June 5, 2025 • 21 mins
A listener is angry...and there's not much she can do about it...so what do you do when you’re stuck in a situation you didn’t cause and can’t fix? Amy and Kat read a listener email that brings up this question in a funny, but honest way. They discuss radical acceptance and how to move forward without making it worse. Even when you can’t change reality, you can learn how to respond to it differently.
Email: heythere@feelingthingspodcast.com
Call and leave a voicemail: 877-207-2077
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Van Buren // @KatVanburen
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Good.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
All right, break it down.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
If you ever have feelings that you just won home,
Amy and Cat gotcha covin locking Now.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Brother, ladies and folks, do you just follow an the
spirit where it tell us front and real stuff, tell
the chill stuff and.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
The m but Swayne, sometimes the best thing you.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Can do it just stop you feel things.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
This is Feeling Things.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
With Amy and Kat.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Happy Thursday, Welcome to Couch Talks, the Bonus Q and
a episode of the Feeling Things podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
I'm Amy and I'm Kat.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
And quick reminder before we get into today's question that
although we're answering your questions, this podcast does not serve
as a replacement or substitute for actual therapy.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
And the email is from well, I don't even need
to say her name because it's kind of the topic
of the email, but it's a listener with a rage question,
which I imagine she probably does feel some rage now
towards her name, but said, hey, Amy and Kat, I
have a rage question. My name is Karen. Over the years,
karen has become a derogatory term, and whenever someone uses
(01:08):
it that way, I literally want to punch them. I
guess I'd live up to my name right. Well, thankfully
it's usually on social media and comments there, so I
can't actually shock them in the kisser.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
What does that mean the kisser? Oh? Okay, I need
to in the kisser.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
I was thinking, okay, I need to put on my
reading glasses. I think did you know I got some?
Speaker 3 (01:37):
No?
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Oh, I'll have to show them to you. They're very cute.
They're in my bag.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
I might need Wait, you have regular glasses though, What
do you mean I thought you had regular glasses?
Speaker 2 (01:46):
No, I have a reading glasses. That's what they're I
need to wear them specifically to read.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Okay, that's a milestone which could lead to a lot
of confusion if it says sock and I say shock
shock them because shock them in the kisser is a very.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Different visual yeah for me.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Okay, okay, back to the email. I've tried politely saying
can we please stop using Karen as a derogatory term
That usually gets the stupid okay Karen, ha ha ha
reply or sounds like something to Karen would say, how
do I get past this? Do I just reply? And
(02:25):
that sounds like something a dumbass would say, like that
that's her asking, like, is that how she should reply, which, no, Karen, don't,
don't reply with that. But she said, surely there are
other listeners named Karen who feel the same way. Thank
you for always making me think and laugh on Tuesdays
and Thursdays, your friend Bianca, And then she goes, just kidding,
(02:47):
But if you tell me the solution is to change
my name, That's what I'm going with. Which, hey, if
you want to change your name to Bianca, you go
right on her head. My daughter is Stashira, but last
year at school she decided she was Diamond, So at
home she goes by Stashira like home. In church she's
Ta Shira, but everybody at school calls her Diamond.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
All her teachers.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Teachers, yeah, teachers. How I found out because she had
joined a club and I was like trying to sign
her up because it was a thirty five dollars dues,
like a fee was due and I was like, I'm
trying to pay the dues for Sashar Brown. They're like,
I don't have a Stashiara Brown on the list, and
I'm like, really that's a remailing. Oh oh you're talking
(03:29):
about Diamond And I'm like, am I I love it?
Speaker 3 (03:33):
She didn't tell you. Yeah, no, yearbook, what does it say?
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Oh, it's got to say to Shira. I have not looked.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
I think you could put in what you want your
yearbook name to set. I think it's been a while.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Okay, I'll have to look, but I'm like ninety nine
percent sure it's got to say to Shira.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
If you changed your name, do you have a name
in mind?
Speaker 2 (03:56):
I love this Yeah, but the only problem is I
love this name so much that it's I named my
last dog. But who cares.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
Josie. That's a cute name. I know, so you could
still be that's a person's name.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Yeah, I know. I got it from so back in college,
I was dating this guy and his little brother had
a girlfriend named Josie.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
I thought you were going to say his new girlfriend's
name was Josie.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
No, but stuck with me, and I mean I was
it's probably girls too. Twenty years old and the little
brother was in high school and his girlfriend Josie. I
was like, oh, I really like this name. So then
fast forward a few years, I get married, I get
a Rottweiler. It's a rescue.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
It doesn't have a name.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Yeah, so we call it Josie.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
Okay, so that's option. You could change your name.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Yes, Bianca, you could change your name, but we would
encourage you to keep it. Karen. Well, if you like,
it's a beautiful name.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
Okay, So if you like your name, obviously, yes keep it.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
I was interested, though, so I did a little bit
of research and I looked up what Karen means. And
this makes me want to tell her not to change
her name, because in Hebrew it means ray of light
and Danish it means pure. In German it means hard worker.
And in.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
What's do you need my reading glass?
Speaker 3 (05:14):
I was gonna say I read too I just read
too fast.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
In sans script, Karen's twin Kiran means sunbeam, and then
in Hebrew it also means horn or an.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
Whi's that one you can skip up her?
Speaker 1 (05:27):
But I had some like obviously haha Karen, Like I've
used that term as well. And at the same time,
that is a bummer because five years this is a
newer thing. Five years ago she could have loved her
name and then all of a sudden the meaning.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Changes, right or just like when Alexa came about, people
get it's not the same. There's nothing derogatory attached to Alexa,
but it's still is annoying because it's, well, you don't
want to name your with the Amazon, like at least
iPhone or Apple went with like Siri, nobody is named.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
Do you think that's they did that?
Speaker 2 (06:01):
Maybe they went with something more obscure, But then Amazon's like,
let's pick a name that's sort of popular Alexa. Ooh,
which speaking of I had to go to Orlando last
week and I checked into a hotel. And you know
how a hotel a lot of the workers are often
from around the world. Yeah, people that work on hospitality,
they come from everywhere. And I love when a hotel
has the name and then what country they're from.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
The only problem is right now I can't remember what
country she's It was somewhere E'rerope maybe, but her name
was isis I I.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
I wait a second, there was Okay, So there was
a comedy show I was watching. I want to say
it was Hannah Berner, but it could have been honestly, anybody,
and she asked a girl in the crowd, what's your name?
And she was like, isis? I didn't know that was
this was in America. I think she was, well, this
person was born in America, in America, but I don't
know that she was born here. She was working at
the hotel in Orlando and tough. Her name is Isis,
(06:57):
And I'm like, oh, yeah, that's I mean, because Isis
hasn't always been a thing. Like your name might be
Isis and you're fine, and now all of a sudden,
your name is a terrorist group.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Yeah, thanks a lot, guys.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
I'd rather be Karen, honestly.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Yeah, so Karen, you could have it worse, right, be grateful,
which we don't want to do, a comparative suffering.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
Yeah, but I love that.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
But that maybe that's what she could reply to some
of them, like if she wants to reply instead of
like I'm gonna would she say? That sounds like something
a dumbass would say. That's what she was asking. If
she should reply, she could be like, hey, so in Hebrew.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
Karen means a ray of light.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
No, it means ray of light.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
I know, but also in Hebrew it also means antler
or horn.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Let's focus on the light.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
We can choose that one.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Yeah, and then or she could say in Danish it
means pure yeah, and in German it means hard worker.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Yeah, so those are all great things. I also, we
just got some information hot off the press. Do you
know why Karen started?
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Yeah, because some woman Karen was she the one in
Central Park?
Speaker 3 (07:58):
Or this is coming the racist one.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
I mean, there's been several, but.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
It was popularized in aftermath of the Central Park birdwatching
I didn't twenty twenty Yep, when a woman called the
police during a disagreement over the requirement for her dog
to be leashed in an area of the park.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
I am vaguely remembering this.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Okay, now I remember it. He was a birdwatcher, and
she felt threatened. She should have had her dog on
a leash, but he was there like an innocent.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
Wait, she called the police.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
He wanted her dog to be on a leash because
that is the rule.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
And then because I believe she felt threatened and he happened.
She happened to be white, he happened to be African American.
And then it turned in this whole thing of like,
now she felt threatened by him and called the police
on him. He was just there watching birds and then
also trying to get her to abide by the park rules.
(08:56):
So that's how that's a Karen because it's like, yeah,
I mean.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
I wish her name was something less common.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Right, So it's unfortunate. And then there just seemed to
be like a string of Karen type things that would
happen after that that then made Karen really stick. So
don't be a Karen. So not bring out that. We
don't need to bring that up because what's it interesting? Yeah,
like the origin of it? Yeah, I know it was
twenty twenty. Yeah, so yeah, a handful of years that
(09:23):
she's been having to deal with this. But the real
nugget of wisdom here, because there is actually a takeaway
a lot of you. Your name's probably not Karen, but
sometimes when you're dealing with something that's out of your control,
that's where radical acceptance can come in. And that's a
beautiful gift. And if you can get the hang of it,
which is not always easy, but once you can adopt
(09:47):
and welcome radical acceptance into your life, it can be
very free. And I think I learned a lot about
radical acceptance and my journey alongside an alcoholic and alan
On has been a big part of my life. Now
I never even knew al speaking of we didn't know
the origin of Karen, Like, I had no idea alan
On even existed. I didn't know what that was. Just
(10:08):
alcoholism was not in my family or loved ones near
me did not have it, So I didn't know that
something like that existed. So you've likely heard of AA,
which is Alcoholics Anonymous, and that is for the alcoholic.
And then there's the part for family, friends, loved ones, children, sisters, aunts,
all those people that are impacted by the alcoholic. And
(10:32):
there's a lot of behaviors that we do or things
that we take on or we're trying to control something
that's not controllable, and we end up making our lives miserable,
making the alcoholics life more miserable. We're contributing in ways
that we didn't even realize. And so Kat's going to
touch on radical acceptance as a whole, But I just
wanted to bring up the three a's from alan On,
(10:55):
which is awareness, acceptance, and then action. And then there's
the three c's, cause, control, and cure. But it's more
so I didn't cause it. I can't control it, and
I can't cure it. And so a lot of times
if you are living alongside or have an alcoholic or
an addict that's really close to you. You sometimes may
(11:19):
even feel like, oh I caused this, or you may
feel like, oh I can fix it, I can cure it.
And the quicker you can realize like those things are
not true and you have radical acceptance of that. The
quicker you can move towards healing. And I think with Karen, well,
this is not related to alan on it all whatsoever,
(11:39):
But I just thought the you got to just accept it,
like you didn't cause this thing to your name. You
can't control what has happened and you can't cure it.
So you got to find a way to implement those
three seas and move on.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Yeah, and the three a's, that's interesting. I had never
heard of the three a's before. There are right in
line with where radical acceptance came from. So Marsha lenehand,
do you know have you heard of that person's name?
I feel like it sounds familiar. So she created DBT.
(12:22):
Marshall leninhand, you know, have you heard of that person's name?
Speaker 3 (12:25):
So she created.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
DBT, Like, tell me what DBT stands for?
Speaker 3 (12:29):
Dialectical behavioral therapy.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Would I've learned that with my kids?
Speaker 3 (12:33):
Yes? Yes, So DBT. Yeah, all distress tolerance. I do
know that.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
So it helps people that are like struggle with regulating
their emotions. So it's obviously very good kind of therapy
for children. It kind of stays above the surface, but
it helps kind of people learn how to just regulate themselves.
But this is one of her most popular distress tolerance skills,
and I love it because I think a lot of
(12:57):
times in therapy with anything, we want to change how
we feel. Like that's one of the things that we
try to do.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
Even though that's not we can't.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
We feel our feelings come, and that's kind of the
whole point of some of what we even talk about
is accepting feelings and having feelings their gifts, so we
don't need to change that. It's okay that I mean
she said she's raging. It's okay if she's angry or like,
that's helpful information. That's good that you feel that it
might not be good that somebody has caused you.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Pain and you want to give them the shaker and
you want to.
Speaker 4 (13:30):
Get okay, nope or something like that. Okay, shock them
in the kisser.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
Where was I well, marchhal Lanna Okay, Yeah, So she acceptance. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
So basically what this skill does is it allows you
to accept your feelings as they are. It's just you
can't change them, and you can't change how you feel
about it. It's just about like accepting what it is
and realize that life can still be worth living and
life can still be good with this thing being true
as well. So you had the three a's, awareness, acceptance, action.
(14:11):
So the three parts of this, and wherever you look
you might get more than three steps, but the three
main parts of.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
Well, I have the whole alphabet. I only gave you
A and C. Do you have B? The three bees?
Could you imagine? And I was like okay? And then
the three the.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Bees all the way to see here all day. So
her three parts are accepting the reality of what is, like, yeah,
this sucks that people use my name to call people
bad things, and when I say my name, people always
make a joke about it. I imagine if they're like,
what's your name? I'm sure she's gotten a Karen joker too,
and she's.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Like, I'm Karen No, and I'd be like, oh, you're
so original.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Never heard that before, right, So accepting what is and
then accepting the pain or accepting whatever discomfort it causes,
like knowing that that is true and and then accepting
that life can still be good despite this pain being real,
and that I think is way bigger than this Karen thing.
We've all had, like you're saying, we all have had
(15:10):
things big and small where we've had to be like, well,
I can't change this. I can't change how I feel,
but I can't accept that this happened and realize that
my life can still be good, it can still be
real good.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
And I think of Karen Fairchild. She's from a little
big town and she's how I met my boyfriend. So
I love Karen's. Karen is a great name. I'll forever
be grateful for Karen, all the.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
Karens, the Karens.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
I like Karen's.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
Yeah, yeah, So if you are wanting to change your name,
you can, and you don't.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
Have to, you definitely don't. And I think radical acceptance
is almost can become like a mantra of sorts. Have
you seen those viral trends right now of the the beat?
I can't, I don't is it Charlie Pooth Like it's
somebody's song. It's like Dunda dun dun, dun, d oh, Yeah,
you did the cat thing. I did the cat thing.
Like we can can keep the kitten?
Speaker 3 (16:01):
Yeah, we can't keep the kitten, and I but you
shall have the kitten?
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Should we keep the kitten? We we kept the kitten?
Speaker 3 (16:07):
What song is that? I didn't know that was a song?
Speaker 2 (16:09):
It is if you I'm ninety nine percent sure maybe
Shannon conchect this. It's Charlie Pooth, but who knows. It
could be a little big town like I don't know,
but I saw someone do it with that, Like you
listen to the beat and you come up with what
no radical acceptance, radical acceptance, radical it's that beat. We
(16:30):
can't keep the kitten radical acceptance. So anyway, you can
listen to that song and then do the radical acceptance
and it become your little your leg beat, your mantra.
It will get stuck in your head, and then that
is something I cannot change this. I can't change my feeling.
Well you can. You can't change your feelings. You can't
(16:54):
change you cannot change your feelings, I know, right, But
you then can work till alter what you're going to
do with it, which might eventually sort of change your feelings, right, yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
But I can't be like, oh, I don't want to
be sad about this, right, Like that's just denying it.
And what big part oft DBT two is that denying
reality doesn't make your pain go away. It turns your
pain into suffering. So yeah, I have to accept my feelings.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
I must accept.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
The third A is action. So I guess where I
look into it is, Yes, we need to accept our
feelings and also we need we must take action, because
then when you take the action, that's when, at least
for me, I start to see my feelings shift because
and then I have new feelings.
Speaker 3 (17:39):
They evolve, and you might always have this feeling. It
might not be as big too.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
It might always be frustrating that people use that name.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
And depending on where you are in your cycle or hormonal,
hormonally or verimenopause, it am I really.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Fluctuate, fluctuate, but this stuff might start start to get
bigger over here.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
This might still be here, but it's down here and.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Then this still Yeah, it's almost like it may be
with you all the time. It's like I feel as heavy,
You're not going to notice it. It's like the little well,
that's the rock in your pocket. Yeah, it's gonna You
can sometimes feel like a boulder. It can feel like
a little teeny tiny pebble. Princess and the pea, Yeah,
Princess and the fee Princess and the pee Princess and
(18:22):
my presence and the peep pee. Speaking of my cat.
We don't know if it's a boy or a girl,
because I guess cats testicles don't drop until later in life,
like weeks or so.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
Oh no, what that song is not Charlie Booth?
Speaker 2 (18:39):
Who is it? Is it someone we don't is someone
not allowed? Is someone not a fan? Hold on?
Speaker 3 (18:46):
No way?
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Oh never mind? Why did I partake in that?
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Not?
Speaker 3 (18:51):
Yeah, scratch what we just said.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
I still say that Chris Brown is a loser. Chris
Brown isn't a loser.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
That's good.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
Somebody should make that trend doing that. But that's still
promoting him.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Shoot, why did I think it was Charlie Pooth?
Speaker 3 (19:07):
I don't know. He's much a different person.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Very is it Charlie Booth featuring Grossbrow?
Speaker 3 (19:12):
Did he write the song? I don't know. Charlie Pooth
is better.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Yeah, Chris Brown is a loser.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
I like that one.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
He really is. And if you don't know why, then
you need to go back to like, I don't know,
two thousand and eight or something when he beat up
Rihanna and.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
Yeah, it's terrible. Yeah, I don't understand how.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
I don't know how he recovered quite honestly. Well, okay,
so it's Chris Brown New Flame featuring Usher. So anyway,
male cats. Yeah, I'm like ninety five percent sure that
being our new kitten that my daughter found on the
side of the road, stray cat is. I thought it
was a girl because I was like, oh, there's nothing here,
(19:53):
but eventually little oh balls will drop. How do you know, Well,
eventually the ba and then you're like, ah, it's a boy.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Oh okay, yeah, you know I know what they're.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Can you explain that to me a little bit deeper? Well,
it's like, wait, so you haven't taken it to a vet. Yeah,
this is the vet today.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
Oh literally said, we're ninety five percent sure this is
a boy, but there's no way for us to know
for sure that it is until the balls drop. That
can't because it's a runt. It's the runt too, so
I guess it's even more difficult on a tiny kitten.
And you know what too. That's so sad as I
think that it got abandoned by its mom because it
(20:39):
was the runt. But luckily so Sure found it. So
we'll end on a positive. And to all the Karens
out there. I googled, there's one point for seven million Karens.
So Karen, you are not alone, not alone, You're not alone.
And to all one point for seven million of.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
You, we see you, We see you.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
You are pure, you are a light. You are a
ray of light, and you are antler and you are
a hard worker. Yes, you are a not'm mistay to
all the Karens. Okay, all right, has the day that
you need to have.
Speaker 3 (21:18):
Bye,
Good.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
All right, break it down.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
If you ever have feelings that you just won home,
Amy and Cat gotcha covin locking Now.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
Brother, ladies and folks, do you just follow an the
spirit where it tell us front and real stuff, tell
the chill stuff and.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
The m but Swayne, sometimes the best thing you.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
Can do it just stop you feel things.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
This is Feeling Things.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
With Amy and Kat.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Happy Thursday, Welcome to Couch Talks, the Bonus Q and
a episode of the Feeling Things podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
I'm Amy and I'm Kat.
Speaker 1 (00:36):
And quick reminder before we get into today's question that
although we're answering your questions, this podcast does not serve
as a replacement or substitute for actual therapy.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
And the email is from well, I don't even need
to say her name because it's kind of the topic
of the email, but it's a listener with a rage question,
which I imagine she probably does feel some rage now
towards her name, but said, hey, Amy and Kat, I
have a rage question. My name is Karen. Over the years,
karen has become a derogatory term, and whenever someone uses
(01:08):
it that way, I literally want to punch them. I
guess I'd live up to my name right. Well, thankfully
it's usually on social media and comments there, so I
can't actually shock them in the kisser.
Speaker 3 (01:21):
What does that mean the kisser? Oh? Okay, I need
to in the kisser.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
I was thinking, okay, I need to put on my
reading glasses. I think did you know I got some?
Speaker 3 (01:37):
No?
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Oh, I'll have to show them to you. They're very cute.
They're in my bag.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
I might need Wait, you have regular glasses though, What
do you mean I thought you had regular glasses?
Speaker 2 (01:46):
No, I have a reading glasses. That's what they're I
need to wear them specifically to read.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Okay, that's a milestone which could lead to a lot
of confusion if it says sock and I say shock
shock them because shock them in the kisser is a very.
Speaker 3 (02:00):
Different visual yeah for me.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Okay, okay, back to the email. I've tried politely saying
can we please stop using Karen as a derogatory term
That usually gets the stupid okay Karen, ha ha ha
reply or sounds like something to Karen would say, how
do I get past this? Do I just reply? And
(02:25):
that sounds like something a dumbass would say, like that
that's her asking, like, is that how she should reply, which, no, Karen, don't,
don't reply with that. But she said, surely there are
other listeners named Karen who feel the same way. Thank
you for always making me think and laugh on Tuesdays
and Thursdays, your friend Bianca, And then she goes, just kidding,
(02:47):
But if you tell me the solution is to change
my name, That's what I'm going with. Which, hey, if
you want to change your name to Bianca, you go
right on her head. My daughter is Stashira, but last
year at school she decided she was Diamond, So at
home she goes by Stashira like home. In church she's
Ta Shira, but everybody at school calls her Diamond.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
All her teachers.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
Teachers, yeah, teachers. How I found out because she had
joined a club and I was like trying to sign
her up because it was a thirty five dollars dues,
like a fee was due and I was like, I'm
trying to pay the dues for Sashar Brown. They're like,
I don't have a Stashiara Brown on the list, and
I'm like, really that's a remailing. Oh oh you're talking
(03:29):
about Diamond And I'm like, am I I love it?
Speaker 3 (03:33):
She didn't tell you. Yeah, no, yearbook, what does it say?
Speaker 2 (03:38):
Oh, it's got to say to Shira. I have not looked.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
I think you could put in what you want your
yearbook name to set. I think it's been a while.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
Okay, I'll have to look, but I'm like ninety nine
percent sure it's got to say to Shira.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
If you changed your name, do you have a name
in mind?
Speaker 2 (03:56):
I love this Yeah, but the only problem is I
love this name so much that it's I named my
last dog. But who cares.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
Josie. That's a cute name. I know, so you could
still be that's a person's name.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Yeah, I know. I got it from so back in college,
I was dating this guy and his little brother had
a girlfriend named Josie.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
I thought you were going to say his new girlfriend's
name was Josie.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
No, but stuck with me, and I mean I was
it's probably girls too. Twenty years old and the little
brother was in high school and his girlfriend Josie. I
was like, oh, I really like this name. So then
fast forward a few years, I get married, I get
a Rottweiler. It's a rescue.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
It doesn't have a name.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Yeah, so we call it Josie.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
Okay, so that's option. You could change your name.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
Yes, Bianca, you could change your name, but we would
encourage you to keep it. Karen. Well, if you like,
it's a beautiful name.
Speaker 3 (04:51):
Okay, So if you like your name, obviously, yes keep it.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
I was interested, though, so I did a little bit
of research and I looked up what Karen means. And
this makes me want to tell her not to change
her name, because in Hebrew it means ray of light
and Danish it means pure. In German it means hard worker.
And in.
Speaker 2 (05:11):
What's do you need my reading glass?
Speaker 3 (05:14):
I was gonna say I read too I just read
too fast.
Speaker 1 (05:17):
In sans script, Karen's twin Kiran means sunbeam, and then
in Hebrew it also means horn or an.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
Whi's that one you can skip up her?
Speaker 1 (05:27):
But I had some like obviously haha Karen, Like I've
used that term as well. And at the same time,
that is a bummer because five years this is a
newer thing. Five years ago she could have loved her
name and then all of a sudden the meaning.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Changes, right or just like when Alexa came about, people
get it's not the same. There's nothing derogatory attached to Alexa,
but it's still is annoying because it's, well, you don't
want to name your with the Amazon, like at least
iPhone or Apple went with like Siri, nobody is named.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
Do you think that's they did that?
Speaker 2 (06:01):
Maybe they went with something more obscure, But then Amazon's like,
let's pick a name that's sort of popular Alexa. Ooh,
which speaking of I had to go to Orlando last
week and I checked into a hotel. And you know
how a hotel a lot of the workers are often
from around the world. Yeah, people that work on hospitality,
they come from everywhere. And I love when a hotel
has the name and then what country they're from.
Speaker 3 (06:22):
Oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:24):
The only problem is right now I can't remember what
country she's It was somewhere E'rerope maybe, but her name
was isis I I.
Speaker 1 (06:34):
I wait a second, there was Okay, So there was
a comedy show I was watching. I want to say
it was Hannah Berner, but it could have been honestly, anybody,
and she asked a girl in the crowd, what's your name?
And she was like, isis? I didn't know that was
this was in America. I think she was, well, this
person was born in America, in America, but I don't
know that she was born here. She was working at
the hotel in Orlando and tough. Her name is Isis,
(06:57):
And I'm like, oh, yeah, that's I mean, because Isis
hasn't always been a thing. Like your name might be
Isis and you're fine, and now all of a sudden,
your name is a terrorist group.
Speaker 2 (07:05):
Yeah, thanks a lot, guys.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
I'd rather be Karen, honestly.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Yeah, so Karen, you could have it worse, right, be grateful,
which we don't want to do, a comparative suffering.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
Yeah, but I love that.
Speaker 2 (07:17):
But that maybe that's what she could reply to some
of them, like if she wants to reply instead of
like I'm gonna would she say? That sounds like something
a dumbass would say. That's what she was asking. If
she should reply, she could be like, hey, so in Hebrew.
Speaker 3 (07:29):
Karen means a ray of light.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
No, it means ray of light.
Speaker 3 (07:34):
I know, but also in Hebrew it also means antler
or horn.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Let's focus on the light.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
We can choose that one.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Yeah, and then or she could say in Danish it
means pure yeah, and in German it means hard worker.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
Yeah, so those are all great things. I also, we
just got some information hot off the press. Do you
know why Karen started?
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Yeah, because some woman Karen was she the one in
Central Park?
Speaker 3 (07:58):
Or this is coming the racist one.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
I mean, there's been several, but.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
It was popularized in aftermath of the Central Park birdwatching
I didn't twenty twenty Yep, when a woman called the
police during a disagreement over the requirement for her dog
to be leashed in an area of the park.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
I am vaguely remembering this.
Speaker 2 (08:16):
Okay, now I remember it. He was a birdwatcher, and
she felt threatened. She should have had her dog on
a leash, but he was there like an innocent.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
Wait, she called the police.
Speaker 2 (08:30):
He wanted her dog to be on a leash because
that is the rule.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
And then because I believe she felt threatened and he happened.
She happened to be white, he happened to be African American.
And then it turned in this whole thing of like,
now she felt threatened by him and called the police
on him. He was just there watching birds and then
also trying to get her to abide by the park rules.
(08:56):
So that's how that's a Karen because it's like, yeah,
I mean.
Speaker 3 (09:00):
I wish her name was something less common.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
Right, So it's unfortunate. And then there just seemed to
be like a string of Karen type things that would
happen after that that then made Karen really stick. So
don't be a Karen. So not bring out that. We
don't need to bring that up because what's it interesting? Yeah,
like the origin of it? Yeah, I know it was
twenty twenty. Yeah, so yeah, a handful of years that
(09:23):
she's been having to deal with this. But the real
nugget of wisdom here, because there is actually a takeaway
a lot of you. Your name's probably not Karen, but
sometimes when you're dealing with something that's out of your control,
that's where radical acceptance can come in. And that's a
beautiful gift. And if you can get the hang of it,
which is not always easy, but once you can adopt
(09:47):
and welcome radical acceptance into your life, it can be
very free. And I think I learned a lot about
radical acceptance and my journey alongside an alcoholic and alan
On has been a big part of my life. Now
I never even knew al speaking of we didn't know
the origin of Karen, Like, I had no idea alan
On even existed. I didn't know what that was. Just
(10:08):
alcoholism was not in my family or loved ones near
me did not have it, So I didn't know that
something like that existed. So you've likely heard of AA,
which is Alcoholics Anonymous, and that is for the alcoholic.
And then there's the part for family, friends, loved ones, children, sisters, aunts,
all those people that are impacted by the alcoholic. And
(10:32):
there's a lot of behaviors that we do or things
that we take on or we're trying to control something
that's not controllable, and we end up making our lives miserable,
making the alcoholics life more miserable. We're contributing in ways
that we didn't even realize. And so Kat's going to
touch on radical acceptance as a whole, But I just
wanted to bring up the three a's from alan On,
(10:55):
which is awareness, acceptance, and then action. And then there's
the three c's, cause, control, and cure. But it's more
so I didn't cause it. I can't control it, and
I can't cure it. And so a lot of times
if you are living alongside or have an alcoholic or
an addict that's really close to you. You sometimes may
(11:19):
even feel like, oh I caused this, or you may
feel like, oh I can fix it, I can cure it.
And the quicker you can realize like those things are
not true and you have radical acceptance of that. The
quicker you can move towards healing. And I think with Karen, well,
this is not related to alan on it all whatsoever,
(11:39):
But I just thought the you got to just accept it,
like you didn't cause this thing to your name. You
can't control what has happened and you can't cure it.
So you got to find a way to implement those
three seas and move on.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
Yeah, and the three a's, that's interesting. I had never
heard of the three a's before. There are right in
line with where radical acceptance came from. So Marsha lenehand,
do you know have you heard of that person's name?
I feel like it sounds familiar. So she created DBT.
(12:22):
Marshall leninhand, you know, have you heard of that person's name?
Speaker 3 (12:25):
So she created.
Speaker 2 (12:26):
DBT, Like, tell me what DBT stands for?
Speaker 3 (12:29):
Dialectical behavioral therapy.
Speaker 2 (12:32):
Would I've learned that with my kids?
Speaker 3 (12:33):
Yes? Yes, So DBT. Yeah, all distress tolerance. I do
know that.
Speaker 1 (12:37):
So it helps people that are like struggle with regulating
their emotions. So it's obviously very good kind of therapy
for children. It kind of stays above the surface, but
it helps kind of people learn how to just regulate themselves.
But this is one of her most popular distress tolerance skills,
and I love it because I think a lot of
(12:57):
times in therapy with anything, we want to change how
we feel. Like that's one of the things that we
try to do.
Speaker 3 (13:04):
Even though that's not we can't.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
We feel our feelings come, and that's kind of the
whole point of some of what we even talk about
is accepting feelings and having feelings their gifts, so we
don't need to change that. It's okay that I mean
she said she's raging. It's okay if she's angry or like,
that's helpful information. That's good that you feel that it
might not be good that somebody has caused you.
Speaker 2 (13:27):
Pain and you want to give them the shaker and
you want to.
Speaker 4 (13:30):
Get okay, nope or something like that. Okay, shock them
in the kisser.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
Where was I well, marchhal Lanna Okay, Yeah, So she acceptance. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:49):
So basically what this skill does is it allows you
to accept your feelings as they are. It's just you
can't change them, and you can't change how you feel
about it. It's just about like accepting what it is
and realize that life can still be worth living and
life can still be good with this thing being true
as well. So you had the three a's, awareness, acceptance, action.
(14:11):
So the three parts of this, and wherever you look
you might get more than three steps, but the three
main parts of.
Speaker 2 (14:17):
Well, I have the whole alphabet. I only gave you
A and C. Do you have B? The three bees?
Could you imagine? And I was like okay? And then
the three the.
Speaker 1 (14:25):
Bees all the way to see here all day. So
her three parts are accepting the reality of what is, like, yeah,
this sucks that people use my name to call people
bad things, and when I say my name, people always
make a joke about it. I imagine if they're like,
what's your name? I'm sure she's gotten a Karen joker too,
and she's.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
Like, I'm Karen No, and I'd be like, oh, you're
so original.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Never heard that before, right, So accepting what is and
then accepting the pain or accepting whatever discomfort it causes,
like knowing that that is true and and then accepting
that life can still be good despite this pain being real,
and that I think is way bigger than this Karen thing.
We've all had, like you're saying, we all have had
(15:10):
things big and small where we've had to be like, well,
I can't change this. I can't change how I feel,
but I can't accept that this happened and realize that
my life can still be good, it can still be
real good.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
And I think of Karen Fairchild. She's from a little
big town and she's how I met my boyfriend. So
I love Karen's. Karen is a great name. I'll forever
be grateful for Karen, all the.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
Karens, the Karens.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
I like Karen's.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
Yeah, yeah, So if you are wanting to change your name,
you can, and you don't.
Speaker 2 (15:41):
Have to, you definitely don't. And I think radical acceptance
is almost can become like a mantra of sorts. Have
you seen those viral trends right now of the the beat?
I can't, I don't is it Charlie Pooth Like it's
somebody's song. It's like Dunda dun dun, dun, d oh, Yeah,
you did the cat thing. I did the cat thing.
Like we can can keep the kitten?
Speaker 3 (16:01):
Yeah, we can't keep the kitten, and I but you
shall have the kitten?
Speaker 2 (16:04):
Should we keep the kitten? We we kept the kitten?
Speaker 3 (16:07):
What song is that? I didn't know that was a song?
Speaker 2 (16:09):
It is if you I'm ninety nine percent sure maybe
Shannon conchect this. It's Charlie Pooth, but who knows. It
could be a little big town like I don't know,
but I saw someone do it with that, Like you
listen to the beat and you come up with what
no radical acceptance, radical acceptance, radical it's that beat. We
(16:30):
can't keep the kitten radical acceptance. So anyway, you can
listen to that song and then do the radical acceptance
and it become your little your leg beat, your mantra.
It will get stuck in your head, and then that
is something I cannot change this. I can't change my feeling.
Well you can. You can't change your feelings. You can't
(16:54):
change you cannot change your feelings, I know, right, But
you then can work till alter what you're going to
do with it, which might eventually sort of change your feelings, right, yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:05):
But I can't be like, oh, I don't want to
be sad about this, right, Like that's just denying it.
And what big part oft DBT two is that denying
reality doesn't make your pain go away. It turns your
pain into suffering. So yeah, I have to accept my feelings.
Speaker 3 (17:20):
I must accept.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
The third A is action. So I guess where I
look into it is, Yes, we need to accept our
feelings and also we need we must take action, because
then when you take the action, that's when, at least
for me, I start to see my feelings shift because
and then I have new feelings.
Speaker 3 (17:39):
They evolve, and you might always have this feeling. It
might not be as big too.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
It might always be frustrating that people use that name.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
And depending on where you are in your cycle or hormonal,
hormonally or verimenopause, it am I really.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Fluctuate, fluctuate, but this stuff might start start to get
bigger over here.
Speaker 3 (18:00):
This might still be here, but it's down here and.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Then this still Yeah, it's almost like it may be
with you all the time. It's like I feel as heavy,
You're not going to notice it. It's like the little well,
that's the rock in your pocket. Yeah, it's gonna You
can sometimes feel like a boulder. It can feel like
a little teeny tiny pebble. Princess and the pea, Yeah,
Princess and the fee Princess and the pee Princess and
(18:22):
my presence and the peep pee. Speaking of my cat.
We don't know if it's a boy or a girl,
because I guess cats testicles don't drop until later in life,
like weeks or so.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
Oh no, what that song is not Charlie Booth?
Speaker 2 (18:39):
Who is it? Is it someone we don't is someone
not allowed? Is someone not a fan? Hold on?
Speaker 3 (18:46):
No way?
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Oh never mind? Why did I partake in that?
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Not?
Speaker 3 (18:51):
Yeah, scratch what we just said.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
I still say that Chris Brown is a loser. Chris
Brown isn't a loser.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
That's good.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
Somebody should make that trend doing that. But that's still
promoting him.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
Shoot, why did I think it was Charlie Pooth?
Speaker 3 (19:07):
I don't know. He's much a different person.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
Very is it Charlie Booth featuring Grossbrow?
Speaker 3 (19:12):
Did he write the song? I don't know. Charlie Pooth
is better.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Yeah, Chris Brown is a loser.
Speaker 3 (19:19):
I like that one.
Speaker 2 (19:20):
He really is. And if you don't know why, then
you need to go back to like, I don't know,
two thousand and eight or something when he beat up
Rihanna and.
Speaker 3 (19:30):
Yeah, it's terrible. Yeah, I don't understand how.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
I don't know how he recovered quite honestly. Well, okay,
so it's Chris Brown New Flame featuring Usher. So anyway,
male cats. Yeah, I'm like ninety five percent sure that
being our new kitten that my daughter found on the
side of the road, stray cat is. I thought it
was a girl because I was like, oh, there's nothing here,
(19:53):
but eventually little oh balls will drop. How do you know, Well,
eventually the ba and then you're like, ah, it's a boy.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Oh okay, yeah, you know I know what they're.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
Can you explain that to me a little bit deeper? Well,
it's like, wait, so you haven't taken it to a vet. Yeah,
this is the vet today.
Speaker 2 (20:17):
Oh literally said, we're ninety five percent sure this is
a boy, but there's no way for us to know
for sure that it is until the balls drop. That
can't because it's a runt. It's the runt too, so
I guess it's even more difficult on a tiny kitten.
And you know what too. That's so sad as I
think that it got abandoned by its mom because it
(20:39):
was the runt. But luckily so Sure found it. So
we'll end on a positive. And to all the Karens
out there. I googled, there's one point for seven million Karens.
So Karen, you are not alone, not alone, You're not alone.
And to all one point for seven million of.
Speaker 3 (20:56):
You, we see you, We see you.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
You are pure, you are a light. You are a
ray of light, and you are antler and you are
a hard worker. Yes, you are a not'm mistay to
all the Karens. Okay, all right, has the day that
you need to have.
Speaker 3 (21:18):
Bye,
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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