August 6, 2022 • 19 mins
OUTWEIGH: Certified Eating Disorder Specialist & Registered Dietitian, Melissa Giovanni, is our expert for the next 3 weeks! Today’s chat (episode 1 of 3) is about living in a toxic environment. If you are actively living, working, or in a relationship (friend, family, romantic) with someone that triggers you…what do you do?? Melissa and Amy helped answer that question during this chat and Melissa gave us a good mantra in this chat: “Good for you, not for me.” (listen to hear when you can apply this!)
Melissa’s Instagram: @allthefoodsrds
Melissa’s Website: https://balancenutritioncounseling.com/
Melissa Giovanni, MS, RDN, CEDS, LDN is a licensed and registered dietitian in Nashville, TN and owner of Balance Nutrition Counseling, PLLC, a group private practice in Nashville and Murfreesboro, TN. She is also a certified eating disorders specialist. Melissa came to the field of nutrition with a passion for eating disorders treatment. She strives to help people heal their relationship with food and live a life without food rules and judgments. She provides clients with the information, skills, and support to progress in their recovery.
To contact Amy about Outweigh: hello@outweighpodcast.com
Best places to find more about Amy: RadioAmy.com + @RadioAmy
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I won't let my body out out way everything that
I'm made do, won't spend my life trying to change.
I'm learning to love who I am, I get I'm strong,
I feel free and know who every part of me.
It's beautiful and then will always out way if you
(00:24):
feel it. With joy in the air, she's love to
the boom. Let's say good day and did you and
die out Happy Saturday. Outweigh fam our guests today and
actually for the next two episodes after this one for
three total is Melissa Giovanni and she comes highly recommended
(00:46):
by our good friend and therapist Cat to Fata. I
love that Cat knows so many people in this space,
so many therapists and registered dietitians that are passionate about
eating disorder recovery and doing it the right way, because
there are some out there that are not and that
can be really discouraging. But I feel as though sometimes
(01:08):
you don't know what you don't know, sort of like me.
Until I got in recovery, I didn't realize the different
triggers I was passing along to my listeners by sharing
simple health tips that I thought we're pretty genius at
the time, but they were actually very damaging and very disordered,
and I would just hop on a mic and share
it with all my listeners. So I'm thankful for the
(01:30):
experts that join me. And right now again today in
the next two episodes, it's Melissa here. So say hey
to everyone, Melissa, and you're the founder of Balanced Nutrition Counseling,
and so why are you so passionate about this work? Yeah,
thanks for having me Amy. I do have a private
practice here in Nashville, and I am very passionate about
(01:51):
passionate about working with eating disorders and disordered eating and
just helping healp people heal their relationship with food because
of witnessing friends through this growing up my own disordered
eating history. Ever since I became a dietitian, that was
kind of what I knew I wanted to do, so
sought out those opportunities because as dietitians, we really don't
learn a lot about disordered eating or eating disorders. So
(02:13):
I just made it a point to really focus on
that and help people work on their relationship with food, fitness,
and their body. That's why it's super important if you
are seeking out help from a therapist or registered dietitian
that you see what they specialize in. So what should
someone look for because it's always fascinating to me when
I have registered dietitians on and they're like, yeah, a
(02:34):
lot of my work that I do now, I learned
zero of it in school. Yeah. Literally, it's quite sad,
but we have to seek it out in other ways.
So there is a great organization, the International Association for
Eating Disorder Professionals, that has a certification that people can get. Therapist, nurses, doctors,
registered dietitians can get that certification. And that's one that
(02:56):
I have. It's the Certified Eating Disorders Specialist and you
based like go through some courses, take an exam, that
sort of thing. Not all eating disorder professionals are going
to have that and they don't necessarily have to. But
looking for things on people's website, like making sure they
believe in intuitive eating health at every size, they have
an all foods fit approach. I will say, though, I
(03:17):
find that those terms are sort of thrown around a
little bit now when maybe that person isn't totally on
board with those philosophies, if that makes sense, Like those
terms are kind of like I can't think of this
term like a catch not a catchphrase, but like they're
becoming a fad sort of thing that people are just
kind of putting out there to to get clients essentially
oh yeah, or get their videos viewed on Instagram and TikTok,
(03:40):
like they're just following the trend of what I mean, which,
thank goodness, this is now getting talked about so much more.
And these are quote unquote bad words or it's bad language.
But to you guys that are in the thick of
it every day, it's not a fad, like this is
your passion, this is your life's work. So I can
see how that might be incredibly frustrating. I mentioned a
(04:02):
minute ago just at times, I know I've been part
of the problem and I didn't know it. But you
know again, I didn't know what I didn't know. But
once I got into recovery and I learned, and I
sort of woke up from this and just realized my participation.
I realized, like in my space, like I was toxic.
So if someone was in recovery around me, I was
(04:23):
a trigger for them. I was probably not someone that
they should spend their time with, whether it's on a
podcast or if they're hanging out with me or whatever.
So we're going to talk about something today that we
haven't really touched on too much, and it's living in
a toxic environment. So that is whether it's in your home,
like directly with a parent or sibling or someone else
that lives in your home. It could be in your
(04:43):
workspace environment, it could be in your friendship circle. We've
talked about this multiple times. Who you're following online? Do
you need to filter through that? But well, listen, share
with us your thoughts on what we can do to
best equip ourselves because if it's in our in ironment,
a lot of us we can't just go change our
job or move out of our family home or get
(05:05):
rid of our spouse or our roommate. They just might
be triggering. So what can we do to make sure
that we're setting ourselves up for success in recovery? Yeah,
I think firstly looking at you know, what are these
triggering events that are happening and people around you and
are they safe people that we can set some boundaries with.
(05:25):
So if it is a spouse or partner, or family
member or even a friend or co worker that you
feel like you can have a conversation with and open
it up and kind of share, Hey, this stuff that
you're saying or what you're doing is really triggering. So
set some boundaries around what you can and can't talk
about with that person if that's possible, and they understand that.
Sometimes you can set all the boundaries you want and
(05:47):
it's just not going to work for whatever reason. Maybe
they just are understanding, because once it is a hard
thing to understand if you haven't been through it. Since
our world kind of normalizes all of these disordered and
triggering things like dieting and working out five times a
day or whatever it is. So if setting boundaries isn't working,
after kind of doing that and accepting, okay, this person
(06:08):
maybe isn't able to change that or or support me
in that way. I think setting the boundary with yourself
can be really helpful of setting the boundary. Okay, my mom,
for example, maybe isn't the person that's going to support
me with this part of my journey. I can't talk
to her about movement or food or whatever it might
be because it's going to be triggering, or she just
(06:30):
doesn't understand it, or whoever. The person is so knowing Okay,
I'm not going to bring that topic up with them,
or I'm going to remove myself from the situation if
that topic comes up, or change the subject, or try
to get out of it as best I can. The
other thing that I think can be helpful in those
situations is having the mantra of good for them, not
for me, even if it's not necessarily good for them.
(06:52):
So if someone at work is talking about their diet
all day, okay, good for them, but that's not for me.
I know I cannot go down that road because if
I do, eating disorders are gonna spiral, etcetera, etcetera. Oh okay,
So I like that mantra, and that can actually apply
to so many things that you might over here or
be a part of where in your mind you can
(07:12):
just sort of turn it to that station of good
for them, not for me, good for them not for me,
good for them not for me, and just you have
repeat that over and over over and over. I was
thinking mantra, and I said over because mantras have been
a great tool for me in recovery and finding the
ones that I need to just have that that reminder,
(07:33):
and if you have other people that can also speak
that into you like to counter those that aren't going
to be speaking into you. And maybe you don't have
someone in your active circle. But that is why we
do outweigh, and that is why there are certain people
you can follow on Instagram that are going to give
you those reminders and they'll give you those little things
that you can say over and over. But I love
(07:53):
that one. Good for you, not for me. I hadn't
heard that one before, Melissa, that is a good one.
I can't take credit for it. I know a lot
of people, let's say it, but it is a good one. Yeah.
The other thing that comes to mind with that too
is just knowing what coping skills help you when you
are triggered, because it's inevitably going to happen if you're
in this environment, whether it's home or work. For example, personally,
(08:16):
if I am potentially triggered by something in any situation, really,
because these ones I think can work anywhere, what I
will do is go outside or like take myself out
of that situation, take a few deep breaths, or do
for square breathing where you kind of count in for four,
out for four, hold for four, and then I personally like,
look for five things I can see to kind of
like distract myself from what was happening. So finding which
(08:39):
coping skills help because you know this is going to
inevitably happen at some point. Unfortunately, there's you know, you
mentioned the five things, and you also mentioned just stepping outside.
You don't have to do it in a dramatic way,
like you can kindly remove yourself. And one that I
like to is all five senses. It's trying to go
(08:59):
outside to what can something I can see? What's something
I can touch? What something I can smell? Is there
something I can taste? Like can I take tea with
me or a piece of gum or a snack? And
then what are our other senses? See, smell, touch, taste.
I'm missing one here? What it was? He? Maybe? Yeah,
(09:20):
maybe you could hear some birds chirping or cars driving,
like anything that will just help bring you in now
with yourself. The other thing that I think can sometimes
help not to build a lot of resentment maybe towards
(09:41):
those people and that person is kind of what you mentioned,
like people don't know what they don't know at that time,
so they might not understand it. They might not know.
And then also it's not coming from a malicious place.
Maybe sometimes it might be if there's a particular situation,
but more than likely parents, spouse, friend, coworker. They're not
trying to intentionally hurt us or trigger us. It's just
(10:02):
the nature of the world we live in. Oh No,
I certainly was never trying to pass along anything like.
It's not like I sat here like, oh, I can't
wait to see who this triggers. Didn't. I just didn't
no better, And it was under the guise of health.
Like I just thought, well, this is going to help
so many people because it has helped me not eat
(10:23):
for three days, and like I thought that that was normal,
consuming as little food as possible. And then I wondered
why I was irritable and emotional and you know, yeah,
the mood swings. And even before I hopped on to
record with you, I knew in every part of me
that I needed food. And I was actually at the
(10:46):
station because I had just got done doing the Bobby
Bones Show, and I thought, well, I had some videos
I had to record there, and I said, there's no
way I'm gonna be able to drive home. So then
I was looking on door dash, and I was trying
to figure out what can I order? And then I
was like, shoot, it's going to arrive at all eleven
and I have to hop on with you. So I thought, okay,
I'm just gonna get in the car and to go home.
And I had twelve minutes to heat something up. Do
(11:08):
you ever have you ever used Daily Harvest? Yeah, I
haven't had an order in a while, but I have
some lingering stuff in my freezer that is like please
eat me, hurry up. I put a Daily Harvest bowl
in the microwave, which something else from my disordered days,
which was really weird. And listen, I don't know everybody
stands on a microwave. It's all different, and I'm sure
there is some science behind, like well, don't stand too close.
(11:30):
Or my mother in law once told me like, okay,
you can use a microwave, but once you heat up
the food and then let it sit out for seven
minutes before touching it, and I'm like, but then it
gets cold again. But it was like supposed to keep
the I don't know, radiation or whatever. So I would
not let myself eat food from a microwave. Like I
made everything so complicated it was just all next level health,
(11:53):
like very disordered in that way. And that's not to
shame anybody if you have like genuine feelings about a microwave,
but like multiple doctors have come on and said, hey,
I think using my grave is totally fine, like, but
that's how I have evolved. I was able to come
home and in my twelve minutes put my daily harvest
in the microwave, two minutes stir, two minutes more scarfet down.
(12:14):
And I was telling you when I logged onto Zoom,
I had just swallowed my last bit of food. But
I knew I needed to nourish my brain and take
care of myself. And in fact, like the meal I
had was very high and fat, and that's something that
also would have used to I would have been like, oh, nope,
I can't have that much. But I know, like the
nuts and the seeds and the whatever, the all the
(12:36):
other and Greek like the ingredients that made that up
are like literally things that are fueling me for the
rest of my day. And so I made the right move.
But I just think of the days where I used
to be like, oh, power through. Stay at the station.
You've got this interview and then you'll get home at
three o'clock and then you'll nibble on something, and that's
just no way. Your body needs food to sustain absolutely,
(13:00):
So glad that you were able to squeeze it in. Sorry,
you just kind of went off on that little thing.
They're about microwaves for a second, but I just think
of the different fears that we start to create, which
again I feel like my mom gave me that microwave fear,
which again, living in a my mom wasn't meaning to
be toxicwards me, but that is how she raised me. Totally.
(13:21):
That was a real fear, you know, back then and whatnot.
They've since, like you said, doctors have come on, they've
since like debunked the whole microwave thing, I think as
far as like the food and nutrition and all that goes.
But that was a real thing that back then. And
so while I never meant to, yeah, be a trigger
on the show with different shirts like microwave is another
thing I used to say, I will never use a microwave.
(13:42):
I didn't even own one for years. You know, you
mentioned going outside. I think that was the last tip
that you said, like kindly removing yourself from the situation.
What if that's literally not an option. Yeah, If that's
not an option, I think finding some other ways. So firstly,
it's if it's like a conversation that's happening some diet talk.
Can we change the subject? Is there an easy way
(14:03):
to like bring something else up or ask someone a question?
The other coping skills that I think can be helpful
in those scenarios too, if like getting up and removing
yourself isn't possible. Like I know, I have clients who
have like anxiety bracelets or rings and things like that
where you know, if they're getting triggered and something's coming up,
they kind of like play with the beads on the
bracelet or whatever it is sitting there um or count
(14:24):
how many there are is a way to distract and
that sort of thing. If you're not able to get
up or the topic. You've tried to change this topic
and that's not working because sometimes that's not gonna work
and people are gonna keep talking about the diet or
whatever it is. Yeah, and you're kind of you're doing
the mantra, but you need right Yeah, So then in
your head just like good for them, not for me,
kind of on repeat, do what you can to just
(14:45):
stay present and know, and then afterwards too, I think
having people, so maybe you're you're living in this environment
where this person is triggering or this work environment is triggering,
but trying to find people that you can talk to
about it or vent to or call afterwards. If you
have one friend that understands, or you have a dietitian
and a therapist or a support group or whatever it
(15:07):
might be, or it's on social media, if you can't
find a particular person, maybe that is a safe space yet.
But looking on social media, a recovery minded accounts afterwards.
You know, our Outweigh episodes released on a Saturday, so
I assume a lot of people are listening to it
on the weekend. And I was on your Instagram, which
is all the foods S r D S, and you
(15:29):
posted a weekend reminder graphic and I loved the six
reminders that are included. But eating out more than once
is okay. I can reminder like you don't have to.
I mean, unless it's like a money thing, then that's
where you can set some boundaries. But if it's because
your fear of ingredients and not being able to control
(15:50):
what's in it. Weekends are a wonderful time to connect
with friends and going out to eat Brunch is one meal.
Explain that one a little bit more. Yeah, So, I
think a lot of times, especially early in recovery, so
if someone is kind of following a meal plan and
just in general we in general need approximately like three
meals and some snacks and whatnot. However, if brunch ends
(16:13):
up being that one meal for some people, is that okay?
And maybe they're only getting two meals and snacks that day. Sure,
but in like early recovery, if that's gonna be really
triggering to you, that's kind of the reminder. Brunches one meal,
so you still need to like fit in those other
meals somewhere else. Coffee is not food, and that's like
sadly on the weekend sometimes you're like, yeah, I had breakfast,
(16:34):
I had a cup of coffee, and it's like, no,
not food. You can skip exercise and rest. Now. I
know in one of our upcoming episodes together, we're going
to talk about how to have a healthy relationship with
exercise while you're actively in recovery. But give yourself that
permission this weekend if that is what you need. You
can skip exercise and rest. The fifth thing carbs equal energy.
(16:58):
I love that one, and you do not need to compensate.
So what would compensation look like? So I think a
lot of times it comes up after the weekend, if
people go out to eat more or they had some
drinks or whatever. It might become Monday morning. It's kind
of like, oh, I need to skip breakfast or eat
(17:19):
a little less today, or eat only healthy foods today,
or exercise more today. So compensate in any of those ways.
You can just do your normal thing on Monday, and
you know, Saturday and Sunday or just other days of
the week, you don't have to do anything to change
what occurred. And I feel like that kind of talk
is very normal in our environments. Whether it's Monday morning
(17:40):
at work, you may overhear people talking that way. It's
your friends that you're out with on the weekends, like oh,
come tomorrow, I am back on it, or I'm not
gonna do this, or I'm going to do this. You know,
but that again is part of your environment. So for
everyone that's listening, it's going to be different. But make
sure you take some of these tools to keep you
your toolbox for if you are in a situation in
(18:04):
your home where things are getting a little toxic and
sometimes you're not aware to it until you are more
into recovery. The deeper into recovery you get, the more
you're gonna realize. It's almost like you have this veil
on you that's slowly being lifted. And so things people
were saying that you were around them three weeks ago
(18:25):
maybe aren't going to hit you the same way that
they do three months from now. They could be saying
the same thing, but it's going to hit you differently
because you're a work in progress. But you it's up
to you to have the tools in place, and you know,
we hope that Outweigh can just be one of those
tools in your toolbox. So Melissa, thank you for coming
on to talk about, you know, living in a toxic
(18:48):
environment um giving us some of those tools to carry
with us. And yeah, Melissa will be back for the
next three weeks. I shared your Instagram. Now, I know
you're not the biggest instagrammer, but I do think that
even if you're not posting all the time, you have
a lot of really good posts and encouragement and cute
little graphics so you could go to all the foods
(19:09):
s r d s and scroll through them and screenshot
ones that are resonating with you and have them to
look back on on your phone, and then also follow
the account because you never know. Surprise, Melissa, my post
absolutely thanks to me.
I won't let my body out out way everything that
I'm made do, won't spend my life trying to change.
I'm learning to love who I am, I get I'm strong,
I feel free and know who every part of me.
It's beautiful and then will always out way if you
(00:24):
feel it. With joy in the air, she's love to
the boom. Let's say good day and did you and
die out Happy Saturday. Outweigh fam our guests today and
actually for the next two episodes after this one for
three total is Melissa Giovanni and she comes highly recommended
(00:46):
by our good friend and therapist Cat to Fata. I
love that Cat knows so many people in this space,
so many therapists and registered dietitians that are passionate about
eating disorder recovery and doing it the right way, because
there are some out there that are not and that
can be really discouraging. But I feel as though sometimes
(01:08):
you don't know what you don't know, sort of like me.
Until I got in recovery, I didn't realize the different
triggers I was passing along to my listeners by sharing
simple health tips that I thought we're pretty genius at
the time, but they were actually very damaging and very disordered,
and I would just hop on a mic and share
it with all my listeners. So I'm thankful for the
(01:30):
experts that join me. And right now again today in
the next two episodes, it's Melissa here. So say hey
to everyone, Melissa, and you're the founder of Balanced Nutrition Counseling,
and so why are you so passionate about this work? Yeah,
thanks for having me Amy. I do have a private
practice here in Nashville, and I am very passionate about
(01:51):
passionate about working with eating disorders and disordered eating and
just helping healp people heal their relationship with food because
of witnessing friends through this growing up my own disordered
eating history. Ever since I became a dietitian, that was
kind of what I knew I wanted to do, so
sought out those opportunities because as dietitians, we really don't
learn a lot about disordered eating or eating disorders. So
(02:13):
I just made it a point to really focus on
that and help people work on their relationship with food, fitness,
and their body. That's why it's super important if you
are seeking out help from a therapist or registered dietitian
that you see what they specialize in. So what should
someone look for because it's always fascinating to me when
I have registered dietitians on and they're like, yeah, a
(02:34):
lot of my work that I do now, I learned
zero of it in school. Yeah. Literally, it's quite sad,
but we have to seek it out in other ways.
So there is a great organization, the International Association for
Eating Disorder Professionals, that has a certification that people can get. Therapist, nurses, doctors,
registered dietitians can get that certification. And that's one that
(02:56):
I have. It's the Certified Eating Disorders Specialist and you
based like go through some courses, take an exam, that
sort of thing. Not all eating disorder professionals are going
to have that and they don't necessarily have to. But
looking for things on people's website, like making sure they
believe in intuitive eating health at every size, they have
an all foods fit approach. I will say, though, I
(03:17):
find that those terms are sort of thrown around a
little bit now when maybe that person isn't totally on
board with those philosophies, if that makes sense, Like those
terms are kind of like I can't think of this
term like a catch not a catchphrase, but like they're
becoming a fad sort of thing that people are just
kind of putting out there to to get clients essentially
oh yeah, or get their videos viewed on Instagram and TikTok,
(03:40):
like they're just following the trend of what I mean, which,
thank goodness, this is now getting talked about so much more.
And these are quote unquote bad words or it's bad language.
But to you guys that are in the thick of
it every day, it's not a fad, like this is
your passion, this is your life's work. So I can
see how that might be incredibly frustrating. I mentioned a
(04:02):
minute ago just at times, I know I've been part
of the problem and I didn't know it. But you
know again, I didn't know what I didn't know. But
once I got into recovery and I learned, and I
sort of woke up from this and just realized my participation.
I realized, like in my space, like I was toxic.
So if someone was in recovery around me, I was
(04:23):
a trigger for them. I was probably not someone that
they should spend their time with, whether it's on a
podcast or if they're hanging out with me or whatever.
So we're going to talk about something today that we
haven't really touched on too much, and it's living in
a toxic environment. So that is whether it's in your home,
like directly with a parent or sibling or someone else
that lives in your home. It could be in your
(04:43):
workspace environment, it could be in your friendship circle. We've
talked about this multiple times. Who you're following online? Do
you need to filter through that? But well, listen, share
with us your thoughts on what we can do to
best equip ourselves because if it's in our in ironment,
a lot of us we can't just go change our
job or move out of our family home or get
(05:05):
rid of our spouse or our roommate. They just might
be triggering. So what can we do to make sure
that we're setting ourselves up for success in recovery? Yeah,
I think firstly looking at you know, what are these
triggering events that are happening and people around you and
are they safe people that we can set some boundaries with.
(05:25):
So if it is a spouse or partner, or family
member or even a friend or co worker that you
feel like you can have a conversation with and open
it up and kind of share, Hey, this stuff that
you're saying or what you're doing is really triggering. So
set some boundaries around what you can and can't talk
about with that person if that's possible, and they understand that.
Sometimes you can set all the boundaries you want and
(05:47):
it's just not going to work for whatever reason. Maybe
they just are understanding, because once it is a hard
thing to understand if you haven't been through it. Since
our world kind of normalizes all of these disordered and
triggering things like dieting and working out five times a
day or whatever it is. So if setting boundaries isn't working,
after kind of doing that and accepting, okay, this person
(06:08):
maybe isn't able to change that or or support me
in that way. I think setting the boundary with yourself
can be really helpful of setting the boundary. Okay, my mom,
for example, maybe isn't the person that's going to support
me with this part of my journey. I can't talk
to her about movement or food or whatever it might
be because it's going to be triggering, or she just
(06:30):
doesn't understand it, or whoever. The person is so knowing Okay,
I'm not going to bring that topic up with them,
or I'm going to remove myself from the situation if
that topic comes up, or change the subject, or try
to get out of it as best I can. The
other thing that I think can be helpful in those
situations is having the mantra of good for them, not
for me, even if it's not necessarily good for them.
(06:52):
So if someone at work is talking about their diet
all day, okay, good for them, but that's not for me.
I know I cannot go down that road because if
I do, eating disorders are gonna spiral, etcetera, etcetera. Oh okay,
So I like that mantra, and that can actually apply
to so many things that you might over here or
be a part of where in your mind you can
(07:12):
just sort of turn it to that station of good
for them, not for me, good for them not for me,
good for them not for me, and just you have
repeat that over and over over and over. I was
thinking mantra, and I said over because mantras have been
a great tool for me in recovery and finding the
ones that I need to just have that that reminder,
(07:33):
and if you have other people that can also speak
that into you like to counter those that aren't going
to be speaking into you. And maybe you don't have
someone in your active circle. But that is why we
do outweigh, and that is why there are certain people
you can follow on Instagram that are going to give
you those reminders and they'll give you those little things
that you can say over and over. But I love
(07:53):
that one. Good for you, not for me. I hadn't
heard that one before, Melissa, that is a good one.
I can't take credit for it. I know a lot
of people, let's say it, but it is a good one. Yeah.
The other thing that comes to mind with that too
is just knowing what coping skills help you when you
are triggered, because it's inevitably going to happen if you're
in this environment, whether it's home or work. For example, personally,
(08:16):
if I am potentially triggered by something in any situation, really,
because these ones I think can work anywhere, what I
will do is go outside or like take myself out
of that situation, take a few deep breaths, or do
for square breathing where you kind of count in for four,
out for four, hold for four, and then I personally like,
look for five things I can see to kind of
like distract myself from what was happening. So finding which
(08:39):
coping skills help because you know this is going to
inevitably happen at some point. Unfortunately, there's you know, you
mentioned the five things, and you also mentioned just stepping outside.
You don't have to do it in a dramatic way,
like you can kindly remove yourself. And one that I
like to is all five senses. It's trying to go
(08:59):
outside to what can something I can see? What's something
I can touch? What something I can smell? Is there
something I can taste? Like can I take tea with
me or a piece of gum or a snack? And
then what are our other senses? See, smell, touch, taste.
I'm missing one here? What it was? He? Maybe? Yeah,
(09:20):
maybe you could hear some birds chirping or cars driving,
like anything that will just help bring you in now
with yourself. The other thing that I think can sometimes
help not to build a lot of resentment maybe towards
(09:41):
those people and that person is kind of what you mentioned,
like people don't know what they don't know at that time,
so they might not understand it. They might not know.
And then also it's not coming from a malicious place.
Maybe sometimes it might be if there's a particular situation,
but more than likely parents, spouse, friend, coworker. They're not
trying to intentionally hurt us or trigger us. It's just
(10:02):
the nature of the world we live in. Oh No,
I certainly was never trying to pass along anything like.
It's not like I sat here like, oh, I can't
wait to see who this triggers. Didn't. I just didn't
no better, And it was under the guise of health.
Like I just thought, well, this is going to help
so many people because it has helped me not eat
(10:23):
for three days, and like I thought that that was normal,
consuming as little food as possible. And then I wondered
why I was irritable and emotional and you know, yeah,
the mood swings. And even before I hopped on to
record with you, I knew in every part of me
that I needed food. And I was actually at the
(10:46):
station because I had just got done doing the Bobby
Bones Show, and I thought, well, I had some videos
I had to record there, and I said, there's no
way I'm gonna be able to drive home. So then
I was looking on door dash, and I was trying
to figure out what can I order? And then I
was like, shoot, it's going to arrive at all eleven
and I have to hop on with you. So I thought, okay,
I'm just gonna get in the car and to go home.
And I had twelve minutes to heat something up. Do
(11:08):
you ever have you ever used Daily Harvest? Yeah, I
haven't had an order in a while, but I have
some lingering stuff in my freezer that is like please
eat me, hurry up. I put a Daily Harvest bowl
in the microwave, which something else from my disordered days,
which was really weird. And listen, I don't know everybody
stands on a microwave. It's all different, and I'm sure
there is some science behind, like well, don't stand too close.
(11:30):
Or my mother in law once told me like, okay,
you can use a microwave, but once you heat up
the food and then let it sit out for seven
minutes before touching it, and I'm like, but then it
gets cold again. But it was like supposed to keep
the I don't know, radiation or whatever. So I would
not let myself eat food from a microwave. Like I
made everything so complicated it was just all next level health,
(11:53):
like very disordered in that way. And that's not to
shame anybody if you have like genuine feelings about a microwave,
but like multiple doctors have come on and said, hey,
I think using my grave is totally fine, like, but
that's how I have evolved. I was able to come
home and in my twelve minutes put my daily harvest
in the microwave, two minutes stir, two minutes more scarfet down.
(12:14):
And I was telling you when I logged onto Zoom,
I had just swallowed my last bit of food. But
I knew I needed to nourish my brain and take
care of myself. And in fact, like the meal I
had was very high and fat, and that's something that
also would have used to I would have been like, oh, nope,
I can't have that much. But I know, like the
nuts and the seeds and the whatever, the all the
(12:36):
other and Greek like the ingredients that made that up
are like literally things that are fueling me for the
rest of my day. And so I made the right move.
But I just think of the days where I used
to be like, oh, power through. Stay at the station.
You've got this interview and then you'll get home at
three o'clock and then you'll nibble on something, and that's
just no way. Your body needs food to sustain absolutely,
(13:00):
So glad that you were able to squeeze it in. Sorry,
you just kind of went off on that little thing.
They're about microwaves for a second, but I just think
of the different fears that we start to create, which
again I feel like my mom gave me that microwave fear,
which again, living in a my mom wasn't meaning to
be toxicwards me, but that is how she raised me. Totally.
(13:21):
That was a real fear, you know, back then and whatnot.
They've since, like you said, doctors have come on, they've
since like debunked the whole microwave thing, I think as
far as like the food and nutrition and all that goes.
But that was a real thing that back then. And
so while I never meant to, yeah, be a trigger
on the show with different shirts like microwave is another
thing I used to say, I will never use a microwave.
(13:42):
I didn't even own one for years. You know, you
mentioned going outside. I think that was the last tip
that you said, like kindly removing yourself from the situation.
What if that's literally not an option. Yeah, If that's
not an option, I think finding some other ways. So firstly,
it's if it's like a conversation that's happening some diet talk.
Can we change the subject? Is there an easy way
(14:03):
to like bring something else up or ask someone a question?
The other coping skills that I think can be helpful
in those scenarios too, if like getting up and removing
yourself isn't possible. Like I know, I have clients who
have like anxiety bracelets or rings and things like that
where you know, if they're getting triggered and something's coming up,
they kind of like play with the beads on the
bracelet or whatever it is sitting there um or count
(14:24):
how many there are is a way to distract and
that sort of thing. If you're not able to get
up or the topic. You've tried to change this topic
and that's not working because sometimes that's not gonna work
and people are gonna keep talking about the diet or
whatever it is. Yeah, and you're kind of you're doing
the mantra, but you need right Yeah, So then in
your head just like good for them, not for me,
kind of on repeat, do what you can to just
(14:45):
stay present and know, and then afterwards too, I think
having people, so maybe you're you're living in this environment
where this person is triggering or this work environment is triggering,
but trying to find people that you can talk to
about it or vent to or call afterwards. If you
have one friend that understands, or you have a dietitian
and a therapist or a support group or whatever it
(15:07):
might be, or it's on social media, if you can't
find a particular person, maybe that is a safe space yet.
But looking on social media, a recovery minded accounts afterwards.
You know, our Outweigh episodes released on a Saturday, so
I assume a lot of people are listening to it
on the weekend. And I was on your Instagram, which
is all the foods S r D S, and you
(15:29):
posted a weekend reminder graphic and I loved the six
reminders that are included. But eating out more than once
is okay. I can reminder like you don't have to.
I mean, unless it's like a money thing, then that's
where you can set some boundaries. But if it's because
your fear of ingredients and not being able to control
(15:50):
what's in it. Weekends are a wonderful time to connect
with friends and going out to eat Brunch is one meal.
Explain that one a little bit more. Yeah, So, I
think a lot of times, especially early in recovery, so
if someone is kind of following a meal plan and
just in general we in general need approximately like three
meals and some snacks and whatnot. However, if brunch ends
(16:13):
up being that one meal for some people, is that okay?
And maybe they're only getting two meals and snacks that day. Sure,
but in like early recovery, if that's gonna be really
triggering to you, that's kind of the reminder. Brunches one meal,
so you still need to like fit in those other
meals somewhere else. Coffee is not food, and that's like
sadly on the weekend sometimes you're like, yeah, I had breakfast,
(16:34):
I had a cup of coffee, and it's like, no,
not food. You can skip exercise and rest. Now. I
know in one of our upcoming episodes together, we're going
to talk about how to have a healthy relationship with
exercise while you're actively in recovery. But give yourself that
permission this weekend if that is what you need. You
can skip exercise and rest. The fifth thing carbs equal energy.
(16:58):
I love that one, and you do not need to compensate.
So what would compensation look like? So I think a
lot of times it comes up after the weekend, if
people go out to eat more or they had some
drinks or whatever. It might become Monday morning. It's kind
of like, oh, I need to skip breakfast or eat
(17:19):
a little less today, or eat only healthy foods today,
or exercise more today. So compensate in any of those ways.
You can just do your normal thing on Monday, and
you know, Saturday and Sunday or just other days of
the week, you don't have to do anything to change
what occurred. And I feel like that kind of talk
is very normal in our environments. Whether it's Monday morning
(17:40):
at work, you may overhear people talking that way. It's
your friends that you're out with on the weekends, like oh,
come tomorrow, I am back on it, or I'm not
gonna do this, or I'm going to do this. You know,
but that again is part of your environment. So for
everyone that's listening, it's going to be different. But make
sure you take some of these tools to keep you
your toolbox for if you are in a situation in
(18:04):
your home where things are getting a little toxic and
sometimes you're not aware to it until you are more
into recovery. The deeper into recovery you get, the more
you're gonna realize. It's almost like you have this veil
on you that's slowly being lifted. And so things people
were saying that you were around them three weeks ago
(18:25):
maybe aren't going to hit you the same way that
they do three months from now. They could be saying
the same thing, but it's going to hit you differently
because you're a work in progress. But you it's up
to you to have the tools in place, and you know,
we hope that Outweigh can just be one of those
tools in your toolbox. So Melissa, thank you for coming
on to talk about, you know, living in a toxic
(18:48):
environment um giving us some of those tools to carry
with us. And yeah, Melissa will be back for the
next three weeks. I shared your Instagram. Now, I know
you're not the biggest instagrammer, but I do think that
even if you're not posting all the time, you have
a lot of really good posts and encouragement and cute
little graphics so you could go to all the foods
(19:09):
s r d s and scroll through them and screenshot
ones that are resonating with you and have them to
look back on on your phone, and then also follow
the account because you never know. Surprise, Melissa, my post
absolutely thanks to me.
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Amy Brown
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