May 31, 2022 • 21 mins
Welcome to the '5th Thing' with Amy & Kat!! Today’s quote: "Stop saying yes to sh*t that you hate.” (from a picture hanging in Kat's office). This episode shares several listener emails from: Katie (about gratitude), Amanda (about a God hug), Aimee (jeans question), and Janet (about an Instagram DM Amy shared on the podcast a few episodes ago)!
The last listener email leads to Kat giving us some things to consider before posting/sharing something:
Does this need to be said?
Does this need to be said right now?
Does this need to be said by me?
Thank you licensed therapist, Kat Defatta, for joining us with her wisdom. You can find her on Instagram: @Kat.Defatta + @YouNeedTherapyPodcast.
Best places to find more about Amy: RadioAmy.com + @RadioAmy!
Please send emails for the '5th Thing' to 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com!
ShopEspwa.com for all items that support Haiti!
TheShopForward.com/Texas for all items with 100% of proceeds going to Uvalde, TX!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday. I'm Amy and I'm Cat, and welcome to
the fifth Thing. Today's quote comes from a painting that
is in Cat's office because we're recording here again today
and it's really cool. There's some flowers in the background
and then taped over it says, stop saying yes to
stuff that you hate, except for stuff is a different word.
(00:27):
But we're family friendly. Well, I wanted to put that
picture frame in the lobby, but you know, there's a
lot of kids that come in here, so I thought
maybe we'll keep it in here. Yeah, there's other therapists
that work here, and I'm like, wait, yes, one of
those be inappropriate people in this lobby would be one
of my children. But you know what, she's heard that word.
Not for me, of course. It's like how many weeks
(00:49):
can we go without mentioning the Burnet Brown special on
HBO Max. But she says, obviously that's four adults. But
I had it on and I've been watching it a
lot because I'm rewatching it, and so my daughter came
through at a part where Burne had said like a
couple of cuss words, and I'm like, it's okay, it's fine.
Bernie is just getting vulnerable. What she did. She say
(01:09):
bad bad words are just like normal, like just kind
of that word. Yeah, that's why I like about Bernie's. Yeah,
she keeps it real. And I'm like, you know what,
she's a normal person and she's got kids. They're hearing
her say that right now, but I mean her kids
are more grown. Mine's fifteen. I have an email from
Katie in North Carolina. I'll share what she said, and
then if we want to elaborate on stop saying yes
(01:30):
to stuff that you hate, we can because I would
like your thoughts on how how can someone if they're
a yes person, so you can be thinking about that
when I read this email, if someone's just really struggles
with saying no and setting boundaries, like is there a
trick or a tip or tool or something. So here's
the email. Hey, Amy, I've been going through a challenging
season lately, and while you and so many others talk
(01:53):
about practicing gratitude and it's important, it's something that I've
always told myself I should do, but I guess I
was ever really ready to commit to it, and always
found an excuse and not to. Well, finally I buckled
down and started doing it for the last month, I
made myself right down four things every day, no matter
how small they are, that I'm grateful for that day.
(02:14):
After four weeks of doing it, I'm finally starting to
see a change in the way my brain works and
my thinking. Throughout the day, I'll start to notice little
things that happened that made me think, oh, I want
to add that to my gratitude list today. Some days
it's hard, but I've been very diligent about doing it,
even what I don't feel like it, and I swear
(02:35):
it really does work. I just wanted to express my
gratitude to you and your podcast, cat, your guests, this
whole community for being an inspiration and continually speaking love
and gratitude into the world. It really does have an impact.
Love Katie from North Carolina and Katie, I feel you.
I was not a gratitude person, so the four things
(02:56):
that seemed like a simple way, and that's why, you know,
I've set up multiple times when Mary and I were
creating our four Things Gratitude journal, really keep it simple.
We're putting in stickers, we put prompts in the back
because if you've never done it, it's very hard, but
it doesn't also mean that, yeah, like some days aren't crappy.
You can acknowledge certain things too, but when you are
(03:18):
focusing on gratitude, it's it's easier. Things just start to
come to you. It's like the energy of gratitude or
your eyes are now opened. It's sort of like when
you're thinking about getting a blue car, you see blue
cars everywhere. When you're thinking about gratitude, you see gratitude everywhere.
Is so thank you for sharing your experience, Katie, because
(03:38):
I wanted to read your email because I know there's
someone else out there that's like, ah, I want to
do that, but I don't want to fully commit, and
I keep finding excuses. So Katie, is your encouragement, just
like others have been an encouragement to me to do it,
and like this whole community, even me getting this email
from Katie is reminding me, oh yeah, like gratitude it's important. Okay,
(03:59):
So I actually love that you read that email because
one of the things that I get kind of like
nervous isn't the right word, but sometimes I feel like
lame when I give clients that kind of assignment of
like to write gratitude list every day, or write things
you like about yourself every day because it seems like
it's like not big enough for not good enough. But
then what I say is doing that is never going
(04:20):
to hurt you. You making a gratitude list is never
going to like hurt you, but it does have the
opportunity to really really help you. So if you're in
that space where you are like I want to do it,
but it seems like it takes as much time and
this and then I keep forgetting is not gonna hurt you.
So you might as well try it, and if you
don't like it, you don't have to keep doing it. Yeah,
maybe it's not for you. Maybe four things is like
I can't do four? Do one? Yeah, one's good enough.
(04:41):
Do half a one? Start half? I don't know. Okay,
So have you thought about, you know, the stop saying
as to the stuff that you hate. Yeah, I will say,
it's a lot harder to do than it is to say. Yeah.
So there isn't like a magic wand trick. But what
(05:01):
I would suggest, and it goes back to like a
lot of times when people ask for advice or they
ask for certain things, I ask them questions. What I
would suggest is when you're saying yes to something, ask yourself,
what is this going to give me? What is this
going to cost me? And when you see those things,
then you get to make the decision is it worth it.
Sometimes it is like, yeah, this is going to cost
(05:21):
me this, but it's worth it because I don't like
confrontation and I'd rather not have to deal with confrontation
than not be overwhelmed. But some of it's like, no,
it's not worth it because then I'm gonna be overwhelmed
and I'm not gonna be able to enjoy the time
that I do have with my friends and family outside
of that thing that I'm saying yes too. So it's
really just about asking questions and being more mindful because
saying yes is an automatic thing, like yeah, I'll do it,
(05:43):
y'all be there. Oh if I say no to this,
then I'm a bad person. Well I would say, what
about an example? I would just say, like, tell me,
tell me about how it makes you a bad person.
Well I should do that, says who. I mean, you
can have a conversation with yourself and this of the
things that you're saying, like challenge them. As a lot
of times we don't challenge the thoughts we have, would
just roll with them. So if you're like they're gonna
(06:04):
hate me, okay, well tell me about a time you
hated somebody that said they couldn't make it to something. Well,
you know, I was hanging out with my friend Ali
Fallon the other day. She was on the podcast a
couple of weeks ago, and we have started to connect
more and I just really admire her for so many reasons,
and I learned so much from her, and I just
I've look up to her as a friend, and you know,
(06:25):
we're talking about how we love that we have certain
relationships where literally you can go however long without talking
to somebody and it like literally doesn't matter. It's like oh,
or if you don't get back to someone right away,
or if you have to say no to that like cool, cool,
I get it. And I think I even brought you
up to her about how you've said something and I'll
have to say no or set a set a boundary
(06:46):
or whatever it is. But it's for myself. And you're
kind of like, instead of sharing a response that's like
defensive or like what or the you're like, hey, proud
of you. Cool? Even though it means like you literally
not getting to see you see me or hang out
or we're not but you're like respect, I see that
and I meet you, and I too myself might not
(07:07):
talk to you for five days, right, but you know,
it's just fun to get to that part in life
where it's like you want to talk to people, but
you can't always talk to everybody, know, And that speaks
to like how healthy are your relationships? Because if you
canceled something on on me and I was not kind
to you, or I was started to fight or what
(07:29):
held resentment, it would speak to like, well, what's the
health of our relationships? Because there's gonna be times that
I'm going to have to do that as well. And
it also speaks to the fact that we don't have
to have one million best friends, Like we can have
a small circle and then other friends that are still
there and we can still enjoy them. But I might
(07:50):
have a different kind of relationship with you where I'm
willing to either be more honest and vulnerable with you
or I'm willing to make more sacrifices with you. But
then there's also people in my life that they're my friends,
but I don't have to treat them all the same
because not everybody has be my best friend. I was
having a conversation with somebody the other day that was like,
I just wish that I had more people in my life,
(08:11):
and I was like, you want more people, or you
want quality people because you can't have one quality best
friends and you know you want safe people, Like what
does that look like? And so all that to say,
when you're saying yes or no to something, a lot
of times it might be close people that you're saying
yes to, and you fear what will happen if you
(08:33):
say no, because you don't want to let anybody down.
But it's like if that person in your life has
become a safe person, then it's like you won't be
met with any sort of questioning or judgment and there
won't be resentment, and that's a beautiful place to get.
And then if you are met with judgment or resentment,
if you put in the work, you can get to
(08:55):
a place where it's like, oh, well that's a bummer,
but that's not going to affect my day. That's not me,
it's not about me. That is actually not my problem,
and that's a bummer. They're feeling that way. Like you said,
it's easier said than done. But yeah, stop saying yes
to you don't care about you hate No, that's not
(09:15):
true because also it's like, stop saying yes to even things,
because I think we've far about we've evolved the cosa,
so we're having to kind of conversations here. But I
think also to remember, we train people how to treat us,
So if I'm always a yes person, then people are
going to expect something from me, and I might be
confused when you say no one time. I'm like, wait, what,
(09:35):
you always do this? But if I have boundaries and
I am able to speak up for myself, then I'm like,
that's why I'm like, good for you. I'm proud of
you because you've to treat you right. No, But it's
interesting you can see once you're working through it, you
can see the roles you've played. Like I know I've
been the judge friend that's like what and what? And
(09:58):
like I can own that, but I want that was
about you, not your free that right, but I don't
want to. I've made someone feel bad because of a
choice they had to make for themselves, and that sucks
to realize you're that person. But that's okay. Nobody's going
to be perfect, and we're all just trying to get
through this thing called life. Quote me. We're all trying
(10:20):
to get there this thing called life. Amy Brown. Tattoo
that wait quote we should be in the quote. We're
all trying to get you this thing called life. Quote me,
Amy Brown. I have another email from Amanda and I
(10:46):
love that Amanda synthas because it's shouting out another listener, Sarah.
So this just puts a bow on our community and
what we're all about here at four Things and the
Fifth Thing and just wanting to encourage and inspire each other.
So a few weeks ago we shared an email from
Sarah and then Amanda's referencing that, Okay, hey, I just
(11:07):
want to share a little moment, the type of moment
I call a god hug. I was listening to the
Fifth Thing episode, the one that was never suppressed, A
generous thought that one. And side note, this is me
here talking about the email, but Sarah is the one
that gave us that quote for the day, every fifth Thing,
every Tuesday episode. If you're new here, we always share
a quote at the top of the episode and she
(11:28):
had emailed us saying, never suppressed a generous thoughts. So
that's what she's referring to. I'll go back to the email.
I was listening to the fifth Thing episode Never Suppressed
a Generous Thought on my way to grab dinner tonight.
I was sitting at the light listening to Amy talk
about the homeless person at her stop light when I
looked up and saw a homeless woman with an infant
holding a sign asking for help with food and diapers.
(11:49):
If I wasn't listening to the episode, I would have thought,
I have no cash, so I have nothing to give.
So I decided to offer a smile. After this eat
smile I received back, I thought, oh, I could go
get a gift card for Chick fil A. However, I
had already ordered my food car side, so was I
(12:10):
really going to go walk inside and buy a gift card? Again?
I started to suppress the generous thought, but with the
podcast in my ears, I talked myself through the awkward
part of having food delivered and still going inside and
getting the gift card, which is what I did. The
smile I received back from the woman blessed my heart.
(12:30):
That moment would have never happened without having the podcast
playing at the exact right time, and I truly just
feel like the entire thing was meant to be a
serious God hug. I would have driven off, letting the
fear that I might feel awkward to keep me from
being generous with what I've been blessed with. I love
(12:50):
this podcast and Outweigh there are so many nuggets of
wisdom that have blessed my life. So Amanda, thank you
for sending this note. And Sarah, I hope you're listening
because your email made this happen. So our community is amazing,
and this is just one reason why we love hearing
from you all, and we love reading what you have
(13:13):
to share because it's encouragement to others. All Right, before
we get into the next email, I just want to
address that Cat's office. I think the yard people have
decided to show up for the building the one day
that you come here. I'm like, we could recorde on
my office and there's weed Eader and I don't know
the building's vibrating, so I don't know what's happening. So
if you hear that, they're just taking care of the welcome.
(13:36):
Welcome to Cat's Office. This next email is from Amy,
but I spell am Y and she spells Ai m E.
She said, I actually have a question for your sister.
Where did she get the genes that she's wearing on
episode four Building Roots. They have a little flare and
they're a looser fit with a raw bottom. So cute.
Absolutely loving the show and your sister's style. Your friend
(13:58):
Amy in Wisconsin, which Amy, I sent my sister a
note and said, episode four Building Roots h G TV.
You know that show you're on. What are you wearing
Sunday nights at nine eight Central? What jeans are you wearing?
And she said they are free people. So your sister's
a style icon. Now she basically wears a hat or
(14:19):
a beanie, which most of that's the hats or beanies
that she wear. They're from her coffee shop. They design stuff,
so it's from Root House Coffee, which their coffee is amazing.
And I do get a lot of questions about my
favorite blend. And when I say a lot, I mean
over a period of time. It's not like I get
questions every single day. I just wanted to clarify people
have been asking me all the time. Yeah, okay, just
(14:40):
to adjust the all the questions that I'm getting a
lot of you have been emailing me and asking I
love when people stay on Instagram. A lot of people
have been d m E me and I wonder, like,
how many people do you know? I don't know? That's
the thing. We don't know. Is it one? Is it
you want to talk about this thing? Or yeah? I
mean I get it because sometimes you want to talk
about something but it's awkward, and if you heard one person,
(15:00):
then you're like, so many people are asking. I know
a lot of you are probably wondering, but anyway, my
favorite blend is base Camp. There's a few blends to
choose from if you go order from their website, but
base Camp, my Ride or Die. Do you like dark coffee?
It's more of a medium. I think it's not their darkest.
I think Front Porch is their dark My sister spent
(15:22):
a lot of time thinking through them. She named them, yes,
her and her husband, And if you watch Building Roots
you kind of know like they're just very creative and
they they're they're law about an esthetic and a vibe
obviously as designers. Next email is from Janet. Hey Amy,
Hope this email finds you well. I just listened to
the fifth Thing from April nineteen. I love when people
(15:43):
give a date exactly. I don't usually listen to your podcast,
um Daily Listener of The Bobby Bones Show and Sore Losers,
but I do come over for inspiration from time to time. Well,
I think the universe wanted me to listen to this
particular podcast today because I was the person sent you
the d M about the meme. Do you know what
I'm talking about? Oh? Yes, I know. Okay, so backstory
(16:06):
for some people that don't know. And I just want
to say I have so much respect now for Janet
for sending me this email because she didn't have to
do it. And of course, whenever I brought up the
d M, I didn't never think the person that sent
the d M would hear what I was saying. So
this is also a reminder to people that I immediately
got this um feeling over me, like I could feel
(16:28):
it in my body of like, oh no, how did
I say it? What did I say? Was there anything
that would have made her feel horrible? I really feel
like I was trying to just say, let's not DM
people things like that are gonna make them feel bad.
But it was about the steamroller like when You're back.
It's like the meme where the person is laying on
the floor and the steam rollers rolling over their back.
And I posted it like, oh, that would feel amazing
(16:48):
right now. And then I got a d M that
was like, hey, actually, you should be aware of things
you post. My friend died that way. It was a
while ago, and then it resurfaced when other people we
know we're posting it. And then I brought up that
I had sent my friend like I think it was Mary,
Hey be careful if you post that, because I got
a d M once saying someone had died, and I
was like, oh, people are sensitive, and ah, she was
(17:11):
listening but I wanted and the fact that she doesn't
normally listen to my podcast but she did, and she's like, well,
I think the universe wanted me to listen. And then
I replied back to this email, and then I got
undeliverable to Cinder, so I don't know what emails she
emailed from. So I'm putting this out into the universe
now because I want to say Janet, thank you for
the email, and thank you for being brave and letting
(17:34):
me know, like hey, f I I that was me
because I didn't honestly remember who sent me the d M,
not finished the email. But this is just a thing too,
of where we can own up and we can show
up and we can be like, I know that we
did something wrong, and not that I did anything wrong,
but I instantly was reminded of like, oh, I gotta
be careful with what I say and how I say it,
(17:55):
because I would never want to hurt someone's feelings. So
oh any easy. Janet happened to hear that episode and
if you want to go back and listen to it
from four nineteen four nineteen this year, because she gave
me the date back to the email, she said, well,
I think the universe wanted me to listen to this
particular podcast today. I was the person that sent you
the d M about the meme. My intention wasn't to
be offended, which I wasn't, but I absolutely here you
(18:19):
that it wasn't necessary to share. This is an area
that I've been working on myself where I don't need
to correct others or add excess commentary. Life's been tough recently,
and I was in the right place to receive this input.
Any who just wanted to reach out to you and apologize.
Never my intention to be the offended follower, but I
(18:40):
completely recognize how my tragic tidbit did not need to
be shared by me. Love your light and what you
have to share, Janet p s. I am here for
quote woke Amy on the Bobby Bones Show and your
pop appearances. When you show up on the Sore Losers podcast,
which that's Lunchbox, Eddie and Ray their podcasts that they
(19:01):
put up a few times a week. Sometimes they do
it in the Bobby Bunch of studio and I'm in
there working anyway, so I just pop on and I
talk with their podcasts sometimes. And I thought it was
so cool that Janet emailed me that. I love that
she emailed you that, and it makes me think about
the questions I asked myself before I give feedback. Does
this need to be said? Does this need me said
(19:22):
right now? And does this need to be said by me?
And that's what Janet's cool person. I was like, Janet,
I know you don't typically listen to my podcast, but
I hope that you can get this one and I
want you to know that, like anytime I know that
I need to acknowledge something and myself and maybe what
I did, and like receiving feedback from someone and then
adjusting and realizing, luck, oh maybe I didn't need to
(19:44):
do that, whatever their circumstance may be, Like I'm going
to be like I need a channel my energy in
it right now, Like and this is Janet right now,
She's an encouragement to other people that need to hear
that sometimes, yes, we have our own tragedies, we have
our own triggers and our own traumas, but like, it
doesn't mean we have to fire back at someone else
that puts something up that was zero percent intended to
(20:06):
be insensitive, but because it affected us. But that's something
that you know, she admitted to that she's working on.
Like that's where it all starts, is being brave to
admit that, like, oh wow, okay, I did that and
I need to work on that, or I could do better,
And you could apply this to any different situation. I
can even think of something in my own home where
I can already apply being a Janet, like I probably
(20:26):
need to make a phone call when we finished recording
here and channel my Energyanet and be like, you know
what I didn't need to do that. I projected my
situation onto you and that comment wasn't necessary. In fact,
I'm gonna do it after we quit recording. Shout out
to Janet. Shout out Janet, and may everyone channel their
ener Janet when they need to. And hopefully. If I've
ever said anything on the podcast, and I never think
(20:49):
that whoever in the world that person might be is listening,
that's a d M on Instagram. But you know, I
think sometimes on social media too, we can just say
things and we're not really thinking because we we feel
we're just behind a keyboard and it's like no similar
to hear. Sometimes on the podcast, we just say things
and not know who might be listening, and in this case,
she was listening. So thank you so much for for
(21:10):
listening and reaching out. Four Things with Amy Brown at
gmail dot com is where you can write into us,
especially for the fifth thing, whether you want to ask
a question for me or Cat Radio Amy on Instagram
and then cat where they Where can they find you?
At cat dot de fata and at You Need Therapy
podcast Boom See you later. I
Happy Tuesday. I'm Amy and I'm Cat, and welcome to
the fifth Thing. Today's quote comes from a painting that
is in Cat's office because we're recording here again today
and it's really cool. There's some flowers in the background
and then taped over it says, stop saying yes to
stuff that you hate, except for stuff is a different word.
(00:27):
But we're family friendly. Well, I wanted to put that
picture frame in the lobby, but you know, there's a
lot of kids that come in here, so I thought
maybe we'll keep it in here. Yeah, there's other therapists
that work here, and I'm like, wait, yes, one of
those be inappropriate people in this lobby would be one
of my children. But you know what, she's heard that word.
Not for me, of course. It's like how many weeks
(00:49):
can we go without mentioning the Burnet Brown special on
HBO Max. But she says, obviously that's four adults. But
I had it on and I've been watching it a
lot because I'm rewatching it, and so my daughter came
through at a part where Burne had said like a
couple of cuss words, and I'm like, it's okay, it's fine.
Bernie is just getting vulnerable. What she did. She say
(01:09):
bad bad words are just like normal, like just kind
of that word. Yeah, that's why I like about Bernie's. Yeah,
she keeps it real. And I'm like, you know what,
she's a normal person and she's got kids. They're hearing
her say that right now, but I mean her kids
are more grown. Mine's fifteen. I have an email from
Katie in North Carolina. I'll share what she said, and
then if we want to elaborate on stop saying yes
(01:30):
to stuff that you hate, we can because I would
like your thoughts on how how can someone if they're
a yes person, so you can be thinking about that
when I read this email, if someone's just really struggles
with saying no and setting boundaries, like is there a
trick or a tip or tool or something. So here's
the email. Hey, Amy, I've been going through a challenging
season lately, and while you and so many others talk
(01:53):
about practicing gratitude and it's important, it's something that I've
always told myself I should do, but I guess I
was ever really ready to commit to it, and always
found an excuse and not to. Well, finally I buckled
down and started doing it for the last month, I
made myself right down four things every day, no matter
how small they are, that I'm grateful for that day.
(02:14):
After four weeks of doing it, I'm finally starting to
see a change in the way my brain works and
my thinking. Throughout the day, I'll start to notice little
things that happened that made me think, oh, I want
to add that to my gratitude list today. Some days
it's hard, but I've been very diligent about doing it,
even what I don't feel like it, and I swear
(02:35):
it really does work. I just wanted to express my
gratitude to you and your podcast, cat, your guests, this
whole community for being an inspiration and continually speaking love
and gratitude into the world. It really does have an impact.
Love Katie from North Carolina and Katie, I feel you.
I was not a gratitude person, so the four things
(02:56):
that seemed like a simple way, and that's why, you know,
I've set up multiple times when Mary and I were
creating our four Things Gratitude journal, really keep it simple.
We're putting in stickers, we put prompts in the back
because if you've never done it, it's very hard, but
it doesn't also mean that, yeah, like some days aren't crappy.
You can acknowledge certain things too, but when you are
(03:18):
focusing on gratitude, it's it's easier. Things just start to
come to you. It's like the energy of gratitude or
your eyes are now opened. It's sort of like when
you're thinking about getting a blue car, you see blue
cars everywhere. When you're thinking about gratitude, you see gratitude everywhere.
Is so thank you for sharing your experience, Katie, because
(03:38):
I wanted to read your email because I know there's
someone else out there that's like, ah, I want to
do that, but I don't want to fully commit, and
I keep finding excuses. So Katie, is your encouragement, just
like others have been an encouragement to me to do it,
and like this whole community, even me getting this email
from Katie is reminding me, oh yeah, like gratitude it's important. Okay,
(03:59):
So I actually love that you read that email because
one of the things that I get kind of like
nervous isn't the right word, but sometimes I feel like
lame when I give clients that kind of assignment of
like to write gratitude list every day, or write things
you like about yourself every day because it seems like
it's like not big enough for not good enough. But
then what I say is doing that is never going
(04:20):
to hurt you. You making a gratitude list is never
going to like hurt you, but it does have the
opportunity to really really help you. So if you're in
that space where you are like I want to do it,
but it seems like it takes as much time and
this and then I keep forgetting is not gonna hurt you.
So you might as well try it, and if you
don't like it, you don't have to keep doing it. Yeah,
maybe it's not for you. Maybe four things is like
I can't do four? Do one? Yeah, one's good enough.
(04:41):
Do half a one? Start half? I don't know. Okay,
So have you thought about, you know, the stop saying
as to the stuff that you hate. Yeah, I will say,
it's a lot harder to do than it is to say. Yeah.
So there isn't like a magic wand trick. But what
(05:01):
I would suggest, and it goes back to like a
lot of times when people ask for advice or they
ask for certain things, I ask them questions. What I
would suggest is when you're saying yes to something, ask yourself,
what is this going to give me? What is this
going to cost me? And when you see those things,
then you get to make the decision is it worth it.
Sometimes it is like, yeah, this is going to cost
(05:21):
me this, but it's worth it because I don't like
confrontation and I'd rather not have to deal with confrontation
than not be overwhelmed. But some of it's like, no,
it's not worth it because then I'm gonna be overwhelmed
and I'm not gonna be able to enjoy the time
that I do have with my friends and family outside
of that thing that I'm saying yes too. So it's
really just about asking questions and being more mindful because
saying yes is an automatic thing, like yeah, I'll do it,
(05:43):
y'all be there. Oh if I say no to this,
then I'm a bad person. Well I would say, what
about an example? I would just say, like, tell me,
tell me about how it makes you a bad person.
Well I should do that, says who. I mean, you
can have a conversation with yourself and this of the
things that you're saying, like challenge them. As a lot
of times we don't challenge the thoughts we have, would
just roll with them. So if you're like they're gonna
(06:04):
hate me, okay, well tell me about a time you
hated somebody that said they couldn't make it to something. Well,
you know, I was hanging out with my friend Ali
Fallon the other day. She was on the podcast a
couple of weeks ago, and we have started to connect
more and I just really admire her for so many reasons,
and I learned so much from her, and I just
I've look up to her as a friend, and you know,
(06:25):
we're talking about how we love that we have certain
relationships where literally you can go however long without talking
to somebody and it like literally doesn't matter. It's like oh,
or if you don't get back to someone right away,
or if you have to say no to that like cool, cool,
I get it. And I think I even brought you
up to her about how you've said something and I'll
have to say no or set a set a boundary
(06:46):
or whatever it is. But it's for myself. And you're
kind of like, instead of sharing a response that's like
defensive or like what or the you're like, hey, proud
of you. Cool? Even though it means like you literally
not getting to see you see me or hang out
or we're not but you're like respect, I see that
and I meet you, and I too myself might not
(07:07):
talk to you for five days, right, but you know,
it's just fun to get to that part in life
where it's like you want to talk to people, but
you can't always talk to everybody, know, And that speaks
to like how healthy are your relationships? Because if you
canceled something on on me and I was not kind
to you, or I was started to fight or what
(07:29):
held resentment, it would speak to like, well, what's the
health of our relationships? Because there's gonna be times that
I'm going to have to do that as well. And
it also speaks to the fact that we don't have
to have one million best friends, Like we can have
a small circle and then other friends that are still
there and we can still enjoy them. But I might
(07:50):
have a different kind of relationship with you where I'm
willing to either be more honest and vulnerable with you
or I'm willing to make more sacrifices with you. But
then there's also people in my life that they're my friends,
but I don't have to treat them all the same
because not everybody has be my best friend. I was
having a conversation with somebody the other day that was like,
I just wish that I had more people in my life,
(08:11):
and I was like, you want more people, or you
want quality people because you can't have one quality best
friends and you know you want safe people, Like what
does that look like? And so all that to say,
when you're saying yes or no to something, a lot
of times it might be close people that you're saying
yes to, and you fear what will happen if you
(08:33):
say no, because you don't want to let anybody down.
But it's like if that person in your life has
become a safe person, then it's like you won't be
met with any sort of questioning or judgment and there
won't be resentment, and that's a beautiful place to get.
And then if you are met with judgment or resentment,
if you put in the work, you can get to
(08:55):
a place where it's like, oh, well that's a bummer,
but that's not going to affect my day. That's not me,
it's not about me. That is actually not my problem,
and that's a bummer. They're feeling that way. Like you said,
it's easier said than done. But yeah, stop saying yes
to you don't care about you hate No, that's not
(09:15):
true because also it's like, stop saying yes to even things,
because I think we've far about we've evolved the cosa,
so we're having to kind of conversations here. But I
think also to remember, we train people how to treat us,
So if I'm always a yes person, then people are
going to expect something from me, and I might be
confused when you say no one time. I'm like, wait, what,
(09:35):
you always do this? But if I have boundaries and
I am able to speak up for myself, then I'm like,
that's why I'm like, good for you. I'm proud of
you because you've to treat you right. No, But it's
interesting you can see once you're working through it, you
can see the roles you've played. Like I know I've
been the judge friend that's like what and what? And
(09:58):
like I can own that, but I want that was
about you, not your free that right, but I don't
want to. I've made someone feel bad because of a
choice they had to make for themselves, and that sucks
to realize you're that person. But that's okay. Nobody's going
to be perfect, and we're all just trying to get
through this thing called life. Quote me. We're all trying
(10:20):
to get there this thing called life. Amy Brown. Tattoo
that wait quote we should be in the quote. We're
all trying to get you this thing called life. Quote me,
Amy Brown. I have another email from Amanda and I
(10:46):
love that Amanda synthas because it's shouting out another listener, Sarah.
So this just puts a bow on our community and
what we're all about here at four Things and the
Fifth Thing and just wanting to encourage and inspire each other.
So a few weeks ago we shared an email from
Sarah and then Amanda's referencing that, Okay, hey, I just
(11:07):
want to share a little moment, the type of moment
I call a god hug. I was listening to the
Fifth Thing episode, the one that was never suppressed, A
generous thought that one. And side note, this is me
here talking about the email, but Sarah is the one
that gave us that quote for the day, every fifth Thing,
every Tuesday episode. If you're new here, we always share
a quote at the top of the episode and she
(11:28):
had emailed us saying, never suppressed a generous thoughts. So
that's what she's referring to. I'll go back to the email.
I was listening to the fifth Thing episode Never Suppressed
a Generous Thought on my way to grab dinner tonight.
I was sitting at the light listening to Amy talk
about the homeless person at her stop light when I
looked up and saw a homeless woman with an infant
holding a sign asking for help with food and diapers.
(11:49):
If I wasn't listening to the episode, I would have thought,
I have no cash, so I have nothing to give.
So I decided to offer a smile. After this eat
smile I received back, I thought, oh, I could go
get a gift card for Chick fil A. However, I
had already ordered my food car side, so was I
(12:10):
really going to go walk inside and buy a gift card? Again?
I started to suppress the generous thought, but with the
podcast in my ears, I talked myself through the awkward
part of having food delivered and still going inside and
getting the gift card, which is what I did. The
smile I received back from the woman blessed my heart.
(12:30):
That moment would have never happened without having the podcast
playing at the exact right time, and I truly just
feel like the entire thing was meant to be a
serious God hug. I would have driven off, letting the
fear that I might feel awkward to keep me from
being generous with what I've been blessed with. I love
(12:50):
this podcast and Outweigh there are so many nuggets of
wisdom that have blessed my life. So Amanda, thank you
for sending this note. And Sarah, I hope you're listening
because your email made this happen. So our community is amazing,
and this is just one reason why we love hearing
from you all, and we love reading what you have
(13:13):
to share because it's encouragement to others. All Right, before
we get into the next email, I just want to
address that Cat's office. I think the yard people have
decided to show up for the building the one day
that you come here. I'm like, we could recorde on
my office and there's weed Eader and I don't know
the building's vibrating, so I don't know what's happening. So
if you hear that, they're just taking care of the welcome.
(13:36):
Welcome to Cat's Office. This next email is from Amy,
but I spell am Y and she spells Ai m E.
She said, I actually have a question for your sister.
Where did she get the genes that she's wearing on
episode four Building Roots. They have a little flare and
they're a looser fit with a raw bottom. So cute.
Absolutely loving the show and your sister's style. Your friend
(13:58):
Amy in Wisconsin, which Amy, I sent my sister a
note and said, episode four Building Roots h G TV.
You know that show you're on. What are you wearing
Sunday nights at nine eight Central? What jeans are you wearing?
And she said they are free people. So your sister's
a style icon. Now she basically wears a hat or
(14:19):
a beanie, which most of that's the hats or beanies
that she wear. They're from her coffee shop. They design stuff,
so it's from Root House Coffee, which their coffee is amazing.
And I do get a lot of questions about my
favorite blend. And when I say a lot, I mean
over a period of time. It's not like I get
questions every single day. I just wanted to clarify people
have been asking me all the time. Yeah, okay, just
(14:40):
to adjust the all the questions that I'm getting a
lot of you have been emailing me and asking I
love when people stay on Instagram. A lot of people
have been d m E me and I wonder, like,
how many people do you know? I don't know? That's
the thing. We don't know. Is it one? Is it
you want to talk about this thing? Or yeah? I
mean I get it because sometimes you want to talk
about something but it's awkward, and if you heard one person,
(15:00):
then you're like, so many people are asking. I know
a lot of you are probably wondering, but anyway, my
favorite blend is base Camp. There's a few blends to
choose from if you go order from their website, but
base Camp, my Ride or Die. Do you like dark coffee?
It's more of a medium. I think it's not their darkest.
I think Front Porch is their dark My sister spent
(15:22):
a lot of time thinking through them. She named them, yes,
her and her husband, And if you watch Building Roots
you kind of know like they're just very creative and
they they're they're law about an esthetic and a vibe
obviously as designers. Next email is from Janet. Hey Amy,
Hope this email finds you well. I just listened to
the fifth Thing from April nineteen. I love when people
(15:43):
give a date exactly. I don't usually listen to your podcast,
um Daily Listener of The Bobby Bones Show and Sore Losers,
but I do come over for inspiration from time to time. Well,
I think the universe wanted me to listen to this
particular podcast today because I was the person sent you
the d M about the meme. Do you know what
I'm talking about? Oh? Yes, I know. Okay, so backstory
(16:06):
for some people that don't know. And I just want
to say I have so much respect now for Janet
for sending me this email because she didn't have to
do it. And of course, whenever I brought up the
d M, I didn't never think the person that sent
the d M would hear what I was saying. So
this is also a reminder to people that I immediately
got this um feeling over me, like I could feel
(16:28):
it in my body of like, oh no, how did
I say it? What did I say? Was there anything
that would have made her feel horrible? I really feel
like I was trying to just say, let's not DM
people things like that are gonna make them feel bad.
But it was about the steamroller like when You're back.
It's like the meme where the person is laying on
the floor and the steam rollers rolling over their back.
And I posted it like, oh, that would feel amazing
(16:48):
right now. And then I got a d M that
was like, hey, actually, you should be aware of things
you post. My friend died that way. It was a
while ago, and then it resurfaced when other people we
know we're posting it. And then I brought up that
I had sent my friend like I think it was Mary,
Hey be careful if you post that, because I got
a d M once saying someone had died, and I
was like, oh, people are sensitive, and ah, she was
(17:11):
listening but I wanted and the fact that she doesn't
normally listen to my podcast but she did, and she's like, well,
I think the universe wanted me to listen. And then
I replied back to this email, and then I got
undeliverable to Cinder, so I don't know what emails she
emailed from. So I'm putting this out into the universe
now because I want to say Janet, thank you for
the email, and thank you for being brave and letting
(17:34):
me know, like hey, f I I that was me
because I didn't honestly remember who sent me the d M,
not finished the email. But this is just a thing too,
of where we can own up and we can show
up and we can be like, I know that we
did something wrong, and not that I did anything wrong,
but I instantly was reminded of like, oh, I gotta
be careful with what I say and how I say it,
(17:55):
because I would never want to hurt someone's feelings. So
oh any easy. Janet happened to hear that episode and
if you want to go back and listen to it
from four nineteen four nineteen this year, because she gave
me the date back to the email, she said, well,
I think the universe wanted me to listen to this
particular podcast today. I was the person that sent you
the d M about the meme. My intention wasn't to
be offended, which I wasn't, but I absolutely here you
(18:19):
that it wasn't necessary to share. This is an area
that I've been working on myself where I don't need
to correct others or add excess commentary. Life's been tough recently,
and I was in the right place to receive this input.
Any who just wanted to reach out to you and apologize.
Never my intention to be the offended follower, but I
(18:40):
completely recognize how my tragic tidbit did not need to
be shared by me. Love your light and what you
have to share, Janet p s. I am here for
quote woke Amy on the Bobby Bones Show and your
pop appearances. When you show up on the Sore Losers podcast,
which that's Lunchbox, Eddie and Ray their podcasts that they
(19:01):
put up a few times a week. Sometimes they do
it in the Bobby Bunch of studio and I'm in
there working anyway, so I just pop on and I
talk with their podcasts sometimes. And I thought it was
so cool that Janet emailed me that. I love that
she emailed you that, and it makes me think about
the questions I asked myself before I give feedback. Does
this need to be said? Does this need me said
(19:22):
right now? And does this need to be said by me?
And that's what Janet's cool person. I was like, Janet,
I know you don't typically listen to my podcast, but
I hope that you can get this one and I
want you to know that, like anytime I know that
I need to acknowledge something and myself and maybe what
I did, and like receiving feedback from someone and then
adjusting and realizing, luck, oh maybe I didn't need to
(19:44):
do that, whatever their circumstance may be, Like I'm going
to be like I need a channel my energy in
it right now, Like and this is Janet right now,
She's an encouragement to other people that need to hear
that sometimes, yes, we have our own tragedies, we have
our own triggers and our own traumas, but like, it
doesn't mean we have to fire back at someone else
that puts something up that was zero percent intended to
(20:06):
be insensitive, but because it affected us. But that's something
that you know, she admitted to that she's working on.
Like that's where it all starts, is being brave to
admit that, like, oh wow, okay, I did that and
I need to work on that, or I could do better,
And you could apply this to any different situation. I
can even think of something in my own home where
I can already apply being a Janet, like I probably
(20:26):
need to make a phone call when we finished recording
here and channel my Energyanet and be like, you know
what I didn't need to do that. I projected my
situation onto you and that comment wasn't necessary. In fact,
I'm gonna do it after we quit recording. Shout out
to Janet. Shout out Janet, and may everyone channel their
ener Janet when they need to. And hopefully. If I've
ever said anything on the podcast, and I never think
(20:49):
that whoever in the world that person might be is listening,
that's a d M on Instagram. But you know, I
think sometimes on social media too, we can just say
things and we're not really thinking because we we feel
we're just behind a keyboard and it's like no similar
to hear. Sometimes on the podcast, we just say things
and not know who might be listening, and in this case,
she was listening. So thank you so much for for
(21:10):
listening and reaching out. Four Things with Amy Brown at
gmail dot com is where you can write into us,
especially for the fifth thing, whether you want to ask
a question for me or Cat Radio Amy on Instagram
and then cat where they Where can they find you?
At cat dot de fata and at You Need Therapy
podcast Boom See you later. I
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.