After the Affair

AI can answer your questions, offer reassurance, even write the perfect breakup text. But can it really help you heal after betrayal?

In this episode, Luke explores the growing use of AI tools in emotional recovery, from journaling and reflection to replacing genuine connection, and asks an important question: What happens when your search for healing turns into another form of avoidance?

Luke unpacks:

• Why we turn to AI when w...

After infidelity, “safety” becomes the word we chase; - Emotional safety - Relational safety - Internal safety

But what does that actually mean? And how do you build it when trust has been broken?

In this episode, Luke explores the delicate balance between finding safety within yourself and rebuilding safety with your partner.

Because healing isn’t about becoming immune to pain or pretending you don’t need anyone, it’s about kno...

Fight, Apologise, Repeat: Breaking the Cycle of False Hope

If you’ve ever felt stuck in the cycle of conflict and reconciliation, the fights that leave you questioning everything, followed by apologies that flood you with hope, this episode is for you.

Because while those moments of reconnection can feel powerful, they don’t always mean real change is happening. Sometimes, they just keep you hooked in a painful loop of false hope.

...

When betrayal strikes, many couples attempt reconciliation. But what happens when it doesn’t work out? When the marriage itself doesn’t survive, and you’re left staring at a future you never planned for?

In this episode, I explore the emotional reality of life after infidelity when reconciliation comes to an end. We’ll talk about:

• Why survival mode is not the same as healing.
• The loneliness of everyday moments and how grief de...

In this reflective episode, Luke explores why some people feel easy and others feel impossible, and how much of that is shaped by our beliefs. Drawing on intuition/gut feeling, judgement, and old wounds, he unpacks how the brain filters reality, why we mistake interpretations for facts, and what changes when we separate feelings from the ego’s instant verdict.

This is a practical reset: notice the story, strip back to facts, and ch...

Sometimes, after betrayal, the path forward feels overwhelming. There are countless emotions, opinions from friends and family, and a constant urge to predict what the future might look like. In this episode, Luke goes back to basics. He shares his own story of moving through separation and divorce, and how he began rebuilding his life by focusing on what he could control, letting go of what he couldn’t, and learning to get comfort...

Contempt is one of the most corrosive emotions in any relationship, and after betrayal, it shows up on both sides. The betrayed partner may see the unfaithful as beneath respect. The unfaithful partner may grow contemptuous of how long healing takes. Either way, contempt is the silent killer of connection, intimacy, and empathy.

In this episode, Luke explores what contempt really is, how it differs from resentment, why it so often ...

In the aftermath of infidelity, accountability is often the missing piece. Too often, the betrayed partner is left carrying the heavy work of healing while the unfaithful partner minimises, avoids, or even gets a free pass from professionals who should know better. But without accountability, there can be no real repair.

In this episode, Luke explores what accountability actually looks like, why it’s so often resisted, and why sham...

When infidelity isn’t a one-off, but a repeated pattern, the pain cuts deeper. Serial cheating raises questions not just about what happened, but about who your partner really is, and whether change is even possible.

In this episode, Luke explores the often misunderstood world of serial cheaters. What defines them? What signs should you look out for? How should you respond if you discover multiple betrayals? And what message is the...

What if the questions that keep looping in your mind, the ones you’re too ashamed or exhausted to voice, aren’t just valid, but shared by thousands of others going through betrayal?

In this second part of our Q&A series (Listen to episode 146 for the first part), I answer the raw, unfiltered questions that most people keep buried:

• Why do I feel ashamed in public, even though I did nothing wrong?
• Why does forgiveness feel l...

Triggers after betrayal can feel sudden, overwhelming, and impossible to control. But what if they’re not signs that you’re broken, but signals from your nervous system that you still need safety, care, and attention? In this episode, we break down what a trigger actually is (spoiler: it’s not drama), how it works, and why you don’t need to be trigger-free to be healing. Whether you're rebuilding with your partner or learning to tr...

When a woman cheats, the cultural narrative often skips over the man left behind. The one quietly carrying the weight. The one told to “move on,” “man up,” or “take it on the chin.”

This episode is for him.

If you’ve been betrayed by the woman you trusted, if you’re left wrestling with confusion, anger, self-doubt, or shame, this episode gives you language, perspective, and grounding.

Join me Luke Shillings, as together I'll guide ...

When a man in a committed relationship starts giving you attention, it can feel like lightning in a bottle, powerful, validating, intoxicating. But what if that spark isn’t about love, but escape?

In this episode, Luke Shillings speaks directly to the women caught in the shadow of secrecy and fantasy bonds, and to the men who pursue them.

Is it real love, or emotional outsourcing? Together, we unpack the truth behind the pursuit, t...

You’ve rebuilt. Or maybe you’ve started again. On the surface, things seem okay, your partner’s doing the work, or your new relationship looks healthy. And yet… something still feels off. Not wrong exactly, just off.

In this episode, we explore that subtle unease that often lingers after betrayal, the one that can leave you second-guessing your instincts, your partner, and even yourself. You’ll learn why your body might be picking ...

When you’re in the thick of healing after betrayal, it’s not just the pain that drains you. it’s the unanswered questions that loop endlessly in your mind.

In this Q&A episode, I respond to four of the most emotionally exhausting questions I hear in my coaching work and online communities. These aren’t the questions people ask once, they’re the ones they ask over and over, quietly, in their own head.

We’re covering:

• How to...

You’re texting first. Waiting for replies. Making excuses. Holding on, hoping they’ll come around. But deep down, something feels off. This isn’t just patience… it’s one-sided love.

In this episode, we unpack the emotional and psychological toll of loving someone who doesn’t meet you halfway. From fantasy bonds and false hope to reclaiming your power and choosing yourself again, this is your compassionate wake-up call, and your inv...

After betrayal, it’s easy to feel like you’re stuck reacting, trying to manage your partner’s behaviour, walking on eggshells, or questioning your own emotional limits.

But here’s the truth:

You don’t need their permission to protect your peace.

In this episode, we unpack what real boundaries look like in the aftermath of infidelity, not as walls or punishments, but as powerful acts of self-respect. You’ll learn:

• Why boundarie...

After betrayal, it’s easy to believe that your best days are behind you. That the pain you’re in now will always be part of you. But what if this isn’t the end of your story? What if it’s the beginning of something deeper, truer, and more aligned with who you really are?

In this uplifting episode, I share the often untold truth about healing from infidelity: that it doesn’t just break you, it can build you. From rock bottom, we tal...

Disgust isn’t just a passing reaction. For many betrayed partners, it’s a visceral, body-based response that no amount of logic or reassurance can dissolve.

In this episode, we unpack one of the most misunderstood trauma responses after infidelity: disgust. Why it shows up. What it’s really saying. And how to respond to it without shame.

This is for anyone who’s ever recoiled at the sight or touch of the person they used to love, a...