July 11, 2023 • 27 mins
Amy thinks she has her attachment style figured out, but Kat challenges Amy’s self-assessment. Secure attachment is the goal for all of us, and while there’s hope for that, most of us are either avoidant, anxious or disorganized. Do you know your attachment style? An episode of Mel Robbins’ podcast is what got Amy started on attachment styles. You can listen to it HERE.
Quotes from this episode:
-“Your circle is supposed to be proud, not jealous!”
-“Some people will judge you for changing. Others will celebrate you for growing. Choose your circle carefully!”
-“Parked car conversations are low key therapy!!”
Other things discussed:
-Don’t underestimate a staycation!
-Positive Energy Meditation HERE
-Trey Kennedy is the ‘4 Things’ guest for this Thursday’s episode!
-Amy started watching ‘The Summer I Turned Pretty’ (on Amazon) & it’s so good!!
-ATTN: Perfectionists!! Read this book: The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control: A Path to Peace and Power
-Kat updated us on “slow blinking” (like cats do to their owners)
-An email from a listener named Amy about the infamous “what does this make possible” question!
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Defatta // @Kat.Defatta // @YouNeedTherapyPodcast // YouNeedTherapyPodcast.com
Please send emails for the 5th thing to 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com
P.S.
Stachira’s teeth whitening deal HERE (only good for July 11th & 12th)
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the fifth Thing.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I'm Amy and I'm Kat And our quote today, Well,
it's just several quotes that I saw Jay Shtty put
up recently, and I pulled some of my favorites. One
of them is parked car conversations are low key therapy.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Isn't that so true? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (00:20):
Do you do the thing where you sit in your
car for like a long time before you go inside somewhere?
Speaker 1 (00:25):
I mean by myself?
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Yes, yes, because that's therapy to me. Yeah, like when
you get home from work or when I go to work.
I go to work early so I can sit in
my car for at least ten minutes.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Yeah, I pull into my garage and I sit there.
I pull up to where I'm going and I sit there,
and then I realize, oh gosh, ten minutes has gone by.
I need to get outside. So yes, either being alone
in a parked car is therapeutic. Are If have you
ever taken a nap in your car? You're not a
mom yet, it'll happen. Oh, like before you go inside,
you take a nap, or just anywhere where you can.
(00:54):
If you're waiting on a kid to get out of something.
Car pool line pick up.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Just close your eyes, take a little cat nap. I
haven't done that yet. It's lovely, especially on a sunny day.
Just feels good.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Another one is your circle is supposed to be proud,
not jealous, So just want to think about and then
another circle one.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
This is just coincidence.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Some people will judge you for changing, others will celebrate
you for growing.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Choose your circle carefully. That's good. Yeah, like it.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
And we're back because last Tuesday was vacation. It was
fourth of July, so we did a little best of situation.
But then also just this whole I feel like last
four weeks we had some new ones and then I
was sick one of the weeks, so I feel like
things to catch up on would be Well, don't underestimate
(01:45):
a staycation because that's what I just did for my vacation. Yeah,
I had Bobby Bone Show vacation, like I was off,
and so we normally go to Colorado every fourth of July.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
That is where we go.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
But my sister and her husban been have a project
here in Nashville for their HDTV show Building Roots, and
they're filming the reveal, so they were coming here like
the day after fourth of July, and then Stashira had
our driver's test, like actual physical driver's test on the
Saturday before. So anyway, all this to say, if we
were to have flown to Colorado, which they're in a
(02:20):
small town, it's not easy to get to Pagosa, fly
into Durango, and then drive an hour, we would have
been there only three full days. And I'm not doing
all of that for three full days when I have
a whole week's vacation.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
With two kids in tow So what did you do here?
Speaker 2 (02:36):
We went to the lake, and we've done lots of
pool time, and we've had lots of friends over. We've
had meals around the table where we played games. Your
new table my new table, because it's the only table
I have because I sold the other one on Facebook Marketplace.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Did you notice? Yeah, I guess like your kitchen table's gone.
So what table were you sitting at?
Speaker 2 (02:55):
We sat around the table and played do you really
know your family?
Speaker 1 (03:00):
What it's called?
Speaker 2 (03:01):
I'll put it and I think it's already in my Amazon.
Oh it's twenty percent off right now. But by the
time you're listening to this, I don't know if that
will be the case, but we played that me Steven
sentence to Sharon.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
It was so fun.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Like you say, whoever's drawing the card reads the question
and it says, what is my favorite thing to do
when I get home? And they answer for you, and
so they would say sit in your car in the
garage for ten minutes.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
Take a nap, and then except.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
For I think one of the questions was what do
I do when I get frustrated and both of my
kids go They made like these screaming, grunting noises and
I was like, I do that, and they road.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Like, yop, yeah, wait do you have to write your
answer down before they say it?
Speaker 2 (03:47):
You just say it out loud, like we just I
don't know the okay, specific rules. We just drew the cards,
and then they have challenges in between, like you can
do a challenge and it's a fun little game that
you get to play based on whatever the challenges. But
the questions are just cool because obviously creates conversation. It's
sort of like the conversation cards that we've talked about before,
but this is for the family, so it's stuff that
(04:10):
kids can get involved in.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
And I feel like you have to be careful with that,
because what if a fight breaks out if they give
you an answer.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
And you're like, I don't do that or I don't
like that or why would you think that? Yeah, But
then I'm like, well, this is just a game, okay,
Well you have a good attitude. I do. I'm not
compet I'm not I don't think that. I that the
Newlywed game or whatever that is. Those kind of games.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
Couples can get in fights because they're like, I can't
believe you would say that about me, or how do
you not know that?
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Obviously my toothbrush is blue. Yeah, right, exactly.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
So my family we would have to walk slowly around
that game at times.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Oh well, you know one of the four agreements of
life is don't take things personally.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Okay, so maybe my family will read the four agreements
before we play the game, which oh.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Mail Robbins put up an episode recently about attachment styles
with a doctor that specializes in it, like a professor.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
I can't remember the doctor's name, but I listened to
it with my lash girl Amy. We listened to podcasts
when I get my lashes done, and so we both
were very excited about listening to that and it went
over the four attachment styles, secure, whatever, who are those people?
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Avoidant, blah blah. I got it, I got it.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
I know you're the therapist, so you know anxious, okay, secure, anxious,
avoidant and not disregulated but you know, like tangled up?
Speaker 1 (05:38):
What's the word? You can get this? That was closed?
I know, why?
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Why is this not coming to me? Maybe I need
another sip of coffee? Disregged a tangled All that's coming
to mind is disregulated and that's not right, so I know,
just give me a little more the disorganized got it disorganized.
So that's it, and it's it's interesting to hear how
they all play out. Obviously secure as the goal, and
(06:06):
I felt like I have some avoidance, some attachment, I
mean anxiety.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Yeah, can you have both? Because I have both?
Speaker 3 (06:15):
There it can be a spectrum and depending on your
obviously your attachment can change. And that's like the hope
and it all because if you're not secure, there's always
you can always get to be in that place depending
on what you do in your relationships.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
But their experiences that you can have that can shift
your attachment. Well, it made me.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
Think of it because when you said, what if I
get offended by something. One of my kids says, because
I'm not feeling secure right, because that's what you would be.
I'm not saying that game brings out your attachment style,
but sort of it's said with the avoidant that they're
never wrong orish.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Typically I can't admit when I'm wrong.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
But she said, some people with avoidant have avoidant but
with humility. And then there's some that if they're avoidant
and they don't have that humility filter, they're someone that
would be listening to a podcast episode like that and
they'd be like, I'm turning this off.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
This is no right. If they don't want to face it, it's.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
More about their inability to be vulnerable there, I can't
be right, I can't be wrong. Is more about I
don't I can't be vulnerable, like I have to stay
up here.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
So that's the weird thing about me is I'm avoidant
but I'm vulnerable.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
Is that possible? I don't know who told you that
you're avoidant me? Okay, if maybe you should talk to
your therapist.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
Maybe I am and vulnerable in what ways? I think
there's a spectrum of vulnerability. I can be really vulnerable
in some areas and there's some areas I won't touch it, Okay,
So that's all spectrum to a good book for this.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
There's a million books on attachment.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
The one that's really popular right now and has been
for years is Attached. The author's last name is Levine.
I don't think there's one book that encompasses at all.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Sure, I just didn't know if you had one to recommend,
because my sister and I were talking about it last
night too, and she thinks she's avoidant, but also we
both want to work on it, and we both can
admit when we're wrong. Ish, I'm sure there's times where
I haven't wanted to but we think our parents were
avoidant too, like definitely our mom our dad avoidant because
(08:17):
you know, connection. We've talked about how that's been hard
for me, but not this year, because that's one of
my words. What's my thing from this year? More connection,
more work, And I am working on connection. But I
had friends and even my sister tell me they didn't
feel close to me.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
But does that mean you're avoidant?
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Because getting you I was avoiding getting close to them,
like sometimes being invested in their life because then that
hurt too much if they left me.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
But you also have a tendency to hold on to
things for longer than you know that you should.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
What does that mean. I'm just kidding.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
So I think there's there's a lot of stuff you
might want to dig into.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
So what would that mean if I hold on to things?
I had no plan of talking about this at all whatsoever.
But then when you brought up the game, it made
me think of, you know, getting defensive, and then it
made me think of avoidant, and then I was like,
oh have you heard? And then made me think of
mel Robbins, and then I wanted every ready to tick shot.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
Okay, so tell me so Okay, So attachment.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
Actually, we talked about attachment the first time I ever
met you.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
I remember that, by the way, Like I literally remember.
This is the first time I ever met you when
we were recording with Lisa at the Bobby bone Chet
studio and you told that story about the heroin.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Oh yeah, yeah, I've read that. I told that story.
Uh huh.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
So how I describe attachment to people in the simplest
way is somebody who has an anxious attachment style is
somebody who has been given hope, and then it's been
taken away, and they've been given hope and it's been
taken away. And they've been given hope and it's been
taken away. So they know that hope is there, but
they also know that it can leave it any time.
(09:51):
So what they tend to do is they become like
more clingers. They want to like kind of put their
like nails into things and hold on to them because
even when when they're with somebody or with something, they
also know that.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
It can leave. Oh, I know what you're talking about.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Now, Okay, have you heard me say this, Well, I
know what you mean by me holding on to maybe
staying in something longer than yes, I should. So then
that's just comfortable, okay, and we can dig into that.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
And then the avoidant is somebody who just doesn't have
They don't have the essence of hope, and they tend
to shut off a lot of their feelings. I think
of them as people who like get into like footy
pajamas and zip them all the way up to the
top to like guard themselves from everything. They have no hope,
they've totally lost hope, so they just put up walls.
And then if I don't feel then I won't have needs,
(10:38):
and then I won't really need relationships, and so they
get into relationships, but as soon as somebody needs them
or they start feeling like they need that person, they
start to back away.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Oh okay, I don't know that I'm not I don't
I don't know that I see you that way, but.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Okay, well, anyway, this is just something fascinating to dig
into if you have never studied attachment styles, which clearly
I have not, but that episode made me want to
dig deeper and even get a book on it that
I might like, which I think actually the doctor she
had on wrote a book, so maybe I could look
at that one. And it's a recent episode, so you
(11:14):
can go find it. How I even thought to listen
to it's because I kind of go to Amy's and
I lay down on the table and she's like, okay,
it's normally do you want to listen to True crime?
Mel Robbins, Jay Shetty or Oprah Super Soul Conversation And
then we just kind of picked from there and then
I said, oh my goodness, right when I was probably
sitting in the parking lot.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
Before I've been in picking a map, looking at my phone.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Mel had posted a clip about like a teaser clip,
and I was like, oh God, teaser clips are probably
good to put up because look, it's now making me
go watch an episode. And you and I talk about
this all the time that we want to start filming
things and putting up teaser clips.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
You know we'll get there. We tried once.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
We tried once, but I do have a new place
I want to start recording, which I think will be
are for filming, which it doesn't really matter at the
end of the day. We could set up cameras here,
but I just need to get the right stuff. Am
I avoiding Maybe, but I don't think that's to your attachment.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Okay, so I mean to here, ADHD.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
The things I want to dig catch up on were
don't underestimate a staycation. I listed out five things to
share because it's the four Things podcast, but this is
the fifth thing.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
Ooh love.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
The things I want to dig catch up on were
don't underestimate a staycation. I listed out five things to
share because it's the four Things podcast, but this is
the fifth thing, Ooh, don't underestimate a staycation? And then
positive energy Meditation. I'm going to link this in the
show notes. This is a Gabby Bernstein meditation that's on
YouTube and it's literally five minutes and it's called positive
(12:58):
Energy meditation, and she basically says all is well, all
as well, like over and over, and you're like by
the time you're done with it, you're like, all is well?
Speaker 1 (13:05):
Like does it feel kind of like chanty? No? Okay.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
I like her guided meditations a lot, but I have
seen dms and emails and messages of people wanting to
meditate because we talk about it here and I am
part of a membership, so I get her meditations in
my email. But this YouTube one is a free one
and it's five minutes, so it's not overwhelming, and a
(13:30):
lot of people are starting out. And I mean, the
longest I've do is mostly ten. The longest I have
done is thirty, but that was once.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
Are you bragging?
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Yes, because I was proud of myself and that was
one time. Third thing to catch up on as Trey
Kennedy was here and kat is sitting in the chair
where he's at.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
Yeah, and I am a little offended that you scheduled
that when I wasn't available.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
But I invited you you did, so I guess I
can't be mad at you. He's very funny.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
If you're looking for things that will make you smile
and laugh on Instagram, definitely follow Trey. But he's also
genuinely so nice. So he showed up here by himself,
ubered because he was in town for a show. He
was performing at the Ryman and the episode's going to
air this Thursday so people can listen. But he's so
cool nice. I had no idea. I thought he was older.
(14:20):
He's thirty.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Oh, seems a little more mature, but not that future.
But if you watch his comedy, is that what you
get from I have your idea of mature. He's successful young.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Yeah, maybe that's what you meant. Maybe I don't know.
I just yeah, I thought he was Oh. I was
kind of surprised when he said thirty.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
I always wonder, like our comedians, like was he serious
or do you like make jokes a lot?
Speaker 2 (14:45):
So it wasn't like he was in a skip mode,
you know, because a lot of his things are scripted out.
But I will say I did four things gratitude with him,
and like off the cuff. It was pretty fast because
I said, okay, well what's the first thing, and He
was like, well, the first thing would be that bad
day you have downstairs. I'm thankful, and so I thought, oh,
that was clever because he just had gone to the
(15:07):
bathroom and saw that I have a non functioning unplugged
the day that's still on the toilet from two years
ago when I needed it for my dad.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
I always the.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
First time I went to your bathroom down there, I
was like, what is this? And how do I flush
the toilet? Right?
Speaker 1 (15:19):
I figured it out.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
I need to just remove it, But no, you don't
because then it brings that I'm avoiding.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
Bad.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
Fourth thing would be the summer I turned Pretty. Have
you heard of that show?
Speaker 3 (15:30):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Yeah, I've watched it. Has he watched it?
Speaker 2 (15:33):
No?
Speaker 1 (15:34):
This is me my things I want to share. I'm
moved out the trade. Okay, you didn't tell me that
we moved on. I did fourth thing? Oh, I was
thinking his fourth gratitude.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
I was like, why is Trey grateful that show?
Speaker 1 (15:45):
No? Okay, this summer I talked Pretty.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
It's on Amazon and Gracie told me about it and
I'm hooked.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
So have you watched this second season? No, I'm not
season one.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
I watched the first season that's funny that you're hooked
because it's I also was hooked. But it also was
one of the shows I was like, this is like
a bad show.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
It's not bad. It's teenage. I guess maybe that's what
it is.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
It's something I would watch as a kid on like
ABC Family, So that makes sense family.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Did they smoke though you're a It would not be
on ABC Family.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
It would be on like MTV during the day, ABC
Riska Family.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was on a channel maybe, although
you know, you never know these days, it might be
on ABC Family.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
But Gracie said they're watching season two right now and
some of her other friends are going to have a
watch party for the finale, and she sent me like
the day. She's like, put this on your calendar. If
you end up watching it, you can come. So there's
obviously a lot of people that are very into this show.
And I had literally never heard of it. You had
never told me about it.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
I'm really sorry.
Speaker 3 (16:44):
It wasn't one of the shows I wanted to rave
about because I didn't think it was one of the
best shows I've ever seen.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Well, but if I had a watch party, I would
invite you.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
Have you ever done a watch party for anything like Bachelor, Bachelorette,
like back in the day.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
I never got into that.
Speaker 3 (16:59):
So no, I mean, I've been to super Bowl watch parties,
but I've never actually watched it.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Well, of course you watched parties.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
I meant like for a finale, You're I really am
a show, so you do it. The fifth thing would
be this book that I'm going to pull up if
you are a perfectionist, which I'm not, but my sister is,
and she was recommending this book to my other friend
that has perfectionist things because she was like, oh, I
just need a good book, and I said, oh, my
sister has one, so I thought I would share it
with others.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
But it's called The Perfectionist Guide to Losing Control. You
act like I can see that. What's your vision?
Speaker 3 (17:32):
I have contacts in but I think I'm legally blind
without them.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Oh wow, but you had that really small before I know,
but now I'm twenty twenty. Oh wow, that's nice not
to brack.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
Wait, naturally, you've never had contacts or glasses. You've never
had lasik?
Speaker 1 (17:48):
What's it like?
Speaker 2 (17:49):
I do lace it commercials for man I Institute in Austin,
So that part is a little ironic. But I started
doing the commercials because my dad went to man I
a long time ago, and it was crazy. Whenever he
stepped out, he's like, oh my gosh, he saw like
leaves and colors of lead, like he was noticing trees
that he had never.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
Noticed before because of the LASAC, which is cool.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
So you've never had the experience of being a kid
in the swimming pool and having to take your glasses
off and not being able to see any.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Of your friends. No, I'm sorry, is that what happened
to you.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
I got glasses when I was in second grade, and
I probably had really bad eyesight for years, but just
I thought everybody saw that way.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
I thought everything was always blurry.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
I wouldn't get contacts because I was afraid of people
touching my eye, and my mom would take me to
the eye doctor and I would like throw a fit,
and they finally the fourth time they took me and
they had to pin me down and shove.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
The contact in my eye.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
But you know why I let them do it because
my mom said, my dad said, you either have to
get the sports goggles to play soccer, you know, those
like big goggles you.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Don't know that because you don't. I mean I've seen
they're like these big goggles.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
You have to wear it because you can't wear glasses
or you have to get contacts.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
And I was like, I'm not wearing those goggles. So
I did it. Oh my god, Yeah, you're so lucky.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Well, I'm sure my time is coming because I'm forty two.
I have to squint now sometimes if I'm looking at
a pill bottle.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
Oh so you're not time twenty.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
No, I am that pill bottle that is tiny, and
it's like, you know, well, I had emails to get to.
But we started talking about attachment styles. What is it?
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Attachment theory?
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Attachment attachment theory, and then there's attachment styles.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
Okay, so why is it called theory. Well, because it's
a theory. It's like a theoretical orientation. Seems pretty legit, right,
I agree, and I believe in the theory, therefore I
use it. Are there some that do not believe in
the theory. I'm sure there's people that don't believe in
all kinds of things. But think about therapy.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
Every therapist has different theoretical orientations. So a lot of
therapists operate out of attachment theory. Some operate out of
Adlerian theory, some operate out of person centered theory.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
Some people combine a bunch of them. Okay, gotcha, Okay.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
In my last therapy session, Janet, my therapist, asked me
if I had ever done my human Design. I don't
know what that is, so so what's crazy is a
few weeks before that, I'd never heard of my human Design,
but Cryocat told me about it, and my cousin, Amanda cousin,
There's this app called My Human Design and you enter
(20:14):
in the time you were born the day, and it
puts together all these things and it says that I'm
a generator. And that's what Janet was wanting to know,
because I was telling her some stories about something. She goes,
have you ever done my human Design? And do you
know what you came out as? See the little bodied
parts with all the numbers. I don't know what any
of that means, but I'm sure this is a theory
that some people do not believe in. But my energy
(20:37):
type is a generator and my authority type is emotional,
and I'm a six to two. My personality is a
six to two. Whatever if anybody's into this, you know
what I'm talking about. But you can download the app
and enter in all this stuff and see. But I
feel like it's a more information about yourself, sort of
like the Enneagram and and so yeah, some of.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Um don't believe in the enneagram.
Speaker 3 (20:59):
Something therapist just use the enneagram because the enneagram has
a lot of attachment stuff in it.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Accidentally, I think, well.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
Had emails up is going to get too but now
I'll just do one to close out with because it's
from someone named Amy too well, and it's also at
the top of my document here. Hey, Amy and Kat,
hope you're both having the day you need to have.
I wanted to share that since learning about Don Miller
from you too, I have tried to implement the what
does this make possible? Mindset in my life. My workplace
(21:27):
is undergoing a lot of overwhelming changes right now, and
there are very real and strong emotions happening. I've been
inserting what does this make possible? As much as I can,
and it's led to some great conversations and ideas already.
Thanks your bestie, Amy. I pulled that because it's a
simple reminder for everyone of that super easy question that
(21:48):
you can ask yourself in those tough moments that doesn't
ignore the tough situation but helps you shift perspective.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
Isn't crazy that when did was that interview? That was
over a year ago? Right? Yeah, that's so crazy that
we still talk about that. I feel once a week
and you texted me that this week.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
I yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
I said it to my sister last night because she
was talking about something whatnot, and I said, well, remember Don,
because Christy and I went to his house for Ali
Fallon's workshop with him, and we love him and we
love Ali. So I was like, what does this make possible?
And she's like, yeah, you're right. You're right because it's
such a simple question. I think we you, me and
(22:28):
my sister, we are all of that mindset anyways. But
I never had the simplicity of that question. I had
the okay, I want to figure out, okay, what came?
I don't even know that I would say it. It wasn't
even a what. I was just like, how can we find.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
The good in this? Somehow? Where's the silver lining? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (22:46):
And that feels so different than silver lining. Sometimes when
you say the silver lining, it can feel almost invalidating.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Yes, and this doesn't. Yeah, this is something that's like,
this is a sucky situation that is fact, and now
I'm going to ask myself what is possible from it?
And depending on your mindset what's possible from it? It
might you might end up making more crappiness, but the
goal would be to make some lemonade. You know what
(23:14):
I mean, when live hand you lemons make lemonade, which
that makes me think of a card I gave my
mom that had this girl on the front holding lemons
and it's like when live hand you lemons, and then
you open it up and she stuck the big lemons
under her shirt and made big old boobies.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Lemons. Stuff them on your bro right, make lemonade. And
I gave that car mom.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
I just got sidetracked thinking that it was about breast cancer,
but it wasn't. It was when my mom had cancer.
And I remember getting her that card because she told
me when she first died, No, she told me and
my sister that she wanted to laugh, and so I
thought that card would make her laugh. It's a good
card and then also makes me think of boobs and
then also how people often think she had breast cancer.
And she did not, All right, I hope y'all are
(24:04):
having the day that you need to have. And Kat,
where can people find you?
Speaker 3 (24:09):
On Instagram at cat dot Defada and at Uniue.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
Therapy podcast and I'm at Radio Amy and if you
go there. Today is the eleventh and Stashia got a
deal what with Lumino, which is a teeth whitening yeah
strip thing, and they reached out to me and I said, well,
I'm not going to use it right now. I don't
think that would be authentic. I said, However, my sixteen
(24:33):
year old daughter has been begging me to use whitening strips,
but I want to make sure it's safe. And I
was like, wow, I did some research. They're non toxic
and no hydrogen proxide bleach, which is crazy because I
used to gargle with hydrogen poxide way back in the day,
thinking that I was gonna be whitening my teeth.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
But apparently it's really bad. Don't do that.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
So I told her about it and she was like, oh,
can we ask them if I can do it? So
then I pitched it and they said, oh, that sounds
like a great idea, and so she has a link
and we've put videos up and she had her little
whitening strip in and it's an Amazon Prime Prime Day exclusive,
(25:10):
so the sale is only for two days, but you
get the lowest price they ever do through Stashira's link,
which is on my Instagram stories today.
Speaker 3 (25:19):
Will it have her tag? Her tagline, what was it?
You helped me? I help you?
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Oh, I help you? You help me? Smiley face.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
She added the smiley face because she's like, I don't
want this to come across as aggressive, so I feel
like the smiley face soft. And even she was typing
up what to put in the Instagram stories, which I
don't know if you're listening to this podcast first thing
on Tuesday morning, but I'll probably load them up. We
had to pre record them because you have to send it.
I'd never done anything like this before for Instagram because
I don't do ads like that, and it's not an ad.
(25:50):
She's like, she's a partner, Yeah, she's a partner. So
she had to send it off for approval, you know,
and then I never really heard best so hopefully.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
It's proved anyhusy.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
We pre recorded them and when she was typing it,
she said, this is gonna save money or something. She's like,
and I am all about saving money and she is.
She's all about saving money and getting other people to
spend money on her. She's about saving money in her
wallet in her room.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Well, if you got it for me, then I can
save some money, right.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
So anyway, just if y'all want to check it out,
if you're looking for a good teeth whitening strip at
a good price, and you just can order it through Amazon,
but it has to be through her link to get
that price. I think if you just google the thing,
it won't come up with that price unless there's other
people with links. But let's just pretend to share. Is
the only one with the link. So that's it at
(26:45):
Radio Amy. And speaking of Amazon, anything that I've ever
posted about, if you go to radioamy dot com, you
can see my Amazon favorites and links to Pimp and
Joy and four Things, Gratitude Journal, all that stuff Radioami
dot com. All right, ready, Cat, Oh, we forgot the
update about you and Patrick blinking?
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Should we say next week? Yeah? Save it? All right,
save it.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Kat blinked at her fiance slowly, slowly, like you're supposed
to if you're a cat, and she was seeing how
he was going to respond, that'll be next.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
We're teasing it. We'll give you something to come back for, and.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
Then don't forget Thursday Trey Kennedy and then Kat do
you know your episodes this week?
Speaker 1 (27:23):
Do you know your couch talk for tomorrow?
Speaker 2 (27:26):
No, I don't surprise, so you don't have to stay
on that tip of your toes, tip your toes. Okay,
bye bye
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the fifth Thing.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I'm Amy and I'm Kat And our quote today, Well,
it's just several quotes that I saw Jay Shtty put
up recently, and I pulled some of my favorites. One
of them is parked car conversations are low key therapy.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Isn't that so true? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (00:20):
Do you do the thing where you sit in your
car for like a long time before you go inside somewhere?
Speaker 1 (00:25):
I mean by myself?
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Yes, yes, because that's therapy to me. Yeah, like when
you get home from work or when I go to work.
I go to work early so I can sit in
my car for at least ten minutes.
Speaker 2 (00:33):
Yeah, I pull into my garage and I sit there.
I pull up to where I'm going and I sit there,
and then I realize, oh gosh, ten minutes has gone by.
I need to get outside. So yes, either being alone
in a parked car is therapeutic. Are If have you
ever taken a nap in your car? You're not a
mom yet, it'll happen. Oh, like before you go inside,
you take a nap, or just anywhere where you can.
(00:54):
If you're waiting on a kid to get out of something.
Car pool line pick up.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Just close your eyes, take a little cat nap. I
haven't done that yet. It's lovely, especially on a sunny day.
Just feels good.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
Another one is your circle is supposed to be proud,
not jealous, So just want to think about and then
another circle one.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
This is just coincidence.
Speaker 2 (01:17):
Some people will judge you for changing, others will celebrate
you for growing.
Speaker 1 (01:20):
Choose your circle carefully. That's good. Yeah, like it.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
And we're back because last Tuesday was vacation. It was
fourth of July, so we did a little best of situation.
But then also just this whole I feel like last
four weeks we had some new ones and then I
was sick one of the weeks, so I feel like
things to catch up on would be Well, don't underestimate
(01:45):
a staycation because that's what I just did for my vacation. Yeah,
I had Bobby Bone Show vacation, like I was off,
and so we normally go to Colorado every fourth of July.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
That is where we go.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
But my sister and her husban been have a project
here in Nashville for their HDTV show Building Roots, and
they're filming the reveal, so they were coming here like
the day after fourth of July, and then Stashira had
our driver's test, like actual physical driver's test on the
Saturday before. So anyway, all this to say, if we
were to have flown to Colorado, which they're in a
(02:20):
small town, it's not easy to get to Pagosa, fly
into Durango, and then drive an hour, we would have
been there only three full days. And I'm not doing
all of that for three full days when I have
a whole week's vacation.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
With two kids in tow So what did you do here?
Speaker 2 (02:36):
We went to the lake, and we've done lots of
pool time, and we've had lots of friends over. We've
had meals around the table where we played games. Your
new table my new table, because it's the only table
I have because I sold the other one on Facebook Marketplace.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Did you notice? Yeah, I guess like your kitchen table's gone.
So what table were you sitting at?
Speaker 2 (02:55):
We sat around the table and played do you really
know your family?
Speaker 1 (03:00):
What it's called?
Speaker 2 (03:01):
I'll put it and I think it's already in my Amazon.
Oh it's twenty percent off right now. But by the
time you're listening to this, I don't know if that
will be the case, but we played that me Steven
sentence to Sharon.
Speaker 1 (03:10):
It was so fun.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Like you say, whoever's drawing the card reads the question
and it says, what is my favorite thing to do
when I get home? And they answer for you, and
so they would say sit in your car in the
garage for ten minutes.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
Take a nap, and then except.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
For I think one of the questions was what do
I do when I get frustrated and both of my
kids go They made like these screaming, grunting noises and
I was like, I do that, and they road.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Like, yop, yeah, wait do you have to write your
answer down before they say it?
Speaker 2 (03:47):
You just say it out loud, like we just I
don't know the okay, specific rules. We just drew the cards,
and then they have challenges in between, like you can
do a challenge and it's a fun little game that
you get to play based on whatever the challenges. But
the questions are just cool because obviously creates conversation. It's
sort of like the conversation cards that we've talked about before,
but this is for the family, so it's stuff that
(04:10):
kids can get involved in.
Speaker 3 (04:11):
And I feel like you have to be careful with that,
because what if a fight breaks out if they give
you an answer.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
And you're like, I don't do that or I don't
like that or why would you think that? Yeah, But
then I'm like, well, this is just a game, okay,
Well you have a good attitude. I do. I'm not
compet I'm not I don't think that. I that the
Newlywed game or whatever that is. Those kind of games.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
Couples can get in fights because they're like, I can't
believe you would say that about me, or how do
you not know that?
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Obviously my toothbrush is blue. Yeah, right, exactly.
Speaker 3 (04:39):
So my family we would have to walk slowly around
that game at times.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Oh well, you know one of the four agreements of
life is don't take things personally.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Okay, so maybe my family will read the four agreements
before we play the game, which oh.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Mail Robbins put up an episode recently about attachment styles
with a doctor that specializes in it, like a professor.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
I can't remember the doctor's name, but I listened to
it with my lash girl Amy. We listened to podcasts
when I get my lashes done, and so we both
were very excited about listening to that and it went
over the four attachment styles, secure, whatever, who are those people?
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Avoidant, blah blah. I got it, I got it.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
I know you're the therapist, so you know anxious, okay, secure, anxious,
avoidant and not disregulated but you know, like tangled up?
Speaker 1 (05:38):
What's the word? You can get this? That was closed?
I know, why?
Speaker 2 (05:42):
Why is this not coming to me? Maybe I need
another sip of coffee? Disregged a tangled All that's coming
to mind is disregulated and that's not right, so I know,
just give me a little more the disorganized got it disorganized.
So that's it, and it's it's interesting to hear how
they all play out. Obviously secure as the goal, and
(06:06):
I felt like I have some avoidance, some attachment, I
mean anxiety.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Yeah, can you have both? Because I have both?
Speaker 3 (06:15):
There it can be a spectrum and depending on your
obviously your attachment can change. And that's like the hope
and it all because if you're not secure, there's always
you can always get to be in that place depending
on what you do in your relationships.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
But their experiences that you can have that can shift
your attachment. Well, it made me.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
Think of it because when you said, what if I
get offended by something. One of my kids says, because
I'm not feeling secure right, because that's what you would be.
I'm not saying that game brings out your attachment style,
but sort of it's said with the avoidant that they're
never wrong orish.
Speaker 1 (06:52):
Typically I can't admit when I'm wrong.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
But she said, some people with avoidant have avoidant but
with humility. And then there's some that if they're avoidant
and they don't have that humility filter, they're someone that
would be listening to a podcast episode like that and
they'd be like, I'm turning this off.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
This is no right. If they don't want to face it, it's.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
More about their inability to be vulnerable there, I can't
be right, I can't be wrong. Is more about I
don't I can't be vulnerable, like I have to stay
up here.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
So that's the weird thing about me is I'm avoidant
but I'm vulnerable.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
Is that possible? I don't know who told you that
you're avoidant me? Okay, if maybe you should talk to
your therapist.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
Maybe I am and vulnerable in what ways? I think
there's a spectrum of vulnerability. I can be really vulnerable
in some areas and there's some areas I won't touch it, Okay,
So that's all spectrum to a good book for this.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
There's a million books on attachment.
Speaker 3 (07:47):
The one that's really popular right now and has been
for years is Attached. The author's last name is Levine.
I don't think there's one book that encompasses at all.
Speaker 2 (07:56):
Sure, I just didn't know if you had one to recommend,
because my sister and I were talking about it last
night too, and she thinks she's avoidant, but also we
both want to work on it, and we both can
admit when we're wrong. Ish, I'm sure there's times where
I haven't wanted to but we think our parents were
avoidant too, like definitely our mom our dad avoidant because
(08:17):
you know, connection. We've talked about how that's been hard
for me, but not this year, because that's one of
my words. What's my thing from this year? More connection,
more work, And I am working on connection. But I
had friends and even my sister tell me they didn't
feel close to me.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
But does that mean you're avoidant?
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Because getting you I was avoiding getting close to them,
like sometimes being invested in their life because then that
hurt too much if they left me.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
But you also have a tendency to hold on to
things for longer than you know that you should.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
What does that mean. I'm just kidding.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
So I think there's there's a lot of stuff you
might want to dig into.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
So what would that mean if I hold on to things?
I had no plan of talking about this at all whatsoever.
But then when you brought up the game, it made
me think of, you know, getting defensive, and then it
made me think of avoidant, and then I was like,
oh have you heard? And then made me think of
mel Robbins, and then I wanted every ready to tick shot.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
Okay, so tell me so Okay, So attachment.
Speaker 3 (09:15):
Actually, we talked about attachment the first time I ever
met you.
Speaker 2 (09:18):
I remember that, by the way, Like I literally remember.
This is the first time I ever met you when
we were recording with Lisa at the Bobby bone Chet
studio and you told that story about the heroin.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Oh yeah, yeah, I've read that. I told that story.
Uh huh.
Speaker 3 (09:31):
So how I describe attachment to people in the simplest
way is somebody who has an anxious attachment style is
somebody who has been given hope, and then it's been
taken away, and they've been given hope and it's been
taken away. And they've been given hope and it's been
taken away. So they know that hope is there, but
they also know that it can leave it any time.
(09:51):
So what they tend to do is they become like
more clingers. They want to like kind of put their
like nails into things and hold on to them because
even when when they're with somebody or with something, they
also know that.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
It can leave. Oh, I know what you're talking about.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Now, Okay, have you heard me say this, Well, I
know what you mean by me holding on to maybe
staying in something longer than yes, I should. So then
that's just comfortable, okay, and we can dig into that.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
And then the avoidant is somebody who just doesn't have
They don't have the essence of hope, and they tend
to shut off a lot of their feelings. I think
of them as people who like get into like footy
pajamas and zip them all the way up to the
top to like guard themselves from everything. They have no hope,
they've totally lost hope, so they just put up walls.
And then if I don't feel then I won't have needs,
(10:38):
and then I won't really need relationships, and so they
get into relationships, but as soon as somebody needs them
or they start feeling like they need that person, they
start to back away.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
Oh okay, I don't know that I'm not I don't
I don't know that I see you that way, but.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Okay, well, anyway, this is just something fascinating to dig
into if you have never studied attachment styles, which clearly
I have not, but that episode made me want to
dig deeper and even get a book on it that
I might like, which I think actually the doctor she
had on wrote a book, so maybe I could look
at that one. And it's a recent episode, so you
(11:14):
can go find it. How I even thought to listen
to it's because I kind of go to Amy's and
I lay down on the table and she's like, okay,
it's normally do you want to listen to True crime?
Mel Robbins, Jay Shetty or Oprah Super Soul Conversation And
then we just kind of picked from there and then
I said, oh my goodness, right when I was probably
sitting in the parking lot.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
Before I've been in picking a map, looking at my phone.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Mel had posted a clip about like a teaser clip,
and I was like, oh God, teaser clips are probably
good to put up because look, it's now making me
go watch an episode. And you and I talk about
this all the time that we want to start filming
things and putting up teaser clips.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
You know we'll get there. We tried once.
Speaker 2 (11:55):
We tried once, but I do have a new place
I want to start recording, which I think will be
are for filming, which it doesn't really matter at the
end of the day. We could set up cameras here,
but I just need to get the right stuff. Am
I avoiding Maybe, but I don't think that's to your attachment.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
Okay, so I mean to here, ADHD.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
The things I want to dig catch up on were
don't underestimate a staycation. I listed out five things to
share because it's the four Things podcast, but this is
the fifth thing.
Speaker 1 (12:23):
Ooh love.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
The things I want to dig catch up on were
don't underestimate a staycation. I listed out five things to
share because it's the four Things podcast, but this is
the fifth thing, Ooh, don't underestimate a staycation? And then
positive energy Meditation. I'm going to link this in the
show notes. This is a Gabby Bernstein meditation that's on
YouTube and it's literally five minutes and it's called positive
(12:58):
Energy meditation, and she basically says all is well, all
as well, like over and over, and you're like by
the time you're done with it, you're like, all is well?
Speaker 1 (13:05):
Like does it feel kind of like chanty? No? Okay.
Speaker 2 (13:09):
I like her guided meditations a lot, but I have
seen dms and emails and messages of people wanting to
meditate because we talk about it here and I am
part of a membership, so I get her meditations in
my email. But this YouTube one is a free one
and it's five minutes, so it's not overwhelming, and a
(13:30):
lot of people are starting out. And I mean, the
longest I've do is mostly ten. The longest I have
done is thirty, but that was once.
Speaker 1 (13:38):
Are you bragging?
Speaker 2 (13:38):
Yes, because I was proud of myself and that was
one time. Third thing to catch up on as Trey
Kennedy was here and kat is sitting in the chair
where he's at.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
Yeah, and I am a little offended that you scheduled
that when I wasn't available.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
But I invited you you did, so I guess I
can't be mad at you. He's very funny.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
If you're looking for things that will make you smile
and laugh on Instagram, definitely follow Trey. But he's also
genuinely so nice. So he showed up here by himself,
ubered because he was in town for a show. He
was performing at the Ryman and the episode's going to
air this Thursday so people can listen. But he's so
cool nice. I had no idea. I thought he was older.
(14:20):
He's thirty.
Speaker 1 (14:21):
Oh, seems a little more mature, but not that future.
But if you watch his comedy, is that what you
get from I have your idea of mature. He's successful young.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Yeah, maybe that's what you meant. Maybe I don't know.
I just yeah, I thought he was Oh. I was
kind of surprised when he said thirty.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
I always wonder, like our comedians, like was he serious
or do you like make jokes a lot?
Speaker 2 (14:45):
So it wasn't like he was in a skip mode,
you know, because a lot of his things are scripted out.
But I will say I did four things gratitude with him,
and like off the cuff. It was pretty fast because
I said, okay, well what's the first thing, and He
was like, well, the first thing would be that bad
day you have downstairs. I'm thankful, and so I thought, oh,
that was clever because he just had gone to the
(15:07):
bathroom and saw that I have a non functioning unplugged
the day that's still on the toilet from two years
ago when I needed it for my dad.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
I always the.
Speaker 3 (15:15):
First time I went to your bathroom down there, I
was like, what is this? And how do I flush
the toilet? Right?
Speaker 1 (15:19):
I figured it out.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
I need to just remove it, But no, you don't
because then it brings that I'm avoiding.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
Bad.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
Fourth thing would be the summer I turned Pretty. Have
you heard of that show?
Speaker 3 (15:30):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (15:31):
Yeah, I've watched it. Has he watched it?
Speaker 2 (15:33):
No?
Speaker 1 (15:34):
This is me my things I want to share. I'm
moved out the trade. Okay, you didn't tell me that
we moved on. I did fourth thing? Oh, I was
thinking his fourth gratitude.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
I was like, why is Trey grateful that show?
Speaker 1 (15:45):
No? Okay, this summer I talked Pretty.
Speaker 2 (15:48):
It's on Amazon and Gracie told me about it and
I'm hooked.
Speaker 1 (15:52):
So have you watched this second season? No, I'm not
season one.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
I watched the first season that's funny that you're hooked
because it's I also was hooked. But it also was
one of the shows I was like, this is like
a bad show.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
It's not bad. It's teenage. I guess maybe that's what
it is.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
It's something I would watch as a kid on like
ABC Family, So that makes sense family.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
Did they smoke though you're a It would not be
on ABC Family.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
It would be on like MTV during the day, ABC
Riska Family.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was on a channel maybe, although
you know, you never know these days, it might be
on ABC Family.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
But Gracie said they're watching season two right now and
some of her other friends are going to have a
watch party for the finale, and she sent me like
the day. She's like, put this on your calendar. If
you end up watching it, you can come. So there's
obviously a lot of people that are very into this show.
And I had literally never heard of it. You had
never told me about it.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
I'm really sorry.
Speaker 3 (16:44):
It wasn't one of the shows I wanted to rave
about because I didn't think it was one of the
best shows I've ever seen.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Well, but if I had a watch party, I would
invite you.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
Have you ever done a watch party for anything like Bachelor, Bachelorette,
like back in the day.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
I never got into that.
Speaker 3 (16:59):
So no, I mean, I've been to super Bowl watch parties,
but I've never actually watched it.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Well, of course you watched parties.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
I meant like for a finale, You're I really am
a show, so you do it. The fifth thing would
be this book that I'm going to pull up if
you are a perfectionist, which I'm not, but my sister is,
and she was recommending this book to my other friend
that has perfectionist things because she was like, oh, I
just need a good book, and I said, oh, my
sister has one, so I thought I would share it
with others.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
But it's called The Perfectionist Guide to Losing Control. You
act like I can see that. What's your vision?
Speaker 3 (17:32):
I have contacts in but I think I'm legally blind
without them.
Speaker 1 (17:36):
Oh wow, but you had that really small before I know,
but now I'm twenty twenty. Oh wow, that's nice not
to brack.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
Wait, naturally, you've never had contacts or glasses. You've never
had lasik?
Speaker 1 (17:48):
What's it like?
Speaker 2 (17:49):
I do lace it commercials for man I Institute in Austin,
So that part is a little ironic. But I started
doing the commercials because my dad went to man I
a long time ago, and it was crazy. Whenever he
stepped out, he's like, oh my gosh, he saw like
leaves and colors of lead, like he was noticing trees
that he had never.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
Noticed before because of the LASAC, which is cool.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
So you've never had the experience of being a kid
in the swimming pool and having to take your glasses
off and not being able to see any.
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Of your friends. No, I'm sorry, is that what happened
to you.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
I got glasses when I was in second grade, and
I probably had really bad eyesight for years, but just
I thought everybody saw that way.
Speaker 1 (18:27):
I thought everything was always blurry.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
I wouldn't get contacts because I was afraid of people
touching my eye, and my mom would take me to
the eye doctor and I would like throw a fit,
and they finally the fourth time they took me and
they had to pin me down and shove.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
The contact in my eye.
Speaker 3 (18:40):
But you know why I let them do it because
my mom said, my dad said, you either have to
get the sports goggles to play soccer, you know, those
like big goggles you.
Speaker 1 (18:48):
Don't know that because you don't. I mean I've seen
they're like these big goggles.
Speaker 3 (18:52):
You have to wear it because you can't wear glasses
or you have to get contacts.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
And I was like, I'm not wearing those goggles. So
I did it. Oh my god, Yeah, you're so lucky.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Well, I'm sure my time is coming because I'm forty two.
I have to squint now sometimes if I'm looking at
a pill bottle.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
Oh so you're not time twenty.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
No, I am that pill bottle that is tiny, and
it's like, you know, well, I had emails to get to.
But we started talking about attachment styles. What is it?
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Attachment theory?
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Attachment attachment theory, and then there's attachment styles.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
Okay, so why is it called theory. Well, because it's
a theory. It's like a theoretical orientation. Seems pretty legit, right,
I agree, and I believe in the theory, therefore I
use it. Are there some that do not believe in
the theory. I'm sure there's people that don't believe in
all kinds of things. But think about therapy.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
Every therapist has different theoretical orientations. So a lot of
therapists operate out of attachment theory. Some operate out of
Adlerian theory, some operate out of person centered theory.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
Some people combine a bunch of them. Okay, gotcha, Okay.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
In my last therapy session, Janet, my therapist, asked me
if I had ever done my human Design. I don't
know what that is, so so what's crazy is a
few weeks before that, I'd never heard of my human Design,
but Cryocat told me about it, and my cousin, Amanda cousin,
There's this app called My Human Design and you enter
(20:14):
in the time you were born the day, and it
puts together all these things and it says that I'm
a generator. And that's what Janet was wanting to know,
because I was telling her some stories about something. She goes,
have you ever done my human Design? And do you
know what you came out as? See the little bodied
parts with all the numbers. I don't know what any
of that means, but I'm sure this is a theory
that some people do not believe in. But my energy
(20:37):
type is a generator and my authority type is emotional,
and I'm a six to two. My personality is a
six to two. Whatever if anybody's into this, you know
what I'm talking about. But you can download the app
and enter in all this stuff and see. But I
feel like it's a more information about yourself, sort of
like the Enneagram and and so yeah, some of.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Um don't believe in the enneagram.
Speaker 3 (20:59):
Something therapist just use the enneagram because the enneagram has
a lot of attachment stuff in it.
Speaker 1 (21:05):
Accidentally, I think, well.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
Had emails up is going to get too but now
I'll just do one to close out with because it's
from someone named Amy too well, and it's also at
the top of my document here. Hey, Amy and Kat,
hope you're both having the day you need to have.
I wanted to share that since learning about Don Miller
from you too, I have tried to implement the what
does this make possible? Mindset in my life. My workplace
(21:27):
is undergoing a lot of overwhelming changes right now, and
there are very real and strong emotions happening. I've been
inserting what does this make possible? As much as I can,
and it's led to some great conversations and ideas already.
Thanks your bestie, Amy. I pulled that because it's a
simple reminder for everyone of that super easy question that
(21:48):
you can ask yourself in those tough moments that doesn't
ignore the tough situation but helps you shift perspective.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
Isn't crazy that when did was that interview? That was
over a year ago? Right? Yeah, that's so crazy that
we still talk about that. I feel once a week
and you texted me that this week.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
I yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:07):
I said it to my sister last night because she
was talking about something whatnot, and I said, well, remember Don,
because Christy and I went to his house for Ali
Fallon's workshop with him, and we love him and we
love Ali. So I was like, what does this make possible?
And she's like, yeah, you're right. You're right because it's
such a simple question. I think we you, me and
(22:28):
my sister, we are all of that mindset anyways. But
I never had the simplicity of that question. I had
the okay, I want to figure out, okay, what came?
I don't even know that I would say it. It wasn't
even a what. I was just like, how can we find.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
The good in this? Somehow? Where's the silver lining? Yeah?
Speaker 3 (22:46):
And that feels so different than silver lining. Sometimes when
you say the silver lining, it can feel almost invalidating.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Yes, and this doesn't. Yeah, this is something that's like,
this is a sucky situation that is fact, and now
I'm going to ask myself what is possible from it?
And depending on your mindset what's possible from it? It
might you might end up making more crappiness, but the
goal would be to make some lemonade. You know what
(23:14):
I mean, when live hand you lemons make lemonade, which
that makes me think of a card I gave my
mom that had this girl on the front holding lemons
and it's like when live hand you lemons, and then
you open it up and she stuck the big lemons
under her shirt and made big old boobies.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Lemons. Stuff them on your bro right, make lemonade. And
I gave that car mom.
Speaker 2 (23:42):
I just got sidetracked thinking that it was about breast cancer,
but it wasn't. It was when my mom had cancer.
And I remember getting her that card because she told
me when she first died, No, she told me and
my sister that she wanted to laugh, and so I
thought that card would make her laugh. It's a good
card and then also makes me think of boobs and
then also how people often think she had breast cancer.
And she did not, All right, I hope y'all are
(24:04):
having the day that you need to have. And Kat,
where can people find you?
Speaker 3 (24:09):
On Instagram at cat dot Defada and at Uniue.
Speaker 2 (24:13):
Therapy podcast and I'm at Radio Amy and if you
go there. Today is the eleventh and Stashia got a
deal what with Lumino, which is a teeth whitening yeah
strip thing, and they reached out to me and I said, well,
I'm not going to use it right now. I don't
think that would be authentic. I said, However, my sixteen
(24:33):
year old daughter has been begging me to use whitening strips,
but I want to make sure it's safe. And I
was like, wow, I did some research. They're non toxic
and no hydrogen proxide bleach, which is crazy because I
used to gargle with hydrogen poxide way back in the day,
thinking that I was gonna be whitening my teeth.
Speaker 1 (24:48):
But apparently it's really bad. Don't do that.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
So I told her about it and she was like, oh,
can we ask them if I can do it? So
then I pitched it and they said, oh, that sounds
like a great idea, and so she has a link
and we've put videos up and she had her little
whitening strip in and it's an Amazon Prime Prime Day exclusive,
(25:10):
so the sale is only for two days, but you
get the lowest price they ever do through Stashira's link,
which is on my Instagram stories today.
Speaker 3 (25:19):
Will it have her tag? Her tagline, what was it?
You helped me? I help you?
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Oh, I help you? You help me? Smiley face.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
She added the smiley face because she's like, I don't
want this to come across as aggressive, so I feel
like the smiley face soft. And even she was typing
up what to put in the Instagram stories, which I
don't know if you're listening to this podcast first thing
on Tuesday morning, but I'll probably load them up. We
had to pre record them because you have to send it.
I'd never done anything like this before for Instagram because
I don't do ads like that, and it's not an ad.
(25:50):
She's like, she's a partner, Yeah, she's a partner. So
she had to send it off for approval, you know,
and then I never really heard best so hopefully.
Speaker 1 (26:00):
It's proved anyhusy.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
We pre recorded them and when she was typing it,
she said, this is gonna save money or something. She's like,
and I am all about saving money and she is.
She's all about saving money and getting other people to
spend money on her. She's about saving money in her
wallet in her room.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Well, if you got it for me, then I can
save some money, right.
Speaker 2 (26:24):
So anyway, just if y'all want to check it out,
if you're looking for a good teeth whitening strip at
a good price, and you just can order it through Amazon,
but it has to be through her link to get
that price. I think if you just google the thing,
it won't come up with that price unless there's other
people with links. But let's just pretend to share. Is
the only one with the link. So that's it at
(26:45):
Radio Amy. And speaking of Amazon, anything that I've ever
posted about, if you go to radioamy dot com, you
can see my Amazon favorites and links to Pimp and
Joy and four Things, Gratitude Journal, all that stuff Radioami
dot com. All right, ready, Cat, Oh, we forgot the
update about you and Patrick blinking?
Speaker 1 (27:05):
Should we say next week? Yeah? Save it? All right,
save it.
Speaker 2 (27:08):
Kat blinked at her fiance slowly, slowly, like you're supposed
to if you're a cat, and she was seeing how
he was going to respond, that'll be next.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
We're teasing it. We'll give you something to come back for, and.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
Then don't forget Thursday Trey Kennedy and then Kat do
you know your episodes this week?
Speaker 1 (27:23):
Do you know your couch talk for tomorrow?
Speaker 2 (27:26):
No, I don't surprise, so you don't have to stay
on that tip of your toes, tip your toes. Okay,
bye bye
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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