The Luke and Pete Show

Pete recently spent half a monkey on a hotel and went to see some atrocious stand-up. Luke’s reminded of the time he saw Van Morrison completely phone it in on stage. Also up for discussion today is the business of footballers’ eye-watering car insurance and Luke’s reservations about the expertise of vets.

After that, it’s time to rattle through a veritable raft of emails, including one concerning the mes...

The UK is experiencing its millionth heatwave of the summer and the world is on fire but at least a lot of shareholder value is being generated.

On today’s show, Pete regales us with stories from a day out in London which took him to the Tate Modern and into contact with the work of an avant-garde Guatemalan artist. He just couldn’t take his eyes off one particular installation.

Plus, Gary Vee’s acting weird...

A hankering for fish on a stick can take you to strange places, as Pete recently discovered. It’s a bleak tale, but at least he’s not turning blue like that bloke who kept drinking silver.

We get into that on today’s show - plus, we devote some time to the work of Jimmy Cricket, consider Pete’s dad’s newest obsessions and cast aspersions on the effectiveness of the Heimlich manoeuvre.

Send us you...

Pete’s got a vest on and isn’t sure he’s a large enough man to carry it off. The ever-supportive Luke disagrees.

Today we’re reflecting on the glory of the hotdog, the infantilisation of the modern man and the preponderance of wrong’uns in emo bands.

Plus, Pete’s twin passions may leave him in a rarefied bubble.

Send us your latest stories, questions and comments here: hello@lukeandpetes...

Bizarre stories abound on today’s show as Luke recollects when a load of covert overseas Chinese “police stations” were found in the UK and Pete details a data encoding furore from the 1990s. Plus, we learn what both the guys’ outrageous scientific claim would be to make a quick buck and disappear before the ruse was discovered.

Finally, it’s email time yet again and there’s a lovely prom van ...

Buckle up, everyone, it’s learning time and we’re getting to the bottom of some mysteries. Why don’t animals have green fur? Why does Luke respect Pete as a broadcaster? You’re about to find out the answers to both.

Plus, Luke details his heated phone call to Thames Water, Pete’s knees are shot to bits and we have a new history book of the week.

Send us your latest stories, questions and comments...

It’s a tech-heavy one today. Luke’s suckling on the teet of Apple’s Tim Cook, Pete’s bought yet another esoteric Chinese phone and together the guys have devised a breakthrough sleep-monitoring application. Stop moaning, user, you’ve had a great night’s kip.

Elsewhere on yet another toasty Monday show: Pete’s been flouting the no-eating laws of the studio, Luke’s knackered from thr...

Luke reckons Jude Bellingham’s handsomeness is going underreported, Pete’s got iTunes on the brain and Mitch McConnell is having to prove he’s still alive. And that’s just the first five minutes of today’s show.

Elsewhere, Luke’s just watched some good vox pops and Pete has a disgusting idea for a get-rich-quick scheme.

Finally, we’ve got listener correspondence concerning batteries, ...

Top five Daves: go. 

Once that’s squared away, Luke and Pete get down to the business of boozer etiquette and methodologies for sorting the true pubsmen from the pretenders.

Also on offer today: late-night football watching habits, the tedium of Steven Bartlett and a welcome return to the subject of Flat Earthers and the tangled web that is their belief system.

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Prompted by the subject of air fryers, Luke reflects on the tension between his working-class and middle-class self and encourages Pete to do the same. Naturally, this leads to some chat about prom cars (and prom tractors).

Plus, we return to the subject of Britain past and present to discuss Doggerland, Michael Hesseltine and the Spice Girls. Finally, never underestimate the horribleness of water companies.

Send us your late...

Pete’s use of an elliptical to ease his asthma has got Luke considering a treadmill purchase. Staying on the health train, Luke confesses that while he eschews intensely caffeinated products he’s got no problem putting away copious amounts of Jaffa Cakes chocolate digestives. 

Also on today’s show: Pete has a food fad prediction, Steven Barlett goes off the deep end and the Bayeux tapestry is on its way to...

On another sweltering day in the UK, Luke and Pete’s weather and air conditioning chat prompts a wider discussion about two-tier systems for the have and have-nots in society more generally, plus some tales of burglary. 

Elsewhere, we return to the subject of war to learn about the most bonkers soldier ever and American Civil War pensions. Finally, it’s listener correspondence time once again. Pete’s been ...

After a quick Mick Jagger impression, Pete struggles to remember the name of 2026’s 'it girl' and Luke is forced to come to terms with the fact that cultural life is passing him by. He hasn’t even heard of the meme featured on Pete’s new T-shirt.

Also on today’s show: lookalikes, the case for tribute acts and a big promise made to the Flat Earthers.

Send us your latest stories, questions and comments h...

Pete finds himself outnumbered in his fight against the accusation that he’s a point-scorer and Luke takes the opportunity to explain his lateness to the second Football Ramble World Cup Watch Party. Conversation then turns (inevitably) to smelly capsule hotels and submarine warfare.

Finally, it’s time for a battery offering, an email about advanced tyre technology and news of an Australian mouse plague.

Send us y...

Luke recently enlisted Anthropic’s Claude to draw him a picture and the result was truly awful. He freely admits he’s a man out of time and doesn’t know how to use this stuff.

Remaining on a similar path, it’s time for a chat about the miserable phenomenon of AI-generated music and “art” more generally. Plus, which so-called stand-up comedian has got Pete’s dander up this fine Monday?

Luke’s advising Pete to proceed with caution vis à vis chlorinating his own paddling pool, but Mr Donaldson insists it’s all under control. It’s the rubble and cement-based tasks you have to worry about.

In other news, Luke’s attempt to support the local produce market left him sorely disappointed and Pete may well have fallen victim to a Del Boy style scam over some posh honey.

Plus, we hear all about...

Pete’s been working on a number for a musical about the life and times of Richard Keys, probably not coming to a theatre near you any time soon.

But don’t be disheartened, because today’s episode provides some big questions to entertain and delight. Why don’t little boys wear barrels anymore? Can clogs actually be comfortable? Is being 45 minutes late better than being 5 minutes late?

Finally, we&rsquo...

At the onsen, it is customary to walk around with your old lad out. Pete, on his recent trip to Japan, followed said custom. 

On an entirely different note, we return to the subject of bad podcasting, which naturally leads to a chat about Chekhov’s gun and Occam’s razor.

Finally, we learn more about Luke and Pete's respective experiences with road rage, plus some listener correspondence.

Send us your lates...

Pete’s come down with a wicked case of World Cup Fever, exacerbated by the rediscovery of his ceremonial Kevin Keegan rug that will surely have a part to play in this year’s tournament. Just keep it away from electronics. 

Luke, meanwhile, has been to see Boyzone deliver two hours of consummate professionalism at the Emirates. Also present was Brian McFadden who, as Pete knows first-hand, is an excellent surroga...