May 15, 2024 • 19 mins
I want to talk about leadership. But not what it looks like when you do but instead what it looks like when you don’t.
I consider myself to be a leader. For myself. For my family. For my clients. For my following.
Am I always a good leader? No.
Here is the evidence that sometimes I flat out fail as a leader.
1. My wife is struggling to trust the process and have faith that we will find a place to live.
As my family’s spiritual leader I am supposed to clarify the vision and hold space for my family to find clarity and confidence in the vision through my leadership. Fail.
2. I have clients still living in the darkness of their lies and I am missing opportunities to collide with them through meaningful conversations because I haven’t done my due diligence.
I have a client who is hundreds of dollars behind on his coaching fees but because I wasn’t watching the backend of my automations I didn’t know. He is telling me weakly everything is trending well financially while he is declining on every payment. I can’t pay for him but I can hold him accountable and use it as a trigger for a truly honest conversation. But I have to be paying attention for that.
3. I want to build a social media movement guiding ADHD parents to mute their inner critic and trust their inner voice. Right now I can’t even get a conversation started with one follower, let alone tens of thousands.
The leader of a movement knows what to say to engage his followers in meaningful conversation and I am just not there as a leader yet.
I am not the leader I want to be! It sucks. But it is a fact.
Facts fuel solutions though. That is good news. I just defined 3 solid things I can actively start working on so I can increase my status as a leader.
That is how easy it is to grow when you tell the truth.
You admit what isn’t working.
You identify how you want it to work.
You take action to fix it.
What is something you are failing at that you want to fix right now?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:37):
Hello and welcome back to Authentic OneAir with Bruce Alexander.
I am your host, Bruce Alexander.
Welcome to the Thunderdome.
This is my studio for the time being inthe basement of my Aunt -in -law's home.
It's a beautiful cabin, but this is mytiny corner of it and I'm not loving the
studio setup.
It's a good thing though.
(00:57):
This is uncomfortable.
It is, I'm in a state of discomfort beingin this place that is not my own.
Why is that good?
Discomfort is the phase before growth inorder to get the thing you have to be
uncomfortable for a while and right nowthe thing is the place where my family
(01:18):
belongs So this has been a greatexperience of getting to know my aunt -in
-law and her you know her children and herhusband well like Loved it really have you
know excited to spend a little bit moretime here, but it is just uncomfortable
enough to make sure that we are
really out looking for houses or we'rereally ready to pounce on the opportunity
(01:39):
whenever God provides for us.
So anyways, today I wanna talk about theburden of leadership.
You must be a fool if you sign up onpurpose to lead people because you are
just begging to disappoint them.
That's me, put my hand up, I want to leadpeople and I wanna talk about that some
(02:00):
today.
First, let's catch up.
Body.
So out here in the sticks in this cabinthat we're staying at, there's a, you
know, like a rocky style workout bar and Igot going out or going on right now, some
really old school weights, heavy enough tofeel like I'm doing something real again,
but not too crazy to where I can injuremyself.
(02:23):
So I've been doing a little bit of liftingand, you know, keeping the walking going
and I feel, I feel old as shit.
Like I'm not gonna lie, but I start, I'mstarting to feel like,
brief moments of power and that feelsgood.
I forgot how good it feels to feelpowerful and you know, I'm excited that
(02:43):
helps propel me forward to keep doing thisstuff because honestly, sometimes it
doesn't feel great but feeling that briefmoment is helping make it all worth it and
then seeing the incremental improvementslike being really present in the facts of
today and seeing that there are thingsthat are going right.
(03:03):
It is hard not to still look at myself andsee the body that I hate, but the body
that I hate is still better than the bodyit was two months ago.
So it's not the body I want, but it'sbetter.
I have to keep digging in on that and keepworking on that.
My being, my relationship with God isgetting better and better.
I'm stacking daily, I'm praying moreconsistently, I'm having open
(03:28):
conversations with God and I'm starting tobring my family into that more.
Today was the first time I prayed over mywife and I was really, really nervous to
do that.
But she was struggling and I felt like mylack of spiritual leadership was doing her
a massive disservice.
So I needed to step up and help providesome clarity for her and show her my faith
(03:52):
in action.
And it was a really positive result.
So that's great.
And that also goes into my balance.
My relationship with Kate is, you know,it's still tumultuous at times.
There is still a lot of trauma that I haveinflicted upon her that has to be undone,
but the healing is well underway.
We've made it across the country.
We're now in Auburn, New York, and she dida lot of things that she has said I can't
(04:19):
to get us here.
Like her growth throughout this trip hasbeen phenomenal, and I've been really
appreciative of that.
I've been...
you know, really supportive of her alongthe way.
And that has been my goal.
So I'm really excited about having stuckto that goal and have maintained support
for her.
So that's balance business.
Business has been, man, business has beenkind of weird.
(04:44):
I kind of had, I've had a couple of falseflags recently.
One thinking that there was some, somedrama coming my way that didn't actually
exist.
It was my own stories getting in the wayof like progress with one of my clients.
And I stacked that, worked through it,showed up in truth.
And we had a really, really great sessionthat produced some really great growth for
my client.
So I was like, okay, that's great.
(05:05):
That's what happens whenever you, you facefacts and live in truth is that you were
able to take those things that are scaringyou, those anxieties, and you're able to
turn them on their head and actually usethem to provide growth.
And that's what happened with her.
But then on the other side, I had anotherclient who I thought I was making really
great progress with.
and come to find out like, you know, thebasis of everything that we do is tell the
(05:29):
truth, live by the code, stop fuckinglying.
And meanwhile, every time I'd ask himabout his finances, you know, how are
things going?
You know, the things that we've worked on,as the money started to come in, he's
like, yeah, things are improving, thingsare going pretty well.
Come to find out his card has beendeclined for the last month and a half of
(05:50):
sessions.
Now that's my fault for not being on topof my finances.
Isn't that something that I'm glad gotexposed now why I don't have that many
clients because if I had 15 clients andfour of them weren't paying I wasn't on
top of that.
That's a lot of money I'm losing out on Istill lost out on a lot of money and I
hope that he's gonna pay me back But if ifhe doesn't that's an expensive lesson
(06:11):
still but I take responsibility for thatBut I'm more upset not about the money but
about the fact that I thought that we hadwe had this
special bond of truth that we were sharingand he was growing and starting to
implement these things in his life.
Knowing that this big lie has been outthere for, you know, pretty much six out
(06:34):
of the 10 weeks that we've been seeing,you know, that we've been in sessions
together, makes me question all the workthat we've done together.
And that makes me really sad for him andfor his family.
Like I was that work.
was about him getting closer to his wife,him getting closer to his children.
That's important work.
But if it's based on a foundation of lies,everything that he's done is probably
(06:59):
gonna fall apart because now he has nofoundation of truth to move forward with
without me.
And like, I'm not kicking him to the curb,but he's said now that I called him when I
was like, man, I see that your card hasbeen declined for the last two monthly
payments.
Like...
we had to get this figured out before wemove forward.
(07:19):
And he's like, yeah, you know, there's duefinancial hardship, not going to be able
to continue.
It's like, that's rough.
I understand why it's, it feels like aluxury to pay in personal investment, but
the amount of money that he has increasedsince we started working together pays for
me easily.
(07:40):
So it was worth it at least for that.
And the amount of.
depth in his relationship that he's gainedis just, you know, it's just icing on the
cake.
But people don't look at that.
They look at that one payment and what amI, what am I doing today versus looking at
how our collision has changed thetrajectory of their life forever.
(08:01):
And if he was actually living in thetruth, he would see that, but he's not.
And I don't know what level he is.
And you know, I have to take.
responsibility for that as well because ifI had been digging deeper with him in
sessions and then with my own finances, Iwould have seen that and that would have
been a collision that we could have hadand that goes into the leadership part.
(08:23):
I'll talk about that again in a minute aswell.
So that's body being balanced and businessall taken care of that's caught up.
We are in Auburn, New York.
The journey is going well.
I've announced to Kate that I think thatwe're going to find a house this week.
I'm announcing it to everybody who listensnow all 10 of you.
that I think it is our house is going toappear for us very, very soon.
(08:46):
And this is not our forever home oranything, but this is our next place to
stage for the next month or two to findthe place where we move all of our stuff
up for.
So I think that we're gonna find that thenext seven days that has been put placed
on my heart and I'm announcing it.
I'm believing it's already happened.
I believe that's what God has for us andI'm just acting in faith.
(09:08):
Like that's what this is all about.
and it's scary and it feels kind of goofybut at the same time it also removes a lot
of anxiety from my heart so just talkabout it.
So anyways that's all the catch -up stuff.
I wanted to talk about leadership becausethis keeps coming across my plate.
(09:29):
You know there's you really have to be aspecial kind of nut to want to actively
sign up to be a leader not only in yourfamily,
but in your workspace, in your career, andthen to try to be a leader of a movement
on social media, it's nuts.
Like, I don't know what I'm thinking, butat the same time, I also know that I've
(09:54):
been called.
Like, there is a voice inside of me thatsays, you have to do this.
Whenever I'm not doing it, I don't feelright.
I feel off.
Whenever I'm doing it, and I'm doing itwell, whenever I'm...
I have done all the stuff I need to do toshow up as my strongest self and I go into
that leadership position, then it feelsamazing.
It feels powerful and it feels like whereI belong.
(10:16):
But it is a process of doing all the smallthings right, showing up consistently for
myself to then be the leader that isneeded.
That's a lot.
It is a heavy burden.
And then on top of that, that's all thestuff I have to do to prepare myself.
There are a lot of people who
are not ready to be led because they don'tlive in truth and they're not willing to
(10:40):
look at the truth.
And a lot of them attack me on socialmedia.
They come at my physical appearance.
They say, you know, on TikTok, I have aguy who was just trolling me for days on
end, like 30 comments of nobody wants to,nobody wants to watch your videos.
You should just quit.
Like, I don't know, maybe he's a killer orsomething.
I don't know.
It was pretty bad, but like, I know thatwhenever you have,
(11:05):
God's urging like the calling to supportyou.
What some no name, no posting person sayshas no effect on me.
Like it is, I'm not gonna say no effect,briefly it does hurt.
Like I'm a human being obviously, but thenwhenever I think about what I'm doing this
for and all the people who are hurting,who need somebody like me to help them out
(11:30):
of the pit of their darkness, I'm like,fuck that guy.
He's, you know, not only,
Is he any like just as broken as I am?
He is more so broken and he's so farbehind the curve because he's not even
looking at what's wrong with him.
He thinks that it's me.
He has no idea how broken he is and that'sthat's that's sad for him.
(11:52):
Like so I'm not going to let that personsway how I feel about myself.
That doesn't mean that I'm not going toget down and disappointed and depressed in
my in my own actions because that happens.
Being a leader does not mean that younever feel sad or you never feel like not
leading.
It means that you do it anyways.
(12:13):
It means that you continue to step up tothe plate and try your damnedest to lead
the people you are trying to shepherd tothe promised land, wherever that is.
I want to lead ADHD parents to trust theirinner voice again.
I want them to learn to silence that innercritic, except for when it's useful for
them, and learn to hear their inner voice.
(12:35):
and to move with purpose and passion to dothings that actually fill them for their
lives instead of them following theneurotypical standard, the status quo and
doing things that make them feel a littlecrazy every single day.
It's a terrible life to lead.
(12:58):
And what's the worst part about it is it'sso easy to embrace comfort.
as they like the panacea for all yourproblems like well at least I don't at
least I'm not broke sometimes likehonestly not bringing in that much money
right now is so much better than showingup to work and having to be a slave to a
(13:20):
system for people who hate me they hateeverything about me they don't understand
how I think work act or anything and theydon't care too because I'm not like them
people don't like different like as muchas money
As much as people try to protest and saydifferent, very few people in the
mainstream work culture care fordifferent.
(13:43):
They would much rather just make you actlike them.
And if you can't, they would want to, theywant to put you on the outside.
I could never do that again.
It would like, it would, it would rot mefrom the inside out.
Once you see what it's like on the otherside to invest in yourself and really try.
(14:04):
to do something important for the peoplewho are counting on you, it's a game
changer.
Like, I couldn't go back.
So that is one kind of the burden ofleadership is just the knowing that you
have to do it because going back to doingsomething else is, it's not possible.
(14:25):
Another burden is like leading in yourfamily is knowing that if you don't do it,
the likelihood of anybody else doing it isalmost nil.
And then if they do do it, you're going tofeel like shit.
Because whenever you are called to be theleader of your family, you know it.
(14:46):
Like whether you acknowledged or not, youknow.
And so a couple times in my life, wheneversomebody else has stepped up, my oldest
daughter has been one who has had to bethe person who's led in situations because
neither of...
us adults were doing it.
That feels terrible.
My wife does not want to be the leader.
(15:09):
She wants to be my partner and me be thevision maker and the decider of the big
things.
But I have not done that in manysituations.
So now whenever I try to do it, shedoesn't trust me.
It's like, you know, muscle memory for herto like...
tense against my leadership because she'sso used to having to carry the load of I
(15:35):
really just avoid of leadership.
Like she has admitted herself, you know,pretty openly that she has not good at
leading in that state.
She's just there's too much fear for her.
She needs certainty.
And I'm good at providing that wheneverI'm doing once again, doing all the small
things to show up in a place of power.
(15:57):
But not only do I have to providecertainty at this point, I have to be just
impossibly, not impossibly, I want to likejust hyper consistent because I've done so
much damage.
There's, you know, 12 plus years of beinga bad husband and boyfriend that I have to
(16:17):
undo and be consistent on for her to trustmy leadership.
That is a big burden, but I accept it.
I want it.
I desire to lead this family.
Not only do I desire to lead this family,I desire to lead my clients.
And leading clients is, I don't know, it'sboth better and worse as far as the burden
(16:41):
goes because clients, you get them for asession, you give them homework, things to
do, to take with them, but the pressure isnot on for you to lead your clients all
the time.
You need to show up in the time that youhave shared together and be the best
version of yourself, be able to hold spacefor them so they can have clarity and
(17:03):
confidence moving forward in theirdecisions.
That's all great.
But the problem with that is you also onlyhave that session together to reinforce
those things.
With my family, they see me doing thethings day in and day out, over and over
and over, showing up, working out, doingmy...
my daily writing, stacking every day,praying every day.
(17:25):
They see me doing it over and over andover again.
And they see the difference in me.
My clients see me once a week.
My longest standing client, he's seen thedifference in me, but he's known me the
longest.
So he knows that it works.
So that gives him some buy -in.
But still, we only have one day a week inorder for me to impress upon him how to
(17:49):
implement that into his life.
And that's hard.
And there's you carry the burden ofwanting this person to succeed and there's
a lot of personal responsibility in that.
And then also in that you have to bewilling to go into their darkest space
with them so that they can grow.
If you're not willing to talk about thehard dark stuff, then they're not going to
(18:10):
be able to move past it because that's whythey have a coach is because they haven't
been able to move past it.
And so like, yeah, that's, that's it.
I want to keep it under 20 minutes now.
I'm just going to end.
under 20 minutes because I don't want tocommit so much time to this at this moment
on this during this move.
I just want to make sure I'm getting apodcast episode done.
(18:32):
I'm talking about things that areimportant to me and I'm engaging with the,
you know, the few of you who are stilllistening as I've pivoted this show.
And if you're still listening, thank youso much.
And if you are wanting to find out moreabout living your impulsive life, I would
love to hear from you.
You can contact me.
You can still.
email me at bruce at authentic identitymanagement .com.
(18:54):
Haven't said that in a while, but also youcan set up a free consultation where I
will provide you with at least three, atleast three techniques or strategies to
start to uncover the impulse of you.
That means releasing the fear, regret,guilt, shame, and all that stuff that is
almost inherent with being an ADHD adult.
You've lived a hard life and you need somehelp uncovering what you were actually
(19:18):
supposed to be doing.
and I would love to help you with that.
You can go to www .impulsive .life forwardslash consult for a free consultation and
I would love to do that with you.
Until next week, I'll talk to you then.
Goodbye everybody.
Hello and welcome back to Authentic OneAir with Bruce Alexander.
I am your host, Bruce Alexander.
Welcome to the Thunderdome.
This is my studio for the time being inthe basement of my Aunt -in -law's home.
It's a beautiful cabin, but this is mytiny corner of it and I'm not loving the
studio setup.
It's a good thing though.
(00:57):
This is uncomfortable.
It is, I'm in a state of discomfort beingin this place that is not my own.
Why is that good?
Discomfort is the phase before growth inorder to get the thing you have to be
uncomfortable for a while and right nowthe thing is the place where my family
(01:18):
belongs So this has been a greatexperience of getting to know my aunt -in
-law and her you know her children and herhusband well like Loved it really have you
know excited to spend a little bit moretime here, but it is just uncomfortable
enough to make sure that we are
really out looking for houses or we'rereally ready to pounce on the opportunity
(01:39):
whenever God provides for us.
So anyways, today I wanna talk about theburden of leadership.
You must be a fool if you sign up onpurpose to lead people because you are
just begging to disappoint them.
That's me, put my hand up, I want to leadpeople and I wanna talk about that some
(02:00):
today.
First, let's catch up.
Body.
So out here in the sticks in this cabinthat we're staying at, there's a, you
know, like a rocky style workout bar and Igot going out or going on right now, some
really old school weights, heavy enough tofeel like I'm doing something real again,
but not too crazy to where I can injuremyself.
(02:23):
So I've been doing a little bit of liftingand, you know, keeping the walking going
and I feel, I feel old as shit.
Like I'm not gonna lie, but I start, I'mstarting to feel like,
brief moments of power and that feelsgood.
I forgot how good it feels to feelpowerful and you know, I'm excited that
(02:43):
helps propel me forward to keep doing thisstuff because honestly, sometimes it
doesn't feel great but feeling that briefmoment is helping make it all worth it and
then seeing the incremental improvementslike being really present in the facts of
today and seeing that there are thingsthat are going right.
(03:03):
It is hard not to still look at myself andsee the body that I hate, but the body
that I hate is still better than the bodyit was two months ago.
So it's not the body I want, but it'sbetter.
I have to keep digging in on that and keepworking on that.
My being, my relationship with God isgetting better and better.
I'm stacking daily, I'm praying moreconsistently, I'm having open
(03:28):
conversations with God and I'm starting tobring my family into that more.
Today was the first time I prayed over mywife and I was really, really nervous to
do that.
But she was struggling and I felt like mylack of spiritual leadership was doing her
a massive disservice.
So I needed to step up and help providesome clarity for her and show her my faith
(03:52):
in action.
And it was a really positive result.
So that's great.
And that also goes into my balance.
My relationship with Kate is, you know,it's still tumultuous at times.
There is still a lot of trauma that I haveinflicted upon her that has to be undone,
but the healing is well underway.
We've made it across the country.
We're now in Auburn, New York, and she dida lot of things that she has said I can't
(04:19):
to get us here.
Like her growth throughout this trip hasbeen phenomenal, and I've been really
appreciative of that.
I've been...
you know, really supportive of her alongthe way.
And that has been my goal.
So I'm really excited about having stuckto that goal and have maintained support
for her.
So that's balance business.
Business has been, man, business has beenkind of weird.
(04:44):
I kind of had, I've had a couple of falseflags recently.
One thinking that there was some, somedrama coming my way that didn't actually
exist.
It was my own stories getting in the wayof like progress with one of my clients.
And I stacked that, worked through it,showed up in truth.
And we had a really, really great sessionthat produced some really great growth for
my client.
So I was like, okay, that's great.
(05:05):
That's what happens whenever you, you facefacts and live in truth is that you were
able to take those things that are scaringyou, those anxieties, and you're able to
turn them on their head and actually usethem to provide growth.
And that's what happened with her.
But then on the other side, I had anotherclient who I thought I was making really
great progress with.
and come to find out like, you know, thebasis of everything that we do is tell the
(05:29):
truth, live by the code, stop fuckinglying.
And meanwhile, every time I'd ask himabout his finances, you know, how are
things going?
You know, the things that we've worked on,as the money started to come in, he's
like, yeah, things are improving, thingsare going pretty well.
Come to find out his card has beendeclined for the last month and a half of
(05:50):
sessions.
Now that's my fault for not being on topof my finances.
Isn't that something that I'm glad gotexposed now why I don't have that many
clients because if I had 15 clients andfour of them weren't paying I wasn't on
top of that.
That's a lot of money I'm losing out on Istill lost out on a lot of money and I
hope that he's gonna pay me back But if ifhe doesn't that's an expensive lesson
(06:11):
still but I take responsibility for thatBut I'm more upset not about the money but
about the fact that I thought that we hadwe had this
special bond of truth that we were sharingand he was growing and starting to
implement these things in his life.
Knowing that this big lie has been outthere for, you know, pretty much six out
(06:34):
of the 10 weeks that we've been seeing,you know, that we've been in sessions
together, makes me question all the workthat we've done together.
And that makes me really sad for him andfor his family.
Like I was that work.
was about him getting closer to his wife,him getting closer to his children.
That's important work.
But if it's based on a foundation of lies,everything that he's done is probably
(06:59):
gonna fall apart because now he has nofoundation of truth to move forward with
without me.
And like, I'm not kicking him to the curb,but he's said now that I called him when I
was like, man, I see that your card hasbeen declined for the last two monthly
payments.
Like...
we had to get this figured out before wemove forward.
(07:19):
And he's like, yeah, you know, there's duefinancial hardship, not going to be able
to continue.
It's like, that's rough.
I understand why it's, it feels like aluxury to pay in personal investment, but
the amount of money that he has increasedsince we started working together pays for
me easily.
(07:40):
So it was worth it at least for that.
And the amount of.
depth in his relationship that he's gainedis just, you know, it's just icing on the
cake.
But people don't look at that.
They look at that one payment and what amI, what am I doing today versus looking at
how our collision has changed thetrajectory of their life forever.
(08:01):
And if he was actually living in thetruth, he would see that, but he's not.
And I don't know what level he is.
And you know, I have to take.
responsibility for that as well because ifI had been digging deeper with him in
sessions and then with my own finances, Iwould have seen that and that would have
been a collision that we could have hadand that goes into the leadership part.
(08:23):
I'll talk about that again in a minute aswell.
So that's body being balanced and businessall taken care of that's caught up.
We are in Auburn, New York.
The journey is going well.
I've announced to Kate that I think thatwe're going to find a house this week.
I'm announcing it to everybody who listensnow all 10 of you.
that I think it is our house is going toappear for us very, very soon.
(08:46):
And this is not our forever home oranything, but this is our next place to
stage for the next month or two to findthe place where we move all of our stuff
up for.
So I think that we're gonna find that thenext seven days that has been put placed
on my heart and I'm announcing it.
I'm believing it's already happened.
I believe that's what God has for us andI'm just acting in faith.
(09:08):
Like that's what this is all about.
and it's scary and it feels kind of goofybut at the same time it also removes a lot
of anxiety from my heart so just talkabout it.
So anyways that's all the catch -up stuff.
I wanted to talk about leadership becausethis keeps coming across my plate.
(09:29):
You know there's you really have to be aspecial kind of nut to want to actively
sign up to be a leader not only in yourfamily,
but in your workspace, in your career, andthen to try to be a leader of a movement
on social media, it's nuts.
Like, I don't know what I'm thinking, butat the same time, I also know that I've
(09:54):
been called.
Like, there is a voice inside of me thatsays, you have to do this.
Whenever I'm not doing it, I don't feelright.
I feel off.
Whenever I'm doing it, and I'm doing itwell, whenever I'm...
I have done all the stuff I need to do toshow up as my strongest self and I go into
that leadership position, then it feelsamazing.
It feels powerful and it feels like whereI belong.
(10:16):
But it is a process of doing all the smallthings right, showing up consistently for
myself to then be the leader that isneeded.
That's a lot.
It is a heavy burden.
And then on top of that, that's all thestuff I have to do to prepare myself.
There are a lot of people who
are not ready to be led because they don'tlive in truth and they're not willing to
(10:40):
look at the truth.
And a lot of them attack me on socialmedia.
They come at my physical appearance.
They say, you know, on TikTok, I have aguy who was just trolling me for days on
end, like 30 comments of nobody wants to,nobody wants to watch your videos.
You should just quit.
Like, I don't know, maybe he's a killer orsomething.
I don't know.
It was pretty bad, but like, I know thatwhenever you have,
(11:05):
God's urging like the calling to supportyou.
What some no name, no posting person sayshas no effect on me.
Like it is, I'm not gonna say no effect,briefly it does hurt.
Like I'm a human being obviously, but thenwhenever I think about what I'm doing this
for and all the people who are hurting,who need somebody like me to help them out
(11:30):
of the pit of their darkness, I'm like,fuck that guy.
He's, you know, not only,
Is he any like just as broken as I am?
He is more so broken and he's so farbehind the curve because he's not even
looking at what's wrong with him.
He thinks that it's me.
He has no idea how broken he is and that'sthat's that's sad for him.
(11:52):
Like so I'm not going to let that personsway how I feel about myself.
That doesn't mean that I'm not going toget down and disappointed and depressed in
my in my own actions because that happens.
Being a leader does not mean that younever feel sad or you never feel like not
leading.
It means that you do it anyways.
(12:13):
It means that you continue to step up tothe plate and try your damnedest to lead
the people you are trying to shepherd tothe promised land, wherever that is.
I want to lead ADHD parents to trust theirinner voice again.
I want them to learn to silence that innercritic, except for when it's useful for
them, and learn to hear their inner voice.
(12:35):
and to move with purpose and passion to dothings that actually fill them for their
lives instead of them following theneurotypical standard, the status quo and
doing things that make them feel a littlecrazy every single day.
It's a terrible life to lead.
(12:58):
And what's the worst part about it is it'sso easy to embrace comfort.
as they like the panacea for all yourproblems like well at least I don't at
least I'm not broke sometimes likehonestly not bringing in that much money
right now is so much better than showingup to work and having to be a slave to a
(13:20):
system for people who hate me they hateeverything about me they don't understand
how I think work act or anything and theydon't care too because I'm not like them
people don't like different like as muchas money
As much as people try to protest and saydifferent, very few people in the
mainstream work culture care fordifferent.
(13:43):
They would much rather just make you actlike them.
And if you can't, they would want to, theywant to put you on the outside.
I could never do that again.
It would like, it would, it would rot mefrom the inside out.
Once you see what it's like on the otherside to invest in yourself and really try.
(14:04):
to do something important for the peoplewho are counting on you, it's a game
changer.
Like, I couldn't go back.
So that is one kind of the burden ofleadership is just the knowing that you
have to do it because going back to doingsomething else is, it's not possible.
(14:25):
Another burden is like leading in yourfamily is knowing that if you don't do it,
the likelihood of anybody else doing it isalmost nil.
And then if they do do it, you're going tofeel like shit.
Because whenever you are called to be theleader of your family, you know it.
(14:46):
Like whether you acknowledged or not, youknow.
And so a couple times in my life, wheneversomebody else has stepped up, my oldest
daughter has been one who has had to bethe person who's led in situations because
neither of...
us adults were doing it.
That feels terrible.
My wife does not want to be the leader.
(15:09):
She wants to be my partner and me be thevision maker and the decider of the big
things.
But I have not done that in manysituations.
So now whenever I try to do it, shedoesn't trust me.
It's like, you know, muscle memory for herto like...
tense against my leadership because she'sso used to having to carry the load of I
(15:35):
really just avoid of leadership.
Like she has admitted herself, you know,pretty openly that she has not good at
leading in that state.
She's just there's too much fear for her.
She needs certainty.
And I'm good at providing that wheneverI'm doing once again, doing all the small
things to show up in a place of power.
(15:57):
But not only do I have to providecertainty at this point, I have to be just
impossibly, not impossibly, I want to likejust hyper consistent because I've done so
much damage.
There's, you know, 12 plus years of beinga bad husband and boyfriend that I have to
(16:17):
undo and be consistent on for her to trustmy leadership.
That is a big burden, but I accept it.
I want it.
I desire to lead this family.
Not only do I desire to lead this family,I desire to lead my clients.
And leading clients is, I don't know, it'sboth better and worse as far as the burden
(16:41):
goes because clients, you get them for asession, you give them homework, things to
do, to take with them, but the pressure isnot on for you to lead your clients all
the time.
You need to show up in the time that youhave shared together and be the best
version of yourself, be able to hold spacefor them so they can have clarity and
(17:03):
confidence moving forward in theirdecisions.
That's all great.
But the problem with that is you also onlyhave that session together to reinforce
those things.
With my family, they see me doing thethings day in and day out, over and over
and over, showing up, working out, doingmy...
my daily writing, stacking every day,praying every day.
(17:25):
They see me doing it over and over andover again.
And they see the difference in me.
My clients see me once a week.
My longest standing client, he's seen thedifference in me, but he's known me the
longest.
So he knows that it works.
So that gives him some buy -in.
But still, we only have one day a week inorder for me to impress upon him how to
(17:49):
implement that into his life.
And that's hard.
And there's you carry the burden ofwanting this person to succeed and there's
a lot of personal responsibility in that.
And then also in that you have to bewilling to go into their darkest space
with them so that they can grow.
If you're not willing to talk about thehard dark stuff, then they're not going to
(18:10):
be able to move past it because that's whythey have a coach is because they haven't
been able to move past it.
And so like, yeah, that's, that's it.
I want to keep it under 20 minutes now.
I'm just going to end.
under 20 minutes because I don't want tocommit so much time to this at this moment
on this during this move.
I just want to make sure I'm getting apodcast episode done.
(18:32):
I'm talking about things that areimportant to me and I'm engaging with the,
you know, the few of you who are stilllistening as I've pivoted this show.
And if you're still listening, thank youso much.
And if you are wanting to find out moreabout living your impulsive life, I would
love to hear from you.
You can contact me.
You can still.
email me at bruce at authentic identitymanagement .com.
(18:54):
Haven't said that in a while, but also youcan set up a free consultation where I
will provide you with at least three, atleast three techniques or strategies to
start to uncover the impulse of you.
That means releasing the fear, regret,guilt, shame, and all that stuff that is
almost inherent with being an ADHD adult.
You've lived a hard life and you need somehelp uncovering what you were actually
(19:18):
supposed to be doing.
and I would love to help you with that.
You can go to www .impulsive .life forwardslash consult for a free consultation and
I would love to do that with you.
Until next week, I'll talk to you then.
Goodbye everybody.
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