap food and
they can't eat crap food. But see, it isn't quite
that simple as it. I mean, you can have that,
you can set as good example as you want. But
I think there are some people who just for instance,
have a sweet tooth. They're out, you know, at school
or what are they going under the tuch shop?
Speaker 5 (08:50):
Yes, but as a parent you can say, hey, listen,
I mean you would probably be giving your children money
for that tech shop. So just don't if you think
that the tech shop is an issue, just don't allow
them to have the resources to go there. And also
packed something a piece of fruit or something that might
compensate for something sweet. But I mean eating healthy food
(09:13):
doesn't mean that you don't have to have a little
treat or a cheap meal here and there. But I
do think in the home you set the standard as
a parent. You are a role model. So if you
tidy up your own act, you are going to get
some trickle down effect to your children. I mean it
has to and I do agree with if you don't
want your children to eat specific foods, don't necessarily have
(09:36):
it in the cupboard, because if you have packs and
packs and packs of biscuits in the cupboard, somebody's going
to eat them.
Speaker 4 (09:40):
Yeah, yeah, no, that's right.
Speaker 5 (09:42):
Everything in moderation, including moderation.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Yes, And I guess that's setting the example. We would
love to know what you reckon. How do you think
is it possible to have a conversation with your kids
about healthy eating when really you're concerned that they are
getting out of shape? Now, maybe it's just to do
with exercise and the choices they're making, or is this a.
Speaker 4 (10:02):
No goes in?
Speaker 2 (10:02):
But the broadest, the broader quest this leads to is
how do you cope when your kids worry about their
body image for no reason? Because that's the stuff that
I think really worries parents. Teenage girls and the I mean, gosh,
don't get me started on social media, but you know,
(10:25):
that's a real issue, the question around banning at for
under sixteen's and stuff like that. But one of the
things with Instagram and social media is just the fact
that everyone's presenting each other with this unrealistic image of themselves.
Speaker 5 (10:40):
Right, yeah, And I guess that's the other type of exposure.
So that's I guess the other end of the continuum
when you have all these young women and men trying
to be what everybody in Hollywood looks like, and they
have those very unrealistic images. Plus everything's enhanced on a
lot of those apps and in that digital space, so
(11:02):
even if we tried really really hard, we would never
get there with regard to somebody's look because images are changed, enhanced, filtered.
So I mean, that space is so it can be
so damaging. Great campaigns in and around social media, the
B four sixteen but also Body Right campaign looked at
that very unrealistic imaging that that youth see around what
(11:27):
they should be and how thin they should be, and
what their skin should look like, and you know, how
symmetrical their faces are and how god there was that
cry for Hey, listen, let's just stop enhancing these photos.
Let's get real. Let's beat down this, take down this fantasy,
and live with a bit more reality for these kids.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Yeah, we'd love your calls on this as well. If
you've had to address this issue with your children, or
you're concerned about your children and your grandchildren when it
comes to not just they're not just how they are
in terms of their healthiness and whether they might be
a little bit overweight, but if they are worried about it,
and how do you actually address that without giving them
(12:07):
a neuroses that can sometimes be really a dangerous thing.
Speaker 4 (12:13):
How do you protect them from that?
Speaker 2 (12:14):
We'd love your cause on this, And if you've got
any questions for Sarah Chapman as well on that issue,
then give us a call on eight hundred eighty ten
eighty text on nine two nine two as well.
Speaker 4 (12:24):
It's nineteen past five. I've got to let it go
(12:49):
to the base count. Then I'm gotta let it go.
Here we go, come on.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
The most cliched rock and roll time and for a
song in a way, but I can't. You can't be
a little bit of smoke on the water, can you that?
Speaker 5 (13:09):
Love that.
Speaker 4 (13:09):
That's actually look a bit of smoke on the water,
Sara chat one.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
We're talking about dealing with children's body issues, weight and
all that sort of thing. And it was actually off
the back of the story around the nine year old
boy was told he couldn't play age grade rugby at
South Auckland. To be honest, I thought, I mean it
was it was a good story to tell, but it
was nothing remarkable given that rugby is facing problems with
(13:34):
you know, collisions and head injuries and you've just got
to put like with like. And even when I played
rugby back on the day it was wait for age
you had to weigh in and if you are certain
weight you'd be up to the next grade.
Speaker 5 (13:44):
Yeah, that's true, and that those rules have been here,
you know, time and perpetuity, all right.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
Sarah Chattin's chat one is with me. She's from mind Works.
By the way, just before we get into the cause,
if people want to get in touch with you, they've
got an issue there, want to follow up on them.
Speaker 5 (14:00):
Yeah, just go to mind workstock code on and said
give me an email text and we'll have a chat.
Speaker 4 (14:06):
Good stuff. Right, let's get into the cause.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Got some good ticks on this as well, right where
we up to Pete?
Speaker 3 (14:13):
Hello, holdly folks, hi Pete, cure of this yere.
Speaker 5 (14:19):
Look.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
I just wanted to say my son's thirty four this year.
But when I was bringing them up in Stish and
he was a teenage tourist, to get him to put
weight on during the winter time, he didn't come springtime.
We did all for here though in summertime he was
(14:41):
ready for his sports engagement.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
You had a good plan, so deliberately fat them up
for winter like a.
Speaker 6 (14:48):
Bear ball upstair. The whole works.
Speaker 5 (14:52):
Hibernation, hibernation.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
It wouldn't it be just easier to get him another
layer layer of clothes.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Well that was your idea back in the old days.
In the end, but yeah, I just go with yeah.
Speaker 5 (15:09):
But it's good that you were promoting or the size
and play to get the you know, to to bring
him back a bit, which is nat.
Speaker 4 (15:15):
Did he know you're doing him up?
Speaker 7 (15:19):
Well?
Speaker 3 (15:19):
He noticed, and because I should take him to the
doctors for six months with TWOCAUP and he get weighed
his blood pressure, taking blood tish.
Speaker 5 (15:30):
Okay, So I was keeping track of it, keeping an
eye on it.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
I could have waited at home, but I just did
it so the doctors for che okay and k C.
It was strictly a dessert in treat.
Speaker 4 (15:48):
Okay, well it's not dessert, let's be honest. It's it's actually.
Speaker 5 (15:52):
Treat me on every now.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
And actually it's interesting he would take his kid to
the doctor for blood pressure and all that sort of stuff,
and his a little kid.
Speaker 5 (15:59):
But well, some parents like to monitor that stuff if
they feel that, you know, as the child does need
a bit of a health check.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Okay, here's a there's some text as well to we're
going to get on to what will continue the conversation. Oh,
eight hundred and eighty ten eighty. This one says you
are really focusing on sugar, fat and unhealthy food. But
my daughter's issue is just volume. She regularly complains that
she's hungry, even right up to eating. After eating a
bowl of cereal for breakfast, she wants a second, even
(16:27):
when the food is healthy, if you eat too much
of it, you get fat. And there are only so
many carrots, fruit and yogurt you can offer as a snack.
Speaker 4 (16:33):
Well, I don't know, I think you can eat carrots. Still.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
The cows come home and you're not going to put
on a hell of a lot, but you might turn
a little bit orange palally.
Speaker 5 (16:40):
Yeah, that's right, But there are also those healthy vitamins
and minerals and all the rest of it in carrots,
I guess. So I don't totally agree with that, but
I do know that children go through phases, and hey,
I'm not a dietitian, I'm a psychologist. But they go
through phases where they do consume the volume, and then
you know, there's phases where they are a little more
(17:03):
limited in what they eat.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
I'm not a nutritionist either, but I know that if
I had I'm confident that if we had clear Turnball
sitting with us or another nutritionist, then they would emphasize that. So,
for instance, you've said here, she regularly complains she's hunger
even after eating a bowl of cereal for breakfast, she
wants a second. I would suggest that you need to
get some protein into that cereal, because protein, from what
(17:28):
I understand, and again check with the nutritionist, does act
to satisfy appetite.
Speaker 4 (17:34):
Whereas carbs don't.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Necessarily well, they might, but the brain won't recognize that
until Yeah, I mean, it.
Speaker 5 (17:42):
Sounds like a little bit of advice in and around
that particular child's needs and what would bring that satisfaction
to her meal times might be warranted, and just you know,
keep that conversation between parent and child open and non blaming,
non invasive, you know, just a nice conversation about Okay, well,
(18:03):
you know, what would you feel like eating? He's you know,
an egg option, eggs on toast or you know, you
could look at other options that might just bring her
to a level of satisfaction and ensure that she feels
better about, you know, going to school or going into
an activity.
Speaker 4 (18:22):
It's quite funny.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
I mentioned last week because I do a bit of
baking and I got back into the cross song baking
and I had a friend round who had then they're
quite they're quite full on cross songs.
Speaker 5 (18:32):
And bring them into the studio to them. I've yet to.
Speaker 4 (18:36):
Taste, Yeah, but they don't.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
They don't necessarily satisfy your hunger instantly because they're just carbos.
And he actually said I want a second and I
was like, you're sure. And this was at ten o'clock
in the morning. He said, I didn't eat until about
eight o'clock that night. Eventually, the hunger singles did actually
kick in, and it's like, oh my goodness, I'm not
hungry any longer. Anyway, let's have a look at a
couple of the other text. In fact, note we'll go
(18:59):
to a call Peter another Peter.
Speaker 6 (19:01):
Good Ay, you know my understanding of hunger and dehydration
is the same feeling you can't tell if you're hungry
or dehydrated.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
Well, actually you've got it. There's a text here, Peter
that says the same thing that says. My mum used
to tell me you're not hungry, you're thirsty, and would
make me drink a full glass of water and wait
ten minutes to see if I'm still hungry after meal.
Speaker 5 (19:24):
It's really interesting.
Speaker 4 (19:26):
Have you tried that, Peter.
Speaker 6 (19:29):
Well, my understands you should drink from an hour and
a half to two hours before a meal. On an adult,
you should have about two liters of water a day,
and if you drink with the meal, you're sort of
affecting the way you digest for food. And I bought
a book I'm trying to first name was Barbara anyway,
(19:52):
she's on YouTube's tridden the book.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
And so.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
I have.
Speaker 5 (19:58):
Water.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
I think the two liters of water has gone You
have to check this, but I think the latest Peter
is that the two leaders of water has slightly gone
out the window because you can get a lot of
hydration through simply the food you eat as well.
Speaker 5 (20:13):
That's true, Yeah, and hydration is very important. But yeah,
there are different theories on this. And I also think
that a lot of it is, you know, prefer what
people prefer to do and what they can tolerate because
we all have different you know, food needs and hydration needs.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
Here's something about a text here that says you're just
sugarcoating the answer to mum, Are you saying I'm fats
half the problem instead of instead try if it's mumm,
are you saying I'm fat? To say yes, now here's
how we fix it.
Speaker 4 (20:45):
Must say I don't think i'd be going down that
pathway Massa.
Speaker 5 (20:48):
I just don't think a lot of parents would feel
comfortable doing that, given the prevalence of eating disorders. And
I think if that person were to come on to
a radio show and you said, okay, Pauline thinks that
when your child says, hey, Mum, do you think I'm fat? Yep,
you're fat? I think there would be so many calls
saying that is quite abusive. That setting a child up
(21:09):
for an.
Speaker 4 (21:10):
Eating, it's very dangerous.
Speaker 5 (21:11):
I understand that that person is probably promoting honesty, but
then wait and look and how a person presents. That's
a very subjective thing. I mean, people might look at
anyone and go One person might say that person's got
a lovely figure because that figure, you know, is particularly
(21:32):
it just resonates for that person. Another person might say
that person's a little bit on the fatsttle bit on
the chunky side. It's a very subjective call to make,
and I honestly don't think that any psychologist would sit
here and go, yep, that's the ticket. But I don't
know that person's child. They may have a relationship where
that kind of honesty is washes. I don't know, but
(21:56):
I mean, I just feel that you would be promoting
things that could go a little bit south.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Again from a lay person's just a dad's perspective. If
I was ever going to get ask that question by
my daughters, they said Dad, and I would say no,
I said, why do you feel are you unhappy?
Speaker 3 (22:11):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (22:12):
And then I'd say why do you feel that way?
Speaker 2 (22:14):
And then I would address it from a point of
view of like, well, I don't think so, but are
you Are you concerned you're eating the wrong foods and
what's making you think like this?
Speaker 5 (22:22):
Well, I think that's a nice conversational pathway to take
because you're actually saying you're pushing it back to the
child and then giving them an opportunity to tell you
how they feel. So that's that's great because.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
They might say, oh, compared to my friends, I'm such
and such. I'd say look, and I would say, look,
there's different body types, And I said, you all sorts
of body types have different levels of magnificence, absolutely, and
we all.
Speaker 5 (22:46):
Change different Well, you know as time goes by and
with age, children change so much.
Speaker 4 (22:51):
Right, let's take another call. Where are we up to it?
As Danielle Hello.
Speaker 8 (22:55):
Oh hi, I just wanted to give a bit of
input because I've got a daughter who's nine and almost ten,
and it came out of the bathroom of the day
with tears welling up in her eyes because she's popped
on our bathroom scales and realized she was thirty nine
point five kilograms and which was nearly forty and she
(23:17):
was devastated that she is the tallest girl in out
of the girls and the boys in her grade.
Speaker 7 (23:24):
So she's very very tall with her age, and she
was mortified that she was almost double the weight of
the smallest girl in her class. Who is you know,
glorified by being tiny and who actual gymnastic type shape?
(23:45):
And when you can fit by talking about the health
of the body, And so all of us jumped on
the scales and then all of us measured ourselves, and
then all of us found a BMI calculator, one for
kids and one for adults on the web and said,
this is not about being fat or skinny. This is
(24:07):
about being healthy, and being healthy is about relating to
your size and your height, not just your age, and
not just comparing yourself to any other girls in your class,
because nobody else has your body and nobody else has
your height.
Speaker 4 (24:27):
How did that work for you, Danielle?
Speaker 7 (24:29):
It worked because what we were able to establish by
looking at the graft, because it wasn't me or her
father telling her. By using the be MY calculator, we
were able to establish that she was a healthy body
weight for her height, which doesn't mean that she's like
every other nine year old because she's an exceptionally tall girl. Right, yeah,
(24:51):
it means that she has a healthy body weight. But
the peers were so real and the devastation of her
coming out of a bathroom saying, I'm fat, mum, because
I'm nearly double the weight of you know, supan in
my because she's a little twenty one.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
Who could gets.
Speaker 5 (25:10):
Oh damn.
Speaker 7 (25:11):
And but we so we decided to use a kids
Being My calculator, which I just googled and could readily.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Did you did you know before you unveiled that that
was going to give you a good result, because if
you if you hadn't known, it had to come up
with an unfriendly.
Speaker 7 (25:32):
Yeah, no, I didn't know that, except I did know
that because I know that for her, for her size,
I knew that just by visually, she wasn't falling into
an obese or overweight yeah kind of, you know, but
she is quite athletic and quite strong, and well.
Speaker 4 (25:53):
The other things.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
This is another labor of information as well as that. Well,
the problem with bm I calculators that they don't take
muscle mass into account. So if you're incredibly rescue, you're
incredibly muscular, am I overread?
Speaker 3 (26:08):
You know?
Speaker 4 (26:08):
Over state?
Speaker 7 (26:10):
And then we had to have a discussion about the
all blacks and if I was the same height as
an all black, would an all black be offended if
their there am I was high? And the answer to
that is no.
Speaker 5 (26:23):
And we you know, this is a big family discussion.
Speaker 7 (26:26):
Does maybe it big?
Speaker 5 (26:27):
It would?
Speaker 7 (26:28):
It turned into a big family discussion just from my
daughter coming out. But it was great, becauld lovely. It
gave you an overall idea of this is not about
that or skinny. This is about healthy.
Speaker 5 (26:40):
But is there a bigger issue too that it's not
about comparing yourself to other people and not allow allowing
your peer group to say or do anything that actually
makes you feel a certain way. Because for the other
little girl that's you know, half her weight and is
the gymnastics small type, that's lovely that she's like that,
But that's not your daughter. So why would you compare
(27:01):
apples with oranges? As simple?
Speaker 7 (27:03):
Is that for me? I'll tell you, well, I'll tell
you why because as an adult you wouldn't. As a kid,
you can't stop it.
Speaker 5 (27:10):
No, that's well you're surrounded by. But as a parent
you can say, hey, honey, you know what, I totally
get it. But the really interesting thing is she's really
tiny and you're really tall, so it's kind of like
comparing apples with oranges. You're two very different girls, and
yet you're you know, you're the same age, they're in
(27:30):
the same year group. I think what you did was.
Speaker 7 (27:32):
Lovely, But the world compares you. So they go to
Rainbowsanda and there are some rides that they can go
on if there are one hundred and twenty centimeters, and
there are some rides that they can't. It's just that,
you know, you want to go sky diving, you can't
do it if you're over one hundred year loads the world,
there are there are limitations to your size and weight
in some areas.
Speaker 5 (27:52):
You know.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
The other thing that's not that I think that is
as obvious is that the nice thing was that she
turned to you when she was worried about it, so
she was great. She knew that her mum, you know,
obviously have a relationship with her where she turns to
mum when she's worried about it, and you didn't just
to see when you addressed it. You know, you worked
with her to try and get through it, and I
(28:13):
think that's a huge part of it.
Speaker 7 (28:14):
I think it's a nice to participate. So parents need
to get on the scales. Parents need to measure themselves.
If you're going to have a conversation about BMI and
talk about being healthy, you need to It needs to
be a family conversation. There is no such thing as
that shaming in our house, or skinny shaming or dumb
shaming or stupa shaming. It's just not a thing.
Speaker 4 (28:38):
Yeah, good on your eyes.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
I appreciate you called daniel Thank you so much. And
she's all good. She's all good now, is she?
Speaker 7 (28:44):
Yeah? At The BMI calculator for kids is a really
great objective way for analytical children to be able to
get their head around health.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
And not beauty. Okay, now, good on you, Thanks Danielle.
It is worth pointing out that it is that BMR
calculators are a starting point, and so there are a
lot of There are a lot of kids whose body
types would have them no matter how healthy they are,
overweight if they are.
Speaker 5 (29:11):
Particularly But I also think that that worked, that strategy
worked for that family. There's a lot of parents that
would be sitting out there thinking, no, I'm not going
to go onto a b A my calculator I'm going
to try and just talk it through and you know,
put some things in place that allow the conversation, just
as that parent did in that way. For me, I
(29:31):
don't think in years of parenting, I've needed to go
to a beer my calculator, you know. And I think
that a lot of kids go through those comparisons with
their peers. But at some point, you know, it's always
really nice to point out, Hey, you're you and nobody
else is you. You're you, and so it doesn't matter
what other people look like and what other people say.
(29:53):
As long as you're healthy and you're happy and you're
giving of your best, you know, that's all we can
ask for.
Speaker 4 (29:58):
Yeah, the other thing, I.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
Mean I only find this for myself, but if you
are inactive, you are more like to have time. And
also you don't feel great because you're not getting exercises
because the endorphins that are released through.
Speaker 5 (30:10):
Expriz I mean physiologically, there is that thing that happens
with that endorphin release and all of that good stuff.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
In the sense of around, sense of how you feel
about your stuff. If you've been sprinting around, you know,
the netball cord or the rugby field or whatever.
Speaker 4 (30:23):
As a kid.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
The last thing you're going to worry about is I
don't look great because you feel good.
Speaker 5 (30:28):
Yes, yeah, I mean there's psychology and physiology dovetail nicely
with that kind of stuff. There's such a lot of
just such a lot that exercise, fitness, health, movement, play,
all of that can do for your self esteem.
Speaker 4 (30:43):
Right, we'll be back in just a moment.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
You give us a call if you like, if you
want to share us with us your wisdom about how
you've dealt with your children and their body weight or
image problems. Eight hundred eighty ten and eighty and don't
forget will be for wrapping sport. We're joined before the
show ends with adjacent pineh will give us the latest
on the Warriors game and also look forward looking forward
to Melbourn victory versus AFC and very excited about that one.
(31:08):
What an amazing season they're having. So we'll be chatting
with Jason Pine shortly before six o'clock. It is nineteen
and a half to six to be my guest to
Sarah chat when we're talking about well, kids' body image
and weight and things like that and how do you
address it if you are concerned that your child's getting
a little bit out of shape, but of they're concerned
they're getting out of shape. How do you deal with
those conversations? And a lot of this, Sarah does, tend
to stem from conversations we're having with their peers.
Speaker 5 (31:33):
Because the peer group driven by social media. Yeah, and
I mean when you're having when you're seeing a high percentage,
for example, in the research of girls and youth stepping
back from looking at Instagram, say, and then feeling thirty
percent less happy after viewing. I mean, that's a huge
(31:57):
downturn and self esteem.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
We had a little chat about this with John Cowen
last week. But the moves that the government's making on
the under sixteen ban for social media, I'm generally, I'm
actually wholeheartedly in favor of it, regardless of people saying, oh,
you might not be able to make it work. It's different, difficult.
I just think, if what's his name, Mark Zuckerbergen, he
(32:19):
bans his kids from having access to the stuff, ironically.
Speaker 4 (32:25):
Take it.
Speaker 5 (32:26):
Yeah, Well, I think the B four sixteen initiative, and
you know, there was a big gathering I think earlier
in the week just to you know, bring the media
or bring the focus to those issues is fantastic. I mean,
Australia are doing it and certainly having a lot of
positive feedback. Of course, there is a lot of good
(32:48):
information and stuff that kids can access through, you know,
in that digital space. But of course the other stuff
is so bad. The bullying the Internet, it's one thing, yeah, exactly,
social media, you know, it's another thing. And I think
you know, old proponents of getting it minimized and putting
(33:10):
checks and balances in place. I mean, I was contributing
to articles back in twenty ten, twenty eleven, twelve, you know,
saying hey, we've got to watch this, and actually we
haven't done a good job of putting the checks and
balances in place, because now there is an incredible spike
and youth suicide due to the Internet and social media
(33:30):
bullying and all of those kind of things. So we
really do need to focus on this and you know,
to put an age limit on it. Okay, maybe the
pendulum swinging to the extreme, but I think that people
are feeling very strongly about the need to examine the
space for kids because it can be very dangerous.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
Oh well yeah, look, I just I think the other
thing is that it's one thing for parents to say
that they don't want their kids to have access to
this stuff, but it is very, very difficult when the
answer is will all my friends have it? Whereas this
is why I think that the move to actually restricted
to kids of a certain age is good because it
means everyone's in the same boat and parents can actually say, well, well.
Speaker 5 (34:10):
I think it is enoughful for parents because you can
put a pig in the wall and hang your hat
on it. But the other thing is, come on, parents,
step up. Just because other kids and other families do
something doesn't mean it's necessarily to be done in your family.
It's easier, said backbone.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
I disagree because I think that it's difficult because there's
a social isolation that comes. Well, well, you don't not
being the only one who's not on this app or
that app.
Speaker 4 (34:40):
I think it's just tough.
Speaker 5 (34:42):
But hang on, children today do exist in this space,
the digital space, the app space. I get that, but
it's about the time that they spend there, and that
is Honestly, parents have a say in that they should
not be going to bed and furtively be on their phones,
disrupting their sleep and all the rest of it. They
should not be sitting in it dinner table speaking to
(35:03):
their family. But also, you know, multitasking with apps and
social media, parents have a say in that term. And
also I'm definitely not a proponent of okay, everything is banned,
but I do think that age related caution is really
realistic and very healthy. And I also do think that
(35:23):
parents have a right to put some checks and balances
of their own in place, in their place, in the
home and in the culture of their family. So I
think we probably agree on that.
Speaker 4 (35:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:34):
Absolutely, Actually, that's why I mean, I must. I find
it very frustrating that well, I've got a daughter with
an Apple phone and one with an Android phone, and
I can control the Android phone, and you can control
the Android phone with the Google app, whether you be
with Apple or Android, but you can't do it the
other way around. And for that reason, I loathe the
(35:55):
Apple for that. And it's also quite a good punishment device.
It's like, guess what, I just switched your phone off? Anyway, Hey,
thanks so much, sir, Sarah. It's sorry, pleasure it under
h one.
Speaker 5 (36:06):
Please don't do that.
Speaker 4 (36:07):
Mindworks dot co dot is it excellent?
Speaker 2 (36:10):
We'll be back to sport with Jason Pine. Very shortly,
it has come up to eleven minutes to six.
Speaker 1 (36:16):
For more from the Weekend Collective, listen live to News
Talk ZEDB weekends from three pm, or follow the podcast
on iHeartRadio
You're listening to the Weekend Collective podcast from News talksb.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Yes, welcome back to the Weekend Collective. By the way,
if you missed a one rief radio show with Mike
Atkinson him from a SPA property management, the latter part
of it talking about basically pets and the rules and
things like that, you can go and check out the
conversation on iHeartRadio News Talks, Beat at Court and Zeven. Also,
we had a fantastic panel with a Peak wolf Camp
(00:47):
and Joe McCarroll discussing some of the bigger issues of
last week, which was a big issue, a big week
when it comes to politics. So yeah, do go and
check that out.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
We up.
Speaker 2 (00:55):
Actually, I thought we had a quite a stellar out
there talking about some difficult stuff. But right now it
is time for the parents squad. Well, I'm talking about
a couple of tricky issues there was. There was the
story this week which put the spotlight on children's weight
when a nine year old boy was told he was
too heavy I guess to play rugby because of the
(01:19):
weight for age, and there's been a bit of a
debate around that. But I guess the question is how
do we manage these issues as children grow and the
whatever hellmones kicking and eating habits maybe aren't the healthiest
and partly maybe that's on parents or not, or they're
just not interested in exercising as much because they're stuck
on their bloom and phones and you're concerned at the
(01:41):
trend or the way that they're going. Is it something
you can ever have a conversation with your children about
or is it a no go zone? And parents, how
do you handle that when you think you know, my son,
my daughter, their beautiful kids. I love them so much,
but goodness me, they're looking like they're just not as
healthy as they could be. And I'm going to tip
(02:02):
tipto around through the tulips on with the youanisms today.
Speaker 4 (02:06):
Because it is a tricky issue.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Anyway, joining us, she is I'm a psychologist at mindin
Works and her name is Sarah Chaplin and she is
with me now, Sarah, good afternoon, how are you good?
Speaker 5 (02:17):
Afternoon? Good? Slash evening? Good? I think we're going to
have another stellar hour to recreate that other stellar hour
you have. Oh, it's going to be great.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
It's tricky, isn't it dealing with with Yeah? Wait, and
it's not about I mean, look, there are I actually
don't know how to set it. I don't really know
how to describe the issue because in a way I
sort of think it's it's something that you should never
really talk to your kids about how they look. You
should talk to them about.
Speaker 5 (02:47):
I think his parents. We often end up doing a
little bit of that. And it's a very subjective kind
of a thing too.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
Because of you know, further down the track, there are
probably the potential for eating disorders and kids who don't
feel good about themselves, and maybe you.
Speaker 5 (03:02):
Have body shaming and dietary requirement and all the rest
of it. There's a lot of stuff involved in this year.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Because I tend to think that off straight off the bat,
without being a psychologist or anything. If I was concerned
about anything to do with my children, I would be
thinking about messages around I'm not. I think you're eating
too much sugar, and the question will be why. It's like,
because I see how much sugar you're eating. You're eating
(03:28):
and eventually you're really going to feel the health You're
not going to feel great because eating too much sugar,
or I think you're eating too many fatty things or whatever.
Speaker 5 (03:38):
Or you could do it completely differently and have the
same results or consequence if you like, you could say, hey, listen,
you know, I'm thinking of really starting to cook some
healthy stuff for us and for us to eat more
healthy meals. What do you think about that and talk
through the issue of eating more healthy meals and choosing
(03:59):
really healthy options to eat. Also exercising, activity, play things
like that that can contribute to keeping people feeling really
good about themselves and their bodies. And really you're not
even touching on the body image kind of a thing.
Speaker 2 (04:17):
Things, but you see even that, I think if you've
got kids who are relatively you know, intuitive or smart
or clever, you know, we're not talking about five or
six year old necessarily, you're.
Speaker 5 (04:29):
Talking about a nine year old. So that's still a child,
that's middle.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Child, that's a nine year old. But for what do
you do with your teenagers who are like daddy, are
you telling.
Speaker 4 (04:36):
Me I'm fat?
Speaker 5 (04:38):
Well, you say no, I'm not saying that. I'm saying
that as a family we should think about and talk
about healthier options in terms of eating, because we are
eating a lot of fast foods, and a lot of
people eat obviously more fast food and those kind of
options these days than you know, ten, fifteen, twenty years ago. Certainly,
(04:58):
So no, you say no, I'm not necessarily saying anything
other than I'd like to think about changing our family
eating habits a bit so that we, you know, live
longer and we're healthy. And you know, I'd also like
to talk about activity. We go for walks as a family,
we might play sports. Lots of kids play sports in
(05:19):
this little If it.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
Was being a cynical teenager, I'd be like mum, explaining,
is losing?
Speaker 4 (05:23):
Are you saying I'm fat?
Speaker 5 (05:24):
Oh? And you just say no, I'm actually just thinking
about healthy choices. And you could also say that from
a parental perspective, you know your child. So if you
see and if you feel as a parent that your
child is getting weighty for no good reason other than
perhaps there's too much sugar happening in the.
Speaker 4 (05:44):
You know, sugar is the devil.
Speaker 5 (05:47):
In the eating choices, then as a parent you should
be able to make some decisions around what you're feeding
them and what is in your cupboards.
Speaker 2 (05:55):
On The tricky thing is is that once they become
more independent and they have I mean, you look at
any sporting team at the end of the game that
the sweets get handed around and they get you know,
I was going to say scaled down. But of course
you eat sweets, but you are not the only source
of nutrition for your children. For instance, when I was
a kid, and I never would have ever thought about this,
(06:18):
and in fact, I was probably burning through so many
calories it didn't matter.
Speaker 4 (06:21):
But I used to get my treat for myself.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
And I think I would have been probably about eight
or nine years old.
Speaker 4 (06:28):
If I saved up forty cents, I could go.
Speaker 5 (06:31):
Go and get about twenty lollies.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
No, no, I would get a big I would get
the family pack of cheesels or twistings, Oh wow, and
I would sit on I would still remember, I'd sit
in my dad's office or something, reading an asterisk, and
I would get through that whole packet of cheesels.
Speaker 5 (06:47):
And were they great? Those are those days? The old day?
Speaker 2 (06:53):
It was literally like it, pick up, we are the cheesels.
Speaker 4 (06:56):
But probably that was the start of.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Me at some stage not eating very well. And I'm
not going to get all paranoid about it, but so
do you.
Speaker 5 (07:06):
Think that you're obese because you.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
Don't look I'm look magnificent, Dona you do athlete? Actually no, well, actually,
the way I would deal with it, And by the way,
we'd love your calls on this. If you've been concerned
with your child or your grandchildren, how there's a slippery
slape as well. If you have the grandchildren, how do
you deal with it? Like, dear, do you think you're
(07:29):
feeding the kids too many?
Speaker 4 (07:31):
Too much? KFC?
Speaker 2 (07:33):
But I would probably say, in fact, this is what
I would probably say. Gosh, I've been thinking about how
much sugar we been eating around the place because I'm
getting a little bit. I'm getting a little bit loose
around the middle. And I'd ask them, and I was saying,
you know what, girls, I think if I'm doing this
to me, I don't want to do the same to you.
I think we need to tighten up on our diet.
Speaker 5 (07:51):
It's quite nice to have the conversation so that you're
not angling at anyone, you're not blaming your perhaps taking responsibility.
And at the end of the day, you are the parents,
so as your wife, so your architects of their destiny.
And you said to me before, well there are other
sources of nutrition for your kids. Yeah, but in the home,
you kind of set the standard. I guess the caregivers, guardians'
(08:13):
parents set you know, they are able to set the
standard and also teach children's self control because we don't
live in a vacuum. We lived with, you know, all
of these things around us, and we do have to
learn to say no and to say when, and to
stop some of these things.
Speaker 4 (08:29):
I've got a couple of texts on this way.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
One says you're feeding them, you have to take ownership,
and another one says don't buy them crap food and
they can't eat crap food. But see, it isn't quite
that simple as it. I mean, you can have that,
you can set as good example as you want. But
I think there are some people who just for instance,
have a sweet tooth. They're out, you know, at school
or what are they going under the tuch shop?
Speaker 5 (08:50):
Yes, but as a parent you can say, hey, listen,
I mean you would probably be giving your children money
for that tech shop. So just don't if you think
that the tech shop is an issue, just don't allow
them to have the resources to go there. And also
packed something a piece of fruit or something that might
compensate for something sweet. But I mean eating healthy food
(09:13):
doesn't mean that you don't have to have a little
treat or a cheap meal here and there. But I
do think in the home you set the standard as
a parent. You are a role model. So if you
tidy up your own act, you are going to get
some trickle down effect to your children. I mean it
has to and I do agree with if you don't
want your children to eat specific foods, don't necessarily have
(09:36):
it in the cupboard, because if you have packs and
packs and packs of biscuits in the cupboard, somebody's going
to eat them.
Speaker 4 (09:40):
Yeah, yeah, no, that's right.
Speaker 5 (09:42):
Everything in moderation, including moderation.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Yes, And I guess that's setting the example. We would
love to know what you reckon. How do you think
is it possible to have a conversation with your kids
about healthy eating when really you're concerned that they are
getting out of shape? Now, maybe it's just to do
with exercise and the choices they're making, or is this a.
Speaker 4 (10:02):
No goes in?
Speaker 2 (10:02):
But the broadest, the broader quest this leads to is
how do you cope when your kids worry about their
body image for no reason? Because that's the stuff that
I think really worries parents. Teenage girls and the I mean, gosh,
don't get me started on social media, but you know,
(10:25):
that's a real issue, the question around banning at for
under sixteen's and stuff like that. But one of the
things with Instagram and social media is just the fact
that everyone's presenting each other with this unrealistic image of themselves.
Speaker 5 (10:40):
Right, yeah, And I guess that's the other type of exposure.
So that's I guess the other end of the continuum
when you have all these young women and men trying
to be what everybody in Hollywood looks like, and they
have those very unrealistic images. Plus everything's enhanced on a
lot of those apps and in that digital space, so
(11:02):
even if we tried really really hard, we would never
get there with regard to somebody's look because images are changed, enhanced, filtered.
So I mean, that space is so it can be
so damaging. Great campaigns in and around social media, the
B four sixteen but also Body Right campaign looked at
that very unrealistic imaging that that youth see around what
(11:27):
they should be and how thin they should be, and
what their skin should look like, and you know, how
symmetrical their faces are and how god there was that
cry for Hey, listen, let's just stop enhancing these photos.
Let's get real. Let's beat down this, take down this fantasy,
and live with a bit more reality for these kids.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
Yeah, we'd love your calls on this as well. If
you've had to address this issue with your children, or
you're concerned about your children and your grandchildren when it
comes to not just they're not just how they are
in terms of their healthiness and whether they might be
a little bit overweight, but if they are worried about it,
and how do you actually address that without giving them
(12:07):
a neuroses that can sometimes be really a dangerous thing.
Speaker 4 (12:13):
How do you protect them from that?
Speaker 2 (12:14):
We'd love your cause on this, And if you've got
any questions for Sarah Chapman as well on that issue,
then give us a call on eight hundred eighty ten
eighty text on nine two nine two as well.
Speaker 4 (12:24):
It's nineteen past five. I've got to let it go
(12:49):
to the base count. Then I'm gotta let it go.
Here we go, come on.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
The most cliched rock and roll time and for a
song in a way, but I can't. You can't be
a little bit of smoke on the water, can you that?
Speaker 5 (13:09):
Love that.
Speaker 4 (13:09):
That's actually look a bit of smoke on the water,
Sara chat one.
Speaker 2 (13:13):
We're talking about dealing with children's body issues, weight and
all that sort of thing. And it was actually off
the back of the story around the nine year old
boy was told he couldn't play age grade rugby at
South Auckland. To be honest, I thought, I mean it
was it was a good story to tell, but it
was nothing remarkable given that rugby is facing problems with
(13:34):
you know, collisions and head injuries and you've just got
to put like with like. And even when I played
rugby back on the day it was wait for age
you had to weigh in and if you are certain
weight you'd be up to the next grade.
Speaker 5 (13:44):
Yeah, that's true, and that those rules have been here,
you know, time and perpetuity, all right.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
Sarah Chattin's chat one is with me. She's from mind Works.
By the way, just before we get into the cause,
if people want to get in touch with you, they've
got an issue there, want to follow up on them.
Speaker 5 (14:00):
Yeah, just go to mind workstock code on and said
give me an email text and we'll have a chat.
Speaker 4 (14:06):
Good stuff. Right, let's get into the cause.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Got some good ticks on this as well, right where
we up to Pete?
Speaker 3 (14:13):
Hello, holdly folks, hi Pete, cure of this yere.
Speaker 5 (14:19):
Look.
Speaker 3 (14:19):
I just wanted to say my son's thirty four this year.
But when I was bringing them up in Stish and
he was a teenage tourist, to get him to put
weight on during the winter time, he didn't come springtime.
We did all for here though in summertime he was
(14:41):
ready for his sports engagement.
Speaker 4 (14:44):
You had a good plan, so deliberately fat them up
for winter like a.
Speaker 6 (14:48):
Bear ball upstair. The whole works.
Speaker 5 (14:52):
Hibernation, hibernation.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
It wouldn't it be just easier to get him another
layer layer of clothes.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Well that was your idea back in the old days.
In the end, but yeah, I just go with yeah.
Speaker 5 (15:09):
But it's good that you were promoting or the size
and play to get the you know, to to bring
him back a bit, which is nat.
Speaker 4 (15:15):
Did he know you're doing him up?
Speaker 7 (15:19):
Well?
Speaker 3 (15:19):
He noticed, and because I should take him to the
doctors for six months with TWOCAUP and he get weighed
his blood pressure, taking blood tish.
Speaker 5 (15:30):
Okay, So I was keeping track of it, keeping an
eye on it.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
I could have waited at home, but I just did
it so the doctors for che okay and k C.
It was strictly a dessert in treat.
Speaker 4 (15:48):
Okay, well it's not dessert, let's be honest. It's it's actually.
Speaker 5 (15:52):
Treat me on every now.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
And actually it's interesting he would take his kid to
the doctor for blood pressure and all that sort of stuff,
and his a little kid.
Speaker 5 (15:59):
But well, some parents like to monitor that stuff if
they feel that, you know, as the child does need
a bit of a health check.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Okay, here's a there's some text as well to we're
going to get on to what will continue the conversation. Oh,
eight hundred and eighty ten eighty. This one says you
are really focusing on sugar, fat and unhealthy food. But
my daughter's issue is just volume. She regularly complains that
she's hungry, even right up to eating. After eating a
bowl of cereal for breakfast, she wants a second, even
(16:27):
when the food is healthy, if you eat too much
of it, you get fat. And there are only so
many carrots, fruit and yogurt you can offer as a snack.
Speaker 4 (16:33):
Well, I don't know, I think you can eat carrots. Still.
Speaker 2 (16:35):
The cows come home and you're not going to put
on a hell of a lot, but you might turn
a little bit orange palally.
Speaker 5 (16:40):
Yeah, that's right, But there are also those healthy vitamins
and minerals and all the rest of it in carrots,
I guess. So I don't totally agree with that, but
I do know that children go through phases, and hey,
I'm not a dietitian, I'm a psychologist. But they go
through phases where they do consume the volume, and then
you know, there's phases where they are a little more
(17:03):
limited in what they eat.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
I'm not a nutritionist either, but I know that if
I had I'm confident that if we had clear Turnball
sitting with us or another nutritionist, then they would emphasize that. So,
for instance, you've said here, she regularly complains she's hunger
even after eating a bowl of cereal for breakfast, she
wants a second. I would suggest that you need to
get some protein into that cereal, because protein, from what
(17:28):
I understand, and again check with the nutritionist, does act
to satisfy appetite.
Speaker 4 (17:34):
Whereas carbs don't.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Necessarily well, they might, but the brain won't recognize that
until Yeah, I mean, it.
Speaker 5 (17:42):
Sounds like a little bit of advice in and around
that particular child's needs and what would bring that satisfaction
to her meal times might be warranted, and just you know,
keep that conversation between parent and child open and non blaming,
non invasive, you know, just a nice conversation about Okay, well,
(18:03):
you know, what would you feel like eating? He's you know,
an egg option, eggs on toast or you know, you
could look at other options that might just bring her
to a level of satisfaction and ensure that she feels
better about, you know, going to school or going into
an activity.
Speaker 4 (18:22):
It's quite funny.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
I mentioned last week because I do a bit of
baking and I got back into the cross song baking
and I had a friend round who had then they're
quite they're quite full on cross songs.
Speaker 5 (18:32):
And bring them into the studio to them. I've yet to.
Speaker 4 (18:36):
Taste, Yeah, but they don't.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
They don't necessarily satisfy your hunger instantly because they're just carbos.
And he actually said I want a second and I
was like, you're sure. And this was at ten o'clock
in the morning. He said, I didn't eat until about
eight o'clock that night. Eventually, the hunger singles did actually
kick in, and it's like, oh my goodness, I'm not
hungry any longer. Anyway, let's have a look at a
couple of the other text. In fact, note we'll go
(18:59):
to a call Peter another Peter.
Speaker 6 (19:01):
Good Ay, you know my understanding of hunger and dehydration
is the same feeling you can't tell if you're hungry
or dehydrated.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
Well, actually you've got it. There's a text here, Peter
that says the same thing that says. My mum used
to tell me you're not hungry, you're thirsty, and would
make me drink a full glass of water and wait
ten minutes to see if I'm still hungry after meal.
Speaker 5 (19:24):
It's really interesting.
Speaker 4 (19:26):
Have you tried that, Peter.
Speaker 6 (19:29):
Well, my understands you should drink from an hour and
a half to two hours before a meal. On an adult,
you should have about two liters of water a day,
and if you drink with the meal, you're sort of
affecting the way you digest for food. And I bought
a book I'm trying to first name was Barbara anyway,
(19:52):
she's on YouTube's tridden the book.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
And so.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
I have.
Speaker 5 (19:58):
Water.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
I think the two liters of water has gone You
have to check this, but I think the latest Peter
is that the two leaders of water has slightly gone
out the window because you can get a lot of
hydration through simply the food you eat as well.
Speaker 5 (20:13):
That's true, Yeah, and hydration is very important. But yeah,
there are different theories on this. And I also think
that a lot of it is, you know, prefer what
people prefer to do and what they can tolerate because
we all have different you know, food needs and hydration needs.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
Here's something about a text here that says you're just
sugarcoating the answer to mum, Are you saying I'm fats
half the problem instead of instead try if it's mumm,
are you saying I'm fat? To say yes, now here's
how we fix it.
Speaker 4 (20:45):
Must say I don't think i'd be going down that
pathway Massa.
Speaker 5 (20:48):
I just don't think a lot of parents would feel
comfortable doing that, given the prevalence of eating disorders. And
I think if that person were to come on to
a radio show and you said, okay, Pauline thinks that
when your child says, hey, Mum, do you think I'm fat? Yep,
you're fat? I think there would be so many calls
saying that is quite abusive. That setting a child up
(21:09):
for an.
Speaker 4 (21:10):
Eating, it's very dangerous.
Speaker 5 (21:11):
I understand that that person is probably promoting honesty, but
then wait and look and how a person presents. That's
a very subjective thing. I mean, people might look at
anyone and go One person might say that person's got
a lovely figure because that figure, you know, is particularly
(21:32):
it just resonates for that person. Another person might say
that person's a little bit on the fatsttle bit on
the chunky side. It's a very subjective call to make,
and I honestly don't think that any psychologist would sit
here and go, yep, that's the ticket. But I don't
know that person's child. They may have a relationship where
that kind of honesty is washes. I don't know, but
(21:56):
I mean, I just feel that you would be promoting
things that could go a little bit south.
Speaker 2 (22:01):
Again from a lay person's just a dad's perspective. If
I was ever going to get ask that question by
my daughters, they said Dad, and I would say no,
I said, why do you feel are you unhappy?
Speaker 3 (22:11):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (22:12):
And then I'd say why do you feel that way?
Speaker 2 (22:14):
And then I would address it from a point of
view of like, well, I don't think so, but are
you Are you concerned you're eating the wrong foods and
what's making you think like this?
Speaker 5 (22:22):
Well, I think that's a nice conversational pathway to take
because you're actually saying you're pushing it back to the
child and then giving them an opportunity to tell you
how they feel. So that's that's great because.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
They might say, oh, compared to my friends, I'm such
and such. I'd say look, and I would say, look,
there's different body types, And I said, you all sorts
of body types have different levels of magnificence, absolutely, and
we all.
Speaker 5 (22:46):
Change different Well, you know as time goes by and
with age, children change so much.
Speaker 4 (22:51):
Right, let's take another call. Where are we up to it?
As Danielle Hello.
Speaker 8 (22:55):
Oh hi, I just wanted to give a bit of
input because I've got a daughter who's nine and almost ten,
and it came out of the bathroom of the day
with tears welling up in her eyes because she's popped
on our bathroom scales and realized she was thirty nine
point five kilograms and which was nearly forty and she
(23:17):
was devastated that she is the tallest girl in out
of the girls and the boys in her grade.
Speaker 7 (23:24):
So she's very very tall with her age, and she
was mortified that she was almost double the weight of
the smallest girl in her class. Who is you know,
glorified by being tiny and who actual gymnastic type shape?
(23:45):
And when you can fit by talking about the health
of the body, And so all of us jumped on
the scales and then all of us measured ourselves, and
then all of us found a BMI calculator, one for
kids and one for adults on the web and said,
this is not about being fat or skinny. This is
(24:07):
about being healthy, and being healthy is about relating to
your size and your height, not just your age, and
not just comparing yourself to any other girls in your class,
because nobody else has your body and nobody else has
your height.
Speaker 4 (24:27):
How did that work for you, Danielle?
Speaker 7 (24:29):
It worked because what we were able to establish by
looking at the graft, because it wasn't me or her
father telling her. By using the be MY calculator, we
were able to establish that she was a healthy body
weight for her height, which doesn't mean that she's like
every other nine year old because she's an exceptionally tall girl. Right, yeah,
(24:51):
it means that she has a healthy body weight. But
the peers were so real and the devastation of her
coming out of a bathroom saying, I'm fat, mum, because
I'm nearly double the weight of you know, supan in
my because she's a little twenty one.
Speaker 1 (25:07):
Who could gets.
Speaker 5 (25:10):
Oh damn.
Speaker 7 (25:11):
And but we so we decided to use a kids
Being My calculator, which I just googled and could readily.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
Did you did you know before you unveiled that that
was going to give you a good result, because if
you if you hadn't known, it had to come up
with an unfriendly.
Speaker 7 (25:32):
Yeah, no, I didn't know that, except I did know
that because I know that for her, for her size,
I knew that just by visually, she wasn't falling into
an obese or overweight yeah kind of, you know, but
she is quite athletic and quite strong, and well.
Speaker 4 (25:53):
The other things.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
This is another labor of information as well as that. Well,
the problem with bm I calculators that they don't take
muscle mass into account. So if you're incredibly rescue, you're
incredibly muscular, am I overread?
Speaker 3 (26:08):
You know?
Speaker 4 (26:08):
Over state?
Speaker 7 (26:10):
And then we had to have a discussion about the
all blacks and if I was the same height as
an all black, would an all black be offended if
their there am I was high? And the answer to
that is no.
Speaker 5 (26:23):
And we you know, this is a big family discussion.
Speaker 7 (26:26):
Does maybe it big?
Speaker 5 (26:27):
It would?
Speaker 7 (26:28):
It turned into a big family discussion just from my
daughter coming out. But it was great, becauld lovely. It
gave you an overall idea of this is not about
that or skinny. This is about healthy.
Speaker 5 (26:40):
But is there a bigger issue too that it's not
about comparing yourself to other people and not allow allowing
your peer group to say or do anything that actually
makes you feel a certain way. Because for the other
little girl that's you know, half her weight and is
the gymnastics small type, that's lovely that she's like that,
But that's not your daughter. So why would you compare
(27:01):
apples with oranges? As simple?
Speaker 7 (27:03):
Is that for me? I'll tell you, well, I'll tell
you why because as an adult you wouldn't. As a kid,
you can't stop it.
Speaker 5 (27:10):
No, that's well you're surrounded by. But as a parent
you can say, hey, honey, you know what, I totally
get it. But the really interesting thing is she's really
tiny and you're really tall, so it's kind of like
comparing apples with oranges. You're two very different girls, and
yet you're you know, you're the same age, they're in
(27:30):
the same year group. I think what you did was.
Speaker 7 (27:32):
Lovely, But the world compares you. So they go to
Rainbowsanda and there are some rides that they can go
on if there are one hundred and twenty centimeters, and
there are some rides that they can't. It's just that,
you know, you want to go sky diving, you can't
do it if you're over one hundred year loads the world,
there are there are limitations to your size and weight
in some areas.
Speaker 5 (27:52):
You know.
Speaker 2 (27:52):
The other thing that's not that I think that is
as obvious is that the nice thing was that she
turned to you when she was worried about it, so
she was great. She knew that her mum, you know,
obviously have a relationship with her where she turns to
mum when she's worried about it, and you didn't just
to see when you addressed it. You know, you worked
with her to try and get through it, and I
(28:13):
think that's a huge part of it.
Speaker 7 (28:14):
I think it's a nice to participate. So parents need
to get on the scales. Parents need to measure themselves.
If you're going to have a conversation about BMI and
talk about being healthy, you need to It needs to
be a family conversation. There is no such thing as
that shaming in our house, or skinny shaming or dumb
shaming or stupa shaming. It's just not a thing.
Speaker 4 (28:38):
Yeah, good on your eyes.
Speaker 2 (28:40):
I appreciate you called daniel Thank you so much. And
she's all good. She's all good now, is she?
Speaker 7 (28:44):
Yeah? At The BMI calculator for kids is a really
great objective way for analytical children to be able to
get their head around health.
Speaker 2 (28:54):
And not beauty. Okay, now, good on you, Thanks Danielle.
It is worth pointing out that it is that BMR
calculators are a starting point, and so there are a
lot of There are a lot of kids whose body
types would have them no matter how healthy they are,
overweight if they are.
Speaker 5 (29:11):
Particularly But I also think that that worked, that strategy
worked for that family. There's a lot of parents that
would be sitting out there thinking, no, I'm not going
to go onto a b A my calculator I'm going
to try and just talk it through and you know,
put some things in place that allow the conversation, just
as that parent did in that way. For me, I
(29:31):
don't think in years of parenting, I've needed to go
to a beer my calculator, you know. And I think
that a lot of kids go through those comparisons with
their peers. But at some point, you know, it's always
really nice to point out, Hey, you're you and nobody
else is you. You're you, and so it doesn't matter
what other people look like and what other people say.
(29:53):
As long as you're healthy and you're happy and you're
giving of your best, you know, that's all we can
ask for.
Speaker 4 (29:58):
Yeah, the other thing, I.
Speaker 2 (29:59):
Mean I only find this for myself, but if you
are inactive, you are more like to have time. And
also you don't feel great because you're not getting exercises
because the endorphins that are released through.
Speaker 5 (30:10):
Expriz I mean physiologically, there is that thing that happens
with that endorphin release and all of that good stuff.
Speaker 2 (30:17):
In the sense of around, sense of how you feel
about your stuff. If you've been sprinting around, you know,
the netball cord or the rugby field or whatever.
Speaker 4 (30:23):
As a kid.
Speaker 2 (30:24):
The last thing you're going to worry about is I
don't look great because you feel good.
Speaker 5 (30:28):
Yes, yeah, I mean there's psychology and physiology dovetail nicely
with that kind of stuff. There's such a lot of
just such a lot that exercise, fitness, health, movement, play,
all of that can do for your self esteem.
Speaker 4 (30:43):
Right, we'll be back in just a moment.
Speaker 2 (30:44):
You give us a call if you like, if you
want to share us with us your wisdom about how
you've dealt with your children and their body weight or
image problems. Eight hundred eighty ten and eighty and don't
forget will be for wrapping sport. We're joined before the
show ends with adjacent pineh will give us the latest
on the Warriors game and also look forward looking forward
to Melbourn victory versus AFC and very excited about that one.
(31:08):
What an amazing season they're having. So we'll be chatting
with Jason Pine shortly before six o'clock. It is nineteen
and a half to six to be my guest to
Sarah chat when we're talking about well, kids' body image
and weight and things like that and how do you
address it if you are concerned that your child's getting
a little bit out of shape, but of they're concerned
they're getting out of shape. How do you deal with
those conversations? And a lot of this, Sarah does, tend
to stem from conversations we're having with their peers.
Speaker 5 (31:33):
Because the peer group driven by social media. Yeah, and
I mean when you're having when you're seeing a high percentage,
for example, in the research of girls and youth stepping
back from looking at Instagram, say, and then feeling thirty
percent less happy after viewing. I mean, that's a huge
(31:57):
downturn and self esteem.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
We had a little chat about this with John Cowen
last week. But the moves that the government's making on
the under sixteen ban for social media, I'm generally, I'm
actually wholeheartedly in favor of it, regardless of people saying, oh,
you might not be able to make it work. It's different, difficult.
I just think, if what's his name, Mark Zuckerbergen, he
(32:19):
bans his kids from having access to the stuff, ironically.
Speaker 4 (32:25):
Take it.
Speaker 5 (32:26):
Yeah, Well, I think the B four sixteen initiative, and
you know, there was a big gathering I think earlier
in the week just to you know, bring the media
or bring the focus to those issues is fantastic. I mean,
Australia are doing it and certainly having a lot of
positive feedback. Of course, there is a lot of good
(32:48):
information and stuff that kids can access through, you know,
in that digital space. But of course the other stuff
is so bad. The bullying the Internet, it's one thing, yeah, exactly,
social media, you know, it's another thing. And I think
you know, old proponents of getting it minimized and putting
(33:10):
checks and balances in place. I mean, I was contributing
to articles back in twenty ten, twenty eleven, twelve, you know,
saying hey, we've got to watch this, and actually we
haven't done a good job of putting the checks and
balances in place, because now there is an incredible spike
and youth suicide due to the Internet and social media
(33:30):
bullying and all of those kind of things. So we
really do need to focus on this and you know,
to put an age limit on it. Okay, maybe the
pendulum swinging to the extreme, but I think that people
are feeling very strongly about the need to examine the
space for kids because it can be very dangerous.
Speaker 2 (33:49):
Oh well yeah, look, I just I think the other
thing is that it's one thing for parents to say
that they don't want their kids to have access to
this stuff, but it is very, very difficult when the
answer is will all my friends have it? Whereas this
is why I think that the move to actually restricted
to kids of a certain age is good because it
means everyone's in the same boat and parents can actually say, well, well.
Speaker 5 (34:10):
I think it is enoughful for parents because you can
put a pig in the wall and hang your hat
on it. But the other thing is, come on, parents,
step up. Just because other kids and other families do
something doesn't mean it's necessarily to be done in your family.
It's easier, said backbone.
Speaker 2 (34:28):
I disagree because I think that it's difficult because there's
a social isolation that comes. Well, well, you don't not
being the only one who's not on this app or
that app.
Speaker 4 (34:40):
I think it's just tough.
Speaker 5 (34:42):
But hang on, children today do exist in this space,
the digital space, the app space. I get that, but
it's about the time that they spend there, and that
is Honestly, parents have a say in that they should
not be going to bed and furtively be on their phones,
disrupting their sleep and all the rest of it. They
should not be sitting in it dinner table speaking to
(35:03):
their family. But also, you know, multitasking with apps and
social media, parents have a say in that term. And
also I'm definitely not a proponent of okay, everything is banned,
but I do think that age related caution is really
realistic and very healthy. And I also do think that
(35:23):
parents have a right to put some checks and balances
of their own in place, in their place, in the
home and in the culture of their family. So I
think we probably agree on that.
Speaker 4 (35:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:34):
Absolutely, Actually, that's why I mean, I must. I find
it very frustrating that well, I've got a daughter with
an Apple phone and one with an Android phone, and
I can control the Android phone, and you can control
the Android phone with the Google app, whether you be
with Apple or Android, but you can't do it the
other way around. And for that reason, I loathe the
(35:55):
Apple for that. And it's also quite a good punishment device.
It's like, guess what, I just switched your phone off? Anyway, Hey,
thanks so much, sir, Sarah. It's sorry, pleasure it under
h one.
Speaker 5 (36:06):
Please don't do that.
Speaker 4 (36:07):
Mindworks dot co dot is it excellent?
Speaker 2 (36:10):
We'll be back to sport with Jason Pine. Very shortly,
it has come up to eleven minutes to six.
Speaker 1 (36:16):
For more from the Weekend Collective, listen live to News
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