February 13, 2024 • 36 mins
Today’s quote is from Ally Fallon: “You rarely know the whole story already – when things don’t make sense it’s usually because there’s missing data, untapped information. Maybe someone is keeping something from you, maybe you’re keeping something from yourself. Maybe certain things are none of your business - and maybe you need to wait a little longer to collect more puzzle pieces.”
What are the facts in the story you’ve built in your head? Practice patience – the other pieces of the puzzle are coming.
Amy & Kat “popcorn” through different topics:
- How Kat’s feeling leading up to her wedding!
- What’s the right way to order your bridesmaids/groomsmen?
- Survey: 1/3 of Americans feel lonely at least once per week
- Filling your cup with connection & community
- Horrible hygiene habits that are way too common
- Gwyneth Paltrow uses a baseball bat to release anger
- Emotional intelligence quiz
- Gaslighting and the Keanu Reeves mindset (2+2=5)
Will Amy make 2024 the year of no shoes in her house? Only time will tell :)
Wishing Kat a happy wedding week!!! Check out her episode about The Loneliness Epidemic on You Need Therapy.
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Defatta // @Kat.Defatta // @YouNeedTherapyPodcast // YouNeedTherapyPodcast.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat, and today's quote is from our friend Ali Fallon.
She posted this on Instagram. Cat and I both loved it.
Her caption was, maybe you don't know the whole story,
and that could be the quote in itself, but I'll
elaborate with what she put in the post, and it
goes a little something like this, You rarely know the
(00:25):
whole story already. When things don't make sense, it's usually
because there's missing data, untapped information. Maybe someone is keeping
something from you, Maybe you're keeping something from yourself. Maybe
certain things are none of your business, and maybe you
just need to wait a little longer to collect more
puzzle pieces. And I loved that because I was just
(00:46):
talking to cryocat last night. She had built this whole
scenario in her head about something, and I got to
sort of.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Use the what are the facts special facts therapy? Cat
would say, all.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
We can do right now is go off the facts,
and the facts actually have nothing to do with what
the story is you have built in your head. So
me right now, as your friend, we're going off the
facts and you let all this.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Other stuff go the way I understood it when I
first saw that was a helpful reminder that when I
am really confused, specifically more like by a friend's behavior
or by something that just like didn't go my way,
maybe you're confused because the information that you are going
off of it doesn't make sense. So there has to
be a missing piece that will make it make sense.
(01:29):
But we don't always get to have that. So I'd
rather personally be like, oh, well, I don't I must
not know everything because this just doesn't make sense before
I start making up the story about how this person's
horrible and or hates me, or it's never a good
story that we make up.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
And sometimes we have to practice patients too because the
other pieces are coming. Oh the other pieces, that's hard,
result they are coming well. So Kat and I are
going to do a little popcorn episode, which do you
have a favorite popcorn that you love?
Speaker 3 (02:00):
I just when you said that it.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Has nothing to do with actual popcorn, But now I
want to tell you all about my favorite popcorn that
I'm obsessed with.
Speaker 4 (02:06):
But go ahead.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Well, I do have a favorite popcorn. It's movie theater
popcorn with butter on top of it, which I also
recommend you getting even when you're not going to movie
theater and just taking it home with you.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
But when you said that, it just.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Reminded me of popcorn reading in elementary school and how
terrifying that was for me, not terrifying for you. Popcorn
prayer was. Oh I never did that. That'd be even worse.
So yeah, it's like, and Amy, you pray now and
you're like.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
Dear God, I love you.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
And the person that before me was always reloquant, yes,
so beautiful.
Speaker 4 (02:39):
I had all the right words at all, And I'm like,
dear baby, Jesus.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
What I just remember when we had to do that,
I would like read ahead so I could scan and
make sure there weren't any words I didn't know how
to pronounce or something, and then if there was a
word I didn't know how to pronounce, I'd sit there
and be like, please don't.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
Pick me, Please don't pick me, Please don't pick me.
That's the worst.
Speaker 4 (03:00):
Do you know how many times I do the Google pronunciation?
Speaker 3 (03:03):
You can't do that in class?
Speaker 4 (03:04):
I know, like we definitely have back then.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
But for certain things, you just hear me playing on
my computer, like you know, popcorn teaching me.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
How that's a hard one.
Speaker 4 (03:16):
But Himalay and Gold. Have you had this popcorn?
Speaker 2 (03:20):
I think I had a you're what's the popcorn that
Cryocat brought.
Speaker 4 (03:23):
It's got the little Boodha guy on the bag.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
So the brand's name is Lesser Evil and it's made
with just coconut oil and popcorn and salt or something.
But this Himalay and Gold, it's this maybe there's some
butter flavoring.
Speaker 4 (03:38):
I don't know. Yeah, it says butter flavored coconut oil.
I just looked it up.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
And Himalay and salt, so it's like three ingredients and
it's so good. And my daughter doesn't normally like popcorn
out of the bag like that. She likes it popped
in the microwave or whatever. And if I buy that
Himalay and Gold. She was leaving to go to her
dad's house for a week and she popped home from
school before she went over there.
Speaker 3 (03:59):
Popped them in school and had some popcorn.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Get it.
Speaker 4 (04:03):
I didn't even mean to do that.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
And she went into the pantry and grabbed a brand
new bag and was like, Okay, I'm headed to Dad's
for the week. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, my popcorn.
Dad can buy you popcorn. And I think she looked
at me like I was crazy. But now I'm out
of popcorn and you're about to be gone for a week.
It's not like you're opening that bag and eating it
here and we can enjoy it together. I ended up
letting her take it, but I should send Bend a.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Note FYI, you owe me a bag of popcorn and
malay and gold.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
Buy it. Your daughter likes it. That was really big
of you to let her take it.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
I know, go me I the back.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Well, so Kat and I are going to do sort
of a popcorn style thing where I'm going to share
something I saw that was interesting.
Speaker 4 (04:45):
And then pop. Kat will go over and share something.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
We'll talk in between, but we're testing out a popcorn episode.
Speaker 4 (04:53):
Pop okay, So I'll go first.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
And it's a question for Kat about her wedding because
it is like Tuesday, four days away, four days away.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
Four.
Speaker 4 (05:02):
I don't know why four five, But.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Your rehearsal dinner starts. I feel like the whole wedding
weekend starts on Thursday.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
It's this week, but we can say that this.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Is airing on Tuesday, so it's two days ohay, yeah,
been three days away, So how are you feeling.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
I feel really excited.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
I don't feel stressed as of now, because I think
I did a really good job spacing all of my
tasks out.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
I would like this week to last for.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
A month, like this is like the most exciting week,
and I just want to like soak it all up in.
Speaker 4 (05:33):
Your gram seven.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Yes, but I mean I'm sure all numbers want to
soak up their wedding.
Speaker 4 (05:38):
I don't know that I was like that though.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
Maybe that's a sign. Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 4 (05:43):
Not quite sure. But I got married really fast.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
There was a lot to yeah if, I don't think
I had time to really soak up much.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
So we were doing some final prep work with our
coordinators and we had to give them a list of
all of our bridesmaids and groomsmen and order them how
we want them lined up for the ceremony. And I
did mine and sent it in and Patrick was I
saw him doing his and I looked a him as like,
(06:10):
how are you ordering your groomsmen? And he said, well,
before I tell you this, how would you do it?
How would you order the people in your wedding?
Speaker 4 (06:18):
I think in order of how long I've known them? Oh,
something like my sister would be first.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Well what if you have known them all the same amount?
Because they're all his childhood and high school friends by height? Okay,
normal response. I looked over at him and I said,
how are you ordering your groomsman?
Speaker 3 (06:37):
And he said, whoa? By how much I like them?
They didn't. I said, you can't do that.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
That is so mean, Like I just started thinking about
who he was putting last. He was, well, he should
feel lucky that he's even in the line.
Speaker 4 (06:56):
Ruthless ruthless.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Yes. I was like, I would not want to be
in your wedding if I knew that, Like everybody up
there was looking into haha, he likes that guy the least.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
That did not feel right to me, But I'm sure
he likes them all.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Yes, But still I guess guys are different because I
asked a couple of guy friends and they're like, yeah,
it's like how close we are to them?
Speaker 3 (07:16):
And I didn't like that.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
We haven't decided what he's going to do, but I'm like,
don't we order this by height? Because like, what's the thing.
After the wedding there was recession. Now it's like the
processional and then.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
You walk out. Yeah, we'll just call that the walkout.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
When you're walking out, I don't want like somebody who's
seven foot with my shortest friend or vice versa. I
thought maybe we could be strategic in that way, and
then nobody gets their feelings.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Hurt, and so you make an announcement. Hey, guys, just
you know this lineup is random based on height, has
nothing to do with how much we like you, how
long we've known you, what you mean to us.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
Isn't that crazy?
Speaker 4 (07:53):
You should be HAPPI you're up.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Here anyway, if any of his friends really which I
assume they're not, Hopefully you guys come with a stable mind,
because if I got put last.
Speaker 4 (08:07):
So where am I? In my last I didn't do it.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
That way, But in my last I don't.
Speaker 4 (08:12):
Think so, oh you didn't do it that way, so
I would have been last.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Your place is? This has no bearing on how much
I like you? Okay, but you should be like that
you're up there?
Speaker 4 (08:19):
Yeah I am.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
I don't actually know.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
I think the only thing that I remember is I
put my three family members at the front.
Speaker 4 (08:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
The reason I even brought this up is because I
was trying to match.
Speaker 4 (08:30):
Height, like, how are you doing drat?
Speaker 1 (08:32):
You know?
Speaker 3 (08:33):
But I get height.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
It's I think that I really want to do height.
Then everybody feels good.
Speaker 4 (08:37):
But can I tell you something.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
You don't have anybody on his side that's seven foot
and you don't have really short.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
I don't wo Kira. I think she's my height. She's
like five to three. Okay, I feel bad talking about this.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
I don't know why he has two guy friends that
are on the shorter side and I have a lot
of fun some friends that are doing all and then
he does have like three friends that are like six
three and above.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
Okay, So I can see for the shorter ones you're
being respectful not putting them with the super tall Yes,
got it.
Speaker 4 (09:07):
Check thoughtful of you.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
This is good.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
I'm glad you have a plan. You're doing it by height.
Big piece on board with that. Well, I don't know
if he is okay, Well come we'll find out. We'll
find out on Friday if I'm with someone tinier than
me or larger than me.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
And you can tell me how you feel about your
space in the online pop So I have something interesting
that I actually I've talked about this probably more than
any other topic on you need therapy, mostly because a
lot of people in my history of being a therapist,
(09:42):
we'll say, like, what's your specialty, And a lot of
times I'll say, you know, eating disorders or trauma or
this or that, But it always comes down to the
same thing when I'm working with people, which is loneliness.
Like when it really comes down to it, so often
what the thing I'm working on with clients is their
desire for connection and for people. And the Today Show
(10:05):
came out with a new survey that was brought up
by the American Psychiatric Association, and they said that which
this isn't shocking to me, but I think this is
shocking information. One third of Americans say they feel lonely
at least once a week.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
This isn't shocking to me, but I think this is
shocking information.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
One third of Americans say they feel lonely at least
once a week. Ten percent of people said that they
feel lonely every single day. And I will say, feeling
lonely and being alone are two different things. So this
is people saying I feel lonely, Like you can feel.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Lonely even around yeah, but feeling loneliness I'm glad you
differentiated what that is.
Speaker 4 (10:57):
It's different than just being alone.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Yeah. Yeah, And this reminded me of an episode that
I did last year that was specifically called the Loneliness
Epidemic on Unied Therapy. And this was wild to me
because this stuff doesn't surprise me. I think maybe because
I see this so often, and people who don't even
I think, realize that they're lonely end up being like, well,
(11:19):
the solution to this is like connection. But the reason
I did this episode last year is because the Surgeon
General issued an advisory. He called it himself, the Loneliness Epidemic,
and in that advisory, it's said that the mortality impact
of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by
(11:40):
smoking up to fifteen cigarettes a day, Like it affects
your health that much. And that is wild, and I
think that is something that people are not expecting to hear.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
It's like, oh, you.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
Feel lonely, but that's it, And it's like, no, this
actually is affecting the quality and the length of your life.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
I feel like some people might think, oh, I need
to quit smoking because this is going to be better
for your Oh I would never touch a cigarette. But
then yeah, they may not try to do anything about
the loneliness because they don't know that it's that big
of a deal. And I wonder how many people actually
can put their finger on the fact that they are lonely.
Speaker 4 (12:14):
It might be hard to identify that.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
That's especially if you're somebody who's around people a lot.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
So I just thought it was interesting, and so what's
the solution.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Well, I mean, I'm sure for everybody it looks a
little bit different, but kind of a low hanging fruit. Sure, okay,
connecting with others, trying to in a way. But you said,
if you're even around people, maybe someone's like, well, shoot,
I'm around people, why do I still feel lonely?
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Well, I think that that's a difficult question to answer
it succinctly. One thing I would say is a lot
of times it's not just you're not doing enough. There
could be a component that has to do with mental
health that is out of your control. And so that's
where going to see a therapist. You're going to see
a psychiatrist. Maybe there's a medication that can help you
(12:57):
be able to connect more and feel those emotions. But
the other stuff is that I share more often is
we can all do little things that help us connect
more in general. And that is like eye contact with people,
leaving our phone in our pockets, having conversation with the
guy at Trader Joe's who's ringing your groceries, versus pretending
(13:20):
you're reading an email.
Speaker 4 (13:22):
Sometimes when I'm walking, I put my phone up to
my ear.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
La la la.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
So we're but we created the space where it is
normal for us to not connect.
Speaker 4 (13:30):
I'm not the only one, right, No.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
No. The reason I said that about Trader Joe's is
I'm the one that's like, oh, I got to answer
this email. Can't have this chat with probably the friendliest
person I'm going to see all day at Trader Joe's. Yeah,
but we've created systems that actually create habits for us
to disconnect, versus that's how people used to meet their friends,
is in the line places or at a restaurant, Like,
(13:53):
we don't do that anymore. So it's little little habits
I think that could be more helpful.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
We're recording this on a Sunday, and I just did
an online mini metreat that Lisa Haym posted. We talked
about it on last Thursday's episode because she was my guest.
I loved all four things that we talked about, and
one of the things was female friendships and then tapping
into the fire within us that other females give us
and fierceness and Fina Cheetah.
Speaker 4 (14:21):
Stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
And they led a flow this morning, Lisa and her friend,
like a yoga flow, and it was ninety minutes. We
also journaled and did some breath work, and of course
on Thursday, I said I'm going to be there. I'm
doing this, And then when it rolled around this morning,
I thought, oh, I was kind of sitting in my
liver room by myself.
Speaker 4 (14:39):
I didn't really have any other things.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
My kids went to Ban's with the popcorn, like, there's
no reason for me not to do it. But for
a split second, I thought, I don't know that I
have it in me today.
Speaker 4 (14:50):
I just want to be alone.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
But the thing is, it was on zoom, so I
was alone, but I decided I said I would be there.
So I followed through with that commitment and I logged
on and then there was all these women on the
zoom in the little squares and it was really cool.
I felt that energy, but yet I was in my
private space, and they encouraged you to act like nobody's watching,
(15:14):
like when you're doing the flow or you're doing the
Lisa has this wake and shake routine she does and
you feel kind of silly doing it, but it's really
good for your lymphatic system and waking your body up.
And it's like you can even turn your camera off
if you want to, but they encouraged you to leave
it on if you can, and you can close your eyes.
But I share this because I didn't realize how connected
(15:35):
it was going to make me feel, even though half
of these women were. They were all over the country,
and the two women leading it are up in New York.
Speaker 4 (15:43):
So that to me filled my cup up.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
And I think had I sat on the couch and
just been kind of lonely or done the chores I
wanted to do and get the laundry done, sure my
checklist would have been shorter, but I think I would
have been less connected. And that was something that I
had to make a conscious effort to be like, no,
I'm going to do this. So I think sometimes too,
it's forcing us to do that one thing that maybe
(16:07):
were I'd never done anything like that before, so I
was a little uncomfortable too, But then I just did
it and I'm like, wow, that was ninety minutes well spent.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
And if that was a regular practice for you, it
wouldn't be as uncomfortable as it might have felt.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
Before you went into it.
Speaker 4 (16:21):
And you have to leave in my house.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Yeah, that's why it's uncomfortable to sit there and talk
with somebody in line at the grocery store. But if
that's how we normally acted, and that's that was normal
for us, it wouldn't be uncomfortable. So how do we
create these little systems to be back into our normal
routine like they used to be.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
Shout out, Lisa, thank you for that. Shout out, Kat,
thank you for that. Now bring it all over to me, Pop.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
Pop, can you bring the room up a little bit.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
All right, I'm going to go over a list of
horrible hygiene habits that are way too common, and you
can just say if you do this or don't do this,
because wait.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
Do I have But if I don't want to admit it,
admit it?
Speaker 4 (17:00):
Okay, be safe, this is the safe place. Be vulnerable.
Never cleaning your iPhone or any phone.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
I guess you could have a droid or your keys,
like on your computer or air pods.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Oh, I don't like clean it, like how.
Speaker 4 (17:14):
Often you clean it because we should be cleaning it daily.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
Uh. I don't clean any of those things.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
I know, but we should.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Okay, keep going to Okay, I'm discussing, and I got
one point.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
That we're disgusting, and hopefully this will just be a
reminder to clean your stuff. Just rinsing your hands in
the bathroom with water.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
No soap, hi use soap. Yeah. Same.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Not cleaning your belly button, specifically getting in there, there's
not I don't know that.
Speaker 4 (17:36):
I always like, I don't wipe it up and like
clean in there.
Speaker 3 (17:39):
No, Well, we should be okay.
Speaker 4 (17:41):
And you're about to be a married woman, so you
need to make sure.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
If I'm not cleaning my belly button, Patrick's definitely not
cleaning his belly button.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
Will promise me this on your wedding day, clean your
belly button, I'll tell big day.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
Being a shoes on household, yep, I.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
Am, but you're not you Yeah, disgusting.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
No.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
I tried to be a no shoes household and I
have failed miserably.
Speaker 3 (18:05):
I took my shoes off.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
I allow people in I even bought those little footy
covers that you can put on your shoes or guest
shoes that you know, maintenance people wear when they come
into your home, which I think is very thoughtful. I
bought probably five hundred of them for five dollars off
of Amazon, and they're away in a drawer.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
But why wouldn't you just ask them to take their
shoes off? How would you give them that?
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Okay, because sometimes it's complicated, they're coming in just for
a minute, or they've got these like lace up boots,
or maybe you know it's in and out, or I've
already put my shoes on, and then I forgot something
and I need to run back in so I can
put the covers on.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
If somebody gave me those shoe covers when I walked
into their house, that feels similar to me coming to
your house and you have plastic covers on your couch
and the weirdest.
Speaker 4 (18:48):
Hey, but I'm going to go make yourself at home.
I'm going to try it again. I had a basket
by the door for shoes. It just did not work.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
But when I see my kids running around, they've got
their shoes on and who knows where they've been all day,
and then I'm walking hiking trails, stepping on who knows what,
and then coming home just.
Speaker 4 (19:08):
Walking around my house.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
It's prettly gross.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
It's a horrible habit and I want to change. But
also I don't care, and I do think it's different
parts of the country. Some people, when I first did that,
they responded, They're like, oh, I've never everybody where I live.
You take your shoes off, And it's different parts of
the world too, I'm sure just culturally. And then other
people thought I was an idiot for trying to implement it,
and I'm like, please tell me why this would make
(19:33):
me an idiot. Maybe you don't agree with it, that's fine.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
It doesn't make me an idiot that I don't want
germy shoes all over.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
My house, especially when I take time to clean two
of my favorite things.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
Three.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
I have three top things to do around the house
that I just bring me joy. Vacuuming, swiffer, sweeper like
the wet yeah yea yeah I like, and laundry I love.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
Oh, I hate laundry. You know what I really I
wanted one of those steam mops those.
Speaker 4 (20:02):
I heard one and never really used it. So I
sold it to cry okat.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
Oh yeah, I really want one of those. I have
a question for you.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Yeah, is it that you forget to take your shoes off?
Speaker 3 (20:13):
And ask you to take your shoes off?
Speaker 2 (20:14):
It felt like too much work or you had a
hard time holding.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
A boundary, like it was uncomfortable to be.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Like you can I take your shoes off? A boundary?
Too much work? Feeling awkward, of feeling like an idiot.
I wouldn't think it was, you know, stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
I wouldn't feel awkward if you're like, hey, will you
take your shoes off? I would feel awkward if you
asked me to put this thing in my shoes? Okay, okay, but.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
I think that's a normal thing. Hey can you take
your shoes off?
Speaker 2 (20:35):
But I how many times I've been in your house
and I've been like, oh, I keep forgetting because you've
never once been like shoes You just posted about it
on Instagram.
Speaker 4 (20:43):
Yeah no, I implemented it fir.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
Not to me because one time I was like, oh
I forgot, and you're like, never, It's cool. I'm cool,
I'm breezy. You can keep your shoes off if you want.
I mean, I'm trying to have people take your shoes off,
but if you want to keep them on.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
It's fine.
Speaker 4 (20:57):
Okay, I'm going to try to get better at it.
Speaker 3 (20:59):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Never cleaning your door handles. They're constantly touched, so there's
a lot of bacteria. Light switches too.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
Definitely, don't clean my door handles.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
I did clean my light switches yesterday because I noticed
they've looked a little bit.
Speaker 4 (21:10):
Mm hm.
Speaker 3 (21:11):
Grit me.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Not washing your sheets and pillowcases enough, Yeah, gotta do that.
Speaker 4 (21:16):
Flushing the toilet with the lid up.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Although I saw an entire article about a week ago
what or so where it said flush it with it
up or down, there's still bacteria flying everywhere, so it doesn't.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Mean you're also closed the toilet and then flush it.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
I was somewhere in a I can't remember what event
I was at. Oh, I know I was in Fayetteville, Arkansas,
which is a college town. The reason I was trying
to remember where I was because it was a college
girl that said it, and she put the lid down
and flushed it, and then she came out and she
was talking to their friend about it, and they're like
putting on their lipstick and She's like, uh, I just
feel like there are two types of people in this world,
(21:53):
you know, those that flush it with the lid down
and those flush it with it open, and ugh, I
just can't even imagine being the other. And I had
just flushed it with the lid up, and so, you know,
because I'm forty two now and this college girls calling
me out, I just looked over and I.
Speaker 4 (22:07):
Said, I just flushed it with the lid up. And
I think she.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Said it was like, it's not classy or something, and
I was like, no, I feel like I'm classy. We
sort of laughed about it. I wasn't being rude, I
was being playful. I did think like, oh, she's right,
there are two types of people.
Speaker 3 (22:22):
In this world.
Speaker 4 (22:23):
But I kind of sometimes you sometimes don't.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
I've never heard of that. You've never heard.
Speaker 4 (22:28):
Of putting the toilet seat or the lid down to flush. No.
Speaker 3 (22:32):
I just thought it was like polite sometimes to put
the lid down, but thought whenever you leave the bathroom. Yeah, oh,
but I don't think I do that either.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
Not replacing your toothbrush. You're supposed to do it every
three months.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
I do that because I have an electric toothbrush and
that it gets all.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
Changed the head.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
One person said, A good way to remember it is
when the seasons change, switch it out.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
What does it say about me that I feel so
validated that I could say that I did that.
Speaker 3 (23:00):
You're proud of yourself.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
I'm not. I'm disgusting, but I'm not that discussing.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
You don't clean your velley, but you change your fresh out,
and then the last one is not flossing.
Speaker 4 (23:11):
God, and then the last one is not flossing.
Speaker 3 (23:23):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
People think that brushing is enough, but Dennis will say
flossing is more important than brush.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
You do not remember my cavity at eleven, which I
do think that I got lied to, tricked, manipulated. Yeah, yep,
I'm never conned. I got conned. I'm not going back
to that dentist. I do think there probably were cavities
or I was on my way to a cavity because
I don't floss.
Speaker 4 (23:45):
How one has eleven cavities at once.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Because they were in it was in between my teeth,
So he was like, we have to do it on
both sides. I didn't think about the fact that I've
never had a cavity before, and all of a sudden,
I have eleven.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
That feels weird, but.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
It's been a long time, and he seemed really like
he was trying to help me. Then I had Did
I tell you that I had the whole issue with
I had pediatric insurance? But then it was it was
a whole thing. I did argue my way down to
a smaller bill though good I wore them out. Finally
they were fine.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
This is the thing you can always ask, is that
the best price you can give me? And sometimes they're
willing to go down? Or how can you work with
me on this? Is there anything better we can do?
Speaker 2 (24:26):
I should I wish that I had those because I
just sent them a picture of my quote and said,
I don't get how you can be asking me to
pay more money.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
Anyway.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Now I'm a floster because that was really scary, and
I did not realize how important that was.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
It is. I brush a lot in that for a
long time, but no flossing.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
I floss every day, but I didn't used to. I
used to think brushing is enough. But now I go
in this order. I floss, I mouthwash, and then I brush.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
Oh I always floss after.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
I don't know that the order matters. Okay'm telling you mine. Okay,
I'm not a dental expert.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
Got it pop?
Speaker 2 (25:03):
Pop? I don't know if this is going to bring
the room down or up. But Gwyneth Paltrow, which are
you a fan of hers?
Speaker 3 (25:10):
Goop?
Speaker 1 (25:11):
I mean I'm indifferent. You could take her a leaver? Yeah, okay,
but I mean I do like her tips, so.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
Okay, but if but if Goop went away, you wouldn't
like find be upset and you don't have to see
every movie she's in.
Speaker 3 (25:23):
Got it correct? Anyway, that's not that important.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
However, she was recently talking about how she takes a
baseball bat to things when she's angry, and I'm curious
if you have ever done that.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
I have One time on the Bobby Bone Show, Eddie
was getting rid of his TV and I can't remera
if I used a bat or a sledgehammer, but we
took he brought the TV to work and we took
it in the alley and I got to smash it
and it was amazing.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
Were you going through something? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (25:47):
It was when things were okay, like the I walked
in the pool with all my clothes on air.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
Okay, did you notice it feeling better after or was.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
It just a yeah, okay, felt good.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
But I saw this too, and I thought hers was placid.
Speaker 3 (26:00):
Yeah, it's a plastic bat okay.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
And I guess her executive coach, which what's it like
to have an executive coach, suggested that she gets a
plastic bat off Amazon, and she said, sometimes when I
feel really stuck with anger, I just hit stuff.
Speaker 3 (26:15):
It's her way of releasing anger.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
And I've found that interesting because when I worked at
a treatment center, one of the things we did was,
I mean, we did a lot of anger work and
we had this one specific day that the clients would
prep We prepped weeks for this day to get them
to a place where they would allow themselves to get
because sometimes getting angry is.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
Scary, and we had like a block.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
It reminded me of a block you would have at
a gymnastics place when you're younger, like she's wench. Yes,
but it was a block, which I tried to find
one to have in my own office and I couldn't
find one.
Speaker 3 (26:48):
So if you hear one, let me know.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
But we would have them hit that with a plastic
bat and it was one of the most transformative things
I have ever seen in my life. Because a lot
of time for many reasons. But I think a lot
of times people think expressing anger is bad or wrong,
and so they don't do it, and so then they
hold it in and it turns into something else, or
(27:10):
they hold it in and then they do something that
actually out of rage. There's a difference between being rageful
and hitting something and having anger and like expressing that
anger out.
Speaker 3 (27:20):
So I like that Gwyneth is doing this deeppep deep
beep beep.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
I have a list of things like, you may have
low emotional intelligence if you do this. Should you give
this to Big P before you marry him?
Speaker 2 (27:37):
Maybe? But I feel like both of yours are things
that you're trying to expose me what it's like, Let's
see how disgusting.
Speaker 3 (27:44):
You are, and let's see how emotionally intelligent you are.
Speaker 4 (27:47):
You have high EQ.
Speaker 3 (27:49):
Let's see Okay, see all right?
Speaker 1 (27:51):
So emotional intelligence is defined as the ability to perceive
and evaluate feelings accurately within ourselves and others. But how
do you know if you need to work on these skills? Well,
according to CNBC, if you use any of these phrases,
it might be a sign you have a low emotional IQ. Ready,
I'm not changing. This is who I am. People that
(28:13):
have low emotional intelligence are stuck in their ways and
refuse to evolve. Instead, you could try saying something like
I want to be open to feedback even when it's
hard to hear.
Speaker 4 (28:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (28:24):
I don't find myself saying this is who I am.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
Get over it. Yeah, you're open feedback ye. Yeah, and
you're open to evolving.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
Yeah, And I will say I'm open to feedback. It
doesn't feel good always hearing it.
Speaker 4 (28:36):
I don't care how you feel.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
If you disregard other people's feelings, you most likely have
low emotional intelligence. Try this instead, I'm sorry you're feeling upset.
How can I help?
Speaker 3 (28:49):
I think it's against my job description to say that one.
Speaker 4 (28:53):
I don't care how you feel.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
So do you think some therapists are sitting there in
their head when a client is talking and they're like,
I don't care.
Speaker 3 (28:59):
Yeah, because I think there's a bad therapist out there.
Speaker 4 (29:01):
But you're very caring.
Speaker 3 (29:03):
Thank you as a compliment. Thank you, You're welcome.
Speaker 4 (29:05):
It's your fault I feel this way.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
I think that that is an easy one to fall
into sometimes because we want to blame that, because we
feel a certain way after someone did something, even though
it's our feelings, we want to say you made your fault,
you made me feel this way, when no one can
make you feel a certain way. If you have strong
emotional intelligence, you don't blame others for your feelings, obviously,
(29:29):
but you can try this instead in case this is
you know in you to say it's your fault. I
feel this way, say I'm feeling emotional right now, here's why.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Oh that's nice. I was thinking when you said that.
When that happens, I think sometimes I even do this
out of habit. When that happens, it sounds more like
you made me When you blame you made me feel whatever,
which might be somebody trying to be open and not
trying to be blaming, but it comes out blaming when
the more helpful thing is what kind of like what
(29:58):
you said when this happened and I felt this change
the you made me feel too. I felt this my
language instead of you. Yeah, that one's hard to it's
easy to fall into.
Speaker 4 (30:09):
I agree, you're just wrong.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
Emotionally intelligent people focus more on understanding each other's experience
and recognizing nuance, So try this instead. I want to
hear your perspective even when I don't see things the
way you do. Can you help me understand why you're
feeling this way.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
I feel like you're trying to laugh when you're trying
not to laugh when you read that.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
I feel like there's sometimes where you're like to people
they're just wrong me. Well, it depends on the conversation
in a very loving way. Well, being wrong factually and
being wrong and emotional are interpretations of something I think
is different.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Right, Yeah, Like you can say I'm open to hear
your perspective if it's right, but it's not.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
I know what you're talking about. Yes, sometimes I do this,
but I think it's definitely when I know that I'm right. Yeah,
sometimes I'm I still can think I'm right, but I'm
also open to people not agreeing with that. But I
can still think I'm right and you're wrong, but we
can agree on that. Then there are times when I
(31:17):
think I'm right for me, but that doesn't mean it's
right for you.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
You're looking at me.
Speaker 4 (31:22):
Like, no, I'm just giving you a hard time.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
But I think that's the one where we can sometimes
feel strongly about something, and in your case, I know
what you're talking about, and you were right.
Speaker 4 (31:30):
Because of the facts.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
But back to the facts versus the drama, I think
that that's an easy one to fall into, even if
we think we are emotionally intelligent, especially if we're in
a we're emotional at a time, like I was so
hormonal I don't.
Speaker 4 (31:46):
Know the last month. Yeah, I mean it's come in
and out.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
But I went to my obg WA in last week
and she told me, yeah, like, this is just the
way it's going to be for I mean, if I
could well in my.
Speaker 4 (31:59):
Forties to fifties, she said.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
But she also said, go easy on yourself because this
is also normal. Nothing is wrong with you.
Speaker 4 (32:07):
You feeling this.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
Way does not make you like, fix me something's wrong,
which some She's like, we can give you certain things
that may help, but also if you don't want to
do anything about it, that is okay. I'm glad I'm
not said that crazy, because I think that's what we
how I define myself. Sometimes I feel crazy, and when
I do that, I think I put that label on
(32:29):
me internally, and then maybe it perpetuates more crazy. And
so I think for giving me that permission and telling
me you're not broken, nothing's wrong with you. Everything you're
feeling is actually quite normal. However, it's not going to
get any better. So she was very honest with me
about that. I'm like, cool, cool, so, but I feel
(32:51):
great today. I'm not emotional, I'm not hormonal. I'm not annoyed.
Speaker 3 (32:56):
They're wrong.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
I'm going to order the plastic bat. But just for
future me. It's like me right now taking care of
future annoyed me.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
I have to add this because I think there's a
difference to one I want to say for anybody who's
listening to this, because sometimes we can be hard on ourselves.
Nobody's going to be perfect at any of these all
the time. It doesn't mean that you are well.
Speaker 4 (33:16):
You can clean your belly button.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
Okay, that's different every time. But I mean more of
these emotional intelligence stuff. You're going to have moments where
you just are so flooded you can't say the same
thing that you would say when you were completely regulated.
Speaker 4 (33:32):
Which is a good reminder to sometimes step away.
Speaker 3 (33:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
The other thing is if somebody's telling you the sky
is yellow and that's blue, that's different than you having
a different opinion of something that's gaslighting, right.
Speaker 3 (33:46):
So I think that's where I'm coming from.
Speaker 2 (33:48):
Where I don't think I said clearly that Sometimes it's like, well, no,
two plus two does equal for But to Keanu Reeves,
that's what I say to your point, I need to
be better at letting people think it is.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
Right Keanu, he controls or protects his space by Okay, cool,
Yeah you do you two plus two is five?
Speaker 3 (34:10):
You're right? Walk away?
Speaker 1 (34:11):
So yeah, sky's yellow? Yeah, carry on walking away.
Speaker 3 (34:16):
That's something I want to work on in twenty twenty four.
Speaker 4 (34:20):
And I'm going to work on going back to being
a no shoe household.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
Okay, TVD got it. It really will be so much better.
I swear for sweeper to and mopped yesterday, even mopped
my garage.
Speaker 3 (34:30):
But wait a second, wait what I missed that part?
Speaker 2 (34:33):
You mopped your garage? Yeah, that registered late. You were
very clean, But my thought is always do that.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
By the way, I just had it out and I
wanted to clean this one section, so I did it.
Speaker 3 (34:44):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (34:44):
No, I don't want people to think I'm psycht.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
You clean your belly button every day?
Speaker 2 (34:47):
Too?
Speaker 3 (34:47):
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
My thing is you have a dog that goes outside,
So what is that? Do you clean her paws every time.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
She comes back in.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
Maybe I'm gonna get her little boot juice to put
on her feet when she walks in or when she
goes outside.
Speaker 3 (35:00):
Yeah, that makes more sense.
Speaker 4 (35:03):
Wow, I'm sorry. I am going to google if this exists,
and let me tell you.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
If I end up putting on there for people are
for sure going to go an idiot.
Speaker 3 (35:12):
Wait for it.
Speaker 4 (35:14):
Okay, Cat, where can people find you?
Speaker 3 (35:16):
On Instagram? At Katt Defada and at You Need Therapy podcast?
Speaker 1 (35:20):
And next time she joins us, she's going to be
a married woman.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
I don't know why I said that, like sultry a
married woman.
Speaker 4 (35:30):
She's going to take a honeymoon break.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
So I will have a guest host for the fifth
thing in the coming weeks. I think it's going to
be Chase. Get excited when we did our Q and A.
Speaker 3 (35:40):
What we get excited about somebody else?
Speaker 1 (35:42):
Well, yeah, I get excited forever. But people had said
I haven't heard from Chase in a while. There was
a few of those, so I took a mental note
and I was like, oh, hey, Chase, would you want
to record anything? And he said yes, So I'm going
to try to schedule that with him if it could
work out. And Kat, we wish you the best of luck.
I'll see you at the rehearsal dinner and i'll see
(36:03):
you at the wedding.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
We'll report back where you stand and who I walked
with and what it was like. And I have no
hinge date for your wedding as of now, you get
three four.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
It's not happening. Never say an no hinge date for
the Hinge wedding. But maybe I'll meet someone at your wedding.
Maybe do you think Nope, I.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
Don't know anybody who's coming that I would set you up.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
But maybe I'll be surprised. Maybe somebody will show up
I didn't invite, or that tends to happen as well,
what or maybe somebody you didn't know as well? Yeah, yeah,
it could happen.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
All right, Well, we love you, Cat, and yeah, y'all
have the day you need to have, right Bye, Bye
Pop Pop
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat, and today's quote is from our friend Ali Fallon.
She posted this on Instagram. Cat and I both loved it.
Her caption was, maybe you don't know the whole story,
and that could be the quote in itself, but I'll
elaborate with what she put in the post, and it
goes a little something like this, You rarely know the
(00:25):
whole story already. When things don't make sense, it's usually
because there's missing data, untapped information. Maybe someone is keeping
something from you, Maybe you're keeping something from yourself. Maybe
certain things are none of your business, and maybe you
just need to wait a little longer to collect more
puzzle pieces. And I loved that because I was just
(00:46):
talking to cryocat last night. She had built this whole
scenario in her head about something, and I got to
sort of.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Use the what are the facts special facts therapy? Cat
would say, all.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
We can do right now is go off the facts,
and the facts actually have nothing to do with what
the story is you have built in your head. So
me right now, as your friend, we're going off the
facts and you let all this.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Other stuff go the way I understood it when I
first saw that was a helpful reminder that when I
am really confused, specifically more like by a friend's behavior
or by something that just like didn't go my way,
maybe you're confused because the information that you are going
off of it doesn't make sense. So there has to
be a missing piece that will make it make sense.
(01:29):
But we don't always get to have that. So I'd
rather personally be like, oh, well, I don't I must
not know everything because this just doesn't make sense before
I start making up the story about how this person's
horrible and or hates me, or it's never a good
story that we make up.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
And sometimes we have to practice patients too because the
other pieces are coming. Oh the other pieces, that's hard,
result they are coming well. So Kat and I are
going to do a little popcorn episode, which do you
have a favorite popcorn that you love?
Speaker 3 (02:00):
I just when you said that it.
Speaker 1 (02:02):
Has nothing to do with actual popcorn, But now I
want to tell you all about my favorite popcorn that
I'm obsessed with.
Speaker 4 (02:06):
But go ahead.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
Well, I do have a favorite popcorn. It's movie theater
popcorn with butter on top of it, which I also
recommend you getting even when you're not going to movie
theater and just taking it home with you.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
But when you said that, it just.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Reminded me of popcorn reading in elementary school and how
terrifying that was for me, not terrifying for you. Popcorn
prayer was. Oh I never did that. That'd be even worse.
So yeah, it's like, and Amy, you pray now and
you're like.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
Dear God, I love you.
Speaker 2 (02:35):
And the person that before me was always reloquant, yes,
so beautiful.
Speaker 4 (02:39):
I had all the right words at all, And I'm like,
dear baby, Jesus.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
What I just remember when we had to do that,
I would like read ahead so I could scan and
make sure there weren't any words I didn't know how
to pronounce or something, and then if there was a
word I didn't know how to pronounce, I'd sit there
and be like, please don't.
Speaker 3 (02:56):
Pick me, Please don't pick me, Please don't pick me.
That's the worst.
Speaker 4 (03:00):
Do you know how many times I do the Google pronunciation?
Speaker 3 (03:03):
You can't do that in class?
Speaker 4 (03:04):
I know, like we definitely have back then.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
But for certain things, you just hear me playing on
my computer, like you know, popcorn teaching me.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
How that's a hard one.
Speaker 4 (03:16):
But Himalay and Gold. Have you had this popcorn?
Speaker 2 (03:20):
I think I had a you're what's the popcorn that
Cryocat brought.
Speaker 4 (03:23):
It's got the little Boodha guy on the bag.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
So the brand's name is Lesser Evil and it's made
with just coconut oil and popcorn and salt or something.
But this Himalay and Gold, it's this maybe there's some
butter flavoring.
Speaker 4 (03:38):
I don't know. Yeah, it says butter flavored coconut oil.
I just looked it up.
Speaker 1 (03:42):
And Himalay and salt, so it's like three ingredients and
it's so good. And my daughter doesn't normally like popcorn
out of the bag like that. She likes it popped
in the microwave or whatever. And if I buy that
Himalay and Gold. She was leaving to go to her
dad's house for a week and she popped home from
school before she went over there.
Speaker 3 (03:59):
Popped them in school and had some popcorn.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Get it.
Speaker 4 (04:03):
I didn't even mean to do that.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
And she went into the pantry and grabbed a brand
new bag and was like, Okay, I'm headed to Dad's
for the week. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, my popcorn.
Dad can buy you popcorn. And I think she looked
at me like I was crazy. But now I'm out
of popcorn and you're about to be gone for a week.
It's not like you're opening that bag and eating it
here and we can enjoy it together. I ended up
letting her take it, but I should send Bend a.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
Note FYI, you owe me a bag of popcorn and
malay and gold.
Speaker 3 (04:30):
Buy it. Your daughter likes it. That was really big
of you to let her take it.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
I know, go me I the back.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
Well, so Kat and I are going to do sort
of a popcorn style thing where I'm going to share
something I saw that was interesting.
Speaker 4 (04:45):
And then pop. Kat will go over and share something.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
We'll talk in between, but we're testing out a popcorn episode.
Speaker 4 (04:53):
Pop okay, So I'll go first.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
And it's a question for Kat about her wedding because
it is like Tuesday, four days away, four days away.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
Four.
Speaker 4 (05:02):
I don't know why four five, But.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Your rehearsal dinner starts. I feel like the whole wedding
weekend starts on Thursday.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
It's this week, but we can say that this.
Speaker 1 (05:12):
Is airing on Tuesday, so it's two days ohay, yeah,
been three days away, So how are you feeling.
Speaker 3 (05:19):
I feel really excited.
Speaker 2 (05:20):
I don't feel stressed as of now, because I think
I did a really good job spacing all of my
tasks out.
Speaker 3 (05:26):
I would like this week to last for.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
A month, like this is like the most exciting week,
and I just want to like soak it all up in.
Speaker 4 (05:33):
Your gram seven.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Yes, but I mean I'm sure all numbers want to
soak up their wedding.
Speaker 4 (05:38):
I don't know that I was like that though.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
Maybe that's a sign. Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 4 (05:43):
Not quite sure. But I got married really fast.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
There was a lot to yeah if, I don't think
I had time to really soak up much.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
So we were doing some final prep work with our
coordinators and we had to give them a list of
all of our bridesmaids and groomsmen and order them how
we want them lined up for the ceremony. And I
did mine and sent it in and Patrick was I
saw him doing his and I looked a him as like,
(06:10):
how are you ordering your groomsmen? And he said, well,
before I tell you this, how would you do it?
How would you order the people in your wedding?
Speaker 4 (06:18):
I think in order of how long I've known them? Oh,
something like my sister would be first.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
Well what if you have known them all the same amount?
Because they're all his childhood and high school friends by height? Okay,
normal response. I looked over at him and I said,
how are you ordering your groomsman?
Speaker 3 (06:37):
And he said, whoa? By how much I like them?
They didn't. I said, you can't do that.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
That is so mean, Like I just started thinking about
who he was putting last. He was, well, he should
feel lucky that he's even in the line.
Speaker 4 (06:56):
Ruthless ruthless.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
Yes. I was like, I would not want to be
in your wedding if I knew that, Like everybody up
there was looking into haha, he likes that guy the least.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
That did not feel right to me, But I'm sure
he likes them all.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Yes, But still I guess guys are different because I
asked a couple of guy friends and they're like, yeah,
it's like how close we are to them?
Speaker 3 (07:16):
And I didn't like that.
Speaker 2 (07:18):
We haven't decided what he's going to do, but I'm like,
don't we order this by height? Because like, what's the thing.
After the wedding there was recession. Now it's like the
processional and then.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
You walk out. Yeah, we'll just call that the walkout.
Speaker 2 (07:30):
When you're walking out, I don't want like somebody who's
seven foot with my shortest friend or vice versa. I
thought maybe we could be strategic in that way, and
then nobody gets their feelings.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Hurt, and so you make an announcement. Hey, guys, just
you know this lineup is random based on height, has
nothing to do with how much we like you, how
long we've known you, what you mean to us.
Speaker 3 (07:52):
Isn't that crazy?
Speaker 4 (07:53):
You should be HAPPI you're up.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Here anyway, if any of his friends really which I
assume they're not, Hopefully you guys come with a stable mind,
because if I got put last.
Speaker 4 (08:07):
So where am I? In my last I didn't do it.
Speaker 3 (08:10):
That way, But in my last I don't.
Speaker 4 (08:12):
Think so, oh you didn't do it that way, so
I would have been last.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Your place is? This has no bearing on how much
I like you? Okay, but you should be like that
you're up there?
Speaker 4 (08:19):
Yeah I am.
Speaker 3 (08:21):
I don't actually know.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
I think the only thing that I remember is I
put my three family members at the front.
Speaker 4 (08:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
The reason I even brought this up is because I
was trying to match.
Speaker 4 (08:30):
Height, like, how are you doing drat?
Speaker 1 (08:32):
You know?
Speaker 3 (08:33):
But I get height.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
It's I think that I really want to do height.
Then everybody feels good.
Speaker 4 (08:37):
But can I tell you something.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
You don't have anybody on his side that's seven foot
and you don't have really short.
Speaker 3 (08:43):
I don't wo Kira. I think she's my height. She's
like five to three. Okay, I feel bad talking about this.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
I don't know why he has two guy friends that
are on the shorter side and I have a lot
of fun some friends that are doing all and then
he does have like three friends that are like six
three and above.
Speaker 1 (09:00):
Okay, So I can see for the shorter ones you're
being respectful not putting them with the super tall Yes,
got it.
Speaker 4 (09:07):
Check thoughtful of you.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
This is good.
Speaker 1 (09:09):
I'm glad you have a plan. You're doing it by height.
Big piece on board with that. Well, I don't know
if he is okay, Well come we'll find out. We'll
find out on Friday if I'm with someone tinier than
me or larger than me.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
And you can tell me how you feel about your
space in the online pop So I have something interesting
that I actually I've talked about this probably more than
any other topic on you need therapy, mostly because a
lot of people in my history of being a therapist,
(09:42):
we'll say, like, what's your specialty, And a lot of
times I'll say, you know, eating disorders or trauma or
this or that, But it always comes down to the
same thing when I'm working with people, which is loneliness.
Like when it really comes down to it, so often
what the thing I'm working on with clients is their
desire for connection and for people. And the Today Show
(10:05):
came out with a new survey that was brought up
by the American Psychiatric Association, and they said that which
this isn't shocking to me, but I think this is
shocking information. One third of Americans say they feel lonely
at least once a week.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
This isn't shocking to me, but I think this is
shocking information.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
One third of Americans say they feel lonely at least
once a week. Ten percent of people said that they
feel lonely every single day. And I will say, feeling
lonely and being alone are two different things. So this
is people saying I feel lonely, Like you can feel.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
Lonely even around yeah, but feeling loneliness I'm glad you
differentiated what that is.
Speaker 4 (10:57):
It's different than just being alone.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Yeah. Yeah, And this reminded me of an episode that
I did last year that was specifically called the Loneliness
Epidemic on Unied Therapy. And this was wild to me
because this stuff doesn't surprise me. I think maybe because
I see this so often, and people who don't even
I think, realize that they're lonely end up being like, well,
(11:19):
the solution to this is like connection. But the reason
I did this episode last year is because the Surgeon
General issued an advisory. He called it himself, the Loneliness Epidemic,
and in that advisory, it's said that the mortality impact
of being socially disconnected is similar to that caused by
(11:40):
smoking up to fifteen cigarettes a day, Like it affects
your health that much. And that is wild, and I
think that is something that people are not expecting to hear.
Speaker 3 (11:51):
It's like, oh, you.
Speaker 2 (11:51):
Feel lonely, but that's it, And it's like, no, this
actually is affecting the quality and the length of your life.
Speaker 4 (11:59):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:59):
I feel like some people might think, oh, I need
to quit smoking because this is going to be better
for your Oh I would never touch a cigarette. But
then yeah, they may not try to do anything about
the loneliness because they don't know that it's that big
of a deal. And I wonder how many people actually
can put their finger on the fact that they are lonely.
Speaker 4 (12:14):
It might be hard to identify that.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
That's especially if you're somebody who's around people a lot.
Speaker 3 (12:19):
So I just thought it was interesting, and so what's
the solution.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
Well, I mean, I'm sure for everybody it looks a
little bit different, but kind of a low hanging fruit. Sure, okay,
connecting with others, trying to in a way. But you said,
if you're even around people, maybe someone's like, well, shoot,
I'm around people, why do I still feel lonely?
Speaker 2 (12:36):
Well, I think that that's a difficult question to answer
it succinctly. One thing I would say is a lot
of times it's not just you're not doing enough. There
could be a component that has to do with mental
health that is out of your control. And so that's
where going to see a therapist. You're going to see
a psychiatrist. Maybe there's a medication that can help you
(12:57):
be able to connect more and feel those emotions. But
the other stuff is that I share more often is
we can all do little things that help us connect
more in general. And that is like eye contact with people,
leaving our phone in our pockets, having conversation with the
guy at Trader Joe's who's ringing your groceries, versus pretending
(13:20):
you're reading an email.
Speaker 4 (13:22):
Sometimes when I'm walking, I put my phone up to
my ear.
Speaker 3 (13:24):
La la la.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
So we're but we created the space where it is
normal for us to not connect.
Speaker 4 (13:30):
I'm not the only one, right, No.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
No. The reason I said that about Trader Joe's is
I'm the one that's like, oh, I got to answer
this email. Can't have this chat with probably the friendliest
person I'm going to see all day at Trader Joe's. Yeah,
but we've created systems that actually create habits for us
to disconnect, versus that's how people used to meet their friends,
is in the line places or at a restaurant, Like,
(13:53):
we don't do that anymore. So it's little little habits
I think that could be more helpful.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
We're recording this on a Sunday, and I just did
an online mini metreat that Lisa Haym posted. We talked
about it on last Thursday's episode because she was my guest.
I loved all four things that we talked about, and
one of the things was female friendships and then tapping
into the fire within us that other females give us
and fierceness and Fina Cheetah.
Speaker 4 (14:21):
Stuff like that.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
And they led a flow this morning, Lisa and her friend,
like a yoga flow, and it was ninety minutes. We
also journaled and did some breath work, and of course
on Thursday, I said I'm going to be there. I'm
doing this, And then when it rolled around this morning,
I thought, oh, I was kind of sitting in my
liver room by myself.
Speaker 4 (14:39):
I didn't really have any other things.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
My kids went to Ban's with the popcorn, like, there's
no reason for me not to do it. But for
a split second, I thought, I don't know that I
have it in me today.
Speaker 4 (14:50):
I just want to be alone.
Speaker 1 (14:52):
But the thing is, it was on zoom, so I
was alone, but I decided I said I would be there.
So I followed through with that commitment and I logged
on and then there was all these women on the
zoom in the little squares and it was really cool.
I felt that energy, but yet I was in my
private space, and they encouraged you to act like nobody's watching,
(15:14):
like when you're doing the flow or you're doing the
Lisa has this wake and shake routine she does and
you feel kind of silly doing it, but it's really
good for your lymphatic system and waking your body up.
And it's like you can even turn your camera off
if you want to, but they encouraged you to leave
it on if you can, and you can close your eyes.
But I share this because I didn't realize how connected
(15:35):
it was going to make me feel, even though half
of these women were. They were all over the country,
and the two women leading it are up in New York.
Speaker 4 (15:43):
So that to me filled my cup up.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
And I think had I sat on the couch and
just been kind of lonely or done the chores I
wanted to do and get the laundry done, sure my
checklist would have been shorter, but I think I would
have been less connected. And that was something that I
had to make a conscious effort to be like, no,
I'm going to do this. So I think sometimes too,
it's forcing us to do that one thing that maybe
(16:07):
were I'd never done anything like that before, so I
was a little uncomfortable too, But then I just did
it and I'm like, wow, that was ninety minutes well spent.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
And if that was a regular practice for you, it
wouldn't be as uncomfortable as it might have felt.
Speaker 3 (16:20):
Before you went into it.
Speaker 4 (16:21):
And you have to leave in my house.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Yeah, that's why it's uncomfortable to sit there and talk
with somebody in line at the grocery store. But if
that's how we normally acted, and that's that was normal
for us, it wouldn't be uncomfortable. So how do we
create these little systems to be back into our normal
routine like they used to be.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
Shout out, Lisa, thank you for that. Shout out, Kat,
thank you for that. Now bring it all over to me, Pop.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
Pop, can you bring the room up a little bit.
Speaker 1 (16:48):
All right, I'm going to go over a list of
horrible hygiene habits that are way too common, and you
can just say if you do this or don't do this,
because wait.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
Do I have But if I don't want to admit it,
admit it?
Speaker 4 (17:00):
Okay, be safe, this is the safe place. Be vulnerable.
Never cleaning your iPhone or any phone.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
I guess you could have a droid or your keys,
like on your computer or air pods.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Oh, I don't like clean it, like how.
Speaker 4 (17:14):
Often you clean it because we should be cleaning it daily.
Speaker 3 (17:17):
Uh. I don't clean any of those things.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
I know, but we should.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
Okay, keep going to Okay, I'm discussing, and I got
one point.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
That we're disgusting, and hopefully this will just be a
reminder to clean your stuff. Just rinsing your hands in
the bathroom with water.
Speaker 3 (17:30):
No soap, hi use soap. Yeah. Same.
Speaker 1 (17:32):
Not cleaning your belly button, specifically getting in there, there's
not I don't know that.
Speaker 4 (17:36):
I always like, I don't wipe it up and like
clean in there.
Speaker 3 (17:39):
No, Well, we should be okay.
Speaker 4 (17:41):
And you're about to be a married woman, so you
need to make sure.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
If I'm not cleaning my belly button, Patrick's definitely not
cleaning his belly button.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
Will promise me this on your wedding day, clean your
belly button, I'll tell big day.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
Being a shoes on household, yep, I.
Speaker 3 (17:59):
Am, but you're not you Yeah, disgusting.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
No.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
I tried to be a no shoes household and I
have failed miserably.
Speaker 3 (18:05):
I took my shoes off.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
I allow people in I even bought those little footy
covers that you can put on your shoes or guest
shoes that you know, maintenance people wear when they come
into your home, which I think is very thoughtful. I
bought probably five hundred of them for five dollars off
of Amazon, and they're away in a drawer.
Speaker 3 (18:24):
But why wouldn't you just ask them to take their
shoes off? How would you give them that?
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Okay, because sometimes it's complicated, they're coming in just for
a minute, or they've got these like lace up boots,
or maybe you know it's in and out, or I've
already put my shoes on, and then I forgot something
and I need to run back in so I can
put the covers on.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
If somebody gave me those shoe covers when I walked
into their house, that feels similar to me coming to
your house and you have plastic covers on your couch
and the weirdest.
Speaker 4 (18:48):
Hey, but I'm going to go make yourself at home.
I'm going to try it again. I had a basket
by the door for shoes. It just did not work.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
But when I see my kids running around, they've got
their shoes on and who knows where they've been all day,
and then I'm walking hiking trails, stepping on who knows what,
and then coming home just.
Speaker 4 (19:08):
Walking around my house.
Speaker 3 (19:10):
It's prettly gross.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
It's a horrible habit and I want to change. But
also I don't care, and I do think it's different
parts of the country. Some people, when I first did that,
they responded, They're like, oh, I've never everybody where I live.
You take your shoes off, And it's different parts of
the world too, I'm sure just culturally. And then other
people thought I was an idiot for trying to implement it,
and I'm like, please tell me why this would make
(19:33):
me an idiot. Maybe you don't agree with it, that's fine.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
It doesn't make me an idiot that I don't want
germy shoes all over.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
My house, especially when I take time to clean two
of my favorite things.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
Three.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
I have three top things to do around the house
that I just bring me joy. Vacuuming, swiffer, sweeper like
the wet yeah yea yeah I like, and laundry I love.
Speaker 2 (19:58):
Oh, I hate laundry. You know what I really I
wanted one of those steam mops those.
Speaker 4 (20:02):
I heard one and never really used it. So I
sold it to cry okat.
Speaker 3 (20:05):
Oh yeah, I really want one of those. I have
a question for you.
Speaker 2 (20:08):
Yeah, is it that you forget to take your shoes off?
Speaker 3 (20:13):
And ask you to take your shoes off?
Speaker 2 (20:14):
It felt like too much work or you had a
hard time holding.
Speaker 3 (20:18):
A boundary, like it was uncomfortable to be.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Like you can I take your shoes off? A boundary?
Too much work? Feeling awkward, of feeling like an idiot.
I wouldn't think it was, you know, stuff like that.
Speaker 2 (20:27):
I wouldn't feel awkward if you're like, hey, will you
take your shoes off? I would feel awkward if you
asked me to put this thing in my shoes? Okay, okay, but.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
I think that's a normal thing. Hey can you take
your shoes off?
Speaker 2 (20:35):
But I how many times I've been in your house
and I've been like, oh, I keep forgetting because you've
never once been like shoes You just posted about it
on Instagram.
Speaker 4 (20:43):
Yeah no, I implemented it fir.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
Not to me because one time I was like, oh
I forgot, and you're like, never, It's cool. I'm cool,
I'm breezy. You can keep your shoes off if you want.
I mean, I'm trying to have people take your shoes off,
but if you want to keep them on.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
It's fine.
Speaker 4 (20:57):
Okay, I'm going to try to get better at it.
Speaker 3 (20:59):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (21:00):
Never cleaning your door handles. They're constantly touched, so there's
a lot of bacteria. Light switches too.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
Definitely, don't clean my door handles.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
I did clean my light switches yesterday because I noticed
they've looked a little bit.
Speaker 4 (21:10):
Mm hm.
Speaker 3 (21:11):
Grit me.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
Not washing your sheets and pillowcases enough, Yeah, gotta do that.
Speaker 4 (21:16):
Flushing the toilet with the lid up.
Speaker 2 (21:17):
Although I saw an entire article about a week ago
what or so where it said flush it with it
up or down, there's still bacteria flying everywhere, so it doesn't.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
Mean you're also closed the toilet and then flush it.
Speaker 1 (21:30):
I was somewhere in a I can't remember what event
I was at. Oh, I know I was in Fayetteville, Arkansas,
which is a college town. The reason I was trying
to remember where I was because it was a college
girl that said it, and she put the lid down
and flushed it, and then she came out and she
was talking to their friend about it, and they're like
putting on their lipstick and She's like, uh, I just
feel like there are two types of people in this world,
(21:53):
you know, those that flush it with the lid down
and those flush it with it open, and ugh, I
just can't even imagine being the other. And I had
just flushed it with the lid up, and so, you know,
because I'm forty two now and this college girls calling
me out, I just looked over and I.
Speaker 4 (22:07):
Said, I just flushed it with the lid up. And
I think she.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Said it was like, it's not classy or something, and
I was like, no, I feel like I'm classy. We
sort of laughed about it. I wasn't being rude, I
was being playful. I did think like, oh, she's right,
there are two types of people.
Speaker 3 (22:22):
In this world.
Speaker 4 (22:23):
But I kind of sometimes you sometimes don't.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
I've never heard of that. You've never heard.
Speaker 4 (22:28):
Of putting the toilet seat or the lid down to flush. No.
Speaker 3 (22:32):
I just thought it was like polite sometimes to put
the lid down, but thought whenever you leave the bathroom. Yeah, oh,
but I don't think I do that either.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
Not replacing your toothbrush. You're supposed to do it every
three months.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
I do that because I have an electric toothbrush and
that it gets all.
Speaker 4 (22:50):
Changed the head.
Speaker 3 (22:51):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
One person said, A good way to remember it is
when the seasons change, switch it out.
Speaker 2 (22:56):
What does it say about me that I feel so
validated that I could say that I did that.
Speaker 3 (23:00):
You're proud of yourself.
Speaker 2 (23:01):
I'm not. I'm disgusting, but I'm not that discussing.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
You don't clean your velley, but you change your fresh out,
and then the last one is not flossing.
Speaker 4 (23:11):
God, and then the last one is not flossing.
Speaker 3 (23:23):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
People think that brushing is enough, but Dennis will say
flossing is more important than brush.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
You do not remember my cavity at eleven, which I
do think that I got lied to, tricked, manipulated. Yeah, yep,
I'm never conned. I got conned. I'm not going back
to that dentist. I do think there probably were cavities
or I was on my way to a cavity because
I don't floss.
Speaker 4 (23:45):
How one has eleven cavities at once.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
Because they were in it was in between my teeth,
So he was like, we have to do it on
both sides. I didn't think about the fact that I've
never had a cavity before, and all of a sudden,
I have eleven.
Speaker 3 (23:56):
That feels weird, but.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
It's been a long time, and he seemed really like
he was trying to help me. Then I had Did
I tell you that I had the whole issue with
I had pediatric insurance? But then it was it was
a whole thing. I did argue my way down to
a smaller bill though good I wore them out. Finally
they were fine.
Speaker 1 (24:15):
This is the thing you can always ask, is that
the best price you can give me? And sometimes they're
willing to go down? Or how can you work with
me on this? Is there anything better we can do?
Speaker 2 (24:26):
I should I wish that I had those because I
just sent them a picture of my quote and said,
I don't get how you can be asking me to
pay more money.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
Anyway.
Speaker 2 (24:36):
Now I'm a floster because that was really scary, and
I did not realize how important that was.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
It is. I brush a lot in that for a
long time, but no flossing.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
I floss every day, but I didn't used to. I
used to think brushing is enough. But now I go
in this order. I floss, I mouthwash, and then I brush.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
Oh I always floss after.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
I don't know that the order matters. Okay'm telling you mine. Okay,
I'm not a dental expert.
Speaker 3 (25:02):
Got it pop?
Speaker 2 (25:03):
Pop? I don't know if this is going to bring
the room down or up. But Gwyneth Paltrow, which are
you a fan of hers?
Speaker 3 (25:10):
Goop?
Speaker 1 (25:11):
I mean I'm indifferent. You could take her a leaver? Yeah, okay,
but I mean I do like her tips, so.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
Okay, but if but if Goop went away, you wouldn't
like find be upset and you don't have to see
every movie she's in.
Speaker 3 (25:23):
Got it correct? Anyway, that's not that important.
Speaker 2 (25:25):
However, she was recently talking about how she takes a
baseball bat to things when she's angry, and I'm curious
if you have ever done that.
Speaker 1 (25:34):
I have One time on the Bobby Bone Show, Eddie
was getting rid of his TV and I can't remera
if I used a bat or a sledgehammer, but we
took he brought the TV to work and we took
it in the alley and I got to smash it
and it was amazing.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
Were you going through something? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (25:47):
It was when things were okay, like the I walked
in the pool with all my clothes on air.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
Okay, did you notice it feeling better after or was.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
It just a yeah, okay, felt good.
Speaker 4 (25:57):
But I saw this too, and I thought hers was placid.
Speaker 3 (26:00):
Yeah, it's a plastic bat okay.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
And I guess her executive coach, which what's it like
to have an executive coach, suggested that she gets a
plastic bat off Amazon, and she said, sometimes when I
feel really stuck with anger, I just hit stuff.
Speaker 3 (26:15):
It's her way of releasing anger.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
And I've found that interesting because when I worked at
a treatment center, one of the things we did was,
I mean, we did a lot of anger work and
we had this one specific day that the clients would
prep We prepped weeks for this day to get them
to a place where they would allow themselves to get
because sometimes getting angry is.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
Scary, and we had like a block.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
It reminded me of a block you would have at
a gymnastics place when you're younger, like she's wench. Yes,
but it was a block, which I tried to find
one to have in my own office and I couldn't
find one.
Speaker 3 (26:48):
So if you hear one, let me know.
Speaker 2 (26:50):
But we would have them hit that with a plastic
bat and it was one of the most transformative things
I have ever seen in my life. Because a lot
of time for many reasons. But I think a lot
of times people think expressing anger is bad or wrong,
and so they don't do it, and so then they
hold it in and it turns into something else, or
(27:10):
they hold it in and then they do something that
actually out of rage. There's a difference between being rageful
and hitting something and having anger and like expressing that
anger out.
Speaker 3 (27:20):
So I like that Gwyneth is doing this deeppep deep
beep beep.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
I have a list of things like, you may have
low emotional intelligence if you do this. Should you give
this to Big P before you marry him?
Speaker 2 (27:37):
Maybe? But I feel like both of yours are things
that you're trying to expose me what it's like, Let's
see how disgusting.
Speaker 3 (27:44):
You are, and let's see how emotionally intelligent you are.
Speaker 4 (27:47):
You have high EQ.
Speaker 3 (27:49):
Let's see Okay, see all right?
Speaker 1 (27:51):
So emotional intelligence is defined as the ability to perceive
and evaluate feelings accurately within ourselves and others. But how
do you know if you need to work on these skills? Well,
according to CNBC, if you use any of these phrases,
it might be a sign you have a low emotional IQ. Ready,
I'm not changing. This is who I am. People that
(28:13):
have low emotional intelligence are stuck in their ways and
refuse to evolve. Instead, you could try saying something like
I want to be open to feedback even when it's
hard to hear.
Speaker 4 (28:24):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (28:24):
I don't find myself saying this is who I am.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
Get over it. Yeah, you're open feedback ye. Yeah, and
you're open to evolving.
Speaker 2 (28:31):
Yeah, And I will say I'm open to feedback. It
doesn't feel good always hearing it.
Speaker 4 (28:36):
I don't care how you feel.
Speaker 1 (28:39):
If you disregard other people's feelings, you most likely have
low emotional intelligence. Try this instead, I'm sorry you're feeling upset.
How can I help?
Speaker 3 (28:49):
I think it's against my job description to say that one.
Speaker 4 (28:53):
I don't care how you feel.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
So do you think some therapists are sitting there in
their head when a client is talking and they're like,
I don't care.
Speaker 3 (28:59):
Yeah, because I think there's a bad therapist out there.
Speaker 4 (29:01):
But you're very caring.
Speaker 3 (29:03):
Thank you as a compliment. Thank you, You're welcome.
Speaker 4 (29:05):
It's your fault I feel this way.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
I think that that is an easy one to fall
into sometimes because we want to blame that, because we
feel a certain way after someone did something, even though
it's our feelings, we want to say you made your fault,
you made me feel this way, when no one can
make you feel a certain way. If you have strong
emotional intelligence, you don't blame others for your feelings, obviously,
(29:29):
but you can try this instead in case this is
you know in you to say it's your fault. I
feel this way, say I'm feeling emotional right now, here's why.
Speaker 2 (29:38):
Oh that's nice. I was thinking when you said that.
When that happens, I think sometimes I even do this
out of habit. When that happens, it sounds more like
you made me When you blame you made me feel whatever,
which might be somebody trying to be open and not
trying to be blaming, but it comes out blaming when
the more helpful thing is what kind of like what
(29:58):
you said when this happened and I felt this change
the you made me feel too. I felt this my
language instead of you. Yeah, that one's hard to it's
easy to fall into.
Speaker 4 (30:09):
I agree, you're just wrong.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
Emotionally intelligent people focus more on understanding each other's experience
and recognizing nuance, So try this instead. I want to
hear your perspective even when I don't see things the
way you do. Can you help me understand why you're
feeling this way.
Speaker 3 (30:27):
I feel like you're trying to laugh when you're trying
not to laugh when you read that.
Speaker 2 (30:30):
I feel like there's sometimes where you're like to people
they're just wrong me. Well, it depends on the conversation
in a very loving way. Well, being wrong factually and
being wrong and emotional are interpretations of something I think
is different.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Right, Yeah, Like you can say I'm open to hear
your perspective if it's right, but it's not.
Speaker 2 (30:54):
I know what you're talking about. Yes, sometimes I do this,
but I think it's definitely when I know that I'm right. Yeah,
sometimes I'm I still can think I'm right, but I'm
also open to people not agreeing with that. But I
can still think I'm right and you're wrong, but we
can agree on that. Then there are times when I
(31:17):
think I'm right for me, but that doesn't mean it's
right for you.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
You're looking at me.
Speaker 4 (31:22):
Like, no, I'm just giving you a hard time.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
But I think that's the one where we can sometimes
feel strongly about something, and in your case, I know
what you're talking about, and you were right.
Speaker 4 (31:30):
Because of the facts.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
But back to the facts versus the drama, I think
that that's an easy one to fall into, even if
we think we are emotionally intelligent, especially if we're in
a we're emotional at a time, like I was so
hormonal I don't.
Speaker 4 (31:46):
Know the last month. Yeah, I mean it's come in
and out.
Speaker 1 (31:50):
But I went to my obg WA in last week
and she told me, yeah, like, this is just the
way it's going to be for I mean, if I
could well in my.
Speaker 4 (31:59):
Forties to fifties, she said.
Speaker 1 (32:01):
But she also said, go easy on yourself because this
is also normal. Nothing is wrong with you.
Speaker 4 (32:07):
You feeling this.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
Way does not make you like, fix me something's wrong,
which some She's like, we can give you certain things
that may help, but also if you don't want to
do anything about it, that is okay. I'm glad I'm
not said that crazy, because I think that's what we
how I define myself. Sometimes I feel crazy, and when
I do that, I think I put that label on
(32:29):
me internally, and then maybe it perpetuates more crazy. And
so I think for giving me that permission and telling
me you're not broken, nothing's wrong with you. Everything you're
feeling is actually quite normal. However, it's not going to
get any better. So she was very honest with me
about that. I'm like, cool, cool, so, but I feel
(32:51):
great today. I'm not emotional, I'm not hormonal. I'm not annoyed.
Speaker 3 (32:56):
They're wrong.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
I'm going to order the plastic bat. But just for
future me. It's like me right now taking care of
future annoyed me.
Speaker 2 (33:03):
I have to add this because I think there's a
difference to one I want to say for anybody who's
listening to this, because sometimes we can be hard on ourselves.
Nobody's going to be perfect at any of these all
the time. It doesn't mean that you are well.
Speaker 4 (33:16):
You can clean your belly button.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
Okay, that's different every time. But I mean more of
these emotional intelligence stuff. You're going to have moments where
you just are so flooded you can't say the same
thing that you would say when you were completely regulated.
Speaker 4 (33:32):
Which is a good reminder to sometimes step away.
Speaker 3 (33:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
The other thing is if somebody's telling you the sky
is yellow and that's blue, that's different than you having
a different opinion of something that's gaslighting, right.
Speaker 3 (33:46):
So I think that's where I'm coming from.
Speaker 2 (33:48):
Where I don't think I said clearly that Sometimes it's like, well, no,
two plus two does equal for But to Keanu Reeves,
that's what I say to your point, I need to
be better at letting people think it is.
Speaker 1 (34:00):
Right Keanu, he controls or protects his space by Okay, cool,
Yeah you do you two plus two is five?
Speaker 3 (34:10):
You're right? Walk away?
Speaker 1 (34:11):
So yeah, sky's yellow? Yeah, carry on walking away.
Speaker 3 (34:16):
That's something I want to work on in twenty twenty four.
Speaker 4 (34:20):
And I'm going to work on going back to being
a no shoe household.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
Okay, TVD got it. It really will be so much better.
I swear for sweeper to and mopped yesterday, even mopped
my garage.
Speaker 3 (34:30):
But wait a second, wait what I missed that part?
Speaker 2 (34:33):
You mopped your garage? Yeah, that registered late. You were
very clean, But my thought is always do that.
Speaker 1 (34:39):
By the way, I just had it out and I
wanted to clean this one section, so I did it.
Speaker 3 (34:44):
Okay.
Speaker 4 (34:44):
No, I don't want people to think I'm psycht.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
You clean your belly button every day?
Speaker 2 (34:47):
Too?
Speaker 3 (34:47):
Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (34:48):
My thing is you have a dog that goes outside,
So what is that? Do you clean her paws every time.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
She comes back in.
Speaker 1 (34:53):
Maybe I'm gonna get her little boot juice to put
on her feet when she walks in or when she
goes outside.
Speaker 3 (35:00):
Yeah, that makes more sense.
Speaker 4 (35:03):
Wow, I'm sorry. I am going to google if this exists,
and let me tell you.
Speaker 2 (35:07):
If I end up putting on there for people are
for sure going to go an idiot.
Speaker 3 (35:12):
Wait for it.
Speaker 4 (35:14):
Okay, Cat, where can people find you?
Speaker 3 (35:16):
On Instagram? At Katt Defada and at You Need Therapy podcast?
Speaker 1 (35:20):
And next time she joins us, she's going to be
a married woman.
Speaker 2 (35:25):
I don't know why I said that, like sultry a
married woman.
Speaker 4 (35:30):
She's going to take a honeymoon break.
Speaker 1 (35:32):
So I will have a guest host for the fifth
thing in the coming weeks. I think it's going to
be Chase. Get excited when we did our Q and A.
Speaker 3 (35:40):
What we get excited about somebody else?
Speaker 1 (35:42):
Well, yeah, I get excited forever. But people had said
I haven't heard from Chase in a while. There was
a few of those, so I took a mental note
and I was like, oh, hey, Chase, would you want
to record anything? And he said yes, So I'm going
to try to schedule that with him if it could
work out. And Kat, we wish you the best of luck.
I'll see you at the rehearsal dinner and i'll see
(36:03):
you at the wedding.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
We'll report back where you stand and who I walked
with and what it was like. And I have no
hinge date for your wedding as of now, you get
three four.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
It's not happening. Never say an no hinge date for
the Hinge wedding. But maybe I'll meet someone at your wedding.
Maybe do you think Nope, I.
Speaker 3 (36:25):
Don't know anybody who's coming that I would set you up.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
But maybe I'll be surprised. Maybe somebody will show up
I didn't invite, or that tends to happen as well,
what or maybe somebody you didn't know as well? Yeah, yeah,
it could happen.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
All right, Well, we love you, Cat, and yeah, y'all
have the day you need to have, right Bye, Bye
Pop Pop
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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