February 27, 2024 • 28 mins
Amy has started the viral tik tok Who TF Did I Marry from Reesa Teesa about her marriage to a narcissistic, manipulative liar and she's obsessed. It is a 52-part story that we should all pay attention to when dating...especially if using apps.
Amy's other obsessions:
-Humm Kombucha (mango passionfruit)
-Nike Air Monarch Sneakers
-Chamomile Lavender tea with raw honey and lemon before Bed
-Betty Buzz & WithCo
Today's Quote:
“No people find each other more absurd than lovers” ― C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce
If you ever need help navigating narcissism, make sure you follow Dr. Ramani on IG!
We now have a podcast voicemail line! CALL US!!! The '4 Things' podcast phone number is 877-207-2077. Amy (and Kat) would love to hear from you.
There's also a 4 Things Podcast Instagram now (will be doing a giveaway there soon, so make sure to follow!)
Email us: 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com
FYI: Kat will be back from her honeymoon next week, but we are thankful to have Jeremiah fill in for her!
Have the day you need to have. Byyyyyyeeee!!
HOST:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
Cat miss Jeremiah.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
I've got therapy.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Cat normally with me co hosting on Tuesdays for the
Fifth Thing, but she's on her honeymoon. Last week Cryocat
filled in, so Jarah Cat is here.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Hey, y'all, good to be with you.
Speaker 4 (00:24):
I'm just pumped about talking about things, specifically far of them.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
This is the Fifth Thing, right bon Man?
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Okay, So Jeremiah's got our quote for today.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Quote of the day.
Speaker 4 (00:37):
No people find each other more absurd than lovers. C. S.
Lewis The Great Divorce. The book is titled The Great Divorce.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
I need to add it to my list of things
to read because multiple people said online gets a must
read and no people find each other more absurd than
lovers is very fitting for our topic today with who
the blanks Did I marry? Which is the viral TikTok
sensation thing that's happening. It first went up around February thirteenth,
(01:07):
but I'm a little late to the party, so is Jeremiah,
and then cry Okat and then Jeremiah's brother Jacob. We
all started watching it together and now we're on a
tech stuad together, and it's sort of consumed our lives
ever since we started it.
Speaker 4 (01:19):
I don't want to be put in that bag welcome
on now, No, but I am enjoying thoroughly the whole story,
everything we've watched, everything that I've learned through you all,
and then yeah, talking about it is absolutely fun.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Yeah, gather your friends, because there's five hundred minutes worth
of content for you to watch, eight point three three
hours to be specific. And it's tiktoks that are ten minutes,
So there's fifty two parts because that's how long a
TikTok video can be, ten minutes. But she treats them
like they are their own little, full blown episodes. She
(01:53):
outros intros them welcome to part seven of Who the
blank Did I marry?
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Except for she says, the Ford.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
But really, I have four things to share with you
that are my latest obsessions, and there's gonna be a
bonus thing that I'm obsessed with, because this is the
fifth thing, the show being one of my things. But
I'll share the other things first and then we can
dive in a little bit more into the show, because
if you're not watching, well, you should be just for
the sake of being able to talk about it with
(02:21):
your friends or at work.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
The grocery store.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Line, I could talk to anybody about it, but I'll
start with ham kombucha. And this stuff is so good.
I think I first had it at Caitlin and Bobby's house.
I didn't even know what it was, but I saw
it in their fridge and I thought, oh, this is
so good. And then Jeremiah and Cryocat also introduced me
(02:45):
to it. But the first time I ever had it
was at their house. I honestly thought it was sparkling water.
I didn't even know it was kombucha when I first
grabbed it out of their fridge. But it is the
best kombucha I've ever had, And the only flavor you
really need to pay attention to is mango passion fruit.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Absolutely, you cannot go wrong.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
I find it at Public's and there's a few other
places that carry it, but I saw you could also
order it on Amazon if you wanted to. I'll link
it in the show notes so you can see what
I'm talking about.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Nike Air Monarchs.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
They can't say I'm obsessed with wearing these yet because
they haven't come in the mail. But I am obsessed
with the look and I owe Jeremiah's brother Jacob credit
for these shoes, and y'all telling me to get Yeah.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
They're beautiful dad's shoes from the late nineties. We learned
late nineties or just nineties, and I think it's well,
it's something that's made a comeback in the street fashion
wear realm. And they've got multiple colors. But that classic
white with blue silver accents that you got, which is
obviously your color wheel palette Ibby got.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Maybe in silver's in my color Tot's.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
Yeah, with your cat right here, that's silver right in
front of you as well. It's just you could be
crushing it right now in your air Monarchs. But yeah,
they're they're affordable.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Yeah, your brother was wearing them the other night, and
I thought, Okay, those do look good. And when I
was looking up and reading about them, it says they're
known for durability, comfort, versatility, and they say it's a
popular choice for casual wear, walking and everyday activities, and
I'm like.
Speaker 4 (04:16):
That is me totally. And they're definitely known for girth.
They're big, they're like wide, they're just I.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Didn't get they had a wide option in a regular
and I didn't get the wide good good. Another thing
I'm obsessed with is camameal lavender tea at night before bed,
with raw honey and lemon mixed in. And my daughter
Stashira even enjoys it too, and it's just such a
nice relaxing thing to have at night.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Yeah, yeah, it's wonderful.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
You're big into tea.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
I really like tea. I can geek out about tea,
and some people don't know. It's funny. It makes sense
to speak about it as tea, but it's actually just
herbal drink. I guess you would say, because all tea
technically comes from the same plant, and so black tea,
oolong tea, white tea, pu air tea, all these teas
are just the same tea plant, and you do a
(05:11):
different fermentation process with the leaf. And all of those,
to your point, have caffeine. Herbals don't.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
So Kamma mill is an herb curl.
Speaker 4 (05:20):
Yeah, yeah, her floral herbal. You've got different herbal drink, Yeah,
herbal drank with a little raw honey. You get it
up in there and let it hitch all vines, and
then you hit the pillow and it's like coup I
am it's so good.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
My bonus thing that is still a TVD obsession, sort
of like my Nike Monarchs, but I'm very excited about
the purchase is Betty Buzz, which is Blake Lively's drink
company that she founded that's supposed to be really good,
simple ingredients, high quality stuff to create homemade drinks. The
(05:57):
Betty Buzz you can just you know it, drink it
like it's a cocktail. You don't have to add alcohol,
but if you want to, you can, Like I got
the Moscow Mule one or the Ginger Beer and all
you have to do is add vodka and while ah,
you have a little Moscow mule, or you can have
a mocktail if you add nothing, which reminds me of
with Co, which is very related, So shout out to
(06:19):
with Co because I also love their stuff. I've gifted
it to my friends that love espresso martinis. They have
the pre mix and that's such a cute gift, Like
you get the espresso martini and then two martini glasses
and then put it in a bag and give it
as a gift to someone that likes that.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Or even if you got the Margarita's.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
You could do a whole little margarita package with some tequila.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
But again, if.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
You're not drinking alcohol, the mixers taste good as a
little mocktail.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
So Betty buzz.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
But then I was researching it and she also makes
Betty booze, and that is the.
Speaker 4 (06:53):
I guess that's what she was on at the super
Bowl with Taylor. She was blitzed and she talked about
how she love doing that in Gossip Girls. Wow, she's
the big drinker. She doesn't like being sober. I'm sure
blake Ley's not the company's cool. I'm totally joking.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Yeah, Betty Booze is the one where she makes it
in a can that already has the alcohol added. But
I'm very excited about that. I saw him at Whole
Foods and I was like, so cute.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
All right. Now back to the.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Thing that we're really obsessed with right now, which is
who the blank did I'm marry and I don't know
how I missed this going up around February thirteenth, but
that's when it first started. So if you're late to
the party, don't worry.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
We all are.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
But someone was so kind to upload all of her
tiktoks to YouTube, so I will link that YouTube in
the show notes. So that way, if you don't have
TikTok or you don't want to go through and watch
all ten parts on your part, oh sorry, gosh, you're right.
There are ten minute videos fifty two parts. Thank you
for that, and you don't want to go through tik
(08:00):
talk and watch it. That way, you can go to
YouTube and there's a video. There's two youtubes, like she
put parts one through thirty it's a four hour YouTube. Yeah,
and then there's parts thirty through fifty two. I can't
wait to get to that part because I feel like
there's been so many good parts and twists and turns
(08:21):
about her being married to this pathological liar.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
That she met on Hinge and I'm like, great.
Speaker 4 (08:29):
Well, you know what that's like meeting a Hinge states
Hinge states, WHOA WHOA.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Not the pathical pathological liar part.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
I can't speak to that. I just know Hinge.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
Okay, well you've had experience. Anyway.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
I do think that dating online is risky, you know,
you never know. But she could have easily met him
through a friend or at the club or bumped into
him at the grocery store. It doesn't mean that if
you meet someone online that's gonna happen to you, because
I mean, therapy Cat is not with us today because
she is on her honeymoon with her husband that she
(09:03):
met on Hinge. That's right, so we're still fans of that.
But I just was hooked. I guess her name is
(09:24):
Reesa Tisa. I don't even know how to say her name,
but I have watched almost four hours of her talking
and she's a very great storyteller.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
Well.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
On our text thread, Cryocat said, I wish I was
a third or I had a third of her story
telling skills. Listen, this is what hooked me when she
said that her situation is you know, the United Nations
of red flags.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
That is what hooked me.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
She had so many red flags that it's actually crazy
to me she didn't pay attention to any of them.
But it can also be a reminder to anybody who's
in a relationship and you're just feeling like something's off,
pay attention to that, because according to everything this woman
has said, she felt like something was off all along,
(10:16):
so much so she was sending herself or saving voice
recordings on her phone, so she wouldn't forget what was
happening just in case.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Also too, he was going a gaslighter.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
At some point, you know, she had her truth and
it was spoken into her phone, because you know, a
week we'll go by and you're like, well, wait, did
I think that or is that what he said? Or
is this how it happened? Pay attention to that sort
of thing, right.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
I mean I've had interesting people outdated for sure, and
I would think I would say I've experienced gaslighting personally.
I've seen it with friends and stuff. I think the
fascinating thing about Reesa Teresa Manissa is that we do
feel like we're what twenty three is twenty four ish
parts in, so we're three hours or so, and it
(11:02):
does feel like we're getting into camps. Like my brother
Jacob and I are sitting there saying, Yo, lady, you've
said multiple times you've caught him lying, And then the
next episode she's like progressing with the relationship now. To
her credit, she continues to say that bluntly, Hey, y'all,
I'm gonna be honest. I'm just gonna tell you how
(11:24):
it was. I'm gonna tell you like it was not
trying to make myself look good. These red flags don't
make me look good, but I'm gonna be honest no
matter what it makes me look like.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
You know. She says that kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Which I can appreciate her vulnerability and her honesty, but it.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
Doesn't make her look good exactly.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
But I think she knows that, and a lot of
people can probably relate to being in a relationship for
a little too long. I mean, like, why was I
so blind to certain things? Although it seems like sometimes
she wasn't blind to it. She was sort of like,
he's definitely lying right now, and now I'm gonna catch
him in this lie, So how is he gonna get
out of this one? You know? And she would just okay,
(12:02):
let me say this. I have been in situations where
something is so terrible, but then it passes and you
kind of sleep on it, and then you wake up
the next day and then it's like, was it really
that bad? And then another day passes by and a
few more, and then you forget about that episode or
whatever it was.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
And then you move on the next thing. You know,
it's been a year and you're like.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Okay, well here we are still here, so I have Well,
you and Jacob are sort of like, come on, lady,
get it together. This guy is clearly lying to you.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Get out.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
I think Kat and I a female perspective, and I'm
sure it's not a female male thing, but we do
tend to shoot in a little bit more compassionate, So
I think Kat and I have compassion for her being
in that situation, especially since part of her story is
that she was sort of hooked in. And I don't
want to give too much way because I want people
(12:53):
to watch it, but I think that anybody can relate
to the fact that she's been someone that's had to
take care of herself her entire life, and a lot
of times. As women, I'm not speaking for everybody, but
I think that we do want someone to be our person,
our protector, to take care of us security, Like it
(13:15):
feels good to have that, even if we are fully
capable of taking care of ourselves, just to know that
we're taking care of And he sort of swooped in
and was able to take care of some things for her,
and she's like, I'm not gonna lie, it felt good.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Yes, I've never had that.
Speaker 4 (13:29):
Yeah, intoxicating, Sorry to interrupt you. But just that word
did stick with me. She said that many many times
so far.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
No, that's okay.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
I'm glad you came in with that word, because you're right,
it's intoxicating. So I think sometimes, whether male or female,
whatever the situation is, sometimes you can get intoxicated. You
can get swept up in the situation to where you
start to make up other stories or excuses for what's
happening because some of the other things that are happening
within the relationship or are really good for you or
(13:58):
they feel good in that.
Speaker 4 (14:00):
Do you feel like after watching this and this kind
of taking the country by storm, or however you want
to say it, there will be a lot of people
making mountains out of molehills or starting to almost pi
private investigate their significant other, questioning everything they do because
this situation seems to be one where there's been multiple
(14:24):
lies caught multiple times, multiple situations where they're wanting to
see how the other person gets out of the lie.
And then on top of that, you just are going
layer and layer and layer and layer deep into something
that is supposed to be an open, honest togetherness relationship
and a real intimacy that even I guess to this point,
(14:47):
she just got married.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
They're even married.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Now, let's be honest. This whole relationship it was during COVID.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
It was a little.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
Rushed, but there are a lot of people like that, right, Yeah, true.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
I don't know how well she really knew him, so
take note, But how well can you really know someone
that's consistently lying to you? And she didn't know how
much he was lying at the beginning, did she kind
of a little bit?
Speaker 4 (15:12):
Well, no, you're right, I think she Again, we don't
want to give away too much, but she gives as
part of the story telling that I think most people appreciate.
It's to me fascinating that it is fascinating to people.
But she doesn't do anything super animated. She's not doing
characters or it's not entertaining in that sense. No, it's
just her giving details. She's just telling the details of
(15:35):
what she experienced when she experienced in sequence. So, yes,
there's the lying, but she's talking about he's talking to
this person, he's talking to that person, he's talking to
this person. He's all this stuff, and you would think
then she catches him in the lie about Xyz over here,
about work, or about a car or about house, but
she's not thinking that everything is a lie, and it
(15:57):
seems to be snowballing.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Again it's snowballing.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
But to answer your question, I do think that this
will stir up thinks for people, whether you're the guy
or the girl that's lying or living some sort of
double lifeish situation, they're like, oh, shoot, I hope my
significant other does not watch this because I don't want
them researching me, or it could bring about maybe some
(16:25):
unhealthy behavior where you are obsessively looking for something that
maybe isn't even there. But I think her point is
and for her, she called she's a Christian, so she
was like, I truly believe the Holy Spirit was speaking
to me, trying to protect me, and I wasn't paying
attention or I was silencing it, stuffing it down. But
then at the same time, she sort of was paying
(16:45):
attention because she was sending herself the Voice memos. She yeah,
so she was helping herself out in that way, so
sort of listening. But she did say her main point
in sharing all of this is so that others would
pay attention when dating or in any type of relationship,
and then also pay attention to your whether it's the
Holy Spirit, you're intuition, whatever you think, whoever's talking to you,
(17:08):
or whatever little nuggets inside of you that are saying like, hello,
something's not right here.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Do you know all those.
Speaker 4 (17:14):
Weird Yeah, the memes. I've just thought of those memes
that I see a lot. I guess as guys, we
send them around. But it's like your girls, like I
don't jump to conclusions, and then they'll show a picture
of a guy or a video of a guy, like jumping.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
Out of a plane, this coot dive.
Speaker 4 (17:29):
It's like your girlfriend not jumping to conclusions and she's
jumping off a mountain or it's I don't know. As men,
I don't know, have you ever seen an equivalent like that?
I mean, not joke about stuff.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
I've been a jumper conclusions, but I've since learned. I
think that I would like to focus on the facts,
and I don't want to make up a story that
isn't happening. However, I do think if there's facts that
are starting to show up, Yeah, and you're putting together
a puzzle, all that is building you a picture that's
(18:02):
pretty toxic.
Speaker 3 (18:03):
Where there's smoke, there's fire.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Have you ever jumped to conclusions in a relationship?
Speaker 3 (18:08):
For sure?
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Have you ever jumped to conclusions in a relationship?
Speaker 3 (18:21):
For sure?
Speaker 4 (18:21):
But I also I think the hard part is it's
sort of like that there's two sides to every story.
You hear one person say one story, one person say
another story, and everybody says the truth is somewhere in
the middle. Right, you've heard that before. I think that
in jumping to conclusions, or at least if you want
to use that terminology, The way I've experienced it is
(18:42):
you see things, you know they're there. And the way
I've been encouraged by good counsel is like pay attention.
Then pay attention, because I would take a lot of
that and you just categorize it in a way that
maybe makes you stay in something you shouldn't stay in,
or she'd be more skittish towards someone that you can
(19:02):
relax trust him a little more. But you yeah, you
do have to pay attention, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
Yeah, No, I think pay attention.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
The show will make you definitely show it's not even
a show.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
This fifty two part.
Speaker 3 (19:15):
Tiktoks someone's paying for this show.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Situation that has made her hundreds of thousands of dollars
at this point and counting, probably because the more people
start talking about the more people are going to view it.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
And I could.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
See this being turned into a lifetime.
Speaker 3 (19:31):
Movie, yeah, or a tender Swindler thing.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
And it would be interesting if her ex husband decided
to do his own fifty two part series.
Speaker 3 (19:41):
Totally. I think if he were totally guess him.
Speaker 4 (19:44):
But I think if he was just trying to play
the game and do what benefits him, he would right, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
But I don't know how he could, like based on
how he's looking in this, how this is playing out,
I don't know that he would ever want.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
To show his face really at all. And that's the thing.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
I've tried to google who is he? Where is he?
And I've come up with nothing.
Speaker 4 (20:05):
Yeah, but she does say over and over in the thing, Oh,
classic narcissist, classic narcissism, classic full of them self person reaction. Here,
if he's that guy and he's out there, he's sure
his heck is going to put something out right because
he's got I can't believe she painted me in that line.
I'm gonna tell my story of that kind of thing,
(20:25):
that that ego that defensiveness that needs.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
To explain everything to everybody.
Speaker 4 (20:30):
If he's that guy, I could definitely see him trying
to put something out, don't you think?
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Or No, potentially, I don't know, because I don't know
how many boxes he checks in the narcissist checklist?
Speaker 3 (20:43):
Is there? That is that out there? That's a thing.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
I'm not an expert in this by any means, but
I think that the word narcissist gets thrown around a
lot for people that actually are not narcissists. I think
they maybe have demonstrated a narcissistic trait, which we all have.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
At any given day time.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
Like it doesn't mean you encouraged, you haven't acted out
in a narcissistic way at some point in your life,
But that doesn't make you a full blown narcissist, Like
the personality disorder, you.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
Don't have that.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
Maybe just because you talk about yourself a lot, or
you post about yourself a lot on social media, or
you're always pusting selfies or you know, maybe you have
one of the traits, right, But I don't think that
makes you full blown. I do think there is a checklist,
and I've heard they need to check a certain amount
of them for them to fall into that category, but
oftentimes they're not diagnosed because that would mean the narcissists
(21:39):
would have to go get diagnosed, and they don't think
they have a problem.
Speaker 4 (21:44):
So it's a it's actually a clinical disorder, is what
you're saying.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Oh yeah, I mean I but I don't think they
have the numbers to measure it, because like if I
those people for ADHD, it's like, Okay, I want to
go get tested for this because I feel like something
is off and I'm trying to concentrate at work. A
narcissist is never like, gosh, you know what, I really
(22:08):
just gaslit that person and love bombed them the day
before and then completely made it all about me and
didn't care the consequences. And I have no empathy for
that person either, So who cares, Like I don't think
they have that self awareness.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
Sure, yeah, I think that's true.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
They're not calling to book an appointment to get diagnosed.
Speaker 4 (22:32):
I would totally agree with that. I think that most
of the time those people are going to have to
be To add another quote, I've heard it said, and
very poignantly, so that you never really learn what your
problems are by being told you have to be shown,
and probably those people, if they have people that love
them in their life, they're going to over and over
(22:53):
and be like, hey, right now, you're doing it. This
is it you need to in order to continue to
be in this community.
Speaker 3 (23:02):
Make changes.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
I'm googling right now. Can you tell.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
Narsisist that they are narciss Oh? That's the top thing Google?
Because you know when you start wow, you know, when
you start typing in a Google thing, it gives you.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
The top thing.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Experts agree one of the worst things you can do
in a narcissistic relationship is tell someone that they are
a narcissist, even if you're correct. That's because doing so
almost always causes more harm than good. And then another thing,
how do you make a narcissist realize they're a narcissist.
An often effective way to point out a person's narcissism
while at the same time allowing the individual flexibility to
(23:40):
change is to separate the behavior from the person. For instance,
instead of saying you're a narcissist, say you are acting
like a narcissist or this type of behavior insert whatever
it is is narcissistic.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
H all right.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
One other one that just pulled up under that that
I want to because it's sort of is a correction
of something I said, like, I don't think they would
be self aware that they're doing it, but maybe they are,
because it says, can a narcissist be self aware that
they're a narcissist? And this is a Researchers at Washington
University found that most narcissists are actually aware they're narcissists,
(24:20):
but rather than see it as a problem, they embrace
it and take pride in it. However, a self aware
narcissist can get help through psychotherapy if they're willing to
do it. And I have heard that from doctor Rominy,
which she's an excellent follow on Instagram if you are
looking to learn more about narcissists. I love her content.
She's got a lot of stuff on Instagram and then YouTube,
(24:41):
and she's been on a lot of podcasts lately because
she's putting out a new book. But yeah, she said
that they can change, but they have to be willing
to put in the work, which again would mean they
have to realize that it's a problem. So maybe they
realize their behavior and they know they're doing it, but
they don't see it as a problem.
Speaker 4 (24:59):
I think we should do it a four part series
for this arena. For example, is the Whole Uptick Because
of social media, they say of individuals feeling like they're
the main character in life, like their days, their world,
they are the main character in the universe, and they
say a lot of people are struggling with that largely
(25:22):
due to socials, which to the point earlier of maybe
they wouldn't classify or be classified as a narcissist, but
they have this belief, they have this overwhelming thought of
themselves view of the world that is totally self centered
(25:42):
and very damaging, you know, and very limiting. It just
absolutely makes them be ineffective in life because they think
they're the center of it.
Speaker 3 (25:52):
Interesting.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
Doctor Romany would definitely be a goal guest of mine.
I haven't ever reached out because I mean I see
the caliber like or the type of people that she
sits down with, and like, oh, she might not ever do.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
This, but am I guess stop it?
Speaker 2 (26:08):
You're not going to know if you don't ask. If
she's the expert.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
I feel like I would definitely need to have some
sort of expert to tackle something like that. I just
feel like some people are really suffering inside of narcissistic relationships,
and I would want to handle that with care, whether
it's in a relationship or a parent or a sibling,
or a friend or a coworker.
Speaker 3 (26:30):
Yeah, what if people don't like experts?
Speaker 2 (26:33):
I know you don't.
Speaker 3 (26:35):
Whoa, whoa.
Speaker 4 (26:37):
We got to do another podcast on that, unpacking what
Amy thinks of Jeremiah.
Speaker 3 (26:44):
All these new thoughts. I didn't know that. Wait, am
I wrong that I don't like experts?
Speaker 2 (26:48):
Well, why would you bring that up?
Speaker 3 (26:50):
Well, a lot of.
Speaker 4 (26:51):
People have said that after COVID that was like a thing.
They're like, oh, trust the experts. That was like a thing.
They're like, because it you know, then we were triple
masking QUADRUPLEI vaccining, and then they were like, yeah, we
were wrong. It's like, well, okay, why am I going
to trust the expert now?
Speaker 2 (27:07):
Well, I do.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
Think a therapist that has dedicated her career to understanding the.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Oh it was a joke, you're joking.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
Yeah, people don't like the experts.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
Oh, okay, we can inder all right.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
Jeremiah and I both hope you're having the day that
you need to have all link stuff in the show notes.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
Also, this is fun.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
The podcast has a phone number now and you can
call and leave me a voicemail, and I would love
to hear from you, whether you have a quote to share,
a question for any expert I might have on or
a question for me, or for Therapy Cat or for
Jared Cat.
Speaker 3 (27:47):
And you're always I'll think you levers are third.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
If you've got marriage questions, dating questions thoughts, if you
just have something encouraging you want to share with anybody
that this is how you do it. Call eight seven
seven two o seven two oh seven seven call leave
me a voicemail. That'll be so much fun. I can't
wait to hear and I can play them back on
(28:11):
future episodes and that'll be something super fun. That's something
I should have done twenty years ago. But you know
the Chinese proverb, when did you have planted a tree
twenty years ago? When's the next best time to plant
a tree?
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Now? Okay, now misday?
Speaker 4 (28:27):
So
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
Cat miss Jeremiah.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
I've got therapy.
Speaker 1 (00:12):
Cat normally with me co hosting on Tuesdays for the
Fifth Thing, but she's on her honeymoon. Last week Cryocat
filled in, so Jarah Cat is here.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
Hey, y'all, good to be with you.
Speaker 4 (00:24):
I'm just pumped about talking about things, specifically far of them.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
This is the Fifth Thing, right bon Man?
Speaker 1 (00:32):
Okay, So Jeremiah's got our quote for today.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Quote of the day.
Speaker 4 (00:37):
No people find each other more absurd than lovers. C. S.
Lewis The Great Divorce. The book is titled The Great Divorce.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
I need to add it to my list of things
to read because multiple people said online gets a must
read and no people find each other more absurd than
lovers is very fitting for our topic today with who
the blanks Did I marry? Which is the viral TikTok
sensation thing that's happening. It first went up around February thirteenth,
(01:07):
but I'm a little late to the party, so is Jeremiah,
and then cry Okat and then Jeremiah's brother Jacob. We
all started watching it together and now we're on a
tech stuad together, and it's sort of consumed our lives
ever since we started it.
Speaker 4 (01:19):
I don't want to be put in that bag welcome
on now, No, but I am enjoying thoroughly the whole story,
everything we've watched, everything that I've learned through you all,
and then yeah, talking about it is absolutely fun.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Yeah, gather your friends, because there's five hundred minutes worth
of content for you to watch, eight point three three
hours to be specific. And it's tiktoks that are ten minutes,
So there's fifty two parts because that's how long a
TikTok video can be, ten minutes. But she treats them
like they are their own little, full blown episodes. She
(01:53):
outros intros them welcome to part seven of Who the
blank Did I marry?
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Except for she says, the Ford.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
But really, I have four things to share with you
that are my latest obsessions, and there's gonna be a
bonus thing that I'm obsessed with, because this is the
fifth thing, the show being one of my things. But
I'll share the other things first and then we can
dive in a little bit more into the show, because
if you're not watching, well, you should be just for
the sake of being able to talk about it with
(02:21):
your friends or at work.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
The grocery store.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
Line, I could talk to anybody about it, but I'll
start with ham kombucha. And this stuff is so good.
I think I first had it at Caitlin and Bobby's house.
I didn't even know what it was, but I saw
it in their fridge and I thought, oh, this is
so good. And then Jeremiah and Cryocat also introduced me
(02:45):
to it. But the first time I ever had it
was at their house. I honestly thought it was sparkling water.
I didn't even know it was kombucha when I first
grabbed it out of their fridge. But it is the
best kombucha I've ever had, And the only flavor you
really need to pay attention to is mango passion fruit.
Speaker 2 (02:59):
Absolutely, you cannot go wrong.
Speaker 1 (03:01):
I find it at Public's and there's a few other
places that carry it, but I saw you could also
order it on Amazon if you wanted to. I'll link
it in the show notes so you can see what
I'm talking about.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Nike Air Monarchs.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
They can't say I'm obsessed with wearing these yet because
they haven't come in the mail. But I am obsessed
with the look and I owe Jeremiah's brother Jacob credit
for these shoes, and y'all telling me to get Yeah.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
They're beautiful dad's shoes from the late nineties. We learned
late nineties or just nineties, and I think it's well,
it's something that's made a comeback in the street fashion
wear realm. And they've got multiple colors. But that classic
white with blue silver accents that you got, which is
obviously your color wheel palette Ibby got.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Maybe in silver's in my color Tot's.
Speaker 4 (03:50):
Yeah, with your cat right here, that's silver right in
front of you as well. It's just you could be
crushing it right now in your air Monarchs. But yeah,
they're they're affordable.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Yeah, your brother was wearing them the other night, and
I thought, Okay, those do look good. And when I
was looking up and reading about them, it says they're
known for durability, comfort, versatility, and they say it's a
popular choice for casual wear, walking and everyday activities, and
I'm like.
Speaker 4 (04:16):
That is me totally. And they're definitely known for girth.
They're big, they're like wide, they're just I.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Didn't get they had a wide option in a regular
and I didn't get the wide good good. Another thing
I'm obsessed with is camameal lavender tea at night before bed,
with raw honey and lemon mixed in. And my daughter
Stashira even enjoys it too, and it's just such a
nice relaxing thing to have at night.
Speaker 3 (04:47):
Yeah, yeah, it's wonderful.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
You're big into tea.
Speaker 4 (04:49):
I really like tea. I can geek out about tea,
and some people don't know. It's funny. It makes sense
to speak about it as tea, but it's actually just
herbal drink. I guess you would say, because all tea
technically comes from the same plant, and so black tea,
oolong tea, white tea, pu air tea, all these teas
are just the same tea plant, and you do a
(05:11):
different fermentation process with the leaf. And all of those,
to your point, have caffeine. Herbals don't.
Speaker 2 (05:18):
So Kamma mill is an herb curl.
Speaker 4 (05:20):
Yeah, yeah, her floral herbal. You've got different herbal drink, Yeah,
herbal drank with a little raw honey. You get it
up in there and let it hitch all vines, and
then you hit the pillow and it's like coup I
am it's so good.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
My bonus thing that is still a TVD obsession, sort
of like my Nike Monarchs, but I'm very excited about
the purchase is Betty Buzz, which is Blake Lively's drink
company that she founded that's supposed to be really good,
simple ingredients, high quality stuff to create homemade drinks. The
(05:57):
Betty Buzz you can just you know it, drink it
like it's a cocktail. You don't have to add alcohol,
but if you want to, you can, Like I got
the Moscow Mule one or the Ginger Beer and all
you have to do is add vodka and while ah,
you have a little Moscow mule, or you can have
a mocktail if you add nothing, which reminds me of
with Co, which is very related, So shout out to
(06:19):
with Co because I also love their stuff. I've gifted
it to my friends that love espresso martinis. They have
the pre mix and that's such a cute gift, Like
you get the espresso martini and then two martini glasses
and then put it in a bag and give it
as a gift to someone that likes that.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
Or even if you got the Margarita's.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
You could do a whole little margarita package with some tequila.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
But again, if.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
You're not drinking alcohol, the mixers taste good as a
little mocktail.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
So Betty buzz.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
But then I was researching it and she also makes
Betty booze, and that is the.
Speaker 4 (06:53):
I guess that's what she was on at the super
Bowl with Taylor. She was blitzed and she talked about
how she love doing that in Gossip Girls. Wow, she's
the big drinker. She doesn't like being sober. I'm sure
blake Ley's not the company's cool. I'm totally joking.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Yeah, Betty Booze is the one where she makes it
in a can that already has the alcohol added. But
I'm very excited about that. I saw him at Whole
Foods and I was like, so cute.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
All right. Now back to the.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
Thing that we're really obsessed with right now, which is
who the blank did I'm marry and I don't know
how I missed this going up around February thirteenth, but
that's when it first started. So if you're late to
the party, don't worry.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
We all are.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
But someone was so kind to upload all of her
tiktoks to YouTube, so I will link that YouTube in
the show notes. So that way, if you don't have
TikTok or you don't want to go through and watch
all ten parts on your part, oh sorry, gosh, you're right.
There are ten minute videos fifty two parts. Thank you
for that, and you don't want to go through tik
(08:00):
talk and watch it. That way, you can go to
YouTube and there's a video. There's two youtubes, like she
put parts one through thirty it's a four hour YouTube. Yeah,
and then there's parts thirty through fifty two. I can't
wait to get to that part because I feel like
there's been so many good parts and twists and turns
(08:21):
about her being married to this pathological liar.
Speaker 2 (08:25):
That she met on Hinge and I'm like, great.
Speaker 4 (08:29):
Well, you know what that's like meeting a Hinge states
Hinge states, WHOA WHOA.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Not the pathical pathological liar part.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
I can't speak to that. I just know Hinge.
Speaker 2 (08:40):
Okay, well you've had experience. Anyway.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
I do think that dating online is risky, you know,
you never know. But she could have easily met him
through a friend or at the club or bumped into
him at the grocery store. It doesn't mean that if
you meet someone online that's gonna happen to you, because
I mean, therapy Cat is not with us today because
she is on her honeymoon with her husband that she
(09:03):
met on Hinge. That's right, so we're still fans of that.
But I just was hooked. I guess her name is
(09:24):
Reesa Tisa. I don't even know how to say her name,
but I have watched almost four hours of her talking
and she's a very great storyteller.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
Well.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
On our text thread, Cryocat said, I wish I was
a third or I had a third of her story
telling skills. Listen, this is what hooked me when she
said that her situation is you know, the United Nations
of red flags.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
That is what hooked me.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
She had so many red flags that it's actually crazy
to me she didn't pay attention to any of them.
But it can also be a reminder to anybody who's
in a relationship and you're just feeling like something's off,
pay attention to that, because according to everything this woman
has said, she felt like something was off all along,
(10:16):
so much so she was sending herself or saving voice
recordings on her phone, so she wouldn't forget what was
happening just in case.
Speaker 2 (10:24):
Also too, he was going a gaslighter.
Speaker 1 (10:26):
At some point, you know, she had her truth and
it was spoken into her phone, because you know, a
week we'll go by and you're like, well, wait, did
I think that or is that what he said? Or
is this how it happened? Pay attention to that sort
of thing, right.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4 (10:39):
I mean I've had interesting people outdated for sure, and
I would think I would say I've experienced gaslighting personally.
I've seen it with friends and stuff. I think the
fascinating thing about Reesa Teresa Manissa is that we do
feel like we're what twenty three is twenty four ish
parts in, so we're three hours or so, and it
(11:02):
does feel like we're getting into camps. Like my brother
Jacob and I are sitting there saying, Yo, lady, you've
said multiple times you've caught him lying, And then the
next episode she's like progressing with the relationship now. To
her credit, she continues to say that bluntly, Hey, y'all,
I'm gonna be honest. I'm just gonna tell you how
(11:24):
it was. I'm gonna tell you like it was not
trying to make myself look good. These red flags don't
make me look good, but I'm gonna be honest no
matter what it makes me look like.
Speaker 3 (11:34):
You know. She says that kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Which I can appreciate her vulnerability and her honesty, but it.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
Doesn't make her look good exactly.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
But I think she knows that, and a lot of
people can probably relate to being in a relationship for
a little too long. I mean, like, why was I
so blind to certain things? Although it seems like sometimes
she wasn't blind to it. She was sort of like,
he's definitely lying right now, and now I'm gonna catch
him in this lie, So how is he gonna get
out of this one? You know? And she would just okay,
(12:02):
let me say this. I have been in situations where
something is so terrible, but then it passes and you
kind of sleep on it, and then you wake up
the next day and then it's like, was it really
that bad? And then another day passes by and a
few more, and then you forget about that episode or
whatever it was.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
And then you move on the next thing. You know,
it's been a year and you're like.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Okay, well here we are still here, so I have Well,
you and Jacob are sort of like, come on, lady,
get it together. This guy is clearly lying to you.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Get out.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
I think Kat and I a female perspective, and I'm
sure it's not a female male thing, but we do
tend to shoot in a little bit more compassionate, So
I think Kat and I have compassion for her being
in that situation, especially since part of her story is
that she was sort of hooked in. And I don't
want to give too much way because I want people
(12:53):
to watch it, but I think that anybody can relate
to the fact that she's been someone that's had to
take care of herself her entire life, and a lot
of times. As women, I'm not speaking for everybody, but
I think that we do want someone to be our person,
our protector, to take care of us security, Like it
(13:15):
feels good to have that, even if we are fully
capable of taking care of ourselves, just to know that
we're taking care of And he sort of swooped in
and was able to take care of some things for her,
and she's like, I'm not gonna lie, it felt good.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Yes, I've never had that.
Speaker 4 (13:29):
Yeah, intoxicating, Sorry to interrupt you. But just that word
did stick with me. She said that many many times
so far.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
No, that's okay.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
I'm glad you came in with that word, because you're right,
it's intoxicating. So I think sometimes, whether male or female,
whatever the situation is, sometimes you can get intoxicated. You
can get swept up in the situation to where you
start to make up other stories or excuses for what's
happening because some of the other things that are happening
within the relationship or are really good for you or
(13:58):
they feel good in that.
Speaker 4 (14:00):
Do you feel like after watching this and this kind
of taking the country by storm, or however you want
to say it, there will be a lot of people
making mountains out of molehills or starting to almost pi
private investigate their significant other, questioning everything they do because
this situation seems to be one where there's been multiple
(14:24):
lies caught multiple times, multiple situations where they're wanting to
see how the other person gets out of the lie.
And then on top of that, you just are going
layer and layer and layer and layer deep into something
that is supposed to be an open, honest togetherness relationship
and a real intimacy that even I guess to this point,
(14:47):
she just got married.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
They're even married.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Now, let's be honest. This whole relationship it was during COVID.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
It was a little.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
Rushed, but there are a lot of people like that, right, Yeah, true.
Speaker 1 (14:58):
I don't know how well she really knew him, so
take note, But how well can you really know someone
that's consistently lying to you? And she didn't know how
much he was lying at the beginning, did she kind
of a little bit?
Speaker 4 (15:12):
Well, no, you're right, I think she Again, we don't
want to give away too much, but she gives as
part of the story telling that I think most people appreciate.
It's to me fascinating that it is fascinating to people.
But she doesn't do anything super animated. She's not doing
characters or it's not entertaining in that sense. No, it's
just her giving details. She's just telling the details of
(15:35):
what she experienced when she experienced in sequence. So, yes,
there's the lying, but she's talking about he's talking to
this person, he's talking to that person, he's talking to
this person. He's all this stuff, and you would think
then she catches him in the lie about Xyz over here,
about work, or about a car or about house, but
she's not thinking that everything is a lie, and it
(15:57):
seems to be snowballing.
Speaker 2 (16:00):
Again it's snowballing.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
But to answer your question, I do think that this
will stir up thinks for people, whether you're the guy
or the girl that's lying or living some sort of
double lifeish situation, they're like, oh, shoot, I hope my
significant other does not watch this because I don't want
them researching me, or it could bring about maybe some
(16:25):
unhealthy behavior where you are obsessively looking for something that
maybe isn't even there. But I think her point is
and for her, she called she's a Christian, so she
was like, I truly believe the Holy Spirit was speaking
to me, trying to protect me, and I wasn't paying
attention or I was silencing it, stuffing it down. But
then at the same time, she sort of was paying
(16:45):
attention because she was sending herself the Voice memos. She yeah,
so she was helping herself out in that way, so
sort of listening. But she did say her main point
in sharing all of this is so that others would
pay attention when dating or in any type of relationship,
and then also pay attention to your whether it's the
Holy Spirit, you're intuition, whatever you think, whoever's talking to you,
(17:08):
or whatever little nuggets inside of you that are saying like, hello,
something's not right here.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Do you know all those.
Speaker 4 (17:14):
Weird Yeah, the memes. I've just thought of those memes
that I see a lot. I guess as guys, we
send them around. But it's like your girls, like I
don't jump to conclusions, and then they'll show a picture
of a guy or a video of a guy, like jumping.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
Out of a plane, this coot dive.
Speaker 4 (17:29):
It's like your girlfriend not jumping to conclusions and she's
jumping off a mountain or it's I don't know. As men,
I don't know, have you ever seen an equivalent like that?
I mean, not joke about stuff.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
I've been a jumper conclusions, but I've since learned. I
think that I would like to focus on the facts,
and I don't want to make up a story that
isn't happening. However, I do think if there's facts that
are starting to show up, Yeah, and you're putting together
a puzzle, all that is building you a picture that's
(18:02):
pretty toxic.
Speaker 3 (18:03):
Where there's smoke, there's fire.
Speaker 1 (18:05):
Have you ever jumped to conclusions in a relationship?
Speaker 3 (18:08):
For sure?
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Have you ever jumped to conclusions in a relationship?
Speaker 3 (18:21):
For sure?
Speaker 4 (18:21):
But I also I think the hard part is it's
sort of like that there's two sides to every story.
You hear one person say one story, one person say
another story, and everybody says the truth is somewhere in
the middle. Right, you've heard that before. I think that
in jumping to conclusions, or at least if you want
to use that terminology, The way I've experienced it is
(18:42):
you see things, you know they're there. And the way
I've been encouraged by good counsel is like pay attention.
Then pay attention, because I would take a lot of
that and you just categorize it in a way that
maybe makes you stay in something you shouldn't stay in,
or she'd be more skittish towards someone that you can
(19:02):
relax trust him a little more. But you yeah, you
do have to pay attention, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2 (19:08):
Yeah, No, I think pay attention.
Speaker 1 (19:10):
The show will make you definitely show it's not even
a show.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
This fifty two part.
Speaker 3 (19:15):
Tiktoks someone's paying for this show.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
Situation that has made her hundreds of thousands of dollars
at this point and counting, probably because the more people
start talking about the more people are going to view it.
Speaker 2 (19:27):
And I could.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
See this being turned into a lifetime.
Speaker 3 (19:31):
Movie, yeah, or a tender Swindler thing.
Speaker 1 (19:34):
And it would be interesting if her ex husband decided
to do his own fifty two part series.
Speaker 3 (19:41):
Totally. I think if he were totally guess him.
Speaker 4 (19:44):
But I think if he was just trying to play
the game and do what benefits him, he would right, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
But I don't know how he could, like based on
how he's looking in this, how this is playing out,
I don't know that he would ever want.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
To show his face really at all. And that's the thing.
Speaker 1 (20:00):
I've tried to google who is he? Where is he?
And I've come up with nothing.
Speaker 4 (20:05):
Yeah, but she does say over and over in the thing, Oh,
classic narcissist, classic narcissism, classic full of them self person reaction. Here,
if he's that guy and he's out there, he's sure
his heck is going to put something out right because
he's got I can't believe she painted me in that line.
I'm gonna tell my story of that kind of thing,
(20:25):
that that ego that defensiveness that needs.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
To explain everything to everybody.
Speaker 4 (20:30):
If he's that guy, I could definitely see him trying
to put something out, don't you think?
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Or No, potentially, I don't know, because I don't know
how many boxes he checks in the narcissist checklist?
Speaker 3 (20:43):
Is there? That is that out there? That's a thing.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
I'm not an expert in this by any means, but
I think that the word narcissist gets thrown around a
lot for people that actually are not narcissists. I think
they maybe have demonstrated a narcissistic trait, which we all have.
Speaker 2 (21:00):
At any given day time.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
Like it doesn't mean you encouraged, you haven't acted out
in a narcissistic way at some point in your life,
But that doesn't make you a full blown narcissist, Like
the personality disorder, you.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
Don't have that.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
Maybe just because you talk about yourself a lot, or
you post about yourself a lot on social media, or
you're always pusting selfies or you know, maybe you have
one of the traits, right, But I don't think that
makes you full blown. I do think there is a checklist,
and I've heard they need to check a certain amount
of them for them to fall into that category, but
oftentimes they're not diagnosed because that would mean the narcissists
(21:39):
would have to go get diagnosed, and they don't think
they have a problem.
Speaker 4 (21:44):
So it's a it's actually a clinical disorder, is what
you're saying.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
Oh yeah, I mean I but I don't think they
have the numbers to measure it, because like if I
those people for ADHD, it's like, Okay, I want to
go get tested for this because I feel like something
is off and I'm trying to concentrate at work. A
narcissist is never like, gosh, you know what, I really
(22:08):
just gaslit that person and love bombed them the day
before and then completely made it all about me and
didn't care the consequences. And I have no empathy for
that person either, So who cares, Like I don't think
they have that self awareness.
Speaker 3 (22:26):
Sure, yeah, I think that's true.
Speaker 1 (22:27):
They're not calling to book an appointment to get diagnosed.
Speaker 4 (22:32):
I would totally agree with that. I think that most
of the time those people are going to have to
be To add another quote, I've heard it said, and
very poignantly, so that you never really learn what your
problems are by being told you have to be shown,
and probably those people, if they have people that love
them in their life, they're going to over and over
(22:53):
and be like, hey, right now, you're doing it. This
is it you need to in order to continue to
be in this community.
Speaker 3 (23:02):
Make changes.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
I'm googling right now. Can you tell.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
Narsisist that they are narciss Oh? That's the top thing Google?
Because you know when you start wow, you know, when
you start typing in a Google thing, it gives you.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
The top thing.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Experts agree one of the worst things you can do
in a narcissistic relationship is tell someone that they are
a narcissist, even if you're correct. That's because doing so
almost always causes more harm than good. And then another thing,
how do you make a narcissist realize they're a narcissist.
An often effective way to point out a person's narcissism
while at the same time allowing the individual flexibility to
(23:40):
change is to separate the behavior from the person. For instance,
instead of saying you're a narcissist, say you are acting
like a narcissist or this type of behavior insert whatever
it is is narcissistic.
Speaker 2 (23:55):
H all right.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
One other one that just pulled up under that that
I want to because it's sort of is a correction
of something I said, like, I don't think they would
be self aware that they're doing it, but maybe they are,
because it says, can a narcissist be self aware that
they're a narcissist? And this is a Researchers at Washington
University found that most narcissists are actually aware they're narcissists,
(24:20):
but rather than see it as a problem, they embrace
it and take pride in it. However, a self aware
narcissist can get help through psychotherapy if they're willing to
do it. And I have heard that from doctor Rominy,
which she's an excellent follow on Instagram if you are
looking to learn more about narcissists. I love her content.
She's got a lot of stuff on Instagram and then YouTube,
(24:41):
and she's been on a lot of podcasts lately because
she's putting out a new book. But yeah, she said
that they can change, but they have to be willing
to put in the work, which again would mean they
have to realize that it's a problem. So maybe they
realize their behavior and they know they're doing it, but
they don't see it as a problem.
Speaker 4 (24:59):
I think we should do it a four part series
for this arena. For example, is the Whole Uptick Because
of social media, they say of individuals feeling like they're
the main character in life, like their days, their world,
they are the main character in the universe, and they
say a lot of people are struggling with that largely
(25:22):
due to socials, which to the point earlier of maybe
they wouldn't classify or be classified as a narcissist, but
they have this belief, they have this overwhelming thought of
themselves view of the world that is totally self centered
(25:42):
and very damaging, you know, and very limiting. It just
absolutely makes them be ineffective in life because they think
they're the center of it.
Speaker 3 (25:52):
Interesting.
Speaker 1 (25:53):
Doctor Romany would definitely be a goal guest of mine.
I haven't ever reached out because I mean I see
the caliber like or the type of people that she
sits down with, and like, oh, she might not ever do.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
This, but am I guess stop it?
Speaker 2 (26:08):
You're not going to know if you don't ask. If
she's the expert.
Speaker 1 (26:11):
I feel like I would definitely need to have some
sort of expert to tackle something like that. I just
feel like some people are really suffering inside of narcissistic relationships,
and I would want to handle that with care, whether
it's in a relationship or a parent or a sibling,
or a friend or a coworker.
Speaker 3 (26:30):
Yeah, what if people don't like experts?
Speaker 2 (26:33):
I know you don't.
Speaker 3 (26:35):
Whoa, whoa.
Speaker 4 (26:37):
We got to do another podcast on that, unpacking what
Amy thinks of Jeremiah.
Speaker 3 (26:44):
All these new thoughts. I didn't know that. Wait, am
I wrong that I don't like experts?
Speaker 2 (26:48):
Well, why would you bring that up?
Speaker 3 (26:50):
Well, a lot of.
Speaker 4 (26:51):
People have said that after COVID that was like a thing.
They're like, oh, trust the experts. That was like a thing.
They're like, because it you know, then we were triple
masking QUADRUPLEI vaccining, and then they were like, yeah, we
were wrong. It's like, well, okay, why am I going
to trust the expert now?
Speaker 2 (27:07):
Well, I do.
Speaker 1 (27:08):
Think a therapist that has dedicated her career to understanding the.
Speaker 2 (27:13):
Oh it was a joke, you're joking.
Speaker 3 (27:15):
Yeah, people don't like the experts.
Speaker 2 (27:17):
Oh, okay, we can inder all right.
Speaker 1 (27:22):
Jeremiah and I both hope you're having the day that
you need to have all link stuff in the show notes.
Speaker 2 (27:28):
Also, this is fun.
Speaker 1 (27:30):
The podcast has a phone number now and you can
call and leave me a voicemail, and I would love
to hear from you, whether you have a quote to share,
a question for any expert I might have on or
a question for me, or for Therapy Cat or for
Jared Cat.
Speaker 3 (27:47):
And you're always I'll think you levers are third.
Speaker 1 (27:51):
If you've got marriage questions, dating questions thoughts, if you
just have something encouraging you want to share with anybody
that this is how you do it. Call eight seven
seven two o seven two oh seven seven call leave
me a voicemail. That'll be so much fun. I can't
wait to hear and I can play them back on
(28:11):
future episodes and that'll be something super fun. That's something
I should have done twenty years ago. But you know
the Chinese proverb, when did you have planted a tree
twenty years ago? When's the next best time to plant
a tree?
Speaker 2 (28:25):
Now? Okay, now misday?
Speaker 4 (28:27):
So
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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