October 15, 2024 • 38 mins
- PJs car is a bit of a dump...
- We open up the people pleaser hotline! We can help you confront someone
- Group Therapy: Friend group dramas
- PJ has an etiquette question on hosting friends
- Matty has a lawn mowing update!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
The Hits Drive with Maddy and Paja thanks to Chimishehouse
the Real House of Fragrances and a Hi.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Everyone, Welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
I'm so excited as the introp because something happened today
during the show and.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Maddie was like, save it, save it for the podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
And so I've been sitting here patiently waiting something mortifying
landed in your email, and Box, I just bad, can
it be?
Speaker 3 (00:25):
It's not actually that bad for me. It's not awkward
for me, per se. I just feel guilty for I've
put my foot in it and I might have screwed
up something for someone else.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Oh no, sorry, someone.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Else may no.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Oh no.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
So I saw I saw a guy in the atrium
of our building today, Oh no. And I was like, God,
he looks familiar. How do I know this guy? And
you know, you like, keep looking, keep looking, keep looking, man,
Where do I know him from? Where do I know
him from? And because often you see someone out of context,
(01:11):
it's really hard to place them because you know, if
you're used to seeing your barista at the cafe and
then you see them in the wild or at the
gym or something like that, it's so different. And you're like,
who is that? And you're like, oh, so puts them
from the cafe. I'm just so used to seeing them
behind the counter making the coffees out of context that
you can't place them for a while. This is what
(01:32):
happened with this guy. And then all of a sudden
I went, oh, my god, I know exactly where I
know from. That is the nude model drawer drawing, the
nude drawing model that we hired for my best friends
hens do a few weeks ago.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Yes, I witnessed.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
I witnessed this whole moment of epiphany going down.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Literally as you were looking out to the atrium.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
So he was standing done after that, he was standing
in the atrium at the lifts, and he was standing
with a guy that I know that works in the building.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Fuck, I know exactly what you've done.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
And so I emailed the guy and I said, very
random question, but who is that guy you're with in
the atrium just now? I swear he was the nude
drawing model with my best friend's tends.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Do did you need to put that last part of
the sentence in.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
No, in hindsight, no, but I did do that, and
he emailed back and said, oh my god, he just
came in for a job interview.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Oh you're heading so oh.
Speaker 4 (03:03):
I feel so.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
I feel so guilty because I've thrown this guy under
the that that.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Can't prohibit that can't prohibit employment, can it? But if
a color of colorful side side hustle, Yeah, a lot
of people do that these days.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
Yeah, and there's nothing wrong with it. He's not doing
anything bad.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
But it wasn't your job to inform.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
Because I I hazarded bit. He didn't put that on
his resume.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Oh my god, you always do this. You always put
your foot in it.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
I say too much.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
How do you do this?
Speaker 3 (03:53):
I say too much, and I need to say less.
I need to say less.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
I cannot deal. Yep, I cannot deal. What will be
will be? You had no hell intentions.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
None at all. But this is potentially where like my
nosiness and the way it gets the better of me.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
Are you going to message the guy the nude model?
Speaker 4 (04:34):
No?
Speaker 2 (04:35):
No, you don't know him, do you?
Speaker 3 (04:37):
I don't know him. I actually wouldn't have any way
of getting in touch with him.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
What are the chances I can't?
Speaker 3 (04:46):
Here's what I will say.
Speaker 5 (04:49):
Here we go.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
If you are doing that as a job, and there's
absolutely nothing wrong with like, no respect, it's not wrong
with that.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
I've got to stop something hard.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
Sorry, sorry, not hard.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
So if you're doing that as a job, and you're
doing it in New Zealand, which is obviously a very
small country, knows everyone, surely you must do it with
an understanding that sing it out it could turn out
in a place that you don't mean to turn up.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
With that in mind, it's probably fine.
Speaker 6 (05:34):
You know.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
Maybe he just hadn't had that conversation with them, you
know it was maybe he wasn't even trying to hide it.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Oh my god, it's so fucking good. I can't And
there is nixt level we're talking about it on the
radio or is this just podcast only? It's just podcasts on,
isn't it.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
I mean we could talk about it on the radio,
I guess.
Speaker 4 (06:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
Putting your foot in it. How many times have we
to do this? As a final you keep doing it.
You're a repeat offender.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
I need to stop.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Look at me, Look at me, Look at me. You
didn't mean to It was an excellent and it's a mistake.
But maybe take from this to not always be a
noisy little Parker.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
I guess, I guess it's it's twofold, right. It's one,
I don't have to know everything.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
You don't have to know everything.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
Somethings can just remain a mystery.
Speaker 5 (06:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
Two, if I do want to know something, I don't
have to give all the details.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
That's it. That's it.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Close the book a little bit, close the book a.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Little is magic and the unknown.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Yeah, it's also frustration, curiosity.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Oh my gody, the claimate is still standing, all right.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
Coming up in the show, we opened the People Please
a hotline, which was an interesting call on our hut.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
It wasn't interesting cool first of all, because who the
hell are we to open to help people with their
people pleasing needs? Because yes we are, famously But anyway,
we tried group therapy was really interesting topic this week
and I think very relatable for a lot of people
about friendships in adulthood.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Yes, and many here's an update on his lawn mop.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
All of it.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
More coming up of the podcast Enjoy everybody and send
many of its show.
Speaker 5 (07:39):
Oh many and the podcast.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
I was so excited about the weather of the weekend.
It was a real cruel tease.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
It was like really sunny and warm, and then I mean,
this is just probably where we live because we live
in quite a micro climate. It was rainy and cold
and one day, but the end this morning, I thought
it was kind of getting warm again, so I like,
wear a T shirt. Now it's just got bloody cold again,
so I just just run to the car and get
a jersey out of my boot.
Speaker 3 (08:11):
You're not alone. Auckland is exactly the same. I went
for run club on Sunday morning and it was pressing
down with rains, and then as soon as I finished
run club went beautiful clear blue skies.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
It's a really tough time to dress correctly at this
time of year African.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
But as I was, as I was going through the
back of my boot, which is always a resky venture.
You know, the boat always ends up acquiring a number
of things over the years, over the months, whether it's
you know, a very well intentioned bag that is set
(08:47):
to go to the Salvation Army and it never ends
up going, or whether it's I don't know.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Everything just ends up getting dumped there.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Yes, including something which I was supposed to take out
on Saturday.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
This is a Saturday Saturday, the night that you had
you beg dinner around at your house.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
No, that was Sunday. I think this was Saturday. I
was clearing out, like doing some recycling in some rubbish.
So I put this massive bag of Henus rubbish on
the boat and I meant to take it to the
dump and I forgot.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Fast forward to Tuesday.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
I just opened the boot and look what I found,
A massive bag of rubbish. I don't know how I
didn't know the last few days, because usually I know how.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
You know because I've been in your car before. It's
basically an entire car filled with Henus rubbish. This is
your car, period. No tell me what is different about
this situation to what your car is like Monday through
Friday every week.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
I do not usually roll around.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
Please let me defend myself with a massive black be
b egg of rubbish.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
Be honest, No, be honest.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Every now and then there might be.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
But I've never rolled around for four days mety with
a bag of mess of rubbish and my boat.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
But what does that tell you about the state of
your car, That it has been four days and you're
only just realizing it, and only because you went to
get a jacket out of your boot. It's sad doesn't it?
Speaker 2 (10:29):
But like, why have I not s mouthed hat?
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Usually I have a very sensitive nose, I don't, and
like smell is my thing, it's my sofa power.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
I couldn't smell it.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Maybe I'm starting to lose my sense anyway, So there
is a trip at WI I'm going to need to
make over the next twenty four hours.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
Continue to try run clean of the car.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
It's time for a brand new car, to be honest,
It's been overdue for a very long time.
Speaker 7 (10:58):
Many empty many INPG the podcast, I had this realization
yesterday that I had forgotten to ask our boss something
really important, and it was I was getting close to
the time where I needed to action this thing, and
I'd forgotten to ask him, and I was stressing out
(11:20):
because famously PG I would say, you and I the.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
Eternal people pleases. We hate the idea that we have
upset someone or put someone out or ruined their day
in any way. And I would say, we let that
rule our lives far more than it ever should.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Right. I reckon, I've got better than what I used
to be, you believe it or not, I think I
have got better, But I still find myself in situations
where I just end up going above and beyond going
oh my god, but it is absoutely fine, Like just look,
if it's too much of an inconvenience, you don't even
worry about it, Like I'm sweet airs all.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
Goods, I reckon nine out of ten emails. I said,
finish with all good if not, no worries. If you
can't do this exmation, Oh my god, it's totally fine.
If you can't do this, don't worry about it. It's fine,
it's fine, it's fine. This is how bad we are.
And so I said to you yesterday, oh my god,
I've got to go and ask your boss this thing.
And you said, Maddie, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
What did I say? I gave you a pip tow?
Speaker 3 (12:26):
Did you said? Be be bold? Be strong. You're a strong,
confident woman, man, man, but just go out the air
and be decisive. I walked out. I walked out. I
saw him walk through the glass doors of our office,
(12:47):
and I can immediately crumbled and I went, I'm so sorry,
Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I've screwed up. I
need to ask you something. I'm so sorry. All good
if not, like I've totally inconvinced Inconvenie answer, I'm so
sorry that I've had to do this so much last
minute and he was like, mate, you're all good. Like
he thought someone had died or something. That's how seriously
(13:08):
I was being about this.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
And actually, you took a brilliant tactic.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
You got him to think the worst case scenario, so
he's like, oh my god, Maddi, he's actually just going
to resign or something, and then.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
It was way less. Actually that's a pretty good approach.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
It's a great approach, except that's not at all what
I was going for. I'm just that much of a
people pleaser. It's terrible. I need to grow some bloody balls,
you know.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
But you got thrower and the request wasn't denied, it
was accepted, so that's.
Speaker 3 (13:40):
A win, thank you. But it made me think there
must be so many people out there like me who
just the eternal people pleases, who need a little bit
of a helping hand.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
I love where this is going. I think we need
to open up the people Please a hotline so Maddie
and I both canform no no. We're still very much
people pleasers, but we feel like we're learning getting and we.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Want also we want to help you.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
Yeah, because, as they say, if you can't do teach.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
So if there's a really tough conversation that you need
to have with someone, maybe it's a convo with the
boss or a colleague, maybe you need to ask your
partner to go away for a lads trip for the weekend,
whatever it is, we want you to role play that
convo with us.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Yes, right now, we're going to have a bit of fun.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
You can keep anonymous, but like, if you're feeling nervous
about a conversation that's coming up very soon, please call
us right now anonymously on the People Please a hotline,
and hopefully we can instill some confidence in you so
that you can walk forward and be assertive in that
tough conversation.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Please call. I promise we will help. We'll try.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
We absolutely will.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
May the podcast.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Okay, this could go one of two ways. Our phones
are playing up and we haven't probably been able to
hear the calls. So I really really hope she's gonna
go all right, sending of vibes, oh white hundred the
hats we have opened up the people, please a hotline.
We want to know is there a tough conversation that
you need to have with someone but you don't know
how to do it.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
You're going to role play with us this afternoon.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
It's the easy correct because PJ and I famously terrible
people pleasers who crumble under pressure when we need to
be assuitive and decisive. So we're going to help you
that and hopefully that can come back on us peach
and it might give us some feedback for some confidence.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
Yeah, okay, please work phone Andy, and Auckland is joining us.
Speaker 6 (15:43):
Hello, Andy, Hello, how are you today?
Speaker 4 (15:46):
Great?
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Coming in loud and clear? Andy, great?
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Perfect?
Speaker 6 (15:50):
Yes, it's great?
Speaker 3 (15:51):
All right Andy? What is what do you need help with?
What's the situation? Who do you need to have an
assertive conversation with?
Speaker 6 (15:59):
Okay or so for starters, I'm like upcoming to like
this saturday. Correct, I'm wanting to like assist swap with
another coworker, but like like lately, like I just haven't
been having like the like the best success of doing there.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
Right, Okay, So you're meant to be working this Saturday.
You want to swap shifts with a colleague, and you
just don't know how to have that conversation with the colleague.
Speaker 6 (16:27):
Well, it's just like like I know how to have it,
but it's just like like it's just like because the
reason I say it hasn't been going so well is
because they just like just haven't been saying like you
know as yes as much? Yes?
Speaker 3 (16:42):
Right? Okay, all right, got you?
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Well look please Rob Land, any how about you come
to the table. I'll be the colleague and many can
just watch.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Okay, you you run through the conbo.
Speaker 3 (16:56):
Any here we go, Andy h hit pag with your request?
What are you asking for?
Speaker 6 (17:02):
Hi? PJ? How are you today?
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Oh? I'm still PJ. I'm good things. Any how are you?
Speaker 6 (17:09):
I'm fine? And I was wondering are you are you
free to work this Saturday?
Speaker 4 (17:17):
Please Saturday?
Speaker 1 (17:20):
I've actually no, I've got a friends party on the Saturday.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Sorry.
Speaker 6 (17:27):
Oh oh that's too bad then too, But.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
No, any this is where you come out, and this
is when you tell me no, I'm sorry, I cannot
do it this week and you you need to put.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Down the law.
Speaker 6 (17:44):
Well okay, well are you sure you can just reschedule
or this is like a very important friend for you
that you just cannot miss.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
She's my best friend. She's come out from the UK.
Speaker 6 (17:55):
Hey, J.
Speaker 8 (17:57):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
I thought I was meant to play half, so I can't.
I actually can't reach you any I'm so sorry.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
I'm actually sweating from the street.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
Andy, what I reckon you're doing? I think you just
you come in and you say, look, I need to
mix it up. I cannot actually work Saturday. I think
if you ask the question, then she's just going.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
To give you an opportunity to get out of it.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
You need to just say, look, I have come to
the conclusion I can't work anymore Saturdays.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
I need to I will. Yeah, I need you to
do this for me. You cut you this because this
is where I fall flat. Andy, I do the whole.
If you could, it would be really great. But only
if you can, and if you can't, don't worry about it,
no worries. And I feel like you're landing as well. Andy.
So I just I think Pj's right. You need to
be decisive. You need to go on with a game plan.
(18:50):
And you can't give her an out. You need to
give her. You can't give her an opportunity to say no.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
This really is the blow and learning the blow.
Speaker 6 (18:57):
Really, it's because I'm not like A I'm not like
a pushy person. Now don't and I'm like, four.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
Be polite, be clear, and be strong, and you've got that.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
You've got us know how you go?
Speaker 6 (19:15):
Thank you?
Speaker 3 (19:16):
Who the hell did we think we were?
Speaker 4 (19:20):
The podcast.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
Sort of a conversation broke out in our group chat
last night. Producer Sarah sent a photo of your Facebook
or was it your partner's Facebook?
Speaker 9 (19:34):
Serah, my partner's Facebook on their phone.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
Yep, and it was the people you may know that
popped up for her. And then Sarah instantly accused Mattie
because Mattie had popped up under people you may know
of actually stalking Sarah's partner, which then led into a
massive conversation hang on, wait, so you know when you're
(19:58):
on your Facebook page and it come that with people
you may know? Is it true that those people that
are suggested to you have been stalking?
Speaker 9 (20:08):
Well, you two are both shocked by this. You both
were like message me, going, what are you talking about?
I was like, this has been around for years. I've
known this for like five ten years.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
I thought people you may know was just Facebook going.
You guys have friends in commons so much. This must
be someone that you might have some connection to.
Speaker 9 (20:25):
Somehow real people know that it actually is also related
to stalking.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
Is it though, or is this an old wives tyle?
It feels very much like some sort of myth.
Speaker 9 (20:36):
I'm going to need someone to help me out here.
Tison for four eight seven. I can't actually one hundred
percent back this up.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
I've always looked at that people you may know, and
I'm like, oh, that's interesting. But yeah, it's always people
that are like close within my friend's friends.
Speaker 3 (20:50):
Yes, because when they're looking you up, because at least
your partner. I don't think I've even are you sure
searched their name on Facebook? I mean, look, I can't
say with one hundred percent certainty I've never typed their
name into Facebook, but I wouldn't even know what their
(21:12):
last name.
Speaker 9 (21:13):
Invited you to my Halloween partty Maybe you saw their
name in the the invite list and you, guys.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Guys, we need to get to the bottom of this.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
Maybe there is some tech expert out there that can
give some resolve.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
Yes, I've just got really wait, what did they say?
I saw a guy I found on tender a week
later he was on my s.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
No, guys, we need some proper and if anyone out
there is tech savvy. Can you let us know is
this myth around people you may know popping up on Facebook?
Speaker 2 (21:44):
Have they actually been stalking you?
Speaker 1 (21:46):
Or is it Poorky's text four four eight seven will
reveal the answer.
Speaker 5 (21:49):
So many in PJ the podcast, Many in Pj's group therapy,
and it is.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
Time for another week of groups therapy. And look, we
may when we say no problem is too big or
too small. Sometimes we have incredibly trivial things like what
to go for dinner?
Speaker 9 (22:07):
You know.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
Yeah, other times it is a lot heavier. But whatever,
it is.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
The dilemma that you're going through and you need some
external advice on you can text through enough of all
eight seven or tell us your problem at the hats
dot co dot enzies.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
This one has come in after something we actually discussed
on the show yesterday. Yeah, this is hello. Are you too, Mattie.
I was listening to the show yesterday and you were
talking about the struggles that come with being an adult
and maintaining friendships. I was talking yesterday about how I
had just had this realization over the weekend that I've
(22:43):
really been putting friendships a bit on the back burner.
I think because I know, my friends are so busy,
and a lot of them have kids, and they're off
living their own lives with their families and stuff, and
so often I feel a little bit like I can't
reach out to them to hang out on It's just Friday.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
Saturday night to so many people.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
Yeah, and then I went out with some friends on Saturday,
and it was just this reminder that they're probably feeling
the exact same way, and it reminded me just how
important friendships are to kind of cultivate and maintain. So
this person said, I totally resonated with that chat, and
I wanted to bring it up with you for your
group therapy segment. I'm in my early forties, I'm single
(23:22):
and don't have any kids. My best friends from school
and unidays are all married with young families. I'm just
finding it harder and harder to see them, especially as
we've migrated to different parts of the country over the years.
So often I'll get to a Saturday night and realize
I don't have any plans and I don't know who
to reach out to to do something with. So regularly
(23:42):
I'll find myself ordering takeaways, sitting on the couch and
watching a movie alone. I've always been such an extrovert
and I promise some fun, but I'm just finding it
harder and harder to cultivate adult friendships, both with the
old friends who now have families that are busy with
and finding ways to make new friends. So what do
I do. Do I need to work on finding new
(24:03):
friends since my older ones have their own lives they living,
Or should I be forcing my mum mates to come
out with me on a Saturday night.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Oh my god, that's so. I'm sure so many people
are in a similar boat. I would say. I would
say it's probably a combination of the toe. I think
there is no harm going out and finding new friends.
I know it's daunting, but I also do know that
there's a lot of child free communities emerging, particularly online now,
where people are kind of coming together going, oh my gosh,
(24:32):
you know, we are in our thirties and our forties
and we don't have kids, and they can kind of
have that kind of mutual appreciation of one another. They're
in the same stage. But at the same time, you know,
I now have a toddler, and yes, life is very busy.
That doesn't mean that I don't want to be friends
with my mates who don't have kids. In fact, when
(24:54):
I do go out, I probably want, you know, there's
this and this spice for life back with me because
I miss them and I love them so much. So
I think it comes down to probably organizing in advance,
like you know, really lot that Dayton have something that
you can look forward to.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
But is that your sole kind of source of friendship.
Maybe not.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
No, I think you're absolutely right. It's twofold right. It
is one a reminder that just because you're a mum
who has a kid, it does not mean that your
life is over and you can't go out and it's
still have fun on a Saturday night with your friends.
Absolutely not. Yes, you've got to be a bit more
organized and it's not as easy to do, but you
absolutely can do it, and you absolutely should do it.
(25:35):
But it is also a reminder that life flows in
different directions and sometimes you've got to flow with the tide,
and if that means finding ways to find new friends,
then so be it. I know I bring it up
all the time, but I went to run club on
Sunday morning and I met and.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
He's celebrity true to Island again.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
And I met a guy there and we got along
really well when we were talking about running, and he's
training for the Heart Half Marathon. I'm training for the
half marathon. We're going for a run together tomorrow morning.
Because we set this thing up and all of a sudden,
now I'm like, maybe I'm going to have this new
friend that I can reach out to the Saturday night
to go and have a few drinks with, or a
brunch on a Sunday or whatever it might be. You know,
So if you can find the thing where you can
(26:18):
find like minded people, whether it's dancing or a sport
or a book club or anything like that, I promise
you people are in exactly the same bot as you
and they want to find new friends as much as
you do.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
Look, maybe you're in a very similar situation or you
have been in a similar situation.
Speaker 4 (26:37):
What route.
Speaker 5 (26:39):
Maddy and PJ Many and PJ the podcast The Heads
Many and PJS group Therapy.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
In the meantime, we are really secting this week's group therapy,
which I think a lot of people will relate to.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
Maddie, would you like to.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
Rehash Yeah, it's all about being an adult and maintaining friendships.
This person said, I'm in my early forties, I'm single,
and I don't have any kids. My best friends from
school and unidays are all married with young families. I'm
just finding it harder and harder to see them. I'll
get to a Saturday night and realize I don't have
any plans and I don't know who to reach out
to to do something with. So regularly I'll find myself
(27:15):
ordering takeaways, sitting on the couch and watching a movie alone.
I've always been such an extrovert, and I promise I'm fun,
but I'm just finding it harder and harder to cultivate
adult friendships, both with old friends who now have families
that are busy with in finding ways to make new friends.
So what do I do? Do I need to work
on finding new friends since my older ones have their
own lives they're living. Or should I be forcing my
(27:36):
mum mates to come out with me on a Saturday.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
Night go to a salsa class. I always wanted to
do that.
Speaker 4 (27:43):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
Sexey, wouldn't it one a little late night Spanish lessons
back in the day, which was I didn't actually meet
anyone though for my own personal developments.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
But your Spanish language is beautiful, moibeer.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
I'm moving in Helene is joining us, Helene? You want
to to hand you their hands?
Speaker 2 (28:01):
What are your thoughts?
Speaker 5 (28:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 10 (28:06):
Hi, can you hear me?
Speaker 5 (28:07):
Yes?
Speaker 10 (28:07):
Yes, absolut. Yeah, so I've got a one year old.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Oh this is hard.
Speaker 10 (28:17):
Yes, I just wanted to shout out to say sometimes
workplaces can be a really great place to start. So
some of my closest friends are actually colleagues. And I
know it sounds scary in itself, but one thing our
workplace has done recently is the strategy the teams chat
around all of us that are just working parents, think
at lunchtimes, things like that, but also just using it
as a social revenue to be like, you know what's
(28:38):
where should go to things that aren't just kids, like,
you know what about what other people doing with their times?
So freaking out colleagues can be a good start.
Speaker 3 (28:45):
Yeah, I love that, And it's just really cool. It's
a simple safe space because you kind of you're already
dealing with them on a day to day basis anyways.
Speaker 10 (28:53):
Absolutely, and then there's a bunch of people who understand
why you've shown up to work and you've got stays
down your clothes or your hear hasn't been.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
So hearing scropes with in your workplace, it's really cool.
Stevens joining us Ons get a Stephen, what do you Recno, Hey.
Speaker 8 (29:12):
Yeah, look it's kind of similar. You know, it's the
TV now. I am about five years ago. I moved
into a new area and I don't really watch TV,
but I like movies. So I started up with Sci
Fi Cinema Club. Yeah, so like the stuff I already
you know, it's obviously an out laid but I already
(29:34):
had a four K per ject and one hundred and
fifty in screen in my living room. And yeah, so
I was like, well, I'm going to sell at this club.
And now five years later, I have thuty members. Yeah,
make simum about ten sharp at once, which is good
because I don't live in a in a mansion in
(29:57):
your living room. But every sick and Friday GiB will
take For the last five years I've been running this
club up. Everybody shows up at seven thirty. We sit
around the kitchen table, have a wine or a beer
or whatever it is, and a chat. At about nine
o'clock we start the movie. We go into the living
room we start the movie. I supplied ice cream, brilliant corn.
Speaker 6 (30:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 8 (30:23):
So like, if you're sitting in a living room with
something this large, it's like a cinema, you know what
I mean. You're actually the good and everybody sits down
and it's massively popular.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
Stevin, thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
It just shows if you're a do a hobby, then
what's stopping you from actually starting your club around that.
Speaker 3 (30:42):
Hobby and just be a little bit proactive and who knows,
you could be finding yourselves with thirty friends turning up
for a movie night every second.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Ball both be with you, Mary J.
Speaker 4 (30:56):
Mady and PJ the podcast The.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
Heads On Sunday Night, Meddie, we hosted a bit of
a bank at our house.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
I saw because you and I from day one have
just always bonded over food. So you sent me a
photo of the spread.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
It was pure food porn.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
Unbelievable.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
I didn't think I had this in me. I could
actually be a chef.
Speaker 3 (31:24):
Is a bit okay.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Sunday Night, the feedback we got, Meddie, I got they
were the best roast potatoes ever had. That pineapple SUSA
that you made was out of this world. Yes, the
roasted honey carrots.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
That you made like it was it was a real spread.
Speaker 3 (31:46):
Hum. Let me just remind you though, it was mere
weeks ago that we were talking on the show about
the fact that you had left something in the oven
for about four hours and BJ came home to find
it completely charred.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
That happened or twice or three times over a couple
of weeks. But I'm through that face.
Speaker 3 (32:04):
All I'm saying is one successful meal a chef does
not make. Do you know what I mean? Like, let's
baby steps, baby steps?
Speaker 1 (32:11):
Okay, okay, Well, look, it was such a nice night
and it just made me realize how important it is,
like eating good food with friends, and it was such
a lovely evening. But I did realize as the hosting role,
I have another toxic trait which has come to the
table where while people are enjoying their time at our house,
(32:31):
I can't help but clean up around people. If they
put empty bottles down. As soon as there's like, you know,
a few bottles, I'm just there taking them away. I'm
packing stuff up on the ground. I actually went and
got the little dust pen and brush like five times
because they kept noticing things and I was sweeping around
(32:53):
people's feet. I started like cleaning like up around people
as I was sitting at the table, and I was like,
is this really rude? Or do people understand that sometimes
you just want to clean off the God.
Speaker 3 (33:07):
It's not rude, but I do think it would be
like imagine if you were sitting down at a restaurant
and the way they came along after like mid meal
and started sweeping the lights.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
You've got crumbs like in front.
Speaker 3 (33:20):
Of yes, started sweeping the crumbs away. All right, mate,
I'm still eating, like I.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
Know, and I'm just trying to think.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
Like whenever I met friends places, they never do that,
Like I feel like they just wait till all the nds,
like until everyone's gone and then yes, So I just
I can't help, but it just helps me feel more
together and organized.
Speaker 3 (33:44):
Should we get some official rulings on the text machine
for for it? Is that rude? Is it okay to
do that? Do you do it yourself? Let us know,
would love for you to weigh in.
Speaker 4 (33:55):
Many J Mady and PJ the podcast.
Speaker 3 (34:00):
That So you and I have had this conversation a
number of times. We have very different roles within our household.
You know, there are things that I do. There are
things that you do, and then there are things that
we leave our husbands to do.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
Yes, namely right now, the water blasting at our house,
not me, that's that's the husband, the lawn mowing husband.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
Which anything external is pretty much likewise.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
Although that's funny because you were the one that went
and bought the water blaster. I thought that was night.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
She ended up giving that to Mum because we couldn't
use it on our off grade property.
Speaker 3 (34:32):
Because it was using too much power.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
That's right, So you hat to get one from the farm,
which was like gas powered.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
Anyway, we're getting into details now.
Speaker 3 (34:40):
Yes, so this is exactly the same in my household.
Ryan does all of the outside chores. Do you find though,
that there's something about people that do outside chores that
make them feel like they're the hero of the situation.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
Yeah, like they're pulling more weight. Yes, I'm no. Putting
the washing away is just it's just simple.
Speaker 1 (35:05):
Although he does it, he's quite good.
Speaker 3 (35:09):
So anyway, we've got some people coming around tomorrow night,
and our lawns need to be mowed. And I know
when Ryan his company, you know, when people come over,
he likes the lawns. To look very nice and tidy.
But he has been very busy with work and he's
also training for a swimming event that he's doing, so
he just got a lot on right. So I thought,
(35:30):
I'm going to be the hero of the situation, and
I'm going to do the lawns. I told you don't.
Speaker 1 (35:36):
I said, you're just gonna make matters worse if you
Steffan and try to be the hero.
Speaker 6 (35:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:43):
Well, I tried to be the hero. So I got
the lawn Why I got the law mower out today,
we don't have a lot of lawns, so we've just
got like a little battery powered one. And so I
got the law more out and I set it up,
and I first of all had to google how to
(36:05):
turn the lawn mower on.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
I didn't please tell me that none of your neighbors
witnessed you youtubing or googling how to turn on the
lawn mower.
Speaker 3 (36:16):
No one saw. I was in the privacy of my
own home. And then I googled it. And then I
was like, I was like following the instructions, and I
was going, it's still noting what was going on. I'm
following the instructions. I'm doing what Google's.
Speaker 2 (36:32):
One of those pools sort of toggle thing.
Speaker 3 (36:35):
No way easier than that with a battery powered thing.
It's just like a little button you've got.
Speaker 2 (36:39):
To push, and it didn't and it just was broken.
Speaker 3 (36:42):
Well, I realized that I was missing quite a key
ingredient of a battery power is lawn mower. I should
have forgotten to put the battery.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
Oh my god, show how long did it take?
Speaker 3 (36:59):
You realize that it's no longer than i'd like to admire.
So then I got the battery and I started it
up and that was fine. I got it going and
I did the lawns and I think I did it
pretty good job. But we've got the berm obviously out
the front as well. And when I moved the lawn mow,
I switched the you know, you can put it on
(37:21):
like a different setting in terms of how high or
low it is, in terms of the how finally you
want to cut the grass, And I'd shifted the setting
while I moved it, And when I started it back
up again, I forgot that i'd shifted the setting until
I accidentally started to do the berm on a one,
which is like like basically doing a buzz cut on
(37:43):
a lawn. Oh my god, so.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
How far like the whole berm?
Speaker 3 (37:48):
No no, no, no, no no, but there is just a tiny,
tiny little chunk in one corner of the berm that
is very very thinly mode.
Speaker 1 (37:59):
Could you put like a nice pop plant? Now you
can't really put a pop plant out on the book.
Speaker 3 (38:03):
You know what I thought about the offcuts the morn
and sprinkling the offcards back on.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
To be fear that is not nearly as beer as
I thought. There's out of coming to be. There's the
worst part about it that there was no bittery in
the mower and you only just shaved like a tiny
little corner.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
I think you're good.
Speaker 3 (38:27):
Let's see what my husband, Mary J.
Speaker 4 (38:33):
May and PJ the podcast The Heads
The Hits Drive with Maddy and Paja thanks to Chimishehouse
the Real House of Fragrances and a Hi.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Everyone, Welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
I'm so excited as the introp because something happened today
during the show and.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
Maddie was like, save it, save it for the podcast.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
And so I've been sitting here patiently waiting something mortifying
landed in your email, and Box, I just bad, can
it be?
Speaker 3 (00:25):
It's not actually that bad for me. It's not awkward
for me, per se. I just feel guilty for I've
put my foot in it and I might have screwed
up something for someone else.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Oh no, sorry, someone.
Speaker 3 (00:43):
Else may no.
Speaker 1 (00:45):
Oh no.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
So I saw I saw a guy in the atrium
of our building today, Oh no. And I was like, God,
he looks familiar. How do I know this guy? And
you know, you like, keep looking, keep looking, keep looking, man,
Where do I know him from? Where do I know
him from? And because often you see someone out of context,
(01:11):
it's really hard to place them because you know, if
you're used to seeing your barista at the cafe and
then you see them in the wild or at the
gym or something like that, it's so different. And you're like,
who is that? And you're like, oh, so puts them
from the cafe. I'm just so used to seeing them
behind the counter making the coffees out of context that
you can't place them for a while. This is what
(01:32):
happened with this guy. And then all of a sudden
I went, oh, my god, I know exactly where I
know from. That is the nude model drawer drawing, the
nude drawing model that we hired for my best friends
hens do a few weeks ago.
Speaker 2 (01:49):
Yes, I witnessed.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
I witnessed this whole moment of epiphany going down.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Literally as you were looking out to the atrium.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
So he was standing done after that, he was standing
in the atrium at the lifts, and he was standing
with a guy that I know that works in the building.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Fuck, I know exactly what you've done.
Speaker 3 (02:10):
And so I emailed the guy and I said, very
random question, but who is that guy you're with in
the atrium just now? I swear he was the nude
drawing model with my best friend's tends.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
Do did you need to put that last part of
the sentence in.
Speaker 3 (02:27):
No, in hindsight, no, but I did do that, and
he emailed back and said, oh my god, he just
came in for a job interview.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Oh you're heading so oh.
Speaker 4 (03:03):
I feel so.
Speaker 3 (03:06):
I feel so guilty because I've thrown this guy under
the that that.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Can't prohibit that can't prohibit employment, can it? But if
a color of colorful side side hustle, Yeah, a lot
of people do that these days.
Speaker 3 (03:27):
Yeah, and there's nothing wrong with it. He's not doing
anything bad.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
But it wasn't your job to inform.
Speaker 3 (03:35):
Because I I hazarded bit. He didn't put that on
his resume.
Speaker 2 (03:45):
Oh my god, you always do this. You always put
your foot in it.
Speaker 3 (03:50):
I say too much.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
How do you do this?
Speaker 3 (03:53):
I say too much, and I need to say less.
I need to say less.
Speaker 1 (04:02):
I cannot deal. Yep, I cannot deal. What will be
will be? You had no hell intentions.
Speaker 3 (04:15):
None at all. But this is potentially where like my
nosiness and the way it gets the better of me.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
Are you going to message the guy the nude model?
Speaker 4 (04:34):
No?
Speaker 2 (04:35):
No, you don't know him, do you?
Speaker 3 (04:37):
I don't know him. I actually wouldn't have any way
of getting in touch with him.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
What are the chances I can't?
Speaker 3 (04:46):
Here's what I will say.
Speaker 5 (04:49):
Here we go.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
If you are doing that as a job, and there's
absolutely nothing wrong with like, no respect, it's not wrong
with that.
Speaker 2 (05:00):
I've got to stop something hard.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
Sorry, sorry, not hard.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
So if you're doing that as a job, and you're
doing it in New Zealand, which is obviously a very
small country, knows everyone, surely you must do it with
an understanding that sing it out it could turn out
in a place that you don't mean to turn up.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
With that in mind, it's probably fine.
Speaker 6 (05:34):
You know.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
Maybe he just hadn't had that conversation with them, you
know it was maybe he wasn't even trying to hide it.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
Oh my god, it's so fucking good. I can't And
there is nixt level we're talking about it on the
radio or is this just podcast only? It's just podcasts on,
isn't it.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
I mean we could talk about it on the radio,
I guess.
Speaker 4 (06:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:01):
Putting your foot in it. How many times have we
to do this? As a final you keep doing it.
You're a repeat offender.
Speaker 3 (06:10):
I need to stop.
Speaker 1 (06:12):
Look at me, Look at me, Look at me. You
didn't mean to It was an excellent and it's a mistake.
But maybe take from this to not always be a
noisy little Parker.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
I guess, I guess it's it's twofold, right. It's one,
I don't have to know everything.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
You don't have to know everything.
Speaker 3 (06:33):
Somethings can just remain a mystery.
Speaker 5 (06:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
Two, if I do want to know something, I don't
have to give all the details.
Speaker 2 (06:43):
That's it. That's it.
Speaker 3 (06:45):
Close the book a little bit, close the book a.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Little is magic and the unknown.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
Yeah, it's also frustration, curiosity.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Oh my gody, the claimate is still standing, all right.
Speaker 1 (07:06):
Coming up in the show, we opened the People Please
a hotline, which was an interesting call on our hut.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
It wasn't interesting cool first of all, because who the
hell are we to open to help people with their
people pleasing needs? Because yes we are, famously But anyway,
we tried group therapy was really interesting topic this week
and I think very relatable for a lot of people
about friendships in adulthood.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
Yes, and many here's an update on his lawn mop.
Speaker 2 (07:35):
All of it.
Speaker 1 (07:36):
More coming up of the podcast Enjoy everybody and send
many of its show.
Speaker 5 (07:39):
Oh many and the podcast.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
I was so excited about the weather of the weekend.
It was a real cruel tease.
Speaker 1 (07:51):
It was like really sunny and warm, and then I mean,
this is just probably where we live because we live
in quite a micro climate. It was rainy and cold
and one day, but the end this morning, I thought
it was kind of getting warm again, so I like,
wear a T shirt. Now it's just got bloody cold again,
so I just just run to the car and get
a jersey out of my boot.
Speaker 3 (08:11):
You're not alone. Auckland is exactly the same. I went
for run club on Sunday morning and it was pressing
down with rains, and then as soon as I finished
run club went beautiful clear blue skies.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
It's a really tough time to dress correctly at this
time of year African.
Speaker 1 (08:27):
But as I was, as I was going through the
back of my boot, which is always a resky venture.
You know, the boat always ends up acquiring a number
of things over the years, over the months, whether it's
you know, a very well intentioned bag that is set
(08:47):
to go to the Salvation Army and it never ends
up going, or whether it's I don't know.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Everything just ends up getting dumped there.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
Yes, including something which I was supposed to take out
on Saturday.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
This is a Saturday Saturday, the night that you had
you beg dinner around at your house.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
No, that was Sunday. I think this was Saturday. I
was clearing out, like doing some recycling in some rubbish.
So I put this massive bag of Henus rubbish on
the boat and I meant to take it to the
dump and I forgot.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
Fast forward to Tuesday.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
I just opened the boot and look what I found,
A massive bag of rubbish. I don't know how I
didn't know the last few days, because usually I know how.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
You know because I've been in your car before. It's
basically an entire car filled with Henus rubbish. This is
your car, period. No tell me what is different about
this situation to what your car is like Monday through
Friday every week.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
I do not usually roll around.
Speaker 1 (09:56):
Please let me defend myself with a massive black be
b egg of rubbish.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
Be honest, No, be honest.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Every now and then there might be.
Speaker 1 (10:07):
But I've never rolled around for four days mety with
a bag of mess of rubbish and my boat.
Speaker 3 (10:15):
But what does that tell you about the state of
your car, That it has been four days and you're
only just realizing it, and only because you went to
get a jacket out of your boot. It's sad doesn't it?
Speaker 2 (10:29):
But like, why have I not s mouthed hat?
Speaker 1 (10:32):
Usually I have a very sensitive nose, I don't, and
like smell is my thing, it's my sofa power.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
I couldn't smell it.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Maybe I'm starting to lose my sense anyway, So there
is a trip at WI I'm going to need to
make over the next twenty four hours.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
Continue to try run clean of the car.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
It's time for a brand new car, to be honest,
It's been overdue for a very long time.
Speaker 7 (10:58):
Many empty many INPG the podcast, I had this realization
yesterday that I had forgotten to ask our boss something
really important, and it was I was getting close to
the time where I needed to action this thing, and
I'd forgotten to ask him, and I was stressing out
(11:20):
because famously PG I would say, you and I the.
Speaker 3 (11:24):
Eternal people pleases. We hate the idea that we have
upset someone or put someone out or ruined their day
in any way. And I would say, we let that
rule our lives far more than it ever should.
Speaker 1 (11:41):
Right. I reckon, I've got better than what I used
to be, you believe it or not, I think I
have got better, But I still find myself in situations
where I just end up going above and beyond going
oh my god, but it is absoutely fine, Like just look,
if it's too much of an inconvenience, you don't even
worry about it, Like I'm sweet airs all.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
Goods, I reckon nine out of ten emails. I said,
finish with all good if not, no worries. If you
can't do this exmation, Oh my god, it's totally fine.
If you can't do this, don't worry about it. It's fine,
it's fine, it's fine. This is how bad we are.
And so I said to you yesterday, oh my god,
I've got to go and ask your boss this thing.
And you said, Maddie, Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:24):
What did I say? I gave you a pip tow?
Speaker 3 (12:26):
Did you said? Be be bold? Be strong. You're a strong,
confident woman, man, man, but just go out the air
and be decisive. I walked out. I walked out. I
saw him walk through the glass doors of our office,
(12:47):
and I can immediately crumbled and I went, I'm so sorry,
Oh my god, I'm so sorry. I've screwed up. I
need to ask you something. I'm so sorry. All good
if not, like I've totally inconvinced Inconvenie answer, I'm so
sorry that I've had to do this so much last
minute and he was like, mate, you're all good. Like
he thought someone had died or something. That's how seriously
(13:08):
I was being about this.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
And actually, you took a brilliant tactic.
Speaker 1 (13:12):
You got him to think the worst case scenario, so
he's like, oh my god, Maddi, he's actually just going
to resign or something, and then.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
It was way less. Actually that's a pretty good approach.
Speaker 3 (13:22):
It's a great approach, except that's not at all what
I was going for. I'm just that much of a
people pleaser. It's terrible. I need to grow some bloody balls,
you know.
Speaker 1 (13:33):
But you got thrower and the request wasn't denied, it
was accepted, so that's.
Speaker 3 (13:40):
A win, thank you. But it made me think there
must be so many people out there like me who
just the eternal people pleases, who need a little bit
of a helping hand.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
I love where this is going. I think we need
to open up the people Please a hotline so Maddie
and I both canform no no. We're still very much
people pleasers, but we feel like we're learning getting and we.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Want also we want to help you.
Speaker 3 (14:09):
Yeah, because, as they say, if you can't do teach.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
So if there's a really tough conversation that you need
to have with someone, maybe it's a convo with the
boss or a colleague, maybe you need to ask your
partner to go away for a lads trip for the weekend,
whatever it is, we want you to role play that
convo with us.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Yes, right now, we're going to have a bit of fun.
Speaker 1 (14:34):
You can keep anonymous, but like, if you're feeling nervous
about a conversation that's coming up very soon, please call
us right now anonymously on the People Please a hotline,
and hopefully we can instill some confidence in you so
that you can walk forward and be assertive in that
tough conversation.
Speaker 2 (14:53):
Please call. I promise we will help. We'll try.
Speaker 3 (14:56):
We absolutely will.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
May the podcast.
Speaker 1 (15:00):
Okay, this could go one of two ways. Our phones
are playing up and we haven't probably been able to
hear the calls. So I really really hope she's gonna
go all right, sending of vibes, oh white hundred the
hats we have opened up the people, please a hotline.
We want to know is there a tough conversation that
you need to have with someone but you don't know
how to do it.
Speaker 2 (15:21):
You're going to role play with us this afternoon.
Speaker 3 (15:22):
It's the easy correct because PJ and I famously terrible
people pleasers who crumble under pressure when we need to
be assuitive and decisive. So we're going to help you
that and hopefully that can come back on us peach
and it might give us some feedback for some confidence.
Speaker 1 (15:39):
Yeah, okay, please work phone Andy, and Auckland is joining us.
Speaker 6 (15:43):
Hello, Andy, Hello, how are you today?
Speaker 4 (15:46):
Great?
Speaker 3 (15:47):
Coming in loud and clear? Andy, great?
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Perfect?
Speaker 6 (15:50):
Yes, it's great?
Speaker 3 (15:51):
All right Andy? What is what do you need help with?
What's the situation? Who do you need to have an
assertive conversation with?
Speaker 6 (15:59):
Okay or so for starters, I'm like upcoming to like
this saturday. Correct, I'm wanting to like assist swap with
another coworker, but like like lately, like I just haven't
been having like the like the best success of doing there.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
Right, Okay, So you're meant to be working this Saturday.
You want to swap shifts with a colleague, and you
just don't know how to have that conversation with the colleague.
Speaker 6 (16:27):
Well, it's just like like I know how to have it,
but it's just like like it's just like because the
reason I say it hasn't been going so well is
because they just like just haven't been saying like you
know as yes as much? Yes?
Speaker 3 (16:42):
Right? Okay, all right, got you?
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Well look please Rob Land, any how about you come
to the table. I'll be the colleague and many can
just watch.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Okay, you you run through the conbo.
Speaker 3 (16:56):
Any here we go, Andy h hit pag with your request?
What are you asking for?
Speaker 6 (17:02):
Hi? PJ? How are you today?
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Oh? I'm still PJ. I'm good things. Any how are you?
Speaker 6 (17:09):
I'm fine? And I was wondering are you are you
free to work this Saturday?
Speaker 4 (17:17):
Please Saturday?
Speaker 1 (17:20):
I've actually no, I've got a friends party on the Saturday.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Sorry.
Speaker 6 (17:27):
Oh oh that's too bad then too, But.
Speaker 1 (17:31):
No, any this is where you come out, and this
is when you tell me no, I'm sorry, I cannot
do it this week and you you need to put.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Down the law.
Speaker 6 (17:44):
Well okay, well are you sure you can just reschedule
or this is like a very important friend for you
that you just cannot miss.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
She's my best friend. She's come out from the UK.
Speaker 6 (17:55):
Hey, J.
Speaker 8 (17:57):
I'm sorry.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
I thought I was meant to play half, so I can't.
I actually can't reach you any I'm so sorry.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
I'm actually sweating from the street.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
Andy, what I reckon you're doing? I think you just
you come in and you say, look, I need to
mix it up. I cannot actually work Saturday. I think
if you ask the question, then she's just going.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
To give you an opportunity to get out of it.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
You need to just say, look, I have come to
the conclusion I can't work anymore Saturdays.
Speaker 3 (18:29):
I need to I will. Yeah, I need you to
do this for me. You cut you this because this
is where I fall flat. Andy, I do the whole.
If you could, it would be really great. But only
if you can, and if you can't, don't worry about it,
no worries. And I feel like you're landing as well. Andy.
So I just I think Pj's right. You need to
be decisive. You need to go on with a game plan.
(18:50):
And you can't give her an out. You need to
give her. You can't give her an opportunity to say no.
Speaker 2 (18:55):
This really is the blow and learning the blow.
Speaker 6 (18:57):
Really, it's because I'm not like A I'm not like
a pushy person. Now don't and I'm like, four.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
Be polite, be clear, and be strong, and you've got that.
Speaker 2 (19:11):
You've got us know how you go?
Speaker 6 (19:15):
Thank you?
Speaker 3 (19:16):
Who the hell did we think we were?
Speaker 4 (19:20):
The podcast.
Speaker 1 (19:23):
Sort of a conversation broke out in our group chat
last night. Producer Sarah sent a photo of your Facebook
or was it your partner's Facebook?
Speaker 9 (19:34):
Serah, my partner's Facebook on their phone.
Speaker 1 (19:37):
Yep, and it was the people you may know that
popped up for her. And then Sarah instantly accused Mattie
because Mattie had popped up under people you may know
of actually stalking Sarah's partner, which then led into a
massive conversation hang on, wait, so you know when you're
(19:58):
on your Facebook page and it come that with people
you may know? Is it true that those people that
are suggested to you have been stalking?
Speaker 9 (20:08):
Well, you two are both shocked by this. You both
were like message me, going, what are you talking about?
I was like, this has been around for years. I've
known this for like five ten years.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
I thought people you may know was just Facebook going.
You guys have friends in commons so much. This must
be someone that you might have some connection to.
Speaker 9 (20:25):
Somehow real people know that it actually is also related
to stalking.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
Is it though, or is this an old wives tyle?
It feels very much like some sort of myth.
Speaker 9 (20:36):
I'm going to need someone to help me out here.
Tison for four eight seven. I can't actually one hundred
percent back this up.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
I've always looked at that people you may know, and
I'm like, oh, that's interesting. But yeah, it's always people
that are like close within my friend's friends.
Speaker 3 (20:50):
Yes, because when they're looking you up, because at least
your partner. I don't think I've even are you sure
searched their name on Facebook? I mean, look, I can't
say with one hundred percent certainty I've never typed their
name into Facebook, but I wouldn't even know what their
(21:12):
last name.
Speaker 9 (21:13):
Invited you to my Halloween partty Maybe you saw their
name in the the invite list and you, guys.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Guys, we need to get to the bottom of this.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
Maybe there is some tech expert out there that can
give some resolve.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
Yes, I've just got really wait, what did they say?
I saw a guy I found on tender a week
later he was on my s.
Speaker 1 (21:33):
No, guys, we need some proper and if anyone out
there is tech savvy. Can you let us know is
this myth around people you may know popping up on Facebook?
Speaker 2 (21:44):
Have they actually been stalking you?
Speaker 1 (21:46):
Or is it Poorky's text four four eight seven will
reveal the answer.
Speaker 5 (21:49):
So many in PJ the podcast, Many in Pj's group therapy,
and it is.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
Time for another week of groups therapy. And look, we
may when we say no problem is too big or
too small. Sometimes we have incredibly trivial things like what
to go for dinner?
Speaker 9 (22:07):
You know.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
Yeah, other times it is a lot heavier. But whatever,
it is.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
The dilemma that you're going through and you need some
external advice on you can text through enough of all
eight seven or tell us your problem at the hats
dot co dot enzies.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
This one has come in after something we actually discussed
on the show yesterday. Yeah, this is hello. Are you too, Mattie.
I was listening to the show yesterday and you were
talking about the struggles that come with being an adult
and maintaining friendships. I was talking yesterday about how I
had just had this realization over the weekend that I've
(22:43):
really been putting friendships a bit on the back burner.
I think because I know, my friends are so busy,
and a lot of them have kids, and they're off
living their own lives with their families and stuff, and
so often I feel a little bit like I can't
reach out to them to hang out on It's just Friday.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
Saturday night to so many people.
Speaker 3 (23:01):
Yeah, and then I went out with some friends on Saturday,
and it was just this reminder that they're probably feeling
the exact same way, and it reminded me just how
important friendships are to kind of cultivate and maintain. So
this person said, I totally resonated with that chat, and
I wanted to bring it up with you for your
group therapy segment. I'm in my early forties, I'm single
(23:22):
and don't have any kids. My best friends from school
and unidays are all married with young families. I'm just
finding it harder and harder to see them, especially as
we've migrated to different parts of the country over the years.
So often I'll get to a Saturday night and realize
I don't have any plans and I don't know who
to reach out to to do something with. So regularly
(23:42):
I'll find myself ordering takeaways, sitting on the couch and
watching a movie alone. I've always been such an extrovert
and I promise some fun, but I'm just finding it
harder and harder to cultivate adult friendships, both with the
old friends who now have families that are busy with
and finding ways to make new friends. So what do
I do. Do I need to work on finding new
(24:03):
friends since my older ones have their own lives they living,
Or should I be forcing my mum mates to come
out with me on a Saturday night.
Speaker 1 (24:09):
Oh my god, that's so. I'm sure so many people
are in a similar boat. I would say. I would
say it's probably a combination of the toe. I think
there is no harm going out and finding new friends.
I know it's daunting, but I also do know that
there's a lot of child free communities emerging, particularly online now,
where people are kind of coming together going, oh my gosh,
(24:32):
you know, we are in our thirties and our forties
and we don't have kids, and they can kind of
have that kind of mutual appreciation of one another. They're
in the same stage. But at the same time, you know,
I now have a toddler, and yes, life is very busy.
That doesn't mean that I don't want to be friends
with my mates who don't have kids. In fact, when
(24:54):
I do go out, I probably want, you know, there's
this and this spice for life back with me because
I miss them and I love them so much. So
I think it comes down to probably organizing in advance,
like you know, really lot that Dayton have something that
you can look forward to.
Speaker 2 (25:11):
But is that your sole kind of source of friendship.
Maybe not.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
No, I think you're absolutely right. It's twofold right. It
is one a reminder that just because you're a mum
who has a kid, it does not mean that your
life is over and you can't go out and it's
still have fun on a Saturday night with your friends.
Absolutely not. Yes, you've got to be a bit more
organized and it's not as easy to do, but you
absolutely can do it, and you absolutely should do it.
(25:35):
But it is also a reminder that life flows in
different directions and sometimes you've got to flow with the tide,
and if that means finding ways to find new friends,
then so be it. I know I bring it up
all the time, but I went to run club on
Sunday morning and I met and.
Speaker 2 (25:52):
He's celebrity true to Island again.
Speaker 3 (25:55):
And I met a guy there and we got along
really well when we were talking about running, and he's
training for the Heart Half Marathon. I'm training for the
half marathon. We're going for a run together tomorrow morning.
Because we set this thing up and all of a sudden,
now I'm like, maybe I'm going to have this new
friend that I can reach out to the Saturday night
to go and have a few drinks with, or a
brunch on a Sunday or whatever it might be. You know,
So if you can find the thing where you can
(26:18):
find like minded people, whether it's dancing or a sport
or a book club or anything like that, I promise
you people are in exactly the same bot as you
and they want to find new friends as much as
you do.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
Look, maybe you're in a very similar situation or you
have been in a similar situation.
Speaker 4 (26:37):
What route.
Speaker 5 (26:39):
Maddy and PJ Many and PJ the podcast The Heads
Many and PJS group Therapy.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
In the meantime, we are really secting this week's group therapy,
which I think a lot of people will relate to.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
Maddie, would you like to.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
Rehash Yeah, it's all about being an adult and maintaining friendships.
This person said, I'm in my early forties, I'm single,
and I don't have any kids. My best friends from
school and unidays are all married with young families. I'm
just finding it harder and harder to see them. I'll
get to a Saturday night and realize I don't have
any plans and I don't know who to reach out
to to do something with. So regularly I'll find myself
(27:15):
ordering takeaways, sitting on the couch and watching a movie alone.
I've always been such an extrovert, and I promise I'm fun,
but I'm just finding it harder and harder to cultivate
adult friendships, both with old friends who now have families
that are busy with in finding ways to make new friends.
So what do I do? Do I need to work
on finding new friends since my older ones have their
own lives they're living. Or should I be forcing my
(27:36):
mum mates to come out with me on a Saturday.
Speaker 2 (27:38):
Night go to a salsa class. I always wanted to
do that.
Speaker 4 (27:43):
I like that.
Speaker 1 (27:44):
Sexey, wouldn't it one a little late night Spanish lessons
back in the day, which was I didn't actually meet
anyone though for my own personal developments.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
But your Spanish language is beautiful, moibeer.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
I'm moving in Helene is joining us, Helene? You want
to to hand you their hands?
Speaker 2 (28:01):
What are your thoughts?
Speaker 5 (28:04):
Yeah?
Speaker 10 (28:06):
Hi, can you hear me?
Speaker 5 (28:07):
Yes?
Speaker 10 (28:07):
Yes, absolut. Yeah, so I've got a one year old.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Oh this is hard.
Speaker 10 (28:17):
Yes, I just wanted to shout out to say sometimes
workplaces can be a really great place to start. So
some of my closest friends are actually colleagues. And I
know it sounds scary in itself, but one thing our
workplace has done recently is the strategy the teams chat
around all of us that are just working parents, think
at lunchtimes, things like that, but also just using it
as a social revenue to be like, you know what's
(28:38):
where should go to things that aren't just kids, like,
you know what about what other people doing with their times?
So freaking out colleagues can be a good start.
Speaker 3 (28:45):
Yeah, I love that, And it's just really cool. It's
a simple safe space because you kind of you're already
dealing with them on a day to day basis anyways.
Speaker 10 (28:53):
Absolutely, and then there's a bunch of people who understand
why you've shown up to work and you've got stays
down your clothes or your hear hasn't been.
Speaker 2 (29:01):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (29:02):
So hearing scropes with in your workplace, it's really cool.
Stevens joining us Ons get a Stephen, what do you Recno, Hey.
Speaker 8 (29:12):
Yeah, look it's kind of similar. You know, it's the
TV now. I am about five years ago. I moved
into a new area and I don't really watch TV,
but I like movies. So I started up with Sci
Fi Cinema Club. Yeah, so like the stuff I already
you know, it's obviously an out laid but I already
(29:34):
had a four K per ject and one hundred and
fifty in screen in my living room. And yeah, so
I was like, well, I'm going to sell at this club.
And now five years later, I have thuty members. Yeah,
make simum about ten sharp at once, which is good
because I don't live in a in a mansion in
(29:57):
your living room. But every sick and Friday GiB will
take For the last five years I've been running this
club up. Everybody shows up at seven thirty. We sit
around the kitchen table, have a wine or a beer
or whatever it is, and a chat. At about nine
o'clock we start the movie. We go into the living
room we start the movie. I supplied ice cream, brilliant corn.
Speaker 6 (30:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 8 (30:23):
So like, if you're sitting in a living room with
something this large, it's like a cinema, you know what
I mean. You're actually the good and everybody sits down
and it's massively popular.
Speaker 2 (30:37):
Stevin, thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (30:38):
It just shows if you're a do a hobby, then
what's stopping you from actually starting your club around that.
Speaker 3 (30:42):
Hobby and just be a little bit proactive and who knows,
you could be finding yourselves with thirty friends turning up
for a movie night every second.
Speaker 2 (30:50):
Ball both be with you, Mary J.
Speaker 4 (30:56):
Mady and PJ the podcast The.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
Heads On Sunday Night, Meddie, we hosted a bit of
a bank at our house.
Speaker 3 (31:06):
I saw because you and I from day one have
just always bonded over food. So you sent me a
photo of the spread.
Speaker 2 (31:14):
It was pure food porn.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
Unbelievable.
Speaker 2 (31:17):
I didn't think I had this in me. I could
actually be a chef.
Speaker 3 (31:24):
Is a bit okay.
Speaker 1 (31:27):
Sunday Night, the feedback we got, Meddie, I got they
were the best roast potatoes ever had. That pineapple SUSA
that you made was out of this world. Yes, the
roasted honey carrots.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
That you made like it was it was a real spread.
Speaker 3 (31:46):
Hum. Let me just remind you though, it was mere
weeks ago that we were talking on the show about
the fact that you had left something in the oven
for about four hours and BJ came home to find
it completely charred.
Speaker 1 (31:59):
That happened or twice or three times over a couple
of weeks. But I'm through that face.
Speaker 3 (32:04):
All I'm saying is one successful meal a chef does
not make. Do you know what I mean? Like, let's
baby steps, baby steps?
Speaker 1 (32:11):
Okay, okay, Well, look, it was such a nice night
and it just made me realize how important it is,
like eating good food with friends, and it was such
a lovely evening. But I did realize as the hosting role,
I have another toxic trait which has come to the
table where while people are enjoying their time at our house,
(32:31):
I can't help but clean up around people. If they
put empty bottles down. As soon as there's like, you know,
a few bottles, I'm just there taking them away. I'm
packing stuff up on the ground. I actually went and
got the little dust pen and brush like five times
because they kept noticing things and I was sweeping around
(32:53):
people's feet. I started like cleaning like up around people
as I was sitting at the table, and I was like,
is this really rude? Or do people understand that sometimes
you just want to clean off the God.
Speaker 3 (33:07):
It's not rude, but I do think it would be
like imagine if you were sitting down at a restaurant
and the way they came along after like mid meal
and started sweeping the lights.
Speaker 2 (33:18):
You've got crumbs like in front.
Speaker 3 (33:20):
Of yes, started sweeping the crumbs away. All right, mate,
I'm still eating, like I.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
Know, and I'm just trying to think.
Speaker 1 (33:27):
Like whenever I met friends places, they never do that,
Like I feel like they just wait till all the nds,
like until everyone's gone and then yes, So I just
I can't help, but it just helps me feel more
together and organized.
Speaker 3 (33:44):
Should we get some official rulings on the text machine
for for it? Is that rude? Is it okay to
do that? Do you do it yourself? Let us know,
would love for you to weigh in.
Speaker 4 (33:55):
Many J Mady and PJ the podcast.
Speaker 3 (34:00):
That So you and I have had this conversation a
number of times. We have very different roles within our household.
You know, there are things that I do. There are
things that you do, and then there are things that
we leave our husbands to do.
Speaker 1 (34:13):
Yes, namely right now, the water blasting at our house,
not me, that's that's the husband, the lawn mowing husband.
Speaker 2 (34:20):
Which anything external is pretty much likewise.
Speaker 3 (34:24):
Although that's funny because you were the one that went
and bought the water blaster. I thought that was night.
Speaker 1 (34:29):
She ended up giving that to Mum because we couldn't
use it on our off grade property.
Speaker 3 (34:32):
Because it was using too much power.
Speaker 1 (34:34):
That's right, So you hat to get one from the farm,
which was like gas powered.
Speaker 2 (34:38):
Anyway, we're getting into details now.
Speaker 3 (34:40):
Yes, so this is exactly the same in my household.
Ryan does all of the outside chores. Do you find though,
that there's something about people that do outside chores that
make them feel like they're the hero of the situation.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
Yeah, like they're pulling more weight. Yes, I'm no. Putting
the washing away is just it's just simple.
Speaker 1 (35:05):
Although he does it, he's quite good.
Speaker 3 (35:09):
So anyway, we've got some people coming around tomorrow night,
and our lawns need to be mowed. And I know
when Ryan his company, you know, when people come over,
he likes the lawns. To look very nice and tidy.
But he has been very busy with work and he's
also training for a swimming event that he's doing, so
he just got a lot on right. So I thought,
(35:30):
I'm going to be the hero of the situation, and
I'm going to do the lawns. I told you don't.
Speaker 1 (35:36):
I said, you're just gonna make matters worse if you
Steffan and try to be the hero.
Speaker 6 (35:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (35:43):
Well, I tried to be the hero. So I got
the lawn Why I got the law mower out today,
we don't have a lot of lawns, so we've just
got like a little battery powered one. And so I
got the law more out and I set it up,
and I first of all had to google how to
(36:05):
turn the lawn mower on.
Speaker 1 (36:08):
I didn't please tell me that none of your neighbors
witnessed you youtubing or googling how to turn on the
lawn mower.
Speaker 3 (36:16):
No one saw. I was in the privacy of my
own home. And then I googled it. And then I
was like, I was like following the instructions, and I
was going, it's still noting what was going on. I'm
following the instructions. I'm doing what Google's.
Speaker 2 (36:32):
One of those pools sort of toggle thing.
Speaker 3 (36:35):
No way easier than that with a battery powered thing.
It's just like a little button you've got.
Speaker 2 (36:39):
To push, and it didn't and it just was broken.
Speaker 3 (36:42):
Well, I realized that I was missing quite a key
ingredient of a battery power is lawn mower. I should
have forgotten to put the battery.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
Oh my god, show how long did it take?
Speaker 3 (36:59):
You realize that it's no longer than i'd like to admire.
So then I got the battery and I started it
up and that was fine. I got it going and
I did the lawns and I think I did it
pretty good job. But we've got the berm obviously out
the front as well. And when I moved the lawn mow,
I switched the you know, you can put it on
(37:21):
like a different setting in terms of how high or
low it is, in terms of the how finally you
want to cut the grass, And I'd shifted the setting
while I moved it, And when I started it back
up again, I forgot that i'd shifted the setting until
I accidentally started to do the berm on a one,
which is like like basically doing a buzz cut on
(37:43):
a lawn. Oh my god, so.
Speaker 2 (37:46):
How far like the whole berm?
Speaker 3 (37:48):
No no, no, no, no no, but there is just a tiny,
tiny little chunk in one corner of the berm that
is very very thinly mode.
Speaker 1 (37:59):
Could you put like a nice pop plant? Now you
can't really put a pop plant out on the book.
Speaker 3 (38:03):
You know what I thought about the offcuts the morn
and sprinkling the offcards back on.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
To be fear that is not nearly as beer as
I thought. There's out of coming to be. There's the
worst part about it that there was no bittery in
the mower and you only just shaved like a tiny
little corner.
Speaker 2 (38:25):
I think you're good.
Speaker 3 (38:27):
Let's see what my husband, Mary J.
Speaker 4 (38:33):
May and PJ the podcast The Heads
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