October 1, 2024 • 25 mins
Welcome to the 5th Thing with Amy and Kat! This episode has a little bit of everything. Enjoy, and Have The Day You Need To Have!
TODAY’S QUOTES:
“I don’t want to be booked and busy. I want to be moderately scheduled and well rested.”
“If cauliflower can become pizza, you can become anything you want.”
“When you choose peace, it comes with a lot of goodbyes.”
“It takes a special kind of person to wake up early, and still be late. That person is me.”
Amy & Kat share what style trends they regret participating in, plus go over the Three Questions to Ask A Friend Who's Having A Bad Day:
- Do you want to talk about it?
- Do you want a distraction?
- Do you want some space?
Amy also shares 7 signs that you need to be less passive & more assertive!
Call us: 877-207-2077
Email: 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Vanburen // @KatVanburen // @YouNeedTherapyPodcast // YouNeedTherapyPodcast.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat and today's quote is from something I saw
on Instagram from an account that popped up as suggested
sprout law. I don't know why I have a law
firm situation, but the quote is, I don't want to
be booked and busy. I want to be moderately scheduled
and well rested.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
I agree with that.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Yeah, but you like to keep your calendar all full
and busy and booked.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Well, I don't want to be fully booked. I always
want to have something on the calendar to look forward to.
So moderately booked sounds ideal.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Because you're a seven. Yeah, that's giving seven energy. I
have another quote. If cauliflower can become pizza, you can
become anything you want.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
I've heard that. I like that, and also I don't
like cauliflower pizza.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Oh I ordered it last night from Blaze.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
They did have a good one.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Yeah they do. Okay, it's better than their regular dope
in my opinion. Trust me, I've had that strong stance
the situation from there, and I'm like, oh, cauliflowers better,
So I order it and my son will eat that
one too.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
Yeah, some Caulifower pizza crust are not worth it.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
One more quote okay, just for fun. Yeah, this is
from you Beautiful Life, which these are just people that
are posting it like reposting the original. But it says,
when you choose peace, it comes with a lot of goodbyes.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Oh won't Why did you end with the depressing one
like this?
Speaker 1 (01:31):
One's also unknown. It takes a special kind of person
to wake up early and still be late. That person
is me too. It's pretty good, right, I know, I
like it. I like it. So Kat was an honest
friend when she came over because I've been doing a
lot of work at my house and I recently readed
my fireplace and it was white brick and I plastered
(01:54):
over it and did this tope color tint on the plaster.
And she walked in and she goes, oh, this looks good.
I was questioning that. You know, it wasn't going to
and you were honest, and you were like, when I
first saw it in the picture, you thought, oh, I
don't know how I feel about that, but in person,
(02:16):
you like it.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Yeah, But I didn't tell you that I didn't know
how I felt it.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
You told me after it, like once you knew you
liked it and you could compliment it, then you admitted
that questioning you.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Take the brick away, Like what's my thought of? Like, oh,
the brick was so cute, but now I get it.
I didn't have the full vision. It's like chic.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
This is just also a little lesson here. No matter what,
even if your friends don't like it, or someone's gonna
question it, or they think you should keep the brick
and you can insert whatever it is for you. They
think you should keep your long hair, they think that
you should not spray tand like, do what you want. Yeah,
because I love the plaster.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
I love it too, but also it's not my house,
so even if I didn't like it, it wouldn't matter exactly.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
And it's also not your So what you're talking.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
About, you're acting like I told you not to get
a spray tan or something that never happened.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
No, but I do want to talk about fashion trends
or any type of trends that we regret, because I
have a major one that's happening on my body right now.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Yeah, you look uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Yeah, I got the almond nails, and I know last week,
I was all proud of my almond nails and that
I finally joined the trend. But I cannot type.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Well because when you have almond nails like that, you
have to start them shorter and then get them redone
because they've already grown out. I used to get these
and I couldn't take my contacts out because my nail
would like dig into my eyeball. It was really bad.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
They're becoming a thing and I was really feeling them.
I like the feminine energy that they give me. But
maybe I need to just get smaller tips or something.
My nail underneath is growing, so to your point, I
guess they have grown out a little bit and maybe
I could take them off and do them. But this
is a fashion trend that I regret participating in fun
for the moment, but I need to figure out a
new plan because I'm typing people and I just have
(04:01):
started to leave all the typos in there, and I.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Just like, sorry, I have almond nails.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Yeah, like sorry, sent for my iPhone.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Sorry I thought almond nails this time.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Nextage was sent with my almond nails. Because there's a
typo in everything I send.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Well, at least your fashion trend that you were regretting.
You're not regretting it because now you're like, ooh gross,
Like what was I thinking? That's what mine are?
Speaker 1 (04:29):
What is a trend that you regret participating in.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
A couple years ago? This was like twenty twenty, I think,
or maybe a little bit before then. I dyed my
hair that icy blonde, so it almost looks gray, yes,
And I would use purple shampoo and let it sit
in my hair, so it was like gray with a
hint of purple.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
Well, it was twenty twenty, like anything goes, you were
going anywhere.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
And my sister got married at that time. So every
time I look at our photos from that wedding, I'm like,
I look like I have gray and purple hair.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
Which is not if that's the look you're going for,
But you weren't.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
It was back then. I'm like, why was that the
look I'm going for?
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (05:06):
I think I just wanted to do something different.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Hu it up.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Yeah, I went too far.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
I have a lot of grays that are coming in,
like in the back, like patches, and I'm definitely inspired
by others that grow out their gray and it can
look really beautiful on them, and I don't know why.
I just can't get there. Like I have the thought of,
like what if I just grow them out, Like, what's
the big deal, it'll be pretty let it go. Yeah,
(05:30):
but I just can't seem to do it. And I'm
already trying to book a color appointment.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Well maybe you do that in the future, bre you're
not ready to do it yet. Oh I like that.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
Yeah, yeah, I'm just all ready to do it yet.
Which if you have a friend that might be having
a bad day for whatever reason. Maybe they're processing their grays,
maybe they plastered their fireplace and they're like, oh this
I do horrible. Maybe they're practicing not caring what anybody
else thinks, but they're not quite there yet, and it's
a lot. I have three questions that you can ask
(06:00):
to best support your friend if they're having a bad day,
and Kat, since you're a licensed therapist, you can say
whether or not think these questions are appropriate. The first
question is do you want to talk about it?
Speaker 2 (06:12):
That's a great question.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Yeah, I feel like it's pretty perfect because sometimes we
assume because the person's having a bad day that we
should start talking about it with them to try to
help them feel better when really they may not want
to talk about it.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Yeah, that'd be over it.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Second question, do you want a distraction?
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Depending on the answer from number one, we move to
number two.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Right, And that way you can be that distraction and
you're not maybe discounting what they're going through, but you're acknowledging.
I get you're having a bad day, But do you
want me to distract you with a story about me
or any other story?
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Right? Okay?
Speaker 1 (06:49):
And then the third one is do you want some space?
Speaker 2 (06:53):
I think those are really good questions. Do you want
to talk about it? Do you want a distraction? Do
you want some space?
Speaker 1 (07:00):
I feel like you're really good at this, and we've
talked about it on the podcast before. But if I
am sharing something with you that I might have feelings about,
before you give your opinion or feelings on it, you say, well,
how do you feel about that? Or how does that
make you feel? Or do you want to know what
I think about it?
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Well, that's also a lesson I've learned one from my job,
but also from trial and error. I get really passionate
when people that I care about things happen to them
or around them or in their lives, so I want
to like jump in and defend. And sometimes it's important
for the other person to state how they feel because
what I feel might actually hurt your feelings, right, Like,
(07:39):
if you're okay with something and I'm like, you should
be mad about it? Or if I am like, well,
you know, if you look at it this way, when
like you just need to be mad about it, Actually
it defeats a purpose.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Yeah, Or if I'm not worked out and I don't care,
you know, I don't have to care the first one
you mentioned, then I suddenly might feel like I have
to care because you care so much. It didn't bother me,
But now I guess I'm wondering, why isn't it bothering me?
Should it bother me?
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (08:04):
But I think that's a good friendship tip. Rule of
thumb parenting tip. I think that could apply with teenagers
as well, acknowledging their feelings. But also, hey, would you
like my input on it? Or when you're ready for
my input, how about you tell me because it may
not be in that moment. You know, my daughter has
said to tell me over and over in my niece
when she was living with me this summer that sometimes
(08:25):
I jump to what does this make possible a little
too quickly, So just back down and give them some
space and say that eventually, which my niece speaking of
while she was living here with me this summer, she
was training for a marathon and she ran it on Sunday.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
She ran it so fast, fast, yeah, and.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
She was first for her age division, wild and I'm like, wow,
I don't remember my age division, but I do know
that I was three thousand, three hundred and forty ninth
place or something.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
You did finish.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
I could not walk after and my sister sent me
a video of her hobbling down the stairs, and that
brought back some memory because like, that was me. I
could not walk normal downstairs for weeks. I had to
walk sideways because my knee was.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
So messed up, which is not normal.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
It's not normal. Yeah, but she's probably gonna bounce back
and recover faster than I did. My body was way
more of a mess. I think she just naturally your
body has a lot going on after that, she's in
better shape than I was. I think I've told you, Like,
I was so miserable that my boyfriend broke up with
me because of the marathon in the six weeks following
because I was so miserable. I was not normal.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
So the marathon ended your relationship.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Yeah, we eventually got back together, and then I guess
he just broke with me because of me.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
The first time wasn't because you're a miserable because of
the race. The second time is because you're miserable because
of your personality.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
I guess.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
I think I had a lot I was working through.
It was a hard time when I think back to college,
and I didn't have a lot of tools, and it's
a soothing that I did that probably wasn't the healthiest
And looking back now, yeah, I don't blame him because
that's the same boyfriend. I think we've talked about this where,
oh he was so kind one time he had already
graduated and I went down to South Texas visited him
(10:08):
and he made me eggs and it had the yolk
in it. Yo yoke, the egg yolk, And you were
like say this, and I did you cry. Probably my
eating disorder just got so out of hand and now
I'd be like, give me the yolk yoke. You said
it right that time, I say yolk. Naturally, I know
(10:31):
for anybody.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
You actually say it the way that you just want
to say it.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
If you're new here and this is the first time
you ever listened. Yolk is a hard word for me.
So now I would eat the yellow part of the
egg and be so thankful that he included it in there,
because I want that part of the egg. But like,
right now, I want to go back to me again
and be like, what do you want to talk about it?
(10:54):
What were you thinking? Like why would you react that way?
Like I would have broken.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
Up with me too, to be clear your food fears though,
like that it makes sense to me, I would have
cried if my boyfriend made me eggs for a whole
other reason.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
But I think too, I just didn't feel heard because
I think I asked for that, And I wonder.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
If he was like, I'm gonna just show her that
it's okay to eat. I think a lot of times
when people are in their eating disorders, people around them
will like, well, I'm gonna just force them. I'm going
to expose your therapy them, and it's like too much,
too fast. It feels like you're flooded with too many
like challenges. So he doesn't see that as a challenge
but that would be a huge challenge for you to eat.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Do you say you get emotional if your boyfriend made you.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
Eggs because I think they're disgusting.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
You don't like eggs? Oh? I thought it was just
like if someone cooked you something. I was like, Patrick
cooks for you all the.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
Time, and he knows he does not cook me eggs.
And if we're making breakfast and eggs are included, he
has to do that separately. And if he wants to
kiss me after he eat he's eating eggs, he has
to brush his teeth. Yeah, I know, I really don't
like them. It's the smell.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Because of the white part on the egg. And you
don't really like white food. What you don't really like
white food? What you don't like mayonnaise or ranch?
Speaker 2 (12:16):
I like ranch, you know, like mayonnaise, though I don't
want to talk about the fact that there's mayonnaise in ranch.
But I do not like mayonnaise. I like certain ranches.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Oh I thought you just didn't like anything white, like
any kind of white.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Bread, noodles, rice, Okay, Like I hate my raise butter
and food.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
Butter is not white.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
It's kind of Mayonnaise is a tint of yellow, that's true.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
Okay, maybe it's lunch box that can't stand anything white.
Y'all are very similar. So he doesn't like mayonnaise, ranch chicken,
to zekie sauce, anything white cream. I think he'll eat
white foods like Okay, I like cheddar.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
I would agree with that. Creamy white things kind of
grows me out because I don't like cream cheese, but
I do like vanilla ice cream.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
Well, those are two totally different things, but I get it.
I mean maybe they look similar, yeah, because is it
a look thing or is it a texture thing?
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Is a I just can't do it. And you know what,
My life is fine without eating those things. If they
were impacting my life, then I think I would be
more apt.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
To But you're able to vocalize to Patrick, like brush
your teeth. These are my needs. This is what I
don't like, This is what I do like, and he
rolls with it. Is there anything that he makes you
brush your teeth?
Speaker 2 (13:38):
If my breast were it's bad?
Speaker 1 (13:40):
No, But I mean he's like, if you have this
and you want to get near me, brush your teeth.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Can you see him doing that?
Speaker 1 (13:46):
How do y'all handle that? The bread thing?
Speaker 2 (13:48):
If we have bad breath, yeah, but you have bad breast.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Go brush your teeth.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Yeah. I feel like at this point it's not like
embarrassing because everybody had, like in the morning, I wake
up with morning breath.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Why every TV show or movie or whatever, are they
always like making out in the morning. I mean, I
get that that happened, but I think.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
That if you've been in a relationship for a while
sometimes I can get past it. I'm more self conscious
about it than it bothers me of him. But when
people like are newly dating in a TV show or
something and they make out in the morning, I'm like,
I know you didn't want to do that.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
She definitely got up and went and brushed her teeth
when he wasn't looking.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
And why did she have a toothbrush over there? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (14:27):
Or she just like found mouth washed and oh yeah,
yeah did something like but yeah, she just snuck out,
went to the bathroom, went back.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Or maybe she kept like listerine strips.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
In her purse, maybe something. I carry dental floss with
me now, which makes you think a pretty woman and
how you've never seen it?
Speaker 2 (14:45):
What does that have to do with dental floss?
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Well, so there's a scene where she is in the
bathroom flossing her teeth and he's hired her as you know.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
An escort for them to say that, Okay.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
I'm not giving anything away. Pretty woman's been out for
a very long time. But he thinks she's doing drugs.
And they had been watching a movie together and he
had ordered champagne and strawberries or something, and she's like,
I'm flossing my teeth, like the little seeds get stuck
in my teeth and I can't handle it. And he
was like, oh, but just goes to show sometimes you
jump to conclusions about someone's behavior and what they're doing
(15:17):
when really they could just be flossing their teeth.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
She was flossing her teeth and he thought she was
doing drugs.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Well, she went to the bathroom for a while and
he's like, what are you doing in there? She's like,
number two, No, I don't think you can do that
at work.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
When you're an escort, you can't do that at work.
I don't know that that's an option.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
But yeah, but girls didn't do that anyways.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
Oh yeah, they don't.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
Do you want patrick talk about that all the time?
Oh good, I like that.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
But we waited a really long time before that was
like a normal thing.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
How did it come up? Oh, probably the time you
got sick.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Well, that was like nine months in. But that brought
us very close.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
You were hiring close major issues in a tight with
a sea through bathroom. Yes, you cannot tell me that
that is not a moment that changed.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Yeah, y'all brought us really close.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
I would be like, leave, well, I'll get out a room.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
But first I told him that I was not feeling well,
and I had him go like sit on the patio
every time I had to go to the restroom. But
then it was twenty four hours, so I couldn't keep
sending him out in the middle of the night. It
was like two am. He was really sweet about it
because I also think he saw I was in so
much pain.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
I think it was a good moment for y'all. That
just helped expedite the.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Who got home and he was like, it's not working.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
So some people might not be able to handle that.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
Eventually, that's gonna happen, I know.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
But I do think that some people might be like, WHOA, No,
I'm sorry. I did not know that girls did that.
I see some guys being that way, like I I
just I don't know.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
I can't.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
I see you totally differently now I can't.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
That guy would never be for me.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
My friend makes her husband like go to a completely
different part of the house. She'll be like, I'm going
to be over here in this bathroom, Like you can't
come over here. It gets a whole thing. They have
a guest bathroom, I guess just depends on how your
house is laid out. Over there, She's able to kind
of go and have some space, and she.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
That seems kind of normal. Like I wouldn't want him
in our bedroom unless I'm on a vacation and we're
in a hotel room. I can't help it, but like
that seems normal. Yeah, gotta keep some mystery.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
Do you think that you're a passive person or assertive?
Speaker 2 (17:24):
It depends on the situation.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Okay, Well, I have signs you need to be more
assertive in case you're being too passive, which I think sometimes,
like you said, depending on the situation, some of us
can be and so I'll just run through some of them.
You say yes to pretty much everything. No, I feel
like you've got healthy boundaries with that, But some people
(17:47):
just say yes ooh, and I saw Giselle doing an interview.
I'm in a paraphrase because I don't know exactly what
she said, but she was pretty much saying as a
people pleaser, she tends to say yes to a lot
of things that she doesn't want to. And if you
say yes to everything, then your yes means nothing.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
There's no special reson it. It just is like, Oh,
I'm doing it because I feel like I have to.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
Yeah, and I feel like, however she said, it was
a little more powerful than what I just gave you.
But it's like you want your yeses and your nose
to mean something. Another sign that you might be too
passive is you're feeling resentment and you don't know why.
It means you haven't been standing up for yourself in
certain ways.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
I can see that.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
It's like a there's a silent protest going on from
your inner self.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Well, I like that.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
That's from psych Today.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Good website. You like it. Yeah, we get the magazine
at the office.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Do you keep it in the waiting room? No?
Speaker 2 (18:37):
I think I keep it in my office for myself.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
I can see like people in their waiting room like
flipping through Side Today, and they're like, I don't even
need this session. Why am I I'm cain to talk
to this person I'm out here. But obviously in the end,
don't let resentment build up because it's unhealthy, it's unproductive.
So you might as well speak your mind, but in
a kind way. You can still think it out. Doesn't
mean just say whatever comes to your brain, but you
(19:02):
can still share it and open up Another sign. You
always put everyone else's needs first, which being considerate is
obviously great, but not at the expense of your own
well being.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
That's hard for a lot of people to balance.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
You can't be on the back burner. It's sort of
like the airplane oxygen mask analogy. Yeah, like, you need
to put yours on first, and then you can help
meet somebody else's needs. You feel like your opinions regularly
go unheard. I could see how that would make you
feel a little bit passive. If you're constantly overlooked or ignored,
don't sit back and accept it. You can make your
(19:36):
voice heard. Speak clearly, confidently, and assert your place in
the conversation. I don't like my almond nails.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
You know what that comes up? I feel like a
lot if you were getting your nails done, and somebody
was saying you should get this kind, or you should
get the almond shape. The almond shape looks so good
on your nails, looks so good with your shape of
your fingers or whatever. But you're like, no, I don't
like having them. Sometimes it can feel really hard to
disagree with somebody in that way. So the next time
you go to get your nails done and they're trying
(20:05):
to say you should get almond, you should say, I'm
gonna get short.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
Yeah, round, which I love. Who did my nails? I
love her a lot. I asked for an omens and
they serve their purpose. It was a vagus look. But
now here we are and I need When I see her,
I'm going to be like, yeah, I don't like them.
I need to figure out a new plan. But I
like what you said. Maybe I just do all members short, yeah,
which my natural nail can handle. You always feel guilty
about everything. Oh, that's got to be quite the burden.
(20:32):
It's crucial to remember that saying no is not a crime,
So don't feel guilty about it if you need to
say it, And it's okay to prioritize yourself. Another one
you feel anxious about confrontation. I think it's natural to
get a little bit anxious about confrontation.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
I get anxious about confrontation, and I do it for
a living sometimes.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
But I guess if it's holding you back.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Does that anxiety then tell you what to.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Day paralyze you? Yeah, and then you don't end up
doing it. I'm guilty of that. But then let me
tell y'all, it will live inside of you and it'll
pop up at random times and the spot and then
you have a resentment towards yourself because you didn't do
anything about it, and then now you have to handle
it and it just gets worse and you're like, why
didn't I just do that a year ago?
Speaker 2 (21:13):
A year Yeah, there's a lot of resentment built.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Up a year. Well, that's being anxious about the confrontation.
Like I think people can walk around with oh.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Yeah, anxiety for our ahead. We think like if I
avoid this, the anxiety will go away, but it actually
just perpetuates the anxiety. The avoidance perpetuates it, and then
we're in that wolf. I would have done this a
year ago, wouldn't have been this bad. Yeah, it's one
of an easy cycle. It keeps going, and then sometimes
there can even be two years do you need to
(21:45):
process something, And then.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
The final one you apologize for things you didn't even do,
which again that's sort of like the yes, then your
apology doesn't mean anything.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
I think that shows up when we're apologizing for stuff
like bumping into somebody. When somebody bumped into you, it's like, oh,
I'm sorry, it's like you were just standing there. Sometimes
I do that.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
Or you're sending an email that needs to be sent,
you're like sorry to bother you. But kind of along
the same lines of that, I saw someone talking about
how when we're sending a work email or we just
cater to somebody else's schedule of like, well, you tell
me what's best, and you can genuinely mean that, But
if that's always your default and you're not able to
just say this is the time, these are sometimes that
(22:28):
would work you pick, but you are always just fitting
into everybody else's schedule, like it's okay to send times yes,
and then if that doesn't work for them, then y'all
can go back to the dragon board and figure something out.
But if your default is like just let me know
what works for you, then that can get.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Yeah, you can have exhausts and be flexible.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
Ooh, I like that. Put that on a sweatshirt.
Speaker 2 (22:50):
You can have need to anybody fill fly off the shelf.
I like it. You can have me.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
It's inflexible. Cat and I are cooking up something special.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
Ooh, is it a sweatshirt that says now gonna need
to be flexible?
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Well, I think you just told me that nobody would
buy it, so that would probably be a trend. Yeah,
we regret participating in. I don't know. I kind of
thought it'd be a conversation starter, like flexible, how what needs.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
Hey?
Speaker 1 (23:31):
Hashtag pretty Woman?
Speaker 2 (23:32):
You need to watch that, But there's so many other movies.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
Listen, you tell me one of your top three movies
of all time. If I haven't seen it, I will
watch it, and you watch pretty Woman because it's one
of my top three.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
Where the heart is? What's that about a baby born
in a Walmart? Natalie Portman's in it? I know we're
checking the glass castle.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
That is one I don't think i've heard of. Who
is in it?
Speaker 2 (23:53):
Whatody Harrelson? I'm on a cake.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Cat sent me a note earlier day. She's like, did
you know whatdy, Harrelson doesn't have a cell phone, And
I was like, I guess he is so fascinating armchair experts. Yeah, okay,
so he doesn't have a cell phone.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
No cell phone.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
We went through his list of movies and we're trying
to check some of them off. Glass Castle we picked
to watch on Friday in ten minutes and we realized
we had already seen it, So.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
Just watch it on Friday. And it's one of your
top three all.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
I read the book in college. It's so good. It's heartwarming,
you'll cry. Okay, I watch it.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
And shoot, I didn't know I want to feel. Now
you have to watch Pretty Woman. Okay, and then y'all
send us your movie recommendations. You can email four Things
with Amy Brown at gmail dot com let us know
what movies we need to watch or to read. No,
they're not tough, but I do like the idea of
(24:47):
finding actors or actresses and going through their entire catalog.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
You had so many.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
I feel like that's a good way to knock stuff
out or like see things that maybe like you had
no idea they were a part of. All right, Well,
hope you all are having the day that you need
to have Kat. Where can people find you?
Speaker 2 (25:04):
On Instagram? At cat dot Defada and at Uni Therapy podcast.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
And I'm at Radio Amy.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
Bye bye
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat and today's quote is from something I saw
on Instagram from an account that popped up as suggested
sprout law. I don't know why I have a law
firm situation, but the quote is, I don't want to
be booked and busy. I want to be moderately scheduled
and well rested.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
I agree with that.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Yeah, but you like to keep your calendar all full
and busy and booked.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Well, I don't want to be fully booked. I always
want to have something on the calendar to look forward to.
So moderately booked sounds ideal.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
Because you're a seven. Yeah, that's giving seven energy. I
have another quote. If cauliflower can become pizza, you can
become anything you want.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
I've heard that. I like that, and also I don't
like cauliflower pizza.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
Oh I ordered it last night from Blaze.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
They did have a good one.
Speaker 1 (00:53):
Yeah they do. Okay, it's better than their regular dope
in my opinion. Trust me, I've had that strong stance
the situation from there, and I'm like, oh, cauliflowers better,
So I order it and my son will eat that
one too.
Speaker 2 (01:06):
Yeah, some Caulifower pizza crust are not worth it.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
One more quote okay, just for fun. Yeah, this is
from you Beautiful Life, which these are just people that
are posting it like reposting the original. But it says,
when you choose peace, it comes with a lot of goodbyes.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Oh won't Why did you end with the depressing one
like this?
Speaker 1 (01:31):
One's also unknown. It takes a special kind of person
to wake up early and still be late. That person
is me too. It's pretty good, right, I know, I
like it. I like it. So Kat was an honest
friend when she came over because I've been doing a
lot of work at my house and I recently readed
my fireplace and it was white brick and I plastered
(01:54):
over it and did this tope color tint on the plaster.
And she walked in and she goes, oh, this looks good.
I was questioning that. You know, it wasn't going to
and you were honest, and you were like, when I
first saw it in the picture, you thought, oh, I
don't know how I feel about that, but in person,
(02:16):
you like it.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
Yeah, But I didn't tell you that I didn't know
how I felt it.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
You told me after it, like once you knew you
liked it and you could compliment it, then you admitted
that questioning you.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Take the brick away, Like what's my thought of? Like, oh,
the brick was so cute, but now I get it.
I didn't have the full vision. It's like chic.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
This is just also a little lesson here. No matter what,
even if your friends don't like it, or someone's gonna
question it, or they think you should keep the brick
and you can insert whatever it is for you. They
think you should keep your long hair, they think that
you should not spray tand like, do what you want. Yeah,
because I love the plaster.
Speaker 2 (02:53):
I love it too, but also it's not my house,
so even if I didn't like it, it wouldn't matter exactly.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
And it's also not your So what you're talking.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
About, you're acting like I told you not to get
a spray tan or something that never happened.
Speaker 1 (03:08):
No, but I do want to talk about fashion trends
or any type of trends that we regret, because I
have a major one that's happening on my body right now.
Speaker 2 (03:16):
Yeah, you look uncomfortable.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Yeah, I got the almond nails, and I know last week,
I was all proud of my almond nails and that
I finally joined the trend. But I cannot type.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
Well because when you have almond nails like that, you
have to start them shorter and then get them redone
because they've already grown out. I used to get these
and I couldn't take my contacts out because my nail
would like dig into my eyeball. It was really bad.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
They're becoming a thing and I was really feeling them.
I like the feminine energy that they give me. But
maybe I need to just get smaller tips or something.
My nail underneath is growing, so to your point, I
guess they have grown out a little bit and maybe
I could take them off and do them. But this
is a fashion trend that I regret participating in fun
for the moment, but I need to figure out a
new plan because I'm typing people and I just have
(04:01):
started to leave all the typos in there, and I.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
Just like, sorry, I have almond nails.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Yeah, like sorry, sent for my iPhone.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Sorry I thought almond nails this time.
Speaker 1 (04:14):
Nextage was sent with my almond nails. Because there's a
typo in everything I send.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Well, at least your fashion trend that you were regretting.
You're not regretting it because now you're like, ooh gross,
Like what was I thinking? That's what mine are?
Speaker 1 (04:29):
What is a trend that you regret participating in.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
A couple years ago? This was like twenty twenty, I think,
or maybe a little bit before then. I dyed my
hair that icy blonde, so it almost looks gray, yes,
And I would use purple shampoo and let it sit
in my hair, so it was like gray with a
hint of purple.
Speaker 1 (04:47):
Well, it was twenty twenty, like anything goes, you were
going anywhere.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
And my sister got married at that time. So every
time I look at our photos from that wedding, I'm like,
I look like I have gray and purple hair.
Speaker 1 (04:59):
Which is not if that's the look you're going for,
But you weren't.
Speaker 2 (05:02):
It was back then. I'm like, why was that the
look I'm going for?
Speaker 1 (05:06):
Oh?
Speaker 2 (05:06):
I think I just wanted to do something different.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Hu it up.
Speaker 2 (05:09):
Yeah, I went too far.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
I have a lot of grays that are coming in,
like in the back, like patches, and I'm definitely inspired
by others that grow out their gray and it can
look really beautiful on them, and I don't know why.
I just can't get there. Like I have the thought of,
like what if I just grow them out, Like, what's
the big deal, it'll be pretty let it go. Yeah,
(05:30):
but I just can't seem to do it. And I'm
already trying to book a color appointment.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Well maybe you do that in the future, bre you're
not ready to do it yet. Oh I like that.
Speaker 1 (05:38):
Yeah, yeah, I'm just all ready to do it yet.
Which if you have a friend that might be having
a bad day for whatever reason. Maybe they're processing their grays,
maybe they plastered their fireplace and they're like, oh this
I do horrible. Maybe they're practicing not caring what anybody
else thinks, but they're not quite there yet, and it's
a lot. I have three questions that you can ask
(06:00):
to best support your friend if they're having a bad day,
and Kat, since you're a licensed therapist, you can say
whether or not think these questions are appropriate. The first
question is do you want to talk about it?
Speaker 2 (06:12):
That's a great question.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
Yeah, I feel like it's pretty perfect because sometimes we
assume because the person's having a bad day that we
should start talking about it with them to try to
help them feel better when really they may not want
to talk about it.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
Yeah, that'd be over it.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Second question, do you want a distraction?
Speaker 2 (06:29):
Depending on the answer from number one, we move to
number two.
Speaker 1 (06:32):
Right, And that way you can be that distraction and
you're not maybe discounting what they're going through, but you're acknowledging.
I get you're having a bad day, But do you
want me to distract you with a story about me
or any other story?
Speaker 2 (06:48):
Right? Okay?
Speaker 1 (06:49):
And then the third one is do you want some space?
Speaker 2 (06:53):
I think those are really good questions. Do you want
to talk about it? Do you want a distraction? Do
you want some space?
Speaker 1 (07:00):
I feel like you're really good at this, and we've
talked about it on the podcast before. But if I
am sharing something with you that I might have feelings about,
before you give your opinion or feelings on it, you say, well,
how do you feel about that? Or how does that
make you feel? Or do you want to know what
I think about it?
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Well, that's also a lesson I've learned one from my job,
but also from trial and error. I get really passionate
when people that I care about things happen to them
or around them or in their lives, so I want
to like jump in and defend. And sometimes it's important
for the other person to state how they feel because
what I feel might actually hurt your feelings, right, Like,
(07:39):
if you're okay with something and I'm like, you should
be mad about it? Or if I am like, well,
you know, if you look at it this way, when
like you just need to be mad about it, Actually
it defeats a purpose.
Speaker 1 (07:50):
Yeah, Or if I'm not worked out and I don't care,
you know, I don't have to care the first one
you mentioned, then I suddenly might feel like I have
to care because you care so much. It didn't bother me,
But now I guess I'm wondering, why isn't it bothering me?
Should it bother me?
Speaker 2 (08:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (08:04):
But I think that's a good friendship tip. Rule of
thumb parenting tip. I think that could apply with teenagers
as well, acknowledging their feelings. But also, hey, would you
like my input on it? Or when you're ready for
my input, how about you tell me because it may
not be in that moment. You know, my daughter has
said to tell me over and over in my niece
when she was living with me this summer that sometimes
(08:25):
I jump to what does this make possible a little
too quickly, So just back down and give them some
space and say that eventually, which my niece speaking of
while she was living here with me this summer, she
was training for a marathon and she ran it on Sunday.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
She ran it so fast, fast, yeah, and.
Speaker 1 (08:42):
She was first for her age division, wild and I'm like, wow,
I don't remember my age division, but I do know
that I was three thousand, three hundred and forty ninth
place or something.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
You did finish.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
I could not walk after and my sister sent me
a video of her hobbling down the stairs, and that
brought back some memory because like, that was me. I
could not walk normal downstairs for weeks. I had to
walk sideways because my knee was.
Speaker 2 (09:06):
So messed up, which is not normal.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
It's not normal. Yeah, but she's probably gonna bounce back
and recover faster than I did. My body was way
more of a mess. I think she just naturally your
body has a lot going on after that, she's in
better shape than I was. I think I've told you, Like,
I was so miserable that my boyfriend broke up with
me because of the marathon in the six weeks following
because I was so miserable. I was not normal.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
So the marathon ended your relationship.
Speaker 1 (09:31):
Yeah, we eventually got back together, and then I guess
he just broke with me because of me.
Speaker 2 (09:38):
The first time wasn't because you're a miserable because of
the race. The second time is because you're miserable because
of your personality.
Speaker 1 (09:44):
I guess.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
I think I had a lot I was working through.
It was a hard time when I think back to college,
and I didn't have a lot of tools, and it's
a soothing that I did that probably wasn't the healthiest
And looking back now, yeah, I don't blame him because
that's the same boyfriend. I think we've talked about this where,
oh he was so kind one time he had already
graduated and I went down to South Texas visited him
(10:08):
and he made me eggs and it had the yolk
in it. Yo yoke, the egg yolk, And you were
like say this, and I did you cry. Probably my
eating disorder just got so out of hand and now
I'd be like, give me the yolk yoke. You said
it right that time, I say yolk. Naturally, I know
(10:31):
for anybody.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
You actually say it the way that you just want
to say it.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
If you're new here and this is the first time
you ever listened. Yolk is a hard word for me.
So now I would eat the yellow part of the
egg and be so thankful that he included it in there,
because I want that part of the egg. But like,
right now, I want to go back to me again
and be like, what do you want to talk about it?
(10:54):
What were you thinking? Like why would you react that way?
Like I would have broken.
Speaker 2 (10:58):
Up with me too, to be clear your food fears though,
like that it makes sense to me, I would have
cried if my boyfriend made me eggs for a whole
other reason.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
But I think too, I just didn't feel heard because
I think I asked for that, And I wonder.
Speaker 2 (11:11):
If he was like, I'm gonna just show her that
it's okay to eat. I think a lot of times
when people are in their eating disorders, people around them
will like, well, I'm gonna just force them. I'm going
to expose your therapy them, and it's like too much,
too fast. It feels like you're flooded with too many
like challenges. So he doesn't see that as a challenge
but that would be a huge challenge for you to eat.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
Do you say you get emotional if your boyfriend made you.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
Eggs because I think they're disgusting.
Speaker 1 (11:36):
You don't like eggs? Oh? I thought it was just
like if someone cooked you something. I was like, Patrick
cooks for you all the.
Speaker 2 (11:41):
Time, and he knows he does not cook me eggs.
And if we're making breakfast and eggs are included, he
has to do that separately. And if he wants to
kiss me after he eat he's eating eggs, he has
to brush his teeth. Yeah, I know, I really don't
like them. It's the smell.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
Because of the white part on the egg. And you
don't really like white food. What you don't really like
white food? What you don't like mayonnaise or ranch?
Speaker 2 (12:16):
I like ranch, you know, like mayonnaise, though I don't
want to talk about the fact that there's mayonnaise in ranch.
But I do not like mayonnaise. I like certain ranches.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
Oh I thought you just didn't like anything white, like
any kind of white.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Bread, noodles, rice, Okay, Like I hate my raise butter
and food.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
Butter is not white.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
It's kind of Mayonnaise is a tint of yellow, that's true.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
Okay, maybe it's lunch box that can't stand anything white.
Y'all are very similar. So he doesn't like mayonnaise, ranch chicken,
to zekie sauce, anything white cream. I think he'll eat
white foods like Okay, I like cheddar.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
I would agree with that. Creamy white things kind of
grows me out because I don't like cream cheese, but
I do like vanilla ice cream.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
Well, those are two totally different things, but I get it.
I mean maybe they look similar, yeah, because is it
a look thing or is it a texture thing?
Speaker 2 (13:14):
Is a I just can't do it. And you know what,
My life is fine without eating those things. If they
were impacting my life, then I think I would be
more apt.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
To But you're able to vocalize to Patrick, like brush
your teeth. These are my needs. This is what I
don't like, This is what I do like, and he
rolls with it. Is there anything that he makes you
brush your teeth?
Speaker 2 (13:38):
If my breast were it's bad?
Speaker 1 (13:40):
No, But I mean he's like, if you have this
and you want to get near me, brush your teeth.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
Can you see him doing that?
Speaker 1 (13:46):
How do y'all handle that? The bread thing?
Speaker 2 (13:48):
If we have bad breath, yeah, but you have bad breast.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Go brush your teeth.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
Yeah. I feel like at this point it's not like
embarrassing because everybody had, like in the morning, I wake
up with morning breath.
Speaker 1 (13:59):
Why every TV show or movie or whatever, are they
always like making out in the morning. I mean, I
get that that happened, but I think.
Speaker 2 (14:06):
That if you've been in a relationship for a while
sometimes I can get past it. I'm more self conscious
about it than it bothers me of him. But when
people like are newly dating in a TV show or
something and they make out in the morning, I'm like,
I know you didn't want to do that.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
She definitely got up and went and brushed her teeth
when he wasn't looking.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
And why did she have a toothbrush over there? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (14:27):
Or she just like found mouth washed and oh yeah,
yeah did something like but yeah, she just snuck out,
went to the bathroom, went back.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Or maybe she kept like listerine strips.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
In her purse, maybe something. I carry dental floss with
me now, which makes you think a pretty woman and
how you've never seen it?
Speaker 2 (14:45):
What does that have to do with dental floss?
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Well, so there's a scene where she is in the
bathroom flossing her teeth and he's hired her as you know.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
An escort for them to say that, Okay.
Speaker 1 (14:55):
I'm not giving anything away. Pretty woman's been out for
a very long time. But he thinks she's doing drugs.
And they had been watching a movie together and he
had ordered champagne and strawberries or something, and she's like,
I'm flossing my teeth, like the little seeds get stuck
in my teeth and I can't handle it. And he
was like, oh, but just goes to show sometimes you
jump to conclusions about someone's behavior and what they're doing
(15:17):
when really they could just be flossing their teeth.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
She was flossing her teeth and he thought she was
doing drugs.
Speaker 1 (15:21):
Well, she went to the bathroom for a while and
he's like, what are you doing in there? She's like,
number two, No, I don't think you can do that
at work.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
When you're an escort, you can't do that at work.
I don't know that that's an option.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
But yeah, but girls didn't do that anyways.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
Oh yeah, they don't.
Speaker 1 (15:42):
Do you want patrick talk about that all the time?
Oh good, I like that.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
But we waited a really long time before that was
like a normal thing.
Speaker 1 (15:50):
How did it come up? Oh, probably the time you
got sick.
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Well, that was like nine months in. But that brought
us very close.
Speaker 1 (15:56):
You were hiring close major issues in a tight with
a sea through bathroom. Yes, you cannot tell me that
that is not a moment that changed.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Yeah, y'all brought us really close.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
I would be like, leave, well, I'll get out a room.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
But first I told him that I was not feeling well,
and I had him go like sit on the patio
every time I had to go to the restroom. But
then it was twenty four hours, so I couldn't keep
sending him out in the middle of the night. It
was like two am. He was really sweet about it
because I also think he saw I was in so
much pain.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
I think it was a good moment for y'all. That
just helped expedite the.
Speaker 2 (16:32):
Who got home and he was like, it's not working.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
So some people might not be able to handle that.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
Eventually, that's gonna happen, I know.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
But I do think that some people might be like, WHOA, No,
I'm sorry. I did not know that girls did that.
I see some guys being that way, like I I
just I don't know.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
I can't.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
I see you totally differently now I can't.
Speaker 2 (16:53):
That guy would never be for me.
Speaker 1 (16:54):
My friend makes her husband like go to a completely
different part of the house. She'll be like, I'm going
to be over here in this bathroom, Like you can't
come over here. It gets a whole thing. They have
a guest bathroom, I guess just depends on how your
house is laid out. Over there, She's able to kind
of go and have some space, and she.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
That seems kind of normal. Like I wouldn't want him
in our bedroom unless I'm on a vacation and we're
in a hotel room. I can't help it, but like
that seems normal. Yeah, gotta keep some mystery.
Speaker 1 (17:20):
Do you think that you're a passive person or assertive?
Speaker 2 (17:24):
It depends on the situation.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Okay, Well, I have signs you need to be more
assertive in case you're being too passive, which I think sometimes,
like you said, depending on the situation, some of us
can be and so I'll just run through some of them.
You say yes to pretty much everything. No, I feel
like you've got healthy boundaries with that, But some people
(17:47):
just say yes ooh, and I saw Giselle doing an interview.
I'm in a paraphrase because I don't know exactly what
she said, but she was pretty much saying as a
people pleaser, she tends to say yes to a lot
of things that she doesn't want to. And if you
say yes to everything, then your yes means nothing.
Speaker 2 (18:03):
There's no special reson it. It just is like, Oh,
I'm doing it because I feel like I have to.
Speaker 1 (18:06):
Yeah, and I feel like, however she said, it was
a little more powerful than what I just gave you.
But it's like you want your yeses and your nose
to mean something. Another sign that you might be too
passive is you're feeling resentment and you don't know why.
It means you haven't been standing up for yourself in
certain ways.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
I can see that.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
It's like a there's a silent protest going on from
your inner self.
Speaker 2 (18:29):
Well, I like that.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
That's from psych Today.
Speaker 2 (18:31):
Good website. You like it. Yeah, we get the magazine
at the office.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
Do you keep it in the waiting room? No?
Speaker 2 (18:37):
I think I keep it in my office for myself.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
I can see like people in their waiting room like
flipping through Side Today, and they're like, I don't even
need this session. Why am I I'm cain to talk
to this person I'm out here. But obviously in the end,
don't let resentment build up because it's unhealthy, it's unproductive.
So you might as well speak your mind, but in
a kind way. You can still think it out. Doesn't
mean just say whatever comes to your brain, but you
(19:02):
can still share it and open up Another sign. You
always put everyone else's needs first, which being considerate is
obviously great, but not at the expense of your own
well being.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
That's hard for a lot of people to balance.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
You can't be on the back burner. It's sort of
like the airplane oxygen mask analogy. Yeah, like, you need
to put yours on first, and then you can help
meet somebody else's needs. You feel like your opinions regularly
go unheard. I could see how that would make you
feel a little bit passive. If you're constantly overlooked or ignored,
don't sit back and accept it. You can make your
(19:36):
voice heard. Speak clearly, confidently, and assert your place in
the conversation. I don't like my almond nails.
Speaker 2 (19:45):
You know what that comes up? I feel like a
lot if you were getting your nails done, and somebody
was saying you should get this kind, or you should
get the almond shape. The almond shape looks so good
on your nails, looks so good with your shape of
your fingers or whatever. But you're like, no, I don't
like having them. Sometimes it can feel really hard to
disagree with somebody in that way. So the next time
you go to get your nails done and they're trying
(20:05):
to say you should get almond, you should say, I'm
gonna get short.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
Yeah, round, which I love. Who did my nails? I
love her a lot. I asked for an omens and
they serve their purpose. It was a vagus look. But
now here we are and I need When I see her,
I'm going to be like, yeah, I don't like them.
I need to figure out a new plan. But I
like what you said. Maybe I just do all members short, yeah,
which my natural nail can handle. You always feel guilty
about everything. Oh, that's got to be quite the burden.
(20:32):
It's crucial to remember that saying no is not a crime,
So don't feel guilty about it if you need to
say it, And it's okay to prioritize yourself. Another one
you feel anxious about confrontation. I think it's natural to
get a little bit anxious about confrontation.
Speaker 2 (20:46):
I get anxious about confrontation, and I do it for
a living sometimes.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
But I guess if it's holding you back.
Speaker 2 (20:52):
Does that anxiety then tell you what to.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Day paralyze you? Yeah, and then you don't end up
doing it. I'm guilty of that. But then let me
tell y'all, it will live inside of you and it'll
pop up at random times and the spot and then
you have a resentment towards yourself because you didn't do
anything about it, and then now you have to handle
it and it just gets worse and you're like, why
didn't I just do that a year ago?
Speaker 2 (21:13):
A year Yeah, there's a lot of resentment built.
Speaker 1 (21:15):
Up a year. Well, that's being anxious about the confrontation.
Like I think people can walk around with oh.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
Yeah, anxiety for our ahead. We think like if I
avoid this, the anxiety will go away, but it actually
just perpetuates the anxiety. The avoidance perpetuates it, and then
we're in that wolf. I would have done this a
year ago, wouldn't have been this bad. Yeah, it's one
of an easy cycle. It keeps going, and then sometimes
there can even be two years do you need to
(21:45):
process something, And then.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
The final one you apologize for things you didn't even do,
which again that's sort of like the yes, then your
apology doesn't mean anything.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
I think that shows up when we're apologizing for stuff
like bumping into somebody. When somebody bumped into you, it's like, oh,
I'm sorry, it's like you were just standing there. Sometimes
I do that.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
Or you're sending an email that needs to be sent,
you're like sorry to bother you. But kind of along
the same lines of that, I saw someone talking about
how when we're sending a work email or we just
cater to somebody else's schedule of like, well, you tell
me what's best, and you can genuinely mean that, But
if that's always your default and you're not able to
just say this is the time, these are sometimes that
(22:28):
would work you pick, but you are always just fitting
into everybody else's schedule, like it's okay to send times yes,
and then if that doesn't work for them, then y'all
can go back to the dragon board and figure something out.
But if your default is like just let me know
what works for you, then that can get.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
Yeah, you can have exhausts and be flexible.
Speaker 1 (22:46):
Ooh, I like that. Put that on a sweatshirt.
Speaker 2 (22:50):
You can have need to anybody fill fly off the shelf.
I like it. You can have me.
Speaker 1 (23:00):
It's inflexible. Cat and I are cooking up something special.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
Ooh, is it a sweatshirt that says now gonna need
to be flexible?
Speaker 1 (23:09):
Well, I think you just told me that nobody would
buy it, so that would probably be a trend. Yeah,
we regret participating in. I don't know. I kind of
thought it'd be a conversation starter, like flexible, how what needs.
Speaker 2 (23:28):
Hey?
Speaker 1 (23:31):
Hashtag pretty Woman?
Speaker 2 (23:32):
You need to watch that, But there's so many other movies.
Speaker 1 (23:35):
Listen, you tell me one of your top three movies
of all time. If I haven't seen it, I will
watch it, and you watch pretty Woman because it's one
of my top three.
Speaker 2 (23:43):
Where the heart is? What's that about a baby born
in a Walmart? Natalie Portman's in it? I know we're
checking the glass castle.
Speaker 1 (23:50):
That is one I don't think i've heard of. Who
is in it?
Speaker 2 (23:53):
Whatody Harrelson? I'm on a cake.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Cat sent me a note earlier day. She's like, did
you know whatdy, Harrelson doesn't have a cell phone, And
I was like, I guess he is so fascinating armchair experts. Yeah, okay,
so he doesn't have a cell phone.
Speaker 2 (24:07):
No cell phone.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
We went through his list of movies and we're trying
to check some of them off. Glass Castle we picked
to watch on Friday in ten minutes and we realized
we had already seen it, So.
Speaker 1 (24:18):
Just watch it on Friday. And it's one of your
top three all.
Speaker 2 (24:20):
I read the book in college. It's so good. It's heartwarming,
you'll cry. Okay, I watch it.
Speaker 1 (24:26):
And shoot, I didn't know I want to feel. Now
you have to watch Pretty Woman. Okay, and then y'all
send us your movie recommendations. You can email four Things
with Amy Brown at gmail dot com let us know
what movies we need to watch or to read. No,
they're not tough, but I do like the idea of
(24:47):
finding actors or actresses and going through their entire catalog.
Speaker 2 (24:52):
You had so many.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
I feel like that's a good way to knock stuff
out or like see things that maybe like you had
no idea they were a part of. All right, Well,
hope you all are having the day that you need
to have Kat. Where can people find you?
Speaker 2 (25:04):
On Instagram? At cat dot Defada and at Uni Therapy podcast.
Speaker 1 (25:08):
And I'm at Radio Amy.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
Bye bye
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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