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November 4, 2023 12 mins

OUTWEIGH: Amy and Leanne are back for PART 4 of the 5-part Self-Image series called "Do You Know Your True Value and Worth?", where they take a deep dive into the concept of "Self Worth". 

It's crucial to understand what you are "weighing" and measuring in your life, as well as the currency by which you are judging yourself --- especially if you are constantly "weighing" yourself based on external factors like your appearance, jean size, career status, relationship status, fill-in-the-blank --- rather than defining and setting your own 'currency' for self-worth.

Many women have never examined this aspect of themselves, and that's why Amy and Leanne encourage you to reflect on how you are valuing yourself, and in this episode they walk you through creating a self-worth currency that aligns with your personal goals and happiness, rather than relying solely on external 'measuring sticks'. 

 

HOST: Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
HOST: Leanne Ellington // @leanneellington // StresslessEating.com

To learn more about re-wiring your brain to heal from the all-or-nothing diet mentality for good....but WITHOUT restricting yourself, punishing your body, (and definitely WITHOUT ever having to use words like macros, low-carb, or calorie burn) check out Leanne's FREE Stressless Eating Webinar @ www.StresslessEating.com 

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change.
I'm learning love who I am again, strong, I feel,
I know every pardon me, it's beautiful and that will.

Speaker 2 (00:20):
Always out way if you feel it.

Speaker 1 (00:24):
But you all, she'll some love to the view. I
get there.

Speaker 2 (00:28):
Take you one day and did you and die out way?

Speaker 3 (00:35):
Happy Saturday outweigh Amy here and Leanne Hello, and it's
ingredient four day. The last few Saturdays we've done ingredients one, two, three,
an hour of four, which is your version of self worth?
We are working through a series called do you Know
Your True Value and Worth? So your version of self worth?

(00:57):
Leanne take it away?

Speaker 4 (00:58):
Yeah, for sure. And it's so different for all of
us obviously. That's why I want to invite all of
you to personalize it, individualize it because I know that
for anybody who is stuck within the confines of an
eating disorder or disordered eating, it feels like our weight,
our body, what we're eating, what we're not eating is
like almost like the central focus of our lives. It
becomes this bubble of obsession. At least it did for

(01:19):
me and by extension. It's like if I'm not weighing
a certain amount, or if I didn't eat a certain way,
or if I didn't have a certain amount of discipline,
it was like, who the heck am I? Because I
was only valuing myself and measuring myself by those things.
So my question for you is really to just and
again this is all coming from a place of getting
really real with ourselves, but with love and compassion, no shame,

(01:40):
but just acknowledging, like what am my measuring and weighing
to comprise my own self worth? Okay? And for a
lot of us, it's these external quantifiables things like gene size,
calorie count, bank balance, likes on Instagram, number of matches
on a dating app, whatever it is, compliments you got
that date, like whatever it is right that you're using

(02:01):
outside of you to really comprise your self worth. And
for the record, there is nothing wrong with these things
contributing to your self worth. We are all human and
it is so natural and normal for us to care
about those things. But what happens is when that's all
that we're using, and that's all that we have taking
over our like our worthiness bank account, so to speak,

(02:24):
When we don't have those things, or we can't find
those things, or those things transform or change, or maybe
it's out of our control. We don't know who we
are if our identity is so rooted in idols, like
I know, for me, I was chasing skinny, or I
was chasing in a relationship, or I was chasing you know,
fame at one point in my life, you know what
I mean? That seems like moons ago. But again, like
we don't know what we don't know, and if that's

(02:45):
all that we're chasing, and we can't comprise it within
ourselves and the soul, the essence of the identity of
who we are, it's not pretty. It feels empty.

Speaker 3 (02:54):
You know, I'm thinking too of like chasing people's approval affirmation,
making sure you're too could like I like to hear
that a lot, and I've had to check in with, well,
where does my self worth come from? Does it come
from someone else saying something to me? And it could
be truly from someone that I don't even maybe necessarily respect,

(03:15):
But it didn't matter. As long as I was getting affirmation,
it was fine. But then when I backed up, you know,
I could start to see a bigger picture. I was like, Oh,
I maybe don't even respect the people or the person
or whatever that I'm craving this from. And I don't
even know that I can trust what they're saying anyway,

(03:38):
So why am I putting so much emphasis on what
they're gonna tell me? And this goes back into my childhood.
Words of affirmation are my love language. But I think
that even can get unhealthy. You can't you can sort
of use that as an excuse I did. I'm like, well,
it's no big deal. Words of affirmation are just my
love language, so of course I need that as fuel

(03:58):
and it'll be great. But I had a very unhealthy
relationship with it, and a lot of my self worth
would come from what I was hearing from other people,
when at the end of the day, some of the
people that I was wanting to hear it from I
didn't even respect or think they told the truth. So
why would I want to hear it from somebody else
when I can't even trust them, Like, it has to

(04:19):
come from within me.

Speaker 4 (04:21):
Yeah, and to be able to receive it when you
do hear the things that are good, you know, and
you unknowingly created a couple of really important distinctions. You know,
first and foremost, there's this difference between desire versus require, right,
and it is the human part of us to desire
all of those things, the affirmation, the numerical things to
go in the direction that we want them to go in,

(04:41):
to look a certain way, feel a certain way, all
those things, like it's human of us to desire them.
But when we require them to feel a certain way
about ourselves and we don't know who the heck we
are without it, that's where it gets to be really dangerous,
you know. So the desire versus require.

Speaker 3 (04:56):
It makes me think of, you know, whether or not
you can trust what the person is saying. Like my
example is words of affirmation and just taking whatever I
can get, soaking it all up right, even if it
means nothing. Like when it comes to a gene size,
what does that even really mean? Like there is no
across the board. Society has told us at times certain

(05:18):
sizes might be desirable, but we're moving past that, we're evolving,
thank goodness. But also even within a company, two sizes
of a gene might fit differently. Or if you line
up five different companies, their version of this size and
their version of that size, they're all totally different, So
we put all this weight into something we can't even

(05:38):
trust that this number is even is what this number is,
it's just what it's been assigned.

Speaker 4 (05:44):
Yeah, And it's a great example of like, where are
you using other people's measuring sticks as a measuring stick
to measure yourself but you don't even agree with that
measuring stick or you don't even know what it is
that they're measuring you, know what I mean? And we
touched on this a bit in the fashion series that
we just did about finding your self worth and your
self image through fashion, and that's one of the things

(06:06):
that comes up too, like and it's so relevant to
this conversation. If you are if your entire mood is
dependent on whether you are in a certain size, like
you know that your self worth and not that that's
bad or wrong. We want to just really reiterate that
it's not bad or wrong. We're not shaving you for it,
but it's probably not serving you. And that's why I
talk about this idea of your version of self worth

(06:26):
and the other thing that you mentioned that or really
just show these patterns, all of these ingredients that we're
talking about whether it's self care or self acceptance, or
self esteem or self worth, or we're going to talk
about self endorsement. There's so much connectivity and crossover because
what you're weighing and measuring in your self worth could
also be where you're looking for endorsement or affirmation from
other people. Right, So there's so much crossover to all

(06:47):
of this. But that being said, it's really important that
we have our own measuring stick and almost like our
own value system. Like kind of what you were just saying,
you're like these people that I'm trying to get affirmation from,
we have different values, Like they don't vow you what
I value. You know, So if you're trying to get
somebody who God love them but is obsessed with their
weight and has their own body dysmorphia to think that

(07:07):
you have a beautiful body or a pretty it's like,
what value system or measuring stick are you using to
try to gain somebody else's affirmation? Whereas what would it
look like for you to feel beautiful and worthy and
powerful independent of other people's measuring sticks. But also a
lot of times it's not other people, it's our own
I know for me, you know, the scale was a
big thing for me. If I weigh a certain amount, oh,

(07:28):
I can feel awesome. And if I weighed a half
a pound more, I was my self esteem and self
worth went down the tubes.

Speaker 3 (07:34):
Well, so what's something that we can do to process
through our version of self worth or trying to tap
into that which I know each ingredient of this series
is very important. They're all players and eventually getting yeah
to our true value, but for self worth specifically, Yeah,
So you know, just to give you a couple examples

(07:56):
of what this could look like. And again it's so
individualized for each person, but we'll just stick with the
example of like gene size or weight, because I know
that's a big one that comes up with people that
have body dysmorphia or any type of disordered eating eating disorder.
You know, I want you to think about, like in
your mind, you might have this idea of what your
air quotes perfect body is right, but really outside of
the body, like how do you want to feel? And

(08:17):
most women I talk to you, they want to feel peace, right,
they want to feel freedom, they want to feel beautiful,
Like beautiful is another one that comes up, right, peace, freedom,
peace of mind, worthiness, beauty right, and so yeah, absolutely
connected to yourself, connected to others, feeling connection from others.
So when you think about what you're weighing and measuring,

(08:37):
I want you to think about what do you really want?
Things like what we just talked about, connection, freedom, peace
of mind, and what can you start weighing and measuring
to actually get those things? Like how can you reverse
engineer those things?

Speaker 4 (08:48):
Because the truth is is that at the end of
the day, I mean, this was so much love, Like
weighing a certain weight and being a certain sized gene
is not going to make you feel the way that
you think you want to feel. Only feeling though those
feelings and integrating with that value system so to speak,
is going to help you create that so instead of
you know, part of it. Again, it's a bigger conversation

(09:09):
than this, but this is where I walk through. I
invite people to walk through their values of what are
they truly weighing and measuring and is it serving them?
Is it put in a happy face or a sad
emoji next to it? You know, and literally just having
that awareness of like, wow, weighing and measuring my gene sized,
calorie count, carb count, whatever it is, is actually not

(09:29):
making me feel beautiful, powerful, happy, free, connected, peace of mind,
all these things, and just again it's a pattern interrupt
of just acknowledging that and seeing the data, because the
drama is, oh, when I lose the weight, then I'll
feel powerful, beautiful, happy, free, all the things. And it's like, no,
that's the lie. So just set apart, setting apart the
truth from the lie.

Speaker 3 (09:49):
And I'm just thinking of how much time I missed
out on connection with others. That's probably why that's a
big one for me. That stood out because when I
was so consumed with other things, I didn't have space
for that. And then therefore I was like, I didn't
know was I even worthy of certain relationships and connection
and you know, true happiness and joy and whatnot. So

(10:11):
I think, yeah, making a list of what you want
and then weighing and measuring, Okay, how much time did
I maybe spend with friends this week or someone outside
of me? How much time did I spend potentially serving
someone else this week in what way? How much time
did I spend you know, with nature today or this week,
whatever it looks like for you. Starting to put more

(10:34):
emphasis on the other things that can actually have a
positive impact on your overall well being and your overall
self worth.

Speaker 4 (10:42):
One thousand percent. Yeah, and you mentioned something too, you know,
the connection piece of the puzzle to yourself to others,
but then feeling worthy of other people feeling connected to you.
Like that's a big thing too, you know, and when
you're so in your head about but wait a minute,
if only they knew that my gene size went up
asize this past six months or whatever it is, you know,
but also like noticing when you're around people that don't

(11:02):
weigh and measure what you're looking to weigh measure. So
a big thing that happens with my clients when they
find freedom within themselves is they notice that sometimes there
are around friends that are you know, nitpicking on their
bodies or being like oh I can't eat that, and
presenting with more of the disordered habits, and they realize like,
wait a minute, like actually, what I'm now valuing is
a bit different than what my friends are valuing. And

(11:24):
that's okay, not making it bad or wrong, but realizing
that sometimes the connection that we were seeking, like you
were saying, is not always the connection that's going to
really feed our souls.

Speaker 3 (11:33):
I like that and I think until you give yourself
that permission to start looking for it, or you give
yourself the space or the bandwidth or the capacity to
even tap into what true connection will look like and
what really is going to help fill your cup up
when you're in the throes of it, you just don't
have the you don't have the space for it, but

(11:53):
you will. You will.

Speaker 4 (11:55):
Yeah, and you can't see what you can't see, like,
trust me, there is connection and belonging like you wouldn't
even imagine on the other side of this, But you've
got to feel it for yourself first.

Speaker 3 (12:04):
Love it, LeAnn. Where can people find you?

Speaker 4 (12:06):
You can head on over to Leannellington dot com. I'm
also Leannellington on Instagram. If you want to hear more
about the rewiring your brain side of all of this
food and body stuff, you can check out my free
masterclass over there as well.

Speaker 3 (12:18):
And Leanne also has a podcast It's called What's God
Got to Do With It? And I'm at Radio Am
on socials if you want to find me there.

Speaker 4 (12:27):
Bye bye,

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Amy Brown

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