June 26, 2025 • 20 mins
Amy and Kat unpack a listener’s question about how to celebrate intentionally…without making others feel obligated. She’s planning her baby’s 1st birthday after a long fertility journey and wants to include people she loves, but with no pressure. They explore what it means to let others support us, release the notion that we’re a burden, and why allowing people to show up for us actually deepens connection.
Plus, Amy randomly shares how college didn’t go like she planned, but she didn’t give up on herself.
Email: heythere@feelingthingspodcast.com
Call and leave a voicemail: 877-207-2077
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Van Buren // @KatVanburen
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Good.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
All right, break it down.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
If you ever have feelings that you just fons Amy
and Cat gotcha Covin locking, No, brother, ladies and folks,
do you just follow an the spirit where it's all
the phone and real stuff to the chill stuff and
the m but Swayne, Sometimes the best thing you can
do it just.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Stop you feel things.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
This is Feeling Things with Amy and Kat.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Happy Thursday, Welcome to Couch Talks, our Q and a
episode to the Feeling Things podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
I'm Amy and I'm Kat. And quick disclaimer before we
get into today's question that although we're answering your questions
and I'm a therapist, this does not actually serve as
a replacement or a substitute for actual mental health services.
We hope it helps.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Thank you for getting that out of the way. Always
gotta have the disclaimer. I was listening to a different
podcast podcast podcast podcast this morning and they also gave
a disclaimer. Oh, because I guess a therapist. Yeah, you
sent it to me. That makes sense. Now wait they
are both licensed therapists. That's cute, and they do a
(01:10):
podcast together. Sometimes you wish that you had another licensed
therapist with you. Are you glad you have like a commoner.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
I you know, Jim Pop, You're just a common person, just.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
A bachelor degree agricultural development.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Texts so interesting about you?
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Yeah, well it's because I was political science. You know
what happened, right?
Speaker 1 (01:35):
I think you told me and now I can't remember.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Well, it was government political science, and I hated it.
I started to find my junior year, I was getting
into my upper level classes and I.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Was like, what were you thinking?
Speaker 2 (01:45):
You government?
Speaker 1 (01:45):
It's not for me.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Wasn't really sure. I just liked the idea of being
around like politics, and wow, being around it. I wanted
to like plan the events and the part like a
rally a clipboard. Then I realized so many jobs that
I could have with a clipboard. I really don't know.
(02:08):
I I grew up. There was a lobbyist in my neighborhood,
like my friend's dad. He was a lobbyist, and I
don't know, it seemed entertaining. He had a lot of dinners.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
I want to go to dinners and I want to
hold a clipboard, So I'm gonna do political science.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
I think I liked the idea too, of being a
part of something that was for the greater good and
change and then I think as I got older and
got into the weeds of it, I'm like, I don't
know that I agree with all of this like a
blanket where now I want to dedicate and dive all
in and be a part of this, and it just
seemed very taxing and toxic. Taxing and toxic. So then
(02:49):
I was like, yeah, I don't know what to do.
So I went to my advisor and I was like, look,
I'm in my junior year and I still would like
to graduate relatively on time, so what can we do?
And she said, oh, well, you have enough POLYPSI hours
for an emphasis, which is not the same thing as
a minor. It's just under I think you had twelve
hours or something. And she's like, you could do agricultural
(03:14):
development with an emphasis and polysci and you can be
out in four and a half years. So I had
to do an extra semester so I graduated in December.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Or you could have just done one that would be
two more years.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
I guess if I completely switched to something. But with
ag development you needed an emphasis, and that they didn't
care what the emphasis was. So my emphasis was government
and I want to be truthful and honest and I
use the word graduate. I did not graduate at that time.
Wait what I did not? I walked across the stage
and got an empty an empty diplomba everybody does. Okay,
(03:53):
yours was empty.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
You don't get your diplomat graduation. They just give you
a book.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
I wouldn't know because I had a tube tube and
the tube was empty because I was still three hours short.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Oh, so he was out on purpose.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
I was taking a correspondence class. And this was back
in two thousand and what's correspondence one? I guess or
guess two thousand and three was when I graduated, But
you get what I'm saying. It was early two thousands. Correspondence.
You know now you can take classes online, like from
another university.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Oh oh, I thought it was. The class was called course.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
So I was at Texas A and M. And I
was taking a three hour can't you remember the class
correspondence through Texas Tech? Because I was supposed to take
it like over the summer and be done with it. Well,
I never took it, and I kept delaying it classic
ADHD and it was by mail. There was no online.
I was receiving the class by mail. I had to
(04:50):
fill things out, mail it back. We should have known.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
That's like the eighteen hundreds. That's what you mean by correspondence.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Correspondence. Okay, so I did not have the executive function
to get that sort of thing done, but I kept saying,
I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it. So
they're like, okay, you're going to walk across the stage
and you'll get your diploma. I mean, everybody was there.
My parents came, they saw me walk. My boyfriend at
the time, he was there. I graduated like I had
(05:20):
my cat, my town, all the things. And so after
I walked and I moved back to Austin, I was like,
correspondence what. I didn't finish it until I was.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Going to say, are you have your graduate?
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Now? I have my degree.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
It's over there.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
I'll show it to you. I framed it, so you know,
I mentioned its two thousand and three. So funny thing
about it, my degree says two thousand and eight, because
it wasn't until two thousand and eight that I finally
called Texas A and M and told them my predicament.
And I said, what do I do now, because I'm
(05:53):
still three hours short and I need my diploma. I
need my degree. I'm tired of living a lie.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Wait a second, if you never got it, I would
know her job ever as a job ever been like
show me your diploma. No, that's my thought too. It's
like I could have not graduated and just said I did.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
No, you need letters behind your name, you need financials okay,
because you're a license Okay, Okay, you're right.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
I couldn't. But if I wasn't doing this, if I
just graduated and then wanted to get a job somewhere random,
I don't think that they'd be like, send me your transcript.
They just read your resume and they believe you.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
Yeah. So I always had the intention of like, because
I was still in the process of taking the class,
I'm like, I just have to mail that one last thing.
And so in my mind I felt like, it's fine.
My first job out of college, my first real legit
where I had to have a resume. I was working
with a friend. His family ran the business.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
We're selling calendar slabs.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
And granted travertine title. Yes, when they became a countertop.
I didn't work in that in that would be the fabricator,
but we were the wholesaler.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Okay, you were selling slabs.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
I worked for a natural stone and order exporter in sales,
and it was a family business of my friend, so
he worked there. We had multiple other friends that worked there.
That's also why the job was awesome. I loved it
and they weren't like nitpicking my resume apart because I
was Luke's friend.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
But they didn't ask for your no, so you never
really had to finish no.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
And then, of course radio didn't care. But it was
when I started radio. I still said I went to
Texas A and M. Yeah, I graduated at O three.
I never clarified. And then one day on the radio,
I decided I can't hold this in any longer. And
I was in two thousand and eight and I said,
I'm going back to school and they're like, what do
you mean you're going back to school. I said, to
get my degree and they're like, you have your degree
(07:43):
from Texas A and M. And I was like, no,
I don't.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
So I'm tired of living a lot.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Yeah, So I lived in North Carolina at the time
because that's when I was married to Ben and he
was in the Air Force and I had more free
time because he was in Afghanistan. I just had the time,
and after I talked and they told me what to do,
they said I needed three hours and I could pick
from this list of courses. So I think I chose
sociology and I took it at the local community college.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
Wait, you literally had to go back to school.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Yeah. I took a three hour class from the community
college in Southern Pines, North Carolina. There was I can't
even remember the name of the community college, maybe Southern Pines,
I think it had a different name. But I went there,
completed my three hours since it off to text A
and M, and they mailed me my diploma. So it
says two thousand and eight, and some parts.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Of that's when you graduated.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Yeah, that's when I graduated. Some parts of me were
so self conscious that I thought, oh, well, it says
two thousand and eight. Well, lucky for me, my real
graduation date was two thousand and three. If you cut
an eight and half or wide out half of an eight,
it'll look.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Like a three.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
No, I wouldn't do that, but I thought about it.
But then I said to myself, I don't need to
be ashamed by this. Yeah, did it go the way
I wanted it to go? Did I andle it the
way I wanted to know? But did I do it
and I completed it?
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Yes? I don't think that I would have gone back
and finished at that point.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
I needed to just for you, for myself.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
So how many years did it take you to graduate?
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Well? Okay, so if I entered college in fall of
nineteen ninety nine, so it took me nine years.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Okay, but from go three to oh eight.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
It's not like I was actively in class.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
I'm surprised that there's not like a statue of limitations
where like, if you don't finish your degree in like
this many years, maybe it's ten years. Oh my gosh.
Can you imagine emailing them like one year later and
then being like, I'm sorry, you have to start over.
Start over, like for getting your masters, Like a lot
of these programs you can go part time, but you
(09:46):
have to finish it in five years or something. So
if you don't finish it in five years, you have
to start over.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Yeah, that would be bad.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Like what if they said that, do you think you
would start over? Do you think you'd be like, Oh,
I could not.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
I was working a full time job and married and
trying to get pregnant and so and make friends like no.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
And at that point, like what would it I have
thought about.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Going back to school now though for and I with
the whole schedule thing, I don't know when I would
quite go, but I think I just am in a
different place with learning.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
I would appreciate it more.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
So I want to go back and pick, Yeah, things
that really are interesting to me. Psychology in that vein.
I don't want to become a therapist by any means, no,
thank you, but I but it's fascinating to me. And
even that's probably why I picked that sociology class, because
I was older and more mature, and I was like, well,
(10:40):
this is kind of fascinating to me, of like why
we are how we are. So I didn't mean to
talk about any of that.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
But the more you know, learn something new about you.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
We have a listener from Well, she signed it your
friend to put her name, but she also asked to
be anonymous, so I shall honor that. We shall we
shall Amy and Kat, thanks for bringing so much laughter
into my commutes. My question is about my baby's upcoming
first birthday party. My husband and I struggled with fertility
(11:26):
so having our daughter is such a blessing. But as
we plan her party, we are being very intentional about
our guest lists and want most of our favorite people
to be there celebrating with us. We have poured so
much love into her, but I do not want anyone
to feel like they have to attend or to send gifts.
How do we internally celebrate her with our people while
(11:48):
not having any of them feel obligated to participate? For reference,
some of our friends do not have kids, or they
have much older children, and they're in their thirties and forties.
I'd prefer to be anonymous. I know I'm not a
certified therapist, but like, the first thing that pops into
my mind is just like being very upfront of like
no obligations, no gifts please.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Yeah. Well, the first thing I was going to point out,
I think she meant to say, she wrote internally, which
is what you read. I think she meant to say,
how do we intentionally celebrate her?
Speaker 2 (12:16):
I thought I was a little off, but I like
to respect how people's in it.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
But you're right, it probably was just at autocorrect.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
You know, because I was like, wait, so you were
to inside everybody and then just like have an internal party,
like you know, like if your office is doing something,
they give it internal email. This is an internal thing.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
I guess you don't.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
I work for a corporation, so there's if I am
receiving an external email or it's internal it's last Oh
you do. But do you get emails like that because
you work for your like if you I guess when
you're emailing with your team of therapists that work with you,
if if somebody from the outside, is it like in
all caps external?
Speaker 1 (13:01):
No, But I've gotten emails like that before, but I
don't know that it was because of me. It might
because of their email. Maybe they're the way they do it.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Well, that's how our coavity does it. It's like internal, external, external, Okay,
so yeah, they're good. She just wants to have an
intentional not an internal shower.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
So I think the party, yeah, you could call it
a shower, but it is a birthday party. The reason
I wanted to have this question and answer this email
is because it is something that is so simple, but
so many people overthink. This sounds like she doesn't want
to be a burden, Like she doesn't want to burden
her friends with something that they don't want to go to,
or obligate them to do more than she really wants
(13:43):
them to do, whether that's by gifts or help with
the party or whatever. And something I stand by is
an invitation is not an obligation. So I can invite you.
It doesn't mean you have to come. You get to
then make a choice. And because you're an adult, you
get to make your own choices. And because I'm an adult,
I don't get to manage other people's choices.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
You just get to invite you.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Yeah. And the other part of that too, with the burden,
is you don't get to decide if you're a burden
for somebody else. We don't decide that. When we do,
we cut off the ability for other people to show
up for us. And that is part of being in relationships.
It would really suck if you never let me celebrate you,
or if you never let me show up for you,
(14:27):
If you never let me it feels good when you
ask a favor. You asking me to do something like
that for you is you being vulnerable, and also you
inviting me in. It's a point of connection. So if
I'm so worried about like being too much or asking
too much of you. I'm going to end up just
putting a wall in between our friendship and I we
(14:49):
could be sending a message that I don't mean to
be sending.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Yeah, we were just talking about that on the phone
this morning about oh yeah, other totally different thing, but
just in friendship, how you know, it's fun when we
were talking about the example of borrowing clothes from a friend,
and it's fun when if you're both doing it. No,
that doesn't mean you have to do that to have
a healthy friendship. But that was the example of like
it feels good to like, oh, you're going to borrow this,
(15:14):
Like is there anything that you want to borrow of mine? Like,
just so that there's that reciprocity.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Yeah, yeah, so I would encourage you invite whoever you want.
Also easy to do is no gifts. That happens all
the time. We just got an invitation to a two
year old's birthday party and said no gifts. Now people
still are going to probably give you gifts. That's okay.
You also can say, like, in lieu of gifts, please
(15:42):
do X y Z, like if there is a charity
or something that you really care about, or if there's
something going on in your community that you care about,
you can ask them to do that, and then that
feels like you're creating a greater good. But I think
that also comes with like they might donate to the charity,
and then also because they love you, they might want
to celebrate you and your daughter and get her something.
(16:02):
I love buying presents for children.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Oh yeah, it is kind of one of your things.
I love it like you love it, like you get
like really really really excited, and then you want to
play with it. You're like, Okay, now that it's open,
let's see.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Then I'm like, wait, I need to get one. I
actually just bought my niece for her eighth birthday party.
Did I show you this? I think I posted on
Instagram maybe the video of her opening it. This is
what I'm talking about. It brought me so much joy.
One she invited me to her birthday party like I
was an adult and chose with her friends. I was
so grateful to be included in that. And also her
(16:41):
mom my sister in law, said that she has been
talking about doing those like acrobatic sheets, you know, like
the sheets that people like dance in in the sky. Yes, ariel. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yeah, silks.
She's been. We went to one of those jump places
one time and they had some of those and she
(17:02):
was swinging in them. And I think that mixed was
she loves the greatest showman and it's like circus and stuff.
She's been talking about them, and she's like, maybe you
could take her somewhere and do that, And I said,
I'll do you one better, And I bought her her
own silk sheets to hang from their ceilings and their home.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
And she was so excited, and then you were so excited.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
I did tell her mom that I bought them before
I gave them to her, and I don't think they've
hung them up yet, but I think they will. They
also could hang them up in a tree in there, right,
It doesn't have to do the ceiling, but I think
she wants them in her house.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Of course, she wants them in her room.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
But when she opened it up, she told me I
was the best aunt ever, which felt so good. But
the that felt good, But the thing that felt the
best was when she had like the biggest smile on
her face. You know, So all that to say, it
might feel really special for your friends to be invited
to see a celebration.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Like that, and if they love giving kids gifts and
they love seeing how happy the kid is, then you
might have to If that happens, then you could just
say thank you. Yeah, pause, yeahs pus pus post nothing else,
not like I told you, no gifts, just like thank you.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
That was really that was really kind period period.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Yeah, and congrats on being able to celebrate your baby's
first birthday. Fertility is a very emotional journey, So this
is something very exciting, and your people are going to
want to gather with you to celebrate because they likely
know how difficult it was for you. So, like Kat
was saying earlier, don't rob anybody of that opportunity to
(18:45):
show up for you. Amen, Amen, Simple simple as that.
We just pinch pokeo ma a coke? Do you know? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (18:54):
But we do it where you do like one did
your rags in nine ten and then you have to say, oh,
you owe me a soda before I finish.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
Oh, we would go pinch poke, you owe me a coke,
and then you go pinch back, you owe me a
six pack?
Speaker 1 (19:06):
Well, pinch back, you owe me a six pack?
Speaker 2 (19:08):
Then what you got the hang of it? You'd be
perfect at a kid's birthday? All right, Kat, where can
people email us? Well, hold on before you give that,
I do want to say, I know choosing this email
it does seem so simple, but it is a good
reminder of any of us can have all kinds of
things going on that to us, we're like, I need
(19:28):
help navigating this, and it might be simple as asking
for advice somewhere or talking to a friend and then boom,
they have a simple solution for you, and then you yay.
You get to stop overthinking it because it really can
be as simple as this is what you do. Boom
boom boom. So when you're overthinking, reach out to any
of us, well to us or.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
A friend a friend. But if you want to reach
out to us, you can email us. Hey, they're at
Feeling thingspodcast dot.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Com and you can call eight seven seven two oh
seven two oh seven seven.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
And reminder put couch talks in the subject.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
That's very helpful, And like she did, she let us
know I prefer to be anonymous. Yeah, yeah, I guess
we didn't really get Sometimes I'm like we gave away
details that says that could say who it was. If
there's their friend. But anybody this could anybody we know?
She commutes, So how do you know that? Oh thanks
for bringing so much laughter into my commute.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
Okay, okay, by how the day you need to have?
Oh yeah, have the party you need to have. Bye,
Good.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
All right, break it down.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
If you ever have feelings that you just fons Amy
and Cat gotcha Covin locking, No, brother, ladies and folks,
do you just follow an the spirit where it's all
the phone and real stuff to the chill stuff and
the m but Swayne, Sometimes the best thing you can
do it just.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Stop you feel things.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
This is Feeling Things with Amy and Kat.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
Happy Thursday, Welcome to Couch Talks, our Q and a
episode to the Feeling Things podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:33):
I'm Amy and I'm Kat. And quick disclaimer before we
get into today's question that although we're answering your questions
and I'm a therapist, this does not actually serve as
a replacement or a substitute for actual mental health services.
We hope it helps.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
Thank you for getting that out of the way. Always
gotta have the disclaimer. I was listening to a different
podcast podcast podcast podcast this morning and they also gave
a disclaimer. Oh, because I guess a therapist. Yeah, you
sent it to me. That makes sense. Now wait they
are both licensed therapists. That's cute, and they do a
(01:10):
podcast together. Sometimes you wish that you had another licensed
therapist with you. Are you glad you have like a commoner.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
I you know, Jim Pop, You're just a common person, just.
Speaker 2 (01:25):
A bachelor degree agricultural development.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Texts so interesting about you?
Speaker 2 (01:31):
Yeah, well it's because I was political science. You know
what happened, right?
Speaker 1 (01:35):
I think you told me and now I can't remember.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Well, it was government political science, and I hated it.
I started to find my junior year, I was getting
into my upper level classes and I.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Was like, what were you thinking?
Speaker 2 (01:45):
You government?
Speaker 1 (01:45):
It's not for me.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Wasn't really sure. I just liked the idea of being
around like politics, and wow, being around it. I wanted
to like plan the events and the part like a
rally a clipboard. Then I realized so many jobs that
I could have with a clipboard. I really don't know.
(02:08):
I I grew up. There was a lobbyist in my neighborhood,
like my friend's dad. He was a lobbyist, and I
don't know, it seemed entertaining. He had a lot of dinners.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
I want to go to dinners and I want to
hold a clipboard, So I'm gonna do political science.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
I think I liked the idea too, of being a
part of something that was for the greater good and
change and then I think as I got older and
got into the weeds of it, I'm like, I don't
know that I agree with all of this like a
blanket where now I want to dedicate and dive all
in and be a part of this, and it just
seemed very taxing and toxic. Taxing and toxic. So then
(02:49):
I was like, yeah, I don't know what to do.
So I went to my advisor and I was like, look,
I'm in my junior year and I still would like
to graduate relatively on time, so what can we do?
And she said, oh, well, you have enough POLYPSI hours
for an emphasis, which is not the same thing as
a minor. It's just under I think you had twelve
hours or something. And she's like, you could do agricultural
(03:14):
development with an emphasis and polysci and you can be
out in four and a half years. So I had
to do an extra semester so I graduated in December.
Speaker 1 (03:25):
Or you could have just done one that would be
two more years.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
I guess if I completely switched to something. But with
ag development you needed an emphasis, and that they didn't
care what the emphasis was. So my emphasis was government
and I want to be truthful and honest and I
use the word graduate. I did not graduate at that time.
Wait what I did not? I walked across the stage
and got an empty an empty diplomba everybody does. Okay,
(03:53):
yours was empty.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
You don't get your diplomat graduation. They just give you
a book.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
I wouldn't know because I had a tube tube and
the tube was empty because I was still three hours short.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
Oh, so he was out on purpose.
Speaker 2 (04:07):
I was taking a correspondence class. And this was back
in two thousand and what's correspondence one? I guess or
guess two thousand and three was when I graduated, But
you get what I'm saying. It was early two thousands. Correspondence.
You know now you can take classes online, like from
another university.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Oh oh, I thought it was. The class was called course.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
So I was at Texas A and M. And I
was taking a three hour can't you remember the class
correspondence through Texas Tech? Because I was supposed to take
it like over the summer and be done with it. Well,
I never took it, and I kept delaying it classic
ADHD and it was by mail. There was no online.
I was receiving the class by mail. I had to
(04:50):
fill things out, mail it back. We should have known.
Speaker 1 (04:55):
That's like the eighteen hundreds. That's what you mean by correspondence.
Speaker 2 (04:58):
Correspondence. Okay, so I did not have the executive function
to get that sort of thing done, but I kept saying,
I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it. So
they're like, okay, you're going to walk across the stage
and you'll get your diploma. I mean, everybody was there.
My parents came, they saw me walk. My boyfriend at
the time, he was there. I graduated like I had
(05:20):
my cat, my town, all the things. And so after
I walked and I moved back to Austin, I was like,
correspondence what. I didn't finish it until I was.
Speaker 1 (05:29):
Going to say, are you have your graduate?
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Now? I have my degree.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
It's over there.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
I'll show it to you. I framed it, so you know,
I mentioned its two thousand and three. So funny thing
about it, my degree says two thousand and eight, because
it wasn't until two thousand and eight that I finally
called Texas A and M and told them my predicament.
And I said, what do I do now, because I'm
(05:53):
still three hours short and I need my diploma. I
need my degree. I'm tired of living a lie.
Speaker 1 (05:58):
Wait a second, if you never got it, I would
know her job ever as a job ever been like
show me your diploma. No, that's my thought too. It's
like I could have not graduated and just said I did.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
No, you need letters behind your name, you need financials okay,
because you're a license Okay, Okay, you're right.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
I couldn't. But if I wasn't doing this, if I
just graduated and then wanted to get a job somewhere random,
I don't think that they'd be like, send me your transcript.
They just read your resume and they believe you.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
Yeah. So I always had the intention of like, because
I was still in the process of taking the class,
I'm like, I just have to mail that one last thing.
And so in my mind I felt like, it's fine.
My first job out of college, my first real legit
where I had to have a resume. I was working
with a friend. His family ran the business.
Speaker 1 (06:45):
We're selling calendar slabs.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
And granted travertine title. Yes, when they became a countertop.
I didn't work in that in that would be the fabricator,
but we were the wholesaler.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Okay, you were selling slabs.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
I worked for a natural stone and order exporter in sales,
and it was a family business of my friend, so
he worked there. We had multiple other friends that worked there.
That's also why the job was awesome. I loved it
and they weren't like nitpicking my resume apart because I
was Luke's friend.
Speaker 1 (07:17):
But they didn't ask for your no, so you never
really had to finish no.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
And then, of course radio didn't care. But it was
when I started radio. I still said I went to
Texas A and M. Yeah, I graduated at O three.
I never clarified. And then one day on the radio,
I decided I can't hold this in any longer. And
I was in two thousand and eight and I said,
I'm going back to school and they're like, what do
you mean you're going back to school. I said, to
get my degree and they're like, you have your degree
(07:43):
from Texas A and M. And I was like, no,
I don't.
Speaker 1 (07:46):
So I'm tired of living a lot.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Yeah, So I lived in North Carolina at the time
because that's when I was married to Ben and he
was in the Air Force and I had more free
time because he was in Afghanistan. I just had the time,
and after I talked and they told me what to do,
they said I needed three hours and I could pick
from this list of courses. So I think I chose
sociology and I took it at the local community college.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
Wait, you literally had to go back to school.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Yeah. I took a three hour class from the community
college in Southern Pines, North Carolina. There was I can't
even remember the name of the community college, maybe Southern Pines,
I think it had a different name. But I went there,
completed my three hours since it off to text A
and M, and they mailed me my diploma. So it
says two thousand and eight, and some parts.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Of that's when you graduated.
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Yeah, that's when I graduated. Some parts of me were
so self conscious that I thought, oh, well, it says
two thousand and eight. Well, lucky for me, my real
graduation date was two thousand and three. If you cut
an eight and half or wide out half of an eight,
it'll look.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
Like a three.
Speaker 2 (08:51):
No, I wouldn't do that, but I thought about it.
But then I said to myself, I don't need to
be ashamed by this. Yeah, did it go the way
I wanted it to go? Did I andle it the
way I wanted to know? But did I do it
and I completed it?
Speaker 1 (09:03):
Yes? I don't think that I would have gone back
and finished at that point.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
I needed to just for you, for myself.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
So how many years did it take you to graduate?
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Well? Okay, so if I entered college in fall of
nineteen ninety nine, so it took me nine years.
Speaker 1 (09:18):
Okay, but from go three to oh eight.
Speaker 2 (09:22):
It's not like I was actively in class.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
I'm surprised that there's not like a statue of limitations
where like, if you don't finish your degree in like
this many years, maybe it's ten years. Oh my gosh.
Can you imagine emailing them like one year later and
then being like, I'm sorry, you have to start over.
Start over, like for getting your masters, Like a lot
of these programs you can go part time, but you
(09:46):
have to finish it in five years or something. So
if you don't finish it in five years, you have
to start over.
Speaker 2 (09:52):
Yeah, that would be bad.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Like what if they said that, do you think you
would start over? Do you think you'd be like, Oh,
I could not.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
I was working a full time job and married and
trying to get pregnant and so and make friends like no.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
And at that point, like what would it I have
thought about.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
Going back to school now though for and I with
the whole schedule thing, I don't know when I would
quite go, but I think I just am in a
different place with learning.
Speaker 1 (10:17):
I would appreciate it more.
Speaker 2 (10:19):
So I want to go back and pick, Yeah, things
that really are interesting to me. Psychology in that vein.
I don't want to become a therapist by any means, no,
thank you, but I but it's fascinating to me. And
even that's probably why I picked that sociology class, because
I was older and more mature, and I was like, well,
(10:40):
this is kind of fascinating to me, of like why
we are how we are. So I didn't mean to
talk about any of that.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
But the more you know, learn something new about you.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
We have a listener from Well, she signed it your
friend to put her name, but she also asked to
be anonymous, so I shall honor that. We shall we
shall Amy and Kat, thanks for bringing so much laughter
into my commutes. My question is about my baby's upcoming
first birthday party. My husband and I struggled with fertility
(11:26):
so having our daughter is such a blessing. But as
we plan her party, we are being very intentional about
our guest lists and want most of our favorite people
to be there celebrating with us. We have poured so
much love into her, but I do not want anyone
to feel like they have to attend or to send gifts.
How do we internally celebrate her with our people while
(11:48):
not having any of them feel obligated to participate? For reference,
some of our friends do not have kids, or they
have much older children, and they're in their thirties and forties.
I'd prefer to be anonymous. I know I'm not a
certified therapist, but like, the first thing that pops into
my mind is just like being very upfront of like
no obligations, no gifts please.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Yeah. Well, the first thing I was going to point out,
I think she meant to say, she wrote internally, which
is what you read. I think she meant to say,
how do we intentionally celebrate her?
Speaker 2 (12:16):
I thought I was a little off, but I like
to respect how people's in it.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
But you're right, it probably was just at autocorrect.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
You know, because I was like, wait, so you were
to inside everybody and then just like have an internal party,
like you know, like if your office is doing something,
they give it internal email. This is an internal thing.
Speaker 1 (12:40):
I guess you don't.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
I work for a corporation, so there's if I am
receiving an external email or it's internal it's last Oh
you do. But do you get emails like that because
you work for your like if you I guess when
you're emailing with your team of therapists that work with you,
if if somebody from the outside, is it like in
all caps external?
Speaker 1 (13:01):
No, But I've gotten emails like that before, but I
don't know that it was because of me. It might
because of their email. Maybe they're the way they do it.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Well, that's how our coavity does it. It's like internal, external, external, Okay,
so yeah, they're good. She just wants to have an
intentional not an internal shower.
Speaker 1 (13:20):
So I think the party, yeah, you could call it
a shower, but it is a birthday party. The reason
I wanted to have this question and answer this email
is because it is something that is so simple, but
so many people overthink. This sounds like she doesn't want
to be a burden, Like she doesn't want to burden
her friends with something that they don't want to go to,
or obligate them to do more than she really wants
(13:43):
them to do, whether that's by gifts or help with
the party or whatever. And something I stand by is
an invitation is not an obligation. So I can invite you.
It doesn't mean you have to come. You get to
then make a choice. And because you're an adult, you
get to make your own choices. And because I'm an adult,
I don't get to manage other people's choices.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
You just get to invite you.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Yeah. And the other part of that too, with the burden,
is you don't get to decide if you're a burden
for somebody else. We don't decide that. When we do,
we cut off the ability for other people to show
up for us. And that is part of being in relationships.
It would really suck if you never let me celebrate you,
or if you never let me show up for you,
(14:27):
If you never let me it feels good when you
ask a favor. You asking me to do something like
that for you is you being vulnerable, and also you
inviting me in. It's a point of connection. So if
I'm so worried about like being too much or asking
too much of you. I'm going to end up just
putting a wall in between our friendship and I we
(14:49):
could be sending a message that I don't mean to
be sending.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Yeah, we were just talking about that on the phone
this morning about oh yeah, other totally different thing, but
just in friendship, how you know, it's fun when we
were talking about the example of borrowing clothes from a friend,
and it's fun when if you're both doing it. No,
that doesn't mean you have to do that to have
a healthy friendship. But that was the example of like
it feels good to like, oh, you're going to borrow this,
(15:14):
Like is there anything that you want to borrow of mine? Like,
just so that there's that reciprocity.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Yeah, yeah, so I would encourage you invite whoever you want.
Also easy to do is no gifts. That happens all
the time. We just got an invitation to a two
year old's birthday party and said no gifts. Now people
still are going to probably give you gifts. That's okay.
You also can say, like, in lieu of gifts, please
(15:42):
do X y Z, like if there is a charity
or something that you really care about, or if there's
something going on in your community that you care about,
you can ask them to do that, and then that
feels like you're creating a greater good. But I think
that also comes with like they might donate to the charity,
and then also because they love you, they might want
to celebrate you and your daughter and get her something.
(16:02):
I love buying presents for children.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
Oh yeah, it is kind of one of your things.
I love it like you love it, like you get
like really really really excited, and then you want to
play with it. You're like, Okay, now that it's open,
let's see.
Speaker 1 (16:18):
Then I'm like, wait, I need to get one. I
actually just bought my niece for her eighth birthday party.
Did I show you this? I think I posted on
Instagram maybe the video of her opening it. This is
what I'm talking about. It brought me so much joy.
One she invited me to her birthday party like I
was an adult and chose with her friends. I was
so grateful to be included in that. And also her
(16:41):
mom my sister in law, said that she has been
talking about doing those like acrobatic sheets, you know, like
the sheets that people like dance in in the sky. Yes, ariel. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yeah, silks.
She's been. We went to one of those jump places
one time and they had some of those and she
(17:02):
was swinging in them. And I think that mixed was
she loves the greatest showman and it's like circus and stuff.
She's been talking about them, and she's like, maybe you
could take her somewhere and do that, And I said,
I'll do you one better, And I bought her her
own silk sheets to hang from their ceilings and their home.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
And she was so excited, and then you were so excited.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
I did tell her mom that I bought them before
I gave them to her, and I don't think they've
hung them up yet, but I think they will. They
also could hang them up in a tree in there, right,
It doesn't have to do the ceiling, but I think
she wants them in her house.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Of course, she wants them in her room.
Speaker 1 (17:39):
But when she opened it up, she told me I
was the best aunt ever, which felt so good. But
the that felt good, But the thing that felt the
best was when she had like the biggest smile on
her face. You know, So all that to say, it
might feel really special for your friends to be invited
to see a celebration.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
Like that, and if they love giving kids gifts and
they love seeing how happy the kid is, then you
might have to If that happens, then you could just
say thank you. Yeah, pause, yeahs pus pus post nothing else,
not like I told you, no gifts, just like thank you.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
That was really that was really kind period period.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
Yeah, and congrats on being able to celebrate your baby's
first birthday. Fertility is a very emotional journey, So this
is something very exciting, and your people are going to
want to gather with you to celebrate because they likely
know how difficult it was for you. So, like Kat
was saying earlier, don't rob anybody of that opportunity to
(18:45):
show up for you. Amen, Amen, Simple simple as that.
We just pinch pokeo ma a coke? Do you know? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (18:54):
But we do it where you do like one did
your rags in nine ten and then you have to say, oh,
you owe me a soda before I finish.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
Oh, we would go pinch poke, you owe me a coke,
and then you go pinch back, you owe me a
six pack?
Speaker 1 (19:06):
Well, pinch back, you owe me a six pack?
Speaker 2 (19:08):
Then what you got the hang of it? You'd be
perfect at a kid's birthday? All right, Kat, where can
people email us? Well, hold on before you give that,
I do want to say, I know choosing this email
it does seem so simple, but it is a good
reminder of any of us can have all kinds of
things going on that to us, we're like, I need
(19:28):
help navigating this, and it might be simple as asking
for advice somewhere or talking to a friend and then boom,
they have a simple solution for you, and then you yay.
You get to stop overthinking it because it really can
be as simple as this is what you do. Boom
boom boom. So when you're overthinking, reach out to any
of us, well to us or.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
A friend a friend. But if you want to reach
out to us, you can email us. Hey, they're at
Feeling thingspodcast dot.
Speaker 2 (19:52):
Com and you can call eight seven seven two oh
seven two oh seven seven.
Speaker 1 (19:58):
And reminder put couch talks in the subject.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
That's very helpful, And like she did, she let us
know I prefer to be anonymous. Yeah, yeah, I guess
we didn't really get Sometimes I'm like we gave away
details that says that could say who it was. If
there's their friend. But anybody this could anybody we know?
She commutes, So how do you know that? Oh thanks
for bringing so much laughter into my commute.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
Okay, okay, by how the day you need to have?
Oh yeah, have the party you need to have. Bye,
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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