Angry At The Right Things

Complicated grief stems from never having fully procured the approval of our attachment figures, which creates shame and compulsive behavior. Yet we can give ourselves closure and peace, putting parental ghosts to rest. Bronwyn leads us in an Integration exercise to do just that.

It's imperative to know the difference between a healthy heart and an underdeveloped one. A heart needs to be adequately defended, but not excessively. A healthy human has empathy for both self and other, and learns to surrender false hope for people who refuse to embrace their humanity.

Humans are deep caverns, that should never be taken at face value, but understood, through deep listening. A good therapist is like a home-birth midwife, who knows that healing, like birth, is the natural human trajectory, given the right conditions.

Forget about attachment style -- what truly assesses our emotional maturity is our ability to self-nurture. All we need is a commitment to ourselves that we are worth the work, because we ARE. And the work isn’t laborious or draining, but rejuvenating and delightful. Nurturing ourselves is, well… nurturing.

Triggers are when we find ourselves re-experiencing an unconscious memory from the past, haunting us in the present. Yet we can unlearn our triggers by understanding the context, and integrating with our younger selves. Integration leads to a wholeness far more beautiful than if we'd never been broken, just like Kintsugi pottery. 

Delusions are far more common than we would believe, as many people believe themselves to be a perpetual innocent victim. When we live with such a person, we are likely to develop hallucinations as a response. Bronwyn leads us in an Integration Exercise to rescue ourselves for once and for all.

A lack of attunement from a loved one is not neutral. It is hatred. When someone we love fails to empathize with us, our body suffers. Let’s learn to recognize hate and live a hate-free life, filling the void with love.

We create the atmosphere around us, whether we realize it or not. Bronwyn gives two practical examples of integration which heal the rift within us, allowing us to see ourselves as we truly are. Observation changes reality, as unraveling lies creates order and beauty.

Anxiety and depression are dissociative states, caused by shame, that prohibit us from having empathy for others. Being dissociative also robs us, making us half-dead, unable to blossom into our true selves.

Humans are designed to live in the tension of love and truth, which involves trusting ourselves and learning wisdom. When we do this, we live according to the grain of the universe, becoming humans who are both powerful and good.

Most of us are not familiar with conversations of gravitas and meaning, but rather, empty chatter, where people talk at -- not with -- us. This keeps us from understanding the weight of words, and from learning to listen. The truth is, words allow us to see into the soul of each another and ourselves. Words beget life and healing.

Emotions stagnate in our bodies, making us sick. We release this blocked energy through words and actions that lead to truth, and move us closer to living in reality.

This is an amazing interview by Beth Irias, LMFT, on the the Light Up the Couch podcast for therapists. Don't be intimidated if you are a lay-person though -- the principles are for all humans! 

If you are a therapist, know that the Light Up the Couch podcast by Clearly Clinical is a great way to receive continuing education units! https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLmHOA07fwo7kW3_ytEhIzoedC8Jyks4yo

The Inner Shame baby is a counterfeit inner child. Unlike the inner child, it isn’t native, but parasitic. Its job is to prevent a person from connecting to their inner child and healing.

This interview with Kristen Boice from Close the Chapter Podcast helps us understand what anger is, where it stems from, and when it's healthy and it's not. Ultimately, when we learn to connect to our anger, we connect to ourselves, bringing liberation and integration.

Bronwyn shares a key to how to understand what our bodies are communicating, which they often are. She leads us practically in how to respond, promoting healing and wholeness.

This interview with Dr. Christie McMullen of the Productive Joy podcast shares encouraging examples of how to take back the reigns of our body by being responsible for our emotions and doing right by ourselves.

Shame creates denial which shuts down the brain, causing a type of tunnel vision and narcissism. The antidote is mirroring the truth, which simultaneously binds a narcissist while setting ourselves free.