August 12, 2025 • 33 mins
What’s the difference between relief and restoration? Amy sat down with her friend Chase Locke to talk about it, and we think you’re going to love his perspective. Chase is a total country boy...raised to pull himself up by the bootstraps and just keep going. Therapy? Yeah, he didn’t think it was for him. Fast forward to now, and he’ll tell you that our very own in-house therapist (and co-host!) Kat Van Buren played a big role in helping him realize that talking to a third party could actually make a huge difference. Chase shares that he's forever grateful to his therapist, Jared, for helping him work through some difficult things. One of his biggest takeaways from Jared: the difference between just finding relief and actually finding restoration!! We hope Chase's story is encouraging anyone who’s ever thought therapy was a waste of time.
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Email: heythere@feelingthingspodcast.com
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Chase Locke // @ChaseLocke_
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Break it down. If you ever have feelings that you
just fons home, Amy and Cat got you come and
locking m brother, ladies and felts, do you just follow
Anna spirit where it's all the front over real stuff
to the chill stuff and am but Swayne. Sometimes the
best thing you can do it just.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Stop you feel things.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
This is feeling things with Amy and Cat.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Happy Tuesday, Welcome to feeling things. I'm Amy, I'm Chase,
not Cat not Cat.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
I bout said I'm Cat.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
And then I'd be like Katy, what happened to you?
You are very manly. Now.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
My name is Chase and I am not a licensed therapist.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
Chase is a dear friend of mine filling in for Cat.
And today we're going to be talking about when you
think therapy is a total waste of time, because that
is Chase's perspective and.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Was my perspective.
Speaker 4 (01:02):
Thank you for clarifying I was about to say.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
And he now has a new take on it after
a few years of deep work, and something that we
were talking about as friends yesterday was relief versus restoration,
and I thought, beautiful, That's what we're going to talk about,
and I think it'll be good for other people to
hear your perspective on therapy because they may feel the
(01:27):
exact same way you did not do, And then I
think unpacking.
Speaker 4 (01:33):
Yeah, relief versus restoration.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
So let's start with therapy and why you thought it
was going to be a total waste of time. But
oh my gosh, before we get into that, we got
to do the feeling.
Speaker 4 (01:43):
Of the day.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
What does that mean?
Speaker 3 (01:45):
Like?
Speaker 2 (01:45):
What am I feeling now? Chase?
Speaker 4 (01:46):
I'm going to ask you a question. I needed you
to be honest.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
We have been friends for over ten years now, and
you've been a very big supporter of the Four Things podcast,
even the rebrand into Feeling Things.
Speaker 4 (01:58):
How many episodes have you legit listen to?
Speaker 5 (02:02):
It's okay, I watch a lot of the clips and
the videos now, which I do love you the video.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
Component, So you just watch the clips on Instagram.
Speaker 5 (02:11):
And honestly, it's the only YouTube I've ever liked and subscribed.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
Oh so you do YouTube too, but you haven't.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
I did that for you guys.
Speaker 4 (02:18):
You just see some of the videos because they're.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Not watch the entire gotcha.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
That's okay, It's okay. We root for each other, you know.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
We do.
Speaker 4 (02:26):
Yes, we still each other.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Support you.
Speaker 4 (02:28):
You can root for your friends.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
And watch the full episode.
Speaker 4 (02:32):
Yes, I'm okay with that.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
I just thought it was funny because at the beginning
of every episode a Kat and I do Feeling of
the Day. Well, we stopped doing the singing because we
thought people were annoyed by that.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
And I'm sitting here and I'm like, what are you doing?
Speaker 4 (02:43):
And You're like feeling of the day, Well, what is
that you want to know? Mine is grateful.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
I am feeling grateful that you're in town and even
having you stay at my house.
Speaker 4 (02:58):
So the gratefulness is twofold.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
The quick one is you just being able to sit
in this chair and fill in and do this episode
with me for Kat, And then the longer one that
is really meaningful and special is my kids know you
and like watching my son get home from school yesterday
and walk in and be like Chase, like the adoption
(03:22):
process for them took five years, and so Chase was
one of the friends that traveled to Haiti with me
and met the kids there before they ever even came
to America. And of course Stevenson was so young then
he doesn't remember that you were ever in Haiti, but
he knows you now, and I love seeing him light
up when he saw you. And then also how you
interact with Sashira and you ask her questions and you're
(03:43):
very curious and you're engaging with her, especially when she's
a little bit more. You know, she's eighteen, she's a girl,
she's you know, cool, She's on her snapchat and trying
to do her thing, and she's really into Desperate Housewives right.
Speaker 5 (03:55):
Now, So I know, I told her, I was like,
this is an old challenge sake, really, and I'm like, no,
it's it's.
Speaker 4 (04:00):
Very Yeah, so we've been watching that together.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
But I like watching you pour into them and they're
starting back at school, summer's ending. There's just been some
you know, mom kids stuff that just the vibe has
been eh, and having you come in and stay at
the house, like it just changed the vibe. And so
I'm so grateful for what you bring to my family.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Well, thank you. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (04:26):
I don't want to be a cop out and say
I assume you're gonna ask me what.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
Am I feeling what you're feeling it, but I.
Speaker 5 (04:31):
Mean, I honestly like and we talked about it a
little bit, just kind of the season you're in now
versus some of the seasons you've gone through. And the
last I even know what time we were talking off
camera Morgan's in here, but like COVID time was so
thrown off, so I'm.
Speaker 4 (04:48):
Like, there, it was like five years.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Like it was like five years. It's just tough.
Speaker 5 (04:52):
And I was sitting last night at the house and
I'm like, I'm so grateful that you are so good,
like more than good, Like you're in a really great spot.
But like Stevenson and Stashira like seeing them grow up,
and I just was sitting there Stevenson showing me all
his Fortnite characters and I'm just like, God, this is amazing,
(05:12):
Like where he's been again, I remember that little boy
in Haiti, and like he's just such an awesome young
man and she's an amazing young woman. And it's just
it's cool because there was a few years that I
was worried about yeh yeah, you know, and just the season,
I'm like, I don't know if someone can handle all
the different things, and you did and you're on the
other end of.
Speaker 4 (05:33):
It, well, I think it grateful you were a part
of that.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
It's almost like you have your team of people and
friends and family and in my case, therapist PLURALI speaking
of you think therapy is a total waste of time,
I'm here to say, Like, for me during that time,
it was not It was so helpful. It was the guy,
the guidance. The guidance I received was priceless. But yeah,
(05:57):
and back to like root for each other, like my
sister like this is her christu dojer roothouse coffee. Root
for each other is something that they are building into
part of their brand and how they want to treat
their employees and their family, their friends, and their customers
at the coffee shop, Like how can you root for
(06:19):
your people and come alongside? So I felt very rooted
for and supported it, and you didn't give up me.
People didn't give up on me. And now that I'm
on the other side and doing better, I.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Can Yeah, You've always done that for people.
Speaker 4 (06:33):
So you're just grateful too. So are feeling in the
day twinsies grateful?
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Yeah, that's very grateful.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
Now that we got the feeling of the day out
of the way, we can get into you thinking that
therapy is going to be a total waste of time.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
Oh, where do we start?
Speaker 5 (06:47):
Actually, I mean, I'll give credit, So therapy was something
I think I had a lot of unfair preconceived ideas
of what it was going to be, Like some stuffy
person sitting there their legs crossed, asking me a bunch
of questions, and I'm kind of a private person, so
I'm like, it's not that I'm not willing to share,
but I'm like, someone trying to analyze me without knowing
(07:09):
me didn't sound appealing. I'll give credit to Cat Defata
and shout out Cat, who's well.
Speaker 4 (07:14):
Her married name is now oh yeah, van Buren, Cat
van Buren also therapy Cat, Therapy Cat also this podcast.
Speaker 5 (07:22):
Like I was just thinking that as we were getting
ready to talk about this, like getting to know her
a little bit through you probably helped me become open
to the idea. But it was really my buddy Patrick.
I think it was having not trying to say I
think guys sometimes maybe struggle with the idea of therapy more.
I'm not trying to like make that assumption, but I
(07:43):
think it's a.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
Fair statement that there are certain genders and races we just.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Like shrug it off, like I don't.
Speaker 4 (07:49):
Get there where it just wasn't part of their up.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
And also your culture.
Speaker 4 (07:53):
I mean I grew up, yeah, cultures.
Speaker 5 (07:54):
I was a ranch kid. It was kind of like, hey,
put some dirt on it, you'll be okay on all fronts, emotions,
all the things.
Speaker 4 (08:02):
Yeah, like dust your boots off, get out there, get
to work. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (08:06):
But anyways, my buddy Patrick introduced me to his therapist dust.
Speaker 3 (08:11):
Your boots off for pull your by the bootoot.
Speaker 5 (08:15):
I mean you kind of put a few sayings together,
but I was tracking with you, okay. I think it's
also like put some dirt on it, like you know,
you fall down it.
Speaker 4 (08:24):
I'm like, clean your boots, get outside.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
Such a cowgirl, I want to be cowboy, take me away.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
I love that song. Kind My boyfriend's not a cowboy.
Could be, but there's still time.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
There's still time. There's still time to take them out.
Speaker 4 (08:45):
And it's only fifty two.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
We'll teach them boys.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
He's in New York right now for work. He's such
a cowboy.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
He's a city slicker. That's funny. Actually sorry, So yeah.
Speaker 4 (09:00):
You're right. Community is the way you were raised?
Speaker 5 (09:03):
Yeah, I think how I was raised. And then yeah,
just maybe being a guy. I was like, I don't
think therapy is for me. But all that to say,
I was in a season where I was dealing with
new things, new stress, probably a little bit of anxiety,
but really just trying to manage stress, and I needed
a safe place to say things out loud that could
(09:24):
be processed, not with anyone else.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
That's really where it started.
Speaker 5 (09:29):
I'm like, I just need someone to be a sounding
board and let me say what I'm thinking and then
go from there. And it ended up turning into an
ongoing relationship that has been sounds inappropriate?
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Does it to me?
Speaker 4 (09:43):
I know it's not.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
It sounded like Jared and Iron a committed ongoing relationship.
Speaker 4 (09:49):
Oh well, this is the person name?
Speaker 3 (09:52):
Oh okay, Jared. He's the main ended up in an
ongoing Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
I feel like I gotta feel it is.
Speaker 5 (10:00):
It's probably my healthiest longest relationship.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
Your longest standing relationship is with Jared, I know, and
I feel for you with your therapist name being Jared
or anybody named Jared. Every time you talk about Jared,
I think of the subway guy and not things did
not end well.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
For that, he.
Speaker 5 (10:21):
Deserves shout out Jared and Rogers Arkansas. He's the best
therapist and not anything like the subway guy.
Speaker 4 (10:28):
Oh yeah, totally definitely not that was tragic.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
So he didn't need subway.
Speaker 5 (10:34):
He was like, he's like six or four former linebacker,
he's huge. So it kind of breaks the stereotype of
what you would think at therapists is oh so that was.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
Probably helpful, super helpful walking in and be like, oh okay, we.
Speaker 5 (10:47):
Had a great song and dance. The first couple sessions,
I probably still am like a problem client where like
I'd walk in, he'd like, sit wherever you want, Like,
is this a test? Like where I'm gonna sit because
you're probably thinking I'm going to sit there, you know,
because you're going to sit there in the chair, and
I'm going to sit here on the couch. Well, I'm
going to sit in the chair, Like what does that
say about me?
Speaker 3 (11:07):
So you're already thinking that depending on where you sit,
it's going to tell him information about you.
Speaker 4 (11:13):
Yeah, we had like that sounds exhausting, a.
Speaker 5 (11:16):
Big song and dance. It was pretty It was kind
of exhausting in the beginning. It took me a couple
sessions and then he really I just got comfortable and
I started opening up more and more and more and
then what I originally had gone for turned into like
unpacking and sorting through childhood stuff and all sorts of things.
But anyways, to get on track, I think you and
(11:39):
I were talking about some of this, and I was saying,
the big thing that he has really taught me, and
it was a few years ago. We would start to
talk about managing my time a lot because I didn't
have a lot of time the last few years. And
he was like, what or who gives you relief versus
gives you restoration? You know, and like what started this
(12:01):
conversation with you and I too? As we were talking
about like there's I'm kind of not a fan of
all the self help people coming out of the woodworks.
It feels like this big industry. I get very hesitant
when someone's like, this is the thing that's going to
change your life. I'm like, whoa slow down there, mel and.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
Whoever that might be.
Speaker 5 (12:22):
But I am a fan if people read those books,
listen to those interviews, and can take a tool that
provides them some kind of relief. I just don't know
that a lot of those things provide restoration, and I
think that's what we're looking for.
Speaker 4 (12:49):
I know that you've only listened to one or two.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
We'll give you one of that.
Speaker 4 (12:53):
You need to check out the Mel Robin's Deep.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
Dive and Kat she that and it was so good
that as a therapist she was bringing those thoughts of
like this one thing is great. She's not bashing Mel
for it, like let them can be a thing. Then
there was soul plagiarism side of it with this other
creator that had a.
Speaker 4 (13:16):
Viral poem about it.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
And so you can learn more from the episode when
you listen.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
Yeah, consider me tuned in.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
But it's not like the theory itself is bad. But
is there an entire book around it? And is that
theory like able to change every aspect of your life
or is it going to be, Oh, this thing is
going to change you. And I think that's where it
gets a little dangerous. And then you were so proud
of yourself yesterday when you were like the minute I heard.
Speaker 4 (13:45):
About that theory, I didn't even really know. She was
like the minute I heard about it, I was like,
something's not right about this.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
I don't like it, Like you just knew you didn't
like it.
Speaker 5 (13:53):
And it was that opening line like this is the
thing that's going to change your life. I'm like, don't
lead with that, Like lead with you know. I'm sharing
my experience and the tools and resources that have helped me,
and I call it the let them theory, and I
want to share it with you. But it's like whenever
someone's coming at anyone, I just think it's really dangerous
where we're at in society and culture for people to
(14:15):
be like, this is the thing that's going to change
your life. This could be something that could drastically, it
could change your life. But to say it's going to
it's just pretty frickin' bold, right, Slow it down.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Yeah, take a step back.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
Well, of course, you know, root for each other. Me
and Christy, Christy and I my sister you know, pre
ordered six of the Boks before they were even available
and then got them in right away, and we were
so excited to read it. Christy probably even downloaded the
audible version listen to it. And I am now like
the veil has been lifted, and so I'm now questioning
(14:49):
more things. But I do think that I have done
the work to where there is more restoration, to where
like I was chasing quick fixes and relief. So I'm like, oh, well,
this will work, and this is going to change my life,
and this is going to change my life. And that
was very helpful for me at a season. And I
do think that they can still come in handy, but
(15:11):
I had to do the deeper work. And once I
did the deeper work, it's like, now I can't unsee
certain things and I'm not I guess falling for as
much of the Will you.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Take it for what it's worth.
Speaker 5 (15:20):
Yeah, you know there might be something in there that's
going to be really beneficial to you, but you might
not follow all twelve chapters. It's like, yeah, chapter four
really helps, and sometimes you just need relief. But I
will say, like it truly is. It really has drastically
changed the way I live my life thinking about relief
(15:44):
versus restoration. And I'll just speak personally for me, the
only thing that's really like the guiding force is the
Word of God. Like I'm a Christian and a follower
of Jesus, and I think in that realize kind of
the coordinarrative there is it's not about you, And I
always feel healthiest when it's not about me. And I'm
(16:04):
saying that I was Do you remember purpose driven life?
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Rick? Warren.
Speaker 5 (16:07):
Oh, yeah, like we all got that when we graduated
high school. I feel like I got three copies. It
was like the gift. It was like, you're graduating high school,
here's the purpose driven life. But my favorite thing about
that book is really just the opening line, and it's
not about you. And I think we live in this
world where everyone's saying, like, fill your cup, do this,
which I agree with. I think there's a really healthy
(16:27):
you have to take care of yourself, but it isn't
about you, you know, And I'm saying that, like you
and I've had a lot of conversations reminiscing on when
we first became friends and we did that really fun
packaging event downtown Nashville, and how like how good we
felt when we were just doing something for someone else
and it wasn't about us, And how do we do
(16:49):
more of that? How do we serve people, how do
we help? How do we you know, not just make
it about us, because selfishly, it feels so good when
you're in service of others. And so anyways, not to
get completely off track, but I feel like at the
core of my faith is that, and.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
So I feel a lot of that restoration.
Speaker 5 (17:09):
In my life when I'm around people and doing things
that are in service to others, and I'm not super
great at it. Full transparency, I'm not like this like
perfect guy.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
I wish I was.
Speaker 5 (17:21):
I'm not saying that, but it's like the thing I'm
seeking more and more is like because it makes me
feel good. I mean, you and I've talked about that
a lot. We feel really good when we just get
to be a part of something that's like serving someone else.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
And anyways, I feel like, now we're going to get
more DMS. It's Chase single, Yes, even more DMS ring
come on. So Jared, he is the one that gave
you relief versus restoration.
Speaker 5 (17:51):
I think like low key either he was really sly
about it or he was just like set it in passing,
like oh and then I was kind of going back
to that.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
I'm thinking too about relief and how it can come
in healthier ways, like with the tools that we have
out there to get relief, that buys us more time
until there's full restoration, or relief can come from more
harmful things, like if we keep seeking relief in more
numbing ways like alcohol and for.
Speaker 5 (18:20):
Sure, I mean, I think that's for me what I
was doing, and I honestly like speaking to me being single,
I think at times in earlier relationships, I was looking
for relief, like I was looking for short term companionship
and things that weren't restorative and going to make me stronger, better,
like any of those things. And I think I've done
(18:42):
that with alcohol, I've done that with food. I've done
that with and even like you could take a good
thing and misuse it, you know, And I just think
that for me, if I really focus on spending my time,
my energy, whatever it is, is this something that is
restoring me or is it just giving me like temporary relief,
(19:05):
it kind of helps me be aware and then usually
helps guide my decision making in a much healthier matter.
Speaker 4 (19:13):
Shout out Jared Easy.
Speaker 5 (19:14):
Yeah, he's the best. I mean, like I'm sitting here
being side but like I could not be more grateful
that I took a chance and that I was so
lucky with my first therapist being such a great guy
and someone who has just yeah, been a great.
Speaker 3 (19:31):
Guide and well so I know one of the episodes
that you did listen to was helpful to you in
some way that you even sent into other guys in
your life.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
And that oh that was trauma dumping.
Speaker 4 (19:42):
Warning to a cat.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
And I like our hearts because we're like, oh, we
know we're speaking to a predominantly female audience. We do
have male listeners and occasionally will shout them out, and
then our producer, Houston is a male shout out, but
I mean he has to listen, Like, I'm like, would
he listen if you as an editing But do you
see how my fingers are crossed here? You know that
I do this or night have thoughts I need to remember,
(20:07):
and I'm like, oh, I want to remember to say that,
so I.
Speaker 5 (20:09):
Fold my is the most anything ever, by the way,
completely random.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
You're noticing how let's break the wall.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
But also what's happening now is I forgot, Like I
did this to remember what I wanted to say you forgot,
but then now I forgot why I crossed them.
Speaker 4 (20:25):
So I'm keeping them cross in.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
Hopes that my brain eventually remembers what I was going
to ask you or say.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Because you called it out, I forgot what we were
talking about.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
See I can get back there, though, I really think
I can. I can get back to how you shared
the episode with guys oh yeah, like if I can
derail easy, but I don't know that I'll figure out
what these fingers mean. But I can derail and I
will get us back on track.
Speaker 4 (20:50):
But we'll see if I remember what these mean.
Speaker 5 (20:53):
But you no, that's a good thing to call out,
because I did tell you guys.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
You guys were.
Speaker 5 (20:57):
Talking about I think the term was trauma dumping, right.
Speaker 3 (21:01):
Yeah, trauma dump like when you have a friend and
interaction with somebody and you start talking about like lots
of trauma that has happened to you, and then they
share more with you, and then suddenly you feel closer
to that person than you really are.
Speaker 5 (21:15):
It's actually a few Nashville buddies. We were talking about
our therapy journey and I had a friend that kind
of like I think, had one of those sessions where
opened up a lot, and we were at dinner and
he just was kind of like unloading all this information
on me, and I was like, wow, I'm like I
used to do that, like when I first went through
(21:37):
processing some of my earlier trauma and things that I
didn't plan on processing. But there was a few times
that like I kind of dumped that on people. And anyways, well,
you and Kat were talking about it. I identified that and
then I sent that to the group and I'm like, hey,
I think we all are.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Trauma dumpers, guilty, we need to do better.
Speaker 4 (21:58):
I'm glad you had to share that with some other.
Speaker 5 (22:00):
Yeah, so you guys, shout out to you and Kat.
You have some male followers.
Speaker 4 (22:05):
That meant a lot for us.
Speaker 5 (22:07):
We're going to listen to more episodes and its entirety because.
Speaker 4 (22:11):
You're going to understand like the different.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Things that we do, like the episodes.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
Not too but I know you've been driving. That's why
I was I was thinking. I was like, you've been driving.
Speaker 4 (22:20):
So much this summer. But that's okay, that's okay.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
A lot of music.
Speaker 4 (22:24):
Yeah, that's fine. We're still we're still friends.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
I figured out why across my fingers why I figured
out why across my fingers you were talking about you know,
it's not about us and us being in service and
us how we originally met in thirty abes and you've
(22:50):
been a part of some Zoom meetings and phone calls
with Ben and I about an event that we have
coming up for foster care. And I know we've had
our feeling the day which was gratitude. And that's another
thing that I have gratitude for is my relationship with
Ben post divorce and then.
Speaker 4 (23:08):
Co parenting with him.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
But you've been friends with us married and then you
knew kind of like what the in between was, because
it hasn't always been this. I would still put in
the amicable category, but not the way we are right now,
which I think.
Speaker 4 (23:22):
Is the best we've ever been.
Speaker 3 (23:24):
And you've been a part of some of those planning
meetings or just like helping us figure out, like, yeah,
what should this look like? And just as a witness
to that, I'm not just like making it.
Speaker 4 (23:36):
Up like it's it's actually great and a lot there's
a lot to be grateful for.
Speaker 3 (23:41):
And I share that as like hope, because there was
a time last year where I just did not think
our relationship was going to be able to be where
it is still co parent well, but like there's no
way we would have been hosting a fundraiser event together
at all, and now well, and we're working on it
and we're doing it, and it does feel good to do
(24:03):
that with him and our kids seeing us work together
and then our kids being a part of it. And
Kat is actually going to be at the event. And
something cool too is that Taylor Farms, the salad company
who I have a relationship with, they decided to underwrite
the event. So everything is completely paid for at Top Golf,
So all those expenses and fees that go into the
(24:25):
there's a faheta dinner that everybody can eat, and then
the Top Golf Contender tournament that we're gonna be playing,
and the door prizes and all the different things like
all that is covered that way. Anybody who's registering to play,
one hundred percent of their money is going to Isaiah
one seventeen house, and so I just wanted to bring
that up because I haven't talked about it too much
(24:47):
on here. And we're going to be giving away some
spots thanks to Taylor Farms because part of their sponsorship,
they've got certain bays and so there's going to be
the Tailor Farm's bay, and we're making it also like
the feeling things, So Kat and I are going to
be their golfing and we're going to pick some listeners
that can come and golf with us, and then they'll
get to bring a guest. At first, I was like, Oh,
(25:08):
we can just pick this many listeners and then we
were like, oh shoot, maybe don't want to show up
by themselves, so we'll pick a certain amount and then
you can also bring a guest to come with you
and it'll be a night of fun and philanthropy and
giving back. I'm just going to say the date and
then you can have a chance. Kat and I will
figure out. It'll probably be on Instagram. Feeling Things podcast
(25:32):
is the handle, and we'll do the giveaway to come
play with us at top Golf on Instagram. But it's Friday,
September twenty six. And if it's something that you would
be interested in paying for a spot to play, or
something that came to me like we did with thirty
abes back when we first became friends and met that
(25:53):
event that was so fun. But we brought in businesses
and record labels and they created teams and they bought
these tables, and I thought, sometimes businesses are looking for
ways to give back to their community and get involved.
And the bays are six players, like there's six players
per bay, and for a thousand bucks, you can bring
(26:14):
six employees and you have a team bonding, You have
a fun outing of like we're taking you out dinner
is provided. Again, all of your money is going to
Isaiah one seventeen House. It's a write off and like
all the things, and I thought that that would be
a fun way, Like so if you have a company
(26:34):
or a fun way to get people to think outside
the box of what their team bonding should look like,
or what an outing could look like.
Speaker 4 (26:40):
And maybe for you it's not a business.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
Maybe you've got a family and you're like, I would
love to get my neighbors and my family together and
we could form a team of six and boom, Well
for a thousand bucks, we'll get a bay. Or if
you are coming as an individual or maybe it's just
you and another person, it's two hundred and fifty dollars
per person. But that does include the night of fun,
like you'd easily be going to golf and paying certainly
(27:02):
not that much for yourself, but you're going to get
dinner included. And all of that money is going towards
Isaiah and seventeen House, which they are doing great things.
And to give the quick version of what they provide
here in Nashville and across the country because they're a
national organization. Because there's a house over in East Nashville
that has been built and furnished specifically to feel like
(27:26):
a safe space.
Speaker 4 (27:27):
And a home for kids that are in transition.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
Instead of if they go to the CPS office, instead
of having to sleep on their caseworkers floor, which that
has happened many of times, they now have a house
where they can go and sleep in a bed, get
a backpack, go fill up. There's like closets full of clothes, toiletries,
different things they need in their bag. So while they're
getting placed with their foster family, they have a pit
(27:53):
stop that feels like a home instead of the floor
of somebody's and get.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Some everything that they need. It's new, it's yeah.
Speaker 4 (28:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (28:01):
So I will put a link in the show notes
to register or to get more information, and then make
sure you're following because maybe that's an event you would
love to be a part of, but you don't have
the extra money. If you come to the event too.
I think when you're or if you're invited by somebody
else and you're there at those types of events, you
can learn, oh is this something I want to invest in?
(28:22):
Maybe on a monthly basis, and I can do twenty
bucks a month, so you're not having to buy a
big ticket, or you're not having to commit to some
huge amount, and maybe it's not this event, maybe it's
something else in your community that what can you be
involved in monthly? So where it's it's always it's not
about you, whether that's volunteering your time or it's just
(28:44):
maybe it's automatically drafted out of your account.
Speaker 4 (28:47):
I do a few of those.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
That those add up.
Speaker 5 (28:50):
I mean, I've worked in philanthropy a few different times,
and you can feel like fifteen twenty dollars a month
isn't doing much, but it really does add up in
a substantial way.
Speaker 3 (28:59):
I think I want for isaiahen seventeen, or even the
work we do in Haiti, Like sometimes we have really
big donors that come through and that's awesome. What really
just makes me excited is when you have lots of
people giving smaller amounts and you see the impact because again,
(29:20):
like you said, you don't feel like it's that much,
but when you combine with everybody else, it's doing the
I don't feel like this is that much, it makes
such an impact and then it's not a big hit
on the organization. If you know, somebody drops out, if
somebody drops out, Okay, that's fifteen dollars. If a big
donor drops out, it's like, oh, well, where did that
thousand dollars a month we were getting or whatever.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
Which shout out Ray.
Speaker 5 (29:43):
Still to this day, one of the coolest moments in
my life was when we were trying to raise money
for that thirty eighth event and he did the twenty
four hour or two step down on Broadway and that morning,
all those little donations that came in, it was like
almost one hundred thousand dollars, which was a lot of money,
but to us fell.
Speaker 4 (30:00):
Like, oh no, that was insane. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:03):
Ray from the Bobby Bone Truf sisen Ray Mundo on Instagram.
Speaker 5 (30:07):
I have that audio somewhere, probably in my cloud, but
it was so cool, and I do want to say
real quick to bring it back. And I'm not just
saying this because you're my friend and I'm on your show.
You and Ben being where you're at and doing that
is also a testament to both of you are really
good at coming back to like, it's not always about you,
it's about the kids. It's about together. We can serve
(30:29):
this organization together. And I think through all of that
and through that attitude, you've found your way into this
new season of your relationship. And obviously he's a great
guy and you're a great person. But just to bring
it back to that, I do think you, to your
credit is you both are really good about seeing outside
yourselves and pushing forward.
Speaker 3 (30:49):
I think we both have surrounded ourselves with good friends
and mentors and people that you know we can I'm
sure there's signs where I've called.
Speaker 4 (30:57):
You, where I've been like can you believe this?
Speaker 2 (30:59):
Da?
Speaker 3 (30:59):
Da?
Speaker 4 (31:00):
You just like helped bring me back.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
But to wrap it up with where this conversation started
and again shout out Jared, I think we have.
Speaker 4 (31:10):
Our level of restoration for sure.
Speaker 3 (31:13):
It may not look like the restoration we thought, because
I mean, in our situation, you could look at full
restoration as if we could have repaired our marriage entire entirely,
or you know, there's beautiful redemption stories of that, and
often times, like during that season, I thought, well maybe
we could be that, Maybe we could be that, and
I know my sister was praying for that as well,
(31:36):
and then that just ultimately wasn't where we were going
to go. So we do have restoration, though, and it's
not like our temporary relief. I think we've put in
the hard work to where we have restoration and I.
Speaker 5 (31:49):
Would I mean on that note here, I am saying takeaways,
but if you want to take away from this episode
is like one of the best exercises Jared had me do.
And again really versus restoration is just kind of evaluating
your personal relationships because you have friendships that, like, no doubt, again,
I've got some great relief buddies where it's a good time,
(32:11):
we have a lot of fun and I need to
have fun, like that's not a bad thing. But then
you have some of these relationships that are more restorative
and like good for keeping you centered and restored in
a really healthy spot. And I think sometimes knowing who
is who and what is what is a good thing.
And sometimes people serve both of those things or one
or the other and can kind of ebb and flow
(32:33):
at different seasons. But I know it's made me really
tune into those people who are restorative relationships in my
life and make sure that I'm trying to reciprocate that.
Speaker 4 (32:44):
Thank you, Chase, And I guess we can.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
Not sub boy Jared therapy therapy.
Speaker 3 (32:48):
Jared there be gat therapy, Jared, and I guess you
can conclude by saying that therapy is not a waste
of time, not.
Speaker 2 (32:57):
At all, not at all, big fan. My name is Chase.
Speaker 5 (33:00):
I'm not a licensed therapist, but I highly recommend it.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
All right, thanks for listening. Don't forget Feeling Things podcast
on Instagram. You can also watch on YouTube, like and subscribe.
But we will be doing the Top Golf giveaway the
event again. It's September twenty sixth. I hope some of
y'all if you win the giveaway you can make it. It'll
just be like an easy way to enter, nothing crazy
or weird. But also if you can come as an
individual or you can bring your company or.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
Your family like, it'd be a fun time.
Speaker 3 (33:28):
Fun time. And I'll put all the links in the
show notes. And Chase and I hope you have.
Speaker 2 (33:33):
The day you need to have.
Speaker 4 (33:34):
Bye.
Break it down. If you ever have feelings that you
just fons home, Amy and Cat got you come and
locking m brother, ladies and felts, do you just follow
Anna spirit where it's all the front over real stuff
to the chill stuff and am but Swayne. Sometimes the
best thing you can do it just.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Stop you feel things.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
This is feeling things with Amy and Cat.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Happy Tuesday, Welcome to feeling things. I'm Amy, I'm Chase,
not Cat not Cat.
Speaker 2 (00:35):
I bout said I'm Cat.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
And then I'd be like Katy, what happened to you?
You are very manly. Now.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
My name is Chase and I am not a licensed therapist.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
Chase is a dear friend of mine filling in for Cat.
And today we're going to be talking about when you
think therapy is a total waste of time, because that
is Chase's perspective and.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Was my perspective.
Speaker 4 (01:02):
Thank you for clarifying I was about to say.
Speaker 3 (01:05):
And he now has a new take on it after
a few years of deep work, and something that we
were talking about as friends yesterday was relief versus restoration,
and I thought, beautiful, That's what we're going to talk about,
and I think it'll be good for other people to
hear your perspective on therapy because they may feel the
(01:27):
exact same way you did not do, And then I
think unpacking.
Speaker 4 (01:33):
Yeah, relief versus restoration.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
So let's start with therapy and why you thought it
was going to be a total waste of time. But
oh my gosh, before we get into that, we got
to do the feeling.
Speaker 4 (01:43):
Of the day.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
What does that mean?
Speaker 3 (01:45):
Like?
Speaker 2 (01:45):
What am I feeling now? Chase?
Speaker 4 (01:46):
I'm going to ask you a question. I needed you
to be honest.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
We have been friends for over ten years now, and
you've been a very big supporter of the Four Things podcast,
even the rebrand into Feeling Things.
Speaker 4 (01:58):
How many episodes have you legit listen to?
Speaker 5 (02:02):
It's okay, I watch a lot of the clips and
the videos now, which I do love you the video.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
Component, So you just watch the clips on Instagram.
Speaker 5 (02:11):
And honestly, it's the only YouTube I've ever liked and subscribed.
Speaker 4 (02:15):
Oh so you do YouTube too, but you haven't.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
I did that for you guys.
Speaker 4 (02:18):
You just see some of the videos because they're.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
Not watch the entire gotcha.
Speaker 4 (02:23):
That's okay, It's okay. We root for each other, you know.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
We do.
Speaker 4 (02:26):
Yes, we still each other.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
Support you.
Speaker 4 (02:28):
You can root for your friends.
Speaker 2 (02:30):
And watch the full episode.
Speaker 4 (02:32):
Yes, I'm okay with that.
Speaker 3 (02:33):
I just thought it was funny because at the beginning
of every episode a Kat and I do Feeling of
the Day. Well, we stopped doing the singing because we
thought people were annoyed by that.
Speaker 2 (02:41):
And I'm sitting here and I'm like, what are you doing?
Speaker 4 (02:43):
And You're like feeling of the day, Well, what is
that you want to know? Mine is grateful.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
I am feeling grateful that you're in town and even
having you stay at my house.
Speaker 4 (02:58):
So the gratefulness is twofold.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
The quick one is you just being able to sit
in this chair and fill in and do this episode
with me for Kat, And then the longer one that
is really meaningful and special is my kids know you
and like watching my son get home from school yesterday
and walk in and be like Chase, like the adoption
(03:22):
process for them took five years, and so Chase was
one of the friends that traveled to Haiti with me
and met the kids there before they ever even came
to America. And of course Stevenson was so young then
he doesn't remember that you were ever in Haiti, but
he knows you now, and I love seeing him light
up when he saw you. And then also how you
interact with Sashira and you ask her questions and you're
(03:43):
very curious and you're engaging with her, especially when she's
a little bit more. You know, she's eighteen, she's a girl,
she's you know, cool, She's on her snapchat and trying
to do her thing, and she's really into Desperate Housewives right.
Speaker 5 (03:55):
Now, So I know, I told her, I was like,
this is an old challenge sake, really, and I'm like, no,
it's it's.
Speaker 4 (04:00):
Very Yeah, so we've been watching that together.
Speaker 3 (04:03):
But I like watching you pour into them and they're
starting back at school, summer's ending. There's just been some
you know, mom kids stuff that just the vibe has
been eh, and having you come in and stay at
the house, like it just changed the vibe. And so
I'm so grateful for what you bring to my family.
Speaker 2 (04:24):
Well, thank you. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (04:26):
I don't want to be a cop out and say
I assume you're gonna ask me what.
Speaker 4 (04:29):
Am I feeling what you're feeling it, but I.
Speaker 5 (04:31):
Mean, I honestly like and we talked about it a
little bit, just kind of the season you're in now
versus some of the seasons you've gone through. And the
last I even know what time we were talking off
camera Morgan's in here, but like COVID time was so
thrown off, so I'm.
Speaker 4 (04:48):
Like, there, it was like five years.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Like it was like five years. It's just tough.
Speaker 5 (04:52):
And I was sitting last night at the house and
I'm like, I'm so grateful that you are so good,
like more than good, Like you're in a really great spot.
But like Stevenson and Stashira like seeing them grow up,
and I just was sitting there Stevenson showing me all
his Fortnite characters and I'm just like, God, this is amazing,
(05:12):
Like where he's been again, I remember that little boy
in Haiti, and like he's just such an awesome young
man and she's an amazing young woman. And it's just
it's cool because there was a few years that I
was worried about yeh yeah, you know, and just the season,
I'm like, I don't know if someone can handle all
the different things, and you did and you're on the
other end of.
Speaker 4 (05:33):
It, well, I think it grateful you were a part
of that.
Speaker 3 (05:36):
It's almost like you have your team of people and
friends and family and in my case, therapist PLURALI speaking
of you think therapy is a total waste of time,
I'm here to say, Like, for me during that time,
it was not It was so helpful. It was the guy,
the guidance. The guidance I received was priceless. But yeah,
(05:57):
and back to like root for each other, like my
sister like this is her christu dojer roothouse coffee. Root
for each other is something that they are building into
part of their brand and how they want to treat
their employees and their family, their friends, and their customers
at the coffee shop, Like how can you root for
(06:19):
your people and come alongside? So I felt very rooted
for and supported it, and you didn't give up me.
People didn't give up on me. And now that I'm
on the other side and doing better, I.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
Can Yeah, You've always done that for people.
Speaker 4 (06:33):
So you're just grateful too. So are feeling in the
day twinsies grateful?
Speaker 2 (06:38):
Yeah, that's very grateful.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
Now that we got the feeling of the day out
of the way, we can get into you thinking that
therapy is going to be a total waste of time.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
Oh, where do we start?
Speaker 5 (06:47):
Actually, I mean, I'll give credit, So therapy was something
I think I had a lot of unfair preconceived ideas
of what it was going to be, Like some stuffy
person sitting there their legs crossed, asking me a bunch
of questions, and I'm kind of a private person, so
I'm like, it's not that I'm not willing to share,
but I'm like, someone trying to analyze me without knowing
(07:09):
me didn't sound appealing. I'll give credit to Cat Defata
and shout out Cat, who's well.
Speaker 4 (07:14):
Her married name is now oh yeah, van Buren, Cat
van Buren also therapy Cat, Therapy Cat also this podcast.
Speaker 5 (07:22):
Like I was just thinking that as we were getting
ready to talk about this, like getting to know her
a little bit through you probably helped me become open
to the idea. But it was really my buddy Patrick.
I think it was having not trying to say I
think guys sometimes maybe struggle with the idea of therapy more.
I'm not trying to like make that assumption, but I
(07:43):
think it's a.
Speaker 3 (07:43):
Fair statement that there are certain genders and races we just.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Like shrug it off, like I don't.
Speaker 4 (07:49):
Get there where it just wasn't part of their up.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
And also your culture.
Speaker 4 (07:53):
I mean I grew up, yeah, cultures.
Speaker 5 (07:54):
I was a ranch kid. It was kind of like, hey,
put some dirt on it, you'll be okay on all fronts, emotions,
all the things.
Speaker 4 (08:02):
Yeah, like dust your boots off, get out there, get
to work. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (08:06):
But anyways, my buddy Patrick introduced me to his therapist dust.
Speaker 3 (08:11):
Your boots off for pull your by the bootoot.
Speaker 5 (08:15):
I mean you kind of put a few sayings together,
but I was tracking with you, okay. I think it's
also like put some dirt on it, like you know,
you fall down it.
Speaker 4 (08:24):
I'm like, clean your boots, get outside.
Speaker 3 (08:30):
Such a cowgirl, I want to be cowboy, take me away.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
I love that song. Kind My boyfriend's not a cowboy.
Could be, but there's still time.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
There's still time. There's still time to take them out.
Speaker 4 (08:45):
And it's only fifty two.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
We'll teach them boys.
Speaker 3 (08:49):
He's in New York right now for work. He's such
a cowboy.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
He's a city slicker. That's funny. Actually sorry, So yeah.
Speaker 4 (09:00):
You're right. Community is the way you were raised?
Speaker 5 (09:03):
Yeah, I think how I was raised. And then yeah,
just maybe being a guy. I was like, I don't
think therapy is for me. But all that to say,
I was in a season where I was dealing with
new things, new stress, probably a little bit of anxiety,
but really just trying to manage stress, and I needed
a safe place to say things out loud that could
(09:24):
be processed, not with anyone else.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
That's really where it started.
Speaker 5 (09:29):
I'm like, I just need someone to be a sounding
board and let me say what I'm thinking and then
go from there. And it ended up turning into an
ongoing relationship that has been sounds inappropriate?
Speaker 2 (09:41):
Does it to me?
Speaker 4 (09:43):
I know it's not.
Speaker 2 (09:45):
It sounded like Jared and Iron a committed ongoing relationship.
Speaker 4 (09:49):
Oh well, this is the person name?
Speaker 3 (09:52):
Oh okay, Jared. He's the main ended up in an
ongoing Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
I feel like I gotta feel it is.
Speaker 5 (10:00):
It's probably my healthiest longest relationship.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
Your longest standing relationship is with Jared, I know, and
I feel for you with your therapist name being Jared
or anybody named Jared. Every time you talk about Jared,
I think of the subway guy and not things did
not end well.
Speaker 4 (10:20):
For that, he.
Speaker 5 (10:21):
Deserves shout out Jared and Rogers Arkansas. He's the best
therapist and not anything like the subway guy.
Speaker 4 (10:28):
Oh yeah, totally definitely not that was tragic.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
So he didn't need subway.
Speaker 5 (10:34):
He was like, he's like six or four former linebacker,
he's huge. So it kind of breaks the stereotype of
what you would think at therapists is oh so that was.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
Probably helpful, super helpful walking in and be like, oh okay, we.
Speaker 5 (10:47):
Had a great song and dance. The first couple sessions,
I probably still am like a problem client where like
I'd walk in, he'd like, sit wherever you want, Like,
is this a test? Like where I'm gonna sit because
you're probably thinking I'm going to sit there, you know,
because you're going to sit there in the chair, and
I'm going to sit here on the couch. Well, I'm
going to sit in the chair, Like what does that
say about me?
Speaker 3 (11:07):
So you're already thinking that depending on where you sit,
it's going to tell him information about you.
Speaker 4 (11:13):
Yeah, we had like that sounds exhausting, a.
Speaker 5 (11:16):
Big song and dance. It was pretty It was kind
of exhausting in the beginning. It took me a couple
sessions and then he really I just got comfortable and
I started opening up more and more and more and
then what I originally had gone for turned into like
unpacking and sorting through childhood stuff and all sorts of things.
But anyways, to get on track, I think you and
(11:39):
I were talking about some of this, and I was saying,
the big thing that he has really taught me, and
it was a few years ago. We would start to
talk about managing my time a lot because I didn't
have a lot of time the last few years. And
he was like, what or who gives you relief versus
gives you restoration? You know, and like what started this
(12:01):
conversation with you and I too? As we were talking
about like there's I'm kind of not a fan of
all the self help people coming out of the woodworks.
It feels like this big industry. I get very hesitant
when someone's like, this is the thing that's going to
change your life. I'm like, whoa slow down there, mel and.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
Whoever that might be.
Speaker 5 (12:22):
But I am a fan if people read those books,
listen to those interviews, and can take a tool that
provides them some kind of relief. I just don't know
that a lot of those things provide restoration, and I
think that's what we're looking for.
Speaker 4 (12:49):
I know that you've only listened to one or two.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
We'll give you one of that.
Speaker 4 (12:53):
You need to check out the Mel Robin's Deep.
Speaker 3 (12:56):
Dive and Kat she that and it was so good
that as a therapist she was bringing those thoughts of
like this one thing is great. She's not bashing Mel
for it, like let them can be a thing. Then
there was soul plagiarism side of it with this other
creator that had a.
Speaker 4 (13:16):
Viral poem about it.
Speaker 3 (13:19):
And so you can learn more from the episode when
you listen.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
Yeah, consider me tuned in.
Speaker 3 (13:26):
But it's not like the theory itself is bad. But
is there an entire book around it? And is that
theory like able to change every aspect of your life
or is it going to be, Oh, this thing is
going to change you. And I think that's where it
gets a little dangerous. And then you were so proud
of yourself yesterday when you were like the minute I heard.
Speaker 4 (13:45):
About that theory, I didn't even really know. She was
like the minute I heard about it, I was like,
something's not right about this.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
I don't like it, Like you just knew you didn't
like it.
Speaker 5 (13:53):
And it was that opening line like this is the
thing that's going to change your life. I'm like, don't
lead with that, Like lead with you know. I'm sharing
my experience and the tools and resources that have helped me,
and I call it the let them theory, and I
want to share it with you. But it's like whenever
someone's coming at anyone, I just think it's really dangerous
where we're at in society and culture for people to
(14:15):
be like, this is the thing that's going to change
your life. This could be something that could drastically, it
could change your life. But to say it's going to
it's just pretty frickin' bold, right, Slow it down.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Yeah, take a step back.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
Well, of course, you know, root for each other. Me
and Christy, Christy and I my sister you know, pre
ordered six of the Boks before they were even available
and then got them in right away, and we were
so excited to read it. Christy probably even downloaded the
audible version listen to it. And I am now like
the veil has been lifted, and so I'm now questioning
(14:49):
more things. But I do think that I have done
the work to where there is more restoration, to where
like I was chasing quick fixes and relief. So I'm like, oh, well,
this will work, and this is going to change my life,
and this is going to change my life. And that
was very helpful for me at a season. And I
do think that they can still come in handy, but
(15:11):
I had to do the deeper work. And once I
did the deeper work, it's like, now I can't unsee
certain things and I'm not I guess falling for as
much of the Will you.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Take it for what it's worth.
Speaker 5 (15:20):
Yeah, you know there might be something in there that's
going to be really beneficial to you, but you might
not follow all twelve chapters. It's like, yeah, chapter four
really helps, and sometimes you just need relief. But I
will say, like it truly is. It really has drastically
changed the way I live my life thinking about relief
(15:44):
versus restoration. And I'll just speak personally for me, the
only thing that's really like the guiding force is the
Word of God. Like I'm a Christian and a follower
of Jesus, and I think in that realize kind of
the coordinarrative there is it's not about you, And I
always feel healthiest when it's not about me. And I'm
(16:04):
saying that I was Do you remember purpose driven life?
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Rick? Warren.
Speaker 5 (16:07):
Oh, yeah, like we all got that when we graduated
high school. I feel like I got three copies. It
was like the gift. It was like, you're graduating high school,
here's the purpose driven life. But my favorite thing about
that book is really just the opening line, and it's
not about you. And I think we live in this
world where everyone's saying, like, fill your cup, do this,
which I agree with. I think there's a really healthy
(16:27):
you have to take care of yourself, but it isn't
about you, you know, And I'm saying that, like you
and I've had a lot of conversations reminiscing on when
we first became friends and we did that really fun
packaging event downtown Nashville, and how like how good we
felt when we were just doing something for someone else
and it wasn't about us, And how do we do
(16:49):
more of that? How do we serve people, how do
we help? How do we you know, not just make
it about us, because selfishly, it feels so good when
you're in service of others. And so anyways, not to
get completely off track, but I feel like at the
core of my faith is that, and.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
So I feel a lot of that restoration.
Speaker 5 (17:09):
In my life when I'm around people and doing things
that are in service to others, and I'm not super
great at it. Full transparency, I'm not like this like
perfect guy.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
I wish I was.
Speaker 5 (17:21):
I'm not saying that, but it's like the thing I'm
seeking more and more is like because it makes me
feel good. I mean, you and I've talked about that
a lot. We feel really good when we just get
to be a part of something that's like serving someone else.
Speaker 3 (17:36):
And anyways, I feel like, now we're going to get
more DMS. It's Chase single, Yes, even more DMS ring
come on. So Jared, he is the one that gave
you relief versus restoration.
Speaker 5 (17:51):
I think like low key either he was really sly
about it or he was just like set it in passing,
like oh and then I was kind of going back
to that.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
I'm thinking too about relief and how it can come
in healthier ways, like with the tools that we have
out there to get relief, that buys us more time
until there's full restoration, or relief can come from more
harmful things, like if we keep seeking relief in more
numbing ways like alcohol and for.
Speaker 5 (18:20):
Sure, I mean, I think that's for me what I
was doing, and I honestly like speaking to me being single,
I think at times in earlier relationships, I was looking
for relief, like I was looking for short term companionship
and things that weren't restorative and going to make me stronger, better,
like any of those things. And I think I've done
(18:42):
that with alcohol, I've done that with food. I've done
that with and even like you could take a good
thing and misuse it, you know, And I just think
that for me, if I really focus on spending my time,
my energy, whatever it is, is this something that is
restoring me or is it just giving me like temporary relief,
(19:05):
it kind of helps me be aware and then usually
helps guide my decision making in a much healthier matter.
Speaker 4 (19:13):
Shout out Jared Easy.
Speaker 5 (19:14):
Yeah, he's the best. I mean, like I'm sitting here
being side but like I could not be more grateful
that I took a chance and that I was so
lucky with my first therapist being such a great guy
and someone who has just yeah, been a great.
Speaker 3 (19:31):
Guide and well so I know one of the episodes
that you did listen to was helpful to you in
some way that you even sent into other guys in
your life.
Speaker 2 (19:39):
And that oh that was trauma dumping.
Speaker 4 (19:42):
Warning to a cat.
Speaker 3 (19:44):
And I like our hearts because we're like, oh, we
know we're speaking to a predominantly female audience. We do
have male listeners and occasionally will shout them out, and
then our producer, Houston is a male shout out, but
I mean he has to listen, Like, I'm like, would
he listen if you as an editing But do you
see how my fingers are crossed here? You know that
I do this or night have thoughts I need to remember,
(20:07):
and I'm like, oh, I want to remember to say that,
so I.
Speaker 5 (20:09):
Fold my is the most anything ever, by the way,
completely random.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
You're noticing how let's break the wall.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
But also what's happening now is I forgot, Like I
did this to remember what I wanted to say you forgot,
but then now I forgot why I crossed them.
Speaker 4 (20:25):
So I'm keeping them cross in.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
Hopes that my brain eventually remembers what I was going
to ask you or say.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
Because you called it out, I forgot what we were
talking about.
Speaker 3 (20:35):
See I can get back there, though, I really think
I can. I can get back to how you shared
the episode with guys oh yeah, like if I can
derail easy, but I don't know that I'll figure out
what these fingers mean. But I can derail and I
will get us back on track.
Speaker 4 (20:50):
But we'll see if I remember what these mean.
Speaker 5 (20:53):
But you no, that's a good thing to call out,
because I did tell you guys.
Speaker 2 (20:57):
You guys were.
Speaker 5 (20:57):
Talking about I think the term was trauma dumping, right.
Speaker 3 (21:01):
Yeah, trauma dump like when you have a friend and
interaction with somebody and you start talking about like lots
of trauma that has happened to you, and then they
share more with you, and then suddenly you feel closer
to that person than you really are.
Speaker 5 (21:15):
It's actually a few Nashville buddies. We were talking about
our therapy journey and I had a friend that kind
of like I think, had one of those sessions where
opened up a lot, and we were at dinner and
he just was kind of like unloading all this information
on me, and I was like, wow, I'm like I
used to do that, like when I first went through
(21:37):
processing some of my earlier trauma and things that I
didn't plan on processing. But there was a few times
that like I kind of dumped that on people. And anyways, well,
you and Kat were talking about it. I identified that and
then I sent that to the group and I'm like, hey,
I think we all are.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Trauma dumpers, guilty, we need to do better.
Speaker 4 (21:58):
I'm glad you had to share that with some other.
Speaker 5 (22:00):
Yeah, so you guys, shout out to you and Kat.
You have some male followers.
Speaker 4 (22:05):
That meant a lot for us.
Speaker 5 (22:07):
We're going to listen to more episodes and its entirety because.
Speaker 4 (22:11):
You're going to understand like the different.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
Things that we do, like the episodes.
Speaker 3 (22:14):
Not too but I know you've been driving. That's why
I was I was thinking. I was like, you've been driving.
Speaker 4 (22:20):
So much this summer. But that's okay, that's okay.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
A lot of music.
Speaker 4 (22:24):
Yeah, that's fine. We're still we're still friends.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
I figured out why across my fingers why I figured
out why across my fingers you were talking about you know,
it's not about us and us being in service and
us how we originally met in thirty abes and you've
(22:50):
been a part of some Zoom meetings and phone calls
with Ben and I about an event that we have
coming up for foster care. And I know we've had
our feeling the day which was gratitude. And that's another
thing that I have gratitude for is my relationship with
Ben post divorce and then.
Speaker 4 (23:08):
Co parenting with him.
Speaker 3 (23:10):
But you've been friends with us married and then you
knew kind of like what the in between was, because
it hasn't always been this. I would still put in
the amicable category, but not the way we are right now,
which I think.
Speaker 4 (23:22):
Is the best we've ever been.
Speaker 3 (23:24):
And you've been a part of some of those planning
meetings or just like helping us figure out, like, yeah,
what should this look like? And just as a witness
to that, I'm not just like making it.
Speaker 4 (23:36):
Up like it's it's actually great and a lot there's
a lot to be grateful for.
Speaker 3 (23:41):
And I share that as like hope, because there was
a time last year where I just did not think
our relationship was going to be able to be where
it is still co parent well, but like there's no
way we would have been hosting a fundraiser event together
at all, and now well, and we're working on it
and we're doing it, and it does feel good to do
(24:03):
that with him and our kids seeing us work together
and then our kids being a part of it. And
Kat is actually going to be at the event. And
something cool too is that Taylor Farms, the salad company
who I have a relationship with, they decided to underwrite
the event. So everything is completely paid for at Top Golf,
So all those expenses and fees that go into the
(24:25):
there's a faheta dinner that everybody can eat, and then
the Top Golf Contender tournament that we're gonna be playing,
and the door prizes and all the different things like
all that is covered that way. Anybody who's registering to play,
one hundred percent of their money is going to Isaiah
one seventeen house, and so I just wanted to bring
that up because I haven't talked about it too much
(24:47):
on here. And we're going to be giving away some
spots thanks to Taylor Farms because part of their sponsorship,
they've got certain bays and so there's going to be
the Tailor Farm's bay, and we're making it also like
the feeling things, So Kat and I are going to
be their golfing and we're going to pick some listeners
that can come and golf with us, and then they'll
get to bring a guest. At first, I was like, Oh,
(25:08):
we can just pick this many listeners and then we
were like, oh shoot, maybe don't want to show up
by themselves, so we'll pick a certain amount and then
you can also bring a guest to come with you
and it'll be a night of fun and philanthropy and
giving back. I'm just going to say the date and
then you can have a chance. Kat and I will
figure out. It'll probably be on Instagram. Feeling Things podcast
(25:32):
is the handle, and we'll do the giveaway to come
play with us at top Golf on Instagram. But it's Friday,
September twenty six. And if it's something that you would
be interested in paying for a spot to play, or
something that came to me like we did with thirty
abes back when we first became friends and met that
(25:53):
event that was so fun. But we brought in businesses
and record labels and they created teams and they bought
these tables, and I thought, sometimes businesses are looking for
ways to give back to their community and get involved.
And the bays are six players, like there's six players
per bay, and for a thousand bucks, you can bring
(26:14):
six employees and you have a team bonding, You have
a fun outing of like we're taking you out dinner
is provided. Again, all of your money is going to
Isaiah one seventeen House. It's a write off and like
all the things, and I thought that that would be
a fun way, Like so if you have a company
(26:34):
or a fun way to get people to think outside
the box of what their team bonding should look like,
or what an outing could look like.
Speaker 4 (26:40):
And maybe for you it's not a business.
Speaker 3 (26:41):
Maybe you've got a family and you're like, I would
love to get my neighbors and my family together and
we could form a team of six and boom, Well
for a thousand bucks, we'll get a bay. Or if
you are coming as an individual or maybe it's just
you and another person, it's two hundred and fifty dollars
per person. But that does include the night of fun,
like you'd easily be going to golf and paying certainly
(27:02):
not that much for yourself, but you're going to get
dinner included. And all of that money is going towards
Isaiah and seventeen House, which they are doing great things.
And to give the quick version of what they provide
here in Nashville and across the country because they're a
national organization. Because there's a house over in East Nashville
that has been built and furnished specifically to feel like
(27:26):
a safe space.
Speaker 4 (27:27):
And a home for kids that are in transition.
Speaker 3 (27:29):
Instead of if they go to the CPS office, instead
of having to sleep on their caseworkers floor, which that
has happened many of times, they now have a house
where they can go and sleep in a bed, get
a backpack, go fill up. There's like closets full of clothes, toiletries,
different things they need in their bag. So while they're
getting placed with their foster family, they have a pit
(27:53):
stop that feels like a home instead of the floor
of somebody's and get.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
Some everything that they need. It's new, it's yeah.
Speaker 4 (28:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (28:01):
So I will put a link in the show notes
to register or to get more information, and then make
sure you're following because maybe that's an event you would
love to be a part of, but you don't have
the extra money. If you come to the event too.
I think when you're or if you're invited by somebody
else and you're there at those types of events, you
can learn, oh is this something I want to invest in?
(28:22):
Maybe on a monthly basis, and I can do twenty
bucks a month, so you're not having to buy a
big ticket, or you're not having to commit to some
huge amount, and maybe it's not this event, maybe it's
something else in your community that what can you be
involved in monthly? So where it's it's always it's not
about you, whether that's volunteering your time or it's just
(28:44):
maybe it's automatically drafted out of your account.
Speaker 4 (28:47):
I do a few of those.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
That those add up.
Speaker 5 (28:50):
I mean, I've worked in philanthropy a few different times,
and you can feel like fifteen twenty dollars a month
isn't doing much, but it really does add up in
a substantial way.
Speaker 3 (28:59):
I think I want for isaiahen seventeen, or even the
work we do in Haiti, Like sometimes we have really
big donors that come through and that's awesome. What really
just makes me excited is when you have lots of
people giving smaller amounts and you see the impact because again,
(29:20):
like you said, you don't feel like it's that much,
but when you combine with everybody else, it's doing the
I don't feel like this is that much, it makes
such an impact and then it's not a big hit
on the organization. If you know, somebody drops out, if
somebody drops out, Okay, that's fifteen dollars. If a big
donor drops out, it's like, oh, well, where did that
thousand dollars a month we were getting or whatever.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
Which shout out Ray.
Speaker 5 (29:43):
Still to this day, one of the coolest moments in
my life was when we were trying to raise money
for that thirty eighth event and he did the twenty
four hour or two step down on Broadway and that morning,
all those little donations that came in, it was like
almost one hundred thousand dollars, which was a lot of money,
but to us fell.
Speaker 4 (30:00):
Like, oh no, that was insane. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:03):
Ray from the Bobby Bone Truf sisen Ray Mundo on Instagram.
Speaker 5 (30:07):
I have that audio somewhere, probably in my cloud, but
it was so cool, and I do want to say
real quick to bring it back. And I'm not just
saying this because you're my friend and I'm on your show.
You and Ben being where you're at and doing that
is also a testament to both of you are really
good at coming back to like, it's not always about you,
it's about the kids. It's about together. We can serve
(30:29):
this organization together. And I think through all of that
and through that attitude, you've found your way into this
new season of your relationship. And obviously he's a great
guy and you're a great person. But just to bring
it back to that, I do think you, to your
credit is you both are really good about seeing outside
yourselves and pushing forward.
Speaker 3 (30:49):
I think we both have surrounded ourselves with good friends
and mentors and people that you know we can I'm
sure there's signs where I've called.
Speaker 4 (30:57):
You, where I've been like can you believe this?
Speaker 2 (30:59):
Da?
Speaker 3 (30:59):
Da?
Speaker 4 (31:00):
You just like helped bring me back.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
But to wrap it up with where this conversation started
and again shout out Jared, I think we have.
Speaker 4 (31:10):
Our level of restoration for sure.
Speaker 3 (31:13):
It may not look like the restoration we thought, because
I mean, in our situation, you could look at full
restoration as if we could have repaired our marriage entire entirely,
or you know, there's beautiful redemption stories of that, and
often times, like during that season, I thought, well maybe
we could be that, Maybe we could be that, and
I know my sister was praying for that as well,
(31:36):
and then that just ultimately wasn't where we were going
to go. So we do have restoration, though, and it's
not like our temporary relief. I think we've put in
the hard work to where we have restoration and I.
Speaker 5 (31:49):
Would I mean on that note here, I am saying takeaways,
but if you want to take away from this episode
is like one of the best exercises Jared had me do.
And again really versus restoration is just kind of evaluating
your personal relationships because you have friendships that, like, no doubt, again,
I've got some great relief buddies where it's a good time,
(32:11):
we have a lot of fun and I need to
have fun, like that's not a bad thing. But then
you have some of these relationships that are more restorative
and like good for keeping you centered and restored in
a really healthy spot. And I think sometimes knowing who
is who and what is what is a good thing.
And sometimes people serve both of those things or one
or the other and can kind of ebb and flow
(32:33):
at different seasons. But I know it's made me really
tune into those people who are restorative relationships in my
life and make sure that I'm trying to reciprocate that.
Speaker 4 (32:44):
Thank you, Chase, And I guess we can.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
Not sub boy Jared therapy therapy.
Speaker 3 (32:48):
Jared there be gat therapy, Jared, and I guess you
can conclude by saying that therapy is not a waste
of time, not.
Speaker 2 (32:57):
At all, not at all, big fan. My name is Chase.
Speaker 5 (33:00):
I'm not a licensed therapist, but I highly recommend it.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
All right, thanks for listening. Don't forget Feeling Things podcast
on Instagram. You can also watch on YouTube, like and subscribe.
But we will be doing the Top Golf giveaway the
event again. It's September twenty sixth. I hope some of
y'all if you win the giveaway you can make it. It'll
just be like an easy way to enter, nothing crazy
or weird. But also if you can come as an
individual or you can bring your company or.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
Your family like, it'd be a fun time.
Speaker 3 (33:28):
Fun time. And I'll put all the links in the
show notes. And Chase and I hope you have.
Speaker 2 (33:33):
The day you need to have.
Speaker 4 (33:34):
Bye.
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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