March 5, 2026 • 33 mins
From the "new girl" Mahjong jitters to the awkwardness of neighborhood small talk, Amy and Kat are breaking down how to navigate social pressure. We’re responding to a listener who feels shamed by the "work outside the home" question and offering a simple script to help you stop over-explaining your worth.
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HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Van Buren // threecordstherapy.com // @KatVanburen
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
While we hope Couch Talks can be a tool that
helps and supports wherever you are in life, Couch Talks
does not serve as a replacement or substitute for therapy
or any mental health services.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
All right, break it down. If you ever have feelings
that you just fonsome maymy and Cat gotcha covin like
a a brother, Ladies and felas, do you just follow
an the spirit where it's all us phone or real
stuff to the chill stuff and the m but sway,
sometimes the best thing you can do it just stop
(00:33):
you feel things. This is Feeling Things with Amy and Kat.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Happy Thursday, Welcome to Couch Talks, our Q and a
episode to the Feeling Things podcast. I'm Amy and I'm Kat.
And the first email we're going to get into isn't
so much a question, just more of an encouragement before
we get to the big question. But Susan from Georgia
emailed us about that game Majongjong.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
I don't know say it.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
They domino game dominoes game.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Well they're like they look like dominoes, but they have
symbols on them and not live dots.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
Yeah, but are dominoes are Dominoes are domini. What's the
plural of dominoes.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
I think dominoes is Domino's and dominoes is the same.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
Yeah, like a cactus cacti, but it's not like that
octopus's octopi.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
I don't think you say domini.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
Okay, this is from Susan. I just played with a
few ladies in my neighborhood for the first time yesterday. Honestly,
I was a little nervous because I didn't know the
ladies very well, and I thought it was going to
be hard. I ended up having so much fun. They
were very patient with me, and I picked up how
to play by game two. I'm so glad I went.
(01:47):
What a great way to connect with new friends. I
think y'all would love it too, Your friend, Susan, I mean,
I haven't been invited to play anywhere.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Well, they do. I have two thoughts on this. They
do like Majong meetups places I've been seeing those.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Yeah, I'm not gonna do that. I know that's not
I mean, I guess if I really needed to, I
would get sure and.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
He needed to make friends. Yes. Also, my sister in
law was telling me last night she went to her
friend's birthday party and they brought in a Majong Majong
Majong expert that taught them how to play, and then
they played a game that was like the birthday party.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
Oh fun. That's like when I went to Gracie's Bunco party. Yeah,
Gracie was the expert, but like they didn't have to
bring anybody in. But I don't think Bunco is as
maybe complex as Majong scenes. But it was fun and
we played and that was the game and or the sorry,
the celebration of the birthday party, the activity, and I
thought that that was cool so I could see, Yeah,
(02:49):
having I didn't know there was Majong experts that would
come and do that.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
And they said she was like cool.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
She was like our age, and like, I feel like
there's tons of cool people to play Majo, like Jennifer Aniston, right,
doesn't she? I don't know. I'll let me Google selects playing.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Oh my gosh. I just looked this up because I
was curious. Do you know how much a Majong set is?
You have to really love the game.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
I think there are very expensive ones and then there's
lower end ones too.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Write the cheapest what I'm seeing is like eighty bucks.
They go up to like one thousand dollars. There's one
at Anthropology for four hundred. Wow. Yeah, the cheapest one
is eighty.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
Okay, so far I'm not seeing Jennifer Aniston, but I
am seeing Jennifer Garner.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Is you get them mixed up?
Speaker 3 (03:36):
Julia Roberts, Sarah, Jessica Parker, fran Dresser, Megan Markle, Amy Poehler,
Amy Polar, and it will be Goldberg. Those are celebrities
that have been spotted playing Majong.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Spotted also, I take this back. At Target, you can
get a set for thirty dollars.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Yeah. I knew there was definitely cheaper, but a lot
of them are a lot cheaper chicken. That makes me
think of have you seen Father of the Bride? Oh
my god, talking about this, I don't know that we
have the Father of the Bride.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
I've seen pieces of it, but I've never sat down
and watched it in its entirety.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
The wedding planner is the cheaper chicken, which is Martin short, right,
I didn't know that. You didn't know that. Well before
we get into the email that has a question, Shannon
has clarified for us that a singular Domino's domino Da,
but plural is Dominoes. Yeah, what's your favorite pizza? Okay,
(04:36):
how Dominoes at the top of my list.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
I was thinking about this the other day really because
Papa John's has come out with a new pan pizza
and I was thinking, I want to try that, and
then I just started thinking about pizzas. I don't love
Dominoes caveat. They have the best thin crust pizza.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
That's the only kind I get, and I love thin
crust pizza, love it.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
So it depends on why I'm in the mood for
If I want regular crust, I want mellow mushroom. If
I want now that's available, that's not always available. Yeah,
so if it's not, then I love Papa John's. But
if I want thin crust, I'm going Dominoes. And if
I want a breadstick, that's where it gets tricky.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
Okay, where would you choose a breadstick from?
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Well? Probably do tell Probably Papa John's because I like
their cheesebread. But Pizza Hut has the best like breadsticks.
But I don't love Pizza Huts pizza.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
I know we're talking just breadsticks, pizza Hut, No, I don't.
I'm not a breadstick girl. I guess because I mean, yeah,
cheesy bread. Okay, fine, we were talking about this on
the Bobby Bone Show the other day. And have you
ever had apple pizza? Like, did have you ever eaten
it of mister Gaddy's ever?
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Yes, they used to.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
Okay, so they have the best apple pizza ever. It's
their dessert pizza apple and like the cinnamon crumble on top, like, ugh,
just so good. All right, let's get into our email.
Longtime listener that wants to be anonymous. I believe we
can say they're from I would just let's just say
(06:10):
they're from the any're from the United States. We do
have listeners in other countries, so I'm clarifying this is
an anonymous listener from America. Hi, Amy and Kat, longtime
listener here. Due to my husband's military career and having
two kids, I have found myself, like many others, staying
(06:33):
home to support our spouse and their schedules. I spent
years waiting for my turn to get back in the workforce.
My kids are older now and I've held a few
part time jobs in recent years, but due to my
long hiatus, I'm obviously finding myself in minimum wage positions,
with commuting and withholdings, it often doesn't really feel worth
(06:53):
my time. To be quite honest, my husband retired from
the army and he was fortunate enough to a second
career soon after. Truth be told, there isn't a financial need.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
For me to work.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
He's also very supportive and says that I have the
opportunity to be as fit as I want and do
the hobbies and things I enjoyed doing. I realized that
I have the life most people would love. However, I
feel like we live in a society that holds some
stereotypes about women that don't work. I've found myself in
situations on more than one occasion where I've been asked
(07:25):
by a woman in front of others, do you work
outside the home. I don't know if the intention was
to hurt or shame, but I felt very embarrassed when
I answered no. I always feel like I have to
explain myself, you know, like my kids school doesn't have
a bus, or my husband is so in and out
and I need to be there for the kids. I
feel like if I answered honestly with no, I don't work,
(07:49):
there's not a huge need for it right now. That
would come across wrong and imply that they must work
because it's needed. I would love a suggestion on something
to have in mind to say in these situations, thanks,
and I hope you have the day you need to have.
Who live in the dream? Just kidding, just kidding, just kidding.
(08:10):
But some people are listening and they're like, oh my god,
I would love it if my husband was like, just
be as fit as you want and do whatever. Now
I would say, I'm not a therapist here. I'm very
curious cats take on this, but like just as a mom,
a former spouse, I'm no longer married. No, now I
(08:30):
have to work. I have a choice, but I've always
worked our entire marriage. I will say, if we were,
if I would have why can't Mashong, I don't know
how to say it. Why can't I talk? If I
were to have gotten pregnant, like we were trying, Yeah,
(08:51):
my plan was to leave the Bobby Bone Show like
I was going to be done working, and we knew
that I would talk about it on air. I'm like, well,
when I get pregnant, I'm out of here, like wow, suckers.
And then I never got pregnant. So and then by
the time we adopted, and we adopted older kids, they
were in school and radio had become a career at
(09:12):
that point. So I just kept working. And I often
think about what my life would have been like if
I had quit, because I don't know. I know, once
if I'd had a baby, and then maybe multiple babies,
and then maybe when they started school, I would start
back at work. But like, what would I have started
back at It's not like I would have been like,
oh hey, Bobby Boncho, I'm ready to come back. Would
(09:32):
they be like we replaced you.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Would you go back to selling countertops?
Speaker 3 (09:37):
Well, that's not exactly what I did por cabinets.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Nope, shoot, Brant.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
Sold the materials wholesale. Oh so it wasn't ever actually
a countertop, It was a slab.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Would you go back to selling slabs?
Speaker 3 (09:50):
I like to say, I worked for an import export company, okay,
natural stone.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Uh.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
Although I had relationships with a lot of the people,
I just really met the end user, so I never
knew exactly what it was being used for, even though
probably nine times out of ten it was a countertop.
So to answer your question, maybe if that job would
I only worked there because my friends were working there
and their family owned it, and then he ended up
(10:18):
staying there and then eventually got some shares in the company,
and then they sold it, and now he's my agent.
He's retired. So maybe I should have that would have
been nice stayed there. I don't know what I would
have done, because it probably would have been several years
before that happened, because I wanted to have multiple kids,
and I'm assuming that I would have been able to
do that. But all this to say back to my
(10:39):
original point, I always wanted that. I think I would
have said that with pride. I think where she's getting
hung up is maybe parts of her want to work. Yeah,
(11:01):
I think parts of her, I mean, and I think
I would after the kids were grown too, and she
has it seems like her kids are now in school
and she has that time. So in a conversation that
I was having about a week or so ago on
a little project that I'm working on, I was talking
through some things with her about why I don't know why,
(11:23):
I don't know why why I can't figure out how
to talk. I'm sorry. I was explaining to her some
parts of my job that I could lean into more
and could actually be lucrative, but I don't do it.
And I don't know why, because some people would be like,
you're crazy. Why wouldn't you do that? That's such easy money?
(11:48):
And so I was beating myself up about it, like
what's wrong with me? And she said it sounds to
me like that particular part doesn't fill your cup. Yeah,
so you don't get the joy from that that someone
else might. And so when I was reading her email,
I was thinking, like, while I'm sure she loves being
(12:10):
a mom and she's thankful that her husband is able
to provide her cup, isn't fully maybe yeah, And maybe
that's why she's projecting, because I don't know that anybody's
asked with judgment, but she said that she felt that's
what she felt, and I think she's projecting that judgment,
and that's just that's just Layman's here, Layman, Layman speak. Here, Kat,
(12:35):
you're the expert.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
I was actually I'm so impressed with you. Yeah, I
was curious about this last paragraph where she says that
she feels like people are asking with more intention behind
what they're saying. And I actually kind of like people saying,
do you work outside of the home, because a lot
(12:57):
of people will say, like, do you have a job,
or do you work, or somebody even say do you
work outside of the home. Is acknowledging that, like the
work you're doing in the home is work, And I
think that gets missed a lot.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
What I'm laughing at a video I saw a girl
make the other day, and I guess she doesn't have
a job. Who knows if this video is even real,
but it was a quick little video that popped up
as a real And she said, some people ask me
if I feel guilty spending my husband's money, and I
look at them and I'm like, I clean his poop
off the toilet. No, I do not feel guilty for
(13:29):
spending his money. So she's like the housekeeper at the
hot like she's the one cleaning and keeping everything moving.
And she was like, absolutely not. I do not feel bad.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
Oh that's amazing. Yes, amen. So if you're doing that,
then like you're doing real work. But I like what
you're saying about, Like, then I don't know because we
don't have all the pieces and we can't ask her
follow up questions. It does sound like there's some projection
going on, which is normal, right, we all object totally
at times, or there's just some things within her that are,
(14:03):
you know, showing up in her brain when people are
asking your questions. This is a very simple question, but
then we put stories to it, because what I was
going to say is you don't really have to explain
why you're not working. If somebody asks you a question,
they're most likely just making conversation with you, like trying
to get to know you. Or it's not like they're
coming at you trying to like get you, you know,
(14:24):
like oh, you're so lazy, or you're this or that,
and the things that she said, like that she's worried
that will come across wrong and imply that they must
work because it is needed. You're assuming an assumption that
somebody else is probably not assuming, you know, like that
came that could be true, but most likely it's not.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
Yeah, I mean it's thoughtful of you to think that
because you don't want to insult them. Yeah, like, oh,
it's just not needed right now, Unlike you, I guess
that what your lame husband do you know? Because yeah,
I mean there are plenty of how solds where two
people are working and that may not be necessary. Yeah,
it may not be needed at all, whatsoever. Let's say
(15:09):
it could be the man could quit his job and
the woman makes enough to support the whole family, but
he might not do that, and vice versa. The man
might make enough to where his wife doesn't have to work,
but why would she? I mean, if anything, be like
I'm storing away for winter, store away your nuts, like
(15:30):
get a job so your future like yea, he makes
enough right now. But I mean, we can look at
this two ways. I mean, Kat, we were talking just
what last week about how should we even be saving
our money anymore? The world is crashing down around us.
Spend it all, live it up, enjoy life. Also, at
the same time, we need to be responsible and put
money away. You could be like, I contribute towards our future.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
Yeah versus I have to help pay the bills right now.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
But really what I would do is I would brain storm,
take a deep look at what would fill your cup?
Speaker 1 (16:05):
Yeah, well, I think for her, I would just take
a little bit of an inventory of like where are
these assumptions and stories are coming from? Because, like I
said before, a lot of times when people are asking
that question, they're literally just trying to make conversation. They're
not trying to get you, and you also don't owe
anybody an explanation outside of answering that questions a very
(16:26):
simple casual question. You can just say, oh, I don't
what about you?
Speaker 3 (16:32):
Yeah, no, not during this season.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
Yeah you know, or yeah not right now, or fortunately
I get to do all.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
The hobbies anything I want. It's such a tul man
to be like, you get to stay on maybe as
fit as you want because to me, and I'm sure
your husband is lovely. I'm just let's not even talk
about her relationship exactly. But let's say if a man
makes a comment like that, I would feel like if
(17:03):
if my cup isn't full I'd be like, I don't
really feel heard right now or scene because like working out,
it's not filling up my cup or that's not the
entire picture here. Yeah, for being as fit as I want.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
But her cup also isn't being filled by working the
jobs that feel like they're not like correct helping right family,
because it feels like it's just like filling time.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
Okay, good point, Glad you've said that. So is there
if money truly isn't an issue at all, could there
be volunteer work that could fill your cup. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Yeah, And then when somebody asks you do work outside
of the home, they're like, well, I volunteer at this
place and I do this, and I'm on this board and.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
Blah blah blah, and I play majong and I am
a majong instructor. Yes, I can come.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
You can hire me to your party.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
And teach all your friends how to play majong. Yeah.
I mean, I think that our society has still such
a weird relationship with women, women and working.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
What's interesting is she's saying that people judge women for
not working. I think that people judge when for working
just as much, depending on what community you're in and
who you're surrounded by, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
You see both of that and flipped because it's so
rare for the man to stay home. It's like men
get judged if they stay home.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
I don't know if we'll ever graduate past that. I mean,
it may be in some communities it might be more normal.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
But do you remember that kicker that gave his name
was like buttnecks or something.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
What do you kicker of?
Speaker 1 (18:38):
What the chiefs? Okay, it was like butt kiss or
something was.
Speaker 3 (18:47):
His last name was butt Kiss Shannon.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Can you ook this up? Chiefs kicker? That gave a
he gave a commencement speech, but her but kiss is better?
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Okay, oh Harrison Bucks.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Okay, So he gave a commencement speech at I want
to say it was like a women's like a female school,
but that could be wrong. I might have just been
like a conservative school somewhere. This was maybe two years ago.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
Oh yes, I remember this and it went viral.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
I did a whole episode on this for you need
Therapy back in the day. But he basically said, like
to these women that have just gone through four years
of college, is saying the best thing you can do
in life is to stay home and raise a family.
Speaker 3 (19:31):
Like what what? What?
Speaker 1 (19:34):
How is that a commencement speech to women?
Speaker 3 (19:37):
Yeah, after they've completed their education.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
Right, it's like do something. Yeah, And it was kind
of shaming, like if you want to go work, like
you're missing now.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
It was I remember that speech causing a lot of
division online because some people, well a lot of people
agreed with it, yeah and then some didn't. But I
will say some of that is cannditioning or like you said,
depending on your circles or where you are you're hanging
out with, because I grew up wanting to do that,
because that's what was encouraged, like when I have kids,
(20:09):
I'm going to stay home. I mean, that was my trajectory.
There was no other way. And then the Lord laughed
at that because nothing worked out the way that I
plan on it.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
And I think.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
Now I'm thinking of really horrible people online right now
where I don't even want to say their message because
I don't want to even spread it because it's so
demeaning towards women. But we've kind of talked about it.
We talked about Nick Flint.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Oh you see what what was posted the other day.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
We've kind of talked about it. We talked about Nick Flint.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
O you see what? Yea what was posted the other day?
Speaker 3 (20:58):
Yes, and I, again I'm not a part of me
wanted to repost him and be like this is this
cannot be real. But then I didn't want to repost
it because I didn't want to give it more space.
But he has a massive following, like massive, and a
lot of them young men, impressionable men that are listening
(21:18):
to the way he speaks about women and our worth
and our value and the reason why we even exist.
And it's pretty terrible. I know that's not the same
as what the speech he gave, but the division that
it caused. I was just sort of like, why can't
we just let people choose, choose and be Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
I think that's what I mean, is that, like, there's
nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom, and
there's nothing wrong with being a working mom, right, And
there's nothing wrong with being somebody who doesn't have to work,
who doesn't have kids, and there's nothing wrong with being
somebody who works, and like there's there's just nothing wrong
with any of it. So why are we telling people
that this is the best thing that you'll ever do,
(21:58):
or this is the only thing that will bring you happiness,
or this is the right decision. It should be teaching
people how to be introspective with themselves so we can
figure out what we want, what makes us happy. Because
what I have found is when I chase things or
I do what other people tell me to do blindly,
I usually don't end up very fulfilled. It always end
up wanting. But that's the message that we're sending, is
(22:20):
like there's a right way and there's a wrong way,
and I just don't see a way to slice it
that that makes sense.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Yeah, I want to'll do a doozy on some relationships,
especially if like the woman wants to work in her
man they feel conflicted by it because of the conditioning
and the upbringing or what they've been told is acceptable.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
A really really important thing to talk about that some
people might not think to talk about before you get married,
Like what are your expectations if we have kids? What
are your expectations? Because if somebody really really really wants
to stay home and their partner is like, no, you'll
be working, that's going to cause probably vice versa. Or
if somebody's like my kid's mother will not be working.
Speaker 3 (23:05):
I'm trying to decide how I would feel if I
was with someone right now, because I've never had this situation. Yeah,
like someone said to me, you don't have to work.
You get to stay home and be as fit as
you want and do whatever you want. It's fine. Like
I'm really trying to put myself in her shoes, and
how would I feel and what would I do? What
(23:25):
would I do? I mean once, I mean obviously to
get the kids up, get them to school, and then.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
What there's so much to do in this house. I
feel like there's so much, but I think so I
don't have a housekeeper. But also I think that there's
other things to do than paid work. There's other things
you could do with your time than just going to work. Yeah,
now you might then want to because some people love
(23:51):
working for the sake of working, and like love their
jobs and love making money and all of that.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
And like community and seeing people and like leaning out.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
Well, there's other ways to do that other than just
having a job.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
You definitely, if if Patrick came home listen, I'm trying
to I'm trying to picture how I would react, and
I really don't know. I feel like if Patrick came
home and said that to you right now, and he
would be like, I'm Amy, I'm done with the podcast.
I am never working again.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
But we've talked about this, like if we became like billionaires,
would we still work? And I said, at this point,
I have zero desire to be a BILLIONI owner. If
we behind billionaires, one of the things we would do
is give away most of our money. But then once
we if we still wouldn't have to work, would you
still do it? And I said, I would probably not
still see clients, but I would still do the podcast
(24:37):
because it's like just fun.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
Yeah. Let me ask you this. If you could just
stay like you're gonna live a very comfortable life, you
will live. You will never go hungry, You always have
a roof over your head. You always be able to
get a cute outfit if you want it, like go
to the movies, go out to eat like you're you
live a good life, right, you have that, or a
(25:00):
chance to be a billionaire, but you can't give away
a lot of your money, you know, Like I'm saying, well,
I don't know, because I know you'd be like, well,
I'll choose a millionaire and then I'll give a lot
of it away and that will feel better. But just
in the way billionaires are being painted, especially right now,
would you, knowing the risks of becoming a billionaire and
(25:22):
what money does to people obviously crazy things, would you
keep your comfortable, awesome life. You don't need for anything,
and you're going to be fine till you die.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Do I work you don't, okay?
Speaker 3 (25:35):
Fine in the scenario you don't. You don't even have
to work, okay, wow? Or you get to be a billionaire?
What are you going to choose the first one?
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Okay that that wasn't even hard.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
Well, I don't know, I know if I really I
feel like some people would be like, are you getting
i'd be a billionaire, because then you want to talk
about not having a care in the world.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
I feel like, and again, this is not a real scenario,
so it's hard to really answer truthfully. But I feel like,
once you get to a certain level, there's no way
that money. Well I shouldn't say no way. It's hard
not to be changed by that. Like you have to
be surrounded by all really good people to keep you grounded,
(26:15):
and like you, I don't know how I would. I
wouldn't want to be tested in that way, and like you,
like just lose sight of things, like I don't want
to be out of touch.
Speaker 3 (26:25):
That must be what happens because some of these very
rich people I do not understand. Although it would be
nice to fly private everywhere, come on.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
But no, because now it's so bad for the environment. Wow,
that's one thing that really does scare me. I'm like,
all these people flying their private jets freaks me out.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
Freaks you out for the environment, or like Okay, who knew.
I didn't know you were.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
Yeah, I knew know who was it?
Speaker 3 (26:55):
Who was it?
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Jeff Bezos when you got married in Italy? All those
people that flew their private jets over there, I'm like,
can you guys carpool Like.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
Yeah, you would think they would maybe at least ride together,
take your nice jet or take up a plane private plane,
but take a bigger one and you guys all can
go over together.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
That just to me is compounds and it's yeah, yeah,
I feel like there should be laws around here.
Speaker 3 (27:17):
You're definitely right, that's a good point. I haven't thought
about that. Yeah, definitely, So.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
I have it planed. Should probably be cool. But also
it's one of those things I've never experienced it, so
it's easy for me to say like, oh, I would
never care.
Speaker 3 (27:31):
I can't.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
I have a feeling.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
If you once you were in a fly private you'd
be like, it's not that bad on the environment.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
I hope not. I hope not.
Speaker 3 (27:42):
But that's okay. That's why I'm with you. I would
choose to stay in my exact life, but I could
see where if I was really if there was a
lot of struggle and I didn't know how to pay
the next bill or food on the table. I might
be like, okaye, I'm gonna choose the But that's why
I wanted the option to be like your comfortable life,
nothing crazy, but you're taken care of. Yeah, because yeah,
(28:07):
you're right. Money just there comes a point where it
just changes, and it's well before the billion parts there.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
I don't know what they're like updated because of inflation,
but let's say ten years ago, so you can do
whatever math in your head. But ten years ago there
was a study that showed like how money changes your
percent of happiness or how happy you are, and the
threshold was like seventy thousand dollars. So I think back
(28:35):
then that was like whatever creates a comfortable home environment
where you're not living paycheck to paycheck, like you can
pay the bills whatever that is today. Back then it
was seventy thousand dollars. But after that, your happiness is
not changed by how much money you have. In fact,
it could actually go down. So that's proof that yes,
(28:55):
being comfortable can buy happiness, like having stability and security
allows people to have a level of happiness. But just
being crazy rich doesn't necessarily make you happier than somebody
who has a average job. It makes make an it
makes an average income, and that has been very helpful
to ground me to be able to say like, oh,
(29:17):
I don't need to like overwork myself or like hustle
or do this or do that to be in this
level of like happiness or enjoy my life. I'm actually
probably enjoying my life to the extent I can right now.
Speaker 3 (29:33):
Now, you know the saying more money, more problems.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
More money, more problems. They just thank god I'm not rich.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
Well, rich is relative, yeah, such an.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
Love and community?
Speaker 3 (29:47):
Well yeah, but even in dollars spite. Yeah, according to
some people. Oh yeah, like it's all it's all relative.
Like did you have a swimming pool growing up? Yes, yeah,
so did I. That's how Bobby would be like. He'll say,
as someone that grew up but with not a lot,
but he'll be like, that's all a lot of people
judged if you had money or not. And that doesn't
(30:10):
mean I mean my dad went bankrupt, but people didn't
know that.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
A pool, Well, we had a pool, and I didn't
know this, but my parents really struggled. When I was
in college. I had no idea, but Yeah, we had
a swimming pool the whole time, and the water was
always filled up and we could always use it.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
Don't judge a book by its cover. So I hope
this helps you know. This is we are not a
financial podcast. We do take seriously what you're writing in about.
I know we laughed a lot, but at the same time,
I know you're in a difficult season. But I hope
you can find something that fills up your cup.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Yeah, and in the meantime, I really mean that, like,
you don't owe any context to the questions. And what
I would encourage you to do is to pause when
you're jumping to conclusions and making assumptions and check the facts.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
Just like we like to use pause when you're receiving
a compliment, you just say thank you. Pause, pause, pause, pause,
And this is like, hey, well we'll try it out. Oh,
so do you work outside the home?
Speaker 1 (31:12):
Cat? Yes?
Speaker 3 (31:14):
No, you don't.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
You need to practice. You want me to be her?
Speaker 3 (31:17):
Yeah? I was giving her how does she pause?
Speaker 1 (31:19):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (31:20):
Okay? Oh cat? So do you work outside the home? Oh?
Speaker 1 (31:24):
I actually don't do you?
Speaker 3 (31:26):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (31:26):
I have to?
Speaker 3 (31:31):
Yeah, don't listen to her.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
She's just making a joke.
Speaker 3 (31:34):
No, shoot you. You didn't even pause, though, Man, you
were good at that pausing, but we're showing her how
to deal it, and you were like, no, do.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
You okay, try again? Okay. What I meant was pause
when she's writing stories in her head, to like then
check the facts, not like pause.
Speaker 3 (31:55):
I thought we were going to do like pause, pause, pause.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
I mean she can do that because I think also,
something that you taught me I think Brene Brown taught
it to you is when yeah, she called me, is
when you're asked a question to count to three before
you answer. Or I think Brene said she would twist
her ring three times when asked an important question, She'll
twist her ring on her finger three times before she
answers it. Because a lot of times we like, oh,
(32:19):
we have to answer this now, but like we don't.
Speaker 3 (32:23):
We don't just pause pause, pause. See. But where I
was going with that is you answered with confidence. She's
not feeling that confident with her answer, but you're you
were saying she.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
Should just be like no, do you Yeah?
Speaker 3 (32:36):
Okay, it's like it's no big deal.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
Yeah. That's why I'm saying, off the bat, the stories
that you're writing are making this question a bigger deal
than it is. So it's like no, do you Yeah,
no big deal. It's a casual question. Somebody's just trying
to like make conversation. Yeah, And then you could be like,
you know what do you play majah?
Speaker 3 (32:51):
We could do that or sort of like pretend someone's
asking you like do you drink coffee? No? Do you? Yeah? Okay,
I see, I see, I like it. Okay, So no
actual pause, Like I thought you're gonna be like pause, pause, pause.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Well you could if you if she needs to, if
she's like worried about then yes, but.
Speaker 3 (33:10):
But remember that's likely you projecting. They're not judging, and
if they are fine new friends. Ye bye bye. Speaking
of bye, uh, we hope wherever we y'all are, you
are having the day you need to have. Bye bye
While we hope Couch Talks can be a tool that
helps and supports wherever you are in life, Couch Talks
does not serve as a replacement or substitute for therapy
or any mental health services.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
All right, break it down. If you ever have feelings
that you just fonsome maymy and Cat gotcha covin like
a a brother, Ladies and felas, do you just follow
an the spirit where it's all us phone or real
stuff to the chill stuff and the m but sway,
sometimes the best thing you can do it just stop
(00:33):
you feel things. This is Feeling Things with Amy and Kat.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
Happy Thursday, Welcome to Couch Talks, our Q and a
episode to the Feeling Things podcast. I'm Amy and I'm Kat.
And the first email we're going to get into isn't
so much a question, just more of an encouragement before
we get to the big question. But Susan from Georgia
emailed us about that game Majongjong.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
I don't know say it.
Speaker 3 (01:00):
They domino game dominoes game.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Well they're like they look like dominoes, but they have
symbols on them and not live dots.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
Yeah, but are dominoes are Dominoes are domini. What's the
plural of dominoes.
Speaker 1 (01:15):
I think dominoes is Domino's and dominoes is the same.
Speaker 3 (01:19):
Yeah, like a cactus cacti, but it's not like that
octopus's octopi.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
I don't think you say domini.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
Okay, this is from Susan. I just played with a
few ladies in my neighborhood for the first time yesterday. Honestly,
I was a little nervous because I didn't know the
ladies very well, and I thought it was going to
be hard. I ended up having so much fun. They
were very patient with me, and I picked up how
to play by game two. I'm so glad I went.
(01:47):
What a great way to connect with new friends. I
think y'all would love it too, Your friend, Susan, I mean,
I haven't been invited to play anywhere.
Speaker 1 (01:57):
Well, they do. I have two thoughts on this. They
do like Majong meetups places I've been seeing those.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
Yeah, I'm not gonna do that. I know that's not
I mean, I guess if I really needed to, I
would get sure and.
Speaker 1 (02:13):
He needed to make friends. Yes. Also, my sister in
law was telling me last night she went to her
friend's birthday party and they brought in a Majong Majong
Majong expert that taught them how to play, and then
they played a game that was like the birthday party.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
Oh fun. That's like when I went to Gracie's Bunco party. Yeah,
Gracie was the expert, but like they didn't have to
bring anybody in. But I don't think Bunco is as
maybe complex as Majong scenes. But it was fun and
we played and that was the game and or the sorry,
the celebration of the birthday party, the activity, and I
thought that that was cool so I could see, Yeah,
(02:49):
having I didn't know there was Majong experts that would
come and do that.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
And they said she was like cool.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
She was like our age, and like, I feel like
there's tons of cool people to play Majo, like Jennifer Aniston, right,
doesn't she? I don't know. I'll let me Google selects playing.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Oh my gosh. I just looked this up because I
was curious. Do you know how much a Majong set is?
You have to really love the game.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
I think there are very expensive ones and then there's
lower end ones too.
Speaker 1 (03:18):
Write the cheapest what I'm seeing is like eighty bucks.
They go up to like one thousand dollars. There's one
at Anthropology for four hundred. Wow. Yeah, the cheapest one
is eighty.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
Okay, so far I'm not seeing Jennifer Aniston, but I
am seeing Jennifer Garner.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
Is you get them mixed up?
Speaker 3 (03:36):
Julia Roberts, Sarah, Jessica Parker, fran Dresser, Megan Markle, Amy Poehler,
Amy Polar, and it will be Goldberg. Those are celebrities
that have been spotted playing Majong.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Spotted also, I take this back. At Target, you can
get a set for thirty dollars.
Speaker 3 (03:54):
Yeah. I knew there was definitely cheaper, but a lot
of them are a lot cheaper chicken. That makes me
think of have you seen Father of the Bride? Oh
my god, talking about this, I don't know that we
have the Father of the Bride.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
I've seen pieces of it, but I've never sat down
and watched it in its entirety.
Speaker 3 (04:13):
The wedding planner is the cheaper chicken, which is Martin short, right,
I didn't know that. You didn't know that. Well before
we get into the email that has a question, Shannon
has clarified for us that a singular Domino's domino Da,
but plural is Dominoes. Yeah, what's your favorite pizza? Okay,
(04:36):
how Dominoes at the top of my list.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
I was thinking about this the other day really because
Papa John's has come out with a new pan pizza
and I was thinking, I want to try that, and
then I just started thinking about pizzas. I don't love
Dominoes caveat. They have the best thin crust pizza.
Speaker 3 (04:54):
That's the only kind I get, and I love thin
crust pizza, love it.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
So it depends on why I'm in the mood for
If I want regular crust, I want mellow mushroom. If
I want now that's available, that's not always available. Yeah,
so if it's not, then I love Papa John's. But
if I want thin crust, I'm going Dominoes. And if
I want a breadstick, that's where it gets tricky.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
Okay, where would you choose a breadstick from?
Speaker 1 (05:21):
Well? Probably do tell Probably Papa John's because I like
their cheesebread. But Pizza Hut has the best like breadsticks.
But I don't love Pizza Huts pizza.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
I know we're talking just breadsticks, pizza Hut, No, I don't.
I'm not a breadstick girl. I guess because I mean, yeah,
cheesy bread. Okay, fine, we were talking about this on
the Bobby Bone Show the other day. And have you
ever had apple pizza? Like, did have you ever eaten
it of mister Gaddy's ever?
Speaker 1 (05:49):
Yes, they used to.
Speaker 3 (05:49):
Okay, so they have the best apple pizza ever. It's
their dessert pizza apple and like the cinnamon crumble on top, like, ugh,
just so good. All right, let's get into our email.
Longtime listener that wants to be anonymous. I believe we
can say they're from I would just let's just say
(06:10):
they're from the any're from the United States. We do
have listeners in other countries, so I'm clarifying this is
an anonymous listener from America. Hi, Amy and Kat, longtime
listener here. Due to my husband's military career and having
two kids, I have found myself, like many others, staying
(06:33):
home to support our spouse and their schedules. I spent
years waiting for my turn to get back in the workforce.
My kids are older now and I've held a few
part time jobs in recent years, but due to my
long hiatus, I'm obviously finding myself in minimum wage positions,
with commuting and withholdings, it often doesn't really feel worth
(06:53):
my time. To be quite honest, my husband retired from
the army and he was fortunate enough to a second
career soon after. Truth be told, there isn't a financial need.
Speaker 1 (07:04):
For me to work.
Speaker 3 (07:05):
He's also very supportive and says that I have the
opportunity to be as fit as I want and do
the hobbies and things I enjoyed doing. I realized that
I have the life most people would love. However, I
feel like we live in a society that holds some
stereotypes about women that don't work. I've found myself in
situations on more than one occasion where I've been asked
(07:25):
by a woman in front of others, do you work
outside the home. I don't know if the intention was
to hurt or shame, but I felt very embarrassed when
I answered no. I always feel like I have to
explain myself, you know, like my kids school doesn't have
a bus, or my husband is so in and out
and I need to be there for the kids. I
feel like if I answered honestly with no, I don't work,
(07:49):
there's not a huge need for it right now. That
would come across wrong and imply that they must work
because it's needed. I would love a suggestion on something
to have in mind to say in these situations, thanks,
and I hope you have the day you need to have.
Who live in the dream? Just kidding, just kidding, just kidding.
(08:10):
But some people are listening and they're like, oh my god,
I would love it if my husband was like, just
be as fit as you want and do whatever. Now
I would say, I'm not a therapist here. I'm very
curious cats take on this, but like just as a mom,
a former spouse, I'm no longer married. No, now I
(08:30):
have to work. I have a choice, but I've always
worked our entire marriage. I will say, if we were,
if I would have why can't Mashong, I don't know
how to say it. Why can't I talk? If I
were to have gotten pregnant, like we were trying, Yeah,
(08:51):
my plan was to leave the Bobby Bone Show like
I was going to be done working, and we knew
that I would talk about it on air. I'm like, well,
when I get pregnant, I'm out of here, like wow, suckers.
And then I never got pregnant. So and then by
the time we adopted, and we adopted older kids, they
were in school and radio had become a career at
(09:12):
that point. So I just kept working. And I often
think about what my life would have been like if
I had quit, because I don't know. I know, once
if I'd had a baby, and then maybe multiple babies,
and then maybe when they started school, I would start
back at work. But like, what would I have started
back at It's not like I would have been like,
oh hey, Bobby Boncho, I'm ready to come back. Would
(09:32):
they be like we replaced you.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Would you go back to selling countertops?
Speaker 3 (09:37):
Well, that's not exactly what I did por cabinets.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Nope, shoot, Brant.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
Sold the materials wholesale. Oh so it wasn't ever actually
a countertop, It was a slab.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Would you go back to selling slabs?
Speaker 3 (09:50):
I like to say, I worked for an import export company, okay,
natural stone.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Uh.
Speaker 3 (09:57):
Although I had relationships with a lot of the people,
I just really met the end user, so I never
knew exactly what it was being used for, even though
probably nine times out of ten it was a countertop.
So to answer your question, maybe if that job would
I only worked there because my friends were working there
and their family owned it, and then he ended up
(10:18):
staying there and then eventually got some shares in the company,
and then they sold it, and now he's my agent.
He's retired. So maybe I should have that would have
been nice stayed there. I don't know what I would
have done, because it probably would have been several years
before that happened, because I wanted to have multiple kids,
and I'm assuming that I would have been able to
do that. But all this to say back to my
(10:39):
original point, I always wanted that. I think I would
have said that with pride. I think where she's getting
hung up is maybe parts of her want to work. Yeah,
(11:01):
I think parts of her, I mean, and I think
I would after the kids were grown too, and she
has it seems like her kids are now in school
and she has that time. So in a conversation that
I was having about a week or so ago on
a little project that I'm working on, I was talking
through some things with her about why I don't know why,
(11:23):
I don't know why why I can't figure out how
to talk. I'm sorry. I was explaining to her some
parts of my job that I could lean into more
and could actually be lucrative, but I don't do it.
And I don't know why, because some people would be like,
you're crazy. Why wouldn't you do that? That's such easy money?
(11:48):
And so I was beating myself up about it, like
what's wrong with me? And she said it sounds to
me like that particular part doesn't fill your cup. Yeah,
so you don't get the joy from that that someone
else might. And so when I was reading her email,
I was thinking, like, while I'm sure she loves being
(12:10):
a mom and she's thankful that her husband is able
to provide her cup, isn't fully maybe yeah, And maybe
that's why she's projecting, because I don't know that anybody's
asked with judgment, but she said that she felt that's
what she felt, and I think she's projecting that judgment,
and that's just that's just Layman's here, Layman, Layman speak. Here, Kat,
(12:35):
you're the expert.
Speaker 1 (12:36):
I was actually I'm so impressed with you. Yeah, I
was curious about this last paragraph where she says that
she feels like people are asking with more intention behind
what they're saying. And I actually kind of like people saying,
do you work outside of the home, because a lot
(12:57):
of people will say, like, do you have a job,
or do you work, or somebody even say do you
work outside of the home. Is acknowledging that, like the
work you're doing in the home is work, And I
think that gets missed a lot.
Speaker 3 (13:07):
What I'm laughing at a video I saw a girl
make the other day, and I guess she doesn't have
a job. Who knows if this video is even real,
but it was a quick little video that popped up
as a real And she said, some people ask me
if I feel guilty spending my husband's money, and I
look at them and I'm like, I clean his poop
off the toilet. No, I do not feel guilty for
(13:29):
spending his money. So she's like the housekeeper at the
hot like she's the one cleaning and keeping everything moving.
And she was like, absolutely not. I do not feel bad.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
Oh that's amazing. Yes, amen. So if you're doing that,
then like you're doing real work. But I like what
you're saying about, Like, then I don't know because we
don't have all the pieces and we can't ask her
follow up questions. It does sound like there's some projection
going on, which is normal, right, we all object totally
at times, or there's just some things within her that are,
(14:03):
you know, showing up in her brain when people are
asking your questions. This is a very simple question, but
then we put stories to it, because what I was
going to say is you don't really have to explain
why you're not working. If somebody asks you a question,
they're most likely just making conversation with you, like trying
to get to know you. Or it's not like they're
coming at you trying to like get you, you know,
(14:24):
like oh, you're so lazy, or you're this or that,
and the things that she said, like that she's worried
that will come across wrong and imply that they must
work because it is needed. You're assuming an assumption that
somebody else is probably not assuming, you know, like that
came that could be true, but most likely it's not.
Speaker 3 (14:45):
Yeah, I mean it's thoughtful of you to think that
because you don't want to insult them. Yeah, like, oh,
it's just not needed right now, Unlike you, I guess
that what your lame husband do you know? Because yeah,
I mean there are plenty of how solds where two
people are working and that may not be necessary. Yeah,
it may not be needed at all, whatsoever. Let's say
(15:09):
it could be the man could quit his job and
the woman makes enough to support the whole family, but
he might not do that, and vice versa. The man
might make enough to where his wife doesn't have to work,
but why would she? I mean, if anything, be like
I'm storing away for winter, store away your nuts, like
(15:30):
get a job so your future like yea, he makes
enough right now. But I mean, we can look at
this two ways. I mean, Kat, we were talking just
what last week about how should we even be saving
our money anymore? The world is crashing down around us.
Spend it all, live it up, enjoy life. Also, at
the same time, we need to be responsible and put
money away. You could be like, I contribute towards our future.
Speaker 1 (15:54):
Yeah versus I have to help pay the bills right now.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
But really what I would do is I would brain storm,
take a deep look at what would fill your cup?
Speaker 1 (16:05):
Yeah, well, I think for her, I would just take
a little bit of an inventory of like where are
these assumptions and stories are coming from? Because, like I
said before, a lot of times when people are asking
that question, they're literally just trying to make conversation. They're
not trying to get you, and you also don't owe
anybody an explanation outside of answering that questions a very
(16:26):
simple casual question. You can just say, oh, I don't
what about you?
Speaker 3 (16:32):
Yeah, no, not during this season.
Speaker 1 (16:35):
Yeah you know, or yeah not right now, or fortunately
I get to do all.
Speaker 3 (16:41):
The hobbies anything I want. It's such a tul man
to be like, you get to stay on maybe as
fit as you want because to me, and I'm sure
your husband is lovely. I'm just let's not even talk
about her relationship exactly. But let's say if a man
makes a comment like that, I would feel like if
(17:03):
if my cup isn't full I'd be like, I don't
really feel heard right now or scene because like working out,
it's not filling up my cup or that's not the
entire picture here. Yeah, for being as fit as I want.
Speaker 1 (17:15):
But her cup also isn't being filled by working the
jobs that feel like they're not like correct helping right family,
because it feels like it's just like filling time.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
Okay, good point, Glad you've said that. So is there
if money truly isn't an issue at all, could there
be volunteer work that could fill your cup. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:34):
Yeah, And then when somebody asks you do work outside
of the home, they're like, well, I volunteer at this
place and I do this, and I'm on this board and.
Speaker 3 (17:41):
Blah blah blah, and I play majong and I am
a majong instructor. Yes, I can come.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
You can hire me to your party.
Speaker 3 (17:49):
And teach all your friends how to play majong. Yeah.
I mean, I think that our society has still such
a weird relationship with women, women and working.
Speaker 1 (18:03):
What's interesting is she's saying that people judge women for
not working. I think that people judge when for working
just as much, depending on what community you're in and
who you're surrounded by, you know what I mean.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
You see both of that and flipped because it's so
rare for the man to stay home. It's like men
get judged if they stay home.
Speaker 1 (18:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
I don't know if we'll ever graduate past that. I mean,
it may be in some communities it might be more normal.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
But do you remember that kicker that gave his name
was like buttnecks or something.
Speaker 3 (18:37):
What do you kicker of?
Speaker 1 (18:38):
What the chiefs? Okay, it was like butt kiss or
something was.
Speaker 3 (18:47):
His last name was butt Kiss Shannon.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Can you ook this up? Chiefs kicker? That gave a
he gave a commencement speech, but her but kiss is better?
Speaker 3 (18:59):
Okay, oh Harrison Bucks.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
Okay, So he gave a commencement speech at I want
to say it was like a women's like a female school,
but that could be wrong. I might have just been
like a conservative school somewhere. This was maybe two years ago.
Speaker 3 (19:14):
Oh yes, I remember this and it went viral.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (19:16):
I did a whole episode on this for you need
Therapy back in the day. But he basically said, like
to these women that have just gone through four years
of college, is saying the best thing you can do
in life is to stay home and raise a family.
Speaker 3 (19:31):
Like what what? What?
Speaker 1 (19:34):
How is that a commencement speech to women?
Speaker 3 (19:37):
Yeah, after they've completed their education.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
Right, it's like do something. Yeah, And it was kind
of shaming, like if you want to go work, like
you're missing now.
Speaker 3 (19:46):
It was I remember that speech causing a lot of
division online because some people, well a lot of people
agreed with it, yeah and then some didn't. But I
will say some of that is cannditioning or like you said,
depending on your circles or where you are you're hanging
out with, because I grew up wanting to do that,
because that's what was encouraged, like when I have kids,
(20:09):
I'm going to stay home. I mean, that was my trajectory.
There was no other way. And then the Lord laughed
at that because nothing worked out the way that I
plan on it.
Speaker 1 (20:20):
And I think.
Speaker 3 (20:22):
Now I'm thinking of really horrible people online right now
where I don't even want to say their message because
I don't want to even spread it because it's so
demeaning towards women. But we've kind of talked about it.
We talked about Nick Flint.
Speaker 1 (20:36):
Oh you see what what was posted the other day.
Speaker 3 (20:51):
We've kind of talked about it. We talked about Nick Flint.
Speaker 1 (20:53):
O you see what? Yea what was posted the other day?
Speaker 3 (20:58):
Yes, and I, again I'm not a part of me
wanted to repost him and be like this is this
cannot be real. But then I didn't want to repost
it because I didn't want to give it more space.
But he has a massive following, like massive, and a
lot of them young men, impressionable men that are listening
(21:18):
to the way he speaks about women and our worth
and our value and the reason why we even exist.
And it's pretty terrible. I know that's not the same
as what the speech he gave, but the division that
it caused. I was just sort of like, why can't
we just let people choose, choose and be Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
I think that's what I mean, is that, like, there's
nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom, and
there's nothing wrong with being a working mom, right, And
there's nothing wrong with being somebody who doesn't have to work,
who doesn't have kids, and there's nothing wrong with being
somebody who works, and like there's there's just nothing wrong
with any of it. So why are we telling people
that this is the best thing that you'll ever do,
(21:58):
or this is the only thing that will bring you happiness,
or this is the right decision. It should be teaching
people how to be introspective with themselves so we can
figure out what we want, what makes us happy. Because
what I have found is when I chase things or
I do what other people tell me to do blindly,
I usually don't end up very fulfilled. It always end
up wanting. But that's the message that we're sending, is
(22:20):
like there's a right way and there's a wrong way,
and I just don't see a way to slice it
that that makes sense.
Speaker 3 (22:27):
Yeah, I want to'll do a doozy on some relationships,
especially if like the woman wants to work in her
man they feel conflicted by it because of the conditioning
and the upbringing or what they've been told is acceptable.
Speaker 1 (22:43):
A really really important thing to talk about that some
people might not think to talk about before you get married,
Like what are your expectations if we have kids? What
are your expectations? Because if somebody really really really wants
to stay home and their partner is like, no, you'll
be working, that's going to cause probably vice versa. Or
if somebody's like my kid's mother will not be working.
Speaker 3 (23:05):
I'm trying to decide how I would feel if I
was with someone right now, because I've never had this situation. Yeah,
like someone said to me, you don't have to work.
You get to stay home and be as fit as
you want and do whatever you want. It's fine. Like
I'm really trying to put myself in her shoes, and
how would I feel and what would I do? What
(23:25):
would I do? I mean once, I mean obviously to
get the kids up, get them to school, and then.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
What there's so much to do in this house. I
feel like there's so much, but I think so I
don't have a housekeeper. But also I think that there's
other things to do than paid work. There's other things
you could do with your time than just going to work. Yeah,
now you might then want to because some people love
(23:51):
working for the sake of working, and like love their
jobs and love making money and all of that.
Speaker 3 (23:55):
And like community and seeing people and like leaning out.
Speaker 1 (23:58):
Well, there's other ways to do that other than just
having a job.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
You definitely, if if Patrick came home listen, I'm trying
to I'm trying to picture how I would react, and
I really don't know. I feel like if Patrick came
home and said that to you right now, and he
would be like, I'm Amy, I'm done with the podcast.
I am never working again.
Speaker 1 (24:17):
But we've talked about this, like if we became like billionaires,
would we still work? And I said, at this point,
I have zero desire to be a BILLIONI owner. If
we behind billionaires, one of the things we would do
is give away most of our money. But then once
we if we still wouldn't have to work, would you
still do it? And I said, I would probably not
still see clients, but I would still do the podcast
(24:37):
because it's like just fun.
Speaker 3 (24:39):
Yeah. Let me ask you this. If you could just
stay like you're gonna live a very comfortable life, you
will live. You will never go hungry, You always have
a roof over your head. You always be able to
get a cute outfit if you want it, like go
to the movies, go out to eat like you're you
live a good life, right, you have that, or a
(25:00):
chance to be a billionaire, but you can't give away
a lot of your money, you know, Like I'm saying, well,
I don't know, because I know you'd be like, well,
I'll choose a millionaire and then I'll give a lot
of it away and that will feel better. But just
in the way billionaires are being painted, especially right now,
would you, knowing the risks of becoming a billionaire and
(25:22):
what money does to people obviously crazy things, would you
keep your comfortable, awesome life. You don't need for anything,
and you're going to be fine till you die.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Do I work you don't, okay?
Speaker 3 (25:35):
Fine in the scenario you don't. You don't even have
to work, okay, wow? Or you get to be a billionaire?
What are you going to choose the first one?
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Okay that that wasn't even hard.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
Well, I don't know, I know if I really I
feel like some people would be like, are you getting
i'd be a billionaire, because then you want to talk
about not having a care in the world.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
I feel like, and again, this is not a real scenario,
so it's hard to really answer truthfully. But I feel like,
once you get to a certain level, there's no way
that money. Well I shouldn't say no way. It's hard
not to be changed by that. Like you have to
be surrounded by all really good people to keep you grounded,
(26:15):
and like you, I don't know how I would. I
wouldn't want to be tested in that way, and like you,
like just lose sight of things, like I don't want
to be out of touch.
Speaker 3 (26:25):
That must be what happens because some of these very
rich people I do not understand. Although it would be
nice to fly private everywhere, come on.
Speaker 1 (26:36):
But no, because now it's so bad for the environment. Wow,
that's one thing that really does scare me. I'm like,
all these people flying their private jets freaks me out.
Speaker 3 (26:47):
Freaks you out for the environment, or like Okay, who knew.
I didn't know you were.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
Yeah, I knew know who was it?
Speaker 3 (26:55):
Who was it?
Speaker 1 (26:56):
Jeff Bezos when you got married in Italy? All those
people that flew their private jets over there, I'm like,
can you guys carpool Like.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
Yeah, you would think they would maybe at least ride together,
take your nice jet or take up a plane private plane,
but take a bigger one and you guys all can
go over together.
Speaker 1 (27:13):
That just to me is compounds and it's yeah, yeah,
I feel like there should be laws around here.
Speaker 3 (27:17):
You're definitely right, that's a good point. I haven't thought
about that. Yeah, definitely, So.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
I have it planed. Should probably be cool. But also
it's one of those things I've never experienced it, so
it's easy for me to say like, oh, I would
never care.
Speaker 3 (27:31):
I can't.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
I have a feeling.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
If you once you were in a fly private you'd
be like, it's not that bad on the environment.
Speaker 1 (27:39):
I hope not. I hope not.
Speaker 3 (27:42):
But that's okay. That's why I'm with you. I would
choose to stay in my exact life, but I could
see where if I was really if there was a
lot of struggle and I didn't know how to pay
the next bill or food on the table. I might
be like, okaye, I'm gonna choose the But that's why
I wanted the option to be like your comfortable life,
nothing crazy, but you're taken care of. Yeah, because yeah,
(28:07):
you're right. Money just there comes a point where it
just changes, and it's well before the billion parts there.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
I don't know what they're like updated because of inflation,
but let's say ten years ago, so you can do
whatever math in your head. But ten years ago there
was a study that showed like how money changes your
percent of happiness or how happy you are, and the
threshold was like seventy thousand dollars. So I think back
(28:35):
then that was like whatever creates a comfortable home environment
where you're not living paycheck to paycheck, like you can
pay the bills whatever that is today. Back then it
was seventy thousand dollars. But after that, your happiness is
not changed by how much money you have. In fact,
it could actually go down. So that's proof that yes,
(28:55):
being comfortable can buy happiness, like having stability and security
allows people to have a level of happiness. But just
being crazy rich doesn't necessarily make you happier than somebody
who has a average job. It makes make an it
makes an average income, and that has been very helpful
to ground me to be able to say like, oh,
(29:17):
I don't need to like overwork myself or like hustle
or do this or do that to be in this
level of like happiness or enjoy my life. I'm actually
probably enjoying my life to the extent I can right now.
Speaker 3 (29:33):
Now, you know the saying more money, more problems.
Speaker 1 (29:35):
More money, more problems. They just thank god I'm not rich.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
Well, rich is relative, yeah, such an.
Speaker 1 (29:46):
Love and community?
Speaker 3 (29:47):
Well yeah, but even in dollars spite. Yeah, according to
some people. Oh yeah, like it's all it's all relative.
Like did you have a swimming pool growing up? Yes, yeah,
so did I. That's how Bobby would be like. He'll say,
as someone that grew up but with not a lot,
but he'll be like, that's all a lot of people
judged if you had money or not. And that doesn't
(30:10):
mean I mean my dad went bankrupt, but people didn't
know that.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
A pool, Well, we had a pool, and I didn't
know this, but my parents really struggled. When I was
in college. I had no idea, but Yeah, we had
a swimming pool the whole time, and the water was
always filled up and we could always use it.
Speaker 3 (30:26):
Don't judge a book by its cover. So I hope
this helps you know. This is we are not a
financial podcast. We do take seriously what you're writing in about.
I know we laughed a lot, but at the same time,
I know you're in a difficult season. But I hope
you can find something that fills up your cup.
Speaker 1 (30:46):
Yeah, and in the meantime, I really mean that, like,
you don't owe any context to the questions. And what
I would encourage you to do is to pause when
you're jumping to conclusions and making assumptions and check the facts.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
Just like we like to use pause when you're receiving
a compliment, you just say thank you. Pause, pause, pause, pause,
And this is like, hey, well we'll try it out. Oh,
so do you work outside the home?
Speaker 1 (31:12):
Cat? Yes?
Speaker 3 (31:14):
No, you don't.
Speaker 1 (31:15):
You need to practice. You want me to be her?
Speaker 3 (31:17):
Yeah? I was giving her how does she pause?
Speaker 1 (31:19):
Okay?
Speaker 3 (31:20):
Okay? Oh cat? So do you work outside the home? Oh?
Speaker 1 (31:24):
I actually don't do you?
Speaker 3 (31:26):
Yeah?
Speaker 1 (31:26):
I have to?
Speaker 3 (31:31):
Yeah, don't listen to her.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
She's just making a joke.
Speaker 3 (31:34):
No, shoot you. You didn't even pause, though, Man, you
were good at that pausing, but we're showing her how
to deal it, and you were like, no, do.
Speaker 1 (31:45):
You okay, try again? Okay. What I meant was pause
when she's writing stories in her head, to like then
check the facts, not like pause.
Speaker 3 (31:55):
I thought we were going to do like pause, pause, pause.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
I mean she can do that because I think also,
something that you taught me I think Brene Brown taught
it to you is when yeah, she called me, is
when you're asked a question to count to three before
you answer. Or I think Brene said she would twist
her ring three times when asked an important question, She'll
twist her ring on her finger three times before she
answers it. Because a lot of times we like, oh,
(32:19):
we have to answer this now, but like we don't.
Speaker 3 (32:23):
We don't just pause pause, pause. See. But where I
was going with that is you answered with confidence. She's
not feeling that confident with her answer, but you're you
were saying she.
Speaker 1 (32:34):
Should just be like no, do you Yeah?
Speaker 3 (32:36):
Okay, it's like it's no big deal.
Speaker 1 (32:37):
Yeah. That's why I'm saying, off the bat, the stories
that you're writing are making this question a bigger deal
than it is. So it's like no, do you Yeah,
no big deal. It's a casual question. Somebody's just trying
to like make conversation. Yeah, And then you could be like,
you know what do you play majah?
Speaker 3 (32:51):
We could do that or sort of like pretend someone's
asking you like do you drink coffee? No? Do you? Yeah? Okay,
I see, I see, I like it. Okay, So no
actual pause, Like I thought you're gonna be like pause, pause, pause.
Speaker 1 (33:04):
Well you could if you if she needs to, if
she's like worried about then yes, but.
Speaker 3 (33:10):
But remember that's likely you projecting. They're not judging, and
if they are fine new friends. Ye bye bye. Speaking
of bye, uh, we hope wherever we y'all are, you
are having the day you need to have. Bye bye
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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