December 17, 2024 • 41 mins
Amy & Kat talk cookie logs + tattoo removal + a touching listener exchange about finding hope during hard times. Today’s main topic? Subtle habits that make people secretly respect you more — simple, impactful things that align your words and actions, help you stay grounded, and make genuine connections!! Plus, if you're looking to drink less this holiday season, listener Amanda shares a sparkling non-alcoholic beverage that Amy’s already ordered to try.
TODAY’S QUOTE:
“Hard times shape us more than we realize. We either become a reflection of our pain or a reflection of our hope.” — Bob Goff
P.S. Don't forget — today’s the last day to shop 'Amy's Picks' from The Shop Forward for guaranteed Christmas delivery! Use code AMY20 for 20% off and support Haiti (100% of the proceeds will be donated!)
Call us: 877-207-2077
Email: 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Vanburen // @KatVanburen // @YouNeedTherapyPodcast // YouNeedTherapyPodcast.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy, I'm Kat,
and Kat I thought about you this weekend because I
was at Target and I wiped the shelf out, or
how you'd say it, wiped them clean, wiped them clean
of poetry. Fernanderthals for just different steps for people. I
had so much fun playing that game at your birthday party.
And I know it's a fun game we've talked about
(00:24):
on the podcast many times, but playing it with all
of your friends was really fun. And it's crazy to
me how some of your smartest friends, like you have
one friend who scored I think of thirty two on
her act, which is really high. I don't remember. I
just overheard Jesse that she was really bad. Well, I
(00:45):
don't remember. I just I just know that I overheard
someone say, you got a thirty two on your your act?
How are you so horrible? And now I'm trying to
think of who it was. All I know is that
is a quote from the night and she's clearly brilliant,
but was really bad at the game.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
The game can be stressful if you can't think on
your toes or if you just get nervous.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Yeah, So gift recommendation in case you need one. Poetry
for Neanderthals is a fun game. It's by the same
company that makes the Throw Throw burrito that we love
or I'm hitting you with fake swords.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
But yeah, I don't know that game.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Oh these are fun ones that I play with my kids.
So it's the guy that created them all. He had
I think nieces and nephews that were really into video games,
and he was like, you know what, I kind of
want to create more interactive games that feel video game ish,
but it's in real life, so they'll get off the
screens and play.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
Something that is genius.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Yeah, so I thought of you. That party was a
lot of fun. I feel like you killed it with
the game the pizza, And I'm still sad that I
missed the cookie log.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
You didn't get the cookie log, and.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
I feel like you need to explain if people what
a cookie log is because I've never heard of it.
And when I saw the pictures because I had to
leave early because I had to pick my daughter up
from work, I was really sad I missed.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
The cookie log. Yeah, a cookie log.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
I have to shout out my friend Caira because she
is a little younger than me, And this was a
thing she ate in college. When she moved in with me,
she brought this dessert to us during COVID, which is
probably like the time we did not need to be
making this actually. So what you do is you take
a roll of cookie dough, just the whole roll, You
throw it on a pan, you put it in the
(02:23):
oven at three point fifty and you just cook it
until it looks like it's cooked on the outside and
still gilly on the inside, and then you dump ice
cream on.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
The top of it, so it's like a skillet cookie
without the skillet.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Yeah, it seems like way easier.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
Yeah, because like, who just has a skillet like bake
it it's kowey.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
And then I like the idea of just the ice
cream being on top and then so good slicing it
up and serving it and you had candles on it.
So anyway, that might be something to make over the
holidays with your family a cookie log. Which on a
food related note, I have a couple of other thoughts
regarding you in food, okay, one being you just came
over to my house to record and you walked in
(03:00):
with Chick fil A, and I'm like, Chick fil A,
and I'm thinking nuggets, fries, drink, and then you bust
all your chicken noodle soup and I'm like, but I
didn't even know Chick fil A had chicken noodle soup.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Their chicken little soup is top tier, like one of
the best chicken liddle soups I've ever had.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
Okay, it's so good.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
I mean, think about it. They are known for chicken.
It's a main ingredient. Although they one suggestion I would
give them it's put a little bit more chicken in
the chicken liddle soup because it lacks a little bit
of that. So I got some grilled nuggets on the side.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
It's so good.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
I also really love chicken noddle soup, so I might
be biased in this. You're looking at me like you
would never get that.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
No, I just don't know that i'd get it from
Chick fil A. But I can be conveyed. Well, sure,
I mean, I guess I'm gonna have to try it.
I guess I don't I make it. If I eat soup,
I make it because that's me, you know me. I
love to come. I'm just kidding, act.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
Like you make soup all the time. I don't I've
ever heard you talk about me soup.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
No, there is a soup that I do make and
it is really good and it's from half Baked Harvest.
It's her like white chicken chili recipe and my kids
love it. Okay, so that one I do make. And
you know me that part with sarcasm because I felt like,
when do I get soup? Oh, I love a good
If there's a butternut squash soup on the menu, I'm
(04:24):
ordering it. I just had it where it's from.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
I just had the one from Panera last night.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
It's sure, it's amazing.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Yeah, So that's when I get soup. Okay, that's on
the menu. Or I make the half Baked Harvest one,
which y'all should definitely make that it's so good. And
then I love a tomato soup with grilled cheese, and
I've been craving that for weeks now, so I need
to just figure that out.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
Well, you better make it.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
The thing is, I have it in my mind that
I want fresh sour dough bread from the bakery and
then I want like a sharp cheddar and I want
to grill it perfectly and then dip it in like
a homemade tomato soup, and I'm over complicating, Like I
should just go get normal bread and some craft slices
and a can of Campbell soup and I'd probably be
(05:08):
just dissatisfied.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
I don't like tomato soup or girl cheese, but the
first option sounded better. I was gonna ask, though, I
feel like we've had this conversation. Do you put mayonnaise
on your grilled cheese?
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Yes, that's how my dad would make it. My dad
would actually do cinnamon raisin bread with mayonnaise and Jalipino
pomena cheese, and that would be his version of a
grilled cheese. And it is so good.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Those are three things that I feel like, don't go.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Yeah, well, don't knock it to you try it because
it is delicious, okay. And the other food note that
I have is before you came over today, I was like,
please tell me that you can make the protein balls
and bring them over when you come, but you were
at work so you couldn't do it. But I've been
craving those two.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Maybe I'll gift you a batch for your Christmas.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Okay, yeah, well that would be great. Would you don't
have to say sorry. I was just crossing my fingers
hopeful that you happen to be already in the kitchen
making them randomly and that you'd be able to bring them.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
So for like three weeks, I was like, Oh, this
is my new Monday morning activity is like I make
a batch of these protein balls in that lasted two
weeks and I haven't done it since, so I need
to get back in new year.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
That's what I'm start doing Monday morning.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Remember the email that we had from that listener Sarah
a couple of weeks ago where she was like, Hey,
I'm just listening to episode six hundred and twelve and
it's making me think of the purple thread theory. Yeah,
And we were like, oh, shout out Sarah for keeping
track of the episodes, but Houston marks them so it's
easy to tell. But then in that episode, we talked
(06:41):
about the protein ball recipe and we were trying to
reference back to when we originally posted your recipe, and
we were like, oh, maybe Sarah knows the episode number,
and she emailed us and she goes to answer the
maybe rhetorical question about the episode of Cat's protein Ball recipe.
It was episode six, so shout out Sarah for that.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
Oh, thank you.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Grateful for listeners and them being awesome and you know,
having a little humor too. Today's quote is from Bob Goff.
Hard times shape us more than we realize. We either
become a reflection of our pain or a reflection of
our hope. Oh, which I love Bob, and I love
that quote a lot. We either become a reflection of
(07:27):
our pain or reflection of our hope. Which did I
tell you that I went to see a tattoo removal person.
Hope makes me think of that because I have esplaw
tattooed on my wrist and ESPOI is hope in Haitian.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Creole, and you're getting it removed.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Well, I'm thinking about it because it's starting to bleed.
The ink is too thick, and I don't know if
my wrist is just aging or what. But above it,
I have joy in my mom's handwriting, and that that
looks like jay like it's starting to just it.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
Looks so smut like you can't read it anymore.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Yes, And so I thought about getting them removed. So
I was walking by and I saw this sign on
a door of like sale on tattoo removal, and I
was like, well, just pop in and see what that
even means, because I have no idea how much it
costs or hou long it would take. And turns out
it's a little more expensive than the thought, and it
would take over a year if I wanted to get
(08:19):
it done properly, like I would have to go in
once a month for an entire year to get it
just slowly. She's like, look, you can go other places
that might do it faster, but I can't guarantee what
your skin is going to look like, and if you
want your skin to look like it did before you
got the tattoo. And then I would still get joy
or a spa maybe put somewhere else on my body,
(08:41):
but with a single needle. Yeah, So that way it
does lead.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
Those weren't as popular when we were getting our tattoos,
I think, because that's how everybody is getting those really
pretty thin lines now. I also was researching getting tattoos removed,
and I got very sad and just like I was
looking on the internet on my computer because it is
very expensive, and I did not think about this moment
when I went to go get the tattoo.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Nobody explained to me the bleeding part, Like thees blah
looks like o sp blah right now, so it's like
Jay and osplaw.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
One day it will just be like a blob. I
feel like that's how.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
I feel the one on my arm, It's it's kind
of farther apart, but like the s just looks like
a blob.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
I mean, they're super special to me. And I don't
like the idea of removing the one with my mom
because my sister and I got that while she was
still alive, and my mom wrote it down for us
and then we went and got it together. And I
feel like if I remove that, then my sister will
be like, wait a second, I still have mine, and
then honestly hers is kind of bleeding too, so I'd
be like, well, maybe you get heroes removed too, and
(09:47):
we can do that together.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
Wait, so was the sale worth it?
Speaker 1 (09:50):
I mean it still was expensive. Yes, I would have
ended up saving a little bit, But it's just something
that I need to decide and just commit and just
do it because I think that I'll be happier in
the long run if I just start and just go
in what was.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
Her face when you were like, I need to get
this removed.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
Was she like, oh, yeah, no, she probably sees all
kinds of things.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
It wasn't like I was like pulling down my pants, like, hey,
so I got this when I was drinking. There's some
random you know, yeah, somebody's persons face on my butt
or something.
Speaker 3 (10:25):
But no.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Speaking to my mom and Joy and cancer, we have
a listener Katie that asked me for advice because her
mom was recently diagnosed with cancer. And I read her
email and gave my reply on last week's Thursday's Four
Things episode, and I also emailed her the reply, so
I said it in the podcast but then sent her
(10:45):
a reply. So we've exchanged a handful of emails at
this point, and I feel like her outlook reminds me
of that Bob Goff quote, because I mean, she's going
through a lot and will continue you too, more than
she realizes. This whole experience with her mom is going
to shape her a She'll either become a reflection of
her pain or a reflection of her hope. And I
(11:09):
don't know Katie personally at all, but based on the
email exchanges that we've had. I think that she's going
to become a reflection of her hope because in one
of her replies to me, she said that she knows
at the end of this there will be so many
wonderful stories to share of God's goodness. And I feel
like that's exactly how my mom looked at it. And
(11:31):
when you're facing a cancer diagnosis and you're at MD Anderson,
which is where my mom was and it's where Katie's
mom is, you see so much suffering all around you,
but there are so many people that still choose to
find the good in their experience. And there are low
days for sure. But that's sort of why I don't
(11:52):
want to remove the joy from my risk, because that
reminds me of my mom trying to spread joy all
over that hospital, complimenting people all the time time and
if they were down or they were alone, or just
making sure that if she could brighten their day, she
would because when people would do that stuff for her,
it would brighten her day. But in the email reply,
one of the tips that I shared with her because
(12:13):
she was asking for advice, was to stay organized with
a binder. Not because I was super awesome at it,
but I know that was helpful for my mom. And luckily,
my sister and my mom were super organized. So just
something that I witnessed.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
This worked really well for other people. I can't relate.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
I just know that it's really good to keep notes,
especially when you're at appointments, if you can write down
things the doctor's saying, because we would try to keep
up with it, and it's a lot, and there's medical
records and there's so much and it can get overwhelming,
but if you stay ahead of it and have a binder,
you'll be good to go. And she said that she's
already bought like a fun binder and that her sister
(12:49):
is like the queen of organization. And I was like,
lucky you, that's awesome. And she said that she got
her mom a four Things gratitude journal and one of
the cancer fighter four things pull up, which says chemo
radiation cancer Suck it. That was actually inspired by my
dad's cancer journey because it was when I was hanging
out with him and he had just gone through like
(13:12):
surgery and all kinds of stuff to remove the tumor.
We came up with the chemo radiation cancer suck it.
Oh terrible so that's if you know anybody, I hate
that they're going through that at all, but that is
a fun pullover to whar to treatment because it's a
conversation starter. You know, everybody in the hospital would comment
on that. And that's under the four Things items that
(13:33):
are all supporting Haiti right now one hundred percent of
the proceeds along with the Four Things Gratitude Journal, and
there's even a code Amy twenty And today's the final day,
so it's the seventeenth today that you're listening to this
on Tuesday. And if you want to get gifts in
time for Christmas, I mean you can still shop later,
but if you want to guarantee in time for Christmas,
if you're giving anything as a gift, then I'm just
(13:54):
letting you know that today is the final day to shop.
And if you just go to the shop Ford dot com,
slash everything that is one hundred percent for Haiti's under there.
There's even Pimp and Joy hats and some other Pimp
and Joy items and a lot of four Things items.
I put a bunch of stuff up on my Instagram.
It may or may not be expired. If you want
to see some of the stuff you can go check
out at radio Amy. That's my handle. Do you think
(14:18):
I'd had to even say that because I said, like,
how old? Did I just make myself sound? That's my
handle at Radio Amy. That's my handle. But if you
say at isn't that obvious?
Speaker 3 (14:28):
That's you're here obviously. Yeah, that's your clarity.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Yeah, And the twenty percent off is just a gift
for you if you choose not to use Amy twenty,
which I hope that you will, because then it makes
it a win win win gift, Like you're getting a
gift for someone else that's giving back. You're getting a
gift that you don't have to like really think about.
It's just like, oh, I know this is going to
be special, and then you're getting a discount, so win, win, win.
But if you don't use it, then the twenty percent
(14:54):
will go to Haiti. I just feel like a lot
of times codes are associated with like if you use
my code, then you kickback. Yeah, So I'm just clarifying
that if that makes sense. Which we'll do a quick
break now speaking of we do need to do commercials
because that's how this podcast stays going. But when we
come back, we'll talk about subtle habits that make people
secretly respect you more. Ooh, and if you're trying to
(15:18):
drink less alcohol this holiday season, which it seems like
a lot of people are. I have an email from
a listener, Amanda, who is sharing a non alcoholic sparkling
drink that she's been loving. And I found it on
Amazon and I already ordered some to try. Oh but
I don't have I don't have it yet, so I
can't review it myself, but I trust Amanda. All Right, Kat,
(15:48):
you're ready for subtle habits that make people secretly respect
you more.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
I'm ready. I'm curious if the secretly is important here.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Maybe it's just like low key okay, which I feel
like that's what all the case I'd say right now,
low ki is a popular thing, sort of like low key.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
I don't think that's like a new kid slang word.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
I think it is. I know that low kei is
something we've all said, but they say it a lot more.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
No, it's cool, okay, right, all right, well low key?
Let me know what the things are.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Cap and yeah ris and ohio or Ohio. I haven't
figured out.
Speaker 4 (16:24):
What some of them means, but yeah, you might not
want to say that. Okay, So what you say and
what you do are in alignment when that is happening,
that's low key respect. What you say and what you
do are in alignment. It's like that's saying mean what
(16:45):
you say and say what you mean.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
That's pretty straightforward.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Say what you mean and mean what you say. Whatever
order it goes in, you stay silent or even leave
the room during gossip. Low key respect. Yeah, it's not
always easy because sometimes in the room is well. You
don't have to be like, I'm not gonna be here.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
Better than you.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
I think it's just you low key go get some water.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
I was thinking of somebody being like I have to
go now, and Mike.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
I'm not going to be a part of this. No,
I don't think you want to shame other people for
whatever they're doing. And sometimes there's a fine line between
venting and gossiping. Yeah, wouldn't you say, I don't know,
you're the therapist.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
You told me a fine line. Yes, Yeah, fucking crossover
pretty easily.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
And so just have awareness with yourself because you don't
want to be putting that out there because then you
have to expect whoever's participating in that they might be
doing it against you. And then if you're like, well,
I don't really care, then okay, low key you do you?
Speaker 3 (17:50):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (17:50):
So you accept blame easily and give credit freely.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Oh yeah, Oh yes, I like that.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
You confidently admit when you don't oh something.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
Yeah. I have no idea what Ohio means. I can
say that with confidence, and I don't even know if
it's actually Ohio. It might be like Idaho or something. Yeah,
but it is the thing kids are saying.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
Are your kids saying yes, okay this one?
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Yeah? My fourteen year old son says it okay.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
We got to ask him what it means.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Then I was gonna say, with the not knowing something,
that does make me trust somebody more.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
For sure.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
When somebody will tell me I don't know, that means well,
then when they are telling me answers to things they
do like, I can trust that because if they don't know,
they'll figure it out. I like that.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
What about this next one? You are consistently two minutes early?
Which who is this person? Are you consistently early? I
like to be early. You like to be two hours
early to the airport, that's for sure.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
I get stressed about being late to things. So if
I am late to something, I'm probably already in the
parking lot or something, and I'm like timing my lateness.
I mean, I think I have times around running late,
like to a dinner reservy or something like that. But
if you ask anybody, I get like yesterday, we were
going to the movie theater and I was like shaking
because we were somewhere getting a drink and all my
(19:09):
friends were like having fun, and I.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
Was like, oh, we got to get there. It's we
have twenty minutes.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
And I was trying to be cool, and they noticed
that I was breathing probably pretty fast.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Also at that.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Time, when we were leaving New York and we did
not need to get to the airport that early, and
you did. It's almost like your body starts to have
a reaction and you're like, I have to get to
the airport.
Speaker 3 (19:28):
But I try to be cool about it.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
But then I can't be cool, so then I'm just
like antsy and I get stressed out. I just don't
like to be stressed. So that's why I like to
be early places, because then I can relax, you know,
I don't have to worry about getting in traffic, or
you know, maybe there's something wrong with my ticket at
the airport and I have to go to the front
desk and then the line's really long.
Speaker 3 (19:50):
You had to plan for that stuff.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
I feel like that's valid. It's very responsible because I
know I leave a very small window for any mishap.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
And you never miss flights.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
I have missed a flight before, but not in a
long time. One time I was slept at the airport
and I missed that flight. Wait, well, the Miami airport
has a hotel, and I was going to Haiti to
see the kids, and my dad was already there. And
my dad only had I think, thirty six hours in Haiti,
so I was trying to maximize my time with him.
But I think I had work, and so I flew
(20:20):
to Miami to spend the night and take the first
flight out, and I got up early again. The hotel
is in the airport, and I went to Starbucks. And
this is back when I was traveling with my lemons
and I needed to make hot limon water and I
was by the gate and I have no idea what
I was thinking, but something I got mixed up about
something and I was making my hot limon water and
(20:41):
then I go to the gate and I'm like, huh,
why is everybody like boarding? And so then I go
up and I'm like, what did y'all board early? She goes, well,
a little bit, but it's still within the window. I said, okay, well,
I was just making my hot liman water. But I
think I think my group is already boarded. I'd like
to board. And she said, oh, oh, we see that
man walking on right now.
Speaker 3 (21:01):
He just took your seat.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
And I said what And she said, we called for you.
I said, I did not hear you called for me.
I did not hear you, know, Amy Brown. I'm the
loud speaker. So it was so depressing. She goes, well,
it's okay. We have another flight in four and a
half hours and you can get on that flight to Haiti.
And I'm like, but my dad's only there for thirty
(21:23):
six hours. So that was my Haiti. I missed a flight.
Story when I even slept at the airport.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Okay, that has nothing to do with you being timely.
That's just you, I guess not paying attention.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Yeah, I guess, but I mean I felt like I
was paying attention. I knew right where the gate was.
I did my water, but I still wonder if she
really call my name. I'm like, was the mic on
Amy Brown?
Speaker 3 (21:46):
Or maybe that guy that took your seat was like
her cousin or something.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
I don't know. I just thought, but what can you
call him back and be like, sir, right, she's here now.
But I mean he was probably excited that now he
got on the flight.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
She could have gone on the water four hours later.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
I know, But that's okay, funny story from the past. Okay,
you remember and repeat details from past conversations. That's just
a low key, like you're awesome thing. H No, I
can't remember and repeat things from earlier.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
Dude can do that. I can.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
I feel like you do that. You remember things about people.
I try, Yeah, and you'll bring I think that you
do good with that. Actually, Oh okay, thank you.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
I feel like I do try, but I do not
feel like it's a strength. So I am grateful that
that's something you've noticed actually happen.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
It doesn't mean that you can't be also forgetful. I
mean I forget things all the time. But I think
that you pay attention and you because you'll ask about
things that I've mentioned.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
Okay, yeah, you should give yourself more credit.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
You apologize without the word, but.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
It depends on what where apology I see.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
For I really try to do that. One can we
use the word and its sorry, And it depends on
what the end is.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
I love you, and you.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Should consider being the one that's sorry, because the butt
is what gets you in because it's like, I'm sorry, but.
Speaker 3 (23:09):
I didn't say.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
But I didn't say. But you defend unpopular but correct decisions.
You celebrate others' wins like they are your own. You
remain steady and calm when things around you are not.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
That also depends on what the chaos is. If it's
somebody else's chaos, I can be very common it. I
feel like you probably can too. When it's your chaos,
it's harder to do that.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Yeah. I think that the past few years have taught
me how to better manage the chaos because at one
point there was so much going on in my life
and I was not handling it well. But that then
I was given the tools to handle So I think
low key, I might be good at managing stressful situations,
but I also might just scream the f word. I
(24:00):
don't know it TBDS depends depends on the day. You
ask questions instead of giving answers, stay curious, You handle
disappointment with quiet grace. You treat others with respect regardless
of position, I would hope, so you speak well of
(24:20):
others in their absence. And lastly, you take feedback like
a gift, not a threat.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
Taking feedback is like a skill.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
As long as it's constructive and done in a kind way,
feedback is great. And I like calling it feedbackcause a
lot of times, like, hey, constructive criticism is what we
were used to saying and hearing, and I feel like
lately there's been a transition word of like constructive feedback,
and that just sounds better because you're not being criticized.
So there you go. Alyssa's subtle habits that make people
(24:52):
low key respecting more.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
They're also just habits I feel like good humans have
to strive for.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Yeah, these are all should be goals, except for the
two minutes early thing, Like, as long as you're on time,
you should be great. And you know, I can't be
way late to work, So that's probably when I freak
out about being late to work because I'll get sent home.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
Do you think that that the having to be so
strict with that you just want to relax and other
things and like be more lase fair.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
I don't know, maybe, but I also I want to
respect other people. I think it's so case by case. Yeah,
because I have some friends that are going to be
super late to something no matter what. Like they're the
kind of friends that you smudge the time on. Tell them, yeah,
seven thirty when it's seven, so that way they'll maybe
get there by eight, right, that's what you do. No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
You tell them that it's six thirty when it's at seven. Yeah,
you tell them that's seven thirty. They're gonna get like, like, wait,
did you not want me here at the beginning of
the party.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
That's my discalcula mix enough number? What disc calcula I've
never heard that. Oh it's the numbers version of dyslexia.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
Oh, I've never heard that.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
I definitely have that. Okay, I've got an email from Amanda.
She said, Hey, I was just catching up on your
episodes from the past week and a couple of things.
One so happy you have found alan on and are
(26:26):
talking about it on the podcast. I feel like so
few people know about this extension of the A program.
It has been such a game changer for me the
last year and a half after being surrounded by alcoholism
and addiction in various family relationships, my whole life. I
definitely still have a lot to learn from the program,
but I am so grateful for it.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
Two.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
While I do drink, I've never been a huge drinker,
and I love the brand toast. I think that's how
you say it tst. But the O has two little
dots over it toast toss.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
It's a toast like a drink.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
Oh do you know the meaning behind? Like why we toast? No?
I feel like they used to put bread in wine.
Now I got to look it up. Okay, I'm the
first to admit that I cannot remember this origin of
a toast, So I'm just going to publicly declare that
because you know.
Speaker 3 (27:17):
But you remember. There's something to it, all right.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
It says here the term toast is believed to originate
it from the practice of adding a piece of toasted
bread to wine to enhance its flavor. But originally the toasting,
even maybe before that, was ancient grease when they would
clink their glasses together to toast in hopes that the
wine would like spill over into each other's glasses to
(27:40):
see if they were poisoned or not.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
So those an aggressive toast.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Then we was sort of like, hey, don't think about
poisoning my glass. I'm about to toast you and my
drink will spill into your drink and if I die,
you die.
Speaker 3 (27:52):
Yeah, but think of how hard you have to clink
glasses for that to happen.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
They're very selbratory. Anyway, I don't know that that toast.
I just thought of like that. They used to put
that little fact stick with me kid, I mean, I
had to look it up. But anyway, t O s
T she said. I'm linking their instagram here and their website.
I've also bought it from Whole Foods. My favorite is
(28:17):
their rose. It's a sparkling drink, no alcohol.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
Can.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
It's a cute. I think they have can. But when
I what I ordered from Amazon's bottles, Oh, because I
placed an order for it, I don't have it yet,
so I can't review it.
Speaker 3 (28:30):
Like a glass bottle. M that's cute, Okay.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Yeah, it looks like a little bottle of rose or
bubble bubble, bubble bubble, How would you say it?
Speaker 3 (28:42):
Bubbly? Bubbly? So I just sucky On.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
Jkjk Amana said, thanks for all you do. I love
listening to you, Kat and so many of your guests.
Y'all have the best hearts. Oh xx x X your
friend Amanda, I've got four xes.
Speaker 3 (29:02):
That's a lot of that hugs.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
That's hugs, right, xes are hugs XO xos hugs kiss.
Speaker 3 (29:08):
I saw xes were hugs because it's like crossing.
Speaker 1 (29:11):
Oh cute, yeah, like the ex'es are arms crossed and like,
oh it it's your lips right, well, let me look
it up.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
Okay, this is like a fun fact episode.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
The phrase XO, meaning hugs and kisses, is believed to
originate from the X symbolizing.
Speaker 3 (29:27):
A kiss, oh, she gives four kisses, the likely.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
Stimming from the Christian cross, which people would kiss to
signify an oath, and the O representing a hug, with
theories suggesting it could be due to its visual similarity
to arms wrapped around someone.
Speaker 3 (29:43):
Like oh, yeah, that makes sense to.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
So you were close.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
But also it's hugs and kisses and it's exo XO,
so they have it backwards be kisses and hugs in
that way.
Speaker 3 (29:55):
We need to re ran that.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Yeah, yeah, okay, well that's a nice email anyway, thanks
Amanda for that.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
I don't know if you already talked about this in
the episode, but speaking of alan On, for people that
don't know what that is, have you shared your favorite
parts of what that is?
Speaker 3 (30:12):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (30:12):
So in last week's episode, I had the email from
Katie about her mom's cancer diagnosis. So I pulled multiple
emails and that was the episode because I was reading
emails and then sharing a reply and another one that
was shared, which I kept it anonymous for the email
because it's very personal, which I later heard back from
(30:32):
her like, oh that's totally fine. But sometimes if I
don't have their permission right away and it's something very personal,
I just share the email and not the name. But
I did share that alan On is a support group
for the loved ones of alcoholics or addicts, and the
tools that I have learned I can't even really put
(30:53):
fully into words because I was so ignorant about the
whole program before I started, But I share people that
I was told I needed to go by people I
respect widely, and I had never even heard of it.
They were like, you need to get to an allan
On meeting right now. And I'm like, what is alan On?
And they said, basically, it's like the AA for family
and friends and loved ones that are impacted. And my
(31:16):
instant was like I don't need that, Like I didn't,
that is my problem. But yeah, and what I realized
is a lot of my reactions, a lot of my
codependent behavior or a lot of how I was responding
potentially even enabling and making everything worse. That all was
(31:36):
my problem. And alan On gave me the tools to
no longer behave that way, mostly because I mean sometimes
it comes back. But if you want to have a
healthy relationship with your qualifier, which your qualifiers, whoever in
your life has led you to a meeting, so that
(31:58):
could be a mom, dad, a sibling, a spouse, a friend,
a child. Yes, I love my group. I go to
a women's group and I'm so inspired, especially by some
of the women that have been going for years and
years and years and they still show up and they
still benefit from that community and people sharing. And it
(32:23):
is not about the qualifier though, So like, don't think
you go to a meeting and it's just like to
vent about this, this and that. That is not what
it is about. You stay on your side of the street.
And that's where I got a lot of that language
and terminology was okay, got to stay on my side
of the street, which has helped me in a lot
of relationships because some stuff it's not my problem to
(32:44):
try to fix or point out, like, I need to
work on what I can control and what I can fix,
and that is only within me, and so I need
to have awareness of my own areas of weakness or
where I can approve. And that's what it is encourages
you to do. I mean, you're working a program, just
like your person may or may not be working a program.
(33:06):
So you can be at alan On and your person
may be sober and working their program, or they may
still be active, or they could relapse. And so the
best thing you can do for yourself is be consistent
and go when you can. But also a lot of
times I think people hear alan On or even AA
and they think like, oh, this weekly thing, which for
(33:27):
the people that are in the thick of the addiction
or the alcoholism, maybe that is what they need. I
don't know, not someone that needs to speak to that
because everybody's different. But I think there's an overall impression
of like, you have to go to meetings all the time.
And with alan On, I would never say you should
go weekly. I mean you should go as much you
can because it's still so great. Like I never regret
(33:50):
going to a meeting, and I know that I walk
away from that meeting a better person, whether that lasts
for five minutes or hopefully five days or five months,
whatever I'm I know that I have the tools, and
I feel empowered, and I feel encouraged and motivated and
inspired and challenged. But I don't want to put that
(34:11):
fear into people of like there's this expectation that you
have to show up because if you've never gone, it
can be scary. And also if you have in your
mind that you don't really need this and it's not
for you because it's the other person's problem, then you
might be turned off if someone was like, oh, you
need to go weekly, because then it can get overwhelming.
And so I'm just loosely throwing that out there. You
may decide yourself you want to go weekly or multiple
times a week, but that's going to be up to
(34:34):
you to decide, and so I just wanted to put
that little disclaimer that you just go try it out,
see what you think.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
Did you go by yourself the first time, like, not
knowing what to expect, knowing anybody there.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
Well, my first one was on zoom because it was
covid okay, And the first meeting I went to in person,
I knew someone was going okay, and I went with them.
Speaker 3 (34:57):
That's helpful to have somebody that you can show up with.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
Yeah, but I will tell you there are so many
times when I mean, you go around just like hi,
I'm and you say your name. But I don't want
that to scare people either. It's a safe space and
that's why it's anonymous, like nobody's talking about it, and
if they are, then I don't I can't imagine how
someone would leave that and just divulge something personal to
somebody or But there are people there's a lot of
(35:21):
shame around that and they feel like depending on the
size of their town or people that might gossip. I've
heard stories where people are like I wanted to come
to an ALANON meeting for years, but there was just
so much shame associated with it, and I thought if
I showed up to a meeting, people would know something
was going on in my life and that something was wrong,
and I didn't want to know out my qualifier and
(35:44):
it puts shame on my family. And she's like, I
wish I had not felt that way, because if I
had come sooner, it would have been so helpful. And
so we just need to release any judgment and shame
that we feel around that stuff. Like, I don't know
how there could be when someone's actively trying to do
something thing to better themselves.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
Yeah, when everybody that's going for the most part, you
guys are in it together, like it's more of a
sense of we're here for each other than like I'm
going to go gossip about this person. Now.
Speaker 3 (36:12):
That's what I would hope those communities feel.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
Like, Yeah, it's definitely felt that way for me, and
I do see a lot of people we're going around,
you say you know your name, and sometimes they'll say
if it's your first time, raise your hand, or if
you're new, and there's often new people that yeah, they're
just they've walked in and they're sitting in the back
by themselves, Like, do not let that hold you back
from going because it is a from my experience, been
(36:37):
a warm, loving, welcoming community that gives you the space
and the freedom. And my girlfriends that I have from there,
it's so freeing talking to them. There's like no judgment
because I feel like you're in a room full of
people that just like get so much and they've seen
(36:58):
a lot and they've been through a lot, and they're
just like, yeah, say whatever, it doesn't shock me and
it's fine, and you can come to me with anything,
or if you're having a hard day or you're struggling
because of this, or you're qualifier, this happened, like it
doesn't matter. Like everyone's just sort of call me at anytime,
say anything and there's no judgment. And I mean, I
know you and I have that relationship too. It's not
(37:18):
that you can't have that in other friendships, but when
you're in a room like that, it just hits different.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
Well, sometimes when you're struggling with certain things, you don't
want to bring those to certain people that are in
your circle, So it's nice to have a separate circle.
I mean similarly, like some people tell me things as
a therapist, they're not going to tell their best friend
so it's nice to be able to have a separation
in a group and people that do get it where
that helps release the shame that you might have around
certain things, and it might lead you to share that
(37:44):
with people in your circle more.
Speaker 1 (37:45):
Yeah, I will say, when you start to talk, they
have a timer.
Speaker 3 (37:50):
And when you hit it so helpful.
Speaker 1 (37:51):
When you hit the three minutes, you can be under
three minutes. But if it hits the three minutes, you
know someone has to volunteer at the beginning of the meeting, like,
I'll be taking time, and they just and so the
minute you start talking, they set the timer. And then
sometimes it'll be like beepeep, beep, beep, beep peep, and
you can tell someone might not be done. And I'm like, oh, no, I.
Speaker 2 (38:07):
Know, I would hate to be the timer. I guess
you don't have to say stop it beeps. The beeper
does that.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
And then everybody's not really pretty respectful. But it's like, okay,
I gotta wrap it up. And that's the only thing. Yeah,
I don't speak because I'm like.
Speaker 3 (38:20):
You can't do three minutes.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
It might take me at least ten to say anything
that's on my mind about what I want to share.
But every time someone shares like I either late or
I walk away with like a nugget of wisdom, or
I feel encouraged because again, it's not a bash session.
They're not You're not even talking about your person. You
may share something, but it's not really about them. It's
about you. This episode is brought to you by allan
(38:45):
On Ellanon, but not I'm sure there's other similar programs.
Speaker 3 (38:50):
See, but I just think a lot of people don't
know what allan On is.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
I agree. I had never heard of it. When they
said I needed to go, I'm like, excuse me, what
you talk? I don't even I don't even know what
you're t and I don't need.
Speaker 3 (39:00):
It and I don't need that.
Speaker 1 (39:02):
And then I got there and I was like, oh
my gosh, where has this been my whole life? Like
this is amazing. I feel like everyone would benefit from
a program like that, and honestly, I could go more consistently.
But it has helped in my relationship with my qualifier,
Like it's so good because of it, and it wouldn't
(39:24):
be because I wouldn't have the tools. I wouldn't know
how to deal with that, and I didn't know for
years yeah, and it made it bad or even worse.
And then you realize, like how you contribute to the
problem and you can step out of victim mode.
Speaker 2 (39:36):
And well I was going to say, look, you're taking
responsibility versus placing blame, So now I can respect you more.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
Low key, low key flex All right, cat? Where can
people find you on Instagram at kat van Buren and
I am at Radio Amy. That's my handle. And don't
forget there's tons of four things items cool mom. The
list goes on pimp and joy so much stuff. Just
(40:03):
go to the link in the show notes or the
shop ford dot com slash amy. Use Amy twenty for
twenty percent off as a little gift to you and
support Haiti with your purchases. It's gifts that keep on
giving giving giving. And seven older children were recently dropped
off at the orphanage and that is a major unexpected
added expense, Like they no warning. Child Services just showed
(40:26):
up and said these seven kids were unsafe for they
were we have to leave them here. And Haiti is
so unsafe right now. So thankfully the orphanage can be
a safe place. And you know they're schooling for these
seven kids. There's food, clothes, so that is where your
money will be going. So if you want to shop
with a purpose, do that and know that you'll be
(40:49):
impacting those seven kids and their everyday lives at the orphanage.
So all right, Kat and I'll talk to you later.
We hope you have a very merry Christmas. Christmas for
to have need to have, Yeah, hit up a meeting
if you need to, because family time can get a
little crazy. And we'll see you soon. Bye bye.
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy, I'm Kat,
and Kat I thought about you this weekend because I
was at Target and I wiped the shelf out, or
how you'd say it, wiped them clean, wiped them clean
of poetry. Fernanderthals for just different steps for people. I
had so much fun playing that game at your birthday party.
And I know it's a fun game we've talked about
(00:24):
on the podcast many times, but playing it with all
of your friends was really fun. And it's crazy to
me how some of your smartest friends, like you have
one friend who scored I think of thirty two on
her act, which is really high. I don't remember. I
just overheard Jesse that she was really bad. Well, I
(00:45):
don't remember. I just I just know that I overheard
someone say, you got a thirty two on your your act?
How are you so horrible? And now I'm trying to
think of who it was. All I know is that
is a quote from the night and she's clearly brilliant,
but was really bad at the game.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
The game can be stressful if you can't think on
your toes or if you just get nervous.
Speaker 1 (01:05):
Yeah, So gift recommendation in case you need one. Poetry
for Neanderthals is a fun game. It's by the same
company that makes the Throw Throw burrito that we love
or I'm hitting you with fake swords.
Speaker 3 (01:17):
But yeah, I don't know that game.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Oh these are fun ones that I play with my kids.
So it's the guy that created them all. He had
I think nieces and nephews that were really into video games,
and he was like, you know what, I kind of
want to create more interactive games that feel video game ish,
but it's in real life, so they'll get off the
screens and play.
Speaker 3 (01:39):
Something that is genius.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Yeah, so I thought of you. That party was a
lot of fun. I feel like you killed it with
the game the pizza, And I'm still sad that I
missed the cookie log.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
You didn't get the cookie log, and.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
I feel like you need to explain if people what
a cookie log is because I've never heard of it.
And when I saw the pictures because I had to
leave early because I had to pick my daughter up
from work, I was really sad I missed.
Speaker 3 (02:01):
The cookie log. Yeah, a cookie log.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
I have to shout out my friend Caira because she
is a little younger than me, And this was a
thing she ate in college. When she moved in with me,
she brought this dessert to us during COVID, which is
probably like the time we did not need to be
making this actually. So what you do is you take
a roll of cookie dough, just the whole roll, You
throw it on a pan, you put it in the
(02:23):
oven at three point fifty and you just cook it
until it looks like it's cooked on the outside and
still gilly on the inside, and then you dump ice
cream on.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
The top of it, so it's like a skillet cookie
without the skillet.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Yeah, it seems like way easier.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
Yeah, because like, who just has a skillet like bake
it it's kowey.
Speaker 1 (02:39):
And then I like the idea of just the ice
cream being on top and then so good slicing it
up and serving it and you had candles on it.
So anyway, that might be something to make over the
holidays with your family a cookie log. Which on a
food related note, I have a couple of other thoughts
regarding you in food, okay, one being you just came
over to my house to record and you walked in
(03:00):
with Chick fil A, and I'm like, Chick fil A,
and I'm thinking nuggets, fries, drink, and then you bust
all your chicken noodle soup and I'm like, but I
didn't even know Chick fil A had chicken noodle soup.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Their chicken little soup is top tier, like one of
the best chicken liddle soups I've ever had.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
Okay, it's so good.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
I mean, think about it. They are known for chicken.
It's a main ingredient. Although they one suggestion I would
give them it's put a little bit more chicken in
the chicken liddle soup because it lacks a little bit
of that. So I got some grilled nuggets on the side.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
It's so good.
Speaker 2 (03:35):
I also really love chicken noddle soup, so I might
be biased in this. You're looking at me like you
would never get that.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
No, I just don't know that i'd get it from
Chick fil A. But I can be conveyed. Well, sure,
I mean, I guess I'm gonna have to try it.
I guess I don't I make it. If I eat soup,
I make it because that's me, you know me. I
love to come. I'm just kidding, act.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
Like you make soup all the time. I don't I've
ever heard you talk about me soup.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
No, there is a soup that I do make and
it is really good and it's from half Baked Harvest.
It's her like white chicken chili recipe and my kids
love it. Okay, so that one I do make. And
you know me that part with sarcasm because I felt like,
when do I get soup? Oh, I love a good
If there's a butternut squash soup on the menu, I'm
(04:24):
ordering it. I just had it where it's from.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
I just had the one from Panera last night.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
It's sure, it's amazing.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Yeah, So that's when I get soup. Okay, that's on
the menu. Or I make the half Baked Harvest one,
which y'all should definitely make that it's so good. And
then I love a tomato soup with grilled cheese, and
I've been craving that for weeks now, so I need
to just figure that out.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
Well, you better make it.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
The thing is, I have it in my mind that
I want fresh sour dough bread from the bakery and
then I want like a sharp cheddar and I want
to grill it perfectly and then dip it in like
a homemade tomato soup, and I'm over complicating, Like I
should just go get normal bread and some craft slices
and a can of Campbell soup and I'd probably be
(05:08):
just dissatisfied.
Speaker 3 (05:10):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
I don't like tomato soup or girl cheese, but the
first option sounded better. I was gonna ask, though, I
feel like we've had this conversation. Do you put mayonnaise
on your grilled cheese?
Speaker 1 (05:19):
Yes, that's how my dad would make it. My dad
would actually do cinnamon raisin bread with mayonnaise and Jalipino
pomena cheese, and that would be his version of a
grilled cheese. And it is so good.
Speaker 3 (05:34):
Those are three things that I feel like, don't go.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Yeah, well, don't knock it to you try it because
it is delicious, okay. And the other food note that
I have is before you came over today, I was like,
please tell me that you can make the protein balls
and bring them over when you come, but you were
at work so you couldn't do it. But I've been
craving those two.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Maybe I'll gift you a batch for your Christmas.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Okay, yeah, well that would be great. Would you don't
have to say sorry. I was just crossing my fingers
hopeful that you happen to be already in the kitchen
making them randomly and that you'd be able to bring them.
Speaker 2 (06:08):
So for like three weeks, I was like, Oh, this
is my new Monday morning activity is like I make
a batch of these protein balls in that lasted two
weeks and I haven't done it since, so I need
to get back in new year.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
That's what I'm start doing Monday morning.
Speaker 1 (06:20):
Remember the email that we had from that listener Sarah
a couple of weeks ago where she was like, Hey,
I'm just listening to episode six hundred and twelve and
it's making me think of the purple thread theory. Yeah,
And we were like, oh, shout out Sarah for keeping
track of the episodes, but Houston marks them so it's
easy to tell. But then in that episode, we talked
(06:41):
about the protein ball recipe and we were trying to
reference back to when we originally posted your recipe, and
we were like, oh, maybe Sarah knows the episode number,
and she emailed us and she goes to answer the
maybe rhetorical question about the episode of Cat's protein Ball recipe.
It was episode six, so shout out Sarah for that.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
Oh, thank you.
Speaker 1 (07:05):
Grateful for listeners and them being awesome and you know,
having a little humor too. Today's quote is from Bob Goff.
Hard times shape us more than we realize. We either
become a reflection of our pain or a reflection of
our hope. Oh, which I love Bob, and I love
that quote a lot. We either become a reflection of
(07:27):
our pain or reflection of our hope. Which did I
tell you that I went to see a tattoo removal person.
Hope makes me think of that because I have esplaw
tattooed on my wrist and ESPOI is hope in Haitian.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Creole, and you're getting it removed.
Speaker 1 (07:41):
Well, I'm thinking about it because it's starting to bleed.
The ink is too thick, and I don't know if
my wrist is just aging or what. But above it,
I have joy in my mom's handwriting, and that that
looks like jay like it's starting to just it.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
Looks so smut like you can't read it anymore.
Speaker 1 (07:58):
Yes, And so I thought about getting them removed. So
I was walking by and I saw this sign on
a door of like sale on tattoo removal, and I
was like, well, just pop in and see what that
even means, because I have no idea how much it
costs or hou long it would take. And turns out
it's a little more expensive than the thought, and it
would take over a year if I wanted to get
(08:19):
it done properly, like I would have to go in
once a month for an entire year to get it
just slowly. She's like, look, you can go other places
that might do it faster, but I can't guarantee what
your skin is going to look like, and if you
want your skin to look like it did before you
got the tattoo. And then I would still get joy
or a spa maybe put somewhere else on my body,
(08:41):
but with a single needle. Yeah, So that way it
does lead.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
Those weren't as popular when we were getting our tattoos,
I think, because that's how everybody is getting those really
pretty thin lines now. I also was researching getting tattoos removed,
and I got very sad and just like I was
looking on the internet on my computer because it is
very expensive, and I did not think about this moment
when I went to go get the tattoo.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Nobody explained to me the bleeding part, Like thees blah
looks like o sp blah right now, so it's like
Jay and osplaw.
Speaker 3 (09:17):
One day it will just be like a blob. I
feel like that's how.
Speaker 2 (09:19):
I feel the one on my arm, It's it's kind
of farther apart, but like the s just looks like
a blob.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
I mean, they're super special to me. And I don't
like the idea of removing the one with my mom
because my sister and I got that while she was
still alive, and my mom wrote it down for us
and then we went and got it together. And I
feel like if I remove that, then my sister will
be like, wait a second, I still have mine, and
then honestly hers is kind of bleeding too, so I'd
be like, well, maybe you get heroes removed too, and
(09:47):
we can do that together.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
Wait, so was the sale worth it?
Speaker 1 (09:50):
I mean it still was expensive. Yes, I would have
ended up saving a little bit, But it's just something
that I need to decide and just commit and just
do it because I think that I'll be happier in
the long run if I just start and just go
in what was.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
Her face when you were like, I need to get
this removed.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
Was she like, oh, yeah, no, she probably sees all
kinds of things.
Speaker 3 (10:11):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
It wasn't like I was like pulling down my pants, like, hey,
so I got this when I was drinking. There's some
random you know, yeah, somebody's persons face on my butt
or something.
Speaker 3 (10:25):
But no.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
Speaking to my mom and Joy and cancer, we have
a listener Katie that asked me for advice because her
mom was recently diagnosed with cancer. And I read her
email and gave my reply on last week's Thursday's Four
Things episode, and I also emailed her the reply, so
I said it in the podcast but then sent her
(10:45):
a reply. So we've exchanged a handful of emails at
this point, and I feel like her outlook reminds me
of that Bob Goff quote, because I mean, she's going
through a lot and will continue you too, more than
she realizes. This whole experience with her mom is going
to shape her a She'll either become a reflection of
her pain or a reflection of her hope. And I
(11:09):
don't know Katie personally at all, but based on the
email exchanges that we've had. I think that she's going
to become a reflection of her hope because in one
of her replies to me, she said that she knows
at the end of this there will be so many
wonderful stories to share of God's goodness. And I feel
like that's exactly how my mom looked at it. And
(11:31):
when you're facing a cancer diagnosis and you're at MD Anderson,
which is where my mom was and it's where Katie's
mom is, you see so much suffering all around you,
but there are so many people that still choose to
find the good in their experience. And there are low
days for sure. But that's sort of why I don't
(11:52):
want to remove the joy from my risk, because that
reminds me of my mom trying to spread joy all
over that hospital, complimenting people all the time time and
if they were down or they were alone, or just
making sure that if she could brighten their day, she
would because when people would do that stuff for her,
it would brighten her day. But in the email reply,
one of the tips that I shared with her because
(12:13):
she was asking for advice, was to stay organized with
a binder. Not because I was super awesome at it,
but I know that was helpful for my mom. And luckily,
my sister and my mom were super organized. So just
something that I witnessed.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
This worked really well for other people. I can't relate.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
I just know that it's really good to keep notes,
especially when you're at appointments, if you can write down
things the doctor's saying, because we would try to keep
up with it, and it's a lot, and there's medical
records and there's so much and it can get overwhelming,
but if you stay ahead of it and have a binder,
you'll be good to go. And she said that she's
already bought like a fun binder and that her sister
(12:49):
is like the queen of organization. And I was like,
lucky you, that's awesome. And she said that she got
her mom a four Things gratitude journal and one of
the cancer fighter four things pull up, which says chemo
radiation cancer Suck it. That was actually inspired by my
dad's cancer journey because it was when I was hanging
out with him and he had just gone through like
(13:12):
surgery and all kinds of stuff to remove the tumor.
We came up with the chemo radiation cancer suck it.
Oh terrible so that's if you know anybody, I hate
that they're going through that at all, but that is
a fun pullover to whar to treatment because it's a
conversation starter. You know, everybody in the hospital would comment
on that. And that's under the four Things items that
(13:33):
are all supporting Haiti right now one hundred percent of
the proceeds along with the Four Things Gratitude Journal, and
there's even a code Amy twenty And today's the final day,
so it's the seventeenth today that you're listening to this
on Tuesday. And if you want to get gifts in
time for Christmas, I mean you can still shop later,
but if you want to guarantee in time for Christmas,
if you're giving anything as a gift, then I'm just
(13:54):
letting you know that today is the final day to shop.
And if you just go to the shop Ford dot com,
slash everything that is one hundred percent for Haiti's under there.
There's even Pimp and Joy hats and some other Pimp
and Joy items and a lot of four Things items.
I put a bunch of stuff up on my Instagram.
It may or may not be expired. If you want
to see some of the stuff you can go check
out at radio Amy. That's my handle. Do you think
(14:18):
I'd had to even say that because I said, like,
how old? Did I just make myself sound? That's my
handle at Radio Amy. That's my handle. But if you
say at isn't that obvious?
Speaker 3 (14:28):
That's you're here obviously. Yeah, that's your clarity.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Yeah, And the twenty percent off is just a gift
for you if you choose not to use Amy twenty,
which I hope that you will, because then it makes
it a win win win gift, Like you're getting a
gift for someone else that's giving back. You're getting a
gift that you don't have to like really think about.
It's just like, oh, I know this is going to
be special, and then you're getting a discount, so win, win, win.
But if you don't use it, then the twenty percent
(14:54):
will go to Haiti. I just feel like a lot
of times codes are associated with like if you use
my code, then you kickback. Yeah, So I'm just clarifying
that if that makes sense. Which we'll do a quick
break now speaking of we do need to do commercials
because that's how this podcast stays going. But when we
come back, we'll talk about subtle habits that make people
secretly respect you more. Ooh, and if you're trying to
(15:18):
drink less alcohol this holiday season, which it seems like
a lot of people are. I have an email from
a listener, Amanda, who is sharing a non alcoholic sparkling
drink that she's been loving. And I found it on
Amazon and I already ordered some to try. Oh but
I don't have I don't have it yet, so I
can't review it myself, but I trust Amanda. All Right, Kat,
(15:48):
you're ready for subtle habits that make people secretly respect
you more.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
I'm ready. I'm curious if the secretly is important here.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
Maybe it's just like low key okay, which I feel
like that's what all the case I'd say right now,
low ki is a popular thing, sort of like low key.
Speaker 3 (16:04):
I don't think that's like a new kid slang word.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
I think it is. I know that low kei is
something we've all said, but they say it a lot more.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
No, it's cool, okay, right, all right, well low key?
Let me know what the things are.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Cap and yeah ris and ohio or Ohio. I haven't
figured out.
Speaker 4 (16:24):
What some of them means, but yeah, you might not
want to say that. Okay, So what you say and
what you do are in alignment when that is happening,
that's low key respect. What you say and what you
do are in alignment. It's like that's saying mean what
(16:45):
you say and say what you mean.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
That's pretty straightforward.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Say what you mean and mean what you say. Whatever
order it goes in, you stay silent or even leave
the room during gossip. Low key respect. Yeah, it's not
always easy because sometimes in the room is well. You
don't have to be like, I'm not gonna be here.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
Better than you.
Speaker 1 (17:07):
I think it's just you low key go get some water.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
I was thinking of somebody being like I have to
go now, and Mike.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
I'm not going to be a part of this. No,
I don't think you want to shame other people for
whatever they're doing. And sometimes there's a fine line between
venting and gossiping. Yeah, wouldn't you say, I don't know,
you're the therapist.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
You told me a fine line. Yes, Yeah, fucking crossover
pretty easily.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
And so just have awareness with yourself because you don't
want to be putting that out there because then you
have to expect whoever's participating in that they might be
doing it against you. And then if you're like, well,
I don't really care, then okay, low key you do you?
Speaker 3 (17:50):
Okay?
Speaker 1 (17:50):
So you accept blame easily and give credit freely.
Speaker 3 (17:55):
Oh yeah, Oh yes, I like that.
Speaker 1 (17:57):
You confidently admit when you don't oh something.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
Mm hmm.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
Yeah. I have no idea what Ohio means. I can
say that with confidence, and I don't even know if
it's actually Ohio. It might be like Idaho or something. Yeah,
but it is the thing kids are saying.
Speaker 3 (18:13):
Are your kids saying yes, okay this one?
Speaker 1 (18:16):
Yeah? My fourteen year old son says it okay.
Speaker 3 (18:18):
We got to ask him what it means.
Speaker 2 (18:19):
Then I was gonna say, with the not knowing something,
that does make me trust somebody more.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
For sure.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
When somebody will tell me I don't know, that means well,
then when they are telling me answers to things they
do like, I can trust that because if they don't know,
they'll figure it out. I like that.
Speaker 1 (18:35):
What about this next one? You are consistently two minutes early?
Which who is this person? Are you consistently early? I
like to be early. You like to be two hours
early to the airport, that's for sure.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
I get stressed about being late to things. So if
I am late to something, I'm probably already in the
parking lot or something, and I'm like timing my lateness.
I mean, I think I have times around running late,
like to a dinner reservy or something like that. But
if you ask anybody, I get like yesterday, we were
going to the movie theater and I was like shaking
because we were somewhere getting a drink and all my
(19:09):
friends were like having fun, and I.
Speaker 3 (19:11):
Was like, oh, we got to get there. It's we
have twenty minutes.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
And I was trying to be cool, and they noticed
that I was breathing probably pretty fast.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Also at that.
Speaker 1 (19:18):
Time, when we were leaving New York and we did
not need to get to the airport that early, and
you did. It's almost like your body starts to have
a reaction and you're like, I have to get to
the airport.
Speaker 3 (19:28):
But I try to be cool about it.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
But then I can't be cool, so then I'm just
like antsy and I get stressed out. I just don't
like to be stressed. So that's why I like to
be early places, because then I can relax, you know,
I don't have to worry about getting in traffic, or
you know, maybe there's something wrong with my ticket at
the airport and I have to go to the front
desk and then the line's really long.
Speaker 3 (19:50):
You had to plan for that stuff.
Speaker 1 (19:51):
I feel like that's valid. It's very responsible because I
know I leave a very small window for any mishap.
Speaker 3 (19:57):
And you never miss flights.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
I have missed a flight before, but not in a
long time. One time I was slept at the airport
and I missed that flight. Wait, well, the Miami airport
has a hotel, and I was going to Haiti to
see the kids, and my dad was already there. And
my dad only had I think, thirty six hours in Haiti,
so I was trying to maximize my time with him.
But I think I had work, and so I flew
(20:20):
to Miami to spend the night and take the first
flight out, and I got up early again. The hotel
is in the airport, and I went to Starbucks. And
this is back when I was traveling with my lemons
and I needed to make hot limon water and I
was by the gate and I have no idea what
I was thinking, but something I got mixed up about
something and I was making my hot limon water and
(20:41):
then I go to the gate and I'm like, huh,
why is everybody like boarding? And so then I go
up and I'm like, what did y'all board early? She goes, well,
a little bit, but it's still within the window. I said, okay, well,
I was just making my hot liman water. But I
think I think my group is already boarded. I'd like
to board. And she said, oh, oh, we see that
man walking on right now.
Speaker 3 (21:01):
He just took your seat.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
And I said what And she said, we called for you.
I said, I did not hear you called for me.
I did not hear you, know, Amy Brown. I'm the
loud speaker. So it was so depressing. She goes, well,
it's okay. We have another flight in four and a
half hours and you can get on that flight to Haiti.
And I'm like, but my dad's only there for thirty
(21:23):
six hours. So that was my Haiti. I missed a flight.
Story when I even slept at the airport.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Okay, that has nothing to do with you being timely.
That's just you, I guess not paying attention.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
Yeah, I guess, but I mean I felt like I
was paying attention. I knew right where the gate was.
I did my water, but I still wonder if she
really call my name. I'm like, was the mic on
Amy Brown?
Speaker 3 (21:46):
Or maybe that guy that took your seat was like
her cousin or something.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
I don't know. I just thought, but what can you
call him back and be like, sir, right, she's here now.
But I mean he was probably excited that now he
got on the flight.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
She could have gone on the water four hours later.
Speaker 1 (21:59):
I know, But that's okay, funny story from the past. Okay,
you remember and repeat details from past conversations. That's just
a low key, like you're awesome thing. H No, I
can't remember and repeat things from earlier.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
Dude can do that. I can.
Speaker 1 (22:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:17):
I feel like you do that. You remember things about people.
I try, Yeah, and you'll bring I think that you
do good with that. Actually, Oh okay, thank you.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
I feel like I do try, but I do not
feel like it's a strength. So I am grateful that
that's something you've noticed actually happen.
Speaker 2 (22:31):
It doesn't mean that you can't be also forgetful. I
mean I forget things all the time. But I think
that you pay attention and you because you'll ask about
things that I've mentioned.
Speaker 3 (22:40):
Okay, yeah, you should give yourself more credit.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
You apologize without the word, but.
Speaker 3 (22:47):
It depends on what where apology I see.
Speaker 1 (22:49):
For I really try to do that. One can we
use the word and its sorry, And it depends on
what the end is.
Speaker 3 (22:58):
I love you, and you.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
Should consider being the one that's sorry, because the butt
is what gets you in because it's like, I'm sorry, but.
Speaker 3 (23:09):
I didn't say.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
But I didn't say. But you defend unpopular but correct decisions.
You celebrate others' wins like they are your own. You
remain steady and calm when things around you are not.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
That also depends on what the chaos is. If it's
somebody else's chaos, I can be very common it. I
feel like you probably can too. When it's your chaos,
it's harder to do that.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
Yeah. I think that the past few years have taught
me how to better manage the chaos because at one
point there was so much going on in my life
and I was not handling it well. But that then
I was given the tools to handle So I think
low key, I might be good at managing stressful situations,
but I also might just scream the f word. I
(24:00):
don't know it TBDS depends depends on the day. You
ask questions instead of giving answers, stay curious, You handle
disappointment with quiet grace. You treat others with respect regardless
of position, I would hope, so you speak well of
(24:20):
others in their absence. And lastly, you take feedback like
a gift, not a threat.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
Taking feedback is like a skill.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
As long as it's constructive and done in a kind way,
feedback is great. And I like calling it feedbackcause a
lot of times, like, hey, constructive criticism is what we
were used to saying and hearing, and I feel like
lately there's been a transition word of like constructive feedback,
and that just sounds better because you're not being criticized.
So there you go. Alyssa's subtle habits that make people
(24:52):
low key respecting more.
Speaker 2 (24:54):
They're also just habits I feel like good humans have
to strive for.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
Yeah, these are all should be goals, except for the
two minutes early thing, Like, as long as you're on time,
you should be great. And you know, I can't be
way late to work, So that's probably when I freak
out about being late to work because I'll get sent home.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
Do you think that that the having to be so
strict with that you just want to relax and other
things and like be more lase fair.
Speaker 1 (25:23):
I don't know, maybe, but I also I want to
respect other people. I think it's so case by case. Yeah,
because I have some friends that are going to be
super late to something no matter what. Like they're the
kind of friends that you smudge the time on. Tell them, yeah,
seven thirty when it's seven, so that way they'll maybe
get there by eight, right, that's what you do. No, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
You tell them that it's six thirty when it's at seven. Yeah,
you tell them that's seven thirty. They're gonna get like, like, wait,
did you not want me here at the beginning of
the party.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
That's my discalcula mix enough number? What disc calcula I've
never heard that. Oh it's the numbers version of dyslexia.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
Oh, I've never heard that.
Speaker 1 (26:05):
I definitely have that. Okay, I've got an email from Amanda.
She said, Hey, I was just catching up on your
episodes from the past week and a couple of things.
One so happy you have found alan on and are
(26:26):
talking about it on the podcast. I feel like so
few people know about this extension of the A program.
It has been such a game changer for me the
last year and a half after being surrounded by alcoholism
and addiction in various family relationships, my whole life. I
definitely still have a lot to learn from the program,
but I am so grateful for it.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
Two.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
While I do drink, I've never been a huge drinker,
and I love the brand toast. I think that's how
you say it tst. But the O has two little
dots over it toast toss.
Speaker 3 (27:00):
It's a toast like a drink.
Speaker 1 (27:02):
Oh do you know the meaning behind? Like why we toast? No?
I feel like they used to put bread in wine.
Now I got to look it up. Okay, I'm the
first to admit that I cannot remember this origin of
a toast, So I'm just going to publicly declare that
because you know.
Speaker 3 (27:17):
But you remember. There's something to it, all right.
Speaker 1 (27:19):
It says here the term toast is believed to originate
it from the practice of adding a piece of toasted
bread to wine to enhance its flavor. But originally the toasting,
even maybe before that, was ancient grease when they would
clink their glasses together to toast in hopes that the
wine would like spill over into each other's glasses to
(27:40):
see if they were poisoned or not.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
So those an aggressive toast.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Then we was sort of like, hey, don't think about
poisoning my glass. I'm about to toast you and my
drink will spill into your drink and if I die,
you die.
Speaker 3 (27:52):
Yeah, but think of how hard you have to clink
glasses for that to happen.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
They're very selbratory. Anyway, I don't know that that toast.
I just thought of like that. They used to put
that little fact stick with me kid, I mean, I
had to look it up. But anyway, t O s
T she said. I'm linking their instagram here and their website.
I've also bought it from Whole Foods. My favorite is
(28:17):
their rose. It's a sparkling drink, no alcohol.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
Can.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
It's a cute. I think they have can. But when
I what I ordered from Amazon's bottles, Oh, because I
placed an order for it, I don't have it yet,
so I can't review it.
Speaker 3 (28:30):
Like a glass bottle. M that's cute, Okay.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
Yeah, it looks like a little bottle of rose or
bubble bubble, bubble bubble, How would you say it?
Speaker 3 (28:42):
Bubbly? Bubbly? So I just sucky On.
Speaker 1 (28:49):
Jkjk Amana said, thanks for all you do. I love
listening to you, Kat and so many of your guests.
Y'all have the best hearts. Oh xx x X your
friend Amanda, I've got four xes.
Speaker 3 (29:02):
That's a lot of that hugs.
Speaker 1 (29:03):
That's hugs, right, xes are hugs XO xos hugs kiss.
Speaker 3 (29:08):
I saw xes were hugs because it's like crossing.
Speaker 1 (29:11):
Oh cute, yeah, like the ex'es are arms crossed and like,
oh it it's your lips right, well, let me look
it up.
Speaker 3 (29:18):
Okay, this is like a fun fact episode.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
The phrase XO, meaning hugs and kisses, is believed to
originate from the X symbolizing.
Speaker 3 (29:27):
A kiss, oh, she gives four kisses, the likely.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
Stimming from the Christian cross, which people would kiss to
signify an oath, and the O representing a hug, with
theories suggesting it could be due to its visual similarity
to arms wrapped around someone.
Speaker 3 (29:43):
Like oh, yeah, that makes sense to.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
So you were close.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
But also it's hugs and kisses and it's exo XO,
so they have it backwards be kisses and hugs in
that way.
Speaker 3 (29:55):
We need to re ran that.
Speaker 1 (29:57):
Yeah, yeah, okay, well that's a nice email anyway, thanks
Amanda for that.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
I don't know if you already talked about this in
the episode, but speaking of alan On, for people that
don't know what that is, have you shared your favorite
parts of what that is?
Speaker 3 (30:12):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (30:12):
So in last week's episode, I had the email from
Katie about her mom's cancer diagnosis. So I pulled multiple
emails and that was the episode because I was reading
emails and then sharing a reply and another one that
was shared, which I kept it anonymous for the email
because it's very personal, which I later heard back from
(30:32):
her like, oh that's totally fine. But sometimes if I
don't have their permission right away and it's something very personal,
I just share the email and not the name. But
I did share that alan On is a support group
for the loved ones of alcoholics or addicts, and the
tools that I have learned I can't even really put
(30:53):
fully into words because I was so ignorant about the
whole program before I started, But I share people that
I was told I needed to go by people I
respect widely, and I had never even heard of it.
They were like, you need to get to an allan
On meeting right now. And I'm like, what is alan On?
And they said, basically, it's like the AA for family
and friends and loved ones that are impacted. And my
(31:16):
instant was like I don't need that, Like I didn't,
that is my problem. But yeah, and what I realized
is a lot of my reactions, a lot of my
codependent behavior or a lot of how I was responding
potentially even enabling and making everything worse. That all was
(31:36):
my problem. And alan On gave me the tools to
no longer behave that way, mostly because I mean sometimes
it comes back. But if you want to have a
healthy relationship with your qualifier, which your qualifiers, whoever in
your life has led you to a meeting, so that
(31:58):
could be a mom, dad, a sibling, a spouse, a friend,
a child. Yes, I love my group. I go to
a women's group and I'm so inspired, especially by some
of the women that have been going for years and
years and years and they still show up and they
still benefit from that community and people sharing. And it
(32:23):
is not about the qualifier though, So like, don't think
you go to a meeting and it's just like to
vent about this, this and that. That is not what
it is about. You stay on your side of the street.
And that's where I got a lot of that language
and terminology was okay, got to stay on my side
of the street, which has helped me in a lot
of relationships because some stuff it's not my problem to
(32:44):
try to fix or point out, like, I need to
work on what I can control and what I can fix,
and that is only within me, and so I need
to have awareness of my own areas of weakness or
where I can approve. And that's what it is encourages
you to do. I mean, you're working a program, just
like your person may or may not be working a program.
(33:06):
So you can be at alan On and your person
may be sober and working their program, or they may
still be active, or they could relapse. And so the
best thing you can do for yourself is be consistent
and go when you can. But also a lot of
times I think people hear alan On or even AA
and they think like, oh, this weekly thing, which for
(33:27):
the people that are in the thick of the addiction
or the alcoholism, maybe that is what they need. I
don't know, not someone that needs to speak to that
because everybody's different. But I think there's an overall impression
of like, you have to go to meetings all the time.
And with alan On, I would never say you should
go weekly. I mean you should go as much you
can because it's still so great. Like I never regret
(33:50):
going to a meeting, and I know that I walk
away from that meeting a better person, whether that lasts
for five minutes or hopefully five days or five months,
whatever I'm I know that I have the tools, and
I feel empowered, and I feel encouraged and motivated and
inspired and challenged. But I don't want to put that
(34:11):
fear into people of like there's this expectation that you
have to show up because if you've never gone, it
can be scary. And also if you have in your
mind that you don't really need this and it's not
for you because it's the other person's problem, then you
might be turned off if someone was like, oh, you
need to go weekly, because then it can get overwhelming.
And so I'm just loosely throwing that out there. You
may decide yourself you want to go weekly or multiple
times a week, but that's going to be up to
(34:34):
you to decide, and so I just wanted to put
that little disclaimer that you just go try it out,
see what you think.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
Did you go by yourself the first time, like, not
knowing what to expect, knowing anybody there.
Speaker 1 (34:47):
Well, my first one was on zoom because it was
covid okay, And the first meeting I went to in person,
I knew someone was going okay, and I went with them.
Speaker 3 (34:57):
That's helpful to have somebody that you can show up with.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
Yeah, but I will tell you there are so many
times when I mean, you go around just like hi,
I'm and you say your name. But I don't want
that to scare people either. It's a safe space and
that's why it's anonymous, like nobody's talking about it, and
if they are, then I don't I can't imagine how
someone would leave that and just divulge something personal to
somebody or But there are people there's a lot of
(35:21):
shame around that and they feel like depending on the
size of their town or people that might gossip. I've
heard stories where people are like I wanted to come
to an ALANON meeting for years, but there was just
so much shame associated with it, and I thought if
I showed up to a meeting, people would know something
was going on in my life and that something was wrong,
and I didn't want to know out my qualifier and
(35:44):
it puts shame on my family. And she's like, I
wish I had not felt that way, because if I
had come sooner, it would have been so helpful. And
so we just need to release any judgment and shame
that we feel around that stuff. Like, I don't know
how there could be when someone's actively trying to do
something thing to better themselves.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
Yeah, when everybody that's going for the most part, you
guys are in it together, like it's more of a
sense of we're here for each other than like I'm
going to go gossip about this person. Now.
Speaker 3 (36:12):
That's what I would hope those communities feel.
Speaker 1 (36:14):
Like, Yeah, it's definitely felt that way for me, and
I do see a lot of people we're going around,
you say you know your name, and sometimes they'll say
if it's your first time, raise your hand, or if
you're new, and there's often new people that yeah, they're
just they've walked in and they're sitting in the back
by themselves, Like, do not let that hold you back
from going because it is a from my experience, been
(36:37):
a warm, loving, welcoming community that gives you the space
and the freedom. And my girlfriends that I have from there,
it's so freeing talking to them. There's like no judgment
because I feel like you're in a room full of
people that just like get so much and they've seen
(36:58):
a lot and they've been through a lot, and they're
just like, yeah, say whatever, it doesn't shock me and
it's fine, and you can come to me with anything,
or if you're having a hard day or you're struggling
because of this, or you're qualifier, this happened, like it
doesn't matter. Like everyone's just sort of call me at anytime,
say anything and there's no judgment. And I mean, I
know you and I have that relationship too. It's not
(37:18):
that you can't have that in other friendships, but when
you're in a room like that, it just hits different.
Speaker 2 (37:22):
Well, sometimes when you're struggling with certain things, you don't
want to bring those to certain people that are in
your circle, So it's nice to have a separate circle.
I mean similarly, like some people tell me things as
a therapist, they're not going to tell their best friend
so it's nice to be able to have a separation
in a group and people that do get it where
that helps release the shame that you might have around
certain things, and it might lead you to share that
(37:44):
with people in your circle more.
Speaker 1 (37:45):
Yeah, I will say, when you start to talk, they
have a timer.
Speaker 3 (37:50):
And when you hit it so helpful.
Speaker 1 (37:51):
When you hit the three minutes, you can be under
three minutes. But if it hits the three minutes, you
know someone has to volunteer at the beginning of the meeting, like,
I'll be taking time, and they just and so the
minute you start talking, they set the timer. And then
sometimes it'll be like beepeep, beep, beep, beep peep, and
you can tell someone might not be done. And I'm like, oh, no, I.
Speaker 2 (38:07):
Know, I would hate to be the timer. I guess
you don't have to say stop it beeps. The beeper
does that.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
And then everybody's not really pretty respectful. But it's like, okay,
I gotta wrap it up. And that's the only thing. Yeah,
I don't speak because I'm like.
Speaker 3 (38:20):
You can't do three minutes.
Speaker 1 (38:22):
It might take me at least ten to say anything
that's on my mind about what I want to share.
But every time someone shares like I either late or
I walk away with like a nugget of wisdom, or
I feel encouraged because again, it's not a bash session.
They're not You're not even talking about your person. You
may share something, but it's not really about them. It's
about you. This episode is brought to you by allan
(38:45):
On Ellanon, but not I'm sure there's other similar programs.
Speaker 3 (38:50):
See, but I just think a lot of people don't
know what allan On is.
Speaker 1 (38:54):
I agree. I had never heard of it. When they
said I needed to go, I'm like, excuse me, what
you talk? I don't even I don't even know what
you're t and I don't need.
Speaker 3 (39:00):
It and I don't need that.
Speaker 1 (39:02):
And then I got there and I was like, oh
my gosh, where has this been my whole life? Like
this is amazing. I feel like everyone would benefit from
a program like that, and honestly, I could go more consistently.
But it has helped in my relationship with my qualifier,
Like it's so good because of it, and it wouldn't
(39:24):
be because I wouldn't have the tools. I wouldn't know
how to deal with that, and I didn't know for
years yeah, and it made it bad or even worse.
And then you realize, like how you contribute to the
problem and you can step out of victim mode.
Speaker 2 (39:36):
And well I was going to say, look, you're taking
responsibility versus placing blame, So now I can respect you more.
Speaker 1 (39:42):
Low key, low key flex All right, cat? Where can
people find you on Instagram at kat van Buren and
I am at Radio Amy. That's my handle. And don't
forget there's tons of four things items cool mom. The
list goes on pimp and joy so much stuff. Just
(40:03):
go to the link in the show notes or the
shop ford dot com slash amy. Use Amy twenty for
twenty percent off as a little gift to you and
support Haiti with your purchases. It's gifts that keep on
giving giving giving. And seven older children were recently dropped
off at the orphanage and that is a major unexpected
added expense, Like they no warning. Child Services just showed
(40:26):
up and said these seven kids were unsafe for they
were we have to leave them here. And Haiti is
so unsafe right now. So thankfully the orphanage can be
a safe place. And you know they're schooling for these
seven kids. There's food, clothes, so that is where your
money will be going. So if you want to shop
with a purpose, do that and know that you'll be
(40:49):
impacting those seven kids and their everyday lives at the orphanage.
So all right, Kat and I'll talk to you later.
We hope you have a very merry Christmas. Christmas for
to have need to have, Yeah, hit up a meeting
if you need to, because family time can get a
little crazy. And we'll see you soon. Bye bye.
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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