September 14, 2021 • 19 mins
This is Amy’s ‘5th Thing’ (a bonus episode). ‘4 Things With Amy Brown’ comes out every Thursday, but on Tuesdays Amy shares emails from YOU. If you have a question for Amy or something our community needs to know about then please email the podcast: 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com!! Can't wait to hear from you!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing, the bonus episode
of the Four Things podcast where I go over emails
that you have sent in and right now, I have
to admit I'm a little self conscious in my inflection
and how I'm talking to you. And you'll understand what
that's about when I share an email in a minute.
It was not a rude email, is actually very kind,
thoughtful email. It had some constructive criticism and there for me,
(00:26):
and I've decided that I'm going to share it because well,
I'm gonna lean into what this person was saying and
I'm going to try to work on it. I don't
think she's wrong, and some of you might want to
reevaluate how you speak and maybe areas where you could
look for improvement. I mean, listen, I say like all
the time, and that's not even what this email is about.
(00:47):
But that's something that I've been working on for years.
And on the Bobby Bones Show sometimes there are segments
where Bobby will literally take a pen and write down
a little mark every time I say the word like
when it's not necessary arry like like like like like
you know, you know how it goes. I probably say,
you know, a little too much. I might need to
work on that, okay, But before we get into the emails,
(01:09):
I am going to start off with a quote like
we typically do on Tuesday episodes, and this one is
from Carlos Whittaker. I saw several people post this on
Instagram on nine eleven, and I just thought it was
a beautiful post for that specific day, but also every
day moving forward and just kind of where we are
(01:29):
in the world, especially as we're a little desensitized to things,
sort of detached, and it's like, where's our humanity? And
so this is what was put up before. Our reaction
was to question those who mourn. Before these phones made
us a little less human, Our human reaction was to
sprint into the dust. Our human reaction was to link
(01:51):
arms together. Our human reaction was to check on our neighbor.
Our human reaction was too mourn with those who more
n We had a human reflex of unity. It's an
actual reflex inside us all and it's still there. I promise,
we just have to dig a little. And what I
thought to be so cool was Carlos had posted this,
(02:14):
and then Amanda Gorman posted it up on her page,
and then he reposted her in the stories and he
was like, I'm dead. So it's also this cool respect
for people that use words for healing, which Carlos and
Amanda are both those people that have a gift, and
to see them respect each other like that was also
a really cool moment if you happen to follow them
(02:35):
on social media. Okay, so that's my quote for today.
I want you all to reflect on that and just
know that we are the same people that you can
show up and be there for others. There's so much
that's dividing our country right now, but if anything, looking
back twenty years ago and seeing how our country came together,
no matter what your political beliefs were, it just showed
(02:57):
we are capable of doing that and hopefully we can
start healing a lot of this divisiveness soon. All Right,
I guess I'll just start off with the email that
I referenced at the very start, and that way, um,
we can get into the rest from there. It's from Kelly.
She said, Hey, Amy, I'm a new listener. I found
your podcast because it was praised by Cameron Brown on
(03:19):
Joy f M. I love her and that radio channel,
So I started listening to your episodes on a car
trip the other day. It was the September seventh Tuesday
episode titled Ankle Weights, and just from listening to about
half of the podcast, I can tell that you're a
wonderful person and a wonderful soul, and I look forward
to listening. But one thing I'm struggling with, and I
(03:39):
have noticed in a lot of young women younger than me,
that is, my kids are in graduate school and exiting
graduate school. The thing is, you have a tendency to
raise the pitch of your voice on the last word
of every sentence. I truly do not wish to insult you,
but there have been studies done on this, and it's
called up speak, and people who do it tend to
be taken less seriously. Kind of a sorority girl thing.
(04:02):
Not that sorority girls are bad or stupid or anything.
It's just a stereotype. I don't know if you've ever noticed,
or anyone has ever mentioned it, but please don't take
this badly. I just don't want it to drive away
any potential listeners. If you listen to that episode with
an open heart, you will hear it very clearly. In
the past, I also had an undesired vocal habit. I
(04:23):
started using the word like in a lot of sentences unnecessarily.
For instance, I went to the grocery store and like
bought a bag of potato chips. It was really hard
habit to break. My husband was doing it too. We
started calling each other out and charging each other a
quarter every time it happened, and eventually we were able
to stop doing it and sound more like adults. But
(04:43):
it wasn't easy. So I don't know. Maybe some listeners
will say that your upspeak is part of your charm,
but I find it interferes with me listening to what
you're saying. I just start listening to see if you
will do it at the end of the next sentence.
And you may say, if you don't like it, just
don't listen. But I hope you don't say that, because
I do feel like it might drive away some other listeners.
And I don't know much about podcasting, but I do
(05:06):
know that having a lot of listeners is important. Feel
free to email me back and scold me if this
made you upset, and you can correct all of my
grammatical errors, of which I'm sure there are plenty. Because
I'm the first person to admit I'm not perfect, and
I'm certainly not brave enough to open up enough to
have a podcast. Thank you for sharing all that you do. Sincerely, Kelly.
Which Kelly, No, this type of email does not upset
(05:27):
me at all. You were coming from a good place.
You definitely are trying to help me. Now I'm self
conscious as you're maybe listening to this, because I haven't
had enough practice to try to work on my up speak.
But it is something that I'm thankful you brought to
my attention. And you know, yeah, I don't want to
change a lot of who I am and maybe what
makes up my personality, which is one reason why I
don't take some of my A D D meds. Well,
(05:48):
I used to take pills. I guess that's I should
say that's one of the reasons why I stopped. First
of all, I just didn't like taking a pill every day,
but also it altered my personality and maybe how I speak.
Some people are drawn to that, but you're right, some
people might be turned off by it completely. And I
do speak for a living, so I would like to
(06:09):
be taken seriously when I am talking. So I do
think it's fair to say that I could work on
this up speak situation or problem that I have. So
I looked online and actually found an article on dummies
dot com, just like you know the Book for Dummies.
They have a website, dummies dot com and they break
down exactly what speak is, and then they gave this
(06:30):
exercise that you can do to get rid of it.
So if anybody else is struggling with up speak like
I am, well then you can try this out. So
this exercise will get rid of that question mark sound
in your voice at the end of sentences, which is
kind of gives you that sorority girl sound. So here's
what it said from dummies dot com. It's time to
gain the confidence to lose up speak once and for all. Well,
(06:53):
how do you do that? While by saying statements like
they should be said over and over. Take a piece
of old paper and on each line write a statement
something true about yourself. You can write down what kind
of shirt you're wearing, one describing your style of pants,
and so on. When you look out the window, what's
the weather like? Get down at least a dozen of these.
(07:15):
Better yet, fill up the paper. Now read them one
by one to yourself. These are mundane things truths. You
are wearing a blue shirt. No one can dispute that.
Listen how you're saying these statements. At the end of
the statement, your pitch should sound a tad lower than
the previous word, but not so low that you can't
hear that final word. In all likelihood, you've lost any
(07:38):
upspeak altogether. You become conscious of the way that you're speaking.
This exercise called getting rid of that question mark in
your voice can help you lose that. But in a
real conversation you probably won't be talking about the color
of your shirt. You'll need to take your speech and
get rid of any question asking there too. Write every
line of your speech on a separate line of a
(07:58):
piece of paper, just as you do with the random
truths that you write for the exercise. You should see
a similar structure, barely any questions. Okay, So if you
want to read more about that again, you can just
google up speak and dummies dot com and that article
should come up. But thank you Kelly for the email,
and I think that you also are a great example
(08:21):
of what it's like to email someone in a kind
way of something that you think might be helpful for them.
And then also owning that you're not perfect either, and
then by me sharing this, it's also encouragement to other
people listening that you can be open to hearing what
others have to say, and then you can either receive
it and do something with it like I'm going to,
(08:41):
or you can disagree, but you can still receive it
in a kind, healthy way. And they'd be like, you
know what, it's not for me. I think I even
just said like in there, and I wasn't supposed to,
so it's probably something I need to work on. So
there you have it. I would like to hear feedback
from y'all, the good, the bad, everything in between. It
can be delivered in a nice way. That being said,
(09:02):
if Kelly wanted to put that on my review page,
I would have been like, oh man, that's such a bummer.
I mean, maybe she still would have given me five
stars because she likes the content of the podcast, or
maybe she would have taken off a star and given
me four. But I like that she emailed it, sent
it directly to me and gives me an opportunity to
work on it. And if you all want to go
rate and review, that would be amazing. If you want
(09:24):
to give five stars, go for it. If you want
to give one star, please don't just email me. Okay.
Next email is from Jennifer in Oklahoma. Hey, Amy, I
was catching up on the podcast driving home today and
by luck, well let's call it fate, caught the August
(09:46):
Thing episode where you discussed being forty but not feeling
forty on my actual forty birthday. I have been fretting
overturning forty these last few weeks, and listening to your
words today gave me some peace and acceptance. I'm proud
of what I have accomplished in my life so far.
Married for almost sixteen years, two amazing boys, and a
fulfilling career, and I'm looking forward to my next forty years.
(10:09):
Thank you for being a positive light in sharing not
only your joys but also your struggles. I strive each
day to choose joy, Your friend, Jennifer from Oklahoma. PS.
I'm getting my ears pierced second holes tonight, and if
I remember correctly, my mom got her ears pierced for
the first time when she turned forty. Now this is
me talking. Now done with the email, But if y'all
(10:30):
haven't heard that episode or you didn't know, I recently
got my third holes in my ears to celebrate Mary's
forty birthday, and Mary was actually on that episode with me,
and we were just talking about it, you know, turning forty,
and for me, everybody approaches age differently, and I think
I was always scared of turning forty, But now that
I'm here, I don't feel forty. I'm not gonna let
(10:51):
that number define me and I'm just going to continue
living as though on the age that I feel, and
I feel way younger than forty, And I just want
to remind you all that you're worth doesn't come from
your age. It doesn't come from your appearance. It doesn't
come from your to do list and all the things
that you've got on there. It doesn't come from your
(11:12):
social media. That's something I was talking about to my
daughter and some of her girlfriends. Their fourteen Uh would
not want to be a teenager during this very difficult,
trying time of having to navigate social media and be
a teenager. But even as adults we struggle with that.
It doesn't come from other people. Your worth doesn't come
from your relationship status. There's so many different pressures that
(11:34):
are around us all the time, and we can end
up defining ourselves by those things, and really are worth
doesn't come from any of that, and I want you
to trust that you truly are enough. And it reminds
me of our affirmation cards that Mary and I made.
You know, we put on there. You were kind, you
were smart, you were worthy, you are loved, And the
smart one was important for me to have on there
(11:54):
because I grew up and carried with me for a
really long time into my adulthood. Something I still struggle
with that I'm not smart, and it's from comments that
were made to me by teachers in school, and I
don't think they were meaning to insult me, but I
felt insulted. And it's stuff that has come up in
therapy as an adult that I've had to work through
(12:14):
where I don't feel confident in certain things, which makes
me circle back to the up speak email when I
was reading more about up speaking, what it is is
that it's telling people that are listening that maybe you're
not confident in what you're saying, and maybe, deep down,
if we really dissect this, I might not be confident
in what I'm saying because I'm doubting myself because I
don't feel that I really have anything to contribute, or
(12:37):
that I'm not smart enough to be talking about this,
or that I don't so that I don't believe that
what I'm saying is going to be a value to anybody.
So I have those struggles and I have those days too.
But getting this email from Jennifer, who heard that episode
on her forty birthday and it was exactly what she
needed it to hear, is a reminder to me that
I was doing exactly what I needed to do on
(12:57):
the episode. I was able to be there for Jennifer
on that day. If there's just one of you that
I'm showing up for, then my job is done and
I need to be more confident and that I have
value here on the podcast. And I want all of
you to know in the things that you're doing day
to day, you have value and you matter. And I
just hope that this is a reminder of that. And
(13:19):
I have to remind myself you are smart. So that's
why Mary and I we were very intentional about the
four things we included on there, and that one was
important to me and I. I love these affirmation cards
and I love that we have them available now. It's
something we weren't ever going to sell. We just made
them for fun as a little giveaway. If you bought
(13:39):
something from the Shop Forward or Shopping Squad during a
certain time frame, then you got assigned card from Mary
and myself. Then y'all love them so much that we
decided to make them into actual cards with envelopes, and
we sell them as a twelve count. It's not something
I don't know unless you were buying multiple I would
go to the website and just buy that. Only maybe
you could buy several and have them as it's just
(14:00):
because of the flat rate shipping on them. But if
you have, I'm just reminding off you have like a
sweatshirt that you want to get, or you're getting a
four Things tot or I need a nap or born year,
or if you have certain things on your list, or
the fall pull over, which I am wearing so much lately,
our latest fall pullover. Well, I'm rotating all three of
them because I'm officially embracing fall season. I bought pumpkin creamer.
(14:22):
I've now got it at my fridge. I'm not just
getting it from Starbucks. I'm making coffee at home with
my pumpkin creamer and I'm obsessed with it, so I
love this time of year. But if you want to
get one of our fall pullovers, then I you could
just add that into your card, or later this year,
when our four Things puzzles go up, you could add
that into your car and have those affirmation cards to
hand out to friends, or to gift a whole twelve
(14:45):
pack of cards to a friend if they have something
coming up like a birthday, or you just want to
make sure they know that they are kind, smart, worthy,
and loved. Now, the next few things I'm going to share,
they aren't actually emails. They're just things that I that
were important and I wanted to go over with you.
My friend Lisa Haim, who is my co host for
my Outweigh podcast, posted this on her Instagram, and I
(15:08):
think it just came at a very timely moment, at
least for me, and I thought you might also appreciate
how to ground yourself if things are feeling out of control.
And again we talked about how there's a lot going
on in the world. I feel like we keep talking
about that over and over, but it's so true. There's
so much heaviness in the world right now. And then
there's also a lot of heaviness under everybody's own personal
(15:30):
roofs that the public doesn't even know about. So these
are some tips that Lisa does if she feels like
she's spinning out of control. And I feel like Lisa
offers a lot of wisdom. She's a great follow on
Instagram if you want to follow her. She's at Lisa Hame,
which is h a y i am, but it's pronounced
like name Hame. Okay, So step number one, she says,
(15:53):
get off your phone technology or distraction traps, whatever that
is for you. Second thing is start naming five things
that you see, like if you go out for a walk,
you see a tree, you see grass, you see flowers,
et cetera. Three, touch something with your hands. Fourth thing,
breathe in and out as deep as you can. Fifth thing,
(16:14):
shake your body unless you've got a history of trauma. There,
she's very sensitive that that might not be helpful for you.
And at number six she says, call a friend. At seven,
grab a journal and let it flow. Start with I feel,
and then go from there. And at the eighth thing,
she says, smells something soothing. She said she always tries
to grab her blankie even though she's thirty three years old.
(16:37):
She also will grab for lavender or anything that is soothing,
So you've got to decide what that is for you.
In at number nine, repeat a mantra, which are affirmation card.
What we have on there that might be a mantra.
You don't need the card to do that, but you
could find something on there that you need to repeat
over and over to yourself. And then the tenth thing,
(16:57):
remember all control is just an illusion anyway. Your false
sense of control is simply what is failing you. Welcome
to reality. And then she said kind of fun, isn't it, Which, no,
it's not fun, but it is fun that we do
have the opportunity to realize it and be self aware
with it. And I'm just thankful that least to put
that up because I saved it. I did a screenshot.
(17:19):
It's on my phone. I've got it maybe all posted
up on my Instagram at Radio Amy if you want
to grab it and get a screenshot at some point.
If not, re listen to this, just rewind about thirty
seconds a minute and write these things down. Grab a
journal and write them down, so that way you've got
these with you all right, So I shared two emails
and the third thing was those tips from Lisa. And
(17:39):
then the fourth thing I want to go over today
is something I saw Doc co'm in post or doc Aman.
I don't know exactly how to say his name, but
he posted this graphic and it said what people think
supports sounds like, and under that he put you'll be
fine and don't worry. It's not a big deal. And
then the next thing was what support actually sounds like.
(18:00):
And I want you to take note of these things
so that you can evaluate whether or not you're offering
support the next time someone in your life, whether it's
a friend, a coworker, a spouse, a partner, a child,
really might need your support. What are you offering them?
Because I do feel like a default we use a
lot and so everything is going to be fine, don't worry.
(18:21):
But this is what support actually sounds like. Wow, I'm
sure that is really difficult. How can I help? Thank
you for telling me this will pass. I am here
for you. I can't imagine how that feels. Maybe give
them a hug if they're open to that, and then
you are not alone. And I'm gonna end on that
(18:43):
because That is why I do this podcast and why
we talk about anything from the lighthearted stuff to the
heavier stuff is You're not alone. And I want each
and every one of you to know that. And thank
you so much for listening if you do, and subscribe
if you do, and checking out every episode or as
many as you can. I know that there's so much
(19:04):
content out there to consume that's not lost on me
one bit. So I appreciate that you take the time
to listen to four Things to outweigh the Bobby Bone Show,
if you follow me on Instagram, if you shop ESPOA
and even think about or even pray for Haiti, and
you know that's a country that never would have even
come across your mind if it wasn't for you listening
(19:26):
to this podcast or following along on my journey. Like
that's awesome and I am super grateful, So thank you
for that. And if you have an email and you
wanted to end up in the fifth thing, you can
hit me up just four Things with Amy Brown at
gmail dot com. That's where you can find me. And
I'm gonna go ahead and say bye, and I hope
you have a great day and I will see you
(19:47):
on Thursday,
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to the Fifth Thing, the bonus episode
of the Four Things podcast where I go over emails
that you have sent in and right now, I have
to admit I'm a little self conscious in my inflection
and how I'm talking to you. And you'll understand what
that's about when I share an email in a minute.
It was not a rude email, is actually very kind,
thoughtful email. It had some constructive criticism and there for me,
(00:26):
and I've decided that I'm going to share it because well,
I'm gonna lean into what this person was saying and
I'm going to try to work on it. I don't
think she's wrong, and some of you might want to
reevaluate how you speak and maybe areas where you could
look for improvement. I mean, listen, I say like all
the time, and that's not even what this email is about.
(00:47):
But that's something that I've been working on for years.
And on the Bobby Bones Show sometimes there are segments
where Bobby will literally take a pen and write down
a little mark every time I say the word like
when it's not necessary arry like like like like like
you know, you know how it goes. I probably say,
you know, a little too much. I might need to
work on that, okay, But before we get into the emails,
(01:09):
I am going to start off with a quote like
we typically do on Tuesday episodes, and this one is
from Carlos Whittaker. I saw several people post this on
Instagram on nine eleven, and I just thought it was
a beautiful post for that specific day, but also every
day moving forward and just kind of where we are
(01:29):
in the world, especially as we're a little desensitized to things,
sort of detached, and it's like, where's our humanity? And
so this is what was put up before. Our reaction
was to question those who mourn. Before these phones made
us a little less human, Our human reaction was to
sprint into the dust. Our human reaction was to link
(01:51):
arms together. Our human reaction was to check on our neighbor.
Our human reaction was too mourn with those who more
n We had a human reflex of unity. It's an
actual reflex inside us all and it's still there. I promise,
we just have to dig a little. And what I
thought to be so cool was Carlos had posted this,
(02:14):
and then Amanda Gorman posted it up on her page,
and then he reposted her in the stories and he
was like, I'm dead. So it's also this cool respect
for people that use words for healing, which Carlos and
Amanda are both those people that have a gift, and
to see them respect each other like that was also
a really cool moment if you happen to follow them
(02:35):
on social media. Okay, so that's my quote for today.
I want you all to reflect on that and just
know that we are the same people that you can
show up and be there for others. There's so much
that's dividing our country right now, but if anything, looking
back twenty years ago and seeing how our country came together,
no matter what your political beliefs were, it just showed
(02:57):
we are capable of doing that and hopefully we can
start healing a lot of this divisiveness soon. All Right,
I guess I'll just start off with the email that
I referenced at the very start, and that way, um,
we can get into the rest from there. It's from Kelly.
She said, Hey, Amy, I'm a new listener. I found
your podcast because it was praised by Cameron Brown on
(03:19):
Joy f M. I love her and that radio channel,
So I started listening to your episodes on a car
trip the other day. It was the September seventh Tuesday
episode titled Ankle Weights, and just from listening to about
half of the podcast, I can tell that you're a
wonderful person and a wonderful soul, and I look forward
to listening. But one thing I'm struggling with, and I
(03:39):
have noticed in a lot of young women younger than me,
that is, my kids are in graduate school and exiting
graduate school. The thing is, you have a tendency to
raise the pitch of your voice on the last word
of every sentence. I truly do not wish to insult you,
but there have been studies done on this, and it's
called up speak, and people who do it tend to
be taken less seriously. Kind of a sorority girl thing.
(04:02):
Not that sorority girls are bad or stupid or anything.
It's just a stereotype. I don't know if you've ever noticed,
or anyone has ever mentioned it, but please don't take
this badly. I just don't want it to drive away
any potential listeners. If you listen to that episode with
an open heart, you will hear it very clearly. In
the past, I also had an undesired vocal habit. I
(04:23):
started using the word like in a lot of sentences unnecessarily.
For instance, I went to the grocery store and like
bought a bag of potato chips. It was really hard
habit to break. My husband was doing it too. We
started calling each other out and charging each other a
quarter every time it happened, and eventually we were able
to stop doing it and sound more like adults. But
(04:43):
it wasn't easy. So I don't know. Maybe some listeners
will say that your upspeak is part of your charm,
but I find it interferes with me listening to what
you're saying. I just start listening to see if you
will do it at the end of the next sentence.
And you may say, if you don't like it, just
don't listen. But I hope you don't say that, because
I do feel like it might drive away some other listeners.
And I don't know much about podcasting, but I do
(05:06):
know that having a lot of listeners is important. Feel
free to email me back and scold me if this
made you upset, and you can correct all of my
grammatical errors, of which I'm sure there are plenty. Because
I'm the first person to admit I'm not perfect, and
I'm certainly not brave enough to open up enough to
have a podcast. Thank you for sharing all that you do. Sincerely, Kelly.
Which Kelly, No, this type of email does not upset
(05:27):
me at all. You were coming from a good place.
You definitely are trying to help me. Now I'm self
conscious as you're maybe listening to this, because I haven't
had enough practice to try to work on my up speak.
But it is something that I'm thankful you brought to
my attention. And you know, yeah, I don't want to
change a lot of who I am and maybe what
makes up my personality, which is one reason why I
don't take some of my A D D meds. Well,
(05:48):
I used to take pills. I guess that's I should
say that's one of the reasons why I stopped. First
of all, I just didn't like taking a pill every day,
but also it altered my personality and maybe how I speak.
Some people are drawn to that, but you're right, some
people might be turned off by it completely. And I
do speak for a living, so I would like to
(06:09):
be taken seriously when I am talking. So I do
think it's fair to say that I could work on
this up speak situation or problem that I have. So
I looked online and actually found an article on dummies
dot com, just like you know the Book for Dummies.
They have a website, dummies dot com and they break
down exactly what speak is, and then they gave this
(06:30):
exercise that you can do to get rid of it.
So if anybody else is struggling with up speak like
I am, well then you can try this out. So
this exercise will get rid of that question mark sound
in your voice at the end of sentences, which is
kind of gives you that sorority girl sound. So here's
what it said from dummies dot com. It's time to
gain the confidence to lose up speak once and for all. Well,
(06:53):
how do you do that? While by saying statements like
they should be said over and over. Take a piece
of old paper and on each line write a statement
something true about yourself. You can write down what kind
of shirt you're wearing, one describing your style of pants,
and so on. When you look out the window, what's
the weather like? Get down at least a dozen of these.
(07:15):
Better yet, fill up the paper. Now read them one
by one to yourself. These are mundane things truths. You
are wearing a blue shirt. No one can dispute that.
Listen how you're saying these statements. At the end of
the statement, your pitch should sound a tad lower than
the previous word, but not so low that you can't
hear that final word. In all likelihood, you've lost any
(07:38):
upspeak altogether. You become conscious of the way that you're speaking.
This exercise called getting rid of that question mark in
your voice can help you lose that. But in a
real conversation you probably won't be talking about the color
of your shirt. You'll need to take your speech and
get rid of any question asking there too. Write every
line of your speech on a separate line of a
(07:58):
piece of paper, just as you do with the random
truths that you write for the exercise. You should see
a similar structure, barely any questions. Okay, So if you
want to read more about that again, you can just
google up speak and dummies dot com and that article
should come up. But thank you Kelly for the email,
and I think that you also are a great example
(08:21):
of what it's like to email someone in a kind
way of something that you think might be helpful for them.
And then also owning that you're not perfect either, and
then by me sharing this, it's also encouragement to other
people listening that you can be open to hearing what
others have to say, and then you can either receive
it and do something with it like I'm going to,
(08:41):
or you can disagree, but you can still receive it
in a kind, healthy way. And they'd be like, you
know what, it's not for me. I think I even
just said like in there, and I wasn't supposed to,
so it's probably something I need to work on. So
there you have it. I would like to hear feedback
from y'all, the good, the bad, everything in between. It
can be delivered in a nice way. That being said,
(09:02):
if Kelly wanted to put that on my review page,
I would have been like, oh man, that's such a bummer.
I mean, maybe she still would have given me five
stars because she likes the content of the podcast, or
maybe she would have taken off a star and given
me four. But I like that she emailed it, sent
it directly to me and gives me an opportunity to
work on it. And if you all want to go
rate and review, that would be amazing. If you want
(09:24):
to give five stars, go for it. If you want
to give one star, please don't just email me. Okay.
Next email is from Jennifer in Oklahoma. Hey, Amy, I
was catching up on the podcast driving home today and
by luck, well let's call it fate, caught the August
(09:46):
Thing episode where you discussed being forty but not feeling
forty on my actual forty birthday. I have been fretting
overturning forty these last few weeks, and listening to your
words today gave me some peace and acceptance. I'm proud
of what I have accomplished in my life so far.
Married for almost sixteen years, two amazing boys, and a
fulfilling career, and I'm looking forward to my next forty years.
(10:09):
Thank you for being a positive light in sharing not
only your joys but also your struggles. I strive each
day to choose joy, Your friend, Jennifer from Oklahoma. PS.
I'm getting my ears pierced second holes tonight, and if
I remember correctly, my mom got her ears pierced for
the first time when she turned forty. Now this is
me talking. Now done with the email, But if y'all
(10:30):
haven't heard that episode or you didn't know, I recently
got my third holes in my ears to celebrate Mary's
forty birthday, and Mary was actually on that episode with me,
and we were just talking about it, you know, turning forty,
and for me, everybody approaches age differently, and I think
I was always scared of turning forty, But now that
I'm here, I don't feel forty. I'm not gonna let
(10:51):
that number define me and I'm just going to continue
living as though on the age that I feel, and
I feel way younger than forty, And I just want
to remind you all that you're worth doesn't come from
your age. It doesn't come from your appearance. It doesn't
come from your to do list and all the things
that you've got on there. It doesn't come from your
(11:12):
social media. That's something I was talking about to my
daughter and some of her girlfriends. Their fourteen Uh would
not want to be a teenager during this very difficult,
trying time of having to navigate social media and be
a teenager. But even as adults we struggle with that.
It doesn't come from other people. Your worth doesn't come
from your relationship status. There's so many different pressures that
(11:34):
are around us all the time, and we can end
up defining ourselves by those things, and really are worth
doesn't come from any of that, and I want you
to trust that you truly are enough. And it reminds
me of our affirmation cards that Mary and I made.
You know, we put on there. You were kind, you
were smart, you were worthy, you are loved, And the
smart one was important for me to have on there
(11:54):
because I grew up and carried with me for a
really long time into my adulthood. Something I still struggle
with that I'm not smart, and it's from comments that
were made to me by teachers in school, and I
don't think they were meaning to insult me, but I
felt insulted. And it's stuff that has come up in
therapy as an adult that I've had to work through
(12:14):
where I don't feel confident in certain things, which makes
me circle back to the up speak email when I
was reading more about up speaking, what it is is
that it's telling people that are listening that maybe you're
not confident in what you're saying, and maybe, deep down,
if we really dissect this, I might not be confident
in what I'm saying because I'm doubting myself because I
don't feel that I really have anything to contribute, or
(12:37):
that I'm not smart enough to be talking about this,
or that I don't so that I don't believe that
what I'm saying is going to be a value to anybody.
So I have those struggles and I have those days too.
But getting this email from Jennifer, who heard that episode
on her forty birthday and it was exactly what she
needed it to hear, is a reminder to me that
I was doing exactly what I needed to do on
(12:57):
the episode. I was able to be there for Jennifer
on that day. If there's just one of you that
I'm showing up for, then my job is done and
I need to be more confident and that I have
value here on the podcast. And I want all of
you to know in the things that you're doing day
to day, you have value and you matter. And I
just hope that this is a reminder of that. And
(13:19):
I have to remind myself you are smart. So that's
why Mary and I we were very intentional about the
four things we included on there, and that one was
important to me and I. I love these affirmation cards
and I love that we have them available now. It's
something we weren't ever going to sell. We just made
them for fun as a little giveaway. If you bought
(13:39):
something from the Shop Forward or Shopping Squad during a
certain time frame, then you got assigned card from Mary
and myself. Then y'all love them so much that we
decided to make them into actual cards with envelopes, and
we sell them as a twelve count. It's not something
I don't know unless you were buying multiple I would
go to the website and just buy that. Only maybe
you could buy several and have them as it's just
(14:00):
because of the flat rate shipping on them. But if
you have, I'm just reminding off you have like a
sweatshirt that you want to get, or you're getting a
four Things tot or I need a nap or born year,
or if you have certain things on your list, or
the fall pull over, which I am wearing so much lately,
our latest fall pullover. Well, I'm rotating all three of
them because I'm officially embracing fall season. I bought pumpkin creamer.
(14:22):
I've now got it at my fridge. I'm not just
getting it from Starbucks. I'm making coffee at home with
my pumpkin creamer and I'm obsessed with it, so I
love this time of year. But if you want to
get one of our fall pullovers, then I you could
just add that into your card, or later this year,
when our four Things puzzles go up, you could add
that into your car and have those affirmation cards to
hand out to friends, or to gift a whole twelve
(14:45):
pack of cards to a friend if they have something
coming up like a birthday, or you just want to
make sure they know that they are kind, smart, worthy,
and loved. Now, the next few things I'm going to share,
they aren't actually emails. They're just things that I that
were important and I wanted to go over with you.
My friend Lisa Haim, who is my co host for
my Outweigh podcast, posted this on her Instagram, and I
(15:08):
think it just came at a very timely moment, at
least for me, and I thought you might also appreciate
how to ground yourself if things are feeling out of control.
And again we talked about how there's a lot going
on in the world. I feel like we keep talking
about that over and over, but it's so true. There's
so much heaviness in the world right now. And then
there's also a lot of heaviness under everybody's own personal
(15:30):
roofs that the public doesn't even know about. So these
are some tips that Lisa does if she feels like
she's spinning out of control. And I feel like Lisa
offers a lot of wisdom. She's a great follow on
Instagram if you want to follow her. She's at Lisa Hame,
which is h a y i am, but it's pronounced
like name Hame. Okay, So step number one, she says,
(15:53):
get off your phone technology or distraction traps, whatever that
is for you. Second thing is start naming five things
that you see, like if you go out for a walk,
you see a tree, you see grass, you see flowers,
et cetera. Three, touch something with your hands. Fourth thing,
breathe in and out as deep as you can. Fifth thing,
(16:14):
shake your body unless you've got a history of trauma. There,
she's very sensitive that that might not be helpful for you.
And at number six she says, call a friend. At seven,
grab a journal and let it flow. Start with I feel,
and then go from there. And at the eighth thing,
she says, smells something soothing. She said she always tries
to grab her blankie even though she's thirty three years old.
(16:37):
She also will grab for lavender or anything that is soothing,
So you've got to decide what that is for you.
In at number nine, repeat a mantra, which are affirmation card.
What we have on there that might be a mantra.
You don't need the card to do that, but you
could find something on there that you need to repeat
over and over to yourself. And then the tenth thing,
(16:57):
remember all control is just an illusion anyway. Your false
sense of control is simply what is failing you. Welcome
to reality. And then she said kind of fun, isn't it, Which, no,
it's not fun, but it is fun that we do
have the opportunity to realize it and be self aware
with it. And I'm just thankful that least to put
that up because I saved it. I did a screenshot.
(17:19):
It's on my phone. I've got it maybe all posted
up on my Instagram at Radio Amy if you want
to grab it and get a screenshot at some point.
If not, re listen to this, just rewind about thirty
seconds a minute and write these things down. Grab a
journal and write them down, so that way you've got
these with you all right, So I shared two emails
and the third thing was those tips from Lisa. And
(17:39):
then the fourth thing I want to go over today
is something I saw Doc co'm in post or doc Aman.
I don't know exactly how to say his name, but
he posted this graphic and it said what people think
supports sounds like, and under that he put you'll be
fine and don't worry. It's not a big deal. And
then the next thing was what support actually sounds like.
(18:00):
And I want you to take note of these things
so that you can evaluate whether or not you're offering
support the next time someone in your life, whether it's
a friend, a coworker, a spouse, a partner, a child,
really might need your support. What are you offering them?
Because I do feel like a default we use a
lot and so everything is going to be fine, don't worry.
(18:21):
But this is what support actually sounds like. Wow, I'm
sure that is really difficult. How can I help? Thank
you for telling me this will pass. I am here
for you. I can't imagine how that feels. Maybe give
them a hug if they're open to that, and then
you are not alone. And I'm gonna end on that
(18:43):
because That is why I do this podcast and why
we talk about anything from the lighthearted stuff to the
heavier stuff is You're not alone. And I want each
and every one of you to know that. And thank
you so much for listening if you do, and subscribe
if you do, and checking out every episode or as
many as you can. I know that there's so much
(19:04):
content out there to consume that's not lost on me
one bit. So I appreciate that you take the time
to listen to four Things to outweigh the Bobby Bone Show,
if you follow me on Instagram, if you shop ESPOA
and even think about or even pray for Haiti, and
you know that's a country that never would have even
come across your mind if it wasn't for you listening
(19:26):
to this podcast or following along on my journey. Like
that's awesome and I am super grateful, So thank you
for that. And if you have an email and you
wanted to end up in the fifth thing, you can
hit me up just four Things with Amy Brown at
gmail dot com. That's where you can find me. And
I'm gonna go ahead and say bye, and I hope
you have a great day and I will see you
(19:47):
on Thursday,
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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