January 17, 2025 • 14 mins
OUTWEIGH: Have you ever wondered why your teen seems to reach for snacks—even when they’re not hungry? In this second part of our series, Leanne is back with Natalie Borrell of Life Success for Teens to dig into the hidden emotional triggers that push teens toward food for a quick dopamine hit. They look at how stress, loneliness, boredom, and anxiety can morph into cravings that have little to do with actual hunger—and how you, as a parent, can offer them alternatives that truly soothe the root cause.
Natalie and Leanne share brain-based strategies to help teens recognize what they’re really feeling, break the pattern of food-as-comfort, and practice healthier outlets for life’s daily challenges. From teaching emotional awareness to rewiring old coping habits, it’s not about willpower or “just say no.” It’s about giving teens the practical tools they need to handle stress without turning to the pantry. If you’re tired of watching your teen battle silent anxieties that show up in a snack bowl, this episode is a must-listen.
GUEST: Natalie Borrell // @lifesuccessforteens // lifesuccessforteens.com
HOST: Leanne Ellington // StresslessEating.com // @leanneellington
To learn more about re-wiring your brain to heal from the all-or-nothing diet mentality for good....but WITHOUT restricting yourself, punishing your body, (and definitely WITHOUT ever having to use words like macros, low-carb, or calorie burn) head on over to www.StresslessEating.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
I'm made, don't won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I'm learning to love who.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
I am again.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
I'm strong, I feel free.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
I know every part of me.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
It is beautiful.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
And that will always out way if you feel it
with your hands, and there she'll some love to the food.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
There say God day and did you and die out way?
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Hey, hey, and happy Saturday. Outweigh. We are back for
part two of this series where Again Parents. If you've
ever felt helpless watching your teen battle food obsession, or
body dysmorphia, or an endless cycle of stress, anxiety, self doubt,
coping mechanisms, you name it, this series is for you.
We are back here with Natalie Burrell, the founder of
Life Success for Teens, and she brings nearly two decades
(00:58):
of experience helping teenagers not just academically, but emotionally, mentally,
and as you're going to learn today, socially. So we're
going to dive in with our episode today where last
week we talked about this idea of anxiety and stress
and overwhelm and all the perceived pressures that these teens
are feeling when they feel so out of control, and
how you as parents can help the teens, how you
can give them, you know, positive help and support without overstepping,
(01:21):
without making it worse. And then today we're going to
go into this idea of the coping mechanism side of things.
So when your child has emotional needs that aren't being filled,
if you're seeing them reach for food or Netflix or
mindlessly scrolling Instagram, which again can be its own endless pit,
what is your teen really hungry for? So we're going
to dive on into that today. So, first of all,
(01:43):
welcome back, Natalie. Thank you so much for being here.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
I'm happy to be here. It's a pleasure to be back.
Thanks for having me.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Yes, absolutely, well, let's dive in. So you know, when
it comes to I think you know, it's easy for
parents to decipher when they know that their kid is
in an emotional space and there and their kid comes
to them and is like, hey, mom, this is what's happening,
or this is what I'm going through, or they've just
learned to read the room. But when these hit, these
triggers or these emotions are hidden, right, what are these
(02:11):
things that you're noticing as you're you and your coaches
are working with kids, what are the kinds of things
that are triggering these kids? And it's and and again
they're coping mechanisms might be to use food when they're
not physically hungry, or it might be to you know,
numb out on social media when they're not necessarily bored,
or they still have a to do list of homework
and it's kind of this kind of numbing, procrastinating, you know,
(02:32):
coping mechanism. Can you share a little bit about like
what are we not seeing?
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Okay, So hidden triggers, absolutely, there's a lot of these.
So the one that I see most often from teenagers
is that feeling of pressure. And that's hard to see
because there's really no like physical symptoms of that. So
when you're feeling pressure, of course that's an internal thing.
And that pressure can come from academic sources, it can
(02:58):
come from socials, it can come like from not feeling enough,
but it can also come from that feeling of being
overwhelmed and not knowing where to start. So pressure is
definitely a really big one. Another one that I see
quite often is that feeling of comparison, where we're looking
at the people around us and even though you know,
(03:19):
you might be a high achiever or you are smart
and capable, you can't always see that when you're comparing
yourself to the person next to you. I have a
lot of students who will be upset when they get
a ninety five and the person next to them gets
a ninety eight, and they make that mean something about
themselves that's not true, like I'm not smart, absolutely right,
So some of those hidden triggers are definitely coming from pressure.
(03:42):
They're coming from overwhelmed and then a feeling of I'm
not enough, which in other words, could be comparing yourself
to somebody else.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Yeah, and it's so interesting too because on the brain
side of things, we talk about a lot about the
anterior singulate cortex on here, which is the part of
the brain that's looking for acceptance, it's looking for connection,
it's looking for belonging, and interestingly enough, it really starts
developing around puberty, you know, so for these kids, so
it's such a heightened time in their life. So when
it comes to these things again, like it's not necessarily
(04:09):
even real, it's just a perception of what they think
is reality of like this is this is the data
I got, I got in ninety six, and the drama is,
oh my gosh, I should have gotten ninety eight. Sally
got in ninety eight. I must be stupid. I'm never
going to get into college. Rabbit hole, rabbit hole, rabbit hole. Right,
So that's some of it. But then there's also the
other side of it, the kind of distress or the
you know, the lower level emotions like the loneliness or
(04:33):
what some teens would call boredom, even though they're probably
not truly bored, right, but can you talk about how
like when they are stressed, when they are overwhelmed, when
they're feeling lonely, bored, anxiety. What are you hearing from
parents when it comes to these kids looking for these
quick dopamine hits from food, from Netflix, from you know, TikTok, Instagram,
whatever the kids are listening to nowadays? Can you talk
(04:55):
to us a little bit about that sure that you're
seeing in your work.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Yes, the things that I hear most often is like
getting the dopamine hits are absolutely screen time. I think
it comes up on probably seventy to eighty percent of
my calls, is the dopamine hit from being on a screen.
But also what comes with that is that feeling of
I don't have to interact with the world right now,
like I don't have to be social, like nobody's looking
(05:18):
at me. I can just like retreat into my phone.
So yeah, scrolling on a phone is absolutely one. The
other one that I see for quick dopamine hit is
like angry bursts, like emotional outbursts that happen, and that's
when those feelings just build up and build up and
they have to get released. So I hear about that
quite often. And then the other thing I hear is
(05:41):
that parents will tell me that their teens isolate themselves.
They want to go in the room, they want to
shut the door, they don't want to come out for dinner.
They just want to be alone in their room and
probably be on their phone. So those are the most
common things that I hear.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Absolutely, and just in the work that I've done with teens,
everything that you just said doesn't as necessarily like can
also come alongside using food, as you know, turning to
the pantry for a coping mechanism. So so parents, if
you're listening, like, it's not always just one thing like
they especially, I mean I have I was working with
these two college age girls. They were seniors and you know,
(06:16):
it was over the summer, so they're heading into college.
But like both of them had tendencies to go in
their room, isolate themselves, watch Netflix on their computer, and
binge on food. Right, So that's like three different things
at once, right, And so these are the kinds of
things that again, like we're talking about on the last episode,
a lot of parents, their first inclination is to be
like stop that, don't do that, Why are you doing that?
(06:37):
Like help them, like try to you know, remedy this,
But obviously that can create further you know, distress on
the team. So when it comes to your you know,
parents that are noticing these coping mechanisms in these habits,
what would you say to the parents that are listening
in terms of like how they can help them and
what what would actually not necessarily be the best idea?
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Yeah, absolutely so I would say not a good idea
would be to go in there and say something to
the effect of what you're doing is unhealthy. Why are
you doing this? We've given you so many different options.
I just don't understand why you're doing this. Because what
you're doing right there is putting up a wall, like
it's saying that you're doing something wrong. So what I
would say and said is to always be suggesting other
(07:17):
things or providing opportunities for them to do other things
instead of that quick dopamine hit of being on their
phone or you know, going into the pantry and binging.
But part of that then does include setting up boundaries
and guidelines and rules for devices and any parents that
are listening. I mean, I know this is so difficult,
it's such a battle. But the earlier you can do it,
(07:40):
the more that is the norm, because it's very hard
to stop a screen. I'll call it an addiction once
it is there. So the more that you can limit that,
or the more that you can even model for yourself
or model for your team by doing it yourself, that
your phone or these other unhealthy coping mechanisms are not
(08:01):
the way to go. If you can model it and
you can put up some restrictions and boundaries, you're way
better off because it's much harder when there's an addiction there.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
Absolutely, And just to stack WoT you said, it's so powerful,
Like I'll have clients that come to me and they're
and they're frustrated with their own stuff, and then they're
complaining or fearful about their children's And one of the
first things I say to them is like, what are
you modeling?
Speaker 2 (08:24):
You know?
Speaker 1 (08:24):
And so and so parents, if you're listening to this
and you're having your own you know, filling voids with
coping mechanisms side of things, like, that's the kind of
thing where it's you know, it's it's helpful to get
your own help and support as well, so that you
can model rather than you know, do as I say,
not as I do, kind of type thing totally.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
And you know, it's all about like self soothing, right Like,
if we're getting to the foundation of all this, it's
all about making yourself feel better, and your brain is
going to naturally go towards the things that have made
you feel better in the past, right Like, it recognizes
that pattern. So something that we always talk to you
about teenagers is like really recognizing how it is that
(09:02):
they want to feel in that moment. For example, if
you are lonely, what is it that you want to feel?
You probably want to feel connected or appreciated or loved.
Right So then after you realize like what is it
you want to feel, we encourage them to think about, well,
what actions can you take to actually feel that way? Right, So,
if it's connection and love you want to feel, what
(09:23):
are some actions you can take to step towards that
and then question yourself like, is this action I'm about
to take one that my future self is going to
be happy about? Or do I know is there that
like little ringing voice that's telling me that's not really
a good idea. So to give kind of a process
of how to like recognize that you need something different
and then choose a way to get it that is healthy,
(09:46):
It can be really helpful. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
Absolutely, Now getting these kids to buy into the process
of knowing that they need help and support and they
need the tools.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Right.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
What's the process that you go through with parents? Yeah,
you know, because you're talk to the parents at first
and foremost, and then you have to get buy in
from the kids. So for any parent who's like, Okay,
how do I get buy in from my children?
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Can you just kind of share a little bit of
the peak behind the curtain with what you guys do
with your clients and kids?
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Certainly, so anytime somebody signs up for a call with us,
we do always say, your teenager has to be receptive
for this work in order for the magic to happen. Right, Like,
we don't want your teenager coming kicking and screaming because
it's not going to work for them and it's going
to be a waste of your time and resources. But
at the same time, we want to give families some words,
some information about how you can explain coaching or explain
(10:34):
getting support to a teenager that makes it more palatable. Okay,
So there's a couple of things that we say. The
first one is we want to give a teenager something
that they can relate to already. So for example, we'll say, hey,
you know how professional athletes have coaches. It's the same
thing for you know, regular people. It's just somebody to
(10:54):
get from where you are right now to wherever it
is that you want to be. So, for example, if
you're kids into basketball, you can talk about how Lebron
James absolutely has an athletic coach, but you can really
bet that he has a mindset coach. He probably has
all kinds of financial coach, right because there are skill
sets that he doesn't have but he knows he needs
(11:16):
to have. But he needs a professional to help him
with that, right, So we want to make kind of
that bridge between something they can already relate to, like
a professional athlete has a coach, and it can really
just be an easy way to make it seem more
palatable and normal, not like there's something wrong with that
that needs to be fixed.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
And now, kind of going off what you said, it's
so so powerful, I'm sure, and there is no judgment,
no shame, but there are probably some parents that are
listening and saying, but no, there is something wrong with
my child's brain, right, And so can we just talk
can we address that elephant in the room for a
minute like that this is not about willpower, it's about
providing the tools to rewire these default responses to stressors.
But can we just kind of talk about that and
(11:56):
set the record trait because I know, I mean, for
certain Ellen's elements of my life for many years is
like my brain is broken, like there's something wrong with me, right,
and it needs to be fixed. And it was like
this very kind of you know, like punitive kind of mindset.
So can we just kind of speak to that a
little bit so that these parents can help understand what's
really happening for their kids.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Yeah. Absolutely. I mean that phrase that there's nothing wrong
with you that needs to be fixed is something that
our coaches say often to teenagers in their first session
because sometimes there is a perception, you know, if a
teenager is going to therapy, for example, that there's something
wrong with their brain or something wrong with the way
that they think, and that feels very scary and that
(12:38):
can you know, put up a wall before your teenager
even meets that person. And I'm not knocking on therapy.
I think therapy is wonderful for the right situations. But
if you have a teenager that needs more like a
boost of confidence, they need the right mindset, they need
a positive perspective, and they need to learn skills and
tools that that's coach like to me, that's not something
(13:01):
that needs to be fixed. That's just enhancing what's already
there and giving a skill set.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Absolutely, and like you were sharing on last week's episode,
personalizing it. Make sure that it resonates with them that
they have tools that they can actually use in their
toolbox that works with their brain. And then again you're
enhancing what's already there rather than making them feel like
something's wrong or broken.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Yeah, exactly. And I think another important point here is
a teenager has to see what's in it for them,
right like they have to see why would I do this?
Why would I spend Is this a good use of
my time? But also you know what is in it
for them in terms of what are they going to
feel better about, what are they going to feel less
stressed about, or what is going to be easier if
(13:42):
they get the support, Because if you can get to
that piece of it now, there's a need there, a
need to feel a certain way, and in order to
feel that way, that's where you'll add in the support.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
So so good love it.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Well.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
We are going to be back next week talking all
about these unrealistic ideals of you know, finding your own
worth rather than chasing other people's approval, the body image,
the social media you know, epidemic if you want to
call it that, all the things. So we'll be back
with part three of this series. But in the meantime,
where can people find you? Where can they learn more
(14:15):
about the work that you do?
Speaker 2 (14:17):
Yeah, you can find me on Instagram. That is where
I am most often at life successfoteens dot com. We
also have a website with the same exact name Life
success for teens dot Com amazing.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
Well, we are going to put that in the show
notes for you to access. She puts out amazing content, guys.
So if you are listening and you want some support
understanding your teenager and how to help them, that is
the place to hang out. So that is it for today.
We will be back next week for our final part
of this series and we'll see you then. Bye.
I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
I'm made, don't won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I'm learning to love who.
Speaker 1 (00:10):
I am again.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
I'm strong, I feel free.
Speaker 1 (00:14):
I know every part of me.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
It is beautiful.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
And that will always out way if you feel it
with your hands, and there she'll some love to the food.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
There say God day and did you and die out way?
Speaker 1 (00:35):
Hey, hey, and happy Saturday. Outweigh. We are back for
part two of this series where Again Parents. If you've
ever felt helpless watching your teen battle food obsession, or
body dysmorphia, or an endless cycle of stress, anxiety, self doubt,
coping mechanisms, you name it, this series is for you.
We are back here with Natalie Burrell, the founder of
Life Success for Teens, and she brings nearly two decades
(00:58):
of experience helping teenagers not just academically, but emotionally, mentally,
and as you're going to learn today, socially. So we're
going to dive in with our episode today where last
week we talked about this idea of anxiety and stress
and overwhelm and all the perceived pressures that these teens
are feeling when they feel so out of control, and
how you as parents can help the teens, how you
can give them, you know, positive help and support without overstepping,
(01:21):
without making it worse. And then today we're going to
go into this idea of the coping mechanism side of things.
So when your child has emotional needs that aren't being filled,
if you're seeing them reach for food or Netflix or
mindlessly scrolling Instagram, which again can be its own endless pit,
what is your teen really hungry for? So we're going
to dive on into that today. So, first of all,
(01:43):
welcome back, Natalie. Thank you so much for being here.
Speaker 2 (01:46):
I'm happy to be here. It's a pleasure to be back.
Thanks for having me.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
Yes, absolutely, well, let's dive in. So you know, when
it comes to I think you know, it's easy for
parents to decipher when they know that their kid is
in an emotional space and there and their kid comes
to them and is like, hey, mom, this is what's happening,
or this is what I'm going through, or they've just
learned to read the room. But when these hit, these
triggers or these emotions are hidden, right, what are these
(02:11):
things that you're noticing as you're you and your coaches
are working with kids, what are the kinds of things
that are triggering these kids? And it's and and again
they're coping mechanisms might be to use food when they're
not physically hungry, or it might be to you know,
numb out on social media when they're not necessarily bored,
or they still have a to do list of homework
and it's kind of this kind of numbing, procrastinating, you know,
(02:32):
coping mechanism. Can you share a little bit about like
what are we not seeing?
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Okay, So hidden triggers, absolutely, there's a lot of these.
So the one that I see most often from teenagers
is that feeling of pressure. And that's hard to see
because there's really no like physical symptoms of that. So
when you're feeling pressure, of course that's an internal thing.
And that pressure can come from academic sources, it can
(02:58):
come from socials, it can come like from not feeling enough,
but it can also come from that feeling of being
overwhelmed and not knowing where to start. So pressure is
definitely a really big one. Another one that I see
quite often is that feeling of comparison, where we're looking
at the people around us and even though you know,
(03:19):
you might be a high achiever or you are smart
and capable, you can't always see that when you're comparing
yourself to the person next to you. I have a
lot of students who will be upset when they get
a ninety five and the person next to them gets
a ninety eight, and they make that mean something about
themselves that's not true, like I'm not smart, absolutely right,
So some of those hidden triggers are definitely coming from pressure.
(03:42):
They're coming from overwhelmed and then a feeling of I'm
not enough, which in other words, could be comparing yourself
to somebody else.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Yeah, and it's so interesting too because on the brain
side of things, we talk about a lot about the
anterior singulate cortex on here, which is the part of
the brain that's looking for acceptance, it's looking for connection,
it's looking for belonging, and interestingly enough, it really starts
developing around puberty, you know, so for these kids, so
it's such a heightened time in their life. So when
it comes to these things again, like it's not necessarily
(04:09):
even real, it's just a perception of what they think
is reality of like this is this is the data
I got, I got in ninety six, and the drama is,
oh my gosh, I should have gotten ninety eight. Sally
got in ninety eight. I must be stupid. I'm never
going to get into college. Rabbit hole, rabbit hole, rabbit hole. Right,
So that's some of it. But then there's also the
other side of it, the kind of distress or the
you know, the lower level emotions like the loneliness or
(04:33):
what some teens would call boredom, even though they're probably
not truly bored, right, but can you talk about how
like when they are stressed, when they are overwhelmed, when
they're feeling lonely, bored, anxiety. What are you hearing from
parents when it comes to these kids looking for these
quick dopamine hits from food, from Netflix, from you know, TikTok, Instagram,
whatever the kids are listening to nowadays? Can you talk
(04:55):
to us a little bit about that sure that you're
seeing in your work.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Yes, the things that I hear most often is like
getting the dopamine hits are absolutely screen time. I think
it comes up on probably seventy to eighty percent of
my calls, is the dopamine hit from being on a screen.
But also what comes with that is that feeling of
I don't have to interact with the world right now,
like I don't have to be social, like nobody's looking
(05:18):
at me. I can just like retreat into my phone.
So yeah, scrolling on a phone is absolutely one. The
other one that I see for quick dopamine hit is
like angry bursts, like emotional outbursts that happen, and that's
when those feelings just build up and build up and
they have to get released. So I hear about that
quite often. And then the other thing I hear is
(05:41):
that parents will tell me that their teens isolate themselves.
They want to go in the room, they want to
shut the door, they don't want to come out for dinner.
They just want to be alone in their room and
probably be on their phone. So those are the most
common things that I hear.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Absolutely, and just in the work that I've done with teens,
everything that you just said doesn't as necessarily like can
also come alongside using food, as you know, turning to
the pantry for a coping mechanism. So so parents, if
you're listening, like, it's not always just one thing like
they especially, I mean I have I was working with
these two college age girls. They were seniors and you know,
(06:16):
it was over the summer, so they're heading into college.
But like both of them had tendencies to go in
their room, isolate themselves, watch Netflix on their computer, and
binge on food. Right, So that's like three different things
at once, right, And so these are the kinds of
things that again, like we're talking about on the last episode,
a lot of parents, their first inclination is to be
like stop that, don't do that, Why are you doing that?
(06:37):
Like help them, like try to you know, remedy this,
But obviously that can create further you know, distress on
the team. So when it comes to your you know,
parents that are noticing these coping mechanisms in these habits,
what would you say to the parents that are listening
in terms of like how they can help them and
what what would actually not necessarily be the best idea?
Speaker 2 (06:55):
Yeah, absolutely so I would say not a good idea
would be to go in there and say something to
the effect of what you're doing is unhealthy. Why are
you doing this? We've given you so many different options.
I just don't understand why you're doing this. Because what
you're doing right there is putting up a wall, like
it's saying that you're doing something wrong. So what I
would say and said is to always be suggesting other
(07:17):
things or providing opportunities for them to do other things
instead of that quick dopamine hit of being on their
phone or you know, going into the pantry and binging.
But part of that then does include setting up boundaries
and guidelines and rules for devices and any parents that
are listening. I mean, I know this is so difficult,
it's such a battle. But the earlier you can do it,
(07:40):
the more that is the norm, because it's very hard
to stop a screen. I'll call it an addiction once
it is there. So the more that you can limit that,
or the more that you can even model for yourself
or model for your team by doing it yourself, that
your phone or these other unhealthy coping mechanisms are not
(08:01):
the way to go. If you can model it and
you can put up some restrictions and boundaries, you're way
better off because it's much harder when there's an addiction there.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
Absolutely, And just to stack WoT you said, it's so powerful,
Like I'll have clients that come to me and they're
and they're frustrated with their own stuff, and then they're
complaining or fearful about their children's And one of the
first things I say to them is like, what are
you modeling?
Speaker 2 (08:24):
You know?
Speaker 1 (08:24):
And so and so parents, if you're listening to this
and you're having your own you know, filling voids with
coping mechanisms side of things, like, that's the kind of
thing where it's you know, it's it's helpful to get
your own help and support as well, so that you
can model rather than you know, do as I say,
not as I do, kind of type thing totally.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
And you know, it's all about like self soothing, right Like,
if we're getting to the foundation of all this, it's
all about making yourself feel better, and your brain is
going to naturally go towards the things that have made
you feel better in the past, right Like, it recognizes
that pattern. So something that we always talk to you
about teenagers is like really recognizing how it is that
(09:02):
they want to feel in that moment. For example, if
you are lonely, what is it that you want to feel?
You probably want to feel connected or appreciated or loved.
Right So then after you realize like what is it
you want to feel, we encourage them to think about, well,
what actions can you take to actually feel that way? Right, So,
if it's connection and love you want to feel, what
(09:23):
are some actions you can take to step towards that
and then question yourself like, is this action I'm about
to take one that my future self is going to
be happy about? Or do I know is there that
like little ringing voice that's telling me that's not really
a good idea. So to give kind of a process
of how to like recognize that you need something different
and then choose a way to get it that is healthy,
(09:46):
It can be really helpful. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
Absolutely, Now getting these kids to buy into the process
of knowing that they need help and support and they
need the tools.
Speaker 2 (09:55):
Right.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
What's the process that you go through with parents? Yeah,
you know, because you're talk to the parents at first
and foremost, and then you have to get buy in
from the kids. So for any parent who's like, Okay,
how do I get buy in from my children?
Speaker 2 (10:06):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (10:06):
Can you just kind of share a little bit of
the peak behind the curtain with what you guys do
with your clients and kids?
Speaker 2 (10:10):
Certainly, so anytime somebody signs up for a call with us,
we do always say, your teenager has to be receptive
for this work in order for the magic to happen. Right, Like,
we don't want your teenager coming kicking and screaming because
it's not going to work for them and it's going
to be a waste of your time and resources. But
at the same time, we want to give families some words,
some information about how you can explain coaching or explain
(10:34):
getting support to a teenager that makes it more palatable. Okay,
So there's a couple of things that we say. The
first one is we want to give a teenager something
that they can relate to already. So for example, we'll say, hey,
you know how professional athletes have coaches. It's the same
thing for you know, regular people. It's just somebody to
(10:54):
get from where you are right now to wherever it
is that you want to be. So, for example, if
you're kids into basketball, you can talk about how Lebron
James absolutely has an athletic coach, but you can really
bet that he has a mindset coach. He probably has
all kinds of financial coach, right because there are skill
sets that he doesn't have but he knows he needs
(11:16):
to have. But he needs a professional to help him
with that, right, So we want to make kind of
that bridge between something they can already relate to, like
a professional athlete has a coach, and it can really
just be an easy way to make it seem more
palatable and normal, not like there's something wrong with that
that needs to be fixed.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
And now, kind of going off what you said, it's
so so powerful, I'm sure, and there is no judgment,
no shame, but there are probably some parents that are
listening and saying, but no, there is something wrong with
my child's brain, right, And so can we just talk
can we address that elephant in the room for a
minute like that this is not about willpower, it's about
providing the tools to rewire these default responses to stressors.
But can we just kind of talk about that and
(11:56):
set the record trait because I know, I mean, for
certain Ellen's elements of my life for many years is
like my brain is broken, like there's something wrong with me, right,
and it needs to be fixed. And it was like
this very kind of you know, like punitive kind of mindset.
So can we just kind of speak to that a
little bit so that these parents can help understand what's
really happening for their kids.
Speaker 2 (12:17):
Yeah. Absolutely. I mean that phrase that there's nothing wrong
with you that needs to be fixed is something that
our coaches say often to teenagers in their first session
because sometimes there is a perception, you know, if a
teenager is going to therapy, for example, that there's something
wrong with their brain or something wrong with the way
that they think, and that feels very scary and that
(12:38):
can you know, put up a wall before your teenager
even meets that person. And I'm not knocking on therapy.
I think therapy is wonderful for the right situations. But
if you have a teenager that needs more like a
boost of confidence, they need the right mindset, they need
a positive perspective, and they need to learn skills and
tools that that's coach like to me, that's not something
(13:01):
that needs to be fixed. That's just enhancing what's already
there and giving a skill set.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
Absolutely, and like you were sharing on last week's episode,
personalizing it. Make sure that it resonates with them that
they have tools that they can actually use in their
toolbox that works with their brain. And then again you're
enhancing what's already there rather than making them feel like
something's wrong or broken.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
Yeah, exactly. And I think another important point here is
a teenager has to see what's in it for them,
right like they have to see why would I do this?
Why would I spend Is this a good use of
my time? But also you know what is in it
for them in terms of what are they going to
feel better about, what are they going to feel less
stressed about, or what is going to be easier if
(13:42):
they get the support, Because if you can get to
that piece of it now, there's a need there, a
need to feel a certain way, and in order to
feel that way, that's where you'll add in the support.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
So so good love it.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Well.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
We are going to be back next week talking all
about these unrealistic ideals of you know, finding your own
worth rather than chasing other people's approval, the body image,
the social media you know, epidemic if you want to
call it that, all the things. So we'll be back
with part three of this series. But in the meantime,
where can people find you? Where can they learn more
(14:15):
about the work that you do?
Speaker 2 (14:17):
Yeah, you can find me on Instagram. That is where
I am most often at life successfoteens dot com. We
also have a website with the same exact name Life
success for teens dot Com amazing.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
Well, we are going to put that in the show
notes for you to access. She puts out amazing content, guys.
So if you are listening and you want some support
understanding your teenager and how to help them, that is
the place to hang out. So that is it for today.
We will be back next week for our final part
of this series and we'll see you then. Bye.
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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