January 1, 2026 • 35 mins
Before they get to the listener question, Amy and Kat share their words of the year for 2026. Amy also randomly shares her desire to be a cowgirl, so maybe she’ll have more of those vibes this year as well. TBD. Today’s email is from an anonymous mom struggling to support her son’s love for being in band while her husband openly discourages it. Amy and Kat talk through parenting differences, protecting a child’s spark, and how to navigate these moments without creating deeper fractures in a marriage.
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HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Van Buren // threecordstherapy.com // @KatVanburen
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Good. All right, break it down.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
If you ever have feelings that you just fons Amy
and Cat gotcha covin locking No brother, Ladies and folks,
do you just follow an the spirit where it's all
us phone over real stuff, tell the chill stuff and the.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
M but Swayne, sometimes the best thing you can do
it jes stop you feel things. This is feeling things
with Amy and Kat. Happy Thursday and happy New Year.
We harmonized that was unplanned, unhearsed, obviously. Welcome to couch
Talks our listener Q and a episode.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
I'm Amy and I'm Kat And quick disclaimer.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Our first disclaimer of the year.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Because we love disclaimers before we get into today's questions.
Although we are answering your questions, this does not serve
as a replacement or a substitute for actual mental health services,
but we always hope that you get something out of
it and helps in some way.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Before we get into the email, do you have a
word of the year?
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Yes, And I usually don't plan on this out Like
the last couple of years, I've only picked a word
of the year because of you.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Oh, I've been like come up with a word of
the year and now you're just doing it on your own.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Love it. Choice is my word.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Okay, tell me more about why.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
I'm going to choose to explain this to you. Okay.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
I've just been thinking a lot about things that I
do and things that I don't do in the why
behind them, and a lot of things that I actually
have choice in. I don't remind myself that, so it
feels like I'm doing them because I have to.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
I don't know if that.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Is translating because I'm not giving like specifics, but I
want to be aware that when i'm doing something, let's
say it's something I don't really I'm not excited about,
or I don't really really want to do or I
want to back out of or or void, that I'm
choosing to do that thing, not because I can't get
out of it or I can't avoid it because there
is some benefit.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
There's a reason I'm doing it. Choice.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
Choice, Yeah, I want to have take ownership in the agency.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Agency.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Yeah, why are you laughing?
Speaker 2 (02:15):
I felt like you're trying to finish try sentences.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Because you said choice, and then agency popped into my
head and then you said agency and I was like yeah, yeah, agency. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
I felt that.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
I can't even remember what my word was last year,
but I remember it being a good one.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Mine was alignment.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Stretch was mine stretch? Ooh, I feel like.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
I had that one year too, and then one year
I had water. Yeah, I remember that, like to drink
more of it, but also to be more fluid, like
go with the flow. I still want to be more
go with the flow. I still need to drink more water.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Yeah. Are these words of the year words?
Speaker 1 (02:47):
But alignment? I feel like for twenty twenty five, I
did feel an alignment with choices that I made. I
just used your word.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Wait, what did you say your word this year?
Speaker 1 (02:58):
No?
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Oh, it's less that tracking what.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Our words are really sad yours is like choice and
I'm like less, Like there's nothing really awesome exciting about them.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Yeah, uh less? You want to do less?
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Well, you know, remember on my hinge profile. You maybe
don't remember this, but you probably don't because it's not
like you looked at my hinge profile a lot. But
back when I had one, it I think it was
like what's your I don't know one of the questions
like I was like what's your mantra? Or like what
are you doing? What are you doing this year or something?
(03:34):
And I was like, or what's your goal this year?
And I just put do less.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Yeah, but that was two years ago.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
When I was on Hinge. Yeah, a year and a
half or two.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Yeah, right, I'm.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Telling a story. I don't think the timeline. Yeah, Kat's like,
why are you telling a story from two years ago?
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Nobody cares now.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
It just made me think of back then. This less
is different than that. Like I put it on my
Hinge profile as that because I was dead serious, Like
I felt like it was a time where everyone was
just like doing, doing, doing and doing more, and there
was so much work and I was doing so much
extra work. But I also felt this stress that I
needed to do more work because I needed to like
make money. I think it was because my divorce and
(04:26):
you know, half of your life is just like gone, gone, gone,
and or half of your your marriage and things you've
been saving towards and working towards, and your dreams and
your goals as a couple is just ripped in half.
And I was do doo doo doo doing and trying
to keep up, keep up, keep up, and I was overwhelmed.
And I was like, you know, what Okay, that season
(04:47):
has come and gone and now I get to do less.
I'm gonna do less and that's what I want to do.
And I remember some people commenting and they're like, oh,
you know, buzz love that. Well no, some people were like, oh,
I love that. Told me more, you know, I want
to go out. And then other people saw it as like, well,
you don't sound very motivated, oh, or like driven.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
And it wasn't.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
About me being driven. I just genuinely needed to do
less when it came to work, and I think that's okay,
that's a boundary I need to set for myself. Less
in this case doesn't really mean that, because I think
I have found a healthy balance, of healthy balance for me,
whatever that is. There's no real true balance, I guess,
just in a sense of what feels good for me
(05:32):
work wise, family wise, all the things.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
I mean.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
Of course, there's moments where it doesn't feel right and
it feels off, but that's just because that's how it is.
I want to like talk less, listen more, but not here.
I was gonna say what, Well, obviously I have to
talk because I get paid to talk for a living.
Let's just say in my friendships or my communication with
my kids. Sometimes I want to talk and say too much.
(05:58):
And that's one thing that my daughter has really been
I guess she's been vulnerable with me, and she shared that,
like sometimes I talk way too much, Like if we're
having a real conversation about something up in her room
or you know, let's say she's in trouble and we're
talking through it, and I think I'm sharing all this
wisdom and being helpful. But I'll be up in her
(06:20):
room for like an hour talking to her, not lecturing,
but like just talking to her about it and trying
to just you know, nurture the situation and hopefully she
sees the bigger picture and so she knows I'm there
for her. And she's like it's too much. Yeah, you
talk too much, And I'm like, you're right, that is
(06:42):
too much, And I think less is more for that,
Like she would have gotten more out of the conversation
if I gave her space and she had time to
process what I was saying, and I gave it like
because I'm sure, I am sure without a doubt, I
was repeating myself. There's no way, like if I'm sitting
there for an hour I'm deaf and la repeating myself,
so like less of that and more listening. Oh yeah,
(07:07):
because you know, I was chomping.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
At the bit. What I gotta say, I feel that
because you're the same.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
Right, I guess I'm thinking, like, you're going to have
to work on separating that because you can't do less
your job.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
I was like, yeah, I think I have an idea
of where the less needs to come in. Like, I'm
not just gonna like show up at work and be like, well,
I got nothing to say, just less more. Bobby will
be like, Amy, I asked you a question, and I'll
be like sorry.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
You know, You're like, I'm just here to listen.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Yeah, I'm talking less this year. It's not just about talking.
I mean it's like less things less. You know, we've
we're talked about decluttering, Like I don't like less is
more less screen time, more one on one connection, but
with that connection, less talking, more listen, you know stuff
(07:55):
like that. Do you get where I'm going?
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Yeah, I honestly.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
You have the choice to not agree with my word.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
I love your word. I was about to say I
love that.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
I probably should consider following suit, but I'm not ready
to do that yet, no one less, I'm making the
choice to continue.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
To talk a lot. No, I'm probably I think that.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
I well, you're not a parent yet. I think a
lot of it is my with my my parent child relationships.
I need to back off with the words.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
Even like at dinners sometimes they hang out with friends,
I'm like, kat, I'm shut up, yes you know, oh yeah, yeah,
I can't stop.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
I know. I did that with my boyfriend's friends at
dinner recently, and I was like in my head as
I'm talking, I'm like, shut up, why are you talking?
This is so stupid? And then I keep talking and
I don't I don't think they They don't know me
as well, so I don't know if they get it.
And then you know what, did Alex ever say like no,
he's not ever like nudging me under the table like
(08:50):
shut up. No, he likes he likes it. But I'm
with you, I'm just backing. I don't think you're alone
in that. I think that's a lot of us, especially
in certain social situations. But the and my brain like
it's it's at the same time I'm talking and thinking
like shut up.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
Yeah, give me some What would it be like to
have a brain that just can hear. Period, Like you
can have a switch and you turn the like I'm
gonna speak switch off, so you just listen to people
and then you don't feel the need to I always
feel the need to like follow something up.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Yeah, like I'm anticipating, like what am I going to
say to this? What am I Some of that is
in interviewing, like when you as part of my work,
I have to be thinking while I'm listening because I
need to know where am I going to go with
this next? But I'm really trying to also pay attention.
But then I don't want to have no order goal.
So I don't know. There's that part of it. But
in a friendship conversation, I could just be so yeah
(09:49):
to your point, Like I wish we could vent a
switch where you just.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Like press up button forehead.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
I am listening right now, is not my turn to speak?
Who cares if I have a relatable story? It does
not matter?
Speaker 2 (10:01):
Yet, yes, it does not matter. Okay, I'm not the
time for this.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
I have to say that sentence in my head all
the time, like you're not trying to be relatable. Nobody
wants nobody needs to hear that story. It's hard because
the story wants to.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
Come out so bad.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Well was it from two years ago? Because that's important?
Better you better time check yourself.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
I said that because I thought you were gonna say
that that was your word two years ago, and I
was like, wait, you're doing it again.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
No, no, no, it's just that I had it as
a thing like I wanted to do less, and it
was specifically work related. And this isn't what this is about.
This less is in fact, I think I'm ready to
like do more, gear up, let's work a little more
in twenty twenty six. Because I did a little less.
I think I'm just gonna work differently. There were some
(10:49):
things I was doing around the divorce time that I
was having to do because I felt I had fear
of I've got to take care of myself. Yeah, and
you know, some of that fear has like I've been able.
I took agency, I got involved in my finances, I
started to take a look at things. I now am empowered.
I have information, I know what's in, I know what's out.
(11:12):
Like so I'm not operating out of fear. This has
nothing to do with a word of the Year. But
I do have like something that I want to introduce
(11:35):
in twenty twenty six, And it's sort of like I
don't even know how to say it because you're gonna
be like what. But I feel like I'm meant to
be a cowgirl, like like rope and ride, like riding
a whoes, having more Western inspired.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
Esthetic because you're from Texas.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
No, just I really think my whole life like I
was meant to be a cow Did you never pursued it? No? No?
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Do you know? Did you want to be like a
horse girl when you were younger? But you just didn't have? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (12:08):
I mean I grew up in a city. I think
it stemmed from my half sister grew up in a
small town in Roscoe, Texas, and like she grew up
like you know, her stepdad was the cotton farmer. You know,
she rate she was an f FA and raised lamb
and stuff. She would go to the rodeo and show animals.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
You went to agricultural school.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
I did, but I didn't even embrace my cowgirl life
there and I missed. That's an opportunity that does a
missed opportunity. But I would hang out with her half brother.
So my half sister has a half brother, and that mean.
Speaker 3 (12:40):
Wait, I have to say this. I need to be
doing less. Sorry, I don't see you as a cowgirl
like you want.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
To I a bar out.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Yes, I want to work on a ranch, like I
want to know how to do it. I want to
know how to take care of a horse, like I
want a cowboy boyfriend, which fantasy because Alex is not.
But like I think he maybe had a horse and
he was a kid though, and I want to say
its name was like asparagus. I need to ask you
(13:12):
about that because I just popped into my head. I
don't know, but I sometimes get on a cowgirl cowboy
algorithm on my TikTok and Instagram, and like cowboys will
pop up and I'm like, got it that I'm attracted
to that. I'm not really, I'm not saying that in
a weird way. I'm just being honest. Yeah, Like I
(13:33):
want to go. I told Alex, I was like, we
need to go to Nashville Palace and do line dancing.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
You've been wanting to do that.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
I feel like, yes, because that is the cowgirl in
me coming out in twenty twenty six. We're gonna make
it happen. Like I want to go to Nashville Palace
and I want a two step and I want to dance.
Ella Langley's big song the last like month or two
is choosing Texas. Do you know this song? She's from Texas.
I can tell by the way he's two stepping around
(14:03):
the room that song. Everything I picture in my head
is my life that I want, my dream life, like
I want to be a cowgirl at a bar two
stepping and a cowboy like so weave me up. And
my dad was an awesome two stepper. So maybe there's
some weird who knows what's going on, but my dad
was the most amazing two stepper ever, Like I loved
(14:23):
dancing with him that and he would spin me around
the room. But that was my dad. I need Alex
to be a cowboy for a night and take me
to Nashville Palace and spin me around the room. That's
what I want, And then we need to go out
to a ranch somewhere and then.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
Wait, I hope he's listening to this, because that would
be a sick birthday present is for him to learn
how to two step behind your back, and well.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
He can two step. I just have never gone anywhere
with him, Like we've danced in the kitchen. He can dance,
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Like he can dance in the kitchen.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
I don't think he needs to take Yeah, like when
we're cooking, we'll put on music and dance.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Why are you ghagging?
Speaker 1 (15:05):
I mean, it's not like we've done it a ton,
but we have done it. Is that lame?
Speaker 2 (15:10):
No, I'm sorry, it's really sweet.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
Stay less.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
I'm sorry that was really rude. That's sweet.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
Are you jealous?
Speaker 2 (15:20):
So?
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Patrick and I have this thing where we, like joke,
will dance in the kitchen and.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Then you don't.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
I don't know how to describe it, but that's really sweet.
I think it was more like, oh, you're so in love.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
Like, No, it wasn't trying. It's not like we haven't
even done it recently.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
No, no, No, I meant like that was me being I'm
probably a little bit jealous.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
I'm trying to own that that was mean. That's really
cute that you guys do this. It's so romantic. I'm
so happy for you. I really am.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
So.
Speaker 3 (15:44):
Then he doesn't have to take the lessons, but if
he surprises you and takes you there and then like
a bunch of would you rather your friends be there
or you want to be alone with him?
Speaker 1 (15:54):
It would be fun with friends, It'd be fine with friends.
Like if he just picks me up one day and
he's like, giddy up, calcrol. We really we're like a
natural palace.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Have you seen him in a cowboy No?
Speaker 1 (16:05):
I don't even think he has one.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Okay, but he isn't.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
I don't know that he has to like wear a hat,
although it could be cute boots.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
Yeah, he has boots, all right, so you know this
could happen this Why isn't that your word of it?
Speaker 1 (16:17):
But it's like a cowgirl. Yeah, I mean maybe maybe
it could be. Maybe it's like less normal city person,
more cowgirl cowgirl because it's been from my childhood. I'm
telling you, Like if I would go to a small
town dance with my sister, like in West Texas, my
(16:38):
sister Kim, like I have that memory of like really
being jealous of her lifestyle and like her her her
cowboy friends, and I'm sure she probably flipped it was like, oh,
y'all are living in the city, like uh, but you know,
and like her daughter, she raised them. They raised lamb
and they did all that and they are country girls
(17:00):
like I just I'm like, God, it's like could have
been me, but it's not. I've been a city girl.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
I think about all the like parts of that that
I wouldn't want to put up with.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Like I want to go to Vegas for the PBR.
What's that bull riding? Oh?
Speaker 2 (17:17):
I don't think I could watch that.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
It's like it's scary, but it's like it. But Okay,
if there's like a convention or something like I want
to go and do.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
You go to the were Outfits?
Speaker 1 (17:25):
No? But I want to.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Okay, then let's start with going to something here.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Like I would go to the rodeo in Austin. I
loved that way.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Let's get you to a rodeo, Let's get you to
a barn.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Well let's just start with Nashville Palace. But like, ask yourself, people,
who who have you wanted to be? Always? And like
are you gonna give yourself that in twenty twenty six?
Like I'm not up and changing my entire life, but
I just have I can have like a night where
I get to be a cowgirl.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
This is your alter ego and it might turn into
your regular ego.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Maybe you know, and I put on my rocky mountains?
Did you ever wear docu Mountains?
Speaker 2 (18:00):
I thought you weren't done with your sentence.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Their genes, so I had some in junior high and
I loved them.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
I'm trying to think if there's like an alter ego
that I've like, who do you want to be?
Speaker 2 (18:13):
I think I used to.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
I was itching my lips.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
If I think about, well, I'm not willing to do
this now, so I almost don't want to say it.
But I wish that I would have been in like
drama as a child.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Oh yeah, that's a good one.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
You know.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Like, but I'm not willing to take an improv class.
I'm not that time. It's passed.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
I'm not going to join a theater studio now. But
I do think a part of me would have been
so improv.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
This is your year, you do it. I'll go with you.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
You quit last time.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
So i'll go again.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Maybe you would go. Yes, we could go together, but
I don't want to.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
I have no interest in doing that. I'm making a
choice from my word. I just wish that as a
kid I would have started doing that, because I feel
like I would have really liked to be in like
the plays in high school and like stuff like that.
Like I have no interest in being in a play now,
you know. So that's my alter ego, but I don't
(19:12):
think I'm going to explore it. So because of that,
I want to double encourage you to explore your cowgirl lifestyle.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
I will, I'll keep you putting, I will explore it,
and I will keep you posted. It's funny you said
that about drama because it kind of is relatable to
the email we're going to get into from a listener
who at the top of it said a noon please,
which means anonymous. I'm married for sixteen years and we
have two boys, sixteen and eleven. We've had our ups
(19:39):
and downs, but we've made it work. My husband has
strong feelings about raising men who can take care of themselves.
I feel strongly too, about raising strong, decent, but kind
and thoughtful men as well. Our youngest has such a
spark for life and I love it. Everyone who meets
him instantly loves him, and he has lots of friends.
He plays competitive soccer. He's a good student and a
good friend. This year, when he transitioned to middle school,
(20:02):
he was so excited to try band. I was all
for it, encouraging his interest and curiosity. He selected the
Obo and has been pretty dedicated. His dad has not
been supportive and teases him and is wanting him to
quit next year. He feels that taking drama would have
resulted in more life skills than learning an instrument. I'm
(20:24):
not happy about this, but how do I keep the
peace in my marriage and support my son. There are
multiple situations like this with my husband and our boys,
and I don't know how to address them. I found
my son's band picture in the garbage this morning, and
it broke my heart. Oh mine too. He had his
first concert this week and I went alone as his
dad was out of town. I do not agree that
(20:47):
my son should quit. I think he should pursue things
that interest him. My husband is just not a fan
of band.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
What do I do?
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Signed A non mom, A non mom?
Speaker 2 (21:00):
How old is this kid?
Speaker 1 (21:02):
I don't know if it's the Oh it's got to
be the eleven year old because she said transition to
junior high.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
Okay, okay, I have some strong feelings about this to you.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
I wish I had learned an instrument when I was
a kid.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
I feel like in middle school. I don't know if
your middle school was like this, but everybody did band
in middle school.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
Mine was not like that.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
I didn't, but I feel like it was very normal.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
My sister did the french horn, and I also.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Don't remember the kids being able to pick their own instrument.
That seems pretty cool.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Oh my sister did. She got to pick. She wanted
to do the french horn because I'll never forget those
instrument that she played because one time they're really they're wide,
like they're big. And she was trying to get off
the bus. The case got turned horizontally as she's walking off,
and she got stuck in the door and then dripped
and fell out of the bus because of her french
(21:53):
horn case. But that was something she only did in
junior high. She didn't continue in high school. But I
think it was a good experience for her. I wish
I had done band. I'd acquire, but I wish I
had done band.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
I didn't do either.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
Like I think, my sister was first chair. It's challenging.
You learn, you grow like you are your first chair,
your second chair. You're working as a team. Yeah, when
you're performing all the other instruments.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
Yeah, I think that what it sounds like it's happening
is the dad has some preconceived notions of what in
how he wants his child to be, versus like allowing
it just to unfold. And I do get that that's hard.
I'm not a parent yet, and I do have a
I do know enough that I'm probably going to have
a dreams of what I would want for them, and
(22:37):
it's hard to let go of that. But if this
is something that this kid really likes, I think that's
also sending a message if you don't let them. It's
not hurting anybody. It's not like he's into something dangerous
or harmful to himself for others, Like, this is a
innocent thing that he's enjoying. He's learning life skills, he's
(22:58):
learning how to a skill, and I mean he's having fun.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
What a party trick later in life. You're like, well,
I can play the obo, like you come across one
and you know how to play it.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
You know how many times I've come across an Obo?
And then like, I wish I could just play that
for everybody.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
Yeah, I get like other instruments might come in handy better.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
I wonder that this would be different if he would
just like was playing the piano on his own versus
like he's in the school band.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
Well, he said, he's fine. If the kid does drama,
It's like, what, why are there more life skills in
drama than there are in band. I feel like if
a dad is like anti band, now I'm I'm generalized,
like I'm stereotyping here. I feel like that's the type
of dad that would also be anti drama.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
Yeah that is maybe. I don't know. When I heard that,
I thought maybe they have to pick one or the other.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
Oh, okay, but.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
And also doesn't she say that this kid is playing
like competitive soccer and stuff.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
Yeah, so he's well rounded. I really appreciate this lesson.
Speaker 3 (23:58):
This is something that my dad said to us growing up,
and younger me was annoyed by it, but I'm so
grateful for it now. My dad always said, I don't
care what you do, but you have to do something,
Like you can't just go to school and come home
like I don't care what you were a part of,
whether it's.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
The band, drama, soccer, this, or that. You have to
do something. And I ended up quitting soccer.
Speaker 3 (24:21):
I didn't play my senior year, and he said, I
don't care, but like you have to do something, And
so I ended up running cross country.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
And it taught me that, like one.
Speaker 3 (24:32):
One, it just helped me like experiment with things, like
I wouldn't have run across country. I mean maybe I
would have. I don't know, but like it made me experiment.
You meet new people, you meet new friends, you hang
out with people that you wouldn't normally. I don't know
how big that kid's school is, but like when you
do different activities, you get to meet different kinds of people,
and I think that's healthy for us. And that has
(24:52):
helped me as an adult continue to like try new
things because I that's maybe part of why I always
have to have a hobby, you.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Know, Catherine, I don't care what you do. You have
to do something, like you tell yourself that you're like
you have you can go to work and you have
to do something when you come home.
Speaker 3 (25:10):
And it's helped I think keep my life interesting at least, yeah,
and help me have community. I think a lot of
the things they haven't always been things that I do
by myself.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
You know what part of the email is just really,
I can't like go up? Is that the dad put
the band picture in the trash?
Speaker 3 (25:26):
What do we know the dad did that or did
the kids throw it away because he knew that the
dad didn't like the band?
Speaker 1 (25:43):
You know what part of the email is just really,
I can't like go up? Is that the dad put
the band picture in the trash?
Speaker 3 (25:49):
What do we know the dad did that or did
the kids throw it away because he knew that the
dad didn't like the band?
Speaker 1 (25:54):
Good question?
Speaker 2 (25:56):
If the dad put that in the trash, son.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
I found my son's band picture in the garbage. It
broke my heart. Correct, We don't know who put it
in the trash, so.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
Either way, that's sad.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
Like if the kid threw it in the trash because
like he's embarrassed or whatever, or he doesn't want to
disappoint his dad, that's sad. And if the dad threw
it in the trash, like what First of all, first
of all, you're gonna want those memories that reminds me
of Patrick's little soccer picture.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
Yeah, Like you're gonna want.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
Those cute, little sweet memories of them when they're older
to look back on, even if you laugh at them, you.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
Know, yeah, like they're good to have. So I hope
that maybe you could sit down with your husband and
have a conversation about how it makes you feel as
his partner when he's yeah, if he especially if you
threw it away, if he's the one that did it.
That aside his general feelings, and when he isn't supportive
(26:51):
and y'all, y'all are trying to parent together, that's gotta
be no fun for you. If there's this resistance too,
you know, a passion that your son has that sucks.
I'm sorry that you're going through it. That you could
use our intentional dialogue for it.
Speaker 3 (27:07):
Yeah, And also I think that keep it health could
be like and this is taking a step farther and
you don't have to do this, but it's just a
thought I had as you were talking, is asking your husband,
like what is their real fear here? Like what's I'm
understand I'm trying to understand, Like what are you afraid
of is going to happen if he continues doing this
(27:30):
thing that he really loves? And also like, is there
a way for us to look at what he would
gain too, Like let's not just look it's above the
line below the line, right, you're the fact is he's
in band, and then these are all the stories that
we're making. How do we how do we find the
stories that's above the line, because I think there's plenty
of them.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Yeah, And then maybe talking through that with him, he
could see how cause he maybe he's not even aware
of how his behavior because this could be the condition
and thing on his end, like maybe, ah, this would
be going way deep, like way deep. Could you see
a situation where a dad, a grown man, is acting
this way towards his son. But it's like, what if
(28:11):
way way way back when he was a kid he
wanted to be in band and his dad didn't let him.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
That very well might be possible.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
And so then as the wife, you can have compassion
for Oh, this is where my husband's coming from. Still
doesn't mean it's okay. It's best if he works through it.
But I think I saw a tip one time somewhere,
probably on TikTok of like picture your partner as a
(28:39):
kid sometimes, like when they're in their behavior that sometimes
is perplexing, but like really picturing them as a kid,
and then it helps you soften your demeanor towards it.
Obviously this has to be the right circumstance, but because
sometimes we want to react in a way that's like
angry when really it's obvious this is one of their
(29:00):
wounds coming up. So if you can soften it gets
resolved a lot faster, and just meeting our partners where
they are, because sometimes that's exactly where they are is
they're going back to a childhood wound. Any who's the
I texted my boyfriend to figure out the name of
his horse when he was a kid. I'm surprised I
forgot this name because it was the name of my
(29:20):
stepmom for a little while. I know my dad's fourth wife.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
But is it cricket? Yes, crickets have I feel like
a normal name for all. I know.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
If you think I would remember that, because I'm like, oh, yeah,
dot cricket, you.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
Were like, oh sorry, I thought you said as faragus.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
Oh, I mean to be better. If he was like
it would make more sense, I guess if he was
like broccoli, duh, and I'm like, oh, oops, vegetable. But
some people do eat crickets. In other countries, they have
cricket tacos.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
Patrick ate a cricket when went to Mexico last year. See,
and he said it was not bad.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
Cricket, asparagus, same thing, same thing. So yeah, he had
a horse. To see, he's got some cowboy.
Speaker 3 (30:08):
In him if he can just go. He has boots
and he had a horse. Consider him a cowboy.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
Okay, And we're going to Nashville Palace.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
And if you're with him, that makes you a cowgirl automatically. Yeah,
you accidentally walked into this cowgirl life that you've always wanted.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
Woh yeah, maybe we'll get a farm or a ranch.
I mean we're not really do they have ranches?
Speaker 2 (30:31):
Heat?
Speaker 1 (30:31):
So, like I'm from Texas and like we have ranches there,
you know, but in Tennessee, what's Amilia's farm and a ranch?
I don't know exactly.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
I have a book wreck what is it? We're talking
about farms?
Speaker 3 (30:45):
So this is by the same author that wrote The
Winter Garden that I've recommended before. This book is called
four Winds like the number four. Fou are kristin Hannah.
It is about the Great Depression and it's about a
family that lives on a farm.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
It's very depressing.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
And where where do they live?
Speaker 2 (31:05):
You know, Texas on a farm.
Speaker 3 (31:09):
It's good it's historical fiction, so you learn while you read.
But also it's like you're in a story.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
That's what you said last time you talked about her books.
You're like, I'm learning while I'm reading.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
But then I couldn't remember the time period that book
was World War Two.
Speaker 1 (31:22):
So okay, we'll close out with this, so we you know,
we're like to educate. You know, a farm primarily grows
crops and can raise various animals, focusing on cultivation, which,
like I said, my half sister's step dad was a
cotton farmer, so she lived on a farm farm farm
because he was a farmer, he lost his arm in
(31:42):
the machine. He was a one armed cowboy, and he
dressed like a cowboy and he wore a cowboy hat
every day. And all my dad's brothers they worked on
ranches and lived on orange like and they wore cowboy
hats every day. But my dad was the only one
that came to the city. So then my dad was
like the only one that didn't wear a cowboy hat.
And so I think part of me is like my
dad robbed me of my cowboy lifestyle, my cowgirl lifestyle,
(32:04):
because like everybody else in my family, ugh, okay, While
a ranch is a type of farm specializing in raising
live stock like cattle or sheep over large areas, relying
more on natural terrain for pastures. So it's a difference
between like livestock and crops.
Speaker 2 (32:21):
What would you rather be a rancher a farmer? Good question.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
I think I want to be a rancher because I
love cattle.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
Yeah, but I don't know.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
No, No, we're not going to eat them.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
You're gonna do dairy farm.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
No, we'll just keep cattle, not to We're not going
to be a beef ranch. We just will have cattle
on our lane.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Well, you can have dairy cows.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
I could, but I don't know if I want to
milk them.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
Okay, so what do you do with the cow?
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Also, the black and white ones aren't as cute to
me as the brown ones.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
And those are beef cows.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
Yeah, but you can just have cattle.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
You need to milk them, the dairy ones. Yeah. Why
can't you milk a beef cow?
Speaker 1 (33:00):
You mean like a mom? Yeah, you mean the female
like a heifer.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
I don't know. I'm just curious what makes a cow
a dairy cow versus a beef cow.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
Okay, I only know heffer because of my I went
to text a andem and I had to take like
you know animals. Yeah, so heifer is a young female
cow that hasn't had a calf yet. Okay, so we
need a cow, Like what are we asking?
Speaker 2 (33:25):
What makes something a beef cow versus a dairy cow?
Can can you milk a beef cow?
Speaker 1 (33:30):
Beef cows? Can you get milk from beef cows? You
can get milk from beef cattle. They produce much less
than dairy cows. That's why they do, like one gallon
versus six gallons. Oh wow, so that is why efficiency
And just as you would suspect their bread for meat
(33:51):
not milk.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
Got it.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
So that's why. But good question, Kat, I love your
deep thinking. I never really thought about that. Well, obviously
we know they have the utters, Yeah, just like we
have nipples. I have nipples? Do you have nipples?
Speaker 2 (34:05):
Greg? Never seen that movie?
Speaker 3 (34:09):
You've never seen me that I seen parts of it,
Like I've seen that part, but I don't think I've
ever watched the whole movie.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
God, there's so many movies.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
Yeh hm.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Oh well, all right, well that's our advice.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
That's where that was helpful New Year's episode.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Yeah, welcome to feeling things. Probably Yeah, a lot of
different feelings there. But to the anonymous listener that emailed
in good luck, you know this is not easy to navigate.
But you're you're doing a good job, like you're a
good mom. You're loving your son and he needs your
support extra right now, especially if his dad's acting a
fool you know what I mean, because he is, but
(34:46):
it'll work out. I would encourage you to have a
talk with him, and like Kat said, get curious about
where where is this coming from because it could be
an old wound. All right, that's a wrap. We hope
you have the new year that you need to have.
Bye bye mm hm
Good. All right, break it down.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
If you ever have feelings that you just fons Amy
and Cat gotcha covin locking No brother, Ladies and folks,
do you just follow an the spirit where it's all
us phone over real stuff, tell the chill stuff and the.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
M but Swayne, sometimes the best thing you can do
it jes stop you feel things. This is feeling things
with Amy and Kat. Happy Thursday and happy New Year.
We harmonized that was unplanned, unhearsed, obviously. Welcome to couch
Talks our listener Q and a episode.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
I'm Amy and I'm Kat And quick disclaimer.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Our first disclaimer of the year.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Because we love disclaimers before we get into today's questions.
Although we are answering your questions, this does not serve
as a replacement or a substitute for actual mental health services,
but we always hope that you get something out of
it and helps in some way.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
Before we get into the email, do you have a
word of the year?
Speaker 3 (01:03):
Yes, And I usually don't plan on this out Like
the last couple of years, I've only picked a word
of the year because of you.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Oh, I've been like come up with a word of
the year and now you're just doing it on your own.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Love it. Choice is my word.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Okay, tell me more about why.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
I'm going to choose to explain this to you. Okay.
Speaker 3 (01:24):
I've just been thinking a lot about things that I
do and things that I don't do in the why
behind them, and a lot of things that I actually
have choice in. I don't remind myself that, so it
feels like I'm doing them because I have to.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
I don't know if that.
Speaker 3 (01:43):
Is translating because I'm not giving like specifics, but I
want to be aware that when i'm doing something, let's
say it's something I don't really I'm not excited about,
or I don't really really want to do or I
want to back out of or or void, that I'm
choosing to do that thing, not because I can't get
out of it or I can't avoid it because there
is some benefit.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
There's a reason I'm doing it. Choice.
Speaker 3 (02:06):
Choice, Yeah, I want to have take ownership in the agency.
Speaker 1 (02:10):
Agency.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Yeah, why are you laughing?
Speaker 2 (02:15):
I felt like you're trying to finish try sentences.
Speaker 1 (02:18):
Because you said choice, and then agency popped into my
head and then you said agency and I was like yeah, yeah, agency. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:24):
I felt that.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
I can't even remember what my word was last year,
but I remember it being a good one.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
Mine was alignment.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Stretch was mine stretch? Ooh, I feel like.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
I had that one year too, and then one year
I had water. Yeah, I remember that, like to drink
more of it, but also to be more fluid, like
go with the flow. I still want to be more
go with the flow. I still need to drink more water.
Speaker 2 (02:46):
Yeah. Are these words of the year words?
Speaker 1 (02:47):
But alignment? I feel like for twenty twenty five, I
did feel an alignment with choices that I made. I
just used your word.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Wait, what did you say your word this year?
Speaker 1 (02:58):
No?
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Oh, it's less that tracking what.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Our words are really sad yours is like choice and
I'm like less, Like there's nothing really awesome exciting about them.
Speaker 2 (03:10):
Yeah, uh less? You want to do less?
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Well, you know, remember on my hinge profile. You maybe
don't remember this, but you probably don't because it's not
like you looked at my hinge profile a lot. But
back when I had one, it I think it was
like what's your I don't know one of the questions
like I was like what's your mantra? Or like what
are you doing? What are you doing this year or something?
(03:34):
And I was like, or what's your goal this year?
And I just put do less.
Speaker 2 (03:39):
Yeah, but that was two years ago.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
When I was on Hinge. Yeah, a year and a
half or two.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
Yeah, right, I'm.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
Telling a story. I don't think the timeline. Yeah, Kat's like,
why are you telling a story from two years ago?
Speaker 2 (04:01):
Nobody cares now.
Speaker 1 (04:03):
It just made me think of back then. This less
is different than that. Like I put it on my
Hinge profile as that because I was dead serious, Like
I felt like it was a time where everyone was
just like doing, doing, doing and doing more, and there
was so much work and I was doing so much
extra work. But I also felt this stress that I
needed to do more work because I needed to like
make money. I think it was because my divorce and
(04:26):
you know, half of your life is just like gone, gone, gone,
and or half of your your marriage and things you've
been saving towards and working towards, and your dreams and
your goals as a couple is just ripped in half.
And I was do doo doo doo doing and trying
to keep up, keep up, keep up, and I was overwhelmed.
And I was like, you know, what Okay, that season
(04:47):
has come and gone and now I get to do less.
I'm gonna do less and that's what I want to do.
And I remember some people commenting and they're like, oh,
you know, buzz love that. Well no, some people were like, oh,
I love that. Told me more, you know, I want
to go out. And then other people saw it as like, well,
you don't sound very motivated, oh, or like driven.
Speaker 2 (05:10):
And it wasn't.
Speaker 1 (05:10):
About me being driven. I just genuinely needed to do
less when it came to work, and I think that's okay,
that's a boundary I need to set for myself. Less
in this case doesn't really mean that, because I think
I have found a healthy balance, of healthy balance for me,
whatever that is. There's no real true balance, I guess,
just in a sense of what feels good for me
(05:32):
work wise, family wise, all the things.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
I mean.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
Of course, there's moments where it doesn't feel right and
it feels off, but that's just because that's how it is.
I want to like talk less, listen more, but not here.
I was gonna say what, Well, obviously I have to
talk because I get paid to talk for a living.
Let's just say in my friendships or my communication with
my kids. Sometimes I want to talk and say too much.
(05:58):
And that's one thing that my daughter has really been
I guess she's been vulnerable with me, and she shared that,
like sometimes I talk way too much, Like if we're
having a real conversation about something up in her room
or you know, let's say she's in trouble and we're
talking through it, and I think I'm sharing all this
wisdom and being helpful. But I'll be up in her
(06:20):
room for like an hour talking to her, not lecturing,
but like just talking to her about it and trying
to just you know, nurture the situation and hopefully she
sees the bigger picture and so she knows I'm there
for her. And she's like it's too much. Yeah, you
talk too much, And I'm like, you're right, that is
(06:42):
too much, And I think less is more for that,
Like she would have gotten more out of the conversation
if I gave her space and she had time to
process what I was saying, and I gave it like
because I'm sure, I am sure without a doubt, I
was repeating myself. There's no way, like if I'm sitting
there for an hour I'm deaf and la repeating myself,
so like less of that and more listening. Oh yeah,
(07:07):
because you know, I was chomping.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
At the bit. What I gotta say, I feel that
because you're the same.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
Right, I guess I'm thinking, like, you're going to have
to work on separating that because you can't do less
your job.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
I was like, yeah, I think I have an idea
of where the less needs to come in. Like, I'm
not just gonna like show up at work and be like, well,
I got nothing to say, just less more. Bobby will
be like, Amy, I asked you a question, and I'll
be like sorry.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
You know, You're like, I'm just here to listen.
Speaker 1 (07:34):
Yeah, I'm talking less this year. It's not just about talking.
I mean it's like less things less. You know, we've
we're talked about decluttering, Like I don't like less is
more less screen time, more one on one connection, but
with that connection, less talking, more listen, you know stuff
(07:55):
like that. Do you get where I'm going?
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Yeah, I honestly.
Speaker 1 (07:59):
You have the choice to not agree with my word.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
I love your word. I was about to say I
love that.
Speaker 3 (08:06):
I probably should consider following suit, but I'm not ready
to do that yet, no one less, I'm making the
choice to continue.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
To talk a lot. No, I'm probably I think that.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
I well, you're not a parent yet. I think a
lot of it is my with my my parent child relationships.
I need to back off with the words.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
Even like at dinners sometimes they hang out with friends,
I'm like, kat, I'm shut up, yes you know, oh yeah, yeah,
I can't stop.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
I know. I did that with my boyfriend's friends at
dinner recently, and I was like in my head as
I'm talking, I'm like, shut up, why are you talking?
This is so stupid? And then I keep talking and
I don't I don't think they They don't know me
as well, so I don't know if they get it.
And then you know what, did Alex ever say like no,
he's not ever like nudging me under the table like
(08:50):
shut up. No, he likes he likes it. But I'm
with you, I'm just backing. I don't think you're alone
in that. I think that's a lot of us, especially
in certain social situations. But the and my brain like
it's it's at the same time I'm talking and thinking
like shut up.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
Yeah, give me some What would it be like to
have a brain that just can hear. Period, Like you
can have a switch and you turn the like I'm
gonna speak switch off, so you just listen to people
and then you don't feel the need to I always
feel the need to like follow something up.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Yeah, like I'm anticipating, like what am I going to
say to this? What am I Some of that is
in interviewing, like when you as part of my work,
I have to be thinking while I'm listening because I
need to know where am I going to go with
this next? But I'm really trying to also pay attention.
But then I don't want to have no order goal.
So I don't know. There's that part of it. But
in a friendship conversation, I could just be so yeah
(09:49):
to your point, Like I wish we could vent a
switch where you just.
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Like press up button forehead.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
I am listening right now, is not my turn to speak?
Who cares if I have a relatable story? It does
not matter?
Speaker 2 (10:01):
Yet, yes, it does not matter. Okay, I'm not the
time for this.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
I have to say that sentence in my head all
the time, like you're not trying to be relatable. Nobody
wants nobody needs to hear that story. It's hard because
the story wants to.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
Come out so bad.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Well was it from two years ago? Because that's important?
Better you better time check yourself.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
I said that because I thought you were gonna say
that that was your word two years ago, and I
was like, wait, you're doing it again.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
No, no, no, it's just that I had it as
a thing like I wanted to do less, and it
was specifically work related. And this isn't what this is about.
This less is in fact, I think I'm ready to
like do more, gear up, let's work a little more
in twenty twenty six. Because I did a little less.
I think I'm just gonna work differently. There were some
(10:49):
things I was doing around the divorce time that I
was having to do because I felt I had fear
of I've got to take care of myself. Yeah, and
you know, some of that fear has like I've been able.
I took agency, I got involved in my finances, I
started to take a look at things. I now am empowered.
I have information, I know what's in, I know what's out.
(11:12):
Like so I'm not operating out of fear. This has
nothing to do with a word of the Year. But
I do have like something that I want to introduce
(11:35):
in twenty twenty six, And it's sort of like I
don't even know how to say it because you're gonna
be like what. But I feel like I'm meant to
be a cowgirl, like like rope and ride, like riding
a whoes, having more Western inspired.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
Esthetic because you're from Texas.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
No, just I really think my whole life like I
was meant to be a cow Did you never pursued it? No? No?
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Do you know? Did you want to be like a
horse girl when you were younger? But you just didn't have? Yeah?
Speaker 1 (12:08):
I mean I grew up in a city. I think
it stemmed from my half sister grew up in a
small town in Roscoe, Texas, and like she grew up
like you know, her stepdad was the cotton farmer. You know,
she rate she was an f FA and raised lamb
and stuff. She would go to the rodeo and show animals.
Speaker 2 (12:29):
You went to agricultural school.
Speaker 1 (12:31):
I did, but I didn't even embrace my cowgirl life
there and I missed. That's an opportunity that does a
missed opportunity. But I would hang out with her half brother.
So my half sister has a half brother, and that mean.
Speaker 3 (12:40):
Wait, I have to say this. I need to be
doing less. Sorry, I don't see you as a cowgirl
like you want.
Speaker 2 (12:48):
To I a bar out.
Speaker 1 (12:49):
Yes, I want to work on a ranch, like I
want to know how to do it. I want to
know how to take care of a horse, like I
want a cowboy boyfriend, which fantasy because Alex is not.
But like I think he maybe had a horse and
he was a kid though, and I want to say
its name was like asparagus. I need to ask you
(13:12):
about that because I just popped into my head. I
don't know, but I sometimes get on a cowgirl cowboy
algorithm on my TikTok and Instagram, and like cowboys will
pop up and I'm like, got it that I'm attracted
to that. I'm not really, I'm not saying that in
a weird way. I'm just being honest. Yeah, Like I
(13:33):
want to go. I told Alex, I was like, we
need to go to Nashville Palace and do line dancing.
Speaker 2 (13:39):
You've been wanting to do that.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
I feel like, yes, because that is the cowgirl in
me coming out in twenty twenty six. We're gonna make
it happen. Like I want to go to Nashville Palace
and I want a two step and I want to dance.
Ella Langley's big song the last like month or two
is choosing Texas. Do you know this song? She's from Texas.
I can tell by the way he's two stepping around
(14:03):
the room that song. Everything I picture in my head
is my life that I want, my dream life, like
I want to be a cowgirl at a bar two
stepping and a cowboy like so weave me up. And
my dad was an awesome two stepper. So maybe there's
some weird who knows what's going on, but my dad
was the most amazing two stepper ever, Like I loved
(14:23):
dancing with him that and he would spin me around
the room. But that was my dad. I need Alex
to be a cowboy for a night and take me
to Nashville Palace and spin me around the room. That's
what I want, And then we need to go out
to a ranch somewhere and then.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
Wait, I hope he's listening to this, because that would
be a sick birthday present is for him to learn
how to two step behind your back, and well.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
He can two step. I just have never gone anywhere
with him, Like we've danced in the kitchen. He can dance,
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
Like he can dance in the kitchen.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
I don't think he needs to take Yeah, like when
we're cooking, we'll put on music and dance.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Why are you ghagging?
Speaker 1 (15:05):
I mean, it's not like we've done it a ton,
but we have done it. Is that lame?
Speaker 2 (15:10):
No, I'm sorry, it's really sweet.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
Stay less.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
I'm sorry that was really rude. That's sweet.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
Are you jealous?
Speaker 2 (15:20):
So?
Speaker 3 (15:20):
Patrick and I have this thing where we, like joke,
will dance in the kitchen and.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Then you don't.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
I don't know how to describe it, but that's really sweet.
I think it was more like, oh, you're so in love.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
Like, No, it wasn't trying. It's not like we haven't
even done it recently.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
No, no, No, I meant like that was me being I'm
probably a little bit jealous.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
I'm trying to own that that was mean. That's really
cute that you guys do this. It's so romantic. I'm
so happy for you. I really am.
Speaker 1 (15:44):
So.
Speaker 3 (15:44):
Then he doesn't have to take the lessons, but if
he surprises you and takes you there and then like
a bunch of would you rather your friends be there
or you want to be alone with him?
Speaker 1 (15:54):
It would be fun with friends, It'd be fine with friends.
Like if he just picks me up one day and
he's like, giddy up, calcrol. We really we're like a
natural palace.
Speaker 2 (16:03):
Have you seen him in a cowboy No?
Speaker 1 (16:05):
I don't even think he has one.
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Okay, but he isn't.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
I don't know that he has to like wear a hat,
although it could be cute boots.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
Yeah, he has boots, all right, so you know this
could happen this Why isn't that your word of it?
Speaker 1 (16:17):
But it's like a cowgirl. Yeah, I mean maybe maybe
it could be. Maybe it's like less normal city person,
more cowgirl cowgirl because it's been from my childhood. I'm
telling you, Like if I would go to a small
town dance with my sister, like in West Texas, my
(16:38):
sister Kim, like I have that memory of like really
being jealous of her lifestyle and like her her her
cowboy friends, and I'm sure she probably flipped it was like, oh,
y'all are living in the city, like uh, but you know,
and like her daughter, she raised them. They raised lamb
and they did all that and they are country girls
(17:00):
like I just I'm like, God, it's like could have
been me, but it's not. I've been a city girl.
Speaker 3 (17:06):
I think about all the like parts of that that
I wouldn't want to put up with.
Speaker 1 (17:10):
Like I want to go to Vegas for the PBR.
What's that bull riding? Oh?
Speaker 2 (17:17):
I don't think I could watch that.
Speaker 1 (17:18):
It's like it's scary, but it's like it. But Okay,
if there's like a convention or something like I want
to go and do.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
You go to the were Outfits?
Speaker 1 (17:25):
No? But I want to.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
Okay, then let's start with going to something here.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Like I would go to the rodeo in Austin. I
loved that way.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
Let's get you to a rodeo, Let's get you to
a barn.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
Well let's just start with Nashville Palace. But like, ask yourself, people,
who who have you wanted to be? Always? And like
are you gonna give yourself that in twenty twenty six?
Like I'm not up and changing my entire life, but
I just have I can have like a night where
I get to be a cowgirl.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
This is your alter ego and it might turn into
your regular ego.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Maybe you know, and I put on my rocky mountains?
Did you ever wear docu Mountains?
Speaker 2 (18:00):
I thought you weren't done with your sentence.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
Their genes, so I had some in junior high and
I loved them.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
I'm trying to think if there's like an alter ego
that I've like, who do you want to be?
Speaker 2 (18:13):
I think I used to.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
I was itching my lips.
Speaker 3 (18:20):
If I think about, well, I'm not willing to do
this now, so I almost don't want to say it.
But I wish that I would have been in like
drama as a child.
Speaker 1 (18:29):
Oh yeah, that's a good one.
Speaker 3 (18:30):
You know.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
Like, but I'm not willing to take an improv class.
I'm not that time. It's passed.
Speaker 3 (18:34):
I'm not going to join a theater studio now. But
I do think a part of me would have been
so improv.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
This is your year, you do it. I'll go with you.
Speaker 2 (18:43):
You quit last time.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
So i'll go again.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
Maybe you would go. Yes, we could go together, but
I don't want to.
Speaker 3 (18:51):
I have no interest in doing that. I'm making a
choice from my word. I just wish that as a
kid I would have started doing that, because I feel
like I would have really liked to be in like
the plays in high school and like stuff like that.
Like I have no interest in being in a play now,
you know. So that's my alter ego, but I don't
(19:12):
think I'm going to explore it. So because of that,
I want to double encourage you to explore your cowgirl lifestyle.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
I will, I'll keep you putting, I will explore it,
and I will keep you posted. It's funny you said
that about drama because it kind of is relatable to
the email we're going to get into from a listener
who at the top of it said a noon please,
which means anonymous. I'm married for sixteen years and we
have two boys, sixteen and eleven. We've had our ups
(19:39):
and downs, but we've made it work. My husband has
strong feelings about raising men who can take care of themselves.
I feel strongly too, about raising strong, decent, but kind
and thoughtful men as well. Our youngest has such a
spark for life and I love it. Everyone who meets
him instantly loves him, and he has lots of friends.
He plays competitive soccer. He's a good student and a
good friend. This year, when he transitioned to middle school,
(20:02):
he was so excited to try band. I was all
for it, encouraging his interest and curiosity. He selected the
Obo and has been pretty dedicated. His dad has not
been supportive and teases him and is wanting him to
quit next year. He feels that taking drama would have
resulted in more life skills than learning an instrument. I'm
(20:24):
not happy about this, but how do I keep the
peace in my marriage and support my son. There are
multiple situations like this with my husband and our boys,
and I don't know how to address them. I found
my son's band picture in the garbage this morning, and
it broke my heart. Oh mine too. He had his
first concert this week and I went alone as his
dad was out of town. I do not agree that
(20:47):
my son should quit. I think he should pursue things
that interest him. My husband is just not a fan
of band.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
What do I do?
Speaker 1 (20:55):
Signed A non mom, A non mom?
Speaker 2 (21:00):
How old is this kid?
Speaker 1 (21:02):
I don't know if it's the Oh it's got to
be the eleven year old because she said transition to
junior high.
Speaker 2 (21:07):
Okay, okay, I have some strong feelings about this to you.
Speaker 1 (21:12):
I wish I had learned an instrument when I was
a kid.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
I feel like in middle school. I don't know if
your middle school was like this, but everybody did band
in middle school.
Speaker 1 (21:20):
Mine was not like that.
Speaker 2 (21:22):
I didn't, but I feel like it was very normal.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
My sister did the french horn, and I also.
Speaker 2 (21:27):
Don't remember the kids being able to pick their own instrument.
That seems pretty cool.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
Oh my sister did. She got to pick. She wanted
to do the french horn because I'll never forget those
instrument that she played because one time they're really they're wide,
like they're big. And she was trying to get off
the bus. The case got turned horizontally as she's walking off,
and she got stuck in the door and then dripped
and fell out of the bus because of her french
(21:53):
horn case. But that was something she only did in
junior high. She didn't continue in high school. But I
think it was a good experience for her. I wish
I had done band. I'd acquire, but I wish I
had done band.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
I didn't do either.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
Like I think, my sister was first chair. It's challenging.
You learn, you grow like you are your first chair,
your second chair. You're working as a team. Yeah, when
you're performing all the other instruments.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
Yeah, I think that what it sounds like it's happening
is the dad has some preconceived notions of what in
how he wants his child to be, versus like allowing
it just to unfold. And I do get that that's hard.
I'm not a parent yet, and I do have a
I do know enough that I'm probably going to have
a dreams of what I would want for them, and
(22:37):
it's hard to let go of that. But if this
is something that this kid really likes, I think that's
also sending a message if you don't let them. It's
not hurting anybody. It's not like he's into something dangerous
or harmful to himself for others, Like, this is a
innocent thing that he's enjoying. He's learning life skills, he's
(22:58):
learning how to a skill, and I mean he's having fun.
Speaker 1 (23:03):
What a party trick later in life. You're like, well,
I can play the obo, like you come across one
and you know how to play it.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
You know how many times I've come across an Obo?
And then like, I wish I could just play that
for everybody.
Speaker 1 (23:16):
Yeah, I get like other instruments might come in handy better.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
I wonder that this would be different if he would
just like was playing the piano on his own versus
like he's in the school band.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
Well, he said, he's fine. If the kid does drama,
It's like, what, why are there more life skills in
drama than there are in band. I feel like if
a dad is like anti band, now I'm I'm generalized,
like I'm stereotyping here. I feel like that's the type
of dad that would also be anti drama.
Speaker 2 (23:44):
Yeah that is maybe. I don't know. When I heard that,
I thought maybe they have to pick one or the other.
Speaker 1 (23:49):
Oh, okay, but.
Speaker 2 (23:49):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (23:50):
And also doesn't she say that this kid is playing
like competitive soccer and stuff.
Speaker 2 (23:54):
Yeah, so he's well rounded. I really appreciate this lesson.
Speaker 3 (23:58):
This is something that my dad said to us growing up,
and younger me was annoyed by it, but I'm so
grateful for it now. My dad always said, I don't
care what you do, but you have to do something,
Like you can't just go to school and come home
like I don't care what you were a part of,
whether it's.
Speaker 2 (24:15):
The band, drama, soccer, this, or that. You have to
do something. And I ended up quitting soccer.
Speaker 3 (24:21):
I didn't play my senior year, and he said, I
don't care, but like you have to do something, And
so I ended up running cross country.
Speaker 2 (24:28):
And it taught me that, like one.
Speaker 3 (24:32):
One, it just helped me like experiment with things, like
I wouldn't have run across country. I mean maybe I
would have. I don't know, but like it made me experiment.
You meet new people, you meet new friends, you hang
out with people that you wouldn't normally. I don't know
how big that kid's school is, but like when you
do different activities, you get to meet different kinds of people,
and I think that's healthy for us. And that has
(24:52):
helped me as an adult continue to like try new
things because I that's maybe part of why I always
have to have a hobby, you.
Speaker 1 (24:59):
Know, Catherine, I don't care what you do. You have
to do something, like you tell yourself that you're like
you have you can go to work and you have
to do something when you come home.
Speaker 3 (25:10):
And it's helped I think keep my life interesting at least, yeah,
and help me have community. I think a lot of
the things they haven't always been things that I do
by myself.
Speaker 1 (25:20):
You know what part of the email is just really,
I can't like go up? Is that the dad put
the band picture in the trash?
Speaker 3 (25:26):
What do we know the dad did that or did
the kids throw it away because he knew that the
dad didn't like the band?
Speaker 1 (25:43):
You know what part of the email is just really,
I can't like go up? Is that the dad put
the band picture in the trash?
Speaker 3 (25:49):
What do we know the dad did that or did
the kids throw it away because he knew that the
dad didn't like the band?
Speaker 1 (25:54):
Good question?
Speaker 2 (25:56):
If the dad put that in the trash, son.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
I found my son's band picture in the garbage. It
broke my heart. Correct, We don't know who put it
in the trash, so.
Speaker 2 (26:03):
Either way, that's sad.
Speaker 3 (26:04):
Like if the kid threw it in the trash because
like he's embarrassed or whatever, or he doesn't want to
disappoint his dad, that's sad. And if the dad threw
it in the trash, like what First of all, first
of all, you're gonna want those memories that reminds me
of Patrick's little soccer picture.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
Yeah, Like you're gonna want.
Speaker 3 (26:23):
Those cute, little sweet memories of them when they're older
to look back on, even if you laugh at them, you.
Speaker 1 (26:31):
Know, yeah, like they're good to have. So I hope
that maybe you could sit down with your husband and
have a conversation about how it makes you feel as
his partner when he's yeah, if he especially if you
threw it away, if he's the one that did it.
That aside his general feelings, and when he isn't supportive
(26:51):
and y'all, y'all are trying to parent together, that's gotta
be no fun for you. If there's this resistance too,
you know, a passion that your son has that sucks.
I'm sorry that you're going through it. That you could
use our intentional dialogue for it.
Speaker 3 (27:07):
Yeah, And also I think that keep it health could
be like and this is taking a step farther and
you don't have to do this, but it's just a
thought I had as you were talking, is asking your husband,
like what is their real fear here? Like what's I'm
understand I'm trying to understand, Like what are you afraid
of is going to happen if he continues doing this
(27:30):
thing that he really loves? And also like, is there
a way for us to look at what he would
gain too, Like let's not just look it's above the
line below the line, right, you're the fact is he's
in band, and then these are all the stories that
we're making. How do we how do we find the
stories that's above the line, because I think there's plenty
of them.
Speaker 1 (27:49):
Yeah, And then maybe talking through that with him, he
could see how cause he maybe he's not even aware
of how his behavior because this could be the condition
and thing on his end, like maybe, ah, this would
be going way deep, like way deep. Could you see
a situation where a dad, a grown man, is acting
this way towards his son. But it's like, what if
(28:11):
way way way back when he was a kid he
wanted to be in band and his dad didn't let him.
Speaker 2 (28:16):
That very well might be possible.
Speaker 1 (28:19):
And so then as the wife, you can have compassion
for Oh, this is where my husband's coming from. Still
doesn't mean it's okay. It's best if he works through it.
But I think I saw a tip one time somewhere,
probably on TikTok of like picture your partner as a
(28:39):
kid sometimes, like when they're in their behavior that sometimes
is perplexing, but like really picturing them as a kid,
and then it helps you soften your demeanor towards it.
Obviously this has to be the right circumstance, but because
sometimes we want to react in a way that's like
angry when really it's obvious this is one of their
(29:00):
wounds coming up. So if you can soften it gets
resolved a lot faster, and just meeting our partners where
they are, because sometimes that's exactly where they are is
they're going back to a childhood wound. Any who's the
I texted my boyfriend to figure out the name of
his horse when he was a kid. I'm surprised I
forgot this name because it was the name of my
(29:20):
stepmom for a little while. I know my dad's fourth wife.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
But is it cricket? Yes, crickets have I feel like
a normal name for all. I know.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
If you think I would remember that, because I'm like, oh, yeah,
dot cricket, you.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
Were like, oh sorry, I thought you said as faragus.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
Oh, I mean to be better. If he was like
it would make more sense, I guess if he was
like broccoli, duh, and I'm like, oh, oops, vegetable. But
some people do eat crickets. In other countries, they have
cricket tacos.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
Patrick ate a cricket when went to Mexico last year. See,
and he said it was not bad.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
Cricket, asparagus, same thing, same thing. So yeah, he had
a horse. To see, he's got some cowboy.
Speaker 3 (30:08):
In him if he can just go. He has boots
and he had a horse. Consider him a cowboy.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
Okay, And we're going to Nashville Palace.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
And if you're with him, that makes you a cowgirl automatically. Yeah,
you accidentally walked into this cowgirl life that you've always wanted.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
Woh yeah, maybe we'll get a farm or a ranch.
I mean we're not really do they have ranches?
Speaker 2 (30:31):
Heat?
Speaker 1 (30:31):
So, like I'm from Texas and like we have ranches there,
you know, but in Tennessee, what's Amilia's farm and a ranch?
I don't know exactly.
Speaker 2 (30:41):
I have a book wreck what is it? We're talking
about farms?
Speaker 3 (30:45):
So this is by the same author that wrote The
Winter Garden that I've recommended before. This book is called
four Winds like the number four. Fou are kristin Hannah.
It is about the Great Depression and it's about a
family that lives on a farm.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
It's very depressing.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
And where where do they live?
Speaker 2 (31:05):
You know, Texas on a farm.
Speaker 3 (31:09):
It's good it's historical fiction, so you learn while you read.
But also it's like you're in a story.
Speaker 1 (31:14):
That's what you said last time you talked about her books.
You're like, I'm learning while I'm reading.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
But then I couldn't remember the time period that book
was World War Two.
Speaker 1 (31:22):
So okay, we'll close out with this, so we you know,
we're like to educate. You know, a farm primarily grows
crops and can raise various animals, focusing on cultivation, which,
like I said, my half sister's step dad was a
cotton farmer, so she lived on a farm farm farm
because he was a farmer, he lost his arm in
(31:42):
the machine. He was a one armed cowboy, and he
dressed like a cowboy and he wore a cowboy hat
every day. And all my dad's brothers they worked on
ranches and lived on orange like and they wore cowboy
hats every day. But my dad was the only one
that came to the city. So then my dad was
like the only one that didn't wear a cowboy hat.
And so I think part of me is like my
dad robbed me of my cowboy lifestyle, my cowgirl lifestyle,
(32:04):
because like everybody else in my family, ugh, okay, While
a ranch is a type of farm specializing in raising
live stock like cattle or sheep over large areas, relying
more on natural terrain for pastures. So it's a difference
between like livestock and crops.
Speaker 2 (32:21):
What would you rather be a rancher a farmer? Good question.
Speaker 1 (32:25):
I think I want to be a rancher because I
love cattle.
Speaker 2 (32:28):
Yeah, but I don't know.
Speaker 1 (32:29):
No, No, we're not going to eat them.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
You're gonna do dairy farm.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
No, we'll just keep cattle, not to We're not going
to be a beef ranch. We just will have cattle
on our lane.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Well, you can have dairy cows.
Speaker 1 (32:40):
I could, but I don't know if I want to
milk them.
Speaker 2 (32:43):
Okay, so what do you do with the cow?
Speaker 1 (32:45):
Also, the black and white ones aren't as cute to
me as the brown ones.
Speaker 2 (32:48):
And those are beef cows.
Speaker 1 (32:49):
Yeah, but you can just have cattle.
Speaker 2 (32:52):
You need to milk them, the dairy ones. Yeah. Why
can't you milk a beef cow?
Speaker 1 (33:00):
You mean like a mom? Yeah, you mean the female
like a heifer.
Speaker 2 (33:06):
I don't know. I'm just curious what makes a cow
a dairy cow versus a beef cow.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
Okay, I only know heffer because of my I went
to text a andem and I had to take like
you know animals. Yeah, so heifer is a young female
cow that hasn't had a calf yet. Okay, so we
need a cow, Like what are we asking?
Speaker 2 (33:25):
What makes something a beef cow versus a dairy cow?
Can can you milk a beef cow?
Speaker 1 (33:30):
Beef cows? Can you get milk from beef cows? You
can get milk from beef cattle. They produce much less
than dairy cows. That's why they do, like one gallon
versus six gallons. Oh wow, so that is why efficiency
And just as you would suspect their bread for meat
(33:51):
not milk.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
Got it.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
So that's why. But good question, Kat, I love your
deep thinking. I never really thought about that. Well, obviously
we know they have the utters, Yeah, just like we
have nipples. I have nipples? Do you have nipples?
Speaker 2 (34:05):
Greg? Never seen that movie?
Speaker 3 (34:09):
You've never seen me that I seen parts of it,
Like I've seen that part, but I don't think I've
ever watched the whole movie.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
God, there's so many movies.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
Yeh hm.
Speaker 1 (34:19):
Oh well, all right, well that's our advice.
Speaker 2 (34:22):
That's where that was helpful New Year's episode.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
Yeah, welcome to feeling things. Probably Yeah, a lot of
different feelings there. But to the anonymous listener that emailed
in good luck, you know this is not easy to navigate.
But you're you're doing a good job, like you're a
good mom. You're loving your son and he needs your
support extra right now, especially if his dad's acting a
fool you know what I mean, because he is, but
(34:46):
it'll work out. I would encourage you to have a
talk with him, and like Kat said, get curious about
where where is this coming from because it could be
an old wound. All right, that's a wrap. We hope
you have the new year that you need to have.
Bye bye mm hm
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Amy Brown
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