May 1, 2025 • 19 mins
Amy and Kat share a listener email from Julia in Wisconsin. Julia is getting ready to hike 1,200 miles solo (a dream she’s been chasing for years) and she’s tired of people asking what her husband thinks about it. Amy and Kat talk about how to respond when people project their fears or outdated ideas about relationships onto your dreams, and why you don’t need to defend living a big, brave life. There are way more interesting questions like:
What is she going to eat?
Will she hike with others she meets along the way?
Where will she sleep?
What if you encounter a bear?
How often does her husband get to visit her?
We hope this chat offers some encouragement for anyone working toward something others might not understand. You don’t need permission to be proud of yourself. Also, Kat gets an update from Amy on the Face Fitness trial that she signed up for at the first of April.
Email: heythere@feelingthingspodcast.com
Call and leave a voicemail: 877-207-2077
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Van Buren // @KatVanburen
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Good.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
All right, break it down.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
If you ever have feelings that you just won't home,
Amy and Cat gotcha, coviing locking, No, brother, ladies and folks.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Do you just follow an the spirit where it's all
us phone over real stuff, tell the chill stuff and the.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
M but Swayne, sometimes the best thing you can do
it just.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Stop you feel things. This is Feeling Things with.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
Amy and Kat.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Happy Thursday, Welcome to Couch Talks, the listener Q and
a episode of the Feeling Things podcast. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
And quick disclaimer before we get into today's episode that
although I'm sharing feedback and I'm a therapist, and you're
also sharing feedback and you're not a therapist.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Correct this. I don't feel like I need a discider,
but sure you do.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
This podcast does not served as a substitute or any
type of therapy in itself, but we hope it helps regardless. Now,
I would like to start off today with an update.
I'm curious how your Face Fitness subscription is going and
if you have paid any money yet.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Well, as you know, my first month was free, right, yeah,
thirty days my trial my trial run and I will
have you know that on April twenty something, I send
an email. I tried to cancel and they were like, well,
you have to send an email to cancel, and I
haven't heard back yet, but I'm sure I will have.
I made the communication before the first of the month,
(01:29):
so therefore I have documentation of me canceling. And I'm
canceling because I didn't really use.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
It that much.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
And I'm kind of over it. I mean, I'm telling you,
from January to March, I was a face fitness all
the time. I did it every day. Now I dabble
in it. I have some of the techniques that I
really enjoy, like my platisma muscle massage, whatever this is.
I don't even know for sure how to say it,
(01:59):
but this really helps me with posture. I think I'm
doing posta exercises. I'm taking care of my trapeziis.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
Are you saying posture or posta.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Pasta posture?
Speaker 3 (02:13):
Posture? Yeah, okay, I thought you're saying pasta and I
was like, what's maybee?
Speaker 2 (02:17):
That is how I say posture, but I say posture
like like I had that countertop spray a minute ago
in my kitchen because we filmed another cooking with Damien
Cat it might already be up. Go do Feeling Things
podcast on Instagram. Check out episode two. We made pasta.
So we were cleaning the countertop and you were like, oh,
that smells good, and I said, yeah, it's pony piany.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
You didn't say piony.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
You said peony pani.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
No, you said pony. You did say pony.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Yeah, that's what I said, said, is it it's peony peony?
Speaker 3 (02:49):
And you said ponies.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Sure like parog's You sort of like posture and pasta,
but I for sure know that it's posture.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Well, any who's the I'm working on my posture and
some of those things just really help elongate your neck
and help keep you up right. And I'm feeling pretty
good about it about the things that I have learned
and taken with me and that I will continue probably
for the rest of my life.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Okay, Well, I'm proud of you. I feel like that's
a big deal that you canceled it. And even if
they charge you, you can refute that because I.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Can't have have proof.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
Also, what a tactic?
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Yeah, I have evident cheery support the tag word.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
That's a tactic though, to have you have to email
in order to cancel.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
There's like a cancel button. I don't like that. We
should be able to want you to be out of it.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Take extra steps. This is the way of the world. Uh,
we've got an email that is not anonymous. Yeah, this
is from Julie listening in Wisconsin. I feel like our
last two couch talks were anonymous, but she she clarified
at the bottom. I don't care either way if I'm anonymous.
So Julie, we're saying your name. Here's what she wrote
(04:03):
in Hi, Amy and Kat. I'm a longtime listener of
the Bobby Bone Show, and I've listened to four things
from the very beginning. I always feel like I'm just
catching up with friends when listening. I've really enjoyed feeling
things and the conversational topics, sidetrack stories and all. I'm
reaching out because I'm sick of people asking what my
husband thinks of my new goal. I'm twenty eight, happily married,
(04:25):
and I really like the life that we have built
for ourselves. This fall, I will be setting out to
through hike the Ice Age National Scenic Trail. Essentially, this
means I will set out on a two month long
backpacking trip to hike twelve hundred miles across our home
state of Wisconsin, averaging twenty miles a day. I've been
(04:46):
dreaming about hiking this trail start to finish for over
ten years. I am so freaking excited that I'm actually
pursuing the stream and my husband has been nothing but supportive.
He has shuttled me on training hikes, cheers for me,
has been doing extra around the house because my training
has been so time consuming. He helps me plan, He
(05:06):
has scheduled paid time off come visit me on the trail.
He's the best. However, when I tell an acquaintance or
a coworker about this really cool thing that I'm training for,
I get the same response, are you going alone? Followed
by how does your husband feel about that? I understand
that they may have some concerns for my safety, but
it never really comes across that way. It always seems
(05:28):
like they are expecting me to say that my husband
is upset by this. I'm hoping for some advice on
how to respond to these questions. I don't like feeling
that I need to defend the plans that I'm excited
about in training really hard for do I explain that
I have safety measures in place, because there are way
cooler things about this adventure than that. How can I
(05:52):
better portray that they can be excited for me, that
I don't need my husband's permission. This is something I've
been dealing with for a long time. Outside of this
through hike, I've always been very independent and sometimes go
on solo trips without my husband and or while he's
on his own golf trips. These trips end in similar
questions from my friends and family. I appreciate any insight
(06:15):
you can provide. I don't car either way if I'm anonymous. Thanks.
Bestie's Julia, half of that Wisconsin couple.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Okay, so my first thought is, holy moly, Yeah, I'm
proud of you, Julia. Yeah that I'm thinking of all
the training and all the effort and everything that it
is going to take to do this twenty miles a
day for she said two months. That's amazing, And that's
amazing that your family is supportive and that they're excited
for you. So my other thought hearing this, because she's
(06:47):
asking how can she respond to the people who don't
sound like they're excited for her?
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Yeah, And it seems like it's a question she's tired
of not just regarding this. So I'm sure other women
out there have experienced something similar where they may get
a question of like, oh, well, what does your husband
think about that? In regards to anything? And on the
other side of it, do you think men are asked
the same thing? I think that's what it feels like,
Well what does your wife think about this? And they
(07:12):
can The likelihood is they're not asked that as much
as women are.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
And what we can't What we cannot do is change
the way people respond to us, because people are going
to respond with how they're going to respond. They're going
to respond with what's going through their lens, their thoughts,
so they're usually there's some project projection.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
In the questions we ask back to people.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
So it's rather than had I respond to change the
way this conversation started, it's where do I want it
to go?
Speaker 3 (07:39):
So you said, do you want to do some role playing?
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Yeah, let's play.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
I'm going on this hike. I'm really excited about it.
It's twelve thousand miles, it starts in the fall.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
It's twelve thousand miles.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
I'm sorry, sual hundred I'm like, oh god, Okay, that's
a different response.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
She's like, I'm going to be gone for five years.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
It's twelve hundred miles.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Yeah, I mean I kind of want to, Like I
just want to do that that eight mile hiked down
that I really want to Yeah, and now I bet
Julia's motivating me. I'm like, if Julia can do this, what's.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
A ten year goal?
Speaker 2 (08:18):
She said, yeah, she's been I wanted to do the
eight mile for the last long two months or so. Okay, okay,
so okay, let's roll play.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Okay again, Okay, ask me like, Hey, what are you buying.
Speaker 3 (08:42):
All that hiking gear for?
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Oh? So I'm an acquaintance. Yeah, oh, what's all that
hiking gear for?
Speaker 1 (08:48):
So I'm actually training to do a twelve hundred mile
hike this fall. I'm gonna be gone for two months
through the this National Scenic Trail.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
I'm really excited.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
Oh wow, what does your husband think about that? Wait?
What's my role?
Speaker 3 (09:08):
That's right?
Speaker 2 (09:08):
I just want to Oh, oh, I see you're married.
Yeah yeah, yeah, I forgot. I'm an acquaintance. I'm an acquaintance.
I see that you're married. Yeah I am, So what
does your husband think about that.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
Oh, he's actually really excited about me. I'm curious what
made you wonder that?
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Well, most men don't want their wife gone for two
months and they can't take care of themselves, so I'm
curious what he's going to do. I don't know why
people would ask.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
That question, like, well, you don't have to go any farther,
but I was just trying to prove that, like you
can ask her a question, you can respond back with
the question.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
But I feel like I wouldn't be able to do
that because I would feel that's like a little aggressive,
and I don't want to invest that much time in
an acquaintance like that seems like a lot of work,
Like I would much rather just be like, he's cool
with it.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
But well, if it's that, this sounds like these are
like people that she knows no right.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
True? True, And she did say she wants them to
be excited for her, so she.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Amy would tell you to give them deuces and just
walk away. Yeah, the other thing you can do is
bring it back to that excitement. So like she's there saying,
why what does your husband think about that? You could say, well,
he's actually really excited about it, and I'm really excited
about it too, So I really want to talk about
the things that are exciting about this. I'm looking forward
to this. I'm looking forward to this. So you can
(10:30):
just bring that positive spin back to it.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
So she could be like, Oh, he's really excited for me,
and you should be too. You could say that and
they would probably be like.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
You could say they're whoa, whoa whoa.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Nobody ever said I wasn't excited for you.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
You could say he's really excited for me, and I
am hoping my friends and family can support me and
be excited for me too.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Yeah. I like that. Yeah, that seems good. But if
I were to come back with another question of what
what made you ask that? I feel like maybe they
wouldn't even know why they asked it because some of
it is conditioning.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
So this is so interesting to me.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
I think we will absorb the discomfort and conversation so easily.
So you're saying like that would be so awkward to
ask that, and maybe a better way to say that
would be like, oh, that's an interesting question that your
mind went there.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
I my husband's really cool with it.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
I'm wondering what, like, what are your thoughts about what
your husband would think. You know, it's a little bit
less dramatic than like what made you say that?
Speaker 3 (11:28):
But we absorb the awkwardness.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
So we don't want to say that because we don't
want to make them uncomfortable when they just made us uncomfortable. True,
like you, I felt uncomfortable when you said, oh, what
does your husband think? But it's not okay for me
to ask a question that would make you think about
what you said. It's just an interesting space that we're
in a lot. I'm guilty of that too. I'm like, okay, bye,
(11:50):
and then I leave, and I like, think of all
the things that I would have wanted to say, but
I didn't say because I didn't want to hurt their
feelings or make them think like they did something wrong
or feel like I'm correcting them when sometimes I need
that information. If I say something that you didn't like,
I really want you to let me know that that
didn't feel good, so then I don't continue to do it.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Yeah, I guess to that point, it depends on the
closeness of the relationship. Like she said, coworkers' acquaintances that
is something that you really care about. You can have
an honest conversation. Yeah, but if I'm running into somebody
who's I'm checking out ARII with all my hiking gear
and they're like, so what are you up to, I'm
probably not going to invest that much time if they
happen to do that.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
Yeah, that's what I he's really pusped.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
So Julia, you need to weigh in your mind, like
how important is this person that I'm talking to and
how much time to want to dedicate. But also it
just could be helpful that maybe in the future they
don't have to ask questions like that. And I don't
think they mean any harm, no at all. So that's
why I don't want to like pick on them, but
I just think that it is something that happens to
(12:56):
women sometimes.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
Of like, I don't think they harm either, it's mostly
they're like, I have questions that I might ask you
and would be out of my fear because that is
so outside of my comfort zone and that might come
off as not supportive, Like.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
I'm thinking you have questions for Julia right now that
would be awesome, Like I want to know what are
you going to eat? And where are you going to sleep?
And how are you going to the bathroom. Yeah, and
then like and on, did you ever read that book Wild?
And then watch the movie?
Speaker 1 (13:29):
No?
Speaker 3 (13:29):
I didn't.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Do you have for sure you've been training for this,
You've got the right hiking shoes. I think she kind
of just like went on a whim to hike if
I recall correctly. So I'm sure you have more planning. Yeah,
that's taken place. But are you going to meet up
with people? Like will you stay in groups? Are you
scared of bears? Do you know what to do if
you see a bear? Are there bears there? I think
(13:52):
in Wisconsin?
Speaker 3 (13:53):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (13:54):
But she has twenty seven questions just about the bears, right,
which those people wipes toilet paper?
Speaker 3 (14:00):
Do you use leaves back to the toilet?
Speaker 2 (14:03):
What if you're when you're on your period?
Speaker 3 (14:05):
Are we where do you put the maybe use a dificut?
Speaker 2 (14:08):
Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
Also how do you clean that?
Speaker 2 (14:11):
I don't know?
Speaker 3 (14:12):
Like how do you get clean water?
Speaker 2 (14:14):
And then how many pounds are you carrying on your
back each day? And what's the training been like? And
then also you said you have a job, so you're
taking two months off of work? That's crazy. I mean
she's probably saved up for it. And planned for it.
But yes, there are so many other questions. And I
just proved it.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
Because you could keep going.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
So if any of Joya's acquaintances are listening, these are
some great questions you could ask her. And then you said,
your husband's meeting up with you along the way, so
that's cool. There's like little checkpoints where I guess you
could do like a conjugal visit. I don't know like it.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
I didn't think about that at all. You did it. No,
there's many, so many questions.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Yeah, because when I ran a marathon, which is very different.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
You have conjugal marathon news. It was only like five hours.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
However, my boyfriend and my mom they drove around Austin
to different checkpoints and cheered me on, and my mom
had little pills of pain pills motrin because my my
knee was so much pain and I wanted to finish,
and so every time I would see her, she would
give me more motrin and I would disguise the pain.
(15:34):
And then now that's why running. I don't run long
distance anymore, and haven't really run long distance since because
my right knee is so messed up, and you know,
I've been trying to do my sprinting. Wait and I
sprint was sprinting the other morning and I had to
stop because my right knee. You need some motron that
is from my marathon days. And my boyfriend held up
a sign. No, I can't even I thought I'd never
(15:56):
forget what it said, and right now I cannot think
of what it said.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
I want to get ten you're thirteen point one or
a twenty six point two.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Oh you think it said you're my hero?
Speaker 3 (16:07):
That's not very creative. I can see why you would
forget that.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Something about a kiss too, and anyway, we kissed.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Wait, how did you get from conjugal visits to you
and your boyfriend.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
And her boyfriend her husband? Okay, right, let me invite
you into my brain. Her husband is going to meet
her at different checkpoints. And then I was like, oh,
one time when I did something difficult, So there was
my boyfriend and mom met me at different checkpoints.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Oh, I'm sure there is really is. I see what
you but the conjugal visit got that.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
I don't even know that that's what that would be called.
That you know in jail, Yeah, yeah, if you're in jail,
if you're saying other comes to visit.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Yeah, yeah, okay, So there you go, Joya, you are
I want to summarize so things you can do way,
what is important, who's important right when people are.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
How much time you want to invest in getting this
person to get excited for.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
You, redirect the conversation, allow them to absorb some of
the awkwardness or this comfort versus you have to take
it all. And that's probably going to depend on how
important this person is. And the other thing I just
want to add is there's probably a piece and this
is like deeper where like we can't really do that
on the podcast. There's something about being asked that that
(17:28):
has to be tied to something else in your life
where that would really bother that that rubs you the
wrong way in that space, and so what about it?
I would do some digging around that. What about this
thing in this question is bothering me and rubbing me
the wrong way because somebody else might not think anything
of it, And that doesn't mean it's bad that it
bothers you. Just there's probably something down there.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Well, she's got about twelve hundred miles to figure it
out out. She can think about that on her hike,
which also, what are you going to think about? Are
you listening to me music? Are you listening to podcasts?
Or are you listening to nothing? Twenty miles a day? Yeah, yeah,
more questions. Yeah, listening to Feeling Things. Saving up save
(18:10):
I'm saved up.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
When I ran my last marathon, I saved up my
favorite podcast, so then I would have four hour I
didn't listen to it for like the month before, so
would have four hours to listen to when I ran.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Good idea, we got tips.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
So save this podcast up, but also listen to it
downad just go.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Ahead and download it all right. We are at Feeling
Things podcast on Instagram. You can email us. We would
love to hear from you for couch shocks. Remember, if
you want to be anonymous, just tell us. Hey, there
at Feeling Things podcast dot com. Also like can subscribe
and tell your friends.
Speaker 3 (18:45):
You did a really good job with U and I.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Have one more requests. Okay, leave a five star review
if you think it's five. If you don't, just keep
it to yourself. Like, if you want a review, I'll
take a four. Great you can okay, fine, you can
do four, but if it's anything less than that, then
just email us and.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
Let us know that you hate us. Yeah, it's but
be kind.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
Of open to feedback, So go ahead and email us. Yes,
constructive feedback. We want to hear it all day long,
but we don't need to have it in our reviews online.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
Publicly for people to see it bullying us.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
Yeah, someone on YouTube just said these women are horrible.
Speaker 3 (19:26):
Was it horrible or terrible? No, we're awful. It was
a word like that.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
Tomato, Tomato, I don't like us, Yeah, Poni piano posture, posture,
all right, happy day. I need to have by
Good.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
All right, break it down.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
If you ever have feelings that you just won't home,
Amy and Cat gotcha, coviing locking, No, brother, ladies and folks.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Do you just follow an the spirit where it's all
us phone over real stuff, tell the chill stuff and the.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
M but Swayne, sometimes the best thing you can do
it just.
Speaker 1 (00:23):
Stop you feel things. This is Feeling Things with.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
Amy and Kat.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Happy Thursday, Welcome to Couch Talks, the listener Q and
a episode of the Feeling Things podcast. I'm Amy and
I'm Kat.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
And quick disclaimer before we get into today's episode that
although I'm sharing feedback and I'm a therapist, and you're
also sharing feedback and you're not a therapist.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
Correct this. I don't feel like I need a discider,
but sure you do.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
This podcast does not served as a substitute or any
type of therapy in itself, but we hope it helps regardless. Now,
I would like to start off today with an update.
I'm curious how your Face Fitness subscription is going and
if you have paid any money yet.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Well, as you know, my first month was free, right, yeah,
thirty days my trial my trial run and I will
have you know that on April twenty something, I send
an email. I tried to cancel and they were like, well,
you have to send an email to cancel, and I
haven't heard back yet, but I'm sure I will have.
I made the communication before the first of the month,
(01:29):
so therefore I have documentation of me canceling. And I'm
canceling because I didn't really use.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
It that much.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
And I'm kind of over it. I mean, I'm telling you,
from January to March, I was a face fitness all
the time. I did it every day. Now I dabble
in it. I have some of the techniques that I
really enjoy, like my platisma muscle massage, whatever this is.
I don't even know for sure how to say it,
(01:59):
but this really helps me with posture. I think I'm
doing posta exercises. I'm taking care of my trapeziis.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
Are you saying posture or posta.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Pasta posture?
Speaker 3 (02:13):
Posture? Yeah, okay, I thought you're saying pasta and I
was like, what's maybee?
Speaker 2 (02:17):
That is how I say posture, but I say posture
like like I had that countertop spray a minute ago
in my kitchen because we filmed another cooking with Damien
Cat it might already be up. Go do Feeling Things
podcast on Instagram. Check out episode two. We made pasta.
So we were cleaning the countertop and you were like, oh,
that smells good, and I said, yeah, it's pony piany.
Speaker 3 (02:40):
You didn't say piony.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
You said peony pani.
Speaker 3 (02:43):
No, you said pony. You did say pony.
Speaker 1 (02:45):
Yeah, that's what I said, said, is it it's peony peony?
Speaker 3 (02:49):
And you said ponies.
Speaker 1 (02:50):
Sure like parog's You sort of like posture and pasta,
but I for sure know that it's posture.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
Well, any who's the I'm working on my posture and
some of those things just really help elongate your neck
and help keep you up right. And I'm feeling pretty
good about it about the things that I have learned
and taken with me and that I will continue probably
for the rest of my life.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Okay, Well, I'm proud of you. I feel like that's
a big deal that you canceled it. And even if
they charge you, you can refute that because I.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Can't have have proof.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
Also, what a tactic?
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Yeah, I have evident cheery support the tag word.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
That's a tactic though, to have you have to email
in order to cancel.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
There's like a cancel button. I don't like that. We
should be able to want you to be out of it.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Take extra steps. This is the way of the world. Uh,
we've got an email that is not anonymous. Yeah, this
is from Julie listening in Wisconsin. I feel like our
last two couch talks were anonymous, but she she clarified
at the bottom. I don't care either way if I'm anonymous.
So Julie, we're saying your name. Here's what she wrote
(04:03):
in Hi, Amy and Kat. I'm a longtime listener of
the Bobby Bone Show, and I've listened to four things
from the very beginning. I always feel like I'm just
catching up with friends when listening. I've really enjoyed feeling
things and the conversational topics, sidetrack stories and all. I'm
reaching out because I'm sick of people asking what my
husband thinks of my new goal. I'm twenty eight, happily married,
(04:25):
and I really like the life that we have built
for ourselves. This fall, I will be setting out to
through hike the Ice Age National Scenic Trail. Essentially, this
means I will set out on a two month long
backpacking trip to hike twelve hundred miles across our home
state of Wisconsin, averaging twenty miles a day. I've been
(04:46):
dreaming about hiking this trail start to finish for over
ten years. I am so freaking excited that I'm actually
pursuing the stream and my husband has been nothing but supportive.
He has shuttled me on training hikes, cheers for me,
has been doing extra around the house because my training
has been so time consuming. He helps me plan, He
(05:06):
has scheduled paid time off come visit me on the trail.
He's the best. However, when I tell an acquaintance or
a coworker about this really cool thing that I'm training for,
I get the same response, are you going alone? Followed
by how does your husband feel about that? I understand
that they may have some concerns for my safety, but
it never really comes across that way. It always seems
(05:28):
like they are expecting me to say that my husband
is upset by this. I'm hoping for some advice on
how to respond to these questions. I don't like feeling
that I need to defend the plans that I'm excited
about in training really hard for do I explain that
I have safety measures in place, because there are way
cooler things about this adventure than that. How can I
(05:52):
better portray that they can be excited for me, that
I don't need my husband's permission. This is something I've
been dealing with for a long time. Outside of this
through hike, I've always been very independent and sometimes go
on solo trips without my husband and or while he's
on his own golf trips. These trips end in similar
questions from my friends and family. I appreciate any insight
(06:15):
you can provide. I don't car either way if I'm anonymous. Thanks.
Bestie's Julia, half of that Wisconsin couple.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Okay, so my first thought is, holy moly, Yeah, I'm
proud of you, Julia. Yeah that I'm thinking of all
the training and all the effort and everything that it
is going to take to do this twenty miles a
day for she said two months. That's amazing, And that's
amazing that your family is supportive and that they're excited
for you. So my other thought hearing this, because she's
(06:47):
asking how can she respond to the people who don't
sound like they're excited for her?
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Yeah, And it seems like it's a question she's tired
of not just regarding this. So I'm sure other women
out there have experienced something similar where they may get
a question of like, oh, well, what does your husband
think about that? In regards to anything? And on the
other side of it, do you think men are asked
the same thing? I think that's what it feels like,
Well what does your wife think about this? And they
(07:12):
can The likelihood is they're not asked that as much
as women are.
Speaker 1 (07:15):
And what we can't What we cannot do is change
the way people respond to us, because people are going
to respond with how they're going to respond. They're going
to respond with what's going through their lens, their thoughts,
so they're usually there's some project projection.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
In the questions we ask back to people.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
So it's rather than had I respond to change the
way this conversation started, it's where do I want it
to go?
Speaker 3 (07:39):
So you said, do you want to do some role playing?
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Yeah, let's play.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
I'm going on this hike. I'm really excited about it.
It's twelve thousand miles, it starts in the fall.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
It's twelve thousand miles.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
I'm sorry, sual hundred I'm like, oh god, Okay, that's
a different response.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
She's like, I'm going to be gone for five years.
Speaker 3 (08:00):
It's twelve hundred miles.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Yeah, I mean I kind of want to, Like I
just want to do that that eight mile hiked down
that I really want to Yeah, and now I bet
Julia's motivating me. I'm like, if Julia can do this, what's.
Speaker 3 (08:16):
A ten year goal?
Speaker 2 (08:18):
She said, yeah, she's been I wanted to do the
eight mile for the last long two months or so. Okay, okay,
so okay, let's roll play.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
Okay again, Okay, ask me like, Hey, what are you buying.
Speaker 3 (08:42):
All that hiking gear for?
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Oh? So I'm an acquaintance. Yeah, oh, what's all that
hiking gear for?
Speaker 1 (08:48):
So I'm actually training to do a twelve hundred mile
hike this fall. I'm gonna be gone for two months
through the this National Scenic Trail.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
I'm really excited.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
Oh wow, what does your husband think about that? Wait?
What's my role?
Speaker 3 (09:08):
That's right?
Speaker 2 (09:08):
I just want to Oh, oh, I see you're married.
Yeah yeah, yeah, I forgot. I'm an acquaintance. I'm an acquaintance.
I see that you're married. Yeah I am, So what
does your husband think about that.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
Oh, he's actually really excited about me. I'm curious what
made you wonder that?
Speaker 2 (09:29):
Well, most men don't want their wife gone for two
months and they can't take care of themselves, so I'm
curious what he's going to do. I don't know why
people would ask.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
That question, like, well, you don't have to go any farther,
but I was just trying to prove that, like you
can ask her a question, you can respond back with
the question.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
But I feel like I wouldn't be able to do
that because I would feel that's like a little aggressive,
and I don't want to invest that much time in
an acquaintance like that seems like a lot of work,
Like I would much rather just be like, he's cool
with it.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
But well, if it's that, this sounds like these are
like people that she knows no right.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
True? True, And she did say she wants them to
be excited for her, so she.
Speaker 1 (10:09):
Amy would tell you to give them deuces and just
walk away. Yeah, the other thing you can do is
bring it back to that excitement. So like she's there saying,
why what does your husband think about that? You could say, well,
he's actually really excited about it, and I'm really excited
about it too, So I really want to talk about
the things that are exciting about this. I'm looking forward
to this. I'm looking forward to this. So you can
(10:30):
just bring that positive spin back to it.
Speaker 2 (10:32):
So she could be like, Oh, he's really excited for me,
and you should be too. You could say that and
they would probably be like.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
You could say they're whoa, whoa whoa.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Nobody ever said I wasn't excited for you.
Speaker 1 (10:44):
You could say he's really excited for me, and I
am hoping my friends and family can support me and
be excited for me too.
Speaker 2 (10:51):
Yeah. I like that. Yeah, that seems good. But if
I were to come back with another question of what
what made you ask that? I feel like maybe they
wouldn't even know why they asked it because some of
it is conditioning.
Speaker 3 (11:02):
So this is so interesting to me.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
I think we will absorb the discomfort and conversation so easily.
So you're saying like that would be so awkward to
ask that, and maybe a better way to say that
would be like, oh, that's an interesting question that your
mind went there.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
I my husband's really cool with it.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
I'm wondering what, like, what are your thoughts about what
your husband would think. You know, it's a little bit
less dramatic than like what made you say that?
Speaker 3 (11:28):
But we absorb the awkwardness.
Speaker 1 (11:29):
So we don't want to say that because we don't
want to make them uncomfortable when they just made us uncomfortable. True,
like you, I felt uncomfortable when you said, oh, what
does your husband think? But it's not okay for me
to ask a question that would make you think about
what you said. It's just an interesting space that we're
in a lot. I'm guilty of that too. I'm like, okay, bye,
(11:50):
and then I leave, and I like, think of all
the things that I would have wanted to say, but
I didn't say because I didn't want to hurt their
feelings or make them think like they did something wrong
or feel like I'm correcting them when sometimes I need
that information. If I say something that you didn't like,
I really want you to let me know that that
didn't feel good, so then I don't continue to do it.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Yeah, I guess to that point, it depends on the
closeness of the relationship. Like she said, coworkers' acquaintances that
is something that you really care about. You can have
an honest conversation. Yeah, but if I'm running into somebody
who's I'm checking out ARII with all my hiking gear
and they're like, so what are you up to, I'm
probably not going to invest that much time if they
happen to do that.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
Yeah, that's what I he's really pusped.
Speaker 2 (12:36):
So Julia, you need to weigh in your mind, like
how important is this person that I'm talking to and
how much time to want to dedicate. But also it
just could be helpful that maybe in the future they
don't have to ask questions like that. And I don't
think they mean any harm, no at all. So that's
why I don't want to like pick on them, but
I just think that it is something that happens to
(12:56):
women sometimes.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
Of like, I don't think they harm either, it's mostly
they're like, I have questions that I might ask you
and would be out of my fear because that is
so outside of my comfort zone and that might come
off as not supportive, Like.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
I'm thinking you have questions for Julia right now that
would be awesome, Like I want to know what are
you going to eat? And where are you going to sleep?
And how are you going to the bathroom. Yeah, and
then like and on, did you ever read that book Wild?
And then watch the movie?
Speaker 1 (13:29):
No?
Speaker 3 (13:29):
I didn't.
Speaker 2 (13:30):
Do you have for sure you've been training for this,
You've got the right hiking shoes. I think she kind
of just like went on a whim to hike if
I recall correctly. So I'm sure you have more planning. Yeah,
that's taken place. But are you going to meet up
with people? Like will you stay in groups? Are you
scared of bears? Do you know what to do if
you see a bear? Are there bears there? I think
(13:52):
in Wisconsin?
Speaker 3 (13:53):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (13:54):
But she has twenty seven questions just about the bears, right,
which those people wipes toilet paper?
Speaker 3 (14:00):
Do you use leaves back to the toilet?
Speaker 2 (14:03):
What if you're when you're on your period?
Speaker 3 (14:05):
Are we where do you put the maybe use a dificut?
Speaker 2 (14:08):
Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
Also how do you clean that?
Speaker 2 (14:11):
I don't know?
Speaker 3 (14:12):
Like how do you get clean water?
Speaker 2 (14:14):
And then how many pounds are you carrying on your
back each day? And what's the training been like? And
then also you said you have a job, so you're
taking two months off of work? That's crazy. I mean
she's probably saved up for it. And planned for it.
But yes, there are so many other questions. And I
just proved it.
Speaker 3 (14:31):
Because you could keep going.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
So if any of Joya's acquaintances are listening, these are
some great questions you could ask her. And then you said,
your husband's meeting up with you along the way, so
that's cool. There's like little checkpoints where I guess you
could do like a conjugal visit. I don't know like it.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
I didn't think about that at all. You did it. No,
there's many, so many questions.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Yeah, because when I ran a marathon, which is very different.
Speaker 3 (15:05):
You have conjugal marathon news. It was only like five hours.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
However, my boyfriend and my mom they drove around Austin
to different checkpoints and cheered me on, and my mom
had little pills of pain pills motrin because my my
knee was so much pain and I wanted to finish,
and so every time I would see her, she would
give me more motrin and I would disguise the pain.
(15:34):
And then now that's why running. I don't run long
distance anymore, and haven't really run long distance since because
my right knee is so messed up, and you know,
I've been trying to do my sprinting. Wait and I
sprint was sprinting the other morning and I had to
stop because my right knee. You need some motron that
is from my marathon days. And my boyfriend held up
a sign. No, I can't even I thought I'd never
(15:56):
forget what it said, and right now I cannot think
of what it said.
Speaker 1 (16:00):
I want to get ten you're thirteen point one or
a twenty six point two.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Oh you think it said you're my hero?
Speaker 3 (16:07):
That's not very creative. I can see why you would
forget that.
Speaker 2 (16:12):
Something about a kiss too, and anyway, we kissed.
Speaker 1 (16:16):
Wait, how did you get from conjugal visits to you
and your boyfriend.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
And her boyfriend her husband? Okay, right, let me invite
you into my brain. Her husband is going to meet
her at different checkpoints. And then I was like, oh,
one time when I did something difficult, So there was
my boyfriend and mom met me at different checkpoints.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
Oh, I'm sure there is really is. I see what
you but the conjugal visit got that.
Speaker 2 (16:44):
I don't even know that that's what that would be called.
That you know in jail, Yeah, yeah, if you're in jail,
if you're saying other comes to visit.
Speaker 1 (16:52):
Yeah, yeah, okay, So there you go, Joya, you are
I want to summarize so things you can do way,
what is important, who's important right when people are.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
How much time you want to invest in getting this
person to get excited for.
Speaker 1 (17:08):
You, redirect the conversation, allow them to absorb some of
the awkwardness or this comfort versus you have to take
it all. And that's probably going to depend on how
important this person is. And the other thing I just
want to add is there's probably a piece and this
is like deeper where like we can't really do that
on the podcast. There's something about being asked that that
(17:28):
has to be tied to something else in your life
where that would really bother that that rubs you the
wrong way in that space, and so what about it?
I would do some digging around that. What about this
thing in this question is bothering me and rubbing me
the wrong way because somebody else might not think anything
of it, And that doesn't mean it's bad that it
bothers you. Just there's probably something down there.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
Well, she's got about twelve hundred miles to figure it
out out. She can think about that on her hike,
which also, what are you going to think about? Are
you listening to me music? Are you listening to podcasts?
Or are you listening to nothing? Twenty miles a day? Yeah, yeah,
more questions. Yeah, listening to Feeling Things. Saving up save
(18:10):
I'm saved up.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
When I ran my last marathon, I saved up my
favorite podcast, so then I would have four hour I
didn't listen to it for like the month before, so
would have four hours to listen to when I ran.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
Good idea, we got tips.
Speaker 3 (18:23):
So save this podcast up, but also listen to it
downad just go.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
Ahead and download it all right. We are at Feeling
Things podcast on Instagram. You can email us. We would
love to hear from you for couch shocks. Remember, if
you want to be anonymous, just tell us. Hey, there
at Feeling Things podcast dot com. Also like can subscribe
and tell your friends.
Speaker 3 (18:45):
You did a really good job with U and I.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
Have one more requests. Okay, leave a five star review
if you think it's five. If you don't, just keep
it to yourself. Like, if you want a review, I'll
take a four. Great you can okay, fine, you can
do four, but if it's anything less than that, then
just email us and.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
Let us know that you hate us. Yeah, it's but
be kind.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
Of open to feedback, So go ahead and email us. Yes,
constructive feedback. We want to hear it all day long,
but we don't need to have it in our reviews online.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
Publicly for people to see it bullying us.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
Yeah, someone on YouTube just said these women are horrible.
Speaker 3 (19:26):
Was it horrible or terrible? No, we're awful. It was
a word like that.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
Tomato, Tomato, I don't like us, Yeah, Poni piano posture, posture,
all right, happy day. I need to have by
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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