September 4, 2023 • 22 mins
PART 2 of 4: Ever wonder why your thoughts and feelings don't sync up? Amy & Leanne share a fresh-yet-totally-doable approach that will help you reclaim the reins of confusing thoughts in our head…so that stepping into WHO YOU WANT TO BE actually becomes possible!
In PART 2 you learn:
👉Why it's not your CIRCUMSTANCES that dictate your reality, it's your THOUGHTS, and how every single thought CAUSES a feeling-- not the other way around.
👉Why your Self Image knows how you really feel, so before you can "act as if" or "believe a new reality", it's got to FEEL good, FEEL true, and resonate.
👉How to truly flip "negative emotions" on their head and find the gold in what it's trying to teach you.
All the resources mentioned in this episode can be found at:
www.LeanneEllington.com/ActingAsIf
This is a 4-part series, so if you missed PART 1 go give it a listen. This is designed to listen to (in order 1-4) to help you learn, grasp, and use right away – even if “positive thinking" or “acting as if” has NEVER worked for you in the past.
HOST: Amy Brown // @RadioAmy // RadioAmy.com
HOST: Leanne Ellington // @leanneellington // StresslessEating.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Hi'm Amy Brown and welcome to Acting as If positive
thinking alone doesn't always cut it. There's so much more
to it than that. That's why I've teamed up with
my friend and self image scientist Leanne Ellington to bring
you a totally fresh, relatable, doable approach to help us
all reclaim the reins of those confusing thoughts that are
(00:27):
in our head and step into who we want to be. So,
if you're feeling stuck, battling self doubt, or simply want
to take ownership of your life by taking ownership of
your thoughts, Acting as If is just for you. Now
let's get started with part two. All right, here we
are Leanne Acting as If. Time for the feelings. So
(00:48):
Part one was the thinking. Part two is a feeling,
So I'll let you take it away.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Yeah, and I think this is honestly one of the
most important parts of this.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
It's the part that gets skipped over the most.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
It's the part that I skipped over the most because
I didn't know what I didn't know and was honestly
disassociated from feelings.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
Or I was numbed out or checked out.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
And so we talked about in part one how every
single thought causes a feeling, not the other way around.
And we think that our circumstance, or at least I
used to think my circumstance is causing a feeling, and
it's like, no, my thoughts about the circumstance are causing
the feeling. And we took a look that many examples
of how you can choose a different thought and it
literally creates a completely different cascade.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
And it's black and white, it is night and day.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
And so when we're talking about feeling and coming back
to this idea of acting as if, okay, when I
say positive thinking and acting as if doesn't work, I
don't mean that it doesn't work period full stop. But
what I'm saying is, if you are running up against
old beliefs, or you don't believe what you say, or
you don't feel what you say, it's not gonna download
(01:55):
or it's going to be very hard, long and a
very resisted road to get at. Okay, because your self
image knows how you really feel. So before you can
go air quotes, act as if, or believe a new reality,
it's got to feel good, it's got to feel true,
and it's got to resonate.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
And so here's what I mean by that.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Let's talk about how all this works on a nervous
system level real quickly. So first off, your nervous system
is paying attention to your thoughts and how you feel,
and it can't always tell the difference between a real
and an imagined experience. So, for example, let's just play
around for a second. Close your eyes if you can,
and if you can, just place your hand on your
belly for just a second, and just picture that your belly.
(02:38):
Every time you breathe in, your belly is expanding like
a big balloon, and every time you breathe out, your
belly is contracting, and the air is going out of
that balloon. And for a lot of us, it's actually
the opposite. We suck it in and we breathe in.
But every time you breathe in, picture a big balloon expanding,
and every time you breathe out, that balloon is contracting.
And now let's just play around with your nervousness. So
(03:00):
let's add some color, some texture, some taste, some smell.
So for example, every time you breathe in, just picture
that balloon expanding and imagine it's a cool, crisp blue
pepperminty air, and every time you breathe out, imagine it's
a red hot, fiery cinnamon air. So let's just do
that one more time. Breathe it in your belly expands
(03:22):
like a big balloon.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
I'm doing this, by the way, there you go.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
It's a cool, crisp, blue pepperminty air, and every time
you breathe out, it's a red hot, fiery cinnamon air.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Okay, So go ahead and open your eyes. And here's
the thing.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
There's no peppermint where you are right now, most likely,
and there's no blue air where you are right now.
But your nervous system has a map for it, so
it could experience the cool, crisp, blue pepperminty air to
an extent, and it could experience the red hot, fiery
cinnamony air to an extent. So your nervous system cannot
tell the difference fully between a real and an imagined experience.
(03:58):
So just imagine what's happening in your nervous system when
you are picturing dread or fear or worry or shame.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
Just with your.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
Words and your thoughts, our words create a reality. And
so the way I kind of teach this to my
clients is every thought and feeling has a physical, chemical,
biological response and kind of like a frequency in your
nervous system. And it's actually a very well researched, well
known science. It's just not often talked about in the
mainstream world. But on top of that, thoughts can lay
(04:30):
down two very different types of things called neuro association.
So let me just explain what that big word means. Okay,
So if you say something to yourself that does not
feel true, or it does not resonate, or you're outright
kind of Colin bs on it, your brain will lay
down something called negative neuro associations alongside that thought.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
Okay, So when you act as if but.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
You don't believe it, or it doesn't resonate, or you're
secretly doubting it, you're actually laying down negative neuro associations
alongside that thought. And so that lie or that untruth
is actually working against you when it comes to transforming
your brain.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
And it's not gonna stick inside your brain.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Okay, it's totally counterproductive exactly, or it's just going to
create a lot more resistance.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
You're gonna need a lot more repetitions.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
You're gonna need a lot of other factors and maybe
it'll eventually work, but we don't know.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
I'm picturing those like resistance bands that you put on
your legs to like stretch out, and they have light medium, yes,
you know, heavy, or the is how hard it is
to pull apart. And I'm thinking if you've got a
row of people with those on, some people might be like, whow,
I can do this easy, no problem, and then other
people are like what why is this so hard for me.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
To move my legs?
Speaker 1 (05:50):
I like a good visual and so I'm like h
And that's when the comparison can come in. So don't
even be like, well, they're able to do that. Like
I could look at Land because she's got all this
down and I'm still in the process of really trying
to work through some things and it's been months and months,
so be patient with yourself. But I could look at
Lann with her easy little legs like going, whoof this is?
(06:14):
What's this band? It's no problem? Or I could be like, Okay, wow,
that is awesome for me to see because I know
it's possible for me to get there too.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
Yeah, And the data of that is I have a
lot more neuro associations alongside the new beliefs right right,
and the new thoughts.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
So coming back to this idea that when.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
We lie or our self image just doesn't believe it,
we're laying down those negative neuro associations in our brain.
But on the flip side, if you meet yourself in
your doubt and in your unbelief and use words and
language that actually feels true, then you're gonna lay down
positive neuro associations in your brain. And your brain can actually,
(06:51):
if I'm going to get geeky for a second, move
it from the short term prefrontal cortex part of your
brain to the long term. It's called the street atom
down in the basal ganglia where all of the long
term like always have them default patterns and habits go.
But in order for that to happen enough positive neuroassociations
(07:12):
need to be laid down, Like essentially, if I were
at a bottom line it. When you are laying down
negative neuro associations, your long term brain kind of knows like, oh,
she's not going to be using this very long. We
don't need to take it to our long term part
of our brain, and it doesn't really download. And again
this is an oversimplification of how this works, but negative
neuro associations will air quotes sabotage your ability to lay
(07:34):
down new beliefs. You must have these positive neuro associations
if you want to have them effortlessly. The very easy
resistance band metaphor as you were talking about, and even
if we're using that metaphor with the negative neuro associations,
it's not just that it's the heavy resistance band.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
It's if it ever works, like it's a question mark.
You don't know.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
All right, I'm pretty sure we're going to get to this,
but I want to give people specific examples of what
they can tell themselves so that because some of this, yeah,
I could see people like, Okay, this is a little overwhelming.
I'm a right, but hey, if you keep telling yourself
it's overwhelming, it's gonna be overwhelmed. Yes, But if I
believe that it's doable, it's doable, and you can think it,
then you got to feel it.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
Then you gotta believe it, then you got to do it. Yeah,
see what I did there? I see.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
So I just want to make sure we're going to
get to like specific examples of what we can say
to ourselves, because I need that, like I almost need
like a post it on my mirror to remind me
of when I have, like any type of negative thought
trying to mess with my positive thought, I need to
know how to counter it right away.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
So I'm going to walk you through a specific three
part process in part three of this but in the meantime,
and I am going to give you a post it
note thought. By the way, that's going to work for everything,
but dun dun dune. We'll get to that in part three.
But here's what I will do. I'll share with you
a non example to just really show you how this works.
So the example is I hate my body. That's a
lot of women experience that, a lot of men experience.
(08:54):
That I hate my body is the belief, right. But
what the delusional optimism or positive thinking version of us
thinks we're supposed to go believe is no, I love
my body. It's too big of a jump your self image.
If you're really thinking I hate my body, I hate
my body, I hate my body.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
Saying no, I love my body.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
My body is strong, it's amazing, I love it, it's
probably too big of a jump, and so what would
the better belief be. We'll talk about that in the
believing side of it.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Okay, so we'll get there with very specific examples. But
that's good to know because I think that's where we
get tripped up, right, It's like, well, shoot, this didn't work,
but we were trying to swim a mile when we've
never swam before.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Yeah, it's meeting ourselves in our doubt, meeting ourselves where
we are instead of trying to convince, our persuade or
coerce ourselves to believe something that we really, deep down
don't believe. And remember, your brain knows, and when it
doesn't believe it, it doesn't feel it, it doesn't resonate,
it is going to lay down negative neuro associations. So
even if you had a light resistance band, it can
actually add more resistance when you're kind of lying to
(09:56):
yourself because of the new beliefs that you just mentioned of, Like, great,
this is another thing that didn't work for me. You're great,
positive thinking work for them, but not for me. I
must be really messed.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
Up, gotcha.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Yeah, it's so fascinating what's happening in our subconscious mind
and all that's at work totally when we're not even haying,
like really we are meaning making machines.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
It's crazy. Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
So now you have this understanding that a your thoughts
have a physical, chemical, biological response, right, and I'm going
to talk about that right now. But also now you
know that those thoughts are also creating either negative associations
or positive associations in your brain. And the negative neuro
associations will hinder your ability to learn a new thought,
(10:46):
and the positive neuro associations will like.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Put it into overdrive and speed it up.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
So if you can simply just create this awareness that
every thought and feeling you emit has a frequency and
start influencing your thoughts through those eyes and meeting yourself
where you are.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
And we're going to talk about.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
That specifically in part three, but everything can change for you.
But first I want to just kind of show you
visually what when this comes to your emotions and because
again this is part two feeling, right, And I'm going
to refer to a visual because I'm a visual person,
but it's in your cheat sheets, it's in those flash
cards over on leannellington dot com slash acting as if
and we'll put it in the show notes. But there's
(11:25):
something called the emotional guidance scale or the emotional frequency scale,
and basically you'll see visually there's this upward spiral right
of like good feeling, positive feeling emotions, and then there's
that downward spiral of emotions. And what this visual shows
and if you're looking at it, basically, joy and appreciation
(11:47):
and empowerment and love have the highest physical vibration and frequency. Okay,
so think about what we've talked about in your nervous system,
like the feel like when you imagine how your nervous
system is feel when you're feeling joy, love, empowerment, all
those things versus fear and powerlessness and shame and unworthiness
(12:08):
have the lowest frequency. So again physiologically we can again
for all of my logic and reason, people that are like,
wait a minute, this feeling stuff sounds out of touch,
I just want you to see that there is this
physical it's physical and metaphysical when you're feeling or not feeling.
And then the downward spiral or the upward spiral that
we talked about back in thinking, so again it's happening
(12:30):
whether or not you know it or whether or not
you like it.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
You're creating feelings from your thoughts.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
But I also wanted you to understand what's happening on
a nervous system level, what's happening on a physiological level.
But then also if when we're talking about laying down
new beliefs, which we're going to talk about specifically in
the next part, you've got to believe it because your
nervous system knows.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Your nervous system knows.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Well, and I'm thinking too, of you're stressed out, you
may notice how your body responds. Everybody's a little bit different.
Some people might feel it in their chest. Some people
may feel very bloated because you're not digesting food very well.
Whatever it is, you will start to be able to
look for signs in your body, or at least I
(13:13):
did when I started paying attention. And so if you're like, wow,
if my body's responding to this stress, that's all you
need to know. And how your body's reacting to thoughts
or circumstances or things that are happening. And so what
I also love to think about is sometimes people think
this is a little woo woo, even though Land's giving
(13:33):
us the science, and you're like, uh, how can my
thoughts really make me feel better? Well, if you believe
that your thoughts can give you a stomach ache or
you know, chest pains or insert whatever else shows up
for you, body keeps the score, then you have to
believe that it can also do the opposite.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Yeah, And again this is where we're going to be
able to use acting as if to our benefit, because
we talked about how your nervous and can't really tell
the difference between a real and an imagined experience. So
this is why I wanted to really bring in this
feeling part of it. Because if you can connect and
become aware and start paying attention to the physiological part
of this, the mental emotional part of it, how it's
all three dimensionally involved and it's not just this you
(14:17):
know words thing, then it can all come together for you.
And it's really the glue that kind of brings it
all together.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
Glue blue.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Well, that's why this is four parts. These are the
four parts that are absolutely necessary. Each one has to
be glued to the next.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Yeah, absolutely, And do they have to be all in
the same order. It's all interchangeable. But it's like you
kind of want them all to be there, okay, and
again for less resistance and just more easibility.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
Is a word that maybe I just made up. Sounds
good to me.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
Yeah it works, I say, if we say it works,
if we act as if it works, it works.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
Believability. Yeah done.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
But you know you called the graphic it's the emotional
frequency scale. So can you talk about frequency? Because I'm
paying more attention to energy and the energy I'm bringing
into a room. When you walk into a room and
you feel energy from others, I would assume, like, is
that scale depending on if you're spiraling up or down,
(15:11):
others are also picking up on that frequency.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Yeah, So if you maybe identify as being an mpath,
I definitely over the years have a heightened sense of
other people's emotions. There is a frequency being emitted. So
when you think about just like sound emits a frequency,
or just like light emits a frequency, radio or ultraviolet
waves emit a frequency, a thought vibrates in its own frequency.
(15:35):
And that's what that scale that you just refer to
is showing. And so there's going to be like a
neutral frequency is going to have And I don't know
what the actual numbers are for it, and then a
positive air quotes positive because again, no emotion is positive
or negative. They all have their place, but some of
them feel better than others.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
Right when I.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
Say positive and negative, but the negative emotions are going
to have a lower frequency. Even just think about like
high vibe vibrate, it's emitting that frequency, it's a higher
frequency on the scale.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
So that's why we say I'm so low vibes right now,
I can feel my love vibes and when I've brought
it into other people, and there's times where I've removed
myself from totally, like the kitchen, I like having a
meeting about something and like I'm low vibes, I'm like,
I'm gonna go ahead and I'm going to remove myself
for like five minutes and go meditate and try to
come back with higher vibes because I literally don't want
(16:26):
to pass on my low vibes.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
One thousand percent.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
And it really is this thing especially, and it's so
subjective objective, depending on if you're somebody that feels it.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
But I'm the same way.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
I'm like, if I'm going to be an energy sucker,
an energy vampire, I'm going to just do everybody a
favor and remove myself until I'm ready, because I know
that my thoughts are creating and emitting a frequency and
an energy, and if anyone is as in tune as
I am, they're going to feel it. And so part
of it is, that's why we're talking about it, is
to create that awareness so that you can take responsibility
(16:56):
for it. And again, it's happening either way you know
it or not, or like it or not.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Yeah, And some of the feelings that me being in
tune with it is new because of the work I've
been doing and because I'm not numbing out in other ways,
and I have that awareness awareness, and I make mental
notes every time I feel something like okay, even if
it is a feeling that feels less than I'm trying
not to say negative. Yah, We've got the positive and
the negative film it doesn't feel good. Even if it
(17:22):
doesn't feel good, I celebrate the fact that I recognized it.
And if it feels positive, I also celebrate because then
I know I'm more likely to continue to recognize because
I just don't want to go back to a place
where I was emitting frequencies or talking in a way
or speaking in a way or having relationships in a
way where I wasn't my highest version of myself.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Absolutely, yeah, And that's why it's also so important to
give voice to our air quotes negative emotions as just
data of like, hey, I'm feeling some shame right now,
Like I don't have to like it, but this is
what's happening, as opposed to not identifying it, suppressing it,
repressing it, shoving it down. And that actually brings us
to the last thing I wanted to touch on for the
feeling side of it. So there's this visual and it's
(18:07):
from Chipdod who wrote The Voice of the Heart, and
he's brilliant and he's really helped me have an understanding
of emotions and one of the aspects of this. And
there's this chart that I put in the resources for
you all to have access to. Is that forevery and
again I'm putting negative emotion in air quotes. We're talking
about these emotions that don't feel good, but this actually
contributes to that argument, so to speak, that they have
(18:28):
a place. So he says that every negative emotion has
what he calls an impairment, meaning negative consequences if they're
not properly attended to. And taken care of. And what
the words that I use with my clients are like,
are we being emotionally available to ourselves in those moments,
because again, if we are just ignoring it, shoving it down,
(18:50):
or maybe we have shame about our shame or shame
about our sadness or whatever, we're not attending to it
and it's going unattended and then it festers. And that's
what he calls a negative impairment or like a negative
consequence to these emotions that don't get attended to. But
the flip side, and this is my favorite part about it,
is that if you do attend to them and you
know how to foster and accept and direct them, he
(19:12):
calls it a gift.
Speaker 3 (19:13):
Every emotion has a gift. So I'll just give you a.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Couple examples from this chart, and again it's in your resources.
But for example, hurt, that's the feeling, that's the data.
The truth is I'm hurt. I'm feeling hurt. And the
negative impairment if you don't address the hurt, it turns
into resentment. But if you address it and you attend
to it and you care for it and nurture it,
(19:38):
hurt can actually turn into healing and courage.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
That's the gift, as he calls it.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
There's others, you know, guilt for example, if you're feeling guilt,
like I don't like that I just did that. The
negative impairment, if you don't attend to it, or you
ignore it, or you let it fester, is it turns
into toxic shame and shamelessness. But if you attend to
that guilt and you are emotionally of available to that guilt,
the gift that I can give you is freedom and forgiveness.
(20:04):
He goes in depth about all of this in his
book The Voice of the Heart. But this visual I
just wanted to share with everyone because it was really
impactful for me to see. Okay, the data is I'm
going to have these emotions regardless because I'm human and
again giving ourselves permission to be human. But there's a
gift if I can learn how to be emotionally available
to what I'm feeling.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
And first, obviously we.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Discussed it involves being aware and paying attention to what
we're feeling and not skipping over it, shoving it down.
All of that, and also notice when we're not feeling
something because we know the repercussions, so to speak, of
not believing what we're saying and not having resonance.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
But again, these emotions all have a place.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
They're trying to teach us something, and there's a gift
if we can actually attune to them.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
It makes me think of the TikTok Chanell cheesecake analogy.
Have you seen that? No?
Speaker 3 (20:50):
Oh, it's so good.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Kat and I have talked about it on the Fifth Thing,
and we played it before, but just a paraphrase it.
She talks about having this Chanel bag, and I love
that she used an expensive designer purse because she's saying,
you wouldn't do this to a three thousand dollars perse,
So why would you do this to your body, which
is more precious than a purse?
Speaker 3 (21:13):
Right?
Speaker 1 (21:13):
And so she talks about putting a piece of cheesecake
in there and zipping it up, and a week later,
what is going on with that cheesecake? Well, you definitely
wouldn't eat it or it would make you sick. And
so the cheesecake is representing everything you're suppressing and putting down,
and you think you dealt with it because you zipped
it up, but really it's leaking throughout your body and
(21:36):
it becomes very toxic to you.
Speaker 3 (21:38):
And so that is a perfect example of this.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
Yeah, it's the cheesecake in the purse that unattended to,
it festers. It's toxic and if you attend to it,
it's like, Wow, I just opened my purse and I
have cheesecake.
Speaker 3 (21:48):
What a gift?
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Yeah, and I didn't leave it in here long, so
I get to eat it exactly five second rule.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
Yeah, get a park, love it awesome. So yeah, that
is it for the feeling side of it.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Were going to get into the believing side of it,
which is really, you know, the next big mover of
all this acting as if stuff in part three?
Speaker 1 (22:08):
All right, LeAnn, where can people find you?
Speaker 2 (22:10):
You can head on over to Leannellington dot com or
over at Leannellington on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
And then when you go to Lianellington dot com, don't
forget you can go slash acting as If. For the
visuals that Leanne was talking about, and any of the
homework associated with these parts one through four, we'll have
different things attached to them because Leanne is awesome and
she put this stuff together for y'all that y'all get
(22:35):
to access for free because she just really wants you
to grasp this and hopes that it helps you become
the highest version of yourself. I'm at radio Amy and
you can also find more at radioamy dot com.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
Bye bye
Hi'm Amy Brown and welcome to Acting as If positive
thinking alone doesn't always cut it. There's so much more
to it than that. That's why I've teamed up with
my friend and self image scientist Leanne Ellington to bring
you a totally fresh, relatable, doable approach to help us
all reclaim the reins of those confusing thoughts that are
(00:27):
in our head and step into who we want to be. So,
if you're feeling stuck, battling self doubt, or simply want
to take ownership of your life by taking ownership of
your thoughts, Acting as If is just for you. Now
let's get started with part two. All right, here we
are Leanne Acting as If. Time for the feelings. So
(00:48):
Part one was the thinking. Part two is a feeling,
So I'll let you take it away.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Yeah, and I think this is honestly one of the
most important parts of this.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
It's the part that gets skipped over the most.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
It's the part that I skipped over the most because
I didn't know what I didn't know and was honestly
disassociated from feelings.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
Or I was numbed out or checked out.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
And so we talked about in part one how every
single thought causes a feeling, not the other way around.
And we think that our circumstance, or at least I
used to think my circumstance is causing a feeling, and
it's like, no, my thoughts about the circumstance are causing
the feeling. And we took a look that many examples
of how you can choose a different thought and it
literally creates a completely different cascade.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
And it's black and white, it is night and day.
Speaker 2 (01:32):
And so when we're talking about feeling and coming back
to this idea of acting as if, okay, when I
say positive thinking and acting as if doesn't work, I
don't mean that it doesn't work period full stop. But
what I'm saying is, if you are running up against
old beliefs, or you don't believe what you say, or
you don't feel what you say, it's not gonna download
(01:55):
or it's going to be very hard, long and a
very resisted road to get at. Okay, because your self
image knows how you really feel. So before you can
go air quotes, act as if, or believe a new reality,
it's got to feel good, it's got to feel true,
and it's got to resonate.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
And so here's what I mean by that.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
Let's talk about how all this works on a nervous
system level real quickly. So first off, your nervous system
is paying attention to your thoughts and how you feel,
and it can't always tell the difference between a real
and an imagined experience. So, for example, let's just play
around for a second. Close your eyes if you can,
and if you can, just place your hand on your
belly for just a second, and just picture that your belly.
(02:38):
Every time you breathe in, your belly is expanding like
a big balloon, and every time you breathe out, your
belly is contracting, and the air is going out of
that balloon. And for a lot of us, it's actually
the opposite. We suck it in and we breathe in.
But every time you breathe in, picture a big balloon expanding,
and every time you breathe out, that balloon is contracting.
And now let's just play around with your nervousness. So
(03:00):
let's add some color, some texture, some taste, some smell.
So for example, every time you breathe in, just picture
that balloon expanding and imagine it's a cool, crisp blue
pepperminty air, and every time you breathe out, imagine it's
a red hot, fiery cinnamon air. So let's just do
that one more time. Breathe it in your belly expands
(03:22):
like a big balloon.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
I'm doing this, by the way, there you go.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
It's a cool, crisp, blue pepperminty air, and every time
you breathe out, it's a red hot, fiery cinnamon air.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Okay, So go ahead and open your eyes. And here's
the thing.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
There's no peppermint where you are right now, most likely,
and there's no blue air where you are right now.
But your nervous system has a map for it, so
it could experience the cool, crisp, blue pepperminty air to
an extent, and it could experience the red hot, fiery
cinnamony air to an extent. So your nervous system cannot
tell the difference fully between a real and an imagined experience.
(03:58):
So just imagine what's happening in your nervous system when
you are picturing dread or fear or worry or shame.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
Just with your.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
Words and your thoughts, our words create a reality. And
so the way I kind of teach this to my
clients is every thought and feeling has a physical, chemical,
biological response and kind of like a frequency in your
nervous system. And it's actually a very well researched, well
known science. It's just not often talked about in the
mainstream world. But on top of that, thoughts can lay
(04:30):
down two very different types of things called neuro association.
So let me just explain what that big word means. Okay,
So if you say something to yourself that does not
feel true, or it does not resonate, or you're outright
kind of Colin bs on it, your brain will lay
down something called negative neuro associations alongside that thought.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
Okay, So when you act as if but.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
You don't believe it, or it doesn't resonate, or you're
secretly doubting it, you're actually laying down negative neuro associations
alongside that thought. And so that lie or that untruth
is actually working against you when it comes to transforming
your brain.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
And it's not gonna stick inside your brain.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
Okay, it's totally counterproductive exactly, or it's just going to
create a lot more resistance.
Speaker 3 (05:22):
You're gonna need a lot more repetitions.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
You're gonna need a lot of other factors and maybe
it'll eventually work, but we don't know.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
I'm picturing those like resistance bands that you put on
your legs to like stretch out, and they have light medium, yes,
you know, heavy, or the is how hard it is
to pull apart. And I'm thinking if you've got a
row of people with those on, some people might be like, whow,
I can do this easy, no problem, and then other
people are like what why is this so hard for me.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
To move my legs?
Speaker 1 (05:50):
I like a good visual and so I'm like h
And that's when the comparison can come in. So don't
even be like, well, they're able to do that. Like
I could look at Land because she's got all this
down and I'm still in the process of really trying
to work through some things and it's been months and months,
so be patient with yourself. But I could look at
Lann with her easy little legs like going, whoof this is?
(06:14):
What's this band? It's no problem? Or I could be like, Okay, wow,
that is awesome for me to see because I know
it's possible for me to get there too.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
Yeah, And the data of that is I have a
lot more neuro associations alongside the new beliefs right right,
and the new thoughts.
Speaker 3 (06:28):
So coming back to this idea that when.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
We lie or our self image just doesn't believe it,
we're laying down those negative neuro associations in our brain.
But on the flip side, if you meet yourself in
your doubt and in your unbelief and use words and
language that actually feels true, then you're gonna lay down
positive neuro associations in your brain. And your brain can actually,
(06:51):
if I'm going to get geeky for a second, move
it from the short term prefrontal cortex part of your
brain to the long term. It's called the street atom
down in the basal ganglia where all of the long
term like always have them default patterns and habits go.
But in order for that to happen enough positive neuroassociations
(07:12):
need to be laid down, Like essentially, if I were
at a bottom line it. When you are laying down
negative neuro associations, your long term brain kind of knows like, oh,
she's not going to be using this very long. We
don't need to take it to our long term part
of our brain, and it doesn't really download. And again
this is an oversimplification of how this works, but negative
neuro associations will air quotes sabotage your ability to lay
(07:34):
down new beliefs. You must have these positive neuro associations
if you want to have them effortlessly. The very easy
resistance band metaphor as you were talking about, and even
if we're using that metaphor with the negative neuro associations,
it's not just that it's the heavy resistance band.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
It's if it ever works, like it's a question mark.
You don't know.
Speaker 1 (07:54):
All right, I'm pretty sure we're going to get to this,
but I want to give people specific examples of what
they can tell themselves so that because some of this, yeah,
I could see people like, Okay, this is a little overwhelming.
I'm a right, but hey, if you keep telling yourself
it's overwhelming, it's gonna be overwhelmed. Yes, But if I
believe that it's doable, it's doable, and you can think it,
then you got to feel it.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
Then you gotta believe it, then you got to do it. Yeah,
see what I did there? I see.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
So I just want to make sure we're going to
get to like specific examples of what we can say
to ourselves, because I need that, like I almost need
like a post it on my mirror to remind me
of when I have, like any type of negative thought
trying to mess with my positive thought, I need to
know how to counter it right away.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
So I'm going to walk you through a specific three
part process in part three of this but in the meantime,
and I am going to give you a post it
note thought. By the way, that's going to work for everything,
but dun dun dune. We'll get to that in part three.
But here's what I will do. I'll share with you
a non example to just really show you how this works.
So the example is I hate my body. That's a
lot of women experience that, a lot of men experience.
(08:54):
That I hate my body is the belief, right. But
what the delusional optimism or positive thinking version of us
thinks we're supposed to go believe is no, I love
my body. It's too big of a jump your self image.
If you're really thinking I hate my body, I hate
my body, I hate my body.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
Saying no, I love my body.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
My body is strong, it's amazing, I love it, it's
probably too big of a jump, and so what would
the better belief be. We'll talk about that in the
believing side of it.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Okay, so we'll get there with very specific examples. But
that's good to know because I think that's where we
get tripped up, right, It's like, well, shoot, this didn't work,
but we were trying to swim a mile when we've
never swam before.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Yeah, it's meeting ourselves in our doubt, meeting ourselves where
we are instead of trying to convince, our persuade or
coerce ourselves to believe something that we really, deep down
don't believe. And remember, your brain knows, and when it
doesn't believe it, it doesn't feel it, it doesn't resonate,
it is going to lay down negative neuro associations. So
even if you had a light resistance band, it can
actually add more resistance when you're kind of lying to
(09:56):
yourself because of the new beliefs that you just mentioned of, Like, great,
this is another thing that didn't work for me. You're great,
positive thinking work for them, but not for me. I
must be really messed.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
Up, gotcha.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
Yeah, it's so fascinating what's happening in our subconscious mind
and all that's at work totally when we're not even haying,
like really we are meaning making machines.
Speaker 3 (10:16):
It's crazy. Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
So now you have this understanding that a your thoughts
have a physical, chemical, biological response, right, and I'm going
to talk about that right now. But also now you
know that those thoughts are also creating either negative associations
or positive associations in your brain. And the negative neuro
associations will hinder your ability to learn a new thought,
(10:46):
and the positive neuro associations will like.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
Put it into overdrive and speed it up.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
So if you can simply just create this awareness that
every thought and feeling you emit has a frequency and
start influencing your thoughts through those eyes and meeting yourself
where you are.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
And we're going to talk about.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
That specifically in part three, but everything can change for you.
But first I want to just kind of show you
visually what when this comes to your emotions and because
again this is part two feeling, right, And I'm going
to refer to a visual because I'm a visual person,
but it's in your cheat sheets, it's in those flash
cards over on leannellington dot com slash acting as if
and we'll put it in the show notes. But there's
(11:25):
something called the emotional guidance scale or the emotional frequency scale,
and basically you'll see visually there's this upward spiral right
of like good feeling, positive feeling emotions, and then there's
that downward spiral of emotions. And what this visual shows
and if you're looking at it, basically, joy and appreciation
(11:47):
and empowerment and love have the highest physical vibration and frequency. Okay,
so think about what we've talked about in your nervous system,
like the feel like when you imagine how your nervous
system is feel when you're feeling joy, love, empowerment, all
those things versus fear and powerlessness and shame and unworthiness
(12:08):
have the lowest frequency. So again physiologically we can again
for all of my logic and reason, people that are like,
wait a minute, this feeling stuff sounds out of touch,
I just want you to see that there is this
physical it's physical and metaphysical when you're feeling or not feeling.
And then the downward spiral or the upward spiral that
we talked about back in thinking, so again it's happening
(12:30):
whether or not you know it or whether or not
you like it.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
You're creating feelings from your thoughts.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
But I also wanted you to understand what's happening on
a nervous system level, what's happening on a physiological level.
But then also if when we're talking about laying down
new beliefs, which we're going to talk about specifically in
the next part, you've got to believe it because your
nervous system knows.
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Your nervous system knows.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Well, and I'm thinking too, of you're stressed out, you
may notice how your body responds. Everybody's a little bit different.
Some people might feel it in their chest. Some people
may feel very bloated because you're not digesting food very well.
Whatever it is, you will start to be able to
look for signs in your body, or at least I
(13:13):
did when I started paying attention. And so if you're like, wow,
if my body's responding to this stress, that's all you
need to know. And how your body's reacting to thoughts
or circumstances or things that are happening. And so what
I also love to think about is sometimes people think
this is a little woo woo, even though Land's giving
(13:33):
us the science, and you're like, uh, how can my
thoughts really make me feel better? Well, if you believe
that your thoughts can give you a stomach ache or
you know, chest pains or insert whatever else shows up
for you, body keeps the score, then you have to
believe that it can also do the opposite.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Yeah, And again this is where we're going to be
able to use acting as if to our benefit, because
we talked about how your nervous and can't really tell
the difference between a real and an imagined experience. So
this is why I wanted to really bring in this
feeling part of it. Because if you can connect and
become aware and start paying attention to the physiological part
of this, the mental emotional part of it, how it's
all three dimensionally involved and it's not just this you
(14:17):
know words thing, then it can all come together for you.
And it's really the glue that kind of brings it
all together.
Speaker 3 (14:24):
Glue blue.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Well, that's why this is four parts. These are the
four parts that are absolutely necessary. Each one has to
be glued to the next.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Yeah, absolutely, And do they have to be all in
the same order. It's all interchangeable. But it's like you
kind of want them all to be there, okay, and
again for less resistance and just more easibility.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
Is a word that maybe I just made up. Sounds
good to me.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
Yeah it works, I say, if we say it works,
if we act as if it works, it works.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
Believability. Yeah done.
Speaker 1 (14:50):
But you know you called the graphic it's the emotional
frequency scale. So can you talk about frequency? Because I'm
paying more attention to energy and the energy I'm bringing
into a room. When you walk into a room and
you feel energy from others, I would assume, like, is
that scale depending on if you're spiraling up or down,
(15:11):
others are also picking up on that frequency.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Yeah, So if you maybe identify as being an mpath,
I definitely over the years have a heightened sense of
other people's emotions. There is a frequency being emitted. So
when you think about just like sound emits a frequency,
or just like light emits a frequency, radio or ultraviolet
waves emit a frequency, a thought vibrates in its own frequency.
(15:35):
And that's what that scale that you just refer to
is showing. And so there's going to be like a
neutral frequency is going to have And I don't know
what the actual numbers are for it, and then a
positive air quotes positive because again, no emotion is positive
or negative. They all have their place, but some of
them feel better than others.
Speaker 3 (15:51):
Right when I.
Speaker 2 (15:52):
Say positive and negative, but the negative emotions are going
to have a lower frequency. Even just think about like
high vibe vibrate, it's emitting that frequency, it's a higher
frequency on the scale.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
So that's why we say I'm so low vibes right now,
I can feel my love vibes and when I've brought
it into other people, and there's times where I've removed
myself from totally, like the kitchen, I like having a
meeting about something and like I'm low vibes, I'm like,
I'm gonna go ahead and I'm going to remove myself
for like five minutes and go meditate and try to
come back with higher vibes because I literally don't want
(16:26):
to pass on my low vibes.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
One thousand percent.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
And it really is this thing especially, and it's so
subjective objective, depending on if you're somebody that feels it.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
But I'm the same way.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
I'm like, if I'm going to be an energy sucker,
an energy vampire, I'm going to just do everybody a
favor and remove myself until I'm ready, because I know
that my thoughts are creating and emitting a frequency and
an energy, and if anyone is as in tune as
I am, they're going to feel it. And so part
of it is, that's why we're talking about it, is
to create that awareness so that you can take responsibility
(16:56):
for it. And again, it's happening either way you know
it or not, or like it or not.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
Yeah, And some of the feelings that me being in
tune with it is new because of the work I've
been doing and because I'm not numbing out in other ways,
and I have that awareness awareness, and I make mental
notes every time I feel something like okay, even if
it is a feeling that feels less than I'm trying
not to say negative. Yah, We've got the positive and
the negative film it doesn't feel good. Even if it
(17:22):
doesn't feel good, I celebrate the fact that I recognized it.
And if it feels positive, I also celebrate because then
I know I'm more likely to continue to recognize because
I just don't want to go back to a place
where I was emitting frequencies or talking in a way
or speaking in a way or having relationships in a
way where I wasn't my highest version of myself.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
Absolutely, yeah, And that's why it's also so important to
give voice to our air quotes negative emotions as just
data of like, hey, I'm feeling some shame right now,
Like I don't have to like it, but this is
what's happening, as opposed to not identifying it, suppressing it,
repressing it, shoving it down. And that actually brings us
to the last thing I wanted to touch on for the
feeling side of it. So there's this visual and it's
(18:07):
from Chipdod who wrote The Voice of the Heart, and
he's brilliant and he's really helped me have an understanding
of emotions and one of the aspects of this. And
there's this chart that I put in the resources for
you all to have access to. Is that forevery and
again I'm putting negative emotion in air quotes. We're talking
about these emotions that don't feel good, but this actually
contributes to that argument, so to speak, that they have
(18:28):
a place. So he says that every negative emotion has
what he calls an impairment, meaning negative consequences if they're
not properly attended to. And taken care of. And what
the words that I use with my clients are like,
are we being emotionally available to ourselves in those moments,
because again, if we are just ignoring it, shoving it down,
(18:50):
or maybe we have shame about our shame or shame
about our sadness or whatever, we're not attending to it
and it's going unattended and then it festers. And that's
what he calls a negative impairment or like a negative
consequence to these emotions that don't get attended to. But
the flip side, and this is my favorite part about it,
is that if you do attend to them and you
know how to foster and accept and direct them, he
(19:12):
calls it a gift.
Speaker 3 (19:13):
Every emotion has a gift. So I'll just give you a.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Couple examples from this chart, and again it's in your resources.
But for example, hurt, that's the feeling, that's the data.
The truth is I'm hurt. I'm feeling hurt. And the
negative impairment if you don't address the hurt, it turns
into resentment. But if you address it and you attend
to it and you care for it and nurture it,
(19:38):
hurt can actually turn into healing and courage.
Speaker 3 (19:40):
That's the gift, as he calls it.
Speaker 2 (19:42):
There's others, you know, guilt for example, if you're feeling guilt,
like I don't like that I just did that. The
negative impairment, if you don't attend to it, or you
ignore it, or you let it fester, is it turns
into toxic shame and shamelessness. But if you attend to
that guilt and you are emotionally of available to that guilt,
the gift that I can give you is freedom and forgiveness.
(20:04):
He goes in depth about all of this in his
book The Voice of the Heart. But this visual I
just wanted to share with everyone because it was really
impactful for me to see. Okay, the data is I'm
going to have these emotions regardless because I'm human and
again giving ourselves permission to be human. But there's a
gift if I can learn how to be emotionally available
to what I'm feeling.
Speaker 3 (20:23):
And first, obviously we.
Speaker 2 (20:24):
Discussed it involves being aware and paying attention to what
we're feeling and not skipping over it, shoving it down.
All of that, and also notice when we're not feeling
something because we know the repercussions, so to speak, of
not believing what we're saying and not having resonance.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
But again, these emotions all have a place.
Speaker 2 (20:41):
They're trying to teach us something, and there's a gift
if we can actually attune to them.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
It makes me think of the TikTok Chanell cheesecake analogy.
Have you seen that? No?
Speaker 3 (20:50):
Oh, it's so good.
Speaker 1 (20:51):
Kat and I have talked about it on the Fifth Thing,
and we played it before, but just a paraphrase it.
She talks about having this Chanel bag, and I love
that she used an expensive designer purse because she's saying,
you wouldn't do this to a three thousand dollars perse,
So why would you do this to your body, which
is more precious than a purse?
Speaker 3 (21:13):
Right?
Speaker 1 (21:13):
And so she talks about putting a piece of cheesecake
in there and zipping it up, and a week later,
what is going on with that cheesecake? Well, you definitely
wouldn't eat it or it would make you sick. And
so the cheesecake is representing everything you're suppressing and putting down,
and you think you dealt with it because you zipped
it up, but really it's leaking throughout your body and
(21:36):
it becomes very toxic to you.
Speaker 3 (21:38):
And so that is a perfect example of this.
Speaker 2 (21:41):
Yeah, it's the cheesecake in the purse that unattended to,
it festers. It's toxic and if you attend to it,
it's like, Wow, I just opened my purse and I
have cheesecake.
Speaker 3 (21:48):
What a gift?
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Yeah, and I didn't leave it in here long, so
I get to eat it exactly five second rule.
Speaker 3 (21:54):
Yeah, get a park, love it awesome. So yeah, that
is it for the feeling side of it.
Speaker 2 (22:00):
Were going to get into the believing side of it,
which is really, you know, the next big mover of
all this acting as if stuff in part three?
Speaker 1 (22:08):
All right, LeAnn, where can people find you?
Speaker 2 (22:10):
You can head on over to Leannellington dot com or
over at Leannellington on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
And then when you go to Lianellington dot com, don't
forget you can go slash acting as If. For the
visuals that Leanne was talking about, and any of the
homework associated with these parts one through four, we'll have
different things attached to them because Leanne is awesome and
she put this stuff together for y'all that y'all get
(22:35):
to access for free because she just really wants you
to grasp this and hopes that it helps you become
the highest version of yourself. I'm at radio Amy and
you can also find more at radioamy dot com.
Speaker 3 (22:50):
Bye bye
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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