September 12, 2023 • 43 mins
In this episode, Leanne reflects on a pivotal moment when she found herself in the office of Pastor Kevin Queen and handed him an envelope with $500, not knowing exactly what it was for, but sparking intrigue and curiosity in her spiritual journey. She shares her reservations about Christianity and her initial hesitations to fully embrace it.
The episode highlights her struggle with complex spiritual concepts and the discovery of a transformative book, "Let Your Spirit Guide Speak." A serendipitous find of the book at a Goodwill store reinforces her sense of progress. She discusses her spiritual practice of connecting with 'spirit guides' through a simple prayer and a profound encounter with God's presence during a bike ride.
Leanne's decision to embrace the idea of God, miracles, and purpose despite her Jewish upbringing and initial skepticism is explored. She immerses herself deeply in her faith journey, engages with a supportive church community, and meets Pastor Kevin Queen, solidifying her sense of belonging. The episode concludes with Leanne's gratitude for personal growth and a teaser of what's to come in her spiritual exploration.
HOST: @LeanneEllington
To learn more about Leanne, head over to www.LeanneEllington.com, and to share your to share your thoughts, questions, feedback, or guest suggestions instantly, head on over to www.WhatsGodGotToDoWithIt.com.
What's God Got to Do With It is an iHeartRadio podcast on the Amy Brown Podcast network. It's written and hosted by Leanne Ellington, Executive Produced by Elizabeth Fazio, Post Production and Editing by Houston Tilley, and Original music written by Cheryl Stark & produced by Adam Stark.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
If you want to go on a journey, if you're skeptical,
don't worry. Now here to preach. Want to keep it
clean and talk to me and recall where faith needs
stops nature and get in touch with your creat with
a bacon, love and jew She even speaks Hebrew.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
What's that? What's that?
Speaker 1 (00:37):
As well said talking transformation?
Speaker 2 (00:41):
What's done? Got About a year after my first church service,
I found myself sitting in the office of Pastor Kevin Queen,
the lead pastor of Nashville's Cross Point Church. And I
was sitting there with Pastor Kevin and his wife RhE
holding an envelope with five hundred dollars insh. Now, I
didn't know what the money was for or why I
(01:04):
had it, but there I was, and there it was.
This wasn't our first encounter. In fact, I'd met Kevin
several times before that, and seeing re around church many
times too. And even though by this point in my journey,
Pastor Kevin had offered several times to support my journey
or chat with me, I wasn't ready until I was ready.
(01:26):
But I'll get to that now. Keep in mind that
after my first church encounter, I was totally intrigued and
something massive was shifting inside me. But I still had
Jesus and Christianity and even God at an arms distance.
And it makes sense too, you know. It felt like
a whole new language and culture and we had essentially
(01:49):
only been on our first date and I wasn't ready
to give my life over to God, as I kept
hearing people talk about, and as I mentioned, language is everything.
So this idea of there being a guy called Jesus
that was okay with me, but him being my Lord
and savior, well that was the part that still felt
(02:09):
a little weird, and honestly, I just didn't get it,
Like what did that even mean? And that wasn't the
only thing. There were other concepts that didn't fully resonate
with me just yet either, specifically this idea of having
the Holy Spirit living within me and of course having
Jesus save me and to follow him. So this is
where the story continues, and I swear I can't make
(02:31):
this stuff up. So about a week after my first
church experience, a friend of mine had told me that
the Goodwill across the road from my neighborhood had a
huge selection of books. So I just walked on across
the street to browse. Now, I don't want to say
that a book fell off the shelf at me, because
it didn't literally fall off the shelf, but it's like
it was peeking its head out at me, and all
(02:53):
of the other books agreed to stand down so that
I could see that one, and so I pulled it
out and it was called let Your Spirit Guides Speak.
And at this point in my exploration, trying on this
idea of spirit guides actually felt like a great first
step to see if that connected with me more in
(03:14):
terms of connecting with this idea of Holy Spirit. And
so once again I just told myself that the God
that I pray to doesn't care how I get it
or what I call it. He just wants me to
get the message. So I bought the book and I
kind of gobbled it up that very day, and it
was a short book and easy to read through in
one day. But as I finish it, I noticed that
(03:35):
on the back cover it mentioned that it was written
by the same author that wrote a book called The
Only Prayer You Need. So I went and googled the author,
Deborah Engele, to look for The Only Little Prayer that
You Need because I was super curious to know what
that one little prayer was, because, as you'll learn, I'm
all about baby steps, and the idea of prayer was
(03:59):
such a massive concept to me at the time that
if somebody went and deciphered the only little prayer that
I needed, I wanted that prayer. So after some googling,
I realized that the prayer was so elegant in its simplicity,
and it said, please help me heal my fear based
thoughts about X. So, please help me heal my fear
(04:22):
based thoughts about X. So I grabbed a three by
five note card and wrote that little prayer on one
side of the card, and I just remember staring at
it and soaking it in. And then I just tried
on this idea that what if I do have spirit guides,
that if I could just tune into their frequency, they
would help me and lead me. And again, I just
(04:44):
tried on this idea, and everything was really just me
using my imagination and trying this stuff on to see
how it felt. That's literally how my faith walk started.
And when I tried on that little prayer, the first
things that came up for me were and this is
where I'm just going to be totally vulnerable. Please help
me heal my fear based thoughts about being alone the
(05:06):
rest of my life. Please help me heal my fear
based thoughts about money and security. And please help me
heal my fear based thoughts about stepping into my purpose
and using my God given gifts. So I just wrote
those three things on the back side of the card,
and I just went up to Shelby Park like I
got out of my house. And Shelby Park is this
(05:28):
beautiful park down the road where I lived in Nashville
at the time, and I rented a bike from the
bike share program that we used to have in Nashville.
It's called b Cycle. I'm not sure if it's still around,
but I just got on my bike and I rode,
and I rode, and I rode and I rode. And
now riding at Shelby Park wasn't anything new to me.
But as I was riding, all of a sudden, I
(05:48):
saw this left hand turn that I had never taken before.
So I decided to take a left and I just
kept riding until all of a sudden, I was just
riding up this massive hill and at the top of
the hill, I end up at this bridge that overlooks
the Cumberland River. Now I had been to this park
so many times, but I never ended up on this
road or on this bridge. So I walked my bike
(06:11):
out to the middle of the bridge and I got
off my bike and I just stood there. And I
stood there, and I just stared over the water into
the rocks, and I just started speaking to my guides.
And yes, I think I was just trying to talk
to God. I don't think I knew what I was doing,
but I didn't plan it. It just kind of sort
of happened. And I said, hey, I can't see you,
(06:32):
and I know we've never met, but I want to
know you. I want to hear from you. And this
in itself was another leap of faith for me. Is
I'd never done anything like that before, and I can't
explain it, but I just felt them there, like I
felt like my spirit guides were there. And this is
the first time I remember feeling that and feeling what
(06:56):
I think, or I thought at the time, might have
been the presence of God. Because again I'm still exploring
all of this. And so I proceeded to say that
little prayer out loud, and I said, please help me
heal my fear based thoughts about being alone the rest
of my life, and please help me heal my fear
based thoughts about money, and please help me heal my
fear based thoughts about stepping into my purpose and using
(07:18):
my God given gifts. And once again, I just felt
my new found spirit guides there, like I felt this
rush come through me that I had never experienced before.
And again I can't fully explain it, but this peace
just came over me, and for the first time ever,
I felt God, and God didn't seem like this thing
(07:41):
that was so far away that everybody else had access to.
I felt like I finally had access like I felt God.
And again it's a feeling that I can't necessarily describe,
but I'm obviously doing my best to describe it to
you now. So I stayed on that bridge overlooking the
river for a while until I felt I was just
ready to head back and feeling totally high, I got
(08:04):
back on my bike and I just started to ride
back to where my car was parked, and on my way,
I noticed that there was a family stopped on the trail,
and it turned out they were looking at a couple
of deer. So I got off my bike and I
just stopped to marvel at the deer as well, because
I love deer. So I'm standing there and eventually the
family left, but I stayed there, just kind of staring
at the deer and having him stare back at me.
(08:27):
And deer, I mean, they usually run away really quickly,
but this one, I swear to you, after a few
minutes of silence and just staring at it, it actually
took a step towards me and we had this moment,
and it was really short because another biker just kind
of wooshed by and scared the deer and he ran off.
(08:47):
But I had this moment with this deer, and once
again I felt God. Okay, now, I know you can
give any story any meaning, and this is obviously the
meaning that I'm choosing to give it. But this is
what happened for me and how I experienced it that
day and before that. Though, I've never had a deer
walk and take steps towards me, but this day one did.
(09:11):
And that's when I was like, you know what, Like,
what do I have to lose? What if I started
believing in God and believing in miracles and believing in
this idea that I don't have to carry around all
of my old shame stories anymore, and believing that I'm
here for a purpose and that God has my back,
and that even when I'm technically alone in this world,
(09:32):
I'm never alone in this world because I have this
ever present spirit that is protecting me and watching over
me and lives within me. And again, this is just
the story I decided to try on, and it's a
story that again, as a Jewish girl, I was never
given this story, or any story like it for that matter,
to try on, and in fact, in my family I
(09:54):
might have even been made fun of or shamed for it.
But there I was, and I decided to try it
on for myself to see how it felt. And I
know to anybody who's a non believer, it might seem
crazy or fantastical or whimsical or whatever. But from that
day on, my life was never the same. That day
at the park, with my spirit guides with that deer,
(10:16):
that was a defining day. And so from there on out,
I threw myself into my faith. I wasn't in a
rush to, you know, figure out what that meant. To
be honest is I was still very confused, as I'm
sure you can imagine, and I wasn't rushing to put
a label on it or call myself a Christian or
anything like that, because keep in mind, I wasn't just confused.
(10:36):
I was still navigating my own skepticism and doubt as well.
So the story I told myself was that I was
simply a Jewish girl who was really really, really really
curious about Christianity, and I was kind of, you know,
dipping my toes into Christianity and getting to know this
guy called Jesus. Because as soon as I started just
doing that and learning and exploring and seeking, my heart opened,
(11:01):
and I would even go as far as say my
heart softened, and I became open to something extraordinary that
I hadn't been open to before. And I would even
go as far as say I was now open to miracles,
because now I had this piece, this piece that had
just come over me that had no logical reason to
be there, like it was truly peace beyond my own understanding,
(11:25):
and like I said before, I couldn't science my way
through it to explain it. So of course that made
me want to learn more and dive in even deeper.
But because I had a strong belief system and a
very solid sense of my own identity from all the
work I had been doing on myself and my self
image for the you know, the fifteen years prior to this,
I wasn't looking to just believe in something because I
(11:47):
thought I was air quotes supposed to like, I really
needed for it to resonate completely within me. So for
the next year, I just immersed myself in everything, and
I mean totally. I essentially became this student with and
insatiable hunger. So I went to church every Sunday, and
sometimes I would even double dip and go to two services.
(12:07):
And then I found out that they had these things
called open Prayer, which anyone could essentially come on Tuesdays
and just pray and get prayed over and worship. So
I just started scheduling them into my week and making
them non negotiable. And when I started going, I kind
of had no idea what I was even looking for.
And honestly, sometimes I would just go and like cry
(12:27):
because I was just again in this massive surrender, and
you know, I was just so emotionally raw. And the
three things that kept coming up for me were please God,
please help me heal my fears that I'm going to
be alone the rest of my life, and please help
me heal all my fears about money, and please help
me heal my fears that I'm not going to step
into my God given purpose, like my true God given purpose,
(12:51):
even though unbeknownst to me, I kind of already had
and already was. But those were the three things I
started with. And it's actually at that open prayer that
I met Kevin Queen, the lead pastor. And I didn't
go up to him right away, because, like I said,
I wasn't ready. But one day I did finally get
the courage to go up to him and just introduce
myself to him and just say hi and really just
(13:14):
thank him. And you know, he asked me, how how
long have you been coming to Cross Point? So I
just answered him very honestly and openly, and I was like, Hey, actually,
you know, only a few weeks, and this is my
first church and you're my first pastor, and I'm actually Jewish.
And I literally think I told him that I was
just dipping my toes into the whole Christianity thing. Like
those were the words I was using, and he was
(13:36):
totally down with that.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
You know.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
In fact, anyone that I met, I was transparent about
who I was and why I was there, And honestly,
it also was probably a bit of a defense mechanism
because inside I was also super confused and felt a
bit like an impostor. I mean, here, I was so
fascinated by the principles of Christianity, but I also kind
(13:58):
of didn't believe in some of the big things that
make up Christianity, like you know, Jesus for one thing.
So I think I led with, Hey, I'm just dipping
my toes in to see what it's about, you know,
half secretly hoping that no one would find me out,
and half hoping they wouldn't try to convert me or
save me or anything like that. And you know what,
like nobody cared that I wasn't fully there yet, nobody
(14:21):
cared that I was just there and showing up and
present and soaking it all in and no one was
trying to convert me, and no one was trying to
you know, save me or anything like that. Honestly, everyone
I met, they were just so excited for me that
I was there and that I was taking this journey
at my own pace, and Kevin was no different. When
(14:42):
I met him that day, he was so excited for me,
and he asked me a little bit about myself, and
so I shared with him that, you know, I'm Jewish,
but it was never a religion or a connection to God,
and that I speak Hebrew and lived in Israel. But
I'm seeking surrender and I'm seeking faith. And I just
laid it all out there, and I'm not even sure
if I made any sense to him, but he immediately understood,
(15:04):
and he even offered to give me any support that
I needed, and that if I wanted to meet or
if I had any questions about the Old Testament versus
the New Testament, to just let him know. And I
think I literally told him, like, hey, I don't even
know anything about the Old Testament, so that's not going
to be a problem. Again. I was just very freely
spoken regardless. I had started this conversation with Kevin that
(15:26):
was coming from such a place of freedom and exploration
and just no pressure and no judgment, and he let
me be where I was. It was exactly what I
needed to be able to give myself permission to just
be there and explore. So I just kept diving deep
from there. And fast forward a couple months later and
by this point, I'm at church on Sundays sometimes more
(15:49):
than once. I joined this amazing woman's group on Monday nights,
which was totally blowing me away. And the leader, Gina,
was such a kind and loving and welcoming mentor to
me who was also so supportive of my own discovery
process and the pace that I was going at. I
was going to the open prayer sessions on Tuesdays, and
(16:09):
oh yeah, I got involved at the Dream Center on
Wednesday nights where you hang around and mentor middle school
and high school students and the leaders at the Dream
Center they were also an amazing support system for me
as I was kind of figuring everything out and exploring
my faith. So yeah, like I said, I was all in,
like totally immersed, and it was transforming me to my core.
(16:32):
And I can't explain it, but I was being transformed
and almost like kind of being brought back to life.
And again, it's so hard to explain, but that's how
it felt, and I truly believe it was because as
I was immersing myself in all of this, I wasn't
trying to make any rules about what any of it meant.
And I wasn't trying to determine whether or not I
(16:54):
was Christian or Jewish, or if I was a good
Jew or a bad Jew or anything like that. And
I wasn't rushing or honestly even interested in labels, because honestly,
that's part of what stressed me out, like trying to
put what I was experiencing in a box or give
it a name. And part of why it was so
transformational was because I was just giving myself permission to
(17:18):
explore and not give any titles or labels for anything to,
you know, just connect with God and practice faith and
figure out what that even meant. And that's why I'm
so passionate about inviting you into your own relationship with God,
because I know how important it was for me to
kind of figure out what my own relationship with God
looked like and how it would work, so to speak. Meanwhile,
(17:42):
parallel to this, the women coming through my stress less
eating program were getting insane transformations, and I could sense
that I was also showing up differently in my work too.
But it also opened the doors to conversations that wouldn't
have been possible before my own faith walk, because the
core of my stressless eating program really is about self
(18:03):
image and identity, and now I had this whole new
picture of what identity even meant. But it was also
no longer just a self image conversation. It was now
about seeing myself through God's eyes and the image that
God has of me, like self image through God's eyes,
which was totally blowing me away and again totally new
(18:26):
to me. So now all of a sudden, the life
transforming results that my clients were getting were magnified by
the ability to go on a spiritual journey in the process,
as in realizing that a lot of the struggles my
clients were facing were yes about the wiring in their
brain that never got unwired and rewired, but oftentimes they
were also facing a spiritual battle. And it wasn't long
(18:49):
before I noticed that the only little prayer that I needed,
and honestly, the only little prayer that I really knew
how to pray, was actually working. And the prayer to God,
you know, asking him to help me heal my fear
based thoughts about stepping into my purpose and using my
God given gifts suddenly I had this knowingness that I
(19:10):
was like, I could feel it in my bones. And
that's when I realized that the work I was doing
was not just my business, that it was God's business,
that it was my God given purpose, and I was
stepping into purpose, and that one of my unanswered prayers
was right under my nose and had been being answered
(19:30):
all along. But it was so much more than that,
Like the more that I was able to be compassionate
with myself and love myself through the eyes of God
and find even deeper layers of self love and self acceptance,
like the kind of self acceptance that is there even
in the deep dark corners of your own shame. And
the more I discovered that, the more I was able
(19:51):
to receive that kind of unconditional love and unconditional acceptance,
and only then was I able to give it back
to my clients and really invite them into deeper levels
of self love. And that's what I met when I
said that there was still some residual shame and like
kind of blocks to self love that I couldn't personally
develop my way through. I now know that I needed
(20:14):
God to fill those gaps. So yeah, needless to say,
it was a really big year, and it was my
first year of you know, just dipping my toes into
this story and this picture of God, where I looked
at it like I was really just trying on this
framework and where just like you do in any new relationship,
I was just getting to know this guy called Jesus.
(20:36):
So I tried on a new framework, and I tried
on scripture from the Bible, even though that is definitely
a learning curve and a journey in itself. And I
surrounded myself with people that already followed Jesus to see
what this idea of following him actually looked like. And
I just immersed myself into that. Meanwhile, my experience at
(20:57):
church and in groups, it was amazing, you know, Like
I said, no one was trying to convert me. They
were just glad I was there and so excited for
me and happy for me. So this went on for
about a year, when little did I know things were
about to accelerate. So fast forward to October of twenty eighteen,
(21:24):
about two weeks before I'm in Pastor Kevin's office with
five hundred dollars in cash in an envelope which I
promise I'll get to in a minute, because that's where
things got crazy. But I was part of a business
strategy group and a mastermind, and I was in Atlantis,
and while I was there, I kind of had this
personal download, if you want to call it that, and
I had this revelation that my relationship that I was
(21:47):
in at the time wasn't the relationship for me. And
one of the reasons I discovered that was because not
only did I feel like he didn't really see me,
like appreciate the things about me that didn't involve my
looks or my success or any of that superficial stuff,
but I also just felt like we were in such
different places in our faith and just being on this
trip away from home and having that awareness that was
(22:11):
a really big deal to me because I never cared
about that before. And it wasn't just that I cared
about it, It was all of a sudden, really really
important for me to share my faith with my partner
and be equally yoked, as they say. But the icing
on the cake of this realization was when I was
kind of having this vulnerable conversation with a friend really
(22:34):
about my dissatisfaction with my relationship and she asked me
this pivotal question, and she said, does he love Jesus?
And I immediately replied and probably got a little defensive,
and I was like, oh, yeah, he's a Christian. And
she interrupted me and she's like, no, no, no, no, that's
not what I asked. I said, does he love Jesus?
And this is when my mind started doing backflips, like,
(22:57):
not only did I realize that, no, he didn't love Jesus,
but it's the first time that it went through my
mind that I did like I loved Jesus, like for real,
I love Jesus, and that well, that was something I
had never ever, ever ever thought or felt, let alone
said out loud. And that was the first of so
(23:17):
many realizations about just how much that past year had
shifted my heart and shifted my identity. And for whatever reason,
going to Atlantis was just the catalyst for what was
about to happen. And I jokingly call what happened next
my holy Trinity. So I got back home and probably
no surprise to you, I ended things with my then
(23:39):
boyfriend and I actually dropped out of that mastermind because
I realized that my business didn't need any more business makeovers.
I just needed to fully own and step into the
idea that God gave me my gifts and my struggles
and even my suffering and shame for a reason, and
to just use that, like use the God given gifts
(23:59):
that I now knew that I had. And then the
third thing, and this is the part that kind of
hit me like a ton of bricks, And it's the
hardest part of my journey to really explain or put
in words, but that is when I realized that I
was fully ready to surrender, like really and truly let
God lead me, and for lack of a better way
of saying it, to let Jesus take the wheel. And
(24:21):
for whatever reason, like all of this cynicism and skepticism
and all of the you know, keeping Jesus at an
arms distance that I had been doing during that year
of immersing myself, all of a sudden it was gone.
And again it's so hard to describe this, but it's
kind of like my faith caught up with my experiences
and my spirit caught up with what I had been
(24:42):
soaking in but had a wall up about. But now
I was like ready to tear down the wall and
stop trying to do it all on my own and
stop feeling alone in this world. And I was finally
ready to let God in. And it was kind of like,
all of a sudden, I understood what it meant to
give my life over to Jesus and follow him. And again,
(25:03):
it's so hard to put in words, but I can't
really say it any other way than that. But it
wasn't something I was looking for or trying to create.
I was perfectly happy just experimenting, you know, But it
just came over me like a flood, totally unexpectedly. And
to be honest, I know the exact day and time
in October and where I was when it happened, and
(25:24):
I'll never forget it because that was the day I
truly gave my life over to God and gave my
life over to Jesus. And that day in October was
the day that things got really really dark for me,
I mean like really dark. And so I know some
people have this full surrender moment and come to Jesus
and it's all roses and butterflies, but for me, it
(25:47):
was like all of my old stories of shame and
fear and self condemnation they came back and they hit
me like a wave, and it's kind of like I
was purging sorrow and sadness, but I also felt renewed
at the same time. It was such a weird mix
of emotions, but the best way to describe it was
kind of like a purge, like a spiritual detox or something.
(26:09):
And this lasted for close to a month. So after
about four weeks, the wave of darkness started to subside
and I started really kind of feeling the fruits of
my surrender. And so the week after Thanksgiving, I reached
out to Pastor Kevin, and even though I was still
sort of in it, like still in the darkness, I
was like, Okay, I'm ready to talk. And I don't
(26:29):
remember exactly what I said in that email, but I
can only imagine I kind of sounded like a blubbering idiot, Like,
you know, I remember I was telling him about the
dark places I had been to in my deep surrender,
but that I was, you know, air quotes in and
that the blinders had been removed from my eyes. And
he messaged me back pretty immediately and said he'd be
happy to meet with me. But then he shared that
(26:49):
he had shared a bit about my story with his
wife free and wanted to know if I would be
cool with her coming to our meeting too, And I
was ecstatic, Like I was so excit because I felt
like I knew her because I saw her at the
open prayers and I heard her pray on Tuesdays. But
to have her there with me felt like such a gift,
and so I was over the moon to get the
(27:10):
chance to sit down with both of them. And this
is where the story gets really crazy. So we had
set up a time to meet on a Tuesday before
open Prayer, and that Monday, I was working out at
the gym inside my complex, and remember I was still
coming out of my like funky darkness, but I felt
this wave of anxiety and scarcity, and then it was
(27:32):
followed by this hyper awareness that I was kind of
in my own victim mentality and I was focusing on
problems and what I didn't have and what wasn't working
in my life. And now I know that that was
the enemy just doing what it does best, and it
just comes to steal and kill and destroy, and then bam,
Immediately I felt prompted to recite out loud the part
(27:55):
that felt relevant from the only Prayer I needed, which
is and I just said it out loud, and I said, please, God,
help me heal my fear based thoughts about money and security.
And in that moment, it was like I had this
wave rush over me of clarity but also gratitude, like
big gratitude. And I had this moment where I was like, Leanne,
(28:15):
you're working out in a gym in your complex, and
you have this amazing life and you're finally feeling the
gifts from God that you're stepping into, but you're also
feeling all of this scarcity. And as soon as that
distinction became clear to me, like the coexistence of gratitude
and scarcity, at the same time, I had this realization
that what I was experiencing had nothing to do with
(28:37):
my actual experiences or my current reality, and that it
was all in my head. And I had this wave
of what I can only describe as the Holy Spirit
rush over me and say five hundred dollars. Okay, now
I just saw it or heard it. I'm not sure
what it was. Maybe it was both, but it was
very specific in that I felt that it was saying
(28:59):
five one hundred dollars, like five hundred dollars specifically, and
then I got another wave or flash or whatever you
want to call it, but the next one said single mother.
So there I am, and I'm like, five hundred dollars
single mother, Like what the heck is that supposed to mean?
And I obviously was not in tune with deciphering these messages, right,
(29:20):
So I just decided to roll with it, and I
went to the ATM and I took out five hundred
dollars that I really didn't have despair at the time,
and I put it in an envelope to take with
me to Kevin the next day, and I kid you
not too like that very night, the floodgates to my
business opened, and little did I know that my financial
troubles and my debt were about to become a non issue.
(29:41):
But that's another story for another day. But so I
went to Kevin's office the next day to meet with
he and Ree, and before we sat down to talk,
I said, Hey, I don't know who this is for,
and I've never done anything like this before, but this
envelope has five hundred dollars in it, and I feel
like it needs to go to a single mother. And
I went on to say, like I don't think it's
(30:02):
for Christmas presents or paying it forward at Starbucks or
anything like that. I feel like it's for a really
big need. And Kevin immediately said to me, I think
I know exactly who this is for. And he went
on to tell me about this woman named Selene and
her family who had just moved here from Africa and
their number got called in the lottery to immigrate to
(30:23):
the US. And she had four children and at the
time they were twelve, ten, seven, and two, and then
she was about to have a fifth child. She was pregnant,
about to give birth, and her husband who had a
job set up for him and he was just waiting
to start working. In the meantime, while he was waiting
to start working, he just started volunteering. But he got
(30:43):
killed in a car accident on his way to volunteer,
like tragically, suddenly traumatically. So there she was, this single mother,
a widow, and about to give birth to her fifth child.
She barely spoken in English, and she was new to
this country and I can not even imagine what she
was going through. But despite all of that, Kevin told
(31:04):
me that when he met her, she just had so
much joy radiating through her, and he was like, you
have to meet this woman. So I was just like yes,
like give it to her. I want Selene to have
this money. And he was like, well, I can give
it to her, or would you like to give it
to her? Like would you like to meet her? And
I was like, isn't this stuff supposed to be anonymous?
I mean I had no idea how any of this worked.
(31:26):
And he was like, no, it doesn't have to be,
like would you like to meet her? So I was
like okay, yeah, let's do this. So he set me
up with this woman, Donna, who takes care of all
the refugee families here in Nashville, and we set up
(31:47):
a time to give them the money. And so we
chatted and arrange to go over there on a Saturday
and give them the money, just kind of like a surprise,
Like Selene had no idea what was going on. So Friday,
I was back at Shelby Park walking and I got
a call from Donna and she was so excited and
she was like listen, I know you're a new believer,
but like this is what he does and this is
(32:08):
the kind of miracles that only he can perform. And
she basically was like, Okay, Selene and the children, they're
living in an apartment where they last saw their father
slash husband alive, and they were having the kids were
having nightmares like it. It was terrible memories, right, and
they just wanted a fresh start, and they wanted to
move to a different unit in their current neighborhood, but
(32:28):
there wasn't one available, but then one apparently became available.
And when they called her niece to tell her this,
because her niece was the English speaker in the family,
she told the person at the complex. She's like, sorry, like,
we can't take the apartment because we don't have the
money because it was going to cost yep, you guessed it,
(32:48):
five hundred dollars. Okay. So Donna found out about all
of this and called the apartment complex and she was like, hey, like,
don't give away that apartment. And Selene does it know this,
but a total stranger is coming over to her house
with five hundred dollars on Saturday. So we went over
to Seline's and we gave her the money and it
(33:10):
was just ugh, it was the most beautiful experience and
we all just celebrated what was happening and I got
to hold the baby and meet all of the children,
and it was just this full circle story and I've
never experienced anything like it. And I mean, what are
the odds, right, Like, what are the odds that I
was prompted to give away the exact dollar amount for
(33:31):
a single mother who needed a gift from God more
than any other time in her life and there was
a family who needed that exact dollar amount at that
time in history for a life changing reason. Like I
couldn't believe it. And so after this, I was like, Okay, God, okay,
I see you. I see what you're doing, and I
(33:53):
can get behind this whole miracle thing, like I'm a believer.
And it really just solidified everything else for me. And
that's that's what fully got me out of that darkness
that I was in. But what happened next is what
really sealed the deal for me. So I'm driving home
from Saline's and my phone starts ringing from a number
that I didn't recognize, So of course I rejected the
call because who answers unknown numbers nowadays?
Speaker 1 (34:15):
Right?
Speaker 2 (34:15):
So but then I got a text that said, Hey,
I just heard what happened. You've got to tell me
the story, and that's when I realized it was Pastor Kevin, Like, whoops,
I just totally rejected a call from my pastor. So
I called him back and I told him all the
details of what had just happened, and we just sat
there and basked in all that was happening and the
miracle that had just transpired, or you know, the coincidence,
(34:38):
as former versions of myself would have said. And that's
when I just declared to him, I'm like, you know what, Kevin,
I'm so inspired and moved by what just happened, and
I want to see what happens when I really give
my life over to God. And I'm going to give
my business over to God, and I'm going to give
finding my future husband over to God. And I just
want to live with an open heart like this and
(35:00):
live openly in every area of my life. And that's
when he said something that seemed so small to an outsider,
but it meant everything to me because up until this point,
I hadn't really told my family about any of this.
I mean, I mentioned to all of them at Thanksgiving
that I had been going to a church and getting
involved in some volunteer work and stuff like that, but
(35:21):
I never really shared that I had found God and faith,
let alone, through the route of Christianity, and now that
I was a Christian. And so on the phone that day,
Kevin said something to me that was so powerful, and
he just said, Leanne, I'm so proud of you. And
I don't know what it was. It's like God knew
that I needed to hear those words, and that's what
(35:42):
inspired me to do what I did next. And so
I got off the phone with him, and I texted
my parents and I was just like, Hey, I want
to share something with you. Can you talk. So I
got on the phone with my mom and dad and
I told them about the miracles that had been happening
in my life and how my business was thriving in
a whole new way, and how I was so purposeful
and in this flow, and how my anxiety and shame
(36:05):
and all of those emotions that I had been experiencing
and just managing for a long time now but really
needed to manage or meditate all the time and just
take care of every day, how they were just no
longer really present in my life, like totally gone, and
I no longer needed to manage them. And then of
course I shared the story of the five hundred dollars
(36:25):
and they just listened and celebrated with me, and they
were super supportive. And so before we hung up, I said, listen,
I want to share something with you. And I said
to them like, it's not that I need your approval,
but if I'm totally honest, I do want it because
no matter how old I get, you will always be
my mommy and my daddy. And so I just went
on to say to them like, listen, I am Jewish
(36:46):
and I am proud to be Jewish, and nothing about
that will ever change. But I also found God and
my faith has changed my life. And I'm also a Christian,
Like I truly believe that I am both, like I'm
Jewish and I'm a Christian. And they were both so
amazing about it, and they were just like, hey, you know,
whatever makes you happy, we support that. And you know,
(37:07):
our beliefs don't necessarily need to align. But if you're happy,
we're happy, and we just love you and support you
and we are proud of you. And so this thing
that seems so scary to me, like, you know, a
Jewish girl telling her parents that she's a Jew and
a Christian, you know, it was no longer a big deal.
And I could kind of live out in the open,
like just like that, right, And just to kind of
(37:28):
round out the story, everything since then has been a miracle, truly,
Like I turned over my business to God and said, God, like,
please deliver the perfect women that absolutely need my help
that you designed me to serve. And He has done
that and then some and I turned over my coping
mechanisms to God, and I asked God to help me
shift my emotional home from anxiety and fear and shame
(37:52):
to peace. And I truly live in peace where I
don't need to meditate for hours a day and do
yoga all the time just to peace, Like I wake
up with peace, right. And I turned over my debt
to God, and I got out of debt in record time.
And I turned over my career to God, and I said, hey,
just use me, like, use me to help the women
that need me, and use my story and my suffering
(38:15):
and my shame and my experiences and just let me
be a vessel for healing. And this podcast, I believe,
is a big part of that. And I could go
on and on about all the ways that my life
has shifted. But I'm just at peace, and I have
more love, and I have more self love and the
capacity to love others that much more. And pretty much
everybody that sees me now they say to me like,
(38:37):
I don't know what's different about you, but there's something
different about you, Like they tell me, there's a light
inside of me that is shining even brighter than it
ever was. And so apparently I just looked different. I
don't know, And oh yeah, I didn't even mention that.
A few weeks after I gave my life over to God,
the pandemic hit. And at the beginning of it all,
when the world was scary and shutting down and everything
felt so out of control, I just remember saying to
(38:59):
God again, like I was, just like God, I'm going
to hand it over to you, So grow me and
let me help people heal. And let my stressless eating
program and my knowledge and my stories be a bright
light in these dark times, and let it all be
a vessel for healing. And even though twenty twenty and
twenty twenty one was crazy and full of a lot
of hardship for so many, it was such a beautiful
(39:21):
season internally for me and for my spiritual growth and
my business growing and allowing me to help more and
more people that are in suffering and to help them
get out of suffering. And it showed me that even
in times of the most uncertainty, God and my faith
can get me through anything, because that is a constant,
even in chaos or uncertainty. And I truly believe that
(39:44):
as I've allowed my faith to expand me and open
me up to even deeper meanings of love and self compassion,
and that is truly what I'm inviting anyone who is
listening to this into, you know, to say that my
new relationship with God has transformed my life, Well, yeah,
that would definitely be the understatement of the century, because
every part of me is different, you know, mind, body, spirit,
(40:05):
my health, my fitness, my business, my finances, and the
way I approach dating. And yes, I eventually met the
man I'm about to marry. All of it, right, it
all transformed. But the hope that I have for my
future I just believe now like I just believe that
I get to have it all and that I get
to have my happy ending and to be honest, like before,
(40:28):
I had faith. I wasn't always so sure. You know,
I definitely went down a lot of the doom and
gloom pathways, and you know, I had success on the outside,
but I never felt it fully on the inside. And
now I feel like I do just get to live
that wholeheartedly. And again, like, let me be clear, this
is not me trying to convert you or talk you
into anything. And I am not here telling you my
(40:49):
life is all butterflies and roses like that is that
is a given. I'm simply here to share my experiences
and share my truths, and share some of the miracles
that have happened to me over the past few years,
and just invite you into possibility because we get to
write the story of our lives. Like we get to
give our lives whatever meaning we want to give it,
and we get to step into whatever story we choose.
(41:11):
And I chose one day to just start trying on
a story that to some people seems unrealistic or unbelievable,
or to me it used to be downright outlandish. But
trying on the frameworks and the principles and the idea
of miracles and putting myself and my life into those
frameworks It was absolutely transformational, and I wouldn't be who
(41:32):
I am today if I didn't at least share it, right.
And So if there's any voice inside of you that's
making you think that you don't get to have miracles
or that you don't get to have the life of
abundance and love and connection and prosperity and just feeling
connected to something bigger than yourself, never say never. Okay.
But also if you are living in a world of
(41:55):
loneliness and isolation, which is like really its own epidemic,
you don't have to feel so alone. You don't have
to do life alone. You too can have a relationship
with God, Okay, And I promise you I would have
never guessed that this would have been my story, but
God obviously had other plans for me, and I am
thankful for that. Every single day we will be back
(42:19):
with more What's God got to do with it? But
in the meantime, I would love to hear from you,
So just tell me where you are in your own
story or maybe what questions you have. You know, where
do you feel like you need more clarity or wisdom
or direction in your own journey. I definitely want to
hear from you, So head on over to What's God
Got to Do with It dot com and scroll down
(42:42):
to the forum to share your thoughts, questions, or feedback instantly.
That's What's God Got to Do with It dot com
And if you like this podcast and want to hear more, follow, like,
and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts to get your
weekly dose of What's God Got to Do with It?
Episodes drop every Tuesday, and while you're there, be sure
(43:03):
to rate and review to show your support. It really
means so much. What's God Got to Do With It
is an iHeartRadio podcast on the Amy Brown Podcast Network.
It's written and hosted by me Leanne Ellington, executive produced
by Elizabeth Bozzio, post production and editing by Houston Tilley,
and original music written by Cheryl Stark and produced by
(43:26):
Adam Stark
If you want to go on a journey, if you're skeptical,
don't worry. Now here to preach. Want to keep it
clean and talk to me and recall where faith needs
stops nature and get in touch with your creat with
a bacon, love and jew She even speaks Hebrew.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
What's that? What's that?
Speaker 1 (00:37):
As well said talking transformation?
Speaker 2 (00:41):
What's done? Got About a year after my first church service,
I found myself sitting in the office of Pastor Kevin Queen,
the lead pastor of Nashville's Cross Point Church. And I
was sitting there with Pastor Kevin and his wife RhE
holding an envelope with five hundred dollars insh. Now, I
didn't know what the money was for or why I
(01:04):
had it, but there I was, and there it was.
This wasn't our first encounter. In fact, I'd met Kevin
several times before that, and seeing re around church many
times too. And even though by this point in my journey,
Pastor Kevin had offered several times to support my journey
or chat with me, I wasn't ready until I was ready.
(01:26):
But I'll get to that now. Keep in mind that
after my first church encounter, I was totally intrigued and
something massive was shifting inside me. But I still had
Jesus and Christianity and even God at an arms distance.
And it makes sense too, you know. It felt like
a whole new language and culture and we had essentially
(01:49):
only been on our first date and I wasn't ready
to give my life over to God, as I kept
hearing people talk about, and as I mentioned, language is everything.
So this idea of there being a guy called Jesus
that was okay with me, but him being my Lord
and savior, well that was the part that still felt
(02:09):
a little weird, and honestly, I just didn't get it,
Like what did that even mean? And that wasn't the
only thing. There were other concepts that didn't fully resonate
with me just yet either, specifically this idea of having
the Holy Spirit living within me and of course having
Jesus save me and to follow him. So this is
where the story continues, and I swear I can't make
(02:31):
this stuff up. So about a week after my first
church experience, a friend of mine had told me that
the Goodwill across the road from my neighborhood had a
huge selection of books. So I just walked on across
the street to browse. Now, I don't want to say
that a book fell off the shelf at me, because
it didn't literally fall off the shelf, but it's like
it was peeking its head out at me, and all
(02:53):
of the other books agreed to stand down so that
I could see that one, and so I pulled it
out and it was called let Your Spirit Guides Speak.
And at this point in my exploration, trying on this
idea of spirit guides actually felt like a great first
step to see if that connected with me more in
(03:14):
terms of connecting with this idea of Holy Spirit. And
so once again I just told myself that the God
that I pray to doesn't care how I get it
or what I call it. He just wants me to
get the message. So I bought the book and I
kind of gobbled it up that very day, and it
was a short book and easy to read through in
one day. But as I finish it, I noticed that
(03:35):
on the back cover it mentioned that it was written
by the same author that wrote a book called The
Only Prayer You Need. So I went and googled the author,
Deborah Engele, to look for The Only Little Prayer that
You Need because I was super curious to know what
that one little prayer was, because, as you'll learn, I'm
all about baby steps, and the idea of prayer was
(03:59):
such a massive concept to me at the time that
if somebody went and deciphered the only little prayer that
I needed, I wanted that prayer. So after some googling,
I realized that the prayer was so elegant in its simplicity,
and it said, please help me heal my fear based
thoughts about X. So, please help me heal my fear
(04:22):
based thoughts about X. So I grabbed a three by
five note card and wrote that little prayer on one
side of the card, and I just remember staring at
it and soaking it in. And then I just tried
on this idea that what if I do have spirit guides,
that if I could just tune into their frequency, they
would help me and lead me. And again, I just
(04:44):
tried on this idea, and everything was really just me
using my imagination and trying this stuff on to see
how it felt. That's literally how my faith walk started.
And when I tried on that little prayer, the first
things that came up for me were and this is
where I'm just going to be totally vulnerable. Please help
me heal my fear based thoughts about being alone the
(05:06):
rest of my life. Please help me heal my fear
based thoughts about money and security. And please help me
heal my fear based thoughts about stepping into my purpose
and using my God given gifts. So I just wrote
those three things on the back side of the card,
and I just went up to Shelby Park like I
got out of my house. And Shelby Park is this
(05:28):
beautiful park down the road where I lived in Nashville
at the time, and I rented a bike from the
bike share program that we used to have in Nashville.
It's called b Cycle. I'm not sure if it's still around,
but I just got on my bike and I rode,
and I rode, and I rode and I rode. And
now riding at Shelby Park wasn't anything new to me.
But as I was riding, all of a sudden, I
(05:48):
saw this left hand turn that I had never taken before.
So I decided to take a left and I just
kept riding until all of a sudden, I was just
riding up this massive hill and at the top of
the hill, I end up at this bridge that overlooks
the Cumberland River. Now I had been to this park
so many times, but I never ended up on this
road or on this bridge. So I walked my bike
(06:11):
out to the middle of the bridge and I got
off my bike and I just stood there. And I
stood there, and I just stared over the water into
the rocks, and I just started speaking to my guides.
And yes, I think I was just trying to talk
to God. I don't think I knew what I was doing,
but I didn't plan it. It just kind of sort
of happened. And I said, hey, I can't see you,
(06:32):
and I know we've never met, but I want to
know you. I want to hear from you. And this
in itself was another leap of faith for me. Is
I'd never done anything like that before, and I can't
explain it, but I just felt them there, like I
felt like my spirit guides were there. And this is
the first time I remember feeling that and feeling what
(06:56):
I think, or I thought at the time, might have
been the presence of God. Because again I'm still exploring
all of this. And so I proceeded to say that
little prayer out loud, and I said, please help me
heal my fear based thoughts about being alone the rest
of my life, and please help me heal my fear
based thoughts about money, and please help me heal my
fear based thoughts about stepping into my purpose and using
(07:18):
my God given gifts. And once again, I just felt
my new found spirit guides there, like I felt this
rush come through me that I had never experienced before.
And again I can't fully explain it, but this peace
just came over me, and for the first time ever,
I felt God, and God didn't seem like this thing
(07:41):
that was so far away that everybody else had access to.
I felt like I finally had access like I felt God.
And again it's a feeling that I can't necessarily describe,
but I'm obviously doing my best to describe it to
you now. So I stayed on that bridge overlooking the
river for a while until I felt I was just
ready to head back and feeling totally high, I got
(08:04):
back on my bike and I just started to ride
back to where my car was parked, and on my way,
I noticed that there was a family stopped on the trail,
and it turned out they were looking at a couple
of deer. So I got off my bike and I
just stopped to marvel at the deer as well, because
I love deer. So I'm standing there and eventually the
family left, but I stayed there, just kind of staring
at the deer and having him stare back at me.
(08:27):
And deer, I mean, they usually run away really quickly,
but this one, I swear to you, after a few
minutes of silence and just staring at it, it actually
took a step towards me and we had this moment,
and it was really short because another biker just kind
of wooshed by and scared the deer and he ran off.
(08:47):
But I had this moment with this deer, and once
again I felt God. Okay, now, I know you can
give any story any meaning, and this is obviously the
meaning that I'm choosing to give it. But this is
what happened for me and how I experienced it that
day and before that. Though, I've never had a deer
walk and take steps towards me, but this day one did.
(09:11):
And that's when I was like, you know what, Like,
what do I have to lose? What if I started
believing in God and believing in miracles and believing in
this idea that I don't have to carry around all
of my old shame stories anymore, and believing that I'm
here for a purpose and that God has my back,
and that even when I'm technically alone in this world,
(09:32):
I'm never alone in this world because I have this
ever present spirit that is protecting me and watching over
me and lives within me. And again, this is just
the story I decided to try on, and it's a
story that again, as a Jewish girl, I was never
given this story, or any story like it for that matter,
to try on, and in fact, in my family I
(09:54):
might have even been made fun of or shamed for it.
But there I was, and I decided to try it
on for myself to see how it felt. And I
know to anybody who's a non believer, it might seem
crazy or fantastical or whimsical or whatever. But from that
day on, my life was never the same. That day
at the park, with my spirit guides with that deer,
(10:16):
that was a defining day. And so from there on out,
I threw myself into my faith. I wasn't in a
rush to, you know, figure out what that meant. To
be honest is I was still very confused, as I'm
sure you can imagine, and I wasn't rushing to put
a label on it or call myself a Christian or
anything like that, because keep in mind, I wasn't just confused.
(10:36):
I was still navigating my own skepticism and doubt as well.
So the story I told myself was that I was
simply a Jewish girl who was really really, really really
curious about Christianity, and I was kind of, you know,
dipping my toes into Christianity and getting to know this
guy called Jesus. Because as soon as I started just
doing that and learning and exploring and seeking, my heart opened,
(11:01):
and I would even go as far as say my
heart softened, and I became open to something extraordinary that
I hadn't been open to before. And I would even
go as far as say I was now open to miracles,
because now I had this piece, this piece that had
just come over me that had no logical reason to
be there, like it was truly peace beyond my own understanding,
(11:25):
and like I said before, I couldn't science my way
through it to explain it. So of course that made
me want to learn more and dive in even deeper.
But because I had a strong belief system and a
very solid sense of my own identity from all the
work I had been doing on myself and my self
image for the you know, the fifteen years prior to this,
I wasn't looking to just believe in something because I
(11:47):
thought I was air quotes supposed to like, I really
needed for it to resonate completely within me. So for
the next year, I just immersed myself in everything, and
I mean totally. I essentially became this student with and
insatiable hunger. So I went to church every Sunday, and
sometimes I would even double dip and go to two services.
(12:07):
And then I found out that they had these things
called open Prayer, which anyone could essentially come on Tuesdays
and just pray and get prayed over and worship. So
I just started scheduling them into my week and making
them non negotiable. And when I started going, I kind
of had no idea what I was even looking for.
And honestly, sometimes I would just go and like cry
(12:27):
because I was just again in this massive surrender, and
you know, I was just so emotionally raw. And the
three things that kept coming up for me were please God,
please help me heal my fears that I'm going to
be alone the rest of my life, and please help
me heal all my fears about money, and please help
me heal my fears that I'm not going to step
into my God given purpose, like my true God given purpose,
(12:51):
even though unbeknownst to me, I kind of already had
and already was. But those were the three things I
started with. And it's actually at that open prayer that
I met Kevin Queen, the lead pastor. And I didn't
go up to him right away, because, like I said,
I wasn't ready. But one day I did finally get
the courage to go up to him and just introduce
myself to him and just say hi and really just
(13:14):
thank him. And you know, he asked me, how how
long have you been coming to Cross Point? So I
just answered him very honestly and openly, and I was like, Hey, actually,
you know, only a few weeks, and this is my
first church and you're my first pastor, and I'm actually Jewish.
And I literally think I told him that I was
just dipping my toes into the whole Christianity thing. Like
those were the words I was using, and he was
(13:36):
totally down with that.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
You know.
Speaker 2 (13:38):
In fact, anyone that I met, I was transparent about
who I was and why I was there, And honestly,
it also was probably a bit of a defense mechanism
because inside I was also super confused and felt a
bit like an impostor. I mean, here, I was so
fascinated by the principles of Christianity, but I also kind
(13:58):
of didn't believe in some of the big things that
make up Christianity, like you know, Jesus for one thing.
So I think I led with, Hey, I'm just dipping
my toes in to see what it's about, you know,
half secretly hoping that no one would find me out,
and half hoping they wouldn't try to convert me or
save me or anything like that. And you know what,
like nobody cared that I wasn't fully there yet, nobody
(14:21):
cared that I was just there and showing up and
present and soaking it all in and no one was
trying to convert me, and no one was trying to
you know, save me or anything like that. Honestly, everyone
I met, they were just so excited for me that
I was there and that I was taking this journey
at my own pace, and Kevin was no different. When
(14:42):
I met him that day, he was so excited for me,
and he asked me a little bit about myself, and
so I shared with him that, you know, I'm Jewish,
but it was never a religion or a connection to God,
and that I speak Hebrew and lived in Israel. But
I'm seeking surrender and I'm seeking faith. And I just
laid it all out there, and I'm not even sure
if I made any sense to him, but he immediately understood,
(15:04):
and he even offered to give me any support that
I needed, and that if I wanted to meet or
if I had any questions about the Old Testament versus
the New Testament, to just let him know. And I
think I literally told him, like, hey, I don't even
know anything about the Old Testament, so that's not going
to be a problem. Again. I was just very freely
spoken regardless. I had started this conversation with Kevin that
(15:26):
was coming from such a place of freedom and exploration
and just no pressure and no judgment, and he let
me be where I was. It was exactly what I
needed to be able to give myself permission to just
be there and explore. So I just kept diving deep
from there. And fast forward a couple months later and
by this point, I'm at church on Sundays sometimes more
(15:49):
than once. I joined this amazing woman's group on Monday nights,
which was totally blowing me away. And the leader, Gina,
was such a kind and loving and welcoming mentor to
me who was also so supportive of my own discovery
process and the pace that I was going at. I
was going to the open prayer sessions on Tuesdays, and
(16:09):
oh yeah, I got involved at the Dream Center on
Wednesday nights where you hang around and mentor middle school
and high school students and the leaders at the Dream
Center they were also an amazing support system for me
as I was kind of figuring everything out and exploring
my faith. So yeah, like I said, I was all in,
like totally immersed, and it was transforming me to my core.
(16:32):
And I can't explain it, but I was being transformed
and almost like kind of being brought back to life.
And again, it's so hard to explain, but that's how
it felt, and I truly believe it was because as
I was immersing myself in all of this, I wasn't
trying to make any rules about what any of it meant.
And I wasn't trying to determine whether or not I
(16:54):
was Christian or Jewish, or if I was a good
Jew or a bad Jew or anything like that. And
I wasn't rushing or honestly even interested in labels, because honestly,
that's part of what stressed me out, like trying to
put what I was experiencing in a box or give
it a name. And part of why it was so
transformational was because I was just giving myself permission to
(17:18):
explore and not give any titles or labels for anything to,
you know, just connect with God and practice faith and
figure out what that even meant. And that's why I'm
so passionate about inviting you into your own relationship with God,
because I know how important it was for me to
kind of figure out what my own relationship with God
looked like and how it would work, so to speak. Meanwhile,
(17:42):
parallel to this, the women coming through my stress less
eating program were getting insane transformations, and I could sense
that I was also showing up differently in my work too.
But it also opened the doors to conversations that wouldn't
have been possible before my own faith walk, because the
core of my stressless eating program really is about self
(18:03):
image and identity, and now I had this whole new
picture of what identity even meant. But it was also
no longer just a self image conversation. It was now
about seeing myself through God's eyes and the image that
God has of me, like self image through God's eyes,
which was totally blowing me away and again totally new
(18:26):
to me. So now all of a sudden, the life
transforming results that my clients were getting were magnified by
the ability to go on a spiritual journey in the process,
as in realizing that a lot of the struggles my
clients were facing were yes about the wiring in their
brain that never got unwired and rewired, but oftentimes they
were also facing a spiritual battle. And it wasn't long
(18:49):
before I noticed that the only little prayer that I needed,
and honestly, the only little prayer that I really knew
how to pray, was actually working. And the prayer to God,
you know, asking him to help me heal my fear
based thoughts about stepping into my purpose and using my
God given gifts suddenly I had this knowingness that I
(19:10):
was like, I could feel it in my bones. And
that's when I realized that the work I was doing
was not just my business, that it was God's business,
that it was my God given purpose, and I was
stepping into purpose, and that one of my unanswered prayers
was right under my nose and had been being answered
(19:30):
all along. But it was so much more than that,
Like the more that I was able to be compassionate
with myself and love myself through the eyes of God
and find even deeper layers of self love and self acceptance,
like the kind of self acceptance that is there even
in the deep dark corners of your own shame. And
the more I discovered that, the more I was able
(19:51):
to receive that kind of unconditional love and unconditional acceptance,
and only then was I able to give it back
to my clients and really invite them into deeper levels
of self love. And that's what I met when I
said that there was still some residual shame and like
kind of blocks to self love that I couldn't personally
develop my way through. I now know that I needed
(20:14):
God to fill those gaps. So yeah, needless to say,
it was a really big year, and it was my
first year of you know, just dipping my toes into
this story and this picture of God, where I looked
at it like I was really just trying on this
framework and where just like you do in any new relationship,
I was just getting to know this guy called Jesus.
(20:36):
So I tried on a new framework, and I tried
on scripture from the Bible, even though that is definitely
a learning curve and a journey in itself. And I
surrounded myself with people that already followed Jesus to see
what this idea of following him actually looked like. And
I just immersed myself into that. Meanwhile, my experience at
(20:57):
church and in groups, it was amazing, you know, Like
I said, no one was trying to convert me. They
were just glad I was there and so excited for
me and happy for me. So this went on for
about a year, when little did I know things were
about to accelerate. So fast forward to October of twenty eighteen,
(21:24):
about two weeks before I'm in Pastor Kevin's office with
five hundred dollars in cash in an envelope which I
promise I'll get to in a minute, because that's where
things got crazy. But I was part of a business
strategy group and a mastermind, and I was in Atlantis,
and while I was there, I kind of had this
personal download, if you want to call it that, and
I had this revelation that my relationship that I was
(21:47):
in at the time wasn't the relationship for me. And
one of the reasons I discovered that was because not
only did I feel like he didn't really see me,
like appreciate the things about me that didn't involve my
looks or my success or any of that superficial stuff,
but I also just felt like we were in such
different places in our faith and just being on this
trip away from home and having that awareness that was
(22:11):
a really big deal to me because I never cared
about that before. And it wasn't just that I cared
about it, It was all of a sudden, really really
important for me to share my faith with my partner
and be equally yoked, as they say. But the icing
on the cake of this realization was when I was
kind of having this vulnerable conversation with a friend really
(22:34):
about my dissatisfaction with my relationship and she asked me
this pivotal question, and she said, does he love Jesus?
And I immediately replied and probably got a little defensive,
and I was like, oh, yeah, he's a Christian. And
she interrupted me and she's like, no, no, no, no, that's
not what I asked. I said, does he love Jesus?
And this is when my mind started doing backflips, like,
(22:57):
not only did I realize that, no, he didn't love Jesus,
but it's the first time that it went through my
mind that I did like I loved Jesus, like for real,
I love Jesus, and that well, that was something I
had never ever, ever ever thought or felt, let alone
said out loud. And that was the first of so
(23:17):
many realizations about just how much that past year had
shifted my heart and shifted my identity. And for whatever reason,
going to Atlantis was just the catalyst for what was
about to happen. And I jokingly call what happened next
my holy Trinity. So I got back home and probably
no surprise to you, I ended things with my then
(23:39):
boyfriend and I actually dropped out of that mastermind because
I realized that my business didn't need any more business makeovers.
I just needed to fully own and step into the
idea that God gave me my gifts and my struggles
and even my suffering and shame for a reason, and
to just use that, like use the God given gifts
(23:59):
that I now knew that I had. And then the
third thing, and this is the part that kind of
hit me like a ton of bricks, And it's the
hardest part of my journey to really explain or put
in words, but that is when I realized that I
was fully ready to surrender, like really and truly let
God lead me, and for lack of a better way
of saying it, to let Jesus take the wheel. And
(24:21):
for whatever reason, like all of this cynicism and skepticism
and all of the you know, keeping Jesus at an
arms distance that I had been doing during that year
of immersing myself, all of a sudden it was gone.
And again it's so hard to describe this, but it's
kind of like my faith caught up with my experiences
and my spirit caught up with what I had been
(24:42):
soaking in but had a wall up about. But now
I was like ready to tear down the wall and
stop trying to do it all on my own and
stop feeling alone in this world. And I was finally
ready to let God in. And it was kind of like,
all of a sudden, I understood what it meant to
give my life over to Jesus and follow him. And again,
(25:03):
it's so hard to put in words, but I can't
really say it any other way than that. But it
wasn't something I was looking for or trying to create.
I was perfectly happy just experimenting, you know, But it
just came over me like a flood, totally unexpectedly. And
to be honest, I know the exact day and time
in October and where I was when it happened, and
(25:24):
I'll never forget it because that was the day I
truly gave my life over to God and gave my
life over to Jesus. And that day in October was
the day that things got really really dark for me,
I mean like really dark. And so I know some
people have this full surrender moment and come to Jesus
and it's all roses and butterflies, but for me, it
(25:47):
was like all of my old stories of shame and
fear and self condemnation they came back and they hit
me like a wave, and it's kind of like I
was purging sorrow and sadness, but I also felt renewed
at the same time. It was such a weird mix
of emotions, but the best way to describe it was
kind of like a purge, like a spiritual detox or something.
(26:09):
And this lasted for close to a month. So after
about four weeks, the wave of darkness started to subside
and I started really kind of feeling the fruits of
my surrender. And so the week after Thanksgiving, I reached
out to Pastor Kevin, and even though I was still
sort of in it, like still in the darkness, I
was like, Okay, I'm ready to talk. And I don't
(26:29):
remember exactly what I said in that email, but I
can only imagine I kind of sounded like a blubbering idiot, Like,
you know, I remember I was telling him about the
dark places I had been to in my deep surrender,
but that I was, you know, air quotes in and
that the blinders had been removed from my eyes. And
he messaged me back pretty immediately and said he'd be
happy to meet with me. But then he shared that
(26:49):
he had shared a bit about my story with his
wife free and wanted to know if I would be
cool with her coming to our meeting too, And I
was ecstatic, Like I was so excit because I felt
like I knew her because I saw her at the
open prayers and I heard her pray on Tuesdays. But
to have her there with me felt like such a gift,
and so I was over the moon to get the
(27:10):
chance to sit down with both of them. And this
is where the story gets really crazy. So we had
set up a time to meet on a Tuesday before
open Prayer, and that Monday, I was working out at
the gym inside my complex, and remember I was still
coming out of my like funky darkness, but I felt
this wave of anxiety and scarcity, and then it was
(27:32):
followed by this hyper awareness that I was kind of
in my own victim mentality and I was focusing on
problems and what I didn't have and what wasn't working
in my life. And now I know that that was
the enemy just doing what it does best, and it
just comes to steal and kill and destroy, and then bam,
Immediately I felt prompted to recite out loud the part
(27:55):
that felt relevant from the only Prayer I needed, which
is and I just said it out loud, and I said, please, God,
help me heal my fear based thoughts about money and security.
And in that moment, it was like I had this
wave rush over me of clarity but also gratitude, like
big gratitude. And I had this moment where I was like, Leanne,
(28:15):
you're working out in a gym in your complex, and
you have this amazing life and you're finally feeling the
gifts from God that you're stepping into, but you're also
feeling all of this scarcity. And as soon as that
distinction became clear to me, like the coexistence of gratitude
and scarcity, at the same time, I had this realization
that what I was experiencing had nothing to do with
(28:37):
my actual experiences or my current reality, and that it
was all in my head. And I had this wave
of what I can only describe as the Holy Spirit
rush over me and say five hundred dollars. Okay, now
I just saw it or heard it. I'm not sure
what it was. Maybe it was both, but it was
very specific in that I felt that it was saying
(28:59):
five one hundred dollars, like five hundred dollars specifically, and
then I got another wave or flash or whatever you
want to call it, but the next one said single mother.
So there I am, and I'm like, five hundred dollars
single mother, Like what the heck is that supposed to mean?
And I obviously was not in tune with deciphering these messages, right,
(29:20):
So I just decided to roll with it, and I
went to the ATM and I took out five hundred
dollars that I really didn't have despair at the time,
and I put it in an envelope to take with
me to Kevin the next day, and I kid you
not too like that very night, the floodgates to my
business opened, and little did I know that my financial
troubles and my debt were about to become a non issue.
(29:41):
But that's another story for another day. But so I
went to Kevin's office the next day to meet with
he and Ree, and before we sat down to talk,
I said, Hey, I don't know who this is for,
and I've never done anything like this before, but this
envelope has five hundred dollars in it, and I feel
like it needs to go to a single mother. And
I went on to say, like I don't think it's
(30:02):
for Christmas presents or paying it forward at Starbucks or
anything like that. I feel like it's for a really
big need. And Kevin immediately said to me, I think
I know exactly who this is for. And he went
on to tell me about this woman named Selene and
her family who had just moved here from Africa and
their number got called in the lottery to immigrate to
(30:23):
the US. And she had four children and at the
time they were twelve, ten, seven, and two, and then
she was about to have a fifth child. She was pregnant,
about to give birth, and her husband who had a
job set up for him and he was just waiting
to start working. In the meantime, while he was waiting
to start working, he just started volunteering. But he got
(30:43):
killed in a car accident on his way to volunteer,
like tragically, suddenly traumatically. So there she was, this single mother,
a widow, and about to give birth to her fifth child.
She barely spoken in English, and she was new to
this country and I can not even imagine what she
was going through. But despite all of that, Kevin told
(31:04):
me that when he met her, she just had so
much joy radiating through her, and he was like, you
have to meet this woman. So I was just like yes,
like give it to her. I want Selene to have
this money. And he was like, well, I can give
it to her, or would you like to give it
to her? Like would you like to meet her? And
I was like, isn't this stuff supposed to be anonymous?
I mean I had no idea how any of this worked.
(31:26):
And he was like, no, it doesn't have to be,
like would you like to meet her? So I was
like okay, yeah, let's do this. So he set me
up with this woman, Donna, who takes care of all
the refugee families here in Nashville, and we set up
(31:47):
a time to give them the money. And so we
chatted and arrange to go over there on a Saturday
and give them the money, just kind of like a surprise,
Like Selene had no idea what was going on. So Friday,
I was back at Shelby Park walking and I got
a call from Donna and she was so excited and
she was like listen, I know you're a new believer,
but like this is what he does and this is
(32:08):
the kind of miracles that only he can perform. And
she basically was like, Okay, Selene and the children, they're
living in an apartment where they last saw their father
slash husband alive, and they were having the kids were
having nightmares like it. It was terrible memories, right, and
they just wanted a fresh start, and they wanted to
move to a different unit in their current neighborhood, but
(32:28):
there wasn't one available, but then one apparently became available.
And when they called her niece to tell her this,
because her niece was the English speaker in the family,
she told the person at the complex. She's like, sorry, like,
we can't take the apartment because we don't have the
money because it was going to cost yep, you guessed it,
(32:48):
five hundred dollars. Okay. So Donna found out about all
of this and called the apartment complex and she was like, hey, like,
don't give away that apartment. And Selene does it know this,
but a total stranger is coming over to her house
with five hundred dollars on Saturday. So we went over
to Seline's and we gave her the money and it
(33:10):
was just ugh, it was the most beautiful experience and
we all just celebrated what was happening and I got
to hold the baby and meet all of the children,
and it was just this full circle story and I've
never experienced anything like it. And I mean, what are
the odds, right, Like, what are the odds that I
was prompted to give away the exact dollar amount for
(33:31):
a single mother who needed a gift from God more
than any other time in her life and there was
a family who needed that exact dollar amount at that
time in history for a life changing reason. Like I
couldn't believe it. And so after this, I was like, Okay, God, okay,
I see you. I see what you're doing, and I
(33:53):
can get behind this whole miracle thing, like I'm a believer.
And it really just solidified everything else for me. And
that's that's what fully got me out of that darkness
that I was in. But what happened next is what
really sealed the deal for me. So I'm driving home
from Saline's and my phone starts ringing from a number
that I didn't recognize, So of course I rejected the
call because who answers unknown numbers nowadays?
Speaker 1 (34:15):
Right?
Speaker 2 (34:15):
So but then I got a text that said, Hey,
I just heard what happened. You've got to tell me
the story, and that's when I realized it was Pastor Kevin, Like, whoops,
I just totally rejected a call from my pastor. So
I called him back and I told him all the
details of what had just happened, and we just sat
there and basked in all that was happening and the
miracle that had just transpired, or you know, the coincidence,
(34:38):
as former versions of myself would have said. And that's
when I just declared to him, I'm like, you know what, Kevin,
I'm so inspired and moved by what just happened, and
I want to see what happens when I really give
my life over to God. And I'm going to give
my business over to God, and I'm going to give
finding my future husband over to God. And I just
want to live with an open heart like this and
(35:00):
live openly in every area of my life. And that's
when he said something that seemed so small to an outsider,
but it meant everything to me because up until this point,
I hadn't really told my family about any of this.
I mean, I mentioned to all of them at Thanksgiving
that I had been going to a church and getting
involved in some volunteer work and stuff like that, but
(35:21):
I never really shared that I had found God and faith,
let alone, through the route of Christianity, and now that
I was a Christian. And so on the phone that day,
Kevin said something to me that was so powerful, and
he just said, Leanne, I'm so proud of you. And
I don't know what it was. It's like God knew
that I needed to hear those words, and that's what
(35:42):
inspired me to do what I did next. And so
I got off the phone with him, and I texted
my parents and I was just like, Hey, I want
to share something with you. Can you talk. So I
got on the phone with my mom and dad and
I told them about the miracles that had been happening
in my life and how my business was thriving in
a whole new way, and how I was so purposeful
and in this flow, and how my anxiety and shame
(36:05):
and all of those emotions that I had been experiencing
and just managing for a long time now but really
needed to manage or meditate all the time and just
take care of every day, how they were just no
longer really present in my life, like totally gone, and
I no longer needed to manage them. And then of
course I shared the story of the five hundred dollars
(36:25):
and they just listened and celebrated with me, and they
were super supportive. And so before we hung up, I said, listen,
I want to share something with you. And I said
to them like, it's not that I need your approval,
but if I'm totally honest, I do want it because
no matter how old I get, you will always be
my mommy and my daddy. And so I just went
on to say to them like, listen, I am Jewish
(36:46):
and I am proud to be Jewish, and nothing about
that will ever change. But I also found God and
my faith has changed my life. And I'm also a Christian,
Like I truly believe that I am both, like I'm
Jewish and I'm a Christian. And they were both so
amazing about it, and they were just like, hey, you know,
whatever makes you happy, we support that. And you know,
(37:07):
our beliefs don't necessarily need to align. But if you're happy,
we're happy, and we just love you and support you
and we are proud of you. And so this thing
that seems so scary to me, like, you know, a
Jewish girl telling her parents that she's a Jew and
a Christian, you know, it was no longer a big deal.
And I could kind of live out in the open,
like just like that, right, And just to kind of
(37:28):
round out the story, everything since then has been a miracle, truly,
Like I turned over my business to God and said, God, like,
please deliver the perfect women that absolutely need my help
that you designed me to serve. And He has done
that and then some and I turned over my coping
mechanisms to God, and I asked God to help me
shift my emotional home from anxiety and fear and shame
(37:52):
to peace. And I truly live in peace where I
don't need to meditate for hours a day and do
yoga all the time just to peace, Like I wake
up with peace, right. And I turned over my debt
to God, and I got out of debt in record time.
And I turned over my career to God, and I said, hey,
just use me, like, use me to help the women
that need me, and use my story and my suffering
(38:15):
and my shame and my experiences and just let me
be a vessel for healing. And this podcast, I believe,
is a big part of that. And I could go
on and on about all the ways that my life
has shifted. But I'm just at peace, and I have
more love, and I have more self love and the
capacity to love others that much more. And pretty much
everybody that sees me now they say to me like,
(38:37):
I don't know what's different about you, but there's something
different about you, Like they tell me, there's a light
inside of me that is shining even brighter than it
ever was. And so apparently I just looked different. I
don't know, And oh yeah, I didn't even mention that.
A few weeks after I gave my life over to God,
the pandemic hit. And at the beginning of it all,
when the world was scary and shutting down and everything
felt so out of control, I just remember saying to
(38:59):
God again, like I was, just like God, I'm going
to hand it over to you, So grow me and
let me help people heal. And let my stressless eating
program and my knowledge and my stories be a bright
light in these dark times, and let it all be
a vessel for healing. And even though twenty twenty and
twenty twenty one was crazy and full of a lot
of hardship for so many, it was such a beautiful
(39:21):
season internally for me and for my spiritual growth and
my business growing and allowing me to help more and
more people that are in suffering and to help them
get out of suffering. And it showed me that even
in times of the most uncertainty, God and my faith
can get me through anything, because that is a constant,
even in chaos or uncertainty. And I truly believe that
(39:44):
as I've allowed my faith to expand me and open
me up to even deeper meanings of love and self compassion,
and that is truly what I'm inviting anyone who is
listening to this into, you know, to say that my
new relationship with God has transformed my life, Well, yeah,
that would definitely be the understatement of the century, because
every part of me is different, you know, mind, body, spirit,
(40:05):
my health, my fitness, my business, my finances, and the
way I approach dating. And yes, I eventually met the
man I'm about to marry. All of it, right, it
all transformed. But the hope that I have for my
future I just believe now like I just believe that
I get to have it all and that I get
to have my happy ending and to be honest, like before,
(40:28):
I had faith. I wasn't always so sure. You know,
I definitely went down a lot of the doom and
gloom pathways, and you know, I had success on the outside,
but I never felt it fully on the inside. And
now I feel like I do just get to live
that wholeheartedly. And again, like, let me be clear, this
is not me trying to convert you or talk you
into anything. And I am not here telling you my
(40:49):
life is all butterflies and roses like that is that
is a given. I'm simply here to share my experiences
and share my truths, and share some of the miracles
that have happened to me over the past few years,
and just invite you into possibility because we get to
write the story of our lives. Like we get to
give our lives whatever meaning we want to give it,
and we get to step into whatever story we choose.
(41:11):
And I chose one day to just start trying on
a story that to some people seems unrealistic or unbelievable,
or to me it used to be downright outlandish. But
trying on the frameworks and the principles and the idea
of miracles and putting myself and my life into those
frameworks It was absolutely transformational, and I wouldn't be who
(41:32):
I am today if I didn't at least share it, right.
And So if there's any voice inside of you that's
making you think that you don't get to have miracles
or that you don't get to have the life of
abundance and love and connection and prosperity and just feeling
connected to something bigger than yourself, never say never. Okay.
But also if you are living in a world of
(41:55):
loneliness and isolation, which is like really its own epidemic,
you don't have to feel so alone. You don't have
to do life alone. You too can have a relationship
with God, Okay, And I promise you I would have
never guessed that this would have been my story, but
God obviously had other plans for me, and I am
thankful for that. Every single day we will be back
(42:19):
with more What's God got to do with it? But
in the meantime, I would love to hear from you,
So just tell me where you are in your own
story or maybe what questions you have. You know, where
do you feel like you need more clarity or wisdom
or direction in your own journey. I definitely want to
hear from you, So head on over to What's God
Got to Do with It dot com and scroll down
(42:42):
to the forum to share your thoughts, questions, or feedback instantly.
That's What's God Got to Do with It dot com
And if you like this podcast and want to hear more, follow, like,
and subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts to get your
weekly dose of What's God Got to Do with It?
Episodes drop every Tuesday, and while you're there, be sure
(43:03):
to rate and review to show your support. It really
means so much. What's God Got to Do With It
is an iHeartRadio podcast on the Amy Brown Podcast Network.
It's written and hosted by me Leanne Ellington, executive produced
by Elizabeth Bozzio, post production and editing by Houston Tilley,
and original music written by Cheryl Stark and produced by
(43:26):
Adam Stark
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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