Amy and Kat dive into the important reminder that feelings aren’t facts. Yes, feelings give us information, but they don’t always tell us the whole truth. They also talk about why confusion might actually be a sign you're growing, why talking to yourself out loud is a good thing (according to science!), and how to build curiosity instead of judgment when emotions get messy.
Plus: Amy shares a funny story about stretching, Kat breaks down what to do when a therapist gives you the ick, and a beautiful email about finding hope during a hard fertility journey
Remember: your feelings are real…but you get to decide how much they drive the car!!
Have the day you need to have!
Call and leave a voicemail: 877-207-2077
Email: heythere@feelingthingspodcast.com
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Van Buren // @KatVanburen
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Good.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
All right, break it down.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
If you ever have feelings that you just won'ts Amy
and Cat gotcha covin locking a brother. Ladies and folks,
do you just follow on the spirit where it's telling
the front over real stuff, tell the chill stuff and
the m But Swayne, sometimes the best thing you can
do it just stop you feel things. This is feeling
(00:27):
things with Amy and Cat.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Happy Tuesday, feeling things. I'm Amy and I'm Cat, and
today we're getting into something really important. Feelings aren't facts.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Oh that is good. It's good and also addition to
our feeling of the day because we know we're gonna
do that. Yeah, we are going to do an email
of the day, which we need to jingle for cause, but.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
It can't be you can't be of the day. No,
if it's feeling of the day, we need a new
one for email of the day. So we'll just have
to let's do it in the moment.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
I guess we get to it. Okay, we're not going
to do it now.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
I think we do the dingle when it comes up. Okay,
when it's time for the Email of the day. Plus
I need to kind of think about I feel pressure. Yeah,
because it's it feels natural to just go email of
the day, which maybe we will, but maybe we'll find something.
Oh yeah, we'll find out before we get into some
of that though. Did you hear me talking to myself
when you got to my house.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Which too often?
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Oh you noticed that I do that a lot? Oh okay,
Well I feel good about that then, because I was
doing some research on it. Well, I came across something
about internal dialogue and also just talking to yourself, whether
inside your head or outside your head, so externally talking
out loud. And I was saying, like, stretch, Like I
(01:42):
got a stretch. I got a stretch because I need
to remind myself to stretch more because I'm trying to
take care of my eighty year old self. So forty
four year old me needs to stretch for eighty year
old me so that I'm not in a nursing home. Shoot,
maybe even seventy year old me, because that'll keep you
out of the nurse keep me out of there. Yes,
and I was reminding myself to stretch. But stretch now
(02:03):
has a double meaning because ever since you told me
about the stretching versus compromising in a relationship, I not
only want to stretch my muscles and tendons and ligaments,
but I want to stretch in my relationship. I want
to also compromise, but I think there are certain things
where I need to do some stretching and my boyfriend
needs to also stretch. And it's such a good little
(02:23):
nugget of wisdom. And I think you got it from
your therapist, right, yeah, okay, so I want you to
share it with everybody.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
This is passed down therapist therapist, therapist to friend. I
was talking to my therapist one day about how to compromise.
I needed to be better at it. Sometimes I struggle
with that because it feels like I'm Sometimes it feels
like you're losing, or it feels like you're giving up
or whatever. And she said she likes to think of
those kinds of things that you're stretching in a relationship.
(02:50):
So you doing something that you normally wouldn't do or
that you normally wouldn't want to do, is more like
you stretching some of your what you're comfortable with, stretch
your boundaries, sometimes stretching what you're used to. And I
just loved that metaphor of like, where can I stretch
more versus what am I giving up? I'm working on it.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
It's helped. It's like a slight change that was more
positive to me. To help your relationship tremendously.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
I'm gonna grow versus I'm shrinking. Compromise sometimes just feels
like you're shrinking. This feels like I'm becoming more and
you both get to do it.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Yeah, we're stretching over there, lots of stretching. But sometimes
stretching is a little painful, just like actually physically, like
I can't been down and touch on things. I'm like, oh,
my hamstrings are really tight. So if you're trying to
add this into your relationship, at first, you might be like, oh,
this is uncomfortable, this feels weird, this doesn't feel very positive.
But the more you do it, the easier it gets.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
So the study that I saw about talking to yourself,
I'm gonna share with you now. It sharpens cognitive function.
It's from Banger University, but I don't know if that's
how you say it. Maybe it's bangor Bungo. It's but
bangor University just sounded better bungor Bungo.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
But it's in the UK.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
It's in the UK Bank Bangor Bangor, But it's a
prestigious university.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
That's why I feel like I want to say it
correctly now. Banger University.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
I looked it up because I felt like Bangor University
wasn't giving us much cred But it was founded in
eighteen eighty four, dedicated to academic excellence for more than
one hundred and thirty five years. It's one of the
oldest and most prestigious degree awarding institutions. Bangor University acceptance
rate is around fifty six percent. Oh, in case she
carries about admissions.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Bangor Bangor, Yeah, that sounds prestigious.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
And my internal dialogue was like Banger University, and then
it suddenly wasn't feeling that credible.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
But it is.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
So they did this whole study and found that verbalizing
thoughts improves focus, speeds up problem solving, and boost memory.
Participants who spoke out loud while searching for objects like
where are my keys? Like if I'm my keys, I'm
so stupid? Why do I lose my keys all the time?
Speaker 1 (05:15):
No, I don't think you get to say the last part.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Okay, don't don't talk to yourself like that. But if
you talk out loud while searching, you are fifty percent
more successful in finding whatever it is you're looking.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
For fifty So it says, okay, we got to start
doing that. This is also I was started to laugh
because you said it helps with memory. That reminds me
of what's the movie called House Bunny? When she's like, Amy,
you don't know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
I don't know that I ever saw House Bunny. So
I love how. I'm like, Kat, have you seen the
classics like Dirty Dancing and Pretty Woman? And you're like, no,
but I've seen House Bunny.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
What it's also a classic? Okay with Anna Faris. I'm
pretty sure she's in it. I don't know, Okay, I
thought everybody would know this.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
No, but does she have an internal dialogue?
Speaker 1 (06:05):
So she is this person I don't remember most This
is all I remember from that whole movie. This is
the only thing I remember is when she meets somebody news,
she says she says their name like that is their name?
Like that, and then she's like, sorry, it helps my memory.
So when she meets somebody of your name was like Courtney,
she'd be.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
Like, oh, I wonder if Banger University has research on this.
They probably got it from Banger University. Why they put
that in the movie.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
And now you're okay, if you did that with people's names,
you would never forget them.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Yeah, they'll never forget, never forget you. Like, okay, but
the research continues.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
It also suggests that internal dialogue is a sign of
strong cognitive health. Historical geniuses like Albert Einstein, we're known
for practicing this. You're just like Albert, Yeah, but my
internal dialogue is probably not like his. His is always
like me squared equals.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
What is that so fun that you said why equals?
Speaker 2 (07:11):
I mean, and mine's more like you.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Stupid idiot.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
I highly doubtindside ever said you don't like that? But
self talk helps again emotional regulation. Oh no, this isn't
I haven't even said this stuff yet. Emotional regulation reduces
stress and improves decision making. Maybe I did touch on that,
So there you go. Talk to yourself. But some people
don't have internal dialogue, which is crazy to me. It
blows my mind when people are like, no, I don't
(07:36):
really talk to myself. And I mean they're smart, intelligent
people too, they just don't have a lot of conversation
with themselves.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Which would be interesting of how do you do they journal?
And also I guess I'm curious because I don't know
a ton about this is the difference between internal dialogue
and you talking out loud, that's not exactly the same thing.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Well, you can practice, I think you can say it
out loud, and you can also practice internally having a
conversation with yourself, because I think that's what Albert was practicing.
Because you can have internal dialogue that you're not even
asking for, it's just happening. I think you and I
both have a lot of that. But I guess it's
like if you're if you don't have it as much,
(08:18):
or you're trying to be real intentional with something, you
are like, Okay, I'm gonna have lots of thoughts right now,
let's really talk it out in my head. So it's
being intentional with it.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Okay. I like that. That's good stuff that that we
can use already.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Shout out banger. All right, let's do the feeling of
the day. I'm excited to get this to the one.
Oh sorry, the feeling of the day.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
It's like we're on some kids show that's like, come on, kids,
it's time for what the feeling of the day.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Gather around.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
It's just like my dream to be on Barney when
I was little, So maybe that's like this is your version.
I was too. I missed it.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
Yeah, Barney, I.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
Went to Barney Line popular, you did. I had four
different Barney's. Oh yeah, A Talking Barney, Santa Barney, Regular Barney,
and Minnie Barney.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Well, your feeling of the day is confused, and now
I'm confused by why you had so many Barney's.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
I loved Barney. He was my best friend. I also
had all the VHS's in my clo It's not weird, weird,
it sounds weird. It's not weird for a little kid
to be best friend with Barney, right.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Yeah, I know, I know, but I'm telling you I
missed it. Although I missed the Barney craze.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
That was the show that they had kids shows when
you were a kid.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Did I watch Save by the Bell?
Speaker 1 (09:38):
That's not a kid's show? Yes, it was.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
I spent every Saturday with Zach it was he was
He was my boyfriend.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Also, I remember when I moved This is side note.
This is the ADHD coming out. When we moved to Tennessee.
In second grade, I went to my class house a
new kid, and they're all introducing themselves, and one of
the kids was like, and we don't like Barney in
here for because that's for losers, or like something like
that's for little dorks or something. And I remember going
(10:12):
home and being like, mom, what am I gonna do? Like,
I'm not allowed to hang out with Barney anymore. He
sleeps with me everything. Then one time my babysitter came over.
He was putting me to bed and he handed me
my barney. Yeah he was a guy.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
No, it's fine. I wouldn't I'm not in a male
babysitters so that's just me.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
He was, I think he was. He was the older
brother of my brother's friend. Wow, is that weird?
Speaker 2 (10:42):
It is for me, I just wouldn't do it.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
But that's I know. People. I thought he was cool
because I thought it was cute. I'm sure, but I
didn't think it was cute when me heading me my barney,
and so I threw it out of my door and
I said, I don't sleep with that.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Don't be ridiculous. I don't even know where that came from.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
I probably ran back out and got it, and it's probably.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Like, well, you have three more of them lined up.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
You have all the hs is lined up in your closet.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
So yeah, no, I know that that's a hot topic
of male babysitters. Is it not a hot topic maybe
because you had one? But I never had a male
babysitter growing up, and I've never hired one. And I
don't know if it's just because I have this pre
conceived thing like it's conditioning and I'm not saying it's right,
(11:29):
but I just err on the side of like, that's okay,
I'm good.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
I guess it wasn't it's talking about I'm solicited for
a babysitter. It was like a family friend.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
Yeah. Yeah, but maybe I do have some personal stories
with people growing up that I know, and and that's
not fair, Yeah, because they're amazing male babysitters and caregivers
and manny's.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
And a lot of things are different than they were
back then, Like people don't do sleepovers like they used
to either, so male babysitters and sleep bowers are out.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
I don't know. Is it weird that I have a
very strong feeling around that and you're you've never you've
never encountered someone being like, oh no, I don't do
male babysitters.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
I guess. I don't talk about male babysitters a lot
with people. But I don't think it's weird because if
you had different experiences and you know stories, I had
a completely different experience. I had that, so I don't
think the same thing because we grew up in different environments.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
I know, well, we have determined we have like now
ten male listeners, and I don't want to offend anybody,
especially if some of them babies.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
Yeah, whatever makes you feel comfortable as a parent.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Yeah, you just have to vet and do your own
research and trust.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Your anyway, gut, I definitely wasn't sleeping with my Barney
when the male babysitter was the hot. I don't know
that I would have called him hot. As a kid,
I would have said he was cute.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Okay, Yeah, that's more appropriate.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Okay. Feeling the day, yes, Okay, So while you're confused
about this, I was on Instagram the other day and
I saw this. I guess it was just a post
that said it was a therapist's minded account and it said,
what are some things that your therapist has done that
gave you the ick, And before I read all of it,
I think I even sent it to you and I
(13:13):
was like, oh, this would be interesting. And then I
started reading it and I was like, this isn't really funny.
A lot of them were like very inappropriate.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
So it's surpassed ick.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
Yes, where I'm like, this should not be giving you
the ick. This should be like red flag, gotta get
out of here.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Right.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
It is just kind of like, that's weird, but whatever,
I might be able to move through that. Some of
these were crazy. So I was feeling confused about this
from the perspective of because I am a therapist, it
would never cross my mind. I'm sure that I've done
a lot of things incorrectly, and I'm sure i've given
a client the ick before.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
Oh man, I wish you could do some sort of
email blast all your clients and just be like, have
I given any of you the ick in any way?
And we get a report back.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
First of all, I don't want that feedback. Second of all,
they'd be like, uh huh, Like what kind of email is?
Speaker 2 (14:04):
They'd be like, or they'd be like, I've been waiting
for this, or maybe you just send it out to
people that have not returned.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
So what was it that I did that gave you
the ick and you never came back?
Speaker 2 (14:18):
What was some of this?
Speaker 1 (14:19):
Okay? I wrote some of them down, and then what
I also did is I took some of them because
some of them I wouldn't even want to share because
they were I don't want people to be that afraid
of therapy. But then I put a little box question
box on my Instagram and ask people and I'm going
to read you a couple of them. And I'm also
curious if you have any too, But let me read
some of these. And I'm going to read you a
(14:49):
couple of them. And I'm also curious if you have
any too, but let me read some of these. So
one was this got me? My therapist was knitting during
our session.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Okay, I've thought about this. My first initial thing that
popped in my mind is you know sometimes you doodle?
Do you ever doodle and you're actually able to pay
attention more because you're doodling?
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Yeah, that works for me.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
So I'm curious, does this therapist knit in order to
better pay attention?
Speaker 1 (15:21):
So that is very kind of you to think that way.
I do when I if I'm listening to something like
a lecture. In school, I always had to doodle or
write notes or something else. I would totally be in space.
So I get that. As a therapist, though, that comes off.
If I was doodling during my sessions. I think that
would come off like I wasn't really paying attention to them,
(15:43):
even though it would help. So if I was going
to do something, if I was gonna do something like that,
I would think it would be fair.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
For me to let my client know, like, how do
it exist what I do? Yeah, like I'm the best
therapist ever. Well, just so you know, I ever going
to color while you talk? Yes, okay, what's next?
Speaker 1 (16:01):
So I would encourage to not not in it. Therapists
ate lunch during.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
My sessions, okay, like you have to eat on your
own time? Yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
And also what if it smells and oh no.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
You know, yeah, I can't have an odor.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
It's one thing if you're eating lunch with your therapist,
and that's part of the therapy. Therapist is like, oh
if I have a busy day, like, it's weird held
a therapy session virtually from a bar.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
Oh, which is.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
Weird. You can't do that like, what would you I've
had clients tried to do a virtual session in an
inappropriate spot, but for the therapist to do that.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
So like if I wanted to do it from a bar,
you would you could know if I wanted to do
therapy from.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
A bar, you can't.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Why, hippa, You're not in a private I'm the person
I know.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
But even if I'm doing a virtual there are some
people when they do virtual sessions, they make you this
is like the best practice supposed to make them give
you a three sixty view of the room so you
know nobody else is in there.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Oh, I have never been told to do that.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Well, most people don't do that. That's like the best practice,
but it's kind of awkward.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
Okay, So no bars bars yekay.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
And that's also like not an environment where you Yeah,
I think that speaks for herself. Okay, this one. I
do have thoughts on therapists yawned a lot. Has your
therapist ever yawned? No?
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Why do you yawn a lot?
Speaker 3 (17:28):
Never?
Speaker 2 (17:28):
Hey, I guess I'm not boring. I keep my therapist
on her toes.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Well, sometimes I'm yawning, but I'm not tired. I think
sometimes Yeah, yawning doesn't mean it's like getting tire into
your lungs, is what I've learned, So that is. But
sometimes you can't help it, and it's more distracting when
you see somebody and be like, like, try to not yawn.
Then I'm just yawning. I'm moving on.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Yeah, but if my therapists were to yawn when I'm
trying to talk about something, I'd be like, I've been mortified.
I know that it's not bad, but I would just
be like, oh, yeah, maybe I.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Don't have that because my therapist is Yonn too. I
don't have that experience because I also have the experience
of yawning during a session. No, I need the yawn, see,
and you have to have to get one out.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
I got. I tried to get it out as much
as possible because it's not good to hold it out
if you hold in a yawn. I know there's a
thing like maybe Shannon can look it up for us,
Like I talked about this on the Bobby Bunch the
other day because he told us we can't yawn anymore,
and I said, Bobby, sometimes I'm not young because it
throws him off and then it makes it it just
it's not a good vibe for the room. But I'm like,
(18:37):
if I have to yawn, and it may not even
because I'm tired, I just need to yawn. So maybe
I need to have that same grace for my therapist.
Although I've never had my therapist yawn before. So I
guess if it's virtual, you can just like duck down
out of the screen.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Be right back. I need to plug in my computer,
and then you just go to the floor. I'd be
interested in what the contagious of yawning is to figure
that out. What do you mean, like, why why it's contagious?
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Because, yeah, I could see that being a problem at
the Bobby Bone Show because if you yawn and then
Bobby's yawning, and then whoever else is and then it's
like a big yon fest.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Okay, So holding in a yawn can lead to build
up a pressure and a feeling of needing a yawn
even more, while you might not be able to fully
release the yon, suppressing it and causing the need to intensify,
and then that just get gets worse. But I know
there's other things like if you hold it in, there's
other things.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
You might flo you know, your eyes will pop up.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
It can manifest is other stuff. Oh yeah, I'll get
to it. Keep reading others, then we'll read it.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Okay, So here's another. One laughed at me when I
explained one of the worst nights of my life, which, oh,
I'm interested in the context, because.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
That's why I couldn't be a therapist.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
I'd probably, but you can sense when somebody's telling a
story and like you might tell that same story, you
would think it's funny, and then I would laugh with
you if I also thought it was funny. But if
somebody's explaining to you, like a traumatic event, it's never
clicked in my mind mind to laugh. Oh yeah, you know, yeah, okay,
this is interesting. Advice told me that men are like
(20:07):
dogs and they need to be trained. Oh this is
just so funny thing for it. Yeah, I'd be like, okay,
what do you mean.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
A moment and you're like, tell your husband, Well, my
therapist told me you're a dog and I need to
train you. So I got you this shock collar. Okay,
if you don't yawn, it can increase your heart rate,
your blood pressure, lead to anxiety, nervousness, like if you
hold it in that feeling of like the inner something
(20:36):
has to go somewhere. Well, you also could become irritated.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
So my aunt, who's a doctor, she's not a doctor,
she's an ear nurse. I remember her saying that I've
just taken this as fact that yawning is just your
body trying to get in more oxygen. Okay, so that's
why I've not felt as bad to when I've yawned,
because I'm like, oh, I'm just trying to breathe, you know, well.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
See I'm tired. I'm just trying to breathe.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
What we'll say next time, Okay, I just have a
couple more. This one is answered a text on her
laptop and I heard the sound when I sent, so
that's probably on a virtual session. Here's another thing, and
this is a clue if anybody who is in virtual
therapy or is a therapist and does virtual therapy, you
need to be very careful of what glasses you're wearing
because you can see the reflection on especially blue light.
(21:23):
The reflection is so clear. So if you're texting or
you get a pick, yep, if you get a pick,
I also get the pick, So just be careful with that.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
One is showed me a picture of her kids in
Halloween costumes in the middle of our session. That's I
got a lot like that that were like, just gave
me too much personal information, which I understand. There is
a there's a fine line there. But the best one
I got came from cry Okay she sent me when
(21:59):
I said, like, what's something that your therapist did that
gave you the ck? She just sent in disagreed with me.
Oh yeah, that's sure. That's not great.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
Priankat doesn't want to be disagreed with She's.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
Like, I'm never coming back here. But does a.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Therapist like say you don't agree with your client, Like,
how do you say, Like do you say I don't
agree with what you're saying or I don't It.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Would depend on what it was.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
Yeah, I guess that's true.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
So there's ways to like, there's an art to disagree
with somebody, and also there's art to share your insight
even if it doesn't match up. But there's a difference
between that and somebody being like I'm gonna go, you know,
ruin ten years of sobriety because I'm pissed about blah
blah blah, and me being like this is not a
good idea.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
Yeah, like I can't submort first, I don't agree with that.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
Yes versus something else where I'm like, oh, I can
see why you would want to do that. Can we
look at this too, That's like I don't want any
of it.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Kend of like, don't disagree with me, And that's why
you're going to therapy to be affirmed so that you're
not like my way or the highway. So, just to
wrap up the yawning thing, I have more info.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
This is never gonna end.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
It has multiple potential causes, including tiredness, which is the
obvious one, boredom, which we think of butt stress and
brain temperature regulation are another reason why you yawn, and
the exact purpose still debated, but those are just some
of the reasons, and it's generally accepted that yawning plays
a role in regulating the brain temperature though and increasing alertness.
(23:31):
So you can now say I get that I yawn,
and you may think that that equals me being bored
or tired, but actually what I'm doing is just increasing
my awareness and if I were.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
To hold it in, you wouldn't be getting the best
of me.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Yeah, then I'm not aware of anything you're saying.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
So when you have your first session with your client,
you talk to them about your yawns and you talk
to them about your doodling and your knitting.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
No, you're yawning and your yearning.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
That's in the informed consent at the bottom FI, I
will be yearning and yearning.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
Well, so let's say that I do have a therapist
that does some of this stuff. Like, I haven't encountered
any of this, but let's say that I do. Like,
what do people do? Do they run and find a
different one or can they confront or get curious about
what's happening.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
I think that it is normal for your therapist to
do more than one thing that you are not obsessed with. Right,
you shouldn't take everything your therapist says as gold or
everything they do as the standard. They should be trying
their best to do the right thing. Well yeah, I mean,
I'm also paying you right to well, so it's good practice, though,
I think, because in the therapeutic room, you're practicing how
(24:43):
you want to show up outside in your real world.
So if your therapist does something I say this in
my first sessions with people, I don't talk to them
about yearning and yawning. But I do say is if
I ever say something that you disagree with or you
don't like, or if I make a face because you
know me and faces that doesn't feel right to you,
I want you to be able to bring that to
(25:04):
me and share that with me. Or if we do
something and it just doesn't feel right and it feels
like I'm pushing you too hard, I want you to
be able to come and bring that to me and
let's talk about that before you just like run for
the hills, because that could be a way for you
to practice speaking up for yourself, empowering yourself, having healthy confrontation.
(25:25):
If I'm uncomfortable by the confrontation, you don't have to
worry about it. That's my job to deal with my
own stuff. So I encourage people to bring that up
before they leave or or like I got the ick
buy because that could just be reinforcing a habit you
have in your real life where you avoid anything that's uncomfortable.
There are things in here that I would say, this
(25:45):
is a red flag, you gotta go. It might not
even be worth the conversation, like the virtual from the
bar that yes, that is so crazy, to me. But
I mean even the knitting, I think I would say like, hey,
I'm just curious, is this a normal thing you do?
I feel like you're not listening to me.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
Yeah, I'm confused by this, yeah, which one of the
gifts of confusion. So if you're feeling confused, the gift
of that. I think sometimes we can be an annoyed
that we're feeling confused, like, oh, like I don't don't
like not understanding what's happening. But we love the gifts
and the impairments of our feelings. And the gift of
confusion is a sign that you're learning or growing, you're
(26:23):
paying attention. It invites curiosity, reflection, and a deeper understanding
like help me understand why you're knitting, And it humbles
you and keeps you open to new ideas. So confusion
if you allow yourself to really be confused, yes, And
if you don't allow yourself to be confused, the impairment
(26:45):
can lead to just feeling frozen, not doing anything, self doubt,
which also leads to frustration. So don't leave it unchecked
because it can block decision making and and this can
be a help you sort of waiting things right avoiding
challenges instead of getting curious and leaning in.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
Yes that or I think we are used to in general.
I'll speak for myself. I'm used to like, first thought
is judgmental, and I'm going to make an assumption about it,
versus huh, that is interesting. Let's get curious about that
and ask a question. And this helps you practice that.
And I actually did have a therapist say something, not
(27:26):
the one I have now, but the last one I had.
She said something that I really did not sit well
with me at first. Once she said I laughed along
with her, and then I got home and I was like,
that really actually kind of hurt my feelings. So I
went back and we talked about it, and I went
to three or four more sessions with her, and then
those similar kind of comments kept happening, and so I
(27:47):
got enough information where I was like, maybe she's not
for me, but I did go back and try to
address it VERSU run away. Oooh.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
That's a good way to lead into how feelings are
in facts, and you can even collect data with how
you're feeling. If you just go off an initial feeling,
you have to understand that your feelings can't be in
the driver's seat. Annie f Downs was on my podcast
several years ago, and something that she said that stuck
with me, and I don't know if she credited to
anybody else, but I just remember her saying is She's like,
(28:16):
I like my feelings to ride shotgun. I want them
to be near. They're very helpful. I want them to
be by my side, but I don't want them in
the driver's seat. I do think that you can pay
attention to your feelings and collect data and then that
is fact. It's like, Okay, I was feeling confused by this,
and I decided to start evaluating things, taking some notes,
(28:38):
and this happened four times in a row. So I'm
no longer confused like this. Now I have clarity. Yeah,
so I feel pretty clear that my confusion, which was
a signal, like it wasn't a stop sign. It wasn't
like or you have to stop, but it was a
signal for me to yield pay attention.
Speaker 1 (28:55):
And that's what X really should be, is like yielding, like,
let's pay attention to this. But I think the feelings
not facts is such a helpful thing to integrate into
your brain. Because even you've said a couple of things.
We're like, even we're using that for Albert Einstein. When
you're like, oh, I'm so stupid, where are my keys?
I can always lose them, right, I feel so stupid.
It's like, Okay, well you aren't stupid.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
I may feel stupid in that moment, and I shouldn't
talk to myself that way. Yeah, but the fact is
I'm not stupid.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
Yeah, not stupid, And everybody loses their keys. So feelings
are not facts. I can have an experience even like
I feel like I'm going to die, doesn't always mean
you're going to die. That might just be if it's
super truck, it could be a trigger from something really traumatic,
or it could just be an experience like a roller
coaster or something like that. Like I'm not actually this
(29:45):
isn't actually happening, but I am having a feeling that
reminds me of that.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
I have a metaphor. I don't know if you want
to hear it, but I always want to hear a metaphor.
Feelings are like weather, real and present, but not permanent
and not always accurately predicting the climate.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
Oh my gosh, wow, that's good. We didn't It's that
I like the not permanent too, because also.
Speaker 2 (30:21):
And sometimes you check think of how many times you
check the weather app and it's like all over the place.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
It's like you can't you can't trust it.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
And it's like that's why you don't want them in
the driver's seat. They cannot be trusted because if you
start to really adopt the fact that you're stupid or whatever,
then that's going to be a driving factor and that's
going to be a filter through everything that you do.
So you just need to set that well in the
passenger seat. But not that you even give it that
much credit, but it's like, curious, Okay, why am I
(30:49):
feeling stupid right now? And then unpack it that way,
what's the core?
Speaker 1 (30:54):
What's the roote? Have you ever had an experience where
you had a feeling and you wanted to go do
something right then, and then you waited and you completely
changed your mind.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
Yes, oftentimes that I would say, every example I'm thinking
of in my head has to do with another person
and some sort of confrontation where maybe I want to
say something in that moment and it would feel really
good to say it, but ultimately it would be bad. Yeah,
(31:26):
so I need to pause and give myself that space,
so I don't. Especially in our romantic relationships. I think
oftentimes that happens more quickly than with not because we
also feel safe with our romantic partners, or at least
we should, and then we end.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Up well even when we don't feel safe with them.
And if it's maybe more of an unhealthy relationship, I
might have this feeling where I like I need to
go do this right now, or say this right now
or x y Z. But if I take a beat,
do some self soothing, A lot of times I will
want the opposite. We're like, oh, actually I don't need that.
Do you have something coming to keep going? Keep going? Yes,
I have some thing.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
Well, I was just going to say, for a for
a coffee mug, for a T shirt?
Speaker 1 (32:03):
Oh, share it?
Speaker 2 (32:04):
Soothe first, solve later, keep going.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
Can it be a screen saver? You can make it whatever?
Anyone bread. We don't even have any merch.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
We have no items, but we have we have lots
of things like suit first, solve later.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
What was the other one? Weak?
Speaker 2 (32:18):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (32:19):
Fear is not weaknesses? Awareness? Yeah, sooth first, solve later.
You heard it here first better trademark all these anyway,
I think that I said, what, we're gonna have fifty trademarks. Yeah,
and I'm sure other people have said them. Sooth first
solved later. Nobody said that before.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
Really, that's a title basically what you were just saying, though,
But I didn't clock it. Okay, well I clocked it
when you were saying.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
You're in charge of that department. Finish that thought, though,
I think that was my I think I did where
you If you're in an unhealthy relationship, a lot of
times the thing that we want to go do is
to act in the dysfunction. Right If I'm in a
if I am acting in maybe some and insecure attachment,
and I need to go to that person to get
(33:03):
my soothing or I need to go confront them or
ask this or do whatever. If I soothe on my own,
do some self soothing or with a safe person give me.
Could be an hour, could be a day, however long,
I then could come up with a different solution to
that real root of the feeling, because that feeling could
have been saying, hey, is this is actually you need
(33:26):
to get out of here, But the intensity says I
need to go into it.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Yeah makes sense, Well, it's a good time to bring up,
like reasons, why are feelings sometimes lie? So you mentioned
past wounds, that could be one of the reasons abandonment,
different triggers anxiety. Stories we tell ourselves like oh I'm
the problem, narrative misinterpretations of other people's behavior, like someone
(33:51):
being quiet equals oh, they hate me, and that's just
a story that we're telling our feels like they hate me.
It feels like they hate yes, because the fact is
they likely don't hate you. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
Maybe they do.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
But tips and tools we did, we gave soothe first,
solve later. I only say that because I always feel
like so many people, I'm like, oh, why don't they
like me?
Speaker 1 (34:14):
What have I done?
Speaker 2 (34:15):
What did I do wrong? And it's like, really, I've
done nothing. They're just quiet.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Well, in that moment, it feels like you need to
do something to fix it. But like, take some time
and it might be like, Okay, I can accept that.
Maybe they're just quiet. Maybe not everybody's going to like me.
Maybe I need to work on me being confident versus
needing affirmation.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
Yeah, you're not gonna be everybody's cup of tea.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
No, thank God, put that on aea. I want everything
to be a screensaver.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
Yeah, I'm like, what that seems a lot easier because
you just type it in and make it a screensaver.
So that's probably why. So we did soothe first, solve later.
That's a tip and tool. You can also name the
feeling before believing the story. Sometimes it's hard to name
the feeling, but if you can pause and really name it,
that can be helpful.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
I'm feeling insecure, I'm feeling scared, I'm feeling rejected, feeling rejected,
and maybe you aren't being rejected, Okay, I.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
Mean, and you can feel rejected versus are you being rejected?
Speaker 1 (35:10):
Though this kind of crosses the lines of when we're
talking about this, I feel stupid isn't a feeling, So
I can feel like something that's a story that's not
a feeling, the feeling underneath that might be I feel insecure,
and that feeling is always valid because we cannot I
think this. Feelings always valid gets misinterpreted. Sometimes they're always
valid because you can't help what you feel.
Speaker 4 (35:31):
It doesn't mean that that story is actually true yeah,
or that I should try to work through it, because
I'm with you on that, even with myself, like I
need to remember I've got to work through this.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
Like, just because all feelings are welcome and I want
to feel them and they're valid, doesn't mean that I
have just this excuse to run around with like all
these feelings all the time being crazy.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
Well, we're in charge of what we do with those things,
So we're in charge with our response. So I think
that yeah, if you were feeling insecure and because somebody,
if you were feeling rejected because somebody I don't know
what they do, they gave you a face, Yeah, are.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
They looked me funny or they didn't talk to me,
or like even just using the example from last week
when we talked about my boyfriend and am I wanted
like I had a story through certain things that were
happening at times that like is there space for me here?
Am I wanted like I'm feeling rejected at this moment.
I was feeling that way, but that wasn't fact. I
(36:30):
wasn't rejecting he wasn't rejecting me, and I was wanted
there was another story happening. But if I had really
wanted to put my feelings in the driver's seat, I
could have just broken up with them. That moment.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
Yeah, but this is another tool. Did we already say,
check the facts, Like that's part of the conversation you had.
It's like, I'm checking the actual facts versus going off
of what this is telling me. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:54):
You can also talk it out with someone that you trust.
So I would call you and I'd be like, actually,
I think I did try it when I left there,
and I'm like, and this is what happened in this
and it's like, Okay, you would be a sounding board
for me, or even yeah, everybody in this room cry
ocat Shannon, like can be a sounding board of like, Okay,
first of all, those are your feelings, they're valid, they're
(37:16):
welcome here. However, let's fact check this a little bit. Yeah,
and then we could talk through it. And then I
that's part of my soothing too, because then I'm getting
information from safe people. I'm not disrupting my relationship by
trying to you know, because even talking it through with
that person, even though he's a safe person, if I'm
not calm and soothed, then I may not get to
(37:38):
the end result as fast and.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
You might be stuck in the story. Yeah, the story
versus really trying to under have understanding. Yeah, so once
you talk that out with a friend or a therapist
or something. I mean, that's similar with what I did
with my friend when I was saying that we was
that on this episode, I'm getting all mixed couch shocks. Okay. Yeah,
so last there's a coult last week when I was
talking about my my friend that I had that lunch
(38:01):
conversation with around our conflict, if I would have gone
to her before I talked that out with somebody, it
would have sounded so different, and I don't know if
we would have gotten the same result. So if I
was able to kind of come into like the Okay,
I am valid for feeling this, and let's look at
all the other pieces I've had, somebody validate me in
that as well, and then I can share that with them.
(38:22):
It sounds different versus me running in like a bull
and being like, you made me feel.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
This way, you owe me, and that's what you would say,
I can't make you feel anyway.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
You are learning so well, good job.
Speaker 2 (38:35):
Okay, we're mental health minded over here.
Speaker 1 (38:37):
Yeah, we are put it on a teacup.
Speaker 2 (38:39):
Mental health minded. Okay, So feelings matter, They're all important,
but they're not the ultimate truth. And you got to
collect the data, data, drama, take your pick. Collect the
drama and data is great and all of Sometimes just
drama is a little more fun and easier. And I
will say I gravitate more towards drama at times with
(39:00):
my boyfriend. And it's so annoying because he does not
take the bait. He does not take the bait. He
doesn't want any part of it, and he doesn't even
make a thing of it. He'll just he's just calm
and patient. He's just like this too shell pass like
he's sort of like, so, what did you want for dinner?
Or what did you say? Or Okay, well, I guess
I'll talk to Like he's not even being dramatic about it.
He's like, I'm just not going to even.
Speaker 1 (39:22):
What are you doing? Stop?
Speaker 2 (39:24):
And then I'm like, God, healthy, it healthy. I'm gonna
catch him though, I'm gonna get it. Okay, I'm joking,
I'm joking. I know it riles him up.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
Though when you say I'm gonna catch you one day,
you're gonna take my bait.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
No, But if things like if people don't like follow
through on something or like things don't happen the way,
like the plan. If the plan is not going according
or people.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
Are can you change the plan? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (39:55):
Okay, so yeah, like stick to your word, like this
is the plan if like you said. But he's not
like a dickler on time. It's not like that like
I keep thinking about like other relationships I've been in.
It's like you said, it's gonna be five minutes and
it was ten. He doesn't get worked up about that,
which is awesome.
Speaker 1 (40:08):
Because like I have always been thirty when you say ten.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
Because I have time blindness, it's a it's part of
my disorder.
Speaker 1 (40:16):
What do I have ADHD? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (40:18):
Is that a disorder or a dysfunction?
Speaker 1 (40:21):
The disorders in the name of it, okay.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
Yeah, attention deficit disorder. So I have time blindness. It's
part of my disorder.
Speaker 1 (40:28):
Okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
So he has a lot of grace for that, which
is awesome. I love it. Even though he's generally on time,
he's pretty patient and it's cool. We would not work
if that was not the case. So we were on
a shuttle with the airport shuttle and it was full.
There was only one seat. There was two seats left,
and then he ended up letting another person on that
(40:50):
was like running late, and it was our was already
squeezed in and the luggage thing was full and everything
was full, and we're all hot and everyone's just trying
to get to their car, and the driver probably shouldn't
have stopped, but the other person got on and it
was then tight. So now there's like one little tiny
sliver left and no luggage room and everyone's again trying
to get to their car. Well, another person comes running
(41:11):
up and the shuttle guy stops and opens the door
and looks back at us. He's like, do you think
we can make room? And Alex is like, no, no,
we need to go, like because that's the it's not
it's no longer going to be safe. Like he was
thinking through, like do your job, Like I don't know
why you're trying, but I was like, we should try
(41:32):
to make room because what if that was us and
we were coming up and we wanted to get on,
and like we just missed it. And he's like, yeah,
but you you just missed it and it's full and
now you're gonna come in and sacrifice comfort and then
where does the luggage go? So it's like a safety thing,
is it he's a rule follower. I don't know that
it's that he's a rule follower, but it was like.
Speaker 1 (41:52):
A also, I think that would bother me.
Speaker 2 (41:54):
But the way he responded, like I'd never seen him
get so like, oh.
Speaker 1 (41:58):
I wouldn't have said anything.
Speaker 2 (42:00):
I said, stop that right now.
Speaker 1 (42:03):
I was like, don't have needs or opinions.
Speaker 2 (42:05):
Yeah, but no, he wasn't the only one like everyone
except for maybe me and one other person, like I
just got there. Yeah, and I was like here, I'll
send your lap like it's going to be fine, but
everybody else was like no because we had already stopped
for that other person, and it it really didn't make sense.
I guess I'm just saying that now. I know what
(42:25):
really rocks his feathers because I said, well, what would
you have done if he just made the decision to
bring the guy on, like to let the other people
on and not even asked us And he's like, well,
I would change services, like that's fine, but I'm no
longer going to use you anymore. And I was like, wow,
this is You're very passionate about this, and he had
(42:48):
a very logical reason. He's like, this is that's not
how you do business because you have all of us
where we got there and we waited, they now have
to wait for their shuttle. This is how a business
is run. You want to keep your customers happy, and
then the other people they're gona have a problem with waiting.
People wait for shuttles all the time. He's like, in fact,
we just waited five minutes for this shuttle, and now
(43:08):
we're trying to accommodate and get all these people on.
Either maybe this guy doesn't want to do another lap,
or maybe he wants more tips, which okay, but you
can't make other people uncomfortable to try to accommodate one
other person. So I understood his business mind, and I
mean he straight up was like saying, I'll switch companies.
(43:29):
I will no longer park at this person's place. I'll
go park at that person's place.
Speaker 1 (43:34):
I was had in my head that he was like
leaving the ninety nine to save the one kind of thing.
It's not what goes I don't really know, do you
know what I'm talking about? Is that not like the
Jesus will leave the ninety nine to save the one. Oh,
that's like a common to say, like, yeah, it's the
reverse it's reverse because he usually he is such a kind,
(43:55):
caring guy, but in this area he's like, no, this
is business. This is how you run the right, which
normally I would be like biblical, this is put it
on T shirt. And also that's that is that is
a shirt? Yes it is. But you're the opposite where
I feel like you would like always look out for
the one out like outsider, and so I just think
(44:16):
that's interesting. I am like him where I will get
like that too.
Speaker 2 (44:20):
Shout out Shannon. We have the Bible verse. What the
Bible verse, Okay, Jesus will leave the ninety nine to
save the one refers to a parable in the Bible,
specifically Matthew eighteen twelve through fourteen and Luke fifteen four
through seven, which illustrates God's love and pursuit of the lost,
the parable of the lost sheep.
Speaker 1 (44:39):
So you were talking about sheep? Yes, So did I
not say sheep? You didn't?
Speaker 2 (44:42):
You just said ninety nine and one. And I so
now that I have the sheep, we've got got reference to.
Speaker 1 (44:48):
But wasn't this on Easter?
Speaker 2 (44:49):
God, that this happening?
Speaker 1 (44:50):
Yeah, it was, so maybe that was Jesus driving your shuttle.
Speaker 2 (44:53):
What if you know what, NA tell him that he
got that at Jesus. Yeah, Jesus, yeah, Jesus take the wheel.
That is so true. I'm gonna bring that up. I know.
I don't know why he got so worked up by that,
but I do get I get that because everybody he
was like, look, I wasn't the only one. And I said, well,
here's the deal. If you want them to act all
(45:14):
like no, drive, no, that's fine, you let them. We don't.
We're not going to do that.
Speaker 1 (45:19):
We're not participating. I'm We're an efficiency, though, and that's
non efficient business. So I think, as is he, I
would be like I would say, I'm never using the
service again, and then I would probably use it again.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
So the parable of the Lost Sheep depicts a shepherd
who leaves ninety nine sheep to search for one that
has strayed. This is definitely very different. No, it's the
same thing, demonstrating God's willingness to prioritize the lost over
those who are already safe.
Speaker 1 (45:46):
He was lost and he needed to ride, and you
guys were lost.
Speaker 2 (45:49):
He needed to wait for the shuttle.
Speaker 1 (45:51):
I don't know. I think Jesus was driving here, guess
where we are now.
Speaker 2 (45:55):
Guess what we've gotten to the.
Speaker 1 (45:59):
Maw the day.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
I don't think I don't think we need clapping pleasing
a little much.
Speaker 1 (46:08):
Okay, but like that's better than like I had like
each Okay, well you do that and I'll do the
email Email.
Speaker 3 (46:16):
Of the day.
Speaker 2 (46:18):
Do you do you know what I was riffing off
of it? Like wow, thank oh I didn't get that.
Speaker 1 (46:24):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (46:26):
Okay, So we have feeling of the day, and now
we're going to do the email of the day.
Speaker 1 (46:36):
I like the other one better though.
Speaker 2 (46:37):
Should we just copycat feeling of the day?
Speaker 1 (46:40):
Email of the day? Yeah? Okay, all right, and now
it's time for the e mail of the day. No,
you said it differently last time you said I did.
Maybe we can have the everybody in the room boat
you said of the day?
Speaker 2 (46:56):
All right, and now it's time for the e mail
of the day.
Speaker 1 (47:01):
I was right. Can I just say it and then
you copy me? Okay? I don't know if you try
throats getting tight e mail of the day.
Speaker 2 (47:15):
So I'm gonna go of the day.
Speaker 1 (47:16):
Yeah okay, and you sing, well, no, okay, why do
you think that I do? I think that you could.
Speaker 2 (47:25):
See I've thought before I think that I could, like
I feel like I could, and that's why not feelings
are in facts.
Speaker 1 (47:33):
Okay, ready, Email of the day going too fast? Okay, sorry,
did you notice it? Okay, you have to give it
like a beat like okay, mail boom boom of the day. Okay, alright,
ready say the boom boom in your head? All right, ready, okay, ready,
that's funny Email of the day.
Speaker 2 (47:59):
I did them in my head.
Speaker 1 (48:02):
Then you changed taking from the tosh like in the
sound booth, being like, we need Cat's vocals one more AMI's.
We're gonna dial those down a little bit. We're gonna
put auto tune on Cat and then we're gonna.
Speaker 2 (48:16):
Hit it and we need more of the snapping.
Speaker 1 (48:19):
Okay, you can snap if you want.
Speaker 2 (48:21):
Snapping is better than clapping because Clapp can be liked,
excited and nervous.
Speaker 1 (48:25):
And that's why Clapp.
Speaker 2 (48:26):
Okay, she you're like, give me an eat.
Speaker 1 (48:29):
I was cheerleader at one point in my life. We
don't know how it happened.
Speaker 2 (48:45):
All right, here we go, we're snapping.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
You have to say, oh the day, okay, oh the day? Okay, Okay,
of the day. Do you I think we should snap,
it would help you. I kept practicing, and.
Speaker 2 (49:00):
We're going to do this every week, so.
Speaker 1 (49:03):
We'll get faster. We'll get faster. We read do I say?
Speaker 2 (49:09):
Do you want me to say the we talk that part?
Speaker 1 (49:11):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (49:12):
Al right, it's time for the email of the day.
Speaker 1 (49:17):
We did it?
Speaker 2 (49:18):
Okay, okay, okay, all right, no, okay, all right, we
have gotten to that part where now it is time for.
Speaker 1 (49:26):
The email of the day.
Speaker 3 (49:31):
We did it.
Speaker 2 (49:32):
Okay that snap snap it's better than boom boom in
my head.
Speaker 1 (49:37):
That helps me.
Speaker 2 (49:39):
Snapping helps me. Okay, Oh dang, we gotta set it
up again. Now we flow right into it. No laughing,
no celebrating again, because we have to go into the email.
We're we just we do it and then we go
into the email.
Speaker 1 (49:51):
You have to be ready to go into it.
Speaker 2 (49:52):
I'm ready, okay, okay, all right, and now it's time
for the email of the day, Amy and Kat. This
one doesn't need to be anonymous.
Speaker 1 (50:03):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (50:04):
My name is Eva things Eva or.
Speaker 1 (50:07):
Eva, so I need to answer that. Did you answer
that yourself?
Speaker 2 (50:13):
I answered it myself. My name is Eva, and I've
been listening to the podcast since it first started as
four Things with Amy. This last Friday, I had a
mental breakdown and called out of work. After dragging myself
out of bed at eleven, I decided to pop on
my headphones and listen to feeling things while making a
batch of cookies. Good thing I hadn't added the salt yet,
(50:33):
because the salt for my tears for sure did the trick.
My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant
for five years, only being successful once, but it ended
in a miscarriage. I also have MS, which has recently
started flaring up, and the only option to slow progression
is to go on medication, which is not ideal while
you're trying to have a baby. Needless to say, I
(50:55):
carry around shame like it's my best friend feel for her.
Hearing you guys talk about your fertility struggles, guilt and
shame helped me more than you'll ever understand. Thank you
for the reminder that I'm not a failure. Thank you
for making me feel not alone. So thankful for both
(51:16):
of you and the podcast. Your friend from Republic Missouri
Eva ps. The cookies turned off awesome.
Speaker 1 (51:25):
I'm glad you read that and not me, so thank you, Eva.
Speaker 2 (51:28):
Well, I was able to get through it. And the
only way I got through it, I was like, don't cry,
don't cry, don't don't don't cry. So I was like
ev Ever, her name is Eva.
Speaker 1 (51:39):
Yeah, but I'm thankful for those emails like that, I think.
I when I read that, I was like, oh, there's
we got a couple like that. And we've said this before,
I'm sure, but sometimes it feels like we're just talking
about nothing. So it's helpful for us to to hear
from you guys, knowing that even though we do silly
things like our jingle, there's things that are helping you
(52:01):
guys for real.
Speaker 2 (52:02):
Yeah, they're real parts of our lives that we're able
to open up and share it if our close people
are friends. But this podcast gives us an avenue to
help reach anybody that, yeah, might just be popping in
their headphones to listen to a podcast and then suddenly
they feel.
Speaker 1 (52:19):
Us alone, and then emails feels helps us.
Speaker 2 (52:24):
Feel that way. Yeah, and too, you opening up, especially
publicly with some of that stuff like this is the
beginning of your fertility journey. So even for you, I'm
just so proud of you for opening up in the
ways that you have because Also it's a fine line
of like you're a therapist and navigating like how much
of your life you share because you've got clients that
may listen. And anyway, I was proud of you when
(52:47):
you opened up and how you have opened up and
how you're navigating that. And I know that you're again
starting this journey. But I hope these emails show you
too that you're not alone, and thank you.
Speaker 1 (53:01):
Even I have ever oh in this tet, they're in
my head.
Speaker 2 (53:05):
Oh, I have Forever ever ever wait under my Okay,
so that's Rihanna. But back in the day when that
first the song came out and like the you know,
two thousand and seven, two thousand and eight or something
like that, we were in pop so Rihanna was someone
we played all the time, Like that song was always on.
So for like a year, I was singing it wrong.
(53:26):
I thought she was saying, uh, well, the title of
the song is umbrella. Yeah, so obviously she's sang under
my Armbabella ella ella right right, eh?
Speaker 3 (53:37):
Eh eh, I wait, I thought she was saying under
my arm forever ever ever eh eh.
Speaker 2 (53:48):
And yeah, so that's why ever you know forever.
Speaker 1 (53:53):
It's wondering where you're going with that?
Speaker 2 (53:54):
That's where I was going with it forever.
Speaker 3 (53:57):
Ever.
Speaker 2 (53:57):
Ever, then one day Bobby was like, you know, the
title of the song is the umbrella, like she's talking
about being under her umbrella.
Speaker 1 (54:04):
Wait a second, your words are better.
Speaker 2 (54:08):
Under my Arm Forever.
Speaker 1 (54:09):
I think that's well.
Speaker 2 (54:11):
But the title of the song would have to be like.
Speaker 1 (54:13):
Under my arm forever. But I think that that's a
better song. Why are you under?
Speaker 2 (54:17):
I feel like a little more creative.
Speaker 1 (54:19):
It's like because a metaphor, like the rain is falling,
and the rainfalls for I'll be all you need it more?
That's in there so that your yours wouldn't make sense?
Speaker 2 (54:31):
Wait, so can you sing?
Speaker 1 (54:33):
No? However, I feel like my parents would have put
me in voice fail lessons as a child. I would
have been good. I think I could, like if I
wasn't like tone deaf and I knew how to like
use my dear diaphragm, my diaphragm. There are some songs
that sometimes I'm like, I hit it okay.
Speaker 2 (54:50):
You know, it's funny to say that that's how I
start to.
Speaker 1 (54:55):
I used to record myself. I had to sometimes I'm
like Catherine cute this and side of your head, but
I already started. I had a six hour drive to
and from college. This is back when I think I
had like a BlackBerry or something. In soone I would
record myself singing Bleeding Love by Leona lu Oh, I.
Speaker 2 (55:15):
Keep bleeding.
Speaker 1 (55:20):
And I used to always sing the national anthem everywhere
I went, and so my family would like ask me
to sing it for them, like on.
Speaker 2 (55:27):
Their birthdays, the national anthem because they were.
Speaker 1 (55:31):
Making fun of me, not because I was good. I
also always sang what's that song? That Christmas song? It's
not Mary? Did you know? Oh that one? Oh my god,
I'm good at that? And then what shoot, proud Mary,
I'm really good at. That's the thing, like you're really
good at? Are you think weird? Thing? I'm good at?
And my day it's a whole thing in my family.
(55:53):
And that's the one song I wanted to play at
my wedding. My dad asked the band to play. I
asked the band to play. Guess what song they didn't play?
Probably because what song they did play? All the Bruneo
Mars songs we said do not play, they probably did play.
Speaker 2 (56:06):
I wonder why they I mean, don't ask me if
you're paying a band a lot of money. That's weird.
Speaker 1 (56:11):
They probably didn't want me on the stage. Yeah, because
I would have been on the stage. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (56:16):
True. Well, fun fact about me with oh do you
know that song?
Speaker 1 (56:21):
B and Okay, don't judge me on that. I'm nervous,
but they they sing that.
Speaker 2 (56:29):
Ok everyone stopped listening once we started singing It's fine.
Speaker 1 (56:33):
When I started clapping, they stopped. They played that every
year at the Christmas Eve service from my at my
church growing up, and then we would come home and
I would sing over my family.
Speaker 2 (56:42):
Oh, I'm sure it's lovely.
Speaker 1 (56:45):
I'll send you a video next Christmas.
Speaker 2 (56:47):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (56:47):
I feel like I shared too much.
Speaker 2 (56:48):
Should know we're good.
Speaker 1 (56:51):
Shame don't.
Speaker 2 (56:53):
This is a safe space. Okay, thank you, cap. Where
can people find you on Spotify? Oh? Where's your music?
Speaker 1 (57:03):
Where can they download? It was like laugh at my joke.
Speaker 2 (57:06):
I didn't get it at first.
Speaker 1 (57:08):
I was like I bet, I thought, I no, you
were I could barely get it out. You were my mind.
Speaker 2 (57:18):
I was already like thinking like, okay, she can like
tease like Instagram, like I thought you were thinking like, oh,
our podcast is on Spotify, It's on iHeart it's on
wherever you listen to podcasts.
Speaker 1 (57:27):
I was singing of my recording and Bleeding Love from
two thousand and six. Yeah, it's not on Spotify. It's not.
I'm sorry, dang it.
Speaker 2 (57:36):
If you follow us on Instagram though, I can send
it to you directly and the dms. We are at
Feeling Things podcast on Instagram. Kat is at Kat van
Buren and I am at Radio Amy, and we would
love to hear from you as well for couch chalks.
Hey there at Feeling Things podcast dot com, and you
(57:58):
can also leave us a voice. Well eight seven seven
two seven two o seven seven I was about to
say that we're not going to sing it.
Speaker 1 (58:08):
We'll spare you that. We'll spare you that. Yeah, all right, Well,
I hope you guys are having the day you need
to have.
Speaker 2 (58:13):
Were gonna say that together.
Speaker 1 (58:14):
I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2 (58:16):
Let's start over now. I hope you guys are having
the day you need to have. Okay, bye bye
Good.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
All right, break it down.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
If you ever have feelings that you just won'ts Amy
and Cat gotcha covin locking a brother. Ladies and folks,
do you just follow on the spirit where it's telling
the front over real stuff, tell the chill stuff and
the m But Swayne, sometimes the best thing you can
do it just stop you feel things. This is feeling
(00:27):
things with Amy and Cat.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Happy Tuesday, feeling things. I'm Amy and I'm Cat, and
today we're getting into something really important. Feelings aren't facts.
Speaker 1 (00:37):
Oh that is good. It's good and also addition to
our feeling of the day because we know we're gonna
do that. Yeah, we are going to do an email
of the day, which we need to jingle for cause, but.
Speaker 2 (00:50):
It can't be you can't be of the day. No,
if it's feeling of the day, we need a new
one for email of the day. So we'll just have
to let's do it in the moment.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
I guess we get to it. Okay, we're not going
to do it now.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
I think we do the dingle when it comes up. Okay,
when it's time for the Email of the day. Plus
I need to kind of think about I feel pressure. Yeah,
because it's it feels natural to just go email of
the day, which maybe we will, but maybe we'll find something.
Oh yeah, we'll find out before we get into some
of that though. Did you hear me talking to myself
when you got to my house.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Which too often?
Speaker 2 (01:21):
Oh you noticed that I do that a lot? Oh okay,
Well I feel good about that then, because I was
doing some research on it. Well, I came across something
about internal dialogue and also just talking to yourself, whether
inside your head or outside your head, so externally talking
out loud. And I was saying, like, stretch, Like I
(01:42):
got a stretch. I got a stretch because I need
to remind myself to stretch more because I'm trying to
take care of my eighty year old self. So forty
four year old me needs to stretch for eighty year
old me so that I'm not in a nursing home. Shoot,
maybe even seventy year old me, because that'll keep you
out of the nurse keep me out of there. Yes,
and I was reminding myself to stretch. But stretch now
(02:03):
has a double meaning because ever since you told me
about the stretching versus compromising in a relationship, I not
only want to stretch my muscles and tendons and ligaments,
but I want to stretch in my relationship. I want
to also compromise, but I think there are certain things
where I need to do some stretching and my boyfriend
needs to also stretch. And it's such a good little
(02:23):
nugget of wisdom. And I think you got it from
your therapist, right, yeah, okay, so I want you to
share it with everybody.
Speaker 1 (02:28):
This is passed down therapist therapist, therapist to friend. I
was talking to my therapist one day about how to compromise.
I needed to be better at it. Sometimes I struggle
with that because it feels like I'm Sometimes it feels
like you're losing, or it feels like you're giving up
or whatever. And she said she likes to think of
those kinds of things that you're stretching in a relationship.
(02:50):
So you doing something that you normally wouldn't do or
that you normally wouldn't want to do, is more like
you stretching some of your what you're comfortable with, stretch
your boundaries, sometimes stretching what you're used to. And I
just loved that metaphor of like, where can I stretch
more versus what am I giving up? I'm working on it.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
It's helped. It's like a slight change that was more
positive to me. To help your relationship tremendously.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
I'm gonna grow versus I'm shrinking. Compromise sometimes just feels
like you're shrinking. This feels like I'm becoming more and
you both get to do it.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Yeah, we're stretching over there, lots of stretching. But sometimes
stretching is a little painful, just like actually physically, like
I can't been down and touch on things. I'm like, oh,
my hamstrings are really tight. So if you're trying to
add this into your relationship, at first, you might be like, oh,
this is uncomfortable, this feels weird, this doesn't feel very positive.
But the more you do it, the easier it gets.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
So the study that I saw about talking to yourself,
I'm gonna share with you now. It sharpens cognitive function.
It's from Banger University, but I don't know if that's
how you say it. Maybe it's bangor Bungo. It's but
bangor University just sounded better bungor Bungo.
Speaker 1 (04:09):
But it's in the UK.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
It's in the UK Bank Bangor Bangor, But it's a
prestigious university.
Speaker 1 (04:17):
That's why I feel like I want to say it
correctly now. Banger University.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
I looked it up because I felt like Bangor University
wasn't giving us much cred But it was founded in
eighteen eighty four, dedicated to academic excellence for more than
one hundred and thirty five years. It's one of the
oldest and most prestigious degree awarding institutions. Bangor University acceptance
rate is around fifty six percent. Oh, in case she
carries about admissions.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Bangor Bangor, Yeah, that sounds prestigious.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
And my internal dialogue was like Banger University, and then
it suddenly wasn't feeling that credible.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
But it is.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
So they did this whole study and found that verbalizing
thoughts improves focus, speeds up problem solving, and boost memory.
Participants who spoke out loud while searching for objects like
where are my keys? Like if I'm my keys, I'm
so stupid? Why do I lose my keys all the time?
Speaker 1 (05:15):
No, I don't think you get to say the last part.
Speaker 2 (05:17):
Okay, don't don't talk to yourself like that. But if
you talk out loud while searching, you are fifty percent
more successful in finding whatever it is you're looking.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
For fifty So it says, okay, we got to start
doing that. This is also I was started to laugh
because you said it helps with memory. That reminds me
of what's the movie called House Bunny? When she's like, Amy,
you don't know what I'm talking about.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
I don't know that I ever saw House Bunny. So
I love how. I'm like, Kat, have you seen the
classics like Dirty Dancing and Pretty Woman? And you're like, no,
but I've seen House Bunny.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
What it's also a classic? Okay with Anna Faris. I'm
pretty sure she's in it. I don't know, Okay, I
thought everybody would know this.
Speaker 2 (06:03):
No, but does she have an internal dialogue?
Speaker 1 (06:05):
So she is this person I don't remember most This
is all I remember from that whole movie. This is
the only thing I remember is when she meets somebody news,
she says she says their name like that is their name?
Like that, and then she's like, sorry, it helps my memory.
So when she meets somebody of your name was like Courtney,
she'd be.
Speaker 2 (06:22):
Like, oh, I wonder if Banger University has research on this.
They probably got it from Banger University. Why they put
that in the movie.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
And now you're okay, if you did that with people's names,
you would never forget them.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
Yeah, they'll never forget, never forget you. Like, okay, but
the research continues.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
It also suggests that internal dialogue is a sign of
strong cognitive health. Historical geniuses like Albert Einstein, we're known
for practicing this. You're just like Albert, Yeah, but my
internal dialogue is probably not like his. His is always
like me squared equals.
Speaker 1 (07:07):
What is that so fun that you said why equals?
Speaker 2 (07:11):
I mean, and mine's more like you.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
Stupid idiot.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
I highly doubtindside ever said you don't like that? But
self talk helps again emotional regulation. Oh no, this isn't
I haven't even said this stuff yet. Emotional regulation reduces
stress and improves decision making. Maybe I did touch on that,
So there you go. Talk to yourself. But some people
don't have internal dialogue, which is crazy to me. It
blows my mind when people are like, no, I don't
(07:36):
really talk to myself. And I mean they're smart, intelligent
people too, they just don't have a lot of conversation
with themselves.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
Which would be interesting of how do you do they journal?
And also I guess I'm curious because I don't know
a ton about this is the difference between internal dialogue
and you talking out loud, that's not exactly the same thing.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Well, you can practice, I think you can say it
out loud, and you can also practice internally having a
conversation with yourself, because I think that's what Albert was practicing.
Because you can have internal dialogue that you're not even
asking for, it's just happening. I think you and I
both have a lot of that. But I guess it's
like if you're if you don't have it as much,
(08:18):
or you're trying to be real intentional with something, you
are like, Okay, I'm gonna have lots of thoughts right now,
let's really talk it out in my head. So it's
being intentional with it.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Okay. I like that. That's good stuff that that we
can use already.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Shout out banger. All right, let's do the feeling of
the day. I'm excited to get this to the one.
Oh sorry, the feeling of the day.
Speaker 1 (08:43):
It's like we're on some kids show that's like, come on, kids,
it's time for what the feeling of the day.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
Gather around.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
It's just like my dream to be on Barney when
I was little, So maybe that's like this is your version.
I was too. I missed it.
Speaker 2 (09:00):
Yeah, Barney, I.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
Went to Barney Line popular, you did. I had four
different Barney's. Oh yeah, A Talking Barney, Santa Barney, Regular Barney,
and Minnie Barney.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Well, your feeling of the day is confused, and now
I'm confused by why you had so many Barney's.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
I loved Barney. He was my best friend. I also
had all the VHS's in my clo It's not weird, weird,
it sounds weird. It's not weird for a little kid
to be best friend with Barney, right.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Yeah, I know, I know, but I'm telling you I
missed it. Although I missed the Barney craze.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
That was the show that they had kids shows when
you were a kid.
Speaker 2 (09:37):
Did I watch Save by the Bell?
Speaker 1 (09:38):
That's not a kid's show? Yes, it was.
Speaker 2 (09:41):
I spent every Saturday with Zach it was he was
He was my boyfriend.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Also, I remember when I moved This is side note.
This is the ADHD coming out. When we moved to Tennessee.
In second grade, I went to my class house a
new kid, and they're all introducing themselves, and one of
the kids was like, and we don't like Barney in
here for because that's for losers, or like something like
that's for little dorks or something. And I remember going
(10:12):
home and being like, mom, what am I gonna do? Like,
I'm not allowed to hang out with Barney anymore. He
sleeps with me everything. Then one time my babysitter came over.
He was putting me to bed and he handed me
my barney. Yeah he was a guy.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
No, it's fine. I wouldn't I'm not in a male
babysitters so that's just me.
Speaker 1 (10:34):
He was, I think he was. He was the older
brother of my brother's friend. Wow, is that weird?
Speaker 2 (10:42):
It is for me, I just wouldn't do it.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
But that's I know. People. I thought he was cool
because I thought it was cute. I'm sure, but I
didn't think it was cute when me heading me my barney,
and so I threw it out of my door and
I said, I don't sleep with that.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Don't be ridiculous. I don't even know where that came from.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
I probably ran back out and got it, and it's probably.
Speaker 2 (11:02):
Like, well, you have three more of them lined up.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
You have all the hs is lined up in your closet.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
So yeah, no, I know that that's a hot topic
of male babysitters. Is it not a hot topic maybe
because you had one? But I never had a male
babysitter growing up, and I've never hired one. And I
don't know if it's just because I have this pre
conceived thing like it's conditioning and I'm not saying it's right,
(11:29):
but I just err on the side of like, that's okay,
I'm good.
Speaker 1 (11:32):
I guess it wasn't it's talking about I'm solicited for
a babysitter. It was like a family friend.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
Yeah. Yeah, but maybe I do have some personal stories
with people growing up that I know, and and that's
not fair, Yeah, because they're amazing male babysitters and caregivers
and manny's.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
And a lot of things are different than they were
back then, Like people don't do sleepovers like they used
to either, so male babysitters and sleep bowers are out.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
I don't know. Is it weird that I have a
very strong feeling around that and you're you've never you've
never encountered someone being like, oh no, I don't do
male babysitters.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
I guess. I don't talk about male babysitters a lot
with people. But I don't think it's weird because if
you had different experiences and you know stories, I had
a completely different experience. I had that, so I don't
think the same thing because we grew up in different environments.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
I know, well, we have determined we have like now
ten male listeners, and I don't want to offend anybody,
especially if some of them babies.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
Yeah, whatever makes you feel comfortable as a parent.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Yeah, you just have to vet and do your own
research and trust.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Your anyway, gut, I definitely wasn't sleeping with my Barney
when the male babysitter was the hot. I don't know
that I would have called him hot. As a kid,
I would have said he was cute.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
Okay, Yeah, that's more appropriate.
Speaker 1 (12:52):
Okay. Feeling the day, yes, Okay, So while you're confused
about this, I was on Instagram the other day and
I saw this. I guess it was just a post
that said it was a therapist's minded account and it said,
what are some things that your therapist has done that
gave you the ick, And before I read all of it,
I think I even sent it to you and I
(13:13):
was like, oh, this would be interesting. And then I
started reading it and I was like, this isn't really funny.
A lot of them were like very inappropriate.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
So it's surpassed ick.
Speaker 1 (13:23):
Yes, where I'm like, this should not be giving you
the ick. This should be like red flag, gotta get
out of here.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Right.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
It is just kind of like, that's weird, but whatever,
I might be able to move through that. Some of
these were crazy. So I was feeling confused about this
from the perspective of because I am a therapist, it
would never cross my mind. I'm sure that I've done
a lot of things incorrectly, and I'm sure i've given
a client the ick before.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
Oh man, I wish you could do some sort of
email blast all your clients and just be like, have
I given any of you the ick in any way?
And we get a report back.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
First of all, I don't want that feedback. Second of all,
they'd be like, uh huh, Like what kind of email is?
Speaker 2 (14:04):
They'd be like, or they'd be like, I've been waiting
for this, or maybe you just send it out to
people that have not returned.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
So what was it that I did that gave you
the ick and you never came back?
Speaker 2 (14:18):
What was some of this?
Speaker 1 (14:19):
Okay? I wrote some of them down, and then what
I also did is I took some of them because
some of them I wouldn't even want to share because
they were I don't want people to be that afraid
of therapy. But then I put a little box question
box on my Instagram and ask people and I'm going
to read you a couple of them. And I'm also
curious if you have any too, But let me read
some of these. And I'm going to read you a
(14:49):
couple of them. And I'm also curious if you have
any too, but let me read some of these. So
one was this got me? My therapist was knitting during
our session.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Okay, I've thought about this. My first initial thing that
popped in my mind is you know sometimes you doodle?
Do you ever doodle and you're actually able to pay
attention more because you're doodling?
Speaker 1 (15:14):
Yeah, that works for me.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
So I'm curious, does this therapist knit in order to
better pay attention?
Speaker 1 (15:21):
So that is very kind of you to think that way.
I do when I if I'm listening to something like
a lecture. In school, I always had to doodle or
write notes or something else. I would totally be in space.
So I get that. As a therapist, though, that comes off.
If I was doodling during my sessions. I think that
would come off like I wasn't really paying attention to them,
(15:43):
even though it would help. So if I was going
to do something, if I was gonna do something like that,
I would think it would be fair.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
For me to let my client know, like, how do
it exist what I do? Yeah, like I'm the best
therapist ever. Well, just so you know, I ever going
to color while you talk? Yes, okay, what's next?
Speaker 1 (16:01):
So I would encourage to not not in it. Therapists
ate lunch during.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
My sessions, okay, like you have to eat on your
own time? Yeah yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
And also what if it smells and oh no.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
You know, yeah, I can't have an odor.
Speaker 1 (16:17):
It's one thing if you're eating lunch with your therapist,
and that's part of the therapy. Therapist is like, oh
if I have a busy day, like, it's weird held
a therapy session virtually from a bar.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
Oh, which is.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
Weird. You can't do that like, what would you I've
had clients tried to do a virtual session in an
inappropriate spot, but for the therapist to do that.
Speaker 2 (16:41):
So like if I wanted to do it from a bar,
you would you could know if I wanted to do
therapy from.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
A bar, you can't.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
Why, hippa, You're not in a private I'm the person
I know.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
But even if I'm doing a virtual there are some
people when they do virtual sessions, they make you this
is like the best practice supposed to make them give
you a three sixty view of the room so you
know nobody else is in there.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Oh, I have never been told to do that.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Well, most people don't do that. That's like the best practice,
but it's kind of awkward.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
Okay, So no bars bars yekay.
Speaker 1 (17:13):
And that's also like not an environment where you Yeah,
I think that speaks for herself. Okay, this one. I
do have thoughts on therapists yawned a lot. Has your
therapist ever yawned? No?
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Why do you yawn a lot?
Speaker 3 (17:28):
Never?
Speaker 2 (17:28):
Hey, I guess I'm not boring. I keep my therapist
on her toes.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Well, sometimes I'm yawning, but I'm not tired. I think
sometimes Yeah, yawning doesn't mean it's like getting tire into
your lungs, is what I've learned, So that is. But
sometimes you can't help it, and it's more distracting when
you see somebody and be like, like, try to not yawn.
Then I'm just yawning. I'm moving on.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
Yeah, but if my therapists were to yawn when I'm
trying to talk about something, I'd be like, I've been mortified.
I know that it's not bad, but I would just
be like, oh, yeah, maybe I.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Don't have that because my therapist is Yonn too. I
don't have that experience because I also have the experience
of yawning during a session. No, I need the yawn, see,
and you have to have to get one out.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
I got. I tried to get it out as much
as possible because it's not good to hold it out
if you hold in a yawn. I know there's a
thing like maybe Shannon can look it up for us,
Like I talked about this on the Bobby Bunch the
other day because he told us we can't yawn anymore,
and I said, Bobby, sometimes I'm not young because it
throws him off and then it makes it it just
it's not a good vibe for the room. But I'm like,
(18:37):
if I have to yawn, and it may not even
because I'm tired, I just need to yawn. So maybe
I need to have that same grace for my therapist.
Although I've never had my therapist yawn before. So I
guess if it's virtual, you can just like duck down
out of the screen.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
Be right back. I need to plug in my computer,
and then you just go to the floor. I'd be
interested in what the contagious of yawning is to figure
that out. What do you mean, like, why why it's contagious?
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Because, yeah, I could see that being a problem at
the Bobby Bone Show because if you yawn and then
Bobby's yawning, and then whoever else is and then it's
like a big yon fest.
Speaker 2 (19:12):
Okay, So holding in a yawn can lead to build
up a pressure and a feeling of needing a yawn
even more, while you might not be able to fully
release the yon, suppressing it and causing the need to intensify,
and then that just get gets worse. But I know
there's other things like if you hold it in, there's
other things.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
You might flo you know, your eyes will pop up.
Speaker 2 (19:31):
It can manifest is other stuff. Oh yeah, I'll get
to it. Keep reading others, then we'll read it.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
Okay, So here's another. One laughed at me when I
explained one of the worst nights of my life, which, oh,
I'm interested in the context, because.
Speaker 2 (19:44):
That's why I couldn't be a therapist.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
I'd probably, but you can sense when somebody's telling a
story and like you might tell that same story, you
would think it's funny, and then I would laugh with
you if I also thought it was funny. But if
somebody's explaining to you, like a traumatic event, it's never
clicked in my mind mind to laugh. Oh yeah, you know, yeah, okay,
this is interesting. Advice told me that men are like
(20:07):
dogs and they need to be trained. Oh this is
just so funny thing for it. Yeah, I'd be like, okay,
what do you mean.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
A moment and you're like, tell your husband, Well, my
therapist told me you're a dog and I need to
train you. So I got you this shock collar. Okay,
if you don't yawn, it can increase your heart rate,
your blood pressure, lead to anxiety, nervousness, like if you
hold it in that feeling of like the inner something
(20:36):
has to go somewhere. Well, you also could become irritated.
Speaker 1 (20:41):
So my aunt, who's a doctor, she's not a doctor,
she's an ear nurse. I remember her saying that I've
just taken this as fact that yawning is just your
body trying to get in more oxygen. Okay, so that's
why I've not felt as bad to when I've yawned,
because I'm like, oh, I'm just trying to breathe, you know, well.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
See I'm tired. I'm just trying to breathe.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
What we'll say next time, Okay, I just have a
couple more. This one is answered a text on her
laptop and I heard the sound when I sent, so
that's probably on a virtual session. Here's another thing, and
this is a clue if anybody who is in virtual
therapy or is a therapist and does virtual therapy, you
need to be very careful of what glasses you're wearing
because you can see the reflection on especially blue light.
(21:23):
The reflection is so clear. So if you're texting or
you get a pick, yep, if you get a pick,
I also get the pick, So just be careful with that.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Uh.
Speaker 1 (21:37):
One is showed me a picture of her kids in
Halloween costumes in the middle of our session. That's I
got a lot like that that were like, just gave
me too much personal information, which I understand. There is
a there's a fine line there. But the best one
I got came from cry Okay she sent me when
(21:59):
I said, like, what's something that your therapist did that
gave you the ck? She just sent in disagreed with me.
Oh yeah, that's sure. That's not great.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
Priankat doesn't want to be disagreed with She's.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
Like, I'm never coming back here. But does a.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Therapist like say you don't agree with your client, Like,
how do you say, Like do you say I don't
agree with what you're saying or I don't It.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Would depend on what it was.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
Yeah, I guess that's true.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
So there's ways to like, there's an art to disagree
with somebody, and also there's art to share your insight
even if it doesn't match up. But there's a difference
between that and somebody being like I'm gonna go, you know,
ruin ten years of sobriety because I'm pissed about blah
blah blah, and me being like this is not a
good idea.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
Yeah, like I can't submort first, I don't agree with that.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
Yes versus something else where I'm like, oh, I can
see why you would want to do that. Can we
look at this too, That's like I don't want any
of it.
Speaker 2 (22:54):
Kend of like, don't disagree with me, And that's why
you're going to therapy to be affirmed so that you're
not like my way or the highway. So, just to
wrap up the yawning thing, I have more info.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
This is never gonna end.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
It has multiple potential causes, including tiredness, which is the
obvious one, boredom, which we think of butt stress and
brain temperature regulation are another reason why you yawn, and
the exact purpose still debated, but those are just some
of the reasons, and it's generally accepted that yawning plays
a role in regulating the brain temperature though and increasing alertness.
(23:31):
So you can now say I get that I yawn,
and you may think that that equals me being bored
or tired, but actually what I'm doing is just increasing
my awareness and if I were.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
To hold it in, you wouldn't be getting the best
of me.
Speaker 2 (23:45):
Yeah, then I'm not aware of anything you're saying.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
So when you have your first session with your client,
you talk to them about your yawns and you talk
to them about your doodling and your knitting.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
No, you're yawning and your yearning.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
That's in the informed consent at the bottom FI, I
will be yearning and yearning.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
Well, so let's say that I do have a therapist
that does some of this stuff. Like, I haven't encountered
any of this, but let's say that I do. Like,
what do people do? Do they run and find a
different one or can they confront or get curious about
what's happening.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
I think that it is normal for your therapist to
do more than one thing that you are not obsessed with. Right,
you shouldn't take everything your therapist says as gold or
everything they do as the standard. They should be trying
their best to do the right thing. Well yeah, I mean,
I'm also paying you right to well, so it's good practice, though,
I think, because in the therapeutic room, you're practicing how
(24:43):
you want to show up outside in your real world.
So if your therapist does something I say this in
my first sessions with people, I don't talk to them
about yearning and yawning. But I do say is if
I ever say something that you disagree with or you
don't like, or if I make a face because you
know me and faces that doesn't feel right to you,
I want you to be able to bring that to
(25:04):
me and share that with me. Or if we do
something and it just doesn't feel right and it feels
like I'm pushing you too hard, I want you to
be able to come and bring that to me and
let's talk about that before you just like run for
the hills, because that could be a way for you
to practice speaking up for yourself, empowering yourself, having healthy confrontation.
(25:25):
If I'm uncomfortable by the confrontation, you don't have to
worry about it. That's my job to deal with my
own stuff. So I encourage people to bring that up
before they leave or or like I got the ick
buy because that could just be reinforcing a habit you
have in your real life where you avoid anything that's uncomfortable.
There are things in here that I would say, this
(25:45):
is a red flag, you gotta go. It might not
even be worth the conversation, like the virtual from the
bar that yes, that is so crazy, to me. But
I mean even the knitting, I think I would say like, hey,
I'm just curious, is this a normal thing you do?
I feel like you're not listening to me.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
Yeah, I'm confused by this, yeah, which one of the
gifts of confusion. So if you're feeling confused, the gift
of that. I think sometimes we can be an annoyed
that we're feeling confused, like, oh, like I don't don't
like not understanding what's happening. But we love the gifts
and the impairments of our feelings. And the gift of
confusion is a sign that you're learning or growing, you're
(26:23):
paying attention. It invites curiosity, reflection, and a deeper understanding
like help me understand why you're knitting, And it humbles
you and keeps you open to new ideas. So confusion
if you allow yourself to really be confused, yes, And
if you don't allow yourself to be confused, the impairment
(26:45):
can lead to just feeling frozen, not doing anything, self doubt,
which also leads to frustration. So don't leave it unchecked
because it can block decision making and and this can
be a help you sort of waiting things right avoiding
challenges instead of getting curious and leaning in.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
Yes that or I think we are used to in general.
I'll speak for myself. I'm used to like, first thought
is judgmental, and I'm going to make an assumption about it,
versus huh, that is interesting. Let's get curious about that
and ask a question. And this helps you practice that.
And I actually did have a therapist say something, not
(27:26):
the one I have now, but the last one I had.
She said something that I really did not sit well
with me at first. Once she said I laughed along
with her, and then I got home and I was like,
that really actually kind of hurt my feelings. So I
went back and we talked about it, and I went
to three or four more sessions with her, and then
those similar kind of comments kept happening, and so I
(27:47):
got enough information where I was like, maybe she's not
for me, but I did go back and try to
address it VERSU run away. Oooh.
Speaker 2 (27:53):
That's a good way to lead into how feelings are
in facts, and you can even collect data with how
you're feeling. If you just go off an initial feeling,
you have to understand that your feelings can't be in
the driver's seat. Annie f Downs was on my podcast
several years ago, and something that she said that stuck
with me, and I don't know if she credited to
anybody else, but I just remember her saying is She's like,
(28:16):
I like my feelings to ride shotgun. I want them
to be near. They're very helpful. I want them to
be by my side, but I don't want them in
the driver's seat. I do think that you can pay
attention to your feelings and collect data and then that
is fact. It's like, Okay, I was feeling confused by this,
and I decided to start evaluating things, taking some notes,
(28:38):
and this happened four times in a row. So I'm
no longer confused like this. Now I have clarity. Yeah,
so I feel pretty clear that my confusion, which was
a signal, like it wasn't a stop sign. It wasn't
like or you have to stop, but it was a
signal for me to yield pay attention.
Speaker 1 (28:55):
And that's what X really should be, is like yielding, like,
let's pay attention to this. But I think the feelings
not facts is such a helpful thing to integrate into
your brain. Because even you've said a couple of things.
We're like, even we're using that for Albert Einstein. When
you're like, oh, I'm so stupid, where are my keys?
I can always lose them, right, I feel so stupid.
It's like, Okay, well you aren't stupid.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
I may feel stupid in that moment, and I shouldn't
talk to myself that way. Yeah, but the fact is
I'm not stupid.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
Yeah, not stupid, And everybody loses their keys. So feelings
are not facts. I can have an experience even like
I feel like I'm going to die, doesn't always mean
you're going to die. That might just be if it's
super truck, it could be a trigger from something really traumatic,
or it could just be an experience like a roller
coaster or something like that. Like I'm not actually this
(29:45):
isn't actually happening, but I am having a feeling that
reminds me of that.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
I have a metaphor. I don't know if you want
to hear it, but I always want to hear a metaphor.
Feelings are like weather, real and present, but not permanent
and not always accurately predicting the climate.
Speaker 1 (30:12):
Oh my gosh, wow, that's good. We didn't It's that
I like the not permanent too, because also.
Speaker 2 (30:21):
And sometimes you check think of how many times you
check the weather app and it's like all over the place.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
It's like you can't you can't trust it.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
And it's like that's why you don't want them in
the driver's seat. They cannot be trusted because if you
start to really adopt the fact that you're stupid or whatever,
then that's going to be a driving factor and that's
going to be a filter through everything that you do.
So you just need to set that well in the
passenger seat. But not that you even give it that
much credit, but it's like, curious, Okay, why am I
(30:49):
feeling stupid right now? And then unpack it that way,
what's the core?
Speaker 1 (30:54):
What's the roote? Have you ever had an experience where
you had a feeling and you wanted to go do
something right then, and then you waited and you completely
changed your mind.
Speaker 2 (31:05):
Yes, oftentimes that I would say, every example I'm thinking
of in my head has to do with another person
and some sort of confrontation where maybe I want to
say something in that moment and it would feel really
good to say it, but ultimately it would be bad. Yeah,
(31:26):
so I need to pause and give myself that space,
so I don't. Especially in our romantic relationships. I think
oftentimes that happens more quickly than with not because we
also feel safe with our romantic partners, or at least
we should, and then we end.
Speaker 1 (31:39):
Up well even when we don't feel safe with them.
And if it's maybe more of an unhealthy relationship, I
might have this feeling where I like I need to
go do this right now, or say this right now
or x y Z. But if I take a beat,
do some self soothing, A lot of times I will
want the opposite. We're like, oh, actually I don't need that.
Do you have something coming to keep going? Keep going? Yes,
I have some thing.
Speaker 2 (32:00):
Well, I was just going to say, for a for
a coffee mug, for a T shirt?
Speaker 1 (32:03):
Oh, share it?
Speaker 2 (32:04):
Soothe first, solve later, keep going.
Speaker 1 (32:08):
Can it be a screen saver? You can make it whatever?
Anyone bread. We don't even have any merch.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
We have no items, but we have we have lots
of things like suit first, solve later.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
What was the other one? Weak?
Speaker 2 (32:18):
Uh?
Speaker 1 (32:19):
Fear is not weaknesses? Awareness? Yeah, sooth first, solve later.
You heard it here first better trademark all these anyway,
I think that I said, what, we're gonna have fifty trademarks. Yeah,
and I'm sure other people have said them. Sooth first
solved later. Nobody said that before.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
Really, that's a title basically what you were just saying, though,
But I didn't clock it. Okay, well I clocked it
when you were saying.
Speaker 1 (32:43):
You're in charge of that department. Finish that thought, though,
I think that was my I think I did where
you If you're in an unhealthy relationship, a lot of
times the thing that we want to go do is
to act in the dysfunction. Right If I'm in a
if I am acting in maybe some and insecure attachment,
and I need to go to that person to get
(33:03):
my soothing or I need to go confront them or
ask this or do whatever. If I soothe on my own,
do some self soothing or with a safe person give me.
Could be an hour, could be a day, however long,
I then could come up with a different solution to
that real root of the feeling, because that feeling could
have been saying, hey, is this is actually you need
(33:26):
to get out of here, But the intensity says I
need to go into it.
Speaker 2 (33:30):
Yeah makes sense, Well, it's a good time to bring up,
like reasons, why are feelings sometimes lie? So you mentioned
past wounds, that could be one of the reasons abandonment,
different triggers anxiety. Stories we tell ourselves like oh I'm
the problem, narrative misinterpretations of other people's behavior, like someone
(33:51):
being quiet equals oh, they hate me, and that's just
a story that we're telling our feels like they hate me.
It feels like they hate yes, because the fact is
they likely don't hate you. I don't know.
Speaker 1 (34:02):
Maybe they do.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
But tips and tools we did, we gave soothe first,
solve later. I only say that because I always feel
like so many people, I'm like, oh, why don't they
like me?
Speaker 1 (34:14):
What have I done?
Speaker 2 (34:15):
What did I do wrong? And it's like, really, I've
done nothing. They're just quiet.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Well, in that moment, it feels like you need to
do something to fix it. But like, take some time
and it might be like, Okay, I can accept that.
Maybe they're just quiet. Maybe not everybody's going to like me.
Maybe I need to work on me being confident versus
needing affirmation.
Speaker 2 (34:30):
Yeah, you're not gonna be everybody's cup of tea.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
No, thank God, put that on aea. I want everything
to be a screensaver.
Speaker 2 (34:40):
Yeah, I'm like, what that seems a lot easier because
you just type it in and make it a screensaver.
So that's probably why. So we did soothe first, solve later.
That's a tip and tool. You can also name the
feeling before believing the story. Sometimes it's hard to name
the feeling, but if you can pause and really name it,
that can be helpful.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
I'm feeling insecure, I'm feeling scared, I'm feeling rejected, feeling rejected,
and maybe you aren't being rejected, Okay, I.
Speaker 2 (35:06):
Mean, and you can feel rejected versus are you being rejected?
Speaker 1 (35:10):
Though this kind of crosses the lines of when we're
talking about this, I feel stupid isn't a feeling, So
I can feel like something that's a story that's not
a feeling, the feeling underneath that might be I feel insecure,
and that feeling is always valid because we cannot I
think this. Feelings always valid gets misinterpreted. Sometimes they're always
valid because you can't help what you feel.
Speaker 4 (35:31):
It doesn't mean that that story is actually true yeah,
or that I should try to work through it, because
I'm with you on that, even with myself, like I
need to remember I've got to work through this.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
Like, just because all feelings are welcome and I want
to feel them and they're valid, doesn't mean that I
have just this excuse to run around with like all
these feelings all the time being crazy.
Speaker 1 (35:52):
Well, we're in charge of what we do with those things,
So we're in charge with our response. So I think
that yeah, if you were feeling insecure and because somebody,
if you were feeling rejected because somebody I don't know
what they do, they gave you a face, Yeah, are.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
They looked me funny or they didn't talk to me,
or like even just using the example from last week
when we talked about my boyfriend and am I wanted
like I had a story through certain things that were
happening at times that like is there space for me here?
Am I wanted like I'm feeling rejected at this moment.
I was feeling that way, but that wasn't fact. I
(36:30):
wasn't rejecting he wasn't rejecting me, and I was wanted
there was another story happening. But if I had really
wanted to put my feelings in the driver's seat, I
could have just broken up with them. That moment.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
Yeah, but this is another tool. Did we already say,
check the facts, Like that's part of the conversation you had.
It's like, I'm checking the actual facts versus going off
of what this is telling me. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:54):
You can also talk it out with someone that you trust.
So I would call you and I'd be like, actually,
I think I did try it when I left there,
and I'm like, and this is what happened in this
and it's like, Okay, you would be a sounding board
for me, or even yeah, everybody in this room cry
ocat Shannon, like can be a sounding board of like, Okay,
first of all, those are your feelings, they're valid, they're
(37:16):
welcome here. However, let's fact check this a little bit. Yeah,
and then we could talk through it. And then I
that's part of my soothing too, because then I'm getting
information from safe people. I'm not disrupting my relationship by
trying to you know, because even talking it through with
that person, even though he's a safe person, if I'm
not calm and soothed, then I may not get to
(37:38):
the end result as fast and.
Speaker 1 (37:39):
You might be stuck in the story. Yeah, the story
versus really trying to under have understanding. Yeah, so once
you talk that out with a friend or a therapist
or something. I mean, that's similar with what I did
with my friend when I was saying that we was
that on this episode, I'm getting all mixed couch shocks. Okay. Yeah,
so last there's a coult last week when I was
talking about my my friend that I had that lunch
(38:01):
conversation with around our conflict, if I would have gone
to her before I talked that out with somebody, it
would have sounded so different, and I don't know if
we would have gotten the same result. So if I
was able to kind of come into like the Okay,
I am valid for feeling this, and let's look at
all the other pieces I've had, somebody validate me in
that as well, and then I can share that with them.
(38:22):
It sounds different versus me running in like a bull
and being like, you made me feel.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
This way, you owe me, and that's what you would say,
I can't make you feel anyway.
Speaker 1 (38:31):
You are learning so well, good job.
Speaker 2 (38:35):
Okay, we're mental health minded over here.
Speaker 1 (38:37):
Yeah, we are put it on a teacup.
Speaker 2 (38:39):
Mental health minded. Okay, So feelings matter, They're all important,
but they're not the ultimate truth. And you got to
collect the data, data, drama, take your pick. Collect the
drama and data is great and all of Sometimes just
drama is a little more fun and easier. And I
will say I gravitate more towards drama at times with
(39:00):
my boyfriend. And it's so annoying because he does not
take the bait. He does not take the bait. He
doesn't want any part of it, and he doesn't even
make a thing of it. He'll just he's just calm
and patient. He's just like this too shell pass like
he's sort of like, so, what did you want for dinner?
Or what did you say? Or Okay, well, I guess
I'll talk to Like he's not even being dramatic about it.
He's like, I'm just not going to even.
Speaker 1 (39:22):
What are you doing? Stop?
Speaker 2 (39:24):
And then I'm like, God, healthy, it healthy. I'm gonna
catch him though, I'm gonna get it. Okay, I'm joking,
I'm joking. I know it riles him up.
Speaker 1 (39:37):
Though when you say I'm gonna catch you one day,
you're gonna take my bait.
Speaker 2 (39:42):
No, But if things like if people don't like follow
through on something or like things don't happen the way,
like the plan. If the plan is not going according
or people.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
Are can you change the plan? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (39:55):
Okay, so yeah, like stick to your word, like this
is the plan if like you said. But he's not
like a dickler on time. It's not like that like
I keep thinking about like other relationships I've been in.
It's like you said, it's gonna be five minutes and
it was ten. He doesn't get worked up about that,
which is awesome.
Speaker 1 (40:08):
Because like I have always been thirty when you say ten.
Speaker 2 (40:11):
Because I have time blindness, it's a it's part of
my disorder.
Speaker 1 (40:16):
What do I have ADHD? Yeah?
Speaker 2 (40:18):
Is that a disorder or a dysfunction?
Speaker 1 (40:21):
The disorders in the name of it, okay.
Speaker 2 (40:23):
Yeah, attention deficit disorder. So I have time blindness. It's
part of my disorder.
Speaker 1 (40:28):
Okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
So he has a lot of grace for that, which
is awesome. I love it. Even though he's generally on time,
he's pretty patient and it's cool. We would not work
if that was not the case. So we were on
a shuttle with the airport shuttle and it was full.
There was only one seat. There was two seats left,
and then he ended up letting another person on that
(40:50):
was like running late, and it was our was already
squeezed in and the luggage thing was full and everything
was full, and we're all hot and everyone's just trying
to get to their car, and the driver probably shouldn't
have stopped, but the other person got on and it
was then tight. So now there's like one little tiny
sliver left and no luggage room and everyone's again trying
to get to their car. Well, another person comes running
(41:11):
up and the shuttle guy stops and opens the door
and looks back at us. He's like, do you think
we can make room? And Alex is like, no, no,
we need to go, like because that's the it's not
it's no longer going to be safe. Like he was
thinking through, like do your job, Like I don't know
why you're trying, but I was like, we should try
(41:32):
to make room because what if that was us and
we were coming up and we wanted to get on,
and like we just missed it. And he's like, yeah,
but you you just missed it and it's full and
now you're gonna come in and sacrifice comfort and then
where does the luggage go? So it's like a safety thing,
is it he's a rule follower. I don't know that
it's that he's a rule follower, but it was like.
Speaker 1 (41:52):
A also, I think that would bother me.
Speaker 2 (41:54):
But the way he responded, like I'd never seen him
get so like, oh.
Speaker 1 (41:58):
I wouldn't have said anything.
Speaker 2 (42:00):
I said, stop that right now.
Speaker 1 (42:03):
I was like, don't have needs or opinions.
Speaker 2 (42:05):
Yeah, but no, he wasn't the only one like everyone
except for maybe me and one other person, like I
just got there. Yeah, and I was like here, I'll
send your lap like it's going to be fine, but
everybody else was like no because we had already stopped
for that other person, and it it really didn't make sense.
I guess I'm just saying that now. I know what
(42:25):
really rocks his feathers because I said, well, what would
you have done if he just made the decision to
bring the guy on, like to let the other people
on and not even asked us And he's like, well,
I would change services, like that's fine, but I'm no
longer going to use you anymore. And I was like, wow,
this is You're very passionate about this, and he had
(42:48):
a very logical reason. He's like, this is that's not
how you do business because you have all of us
where we got there and we waited, they now have
to wait for their shuttle. This is how a business
is run. You want to keep your customers happy, and
then the other people they're gona have a problem with waiting.
People wait for shuttles all the time. He's like, in fact,
we just waited five minutes for this shuttle, and now
(43:08):
we're trying to accommodate and get all these people on.
Either maybe this guy doesn't want to do another lap,
or maybe he wants more tips, which okay, but you
can't make other people uncomfortable to try to accommodate one
other person. So I understood his business mind, and I
mean he straight up was like saying, I'll switch companies.
(43:29):
I will no longer park at this person's place. I'll
go park at that person's place.
Speaker 1 (43:34):
I was had in my head that he was like
leaving the ninety nine to save the one kind of thing.
It's not what goes I don't really know, do you
know what I'm talking about? Is that not like the
Jesus will leave the ninety nine to save the one. Oh,
that's like a common to say, like, yeah, it's the
reverse it's reverse because he usually he is such a kind,
(43:55):
caring guy, but in this area he's like, no, this
is business. This is how you run the right, which
normally I would be like biblical, this is put it
on T shirt. And also that's that is that is
a shirt? Yes it is. But you're the opposite where
I feel like you would like always look out for
the one out like outsider, and so I just think
(44:16):
that's interesting. I am like him where I will get
like that too.
Speaker 2 (44:20):
Shout out Shannon. We have the Bible verse. What the
Bible verse, Okay, Jesus will leave the ninety nine to
save the one refers to a parable in the Bible,
specifically Matthew eighteen twelve through fourteen and Luke fifteen four
through seven, which illustrates God's love and pursuit of the lost,
the parable of the lost sheep.
Speaker 1 (44:39):
So you were talking about sheep? Yes, So did I
not say sheep? You didn't?
Speaker 2 (44:42):
You just said ninety nine and one. And I so
now that I have the sheep, we've got got reference to.
Speaker 1 (44:48):
But wasn't this on Easter?
Speaker 2 (44:49):
God, that this happening?
Speaker 1 (44:50):
Yeah, it was, so maybe that was Jesus driving your shuttle.
Speaker 2 (44:53):
What if you know what, NA tell him that he
got that at Jesus. Yeah, Jesus, yeah, Jesus take the wheel.
That is so true. I'm gonna bring that up. I know.
I don't know why he got so worked up by that,
but I do get I get that because everybody he
was like, look, I wasn't the only one. And I said, well,
here's the deal. If you want them to act all
(45:14):
like no, drive, no, that's fine, you let them. We don't.
We're not going to do that.
Speaker 1 (45:19):
We're not participating. I'm We're an efficiency, though, and that's
non efficient business. So I think, as is he, I
would be like I would say, I'm never using the
service again, and then I would probably use it again.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
So the parable of the Lost Sheep depicts a shepherd
who leaves ninety nine sheep to search for one that
has strayed. This is definitely very different. No, it's the
same thing, demonstrating God's willingness to prioritize the lost over
those who are already safe.
Speaker 1 (45:46):
He was lost and he needed to ride, and you
guys were lost.
Speaker 2 (45:49):
He needed to wait for the shuttle.
Speaker 1 (45:51):
I don't know. I think Jesus was driving here, guess
where we are now.
Speaker 2 (45:55):
Guess what we've gotten to the.
Speaker 1 (45:59):
Maw the day.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
I don't think I don't think we need clapping pleasing
a little much.
Speaker 1 (46:08):
Okay, but like that's better than like I had like
each Okay, well you do that and I'll do the
email Email.
Speaker 3 (46:16):
Of the day.
Speaker 2 (46:18):
Do you do you know what I was riffing off
of it? Like wow, thank oh I didn't get that.
Speaker 1 (46:24):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (46:26):
Okay, So we have feeling of the day, and now
we're going to do the email of the day.
Speaker 1 (46:36):
I like the other one better though.
Speaker 2 (46:37):
Should we just copycat feeling of the day?
Speaker 1 (46:40):
Email of the day? Yeah? Okay, all right, and now
it's time for the e mail of the day. No,
you said it differently last time you said I did.
Maybe we can have the everybody in the room boat
you said of the day?
Speaker 2 (46:56):
All right, and now it's time for the e mail
of the day.
Speaker 1 (47:01):
I was right. Can I just say it and then
you copy me? Okay? I don't know if you try
throats getting tight e mail of the day.
Speaker 2 (47:15):
So I'm gonna go of the day.
Speaker 1 (47:16):
Yeah okay, and you sing, well, no, okay, why do
you think that I do? I think that you could.
Speaker 2 (47:25):
See I've thought before I think that I could, like
I feel like I could, and that's why not feelings
are in facts.
Speaker 1 (47:33):
Okay, ready, Email of the day going too fast? Okay, sorry,
did you notice it? Okay, you have to give it
like a beat like okay, mail boom boom of the day. Okay, alright,
ready say the boom boom in your head? All right, ready, okay, ready,
that's funny Email of the day.
Speaker 2 (47:59):
I did them in my head.
Speaker 1 (48:02):
Then you changed taking from the tosh like in the
sound booth, being like, we need Cat's vocals one more AMI's.
We're gonna dial those down a little bit. We're gonna
put auto tune on Cat and then we're gonna.
Speaker 2 (48:16):
Hit it and we need more of the snapping.
Speaker 1 (48:19):
Okay, you can snap if you want.
Speaker 2 (48:21):
Snapping is better than clapping because Clapp can be liked,
excited and nervous.
Speaker 1 (48:25):
And that's why Clapp.
Speaker 2 (48:26):
Okay, she you're like, give me an eat.
Speaker 1 (48:29):
I was cheerleader at one point in my life. We
don't know how it happened.
Speaker 2 (48:45):
All right, here we go, we're snapping.
Speaker 1 (48:47):
You have to say, oh the day, okay, oh the day? Okay, Okay,
of the day. Do you I think we should snap,
it would help you. I kept practicing, and.
Speaker 2 (49:00):
We're going to do this every week, so.
Speaker 1 (49:03):
We'll get faster. We'll get faster. We read do I say?
Speaker 2 (49:09):
Do you want me to say the we talk that part?
Speaker 1 (49:11):
Okay?
Speaker 2 (49:12):
Al right, it's time for the email of the day.
Speaker 1 (49:17):
We did it?
Speaker 2 (49:18):
Okay, okay, okay, all right, no, okay, all right, we
have gotten to that part where now it is time for.
Speaker 1 (49:26):
The email of the day.
Speaker 3 (49:31):
We did it.
Speaker 2 (49:32):
Okay that snap snap it's better than boom boom in
my head.
Speaker 1 (49:37):
That helps me.
Speaker 2 (49:39):
Snapping helps me. Okay, Oh dang, we gotta set it
up again. Now we flow right into it. No laughing,
no celebrating again, because we have to go into the email.
We're we just we do it and then we go
into the email.
Speaker 1 (49:51):
You have to be ready to go into it.
Speaker 2 (49:52):
I'm ready, okay, okay, all right, and now it's time
for the email of the day, Amy and Kat. This
one doesn't need to be anonymous.
Speaker 1 (50:03):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (50:04):
My name is Eva things Eva or.
Speaker 1 (50:07):
Eva, so I need to answer that. Did you answer
that yourself?
Speaker 2 (50:13):
I answered it myself. My name is Eva, and I've
been listening to the podcast since it first started as
four Things with Amy. This last Friday, I had a
mental breakdown and called out of work. After dragging myself
out of bed at eleven, I decided to pop on
my headphones and listen to feeling things while making a
batch of cookies. Good thing I hadn't added the salt yet,
(50:33):
because the salt for my tears for sure did the trick.
My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant
for five years, only being successful once, but it ended
in a miscarriage. I also have MS, which has recently
started flaring up, and the only option to slow progression
is to go on medication, which is not ideal while
you're trying to have a baby. Needless to say, I
(50:55):
carry around shame like it's my best friend feel for her.
Hearing you guys talk about your fertility struggles, guilt and
shame helped me more than you'll ever understand. Thank you
for the reminder that I'm not a failure. Thank you
for making me feel not alone. So thankful for both
(51:16):
of you and the podcast. Your friend from Republic Missouri
Eva ps. The cookies turned off awesome.
Speaker 1 (51:25):
I'm glad you read that and not me, so thank you, Eva.
Speaker 2 (51:28):
Well, I was able to get through it. And the
only way I got through it, I was like, don't cry,
don't cry, don't don't don't cry. So I was like
ev Ever, her name is Eva.
Speaker 1 (51:39):
Yeah, but I'm thankful for those emails like that, I think.
I when I read that, I was like, oh, there's
we got a couple like that. And we've said this before,
I'm sure, but sometimes it feels like we're just talking
about nothing. So it's helpful for us to to hear
from you guys, knowing that even though we do silly
things like our jingle, there's things that are helping you
(52:01):
guys for real.
Speaker 2 (52:02):
Yeah, they're real parts of our lives that we're able
to open up and share it if our close people
are friends. But this podcast gives us an avenue to
help reach anybody that, yeah, might just be popping in
their headphones to listen to a podcast and then suddenly
they feel.
Speaker 1 (52:19):
Us alone, and then emails feels helps us.
Speaker 2 (52:24):
Feel that way. Yeah, and too, you opening up, especially
publicly with some of that stuff like this is the
beginning of your fertility journey. So even for you, I'm
just so proud of you for opening up in the
ways that you have because Also it's a fine line
of like you're a therapist and navigating like how much
of your life you share because you've got clients that
may listen. And anyway, I was proud of you when
(52:47):
you opened up and how you have opened up and
how you're navigating that. And I know that you're again
starting this journey. But I hope these emails show you
too that you're not alone, and thank you.
Speaker 1 (53:01):
Even I have ever oh in this tet, they're in
my head.
Speaker 2 (53:05):
Oh, I have Forever ever ever wait under my Okay,
so that's Rihanna. But back in the day when that
first the song came out and like the you know,
two thousand and seven, two thousand and eight or something
like that, we were in pop so Rihanna was someone
we played all the time, Like that song was always on.
So for like a year, I was singing it wrong.
(53:26):
I thought she was saying, uh, well, the title of
the song is umbrella. Yeah, so obviously she's sang under
my Armbabella ella ella right right, eh?
Speaker 3 (53:37):
Eh eh, I wait, I thought she was saying under
my arm forever ever ever eh eh.
Speaker 2 (53:48):
And yeah, so that's why ever you know forever.
Speaker 1 (53:53):
It's wondering where you're going with that?
Speaker 2 (53:54):
That's where I was going with it forever.
Speaker 3 (53:57):
Ever.
Speaker 2 (53:57):
Ever, then one day Bobby was like, you know, the
title of the song is the umbrella, like she's talking
about being under her umbrella.
Speaker 1 (54:04):
Wait a second, your words are better.
Speaker 2 (54:08):
Under my Arm Forever.
Speaker 1 (54:09):
I think that's well.
Speaker 2 (54:11):
But the title of the song would have to be like.
Speaker 1 (54:13):
Under my arm forever. But I think that that's a
better song. Why are you under?
Speaker 2 (54:17):
I feel like a little more creative.
Speaker 1 (54:19):
It's like because a metaphor, like the rain is falling,
and the rainfalls for I'll be all you need it more?
That's in there so that your yours wouldn't make sense?
Speaker 2 (54:31):
Wait, so can you sing?
Speaker 1 (54:33):
No? However, I feel like my parents would have put
me in voice fail lessons as a child. I would
have been good. I think I could, like if I
wasn't like tone deaf and I knew how to like
use my dear diaphragm, my diaphragm. There are some songs
that sometimes I'm like, I hit it okay.
Speaker 2 (54:50):
You know, it's funny to say that that's how I
start to.
Speaker 1 (54:55):
I used to record myself. I had to sometimes I'm
like Catherine cute this and side of your head, but
I already started. I had a six hour drive to
and from college. This is back when I think I
had like a BlackBerry or something. In soone I would
record myself singing Bleeding Love by Leona lu Oh, I.
Speaker 2 (55:15):
Keep bleeding.
Speaker 1 (55:20):
And I used to always sing the national anthem everywhere
I went, and so my family would like ask me
to sing it for them, like on.
Speaker 2 (55:27):
Their birthdays, the national anthem because they were.
Speaker 1 (55:31):
Making fun of me, not because I was good. I
also always sang what's that song? That Christmas song? It's
not Mary? Did you know? Oh that one? Oh my god,
I'm good at that? And then what shoot, proud Mary,
I'm really good at. That's the thing, like you're really
good at? Are you think weird? Thing? I'm good at?
And my day it's a whole thing in my family.
(55:53):
And that's the one song I wanted to play at
my wedding. My dad asked the band to play. I
asked the band to play. Guess what song they didn't play?
Probably because what song they did play? All the Bruneo
Mars songs we said do not play, they probably did play.
Speaker 2 (56:06):
I wonder why they I mean, don't ask me if
you're paying a band a lot of money. That's weird.
Speaker 1 (56:11):
They probably didn't want me on the stage. Yeah, because
I would have been on the stage. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (56:16):
True. Well, fun fact about me with oh do you
know that song?
Speaker 1 (56:21):
B and Okay, don't judge me on that. I'm nervous,
but they they sing that.
Speaker 2 (56:29):
Ok everyone stopped listening once we started singing It's fine.
Speaker 1 (56:33):
When I started clapping, they stopped. They played that every
year at the Christmas Eve service from my at my
church growing up, and then we would come home and
I would sing over my family.
Speaker 2 (56:42):
Oh, I'm sure it's lovely.
Speaker 1 (56:45):
I'll send you a video next Christmas.
Speaker 2 (56:47):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (56:47):
I feel like I shared too much.
Speaker 2 (56:48):
Should know we're good.
Speaker 1 (56:51):
Shame don't.
Speaker 2 (56:53):
This is a safe space. Okay, thank you, cap. Where
can people find you on Spotify? Oh? Where's your music?
Speaker 1 (57:03):
Where can they download? It was like laugh at my joke.
Speaker 2 (57:06):
I didn't get it at first.
Speaker 1 (57:08):
I was like I bet, I thought, I no, you
were I could barely get it out. You were my mind.
Speaker 2 (57:18):
I was already like thinking like, okay, she can like
tease like Instagram, like I thought you were thinking like, oh,
our podcast is on Spotify, It's on iHeart it's on
wherever you listen to podcasts.
Speaker 1 (57:27):
I was singing of my recording and Bleeding Love from
two thousand and six. Yeah, it's not on Spotify. It's not.
I'm sorry, dang it.
Speaker 2 (57:36):
If you follow us on Instagram though, I can send
it to you directly and the dms. We are at
Feeling Things podcast on Instagram. Kat is at Kat van
Buren and I am at Radio Amy, and we would
love to hear from you as well for couch chalks.
Hey there at Feeling Things podcast dot com, and you
(57:58):
can also leave us a voice. Well eight seven seven
two seven two o seven seven I was about to
say that we're not going to sing it.
Speaker 1 (58:08):
We'll spare you that. We'll spare you that. Yeah, all right, Well,
I hope you guys are having the day you need
to have.
Speaker 2 (58:13):
Were gonna say that together.
Speaker 1 (58:14):
I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2 (58:16):
Let's start over now. I hope you guys are having
the day you need to have. Okay, bye bye
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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