October 9, 2024 • 31 mins
WATCH THE FULL EPISODE ON OUR YOUTUBE CHANNEL HERE!
Newstalk ZB's Matt Heath joins Manaia Stewart to talk through his first week of talkback, what's changed, and what has stayed the same (00:00).
Then the fellas react to Kane Williamson's injury and whether it's time to hit the panic button for the Black Caps (15:35) before debating whether you would race a stranger for $100 Million but if you lose you lose your legs (20:15)…
Finally, they get to your feedback on ‘Yours Please’ (24:45).
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Live for the Export Beer Guns Studio and brought to you,
as always by Export Ultra the beer for Here. This
is the Agenda Podcast for Thursday, the tenth of October.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
The Agenda Podcast, the home of sporting nonsense and clap Trap,
brought to you by Export Culture.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
And this morning I have split custody of the former
Matt and Jury show.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
So you've you've just spent the last three hours with
my ex.
Speaker 4 (00:23):
I have spent the last three hours.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
How is he all the same problems that you remember
from the relationship?
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Yeah, you can. You can take that the man out
of the relationship, but he'll just ness heat wherever you go.
That's where you that's where you are.
Speaker 4 (00:35):
That's rain.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
And he's always been abusive and he always will be that.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
It's good that other people can now see that. Yeah, yeah,
I mean, now you guess lighted me right to the
relationship and now you can.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
See you you messaged me before. So can we just
shuffle the podcast a little further forward? And I was like, oh, yeah,
but I've got a bloody gun to your shirt because
you you left and went upstairs, So yeah, I've got
a bloody gun fill in And I've been saying I said,
you said on the podcast set it today on the
on the show on Hodaki. I love that it was
(01:06):
billed as there's going to be a rotating cast of guests.
Speaker 4 (01:09):
First week's just man Lane.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
That's always the way. It's always been the acc way.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
We just circled jerk each other.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
It's the first person you see walking through the office.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
I had visions of Polly and Grant in stables, the
who's who of New Zealand Radio Royalty.
Speaker 4 (01:28):
But no, it's just men. Men go to the.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
Names you can trust from down the hall. And I
asked Stuart Glane, all the names you can trust.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Names you can trust. How was your first week on
air at ZIB.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
It feels like a lifetime. I can't remember anything else
and this is this is going to be my blow
off steam outlet the a c C. I.
Speaker 4 (01:47):
I reached out to.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
G Lane as soon as I went up to ZIB
and one of the first texts I sent out was
I'm not leaving the a c C. GLA, don't think
I'm leaving the a c C.
Speaker 4 (01:57):
I'm going to need it. I'm going to need it
more than ever.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Yeah, there was a concern for that nice what does
that mean he could still do the a sec Well.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
I did a bit of a chat last night a
delivery of the new acc Omanac book, me g Lane
and Dylan Cleaver did ye a play a play So
we read out parts of the book, because you know
how the book is an oral history with oh yeah,
you'll say something, I'll say something. So we found a
bit from twenty seventeen lines tour around when the Glane
(02:25):
fans run assault on Precinct thirteen, situation on us on
the backstage. Gulane fans are the worst, just Jy Laine Gulane,
And we did that and then and then he started
talking about their picture in the book where I stuck
a frozen banana rubbersass, and I was thinking, I'm going
to be running two separate lives here. I'm going to
be down here. Are we still sticking? I'm still going
(02:45):
to be sticking those frozen bananas and g Lane's ass.
Speaker 4 (02:47):
And that's the ears.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
I might just put on a bit of deodor and
maybe have a shower and go up and yeah, it's
the Jeremy Wells approach to life.
Speaker 4 (02:54):
Yes it is.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
You like two separate people, you like a split personality.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
It's hard to reconcile those two parts of Jeremy Welles
because when you go out in public with him, boomer
ladies are just drawn to him like moths to a flame.
Speaker 4 (03:11):
Oh boy, the boomer, the boomer, rural woman, the rural
boomer woman.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
You go into a Royal cafe with Gulane, I mean
with not Gelane, with Jeremy Wales and I with Gulane.
Speaker 4 (03:20):
No, no, he's not allowed in most of them. He's
been banned.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
But going there with Jeremy Wales and it's like Beatlemania
for boomers.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
Boomer mania.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
It is that they come up and ask him for
photos and stuff like you are obviously not listening to
radio hardach Well.
Speaker 4 (03:35):
I actually read about this recently.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
Me and another thing on the ACC men Dylan Cleaver
did a co substack between the Bounce and Matt Heath
got substack dot com, and I was just talking about
how he was asking me that very question, Hey you
do it, and I said, well. On our flight back
from christ Church the other day, when we were launching
the Black Class from a spar Paul at Hagley Oval.
On the way back, Jerry ordered a coffee as vage
(03:59):
and so it was it out as verge and he
was giggling around the whole thing holding the verge up,
took a picture of himself with the coffee with the
little logo with a VEG written on it, you know,
much like you tried to do at.
Speaker 4 (04:11):
The Heineken factory six.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
Yeah, but he got away with it with the veradge,
and I was thinking, well, if he can do that,
if he can, if he can, he's not even hiding
play on his social media and his name. He fires
out a picture of him with the coffee that he's
ordered with the chor writing on it VEG. Yeah, so
you can.
Speaker 4 (04:28):
No one cares. No, you just keep going and plus
people no, you know, like the boomers, they were young,
and well, it's different.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
How you talk to your friends at the pub is different,
how you talk to your grandma.
Speaker 4 (04:37):
That's exactly it. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
People ask me that sometimes about being on radio, and
they so, how do you stop yourself from swearing?
Speaker 4 (04:43):
Because I swear a lot?
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Yeah, And it's the same thing. It's like you just
you wouldn't swear in front of your grandparents. No, you
certainly wouldn't swear at your grandparents. So you know, everyone
has that ability to switch that thing off. Yeah, and
sometimes it abandons you. And that's happened to me.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
If you times on my broadcast and you're just you're
so confused, I think that that often happens on a
horrific thing over.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
Oh my god, yes, yeah, where your where?
Speaker 3 (05:08):
Your brain's not working, you don't really know where you are,
and then you suddenly will drop the C word on
a national broadcast.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
What did you do something about fucking spuds or something?
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I call it the Irish spud fuckers.
Speaker 4 (05:22):
But they are my people.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
So oh no, I dropped on on one of the commentaries,
which I've since found out is actually kosher because we've
got the adult button on.
Speaker 4 (05:30):
But yeah, it was exactly the situation you were describing.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
Deathly hungover, had to come in and commentate a Warriors game,
afternoon game, and I was like, here comes Bunce, fall
into the fucking.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
And that's an unnecessary swear with that's you think fucking
is It was so lazy.
Speaker 4 (05:51):
It's just so hungover a piece of shit of me, mate,
because you could just do that with everyone.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
Yeah, he comes fucking and fucking Damien McKenzie par and
Aara fucking Damien McKenzie.
Speaker 4 (06:07):
Yeah, fucking boots it hope it was.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
That wouldn't be bad. Are we sure we're doing it right?
Maybe we should be doing that? That is a good point.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
When can that's a fucking dry We need to sit
down with Sky next year before super ugly and right
where are we at?
Speaker 3 (06:29):
Because the people that here that we swear already hate us.
The people that would hear that we're swearing, yeah, they've
already changed channels.
Speaker 4 (06:36):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Wow, I be surprised how many of them hang around excellently. Yeah, yeah,
but they want to change channels.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
That would certainly get them to change channels. Yeah, it
would help. It would help motivate them to go where
they need to be.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
And I would love for someone to accidentally stumble upon
us and think that we were Tony Johnson or Nisbo
and then we're like.
Speaker 4 (06:53):
Oh, he's got a fucking try, he's fucking mister, did
you mercy Damian mckinn on the weekend.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
But yeah, So what's been the biggest difference upstairs that
newstalks be?
Speaker 3 (07:05):
What a long long long breaks?
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Oh yes, so like long talking yeah, and.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
Being accused of being woke, which is something I've never
really been acqued of before.
Speaker 4 (07:15):
I've always been I've always been. I smoked meth and
I'm okay.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
Yeah, So it's interesting to be woke now, it's all
I think. I think there's a certain person that just
accuses anyone that isn't actively killing someone with a knife
of being woke.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
If you're not actively racist or sexist, then you are woke.
Speaker 4 (07:35):
You haven't been racist in the last sentence, then then
you're in trouble.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
It's working has gone mad. Yeah, but long breaks and
it's fun though.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
It's good.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
I'll like it up there. It's good to be able
to talk about different stuff. Not that hidark you would
even stopped you, but just people.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
I mean, we had a huge chat about linen and
bed wear on the show yesterday, on the menton Tyler
Afternoons on New Storb and sleepwear, sleepwear, and I couldn't
help but go to soiling them and as as we're
as sheets trying to I haven't quite got the hood
account me, so I was like, wow, you wouldn't want
them after what me and the missis did last night?
Speaker 4 (08:11):
You know that. Yeah, But apart from that.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
People are quite well, because if you talked about that
bid weir for as long as we did on hodech pep.
Speaker 4 (08:18):
Be like move on, fuck off.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
It's funny say that Jerry was talking about bids this
morning as well. So this is the people telling me
to yeah quite quickly. It's the a sec hive mind
between all of us. We've got one brain, yeah, and
each of us gets a turn to use it.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
I know, sometimes I think I'm speaking when you're speaking.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
Yeah, it's monologue. Sometimes Gelane is speaking while I'm speaking.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
He will why don't even talk over you, but too
he will mouth what you're saying is you're saying it.
Speaker 4 (08:47):
That can be quite off putting.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
I wanted to run a what I think is quite
a zbe style topic passed you this morning as well.
Australia have waived diplomatic community for a man used of
an early morning assault in the Wellington CBD.
Speaker 4 (09:02):
Have you seen the video emer.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
I mean, I don't know if you're allowed to say this,
but he comes across as the biggest a hole about.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
So he he First of all, he's in a fronkr
at three am after an All Blacks game against the Wallabies.
He is the partner of an Australian politician.
Speaker 4 (09:21):
Right, she's just scratching a head game, dude. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
And in the video he is yelling I have diplomatic immunity,
I know.
Speaker 4 (09:30):
Is that worse than do you know who I am? Yes?
Speaker 3 (09:34):
Because I saw once saw a quite a famous New
Zealander and he was trying to get into the backstage
at Laneway and he said to the scurity guards you
know who I am? And he goes, yes, I do.
And that's not going to fucking help you. In fact,
I'm less likely to let you in. Fuck off.
Speaker 4 (09:51):
Oh my god, I can't imagine. Yeah, but can you
mention even pulling it?
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Noll? Who would you have to think you were? Who
has the card to the city? Yeah, well I've never
seen Leehart say that, but he has that. I've never
seen him pay for a ticket to anything of this,
because he just walks up to the front door and people.
Speaker 4 (10:12):
Like heart and then they let him in.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
I was trying to get into the Emerson's bar and
Dunedin with you were there with me, Yeah, with you.
Speaker 4 (10:24):
This is right?
Speaker 3 (10:24):
Yeah, And I tried to pull the do you know
who he is? About Karen Reid and they were like, yeah,
he can come in, but he wouldn't go. And he's
such a good guy. He wouldn't go in fire regulations
and this he took us about five of us plus
some hangers on that were like that would just attached
us like a like a attached the trailer to us,
like one hundred meters before. He was such a good guy,
(10:46):
as like off, everyone can't get. It was absolutely freezing
and pissing down in a massive queue out of the door. Yeah,
and Rita was just like, well when everyone can get
and I'm going.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
The poor bouncer was like, I can't. My boss can't
find out tomorrow that I didn't leave here and read
and to the pub. But then it was like once
he had done that, it was like drafting sheep. And
as soon as he'd shifted the gate that way, our
whole mob tried to get in. The we did eventually.
It was while out there five of us, three randoms.
Speaker 3 (11:20):
Yeah, and I text the boss uh Emercens about it
as well.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
I mean we wouldn't export ultra. Yes, that's right, the
export ultra. Yeah, what are we talking about? Crazy? We
were talking about the diplomatic community guy trying to get
in there also yelled a pretty hearty homophobic slur before
loudly claiming he has diplomatic community in the Australian government.
Speaker 3 (11:47):
Was like, do you do you because it turns out
we can wave that very easily, Like we're not going
to battle for you. You know, we're dumping so many
five O ones on these guys. Yeah, we're going to
pick our fo Yeah we don't. We don't want to.
We want to just keep dumping our five O ones.
We're not going to battle with you, No, we're not.
We're not gonna We're not going to die on the
(12:09):
hell of some drunk guy at three am yelling homophobicsas
because that's not what diplomatic immunity was invented for us.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Trying to figure out what I guess it's to stop
like two countries. So say we had a tense negotiation
with Australian, we didn't get along with each other, we
sent one of our politicians over there and they bloody
kidnap him.
Speaker 3 (12:29):
Yeah it's it's that kind of thing, yeah, or they
accused him of And also it's like Julian Assange being
at the Ecuador and Embassy embassy for so long because
the laws of Ecuador rule on the floor of this
of the embassy, and.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
It's to stop international tensions, right, yeah, to stop a war, yeah,
from us accusing one of your politicians of doing something
they didn't.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
I read this really annoying thing where none of the
U n or the diplomatic diplomats and New York pay
their parking tickets.
Speaker 4 (13:01):
And it's a huge issue.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
And they don't do it in London either, and they
were listening how many like the American embassy, ohs millions
and millions and millions of dollars London parking fines because
they just park anywhere beause they've got diplomatic community. They're
not going to pay it, and they do it, and
vice versa.
Speaker 4 (13:18):
In New York. The only country in the world that's
paying its parking fines is New Zealand. We're at the.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Front of the class, putting a hand up and go
we'll pay those yeah. And it's like no one cares.
You know, you can't run up enough parking things, but
we have to be the best in class, up the front,
left cross we pay our parking fines. It's like, nah,
let them burn.
Speaker 5 (13:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
But well, I also feel like that's a that's a
real stretch of the use of diplomatic communities.
Speaker 4 (13:41):
Like, wow, that's not what we meant.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
What do it mean you can park in a handicapped
spot everywhear go public urination.
Speaker 4 (13:48):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
So I love that he's I love that he yelled
I have diplomatic community. I love that they then waved it.
So now he's going to face court. It'll be a
slap on the rest, but it's it's more humiliation that
it's huge and terrible for us part. All right, let's
take a quick break. We'll come back and talk about
of sport. Just before we talk a little bit of
sport here if you haven't heard already in one of
(14:12):
the great alternative commentary collective owned goals of all time,
we're selling ute that ninety eight Ford falcon ute.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
It's such a bummer. I know what's beautiful. It was
my idea as well. That's Auto Trader were like, we
need to tell I mean, you're the main driver, right, go,
I know this is what I mean.
Speaker 4 (14:33):
Auto Trader came to us, how dumb are you?
Speaker 1 (14:34):
We need to help Kiwis because that show how dumb
are you or how dedicated to the cause.
Speaker 4 (14:39):
Are you well this is I think it shows where
my brain's at. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
On brand first, I'm going to look at it as dumb,
but other people could look at it as dedicated, selfless, selfless, well,
the most reckless part of it. And just to get
it out of the way, we're selling it on Auto Trader.
It'll be on it'll be up for auction in November,
and I'm probably I've probably put myself in the situation
where I'm going to have to buy it back because
(15:04):
I can't part with it, particularly now that it's been
done up. It's been painted, it's been it's the seat's
been done, the interior has all been redone.
Speaker 4 (15:14):
The tray still smells like Sultan vinegar. I don't know why,
but it does.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
If you get into a bidding war with Mini Stewart,
do the right thing and let him have it.
Speaker 4 (15:26):
Pull out because I'll eat because he deserves it. I'll
drive us both into financial ruin in order to get this.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
He's not going to stop that Sporting News that worries
me this morning, I'm sure it worries you as well.
Kane Williamson is under an injury cloud, some sort of
groin slash hamstring situation.
Speaker 4 (15:45):
Other black Caps fucked without Kane Williamson. Are they fucked
with Kane Williamson in India? You know?
Speaker 3 (15:50):
I mean so it's a good point. We already thought
they were fucked with him. Now now there's all kinds
of trouble. And that's what I've got. Solaces. Don't care
what the black Caps do overseas. Like when we won
the World Test Championship, that was it. I've got fulled
my boots on New Zealand overseas and yet it's a
World Cup. I don't care and there's no chance we
(16:12):
get to the World Test Championship. And I think most
countries like that. India doesn't care if they come down
here and get smashed by US. Cricket doesn't travel, It
does not travel. Nah, it's interesting. Teams have to travel
to give some entertainment and for cricket to exist. Yes,
but it's a home series that is all you care about,
and you get served up as fodder for the home team.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
Yeah, it's a large part of it, as the time
zone thing, because I think that's why no one really
cared when South Africa left Super Rugby, because I don't
I'm lootting up at three am to watch.
Speaker 4 (16:41):
They were just some names we read out.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
I don't know where any of those teams were from,
where the storm was from. I think it's Cape Town.
I think I don't know that. Yeah, we're never kid bulls. Yeah, Pretoria,
but I could not if you gave me a map
of out South Africa, I could not pour into Pretoria.
Speaker 4 (16:57):
So it's the same thing. You're right.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
And also just how rigged it is in India. And
I don't mean the gameplay, I mean the conditions, the setup.
There'll be people chanting and parading outside our hotel all night,
probably probably be a fire drill or two, yeah, in
the in the hotel.
Speaker 4 (17:14):
So that's a good point.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
So let's get Cain Williamson healthy for playing back here
in New Zealand.
Speaker 4 (17:20):
What I am worried more importantly for his lucrative.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
What I am worried about is this is how every
athlete's career ends. Yes, it's an a c l, then
it's a shoulder or an elbow, then it's a groin,
then it's a hamstring in the end, they just they just.
Speaker 3 (17:38):
Can't be bothered because it's because they're spending so much
time rehabilitating and then they just go, you know what,
got a bit of money in the bank.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
And it's mileage for Kane because famously he takes more
throwdowns than anyone. It's all he does. It's how he
became so good. As he spends more time in the nets,
he's faced more balls than anyone.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
And at a certain.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
Point does that catch out to I don't want to
face many I don't want to Yeah, we've only got
so many balls.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
It's like artbeats. I mean, everyone's talking about this at
the moment. But we've been lucky enough to live through
an absolute golden period of New Zealand cricket. Unprecedented, unlikely
crickets a competitive sport, a lot of people play around
the world, a lot of big countries, a lot of
big money, and we have been right up there with
the best for a very long time. We had an
incredible group of players that came together at the same
(18:22):
time from about twenty fourteen and till recently, and we
might just have to accept that that was a fantastic time.
Speaker 4 (18:31):
We were lucky to have it.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
But now we go back into the black Cap supporter
support group phase where we love the victories, but we
don't expect them.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Does it concern you, as a member of the Alternative
Commentary collective if we are going into a dark patch
of New Zealand cricket.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
I think the fortunes of the ACC have been heavily
tied to the fortunes of the Black Caps. I don't
know if the a SEC would be where it is
now if yeah, if we hadn't fired off. In fact,
someone wanted that that very thing, like on on my substack.
They mine and Dylan substack the other day they were like,
(19:07):
do the a CEC ever, consider that if they hadn't
started and timed it exactly with the black Caps becoming huge,
becoming very successful right through that twenty fifteen Cricket World
Cup and even the twenty fourteen that the series before that, would.
Speaker 4 (19:24):
We have been as big? And the answers, no, no, no.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Will we kid ourselves and say that it was nothing
to do with that and more to do with our
own talent?
Speaker 4 (19:32):
Yeah? Yeah, And will that eventually be the undoing of
the a SEC? Probably probably? Yeah, all things, all things been.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
A golden It's been a golden period for the ACC
as well, it has, and all things passed. Yeah, and
you know, Glane's suffering a lot of injuries.
Speaker 4 (19:47):
It's hit a hole in his head. Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (19:51):
Literally, so Glane as our captain, Yeah, he is, he is.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
And like I was saying, most professional athletes don't get
to decide when they retire. It gets decided for them.
How many more can he withstand? He did his hamstrung.
He did his hamstring just last winter. Yeah, that's ready,
blewis Hammi. Yeah, he's the injuries. When Chelana piling up,
he's in achilles away from going under. I reckon, I've
(20:15):
got a hypothetical scenario that I wanted to run past you.
We debated this yesterday in the office quite heartily. It
is one of these sort of would you rather hypothetical
type scenarios. Would you race a stranger for one hundred
million dollars if you win and if you lose, you
lose your legs. So this is a random stranger. The
(20:36):
entire population of the Earth is eligible to race you, okay,
and you don't you get to see the person before
you race, No, you get to see you will be
teleported both of you to the start of one hundred
meter sprint. It's one hundred meter race.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
And it's completely the other person's completely random.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Other person's completely render. It could be a baby, It
could be a baby, it could be how stoked would
you be if it's a baby. If it's a baby
or a ninety year old person, it could be someone
on their deathbed, that's right.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
Unfortunately, the population we've got population collapse globally at the moment.
So so there's more old people, there's more old peoples,
but there's there's also more people that are middle aged.
So yeah, ah, so I guess do you think you're
faster than seventy five percent of the people on the planet.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
I mean, if you're calling baby yeah, babies old people,
I reckon, I've got them covered. Any kid from like
honestly like eight, yeah, how quicks an eight year old?
Speaker 4 (21:36):
You had kids?
Speaker 1 (21:37):
At what point did your kid first did you realize
they were faster than you?
Speaker 4 (21:41):
One of them quite quickly. The other one is still
not bends on the kids.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
If Charlie was out, there would be in Charlie at
ten trouble.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
You're in all sorts. Yeah, so yeah, one hundred million,
that's a life changing amount of money. Yeah, losing your.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
Leagues is also, and there's always a chance that were
saying by that's right, you pop in and it's Noah Lyles,
you know, it's Rico Yanni and the other lane, or interestingly,
it'd be something that you're trying to work out with
Carl Lewis or something, and you're like, well, he's sixty,
but he was the fastest person in the world at
one point.
Speaker 4 (22:16):
What kind of shape is in? What kind of shape
has he showed up for the start line?
Speaker 5 (22:20):
Here? Here?
Speaker 3 (22:20):
You see the name just beforehand, and then you find
out he's massively blown out?
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Yeah, oh thank god. Yeah, so it does the person
right now, you know, because it could be Joe Biden.
Speaker 4 (22:31):
That pops in next there.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
You know, I guess what the question is is, do
you think you're faster than the average person? Yeah, as basically,
and I am fairly certain I'm not.
Speaker 4 (22:41):
But the risk reward here one hundred million dollars is
a line.
Speaker 3 (22:45):
And you can have a decent life with no legs.
These days you get some blades and I think that
a wheelchair.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
The interesting thing for me is, you know, anytime you
see someone who's missing in appendage, immediately you want to
ask them what happened parks and of my store, who
was well, I raced a random person for one hundred
million dollars.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
Ye, you'd make and yeah, you would make probably at
least ten million.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
On the talking circuit the book How I Overcame, You're
kind of shorting the odds on the story and one
of the most ridiculous situations of all time.
Speaker 4 (23:18):
Because every talk show in the world would want to
talk to you one hundred percent. I'm on Conan.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
You could have a podcast called Risk REWARDSK Reward where
you talk to people and I actually don't need my
legs for my current job.
Speaker 4 (23:31):
I sit down, I'm not using my legs right now.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
They're not doing anything, so you're actually anything.
Speaker 4 (23:36):
There are a hindrance.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
More people would listen to this podcast if they knew
I didn't have legs. I've always said, my legs a
whole out. You've already given up the you've already given
up the ute. Are you willing up to want to
give up your legs?
Speaker 5 (23:49):
Well?
Speaker 3 (23:49):
Greg Carryama gave up a kidney, didn't he? He did
give up a kidney. Did you get it back when
I suppose it failed?
Speaker 4 (23:57):
Didn't it? That's sort of it. Yeah, sort of way. Yeah, okay, Yeah,
let's not dim the quality of it. Oh that's another angle. Yeah.
Maybe if we had to give them a.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
Bit of kidney anyway, I would do it one hundred
million year a hundred million.
Speaker 4 (24:12):
Lose my legs. I don't use them anyway, Yeah, bargat
all right, were oxygen thieves my legs?
Speaker 1 (24:18):
Yeah, although some say the best part of my body anyway.
Speaker 4 (24:22):
You have, you have legs ago all the way out.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
It goes, it goes to ship from the waist up.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
But actually for me, because I've got long torso short
legs syndrome, so I could just argue forever I had
a great pair of legs.
Speaker 4 (24:34):
You were six foot five before your lost those legs.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
I remember if I had probab leggs, I'd be a
decent night. All right, let's take one more quick break
and we'll come back with youles please.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
Yours please, brought to you by Leader.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
Home, just the two of them to get through this morning.
Matt hey send the first one goes like this, yours, please.
Speaker 5 (24:58):
Get a fellas. Yeah, My Hike cramfather worked in a
pub at the time of the six o'clocks. Well, and
he said that the copper would come around to make
sure everyone was complying, and everyone would just run into
the back of the pub and then he would, you know,
pour a pint for the copper who would you know,
as a as a thank you for looking the other way,
you know, because everyone's pints were half finished and Darry's
(25:20):
were still burning the on the bar, and he would
have a pint and then just suck off. So yeah,
great new Zelander.
Speaker 3 (25:27):
There's always a way, isn't there. There's always workarounds, Oh,
for sure. You know, there's always a gray area.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
Well in the town I grew up in the main pub,
the Womany Hotel, was directly across the road from the
police station, so the cops are always in there. And
but because it's a country pub, you know, you know
the people that work behind the bar, so when you're fifteen, sixteen, seventeen,
if they know no one's looking dustling the odd pint. Yeah,
but they would just be like, all right, I'd go
(25:53):
in and they'd be like are you sitting with adults?
Speaker 4 (25:56):
But yeah, okay, I'll give you a beer.
Speaker 1 (25:58):
But if one of the cops come and you put
that beer in front of one of the adults, and
that was basically that was the role allegedly how it worked.
Speaker 4 (26:06):
It works.
Speaker 3 (26:07):
So back in that six o'clock swell day, there were
some pups that just had a urinal across the front
of the bar.
Speaker 4 (26:13):
I've seen photos of that.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
Yeah, disgusting, so that you didn't have to leave because
you had one hour of drink. So the last thing
you want to do is spend any of the time
in the bathroom. So you've just got a bunch of
guys classy nation. You got a bunch of guys just
with the cocks out drinking.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
So who would have been the first one to suggest that.
They would have gone into their bar and be like, look, mate,
if you want to shut at six, I can't be
in here paying you basically just to piss. Yeah, can
you please move the urinal to the bar? Yeah, And
the guy would have had to go into the local plumber. Actually,
the local plumber probably suggested it.
Speaker 4 (26:47):
Yeah, yeah, I've gone off a few Yeah, I have
an idea. I've got a solution.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
I mean, when we say a urinal, most of the
time would have been some corrugated iron, a curved corrugated
iron that ran out to a bit of a bit
of a down pipe.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Oh my god, imagine the smell. I mean, bars smell
better enough as it is. How hard do you need
to be passing up to be like I can't I
can't leave the seat for a minute to urinate, And so.
Speaker 3 (27:13):
How much do you need to beer? And we've still
got that mentality to this day one hundred percent. We
were saying yesterday, but we always think alcohol is going
to be taken off us. We always we always feel
like it's a famine mindset. Yeah, what if there's no
I don't know where my next beer is coming from. Yeah,
so we're only five messed beers away from narchy.
Speaker 4 (27:33):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
And it's funny because that's what I reckon brought an
into all the lockdowns, you know, where people are like
I even thought this. I'm not an anti vexer, but
I always thought, like, what would it take for me
to just mindlessly comply with something the government?
Speaker 4 (27:51):
Tom turns out and shutting the pubs for a month.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
Whatever, I don't care, micro chip me put it all
in there.
Speaker 4 (28:00):
I want to go back to the part. That's right. Yeah,
they held the pubs over.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
Usted right up until then, I was just like I'll
never comply with the government just because they told me too.
And then they were like, you can't go to the pub.
Was like, damn me, everything on a whole lot. I'm
getting back into the pub. Yeah, I agree. I think
that all came from the the six o'clock Swell, which yesterday,
in nineteen sixty seven was abolished.
Speaker 4 (28:21):
One more caller here yours please?
Speaker 6 (28:24):
Yeah, good old fellas. How good's old Neil fucking Barns.
What a bloody champion? Get him in Neil backs you
fuck Razor off what Barnes you at the helm. But
absolutely I reckon boards are just really thick and heavy
into the bears. It's all it takes, while the sounds
of it don't do anything. Barnsi was in charge, and
(28:44):
if he was doing a voicy thing, he like this.
He'd signed off by saying, fuck Corraca.
Speaker 4 (28:51):
We're talking the Ricky the equivalent of Rocky from Trailer
Parks of New Zealand.
Speaker 5 (28:55):
There.
Speaker 4 (28:56):
Yeah, that was that was good. Guys, had a great
turn of phrase. Yeah he did.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
How good to fucking Neil Bloody barnesby Barnsy, he hit
him on the pod yesterday, had him on the pod, Yeah, Tuesday,
I think, and he he was saying, God bless him.
He's an old school coach.
Speaker 4 (29:13):
He was.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
He talked a lot about he's aware of the role
in PC plays in the country and these guys' careers
and what it means to win the shield, and so
he let them hit the purse. He's like, yeah, you
won the shield, you should hit the purse. Yeah, but
we've got a fucking because when we were off here
he said, I've only got about five minutes we're going
into the review session. I said, it must be a
(29:36):
bit pretty easy review session. You've just won the shield.
He goes, you, reckon, I've got a quarter final on
the MPC this weekend. Half my team are fucking hung
to bits and now I'm going to try and refocus them.
Speaker 4 (29:51):
I was like, that's a good point. Yeah, well, I
think it's part of it.
Speaker 3 (29:54):
It's there's a lot of aspects to a professional sports team,
and one thing you had on one of the the
hurdles is that it hungover team if they won the
Renfully Shield, and if they won the Renfrely Shield, that's
just you've got it. It's like a storm week. All
these things you've got Affector into well.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
That we were talking about that before, like how how
unfair one unfair, but how gutted you'd bear for your
Tasman because they had two shield contests in a storm week,
so they had I think they won it in a
storm week and then they lost it again. Yeah and
a storm week, so yeah, I suppose it swings it roundabouts.
Speaker 4 (30:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
Yeah, and you've had it, so you had the joy
of it, So someone else does, I mean eventually gonna
lose it. Yeah, so it's fantastic you had it and
everyone was stoked. Yeah, and that's great, and then you
lost it and you've got a couple of excuses.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
If South Canterbury when Heartland again, Barnsey has agreed to
bring the Shield challenge to halfway if we.
Speaker 4 (30:49):
Fill as fridge full of export ultras.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
And look, if I can broke a deal to get
South Callery to compete for the shield, then you know
more than happy to particularly if it's best sponsors that's
paying for it.
Speaker 4 (31:01):
Yeah, not many.
Speaker 3 (31:02):
You're not actually donating match that's actually going to shoehorn
yourself into a Yah.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
It's actually got nothing to do with me. But I
will claim all of the glory for it. All right,
let'sknock listening on the hit mate. Thank you very much
for joining us and we'll see you next week.
Speaker 4 (31:14):
Brilliant.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
All right, Dan, Okay, you've been listening to The ACC's
a gender podcast brought to you by Export Ultra. For
more episodes, like and follow on iHeartRadio form you get
your podcasts
Live for the Export Beer Guns Studio and brought to you,
as always by Export Ultra the beer for Here. This
is the Agenda Podcast for Thursday, the tenth of October.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
The Agenda Podcast, the home of sporting nonsense and clap Trap,
brought to you by Export Culture.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
And this morning I have split custody of the former
Matt and Jury show.
Speaker 3 (00:21):
So you've you've just spent the last three hours with
my ex.
Speaker 4 (00:23):
I have spent the last three hours.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
How is he all the same problems that you remember
from the relationship?
Speaker 3 (00:29):
Yeah, you can. You can take that the man out
of the relationship, but he'll just ness heat wherever you go.
That's where you that's where you are.
Speaker 4 (00:35):
That's rain.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
And he's always been abusive and he always will be that.
Speaker 4 (00:39):
It's good that other people can now see that. Yeah, yeah,
I mean, now you guess lighted me right to the
relationship and now you can.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
See you you messaged me before. So can we just
shuffle the podcast a little further forward? And I was like, oh, yeah,
but I've got a bloody gun to your shirt because
you you left and went upstairs, So yeah, I've got
a bloody gun fill in And I've been saying I said,
you said on the podcast set it today on the
on the show on Hodaki. I love that it was
(01:06):
billed as there's going to be a rotating cast of guests.
Speaker 4 (01:09):
First week's just man Lane.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
That's always the way. It's always been the acc way.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
We just circled jerk each other.
Speaker 3 (01:16):
It's the first person you see walking through the office.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
I had visions of Polly and Grant in stables, the
who's who of New Zealand Radio Royalty.
Speaker 4 (01:28):
But no, it's just men. Men go to the.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
Names you can trust from down the hall. And I
asked Stuart Glane, all the names you can trust.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Names you can trust. How was your first week on
air at ZIB.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
It feels like a lifetime. I can't remember anything else
and this is this is going to be my blow
off steam outlet the a c C. I.
Speaker 4 (01:47):
I reached out to.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
G Lane as soon as I went up to ZIB
and one of the first texts I sent out was
I'm not leaving the a c C. GLA, don't think
I'm leaving the a c C.
Speaker 4 (01:57):
I'm going to need it. I'm going to need it
more than ever.
Speaker 1 (01:59):
Yeah, there was a concern for that nice what does
that mean he could still do the a sec Well.
Speaker 3 (02:04):
I did a bit of a chat last night a
delivery of the new acc Omanac book, me g Lane
and Dylan Cleaver did ye a play a play So
we read out parts of the book, because you know
how the book is an oral history with oh yeah,
you'll say something, I'll say something. So we found a
bit from twenty seventeen lines tour around when the Glane
(02:25):
fans run assault on Precinct thirteen, situation on us on
the backstage. Gulane fans are the worst, just Jy Laine Gulane,
And we did that and then and then he started
talking about their picture in the book where I stuck
a frozen banana rubbersass, and I was thinking, I'm going
to be running two separate lives here. I'm going to
be down here. Are we still sticking? I'm still going
(02:45):
to be sticking those frozen bananas and g Lane's ass.
Speaker 4 (02:47):
And that's the ears.
Speaker 3 (02:48):
I might just put on a bit of deodor and
maybe have a shower and go up and yeah, it's
the Jeremy Wells approach to life.
Speaker 4 (02:54):
Yes it is.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
You like two separate people, you like a split personality.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
It's hard to reconcile those two parts of Jeremy Welles
because when you go out in public with him, boomer
ladies are just drawn to him like moths to a flame.
Speaker 4 (03:11):
Oh boy, the boomer, the boomer, rural woman, the rural
boomer woman.
Speaker 3 (03:15):
You go into a Royal cafe with Gulane, I mean
with not Gelane, with Jeremy Wales and I with Gulane.
Speaker 4 (03:20):
No, no, he's not allowed in most of them. He's
been banned.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
But going there with Jeremy Wales and it's like Beatlemania
for boomers.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
Boomer mania.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
It is that they come up and ask him for
photos and stuff like you are obviously not listening to
radio hardach Well.
Speaker 4 (03:35):
I actually read about this recently.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
Me and another thing on the ACC men Dylan Cleaver
did a co substack between the Bounce and Matt Heath
got substack dot com, and I was just talking about
how he was asking me that very question, Hey you
do it, and I said, well. On our flight back
from christ Church the other day, when we were launching
the Black Class from a spar Paul at Hagley Oval.
On the way back, Jerry ordered a coffee as vage
(03:59):
and so it was it out as verge and he
was giggling around the whole thing holding the verge up,
took a picture of himself with the coffee with the
little logo with a VEG written on it, you know,
much like you tried to do at.
Speaker 4 (04:11):
The Heineken factory six.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
Yeah, but he got away with it with the veradge,
and I was thinking, well, if he can do that,
if he can, if he can, he's not even hiding
play on his social media and his name. He fires
out a picture of him with the coffee that he's
ordered with the chor writing on it VEG. Yeah, so
you can.
Speaker 4 (04:28):
No one cares. No, you just keep going and plus
people no, you know, like the boomers, they were young,
and well, it's different.
Speaker 3 (04:34):
How you talk to your friends at the pub is different,
how you talk to your grandma.
Speaker 4 (04:37):
That's exactly it. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:38):
People ask me that sometimes about being on radio, and
they so, how do you stop yourself from swearing?
Speaker 4 (04:43):
Because I swear a lot?
Speaker 1 (04:45):
Yeah, And it's the same thing. It's like you just
you wouldn't swear in front of your grandparents. No, you
certainly wouldn't swear at your grandparents. So you know, everyone
has that ability to switch that thing off. Yeah, and
sometimes it abandons you. And that's happened to me.
Speaker 3 (04:59):
If you times on my broadcast and you're just you're
so confused, I think that that often happens on a
horrific thing over.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
Oh my god, yes, yeah, where your where?
Speaker 3 (05:08):
Your brain's not working, you don't really know where you are,
and then you suddenly will drop the C word on
a national broadcast.
Speaker 4 (05:14):
What did you do something about fucking spuds or something?
Speaker 3 (05:17):
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I call it the Irish spud fuckers.
Speaker 4 (05:22):
But they are my people.
Speaker 1 (05:23):
So oh no, I dropped on on one of the commentaries,
which I've since found out is actually kosher because we've
got the adult button on.
Speaker 4 (05:30):
But yeah, it was exactly the situation you were describing.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
Deathly hungover, had to come in and commentate a Warriors game,
afternoon game, and I was like, here comes Bunce, fall
into the fucking.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
And that's an unnecessary swear with that's you think fucking
is It was so lazy.
Speaker 4 (05:51):
It's just so hungover a piece of shit of me, mate,
because you could just do that with everyone.
Speaker 3 (05:59):
Yeah, he comes fucking and fucking Damien McKenzie par and
Aara fucking Damien McKenzie.
Speaker 4 (06:07):
Yeah, fucking boots it hope it was.
Speaker 3 (06:12):
That wouldn't be bad. Are we sure we're doing it right?
Maybe we should be doing that? That is a good point.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
When can that's a fucking dry We need to sit
down with Sky next year before super ugly and right
where are we at?
Speaker 3 (06:29):
Because the people that here that we swear already hate us.
The people that would hear that we're swearing, yeah, they've
already changed channels.
Speaker 4 (06:36):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Wow, I be surprised how many of them hang around excellently. Yeah, yeah,
but they want to change channels.
Speaker 3 (06:42):
That would certainly get them to change channels. Yeah, it
would help. It would help motivate them to go where
they need to be.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
And I would love for someone to accidentally stumble upon
us and think that we were Tony Johnson or Nisbo
and then we're like.
Speaker 4 (06:53):
Oh, he's got a fucking try, he's fucking mister, did
you mercy Damian mckinn on the weekend.
Speaker 1 (07:01):
But yeah, So what's been the biggest difference upstairs that
newstalks be?
Speaker 3 (07:05):
What a long long long breaks?
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Oh yes, so like long talking yeah, and.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
Being accused of being woke, which is something I've never
really been acqued of before.
Speaker 4 (07:15):
I've always been I've always been. I smoked meth and
I'm okay.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
Yeah, So it's interesting to be woke now, it's all
I think. I think there's a certain person that just
accuses anyone that isn't actively killing someone with a knife
of being woke.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
If you're not actively racist or sexist, then you are woke.
Speaker 4 (07:35):
You haven't been racist in the last sentence, then then
you're in trouble.
Speaker 3 (07:38):
It's working has gone mad. Yeah, but long breaks and
it's fun though.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
It's good.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
I'll like it up there. It's good to be able
to talk about different stuff. Not that hidark you would
even stopped you, but just people.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
I mean, we had a huge chat about linen and
bed wear on the show yesterday, on the menton Tyler
Afternoons on New Storb and sleepwear, sleepwear, and I couldn't
help but go to soiling them and as as we're
as sheets trying to I haven't quite got the hood
account me, so I was like, wow, you wouldn't want
them after what me and the missis did last night?
Speaker 4 (08:11):
You know that. Yeah, But apart from that.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
People are quite well, because if you talked about that
bid weir for as long as we did on hodech pep.
Speaker 4 (08:18):
Be like move on, fuck off.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
It's funny say that Jerry was talking about bids this
morning as well. So this is the people telling me
to yeah quite quickly. It's the a sec hive mind
between all of us. We've got one brain, yeah, and
each of us gets a turn to use it.
Speaker 3 (08:33):
I know, sometimes I think I'm speaking when you're speaking.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
Yeah, it's monologue. Sometimes Gelane is speaking while I'm speaking.
Speaker 1 (08:41):
He will why don't even talk over you, but too
he will mouth what you're saying is you're saying it.
Speaker 4 (08:47):
That can be quite off putting.
Speaker 1 (08:49):
I wanted to run a what I think is quite
a zbe style topic passed you this morning as well.
Australia have waived diplomatic community for a man used of
an early morning assault in the Wellington CBD.
Speaker 4 (09:02):
Have you seen the video emer.
Speaker 3 (09:06):
I mean, I don't know if you're allowed to say this,
but he comes across as the biggest a hole about.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
So he he First of all, he's in a fronkr
at three am after an All Blacks game against the Wallabies.
He is the partner of an Australian politician.
Speaker 4 (09:21):
Right, she's just scratching a head game, dude. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:24):
And in the video he is yelling I have diplomatic immunity,
I know.
Speaker 4 (09:30):
Is that worse than do you know who I am? Yes?
Speaker 3 (09:34):
Because I saw once saw a quite a famous New
Zealander and he was trying to get into the backstage
at Laneway and he said to the scurity guards you
know who I am? And he goes, yes, I do.
And that's not going to fucking help you. In fact,
I'm less likely to let you in. Fuck off.
Speaker 4 (09:51):
Oh my god, I can't imagine. Yeah, but can you
mention even pulling it?
Speaker 1 (09:55):
Noll? Who would you have to think you were? Who
has the card to the city? Yeah, well I've never
seen Leehart say that, but he has that. I've never
seen him pay for a ticket to anything of this,
because he just walks up to the front door and people.
Speaker 4 (10:12):
Like heart and then they let him in.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
I was trying to get into the Emerson's bar and
Dunedin with you were there with me, Yeah, with you.
Speaker 4 (10:24):
This is right?
Speaker 3 (10:24):
Yeah, And I tried to pull the do you know
who he is? About Karen Reid and they were like, yeah,
he can come in, but he wouldn't go. And he's
such a good guy. He wouldn't go in fire regulations
and this he took us about five of us plus
some hangers on that were like that would just attached
us like a like a attached the trailer to us,
like one hundred meters before. He was such a good guy,
(10:46):
as like off, everyone can't get. It was absolutely freezing
and pissing down in a massive queue out of the door. Yeah,
and Rita was just like, well when everyone can get
and I'm going.
Speaker 1 (10:58):
The poor bouncer was like, I can't. My boss can't
find out tomorrow that I didn't leave here and read
and to the pub. But then it was like once
he had done that, it was like drafting sheep. And
as soon as he'd shifted the gate that way, our
whole mob tried to get in. The we did eventually.
It was while out there five of us, three randoms.
Speaker 3 (11:20):
Yeah, and I text the boss uh Emercens about it
as well.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
I mean we wouldn't export ultra. Yes, that's right, the
export ultra. Yeah, what are we talking about? Crazy? We
were talking about the diplomatic community guy trying to get
in there also yelled a pretty hearty homophobic slur before
loudly claiming he has diplomatic community in the Australian government.
Speaker 3 (11:47):
Was like, do you do you because it turns out
we can wave that very easily, Like we're not going
to battle for you. You know, we're dumping so many
five O ones on these guys. Yeah, we're going to
pick our fo Yeah we don't. We don't want to.
We want to just keep dumping our five O ones.
We're not going to battle with you, No, we're not.
We're not gonna We're not going to die on the
(12:09):
hell of some drunk guy at three am yelling homophobicsas
because that's not what diplomatic immunity was invented for us.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
Trying to figure out what I guess it's to stop
like two countries. So say we had a tense negotiation
with Australian, we didn't get along with each other, we
sent one of our politicians over there and they bloody
kidnap him.
Speaker 3 (12:29):
Yeah it's it's that kind of thing, yeah, or they
accused him of And also it's like Julian Assange being
at the Ecuador and Embassy embassy for so long because
the laws of Ecuador rule on the floor of this
of the embassy, and.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
It's to stop international tensions, right, yeah, to stop a war, yeah,
from us accusing one of your politicians of doing something
they didn't.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
I read this really annoying thing where none of the
U n or the diplomatic diplomats and New York pay
their parking tickets.
Speaker 4 (13:01):
And it's a huge issue.
Speaker 3 (13:02):
And they don't do it in London either, and they
were listening how many like the American embassy, ohs millions
and millions and millions of dollars London parking fines because
they just park anywhere beause they've got diplomatic community. They're
not going to pay it, and they do it, and
vice versa.
Speaker 4 (13:18):
In New York. The only country in the world that's
paying its parking fines is New Zealand. We're at the.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
Front of the class, putting a hand up and go
we'll pay those yeah. And it's like no one cares.
You know, you can't run up enough parking things, but
we have to be the best in class, up the front,
left cross we pay our parking fines. It's like, nah,
let them burn.
Speaker 5 (13:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
But well, I also feel like that's a that's a
real stretch of the use of diplomatic communities.
Speaker 4 (13:41):
Like, wow, that's not what we meant.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
What do it mean you can park in a handicapped
spot everywhear go public urination.
Speaker 4 (13:48):
Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
So I love that he's I love that he yelled
I have diplomatic community. I love that they then waved it.
So now he's going to face court. It'll be a
slap on the rest, but it's it's more humiliation that
it's huge and terrible for us part. All right, let's
take a quick break. We'll come back and talk about
of sport. Just before we talk a little bit of
sport here if you haven't heard already in one of
(14:12):
the great alternative commentary collective owned goals of all time,
we're selling ute that ninety eight Ford falcon ute.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
It's such a bummer. I know what's beautiful. It was
my idea as well. That's Auto Trader were like, we
need to tell I mean, you're the main driver, right, go,
I know this is what I mean.
Speaker 4 (14:33):
Auto Trader came to us, how dumb are you?
Speaker 1 (14:34):
We need to help Kiwis because that show how dumb
are you or how dedicated to the cause.
Speaker 4 (14:39):
Are you well this is I think it shows where
my brain's at. Yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
On brand first, I'm going to look at it as dumb,
but other people could look at it as dedicated, selfless, selfless, well,
the most reckless part of it. And just to get
it out of the way, we're selling it on Auto Trader.
It'll be on it'll be up for auction in November,
and I'm probably I've probably put myself in the situation
where I'm going to have to buy it back because
(15:04):
I can't part with it, particularly now that it's been
done up. It's been painted, it's been it's the seat's
been done, the interior has all been redone.
Speaker 4 (15:14):
The tray still smells like Sultan vinegar. I don't know why,
but it does.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
If you get into a bidding war with Mini Stewart,
do the right thing and let him have it.
Speaker 4 (15:26):
Pull out because I'll eat because he deserves it. I'll
drive us both into financial ruin in order to get this.
Speaker 1 (15:32):
He's not going to stop that Sporting News that worries
me this morning, I'm sure it worries you as well.
Kane Williamson is under an injury cloud, some sort of
groin slash hamstring situation.
Speaker 4 (15:45):
Other black Caps fucked without Kane Williamson. Are they fucked
with Kane Williamson in India? You know?
Speaker 3 (15:50):
I mean so it's a good point. We already thought
they were fucked with him. Now now there's all kinds
of trouble. And that's what I've got. Solaces. Don't care
what the black Caps do overseas. Like when we won
the World Test Championship, that was it. I've got fulled
my boots on New Zealand overseas and yet it's a
World Cup. I don't care and there's no chance we
(16:12):
get to the World Test Championship. And I think most
countries like that. India doesn't care if they come down
here and get smashed by US. Cricket doesn't travel, It
does not travel. Nah, it's interesting. Teams have to travel
to give some entertainment and for cricket to exist. Yes,
but it's a home series that is all you care about,
and you get served up as fodder for the home team.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
Yeah, it's a large part of it, as the time
zone thing, because I think that's why no one really
cared when South Africa left Super Rugby, because I don't
I'm lootting up at three am to watch.
Speaker 4 (16:41):
They were just some names we read out.
Speaker 1 (16:43):
I don't know where any of those teams were from,
where the storm was from. I think it's Cape Town.
I think I don't know that. Yeah, we're never kid bulls. Yeah, Pretoria,
but I could not if you gave me a map
of out South Africa, I could not pour into Pretoria.
Speaker 4 (16:57):
So it's the same thing. You're right.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
And also just how rigged it is in India. And
I don't mean the gameplay, I mean the conditions, the setup.
There'll be people chanting and parading outside our hotel all night,
probably probably be a fire drill or two, yeah, in
the in the hotel.
Speaker 4 (17:14):
So that's a good point.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
So let's get Cain Williamson healthy for playing back here
in New Zealand.
Speaker 4 (17:20):
What I am worried more importantly for his lucrative.
Speaker 1 (17:25):
What I am worried about is this is how every
athlete's career ends. Yes, it's an a c l, then
it's a shoulder or an elbow, then it's a groin,
then it's a hamstring in the end, they just they just.
Speaker 3 (17:38):
Can't be bothered because it's because they're spending so much
time rehabilitating and then they just go, you know what,
got a bit of money in the bank.
Speaker 1 (17:44):
And it's mileage for Kane because famously he takes more
throwdowns than anyone. It's all he does. It's how he
became so good. As he spends more time in the nets,
he's faced more balls than anyone.
Speaker 4 (17:56):
And at a certain.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
Point does that catch out to I don't want to
face many I don't want to Yeah, we've only got
so many balls.
Speaker 3 (18:01):
It's like artbeats. I mean, everyone's talking about this at
the moment. But we've been lucky enough to live through
an absolute golden period of New Zealand cricket. Unprecedented, unlikely
crickets a competitive sport, a lot of people play around
the world, a lot of big countries, a lot of
big money, and we have been right up there with
the best for a very long time. We had an
incredible group of players that came together at the same
(18:22):
time from about twenty fourteen and till recently, and we
might just have to accept that that was a fantastic time.
Speaker 4 (18:31):
We were lucky to have it.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
But now we go back into the black Cap supporter
support group phase where we love the victories, but we
don't expect them.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Does it concern you, as a member of the Alternative
Commentary collective if we are going into a dark patch
of New Zealand cricket.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
I think the fortunes of the ACC have been heavily
tied to the fortunes of the Black Caps. I don't
know if the a SEC would be where it is
now if yeah, if we hadn't fired off. In fact,
someone wanted that that very thing, like on on my substack.
They mine and Dylan substack the other day they were like,
(19:07):
do the a CEC ever, consider that if they hadn't
started and timed it exactly with the black Caps becoming huge,
becoming very successful right through that twenty fifteen Cricket World
Cup and even the twenty fourteen that the series before that, would.
Speaker 4 (19:24):
We have been as big? And the answers, no, no, no.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Will we kid ourselves and say that it was nothing
to do with that and more to do with our
own talent?
Speaker 4 (19:32):
Yeah? Yeah, And will that eventually be the undoing of
the a SEC? Probably probably? Yeah, all things, all things been.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
A golden It's been a golden period for the ACC
as well, it has, and all things passed. Yeah, and
you know, Glane's suffering a lot of injuries.
Speaker 4 (19:47):
It's hit a hole in his head. Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (19:51):
Literally, so Glane as our captain, Yeah, he is, he is.
Speaker 1 (19:55):
And like I was saying, most professional athletes don't get
to decide when they retire. It gets decided for them.
How many more can he withstand? He did his hamstrung.
He did his hamstring just last winter. Yeah, that's ready,
blewis Hammi. Yeah, he's the injuries. When Chelana piling up,
he's in achilles away from going under. I reckon, I've
(20:15):
got a hypothetical scenario that I wanted to run past you.
We debated this yesterday in the office quite heartily. It
is one of these sort of would you rather hypothetical
type scenarios. Would you race a stranger for one hundred
million dollars if you win and if you lose, you
lose your legs. So this is a random stranger. The
(20:36):
entire population of the Earth is eligible to race you, okay,
and you don't you get to see the person before
you race, No, you get to see you will be
teleported both of you to the start of one hundred
meter sprint. It's one hundred meter race.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
And it's completely the other person's completely random.
Speaker 1 (20:50):
Other person's completely render. It could be a baby, It
could be a baby, it could be how stoked would
you be if it's a baby. If it's a baby
or a ninety year old person, it could be someone
on their deathbed, that's right.
Speaker 3 (21:02):
Unfortunately, the population we've got population collapse globally at the moment.
So so there's more old people, there's more old peoples,
but there's there's also more people that are middle aged.
So yeah, ah, so I guess do you think you're
faster than seventy five percent of the people on the planet.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
I mean, if you're calling baby yeah, babies old people,
I reckon, I've got them covered. Any kid from like
honestly like eight, yeah, how quicks an eight year old?
Speaker 4 (21:36):
You had kids?
Speaker 1 (21:37):
At what point did your kid first did you realize
they were faster than you?
Speaker 4 (21:41):
One of them quite quickly. The other one is still
not bends on the kids.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
If Charlie was out, there would be in Charlie at
ten trouble.
Speaker 1 (21:50):
You're in all sorts. Yeah, so yeah, one hundred million,
that's a life changing amount of money. Yeah, losing your.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
Leagues is also, and there's always a chance that were
saying by that's right, you pop in and it's Noah Lyles,
you know, it's Rico Yanni and the other lane, or interestingly,
it'd be something that you're trying to work out with
Carl Lewis or something, and you're like, well, he's sixty,
but he was the fastest person in the world at
one point.
Speaker 4 (22:16):
What kind of shape is in? What kind of shape
has he showed up for the start line?
Speaker 5 (22:20):
Here? Here?
Speaker 3 (22:20):
You see the name just beforehand, and then you find
out he's massively blown out?
Speaker 1 (22:23):
Yeah, oh thank god. Yeah, so it does the person
right now, you know, because it could be Joe Biden.
Speaker 4 (22:31):
That pops in next there.
Speaker 1 (22:32):
You know, I guess what the question is is, do
you think you're faster than the average person? Yeah, as basically,
and I am fairly certain I'm not.
Speaker 4 (22:41):
But the risk reward here one hundred million dollars is
a line.
Speaker 3 (22:45):
And you can have a decent life with no legs.
These days you get some blades and I think that
a wheelchair.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
The interesting thing for me is, you know, anytime you
see someone who's missing in appendage, immediately you want to
ask them what happened parks and of my store, who
was well, I raced a random person for one hundred
million dollars.
Speaker 3 (23:04):
Ye, you'd make and yeah, you would make probably at
least ten million.
Speaker 1 (23:08):
On the talking circuit the book How I Overcame, You're
kind of shorting the odds on the story and one
of the most ridiculous situations of all time.
Speaker 4 (23:18):
Because every talk show in the world would want to
talk to you one hundred percent. I'm on Conan.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
You could have a podcast called Risk REWARDSK Reward where
you talk to people and I actually don't need my
legs for my current job.
Speaker 4 (23:31):
I sit down, I'm not using my legs right now.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
They're not doing anything, so you're actually anything.
Speaker 4 (23:36):
There are a hindrance.
Speaker 1 (23:37):
More people would listen to this podcast if they knew
I didn't have legs. I've always said, my legs a
whole out. You've already given up the you've already given
up the ute. Are you willing up to want to
give up your legs?
Speaker 5 (23:49):
Well?
Speaker 3 (23:49):
Greg Carryama gave up a kidney, didn't he? He did
give up a kidney. Did you get it back when
I suppose it failed?
Speaker 4 (23:57):
Didn't it? That's sort of it. Yeah, sort of way. Yeah, okay, Yeah,
let's not dim the quality of it. Oh that's another angle. Yeah.
Maybe if we had to give them a.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
Bit of kidney anyway, I would do it one hundred
million year a hundred million.
Speaker 4 (24:12):
Lose my legs. I don't use them anyway, Yeah, bargat
all right, were oxygen thieves my legs?
Speaker 1 (24:18):
Yeah, although some say the best part of my body anyway.
Speaker 4 (24:22):
You have, you have legs ago all the way out.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
It goes, it goes to ship from the waist up.
Speaker 3 (24:27):
But actually for me, because I've got long torso short
legs syndrome, so I could just argue forever I had
a great pair of legs.
Speaker 4 (24:34):
You were six foot five before your lost those legs.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
I remember if I had probab leggs, I'd be a
decent night. All right, let's take one more quick break
and we'll come back with youles please.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
Yours please, brought to you by Leader.
Speaker 1 (24:49):
Home, just the two of them to get through this morning.
Matt hey send the first one goes like this, yours, please.
Speaker 5 (24:58):
Get a fellas. Yeah, My Hike cramfather worked in a
pub at the time of the six o'clocks. Well, and
he said that the copper would come around to make
sure everyone was complying, and everyone would just run into
the back of the pub and then he would, you know,
pour a pint for the copper who would you know,
as a as a thank you for looking the other way,
you know, because everyone's pints were half finished and Darry's
(25:20):
were still burning the on the bar, and he would
have a pint and then just suck off. So yeah,
great new Zelander.
Speaker 3 (25:27):
There's always a way, isn't there. There's always workarounds, Oh,
for sure. You know, there's always a gray area.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
Well in the town I grew up in the main pub,
the Womany Hotel, was directly across the road from the
police station, so the cops are always in there. And
but because it's a country pub, you know, you know
the people that work behind the bar, so when you're fifteen, sixteen, seventeen,
if they know no one's looking dustling the odd pint. Yeah,
but they would just be like, all right, I'd go
(25:53):
in and they'd be like are you sitting with adults?
Speaker 4 (25:56):
But yeah, okay, I'll give you a beer.
Speaker 1 (25:58):
But if one of the cops come and you put
that beer in front of one of the adults, and
that was basically that was the role allegedly how it worked.
Speaker 4 (26:06):
It works.
Speaker 3 (26:07):
So back in that six o'clock swell day, there were
some pups that just had a urinal across the front
of the bar.
Speaker 4 (26:13):
I've seen photos of that.
Speaker 3 (26:14):
Yeah, disgusting, so that you didn't have to leave because
you had one hour of drink. So the last thing
you want to do is spend any of the time
in the bathroom. So you've just got a bunch of
guys classy nation. You got a bunch of guys just
with the cocks out drinking.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
So who would have been the first one to suggest that.
They would have gone into their bar and be like, look, mate,
if you want to shut at six, I can't be
in here paying you basically just to piss. Yeah, can
you please move the urinal to the bar? Yeah, And
the guy would have had to go into the local plumber. Actually,
the local plumber probably suggested it.
Speaker 4 (26:47):
Yeah, yeah, I've gone off a few Yeah, I have
an idea. I've got a solution.
Speaker 3 (26:51):
I mean, when we say a urinal, most of the
time would have been some corrugated iron, a curved corrugated
iron that ran out to a bit of a bit
of a down pipe.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
Oh my god, imagine the smell. I mean, bars smell
better enough as it is. How hard do you need
to be passing up to be like I can't I
can't leave the seat for a minute to urinate, And so.
Speaker 3 (27:13):
How much do you need to beer? And we've still
got that mentality to this day one hundred percent. We
were saying yesterday, but we always think alcohol is going
to be taken off us. We always we always feel
like it's a famine mindset. Yeah, what if there's no
I don't know where my next beer is coming from. Yeah,
so we're only five messed beers away from narchy.
Speaker 4 (27:33):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
And it's funny because that's what I reckon brought an
into all the lockdowns, you know, where people are like
I even thought this. I'm not an anti vexer, but
I always thought, like, what would it take for me
to just mindlessly comply with something the government?
Speaker 4 (27:51):
Tom turns out and shutting the pubs for a month.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
Whatever, I don't care, micro chip me put it all
in there.
Speaker 4 (28:00):
I want to go back to the part. That's right. Yeah,
they held the pubs over.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
Usted right up until then, I was just like I'll
never comply with the government just because they told me too.
And then they were like, you can't go to the pub.
Was like, damn me, everything on a whole lot. I'm
getting back into the pub. Yeah, I agree. I think
that all came from the the six o'clock Swell, which yesterday,
in nineteen sixty seven was abolished.
Speaker 4 (28:21):
One more caller here yours please?
Speaker 6 (28:24):
Yeah, good old fellas. How good's old Neil fucking Barns.
What a bloody champion? Get him in Neil backs you
fuck Razor off what Barnes you at the helm. But
absolutely I reckon boards are just really thick and heavy
into the bears. It's all it takes, while the sounds
of it don't do anything. Barnsi was in charge, and
(28:44):
if he was doing a voicy thing, he like this.
He'd signed off by saying, fuck Corraca.
Speaker 4 (28:51):
We're talking the Ricky the equivalent of Rocky from Trailer
Parks of New Zealand.
Speaker 5 (28:55):
There.
Speaker 4 (28:56):
Yeah, that was that was good. Guys, had a great
turn of phrase. Yeah he did.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
How good to fucking Neil Bloody barnesby Barnsy, he hit
him on the pod yesterday, had him on the pod, Yeah, Tuesday,
I think, and he he was saying, God bless him.
He's an old school coach.
Speaker 4 (29:13):
He was.
Speaker 1 (29:13):
He talked a lot about he's aware of the role
in PC plays in the country and these guys' careers
and what it means to win the shield, and so
he let them hit the purse. He's like, yeah, you
won the shield, you should hit the purse. Yeah, but
we've got a fucking because when we were off here
he said, I've only got about five minutes we're going
into the review session. I said, it must be a
(29:36):
bit pretty easy review session. You've just won the shield.
He goes, you, reckon, I've got a quarter final on
the MPC this weekend. Half my team are fucking hung
to bits and now I'm going to try and refocus them.
Speaker 4 (29:51):
I was like, that's a good point. Yeah, well, I
think it's part of it.
Speaker 3 (29:54):
It's there's a lot of aspects to a professional sports team,
and one thing you had on one of the the
hurdles is that it hungover team if they won the
Renfully Shield, and if they won the Renfrely Shield, that's
just you've got it. It's like a storm week. All
these things you've got Affector into well.
Speaker 1 (30:09):
That we were talking about that before, like how how
unfair one unfair, but how gutted you'd bear for your
Tasman because they had two shield contests in a storm week,
so they had I think they won it in a
storm week and then they lost it again. Yeah and
a storm week, so yeah, I suppose it swings it roundabouts.
Speaker 4 (30:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (30:30):
Yeah, and you've had it, so you had the joy
of it, So someone else does, I mean eventually gonna
lose it. Yeah, so it's fantastic you had it and
everyone was stoked. Yeah, and that's great, and then you
lost it and you've got a couple of excuses.
Speaker 1 (30:42):
If South Canterbury when Heartland again, Barnsey has agreed to
bring the Shield challenge to halfway if we.
Speaker 4 (30:49):
Fill as fridge full of export ultras.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
And look, if I can broke a deal to get
South Callery to compete for the shield, then you know
more than happy to particularly if it's best sponsors that's
paying for it.
Speaker 4 (31:01):
Yeah, not many.
Speaker 3 (31:02):
You're not actually donating match that's actually going to shoehorn
yourself into a Yah.
Speaker 1 (31:06):
It's actually got nothing to do with me. But I
will claim all of the glory for it. All right,
let'sknock listening on the hit mate. Thank you very much
for joining us and we'll see you next week.
Speaker 4 (31:14):
Brilliant.
Speaker 2 (31:15):
All right, Dan, Okay, you've been listening to The ACC's
a gender podcast brought to you by Export Ultra. For
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