July 25, 2023 • 32 mins
Is Bob Goff as awesome as he seems? Is Amy going to write a Christmas movie? Did your question make it on this Q&A episode? Listen to find out!
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Defatta // @Kat.Defatta // @YouNeedTherapyPodcast // YouNeedTherapyPodcast.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I'm Amy and I'm Kat And today's quote is coming
from well Cat. Normally I read them. I don't even
know why you could read them more, but I guess
you found this one.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
I found, well, I found this one. It comes from
Bob Gough, which.
Speaker 4 (00:19):
Do you know him? Yeah, he's been on the podcast.
I was going to say, have you met him a
few times?
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (00:24):
Is he just the most pleasant person? Yes?
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Yes, he actually is.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
I don't know that I've ever met anybody nicer, kinder
like just is what he is?
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Consistent?
Speaker 3 (00:35):
You know, I think of him, I've ever met him,
But when I see his face in my head, I
just see like the sun.
Speaker 4 (00:41):
I don't know, he's just bright, he is joy Yes. Yeah,
So this quote is from.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
A long time ago he posted on his Instagram and
it says it's easy to confuse a lot of activity
with a purposeful life.
Speaker 4 (00:52):
Do what lasts, let the rest fall away.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
When you hear that or read that, what do you
think about for yourself?
Speaker 4 (00:59):
Well, when I am not busy, I feel worthless.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Sometimes I think of how you always have to have
something to look forward to too.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Our life is not good.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Yeah, why are we even living if we don't have
something to look forward to?
Speaker 4 (01:13):
People speaking of I made Patrick book flights.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
To New York the other day again again because I
want to go during Christmas time.
Speaker 4 (01:21):
So I finally got him to agree, and because I.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Was like, we don't have another trip until our wedding,
and what do I have to look forward to?
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Well, I must say, New York at Christmas time is amazing,
So I think that that's fun.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
And he's never been at Christmas time. Oh yeah, he
needs to go.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
You got to go see the tree and do all
the things, and it's just really.
Speaker 4 (01:43):
It's a vibe. But even without that trip, I can
still have a purposeful life.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
I have a Christmas movie in my head that I
want to write. Elizabeth and I want to write it
together and like pitch it to maybe the people that
did Holiday Harmony, the Christmas movie I was in. I
actually DMed the director a couple of weeks ago and
was like, have him.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
I don't know why I sent this to him, Oh
my gosh, this did he reply?
Speaker 2 (02:06):
He did reply, but I'm pretty sure I literally told
him that I have a Christmas movie to pitch to him.
I said, I'm working on a script. I have an
idea for a movie. I'll send it over and he
was like, can't wait, You're gonna write the script. Well,
Elizabeth and I are thinking about it. I don't know how,
but New York Christmas time makes me think of that
(02:27):
because I think that's where it would take place, because
I also love New York in the Christmas time. But
obviously we need to go to a small town too somewhere,
but I'm thinking Pagosa Springs, Colorado, where my sister has
a coffee shop.
Speaker 4 (02:41):
Okay, and then, well, don't give too much away, somebody
else might write this. Okay.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Well, there's this girl.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
She works in radio, Big City Radio in New York
on air morning show, The Bobby Jones Show. Just kidding,
but the people always call Bobby Bobby Jones on accident. No,
they think that bones clearly is a typo, or they
misread it, or you know how, sometimes your brain sees like, yeah,
(03:08):
they're reading quickly, and they're like, oh, that must be
Bobby Jones. But then they're like, oh, that's Bones. But yeah,
there's been times where it's been a big important things
and they're announcing him and they're like Bobby Jones, and
he's like again, oh no, yeah. So anyway, obviously, I
am basically writing a script that I can start in,
(03:30):
which is nice, and I'm this radio person, and then
I don't know, I go to maybe our listeners here,
they can write it with us email in any other ideas.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
That's a concept.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Write a movie script with your podcast listeners, and everybody
submits ideas and we piece it all together. And then
somehow I go to Pagosa Springs and I get stuck there.
I'm visiting my sister, but she has the coffee shop
and I meet somebody like a ski instructor.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
Maybe that's good news is about a movie like that?
Speaker 3 (04:01):
Is you really just change the characters of all the
other movies, right?
Speaker 2 (04:06):
But I do have expectations through work that I need
to get done.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
So I go to the little local, small town radio station.
Oh maybe maybe he works there.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
He works at the local radio station, and he kind
of is like, ugh, big New York City girl, and
I'm kind of like, ugh, lame, you know, small town.
I don't know, but I'm not saying that character's personality
is mine, but she kind of has to have a
little bit of attitude and then so does he because
they can't really like each other at the beginning.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
It's the formula.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
I have an idea.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
What, Well, you can throw this away, but it also
would be kind of cool if you combine that kind
of idea with like a parent trap kind of idea
where you go to this the small town to do
some I don't know what you're doing. Then you have
to do some work, so you go to a coffee shop.
It just so happens to be your long lost sister's
coffee shop, and you somehow connect the dots and then
you find your sister.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
Well, it could.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
Workshop it, but I think that adds a little spin
to the normal formula. Don't you think, Well that could
work love and family. But I would like some writing
credit if you use my idea.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Okay, sounds good. I kind of like that. I'll sit
on it. You come to a writing session.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
I would love to.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Okay, we are going to do a rapid but not
totally so rapid fire Q and a session for this episode.
Questions you sent in on Instagram. I put it up
at Radio Amy and here we go. We pulled some
of them.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Some of them. I made the mistake of saying, remember
Cat's a therapist.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Lol, And I shouldn't have said that because I was
thinking it'd be more questions like what's your favorite lotion?
Speaker 3 (05:43):
And why would somebody have you said, can you remember
Cat's a therapist?
Speaker 4 (05:48):
I thought, I don't know a therapist's favorite lotion. I
thought both that.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
I thought if.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
They're somebody might have a more serious question. The only
thing is ninety five percent of them were all way.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
Too serious to address in.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
A rapid fire Q and A not knowing the whole scenario,
and you just can't hand out advice like that. And
I felt for some of these people in their situations
that they're in, and I wish we could address some
of it, but it's just not fair without knowing the
full picture, and you could it could be more harm
than good.
Speaker 4 (06:18):
Yeah, so but we got some good ones.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
Yeah, you want to rattle off some, and we'll start
with a therapy one. They're not all this way, I swear,
but this was the most common one. Like, there was
repeats from different people all asking how do you pick
a therapist?
Speaker 3 (06:33):
This is actually the most common question I get on
Couch Talks, which is an episode I do on You
need therapy where people writing questions. So the good news
is I've made this a post and it's on at
You need the therapy podcast Instagram because it is hard,
but it's also simple in the say at the same time.
So the first thing I would say is figure out
what it is that you want to work on. Because
(06:54):
different therapists specialize in different things. So that's the first
thing is figure out what is it that I want
to go work on. So I ask somebody for recommendation,
I can say I want to do this. The second
thing is ask people that you know, whether it's anybody
or if you know somebody goes to therapy, ask them
if their therapists has recommendations, because word of mouth, I
think is the best recommendation. When you have actual experience
(07:16):
with somebody and somebody can say I love my therapist,
I trust her, let me ask her to see if
she has anybody.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Like I found my therapist through Kat, Yeah, you referred
to her to me and she's great, And through her
I found another therapist I use for something else, Linda
mm hmm. And then also through them, Ben and I
found the co parenting therapists that we used. Asking around
can definitely lead to.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
Therapists know a lot of therapists. Yes, so that's really helpful.
I would also then if you get a list of people,
google them, look at their websites, see if they like everybody.
Most people that have a therapists, we'll have a website.
See if you resonate with with what they're saying. And
then this is the hardest thing to a bye bye,
but try them out and know that if you don't
(08:05):
like that therapist, you can try a different one.
Speaker 4 (08:08):
And that's okay. It doesn't mean you have to quit therapy.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
It doesn't mean the last time I just got a
new therapist and I went to a therapist she wasn't
my vibe, and then I went to another one. It's
not one size fits all, So just go with the
open mind and knowing that you can try a couple
of people.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Next question, where are the chairs from that you're sitting on?
And that's from the picture that Kat and I used
for the Q and A post And they're these orange
velvet swivel chairs from CB two and I love them.
They're so amazing. Which has this been announced? I don't
even know, So whatever, I'm gonna be on my sister's
(08:43):
TV show Building Roots.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
I thought you've already said, Okay, maybe I have. I
can't remember.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
I get sometimes I'm like, what if we said, what
can't we say? Because there's certain things I can't say,
and so then I'm just like, I better not say anything.
But that's the room they did, and I haven't shown
any of the actual room, but it is so cute.
It'll be on the reveal, which will air later this
fall for season two on HGTV. But I told her
the only thing I have to keep in this room
(09:11):
are these orange swivel chairs and then the desk that
I inherited from my dad, which he inherited from like
his family. It's just really old desk from eighteen hundreds
or something. And so the desk and the burnt orange
velvet swivel chairs, which I didn't give her an easy
thing to work with. It's like build a room around
(09:31):
or chairs.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
But she did it. She did it.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
So that's where they are from.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
And my new dining room set that I got on
Facebook Marketplace is also from CB two, but again I
found it on Facebook Marketplace. And that's what if you
are shopping on a place like that, you can literally
just type in CB two and you can find a
lot of things that people are selling from that website
that are either new ish or in good condition because
(09:57):
they have some of the cutest things, or they'll be
selling I think that has a CB two vibe. I
feel like they use that. They'll say looks like CB
two but not so. If you search CB two you'll
find it. Next question is what has been the biggest
adjustment going from married to divorced? What has been the
(10:25):
biggest adjustment going from married to divorced?
Speaker 1 (10:29):
And say, washroom dryer. Just kidding.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
I actually picked out a new washroom dryer at home Depot,
so I'm good on that, But for weeks I didn't
have one because I wanted to get a top loader.
And Ben knew that, so he said, hey, instead of
me getting a new washer and dryer for my new house, like,
I'll take the old ones because I know how badly
you want to get rid of the front loader because
it smells. Frontloaders are just very difficult to clean, and
(10:57):
there's that filter you have to do all the time,
and then there's the odor and you know what I'm
talking about.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
Well, okay, I'm glad you're saying this because I have
a front loader. I don't have an option to have
another one because they're just in a closet and that's
where they fit. But I've been noticing that they're new,
they're not even a year old, and it smells and
I don't know why because it's supposed to be a
watcher and supposed to be clean.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Well, it's not so inside the little rubber things inside
the door. If you get a rag, you rub in
there and clean it out, and you're gonna there's gonna
be all this gunk and you're gonna be disgusted with yourself.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
And then they have these All Fresh, I think is
the brand All Fresh.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
I can send you a link tabs that you can
do cycles with to clean your front loader. But then
also at the bottom of it, there's that little I
did a Instagram reel I remember you talking about this,
And then you can google on YouTube how to change
your front loader filter because you have to do that
like every six weeks, or not change it, but clean
it out, drain it.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
Okay. Then I'm far behind all right, okay.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Because that's what's causing the odor.
Speaker 4 (11:55):
Okay, But also, can you answer this question seriously.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
Well, that's hard because I was having to go over
to Ben's house to do my laundry, which is fine
because we are amicable. I would say the hardest part
is honestly learning things that I didn't ever have to
worry about, Like we have garage doors and power went
out a couple of weeks ago. When we got home,
(12:18):
I was with the kids. We were running errands when
the storm came in. It was crazy, and then we're
so excited to get home. We're drenched because we had
to run in the rain. And then I pull up
to the house and I can't open the garage because
I'm trying to use my garage opener. I was like,
oh my gosh, our power went out. We have no power.
How are we.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Going to get inside?
Speaker 4 (12:36):
You don't have like a key to your door, do
you no? Because you go through that, Oh.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
My gosh, this is making me want to get a
key though.
Speaker 4 (12:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
And then from the storm my gas We have gas
lanterns out front of my house that with the little
fire flames as like a light, and one of them
blew out and if they blow out and they're still on,
gas is just leaking out and it smells really bad. Well,
dang it, I don't know how to freaking light it
because Ben always would light it, and so my sister
(13:05):
had to teach me, which was great. That's probably the thing,
is learning how to do more things. And when I
did when Claire was on four Things with me and
my friend Claire were talking about my gardening that I
was doing, and you know, I went and I loaded
up the pine straw barrels and then I unloaded them myself,
and it was very fulfilling, Like I liked that feeling,
So that was more empowering. I wouldn't say that's one thing,
(13:25):
but caring was kind of heavy and you're just used
to having help. And maybe I'm okay with doing certain
things because Ben also was deployed a lot. But I
guess I just got lucky and not many things went
wrong for me when he was deployed, but I am
able to figure things out. But that's just been the
most recent things where I've been.
Speaker 4 (13:45):
Like, dang it.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
Ben always did that. Dang it. Ben always did that.
Dang it.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
And I still don't have living room furniture, so that
sucks too, But we'll cross that bridge when we get there.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
I don't know. Is that A more serious answer for
you is that satisfy? Is that satisfy you?
Speaker 4 (14:00):
I will accept that answer.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
But honestly, even if you are in a marriage, it's
good for you to learn this stuff because even logging
into accounts. We talked about this with the lives like
Ben and I's relationship ending forced me to realize, like
I need to take agency over my life. I need
to learn how to log into accounts. Ben handled all
of that, and now I know how to do all that,
(14:23):
and it does feel good. Back to the whole empowering thing.
Even if Ben and I were still married, this is
stuff I should be learning to do anyways, so that
I can take care of me and my kids and
not cause the explosion gas leaking everywhere. Okay, next question
would be favorite part of your job and least favorite part.
My favorite part of my job is just that I
(14:44):
get paid to talk. That's I used to get in
trouble for talking in school, and now I get to
talk on the podcast here with friends, but then also
my main job on the Bobby Bone Show. And then
that meeting listeners kind of where they are that day,
maybe if they needed a laugh, and we help them laugh.
They needed to cry and we help them cry, or
they just wanted to play a fun game, or they
wanted to forget about the news because that's depressing, and
(15:06):
they turn on our show and just beating them where
they are in their car. It used to be in
their cars for a lot of people listen on podcasts
now too, even the Bobby Bone Show. But the least
favorite part would be the hours, just waking up early.
But then also we get done early, so there's it's
given to all terrible.
Speaker 4 (15:21):
What about you. I have a lot of.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
Favorite parts of my job, but I would say my
favorite part of my job is almost kind of like
the same is. My job is creating relationships with people,
and what more can I ask for? And that and
I get to be a person that a lot of people,
which I feel like a lot of people are like, Oh,
you shouldn't get anything out of it, you should do
it selfishly.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
No.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
I get something out of my job, and that's why
maybe I'm good at doing it because I have motivated
to keep doing it. But I really enjoy that I
get to be one of the most trusted people in
people's lives.
Speaker 4 (15:50):
I think that's really cool.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
And my least favorite part of my job is any
kind of paperwork or any kind of networking.
Speaker 4 (15:58):
I hate networking. Gotta do it in that paperwork to
do it. We gotta do it.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
You gotta do it.
Speaker 4 (16:03):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Next question would be can you have a successful marriage
with a narcissist? That was the easiest one to put
in here because there was a lot of questions. Yeah,
more than I felt like, wow, this is interesting, but
this is.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
One of those that's hard to answer.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
So people are really out here wanting to be in
relationships with narcissists.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Or not wanting to be and trying to figure out
what the heck to do.
Speaker 4 (16:26):
But so one I would say, I have a couple.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
I have two episodes on narcissism on UNI therapy podcasts
that could be more helpful than what I'm about to say,
and it goes into a lot more detail, But census
is rapid fire.
Speaker 4 (16:39):
I'm just going to go.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
With a relationship with one person who is a narcissist
or has a lot of traits of narcissism can be
successful if both people in the relationship are unhealthy. When
one person decides they want to work on themselves or
becomes healthy, you're going to constantly find chaos.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
I feel like that and applies if it's not a narcissist,
and there's if one person is really working on themselves
and the other is not, there's just going to be.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
It works if you're both unhealthy when one person. Think
about codependency, if we're both codependent, it's great. When one
person starts to work with their codependency, there's going to
be so much chaos in the relationship.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
I had some codependent behavior that even if Ben was
codependent too, which there were times where we both had it,
but some of my behavior.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Was a little far out there to where it was
not going to work.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
It was interesting the things that I would do, but
I didn't realize that we're you know, bad not.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
Bad on your codependency.
Speaker 3 (17:39):
Also was probably tied to some of Ben's stuff too.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
Yeah, yeah, it was.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
I was so apt because you're right, Okay, So I
was reacting to that. Looking back on some of it,
I was like, well, this is an all time low
in my life. I can't believe that I just did that,
but I had to do it because I'm codependent. But
I mean realized that that was codependent behavior. Yeah, and
I feel like I'm not giving details because they're, you know,
(18:06):
not my details to give. But some of my behavior
was bonkers. It's kind of funny to laugh about now. Okay,
so do you have a microwave? Now that is for me,
and yes I do. For years, I would not have
a microwave because I was convinced it was giving me cancer.
Speaker 4 (18:23):
Okay, but I can understand that.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
So you don't do yeah, I mean I still don't
stand close to it.
Speaker 4 (18:29):
But but you use a cell phone. I have it.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Yeah, it's like, well pick your battles.
Speaker 4 (18:34):
Yeah, yeah, I was.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
It's true.
Speaker 4 (18:35):
It's true.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
But you don't like microwave plastic and stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
No, but I used to heat everything up on the stovetop,
including coffee. Would if my coffee got cold, I would
have to put it in a pot and let it
boil and then I pour it back into my coffee mug.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
But now I just pop it in the microwave.
Speaker 4 (18:51):
It's great.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
I'm like, look at this invention, Like life is so
much better. I had no idea this kid.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
So I grew up with a microwave and I used it,
but there was I don't know, probably about a decade
where I was anti microwave?
Speaker 4 (19:05):
Was this and what were Ben's thought of.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Twenty five to thirty five.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
I can't remember exactly what it made twenty six to
thirty six.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
Like did Ben want the microwave? Yeah, but you didn't
want that battle.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
We didn't have a microwave. Got it eventually we did
when I got kids, we got.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
A microwave, and Bem was like Hellelujah. One of his
friends actually they came to visit and they realized we
didn't have a microwave, and they ordered one on Amazon
or whatever and have it delivered. I was like, oh,
we have a microwave now. Because they were like, this
is crazy town. I was like a little tiny, cheapo one,
but still I thought it was pretty funny.
Speaker 4 (19:38):
I'm glad you have one.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
I do have a microwave. Now. How are your wedding
plans going? That's obviously for you. How are your wedding
plans going? That's obviously for you.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
The thing is it's basically done, Like there's the details
that we still have to figure out, but all of
our vendors are picked and now it's just down to
which I'm not good at. And we did this the
last time I was over, here is the layout of
everything and what furniture we're gonna rent, and that overwhelms
me so much.
Speaker 4 (20:18):
So that's not going great. But we have great help
and you helped me.
Speaker 3 (20:21):
But I will say I think I'm changing what we decided.
Speaker 4 (20:24):
I wasn't good that it. It wasn't the layout.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
We're gonna do that same thing we decided, but we're
gonna push it back somewhere.
Speaker 4 (20:31):
Else in the room. Okay, good.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
Kat is gonna have a sitting what is it called
a lounge, She's gonna have a lounge area at her reception,
and she was showing it to me, and I was like,
I don't know that I've ever noticed a lounge area
a wedding or lounge she have lounged or have or
maybe I've never been to a wedding the tattle lounge area,
but it was just so interesting to me.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
I think it's gonna be cute, but I was just.
Speaker 4 (20:55):
Like, it's really expensive, and so I was trying to
cut the costs.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Yes, like let's just get rid of it.
Speaker 3 (20:59):
But the reason we're doing it is because we are
having a cocktail style reception, which isn't doesn't mean we're
having cocktail like food. We're gonna have a meal, but
not everybody can sit at the same time because we
have too many people to fit in our venue. Because
Patrick has a lot of family members and we want
to invite all of them.
Speaker 4 (21:17):
That's good, Yeah, was.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
It difficult like figuring out who?
Speaker 3 (21:20):
Oh we have an A list and we have a
B list. Oh, you're on the A list right now,
so well.
Speaker 4 (21:26):
Hopefully you'll stay there, all right?
Speaker 2 (21:28):
Brides me okay, so okay, how to make friends in
a new city. And I'll say what worked for me
was workout classes like hobbies. It was it yogas as
a gym, and then just being sort of bold. There
was a time at a body pump class at gold
stym when I first moved to North Carolina, because Ben
(21:51):
was going to where he was at a Fort Brag
and we didn't know anybody. We moved to Southern Pines
because Fort Brag's in Fayetteville, but a lot of the
officers could live further away, and so a lot of
his friends lived in Southern Pines and so we went
to visit there.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
So cute, so quaint, loved it.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
Okay, we're living here, but he had like a thirty
minute drive to work every day, and then he was
also gone a lot, and I had no friends and Kate.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
I went up to her after Body Pump and.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
I was like, turns out her husband was in the Army,
bim was Air Force, but they had worked in similar groups,
so they knew the same circle. They became friends, We
became friends, everyone's friends all because I went up to
her at Body Pump.
Speaker 3 (22:31):
What did you say, though, do you want to be friends?
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Probably something like, hey, do you come here often?
Speaker 4 (22:39):
You didn't say that. I don't sure what I said.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
So did it hurt when you fell from heaven? I
don't know.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
I didn't like he was pickup lines, but I definitely
just started making conversation and then got her number, and
then we ended up going to the same yoga place,
and yeah, we had friends.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
And then I got to know my neighbors.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
And then I got to my friends Sunday who owned
a boutique, and that just was because her boutique was
below my yoga studio, so before and next to a
coffee shop, So sometimes before yoga, I'd go get a
coffee and then I go wander around her shop. And
then I'd go up to yoga and then finally she's like,
I see you in here wandering a lot, and I'm like,
I like your store.
Speaker 4 (23:18):
I've just been waiting for you to talk to me.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
I want to be friends.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
So just wandering shops workouts? If you go to church, like,
how can you get involved and plugged in there? I
don't know what else? What would you say?
Speaker 3 (23:32):
I would say that that's the same vibe that I
feel works best for most people is being bold and
making eye contact and approaching people starting a conversation.
Speaker 4 (23:43):
You never know where it can lead.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
And you might start a conversation and just say like, hey,
how is your day to dead? Nothing happens, and then
you keep seeing them at that spot and then eventually
it blooms into something. But I found so many of
my friends in workout classes just because I see the
same person over and over.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
So there you go, Yeah, hopefully you like to work out,
But what are if you don't like, what are your I.
Speaker 4 (24:05):
Mean you said coffee shops?
Speaker 3 (24:06):
If you go to the same coffee shop, you if
you see the same person there every single day, like
you can start saying hi. A lot of people meet
friends at work the way my job works. I've made
some friends, but I work with the same people every
single day, and those can't be the only community I have.
Speaker 4 (24:19):
And so any kind of hobby that you.
Speaker 3 (24:21):
Have, any place that you frequent a lot, keep your
eyes open and make eye contact with people. You can
become friends with the cashier at Trader Joe's. You know,
you just start talking.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
That's how my dad was. He talked to everybody. Everybody.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Was he the meat guy, that the meat poun at
the grocery store, the seafood counter, he knew them all
to check out counter. He always talked to everybody. I'm
always very impressed by that. It's not like he was
friends with them or hanging out, but actually when he
passed away, like some of them actually commented on my
Instagram post when I posted that he was no longer
with us, and they're like, oh, my gosh, I know
your dad from HB but that he used to always
(24:56):
talk to me.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
Your dad grew up in the world where he didn't
have a phone all the time, and then when he
did have a phone, he couldn't be on it looking
at stuff all the time. And now I feel like
every time we go somewhere, and I'm guilty of this.
I'll be checking out somewhere and instead of talking to
the person, I'll be looking at answering text or looking
on Instagram. And so we're not in spaces where we
actually create relationship.
Speaker 4 (25:17):
That way anymore. Or we are in the spaces, but
we're not doing it.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
So just being intentional about that.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
So your phone away, put your phone away, Just be
more observant situational awareness, well, Ben you so I say
that from when he was in the military, like knowing
your surroundings always, but you could just be have situational.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
Awareness for making friends, so like always be on the
lookout for ways you can strike.
Speaker 4 (25:44):
Or you can go up to somebody.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
Okay, best hair products for humidity, which I have very
curly hair. Humidity and my hair do not mix. My
hair does that mix with some people.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Some people are not affected by humidity.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
Mine is very Yeah, So sometimes I have extensions, sometimes not,
but more times than not, I have extensions in which
don't always curl up as much as my natural hair.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
And so sometimes we'll go.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
To Radner and if it's really humid, my natural hair
will just like frizz up and then I just have
these like longer type strings of hair. I've never noticed that, well,
yeah happens.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
There's time.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
I haven't noticed that it's happening either until I get my
car and I look in the mirror and I'm like,
oh my gosh, I can't believe we're just walking like that.
But oh well, yeah, I am going to try out
this product. I'm recommending this without using it, but I
saw someone else say that it's awesome, and so this
question actually reminded me that I want to order it.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
So purchase at your own risk.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
But it's that Living Proof brand, the one you see
like Jennifer Anison.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
They have like the dry shampoo and stuff. Yeah, I've
used the dry shir it smells so good.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
So there's a bottle it's called Frizz, but it's got
a line through it clever right. Yes, it's like no
frizz and it's an instant de frizzer. It says it
softens and shines anytime get smooth between shampoos, and.
Speaker 4 (27:07):
I believe it. So Living Proof.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
It does have good reviews and over fourteen thousand likes
at sephor dot com.
Speaker 4 (27:15):
So will you give us a review of it? After
you get it.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
Yeah, I'm sure they have this on Amazon too, but
I just pulled it up at Sephora dot com. Which
speaking of Amazon, one of the questions was favorite four things.
So I think they were just asking, like, what are
we liking? And I'm springing this on you so I
can do three and you can do one. Yours doesn't
have to be from Amazon, but mine are going to be.
It's just an easy way for me to say my
(27:39):
favorite things. So I'm doing this actually right now. If
you go to Radioamy dot com and then you scroll down,
it says my favorite things Amazon. You click on that
and then it'll show my favorite things. So I'm going
to share some things that I love from here. Speaking
of hair care, maybe they have something for Friz but
Monday is a shampoo so I found it at Target,
(28:00):
but Amazon has it. See these pink bottles Monday hair Care.
Speaker 4 (28:04):
I thought you were going to say, Monday's your face
one of your favorite things.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
I do like Monday's though, I like say, okay, yes,
the shampoo and conditioner I'm really loving and they're a
good price and I have found that they've been really
good on my hair too, so that is one of
my favorite things right now, and then I'm going to
talk about my planters, which I have mentioned because those
are from Amazon. There's three different sized planters that you
(28:31):
can get, and they're under home and Kitchen. Actually I
haven't even added them, so i'll ad them right now.
And they're awesome. They look like concrete. They are a
weathered concrete finish and they have some concrete in them.
But they're also fiberglass, so they're not heavy, but they
look heavy.
Speaker 4 (28:48):
I did not know those are from Amazon.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
Amazon. Those look so nice. Thanks, You're welcome. You're probably
thinking the plants look nice, look great. I potted those
and they're still aliveing them. I take care of them also.
I take care also under Home and Kitchen section is
you know the miss Myers spray.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
To clean countertops.
Speaker 4 (29:09):
I use that.
Speaker 3 (29:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
I love cleaning countertops. Do you know this about me?
Love cleaning a countertop always.
Speaker 4 (29:16):
When it's dirty, when it's clean.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Little dirty, lot of dirty whatever.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
I just like a clean countertop. But not just any
missus Meyers spray. It's the honeysuckle and that one is
hard to find at the store. You can't find just
honeysuckle anywhere. Sometimes you might get lucky and find it
at Target whatever. But Amazon does have a pack of
three honeysuckle and it's amazing.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
It's the best smell ever ever. It brings me joy.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
Those are my three things, Okay, three favorite things right
now from Amazon. Well, but again it doesn't have to
be Amazon.
Speaker 3 (29:53):
Well, I was going to try to go through Amazon,
but I actually just went to go because maybe it
will spark my brain. I just went to my Amazon.
I don't order or as much from Amazon as I
assumed that I did. Maybe I just return everything that
I order, So I'm going to go with something. I
don't know if I've ever talked about this on here,
but one of my favorite things is my Newly Box.
Speaker 4 (30:13):
Have I told you about this?
Speaker 3 (30:14):
Yes, it's a clothing subscription for renting clothes, but they're
owned by Anthropology, which is one of my favorite stores.
So I can rent a lot of these clothes that
I would normally either want to buy or buy and
wear like once or twice, and I get to rent
them and give them back when I don't want them anymore,
and they get a new box of clothes.
Speaker 4 (30:35):
Smart. I like that.
Speaker 1 (30:37):
I almost signed up for that. Maybe I will.
Speaker 3 (30:40):
I really gets better in the wintertime because it's easier
to Sometimes in the summer I get things I'm like,
oh that doesn't fit because you just don't know. But
in the winter when you're renting, like sweaters and things
that are generally like looser anything kind of works. So
maybe start it when fall starts around. It is so
nice to have all these different sweaters in your closet.
I think snoo sweaters every month.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
Boom.
Speaker 4 (31:02):
I like it. Okay.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
I added the concrete planters to my Amazon see.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
Oh, maybe I'll go there and buy them. I don't
know where i'd put them in my house, but they're nice.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
Yeah, So it's under the home and home in kitchen
is what I have that one labeled I really need
to share to organize my Maybe I'll give that to
her as a job to really just organize and tidy
things up on here. Okay, So hope y'all are having
the day that you need to have. Thanks for sending
in questions.
Speaker 4 (31:28):
Kat.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
Where can people find you.
Speaker 3 (31:29):
At cat dot Defada on Instagram and at UNI Therapy podcast.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
I'm at Radio Amy and then obviously I just told
you about Radio Ama dot com. And we'll see you
next Tuesday for the fifth thing, but before that, it'll
be Thursday, and I'll be here with you for four things,
and then there's Outweigh on Saturday, and then Kat's podcast
You Need Therapy is every Monday and every Wednesday.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
Right, bye bye,
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing.
Speaker 2 (00:06):
I'm Amy and I'm Kat And today's quote is coming
from well Cat. Normally I read them. I don't even
know why you could read them more, but I guess
you found this one.
Speaker 3 (00:16):
I found, well, I found this one. It comes from
Bob Gough, which.
Speaker 4 (00:19):
Do you know him? Yeah, he's been on the podcast.
I was going to say, have you met him a
few times?
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Yeah?
Speaker 4 (00:24):
Is he just the most pleasant person? Yes?
Speaker 1 (00:26):
Yes, he actually is.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
I don't know that I've ever met anybody nicer, kinder
like just is what he is?
Speaker 1 (00:34):
Consistent?
Speaker 3 (00:35):
You know, I think of him, I've ever met him,
But when I see his face in my head, I
just see like the sun.
Speaker 4 (00:41):
I don't know, he's just bright, he is joy Yes. Yeah,
So this quote is from.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
A long time ago he posted on his Instagram and
it says it's easy to confuse a lot of activity
with a purposeful life.
Speaker 4 (00:52):
Do what lasts, let the rest fall away.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
When you hear that or read that, what do you
think about for yourself?
Speaker 4 (00:59):
Well, when I am not busy, I feel worthless.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Sometimes I think of how you always have to have
something to look forward to too.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
Our life is not good.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
Yeah, why are we even living if we don't have
something to look forward to?
Speaker 4 (01:13):
People speaking of I made Patrick book flights.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
To New York the other day again again because I
want to go during Christmas time.
Speaker 4 (01:21):
So I finally got him to agree, and because I.
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Was like, we don't have another trip until our wedding,
and what do I have to look forward to?
Speaker 2 (01:32):
Well, I must say, New York at Christmas time is amazing,
So I think that that's fun.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
And he's never been at Christmas time. Oh yeah, he
needs to go.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
You got to go see the tree and do all
the things, and it's just really.
Speaker 4 (01:43):
It's a vibe. But even without that trip, I can
still have a purposeful life.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
I have a Christmas movie in my head that I
want to write. Elizabeth and I want to write it
together and like pitch it to maybe the people that
did Holiday Harmony, the Christmas movie I was in. I
actually DMed the director a couple of weeks ago and
was like, have him.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
I don't know why I sent this to him, Oh
my gosh, this did he reply?
Speaker 2 (02:06):
He did reply, but I'm pretty sure I literally told
him that I have a Christmas movie to pitch to him.
I said, I'm working on a script. I have an
idea for a movie. I'll send it over and he
was like, can't wait, You're gonna write the script. Well,
Elizabeth and I are thinking about it. I don't know how,
but New York Christmas time makes me think of that
(02:27):
because I think that's where it would take place, because
I also love New York in the Christmas time. But
obviously we need to go to a small town too somewhere,
but I'm thinking Pagosa Springs, Colorado, where my sister has
a coffee shop.
Speaker 4 (02:41):
Okay, and then, well, don't give too much away, somebody
else might write this. Okay.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Well, there's this girl.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
She works in radio, Big City Radio in New York
on air morning show, The Bobby Jones Show. Just kidding,
but the people always call Bobby Bobby Jones on accident. No,
they think that bones clearly is a typo, or they
misread it, or you know how, sometimes your brain sees like, yeah,
(03:08):
they're reading quickly, and they're like, oh, that must be
Bobby Jones. But then they're like, oh, that's Bones. But yeah,
there's been times where it's been a big important things
and they're announcing him and they're like Bobby Jones, and
he's like again, oh no, yeah. So anyway, obviously, I
am basically writing a script that I can start in,
(03:30):
which is nice, and I'm this radio person, and then
I don't know, I go to maybe our listeners here,
they can write it with us email in any other ideas.
Speaker 1 (03:39):
That's a concept.
Speaker 2 (03:41):
Write a movie script with your podcast listeners, and everybody
submits ideas and we piece it all together. And then
somehow I go to Pagosa Springs and I get stuck there.
I'm visiting my sister, but she has the coffee shop
and I meet somebody like a ski instructor.
Speaker 4 (03:58):
Maybe that's good news is about a movie like that?
Speaker 3 (04:01):
Is you really just change the characters of all the
other movies, right?
Speaker 2 (04:06):
But I do have expectations through work that I need
to get done.
Speaker 1 (04:10):
So I go to the little local, small town radio station.
Oh maybe maybe he works there.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
He works at the local radio station, and he kind
of is like, ugh, big New York City girl, and
I'm kind of like, ugh, lame, you know, small town.
I don't know, but I'm not saying that character's personality
is mine, but she kind of has to have a
little bit of attitude and then so does he because
they can't really like each other at the beginning.
Speaker 1 (04:34):
It's the formula.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
I have an idea.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
What, Well, you can throw this away, but it also
would be kind of cool if you combine that kind
of idea with like a parent trap kind of idea
where you go to this the small town to do
some I don't know what you're doing. Then you have
to do some work, so you go to a coffee shop.
It just so happens to be your long lost sister's
coffee shop, and you somehow connect the dots and then
you find your sister.
Speaker 4 (04:58):
Well, it could.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
Workshop it, but I think that adds a little spin
to the normal formula. Don't you think, Well that could
work love and family. But I would like some writing
credit if you use my idea.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
Okay, sounds good. I kind of like that. I'll sit
on it. You come to a writing session.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
I would love to.
Speaker 2 (05:16):
Okay, we are going to do a rapid but not
totally so rapid fire Q and a session for this episode.
Questions you sent in on Instagram. I put it up
at Radio Amy and here we go. We pulled some
of them.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
Some of them. I made the mistake of saying, remember
Cat's a therapist.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Lol, And I shouldn't have said that because I was
thinking it'd be more questions like what's your favorite lotion?
Speaker 3 (05:43):
And why would somebody have you said, can you remember
Cat's a therapist?
Speaker 4 (05:48):
I thought, I don't know a therapist's favorite lotion. I
thought both that.
Speaker 1 (05:51):
I thought if.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
They're somebody might have a more serious question. The only
thing is ninety five percent of them were all way.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
Too serious to address in.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
A rapid fire Q and A not knowing the whole scenario,
and you just can't hand out advice like that. And
I felt for some of these people in their situations
that they're in, and I wish we could address some
of it, but it's just not fair without knowing the
full picture, and you could it could be more harm
than good.
Speaker 4 (06:18):
Yeah, so but we got some good ones.
Speaker 2 (06:20):
Yeah, you want to rattle off some, and we'll start
with a therapy one. They're not all this way, I swear,
but this was the most common one. Like, there was
repeats from different people all asking how do you pick
a therapist?
Speaker 3 (06:33):
This is actually the most common question I get on
Couch Talks, which is an episode I do on You
need therapy where people writing questions. So the good news
is I've made this a post and it's on at
You need the therapy podcast Instagram because it is hard,
but it's also simple in the say at the same time.
So the first thing I would say is figure out
what it is that you want to work on. Because
(06:54):
different therapists specialize in different things. So that's the first
thing is figure out what is it that I want
to go work on. So I ask somebody for recommendation,
I can say I want to do this. The second
thing is ask people that you know, whether it's anybody
or if you know somebody goes to therapy, ask them
if their therapists has recommendations, because word of mouth, I
think is the best recommendation. When you have actual experience
(07:16):
with somebody and somebody can say I love my therapist,
I trust her, let me ask her to see if
she has anybody.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Like I found my therapist through Kat, Yeah, you referred
to her to me and she's great, And through her
I found another therapist I use for something else, Linda
mm hmm. And then also through them, Ben and I
found the co parenting therapists that we used. Asking around
can definitely lead to.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
Therapists know a lot of therapists. Yes, so that's really helpful.
I would also then if you get a list of people,
google them, look at their websites, see if they like everybody.
Most people that have a therapists, we'll have a website.
See if you resonate with with what they're saying. And
then this is the hardest thing to a bye bye,
but try them out and know that if you don't
(08:05):
like that therapist, you can try a different one.
Speaker 4 (08:08):
And that's okay. It doesn't mean you have to quit therapy.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
It doesn't mean the last time I just got a
new therapist and I went to a therapist she wasn't
my vibe, and then I went to another one. It's
not one size fits all, So just go with the
open mind and knowing that you can try a couple
of people.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
Next question, where are the chairs from that you're sitting on?
And that's from the picture that Kat and I used
for the Q and A post And they're these orange
velvet swivel chairs from CB two and I love them.
They're so amazing. Which has this been announced? I don't
even know, So whatever, I'm gonna be on my sister's
(08:43):
TV show Building Roots.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
I thought you've already said, Okay, maybe I have. I
can't remember.
Speaker 2 (08:48):
I get sometimes I'm like, what if we said, what
can't we say? Because there's certain things I can't say,
and so then I'm just like, I better not say anything.
But that's the room they did, and I haven't shown
any of the actual room, but it is so cute.
It'll be on the reveal, which will air later this
fall for season two on HGTV. But I told her
the only thing I have to keep in this room
(09:11):
are these orange swivel chairs and then the desk that
I inherited from my dad, which he inherited from like
his family. It's just really old desk from eighteen hundreds
or something. And so the desk and the burnt orange
velvet swivel chairs, which I didn't give her an easy
thing to work with. It's like build a room around
(09:31):
or chairs.
Speaker 4 (09:32):
But she did it. She did it.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
So that's where they are from.
Speaker 2 (09:36):
And my new dining room set that I got on
Facebook Marketplace is also from CB two, but again I
found it on Facebook Marketplace. And that's what if you
are shopping on a place like that, you can literally
just type in CB two and you can find a
lot of things that people are selling from that website
that are either new ish or in good condition because
(09:57):
they have some of the cutest things, or they'll be
selling I think that has a CB two vibe. I
feel like they use that. They'll say looks like CB
two but not so. If you search CB two you'll
find it. Next question is what has been the biggest
adjustment going from married to divorced? What has been the
(10:25):
biggest adjustment going from married to divorced?
Speaker 1 (10:29):
And say, washroom dryer. Just kidding.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
I actually picked out a new washroom dryer at home Depot,
so I'm good on that, But for weeks I didn't
have one because I wanted to get a top loader.
And Ben knew that, so he said, hey, instead of
me getting a new washer and dryer for my new house, like,
I'll take the old ones because I know how badly
you want to get rid of the front loader because
it smells. Frontloaders are just very difficult to clean, and
(10:57):
there's that filter you have to do all the time,
and then there's the odor and you know what I'm
talking about.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
Well, okay, I'm glad you're saying this because I have
a front loader. I don't have an option to have
another one because they're just in a closet and that's
where they fit. But I've been noticing that they're new,
they're not even a year old, and it smells and
I don't know why because it's supposed to be a
watcher and supposed to be clean.
Speaker 2 (11:16):
Well, it's not so inside the little rubber things inside
the door. If you get a rag, you rub in
there and clean it out, and you're gonna there's gonna
be all this gunk and you're gonna be disgusted with yourself.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
And then they have these All Fresh, I think is
the brand All Fresh.
Speaker 2 (11:29):
I can send you a link tabs that you can
do cycles with to clean your front loader. But then
also at the bottom of it, there's that little I
did a Instagram reel I remember you talking about this,
And then you can google on YouTube how to change
your front loader filter because you have to do that
like every six weeks, or not change it, but clean
it out, drain it.
Speaker 4 (11:50):
Okay. Then I'm far behind all right, okay.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Because that's what's causing the odor.
Speaker 4 (11:55):
Okay, But also, can you answer this question seriously.
Speaker 2 (11:58):
Well, that's hard because I was having to go over
to Ben's house to do my laundry, which is fine
because we are amicable. I would say the hardest part
is honestly learning things that I didn't ever have to
worry about, Like we have garage doors and power went
out a couple of weeks ago. When we got home,
(12:18):
I was with the kids. We were running errands when
the storm came in. It was crazy, and then we're
so excited to get home. We're drenched because we had
to run in the rain. And then I pull up
to the house and I can't open the garage because
I'm trying to use my garage opener. I was like,
oh my gosh, our power went out. We have no power.
How are we.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Going to get inside?
Speaker 4 (12:36):
You don't have like a key to your door, do
you no? Because you go through that, Oh.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
My gosh, this is making me want to get a
key though.
Speaker 4 (12:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
And then from the storm my gas We have gas
lanterns out front of my house that with the little
fire flames as like a light, and one of them
blew out and if they blow out and they're still on,
gas is just leaking out and it smells really bad. Well,
dang it, I don't know how to freaking light it
because Ben always would light it, and so my sister
(13:05):
had to teach me, which was great. That's probably the thing,
is learning how to do more things. And when I
did when Claire was on four Things with me and
my friend Claire were talking about my gardening that I
was doing, and you know, I went and I loaded
up the pine straw barrels and then I unloaded them myself,
and it was very fulfilling, Like I liked that feeling,
So that was more empowering. I wouldn't say that's one thing,
(13:25):
but caring was kind of heavy and you're just used
to having help. And maybe I'm okay with doing certain
things because Ben also was deployed a lot. But I
guess I just got lucky and not many things went
wrong for me when he was deployed, but I am
able to figure things out. But that's just been the
most recent things where I've been.
Speaker 4 (13:45):
Like, dang it.
Speaker 1 (13:46):
Ben always did that. Dang it. Ben always did that.
Dang it.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
And I still don't have living room furniture, so that
sucks too, But we'll cross that bridge when we get there.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
I don't know. Is that A more serious answer for
you is that satisfy? Is that satisfy you?
Speaker 4 (14:00):
I will accept that answer.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
But honestly, even if you are in a marriage, it's
good for you to learn this stuff because even logging
into accounts. We talked about this with the lives like
Ben and I's relationship ending forced me to realize, like
I need to take agency over my life. I need
to learn how to log into accounts. Ben handled all
of that, and now I know how to do all that,
(14:23):
and it does feel good. Back to the whole empowering thing.
Even if Ben and I were still married, this is
stuff I should be learning to do anyways, so that
I can take care of me and my kids and
not cause the explosion gas leaking everywhere. Okay, next question
would be favorite part of your job and least favorite part.
My favorite part of my job is just that I
(14:44):
get paid to talk. That's I used to get in
trouble for talking in school, and now I get to
talk on the podcast here with friends, but then also
my main job on the Bobby Bone Show. And then
that meeting listeners kind of where they are that day,
maybe if they needed a laugh, and we help them laugh.
They needed to cry and we help them cry, or
they just wanted to play a fun game, or they
wanted to forget about the news because that's depressing, and
(15:06):
they turn on our show and just beating them where
they are in their car. It used to be in
their cars for a lot of people listen on podcasts
now too, even the Bobby Bone Show. But the least
favorite part would be the hours, just waking up early.
But then also we get done early, so there's it's
given to all terrible.
Speaker 4 (15:21):
What about you. I have a lot of.
Speaker 3 (15:23):
Favorite parts of my job, but I would say my
favorite part of my job is almost kind of like
the same is. My job is creating relationships with people,
and what more can I ask for? And that and
I get to be a person that a lot of people,
which I feel like a lot of people are like, Oh,
you shouldn't get anything out of it, you should do
it selfishly.
Speaker 1 (15:40):
No.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
I get something out of my job, and that's why
maybe I'm good at doing it because I have motivated
to keep doing it. But I really enjoy that I
get to be one of the most trusted people in
people's lives.
Speaker 4 (15:50):
I think that's really cool.
Speaker 3 (15:52):
And my least favorite part of my job is any
kind of paperwork or any kind of networking.
Speaker 4 (15:58):
I hate networking. Gotta do it in that paperwork to
do it. We gotta do it.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
You gotta do it.
Speaker 4 (16:03):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Next question would be can you have a successful marriage
with a narcissist? That was the easiest one to put
in here because there was a lot of questions. Yeah,
more than I felt like, wow, this is interesting, but
this is.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
One of those that's hard to answer.
Speaker 3 (16:19):
So people are really out here wanting to be in
relationships with narcissists.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Or not wanting to be and trying to figure out
what the heck to do.
Speaker 4 (16:26):
But so one I would say, I have a couple.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
I have two episodes on narcissism on UNI therapy podcasts
that could be more helpful than what I'm about to say,
and it goes into a lot more detail, But census
is rapid fire.
Speaker 4 (16:39):
I'm just going to go.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
With a relationship with one person who is a narcissist
or has a lot of traits of narcissism can be
successful if both people in the relationship are unhealthy. When
one person decides they want to work on themselves or
becomes healthy, you're going to constantly find chaos.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
I feel like that and applies if it's not a narcissist,
and there's if one person is really working on themselves
and the other is not, there's just going to be.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
It works if you're both unhealthy when one person. Think
about codependency, if we're both codependent, it's great. When one
person starts to work with their codependency, there's going to
be so much chaos in the relationship.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
I had some codependent behavior that even if Ben was
codependent too, which there were times where we both had it,
but some of my behavior.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Was a little far out there to where it was
not going to work.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
It was interesting the things that I would do, but
I didn't realize that we're you know, bad not.
Speaker 4 (17:37):
Bad on your codependency.
Speaker 3 (17:39):
Also was probably tied to some of Ben's stuff too.
Speaker 4 (17:43):
Yeah, yeah, it was.
Speaker 2 (17:45):
I was so apt because you're right, Okay, So I
was reacting to that. Looking back on some of it,
I was like, well, this is an all time low
in my life. I can't believe that I just did that,
but I had to do it because I'm codependent. But
I mean realized that that was codependent behavior. Yeah, and
I feel like I'm not giving details because they're, you know,
(18:06):
not my details to give. But some of my behavior
was bonkers. It's kind of funny to laugh about now. Okay,
so do you have a microwave? Now that is for me,
and yes I do. For years, I would not have
a microwave because I was convinced it was giving me cancer.
Speaker 4 (18:23):
Okay, but I can understand that.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
So you don't do yeah, I mean I still don't
stand close to it.
Speaker 4 (18:29):
But but you use a cell phone. I have it.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Yeah, it's like, well pick your battles.
Speaker 4 (18:34):
Yeah, yeah, I was.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
It's true.
Speaker 4 (18:35):
It's true.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
But you don't like microwave plastic and stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
No, but I used to heat everything up on the stovetop,
including coffee. Would if my coffee got cold, I would
have to put it in a pot and let it
boil and then I pour it back into my coffee mug.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
But now I just pop it in the microwave.
Speaker 4 (18:51):
It's great.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
I'm like, look at this invention, Like life is so
much better. I had no idea this kid.
Speaker 2 (18:59):
So I grew up with a microwave and I used it,
but there was I don't know, probably about a decade
where I was anti microwave?
Speaker 4 (19:05):
Was this and what were Ben's thought of.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
Twenty five to thirty five.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
I can't remember exactly what it made twenty six to
thirty six.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
Like did Ben want the microwave? Yeah, but you didn't
want that battle.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
We didn't have a microwave. Got it eventually we did
when I got kids, we got.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
A microwave, and Bem was like Hellelujah. One of his
friends actually they came to visit and they realized we
didn't have a microwave, and they ordered one on Amazon
or whatever and have it delivered. I was like, oh,
we have a microwave now. Because they were like, this
is crazy town. I was like a little tiny, cheapo one,
but still I thought it was pretty funny.
Speaker 4 (19:38):
I'm glad you have one.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
I do have a microwave. Now. How are your wedding
plans going? That's obviously for you. How are your wedding
plans going? That's obviously for you.
Speaker 3 (20:00):
The thing is it's basically done, Like there's the details
that we still have to figure out, but all of
our vendors are picked and now it's just down to
which I'm not good at. And we did this the
last time I was over, here is the layout of
everything and what furniture we're gonna rent, and that overwhelms
me so much.
Speaker 4 (20:18):
So that's not going great. But we have great help
and you helped me.
Speaker 3 (20:21):
But I will say I think I'm changing what we decided.
Speaker 4 (20:24):
I wasn't good that it. It wasn't the layout.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
We're gonna do that same thing we decided, but we're
gonna push it back somewhere.
Speaker 4 (20:31):
Else in the room. Okay, good.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
Kat is gonna have a sitting what is it called
a lounge, She's gonna have a lounge area at her reception,
and she was showing it to me, and I was like,
I don't know that I've ever noticed a lounge area
a wedding or lounge she have lounged or have or
maybe I've never been to a wedding the tattle lounge area,
but it was just so interesting to me.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
I think it's gonna be cute, but I was just.
Speaker 4 (20:55):
Like, it's really expensive, and so I was trying to
cut the costs.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Yes, like let's just get rid of it.
Speaker 3 (20:59):
But the reason we're doing it is because we are
having a cocktail style reception, which isn't doesn't mean we're
having cocktail like food. We're gonna have a meal, but
not everybody can sit at the same time because we
have too many people to fit in our venue. Because
Patrick has a lot of family members and we want
to invite all of them.
Speaker 4 (21:17):
That's good, Yeah, was.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
It difficult like figuring out who?
Speaker 3 (21:20):
Oh we have an A list and we have a
B list. Oh, you're on the A list right now,
so well.
Speaker 4 (21:26):
Hopefully you'll stay there, all right?
Speaker 2 (21:28):
Brides me okay, so okay, how to make friends in
a new city. And I'll say what worked for me
was workout classes like hobbies. It was it yogas as
a gym, and then just being sort of bold. There
was a time at a body pump class at gold
stym when I first moved to North Carolina, because Ben
(21:51):
was going to where he was at a Fort Brag
and we didn't know anybody. We moved to Southern Pines
because Fort Brag's in Fayetteville, but a lot of the
officers could live further away, and so a lot of
his friends lived in Southern Pines and so we went
to visit there.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
So cute, so quaint, loved it.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
Okay, we're living here, but he had like a thirty
minute drive to work every day, and then he was
also gone a lot, and I had no friends and Kate.
Speaker 1 (22:17):
I went up to her after Body Pump and.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
I was like, turns out her husband was in the Army,
bim was Air Force, but they had worked in similar groups,
so they knew the same circle. They became friends, We
became friends, everyone's friends all because I went up to
her at Body Pump.
Speaker 3 (22:31):
What did you say, though, do you want to be friends?
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Probably something like, hey, do you come here often?
Speaker 4 (22:39):
You didn't say that. I don't sure what I said.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
So did it hurt when you fell from heaven? I
don't know.
Speaker 2 (22:48):
I didn't like he was pickup lines, but I definitely
just started making conversation and then got her number, and
then we ended up going to the same yoga place,
and yeah, we had friends.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
And then I got to know my neighbors.
Speaker 2 (23:00):
And then I got to my friends Sunday who owned
a boutique, and that just was because her boutique was
below my yoga studio, so before and next to a
coffee shop, So sometimes before yoga, I'd go get a
coffee and then I go wander around her shop. And
then I'd go up to yoga and then finally she's like,
I see you in here wandering a lot, and I'm like,
I like your store.
Speaker 4 (23:18):
I've just been waiting for you to talk to me.
Speaker 1 (23:21):
I want to be friends.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
So just wandering shops workouts? If you go to church, like,
how can you get involved and plugged in there? I
don't know what else? What would you say?
Speaker 3 (23:32):
I would say that that's the same vibe that I
feel works best for most people is being bold and
making eye contact and approaching people starting a conversation.
Speaker 4 (23:43):
You never know where it can lead.
Speaker 3 (23:44):
And you might start a conversation and just say like, hey,
how is your day to dead? Nothing happens, and then
you keep seeing them at that spot and then eventually
it blooms into something. But I found so many of
my friends in workout classes just because I see the
same person over and over.
Speaker 2 (24:00):
So there you go, Yeah, hopefully you like to work out,
But what are if you don't like, what are your I.
Speaker 4 (24:05):
Mean you said coffee shops?
Speaker 3 (24:06):
If you go to the same coffee shop, you if
you see the same person there every single day, like
you can start saying hi. A lot of people meet
friends at work the way my job works. I've made
some friends, but I work with the same people every
single day, and those can't be the only community I have.
Speaker 4 (24:19):
And so any kind of hobby that you.
Speaker 3 (24:21):
Have, any place that you frequent a lot, keep your
eyes open and make eye contact with people. You can
become friends with the cashier at Trader Joe's. You know,
you just start talking.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
That's how my dad was. He talked to everybody. Everybody.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Was he the meat guy, that the meat poun at
the grocery store, the seafood counter, he knew them all
to check out counter. He always talked to everybody. I'm
always very impressed by that. It's not like he was
friends with them or hanging out, but actually when he
passed away, like some of them actually commented on my
Instagram post when I posted that he was no longer
with us, and they're like, oh, my gosh, I know
your dad from HB but that he used to always
(24:56):
talk to me.
Speaker 3 (24:56):
Your dad grew up in the world where he didn't
have a phone all the time, and then when he
did have a phone, he couldn't be on it looking
at stuff all the time. And now I feel like
every time we go somewhere, and I'm guilty of this.
I'll be checking out somewhere and instead of talking to
the person, I'll be looking at answering text or looking
on Instagram. And so we're not in spaces where we
actually create relationship.
Speaker 4 (25:17):
That way anymore. Or we are in the spaces, but
we're not doing it.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
So just being intentional about that.
Speaker 2 (25:21):
So your phone away, put your phone away, Just be
more observant situational awareness, well, Ben you so I say
that from when he was in the military, like knowing
your surroundings always, but you could just be have situational.
Speaker 1 (25:37):
Awareness for making friends, so like always be on the
lookout for ways you can strike.
Speaker 4 (25:44):
Or you can go up to somebody.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
Okay, best hair products for humidity, which I have very
curly hair. Humidity and my hair do not mix. My
hair does that mix with some people.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Some people are not affected by humidity.
Speaker 2 (25:59):
Mine is very Yeah, So sometimes I have extensions, sometimes not,
but more times than not, I have extensions in which
don't always curl up as much as my natural hair.
Speaker 1 (26:06):
And so sometimes we'll go.
Speaker 2 (26:07):
To Radner and if it's really humid, my natural hair
will just like frizz up and then I just have
these like longer type strings of hair. I've never noticed that, well,
yeah happens.
Speaker 1 (26:19):
There's time.
Speaker 2 (26:20):
I haven't noticed that it's happening either until I get my
car and I look in the mirror and I'm like,
oh my gosh, I can't believe we're just walking like that.
But oh well, yeah, I am going to try out
this product. I'm recommending this without using it, but I
saw someone else say that it's awesome, and so this
question actually reminded me that I want to order it.
Speaker 1 (26:40):
So purchase at your own risk.
Speaker 2 (26:43):
But it's that Living Proof brand, the one you see
like Jennifer Anison.
Speaker 3 (26:46):
They have like the dry shampoo and stuff. Yeah, I've
used the dry shir it smells so good.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
So there's a bottle it's called Frizz, but it's got
a line through it clever right. Yes, it's like no
frizz and it's an instant de frizzer. It says it
softens and shines anytime get smooth between shampoos, and.
Speaker 4 (27:07):
I believe it. So Living Proof.
Speaker 2 (27:09):
It does have good reviews and over fourteen thousand likes
at sephor dot com.
Speaker 4 (27:15):
So will you give us a review of it? After
you get it.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
Yeah, I'm sure they have this on Amazon too, but
I just pulled it up at Sephora dot com. Which
speaking of Amazon, one of the questions was favorite four things.
So I think they were just asking, like, what are
we liking? And I'm springing this on you so I
can do three and you can do one. Yours doesn't
have to be from Amazon, but mine are going to be.
It's just an easy way for me to say my
(27:39):
favorite things. So I'm doing this actually right now. If
you go to Radioamy dot com and then you scroll down,
it says my favorite things Amazon. You click on that
and then it'll show my favorite things. So I'm going
to share some things that I love from here. Speaking
of hair care, maybe they have something for Friz but
Monday is a shampoo so I found it at Target,
(28:00):
but Amazon has it. See these pink bottles Monday hair Care.
Speaker 4 (28:04):
I thought you were going to say, Monday's your face
one of your favorite things.
Speaker 2 (28:08):
I do like Monday's though, I like say, okay, yes,
the shampoo and conditioner I'm really loving and they're a
good price and I have found that they've been really
good on my hair too, so that is one of
my favorite things right now, and then I'm going to
talk about my planters, which I have mentioned because those
are from Amazon. There's three different sized planters that you
(28:31):
can get, and they're under home and Kitchen. Actually I
haven't even added them, so i'll ad them right now.
And they're awesome. They look like concrete. They are a
weathered concrete finish and they have some concrete in them.
But they're also fiberglass, so they're not heavy, but they
look heavy.
Speaker 4 (28:48):
I did not know those are from Amazon.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
Amazon. Those look so nice. Thanks, You're welcome. You're probably
thinking the plants look nice, look great. I potted those
and they're still aliveing them. I take care of them also.
I take care also under Home and Kitchen section is
you know the miss Myers spray.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
To clean countertops.
Speaker 4 (29:09):
I use that.
Speaker 3 (29:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
I love cleaning countertops. Do you know this about me?
Love cleaning a countertop always.
Speaker 4 (29:16):
When it's dirty, when it's clean.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
Little dirty, lot of dirty whatever.
Speaker 2 (29:22):
I just like a clean countertop. But not just any
missus Meyers spray. It's the honeysuckle and that one is
hard to find at the store. You can't find just
honeysuckle anywhere. Sometimes you might get lucky and find it
at Target whatever. But Amazon does have a pack of
three honeysuckle and it's amazing.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
It's the best smell ever ever. It brings me joy.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
Those are my three things, Okay, three favorite things right
now from Amazon. Well, but again it doesn't have to
be Amazon.
Speaker 3 (29:53):
Well, I was going to try to go through Amazon,
but I actually just went to go because maybe it
will spark my brain. I just went to my Amazon.
I don't order or as much from Amazon as I
assumed that I did. Maybe I just return everything that
I order, So I'm going to go with something. I
don't know if I've ever talked about this on here,
but one of my favorite things is my Newly Box.
Speaker 4 (30:13):
Have I told you about this?
Speaker 3 (30:14):
Yes, it's a clothing subscription for renting clothes, but they're
owned by Anthropology, which is one of my favorite stores.
So I can rent a lot of these clothes that
I would normally either want to buy or buy and
wear like once or twice, and I get to rent
them and give them back when I don't want them anymore,
and they get a new box of clothes.
Speaker 4 (30:35):
Smart. I like that.
Speaker 1 (30:37):
I almost signed up for that. Maybe I will.
Speaker 3 (30:40):
I really gets better in the wintertime because it's easier
to Sometimes in the summer I get things I'm like,
oh that doesn't fit because you just don't know. But
in the winter when you're renting, like sweaters and things
that are generally like looser anything kind of works. So
maybe start it when fall starts around. It is so
nice to have all these different sweaters in your closet.
I think snoo sweaters every month.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
Boom.
Speaker 4 (31:02):
I like it. Okay.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
I added the concrete planters to my Amazon see.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
Oh, maybe I'll go there and buy them. I don't
know where i'd put them in my house, but they're nice.
Speaker 2 (31:09):
Yeah, So it's under the home and home in kitchen
is what I have that one labeled I really need
to share to organize my Maybe I'll give that to
her as a job to really just organize and tidy
things up on here. Okay, So hope y'all are having
the day that you need to have. Thanks for sending
in questions.
Speaker 4 (31:28):
Kat.
Speaker 1 (31:28):
Where can people find you.
Speaker 3 (31:29):
At cat dot Defada on Instagram and at UNI Therapy podcast.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
I'm at Radio Amy and then obviously I just told
you about Radio Ama dot com. And we'll see you
next Tuesday for the fifth thing, but before that, it'll
be Thursday, and I'll be here with you for four things,
and then there's Outweigh on Saturday, and then Kat's podcast
You Need Therapy is every Monday and every Wednesday.
Speaker 1 (31:54):
Right, bye bye,
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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