The Dorota Diaries: A Gossip Girl Podcast

Vitamin C tried her darndest, but she could never have prepared us for THIS graduation. It's time we bid adieu to the Constance Billard-St. Jude Class of 2009. Serena declares war on Gossip Girl after she gifts all of our pals with superlatives that really weren't that bad? We're still confused as to why this, of all acts, is what sends Serena over the edge. 

Meanwhile, Chuck continues to run away from Blair's loving embrace. O...

Put that Porsche top down, cuz we are cruising down a Malibu highway! It's 1983, y'all. For some reason, the penultimate episode of season 2 is primarily dedicated to finding out why Lily is the way she is. And, you guessed it, it's because she had shitty parents and no sense of stability in her formative years! Join us as we fully immerse ourselves in a cartoon version of the 80s and help us mourn the spinoff that never was. ...

Samantha James once said: "Forgiveness is more than saying sorry." Georgina, are you listening, girl? 'Cuz Samantha is right!!

G is back, and she is on an apology tour sponsored by Jesus. Blair won't accept her apologies, but she WILL accept her help in revenge conning that raggedy ol' Poppy and her geriatric-looking boyfriend! The Non-Judging Breakfast Club™ is back together and my god does it feel so good. Serena and Lily are at o...

Gabriel and Poppy are BACK on the Upper East Side to shake things up by taking advantage of a pathetic middle-aged former rockstar and a beautiful teenager who is not exactly known for her common sense skills. You know who does have common sense? Queen B! She's onto that shady southerner Gabriel and is on a mission to FIND HIS SECRETS. Dan's writing mentor would be so proud of her. In less important news, Nate and Chuck try to clai...

Baruch Atah Ay Dios Mio! This episode is absolutely hilarious—we swear it! Serena is back from Espana, now a married teenager to a man who is at least 30 years old. Blair has, for some reason, given up on college altogether and her aspirations have pivoted to that of a junior committee member and a bridesmaid? Dan is a cater-waiter (and not a very good one). Nate is beefing (again) with the van der Bilt family. Jenny is beefi...

You are cordially invited to Jenny's Super Sweet 16 Party! Wait, this is a birthday? We had no idea because Serena didn't tell us. Serena is trying to get herself back on the map by throwing a party for Jenny, as she's been too busy being a teenager (the horror!) while Poppy Lifton has been climbing the social ladder that S left behind. Meanwhile, there's trouble in paradise for Nate and Vanessa (RIP), much to Blair's excitement. A...

Blair's crashout is still underway, Upper East Siders. It's very entertaining to watch our very own B shed her uptight skin just a little bit, but it begs the question, Where the heck is her mother?

In other news, the van der Bilt's family reunion weekend is happening and Nate is convinced by Vanessa, Dan, and his cousin, Tripp, to attend. Grandfather finally has Nate back in his manipulative little paws again and tries to all of a ...

Clear your calendars, Upper East Siders. We're heading to the theater! We have front row seats to the calamity that is the students of Constance Billard-St. Jude's ruining up-and-coming director, Julian's, vision of "The Age of Innocence". This would have never happened with Mary Jane Watson at the helm. Meanwhile, Ms. Carr continues to infuriate us, Rufus, and NOW even Dan. Some good news: we are pretty sure Vanessa's documentary ...

That ol' bat Ms. Carr is at it again, Upper East Siders! We have reached our limit with Cornflower Mary, and we kid you not, she gets worse with every scene. Someone send this predator to Rikers! In just one episode, this lady's actions got the Constance-St. Jude's Parent Council schlepping to the school on a Saturday (think about the cancelled dinner reservations, says Lily), Handsome Dan being sent away to the French countryside ...

Don't mind us, Upper East Siders. We're just sitting here hitting "refresh" for Blair on the Yale portal. It's Yale Day, y'all! Join our friends as they anxiously await to hear who is in and who is out. Eh, who are we kidding? Only Dan and Blair are anxious about getting in. Serena is anxious about making a decision about anything at every turn of her life. Unfortunately, she has a new favorite teacher who, for some reason, started...

It's time for the reading of Bart's will, Upper East Siders! Are you in, or are you sending your legal representation in your place? Chuck's a little more himself in this episode, but the bar is in hell on this, so take that with a grain of salt. Uncle Jack is ELATED that his brother is dead so he can move away from Down Under and make Manhattan his new home. Jack is so devious that he will even use Blair's love for Chuck against h...

["Amazing Grace" tune] "Chuck once was lost, but now he's found". Chuck may be found, but he's as lost as ever. He's unable to walk 95% of the time, he's doing drugs on school property, his Uncle Jack is here, AND when he can walk, it's happening on the side of a rooftop. It's bad news bears for our grieving boy billionaire, Upper East Siders.

Meanwhile, Dan & Serena are back together... again, while Aaron is crying on a beach s...

Bart has died. *starts playing "Taps"* 

However, those billions o' bucks are still alive and they're paying for Andrew Tyler's retainer and comfort food (NOT tuna towers) for hundreds of his closest friends. Lily really should send a thank-you letter to the editor, but she won't. She's too busy slapping her dead husband's son as he struggles with the loss of a parent again.

Please join us as we try to understand why Serena is th...

If you're in line, STAY IN LINE for this episode, Upper East Siders! It's the annual Snowflake Ball, and the drama is so hot that we're certain this ice is going to melt at any minute. Blair and Chuck are still at their little games while Vanessa and Jenny are playing The Petty Games™. Dan and Serena are moving towards an amicable friend zone, but that doesn't stop them from staring at each other while in the arms of another on the...

Order up those diner french fries cuz it's another Upper East Side Thanksgiving, y'all! Dinner will be served at... 4am because we have a LOT of things to cover before we can even start fryin' the bird! If you have notes on Blair's pie recipe, you can keep that to yourself because she is not here for your little games. Speaking of games, will Serena WIN the "prize" that is Aaron Rose, beloved IKEA artist extraordinaire? Somebody ge...

It is the 20th anniversary of Bass Industries. Time sure does fly when you are an evil billionaire and abysmal father! It's Blair's birthday and she's about to meet her mom's new boyfriend. Let's hope he's going to be the present she is hoping for, but we won't hold our breath. Meanwhile, Serena is on the world's worst scavenger hunt, while Dan is suddenly a noted New York journalist. As they say, "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun"!

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Y'all ever been to a guerrilla fashion show? Well, slip on those Louboutins because Jenny and Agnes cordially invite us to one. What. An. Epic. Moment. You're in for a treat, Upper East Siders. In other news, we are officially launching the "Dan Mind Your Business" challenge, while we watch Blair not mind her business and it's actually a good thing for once. Side stories include: Justice for JT Yorke (Yes, from Degrassi, sigh. Just...

This is a big one, y'all! Join us as we watch Little J duke it out once more with Eleanor Waldorf herself. We can't say we endorse what Jenny's doing, but dang do we love to see it. We could not get through this episode without the three A's: Agnes, Aaron, and poor, sweet Arthur. Strap into the portal, kids, we're heading to the Ikea Art Installation in Brooklyn.

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Gather 'round, Upper East Siders! Be home by curfew for dinner because we need to help make an evil billionaire and his self-absorbed wife's dreams come true. It's the van der Woodsen-Bass family shindig in which they will be debuting as a "close family" to the outside world. However, we know that inside, things are... a little complicated to say the least. Bring your warm, fuzzy family memories and PLEASE don't forget your underwe...