My Neurodivergent Struggle Against Work S2:E2 Authentic On Air

I went all in on myself as a meat cutter, as a restaurant manager, as a firefighter, as a public educator and now as a business owner. Why did giving everything I had to the job not yield the success I desired?

 

In this compelling episode, Coach Bruce Alexander dives into his neurodivergent struggles within various work environments, from being a meat cutter to a public educator and now an entrepreneur. Bruce reflects on his journey of misunderstanding workplace dynamics, the challenge of building relationships, and his pursuit of success through hyper-focus on tasks, often neglecting the essential aspect of social integration.

 

**Key Takeaways:**

1. **Understanding Neurodiversity in the Workplace**: Bruce's story highlights the unique challenges neurodivergent individuals face in standard work settings.

2. **The Importance of Relationships**: The episode underscores the critical role of building and maintaining work relationships for career advancement.

3. **Self-Reflection and Growth**: Bruce shares his evolution in recognizing the value of feedback and the necessity of aligning with organizational goals.

 

**Resources:**

- **Aimless Life Assessment**: A tool for listeners to evaluate their career and life satisfaction, available at www.authenticidentitymanagement.com/assessment.

- **Support for Neurodivergent Individuals**: Bruce provides insights into navigating neurotypical work environments and advocating for oneself.

 

**Learn More About Coach Bruce:**

As a coach, Bruce Alexander specializes in assisting ADHD parents in finding balance and purpose. With a focus on authenticity and neurodiversity, Bruce is dedicated to helping others embrace their unique selves and overcome the challenges posed by conventional work structures.

 

**Episode Description for Authentic On Air with Bruce Alexander: Season 2, Episode 2 - "My Neurodivergent Struggle Against Work"**

 

In this compelling episode, Coach Bruce Alexander dives into his neurodivergent struggles within various work environments, from being a meat cutter to a public educator and now an entrepreneur. Bruce reflects on his journey of misunderstanding workplace dynamics, the challenge of building relationships, and his pursuit of success through hyper-focus on tasks, often neglecting the essential aspect of social integration.

 

**Key Takeaways:**

1. **Understanding Neurodiversity in the Workplace**: Bruce's story highlights the unique challenges neurodivergent individuals face in standard work settings.

2. **The Importance of Relationships**: The episode underscores the critical role of building and maintaining work relationships for career advancement.

3. **Self-Reflection and Growth**: Bruce shares his evolution in recognizing the value of feedback and the necessity of aligning with organizational goals.

 

**Resources:**

- **Aimless Life Assessment**: A tool for listeners to evaluate their career and life satisfaction, available at www.authenticidentitymanagement.com/assessment .

- **Support for Neurodivergent Individuals**: Bruce provides insights into navigating neurotypical work environments and advocating for oneself.

 

**Learn More About Coach Bruce:**

As a coach, Bruce Alexander specializes in assisting ADHD parents in finding balance and purpose. With a focus on authenticity and neurodiversity, Bruce is dedicated to helping others embrace their unique

Episode Transcript

(00:06):
I went all in on myself as a meat cutter,as a restaurant manager, as a firefighter,
as a public educator, and now as anindependent business owner.
Why did giving everything I had to the jobnot yield the success I desired?
Today on Authentic On Air, I discuss myneurodivergent struggle to work.
Oh, you know what?

(00:27):
Dang it.
We're going to do that all over againbecause I forgot about the first part.
The intro.
Silly boy.
All right, I'm still with you.

(00:49):
I just forgot to do this extremelyimportant part of the process.
Okay, so now we are going to drop in ourseason two intro.

(01:34):
I went all in on myself as a meat cutter,as a restaurant manager, as a firefighter,
as a public educator, and now as abusiness owner.
Why did I give everything and yet notyield the success I desired?
Today on Authentic On Air, I discuss myneurodivergent struggle to work.

(01:56):
Welcome back to Authentic On Air withBruce Alexander.
I am your host, Bruce Alexander.
As I mentioned last week, my brain isabsolutely 100 % a liar if I let it be.
And in this case, it has been superconfusing throughout the years.
I've always been an outsider at work.
I just didn't always know it.
As I reflect on the time before becoming asolo entrepreneur, here are some of my

(02:19):
main takeaways.
I had my feelings hurt a lot.
from promotion passovers to friendsturning against me.
There was always at least one person who Iat least had some low level of conflict
with.
I don't know if that's healthy.
I always needed someone fighting in mycorner or work was hell.

(02:39):
I found something that I was great in orgreat at and I just hyper -focused on
that.
And in all honesty, I don't know if I paidmuch attention to anything else.
and something that is definitely aconcurrent along all the jobs I can think
of is I blamed everyone else all of thetime.

(03:01):
I obviously didn't realize all this at thetime, but I know that it would have
changed or I'm sorry, but I don't knowthat it would have changed anything.
The perspective that I held was that Idecided what should be important for
everyone else and fuck them if theycouldn't get on board.
It's funny because I didn't write anychecks.
I didn't manage a team without some sortof supervising body.

(03:23):
Who was I to make these declarations?
In my mind, I got results and objectivelyI can say that in some areas I did, but
they were the results that I decided werethe most important.
And the fact that, or the fact may be thatthey should have been for the
organization, but if it wasn't, I justdidn't really care.

(03:44):
As an employee, I always had my mind onsystems and processes that were out of my
pay grade.
And as an up and coming supervisor, I didnot see the importance of building and
maintaining work relationships.
It just, I didn't see why it wastes thetime.
I'm doing the job.
I'm getting results.
Why do I need to build relationships withpeople I don't really care about and don't
seem to care about me?

(04:05):
I have now learned to rely to rely onsomething that is a little more.
It ties to my heart a little bit more.
I rely on results and relevant feedback.
not just from coworkers and peers, becausesometimes they can have selfish
motivations and occasionally hiddenagendas, not always, but occasionally.

(04:26):
But the feedback that I've learned toprioritize is the feedback from those that
sign my paychecks and the people I serve.
This is much easier for me now because Iget to sign my own paycheck, as small as
it may be, and I have a very closerelationship to the people I serve.
But as in my most recent past life as apublic educator, I had the unfortunate

(04:49):
experience of the feedback of the people Iwas serving not matching the feedback of
my boss, the guy who signed my check.
This is where my autistic ADHD strugglekicked into epically high gear.
I became obsessed with what I knew.
I knew to be true.
It had to be fact that I was a stone coldkiller of presenting and educating the

(05:10):
public on fire safety.
Without a doubt, all of my, you know, allof my clients are
Contacts told me that I was killing it Butmy boss was telling me that I was not
doing what I needed to do to I was notdoing what needed to be done to become a
necessary An integral part of the team andif I couldn't get on board they could find
somewhere else for me What the fuck doesthat even mean that left my head swimming?

(05:34):
Whenever I was giving a given a task and Icrushed it every time How was I not doing
what needed to be done to be part of theteam?
I didn't even ask for help most of thetime
I did it all by myself.
I take the entire team where the obstacleand put it on my back and get it all done.
That to me was what being a great teammember looked like.

(05:57):
I found out since that buildingrelationships is part of the game.
But here was where the true problem layoff is that I was asking myself, what is
he even saying?
I literally did not understand what he wascommunicating to me.
And this was not the first time I foundmyself in this situation either.

(06:19):
I didn't speak the same language and manyof my bosses had gotten fed up eventually
with me quote unquote, not living up to mypotential.
Also my teachers, my coaches, what waswrong with me?
Or was it what was wrong with them?
Why weren't we able to understand andcommunicate common goals and strategies?

(06:42):
This wasn't always the case.
There had always been teachers, coaches,and bosses who had been able to identify
my strengths and get me producing at veryhigh levels doing exactly what it was they
wanted me to do.
What the fuck?
What was the common theme?
Those who were able to squeeze water fromthe stone?
I remember liking them, laughing withthem, feeling seen by them.

(07:06):
Whatever the work they wanted done wasdidn't feel like work.
It felt like purpose.
I had bought in.
Why?
These administrators in my life sawsomething more in me and understood how to
get it out.
I know now that they were like me.
They had an understanding of how I tickedbecause they too were neurodivergent.

(07:28):
They never would be identified that waybecause back then, even sometimes now,
somebody in the supervisory structurewouldn't come out and say that their ADHD
are autistic.
It's not something that is highly toutedon your on your job application.
I mean, it is for me.
I put it on all of mine because I don't Idon't want to walk into any situation and

(07:50):
have them expecting something that I'm notgoing to be anymore.
But the stories that these these peoplethat I that were getting the most out of
me, the stories that they shared, thestruggles they expressed to relate to me
identifies them as like me now.
I get it.
I see.
that they had struggled just like I didtrying to learn how to operate in a system

(08:12):
that wasn't made for them.
The important takeaway is that there areand were neurodivergence out there who are
not only surviving, but thriving in theneurotypical workplace.
And it takes the ones out there who getwhat it means to operate inside of that
structure to recognize and guide those whojust don't get it.

(08:33):
I'm on the other side now.
I get it.
I understand how that world works.
and how to grow and succeed in it.
Thank God I'm not operating in it, but Iget I get it now.
I see how the game is played, butunfortunately, learning it cost me my
place in that structure in order to gainthat understanding.
And I say unfortunately, because thestability financially, the consistency,

(09:02):
those things do provide a sense of safetyand there is the opportunity for belonging
to something bigger.
But for me, I was dying.
I hated, I hated going to work every day.
I was anxious whenever I woke up everymorning.
I spent most days trying to find somethingelse to do somewhere else.
If there wasn't active work to be done tojust not be there.

(09:24):
I don't think that that made the situationany better.
So the responsibility of theneurodivergent trying to make it out there
in standard society is to accept andacknowledge your uniqueness.
Be self -aware and understanding thatthere are things that seem like
neurotypicals unfairly get away with thathave much more nuance than we are able to

(09:46):
understand because they just don't thinklike us.
Be on the lookout for and accept help fromthe neurodivergence who have figured out
how to play the neurotypical game andwhatever sector you're in.
It is essential.
You need someone who has your back becauseit is a game of relationships.
If you don't have it, you will be pushedout.

(10:08):
Storytime.
A friend of mine just got let go from hisjob yesterday.
He had no idea this was coming.
I have gained a high level of patentrecognition in this process from my
experiences of getting hit out of nowherewith pink slips.
A couple of months ago, I felt it comingfor my friend.

(10:28):
I didn't tell him exactly what I sawhappening, but instead I gauged his
readiness to hear what was going on.
Remember,
I have been in the exact same positionbefore and I know that you have to be
ready to hear this truth.
He wasn't ready.
And I have learned that as a friend, it isnot my position to break down the frame
you're viewing the world through.

(10:49):
That's not what friends do.
Friends are there for you to support youare there for you to, you know, be a
shoulder to cry on, to offer advicewhenever it's needed, not to impose your,
your learning or your teachings upon them.
And so I didn't.
Ahem.

(11:11):
But as a coach, I know now that in theframe in which he created the problem, he
would not be able to solve it.
Unfortunately, he needed a massive shiftin order to be able to see how to get out
of the situation he was in.
And unfortunately for many that only comesfrom devastating consequences.

(11:34):
I hope he finds the truth he needed tolearn from this experience.
And if he asked me,
I will help him correlate the lesson toaction, but someone has to want to take
action for me to intervene these days.
I have learned that it is my obligation todeliver my message to those I'm called to
serve because like those who tried to tellme at various points throughout my career,

(11:58):
I know if they're not ready, the advicewill be wasted.
But I know someone listening to thisepisode is aware of their struggle that
I'm talking about.
Another story.
So I spent a year and a half preparing forexercising for training for applying for

(12:25):
getting on the fire department to thenspend six months being treated as a I
don't know, a bootlicker.
Basically, it's similar to basic trainingfor those of you who don't know.
And there is a reason for it.
I understand.
why the structure of the fire departmentis the way that it is.
You need to be broken down and understandthat you have orders and you have to

(12:47):
follow them because lives are at stake.
I 100 % get it.
What I didn't understand is when we weretraining, why me asking a question about
how something works was making an excuse.
About whenever my explanation for whysomething didn't work,

(13:08):
was called an excuse.
Why my problem solving ability, trying tofigure out a smarter way to do things, was
seen as laziness and was told that Ialways wanted to get out of work.
I wanted to get out of working dumb.
I wanted to get out of expendingunnecessary energy whenever I was at the
busiest station in the city and we couldmake anywhere up to 30 calls in a single

(13:33):
day, including house fires.
I didn't want to waste energy.
I wanted to be ready for whenever theimportant call came to save somebody's
life or to go fight a fire all night.
I wanted to work smarter, not harder.
But the structure in which the firedepartment was built.
was built for neurotypicals who can justdo what they're told and not have any

(13:55):
questions.
As I started to rise up in theorganization, and this was not because my
peers liked me so much, the way that youwere able to advance is through testing,
and I'm smart.
So I was able to advance and have theopportunity for control to a certain
degree.

(14:15):
But whenever you think differently in anorganization like that,
you get a reputation.
And my reputation was I didn't know how toget along.
I didn't know how to just do what I wastold.
And that used to, it broke my heartbecause I did everything I could possibly
do to try to get these people to like meto the degree in which I faked who I was

(14:37):
and made it actually worse.
Masking is not a solution long -term.
And as this, as this reputation followedme, I found myself
Not only not being able to exert thesupervision that I knew was correct, the
systems that I had I had come up with andhad thought out and had figured out would

(15:01):
be more efficient or faster or whatever.
I found that even in a position of power,my power was taken away from me by those
who had just a little bit more.
I was constantly undercut and told thatthose powers in which I had seen exercise,
thousands of times by other people whowere in my position had previously been in

(15:24):
weren't for me.
And I still have to this day have to askmyself how much of it was race and how
much of it was neurodivergence.
But the result was the same.
I felt defeated.
I felt so isolated.
And I can overall say that I felt numbwhen I was at work.

(15:45):
And whenever I came home, I just wanted tonot feel.
numb.
And so I did anything I could to distractmyself and this led down a dangerous road.
I want people to learn from my mistakes,to see the signs of trying to distract
yourself from your life or trying to numbyourself to your life because you are not

(16:08):
engaged with passion and purpose.
I know that there's somebody right nowwho's like I was that can feel the walls
closing in on them at work.
You can feel the water around you risingand splashing up your nose.
You are doing everything.
and anything you can to distract yourselffrom the overwhelm or boredom that has

(16:30):
begun to consume your life.
Drinking constantly, social media,binging, porn, TV, pick your poison.
But continuing down that path does havedire consequences.
This unrecognized chaos will end in damageto the relationships you have with your
kids and with your spouse and yourfriends.

(16:52):
You will see consequences in theworkplace, just like my friend did.
who got laid off because he was not ableto see that he was not following the neuro
-typical rules.
To him, everything was just fine.
He was doing great.
He was crushing all of the objectivemetrics.
But to neuro -typicals, there is a hiddenunspoken code that you have to be able to

(17:16):
get on board with or you will be pushedout.
You will start to take your body forgranted and slowly it will break down
right before your eyes and you will feelhelpless to do anything about it.
And worst of all, this is absolutely theworst thing that happened to me as I went
through this process is I was no longerable to feel God's touch in my life.

(17:42):
You will eventually through drinkingdrugs, turning the volume up on the TV,
bearing yourself.
in a book or your head in the sand, drownout the voice of God that speaks inside of
you and calls you to move in the rightdirection.
The shift is the most powerful and sadly Ican say the most subtle.

(18:05):
The voice or the shift between hearing Godand feeling him move in your life to not.
One day you look up and you just don'thear it anymore.
You don't hear that bigger thing callingyou to do more.
I had no idea that it was gone until itstarted to come back.

(18:28):
The amazing news that I can report, andthis is good news, and I can report this
as a testimonial is that God's voice neverleft you.
You just stopped listening and all ittakes to turn the volume back up is one
act of faith, one bold action, onestatement of acceptance, accepting that

(18:48):
you are not okay anymore.
You will start to hear that voice again,but you will be challenged to move, to
take imperfect action.
to step into the unknown without knowingwhat is next.
Because right now you can't comprehend thesolution to the problem that is your life.
You just, you can't as you are right now,you have to step out on faith into the

(19:11):
unknown and without knowing what is next.
You just have to commit.
You have to commit to do whatever ittakes, whatever it takes to start feeling
again, to stop numbing and sedatingyourself to the life that you, that
belongs to you.
It belongs to you.
The control belongs to you.

(19:32):
But first you have to accept that you'velost control.
You have to shake off the numbness andsedation and find true engagement into
this life because that is all that we cancontrol is how we engage in this life.
My struggle to work was a struggle of myown implementation, but it was a divine
creation.
I needed my struggle to sharpen me as atool to serve my calling, to serve you, to

(19:57):
shepherd ADHD parents back to lives ofengagement and purposeful lives of
balance.
If you are raising your hand right nowsaying, that sounds like me, don't panic,
do not freak out.
The distance between the paths ofdestruction and destiny,
are separated by a microscopic margin withthe right assistance.

(20:19):
Right now, click in the link in theepisode description and take the aimless
life assessment.
This quiz will give you immediate resultsand instructions on what the next steps
you need to take are to change thetrajectory of your path.
Go to www .authenticidentitymanagement.com forward slash assessment to get

(20:40):
access right now.
I am, this is your call.
If you've listened this long, this is yourcall.
I don't think that I have all the answers,but I do think that God is shaping me and
using me as a tool to help you findconnection in your life again.

(21:00):
But you have to take the first step.
I know that it sounds crazy and right nowyou can't even possibly fathom what it
looks like to re -engage in your life, butthat's okay.
I've been exactly where you are right nowand I can help you out.
Consider the consequences that you areguaranteeing your family by not taking

(21:20):
action.
What watered down, numb version ofyourself are your children getting?
How much has your relationship suffered?
How separate do you feel from your spouse?
How cold have they become to you?
Are you to them?

(21:41):
Your kids, your wife, you deserve better.
But it starts with you.
That's it for today's show.
Just so you know, I will be bringing inplenty of guests in season two, but I'm
done wondering if my audience likes me.
This is my house.
And in it, I determined the message andsetting the groundwork for growing a

(22:04):
movement for the rapid growth of ADHDparents in all areas of life is priority
number one.
But stay tuned this season as I bring ontherapists, social workers, and other
mental health professionals, which I calltools in your toolbox for the overall
mental health, physical wellbeing of theADHD parent.
We'll also have success stories, souls incrisis, and anyone else who can help us

(22:27):
explore this intersection.
of authenticity and neurodiversity as wetry to be ADHD parents who have it all.
I will see you next week.
Episodes drop every Thursday morning.
And until then, please in all truth, beyourself and love yourself.
Have a great afternoon.