July 3, 2021 • 35 mins
Megan Rivenberg tells her story of anorexia, relapsing, and HOW she got to the root of her struggle. PLUS: how studying nutrition improved her relationship to food and her step-by-step framework we can use to incorporate exercise into our lives POST eating disorder recovery.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
I won't lend my body out out everything that I'm
made do. Won't spend my life trying to change. I'm
learning to love who I am. I get I'm strong,
I feel free, I know who every part of me.
It's beautiful and then will always out way if you
(00:24):
feel it with your hays in the air, She'll love
to the mood I get there. Let's say you one
day and time did you and die out? Hey atway, fam,
It's Lisa here, welcome back today. I'm joined by our
special guest, Megan Rivenburg. Hi. Meg, it's so nice to
see you and talk to you. Hi, It's nice to
(00:46):
see you too. So Meg is meg eats World on Instagram,
and we've been following each other for I don't know years, right,
like honestly since Instagram began. Yes, we have, and we've been,
like you know, on similar journeys, but different journeys when
it comes to food stuff. And we've also got some
(01:06):
age between us two, I believe. But I'm so excited
for everyone to go follow you and check out your
account because it really is a fantastic resource for anybody
who's going through eating disorder recovery and looking to take
I feel like actionable steps to fight their fight. Thank you?
(01:26):
Was that your intention? Yeah, so it wasn't my intention
at the beginning, but that's kind of what my intention
has shifted to. So I'm really glad that that's kind
of what shows. I mean, when I started it, it
was on private and it was just for myself. It's
kind of like a journal. I feel like over time
it shifted into just kind of becoming more of me
trying to put resources out that I wish that I
(01:48):
had had um when I was going through kind of
the bulk of my recovery. So when you started your Instagram,
you were in your recovery and it was a private
just for you, yes, okay, and what sort of things?
What did you start post staying I posted pretty much
all of my meals and snacks. It was kind of
to keep myself accountable almost. It was a lot more
(02:08):
reflective and a lot less educational. I guess it was
just for you. Yes, yes, it was just for me.
It was really just kind of a lot of me
documenting what my moods were, what kind of day I
was having, you know, eating disorder wise, and a lot
of kind of my major firsts are documented still if
you go way back, Um, I have about two thousand
(02:30):
posts I think now, so you have to scroll really
far back. But I have my first Brownie that I
had in years that I documented on there, that I
went and got out with a friend. So it's really
interesting for me to look back at if I take
the time to actually scroll back, because I can really
see how much I've actually grown and just changed as
(02:50):
a person too. So when you started, were you working
with a team, were you in treatment, What is like
some of your more intimate story when you were in
the throes of it. Yeah, So when I started it,
it was actually kind of right after I had been
getting treatment for my relapse. I was diagnosed with interactia
(03:11):
when I was in high school, and four years went by.
I had gotten outpatient treatment from a dietitian, a therapist,
and also my pediatrician, but I never really kind of
got to the root of the issue, and so I
ended up relapsing myselfho more year of college, which I
honestly kind of struggle even to call it a relapse,
(03:31):
because I really think that I was sick the four
years in between, but it just didn't show physically, and
I think that's why it didn't seem to be an
issue kind of to other people on the outside during
that time. So I went home the summer after my
sophomore year of college, and that's when I started treatment
for the what they titled the relapse I guess, and
(03:52):
so I was doing outpatient treatment again. I saw a
new dietitian who was really really helpful to me. I
saw a different doctor, and I saw my same therapist
who I loved, and then I actually went abroad. So
I was studying abroad in Australia when I started the account.
And it was actually my best friend from home who
texted me and said that she had seen some people
(04:14):
using Instagram as kind of a tool for recovery and
she was like, oh, you should start an account. So
I was like, okay, I mean I don't really have
anything to lose, so I made an account. I don't
even know. I think the name maybe It's world kind
of came from me being abroad and traveling while I
was doing that, because I was seeing all different parts
of the world, but I was also trying to make
sure that my eating was okay, and so that's how
(04:37):
the name originated. But that's when I started the account,
and honestly, up until this kind of Christmas time, I
had never taken more than a day off. Wow, okay,
we'll get to that in one second. But you said
so many interesting things. So you had anorexia, started some treatment,
the clinical markers that classified you having anorexia went away,
(04:57):
so maybe you gained weight, things like that, and they said, Okay,
you no longer have anorexia. And during those four years
you were still very much struggling. But it was only
until you, I guess, lost weight again that you qualified
for relapse and got help again. Yes, that's correct. I
(05:20):
don't think that I realized during those four years that
I was still struggling. I thought, I've gained weight, I'm
a normal weight again, I'm probably recovered, and I kind
of just thought that's what my wife was going to be.
And I've heard people describe it as like a pseudo
recovery kind of. I think I probably could have lived
in that for a very long time. But just being
(05:40):
kind of on the other side now and having gone
actual help that got to the root of my issues.
I can look back on that and see how different
my life was then to how it is now, and
that's great motivation for anybody listening to to kind of
know that what could happen when you dig a little
bit deeper and pull up what's underneath. So you might
not feel comfortable sharing the root of your issue, but
(06:03):
are are you comfortable sharing how you got to the
root of your issues? Yeah? It was. It was definitely therapy.
I'm fine sharing the root of my of my issues.
It really was anxiety, and I just was never treated
for anxiety or even nobody even really knew that I
had anxiety. I didn't know I had anxiety. I thought
that was just how everybody thought for a really long
(06:25):
time until I started just actually talking more with my
therapist and we were able to identify that you know,
these were not regular thought patterns. Um, these are not
thought patterns that I had to live with, and they
were really what we're contributing most to my eating disordered
behaviors and kind of the physical manifestation of the eating disorder.
(06:46):
That kind of brings us back a bit for anybody
listening to know that anxiety can manifest itself in different ways.
For you, it was anorexia. For me, it was not anorexia,
but disordered eating in many ways. But you know, I
I went to get treated or to get help for
disordered eating, and I too found a therapist that was like, Okay,
(07:08):
there's something underneath this causing it, which I found, you
know that to really just like shifted my understanding of
myself allowed me to go deeper. But that doesn't mean
that just because you have anxiety, you have and rexia
or disordered eating it. But it is to say that
anxiety oftentimes doesn't just stay as anxiety. It can manifest
(07:30):
itself in different ways. And I loved how either you
or your therapists put it, which is you're not having
regular thought patterns, and best part, it doesn't have to
be like this. Like that is so freeing to hear
that your thoughts and the way you think and the
patterns and the circles and the shapes that you're you
(07:51):
know that you're so used to looping in can be broken,
and you're living proof of that for all of us.
And I think that that's kind of like the main thing.
I think a lot of people kind of get stuck
on the diagnosis, Oh, I have anxiety, I have depression,
I have this, I have that I've an rexia poor me,
and they might resolve some of the outward symptoms of that,
(08:13):
such as for you, you know, gaining weight, and nonetheless,
there's still that underlying buzzing like I call anxiety, buzzing
of discomfort that needs to be cradled and talk to.
So did your therapists help you work through that anxiety? Yeah, definitely.
She did a lot of cognitive behavioral therapy with me,
(08:35):
and I remember she would ask me things and just
confirmed that that's what I was thinking. So, for example,
she would be like, Okay, so you get good grades
in school, and I'd say, yes, I do. And she's like,
and you think that's because of luck? And I said, yes,
I do. And you have like a supportive mom and
dad and sister, Yes I do. And you think that's
(08:55):
because of luck? Yes? And she just kept going on
and on, and then she got to the point where
she was like, Okay, do you hear what you're saying?
Everything good in your life cannot happen because of luck.
And I remember I just started laughing because I just
wanted so bad to resist what she was telling me
and believe what she was saying. But I was like, Okay, yeah,
you're right, I can't really deny that anymore. Like she
(09:18):
was just so able to challenge every thought that I had,
and that was that one thought isn't necessarily what was
the root of my eating disorder. But that's just kind
of an example um of what she would do. Like
she was just so well able to actually make things
make sense to me. Well, even if she's not talking
about your thoughts regarding food, right, she started with something
(09:38):
more benign, your grades, right, And if she could get
you to challenge that and see that perhaps it's not luck,
then it might also translate into your other thoughts may
not necessarily be true. So that sounds like a genius approach,
and it sounds like it really got you thinking of Okay,
maybe I need to double, triple, quadruple think about every
(10:00):
we thought that I have and recognize that they are
not reality. I think it's also definitely worth noting. So
I did mention that I went to therapy when I
was first diagnosed, and then I went back four years later.
I was actually I was going to the same therapist,
but the difference is how much I put into the therapy.
And at the beginning, the first day I walked in.
(10:21):
My mom walked me in, and I was acting like
a toddler, hiding behind my mom and crying because I
didn't want to go talk to her. And I would
just sit in the sessions and cry and not talk.
And I think that was in some ways needed for
me at the time, to have somewhere to let out
my emotions. But I also just really didn't put anything
into the therapy. And when I went back the second
(10:43):
time four years later, is when I started putting in
what I wanted to get out and I actually got
that out of it. And was that with the same therapist. Yes,
I think that's important too because I kind of have
a similar story with therapy in general, not related to
the food stuff for me, but for years of therapy,
I would go and I would just have would come
with me, you know, an adult, and I would just
cry in the corner and not say a word. So
(11:05):
it's funny you and I never discussed that, but that
was kind of our story. And then one day, you know,
I was like, Okay, I want to go to therapy
for myself, and I started to use my voice and
I saw a therapist that I had gone to that
had saw me cry in a corner and not use
my words for you know, many years, but I think
that you brought up something important, which is that therapists
(11:25):
created safety for you. You know, you said like you
didn't get anything out of it over those crying years,
but I think you did because you were establishing rapport,
getting to know the environment. She was getting to know you,
like learn about you in some way. So I wouldn't
even say that those years were useless. But I still
think you bring up a good point that when it
comes to action and change in your relationship to food,
(11:49):
it's going to take you stepping up and getting out
of your comfort zone, whatever that looks like. Definitely. So
Instagram was a tool for your personal recovery and now
it's really shifted many years later into a tool for
others to recover. Yes, that's awesome. And you're also in
(12:10):
school right now. Tell us a little bit about school
or your degrees and where you're going. So I did
my undergrad um. I went to a Wake Forest University,
and I did not know what I wanted to study
when I went into school at all, and I ended
up declaring a health and exercise science major my sophomore
(12:33):
year and I loved that. But my favorite class that
I took in that was nutrition. But I only took
one nutrition class because that's all that was required for
the major, and that major was kind of a stepping
stone for a lot of people to go into different
health fields. So there are a lot of pre med,
pre P, a pre OT, PREPT, just a lot of
(12:54):
pre health people. And I still have no idea what
I wanted to do my senior year. And I was
actually talking with my mom and she was the one
who who recommended that I go into nutrition, and so
at first I was a little bit skeptical of doing
that just because of my past of a neating disorder.
But I ended up going for it, and I'm really
(13:15):
glad that I did, because I think that although I
do consider myself recovered from kind of the point of
late college on, I definitely still made so much improvement
after that period of time. But I feel like it
just kind of goes to show that you never stopped recovering.
Almost you kind of keep looking back and you're like, Wow,
(13:38):
I'm just better and better than I used to be.
I love that. So basically, you're always challenging thoughts that
you're having and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. That, yeah, definitely,
And I can I can kind of see how I
react to a stimulus differently now than I used to
react to that seem stimulus too, as kind of how
(13:58):
I'm able to see how my to have recovered. For example,
being asked to go out for ice cream in late college,
even though I was recovered, I would still be pretty
anxious about it and kind of think about it for
maybe the whole next day or day or two. Now,
like I'm the one asking, like my boyfriend or a
friend if they want to go out to ice cream,
(14:18):
or if they if they asked me, then I just
don't think about it anymore. You have your master's right now, right, Yes,
so I started that three days after undergrad So it's
your master's in specifically nutrition. And you're right now you're
wrapping up your dietetic internship, which means you're very close
to becoming a registered dietitian as well. Yes, I'm studying
for the exam. Yeah. And one thing that's that's really
(14:40):
interesting that you and I have spoken about offline is
that a lot of people develop eating disorders when in school.
For nutrition. A lot of people's eating disorders are masked
by studying nutrition. Mine certainly was. But for you, you you
said that school actually improved your relationship to food, and
(15:01):
I'd love to hear more about that. Grad school in
particular immensely improved my relationship to food, and I think
that a majority of that is because of the program
that I was in. My professors in the program that
I was in were very, very pro health. They were
very health at every size they taught into it of eating,
(15:22):
and one in particular really really emphasized how in order
to help other people with their relationship to food, essentially,
your relationship with food needs to be in check, Like
you need to have a good relationship with food in
order to help somebody else, even if you're not necessarily
working on disordered eating habits, everything that you're talking about
(15:44):
nutrition wise with a patient or a client all comes
back to your relationship with food. So that was just
something that helped me so much. And I also think
it really helped me to learn a lot of the
actual science behind nutrition because I'm a very kind of
numbers based, science based person, and learning about metabolism and
(16:04):
how you know a glucose from an apple, it's kind
of the same thing as glucose from candy. That helped
me immensely at one point in my recovery. But then
also learning that you know, an apple is different from
candy also helped me immensely in my recovery, just kind
of at different points. And I was able to use
both of those trains of thoughts throughout my recovery, and
(16:25):
even now I'm able to use those two separate trains
of thought to help me when needed. I love that,
And that's kind of like what we call outer wisdom
and forth the noise, which I know you're familiar with
my program, but I kind of feel the same way.
And it's not to say that that works for everybody,
but I found that so many people were coming to
me with these false ideas around food and this over
(16:49):
generalized idea of how food works in the body, right,
like not being able to understand those two trains of thoughts,
which are a little bit tricky, so you know, to
recognize that sugar is sugar, so glue, you know what
apple is going to break down to glucose as is
a candy bar, which you know, really can be so
helpful in some moments. And then also recognizing that there
is still a difference between an apple and a candy bar. Right,
(17:11):
but if we can teach that to somebody in a
way that's not saying apple good, candy bar bad or
as a recent post of yours um said, petition to
stop calling food crap and junk, like you know, to
not call the apple good and then the candy bar
junk is radically different. And I think that that's important
(17:31):
for everybody to understand that we can I believe it
seems like it worked for you as well. We can
learn about nutrition, We can speak about it, not positively,
but accurately. I should say, we can give people more
information about food than we're giving rather than just fear
mongering and oversimplifying because we think people can't understand it.
(17:55):
And as a result, we are empowering people to use
that information in in different times of their life as needed.
As you said, I loved how how you put that.
That was so so beautifully said. And what wait? Where
was this school for grad school? Where did you study?
It was unc Greensborow. Okay, just I feel like people
are going to be interested because my program, granted it
was a bunch of years ago, but we certainly weren't
(18:17):
talking about the conversations that you had. And I think
that's awesome that so many r d t B s
or people get studying nutrition in general, are getting access
to that information at the grad school level. So you
also have a pretty healthy relationship to exercise. Yes, was
that always the case? Yes? And no. I've been active
(18:38):
my whole life. I've played sports my whole life, and
I've always loved exercise. And when I was in high
school my eating disorder, actually exercise, I would say, was
absolutely completely separate from that. I didn't abuse exercise at
all when I was in high school and when I
was going through the depths of my eating disorder. I
don't know if that's because I was playing we're going sports,
(19:00):
and I think a lot of the mentality around exercise
when you're in an organized sport can be very very
positive and um, at least my experience with organized sports.
But then when I went to college and when I
experienced what they called my relapse, I wasn't playing organized
sports anymore, and that is kind of the point in
time where I was somewhat abusing exercise, I would say.
(19:25):
But the interesting thing with me is that I still
loved exercise throughout the whole thing, and I still really
did it a lot for the mental benefits, but there
was also in the back of my mind, like, oh,
I need to be doing this also because I need
to burn calories. But I did find that after that
period of time in college where I was abusing exercise,
(19:46):
I kind of had to take a step back and
give myself time. Although I did still love it, I
had to give myself time away from it, and it
had to be done on my own terms for me.
So while I technically wasn't allowed to exercise and I
was going through the weight restoration process, I needed a
completely separate time where it was honestly about six to
(20:09):
eight months probably where I just took a complete step
back from exercise on my own, and that was during
grad school to kind of rebuild that fully positive relationship
with exercise that I had when I was younger that
I wasn't experiencing when I was abusing exercise. If that
makes sense, Yeah, definitely makes sense. And you are also
(20:30):
a trainer, right, Yes, I am a personal trainer. I
got that certification when I was in grad school. Halfway
through grad school, and that was probably just two or
three months after I had gotten back into exercise after
that really long break that I took from it. So
that was kind of interesting for me to kind of
(20:50):
play around within my head because there was the thought like, oh,
I I love this and I want to help people
experience exercise and experience the positive effects that it and have.
But also, am I doing this because I want to
work closely with exercise, you know, have very close access
to a gym um, which I think can be kind
of normal to have kind of that back and forth
(21:11):
going on in your head when you're doing something. I mean,
this is even something we talked about at the grad
program that I was in. Am I eating a salad
because I like salad? Or am I eating a salad
because I feel like it's the healthy option and I
need to do it. That was kind of what was
going on in my head when I was getting the
personal training certification. But I'm so glad I did it.
I really really loved working with all the clients that
(21:32):
I worked with. I'm not currently training anybody, but that's
not to say I won't in the future, but I
really really just I loved being able to share the
love that I have for exercise and put it in
the positive light that I see it in for the
clients that I was training. I feel like you and
I have the same soul, you know, like move I'm
so careful to articulate and talk about movement because of
(21:56):
my past exercise addiction and the movement for me now
and for many years, has been medicine. And also I
you know, I got my masters in nutrition and exercise physiology,
and I added on the exercise physiology, like you said,
probably for half, you know, to be closer to the
exercise portion of it, but also because I was fascinated
(22:18):
by the science of exercise movement and how that played
into nutrition. And I'm so glad I actually added that
to my program, even though it was an extra year,
because for anybody listening who's interested in school stuff, like
for me, who I didn't have the background of nutrition
undergrad and it kind of just made everything makes sense
about the body processes and everything. Now when I talk
(22:39):
about exercise, I don't talk about, you know, the metabolic
states and physiological stuff. But I'm so much more interested
in like that mind body connection that is fostered from it,
and it's just so interesting with all things nutrition, eating
the salad, not eating the salad, working out, not eating
not working out. How it really is about your intention,
(23:02):
and you're getting real with yourself and questioning yourself and saying, okay, really,
why am I doing this, and being honest with yourself
in moments when you're you know, slipping back into okay,
well I'm eating the salad because I'm actually afraid to
eat the sandwich even though the sandwich looks really good.
Or you know, I'm going to the gym, yes, because
I want to feel good, but I'm probably gonna go
(23:22):
an extra fifteen minutes because tomorrow I want to wear
blah blah blah, and I think that in order to
wear blah blah blah, I need to whatever. So for
people listening who are post recovery or perhaps a future plan,
how can they incorporate exercise post recovery? What sort of
questions can they ask themselves to pry and make sure
(23:43):
that they're in a good place. I think that the
most important thing is definitely finding something that you love
doing just because you love doing it. I mean, just
for example, during quarantine, I picked up roller blading. I
know you love rollerblading. I was doing that so much
during quarantine, and it's just so fun because you're just
wheeling around outside, like going who knows where, and you're
(24:06):
not looking at a calorie burn or thinking like, oh,
how many burpees do I have to do to burn
off X. It's just so separate from that. And I
think that finding something that you love doing, whether it's rollerblading,
whether it's dancing, like turning on music and dancing in
your house, or swimming or doing whatever it is that
you love to do, is definitely a really good option
(24:26):
for someone who wants to incorporate movement back in after
maybe having some time off. And I think the questions
that you have to ask yourself are some of the
things that you've already mentioned, like being very very honest
with yourself, which I know is easier said than done,
but really asking yourself, why am I doing this? Do
I want to feel good? If the answer is yes,
(24:47):
I want to feel good, what about this is going
to make me feel good? Is this going to help
me mentally? Or do I think that it's going to
make me feel good because I think that I need
to burn off X UM So kind of almost digging
even deeper into that feel good question. And I also
think separating exercise from food in every way that you
(25:09):
can do that is a really helpful tool to use
when incorporating exercise back for example, instead of you know,
if you if you have a meal plan, instead of saying, oh,
I have to eat less today because I didn't exercise,
keeping your meal plan consistent and just exercising when your
body tells you to. I don't know, I feel like
(25:31):
that sounds kind of dumb and racked, but I don't
know how else to say it. Well, let's let's see
actually reverse it for everybody and say pause and rest
when your body doesn't want to be moved, because that's
probably louder. So I love your your step by step
for how we can incorporate exercise in post eating disorder recovery.
So you said, ask yourself what you like to do
(25:54):
and tune into that, like I know that you know,
I might think that I like let's say running, which
I don't, but let's just say, okay, I love running,
and then as I'm running, ask myself, do I like this?
Does this feel good on my body in general or
just today? And listen to that, try out new things,
try out rollerblading, try out dancing, doesn't need to be
(26:14):
you know, whatever is trending at the moment. Step to
ask yourself why am I doing this? What does it
mean to feel good? Diving deeper into that. Step three,
separate food from exercise. Huge, huge, huge one, especially if
you have ever been around information that says, you know,
ten million jumping Jack's equals one cookie, you know, or
(26:38):
the things that have kind of connected the two of
them for a while that have really bled deep into
our brain. We need to undo that and take breaks
when the body asks for it and slash slash, lean
into movement when the body asks for it, bringing a
little bit of playfulness into it. So I love that.
I think that's really really helpful tools. So the last
(27:01):
thing that I want to ask you is that you
mentioned that you've kind of actually taken a big step
back from Instagram. I mean, if you go to your page,
it's a wonderful resource, everything that you have that has
kind of that blue box around it. I feel like
if people go to your page, they'll see what I'm
saying here. It's such a great, easy to use resource,
you know, reframing common disordered eating thoughts petitioning to stop
(27:25):
calling food crap and junk, subtle things that show your
relationship with food and exercise have improved, and you make
these cute little infographics. So just because Meg's taking a
step back that she's going to tell us about doesn't
mean that this still isn't a useful page that you
can all return to. So tell us about your own
step back and where that came from. As I've kind
(27:46):
of examined it more and kind of reflected on it,
I've definitely seen and just realized that the step back
that I'm taking from Instagram is really coming from a
place of I don't feel like I need this anymore. Almost,
And although this was more in the later years a
tool for other people, kind of a tool that I
(28:08):
was putting out for others rather than a journal for myself,
I also feel like I was still benefiting from it,
and I was. I was kind of getting that reminder
every day with whatever it was that I was choosing
to post that day, and I just have felt kind
of over ever since Summer twenty nineteen is when I
first started to feel this, which I mean that's almost
(28:28):
two years ago. Ever since then, I've kind of just
not felt the same draw that I was feeling towards
it for twenty nineteen. I also think a lot of
that is coming from working with actual clients and patients
on my own. So starting with my personal training clients,
which I was doing, and then going into my dietetic internship,
(28:51):
I've been working one on one with patients now for
almost a year. I think a lot of the fulfillment
that I used to get from posting on Instagram and
walking with people if they messaged me or commenting on
the posts or whatever. I was getting a lot of
fulfillment through that, but that's kind of being replaced now
by talking to actual people, and so I don't really
(29:13):
know what's going to come of my Instagram. That's kind
of why I haven't acted on anything really. It's just
something I've been thinking about and playing around within my
head for almost two years now what I want this
page to be and where I wanted to go. Um,
But I feel like I've kind of found a happy
medium now with just not putting pressure on myself to
post as much anymore as I used to, and kind
(29:35):
of having it there but going back to it when
I want to go back to it and I love that.
I love it. I think it's important to always evaluate
your relationship to social media, whether you're a full on
just user or a poster, you know, whatever, whatever it
is that you're you're using it for and and and say, Okay,
is this serving me at this stage in my life?
(29:57):
Because it's got to serve you first and foremost in
order for you to serve others. But regardless, you know,
it sounds like your life is just really fulfilled in
deeper directions of helping people, Like that is what you're
good at, and you're doing it not with real people,
as you said it, like everyone's a real person, whether
you're deeming or whatever. But I understand what you meant
(30:18):
in real life and other pockets of the world. You know,
you're you're not just showing up to your phone is
a way to help people. You're helping people in a
many different directions, and there's only so much you to
also go around. So regardless, would you recommend somebody in
eating disorder recovery? So in the same place that you
(30:39):
were when you started your account, would you recommend in
one that somebody start an Instagram account for their own recovery?
Maybe looking back at your journey, but also considering where
the Internet is now, is it's still a safe place
to bring those types of reflections. I think that's a
(31:00):
really tough question because Instagram really has changed so much
since or whenever it was that I started my Instagram.
I think if I were to be in that position
now and be starting my Instagram now, I would definitely
have my account on private, and I would definitely leave
it on private, and I just I don't think I
(31:22):
would be as open as I was able to be
back then because I think just now there's so much
room for people to come in and I don't know
if it's quarantine or what, but I feel like there's
just there's so much kind of backlash to anything that
anybody says about recovery, and there's just there's so many
(31:44):
different ways that someone can recover, and there's so many
phases that you go through when you're recovering. But I
don't think judging someone for what phase they're in at
any point, or giving negative feedback to that person is
necessarily going to help them. So, like I said, I
think I would put it on private, and I would
also be very careful about who I chose to follow,
(32:05):
you really shape the experience that you have on social
media so much, not fully, but a lot. And so
I would definitely be just very careful about who I
chose to follow, and I'd probably keep it small at
this point, and a lot of people women that I
see And this doesn't speak to anything I've ever seen
on your page. But it might start as a way
(32:27):
to challenge yourself and document your food. But soon, if
you have a public account, come in the collaps, the likes,
the applause, and very quickly, for all people, it becomes
a game of popularity, validation, self worth, and then you're
posting things because you need the clap, the validation, the
(32:52):
yeah you got this. Even if it's you know, somebody
saying something positive back to you, it's still validation that
you need ned And it's important to ask yourself if
you are going to use social media for that reason,
you know, why am I posting this? Is it for me?
Do I care how many likes that I get? And
(33:12):
if I do care, well, maybe it's time to kind
of check in with myself and this as a tool
for recovery. Yeah, And I think that's really important to
note too, because it can be a slippery slope, very
slippery slope with the Internet, and I kind of struggle
to deter anybody from doing that, but I do want
to put some precautions on as well, Like this podcast
(33:33):
is all about helping everybody recognize that they're not alone
and provide some tools, resources conversations to really help them
know that. And the one thing that is the most
freeing is to be able to tell your story. But
in the world of the internet, the thing that I
just talked about on my podcast recently is that it's
(33:54):
kind of like who has the best story, who has
the worst story? I should say, you know, the most
extreme story. And so when telling your story, you know,
you want to make sure that you don't feel like
you need to embellish it to be heard, or or
or have any part of your storytelling be jeopardized by
how someone else may respond to that. Like you said,
(34:16):
it hasn't been the kindest place. There's one people think
there's one way to recover um. They're very quick to
tell you what you're doing wrong, and and when you're
in a fragile state of recovery, just do what you
need to do to protect yourself. So that's for you
to figure out person listening, and for you to constantly
evaluate and take steps forward steps back in terms of
(34:37):
how you recover so that you are truly protecting yourself
every step of the way. Even right now, how Meg,
you know it's been two years since you kind of
have been like, all right, I'm feeling something, but you're evaluating,
You're treading lightly. You're still showing up because you love
to help people, but you're the wheels are turning as
maybe this isn't the place where you need to spend
all of your time and energy. So it's beautiful to
(34:59):
kind of just see your evolution and your progress and
thank you for sharing everything that you do. Thank you
so much. It was fun to talk to you in
real life. It feels very natural. So go follow Meg
at Meg Eet's World, um, anywhere else they can hang
out with you. Do the blog, I do my I'm
not very active on it, but it's linked in my
Instagram bio. Alright, so meg EAT's World is the best
(35:22):
place to find Meg. Thanks so much for hanging with us, Meg.
We'll see you next time. Thank you.
I won't lend my body out out everything that I'm
made do. Won't spend my life trying to change. I'm
learning to love who I am. I get I'm strong,
I feel free, I know who every part of me.
It's beautiful and then will always out way if you
(00:24):
feel it with your hays in the air, She'll love
to the mood I get there. Let's say you one
day and time did you and die out? Hey atway, fam,
It's Lisa here, welcome back today. I'm joined by our
special guest, Megan Rivenburg. Hi. Meg, it's so nice to
see you and talk to you. Hi, It's nice to
(00:46):
see you too. So Meg is meg eats World on Instagram,
and we've been following each other for I don't know years, right,
like honestly since Instagram began. Yes, we have, and we've been,
like you know, on similar journeys, but different journeys when
it comes to food stuff. And we've also got some
(01:06):
age between us two, I believe. But I'm so excited
for everyone to go follow you and check out your
account because it really is a fantastic resource for anybody
who's going through eating disorder recovery and looking to take
I feel like actionable steps to fight their fight. Thank you?
(01:26):
Was that your intention? Yeah, so it wasn't my intention
at the beginning, but that's kind of what my intention
has shifted to. So I'm really glad that that's kind
of what shows. I mean, when I started it, it
was on private and it was just for myself. It's
kind of like a journal. I feel like over time
it shifted into just kind of becoming more of me
trying to put resources out that I wish that I
(01:48):
had had um when I was going through kind of
the bulk of my recovery. So when you started your Instagram,
you were in your recovery and it was a private
just for you, yes, okay, and what sort of things?
What did you start post staying I posted pretty much
all of my meals and snacks. It was kind of
to keep myself accountable almost. It was a lot more
(02:08):
reflective and a lot less educational. I guess it was
just for you. Yes, yes, it was just for me.
It was really just kind of a lot of me
documenting what my moods were, what kind of day I
was having, you know, eating disorder wise, and a lot
of kind of my major firsts are documented still if
you go way back, Um, I have about two thousand
(02:30):
posts I think now, so you have to scroll really
far back. But I have my first Brownie that I
had in years that I documented on there, that I
went and got out with a friend. So it's really
interesting for me to look back at if I take
the time to actually scroll back, because I can really
see how much I've actually grown and just changed as
(02:50):
a person too. So when you started, were you working
with a team, were you in treatment, What is like
some of your more intimate story when you were in
the throes of it. Yeah, So when I started it,
it was actually kind of right after I had been
getting treatment for my relapse. I was diagnosed with interactia
(03:11):
when I was in high school, and four years went by.
I had gotten outpatient treatment from a dietitian, a therapist,
and also my pediatrician, but I never really kind of
got to the root of the issue, and so I
ended up relapsing myselfho more year of college, which I
honestly kind of struggle even to call it a relapse,
(03:31):
because I really think that I was sick the four
years in between, but it just didn't show physically, and
I think that's why it didn't seem to be an
issue kind of to other people on the outside during
that time. So I went home the summer after my
sophomore year of college, and that's when I started treatment
for the what they titled the relapse I guess, and
(03:52):
so I was doing outpatient treatment again. I saw a
new dietitian who was really really helpful to me. I
saw a different doctor, and I saw my same therapist
who I loved, and then I actually went abroad. So
I was studying abroad in Australia when I started the account.
And it was actually my best friend from home who
texted me and said that she had seen some people
(04:14):
using Instagram as kind of a tool for recovery and
she was like, oh, you should start an account. So
I was like, okay, I mean I don't really have
anything to lose, so I made an account. I don't
even know. I think the name maybe It's world kind
of came from me being abroad and traveling while I
was doing that, because I was seeing all different parts
of the world, but I was also trying to make
sure that my eating was okay, and so that's how
(04:37):
the name originated. But that's when I started the account,
and honestly, up until this kind of Christmas time, I
had never taken more than a day off. Wow, okay,
we'll get to that in one second. But you said
so many interesting things. So you had anorexia, started some treatment,
the clinical markers that classified you having anorexia went away,
(04:57):
so maybe you gained weight, things like that, and they said, Okay,
you no longer have anorexia. And during those four years
you were still very much struggling. But it was only
until you, I guess, lost weight again that you qualified
for relapse and got help again. Yes, that's correct. I
(05:20):
don't think that I realized during those four years that
I was still struggling. I thought, I've gained weight, I'm
a normal weight again, I'm probably recovered, and I kind
of just thought that's what my wife was going to be.
And I've heard people describe it as like a pseudo
recovery kind of. I think I probably could have lived
in that for a very long time. But just being
(05:40):
kind of on the other side now and having gone
actual help that got to the root of my issues.
I can look back on that and see how different
my life was then to how it is now, and
that's great motivation for anybody listening to to kind of
know that what could happen when you dig a little
bit deeper and pull up what's underneath. So you might
not feel comfortable sharing the root of your issue, but
(06:03):
are are you comfortable sharing how you got to the
root of your issues? Yeah? It was. It was definitely therapy.
I'm fine sharing the root of my of my issues.
It really was anxiety, and I just was never treated
for anxiety or even nobody even really knew that I
had anxiety. I didn't know I had anxiety. I thought
that was just how everybody thought for a really long
(06:25):
time until I started just actually talking more with my
therapist and we were able to identify that you know,
these were not regular thought patterns. Um, these are not
thought patterns that I had to live with, and they
were really what we're contributing most to my eating disordered
behaviors and kind of the physical manifestation of the eating disorder.
(06:46):
That kind of brings us back a bit for anybody
listening to know that anxiety can manifest itself in different ways.
For you, it was anorexia. For me, it was not anorexia,
but disordered eating in many ways. But you know, I
I went to get treated or to get help for
disordered eating, and I too found a therapist that was like, Okay,
(07:08):
there's something underneath this causing it, which I found, you
know that to really just like shifted my understanding of
myself allowed me to go deeper. But that doesn't mean
that just because you have anxiety, you have and rexia
or disordered eating it. But it is to say that
anxiety oftentimes doesn't just stay as anxiety. It can manifest
(07:30):
itself in different ways. And I loved how either you
or your therapists put it, which is you're not having
regular thought patterns, and best part, it doesn't have to
be like this. Like that is so freeing to hear
that your thoughts and the way you think and the
patterns and the circles and the shapes that you're you
(07:51):
know that you're so used to looping in can be broken,
and you're living proof of that for all of us.
And I think that that's kind of like the main thing.
I think a lot of people kind of get stuck
on the diagnosis, Oh, I have anxiety, I have depression,
I have this, I have that I've an rexia poor me,
and they might resolve some of the outward symptoms of that,
(08:13):
such as for you, you know, gaining weight, and nonetheless,
there's still that underlying buzzing like I call anxiety, buzzing
of discomfort that needs to be cradled and talk to.
So did your therapists help you work through that anxiety? Yeah, definitely.
She did a lot of cognitive behavioral therapy with me,
(08:35):
and I remember she would ask me things and just
confirmed that that's what I was thinking. So, for example,
she would be like, Okay, so you get good grades
in school, and I'd say, yes, I do. And she's like,
and you think that's because of luck? And I said, yes,
I do. And you have like a supportive mom and
dad and sister, Yes I do. And you think that's
(08:55):
because of luck? Yes? And she just kept going on
and on, and then she got to the point where
she was like, Okay, do you hear what you're saying?
Everything good in your life cannot happen because of luck.
And I remember I just started laughing because I just
wanted so bad to resist what she was telling me
and believe what she was saying. But I was like, Okay, yeah,
you're right, I can't really deny that anymore. Like she
(09:18):
was just so able to challenge every thought that I had,
and that was that one thought isn't necessarily what was
the root of my eating disorder. But that's just kind
of an example um of what she would do. Like
she was just so well able to actually make things
make sense to me. Well, even if she's not talking
about your thoughts regarding food, right, she started with something
(09:38):
more benign, your grades, right, And if she could get
you to challenge that and see that perhaps it's not luck,
then it might also translate into your other thoughts may
not necessarily be true. So that sounds like a genius approach,
and it sounds like it really got you thinking of Okay,
maybe I need to double, triple, quadruple think about every
(10:00):
we thought that I have and recognize that they are
not reality. I think it's also definitely worth noting. So
I did mention that I went to therapy when I
was first diagnosed, and then I went back four years later.
I was actually I was going to the same therapist,
but the difference is how much I put into the therapy.
And at the beginning, the first day I walked in.
(10:21):
My mom walked me in, and I was acting like
a toddler, hiding behind my mom and crying because I
didn't want to go talk to her. And I would
just sit in the sessions and cry and not talk.
And I think that was in some ways needed for
me at the time, to have somewhere to let out
my emotions. But I also just really didn't put anything
into the therapy. And when I went back the second
(10:43):
time four years later, is when I started putting in
what I wanted to get out and I actually got
that out of it. And was that with the same therapist. Yes,
I think that's important too because I kind of have
a similar story with therapy in general, not related to
the food stuff for me, but for years of therapy,
I would go and I would just have would come
with me, you know, an adult, and I would just
cry in the corner and not say a word. So
(11:05):
it's funny you and I never discussed that, but that
was kind of our story. And then one day, you know,
I was like, Okay, I want to go to therapy
for myself, and I started to use my voice and
I saw a therapist that I had gone to that
had saw me cry in a corner and not use
my words for you know, many years, but I think
that you brought up something important, which is that therapists
(11:25):
created safety for you. You know, you said like you
didn't get anything out of it over those crying years,
but I think you did because you were establishing rapport,
getting to know the environment. She was getting to know you,
like learn about you in some way. So I wouldn't
even say that those years were useless. But I still
think you bring up a good point that when it
comes to action and change in your relationship to food,
(11:49):
it's going to take you stepping up and getting out
of your comfort zone, whatever that looks like. Definitely. So
Instagram was a tool for your personal recovery and now
it's really shifted many years later into a tool for
others to recover. Yes, that's awesome. And you're also in
(12:10):
school right now. Tell us a little bit about school
or your degrees and where you're going. So I did
my undergrad um. I went to a Wake Forest University,
and I did not know what I wanted to study
when I went into school at all, and I ended
up declaring a health and exercise science major my sophomore
(12:33):
year and I loved that. But my favorite class that
I took in that was nutrition. But I only took
one nutrition class because that's all that was required for
the major, and that major was kind of a stepping
stone for a lot of people to go into different
health fields. So there are a lot of pre med,
pre P, a pre OT, PREPT, just a lot of
(12:54):
pre health people. And I still have no idea what
I wanted to do my senior year. And I was
actually talking with my mom and she was the one
who who recommended that I go into nutrition, and so
at first I was a little bit skeptical of doing
that just because of my past of a neating disorder.
But I ended up going for it, and I'm really
(13:15):
glad that I did, because I think that although I
do consider myself recovered from kind of the point of
late college on, I definitely still made so much improvement
after that period of time. But I feel like it
just kind of goes to show that you never stopped recovering.
Almost you kind of keep looking back and you're like, Wow,
(13:38):
I'm just better and better than I used to be.
I love that. So basically, you're always challenging thoughts that
you're having and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. That, yeah, definitely,
And I can I can kind of see how I
react to a stimulus differently now than I used to
react to that seem stimulus too, as kind of how
(13:58):
I'm able to see how my to have recovered. For example,
being asked to go out for ice cream in late college,
even though I was recovered, I would still be pretty
anxious about it and kind of think about it for
maybe the whole next day or day or two. Now,
like I'm the one asking, like my boyfriend or a
friend if they want to go out to ice cream,
(14:18):
or if they if they asked me, then I just
don't think about it anymore. You have your master's right now, right, Yes,
so I started that three days after undergrad So it's
your master's in specifically nutrition. And you're right now you're
wrapping up your dietetic internship, which means you're very close
to becoming a registered dietitian as well. Yes, I'm studying
for the exam. Yeah. And one thing that's that's really
(14:40):
interesting that you and I have spoken about offline is
that a lot of people develop eating disorders when in school.
For nutrition. A lot of people's eating disorders are masked
by studying nutrition. Mine certainly was. But for you, you you
said that school actually improved your relationship to food, and
(15:01):
I'd love to hear more about that. Grad school in
particular immensely improved my relationship to food, and I think
that a majority of that is because of the program
that I was in. My professors in the program that
I was in were very, very pro health. They were
very health at every size they taught into it of eating,
(15:22):
and one in particular really really emphasized how in order
to help other people with their relationship to food, essentially,
your relationship with food needs to be in check, Like
you need to have a good relationship with food in
order to help somebody else, even if you're not necessarily
working on disordered eating habits, everything that you're talking about
(15:44):
nutrition wise with a patient or a client all comes
back to your relationship with food. So that was just
something that helped me so much. And I also think
it really helped me to learn a lot of the
actual science behind nutrition because I'm a very kind of
numbers based, science based person, and learning about metabolism and
(16:04):
how you know a glucose from an apple, it's kind
of the same thing as glucose from candy. That helped
me immensely at one point in my recovery. But then
also learning that you know, an apple is different from
candy also helped me immensely in my recovery, just kind
of at different points. And I was able to use
both of those trains of thoughts throughout my recovery, and
(16:25):
even now I'm able to use those two separate trains
of thought to help me when needed. I love that,
And that's kind of like what we call outer wisdom
and forth the noise, which I know you're familiar with
my program, but I kind of feel the same way.
And it's not to say that that works for everybody,
but I found that so many people were coming to
me with these false ideas around food and this over
(16:49):
generalized idea of how food works in the body, right,
like not being able to understand those two trains of thoughts,
which are a little bit tricky, so you know, to
recognize that sugar is sugar, so glue, you know what
apple is going to break down to glucose as is
a candy bar, which you know, really can be so
helpful in some moments. And then also recognizing that there
is still a difference between an apple and a candy bar. Right,
(17:11):
but if we can teach that to somebody in a
way that's not saying apple good, candy bar bad or
as a recent post of yours um said, petition to
stop calling food crap and junk, like you know, to
not call the apple good and then the candy bar
junk is radically different. And I think that that's important
(17:31):
for everybody to understand that we can I believe it
seems like it worked for you as well. We can
learn about nutrition, We can speak about it, not positively,
but accurately. I should say, we can give people more
information about food than we're giving rather than just fear
mongering and oversimplifying because we think people can't understand it.
(17:55):
And as a result, we are empowering people to use
that information in in different times of their life as needed.
As you said, I loved how how you put that.
That was so so beautifully said. And what wait? Where
was this school for grad school? Where did you study?
It was unc Greensborow. Okay, just I feel like people
are going to be interested because my program, granted it
was a bunch of years ago, but we certainly weren't
(18:17):
talking about the conversations that you had. And I think
that's awesome that so many r d t B s
or people get studying nutrition in general, are getting access
to that information at the grad school level. So you
also have a pretty healthy relationship to exercise. Yes, was
that always the case? Yes? And no. I've been active
(18:38):
my whole life. I've played sports my whole life, and
I've always loved exercise. And when I was in high
school my eating disorder, actually exercise, I would say, was
absolutely completely separate from that. I didn't abuse exercise at
all when I was in high school and when I
was going through the depths of my eating disorder. I
don't know if that's because I was playing we're going sports,
(19:00):
and I think a lot of the mentality around exercise
when you're in an organized sport can be very very
positive and um, at least my experience with organized sports.
But then when I went to college and when I
experienced what they called my relapse, I wasn't playing organized
sports anymore, and that is kind of the point in
time where I was somewhat abusing exercise, I would say.
(19:25):
But the interesting thing with me is that I still
loved exercise throughout the whole thing, and I still really
did it a lot for the mental benefits, but there
was also in the back of my mind, like, oh,
I need to be doing this also because I need
to burn calories. But I did find that after that
period of time in college where I was abusing exercise,
(19:46):
I kind of had to take a step back and
give myself time. Although I did still love it, I
had to give myself time away from it, and it
had to be done on my own terms for me.
So while I technically wasn't allowed to exercise and I
was going through the weight restoration process, I needed a
completely separate time where it was honestly about six to
(20:09):
eight months probably where I just took a complete step
back from exercise on my own, and that was during
grad school to kind of rebuild that fully positive relationship
with exercise that I had when I was younger that
I wasn't experiencing when I was abusing exercise. If that
makes sense, Yeah, definitely makes sense. And you are also
(20:30):
a trainer, right, Yes, I am a personal trainer. I
got that certification when I was in grad school. Halfway
through grad school, and that was probably just two or
three months after I had gotten back into exercise after
that really long break that I took from it. So
that was kind of interesting for me to kind of
(20:50):
play around within my head because there was the thought like, oh,
I I love this and I want to help people
experience exercise and experience the positive effects that it and have.
But also, am I doing this because I want to
work closely with exercise, you know, have very close access
to a gym um, which I think can be kind
of normal to have kind of that back and forth
(21:11):
going on in your head when you're doing something. I mean,
this is even something we talked about at the grad
program that I was in. Am I eating a salad
because I like salad? Or am I eating a salad
because I feel like it's the healthy option and I
need to do it. That was kind of what was
going on in my head when I was getting the
personal training certification. But I'm so glad I did it.
I really really loved working with all the clients that
(21:32):
I worked with. I'm not currently training anybody, but that's
not to say I won't in the future, but I
really really just I loved being able to share the
love that I have for exercise and put it in
the positive light that I see it in for the
clients that I was training. I feel like you and
I have the same soul, you know, like move I'm
so careful to articulate and talk about movement because of
(21:56):
my past exercise addiction and the movement for me now
and for many years, has been medicine. And also I
you know, I got my masters in nutrition and exercise physiology,
and I added on the exercise physiology, like you said,
probably for half, you know, to be closer to the
exercise portion of it, but also because I was fascinated
(22:18):
by the science of exercise movement and how that played
into nutrition. And I'm so glad I actually added that
to my program, even though it was an extra year,
because for anybody listening who's interested in school stuff, like
for me, who I didn't have the background of nutrition
undergrad and it kind of just made everything makes sense
about the body processes and everything. Now when I talk
(22:39):
about exercise, I don't talk about, you know, the metabolic
states and physiological stuff. But I'm so much more interested
in like that mind body connection that is fostered from it,
and it's just so interesting with all things nutrition, eating
the salad, not eating the salad, working out, not eating
not working out. How it really is about your intention,
(23:02):
and you're getting real with yourself and questioning yourself and saying, okay, really,
why am I doing this, and being honest with yourself
in moments when you're you know, slipping back into okay,
well I'm eating the salad because I'm actually afraid to
eat the sandwich even though the sandwich looks really good.
Or you know, I'm going to the gym, yes, because
I want to feel good, but I'm probably gonna go
(23:22):
an extra fifteen minutes because tomorrow I want to wear
blah blah blah, and I think that in order to
wear blah blah blah, I need to whatever. So for
people listening who are post recovery or perhaps a future plan,
how can they incorporate exercise post recovery? What sort of
questions can they ask themselves to pry and make sure
(23:43):
that they're in a good place. I think that the
most important thing is definitely finding something that you love
doing just because you love doing it. I mean, just
for example, during quarantine, I picked up roller blading. I
know you love rollerblading. I was doing that so much
during quarantine, and it's just so fun because you're just
wheeling around outside, like going who knows where, and you're
(24:06):
not looking at a calorie burn or thinking like, oh,
how many burpees do I have to do to burn
off X. It's just so separate from that. And I
think that finding something that you love doing, whether it's rollerblading,
whether it's dancing, like turning on music and dancing in
your house, or swimming or doing whatever it is that
you love to do, is definitely a really good option
(24:26):
for someone who wants to incorporate movement back in after
maybe having some time off. And I think the questions
that you have to ask yourself are some of the
things that you've already mentioned, like being very very honest
with yourself, which I know is easier said than done,
but really asking yourself, why am I doing this? Do
I want to feel good? If the answer is yes,
(24:47):
I want to feel good, what about this is going
to make me feel good? Is this going to help
me mentally? Or do I think that it's going to
make me feel good because I think that I need
to burn off X UM So kind of almost digging
even deeper into that feel good question. And I also
think separating exercise from food in every way that you
(25:09):
can do that is a really helpful tool to use
when incorporating exercise back for example, instead of you know,
if you if you have a meal plan, instead of saying, oh,
I have to eat less today because I didn't exercise,
keeping your meal plan consistent and just exercising when your
body tells you to. I don't know, I feel like
(25:31):
that sounds kind of dumb and racked, but I don't
know how else to say it. Well, let's let's see
actually reverse it for everybody and say pause and rest
when your body doesn't want to be moved, because that's
probably louder. So I love your your step by step
for how we can incorporate exercise in post eating disorder recovery.
So you said, ask yourself what you like to do
(25:54):
and tune into that, like I know that you know,
I might think that I like let's say running, which
I don't, but let's just say, okay, I love running,
and then as I'm running, ask myself, do I like this?
Does this feel good on my body in general or
just today? And listen to that, try out new things,
try out rollerblading, try out dancing, doesn't need to be
(26:14):
you know, whatever is trending at the moment. Step to
ask yourself why am I doing this? What does it
mean to feel good? Diving deeper into that. Step three,
separate food from exercise. Huge, huge, huge one, especially if
you have ever been around information that says, you know,
ten million jumping Jack's equals one cookie, you know, or
(26:38):
the things that have kind of connected the two of
them for a while that have really bled deep into
our brain. We need to undo that and take breaks
when the body asks for it and slash slash, lean
into movement when the body asks for it, bringing a
little bit of playfulness into it. So I love that.
I think that's really really helpful tools. So the last
(27:01):
thing that I want to ask you is that you
mentioned that you've kind of actually taken a big step
back from Instagram. I mean, if you go to your page,
it's a wonderful resource, everything that you have that has
kind of that blue box around it. I feel like
if people go to your page, they'll see what I'm
saying here. It's such a great, easy to use resource,
you know, reframing common disordered eating thoughts petitioning to stop
(27:25):
calling food crap and junk, subtle things that show your
relationship with food and exercise have improved, and you make
these cute little infographics. So just because Meg's taking a
step back that she's going to tell us about doesn't
mean that this still isn't a useful page that you
can all return to. So tell us about your own
step back and where that came from. As I've kind
(27:46):
of examined it more and kind of reflected on it,
I've definitely seen and just realized that the step back
that I'm taking from Instagram is really coming from a
place of I don't feel like I need this anymore. Almost,
And although this was more in the later years a
tool for other people, kind of a tool that I
(28:08):
was putting out for others rather than a journal for myself,
I also feel like I was still benefiting from it,
and I was. I was kind of getting that reminder
every day with whatever it was that I was choosing
to post that day, and I just have felt kind
of over ever since Summer twenty nineteen is when I
first started to feel this, which I mean that's almost
(28:28):
two years ago. Ever since then, I've kind of just
not felt the same draw that I was feeling towards
it for twenty nineteen. I also think a lot of
that is coming from working with actual clients and patients
on my own. So starting with my personal training clients,
which I was doing, and then going into my dietetic internship,
(28:51):
I've been working one on one with patients now for
almost a year. I think a lot of the fulfillment
that I used to get from posting on Instagram and
walking with people if they messaged me or commenting on
the posts or whatever. I was getting a lot of
fulfillment through that, but that's kind of being replaced now
by talking to actual people, and so I don't really
(29:13):
know what's going to come of my Instagram. That's kind
of why I haven't acted on anything really. It's just
something I've been thinking about and playing around within my
head for almost two years now what I want this
page to be and where I wanted to go. Um,
But I feel like I've kind of found a happy
medium now with just not putting pressure on myself to
post as much anymore as I used to, and kind
(29:35):
of having it there but going back to it when
I want to go back to it and I love that.
I love it. I think it's important to always evaluate
your relationship to social media, whether you're a full on
just user or a poster, you know, whatever, whatever it
is that you're you're using it for and and and say, Okay,
is this serving me at this stage in my life?
(29:57):
Because it's got to serve you first and foremost in
order for you to serve others. But regardless, you know,
it sounds like your life is just really fulfilled in
deeper directions of helping people, Like that is what you're
good at, and you're doing it not with real people,
as you said it, like everyone's a real person, whether
you're deeming or whatever. But I understand what you meant
(30:18):
in real life and other pockets of the world. You know,
you're you're not just showing up to your phone is
a way to help people. You're helping people in a
many different directions, and there's only so much you to
also go around. So regardless, would you recommend somebody in
eating disorder recovery? So in the same place that you
(30:39):
were when you started your account, would you recommend in
one that somebody start an Instagram account for their own recovery?
Maybe looking back at your journey, but also considering where
the Internet is now, is it's still a safe place
to bring those types of reflections. I think that's a
(31:00):
really tough question because Instagram really has changed so much
since or whenever it was that I started my Instagram.
I think if I were to be in that position
now and be starting my Instagram now, I would definitely
have my account on private, and I would definitely leave
it on private, and I just I don't think I
(31:22):
would be as open as I was able to be
back then because I think just now there's so much
room for people to come in and I don't know
if it's quarantine or what, but I feel like there's
just there's so much kind of backlash to anything that
anybody says about recovery, and there's just there's so many
(31:44):
different ways that someone can recover, and there's so many
phases that you go through when you're recovering. But I
don't think judging someone for what phase they're in at
any point, or giving negative feedback to that person is
necessarily going to help them. So, like I said, I
think I would put it on private, and I would
also be very careful about who I chose to follow,
(32:05):
you really shape the experience that you have on social
media so much, not fully, but a lot. And so
I would definitely be just very careful about who I
chose to follow, and I'd probably keep it small at
this point, and a lot of people women that I
see And this doesn't speak to anything I've ever seen
on your page. But it might start as a way
(32:27):
to challenge yourself and document your food. But soon, if
you have a public account, come in the collaps, the likes,
the applause, and very quickly, for all people, it becomes
a game of popularity, validation, self worth, and then you're
posting things because you need the clap, the validation, the
(32:52):
yeah you got this. Even if it's you know, somebody
saying something positive back to you, it's still validation that
you need ned And it's important to ask yourself if
you are going to use social media for that reason,
you know, why am I posting this? Is it for me?
Do I care how many likes that I get? And
(33:12):
if I do care, well, maybe it's time to kind
of check in with myself and this as a tool
for recovery. Yeah, And I think that's really important to
note too, because it can be a slippery slope, very
slippery slope with the Internet, and I kind of struggle
to deter anybody from doing that, but I do want
to put some precautions on as well, Like this podcast
(33:33):
is all about helping everybody recognize that they're not alone
and provide some tools, resources conversations to really help them
know that. And the one thing that is the most
freeing is to be able to tell your story. But
in the world of the internet, the thing that I
just talked about on my podcast recently is that it's
(33:54):
kind of like who has the best story, who has
the worst story? I should say, you know, the most
extreme story. And so when telling your story, you know,
you want to make sure that you don't feel like
you need to embellish it to be heard, or or
or have any part of your storytelling be jeopardized by
how someone else may respond to that. Like you said,
(34:16):
it hasn't been the kindest place. There's one people think
there's one way to recover um. They're very quick to
tell you what you're doing wrong, and and when you're
in a fragile state of recovery, just do what you
need to do to protect yourself. So that's for you
to figure out person listening, and for you to constantly
evaluate and take steps forward steps back in terms of
(34:37):
how you recover so that you are truly protecting yourself
every step of the way. Even right now, how Meg,
you know it's been two years since you kind of
have been like, all right, I'm feeling something, but you're evaluating,
You're treading lightly. You're still showing up because you love
to help people, but you're the wheels are turning as
maybe this isn't the place where you need to spend
all of your time and energy. So it's beautiful to
(34:59):
kind of just see your evolution and your progress and
thank you for sharing everything that you do. Thank you
so much. It was fun to talk to you in
real life. It feels very natural. So go follow Meg
at Meg Eet's World, um, anywhere else they can hang
out with you. Do the blog, I do my I'm
not very active on it, but it's linked in my
Instagram bio. Alright, so meg EAT's World is the best
(35:22):
place to find Meg. Thanks so much for hanging with us, Meg.
We'll see you next time. Thank you.
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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