March 26, 2025 • 15 mins
A womans weight is criticized by her husbands mother
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
It's Ashley and the jam In Morning show with DJ
Foreign and.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Santi and it's time for another DM dilemma.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Oh God, do you want to host?
Speaker 2 (00:16):
I was doing some serious, serious scrolling on.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
The GRAM speaking of the GRAM. Hi, good morning, and
a quick shout out before I get to this too,
Lauren and Clinton, I got a DM dilemma today. We
do DM dilemma, but no, I mean, listen when we
get them. There was a time period where a boss was.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Like, you gotta do a DM dilemma every day.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
So I can't do DM dilemma every day. Can't make
them up. If I get them, I get them. If
I don't, I don't. But yeah, if you're going through
something and you feel like your friends or your family
might be too close to it, and you want us
to potentially talk about it, open the phone lines and
see how people feel about it, maybe give you some advice.
You can always DM me on my personal account at
Ashley Feldman to ease on the Ashley since I'm here.
(00:59):
We also have a show account, Ashley in the Am,
and I've had people write me on that account and
I might not see it. If that's the case, please
don't think I'm ignoring you. You can try my personal
account too, because I feel like i'm better there at
Ashley Feldman an as h L e e F like
Frank E L d M a m uh DM dilemma
from anonymous. I've promised her multiple times, so I'll make sure
(01:21):
she stays anonymous. Hey, Ash, I'm reaching out to you
as I need some advice on my in laws.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Relax on, I haven't anything.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Ye I'm.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
I need foreign to get off the phone because I
don't want to have to read this twice. I'm here, okay,
perfect DM dilemma. My husband and I have been together
for ten years now and we just had a baby
a year ago. Ever since we started dating, we've always
had opinions. They as in the in laws. I'm sorry.
I have always had opinions about my body, criticizing it
because I'm a plus sized woman. Usually it's been them
(01:53):
saying it to my husband when I'm not there. There's
been years where they've kept silent, but recently it's been
amped up when they are now where they are not
willing to tell me to my face I need to
lose weight. They tend to do it to my husband.
They just tend to do it to me when my
husband isn't in the same room, and it's very uncomfortable
for me. I brought it up to my husband and
he says that he has spoken to them about this,
but they proceed to keep bringing it up. The last
(02:14):
time they did it, they even tried telling me, your
husband has come to us and is super concerned about
your weight. It's not that he's not attracted to you,
but he's more so worried for you. I have asked
my husband again, because we're so close and honest with
each other, and he says, no, I've never said that.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
It's gone as far as they would say.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
I won't fit on an airplane anymore on the family vacation.
Crazy thing to say to somebody like that's wild. I've
never been treated like this for my body, and it
is really affecting my mental health and my confidence. Recently,
she told my husband not to feed our baby a
cookie after her lunch, as she quote didn't need it
and said that she'd be fine having fruit instead after
(02:51):
having chicken, rice, broccoli, and cucumbers for lunch. I hate
how they do this, and my husband's not a confidence
per confident person. And he lacks confidence and has since
we met. I'm just not sure what to do here anymore.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
So it seems clear that the the centerpiece of this
whole thing is the husband. I think her and her
husband need to get on the same page because clearly
they are not, and I don't think he's being honest
with her on what he's talking to his family about.
That's step one. Then step two, which is gonna be
the biggest one. You and your husband need to send
major boundaries with the in laws because they do not
see boundaries at all, and this is going to be
(03:24):
something that's going to take a lot of work. But
they're so intrusive in crossing the line. Yeah, I would,
I would, I would.
Speaker 4 (03:31):
I would check the husband and the family together, especially
if the family is coming to say that your husband
feels this way, bring them in the room together and
be like, yo, so who's feeling what about what?
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Number one?
Speaker 4 (03:41):
That's number one. Number two. You're not dating the in laws,
you're dating the husband. Do you feel like your husband
is attracted to you? I think women can tell if
a husband or their partner is not attracted to him.
Is your partner attracted to you? If you feel like
he might be they might be truth and that he
has an issue with the weight. Then that's a conversation
you gotta with the husband. But if he doesn't, who
(04:02):
cares what the family in law says, live your life,
girl and just leave them alone. If you've got to
just stay away from him.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
To tell her that she's not going to fit on
an airplane is crazy work. That's we're trying to hurt
you more so than anything, because there's a there's a
way to say, like, hey, we're concerned about your health.
This is like a dual part here for me because
number one, you know, I think we all do this,
Like when if we hang out with my husband's family
(04:30):
or his mother, say, for example, when she leaves, we
might be like, oh did you notice that your mom
did abc?
Speaker 2 (04:35):
And like you have those conversations.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
Now if his mother was over, she leaves and he goes, oh,
my mom said you looked a little thick in that
outfit there? What yet like I couldn't even picture its
because it would it would just never happen. I do
kind of think that they if they're so willing to
talk to her about it to her face, I do
(04:59):
think they I brought it to his attendant, and I
do think that there has been some sort of conversation
behind her back.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
I know.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
I'm sure he just doesn't want to hurt her any further,
so he's trying to protect her in that sense. But
there's no way if they're so brazen and bold to
bring it up to her face that they haven't said
it to him behind closed doors.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Now to that point, I don't think he's sticking up
for his wife. I don't think he's making it clear
that this could be a situation that they need to
talk about and that the inline needs to stay out.
The endline dynamic is so challenging because again, a lot
of people in that situation don't see boundaries, and they
think just because they're son in involved with somebody, they
can say anything or get involved in it. And they can't.
It is crazy taking years for us for me and
(05:38):
my wife to get to a point where there are boundaries.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
It's tough for a lot of people to digest that, like, hey,
we are our own family.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Now are our own family deeds.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
Yes that you're not dating the parents, Yes you want
to have a relationship with them, you want to be it.
But if y'all don't get along, they're not in your house,
paying your bills, don't they don't cook for you, they
don't take it, they're not did do in the arguments
of the good times like forget about everybody else's opinion.
If your husband loves you the way, you all keep
doing your thing. If you feel like your husband isn't,
(06:10):
then they might be a conversation that he's too scared
to have a conversation with you about, which is a
hard conversation to have.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
By the way, I think he's scared to have a
lot of conversation, maybe with her, but more so his
own parents.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
That part too.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
The bottom line is for me, he needs to step
it up, and he needs to sit down his mother
and he needs to say, listen you anything you have
to say in regards to her weight, you need to
keep it to yourself.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
That's my job.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
She is my wife totally, then he should wife. Which
is not an easy conversation to have, but it shouldn't
be coming from his mommy.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
It should be coming from him. Mommy needs to step back, No, mommy,
nana needs to choose.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
I dealt with a mommy like that that we had
to have multiple conversations about, hey, you need to take
a couple of steps back because this has nothing to
do with you.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
And I also feel awful for her because she you know,
she's she wants her daughter, her kid to spend time
with the grandmom, but she probably is like nervous to
go be in front of her about what they're going
to say.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Yeah, because how much worse can it get?
Speaker 4 (07:11):
And you could tell the mom the grandma is gonna
probably feed on nothing but grass all day, like.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
You shouldn't be in cooky.
Speaker 4 (07:17):
Yeah, you're gonna get big like your mom, which is
crazy accomplished that.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
Now it is all right six one seven nine three
one one nine four five six one seven nine three
one one nine four five. I think a lot of
people have dealt with this in their marriage, whatever relationship
they're in.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
How does one handle the inlaws DM dilemma?
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Morning?
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Hi, everybody, Good morning. It's Sashley and the gam in
Morning Joe. We're doing a DM dilemma right now from
anonymous who's basically saying that her mother in law has
made many comments in regards to her weight, one of
which was you're too big to get on an airplane
with us, if we go on a family vacation, diabolical.
She's at the point now where she's like, I feel
uncomfortable even being around them. You know, as soon as
(08:00):
my husband gets up and leaves the room, they make
comments about my weight six one seven nine three one
four five. Obviously they have a one year old and
she wants the baby to be around them. But it's
just getting really, really hard.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Do you want to talk to you?
Speaker 5 (08:12):
Son?
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Anonymous and Ooster?
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Good morning, Hi, good morning.
Speaker 5 (08:18):
How are you good?
Speaker 2 (08:19):
So you're dealing with a tough mother in law.
Speaker 5 (08:23):
Yes, my girlfriend's mom's kind of pretty much the same thing.
Her mom's been evil her whole life though, So I mean,
some things you can't really change. But basically, uh, my girlfriend,
she was plus sized too, and she would grow up
growing up. She's telling her, you know, you're too fat,
I'm not gonna invite you to my wedding. This and that,
(08:44):
blah blah blah. Just toxic. And basically I try to
keep her from her family at all costs, just because
the mental strain that it puts on her and everything
is just it's not anything you should be around. And
if the if the parents can't not act like that,
then they should just withdraw, like just not not go around.
(09:07):
The last thing she wants is for her kids to
hear her mom calling her back and saying these things
and then have her kids turn around and saying the
same things about her. Like, that's just it's not good
at all.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Yeah, it's certainly not right. That's basically anonymous. Basically yeah, well,
thank you for that.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
I think this situation is tough for because of the baby, right,
because the grandparents want to be around the baby.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
And Chante is in Boston. Good morning, Hello, Hello, Hi,
good morning.
Speaker 6 (09:43):
Good morning Ashley.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
Hi, babe, So you tell you goods you actually dealt
with this type of thing firsthand.
Speaker 6 (09:51):
Yeah. So I've been with my child's father for ten years,
and at the beginning when I got with him, think
what it was mostly was the fact that sometimes parents
are used to dealing with a certain type of female.
A lot of the females of what he dealt with,
they weren't very like strong confident women or women who
really spoke up for their self. So I guess when
(10:14):
I came in the picture, they kind of thought it
was going to be the same situation but I kind
of knifed it in the butt right before it happened,
because I feel like it's very much so a pattern thing.
Once you allow someone to disrespect you, they're constenous. They're
going to continuously keep doing it and doing it. And
I don't mean to disrespect anybody's parents, because you don't
have to be disrespectful to get your point across. You
(10:34):
can very much so explain to somebody and be very
verbal about how you feel about something. But I don't
think it's okay to just accept it or for your
partner to accept it, especially if they love you. That's
not okay. So luckily with my partner, he stood up
for me and I haven't had that problem set.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
I love that, and that's what I'm really hoping for
for her, and thank you so much for that. I
just think he has to First off, she has to
commune to him how it's bothering her, and then I
think he has to step up. And I get it.
That's not an easy conversation to have. She just wrote me,
and she said, he just honestly never talks.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
To his family.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
They literally maybe speak once a week on the phone
when she's there. She said, what kind of boundaries should
we be setting. It's really hard because the baby is involved.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
I'll give you two. The first one is they need
to call before they come to the house at any time,
just to make sure that there's a process. And two,
make sure and you have to tell them this, they
are not a co parent in the whole situation. There
are two parents and that again puts them right outside
the circle. So they start to like know their role
and know their boundaries. And once again, when those boundaries
get broken, because they definitely will just rebuild.
Speaker 4 (11:42):
Them, keep correct and stand and stand tall on them.
Don't don't let don't let any one time that that
boundary slide, because when you do it one time, it's
going to keep sliding and keep sliding and keep sliding.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
I don't know what it is with you guys, but
you they you have trouble speaking up.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Not me, your moms. I will cut parents off right
right now for my wife.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Guys, guys have trouble talking to their mothers.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Let me tell you though, it takes time. And again
it took me a lot of years to get to
this point. Though. Yeah, I think it does take time.
But you're definitely right.
Speaker 4 (12:15):
Because there's some guys who are like in their thirties,
forties or whatever, and they still like when they're around
their parents, they feel like they twelve. Yeah, you know
what I mean. And that's an intimidation thing. That's a
I don't know what the word, the proper word is.
I don't know what it did, because some parents have
that kind of control over their kids.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
I don't know what like.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
I'm trying to think of a good example. But I
could say to the fire man, I'm uncomfortable being around
your mom, like I need you to talk to her
about A, B and C. He'd say, no, we just
won't be around her. Then here's instead of having a
conversation with her, he would avoid it.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
I'm serious, Like he'd be like, nope, I just won't
see her.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
I don't know if it's an entitle term, but it's
called breaking the chain of command. So growing up for
most of our lives, where you saw our parents hung
us what to do. We get to a certain point
where on the kind of same level, but it's hard
for us to understand that we're at the same So
you have to constantly try to get to that point.
But once you do it it's.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
Great, and it's hard for the parents to understand that too,
because you're so used to telling this, Hey, I do
this and they do it, do that, and they do it.
So you think when they've grown ass right and have
a family, do this and they do it. No, I'm
not telling my wife to stop eating whatever she wants
to eat.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
Again.
Speaker 4 (13:18):
My whole point for the old this thing is if
your husband loves you the way you are, keep doing
your thing. If you have an inkling that he doesn't,
maybe there's a confasation.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
She wrote me and said he has absolutely no issues
in the attraction.
Speaker 4 (13:31):
And don't care about what they're saying you either you
either just let it roll off your shoulder or if
it affects you that much, stay away from them.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
But it's going to put a rift in their marriage
if he doesn't stand up her, because she's gonna be
why won't you, Why won't you stand.
Speaker 6 (13:44):
Up for you?
Speaker 4 (13:44):
But I mean, I don't know how old he is,
but you know at thirty something years you want the
god to stand up to his parents. Now, yes, which
is going to cause a problem for him and the parents.
I'll be with the fire man like okay, cool, I'm
accept my parents for who they are. They're not changing.
They're going to be judgmental, they're going to be ignorant.
I'm not going to try to change that to appease
my You know what I mean. I'm gonna tell my wife,
(14:06):
I stand with you. We don't gotta go around there. Yeah,
and we don't have to be in that comfortent.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
I think his sentiment what he's saying is I know
what you're saying. I just think you're part of the
minority with that. I think the majority of guys would
be like, I'm not talking to my mom.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Listen, here's what I'll tell you. I think this takes
time to deal with. I've been married for twenty years.
It's an evolution thing. Yeah, it's easy to say no whatever,
but this is something that's very fixable.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Yeah. By the way, I'm more like you, like, I'll
go to war with my mom.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
If he ever said to me, hey, your mom does
this and it's making me uncomfortable, he's getting a little
shit chat.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
But he's not that way.
Speaker 4 (14:42):
But look at the relationship you have, that relationship with
your mom where y'all can go back and forth. Right,
this guy doesn't sound like that. Well, he can't stand
up to his parents point. Yeah, So for someone like that,
it's like I my parents are fifty sixty seventy years old.
I'm not going to try to change them.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
They are who they are.
Speaker 4 (15:00):
Let's just go around them anymore and let's just be
happy in our own because again, what they do don't
affect us, but it does here in this instance, because
of allowing them to.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
Also there's the baby.
Speaker 4 (15:11):
Yeah, if he doesn't want my kid around them, I'll
be honest. Yeah, they'll be chastising my kid. Oh you're
gaining some weight. You look, you don't look good today, grandson,
you gained some weight, Like, I don't want that negativity
on my grandkid.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
No, he doesn't fix this. This massage is going to
end in divorce.
Speaker 5 (15:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
I think he's got to fix something whatever, whatever it is, like,
he needs to because.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
You need, you need the home to be happy.
Speaker 3 (15:38):
What's funny is she used the example of you know,
he tried to give the cookie and Nana was like, no,
I'm on the opposite that bit.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Showed up last night with two ice creams for my child.
I said, what are you doing? What are you doing
It's Ashley and the jam In Morning show with DJ
Foreign and.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
Santi and it's time for another DM dilemma.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Oh God, do you want to host?
Speaker 2 (00:16):
I was doing some serious, serious scrolling on.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
The GRAM speaking of the GRAM. Hi, good morning, and
a quick shout out before I get to this too,
Lauren and Clinton, I got a DM dilemma today. We
do DM dilemma, but no, I mean, listen when we
get them. There was a time period where a boss was.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Like, you gotta do a DM dilemma every day.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
So I can't do DM dilemma every day. Can't make
them up. If I get them, I get them. If
I don't, I don't. But yeah, if you're going through
something and you feel like your friends or your family
might be too close to it, and you want us
to potentially talk about it, open the phone lines and
see how people feel about it, maybe give you some advice.
You can always DM me on my personal account at
Ashley Feldman to ease on the Ashley since I'm here.
(00:59):
We also have a show account, Ashley in the Am,
and I've had people write me on that account and
I might not see it. If that's the case, please
don't think I'm ignoring you. You can try my personal
account too, because I feel like i'm better there at
Ashley Feldman an as h L e e F like
Frank E L d M a m uh DM dilemma
from anonymous. I've promised her multiple times, so I'll make sure
(01:21):
she stays anonymous. Hey, Ash, I'm reaching out to you
as I need some advice on my in laws.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Relax on, I haven't anything.
Speaker 1 (01:28):
Ye I'm.
Speaker 3 (01:31):
I need foreign to get off the phone because I
don't want to have to read this twice. I'm here, okay,
perfect DM dilemma. My husband and I have been together
for ten years now and we just had a baby
a year ago. Ever since we started dating, we've always
had opinions. They as in the in laws. I'm sorry.
I have always had opinions about my body, criticizing it
because I'm a plus sized woman. Usually it's been them
(01:53):
saying it to my husband when I'm not there. There's
been years where they've kept silent, but recently it's been
amped up when they are now where they are not
willing to tell me to my face I need to
lose weight. They tend to do it to my husband.
They just tend to do it to me when my
husband isn't in the same room, and it's very uncomfortable
for me. I brought it up to my husband and
he says that he has spoken to them about this,
but they proceed to keep bringing it up. The last
(02:14):
time they did it, they even tried telling me, your
husband has come to us and is super concerned about
your weight. It's not that he's not attracted to you,
but he's more so worried for you. I have asked
my husband again, because we're so close and honest with
each other, and he says, no, I've never said that.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
It's gone as far as they would say.
Speaker 3 (02:29):
I won't fit on an airplane anymore on the family vacation.
Crazy thing to say to somebody like that's wild. I've
never been treated like this for my body, and it
is really affecting my mental health and my confidence. Recently,
she told my husband not to feed our baby a
cookie after her lunch, as she quote didn't need it
and said that she'd be fine having fruit instead after
(02:51):
having chicken, rice, broccoli, and cucumbers for lunch. I hate
how they do this, and my husband's not a confidence
per confident person. And he lacks confidence and has since
we met. I'm just not sure what to do here anymore.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
So it seems clear that the the centerpiece of this
whole thing is the husband. I think her and her
husband need to get on the same page because clearly
they are not, and I don't think he's being honest
with her on what he's talking to his family about.
That's step one. Then step two, which is gonna be
the biggest one. You and your husband need to send
major boundaries with the in laws because they do not
see boundaries at all, and this is going to be
(03:24):
something that's going to take a lot of work. But
they're so intrusive in crossing the line. Yeah, I would,
I would, I would.
Speaker 4 (03:31):
I would check the husband and the family together, especially
if the family is coming to say that your husband
feels this way, bring them in the room together and
be like, yo, so who's feeling what about what?
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Number one?
Speaker 4 (03:41):
That's number one. Number two. You're not dating the in laws,
you're dating the husband. Do you feel like your husband
is attracted to you? I think women can tell if
a husband or their partner is not attracted to him.
Is your partner attracted to you? If you feel like
he might be they might be truth and that he
has an issue with the weight. Then that's a conversation
you gotta with the husband. But if he doesn't, who
(04:02):
cares what the family in law says, live your life,
girl and just leave them alone. If you've got to
just stay away from him.
Speaker 3 (04:08):
To tell her that she's not going to fit on
an airplane is crazy work. That's we're trying to hurt
you more so than anything, because there's a there's a
way to say, like, hey, we're concerned about your health.
This is like a dual part here for me because
number one, you know, I think we all do this,
Like when if we hang out with my husband's family
(04:30):
or his mother, say, for example, when she leaves, we
might be like, oh did you notice that your mom
did abc?
Speaker 2 (04:35):
And like you have those conversations.
Speaker 3 (04:38):
Now if his mother was over, she leaves and he goes, oh,
my mom said you looked a little thick in that
outfit there? What yet like I couldn't even picture its
because it would it would just never happen. I do
kind of think that they if they're so willing to
talk to her about it to her face, I do
(04:59):
think they I brought it to his attendant, and I
do think that there has been some sort of conversation
behind her back.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
I know.
Speaker 3 (05:05):
I'm sure he just doesn't want to hurt her any further,
so he's trying to protect her in that sense. But
there's no way if they're so brazen and bold to
bring it up to her face that they haven't said
it to him behind closed doors.
Speaker 1 (05:14):
Now to that point, I don't think he's sticking up
for his wife. I don't think he's making it clear
that this could be a situation that they need to
talk about and that the inline needs to stay out.
The endline dynamic is so challenging because again, a lot
of people in that situation don't see boundaries, and they
think just because they're son in involved with somebody, they
can say anything or get involved in it. And they can't.
It is crazy taking years for us for me and
(05:38):
my wife to get to a point where there are boundaries.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
It's tough for a lot of people to digest that, like, hey,
we are our own family.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
Now are our own family deeds.
Speaker 1 (05:47):
That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
Yes that you're not dating the parents, Yes you want
to have a relationship with them, you want to be it.
But if y'all don't get along, they're not in your house,
paying your bills, don't they don't cook for you, they
don't take it, they're not did do in the arguments
of the good times like forget about everybody else's opinion.
If your husband loves you the way, you all keep
doing your thing. If you feel like your husband isn't,
(06:10):
then they might be a conversation that he's too scared
to have a conversation with you about, which is a
hard conversation to have.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
By the way, I think he's scared to have a
lot of conversation, maybe with her, but more so his
own parents.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
That part too.
Speaker 3 (06:20):
The bottom line is for me, he needs to step
it up, and he needs to sit down his mother
and he needs to say, listen you anything you have
to say in regards to her weight, you need to
keep it to yourself.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
That's my job.
Speaker 3 (06:34):
She is my wife totally, then he should wife. Which
is not an easy conversation to have, but it shouldn't
be coming from his mommy.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
It should be coming from him. Mommy needs to step back, No, mommy,
nana needs to choose.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
I dealt with a mommy like that that we had
to have multiple conversations about, hey, you need to take
a couple of steps back because this has nothing to
do with you.
Speaker 3 (06:57):
And I also feel awful for her because she you know,
she's she wants her daughter, her kid to spend time
with the grandmom, but she probably is like nervous to
go be in front of her about what they're going
to say.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
Yeah, because how much worse can it get?
Speaker 4 (07:11):
And you could tell the mom the grandma is gonna
probably feed on nothing but grass all day, like.
Speaker 2 (07:15):
You shouldn't be in cooky.
Speaker 4 (07:17):
Yeah, you're gonna get big like your mom, which is
crazy accomplished that.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
Now it is all right six one seven nine three
one one nine four five six one seven nine three
one one nine four five. I think a lot of
people have dealt with this in their marriage, whatever relationship
they're in.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
How does one handle the inlaws DM dilemma?
Speaker 1 (07:36):
Morning?
Speaker 3 (07:38):
Hi, everybody, Good morning. It's Sashley and the gam in
Morning Joe. We're doing a DM dilemma right now from
anonymous who's basically saying that her mother in law has
made many comments in regards to her weight, one of
which was you're too big to get on an airplane
with us, if we go on a family vacation, diabolical.
She's at the point now where she's like, I feel
uncomfortable even being around them. You know, as soon as
(08:00):
my husband gets up and leaves the room, they make
comments about my weight six one seven nine three one
four five. Obviously they have a one year old and
she wants the baby to be around them. But it's
just getting really, really hard.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Do you want to talk to you?
Speaker 5 (08:12):
Son?
Speaker 1 (08:14):
Anonymous and Ooster?
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Good morning, Hi, good morning.
Speaker 5 (08:18):
How are you good?
Speaker 2 (08:19):
So you're dealing with a tough mother in law.
Speaker 5 (08:23):
Yes, my girlfriend's mom's kind of pretty much the same thing.
Her mom's been evil her whole life though, So I mean,
some things you can't really change. But basically, uh, my girlfriend,
she was plus sized too, and she would grow up
growing up. She's telling her, you know, you're too fat,
I'm not gonna invite you to my wedding. This and that,
(08:44):
blah blah blah. Just toxic. And basically I try to
keep her from her family at all costs, just because
the mental strain that it puts on her and everything
is just it's not anything you should be around. And
if the if the parents can't not act like that,
then they should just withdraw, like just not not go around.
(09:07):
The last thing she wants is for her kids to
hear her mom calling her back and saying these things
and then have her kids turn around and saying the
same things about her. Like, that's just it's not good
at all.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
Yeah, it's certainly not right. That's basically anonymous. Basically yeah, well,
thank you for that.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
I think this situation is tough for because of the baby, right,
because the grandparents want to be around the baby.
Speaker 2 (09:32):
And Chante is in Boston. Good morning, Hello, Hello, Hi,
good morning.
Speaker 6 (09:43):
Good morning Ashley.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
Hi, babe, So you tell you goods you actually dealt
with this type of thing firsthand.
Speaker 6 (09:51):
Yeah. So I've been with my child's father for ten years,
and at the beginning when I got with him, think
what it was mostly was the fact that sometimes parents
are used to dealing with a certain type of female.
A lot of the females of what he dealt with,
they weren't very like strong confident women or women who
really spoke up for their self. So I guess when
(10:14):
I came in the picture, they kind of thought it
was going to be the same situation but I kind
of knifed it in the butt right before it happened,
because I feel like it's very much so a pattern thing.
Once you allow someone to disrespect you, they're constenous. They're
going to continuously keep doing it and doing it. And
I don't mean to disrespect anybody's parents, because you don't
have to be disrespectful to get your point across. You
(10:34):
can very much so explain to somebody and be very
verbal about how you feel about something. But I don't
think it's okay to just accept it or for your
partner to accept it, especially if they love you. That's
not okay. So luckily with my partner, he stood up
for me and I haven't had that problem set.
Speaker 3 (10:51):
I love that, and that's what I'm really hoping for
for her, and thank you so much for that. I
just think he has to First off, she has to
commune to him how it's bothering her, and then I
think he has to step up. And I get it.
That's not an easy conversation to have. She just wrote me,
and she said, he just honestly never talks.
Speaker 2 (11:10):
To his family.
Speaker 3 (11:10):
They literally maybe speak once a week on the phone
when she's there. She said, what kind of boundaries should
we be setting. It's really hard because the baby is involved.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
I'll give you two. The first one is they need
to call before they come to the house at any time,
just to make sure that there's a process. And two,
make sure and you have to tell them this, they
are not a co parent in the whole situation. There
are two parents and that again puts them right outside
the circle. So they start to like know their role
and know their boundaries. And once again, when those boundaries
get broken, because they definitely will just rebuild.
Speaker 4 (11:42):
Them, keep correct and stand and stand tall on them.
Don't don't let don't let any one time that that
boundary slide, because when you do it one time, it's
going to keep sliding and keep sliding and keep sliding.
Speaker 3 (11:52):
I don't know what it is with you guys, but
you they you have trouble speaking up.
Speaker 1 (11:58):
Not me, your moms. I will cut parents off right
right now for my wife.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Guys, guys have trouble talking to their mothers.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
Let me tell you though, it takes time. And again
it took me a lot of years to get to
this point. Though. Yeah, I think it does take time.
But you're definitely right.
Speaker 4 (12:15):
Because there's some guys who are like in their thirties,
forties or whatever, and they still like when they're around
their parents, they feel like they twelve. Yeah, you know
what I mean. And that's an intimidation thing. That's a
I don't know what the word, the proper word is.
I don't know what it did, because some parents have
that kind of control over their kids.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
I don't know what like.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
I'm trying to think of a good example. But I
could say to the fire man, I'm uncomfortable being around
your mom, like I need you to talk to her
about A, B and C. He'd say, no, we just
won't be around her. Then here's instead of having a
conversation with her, he would avoid it.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
I'm serious, Like he'd be like, nope, I just won't
see her.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
I don't know if it's an entitle term, but it's
called breaking the chain of command. So growing up for
most of our lives, where you saw our parents hung
us what to do. We get to a certain point
where on the kind of same level, but it's hard
for us to understand that we're at the same So
you have to constantly try to get to that point.
But once you do it it's.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
Great, and it's hard for the parents to understand that too,
because you're so used to telling this, Hey, I do
this and they do it, do that, and they do it.
So you think when they've grown ass right and have
a family, do this and they do it. No, I'm
not telling my wife to stop eating whatever she wants
to eat.
Speaker 1 (13:17):
Again.
Speaker 4 (13:18):
My whole point for the old this thing is if
your husband loves you the way you are, keep doing
your thing. If you have an inkling that he doesn't,
maybe there's a confasation.
Speaker 3 (13:27):
She wrote me and said he has absolutely no issues
in the attraction.
Speaker 4 (13:31):
And don't care about what they're saying you either you
either just let it roll off your shoulder or if
it affects you that much, stay away from them.
Speaker 3 (13:38):
But it's going to put a rift in their marriage
if he doesn't stand up her, because she's gonna be
why won't you, Why won't you stand.
Speaker 6 (13:44):
Up for you?
Speaker 4 (13:44):
But I mean, I don't know how old he is,
but you know at thirty something years you want the
god to stand up to his parents. Now, yes, which
is going to cause a problem for him and the parents.
I'll be with the fire man like okay, cool, I'm
accept my parents for who they are. They're not changing.
They're going to be judgmental, they're going to be ignorant.
I'm not going to try to change that to appease
my You know what I mean. I'm gonna tell my wife,
(14:06):
I stand with you. We don't gotta go around there. Yeah,
and we don't have to be in that comfortent.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
I think his sentiment what he's saying is I know
what you're saying. I just think you're part of the
minority with that. I think the majority of guys would
be like, I'm not talking to my mom.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
Listen, here's what I'll tell you. I think this takes
time to deal with. I've been married for twenty years.
It's an evolution thing. Yeah, it's easy to say no whatever,
but this is something that's very fixable.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Yeah. By the way, I'm more like you, like, I'll
go to war with my mom.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
Oh my god.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
If he ever said to me, hey, your mom does
this and it's making me uncomfortable, he's getting a little
shit chat.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
But he's not that way.
Speaker 4 (14:42):
But look at the relationship you have, that relationship with
your mom where y'all can go back and forth. Right,
this guy doesn't sound like that. Well, he can't stand
up to his parents point. Yeah, So for someone like that,
it's like I my parents are fifty sixty seventy years old.
I'm not going to try to change them.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
They are who they are.
Speaker 4 (15:00):
Let's just go around them anymore and let's just be
happy in our own because again, what they do don't
affect us, but it does here in this instance, because
of allowing them to.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
Also there's the baby.
Speaker 4 (15:11):
Yeah, if he doesn't want my kid around them, I'll
be honest. Yeah, they'll be chastising my kid. Oh you're
gaining some weight. You look, you don't look good today, grandson,
you gained some weight, Like, I don't want that negativity
on my grandkid.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
No, he doesn't fix this. This massage is going to
end in divorce.
Speaker 5 (15:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (15:29):
I think he's got to fix something whatever, whatever it is, like,
he needs to because.
Speaker 2 (15:36):
You need, you need the home to be happy.
Speaker 3 (15:38):
What's funny is she used the example of you know,
he tried to give the cookie and Nana was like, no,
I'm on the opposite that bit.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
Showed up last night with two ice creams for my child.
I said, what are you doing? What are you doing
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.