June 27, 2023 • 19 mins
Today’s quote is from Anne Lemott: “Help is often the sunny side of control.” This led Amy to think of a scene from Jerry Maguire: “help me help you.” Kat reveals that she has never seen Jerry Maguire….what??? Amy gives her homework to watch it with Big P. There’s also a line in the movie that a lot of people found very romantic, but it is actually asking someone else to make you happy and that’s not romantic…it’s unhealthy.
ALSO DISCUSSED:
-How to achieve work/life harmony??
-Questions you can ask yourself to shift perspective for harmony
-Amy & Kat’s favorite songs
-Email from Emily about slow blinking to bond with cats…which led to Kat’s second homework assignment: slow blinking to Big P to see if he responds to it like cats do.
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Defatta // @Kat.Defatta // @YouNeedTherapyPodcast // YouNeedTherapyPodcast.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
your cat and I've Cat.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
I don't know why I cut you off.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Our quote today is something that Cat texted me, so
I'll let you say it because you sent it.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
Yes, I actually got this from my new therapist yesterday.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
She said it to me after I was processing something
with her.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
She said that helping is often the sunny side of control,
and it's an an Lamont quote, and I didn't like
hearing that. The actual full quote was I still have
tiny control issues and offer too much advice and end
quotes help to my poor family members, even though I've
learned that help is the sunny side of control.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Oh okay, so it's like the way that you are
controlling that.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Hey, I'm helping, I'm helping you.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
It's all good.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
So she said that to me because I was processing
something that happened years ago, but something recently brought it
all up, and I was like, I thought this didn't
bother me, but I can't stop talking about so obviously
it's bothering me. And basically I was thinking, well, I
was just trying to be helpful, and so I didn't
do anything wrong, and that's when she said that, and
(01:18):
she said, well, help us off in the sunny side
of control, and that thing that I did that I
thought that I wasn't doing anything wrong, which I'm still
processing it all. It led me to lose multiple friends
because of I mean, it's a long story, but because
of that, and I was like, oh my gosh, it
made me think that, Okay, I might be able to
help somebody. If they don't want my help, then I
(01:39):
need to work on my feelings about that. That's my
stuff to sit with. If they're good with their chaos,
It's not their job to make me feel okay, it's
my job. I have to take accountability for something that
I really would rather not.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Something that just popped in my head now because of
the word help is the Jerry maguire scene where they're
in the bathroom and Tom Cruise is yelling at his athlete.
I can't remember the character's name, help me, help you,
help me, help you, and he keeps He's just very
dramatic doing it, and because he's a sports agent and
(02:15):
he's trying his athlete is very difficult. Have you seen jerremcguire.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
I've never seen it.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
So I'm trying to imagine the scene, and I'm not
sure if you did that correctly.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
That's why I'm That's why I started describing it to you,
because you were looking at me weird, and I'm like,
do you not know what I'm talking about?
Speaker 2 (02:28):
No idea.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
The only thing I know is that movie is with
I just want to call her Bridget Jones, that's not
her name, Renees elwigre yes, and she says, you complete me. Yes,
that's all I know. I don't didn't even know is
about sports.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
I feel like I want to give you in Big
P homework. Do you think that you and Big P
or that he's seen it and y'all would watch it together.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
I'm sure he's seen He's seen like every movie, and
I've seen like no movies.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Okay, I'm giving you homework. Okay, this is fifth thing homework. Okay,
watch Sherry McGuire report back to me. But yes, that
complete you complete me is definitely a more famous line
from that movie than help me help you back to
you complete me. That scene alone like ruined things for
people because then everybody was searching for that someone that
(03:17):
they could you look into their eyes and say you
complete me, or you and Patrick, do you feel like
y'all are complete? Separate or does he complete you?
Speaker 2 (03:27):
That's every movie.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
It's the unrealistic expectation of what relationships are really supposed
to be. Like, that's basically every Hollywood movie, like even
the speed of relationships, how intense they are. Yeah, so
we have to take that in because it's entertaining. And
that's why they are so extreme, is because extremes are entertaining.
But I'm not going to take my love life advice
(03:51):
my love life ideals from.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Hollywood a movie.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
Patrick has also, like never been to therapy or anything
like that, so it would be interested to see how
he would interpret that. I would say, absolutely not. He
doesn't complete me. I say he makes my life better.
But I also felt like I was living a pretty
full life before him. It just the fullness looked different,
if that makes sense, Like the things I was doing,
(04:15):
the things I whether it was at night or the
people I was with, it was different. But my life
still felt very full. I just now have had to
shift things.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Do you feel like you and Patrick big pe excuse me,
have a good work life harmony? Did you see what
I did there?
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Harmony?
Speaker 2 (04:33):
I like that, so can you explain why you didn't
say balance.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Yeah, because work life balance is a myth. I learned
that from Shonda Rhimes a long time ago, and people
always ask that. I feel like when I'm interviewed for things,
that's a question that comes up. It's like, how do
you find the balance of, you know, being a mom
and having.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
A job, you know, being a mom and having a job.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Like, Fully, the points of this is whatever you're trying
to find balance with. Seanda's point was if she's succeeding
somewhere with her career, like at a Gray's Anatomy scene,
that's very very important, she might be missing her child's recital,
right and then vice versa. One day, if she's at
(05:15):
her child's recital, she might be missing I think an
example she said was Sandra O's final scene of Grey's Anatomy,
which would be very important to be at Sandra's been
she was there from the beginning, and so she's like,
you just kind of have to know that you can
do it all. You just can't do it all at
the same time. So it's not a balance, it's harmony. Harmony.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
I like that.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
I think I sometimes am good at that and sometimes
I'm not, but I guess.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
That's the whole point of harmony.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Right.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
Sometimes I'm going to be overworking and sometimes I'm going
to say no to that thing because i want to
spend time with family or friends. Yeah, so I just
that makes it easier to have work life balance slash harmony.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
Yes, it's impossible.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Ance is impossible. Impossible, it's impossible.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
And if it's that feels like so much pressure.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
Harmony is like a beautiful song, because that's what harmony is.
It's different sounds coming together to create something that sounds
beautiful in harmony. And so look at your life as
a song that you're orchestrating, and your career is one
sound type of sounds like lah dough dough and then
(06:29):
ray me do you know that? Do rey me fa
sol la ti do sound of music. Oh that's from
Oh that's from for me, it's from choir.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Oh. I was thinking like dough a deer, a female deer.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
Ray Yeah, no, dough doughray do do rey me ray
do do ray me fa me ray do? Did that
sound good? It did?
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Stop?
Speaker 1 (06:58):
But I feel as like, if you're working through this
and you're trying to figure some stuff out, right now,
shift that word or replace the word balance with harmony.
Shift your perspective.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
That feels like a weight off your shoulders kind of.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Yeah, what new sounds can you introduce to put your
song at the top of the charts? Number one? You
know what song that I am obsessed with right now?
It's Morgan Wallin's Last Night.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
So I'm not the biggest country music fan, but his
music is so good and that song. I do this
to so many songs. First time I heard it, I
was like, I'm never gonna get sick of this song.
I can't even listen to it anymore because what I
do is I only listen to that song. I will
listen to the same song for like fifteen minutes.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Okay, well, and you just talk its why you burn out? Yeah, Oh,
I don't listen to it over and over for you
can still like it hours of a time. So I
like it Number one, so good, lots of harmony in there.
Last night we let the lickuck. Oh, it's so good.
But these are some questions you can ask yourself if
(08:10):
you're wanting to shift perspective. And then after I read these,
I want to hear your favorite song It can either
be your favorite song right now or your favorite song ever. Okay,
well no, it's not going to be Morgan's here. Okay,
ask yourself what aspects of my life are having the
most positive negative effect on my work? And then ask
yourself that same question for life, the positives and the negatives?
(08:34):
Another question, can I improve an area of my life
by shifting something with my work? And then you go
over to can I prove an area of my work
by shifting something with my life? What changes could I
make to life and work so that each supports me
better in living my fullest potential? And questions like this
they're just they're just a starting point for people. But
(08:56):
the more we ask ourselves stuff like this, the more
aware we are of our work life relationship, which leads
to a glorious sound a better life. So what's your
favorite song? Are you gonna do of your life or ever?
Or now?
Speaker 3 (09:22):
So I'm gonna do of my life right now, but
it also could change if you ask me next year.
It is Slow Up by Jake. Do you know who
Jacob Banks is? I don't so, Oh my gosh, it's
such a good song, and speak about harmonies. It has
a lot of well, harmony has to do with the
(09:43):
instruments too, write say any sounds okay. It's interesting because
when I heard the song the first time, I thought
he was like singing about his son or something. But
he's singing about himself and how he wished that he
didn't force himself to grow up so fast and allowed
himself to slow down and take in everything that was
happening around him. So that's about having harmony of moving
(10:05):
through life, right, Yeah, I feel like that's so good.
It's a really good song, even for this theme, and
it wasn't planned. I just googled him. He's British.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
I wasn't aware of that. I thought he was from Like, well.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
You know when people sing you can't hear their accent.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Sometimes, No, I what is that really famous guy that
sings like someone I used to love, Lewis Capaldi.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
You can hear his accent.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
Oh, I guess I'll have to go see. But I
never hear Keith Urban talking Australian.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
But okay, but then he has a country accent.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Okay, okay, so no, when he's when he's talking, I
hear Australian accent obviously, But when he's singing.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
I do not hear it, but I hear a country
accent when he's singing.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
So do you think they just change their accents?
Speaker 1 (10:48):
No, it's how when they sing you can't hear their dialect.
I can't.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
We need to ask a singer.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
But I think sometimes they change it because there's like
British singer songwriters like emails that I feel like you
can like really hear their accent, and Dermick Kennedy is
Irish and you can hear his accent in his music.
He's one of my favorite singers ever.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Okay, googled why can't you hear British accent when singing?
It's partly that many of the distinctive characteristics of an
accent aren't reproduced well. When you sing, Vowel sounds get stretched,
and the precise articulation of the consonance consonants, not continents consonants. Right,
(11:33):
I'm not gonna lie. I'm pretty sure I say content.
It says here. The result is a neutral baseline accent
that sounds vaguely American. So anyway, whatever, Now I'm gonna
listen to four and people sing and be like, can
I hear anything? Can I hear the accent at all whatsoever. Okay,
(11:55):
So work life harmony harm do you feel like you
have that's going to be better for you? Yes, I
think I'm getting to a place where absolutely I do.
I'm like also trying to work on ridding myself of
the guilt if I may feel it of not being
able to do a school pick up, if you know
(12:16):
Stevenson saying hey, or summertime, so it's camp right now.
He's like, Oh, I thought you were going to take
me to camp, and I said, no, I have I
have worked tomorrow, but I can pick you up. And
then something came up at work and I wasn't able
to pick him up. And oh, it's the worst because
he said, if you can't make a deal, then don't
make a deal. I mean, I think I could have
(12:38):
beenagled it, but at the time I didn't think it
was a big deal. So that's something that really aid
at me recently. But other than that moment, I've been
trying to rid myself of the guilt. Probably still a
little feel guilty about that one. But we talked through
it and we figured it out.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
But I think that's okay that you felt some guilt
about that, because I don't think that's something that you
want that guilt to saying, like, dang it, I wish
that I would be able to uphold this deal, of course,
but you'll have to shame yourself for it overall if
they're because I can never take him to school or
camp because of my work hours and then I have
to be on live radio.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
I've had to let that go, of like, we don't
get morning time together. I don't get breakfast or packing
lunches or taking to school, and some moms really cherish
that time and I don't typically get that, so but
I have to let that go because I get other
times with them that maybe other people may not get.
You can't compare yourself to what other people are doing.
(13:35):
I do have harmony with my cat or a good relationship.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
What do you mean, like, well boundaries?
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Did I tell you about slow blink? Didn't we talk
about that on the podcast because a listener emailed me?
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Maybe I talked about.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
It all four things?
Speaker 2 (13:48):
What a slow blink?
Speaker 1 (13:49):
If you want to work on your relationship with your cat,
you go up to them and you look at them
and you blink slowly, like really slowly, just blink oh
and over and they'll trust you and come to you.
And like, that's exactly what's been happening with me and Maggie.
She only wants to hang out with me at night,
like when we're sleeping, and then that doesn't help me
(14:10):
because I'm sleeping, I'm not enjoying.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
It's not quality time.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
It's not quality time. So now if she's sometimes on
the counter or whatever, I'll just go up to her
and I'll blink, blink, blink, and then she'll come up
and put her nose against my nose and rub bucket
up against me, and it's so cute.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
I wonder what that is.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
Well, when I googled how like bond with your cat,
and that came up as an option, like veterinarians use
it to, you know, calm a cat or get them
to trust them or whatever. And so this is the
email I got from Emily. Hey, Amy, I knew about
the slow blink communication with cats before I heard it
on your podcast, but you reminded me to try it
(14:48):
out with my own cat. I did it, and he
got up and licked my hand and then touched his
nose to my face. I am also a vet tech,
and I have done this with a cat who lived
at the hot hospital, And now that I think about it,
I'm pretty sure our really great relationship came after I
started slow blinking at her. But for some reason, I
(15:10):
never thought to do it with my own cat. She
just did it at the at the hospital with that cat.
So there you go. Emily in Connecticut backs me up.
She ends the email here with You're deaf, not crazy.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
You know. I wish that working on relationships with humans
were that simple. I could just go up to you
and slow blink at you.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
You would give me a hug.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
I would What's wrong with you right now? Like? Are
you sending me is morse code? Are you okay? Are
you in distress? Who's harming you?
Speaker 2 (15:42):
What do you need? I just need a hug.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Can you imagine like people now are going to go
to their partner, please go to bed.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
Please, just thinking that I'm gonna send my phone and
I'm going to slow blink at him tonight and just.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Keep doing it. You look at him, You can't break no,
and you can't say anything no. You just look and
blink slowly.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Should I mew when I do it?
Speaker 1 (16:06):
No, there's no mewing. You just I'm not No, I
don't mew at the cat. That's the whole thing. You're
just okay, blink, Okay.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
I'm so excited.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
See if Big P brings his nose to your nose
and rubs it up because.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
If he dies, I'm excited for this. Okay.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Well, I hope y'all are having the day that you
need to have. You can email us for the fifth thing.
Fourth things with Amy Brown at gmail dot com is
the email and if you've got any questions for me
or cat or thoughts, insight, whatever, send them to that
email address. You can also hit us up on Instagram.
I'm at Radio Amy and kat is at cat dot defada.
(16:47):
And also your very own podcast has an Instagram. It's
what you need therapy podcasts, and I'm working on being
more regular on there. And I'm working on that by
asking for help and having somebody help me do it,
which is good.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Before we wrapped, too, we should talk about John Mayer.
I forgot he's been looking at us this whole time,
so I.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Hold on before I say that.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
Walking into this room, I don't know that I would
have known that was John Mayer looking at me until you.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Said it, but it had See the tattoos on his arm,
those were hit that's his sleeve. I painted that portrait
before he got the full sleeve. Okay, that was just
what he had back in the day. And then say
it's his song I wrote, say in big letters, say
what you need to say. Yeah, you can't tell that
John Mayer.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
That tattoos probably exact replica. I think I was looking
at his hair years ago. That's what he looked like. Okaying,
his hand and he only has two figures.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
Yeah, I ran out of time.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
I painted that for Bobby because he loves John Mayer.
And I had taken a painting class to paint a
portrait of Taylor Swift so that I could give it
to her. And then I decided to continue with my
art and I painted John Mayer for Bobby, and I
gave that to Bobby back in Austin, and then we
moved to Nashville, and then John Mayer came on the
show and Bobby was interviewing him, and I brought the
(18:05):
portrait in with me because Bobby left it somewhere.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
I was gonna say he didn't still have it.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Yeah, I guess he just forgot it at work, and
I was like, well, if this is staying up here
at the office, I'm taking it home with me because
I don't ever want to get rid of this. This
is a masterpiece. And why it's sitting out right now
is I just found it in my attic. Found my
masterpiece in the attic. And when John Mayer came up
to the Bobby Bone Show a few years ago here
in Nashville, I took the portrait with me and I said, John,
I painted this of you. Will you sign it? And
(18:32):
so you can see his signature on there, that's his autograph.
I'm curious how he responded to this. Oh, I think
he said, this is the best thing I've ever seen.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Oh that's what you said.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
Well, when I handed no, he didn't say that. I
don't remember what he said. But when I handed Taylor
the portrait of her that I painted, she said, oh,
my gosh, you're so talented. She I swear that's what
she said. Because we recorded her. We weren't allowed to
have cameras in the room, but I hit record on
my flipcam and I had it in my per so
it was just getting audio. We played it on the
(19:02):
show multiple times. Over and over. Oh my gosh, you're
so talented. So that's how I know. That's what she said.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
Do you think if John Mayer later has like some
kind of museum for like memorabilia, you know, like how
like Marilyn Monroe's dresses in the Ripley's believe it or not,
if he has some thing like that, this would be there.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Probably not. Oh's probably because I mean I have it doesn't.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Oh yeah, you wouldn't give it. You wouldn't give it away.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
I'm not going to give it up. Yeah, it's too good.
It's in my museum. That's in my attic.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
All right.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
I hope y'all are having the day that she needed
to have. I don't know if I already said that,
but just in case you needed to hear it twice.
And we will see you, or at least I will
see you on Thursday. Check out kats You Need Therapy
podcast on Mondays and Wednesdays, and then Kat will join
me again next Tuesday for the fifth thing.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Bye bye
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
your cat and I've Cat.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
I don't know why I cut you off.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Our quote today is something that Cat texted me, so
I'll let you say it because you sent it.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
Yes, I actually got this from my new therapist yesterday.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
She said it to me after I was processing something
with her.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
She said that helping is often the sunny side of control,
and it's an an Lamont quote, and I didn't like
hearing that. The actual full quote was I still have
tiny control issues and offer too much advice and end
quotes help to my poor family members, even though I've
learned that help is the sunny side of control.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Oh okay, so it's like the way that you are
controlling that.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Hey, I'm helping, I'm helping you.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
It's all good.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
So she said that to me because I was processing
something that happened years ago, but something recently brought it
all up, and I was like, I thought this didn't
bother me, but I can't stop talking about so obviously
it's bothering me. And basically I was thinking, well, I
was just trying to be helpful, and so I didn't
do anything wrong, and that's when she said that, and
(01:18):
she said, well, help us off in the sunny side
of control, and that thing that I did that I
thought that I wasn't doing anything wrong, which I'm still
processing it all. It led me to lose multiple friends
because of I mean, it's a long story, but because
of that, and I was like, oh my gosh, it
made me think that, Okay, I might be able to
help somebody. If they don't want my help, then I
(01:39):
need to work on my feelings about that. That's my
stuff to sit with. If they're good with their chaos,
It's not their job to make me feel okay, it's
my job. I have to take accountability for something that
I really would rather not.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Something that just popped in my head now because of
the word help is the Jerry maguire scene where they're
in the bathroom and Tom Cruise is yelling at his athlete.
I can't remember the character's name, help me, help you,
help me, help you, and he keeps He's just very
dramatic doing it, and because he's a sports agent and
(02:15):
he's trying his athlete is very difficult. Have you seen jerremcguire.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
I've never seen it.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
So I'm trying to imagine the scene, and I'm not
sure if you did that correctly.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
That's why I'm That's why I started describing it to you,
because you were looking at me weird, and I'm like,
do you not know what I'm talking about?
Speaker 2 (02:28):
No idea.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
The only thing I know is that movie is with
I just want to call her Bridget Jones, that's not
her name, Renees elwigre yes, and she says, you complete me. Yes,
that's all I know. I don't didn't even know is
about sports.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
I feel like I want to give you in Big
P homework. Do you think that you and Big P
or that he's seen it and y'all would watch it together.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
I'm sure he's seen He's seen like every movie, and
I've seen like no movies.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
Okay, I'm giving you homework. Okay, this is fifth thing homework. Okay,
watch Sherry McGuire report back to me. But yes, that
complete you complete me is definitely a more famous line
from that movie than help me help you back to
you complete me. That scene alone like ruined things for
people because then everybody was searching for that someone that
(03:17):
they could you look into their eyes and say you
complete me, or you and Patrick, do you feel like
y'all are complete? Separate or does he complete you?
Speaker 2 (03:27):
That's every movie.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
It's the unrealistic expectation of what relationships are really supposed
to be. Like, that's basically every Hollywood movie, like even
the speed of relationships, how intense they are. Yeah, so
we have to take that in because it's entertaining. And
that's why they are so extreme, is because extremes are entertaining.
But I'm not going to take my love life advice
(03:51):
my love life ideals from.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
Hollywood a movie.
Speaker 3 (03:55):
Patrick has also, like never been to therapy or anything
like that, so it would be interested to see how
he would interpret that. I would say, absolutely not. He
doesn't complete me. I say he makes my life better.
But I also felt like I was living a pretty
full life before him. It just the fullness looked different,
if that makes sense, Like the things I was doing,
(04:15):
the things I whether it was at night or the
people I was with, it was different. But my life
still felt very full. I just now have had to
shift things.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
Do you feel like you and Patrick big pe excuse me,
have a good work life harmony? Did you see what
I did there?
Speaker 2 (04:33):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Harmony?
Speaker 2 (04:33):
I like that, so can you explain why you didn't
say balance.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Yeah, because work life balance is a myth. I learned
that from Shonda Rhimes a long time ago, and people
always ask that. I feel like when I'm interviewed for things,
that's a question that comes up. It's like, how do
you find the balance of, you know, being a mom
and having.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
A job, you know, being a mom and having a job.
Speaker 1 (04:54):
Like, Fully, the points of this is whatever you're trying
to find balance with. Seanda's point was if she's succeeding
somewhere with her career, like at a Gray's Anatomy scene,
that's very very important, she might be missing her child's recital,
right and then vice versa. One day, if she's at
(05:15):
her child's recital, she might be missing I think an
example she said was Sandra O's final scene of Grey's Anatomy,
which would be very important to be at Sandra's been
she was there from the beginning, and so she's like,
you just kind of have to know that you can
do it all. You just can't do it all at
the same time. So it's not a balance, it's harmony. Harmony.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
I like that.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
I think I sometimes am good at that and sometimes
I'm not, but I guess.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
That's the whole point of harmony.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
Right.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
Sometimes I'm going to be overworking and sometimes I'm going
to say no to that thing because i want to
spend time with family or friends. Yeah, so I just
that makes it easier to have work life balance slash harmony.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
Yes, it's impossible.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Ance is impossible. Impossible, it's impossible.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
And if it's that feels like so much pressure.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
Harmony is like a beautiful song, because that's what harmony is.
It's different sounds coming together to create something that sounds
beautiful in harmony. And so look at your life as
a song that you're orchestrating, and your career is one
sound type of sounds like lah dough dough and then
(06:29):
ray me do you know that? Do rey me fa
sol la ti do sound of music. Oh that's from
Oh that's from for me, it's from choir.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
Oh. I was thinking like dough a deer, a female deer.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
Ray Yeah, no, dough doughray do do rey me ray
do do ray me fa me ray do? Did that
sound good? It did?
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Stop?
Speaker 1 (06:58):
But I feel as like, if you're working through this
and you're trying to figure some stuff out, right now,
shift that word or replace the word balance with harmony.
Shift your perspective.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
That feels like a weight off your shoulders kind of.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
Yeah, what new sounds can you introduce to put your
song at the top of the charts? Number one? You
know what song that I am obsessed with right now?
It's Morgan Wallin's Last Night.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (07:32):
So I'm not the biggest country music fan, but his
music is so good and that song. I do this
to so many songs. First time I heard it, I
was like, I'm never gonna get sick of this song.
I can't even listen to it anymore because what I
do is I only listen to that song. I will
listen to the same song for like fifteen minutes.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Okay, well, and you just talk its why you burn out? Yeah, Oh,
I don't listen to it over and over for you
can still like it hours of a time. So I
like it Number one, so good, lots of harmony in there.
Last night we let the lickuck. Oh, it's so good.
But these are some questions you can ask yourself if
(08:10):
you're wanting to shift perspective. And then after I read these,
I want to hear your favorite song It can either
be your favorite song right now or your favorite song ever. Okay,
well no, it's not going to be Morgan's here. Okay,
ask yourself what aspects of my life are having the
most positive negative effect on my work? And then ask
yourself that same question for life, the positives and the negatives?
(08:34):
Another question, can I improve an area of my life
by shifting something with my work? And then you go
over to can I prove an area of my work
by shifting something with my life? What changes could I
make to life and work so that each supports me
better in living my fullest potential? And questions like this
they're just they're just a starting point for people. But
(08:56):
the more we ask ourselves stuff like this, the more
aware we are of our work life relationship, which leads
to a glorious sound a better life. So what's your
favorite song? Are you gonna do of your life or ever?
Or now?
Speaker 3 (09:22):
So I'm gonna do of my life right now, but
it also could change if you ask me next year.
It is Slow Up by Jake. Do you know who
Jacob Banks is? I don't so, Oh my gosh, it's
such a good song, and speak about harmonies. It has
a lot of well, harmony has to do with the
(09:43):
instruments too, write say any sounds okay. It's interesting because
when I heard the song the first time, I thought
he was like singing about his son or something. But
he's singing about himself and how he wished that he
didn't force himself to grow up so fast and allowed
himself to slow down and take in everything that was
happening around him. So that's about having harmony of moving
(10:05):
through life, right, Yeah, I feel like that's so good.
It's a really good song, even for this theme, and
it wasn't planned. I just googled him. He's British.
Speaker 2 (10:14):
I wasn't aware of that. I thought he was from Like, well.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
You know when people sing you can't hear their accent.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Sometimes, No, I what is that really famous guy that
sings like someone I used to love, Lewis Capaldi.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
You can hear his accent.
Speaker 1 (10:30):
Oh, I guess I'll have to go see. But I
never hear Keith Urban talking Australian.
Speaker 2 (10:35):
But okay, but then he has a country accent.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Okay, okay, so no, when he's when he's talking, I
hear Australian accent obviously, But when he's singing.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
I do not hear it, but I hear a country
accent when he's singing.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
So do you think they just change their accents?
Speaker 1 (10:48):
No, it's how when they sing you can't hear their dialect.
I can't.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
We need to ask a singer.
Speaker 3 (10:56):
But I think sometimes they change it because there's like
British singer songwriters like emails that I feel like you
can like really hear their accent, and Dermick Kennedy is
Irish and you can hear his accent in his music.
He's one of my favorite singers ever.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Okay, googled why can't you hear British accent when singing?
It's partly that many of the distinctive characteristics of an
accent aren't reproduced well. When you sing, Vowel sounds get stretched,
and the precise articulation of the consonance consonants, not continents consonants. Right,
(11:33):
I'm not gonna lie. I'm pretty sure I say content.
It says here. The result is a neutral baseline accent
that sounds vaguely American. So anyway, whatever, Now I'm gonna
listen to four and people sing and be like, can
I hear anything? Can I hear the accent at all whatsoever. Okay,
(11:55):
So work life harmony harm do you feel like you
have that's going to be better for you? Yes, I
think I'm getting to a place where absolutely I do.
I'm like also trying to work on ridding myself of
the guilt if I may feel it of not being
able to do a school pick up, if you know
(12:16):
Stevenson saying hey, or summertime, so it's camp right now.
He's like, Oh, I thought you were going to take
me to camp, and I said, no, I have I
have worked tomorrow, but I can pick you up. And
then something came up at work and I wasn't able
to pick him up. And oh, it's the worst because
he said, if you can't make a deal, then don't
make a deal. I mean, I think I could have
(12:38):
beenagled it, but at the time I didn't think it
was a big deal. So that's something that really aid
at me recently. But other than that moment, I've been
trying to rid myself of the guilt. Probably still a
little feel guilty about that one. But we talked through
it and we figured it out.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
But I think that's okay that you felt some guilt
about that, because I don't think that's something that you
want that guilt to saying, like, dang it, I wish
that I would be able to uphold this deal, of course,
but you'll have to shame yourself for it overall if
they're because I can never take him to school or
camp because of my work hours and then I have
to be on live radio.
Speaker 1 (13:13):
I've had to let that go, of like, we don't
get morning time together. I don't get breakfast or packing
lunches or taking to school, and some moms really cherish
that time and I don't typically get that, so but
I have to let that go because I get other
times with them that maybe other people may not get.
You can't compare yourself to what other people are doing.
(13:35):
I do have harmony with my cat or a good relationship.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
What do you mean, like, well boundaries?
Speaker 1 (13:41):
Did I tell you about slow blink? Didn't we talk
about that on the podcast because a listener emailed me?
Speaker 2 (13:46):
Maybe I talked about.
Speaker 1 (13:47):
It all four things?
Speaker 2 (13:48):
What a slow blink?
Speaker 1 (13:49):
If you want to work on your relationship with your cat,
you go up to them and you look at them
and you blink slowly, like really slowly, just blink oh
and over and they'll trust you and come to you.
And like, that's exactly what's been happening with me and Maggie.
She only wants to hang out with me at night,
like when we're sleeping, and then that doesn't help me
(14:10):
because I'm sleeping, I'm not enjoying.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
It's not quality time.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
It's not quality time. So now if she's sometimes on
the counter or whatever, I'll just go up to her
and I'll blink, blink, blink, and then she'll come up
and put her nose against my nose and rub bucket
up against me, and it's so cute.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
I wonder what that is.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
Well, when I googled how like bond with your cat,
and that came up as an option, like veterinarians use
it to, you know, calm a cat or get them
to trust them or whatever. And so this is the
email I got from Emily. Hey, Amy, I knew about
the slow blink communication with cats before I heard it
on your podcast, but you reminded me to try it
(14:48):
out with my own cat. I did it, and he
got up and licked my hand and then touched his
nose to my face. I am also a vet tech,
and I have done this with a cat who lived
at the hot hospital, And now that I think about it,
I'm pretty sure our really great relationship came after I
started slow blinking at her. But for some reason, I
(15:10):
never thought to do it with my own cat. She
just did it at the at the hospital with that cat.
So there you go. Emily in Connecticut backs me up.
She ends the email here with You're deaf, not crazy.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
You know. I wish that working on relationships with humans
were that simple. I could just go up to you
and slow blink at you.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
You would give me a hug.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
I would What's wrong with you right now? Like? Are
you sending me is morse code? Are you okay? Are
you in distress? Who's harming you?
Speaker 2 (15:42):
What do you need? I just need a hug.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Can you imagine like people now are going to go
to their partner, please go to bed.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
Please, just thinking that I'm gonna send my phone and
I'm going to slow blink at him tonight and just.
Speaker 1 (15:58):
Keep doing it. You look at him, You can't break no,
and you can't say anything no. You just look and
blink slowly.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Should I mew when I do it?
Speaker 1 (16:06):
No, there's no mewing. You just I'm not No, I
don't mew at the cat. That's the whole thing. You're
just okay, blink, Okay.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
I'm so excited.
Speaker 1 (16:14):
See if Big P brings his nose to your nose
and rubs it up because.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
If he dies, I'm excited for this. Okay.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Well, I hope y'all are having the day that you
need to have. You can email us for the fifth thing.
Fourth things with Amy Brown at gmail dot com is
the email and if you've got any questions for me
or cat or thoughts, insight, whatever, send them to that
email address. You can also hit us up on Instagram.
I'm at Radio Amy and kat is at cat dot defada.
(16:47):
And also your very own podcast has an Instagram. It's
what you need therapy podcasts, and I'm working on being
more regular on there. And I'm working on that by
asking for help and having somebody help me do it,
which is good.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Before we wrapped, too, we should talk about John Mayer.
I forgot he's been looking at us this whole time,
so I.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Hold on before I say that.
Speaker 3 (17:10):
Walking into this room, I don't know that I would
have known that was John Mayer looking at me until you.
Speaker 1 (17:14):
Said it, but it had See the tattoos on his arm,
those were hit that's his sleeve. I painted that portrait
before he got the full sleeve. Okay, that was just
what he had back in the day. And then say
it's his song I wrote, say in big letters, say
what you need to say. Yeah, you can't tell that
John Mayer.
Speaker 3 (17:32):
That tattoos probably exact replica. I think I was looking
at his hair years ago. That's what he looked like. Okaying,
his hand and he only has two figures.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
Yeah, I ran out of time.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
I painted that for Bobby because he loves John Mayer.
And I had taken a painting class to paint a
portrait of Taylor Swift so that I could give it
to her. And then I decided to continue with my
art and I painted John Mayer for Bobby, and I
gave that to Bobby back in Austin, and then we
moved to Nashville, and then John Mayer came on the
show and Bobby was interviewing him, and I brought the
(18:05):
portrait in with me because Bobby left it somewhere.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
I was gonna say he didn't still have it.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Yeah, I guess he just forgot it at work, and
I was like, well, if this is staying up here
at the office, I'm taking it home with me because
I don't ever want to get rid of this. This
is a masterpiece. And why it's sitting out right now
is I just found it in my attic. Found my
masterpiece in the attic. And when John Mayer came up
to the Bobby Bone Show a few years ago here
in Nashville, I took the portrait with me and I said, John,
I painted this of you. Will you sign it? And
(18:32):
so you can see his signature on there, that's his autograph.
I'm curious how he responded to this. Oh, I think
he said, this is the best thing I've ever seen.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Oh that's what you said.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
Well, when I handed no, he didn't say that. I
don't remember what he said. But when I handed Taylor
the portrait of her that I painted, she said, oh,
my gosh, you're so talented. She I swear that's what
she said. Because we recorded her. We weren't allowed to
have cameras in the room, but I hit record on
my flipcam and I had it in my per so
it was just getting audio. We played it on the
(19:02):
show multiple times. Over and over. Oh my gosh, you're
so talented. So that's how I know. That's what she said.
Speaker 3 (19:07):
Do you think if John Mayer later has like some
kind of museum for like memorabilia, you know, like how
like Marilyn Monroe's dresses in the Ripley's believe it or not,
if he has some thing like that, this would be there.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Probably not. Oh's probably because I mean I have it doesn't.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Oh yeah, you wouldn't give it. You wouldn't give it away.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
I'm not going to give it up. Yeah, it's too good.
It's in my museum. That's in my attic.
Speaker 2 (19:33):
All right.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
I hope y'all are having the day that she needed
to have. I don't know if I already said that,
but just in case you needed to hear it twice.
And we will see you, or at least I will
see you on Thursday. Check out kats You Need Therapy
podcast on Mondays and Wednesdays, and then Kat will join
me again next Tuesday for the fifth thing.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Bye bye
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
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Amy Brown
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