August 2, 2025 • 37 mins
In the past week there have been multiple incidents at youth and school sports games, all involving bad sideline behaviour from parents.
John Cowan joins Tim Beveridge for the Parent Squad.
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Speaker 1 (00:05):
You're listening to the Weekend Collective podcast from News Talks b.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Hi. I had to let that roll for a little
(00:53):
bit just to get into it, of course that it's
a bit of Osborne crazy train. I didn't know what
it was called, to be honest, I was like, what
is this? But of course Ozzy Osbourne was. It was
farewelled by I'm Birmingham.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Hang.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
I think it was Birmingham and actually quite I don't
know if you use the words sweet, but just to
see how much people loved him and people, you know,
some people were in tears and everything. It was actually quite.
You know, when a community says goodbye to someone who
actually really you know, resonated with them. It's was sort
of quite. I wasn't a huge fan of Ozzy os
but and I hated reality TV and all that, but
(01:27):
essentially quite a likable guy. It's got nothing whatsoever to
do with our next hour on the On the Parents
Squad with John Cown. Were you John? John? How I am?
I'm good?
Speaker 3 (01:38):
Thank you?
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Were you an Ozzy Osbourne? Sort of heavy metal?
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Not officially not especially I hate the odd bat you
know who doesn't shots fancy dress. I made a very
passable Ozzie Osbourne.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Yeah really really, you've dressed up.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
I've dressed up that. He's been my alter ego. Yeah, wow, Yeah,
I think I'll find some pictures.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
I think you need to find some pictures. I didn't
really have access to our Facebook page these days, but
if i'd that, oh at Tyra does, well, we'll post
a photo, can we? Is there any excuse for doing that?
Here's John Cowny was on our show. Here's him as born.
There has nothing to do with the parents quite what soever. Yeah,
that's a legitimate That sounds like a wind to me. Anyway, Hey, John,
(02:24):
we want to come and for you out there. I
wait one hundred eighty ten eighty. I want to talk
about sideline, sideline parenting and what the what the look,
what's the what's the expression for rules that are not
written down? Societal norms and values? Norms and values? And
I think they've changed for the sideline because sometimes I
(02:46):
feel I'm quite I can be quite quite verbal on
the sideline, and I tell myself not to be and
sometimes and I wonder what the rules are. But we
know that the rules are certainly not to get involved
in a brawl. There was a story about Auckland Grammar
where there was a brawl involving parents and schoolboy rugby players.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
Tell you where to make up the rules.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Let's decide to society rules are. But I mean, I
think let's we can say no fisticuffs, no firstickuffs on
the sidelines is a rule at kids' sporting events.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
Especially You don't split the lip of a seventy five
year old grandmother.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
No, And on that one. Now, the grandmother who was
punched in a sideline row at Auckland and an Auckland
youth football match, who was hit in the face during
an altercation on the sidelines and an under seventeen football
match on the North Shore, and the game was abandoned,
police were called. And what was she says? She's quite
little one, only five foot and a bit, your typical
(03:47):
gray haired lady. And this person says, couldn't A woman
who'd taken her mother to watch her son's football match said,
I couldn't believe she ended up getting hit. Actually, what
is that fantasting?
Speaker 4 (04:00):
Now?
Speaker 3 (04:02):
One of the things that I thought was a little
bit odd was that both schools then released an identical
press release and sort of damage control. Damage control that's
not good enough. Schools should absolutely mea copper mere colper.
We're going to get to the bottom of this versus disgusting.
We're going to follow through. We're going to prosecute. I
(04:25):
seem to remember it said nothing, but you know this happened, Yes,
that type of stuff, you know.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
As opposed? Are we going to drill into this and
hang someone from the yard?
Speaker 3 (04:37):
I reckon we need a little bit more investigative of
journalism too. On you know, this type of stuff because
it's involving assault of a you know, an elderly person,
that's happening in the context of young people, it's happening
in a school ground. This is you know, awful, really
(04:59):
really awful, and so it needs to be not just
the police are called and people get cautioned and they're
looking in to it. No, I reckon it needs we
need to make sure that this type of stuff is
absolutely exceptional and absolutely panned. Unfortunately, stuff like that I
think is exceptional. What is an exceptional Unfortantly, I mean,
(05:19):
it's a simmering bad behavior that does happen every week
at every game. According to a ref I was talking to, Oh.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
Yeah, and the abuse of refing. My one of my
daughters plays netball at you at Aukland Netball and Saint
John's and I think they still there was a time
and I'm not sure if I've heard it recently, but
there where they make an announcement before each game saying,
you know, basically, don't forget that players. You know, the
people who ref and everything they're giving their time, et cetera.
(05:49):
And you know if we lose, if we lose an
umpire because of the way they're treated today, we never
get them back. And yeah, I mean, you can might
be dissatisfied with a ref, but at worst, mutter under
your breath to yourself. At best, don't even you know
what I mean, because we all have moments of going,
oh that I think we missed a bit of a
(06:09):
contact called it, didn't we but just keep it to yourself.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
How many professional refs are there in the country About four?
Speaker 2 (06:15):
And you know the rest of you have ten bucks
at netball to cover. There are offessionals that my daughter
is actually thinking she wants to become a netball ref
because she likes the idea of doing it and pays
I think ten or fifteen bucks.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
These people love the sport. They love helping out volunteers,
are good hearted people, and so they should be completely
off limits for abuse on the court and on social media.
Apparently they get absolutely hammered on social media as well,
(06:48):
and of course that'll get back to them. And could
I just say, if we're thinking about changing culture, let's
make roast referee off the referee off the menu for
lunch after the game. Now, you know, when you're talking
to your kids about it, we should be Reefs should
be almost, of course the fallible, of course the human
(07:09):
they make mistakes. There's good reefs and there's bad reefs.
But I reckon that take roast reef off the menu.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
I think at some stage I have had a discussion,
but it's acknowledging something that went against them. And I say, look, honey,
there are a couple of calls that went against you there,
but you know what, that's part of sport and you
have to I mean, I mean that technically was me
roasting a reef, but I was. I was acknowledging something
that everyone you know. It's like, look, honey, I know
you felt that. You know, there are a couple of
cause we might thought didn't go away, but to be honest,
(07:37):
it's really difficult. Just you have to make sure that
every other opportunity you take. I mean, god, it's so difficult.
But I'm pompous with the stuff, isn't it.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
You can acknowledge, of course that they've made a mistake, Hey,
the ref sucked. But when you start to say, yeah,
they don't make they don't doing their job, or they're
an idiot, they're sub standard intelligence and stuff like that,
that's taken it beyond talking about a specific infraction of
the rules that they got wrong.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Do you think we would love your calls on this?
But what are the rules that John and I are
going to have a crack at working out what the
rules on the sideline should be. I have had discussions
with people, In fact, I think I've even seen I'm
not sure if it's through school or clubs that almost
we're discouraging a certain level of energy and cheering, but
(08:23):
which I struggle with because I guess they're worried about
getting going from being enthusiastic to being something else. But
I think be as I don't know, I tend to
think you can be as enthusiastic as you want to
for your side.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
You can be cheering up, but there's the opposite of
booing down, you know, And what do we want in
our culture?
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Well, here's one one of the things that they would
prefer we didn't do through the school my girls go
to is calling out advice to the kids on the sideline,
because that's the coach's job. But I mean sort of
when you're like, I'm not sure what an example would
be like, but pass it down the wedding or something
that's such and such, it's like, no, no, no, just
(09:03):
leave that to you know, play has to sort out.
But you can go come on, well done, and you know,
I don't know, woohoo.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
You know what the thing is? Of course, it's because
you're out there on the field with your kid. You're
vicariously out there. Every little triumph they have something that
cheers your heart. Every drop and fumble is something that
that hurts your self esteem. And so yeah, you're out
there perhaps basically giving you, you know, giving the script
that you'll be doing. And so we need to just
(09:33):
be a bit more grown up than that. Actually we
need to remember, hey, I yes, of course I'm going
to be enjoying their successes and feeling their pain. But
we're we're the parent here, and we're you know, we're
not doing the gob of being a church, but we
are a coach on the bigger game of life.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Actually, I'm I'm pretty happy with the way our chair
because actually, pretty much all like what I do is
I just if it's good play, a great pass, a
great shot, great crist whatever, you I just call out
great cross, great pass, whatever, and clap. And also, I
think the other important things from my daughter's hockey there
is the goal. The goalie on the other side today
(10:10):
had a bit of a tough time because we won well,
but the goalie had some really really good saves, and
we all I noticed that, all the parents around me,
even though we really don't want that goalie to save
the goals, we're like, oh that was a great save,
well done. Clap, clap, and two, I think that's the best.
The best thing for a parent for me is you
need to teach yourself to praise the other team. And
(10:30):
that is a really good way to deal. I don't know,
just there's something about cheering for the other team as well. Okay,
you're not hoping they win, but when they do something well,
you compliment them and to me, that's actually quite a
good zen sort of way of going about character.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
And I think that's something to be you know, we
want to upload and build up in our kids.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Last my daughter's last netball game, we were we were
playing game. We didn't do too well, we didn't have
a great game, but anyway, we suddenly broke them old
and got a couple of goals and I just joked,
I said, all right, that's it's time to open the
floodgates now. But unfortunately the floodgates opened against us. Someone
the dad said to me, can we close those floodgates now?
(11:14):
It's like I meant for us, not them. Okay, so
cheer the other team. I think we should say you
should cheer good play.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
That's right, that's got to be a rule.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Yeah, let's make that. We're going to make that a rule.
Make that applaud everyone, cheer the other team. Is there
a level to raucousness in terms of cheering and support
or you just think, look, if you're enjoying yourself, no,
can you over celebrate?
Speaker 3 (11:40):
Well, running onto the field is probably two. That's got
to be a rule. I mean, stay off the field,
you know, and that's you knows your kids, you know,
decapitated or something you stay off the field game, Yeah,
it would be you know, so that's got to be
something no just just of course is passionate and as
enjoyable as well. I love these. I've never been to
(12:02):
one of these English soccer matches and things where the
crowd is just that they're having a party on the sideline.
It's it's it's something. I mean, it can tip over
into something horrible, but in general I get the impression
that is wonderful.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Because I sometimes wonder whether you know, the problems with
kids sports things that have been passed down from the
way we behave as sports fans at adult sort of matches.
And there are some particularly parochial crowds at various parts
of the country. We're not saying anywhere, not label in
any particular town. We can probably all think of the
(12:38):
place that might be a little bit more parochial and
where people actually do behave pretty badly. They're not you know,
that's not kids playing and it's adults, and they'll be
like that's where the refs get it full on its
social media all that sort of stuff.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
They could be as parochial as they like I hope
they are. Hope they do cheer as loud as they like,
but with with those provisos that that doesn't tip over
into abuse of the other team or abuse of.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
The ref, especially it's being euphimistic. Yeah, I meant parochialism,
being nasty, nasty, So.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
Okay, here's a funny story. My father in law was
a rugby ref and he red carded a player and
the father of the player started giving him a hard time,
and so he sent the father off the field, you know,
off the out of the ground. We can, yes, they
can do that. Really, they won't restart that, you know,
they can say we won't restart the game until you've left,
(13:33):
and everything good on them.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
And he did this.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
And subsequently, when my wife got engaged and they just
be in the paper and my father in law was
approached by this woman that he didn't know existed, who
was his sister, and he discovered that the person that
he had banished from the field was his nephew and
the player was his great nephew, who incidentally went on
to become an All Black.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Can I just share with you that I got lost
because that was like a Gilbert and Sullivan song with
my nephew and the father in law and the father
and this goblins. Did anyone follow that? There are so
many reletives my nephew, of my father in law, of
my son, my such and such like.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
Just really, so who was the referee? My father in
law discovered my father in law discovered that the person
that he had penalized was and Ah, both father and
son were his nephew and great nephew. But he didn't
know that at the time.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Fantastic, So there you go. But what are the rules
and actually what do you think? What is the cause
of bad behavior on the sideline? Should we worry about
it or is it just one of those things? To
be honest, You know what, here we have this story.
Police called to the Aucland Grammar versus Delasal schoolboy rugby game.
There's a brawler up to amongst spectators. There's the headline
around the woman who got her lips split by being
(14:51):
assaulted at a youth football game. Terrible. But here's the thing.
I actually reckon that this is nothing. I don't know
if it's any worse or better. I think that these
things have always gone on, and there's been bad behavior.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
I was chatting to a professional reef today just too
and he was saying, it's no worse, but it should
be better. I mean, it's all he said. Ever since
his first game, he's been getting abused from the sideline
and everything.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
But I think the thing that makes it worse is
that the advent of social media that people can subsequently
launch attacks. Whereas at the game it's you know, the
ref sucks and all that sort of thing. But when
the ref left the ground, you know, goes home, probably
never never hears about it again unless it turns up
to the pub of the losing team. But these days
it follows, and it follows and all that sort of
(15:37):
stuff that keeps on going doesn't.
Speaker 3 (15:38):
Yeah, no, that's definitely, But it's also in that is
a solution. If we can jump on the social media attacks.
You know, if you can see someone bagging the reef,
you can come to their defense. Let's turn in the
same way that nobody skytes any more about being drunk
and driving home. You know, that's completely gone, I think
(16:01):
from our society, the boasting and everything like that, because
it's become social so socially unacceptable. It still happens, of course,
but it's socially unacceptable, and we need to start making
this stuff socially unacceptable.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
And I guess the other question is, now we'd love
your cause on this. By the way, I'm with John Cawn.
What should the rules of sideline parenting be? How vocal
can you be? Should there be a limit to that?
What do you need to just how do you modify
your own behavior? Because we're all passionate, we want our
kids to do well. We see something doesn't happen and
you just want.
Speaker 5 (16:30):
To go ah.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
But actually, just and confession from years ago, I found
that if I was getting feeling too frustrated with something,
I would turn round watch another game for a couple
of minutes. I have got a couple of funny stories
I can share with you, by the way, and anyway,
but we'll take your cause as well. I know. Eight
(16:53):
ten eighty I'm with John Cown and we're talking about
sideline behavior. What are your rules when it comes to
attending sport? But here's the other thing. If you saw
bad behavior on the sideline, see here's the thing. You
may be a parent who you may be a parent
or a supporter who sees someone else behaving badly. Now
(17:15):
here's the thing. I don't know the facts of these brawls,
but they may well be a case where a parent
has said to another parent, hey, buddy, you need to
call it because this is not good And before you
know it, you're involved in some sort of altercation when
in fact you were trying to calm it down. So
what are your rules? How do you handle that? Eight
hundred and eighty ten eighty text nine two nine two
(17:37):
and you can email Tim b I don't worry about
the email. I'm not gonna check it. I don't like
that's honesty.
Speaker 6 (17:44):
And who back in a moment with John cown Let's.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Welcome back to the weekend Connect with the Parents Squad
with John Cowen. What are the rules for satellin and parenting?
But also how do you how do you deal with
somebody else who's behaving badly? Should you just keep out
of it because a lot of people I don't go
near it. So what are the rules around sideline parenting?
And what's too much what's not enough? Let's get Into've
got a full board of calls. If you hear someone
jump off, then you jump on the blower and we're
(18:19):
talking to you sound bill.
Speaker 5 (18:21):
Hello, Hello, Hi, can you hear me?
Speaker 2 (18:25):
Yes, we can.
Speaker 5 (18:26):
Yeah, Hi. I'm just interested in the discussion you're having.
A rugby referee, have been for twenty five years and
I love doing it. But it's multifaceted in regards the problems.
One of the things is the parents live the curiously
(18:47):
through their children.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (18:49):
And for example, I was refereeing today. I was watching
fourteen and fifteen year old running around and some parents
seem to think they're watching the All Blacks, and I
it just it's it's the sense of unreality that that
they don't get what they're watching.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Is it like, if you make the wrong decision, you're
affecting their child's chance to be an All Black.
Speaker 5 (19:15):
Yeah, it's it's And it's also the fact that we
have we now live in a world where people seek
perfection and any mistake has jumped on. And I made
a call today that I couldn't see the ball and
I had some parents jump up and down saying, oh,
but you've got it wrong. And I basically call them
(19:36):
out in front of everybody, which is a very effective
effective way to do it because it makes them look small.
Now that's probably not how did you do it.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
What did you tell us about exactly what did you say?
Speaker 5 (19:48):
I just I just shouted at them. I just said, oh,
you know, your your comments are not welcome, they're not helpful.
You really want to have a goot referee coming down.
But I mean, I mean I can do that because
I've been here for twenty five years. It's it's not
always easy to do that, and you're basically embarrassing the
person in front of everybody else, which is quite a
(20:08):
powerful tool. But it's also the players as well that
the kids now have a I feel they have a
right to question every decision right And also that's and
one of the things about sport is not everything goes
your way, and it's how you deal with those decisions
(20:30):
that's very important. And the level of an agrievement when
somebody makes a wrong call is not often equal to
what's actually happened.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
And what makes you wonder how they're going to handle
being being not making a top team or not getting
the position they want or something like that, and they
probably throw all sorts of sukies.
Speaker 5 (20:53):
Yeah, there's.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
The kids. If I hear one more protest from your side,
the next person is going to there'll be a penalty.
Can you start addressing it through the rules.
Speaker 5 (21:05):
Yes, you can. You can always you can. I give
three penalties a day for people's questioning a decision. And
you can also use you can use that that's quite
you know, blunt to They can use humor at the
start of the game going you know, okay, gentlemen, when
when it was the last time you ever saw a
referee change his mind and they go and liver and say, well,
I'm not starting today, and they and they get it.
(21:31):
But often they're you know, there they hear things from
the sideline, and they want to do the best for
the for their parents.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
If you could, if you could talk to the parents beforehand,
would that be what you'd say as well?
Speaker 5 (21:47):
Yes, absolutely, You're not helping your child by telling them
what they're doing wrong. You know, just let them play.
Let the referee referee, and you know, some calls will
go with you and some will go against you. End
of the world. Not the end of the world.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
You probably a little I mean, I don't mean you've
got an advantage, but there must be something in the
natural the fact that you're comfortable in your own skin
as a ref that carries its own mana that you
would maybe get less resistance than a less experienced ref Well, yeah.
Speaker 5 (22:18):
I mean, but that's that's that's that you build the
haze of or a noceros by having lots of lots
of hades that have been beaten. But yeah, I mean,
what's important.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
It's these kids that are only teenagers themselves as referees
that I feel very sorry for. Yeah, and you know,
they're starting out in their refing career and they're getting
a hard job, a hard time from people that are older,
and they should be. You know that it must be
very very tough. It takes twenty five years to get
twenty five years of experience like you've got.
Speaker 2 (22:50):
Yeah, Hey, thanks Bell, thanks very mud.
Speaker 5 (22:53):
Oh sorry, I was just gonna say one of the
my my friend Kevin Pott made a very good call
to make hoskins this week. And one of the problems
we have as referees is we have kids ref ring kids,
and with the greatest world in the world, we don't
have kids don't have the experience that adults have, and
(23:13):
that creates a lot of issues. And it's because we
we don't have enough adults stepping up to actually be
adults in much rather criticized adults than actually being the
adults and demonstrating to the kids what's the right and
what's the wrong.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
I wonder if sill culture that we're talking about discourages
adults from stepping up to being referees. H.
Speaker 5 (23:32):
Well it does. If you say to somebody, do you
want to come along on a Saturday afternoon to be
shouted at a group of people? Would they say no,
I'd rather not do that, got it, mat?
Speaker 2 (23:40):
I mean if you thought about doing it, you would
be concerned about those things, wouldn't you? Hang? Good on
your bill? Thank you for your call. Appreciate much, But
I do love that one. It's like, have you ever
heard of a referee? H?
Speaker 7 (23:51):
Mind?
Speaker 2 (23:51):
I don't intend to start. I can't help it. He's
got a Scottish accent. I don't intend to start today. Uh, Steve, Hello, Sorry.
Speaker 7 (24:04):
Nothing made my blood boil more than hearing about this.
Was it a grandma at a soccer game a couple
of weeks ago got assaulted? You hear about that? Now?
Speaker 4 (24:14):
To me?
Speaker 7 (24:15):
That is just common.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
Assaultolved by the way, Yeah.
Speaker 7 (24:21):
But look, the only way I mean, you guys can
talk about there are solutions on social media and all
the rest of it, all the rest of it. But
look that I'm afraid just a band aid. It's lightweight
people who go around punching other people. You've got to
understand the mentality of these people. They don't look at
the social they don't care about the social media. The
only thing that they laugh about the fact they don't
(24:43):
need they don't get in true consequences like jail time.
If you had a mandatory sentence, you put hands on someone, youse,
kinetic force against someone else's head, whatever, and you do this,
you go and do a mandatory month in jails, and
you just watch it. It's gone, It's gone.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
I don't even I don't think it needs to be that.
I think it needs to have enforcement. Of course, you
know what, if you're acting in self defense, that probably
gets That's probably what I mean is easier said than done.
Speaker 7 (25:14):
But now if you've got it's not actually it's not.
It's actually easily done because it's done in other countries
and you see it everywhere. You know what, I know
a lot of Asian people they never ever see this
kind of thing. They'll never see a grandmarket assuld do
you know why to because it's outward with such immediate
consequences that are severe enough where people don't even want
(25:38):
to even think about hitting another person. We've got to
get that's a general.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Crime and punishment policy in those countries, not just sports.
What you're talking about general crime.
Speaker 7 (25:46):
But I am talking about general because this is general crime.
I don't care if it's within someone walk along the
streets on a sporting field, it's against an ambulance driver,
it's anyone. You should not be able to put your
hands on someone, punch them in the face and then
just walk away with a laugh, knowing that nothing's going
to happen. What you need to just come down on
them with it like a ton of bricks and know
(26:08):
that they need to know. You know, when you go
to bail and see those signs, you know drug dealers
will face death. You know you're in a different environment.
And I'll tell you what. You stand up straight right then.
Speaker 5 (26:20):
And there, mind you.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
It doesn't stop people trying to get bring drugs. But
just getting back to that topic, though, the thing that
I think would frustrate you and it frustrates me, is
that so the Aukan Grammar and Dellasil College, there was
a broad on the sideline and this is the thing
I think is really disappointing, it says. However, police subsequently
clarified to the Herald they received no formal complaints and
(26:43):
are leaving the matter with the relevant sporting body to
deal with the incident. That is part of the problem,
isn't it.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
That's pathetic, Well it is.
Speaker 7 (26:51):
It is because the police, you know what, everything's just
it's got to start from the top. The politicians need
to change the rules and we need mandatory sentences so
no one everyone is completely aware.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
Now, I got you. I've got to take some more calls, Steve,
but I get you. I mean you, you're talking about
consequences and there are no consequences that make maybe make
people think, oh maybe I shouldn't do that. I appreciate
you call mate. In fact, we do have to go
to the break, but we'll be back with Adrian and
we've got to give us a call. Eight hundred and
eighty and eighty. This is news Talk, said b Yes,
(27:35):
welcome back to the Weekend Collective. This is the Parents
Squad be talking about sideline, parenting John Cown as my
guest and taking your calls.
Speaker 8 (27:44):
Adrian High, Hi there, Yeah, I've just had the pleasure
of watching our local Boost fifteen player match today and
the sideline behavior was impeccable, you know, you know, like
people aren't running up and down the sideline like they
used two years ago. Yes, there's an electric fence take
along the side to stop people from getting too close
(28:06):
to the to the sideline so that, you know, really
good good sportsmanship on and off the field. But yeah,
sports changed a lot over the probably the last thirty years.
Husband's been very involved with rugby. I've been very involved
with netball and tennis. And netball. Of course, you have
your your committee members out there in their Hiver's jackets
(28:27):
to just walk quietly amongst the crowd to keep things quiet.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
Bit of adults to them, actually, because I did have
one time. I can't remember what it was, but somebody
was behaving quite badly at a netball game and I thought, no,
I've been not handled. So I just went to the
office and said, I'm not sure what to do, but
this person such and such, and she put a high
Ver's vest on and went over and just hovered near
the game and then went and had a chat to
the person and they just I think the person didn't
(28:54):
even realize one dick they were being.
Speaker 8 (28:56):
Actually yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that about sums it up.
And of course we're all armed sheer experts. I actually
recommend people do the referee and empiring courses because then
they actually learn the rules, and even for the kids
to do the courses as well, they learn the rules
that become a better player. Yeah, I got to say,
let's be proactive. And you know, it's a bit sad
(29:18):
that people get have to live through their kids and
their abilities, but it is what it is. It's take
my heads off to people that still do it.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
I mean, we have the vicarious pleasure of watching our
children do well, and I guess so long as you
just don't hinge your happiness on it. Like I love
it when my daughter plays well. It gives me a
great thrill to see, in fact the kick I get
as seeing the team progress and seeing their mood lift
in the way they play. But you've just got to
not hinge it to You've just got to remind yourself,
don't hinge it to the meaning of life.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
Especially if your dream is being projected so ferociously on
your child that the child's dreams get subverted. What if
they want to kick around a different shape ball from
the one you're dreaming of.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
Oh well, that'll break some dad hearts.
Speaker 3 (29:59):
But honestly it should be an often for the kid.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
Probably just as ill I didn't have science.
Speaker 8 (30:04):
Actually, well, I guess that is the key. Play sport.
Play sport because you get along to work in a team.
You're part of a team. That's part of where you're
going to work, into a work environment, you turn up
on time, you're part of the team. You know, that's
it sort of goes into your work life and who
you are as a person. It's really important.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
What made your crowd so well behaved? Was it just
a way of pointing out that actually, most New Zealand
parents around the place are there for the right reasons
and just to enjoy watching their kids.
Speaker 8 (30:34):
I think that's part of it. It's easy to focus
on a few really bad situations. You know, it is
what it is, and it's not acceptable, and I just
hope it stays as the just the odd one and
not not become the.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
Exception to the row. Yeah, thanks, Adrian, reappreciate your core.
Speaker 3 (30:51):
The exceptions should be exceptional enough to really come down
heavily on but yeah, I think we should. I do
say the standard is high, and it's I'm glad it's high,
so let's keep I.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
Do think trying to I do think making sure you
applaud good play from the other side is an important thing.
I always often try and say hi to someone a
parent from the other side too, you know have I
don't know that. I just think it's good to try
and make it a communal sort of thing where it's like, Okay, yeah,
sport's happening in the middle, but you know the rest
of us need to get along. Maras hello lads.
Speaker 9 (31:25):
Yeah. I was listening to that guy before and he said,
you know, put him in jail for a month. What
all their nonsense letters won't change anything, because I think
it's up to the parents. And I watched a lot
of school sport got kids playing and never had any
issues like that. But the parents keep the kids and
everybody can check. And a lot of the issues come
down to parents actually not doing their job as a parent,
(31:47):
and a lot of appearance. Yeah, a lot of the
parents what I find I think it's shameful. And I'm
not going to name there's one school that's had a
lot of us is in allowt six years and back
in the media again, and their parents are shameful because
they don't encourage it, but they don't stop it, and
they offer an opinions and also what opinions bottoms, everyone
has one? Yeah, and you know, I think that that
(32:08):
previous call at your head, she is so right. But
the reason why they don't hand rush is because she's
obviously a levelhead of parent. Now understand you know what
I mean?
Speaker 2 (32:15):
What message? What message can be given to those if
there is a school where the culture of the parents
is not good, what message can actually be given? How
would you try and turn that around?
Speaker 9 (32:25):
Well, actually just just say hey, unless you's changed, no
crowd at your school from your school, because use are
the victims, you use other problems unless you change your attitude.
You know, jay, I was not going to do anything.
But you know, if you can't go and watch a
kid play sport because you're actually a broncer and you
encourage it and you don't stop it and you allow it.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
Actually, you know what and funny thing is it would
be interesting to see where the kids almost find it
a relief that their parents aren't there making out. That's interesting.
Speaker 9 (32:53):
Money I've got a young fellow and he's not my kid,
but i'd take him to cricket every Saturday. And he's
a very very good cricketer. You know, he's on the
edge of playing age grade for Auckland. And there was
a couple of spirits who he knows from the school.
We won't need to day the school, and they were
just absolute plunkers, and the way they spoke to the kids,
the way they did do we think, the way they
(33:13):
were and they had their little Johnny's, you know, the
sissis and and you know what, they nearly gave up.
But I always had to just keep.
Speaker 3 (33:20):
Atterols, make their kills, make such a big thing about
their sporting prowess, they should therefore make a big thing
about the sideline behavior of the school community. And that's
why I was so disgusted the CVS schools just butt covering.
Speaker 2 (33:38):
Yeah when that refer it to the very sports body,
yeah not sure, that's quite.
Speaker 3 (33:44):
And the and the identical press releases meaning well, we've
consulted our lawyers and this is what we have to say.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
And secretly I was wanting to know who that school
was from Marris, but I decided to ask you don't
want to just focus on one school around the country. Ah, right,
I think lucky. Last call, John did the.
Speaker 5 (34:05):
God how are you good things?
Speaker 2 (34:06):
Hey?
Speaker 5 (34:07):
Don't many.
Speaker 4 (34:08):
In the seventies I worked out in Japan and a shipyard.
We were building an oil rig and the Japanese the
head is sacred for them. And you know how, I
see whe you can raffle somebody's head, but I haven't
seen you for a while. Yeah, and over there you
daren't do that. And that's what I learned from the shipyard.
(34:28):
But prior to that, I used to run overland expeditions
Africa London through Africa, Aga, South America, and I actually
gave up in the end because of feral female passengers
and what's happened in society. They are running the show
now and people don't know how to fight or good
(34:50):
blokes don't know how to push back against them. And
that that's.
Speaker 5 (34:56):
That's not a popular saying.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
I know that, Yeah, probably not. It does sound like
you just wanted to bring back the sort of patriarchy,
but not quite tied into as much which as I'd
like for the sideline behavior, John, But thank you for
your call, John Cown. Any particular thoughts on that.
Speaker 3 (35:12):
I'm looking forward to things getting better and better. I'm
an optimist. I think I think culture is progressing along
good lines around a lot of the stuff, and I
love the fact that the Sporting Body is really really
encouraging it. But yeah, we'll just leave it with Let's
just leave the refs alone. Acknowledge their humanity and honor
them for their sacrifice, and make sure that that's the
(35:35):
tune that comes out of your mouth when you're talking
to your kids.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
And if we're think you're getting worked up, put yourself
in time out for two or three minutes, you know,
and turn your back or whatever if they think on
something else, and then then come back into the game
once you've got a grip. Anyway, I'm not sure what
other stories I can tell. I do have a couple
of other stories which are quite fun, but I might
save this for another time or just for just for
(35:59):
my own dignity. I'll keep them to myself. Hey, John,
good to see you. It's always fun to actually do you.
Your kids are a great Yeah, but do you ever
get along to any if you have an excuse to
get along to.
Speaker 3 (36:09):
Sons than the under eighty five champion team Downe in
Canterbury last week and so he's still enjoying his rugby.
And my other kids they enjoyed their sport a lot.
We used to tell our kids you can play, you
can choose whatever sport you want to play, but you
have to hold you have to stick to it right
at the end of the season. And so they did
chop and change a little bit and tried different codes
(36:29):
and things that they settled on the sports they love.
Speaker 2 (36:31):
I love it. I think school that was great for them.
I love score sports. I just think it's a wonderful
and it's a wonderful opportunity for people to connect with
themselves as well. And I think if you focus on that,
that's always a good starting point. Hey, good to see
her behave yourself Until next time, I wanted behave myself
to John Cowen, the Venerable, Hey, thanks for your calls
(36:52):
and text everyone. We'll be back to Rap Sport with
Elijah Fartview for the Sports Rap in just a Moment.
Speaker 1 (36:58):
News Talk For more from the weekend collective, Listen live
to News Talk said B weekends from three pm all
follow the podcast on iHeartRadio
You're listening to the Weekend Collective podcast from News Talks b.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Hi. I had to let that roll for a little
(00:53):
bit just to get into it, of course that it's
a bit of Osborne crazy train. I didn't know what
it was called, to be honest, I was like, what
is this? But of course Ozzy Osbourne was. It was
farewelled by I'm Birmingham.
Speaker 3 (01:04):
Hang.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
I think it was Birmingham and actually quite I don't
know if you use the words sweet, but just to
see how much people loved him and people, you know,
some people were in tears and everything. It was actually quite.
You know, when a community says goodbye to someone who
actually really you know, resonated with them. It's was sort
of quite. I wasn't a huge fan of Ozzy os
but and I hated reality TV and all that, but
(01:27):
essentially quite a likable guy. It's got nothing whatsoever to
do with our next hour on the On the Parents
Squad with John Cown. Were you John? John? How I am?
I'm good?
Speaker 3 (01:38):
Thank you?
Speaker 2 (01:39):
Were you an Ozzy Osbourne? Sort of heavy metal?
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Not officially not especially I hate the odd bat you
know who doesn't shots fancy dress. I made a very
passable Ozzie Osbourne.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Yeah really really, you've dressed up.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
I've dressed up that. He's been my alter ego. Yeah, wow, Yeah,
I think I'll find some pictures.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
I think you need to find some pictures. I didn't
really have access to our Facebook page these days, but
if i'd that, oh at Tyra does, well, we'll post
a photo, can we? Is there any excuse for doing that?
Here's John Cowny was on our show. Here's him as born.
There has nothing to do with the parents quite what soever. Yeah,
that's a legitimate That sounds like a wind to me. Anyway, Hey, John,
(02:24):
we want to come and for you out there. I
wait one hundred eighty ten eighty. I want to talk
about sideline, sideline parenting and what the what the look,
what's the what's the expression for rules that are not
written down? Societal norms and values? Norms and values? And
I think they've changed for the sideline because sometimes I
(02:46):
feel I'm quite I can be quite quite verbal on
the sideline, and I tell myself not to be and
sometimes and I wonder what the rules are. But we
know that the rules are certainly not to get involved
in a brawl. There was a story about Auckland Grammar
where there was a brawl involving parents and schoolboy rugby players.
Speaker 3 (03:07):
Tell you where to make up the rules.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Let's decide to society rules are. But I mean, I
think let's we can say no fisticuffs, no firstickuffs on
the sidelines is a rule at kids' sporting events.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
Especially You don't split the lip of a seventy five
year old grandmother.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
No, And on that one. Now, the grandmother who was
punched in a sideline row at Auckland and an Auckland
youth football match, who was hit in the face during
an altercation on the sidelines and an under seventeen football
match on the North Shore, and the game was abandoned,
police were called. And what was she says? She's quite
little one, only five foot and a bit, your typical
(03:47):
gray haired lady. And this person says, couldn't A woman
who'd taken her mother to watch her son's football match said,
I couldn't believe she ended up getting hit. Actually, what
is that fantasting?
Speaker 4 (04:00):
Now?
Speaker 3 (04:02):
One of the things that I thought was a little
bit odd was that both schools then released an identical
press release and sort of damage control. Damage control that's
not good enough. Schools should absolutely mea copper mere colper.
We're going to get to the bottom of this versus disgusting.
We're going to follow through. We're going to prosecute. I
(04:25):
seem to remember it said nothing, but you know this happened, Yes,
that type of stuff, you know.
Speaker 2 (04:33):
As opposed? Are we going to drill into this and
hang someone from the yard?
Speaker 3 (04:37):
I reckon we need a little bit more investigative of
journalism too. On you know, this type of stuff because
it's involving assault of a you know, an elderly person,
that's happening in the context of young people, it's happening
in a school ground. This is you know, awful, really
(04:59):
really awful, and so it needs to be not just
the police are called and people get cautioned and they're
looking in to it. No, I reckon it needs we
need to make sure that this type of stuff is
absolutely exceptional and absolutely panned. Unfortunately, stuff like that I
think is exceptional. What is an exceptional Unfortantly, I mean,
(05:19):
it's a simmering bad behavior that does happen every week
at every game. According to a ref I was talking to, Oh.
Speaker 2 (05:26):
Yeah, and the abuse of refing. My one of my
daughters plays netball at you at Aukland Netball and Saint
John's and I think they still there was a time
and I'm not sure if I've heard it recently, but
there where they make an announcement before each game saying,
you know, basically, don't forget that players. You know, the
people who ref and everything they're giving their time, et cetera.
(05:49):
And you know if we lose, if we lose an
umpire because of the way they're treated today, we never
get them back. And yeah, I mean, you can might
be dissatisfied with a ref, but at worst, mutter under
your breath to yourself. At best, don't even you know
what I mean, because we all have moments of going,
oh that I think we missed a bit of a
(06:09):
contact called it, didn't we but just keep it to yourself.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
How many professional refs are there in the country About four?
Speaker 2 (06:15):
And you know the rest of you have ten bucks
at netball to cover. There are offessionals that my daughter
is actually thinking she wants to become a netball ref
because she likes the idea of doing it and pays
I think ten or fifteen bucks.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
These people love the sport. They love helping out volunteers,
are good hearted people, and so they should be completely
off limits for abuse on the court and on social media.
Apparently they get absolutely hammered on social media as well,
(06:48):
and of course that'll get back to them. And could
I just say, if we're thinking about changing culture, let's
make roast referee off the referee off the menu for
lunch after the game. Now, you know, when you're talking
to your kids about it, we should be Reefs should
be almost, of course the fallible, of course the human
(07:09):
they make mistakes. There's good reefs and there's bad reefs.
But I reckon that take roast reef off the menu.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
I think at some stage I have had a discussion,
but it's acknowledging something that went against them. And I say, look, honey,
there are a couple of calls that went against you there,
but you know what, that's part of sport and you
have to I mean, I mean that technically was me
roasting a reef, but I was. I was acknowledging something
that everyone you know. It's like, look, honey, I know
you felt that. You know, there are a couple of
cause we might thought didn't go away, but to be honest,
(07:37):
it's really difficult. Just you have to make sure that
every other opportunity you take. I mean, god, it's so difficult.
But I'm pompous with the stuff, isn't it.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
You can acknowledge, of course that they've made a mistake, Hey,
the ref sucked. But when you start to say, yeah,
they don't make they don't doing their job, or they're
an idiot, they're sub standard intelligence and stuff like that,
that's taken it beyond talking about a specific infraction of
the rules that they got wrong.
Speaker 2 (08:02):
Do you think we would love your calls on this?
But what are the rules that John and I are
going to have a crack at working out what the
rules on the sideline should be. I have had discussions
with people, In fact, I think I've even seen I'm
not sure if it's through school or clubs that almost
we're discouraging a certain level of energy and cheering, but
(08:23):
which I struggle with because I guess they're worried about
getting going from being enthusiastic to being something else. But
I think be as I don't know, I tend to
think you can be as enthusiastic as you want to
for your side.
Speaker 3 (08:37):
You can be cheering up, but there's the opposite of
booing down, you know, And what do we want in
our culture?
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Well, here's one one of the things that they would
prefer we didn't do through the school my girls go
to is calling out advice to the kids on the sideline,
because that's the coach's job. But I mean sort of
when you're like, I'm not sure what an example would
be like, but pass it down the wedding or something
that's such and such, it's like, no, no, no, just
(09:03):
leave that to you know, play has to sort out.
But you can go come on, well done, and you know,
I don't know, woohoo.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
You know what the thing is? Of course, it's because
you're out there on the field with your kid. You're
vicariously out there. Every little triumph they have something that
cheers your heart. Every drop and fumble is something that
that hurts your self esteem. And so yeah, you're out
there perhaps basically giving you, you know, giving the script
that you'll be doing. And so we need to just
(09:33):
be a bit more grown up than that. Actually we
need to remember, hey, I yes, of course I'm going
to be enjoying their successes and feeling their pain. But
we're we're the parent here, and we're you know, we're
not doing the gob of being a church, but we
are a coach on the bigger game of life.
Speaker 2 (09:49):
Actually, I'm I'm pretty happy with the way our chair
because actually, pretty much all like what I do is
I just if it's good play, a great pass, a
great shot, great crist whatever, you I just call out
great cross, great pass, whatever, and clap. And also, I
think the other important things from my daughter's hockey there
is the goal. The goalie on the other side today
(10:10):
had a bit of a tough time because we won well,
but the goalie had some really really good saves, and
we all I noticed that, all the parents around me,
even though we really don't want that goalie to save
the goals, we're like, oh that was a great save,
well done. Clap, clap, and two, I think that's the best.
The best thing for a parent for me is you
need to teach yourself to praise the other team. And
(10:30):
that is a really good way to deal. I don't know,
just there's something about cheering for the other team as well. Okay,
you're not hoping they win, but when they do something well,
you compliment them and to me, that's actually quite a
good zen sort of way of going about character.
Speaker 3 (10:46):
And I think that's something to be you know, we
want to upload and build up in our kids.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Last my daughter's last netball game, we were we were
playing game. We didn't do too well, we didn't have
a great game, but anyway, we suddenly broke them old
and got a couple of goals and I just joked,
I said, all right, that's it's time to open the
floodgates now. But unfortunately the floodgates opened against us. Someone
the dad said to me, can we close those floodgates now?
(11:14):
It's like I meant for us, not them. Okay, so
cheer the other team. I think we should say you
should cheer good play.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
That's right, that's got to be a rule.
Speaker 2 (11:25):
Yeah, let's make that. We're going to make that a rule.
Make that applaud everyone, cheer the other team. Is there
a level to raucousness in terms of cheering and support
or you just think, look, if you're enjoying yourself, no,
can you over celebrate?
Speaker 3 (11:40):
Well, running onto the field is probably two. That's got
to be a rule. I mean, stay off the field,
you know, and that's you knows your kids, you know,
decapitated or something you stay off the field game, Yeah,
it would be you know, so that's got to be
something no just just of course is passionate and as
enjoyable as well. I love these. I've never been to
(12:02):
one of these English soccer matches and things where the
crowd is just that they're having a party on the sideline.
It's it's it's something. I mean, it can tip over
into something horrible, but in general I get the impression
that is wonderful.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Because I sometimes wonder whether you know, the problems with
kids sports things that have been passed down from the
way we behave as sports fans at adult sort of matches.
And there are some particularly parochial crowds at various parts
of the country. We're not saying anywhere, not label in
any particular town. We can probably all think of the
(12:38):
place that might be a little bit more parochial and
where people actually do behave pretty badly. They're not you know,
that's not kids playing and it's adults, and they'll be
like that's where the refs get it full on its
social media all that sort of stuff.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
They could be as parochial as they like I hope
they are. Hope they do cheer as loud as they like,
but with with those provisos that that doesn't tip over
into abuse of the other team or abuse of.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
The ref, especially it's being euphimistic. Yeah, I meant parochialism,
being nasty, nasty, So.
Speaker 3 (13:12):
Okay, here's a funny story. My father in law was
a rugby ref and he red carded a player and
the father of the player started giving him a hard time,
and so he sent the father off the field, you know,
off the out of the ground. We can, yes, they
can do that. Really, they won't restart that, you know,
they can say we won't restart the game until you've left,
(13:33):
and everything good on them.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
And he did this.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
And subsequently, when my wife got engaged and they just
be in the paper and my father in law was
approached by this woman that he didn't know existed, who
was his sister, and he discovered that the person that
he had banished from the field was his nephew and
the player was his great nephew, who incidentally went on
to become an All Black.
Speaker 2 (13:55):
Can I just share with you that I got lost
because that was like a Gilbert and Sullivan song with
my nephew and the father in law and the father
and this goblins. Did anyone follow that? There are so
many reletives my nephew, of my father in law, of
my son, my such and such like.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
Just really, so who was the referee? My father in
law discovered my father in law discovered that the person
that he had penalized was and Ah, both father and
son were his nephew and great nephew. But he didn't
know that at the time.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Fantastic, So there you go. But what are the rules
and actually what do you think? What is the cause
of bad behavior on the sideline? Should we worry about
it or is it just one of those things? To
be honest, You know what, here we have this story.
Police called to the Aucland Grammar versus Delasal schoolboy rugby game.
There's a brawler up to amongst spectators. There's the headline
around the woman who got her lips split by being
(14:51):
assaulted at a youth football game. Terrible. But here's the thing.
I actually reckon that this is nothing. I don't know
if it's any worse or better. I think that these
things have always gone on, and there's been bad behavior.
Speaker 3 (15:03):
I was chatting to a professional reef today just too
and he was saying, it's no worse, but it should
be better. I mean, it's all he said. Ever since
his first game, he's been getting abused from the sideline
and everything.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
But I think the thing that makes it worse is
that the advent of social media that people can subsequently
launch attacks. Whereas at the game it's you know, the
ref sucks and all that sort of thing. But when
the ref left the ground, you know, goes home, probably
never never hears about it again unless it turns up
to the pub of the losing team. But these days
it follows, and it follows and all that sort of
(15:37):
stuff that keeps on going doesn't.
Speaker 3 (15:38):
Yeah, no, that's definitely, But it's also in that is
a solution. If we can jump on the social media attacks.
You know, if you can see someone bagging the reef,
you can come to their defense. Let's turn in the
same way that nobody skytes any more about being drunk
and driving home. You know, that's completely gone, I think
(16:01):
from our society, the boasting and everything like that, because
it's become social so socially unacceptable. It still happens, of course,
but it's socially unacceptable, and we need to start making
this stuff socially unacceptable.
Speaker 2 (16:13):
And I guess the other question is, now we'd love
your cause on this. By the way, I'm with John Cawn.
What should the rules of sideline parenting be? How vocal
can you be? Should there be a limit to that?
What do you need to just how do you modify
your own behavior? Because we're all passionate, we want our
kids to do well. We see something doesn't happen and
you just want.
Speaker 5 (16:30):
To go ah.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
But actually, just and confession from years ago, I found
that if I was getting feeling too frustrated with something,
I would turn round watch another game for a couple
of minutes. I have got a couple of funny stories
I can share with you, by the way, and anyway,
but we'll take your cause as well. I know. Eight
(16:53):
ten eighty I'm with John Cown and we're talking about
sideline behavior. What are your rules when it comes to
attending sport? But here's the other thing. If you saw
bad behavior on the sideline, see here's the thing. You
may be a parent who you may be a parent
or a supporter who sees someone else behaving badly. Now
(17:15):
here's the thing. I don't know the facts of these brawls,
but they may well be a case where a parent
has said to another parent, hey, buddy, you need to
call it because this is not good And before you
know it, you're involved in some sort of altercation when
in fact you were trying to calm it down. So
what are your rules? How do you handle that? Eight
hundred and eighty ten eighty text nine two nine two
(17:37):
and you can email Tim b I don't worry about
the email. I'm not gonna check it. I don't like
that's honesty.
Speaker 6 (17:44):
And who back in a moment with John cown Let's.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Welcome back to the weekend Connect with the Parents Squad
with John Cowen. What are the rules for satellin and parenting?
But also how do you how do you deal with
somebody else who's behaving badly? Should you just keep out
of it because a lot of people I don't go
near it. So what are the rules around sideline parenting?
And what's too much what's not enough? Let's get Into've
got a full board of calls. If you hear someone
jump off, then you jump on the blower and we're
(18:19):
talking to you sound bill.
Speaker 5 (18:21):
Hello, Hello, Hi, can you hear me?
Speaker 2 (18:25):
Yes, we can.
Speaker 5 (18:26):
Yeah, Hi. I'm just interested in the discussion you're having.
A rugby referee, have been for twenty five years and
I love doing it. But it's multifaceted in regards the problems.
One of the things is the parents live the curiously
(18:47):
through their children.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (18:49):
And for example, I was refereeing today. I was watching
fourteen and fifteen year old running around and some parents
seem to think they're watching the All Blacks, and I
it just it's it's the sense of unreality that that
they don't get what they're watching.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Is it like, if you make the wrong decision, you're
affecting their child's chance to be an All Black.
Speaker 5 (19:15):
Yeah, it's it's And it's also the fact that we
have we now live in a world where people seek
perfection and any mistake has jumped on. And I made
a call today that I couldn't see the ball and
I had some parents jump up and down saying, oh,
but you've got it wrong. And I basically call them
(19:36):
out in front of everybody, which is a very effective
effective way to do it because it makes them look small.
Now that's probably not how did you do it.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
What did you tell us about exactly what did you say?
Speaker 5 (19:48):
I just I just shouted at them. I just said, oh,
you know, your your comments are not welcome, they're not helpful.
You really want to have a goot referee coming down.
But I mean, I mean I can do that because
I've been here for twenty five years. It's it's not
always easy to do that, and you're basically embarrassing the
person in front of everybody else, which is quite a
(20:08):
powerful tool. But it's also the players as well that
the kids now have a I feel they have a
right to question every decision right And also that's and
one of the things about sport is not everything goes
your way, and it's how you deal with those decisions
(20:30):
that's very important. And the level of an agrievement when
somebody makes a wrong call is not often equal to
what's actually happened.
Speaker 3 (20:43):
And what makes you wonder how they're going to handle
being being not making a top team or not getting
the position they want or something like that, and they
probably throw all sorts of sukies.
Speaker 5 (20:53):
Yeah, there's.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
The kids. If I hear one more protest from your side,
the next person is going to there'll be a penalty.
Can you start addressing it through the rules.
Speaker 5 (21:05):
Yes, you can. You can always you can. I give
three penalties a day for people's questioning a decision. And
you can also use you can use that that's quite
you know, blunt to They can use humor at the
start of the game going you know, okay, gentlemen, when
when it was the last time you ever saw a
referee change his mind and they go and liver and say, well,
I'm not starting today, and they and they get it.
(21:31):
But often they're you know, there they hear things from
the sideline, and they want to do the best for
the for their parents.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
If you could, if you could talk to the parents beforehand,
would that be what you'd say as well?
Speaker 5 (21:47):
Yes, absolutely, You're not helping your child by telling them
what they're doing wrong. You know, just let them play.
Let the referee referee, and you know, some calls will
go with you and some will go against you. End
of the world. Not the end of the world.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
You probably a little I mean, I don't mean you've
got an advantage, but there must be something in the
natural the fact that you're comfortable in your own skin
as a ref that carries its own mana that you
would maybe get less resistance than a less experienced ref Well, yeah.
Speaker 5 (22:18):
I mean, but that's that's that's that you build the
haze of or a noceros by having lots of lots
of hades that have been beaten. But yeah, I mean,
what's important.
Speaker 3 (22:30):
It's these kids that are only teenagers themselves as referees
that I feel very sorry for. Yeah, and you know,
they're starting out in their refing career and they're getting
a hard job, a hard time from people that are older,
and they should be. You know that it must be
very very tough. It takes twenty five years to get
twenty five years of experience like you've got.
Speaker 2 (22:50):
Yeah, Hey, thanks Bell, thanks very mud.
Speaker 5 (22:53):
Oh sorry, I was just gonna say one of the
my my friend Kevin Pott made a very good call
to make hoskins this week. And one of the problems
we have as referees is we have kids ref ring kids,
and with the greatest world in the world, we don't
have kids don't have the experience that adults have, and
(23:13):
that creates a lot of issues. And it's because we
we don't have enough adults stepping up to actually be
adults in much rather criticized adults than actually being the
adults and demonstrating to the kids what's the right and
what's the wrong.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
I wonder if sill culture that we're talking about discourages
adults from stepping up to being referees. H.
Speaker 5 (23:32):
Well it does. If you say to somebody, do you
want to come along on a Saturday afternoon to be
shouted at a group of people? Would they say no,
I'd rather not do that, got it, mat?
Speaker 2 (23:40):
I mean if you thought about doing it, you would
be concerned about those things, wouldn't you? Hang? Good on
your bill? Thank you for your call. Appreciate much, But
I do love that one. It's like, have you ever
heard of a referee? H?
Speaker 7 (23:51):
Mind?
Speaker 2 (23:51):
I don't intend to start. I can't help it. He's
got a Scottish accent. I don't intend to start today. Uh, Steve, Hello, Sorry.
Speaker 7 (24:04):
Nothing made my blood boil more than hearing about this.
Was it a grandma at a soccer game a couple
of weeks ago got assaulted? You hear about that? Now?
Speaker 4 (24:14):
To me?
Speaker 7 (24:15):
That is just common.
Speaker 2 (24:17):
Assaultolved by the way, Yeah.
Speaker 7 (24:21):
But look, the only way I mean, you guys can
talk about there are solutions on social media and all
the rest of it, all the rest of it. But
look that I'm afraid just a band aid. It's lightweight
people who go around punching other people. You've got to
understand the mentality of these people. They don't look at
the social they don't care about the social media. The
only thing that they laugh about the fact they don't
(24:43):
need they don't get in true consequences like jail time.
If you had a mandatory sentence, you put hands on someone, youse,
kinetic force against someone else's head, whatever, and you do this,
you go and do a mandatory month in jails, and
you just watch it. It's gone, It's gone.
Speaker 2 (25:01):
I don't even I don't think it needs to be that.
I think it needs to have enforcement. Of course, you
know what, if you're acting in self defense, that probably
gets That's probably what I mean is easier said than done.
Speaker 7 (25:14):
But now if you've got it's not actually it's not.
It's actually easily done because it's done in other countries
and you see it everywhere. You know what, I know
a lot of Asian people they never ever see this
kind of thing. They'll never see a grandmarket assuld do
you know why to because it's outward with such immediate
consequences that are severe enough where people don't even want
(25:38):
to even think about hitting another person. We've got to
get that's a general.
Speaker 2 (25:42):
Crime and punishment policy in those countries, not just sports.
What you're talking about general crime.
Speaker 7 (25:46):
But I am talking about general because this is general crime.
I don't care if it's within someone walk along the
streets on a sporting field, it's against an ambulance driver,
it's anyone. You should not be able to put your
hands on someone, punch them in the face and then
just walk away with a laugh, knowing that nothing's going
to happen. What you need to just come down on
them with it like a ton of bricks and know
(26:08):
that they need to know. You know, when you go
to bail and see those signs, you know drug dealers
will face death. You know you're in a different environment.
And I'll tell you what. You stand up straight right then.
Speaker 5 (26:20):
And there, mind you.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
It doesn't stop people trying to get bring drugs. But
just getting back to that topic, though, the thing that
I think would frustrate you and it frustrates me, is
that so the Aukan Grammar and Dellasil College, there was
a broad on the sideline and this is the thing
I think is really disappointing, it says. However, police subsequently
clarified to the Herald they received no formal complaints and
(26:43):
are leaving the matter with the relevant sporting body to
deal with the incident. That is part of the problem,
isn't it.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
That's pathetic, Well it is.
Speaker 7 (26:51):
It is because the police, you know what, everything's just
it's got to start from the top. The politicians need
to change the rules and we need mandatory sentences so
no one everyone is completely aware.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
Now, I got you. I've got to take some more calls, Steve,
but I get you. I mean you, you're talking about
consequences and there are no consequences that make maybe make
people think, oh maybe I shouldn't do that. I appreciate
you call mate. In fact, we do have to go
to the break, but we'll be back with Adrian and
we've got to give us a call. Eight hundred and
eighty and eighty. This is news Talk, said b Yes,
(27:35):
welcome back to the Weekend Collective. This is the Parents
Squad be talking about sideline, parenting John Cown as my
guest and taking your calls.
Speaker 8 (27:44):
Adrian High, Hi there, Yeah, I've just had the pleasure
of watching our local Boost fifteen player match today and
the sideline behavior was impeccable, you know, you know, like
people aren't running up and down the sideline like they
used two years ago. Yes, there's an electric fence take
along the side to stop people from getting too close
(28:06):
to the to the sideline so that, you know, really
good good sportsmanship on and off the field. But yeah,
sports changed a lot over the probably the last thirty years.
Husband's been very involved with rugby. I've been very involved
with netball and tennis. And netball. Of course, you have
your your committee members out there in their Hiver's jackets
(28:27):
to just walk quietly amongst the crowd to keep things quiet.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
Bit of adults to them, actually, because I did have
one time. I can't remember what it was, but somebody
was behaving quite badly at a netball game and I thought, no,
I've been not handled. So I just went to the
office and said, I'm not sure what to do, but
this person such and such, and she put a high
Ver's vest on and went over and just hovered near
the game and then went and had a chat to
the person and they just I think the person didn't
(28:54):
even realize one dick they were being.
Speaker 8 (28:56):
Actually yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that about sums it up.
And of course we're all armed sheer experts. I actually
recommend people do the referee and empiring courses because then
they actually learn the rules, and even for the kids
to do the courses as well, they learn the rules
that become a better player. Yeah, I got to say,
let's be proactive. And you know, it's a bit sad
(29:18):
that people get have to live through their kids and
their abilities, but it is what it is. It's take
my heads off to people that still do it.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
I mean, we have the vicarious pleasure of watching our
children do well, and I guess so long as you
just don't hinge your happiness on it. Like I love
it when my daughter plays well. It gives me a
great thrill to see, in fact the kick I get
as seeing the team progress and seeing their mood lift
in the way they play. But you've just got to
not hinge it to You've just got to remind yourself,
don't hinge it to the meaning of life.
Speaker 3 (29:47):
Especially if your dream is being projected so ferociously on
your child that the child's dreams get subverted. What if
they want to kick around a different shape ball from
the one you're dreaming of.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
Oh well, that'll break some dad hearts.
Speaker 3 (29:59):
But honestly it should be an often for the kid.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
Probably just as ill I didn't have science.
Speaker 8 (30:04):
Actually, well, I guess that is the key. Play sport.
Play sport because you get along to work in a team.
You're part of a team. That's part of where you're
going to work, into a work environment, you turn up
on time, you're part of the team. You know, that's
it sort of goes into your work life and who
you are as a person. It's really important.
Speaker 2 (30:22):
What made your crowd so well behaved? Was it just
a way of pointing out that actually, most New Zealand
parents around the place are there for the right reasons
and just to enjoy watching their kids.
Speaker 8 (30:34):
I think that's part of it. It's easy to focus
on a few really bad situations. You know, it is
what it is, and it's not acceptable, and I just
hope it stays as the just the odd one and
not not become the.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
Exception to the row. Yeah, thanks, Adrian, reappreciate your core.
Speaker 3 (30:51):
The exceptions should be exceptional enough to really come down
heavily on but yeah, I think we should. I do
say the standard is high, and it's I'm glad it's high,
so let's keep I.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
Do think trying to I do think making sure you
applaud good play from the other side is an important thing.
I always often try and say hi to someone a
parent from the other side too, you know have I
don't know that. I just think it's good to try
and make it a communal sort of thing where it's like, Okay, yeah,
sport's happening in the middle, but you know the rest
of us need to get along. Maras hello lads.
Speaker 9 (31:25):
Yeah. I was listening to that guy before and he said,
you know, put him in jail for a month. What
all their nonsense letters won't change anything, because I think
it's up to the parents. And I watched a lot
of school sport got kids playing and never had any
issues like that. But the parents keep the kids and
everybody can check. And a lot of the issues come
down to parents actually not doing their job as a parent,
(31:47):
and a lot of appearance. Yeah, a lot of the
parents what I find I think it's shameful. And I'm
not going to name there's one school that's had a
lot of us is in allowt six years and back
in the media again, and their parents are shameful because
they don't encourage it, but they don't stop it, and
they offer an opinions and also what opinions bottoms, everyone
has one? Yeah, and you know, I think that that
(32:08):
previous call at your head, she is so right. But
the reason why they don't hand rush is because she's
obviously a levelhead of parent. Now understand you know what
I mean?
Speaker 2 (32:15):
What message? What message can be given to those if
there is a school where the culture of the parents
is not good, what message can actually be given? How
would you try and turn that around?
Speaker 9 (32:25):
Well, actually just just say hey, unless you's changed, no
crowd at your school from your school, because use are
the victims, you use other problems unless you change your attitude.
You know, jay, I was not going to do anything.
But you know, if you can't go and watch a
kid play sport because you're actually a broncer and you
encourage it and you don't stop it and you allow it.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
Actually, you know what and funny thing is it would
be interesting to see where the kids almost find it
a relief that their parents aren't there making out. That's interesting.
Speaker 9 (32:53):
Money I've got a young fellow and he's not my kid,
but i'd take him to cricket every Saturday. And he's
a very very good cricketer. You know, he's on the
edge of playing age grade for Auckland. And there was
a couple of spirits who he knows from the school.
We won't need to day the school, and they were
just absolute plunkers, and the way they spoke to the kids,
the way they did do we think, the way they
(33:13):
were and they had their little Johnny's, you know, the
sissis and and you know what, they nearly gave up.
But I always had to just keep.
Speaker 3 (33:20):
Atterols, make their kills, make such a big thing about
their sporting prowess, they should therefore make a big thing
about the sideline behavior of the school community. And that's
why I was so disgusted the CVS schools just butt covering.
Speaker 2 (33:38):
Yeah when that refer it to the very sports body,
yeah not sure, that's quite.
Speaker 3 (33:44):
And the and the identical press releases meaning well, we've
consulted our lawyers and this is what we have to say.
Speaker 2 (33:50):
And secretly I was wanting to know who that school
was from Marris, but I decided to ask you don't
want to just focus on one school around the country. Ah, right,
I think lucky. Last call, John did the.
Speaker 5 (34:05):
God how are you good things?
Speaker 2 (34:06):
Hey?
Speaker 5 (34:07):
Don't many.
Speaker 4 (34:08):
In the seventies I worked out in Japan and a shipyard.
We were building an oil rig and the Japanese the
head is sacred for them. And you know how, I
see whe you can raffle somebody's head, but I haven't
seen you for a while. Yeah, and over there you
daren't do that. And that's what I learned from the shipyard.
(34:28):
But prior to that, I used to run overland expeditions
Africa London through Africa, Aga, South America, and I actually
gave up in the end because of feral female passengers
and what's happened in society. They are running the show
now and people don't know how to fight or good
(34:50):
blokes don't know how to push back against them. And
that that's.
Speaker 5 (34:56):
That's not a popular saying.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
I know that, Yeah, probably not. It does sound like
you just wanted to bring back the sort of patriarchy,
but not quite tied into as much which as I'd
like for the sideline behavior, John, But thank you for
your call, John Cown. Any particular thoughts on that.
Speaker 3 (35:12):
I'm looking forward to things getting better and better. I'm
an optimist. I think I think culture is progressing along
good lines around a lot of the stuff, and I
love the fact that the Sporting Body is really really
encouraging it. But yeah, we'll just leave it with Let's
just leave the refs alone. Acknowledge their humanity and honor
them for their sacrifice, and make sure that that's the
(35:35):
tune that comes out of your mouth when you're talking
to your kids.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
And if we're think you're getting worked up, put yourself
in time out for two or three minutes, you know,
and turn your back or whatever if they think on
something else, and then then come back into the game
once you've got a grip. Anyway, I'm not sure what
other stories I can tell. I do have a couple
of other stories which are quite fun, but I might
save this for another time or just for just for
(35:59):
my own dignity. I'll keep them to myself. Hey, John,
good to see you. It's always fun to actually do you.
Your kids are a great Yeah, but do you ever
get along to any if you have an excuse to
get along to.
Speaker 3 (36:09):
Sons than the under eighty five champion team Downe in
Canterbury last week and so he's still enjoying his rugby.
And my other kids they enjoyed their sport a lot.
We used to tell our kids you can play, you
can choose whatever sport you want to play, but you
have to hold you have to stick to it right
at the end of the season. And so they did
chop and change a little bit and tried different codes
(36:29):
and things that they settled on the sports they love.
Speaker 2 (36:31):
I love it. I think school that was great for them.
I love score sports. I just think it's a wonderful
and it's a wonderful opportunity for people to connect with
themselves as well. And I think if you focus on that,
that's always a good starting point. Hey, good to see
her behave yourself Until next time, I wanted behave myself
to John Cowen, the Venerable, Hey, thanks for your calls
(36:52):
and text everyone. We'll be back to Rap Sport with
Elijah Fartview for the Sports Rap in just a Moment.
Speaker 1 (36:58):
News Talk For more from the weekend collective, Listen live
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