May 11, 2021 • 20 mins
This is Amy’s ‘5th Thing’ (a bonus episode). ‘4 Things With Amy Brown’ comes out every Thursday, but on Tuesdays Amy shares emails and answers questions that have been sent in. Today’s emails address: your right to refuse getting weighed at the doctor, guilt & grief after losing a loved one, turning special shirts into a quilt, and knock-off items on Amazon. To send Amy something for the 5th thing just email: 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday, everybody. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. Now. This
is the bonus episode to my four Things podcast where
I share emails that you have sent in if you
happen to me new I'm Amy Brown and at the
email if you want to send me a note is
four Things with Amy Brown at gmail dot com. So
something easy, and that's where I'm going to be pulling
(00:25):
all of today's notes from there, either questions or they're
just sharing advice for me or encouragement that I also
think would be great for you all to hear as well.
And I always start this episode off with a quote.
And this is something I saw put up on Instagram
the other day on Cat defod As podcast Instagram, which
our podcast is You Need Therapy, and the handle is
(00:46):
at you Need Therapy podcast if you want to go
follow that because there's always lots of good quotes or
clips up there that are therapeutic. And she put up
this reminder. I loved it so much that I reposted
it on my Instagram. It's this little graphic that said, reminder,
you can be grateful for the growth without being grateful
for the thing that made you grow. Boom. I love
(01:06):
that so much that I'm gonna say it again, reminder,
you can be grateful for the growth without being grateful
for the thing that made you grow. Love it, Okay,
first email is from Lauren, And before I get into
what Laurence sent me, I'll just tell the story that
I told on the Bobby Bones Show, which is basically
that I had an O. B G Y in appointment
(01:28):
recently and it was my first time going to the
doctor since I've been in full blown recovery from my
eating disorder, like so much so that I don't weigh
myself at all, like it's just part of my recovery.
I don't want anything to do with the scale. I
don't want to be triggered by a number or anything
like that. So it's my first time going to doctor
because I didn't go to the doctor in because of COVID.
So last time i've been i've been twenty nineteen, and
(01:50):
I'm pretty sure I was okay at that point with
being weighed, and now I'm not, and I feel good
about that. And so it was me going into the
doctor's office and looking at the nurse and her telling
me to get on the scale, and I just spoke
up for myself. And said, oh, I'd really rather not
get weighed. You know, I'm recovering from an eating disorder
and it's just I don't want to get weighed. Well,
I think the nurse was a little thrown off. She
(02:11):
was very kind, but she was like, whoa, I've I've
never been told this before. She was like, well, I
guess I need your weight, So maybe what if you
turn around and you don't have to look at it,
but I can get your weight. And I just didn't
have all the guts and strength to be like, no,
I don't want to be weighed, like you don't have
to have my weight, Like I'm fine and you don't
have to weigh me. But instead I just turned around
(02:32):
backwards and I didn't look at the scale and everything
was fine, Like she handled it great. Everything was okay.
But I told that story on the Bobby Bones Show,
and then I got this email from Lauren on my podcast. Email, Hey, Amy,
I just wanted to respond to the confusion from the
nurse to your response to attempt to decline getting weighed.
As someone who has quite a bit of health issues
(02:53):
stemming from an autoimmune condition, I frequently go to doctor's
offices as someone who has also struggled in the past
with disordered eating. This is incredibly triggering. I learned from
a physician's assistant that you can decline this now. When
they ask me to get on the scale, I say no,
thank you, and this has been met with a variety
of responses, some similar to yours. I reply that I
(03:16):
do not want to be weighed, but if the doctor
has a concern that they need to track my weight
for health reasons, or if they need to prescribe me
medication that is sensitive to my weight, then we can
revisit it. No time has that response ever caused a
doctor to ask me to go back and weigh myself.
As the daughter of a nurse, I know some things
are just reflexes, but that doesn't mean that you, as
a patient can't challenge or push back against it. It's
(03:39):
not always easy, which is why my initial response is
a polite but short no thank you. Mental health is
just as important as physical health, so I thought maybe
my experience in pushing back against some of the automotive
assumptions would resonate and help others. I would also say
that at any time, if a health provider isn't listening
to your needs. You can state that you don't want
(04:01):
their medical treatment or go elsewhere for a second opinion,
which is probably common knowledge, but for women, it's just
a good reminder, which Lauren, thank you for this email
and the encouragement to me and others, because some people
don't know that they can speak up for themselves and
can deny to be weighed. And even me, I chickened out.
I went into my appointment saying that I didn't want
(04:22):
to get weighed, and then she didn't really know what
to do with it, and she was like, well, I
think I still need to get your weight, which really
I could have still declined it, but I didn't. I
turned around and weighed myself, but I didn't look at
the scale, which is also fine too. Is it worked
for me, But for some people, simply stepping on a scale,
whether they see the official number or not, could be
some sort of weird trigger. So I appreciate your email
(04:45):
and you're giving us this advice that we can just
deliver a short, polite like no, thank you not doing it,
and then if the doctor needs to revisit it because
of various reasons, then then we can, you know, go
down that road if we need too. But yeah, some
people don't know that they can speak up for themselves
at a doctor's appointment. So thank you Lauren for this
note and the encouragement. Next email is from Erica. Hey, Amy,
(05:10):
it seems we are grieving at the same time, and
I'm sorry for your loss. My husband and I got
married on April three of this year, a date that
we picked specifically because of an inside joke that we
had before I even knew he had a ring. My
grandmother wasn't able to make it because she was in
the hospital. I found out the day after that she
had died the morning of my wedding. This is the
(05:32):
first death I've experienced. She and I were close. I
knew she was ill, but my family wanted to hide
how sick she was, not to spoil my wedding week
and day. She wanted to be with us so so badly,
and I believe that this was her way to be there.
I believe that her soul was with us that day,
because both me and my mom felt oddly peaceful the
whole day. I'm struggling a lot with feeling guilt that
(05:55):
my mother wasn't there to say her goodbyes to her
own mom, and that I didn't know how sick she was.
If I would have known, I would have tried to
be more present and FaceTime or call her more. I'm
also struggling with the fact that the anniversary of her
death is now my wedding anniversary, and I don't know
how to appropriately react to that when it comes around.
(06:15):
Any advice that you have would be so appreciated. I
thank you for your podcast and the Bobby Bones Show
podcast for helping me not feel so alone when I'm
walking the dog or driving in my car. Sometimes I
purposefully put on my Pimp and Joy clothing as a
reminder to stay joyful and look at the positives even
though it's hard through grief. Your friend, Erica, Okay, Erica,
(06:36):
I just want to encourage you, um, just based on
what you just said there at the end, to lean
into the hard times right now and process the grief.
It's totally okay to not stay joyful right now. It's
also okay to wear Pimp and Joy to remind yourself
to be aware of things you can be thankful for
and try to spread joy to others and not be
(06:57):
negative around other people. But you also have every right
to process every emotion and feeling that you're going through.
So I want you to also use your Pimp and
Joy as a reminder to feel your feelings, all of them.
You know, Pimp and Joy derived from my mom's battle
with cancer and and her message of joy during all
of that, and it was a very messy time. But
she also had really hard days. I mean, we all
(07:19):
did as a family, and we had to be intentional
about feeling at all. You know, the anger, the confusion,
the frustration, the tiredness, I mean, the list really goes on.
So I just want to make sure you give yourself
that permission to deal with the negatives too, don't just
cover them up with the positives. So I just want
to say that I definitely want you to beware in
(07:40):
your Pimp and Joy, but I also want to make
sure that you're you're feeling all the emotions and you're
not trying to cover anything up. Now. As for the
guilt that you feel about you know, not face timing
with your grandma more or you know, your mom not
being able to be with her mom on her final day,
that is just not for you to arry at all.
(08:01):
Like your mom chose to be with you and your
grandma likely wanted it that way, So I hope that
you can find a way to release that. And I mean,
it's honestly super intense stuff that can really add up
if you don't address it. So I hope if you
have a way to talk with a therapist about this,
that you're able to do that, because this is something
(08:21):
that you can carry with you for a long time
if it's not properly dealt with, and something that you're
going to be reminded of, you know, every April third
for the rest of your life. And I want that
day to be special for you, and I want you
to be able to focus on your anniversary, not focus
on things like regret and guilt and grief. Now, I mean,
(08:41):
if I'm being honest, the grief part is never gonna end.
I mean, some days are going to be lighter as
time passes, but some days will be super heavy. But
your grandma would not want you to, you know, be
stuck in that. She would want you to be present
with your husband on April third for the years to come.
And you know, maybe you and your husband can come
(09:01):
up with some sort of a tradition or something that
you can do every anniversary to honor your grandmother, and
then you give yourself, yeah, that time to do the
grandma thing, and then you give yourself the time the
rest of the day to focus on your husband and
your marriage. And she would want that for you so badly.
I'm so sorry for your lost Erika. I know that
(09:24):
this is really hard. So take some real time to
process all that you're feeling and talk to your family
about this stuff. Talk to some experts if you can,
if you have a therapist that you can get some
sessions in with. I think that this is important stuff
that you're processing, and I'm sending you all the hugs. Erica.
Thank you so much for the email. And I know
(09:45):
that you will be able to get through this if
you put in the work. And I know the April
three can be a special day. I'm not saying that
it's always going to be easy, but yeah, find a
way to honor your grandmother on April three every year,
and your husband can be a part of it, and
that can be something special that you'll do. You don't
want to ignore it. You don't want every April three
to come around and you just like focus on your
(10:06):
anniversary and ignore the fact that it happened, because I'm
sure it's awkward for your husband too. Awkward may not
even really be the right word, but yeah, if he
doesn't know how to handle it, then yeah he might
be well tiptoeing around you or not wanting to bring
it up or trigger you in any way. So just
go ahead and put it out there and you'll have
a special thing that you do. Maybe you could talk
to your mom or your other family members of what
(10:27):
that could look like. Maybe she had a favorite meal
that she loved to eat. Maybe you just cook that
up and you enjoy it every April third in honor
of her, or you know, you can pick a different
tradition or a thing that you want to do. The
meal is just an idea, but it's just a thought,
(10:54):
all right. Next email is from Katie Hey, Amy, I
was listening to your podcast and I'm hind on episodes,
I found myself in tears hearing you talk about your
sweet dad and his passing. There are truly no words.
I wanted to thank you, though, for your openness and
vulnerability and sharing with your listeners, making it possible for
others to know that it's okay to be vulnerable and
(11:15):
it's okay to not be okay. I'm so proud of
you for sharing about your intensive therapy week and for
even going that's huge. I myself have been in patient
treatment twice for anorexia. Sharing about that is never easy,
but hearing you share to so many listeners makes me
feel like I can share. Also, keep taking care of you.
God is walking with you on this journey, and when
(11:37):
days seem dark, know that you are loved. I also
want to reach out because you were talking about some
of your dad's T shirts. I am a quilter and
recently made my husband a T shirt quilt with his
shirts from our many overseas mission trips. They are so
special and sentimental that I wanted to do something with
them and not just have them in a dwar. I
would love to be able to make a quilt with
(11:57):
your dad's shirts, no strings, attacked with love, Katie, Katie, Yes,
I am taking you up on this. I kept thinking
I would just keep some of my dad's shirts and
I would wear them maybe when I wanted to. But
I don't know that I ever really will throw them on.
But if I had them as a T shirt blanket,
then I would totally cuddle up with that all the
(12:18):
time and it would be so special. And Mary had
just sent me a bunch of shirts from the Shop
Forward and a Spua stuff for my dad to model.
And you know, we mentioned on a previous episode that
right before my dad died, which we didn't even know
he was really going to die, it all happened so quickly.
He was talking about how he wanted to be a
model for the Shop Forward, for his age group, for
(12:40):
the elderly represent them and or for older people. I
don't really like the word elderly, but he wanted to
wrap his age group and we thought he would be
so good at it, you know, cool grandpa, all the things.
But it didn't work out. But Mary had already shipped
a bunch of stuff to the house, and you know,
mainly because I guess he was low on shirts. Anyways,
(13:01):
all this to say, I have these shirts that were
intended for him, that are his size that I can't
really wear, and I don't really want to give them away.
So yes, I will take you up on making me
a quilt, but I do want to pay you for
it all the things, especially if you're a quilter. I
know that It's probably not easy to do something like this.
It's very time consuming. So I am emailing you, so Katie,
(13:22):
on the lookout for that, because I am so pumped
to have a quilt full of my dad's shirts. And
to other people listening, maybe if you've got clothing from
a loved one or just special clothing items that you
don't know what to do with them and they're just
yea piled up in a drawer in a closet somewhere,
maybe you look into turning them into a T shirt quilt.
I've done that before with some of my husband's clothing
(13:44):
from like high school, in college, some old shirts he
did not want to let go of and about I
don't know, ten years ago, I had it made into
a quilt and gifted it to him. I don't know
that he loved it as much as I did, you know,
but it is something that we still have and it
is cool to look at. And so I would say,
same is going to go for my dad's T shirts.
(14:06):
So Katie shout out, good idea. Thank you, I'm gonna
be reaching out and I will send you a bunch
of the shirts to make me a quilt. And I
can't wait to show people when it's done all right.
Email number four is from Caroline. Hey, Amy, I've been
hinting to my husband for a couple of years now
that I want a cool mom shirt. I even started
hinting again a few months ago so he would have
time to order one in time for Mother's Day. I
(14:27):
even got him a cool dad shirt last year. I
am so sad that he ordered me a cool mom
shirt and a Mama Bear shirt off of Amazon. My
daughter even told him, Hey, you ordered it from the
wrong place. I just want to apologize for him. We
love the show and your podcast. Happy Mother's Day. A
longtime listener, Caroline. Okay, Caroline in a warning to anybody
(14:49):
else out there that is shopping stuff on Amazon. A
lot of times husbands do get confused, So Caroline, your
husband isn't the only one, but all kinds of listeners
get confused with the Amazon because there's pimp and Joy
knockoffs on there as well. And I just want to
clarify that we don't have any of our items on Amazon. Nothing,
a squad, nothing could enjoy nothing. Everything is at the
(15:11):
shot forward. Like if you don't see the shot forward
logo on the website that you're going to. Now. We
have different ways that you can get to the shot
Forward like shop squat dot com or four things dot com,
but it always redirects you to the shot Forward homepage.
So if you don't see shot Forward on there anywhere,
then it's got no donation happening, and it's likely not
made with the quality that we like to put out there,
(15:34):
the quality of shirts and stuff. So, Caroline, your husband's awesome.
I love that he wanted to get you a gift.
He's just doing his best and I'm sure he assumed
it was the same no matter what, So no apologies necessary.
But I'm going to be reaching out to you because
I would love to send you a little package. Is
a gift from me and Mary. I want to send
you our cool mom our mom of air, all from
(15:56):
a squad. It'll be coming your way soon. And not
to upstage your have been thoughtfulness at all. It's just
that you know you've been asking for this for two years,
so hopefully he will understand. And really the main thing
too that annoys me about the Amazon stuff, and you
know there could be other cool mom and Mama Bear.
They're not knocking us off, but Pimp and Joy is
straight up a knockoff. That is us. Those are people
(16:19):
faking people out and collecting the money, and they're making
money off of something that we've worked really hard on
or we keep no money from it. A hundred percent
goes to various causes. And when you're buying from Amazon
because you think maybe we have them up for sale
on Amazon, you think maybe a donation is being made
and it's just not. So just want to clarify that
(16:41):
again one more time. And while we're talking about espoix
and cool mom stuff before we go, you know, we
partnered with Project Meta Share for Mother's Day and fundraising
for their new ambulance in Haiti, and they're on rural roads.
They definitely needed a new safe way to get moms
and moms to be expectant moms to and from clinics
(17:02):
in a safe way. And it was going to cost
him about eighty five dollars and I am so happy
to announce that because of you guys, a donation is
being made in full for that ambulance. So Mary is
going to be writing the check very soon. So we
just appreciate you shopping with us so much. Thank you,
Like none of these donations would be possible without y'all,
(17:24):
So y'all are amazing. I hope if you gifted anything
a Spoa to the moms in your life that they
loved it. And if you received anything, I hope you
carry it or where it proudly knowing that it really
did and is making a legit difference. And as soon
as we get pictures of the new ambulance, will be
posting it so you can see it. So make sure
(17:44):
you're following us on Instagram at Shop a Spoa. I
run that account, My personal is at Radio Amy. I'll
likely post something there and then Mary runs the Shop
Forward which is at the Shop Forward, So you know,
if you've got Instagram, just get out your phones follow us.
We would love it. Don't forget to join the B
Team Facebook page if you happen to be on Facebook
and you're a loyal listener of the Bobby Bone Show.
(18:06):
I want to shout out the B Team really quickly
too before I go, because they do something cool where
they have the B teamers donate one dollar every month
so that they can add up and make a donation
somewhere else, and they keep it a dollar for those
that might not be able to donate anything more, but
for a lot of people, a dollar is doable, and
then when everybody pitches in a dollar, it adds up.
(18:29):
And then what they do is they pick someone from
the Bobby Bones Show each month to reach out to
and say, Hey, what cause would you like us to
donate to? And this month happens to be my month.
So I was super honored when I got the email
from the B Team moderators and they let me know
that I was going to be the recipient or my
charity of choice would be the recipient, and they were like, hey,
(18:50):
we also would like to consider your dad in this
and maybe we donate to a place that's close to
his heart. And I was like, you know what. Being
that my dad wanted to be a Shot four slash,
a SPUA model, I think he would want to donate
to Project Meta Share in Haiti as well. So that
is who I have the money going to. So thank
(19:10):
you B teamers for donating to Project Meta Share their
maternity center and honor of my dad. Haiti is a
place that's obviously special and close to my heart because
my kids are from there and my dad's grandkids were
from there. He even went down to Haiti to visit
them before they came to America, so I know my
dad would love and appreciate that. And if you'll want
(19:32):
to join the B Team Facebook page, it's a very positive,
happy place. You have to be kind to get let in,
but once you're in, you're in, and it seems like
there's a lot of really cool things going on over there,
and it's a place where you can build community. Um,
and I think that that's really awesome, So thank you
from the bottom of my heart. If you're a supporter
(19:52):
of ESPOA and you're a supporter of the Bobby Bones
Show and the B Team and all the cool things
that are happening. Really is cool to have all of
you out there, all across the country and maybe some
of you I know even listen and you live in
other countries, and it's just cool that we have all
these little communities where we can help others. And uh yeah,
(20:12):
at the end of the day, we support people and
then we share our stories so that people do not
feel alone. So thank you for being a part of
all of this. And again, I would love to hear
from you, so make sure you email me four things
with Amy Brown at gmail dot com. And that's a
wrap on today's episode. But I will see you on
Thursday for all four things, all right, see then bye
Happy Tuesday, everybody. Welcome to the Fifth Thing. Now. This
is the bonus episode to my four Things podcast where
I share emails that you have sent in if you
happen to me new I'm Amy Brown and at the
email if you want to send me a note is
four Things with Amy Brown at gmail dot com. So
something easy, and that's where I'm going to be pulling
(00:25):
all of today's notes from there, either questions or they're
just sharing advice for me or encouragement that I also
think would be great for you all to hear as well.
And I always start this episode off with a quote.
And this is something I saw put up on Instagram
the other day on Cat defod As podcast Instagram, which
our podcast is You Need Therapy, and the handle is
(00:46):
at you Need Therapy podcast if you want to go
follow that because there's always lots of good quotes or
clips up there that are therapeutic. And she put up
this reminder. I loved it so much that I reposted
it on my Instagram. It's this little graphic that said, reminder,
you can be grateful for the growth without being grateful
for the thing that made you grow. Boom. I love
(01:06):
that so much that I'm gonna say it again, reminder,
you can be grateful for the growth without being grateful
for the thing that made you grow. Love it, Okay,
first email is from Lauren, And before I get into
what Laurence sent me, I'll just tell the story that
I told on the Bobby Bones Show, which is basically
that I had an O. B G Y in appointment
(01:28):
recently and it was my first time going to the
doctor since I've been in full blown recovery from my
eating disorder, like so much so that I don't weigh
myself at all, like it's just part of my recovery.
I don't want anything to do with the scale. I
don't want to be triggered by a number or anything
like that. So it's my first time going to doctor
because I didn't go to the doctor in because of COVID.
So last time i've been i've been twenty nineteen, and
(01:50):
I'm pretty sure I was okay at that point with
being weighed, and now I'm not, and I feel good
about that. And so it was me going into the
doctor's office and looking at the nurse and her telling
me to get on the scale, and I just spoke
up for myself. And said, oh, I'd really rather not
get weighed. You know, I'm recovering from an eating disorder
and it's just I don't want to get weighed. Well,
I think the nurse was a little thrown off. She
(02:11):
was very kind, but she was like, whoa, I've I've
never been told this before. She was like, well, I
guess I need your weight, So maybe what if you
turn around and you don't have to look at it,
but I can get your weight. And I just didn't
have all the guts and strength to be like, no,
I don't want to be weighed, like you don't have
to have my weight, Like I'm fine and you don't
have to weigh me. But instead I just turned around
(02:32):
backwards and I didn't look at the scale and everything
was fine, Like she handled it great. Everything was okay.
But I told that story on the Bobby Bones Show,
and then I got this email from Lauren on my podcast. Email, Hey, Amy,
I just wanted to respond to the confusion from the
nurse to your response to attempt to decline getting weighed.
As someone who has quite a bit of health issues
(02:53):
stemming from an autoimmune condition, I frequently go to doctor's
offices as someone who has also struggled in the past
with disordered eating. This is incredibly triggering. I learned from
a physician's assistant that you can decline this now. When
they ask me to get on the scale, I say no,
thank you, and this has been met with a variety
of responses, some similar to yours. I reply that I
(03:16):
do not want to be weighed, but if the doctor
has a concern that they need to track my weight
for health reasons, or if they need to prescribe me
medication that is sensitive to my weight, then we can
revisit it. No time has that response ever caused a
doctor to ask me to go back and weigh myself.
As the daughter of a nurse, I know some things
are just reflexes, but that doesn't mean that you, as
a patient can't challenge or push back against it. It's
(03:39):
not always easy, which is why my initial response is
a polite but short no thank you. Mental health is
just as important as physical health, so I thought maybe
my experience in pushing back against some of the automotive
assumptions would resonate and help others. I would also say
that at any time, if a health provider isn't listening
to your needs. You can state that you don't want
(04:01):
their medical treatment or go elsewhere for a second opinion,
which is probably common knowledge, but for women, it's just
a good reminder, which Lauren, thank you for this email
and the encouragement to me and others, because some people
don't know that they can speak up for themselves and
can deny to be weighed. And even me, I chickened out.
I went into my appointment saying that I didn't want
(04:22):
to get weighed, and then she didn't really know what
to do with it, and she was like, well, I
think I still need to get your weight, which really
I could have still declined it, but I didn't. I
turned around and weighed myself, but I didn't look at
the scale, which is also fine too. Is it worked
for me, But for some people, simply stepping on a scale,
whether they see the official number or not, could be
some sort of weird trigger. So I appreciate your email
(04:45):
and you're giving us this advice that we can just
deliver a short, polite like no, thank you not doing it,
and then if the doctor needs to revisit it because
of various reasons, then then we can, you know, go
down that road if we need too. But yeah, some
people don't know that they can speak up for themselves
at a doctor's appointment. So thank you Lauren for this
note and the encouragement. Next email is from Erica. Hey, Amy,
(05:10):
it seems we are grieving at the same time, and
I'm sorry for your loss. My husband and I got
married on April three of this year, a date that
we picked specifically because of an inside joke that we
had before I even knew he had a ring. My
grandmother wasn't able to make it because she was in
the hospital. I found out the day after that she
had died the morning of my wedding. This is the
(05:32):
first death I've experienced. She and I were close. I
knew she was ill, but my family wanted to hide
how sick she was, not to spoil my wedding week
and day. She wanted to be with us so so badly,
and I believe that this was her way to be there.
I believe that her soul was with us that day,
because both me and my mom felt oddly peaceful the
whole day. I'm struggling a lot with feeling guilt that
(05:55):
my mother wasn't there to say her goodbyes to her
own mom, and that I didn't know how sick she was.
If I would have known, I would have tried to
be more present and FaceTime or call her more. I'm
also struggling with the fact that the anniversary of her
death is now my wedding anniversary, and I don't know
how to appropriately react to that when it comes around.
(06:15):
Any advice that you have would be so appreciated. I
thank you for your podcast and the Bobby Bones Show
podcast for helping me not feel so alone when I'm
walking the dog or driving in my car. Sometimes I
purposefully put on my Pimp and Joy clothing as a
reminder to stay joyful and look at the positives even
though it's hard through grief. Your friend, Erica, Okay, Erica,
(06:36):
I just want to encourage you, um, just based on
what you just said there at the end, to lean
into the hard times right now and process the grief.
It's totally okay to not stay joyful right now. It's
also okay to wear Pimp and Joy to remind yourself
to be aware of things you can be thankful for
and try to spread joy to others and not be
(06:57):
negative around other people. But you also have every right
to process every emotion and feeling that you're going through.
So I want you to also use your Pimp and
Joy as a reminder to feel your feelings, all of them.
You know, Pimp and Joy derived from my mom's battle
with cancer and and her message of joy during all
of that, and it was a very messy time. But
she also had really hard days. I mean, we all
(07:19):
did as a family, and we had to be intentional
about feeling at all. You know, the anger, the confusion,
the frustration, the tiredness, I mean, the list really goes on.
So I just want to make sure you give yourself
that permission to deal with the negatives too, don't just
cover them up with the positives. So I just want
to say that I definitely want you to beware in
(07:40):
your Pimp and Joy, but I also want to make
sure that you're you're feeling all the emotions and you're
not trying to cover anything up. Now. As for the
guilt that you feel about you know, not face timing
with your grandma more or you know, your mom not
being able to be with her mom on her final day,
that is just not for you to arry at all.
(08:01):
Like your mom chose to be with you and your
grandma likely wanted it that way, So I hope that
you can find a way to release that. And I mean,
it's honestly super intense stuff that can really add up
if you don't address it. So I hope if you
have a way to talk with a therapist about this,
that you're able to do that, because this is something
(08:21):
that you can carry with you for a long time
if it's not properly dealt with, and something that you're
going to be reminded of, you know, every April third
for the rest of your life. And I want that
day to be special for you, and I want you
to be able to focus on your anniversary, not focus
on things like regret and guilt and grief. Now, I mean,
(08:41):
if I'm being honest, the grief part is never gonna end.
I mean, some days are going to be lighter as
time passes, but some days will be super heavy. But
your grandma would not want you to, you know, be
stuck in that. She would want you to be present
with your husband on April third for the years to come.
And you know, maybe you and your husband can come
(09:01):
up with some sort of a tradition or something that
you can do every anniversary to honor your grandmother, and
then you give yourself, yeah, that time to do the
grandma thing, and then you give yourself the time the
rest of the day to focus on your husband and
your marriage. And she would want that for you so badly.
I'm so sorry for your lost Erika. I know that
(09:24):
this is really hard. So take some real time to
process all that you're feeling and talk to your family
about this stuff. Talk to some experts if you can,
if you have a therapist that you can get some
sessions in with. I think that this is important stuff
that you're processing, and I'm sending you all the hugs. Erica.
Thank you so much for the email. And I know
(09:45):
that you will be able to get through this if
you put in the work. And I know the April
three can be a special day. I'm not saying that
it's always going to be easy, but yeah, find a
way to honor your grandmother on April three every year,
and your husband can be a part of it, and
that can be something special that you'll do. You don't
want to ignore it. You don't want every April three
to come around and you just like focus on your
(10:06):
anniversary and ignore the fact that it happened, because I'm
sure it's awkward for your husband too. Awkward may not
even really be the right word, but yeah, if he
doesn't know how to handle it, then yeah he might
be well tiptoeing around you or not wanting to bring
it up or trigger you in any way. So just
go ahead and put it out there and you'll have
a special thing that you do. Maybe you could talk
to your mom or your other family members of what
(10:27):
that could look like. Maybe she had a favorite meal
that she loved to eat. Maybe you just cook that
up and you enjoy it every April third in honor
of her, or you know, you can pick a different
tradition or a thing that you want to do. The
meal is just an idea, but it's just a thought,
(10:54):
all right. Next email is from Katie Hey, Amy, I
was listening to your podcast and I'm hind on episodes,
I found myself in tears hearing you talk about your
sweet dad and his passing. There are truly no words.
I wanted to thank you, though, for your openness and
vulnerability and sharing with your listeners, making it possible for
others to know that it's okay to be vulnerable and
(11:15):
it's okay to not be okay. I'm so proud of
you for sharing about your intensive therapy week and for
even going that's huge. I myself have been in patient
treatment twice for anorexia. Sharing about that is never easy,
but hearing you share to so many listeners makes me
feel like I can share. Also, keep taking care of you.
God is walking with you on this journey, and when
(11:37):
days seem dark, know that you are loved. I also
want to reach out because you were talking about some
of your dad's T shirts. I am a quilter and
recently made my husband a T shirt quilt with his
shirts from our many overseas mission trips. They are so
special and sentimental that I wanted to do something with
them and not just have them in a dwar. I
would love to be able to make a quilt with
(11:57):
your dad's shirts, no strings, attacked with love, Katie, Katie, Yes,
I am taking you up on this. I kept thinking
I would just keep some of my dad's shirts and
I would wear them maybe when I wanted to. But
I don't know that I ever really will throw them on.
But if I had them as a T shirt blanket,
then I would totally cuddle up with that all the
(12:18):
time and it would be so special. And Mary had
just sent me a bunch of shirts from the Shop
Forward and a Spua stuff for my dad to model.
And you know, we mentioned on a previous episode that
right before my dad died, which we didn't even know
he was really going to die, it all happened so quickly.
He was talking about how he wanted to be a
model for the Shop Forward, for his age group, for
(12:40):
the elderly represent them and or for older people. I
don't really like the word elderly, but he wanted to
wrap his age group and we thought he would be
so good at it, you know, cool grandpa, all the things.
But it didn't work out. But Mary had already shipped
a bunch of stuff to the house, and you know,
mainly because I guess he was low on shirts. Anyways,
(13:01):
all this to say, I have these shirts that were
intended for him, that are his size that I can't
really wear, and I don't really want to give them away.
So yes, I will take you up on making me
a quilt, but I do want to pay you for
it all the things, especially if you're a quilter. I
know that It's probably not easy to do something like this.
It's very time consuming. So I am emailing you, so Katie,
(13:22):
on the lookout for that, because I am so pumped
to have a quilt full of my dad's shirts. And
to other people listening, maybe if you've got clothing from
a loved one or just special clothing items that you
don't know what to do with them and they're just
yea piled up in a drawer in a closet somewhere,
maybe you look into turning them into a T shirt quilt.
I've done that before with some of my husband's clothing
(13:44):
from like high school, in college, some old shirts he
did not want to let go of and about I
don't know, ten years ago, I had it made into
a quilt and gifted it to him. I don't know
that he loved it as much as I did, you know,
but it is something that we still have and it
is cool to look at. And so I would say,
same is going to go for my dad's T shirts.
(14:06):
So Katie shout out, good idea. Thank you, I'm gonna
be reaching out and I will send you a bunch
of the shirts to make me a quilt. And I
can't wait to show people when it's done all right.
Email number four is from Caroline. Hey, Amy, I've been
hinting to my husband for a couple of years now
that I want a cool mom shirt. I even started
hinting again a few months ago so he would have
time to order one in time for Mother's Day. I
(14:27):
even got him a cool dad shirt last year. I
am so sad that he ordered me a cool mom
shirt and a Mama Bear shirt off of Amazon. My
daughter even told him, Hey, you ordered it from the
wrong place. I just want to apologize for him. We
love the show and your podcast. Happy Mother's Day. A
longtime listener, Caroline. Okay, Caroline in a warning to anybody
(14:49):
else out there that is shopping stuff on Amazon. A
lot of times husbands do get confused, So Caroline, your
husband isn't the only one, but all kinds of listeners
get confused with the Amazon because there's pimp and Joy
knockoffs on there as well. And I just want to
clarify that we don't have any of our items on Amazon. Nothing,
a squad, nothing could enjoy nothing. Everything is at the
(15:11):
shot forward. Like if you don't see the shot forward
logo on the website that you're going to. Now. We
have different ways that you can get to the shot
Forward like shop squat dot com or four things dot com,
but it always redirects you to the shot Forward homepage.
So if you don't see shot Forward on there anywhere,
then it's got no donation happening, and it's likely not
made with the quality that we like to put out there,
(15:34):
the quality of shirts and stuff. So, Caroline, your husband's awesome.
I love that he wanted to get you a gift.
He's just doing his best and I'm sure he assumed
it was the same no matter what, So no apologies necessary.
But I'm going to be reaching out to you because
I would love to send you a little package. Is
a gift from me and Mary. I want to send
you our cool mom our mom of air, all from
(15:56):
a squad. It'll be coming your way soon. And not
to upstage your have been thoughtfulness at all. It's just
that you know you've been asking for this for two years,
so hopefully he will understand. And really the main thing
too that annoys me about the Amazon stuff, and you
know there could be other cool mom and Mama Bear.
They're not knocking us off, but Pimp and Joy is
straight up a knockoff. That is us. Those are people
(16:19):
faking people out and collecting the money, and they're making
money off of something that we've worked really hard on
or we keep no money from it. A hundred percent
goes to various causes. And when you're buying from Amazon
because you think maybe we have them up for sale
on Amazon, you think maybe a donation is being made
and it's just not. So just want to clarify that
(16:41):
again one more time. And while we're talking about espoix
and cool mom stuff before we go, you know, we
partnered with Project Meta Share for Mother's Day and fundraising
for their new ambulance in Haiti, and they're on rural roads.
They definitely needed a new safe way to get moms
and moms to be expectant moms to and from clinics
(17:02):
in a safe way. And it was going to cost
him about eighty five dollars and I am so happy
to announce that because of you guys, a donation is
being made in full for that ambulance. So Mary is
going to be writing the check very soon. So we
just appreciate you shopping with us so much. Thank you,
Like none of these donations would be possible without y'all,
(17:24):
So y'all are amazing. I hope if you gifted anything
a Spoa to the moms in your life that they
loved it. And if you received anything, I hope you
carry it or where it proudly knowing that it really
did and is making a legit difference. And as soon
as we get pictures of the new ambulance, will be
posting it so you can see it. So make sure
(17:44):
you're following us on Instagram at Shop a Spoa. I
run that account, My personal is at Radio Amy. I'll
likely post something there and then Mary runs the Shop
Forward which is at the Shop Forward, So you know,
if you've got Instagram, just get out your phones follow us.
We would love it. Don't forget to join the B
Team Facebook page if you happen to be on Facebook
and you're a loyal listener of the Bobby Bone Show.
(18:06):
I want to shout out the B Team really quickly
too before I go, because they do something cool where
they have the B teamers donate one dollar every month
so that they can add up and make a donation
somewhere else, and they keep it a dollar for those
that might not be able to donate anything more, but
for a lot of people, a dollar is doable, and
then when everybody pitches in a dollar, it adds up.
(18:29):
And then what they do is they pick someone from
the Bobby Bones Show each month to reach out to
and say, Hey, what cause would you like us to
donate to? And this month happens to be my month.
So I was super honored when I got the email
from the B Team moderators and they let me know
that I was going to be the recipient or my
charity of choice would be the recipient, and they were like, hey,
(18:50):
we also would like to consider your dad in this
and maybe we donate to a place that's close to
his heart. And I was like, you know what. Being
that my dad wanted to be a Shot four slash,
a SPUA model, I think he would want to donate
to Project Meta Share in Haiti as well. So that
is who I have the money going to. So thank
(19:10):
you B teamers for donating to Project Meta Share their
maternity center and honor of my dad. Haiti is a
place that's obviously special and close to my heart because
my kids are from there and my dad's grandkids were
from there. He even went down to Haiti to visit
them before they came to America, so I know my
dad would love and appreciate that. And if you'll want
(19:32):
to join the B Team Facebook page, it's a very positive,
happy place. You have to be kind to get let in,
but once you're in, you're in, and it seems like
there's a lot of really cool things going on over there,
and it's a place where you can build community. Um,
and I think that that's really awesome, So thank you
from the bottom of my heart. If you're a supporter
(19:52):
of ESPOA and you're a supporter of the Bobby Bones
Show and the B Team and all the cool things
that are happening. Really is cool to have all of
you out there, all across the country and maybe some
of you I know even listen and you live in
other countries, and it's just cool that we have all
these little communities where we can help others. And uh yeah,
(20:12):
at the end of the day, we support people and
then we share our stories so that people do not
feel alone. So thank you for being a part of
all of this. And again, I would love to hear
from you, so make sure you email me four things
with Amy Brown at gmail dot com. And that's a
wrap on today's episode. But I will see you on
Thursday for all four things, all right, see then bye
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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