September 12, 2023 • 35 mins
In this next episode Leanne takes you on an unexpected and deeply personal journey of spiritual discovery. She shares a bit about her upbringing, and what caused her to feel a yearning for something more, leading her to explore her own spiritual path. She emphasizes the importance of embracing one's unique journey and adapting language to fit your own personal experiences and beliefs.
Throughout the episode, Leanne explores the diverse paths to faith, drawing from her experiences working with clients from various backgrounds who grapple with their relationship with their own connection with God and spirituality. She reflects on the power of words and the significance of inner experiences over specific faith-based terminology. Leanne's connection to her Jewish heritage and love for Israel sets the stage for a twist of fate that propels her toward faith, highlighting the transformative power of surrender and the impact of worship music.
The episode truly comes to a head when Leanne shares a pivotal moment on a paddleboard, where a song's lyrics lead her to straight to her knees, praying for help and discovering a deeper sense of the concept of "surrender" she had been searching for. This experience prompted her to make a brave and profound transition from the fitness industry to a faith-based approach to emotional transformation, ultimately trusting in God's guidance (even if she wasn't calling that presence 'God' at the time).
Leanne shows us the importance of stepping into the unknown, embracing uncertainty, and finding trust in God, even when the concept is new. As she explores Christianity and attends Crosspoint Church in Nashville, her open-hearted approach to worship music and teachings shows us that there is this universal search for connection and completeness.
HOST: @LeanneEllington
To learn more about Leanne, head over to www.LeanneEllington.com, and to share your to share your thoughts, questions, feedback, or guest suggestions instantly, head on over to www.WhatsGodGotToDoWithIt.com.
What's God Got to Do With It is an iHeartRadio podcast on the Amy Brown Podcast network. It's written and hosted by Leanne Ellington, Executive Produced by Elizabeth Fazio, Post Production and Editing by Houston Tilley, and Original music written by Cheryl Stark & produced by Adam Stark.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
If you want to go on a journey. If you're skeptical,
don't worry. Not here to preach, want to keep it
clean and talk to me and recall where faith need
stops nature and get in touch with your creator with
a bacon, love and Jew. She even speaks Hebrew.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
What's that?
Speaker 1 (00:31):
What's that? As well? Spation should talking transformation? What's that?
Got too?
Speaker 2 (00:45):
So we are back and I'm going to share how
and why this bacon, love and Hebrew speaking jew randomly
walked into a Christian church a few years ago. But
before we get into that, I want to come back
to this idea of emptying your cup, and for now,
I just want to again invite you to forget about
everything you think you know, what you think you don't know,
(01:05):
or what you think you might not even be interested
in knowing, and just open your mind and your heart
and your spirit to possibility. And the reason I am
and will be reiterating that over and over again is
because that's what I needed to hear. I needed permission
to just try things on and soak things in and
(01:26):
chew on ideas at my own pace without being pressured
or persuaded or having someone try to convert me, because
Lord knows that would have just pushed me away. And
I remember hearing about this concept of seeing things with
childlike wonder, which totally resonated with me when I first
started exploring, but also this idea of renewing my mind.
(01:46):
And I'll definitely come back to both of those concepts,
but also just keep in mind my time without God
was a lot longer than my time with God. And
if you think that you're cynical or skeptical, or far
gone or broken, I felt all of those things too
at some point in time. And heck, I felt those
things for most of my life, if I'm honest. And
(02:08):
that's why again I'm inviting you to meet yourself exactly
where you are on your own journey, without judgment and shame,
and without trying to convince or coerce or persuade yourself
into anything, and definitely without worrying about whether you're doing it.
Air quotes right, And I'll share more about this in
this episode. But when I first went on this quest
(02:29):
for surrender which led me to seek God, words and
language were extremely important to me, and coming from my
background in all things brain and nervous system, the meanings
associated with words have the power to create either positive
or negative neuro associations in our brains. And that's why
(02:49):
when it comes to the words and language that I'm using,
I want you to meet yourself where you are, and
so I may use the word God or Jesus, But
at one point those words were a stretch for me,
and yes, I'll admit probably even a turnoff for me
because it was really just out of my scope of
experience and just didn't resonate with me yet. So as
I'm using words like God or Holy Spirit or Jesus,
(03:13):
you can interchange it with Spirit or universe or higher
power or source. Because I truly believe that experiencing the
knowingness of who you are and stepping into your true
worth is the most important thing here. And if you
need to change some language in your own inner conversations
to have it resonate, then I am totally cool with that,
(03:33):
and I'll be sharing along the way how I've integrated
the spiritual side of things into the work I do
with women and teens I work with in my Stressless
eaeding program. But I am constantly having to meet people
where they are based on their own past experiences or
lack of experience or whatever it is. And so I've
had clients who were kind of, you know, burned by
(03:54):
their childhood experiences of faith, and it was a touchy
spot for them, you know, even if they truly desire
or deeper connection with God. And I've had women who
identify as Christians, but they were carrying around so much
shame that they kind of had, you know, shame about
their shame and felt like bad Christians because of how
far they felt from God. And I've had fellow Jews
(04:16):
who just like me, you know, God and Jesus or
any other faith based conversations were just not a part
of their culture. So they needed to start with something
like higher power. And you'll learn that when I first
encountered this Jesus guy, as I call him, I replaced
it with the word universe at first, and then eventually
I use the word God because that's where I was
(04:37):
in my journey. So right now, I just invite you
to choose the word or words that resonate with you,
and every time you hear me say God or Jesus,
just fill it in with what resonates with where you
are in your journey. Right now because what I want
you to get is the magic, okay, and trust me,
God will show you the words to align what you
say and mean with what you feel, because, like I
(05:00):
shared in the last episode, most of my life I
had zero relationship with God, and honestly, other people that
talked about God it was a total turn off to
me for the same reason that it's a challenging subject
for a lot of people. And I honestly just thought
that I had come as far as I was going
to come in terms of self acceptance and seeing myself
(05:20):
through the eyes of love, of human eyes. And now
I know what it's like to really borrow the eyes
of God and actually see myself as perfect and whole
and complete right now, like not having to go hustle
for it or work for it or someday get there
as I'm putting quotation marks up with my fingers. But
I digress. So how did I get from there to here?
(05:42):
And how did this Bacon love and Hebrew speaking jew
end up stumbling into a church and more or less
accidentally find God. Well, that's where I want to connect
some dots for you. So growing up in Florida, there
were always other Jewish kids around. But when I moved
to Tennessee back in twenty sixteen, and I started realizing
that I was the only Jewish person I knew. In fact,
(06:04):
I lost count of how many times people told me
that I was the first Jewish person they had ever met. And,
as it would be for anyone new to the Bible Belt,
I started seeing churches on every corner I turned, and
hearing terms like god fearing and giving your life over
to Jesus. So when I went seeking God and being
the music lover that I've always been, it makes sense
(06:25):
that my first thought was, Okay, Nashville, it's a music city.
I wonder if they have good worship music. But again,
remember I wasn't looking for God. I wasn't even looking
for faith for whatever reason, I was searching for the
words surrender. So let me back up. So this all
makes sense now, just for context for you. I have
never been a religious Jew by any sense. So just
(06:46):
like most Jewish Americans, I was sent to Sunday School
and Hebrew School, and I had about Mitzvah, but it
was never anything I was really interested in or sought
out for myself. I just went because that's what we
did in my family. I will say this, though being
Jewish was definitely always a source of pride for our
family and for me for sure, like the culture and
(07:07):
the sacrifice of the Jewish people and the history of
the Holocaust especially I mean I had family that died
and escaped Europe during World War Two, but also the
heritage and the customs and the holidays and the Hebrew language.
And yes, I speak a decent amount of Hebrew, which
I'll explain, and Israel. I love Israel, and I've lived
(07:28):
there three times, which I'll also explain. But God, not
even a little bit. Okay, So Judaism was never a
connection to God for me. It was never faith in
my eyes. It was just a culture and simply part
of who I am, definitely a really proud part. But
in my eyes, I wasn't religious or very Jewish as
we used to say as kids. And God, it wasn't
(07:50):
even a topic in conversations that I remember. Now. I know,
I just said that I speak Hebrew and lived in
Israel three times, but that I'm not that Jewish. So
for clarity's sake, let me adjoins that so full transparency.
The reason I know Hebrew is because I was kind
of a slacker in college. So at the University of Florida,
where I went to school, my brothers told me that
(08:11):
if you already know how to read and write Hebrew,
which I did from my Hebrew school days, that Hebrew
was just an easy a for college credit. So yeah,
you better believe. I signed up and I took Hebrew one,
but then I honestly just loved it, and I went
on to take Hebrew two and Hebrew three. Then after college,
I was one of those people that didn't know what
I wanted to be when I grew up. So for
(08:32):
a few years I would just go work odds and
ends jobs and save up enough money to buy one
way tickets to live and work overseas, and then I
would do that until I ran out of money, and
then come back to the USA and get a job
and make more money and just do that all over again.
I did that a total of three times, just you know,
working and traveling around the world as a kind of
(08:52):
broke backpacker, live in on a shoe string and eating
a lot of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches until I
was finally ready to become an adult. As I remember saying.
And that's when I moved back to the US and
I started my first business and the rest is, they say,
is history. But during those nomadic years, one of my
side hustles was working at a Jewish summer camp in
(09:13):
the Berkshire Mountains in Massachusetts where half the international staff
was Israeli. So not only did I make a ton
of Israeli friends, but I also got to practice my
mediocre at best Hebrew with them. And you know, I'm
not gonna lie. It was also kind of fun to
have conversations without the campers knowing what we were saying.
But yes, that's how Hebrew came into play for me.
(09:35):
And again, though, no connection to God or faith at
this point in time in my life. So then why Israel? Well,
when I was in I think probably fourth grade, my
oldest brother would have been in tenth and he was
getting into trouble and you know, nothing crazy, just bad
grades and hanging out with the wrong crowd, that kind
of thing. And it did get to that point where
(09:56):
my parents wanted to do something kind of extreme to
you know, wake them up or grow him up or
mature him or whatever things parents try to do when
they're just concerned about their teenage son and they're just
trying to figure out what the heck to do, so
not wanting to do anything drastic like send him to
boarding school or anything like that. And since my parents
were always kind of trying to get us to hang
(10:17):
out with more Jewish kids, like that was a thing,
they sent my brother to this program called High School
in Israel and HSI or High School in Israel. It's
the Study Abroad program where you learn about the history
of Israel, but it's not a religious program. So you
live in these co ed dorms with other high schoolers
and it's part classroom, but you're also kind of using
(10:40):
the land of Israel as the classroom as well. And
so yeah, my parents kind of use this program as
this attempt to straighten my brother out, and according to them,
he came back this changed man, like all grown up,
and they were so happy that they sent him, and
that made them decide then and there that all four
of us kids would go for various reasons. So I
(11:01):
always knew since I was pretty young that my junior
year of high school I would be going to Israel.
And if I'm totally honest, I was not super excited.
And I know that might sound weird or ungrateful, but
as a kid and teenager, that didn't excite me. Like
I just pictured deserts and camels because I had no
idea what Israel was actually like. But it had been
(11:25):
decided and I went and no surprise here. It was
life changing for me in my own way, and that
is when I absolutely fell in love with the land
of Israel. But still no God, no faith, none of
that side of it. So on the program, we had
these college age counselors that were kind of like dorm ras,
and I remember thinking, like, I want to do that
(11:47):
when I'm their age. It was kind of like a
camp counselor, but overseas, which was totally up my alley.
So many moons later after I graduated from college, and
remember by this point I had had all of these
amazing experieneriences with Hebrew and a ton of Israeli friends
from camp, and I was already in that nomadic travel mode.
So I did it. I applied to work there and
(12:10):
they said no, I know, right, how dare they? But
they said no because they wanted somebody who spoke Hebrew
and who already lived in Israel so they could interview
them in person. But I was not taking no for
an answer, and I was at least gonna fight for it.
So I reached back out and I was like, hey,
I'm not fluent, but I definitely know a good amount
(12:32):
of Hebrew, and if you want, I'll fly there and
I'll interview in person. Like that's how serious I was
about getting the job. And it worked. They actually appreciated
my persistence and made it clear that they were going
out on a limb to offer me the position. But
you better believe I accepted it right away. I was like,
come on, yes, let's do this. So now I got
to go back to Israel again as an adult, and
(12:55):
let's be honest, I was probably still more girl than woman,
but it was super cool to go there as a
twenty something college grad, you know, living out in the
real world. I went back and worked for them a
total of three times, and one of those times I
went a few months early and I went to Haifa
in the North, where I found an apartment and I
enrolled in this thing called an ulpon, which is this
(13:15):
intensive Hebrew study at the University of Haifa. So I
have this amazing life in Israel, a job, I loved,
friends from camp, so this amazing social circle and an
Israeli boyfriend, which is a subject for another episode on
its own. But this absolute love for Israel and the
Jewish people and Hebrew, but still no God. And none
(13:38):
of this was God or faith for me. And like
I said before, I didn't even realize at the time
that I didn't have God. So there's your context. I'm
a full blown as in both my parents are Jewish,
Israel loving Hebrew speaking jew with no connection to God.
But here I am talking about God, sharing how my
newfound relationship with God has completely transfer for my life,
(14:00):
and literally sharing it all here on this podcast. But
know this, Yes, my active faith started about four years ago,
but little did I know, and you'll learn this from
my story. I've had something with me and inside me
all along, even if I wasn't calling it faith, And
something was pushing and protecting and guarding and loving me
(14:21):
all along, even if I didn't call it God. But
you also might be wondering, like what happened in between
to get me to this point? Like that's a really
big jump, right, And that's where I now see that
it wasn't a big jump, and that God had been
planting those seeds the whole time without me knowing it.
And that's why I actually want to take a bit
of a detour for a minute and tell you about bamboo.
(14:43):
And I know that is so random, right, but it
will all make sense and come full circle, I promise.
So there's this idea of being an overnight success or
an overnight anything, and bamboo is actually a plant that
(15:04):
people think grows really fast, and it does actually grow
really really fast at its prime, but it's deceiving because
legend has it, or if you can just google it,
that apparently, if you plant bamboo seeds the first three
to five years, it almost looks like there's nothing there
and that nothing is happening because everything is happening underground.
(15:26):
But any wise bamboo farmer would know to keep watering
the bamboo and make sure it has daylight and nutrient
rich soil and all of that good stuff, because apparently
around the third to fifth year, just depending on the
type of bamboo, the bamboo finally peeps its head out
from underground and starts growing. And then in its prime
it grows really really fast, sometimes growing an inch and
(15:49):
a half an hour, I mean really really fast. And
so again to an outsider, it looks like it grew overnight.
But what you can't see is everything that's been happening
under and how long it actually took. And a lot
of people look at my life and they think that
by making over my body and losing all that weight,
that I was some overnight success or you know, I've
(16:11):
had people mention my business and my accomplishments, including this podcast,
and assume that it was just this overnight success. And
then now my faith journey. It just looks like all
of a sudden, it appeared to me. But here's what
I say about that the seeds get planted and the
growth often happens underground. So, for example, when it comes
(16:32):
to my body, I haven't been society's definition of overweight
in a long time. It's been something like fifteen years.
But fifteen years ago when I lost the weight, you
would probably have looked at my body and you wouldn't
have known that I wasn't happy and confident after losing
a third of my body weight. But as I shared
on the last episode, I lost all this weight, but
(16:53):
I still never shifted my identity and the self image
and the body image that was causing me to think
and act and feel and behave like I was still
carrying around a lot more weight on my body than
I was, and so my self image was still wearing
those fat goggles filled with toxic shame, even though my
appearance was dramatically different. It was like this body dysmorphia
(17:16):
that I didn't know how to deal with, and I
went underground to go heal that. But that's the part
that you don't see, and that a lot of people
don't talk about when they share the highlight reels of
their lives. But it's also the part of our stories
that if there is toxic shame still present, it will
keep you from sharing those parts of you because the
(17:36):
one thing that shame loves is secrecy. And now I'm
here sharing my truthful experiences and you're getting to see
the fruits of my labors of going on that healing journey.
But it's all that stuff that you didn't see that
made it all possible. So here I am today, and
trust me, I still have my own stuff, and I'm
still on my own journey with myself image and my
(17:57):
own body. But now I see that as this miraculous
opportunity rather than a burden. My business is another great
example of this. You know, people look at me today
and they're like, wow, she just like, you know, exploded overnight,
And I'm like, uh no, where were you fifteen years
ago when I was going through everything that I was
going through and failing a thousand times before I found
(18:18):
what actually worked. And what most people don't know is that, yeah,
my first business was seemingly successful overnight because I was
in the fitness industry and I didn't have to reinvent
the wheel, and I could just take a business model
that was proven and just kind of make it better
or just make it my own or leanne Isa. And
that's exactly what I did. And yes, that first chapter
(18:39):
of my business did move forward pretty quickly, but what
happened after that was absolutely a product of the bamboo principle.
Because what I do today and the messages that I'm
sharing in my stressle seeding curriculum, there was no proven model,
There was no system that I could follow. In fact,
there was a multi billion dollar industry spreading the exact
(18:59):
opposite of what I was sharing, that dieting and weight
loss will magically solve your problems, but the work that
I do with women to help them heal the bigger problem. Nope,
that came from new seeds that I had to start
over with and plant and water and tend to every
day for years before I could see the fruits of
its labor. But also, and here's where I'll come back
(19:22):
to this faith conversation, even though I didn't have God
necessarily or just didn't know that I did, I can
look back at everything that happened and see where God
had my back and see where He was filling in
the gaps for me. And I was never alone, even
when I felt like I was so, for example, continuing
with the faith that was needed to transition from what
(19:43):
I used to do professionally to what I do now.
So I mentioned that I got to that point where
I realized for myself that I was following a broken
model and teaching to a lot of women a dangerous mindset.
You know, the whole eat less, move more, harder, faster
more mentality really messed me up and kept me from
healing what needed to be healed in the long run,
(20:03):
And now I know it kept me so far away
from God and pursuing idols and chasing words like skinny.
And this is not dogging the health and fitness industry
at all, because there's a lot of good there and
I believe everything can be used as a tool or
a weapon. And who I was at the time was
using food and exercise as a weapon and it harmed me.
(20:25):
But it wasn't the food or the exercise. It was
my thoughts and beliefs and the wiring in my brain
around those things. But like I shared in the last episode,
I didn't know any of that at the time, and
I wasn't just teaching it. I had become like this
recognized expert in all of that stuff. Now this was
before the times of Instagram, but I was all over
(20:46):
TV and magazines and newspapers and radio shows, which also
caused me to chase things like fame as an idol.
So I was very deeply entrenched in that industry and
obviously the kind of superficial side of it too, And
at the height of it, after realizing how out of
alignment I was with myself and who I wanted to
(21:06):
be as a teacher and a mentor and a coach,
I decided to shut everything down, and people thought I
was crazy. And yes, I actually thought I was a
little bit crazy too. But here's the part of the
story that I never really shared because again I didn't
necessarily know how to explain it, and of course, toxic
shame kept me from sharing it. So rewind about ten
(21:27):
eleven years ago, and I'm still living in Florida, and
i had this moment where I'm on a paddle board
on Lake Orienta, which was my backyard at the time,
and I was listening to Sarah Barrellis and on came
this song Hercules that I had probably heard one hundred
times before that, probably more so many times that I
took it upon myself to Google to learn about Hercules
(21:49):
because I had no idea who Hercules was. And among
other things, the one thing I remember reading that stuck
out was that, yeah, he was a warrior and a fighter,
but he didn't fight for the sake of fighting. Okay,
he fought when he needed to, you know, like save
lives or defend lives. And in my mind, he was
a warrior with purpose. And so even though I had
(22:11):
heard that same song about one hundred times, this particular day,
the words hit me like a ton of bricks, and
it sent me straight down to my knees, as in,
it wasn't this voluntary thing all of a sudden. I'm
on my knees, weeping, bawling my eyes out, and I
actually want to read some of the lyrics, specifically that
hit me so hard that day. And so it goes
(22:32):
like this, I missed the days my mind would just
rest quiet. My imagination hadn't turned on me yet. I
want to disappear and just start over. So here we are,
and I'll breathe again. Another verse went, I've lost a
grip on where I started from. I wish I'd thought
(22:52):
ahead and left a few crumbs. I'm on the hunt
for you, who I've not yet become. But I'd settle
for a little equilibrium. And then she sings, there is
a war inside my heart gone silent, both sides dissatisfied
and somewhat violent. The issue I have now begun to see.
(23:14):
I'm the only lonely casualty. This is not the end, though,
and then the chorus went, because I have sent for
a warrior from on my knees, make me a Hercules.
I was meant to be a warrior. Please make me
a Hercules. And this time the probably one hundredth time,
(23:37):
the words of that song sent me crashing straight down
to my knees, bawling, sobbing, and left kneeling on a
paddle board in a puddle of my own tears because
I knew it I had to go find the version
of myself that I had not yet become. And the
war inside my head gone silent was because I didn't
want to fight the weight loss battle or the battle
(23:58):
of the bulge any more. My heart was well for
the heart. I wanted to help women with the battle
in their minds and the battle in their hearts. And
now I know I had to first end the battle
in my own mind, body, and spirit. And that was
my surrender. That line from on my knees make me
a hercules. That song to me was my way of
(24:22):
talking to God and asking for help and asking for
a lifeline. And again it was through music. And there
I was down on my knees, sobbing and praying for help,
even though yes, I didn't call it praying then and
I wouldn't have told you I was talking to God,
but now I know I was. And my search for surrender,
(24:44):
which I mentioned at the beginning of this that's truly
the day that lit a fire in me. So after
I was done, I paddled back to shore, I walked
in my house, and I made a bold decision and
it was the hardest decision of my life at that time.
And to some some people, they probably wouldn't have called
it bold. They probably would have called it stupid or
some other expletives. But just to paint that picture, like
(25:08):
I said, at this time in my life, I was
at the top of my game. So it was a
shock to anyone that knew me. You know, I had
this successful fitness studio and a six figure income and
a team working for me, and I had this amazing
community of women that I was the leader of. And
I also had a weekly TV segment that I was
their air quotes fitness Guru for nearly four years, every
(25:31):
single Saturday, even though deep down I did not feel
like one at all. And it wasn't just TV. I
was in magazines and newspapers also being called this fitness expert.
And so I went from that to suddenly realize that
I was part of the problem. That I was teaching
women this diet mentality and the eat less move more
mentality and in general this conversation that I knew didn't
(25:54):
even equate to true and lasting peace of mind and freedom.
And in that moment, on my knees on my paddle board,
in a puddle of my own tears, is when I
decided to shut it all down and step out into
the unknown and at least take the first step into
my future, having no idea that it would lead me
to what I'm doing now. I just knew that I
(26:16):
had to take a different path, and that was not easy,
leaving my place of certainty for total uncertainty. And people
would ask me, They're like, what are you going to do?
And I would just be like, I don't know, but
I'm going to figure it out. And they're like, how
are you gonna make money? And I was like, I
don't know, but I'll figure it out. And now I
see that that was faith, even if I didn't call
(26:38):
it that, that knowingness in the midst of it all.
I didn't call it faith back then, but that was
me trusting in God, and that was me having faith,
believing in what I couldn't yet see or taste or
smell or touch or even comprehend with my human mind.
(27:02):
So fast forward to October twenty eighteen, about five years
after the paddle board incident, and a lot of amazing
things transpired in between. But because I'm human and that's
how transformation works, I found myself back on my knees
in surrender once again, and the details of that aren't
really relevant right now, but this time it was in
(27:23):
a different way, but nonetheless I was back on my
knees in tears, and something inside of me again was
like I need to surrender. And this time the idea
came to my mind and I was like, hmm, maybe
maybe I want God. I don't know, I was. I
was perplexed myself, but it's the first time I was like, wait,
do I want God? Maybe? And it was definitely lots
of question marks more than exclamation marks. But this idea
(27:46):
of maybe I want God crossed my mind. But again
I hadn't fully gotten there yet. The word surrender just
kept coming up, like surrender, surrender, like this feeling of
please save me. I can't do this on my own anymore,
and I don't want to do this on my own anymore.
So there I was looking for the words surrender yet again,
and probably the Sarah Burrellas version of it, but I
(28:07):
went looking for it this time though I was I
was kind of thinking I was going to look for God,
and again it wasn't clear yet, but for whatever reason,
I didn't want to go to a temple or a synagogue,
and living in Nashville, I was like, well, I bet
we have really good church music here. So I just
asked around to some friends, like who has the best
worship music in town? And a few different people said
(28:29):
I should check out Crosspoint. So of course my first
national response was are Jews just allowed to walk into
a church? Because I honestly had never been in. I
was like, our Jew's just allowed to walk in? And
they laughed and they were like, yes, of course. In fact,
their tagline is Everybody's welcome, Nobody's perfect, and anything is possible,
and so I was like, Ah, everybody's welcome, that means
Jews are welcome to let's do this, And of course
(28:51):
we all had a little chuckle about that. So I
immediately called my friend Kevin, who I've known for nearly
fifteen years and who is not only one of the
wisest and most influential people in my life, but ironically
he's the one person who has been speaking to me
since I've known him about scripture and the power of Jesus.
And I always regarded him as insanely wise, like, you know,
(29:12):
beyond gifted and crazy intelligent wise for his years all
of that. But in all honesty, I just wasn't interested
in all the Jesus stuff that he was talking about, right,
So I kind of compartimentalized his wisdom. So I called
him and I was just like, Hey, I want to
go to church, but I'm really scared to just walk in.
Will you come with me? And I went on to
share that there's this place called cross Point and they're
(29:32):
supposed to have the best worship music and I just
want to check it out. And that was a big
heck yes from him. Okay, he was so excited and
so honored. You know, he would never ever push faith
onto me. He was always just inviting me into bigger conversations.
But he was so excited that I wanted to go.
So we walked into cross Point and I just immediately
got goosebumps, Like just walking into the auditorium, hearing the
(29:55):
warship music and simply being there. It really just moved
me genuinely. But that wasn't enough for Kevin, and he
wanted me to experience it from upfront, and he walked
me right up to the second row where there were
two empty seats and sat me down right there. And
like I said, I loved the music immediately. But I
have to admit because I really wasn't raised around the
(30:16):
word Jesus and songs about Jesus and the story of Jesus.
So for me to be praying to Jesus and hearing
the word Jesus and all the songs, it definitely felt
a bit weird to me. So I just gave myself
permission to replace the word Jesus and all the songs
with the word universe. And with that little tweak, it
all totally resonated with me, like big time resonance. And
(30:39):
you know, the messages themselves all resonated, but the word
Jesus was just simply new to me right regardless, I
was totally intrigued and completely moved, like goosebumps moved. I
can't even describe it. So, after the warship team sang
a few songs Pastor Kevin, which is the second Kevin
that you'll meet, he came out to preach, and I
now say that I came for the music and stayed
(31:00):
for Pastor Kevin sermon, because wow, he just spoke to me.
So I had never had a pastor before, so obviously
he was my first. And I just immediately loved his message.
And I loved his self deprecating humor, like he's not
afraid to make fun of himself. And I loved how
he would share about his family and help us learn
through the eyes of his own life experiences, and I
(31:21):
just love that. To me, he was just showing me
this picture of Jesus and just essentially saying to me, like, hey,
try it on, or that's really at least how I
took it. Now keep this in mind too as you're listening,
you know, to us Jewish kids growing up, we didn't
hear about Jesus, or if we did, it was kind
of in this context of Jesus being like the Easter bunny.
And I hate to say it, but that's really how
(31:42):
it was for us. So for me, that's exactly what
my first step had to be. You know, I had
to simply try it all on. And you know, so
I tried on this story, you know, this idea that
God sent his son to die for our sins and
take away our shame and our guil and our self condemnation.
So that was the first, you know, piece of the
story that I tried on. And I tried on this
(32:03):
idea that there is a way to allow me to
kind of rebirth myself and not have to walk around
with all of that shame any longer, and you know,
to step into this idea that I'm whole and complete
right now and that I don't have to go work
for it or lose wait for it, or create more
business or financial success for it. That you know, I'm
just whole and complete right now, and that God loves
(32:25):
me right now and it's this kind of love that
I cannot even fathom with my own eyes. And that's
basically the gist of the story that I just started
trying on. So when I heard all of that, I
was like, yes, I will try that on happily, Like
give it to me, give me more. And from there
on out, I just immersed myself in these concepts for
(32:46):
the months to come, and I didn't care about labels
or whether I was a good Jew or a bad Jew,
or doing Christianity right or wrong. I just immersed myself
in the scripture and the worship music, and I went
to church every chance I could get, and Sundays became
like my favorite day, Like I never missed a service
and I just felt at home there. Now here's where
(33:07):
I'll be the first to say that, yes, could I
have found God through Judaism or temple. Yes, I'm sure
I could have, but I didn't or I wasn't ready to,
or whatever it was. Judaism just never equated to God
or faith to me, and the God that I pray to,
he doesn't care if I get it from a church
or a temple, from a pastor or a rabbi. He's
(33:27):
just glad that after thirty five years, I was there
and I was starting a conversation with him now. And
that's at least what I say about it anyways. So
that is where I'll leave off for right now. But
I promise to tell you all about what happened next
when I just dip my toes into Christianity and got
to know this guy called Jesus. We'll be back with
(33:49):
more what's God got to do with it? But in
the meantime, I would definitely love to hear from you,
So just tell me where you are in your story
or maybe what questions you have, like where do you
feel you need clarity or support or wisdom in your
own journey. I definitely want to hear from you, So
head on over to What's God Got to Do with It?
Dot com and scroll down to the form to share
(34:12):
your thoughts, your questions, your feedback, and you can do
that instantly. So What's God Got to Do with It
dot com You'll find all the ways to do that.
And if you like this podcast and want to hear more,
go ahead and follow, like, and subscribe wherever you listen
to podcasts to get your weekly dose of What's God
Got to Do with It? New episodes drop every single Tuesday,
(34:34):
and while you're there, be sure to rate and review
to show your support. It really means so much. What's
God Got to Do With It? Is an iHeartRadio podcast
on the Amy Brown Podcast Network. It's written and hosted
by me Leanne Ellington, executive produced by Elizabeth Fozzio, post
production and editing by Houston Tilley, and original music written
(34:57):
by Cheryl Stark and produced by Adam Stark.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
Yeah
If you want to go on a journey. If you're skeptical,
don't worry. Not here to preach, want to keep it
clean and talk to me and recall where faith need
stops nature and get in touch with your creator with
a bacon, love and Jew. She even speaks Hebrew.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
What's that?
Speaker 1 (00:31):
What's that? As well? Spation should talking transformation? What's that?
Got too?
Speaker 2 (00:45):
So we are back and I'm going to share how
and why this bacon, love and Hebrew speaking jew randomly
walked into a Christian church a few years ago. But
before we get into that, I want to come back
to this idea of emptying your cup, and for now,
I just want to again invite you to forget about
everything you think you know, what you think you don't know,
(01:05):
or what you think you might not even be interested
in knowing, and just open your mind and your heart
and your spirit to possibility. And the reason I am
and will be reiterating that over and over again is
because that's what I needed to hear. I needed permission
to just try things on and soak things in and
(01:26):
chew on ideas at my own pace without being pressured
or persuaded or having someone try to convert me, because
Lord knows that would have just pushed me away. And
I remember hearing about this concept of seeing things with
childlike wonder, which totally resonated with me when I first
started exploring, but also this idea of renewing my mind.
(01:46):
And I'll definitely come back to both of those concepts,
but also just keep in mind my time without God
was a lot longer than my time with God. And
if you think that you're cynical or skeptical, or far
gone or broken, I felt all of those things too
at some point in time. And heck, I felt those
things for most of my life, if I'm honest. And
(02:08):
that's why again I'm inviting you to meet yourself exactly
where you are on your own journey, without judgment and shame,
and without trying to convince or coerce or persuade yourself
into anything, and definitely without worrying about whether you're doing it.
Air quotes right, And I'll share more about this in
this episode. But when I first went on this quest
(02:29):
for surrender which led me to seek God, words and
language were extremely important to me, and coming from my
background in all things brain and nervous system, the meanings
associated with words have the power to create either positive
or negative neuro associations in our brains. And that's why
(02:49):
when it comes to the words and language that I'm using,
I want you to meet yourself where you are, and
so I may use the word God or Jesus, But
at one point those words were a stretch for me,
and yes, I'll admit probably even a turnoff for me
because it was really just out of my scope of
experience and just didn't resonate with me yet. So as
I'm using words like God or Holy Spirit or Jesus,
(03:13):
you can interchange it with Spirit or universe or higher
power or source. Because I truly believe that experiencing the
knowingness of who you are and stepping into your true
worth is the most important thing here. And if you
need to change some language in your own inner conversations
to have it resonate, then I am totally cool with that,
(03:33):
and I'll be sharing along the way how I've integrated
the spiritual side of things into the work I do
with women and teens I work with in my Stressless
eaeding program. But I am constantly having to meet people
where they are based on their own past experiences or
lack of experience or whatever it is. And so I've
had clients who were kind of, you know, burned by
(03:54):
their childhood experiences of faith, and it was a touchy
spot for them, you know, even if they truly desire
or deeper connection with God. And I've had women who
identify as Christians, but they were carrying around so much
shame that they kind of had, you know, shame about
their shame and felt like bad Christians because of how
far they felt from God. And I've had fellow Jews
(04:16):
who just like me, you know, God and Jesus or
any other faith based conversations were just not a part
of their culture. So they needed to start with something
like higher power. And you'll learn that when I first
encountered this Jesus guy, as I call him, I replaced
it with the word universe at first, and then eventually
I use the word God because that's where I was
(04:37):
in my journey. So right now, I just invite you
to choose the word or words that resonate with you,
and every time you hear me say God or Jesus,
just fill it in with what resonates with where you
are in your journey. Right now because what I want
you to get is the magic, okay, and trust me,
God will show you the words to align what you
say and mean with what you feel, because, like I
(05:00):
shared in the last episode, most of my life I
had zero relationship with God, and honestly, other people that
talked about God it was a total turn off to
me for the same reason that it's a challenging subject
for a lot of people. And I honestly just thought
that I had come as far as I was going
to come in terms of self acceptance and seeing myself
(05:20):
through the eyes of love, of human eyes. And now
I know what it's like to really borrow the eyes
of God and actually see myself as perfect and whole
and complete right now, like not having to go hustle
for it or work for it or someday get there
as I'm putting quotation marks up with my fingers. But
I digress. So how did I get from there to here?
(05:42):
And how did this Bacon love and Hebrew speaking jew
end up stumbling into a church and more or less
accidentally find God. Well, that's where I want to connect
some dots for you. So growing up in Florida, there
were always other Jewish kids around. But when I moved
to Tennessee back in twenty sixteen, and I started realizing
that I was the only Jewish person I knew. In fact,
(06:04):
I lost count of how many times people told me
that I was the first Jewish person they had ever met. And,
as it would be for anyone new to the Bible Belt,
I started seeing churches on every corner I turned, and
hearing terms like god fearing and giving your life over
to Jesus. So when I went seeking God and being
the music lover that I've always been, it makes sense
(06:25):
that my first thought was, Okay, Nashville, it's a music city.
I wonder if they have good worship music. But again,
remember I wasn't looking for God. I wasn't even looking
for faith for whatever reason, I was searching for the
words surrender. So let me back up. So this all
makes sense now, just for context for you. I have
never been a religious Jew by any sense. So just
(06:46):
like most Jewish Americans, I was sent to Sunday School
and Hebrew School, and I had about Mitzvah, but it
was never anything I was really interested in or sought
out for myself. I just went because that's what we
did in my family. I will say this, though being
Jewish was definitely always a source of pride for our
family and for me for sure, like the culture and
(07:07):
the sacrifice of the Jewish people and the history of
the Holocaust especially I mean I had family that died
and escaped Europe during World War Two, but also the
heritage and the customs and the holidays and the Hebrew language.
And yes, I speak a decent amount of Hebrew, which
I'll explain, and Israel. I love Israel, and I've lived
(07:28):
there three times, which I'll also explain. But God, not
even a little bit. Okay, So Judaism was never a
connection to God for me. It was never faith in
my eyes. It was just a culture and simply part
of who I am, definitely a really proud part. But
in my eyes, I wasn't religious or very Jewish as
we used to say as kids. And God, it wasn't
(07:50):
even a topic in conversations that I remember. Now. I know,
I just said that I speak Hebrew and lived in
Israel three times, but that I'm not that Jewish. So
for clarity's sake, let me adjoins that so full transparency.
The reason I know Hebrew is because I was kind
of a slacker in college. So at the University of Florida,
where I went to school, my brothers told me that
(08:11):
if you already know how to read and write Hebrew,
which I did from my Hebrew school days, that Hebrew
was just an easy a for college credit. So yeah,
you better believe. I signed up and I took Hebrew one,
but then I honestly just loved it, and I went
on to take Hebrew two and Hebrew three. Then after college,
I was one of those people that didn't know what
I wanted to be when I grew up. So for
(08:32):
a few years I would just go work odds and
ends jobs and save up enough money to buy one
way tickets to live and work overseas, and then I
would do that until I ran out of money, and
then come back to the USA and get a job
and make more money and just do that all over again.
I did that a total of three times, just you know,
working and traveling around the world as a kind of
(08:52):
broke backpacker, live in on a shoe string and eating
a lot of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches until I
was finally ready to become an adult. As I remember saying.
And that's when I moved back to the US and
I started my first business and the rest is, they say,
is history. But during those nomadic years, one of my
side hustles was working at a Jewish summer camp in
(09:13):
the Berkshire Mountains in Massachusetts where half the international staff
was Israeli. So not only did I make a ton
of Israeli friends, but I also got to practice my
mediocre at best Hebrew with them. And you know, I'm
not gonna lie. It was also kind of fun to
have conversations without the campers knowing what we were saying.
But yes, that's how Hebrew came into play for me.
(09:35):
And again, though, no connection to God or faith at
this point in time in my life. So then why Israel? Well,
when I was in I think probably fourth grade, my
oldest brother would have been in tenth and he was
getting into trouble and you know, nothing crazy, just bad
grades and hanging out with the wrong crowd, that kind
of thing. And it did get to that point where
(09:56):
my parents wanted to do something kind of extreme to
you know, wake them up or grow him up or
mature him or whatever things parents try to do when
they're just concerned about their teenage son and they're just
trying to figure out what the heck to do, so
not wanting to do anything drastic like send him to
boarding school or anything like that. And since my parents
were always kind of trying to get us to hang
(10:17):
out with more Jewish kids, like that was a thing,
they sent my brother to this program called High School
in Israel and HSI or High School in Israel. It's
the Study Abroad program where you learn about the history
of Israel, but it's not a religious program. So you
live in these co ed dorms with other high schoolers
and it's part classroom, but you're also kind of using
(10:40):
the land of Israel as the classroom as well. And
so yeah, my parents kind of use this program as
this attempt to straighten my brother out, and according to them,
he came back this changed man, like all grown up,
and they were so happy that they sent him, and
that made them decide then and there that all four
of us kids would go for various reasons. So I
(11:01):
always knew since I was pretty young that my junior
year of high school I would be going to Israel.
And if I'm totally honest, I was not super excited.
And I know that might sound weird or ungrateful, but
as a kid and teenager, that didn't excite me. Like
I just pictured deserts and camels because I had no
idea what Israel was actually like. But it had been
(11:25):
decided and I went and no surprise here. It was
life changing for me in my own way, and that
is when I absolutely fell in love with the land
of Israel. But still no God, no faith, none of
that side of it. So on the program, we had
these college age counselors that were kind of like dorm ras,
and I remember thinking, like, I want to do that
(11:47):
when I'm their age. It was kind of like a
camp counselor, but overseas, which was totally up my alley.
So many moons later after I graduated from college, and
remember by this point I had had all of these
amazing experieneriences with Hebrew and a ton of Israeli friends
from camp, and I was already in that nomadic travel mode.
So I did it. I applied to work there and
(12:10):
they said no, I know, right, how dare they? But
they said no because they wanted somebody who spoke Hebrew
and who already lived in Israel so they could interview
them in person. But I was not taking no for
an answer, and I was at least gonna fight for it.
So I reached back out and I was like, hey,
I'm not fluent, but I definitely know a good amount
(12:32):
of Hebrew, and if you want, I'll fly there and
I'll interview in person. Like that's how serious I was
about getting the job. And it worked. They actually appreciated
my persistence and made it clear that they were going
out on a limb to offer me the position. But
you better believe I accepted it right away. I was like,
come on, yes, let's do this. So now I got
to go back to Israel again as an adult, and
(12:55):
let's be honest, I was probably still more girl than woman,
but it was super cool to go there as a
twenty something college grad, you know, living out in the
real world. I went back and worked for them a
total of three times, and one of those times I
went a few months early and I went to Haifa
in the North, where I found an apartment and I
enrolled in this thing called an ulpon, which is this
(13:15):
intensive Hebrew study at the University of Haifa. So I
have this amazing life in Israel, a job, I loved,
friends from camp, so this amazing social circle and an
Israeli boyfriend, which is a subject for another episode on
its own. But this absolute love for Israel and the
Jewish people and Hebrew, but still no God. And none
(13:38):
of this was God or faith for me. And like
I said before, I didn't even realize at the time
that I didn't have God. So there's your context. I'm
a full blown as in both my parents are Jewish,
Israel loving Hebrew speaking jew with no connection to God.
But here I am talking about God, sharing how my
newfound relationship with God has completely transfer for my life,
(14:00):
and literally sharing it all here on this podcast. But
know this, Yes, my active faith started about four years ago,
but little did I know, and you'll learn this from
my story. I've had something with me and inside me
all along, even if I wasn't calling it faith, And
something was pushing and protecting and guarding and loving me
(14:21):
all along, even if I didn't call it God. But
you also might be wondering, like what happened in between
to get me to this point? Like that's a really
big jump, right, And that's where I now see that
it wasn't a big jump, and that God had been
planting those seeds the whole time without me knowing it.
And that's why I actually want to take a bit
of a detour for a minute and tell you about bamboo.
(14:43):
And I know that is so random, right, but it
will all make sense and come full circle, I promise.
So there's this idea of being an overnight success or
an overnight anything, and bamboo is actually a plant that
(15:04):
people think grows really fast, and it does actually grow
really really fast at its prime, but it's deceiving because
legend has it, or if you can just google it,
that apparently, if you plant bamboo seeds the first three
to five years, it almost looks like there's nothing there
and that nothing is happening because everything is happening underground.
(15:26):
But any wise bamboo farmer would know to keep watering
the bamboo and make sure it has daylight and nutrient
rich soil and all of that good stuff, because apparently
around the third to fifth year, just depending on the
type of bamboo, the bamboo finally peeps its head out
from underground and starts growing. And then in its prime
it grows really really fast, sometimes growing an inch and
(15:49):
a half an hour, I mean really really fast. And
so again to an outsider, it looks like it grew overnight.
But what you can't see is everything that's been happening
under and how long it actually took. And a lot
of people look at my life and they think that
by making over my body and losing all that weight,
that I was some overnight success or you know, I've
(16:11):
had people mention my business and my accomplishments, including this podcast,
and assume that it was just this overnight success. And
then now my faith journey. It just looks like all
of a sudden, it appeared to me. But here's what
I say about that the seeds get planted and the
growth often happens underground. So, for example, when it comes
(16:32):
to my body, I haven't been society's definition of overweight
in a long time. It's been something like fifteen years.
But fifteen years ago when I lost the weight, you
would probably have looked at my body and you wouldn't
have known that I wasn't happy and confident after losing
a third of my body weight. But as I shared
on the last episode, I lost all this weight, but
(16:53):
I still never shifted my identity and the self image
and the body image that was causing me to think
and act and feel and behave like I was still
carrying around a lot more weight on my body than
I was, and so my self image was still wearing
those fat goggles filled with toxic shame, even though my
appearance was dramatically different. It was like this body dysmorphia
(17:16):
that I didn't know how to deal with, and I
went underground to go heal that. But that's the part
that you don't see, and that a lot of people
don't talk about when they share the highlight reels of
their lives. But it's also the part of our stories
that if there is toxic shame still present, it will
keep you from sharing those parts of you because the
(17:36):
one thing that shame loves is secrecy. And now I'm
here sharing my truthful experiences and you're getting to see
the fruits of my labors of going on that healing journey.
But it's all that stuff that you didn't see that
made it all possible. So here I am today, and
trust me, I still have my own stuff, and I'm
still on my own journey with myself image and my
(17:57):
own body. But now I see that as this miraculous
opportunity rather than a burden. My business is another great
example of this. You know, people look at me today
and they're like, wow, she just like, you know, exploded overnight,
And I'm like, uh no, where were you fifteen years
ago when I was going through everything that I was
going through and failing a thousand times before I found
(18:18):
what actually worked. And what most people don't know is that, yeah,
my first business was seemingly successful overnight because I was
in the fitness industry and I didn't have to reinvent
the wheel, and I could just take a business model
that was proven and just kind of make it better
or just make it my own or leanne Isa. And
that's exactly what I did. And yes, that first chapter
(18:39):
of my business did move forward pretty quickly, but what
happened after that was absolutely a product of the bamboo principle.
Because what I do today and the messages that I'm
sharing in my stressle seeding curriculum, there was no proven model,
There was no system that I could follow. In fact,
there was a multi billion dollar industry spreading the exact
(18:59):
opposite of what I was sharing, that dieting and weight
loss will magically solve your problems, but the work that
I do with women to help them heal the bigger problem. Nope,
that came from new seeds that I had to start
over with and plant and water and tend to every
day for years before I could see the fruits of
its labor. But also, and here's where I'll come back
(19:22):
to this faith conversation, even though I didn't have God
necessarily or just didn't know that I did, I can
look back at everything that happened and see where God
had my back and see where He was filling in
the gaps for me. And I was never alone, even
when I felt like I was so, for example, continuing
with the faith that was needed to transition from what
(19:43):
I used to do professionally to what I do now.
So I mentioned that I got to that point where
I realized for myself that I was following a broken
model and teaching to a lot of women a dangerous mindset.
You know, the whole eat less, move more, harder, faster
more mentality really messed me up and kept me from
healing what needed to be healed in the long run,
(20:03):
And now I know it kept me so far away
from God and pursuing idols and chasing words like skinny.
And this is not dogging the health and fitness industry
at all, because there's a lot of good there and
I believe everything can be used as a tool or
a weapon. And who I was at the time was
using food and exercise as a weapon and it harmed me.
(20:25):
But it wasn't the food or the exercise. It was
my thoughts and beliefs and the wiring in my brain
around those things. But like I shared in the last episode,
I didn't know any of that at the time, and
I wasn't just teaching it. I had become like this
recognized expert in all of that stuff. Now this was
before the times of Instagram, but I was all over
(20:46):
TV and magazines and newspapers and radio shows, which also
caused me to chase things like fame as an idol.
So I was very deeply entrenched in that industry and
obviously the kind of superficial side of it too, And
at the height of it, after realizing how out of
alignment I was with myself and who I wanted to
(21:06):
be as a teacher and a mentor and a coach,
I decided to shut everything down, and people thought I
was crazy. And yes, I actually thought I was a
little bit crazy too. But here's the part of the
story that I never really shared because again I didn't
necessarily know how to explain it, and of course, toxic
shame kept me from sharing it. So rewind about ten
(21:27):
eleven years ago, and I'm still living in Florida, and
i had this moment where I'm on a paddle board
on Lake Orienta, which was my backyard at the time,
and I was listening to Sarah Barrellis and on came
this song Hercules that I had probably heard one hundred
times before that, probably more so many times that I
took it upon myself to Google to learn about Hercules
(21:49):
because I had no idea who Hercules was. And among
other things, the one thing I remember reading that stuck
out was that, yeah, he was a warrior and a fighter,
but he didn't fight for the sake of fighting. Okay,
he fought when he needed to, you know, like save
lives or defend lives. And in my mind, he was
a warrior with purpose. And so even though I had
(22:11):
heard that same song about one hundred times, this particular day,
the words hit me like a ton of bricks, and
it sent me straight down to my knees, as in,
it wasn't this voluntary thing all of a sudden. I'm
on my knees, weeping, bawling my eyes out, and I
actually want to read some of the lyrics, specifically that
hit me so hard that day. And so it goes
(22:32):
like this, I missed the days my mind would just
rest quiet. My imagination hadn't turned on me yet. I
want to disappear and just start over. So here we are,
and I'll breathe again. Another verse went, I've lost a
grip on where I started from. I wish I'd thought
(22:52):
ahead and left a few crumbs. I'm on the hunt
for you, who I've not yet become. But I'd settle
for a little equilibrium. And then she sings, there is
a war inside my heart gone silent, both sides dissatisfied
and somewhat violent. The issue I have now begun to see.
(23:14):
I'm the only lonely casualty. This is not the end, though,
and then the chorus went, because I have sent for
a warrior from on my knees, make me a Hercules.
I was meant to be a warrior. Please make me
a Hercules. And this time the probably one hundredth time,
(23:37):
the words of that song sent me crashing straight down
to my knees, bawling, sobbing, and left kneeling on a
paddle board in a puddle of my own tears because
I knew it I had to go find the version
of myself that I had not yet become. And the
war inside my head gone silent was because I didn't
want to fight the weight loss battle or the battle
(23:58):
of the bulge any more. My heart was well for
the heart. I wanted to help women with the battle
in their minds and the battle in their hearts. And
now I know I had to first end the battle
in my own mind, body, and spirit. And that was
my surrender. That line from on my knees make me
a hercules. That song to me was my way of
(24:22):
talking to God and asking for help and asking for
a lifeline. And again it was through music. And there
I was down on my knees, sobbing and praying for help,
even though yes, I didn't call it praying then and
I wouldn't have told you I was talking to God,
but now I know I was. And my search for surrender,
(24:44):
which I mentioned at the beginning of this that's truly
the day that lit a fire in me. So after
I was done, I paddled back to shore, I walked
in my house, and I made a bold decision and
it was the hardest decision of my life at that time.
And to some some people, they probably wouldn't have called
it bold. They probably would have called it stupid or
some other expletives. But just to paint that picture, like
(25:08):
I said, at this time in my life, I was
at the top of my game. So it was a
shock to anyone that knew me. You know, I had
this successful fitness studio and a six figure income and
a team working for me, and I had this amazing
community of women that I was the leader of. And
I also had a weekly TV segment that I was
their air quotes fitness Guru for nearly four years, every
(25:31):
single Saturday, even though deep down I did not feel
like one at all. And it wasn't just TV. I
was in magazines and newspapers also being called this fitness expert.
And so I went from that to suddenly realize that
I was part of the problem. That I was teaching
women this diet mentality and the eat less move more
mentality and in general this conversation that I knew didn't
(25:54):
even equate to true and lasting peace of mind and freedom.
And in that moment, on my knees on my paddle board,
in a puddle of my own tears, is when I
decided to shut it all down and step out into
the unknown and at least take the first step into
my future, having no idea that it would lead me
to what I'm doing now. I just knew that I
(26:16):
had to take a different path, and that was not easy,
leaving my place of certainty for total uncertainty. And people
would ask me, They're like, what are you going to do?
And I would just be like, I don't know, but
I'm going to figure it out. And they're like, how
are you gonna make money? And I was like, I
don't know, but I'll figure it out. And now I
see that that was faith, even if I didn't call
(26:38):
it that, that knowingness in the midst of it all.
I didn't call it faith back then, but that was
me trusting in God, and that was me having faith,
believing in what I couldn't yet see or taste or
smell or touch or even comprehend with my human mind.
(27:02):
So fast forward to October twenty eighteen, about five years
after the paddle board incident, and a lot of amazing
things transpired in between. But because I'm human and that's
how transformation works, I found myself back on my knees
in surrender once again, and the details of that aren't
really relevant right now, but this time it was in
(27:23):
a different way, but nonetheless I was back on my
knees in tears, and something inside of me again was
like I need to surrender. And this time the idea
came to my mind and I was like, hmm, maybe
maybe I want God. I don't know, I was. I
was perplexed myself, but it's the first time I was like, wait,
do I want God? Maybe? And it was definitely lots
of question marks more than exclamation marks. But this idea
(27:46):
of maybe I want God crossed my mind. But again
I hadn't fully gotten there yet. The word surrender just
kept coming up, like surrender, surrender, like this feeling of
please save me. I can't do this on my own anymore,
and I don't want to do this on my own anymore.
So there I was looking for the words surrender yet again,
and probably the Sarah Burrellas version of it, but I
(28:07):
went looking for it this time though I was I
was kind of thinking I was going to look for God,
and again it wasn't clear yet, but for whatever reason,
I didn't want to go to a temple or a synagogue,
and living in Nashville, I was like, well, I bet
we have really good church music here. So I just
asked around to some friends, like who has the best
worship music in town? And a few different people said
(28:29):
I should check out Crosspoint. So of course my first
national response was are Jews just allowed to walk into
a church? Because I honestly had never been in. I
was like, our Jew's just allowed to walk in? And
they laughed and they were like, yes, of course. In fact,
their tagline is Everybody's welcome, Nobody's perfect, and anything is possible,
and so I was like, Ah, everybody's welcome, that means
Jews are welcome to let's do this, And of course
(28:51):
we all had a little chuckle about that. So I
immediately called my friend Kevin, who I've known for nearly
fifteen years and who is not only one of the
wisest and most influential people in my life, but ironically
he's the one person who has been speaking to me
since I've known him about scripture and the power of Jesus.
And I always regarded him as insanely wise, like, you know,
(29:12):
beyond gifted and crazy intelligent wise for his years all
of that. But in all honesty, I just wasn't interested
in all the Jesus stuff that he was talking about, right,
So I kind of compartimentalized his wisdom. So I called
him and I was just like, Hey, I want to
go to church, but I'm really scared to just walk in.
Will you come with me? And I went on to
share that there's this place called cross Point and they're
(29:32):
supposed to have the best worship music and I just
want to check it out. And that was a big
heck yes from him. Okay, he was so excited and
so honored. You know, he would never ever push faith
onto me. He was always just inviting me into bigger conversations.
But he was so excited that I wanted to go.
So we walked into cross Point and I just immediately
got goosebumps, Like just walking into the auditorium, hearing the
(29:55):
warship music and simply being there. It really just moved
me genuinely. But that wasn't enough for Kevin, and he
wanted me to experience it from upfront, and he walked
me right up to the second row where there were
two empty seats and sat me down right there. And
like I said, I loved the music immediately. But I
have to admit because I really wasn't raised around the
(30:16):
word Jesus and songs about Jesus and the story of Jesus.
So for me to be praying to Jesus and hearing
the word Jesus and all the songs, it definitely felt
a bit weird to me. So I just gave myself
permission to replace the word Jesus and all the songs
with the word universe. And with that little tweak, it
all totally resonated with me, like big time resonance. And
(30:39):
you know, the messages themselves all resonated, but the word
Jesus was just simply new to me right regardless, I
was totally intrigued and completely moved, like goosebumps moved. I
can't even describe it. So, after the warship team sang
a few songs Pastor Kevin, which is the second Kevin
that you'll meet, he came out to preach, and I
now say that I came for the music and stayed
(31:00):
for Pastor Kevin sermon, because wow, he just spoke to me.
So I had never had a pastor before, so obviously
he was my first. And I just immediately loved his message.
And I loved his self deprecating humor, like he's not
afraid to make fun of himself. And I loved how
he would share about his family and help us learn
through the eyes of his own life experiences, and I
(31:21):
just love that. To me, he was just showing me
this picture of Jesus and just essentially saying to me, like, hey,
try it on, or that's really at least how I
took it. Now keep this in mind too as you're listening,
you know, to us Jewish kids growing up, we didn't
hear about Jesus, or if we did, it was kind
of in this context of Jesus being like the Easter bunny.
And I hate to say it, but that's really how
(31:42):
it was for us. So for me, that's exactly what
my first step had to be. You know, I had
to simply try it all on. And you know, so
I tried on this story, you know, this idea that
God sent his son to die for our sins and
take away our shame and our guil and our self condemnation.
So that was the first, you know, piece of the
story that I tried on. And I tried on this
(32:03):
idea that there is a way to allow me to
kind of rebirth myself and not have to walk around
with all of that shame any longer, and you know,
to step into this idea that I'm whole and complete
right now and that I don't have to go work
for it or lose wait for it, or create more
business or financial success for it. That you know, I'm
just whole and complete right now, and that God loves
(32:25):
me right now and it's this kind of love that
I cannot even fathom with my own eyes. And that's
basically the gist of the story that I just started
trying on. So when I heard all of that, I
was like, yes, I will try that on happily, Like
give it to me, give me more. And from there
on out, I just immersed myself in these concepts for
(32:46):
the months to come, and I didn't care about labels
or whether I was a good Jew or a bad Jew,
or doing Christianity right or wrong. I just immersed myself
in the scripture and the worship music, and I went
to church every chance I could get, and Sundays became
like my favorite day, Like I never missed a service
and I just felt at home there. Now here's where
(33:07):
I'll be the first to say that, yes, could I
have found God through Judaism or temple. Yes, I'm sure
I could have, but I didn't or I wasn't ready to,
or whatever it was. Judaism just never equated to God
or faith to me, and the God that I pray to,
he doesn't care if I get it from a church
or a temple, from a pastor or a rabbi. He's
(33:27):
just glad that after thirty five years, I was there
and I was starting a conversation with him now. And
that's at least what I say about it anyways. So
that is where I'll leave off for right now. But
I promise to tell you all about what happened next
when I just dip my toes into Christianity and got
to know this guy called Jesus. We'll be back with
(33:49):
more what's God got to do with it? But in
the meantime, I would definitely love to hear from you,
So just tell me where you are in your story
or maybe what questions you have, like where do you
feel you need clarity or support or wisdom in your
own journey. I definitely want to hear from you, So
head on over to What's God Got to Do with It?
Dot com and scroll down to the form to share
(34:12):
your thoughts, your questions, your feedback, and you can do
that instantly. So What's God Got to Do with It
dot com You'll find all the ways to do that.
And if you like this podcast and want to hear more,
go ahead and follow, like, and subscribe wherever you listen
to podcasts to get your weekly dose of What's God
Got to Do with It? New episodes drop every single Tuesday,
(34:34):
and while you're there, be sure to rate and review
to show your support. It really means so much. What's
God Got to Do With It? Is an iHeartRadio podcast
on the Amy Brown Podcast Network. It's written and hosted
by me Leanne Ellington, executive produced by Elizabeth Fozzio, post
production and editing by Houston Tilley, and original music written
(34:57):
by Cheryl Stark and produced by Adam Stark.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
Yeah
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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