April 10, 2024 • 36 mins
If you are an ADHD adult it almost impossible to have a solid self-perception in this day and age. You were raised being told so much of what you naturally are is not ok.
Intense. Unfiltered. Impulsive. Emotional. Talkative. Awkward. Uncomfortable.
If you don’t feel like any of those things describe you try to remember the young version of you on the playground or the classroom being ostracized. Then try to shed the social norms that you have assimilated as preferred behavior and realize what is left is who you actually are.
The dissonance that is created between the core you and the one that is shown to the world today causes a lot of internal conflict that shows itself in some funky ways.
For me it was body dysmorphia and serial suppression to try and keep the depression and pain at bay. That started at a very young age. I just wanted to be a kid. But between my parents and the public school system I was told there was a specific type of kid I needed to be to be accepted in society.
In becoming that type I buried the real me deep inside until many years later and when I looked in the literal and metaphorical mirror it was always warped.
It showed parts of me as bigger than they were and others the reverse. Never could I just see myself for as I really was.
Long story short, do not make decisions based on how you feel about what you see in the warped mirror!
Live by a code. Tell the truth about your situations and deal with what you can prove to be true. Define a desired result and address the facts in a way that gets you the result you want.
If what you want is to stop letting life happen to you we should have a conversation. At Impulsive we stop the guilt fear and shame conditioned into us and learn how to do just like I said before. Live by a code and deal in the currency of truth and the facts and from there teach you how to trust your impulses to guide you to a future of passion and purpose. www.impulsive.life/consult
If you like my content and the way I teach then you will love my webinar on the connect method. If you are an ADHD parent I can almost guarantee there is at least one important relationship that you are struggling to find deep engagement in. Whether it be with your spouse, your teenagers or pre-teens, your best friend or your father. The Connect Method teaches you how to find a deeper connection than you have ever known so you can Connect with who matters most. That is taught on Thursdays @ 3:30 pm central go to www.impulsive.life/connect to register right now!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:04):
Hello and welcome back to Authentic On Airwith Bruce Alexander.
I am your host, Bruce Alexander.
And today we're gonna be talking about thewarped mirror in which we view ourselves.
It's kind of a deep subject, but I'm notgonna get into it quite yet.
First, let's just give a quick update bylet's, I mean me, I'm gonna give a quick
update about what's going on in my liferight now.
(00:26):
So first off,
Against conventional wisdom, I am growingout of mustache.
If you're watching this on the video, youcan see that it's starting to come a
little bit.
You know, I don't look too porn stashyyet, but you know, one can only hope.
I've been keeping up with my workouts,I've lost a couple of pounds, things are
(00:48):
going in the right direction.
It is, the back spasms are happening lessand less.
Still happening, still sucks.
It's still hard to get through workoutswithout the lower back tightening up
really bad, but I'm doing the things Ihave to do to get this taken care of
because I want to be around for my kidsfor a long, long time.
(01:10):
I want to be able to take care of myself.
And that is the result that I have in mindis to be there for my grandkids.
And in order to do that, I got to takecare of me right now.
So that result is driving me forward andit is going pretty well.
If you have not heard me,
on social media talking a lot recently, ifyou haven't been following closely, you
(01:34):
will start to see much more of me talkingabout God.
It has been quite a whirlwind romance.
Me and God have gotten real close, realquick.
Some might say we're moving too fast, buthonestly, you can go eat a bag of tacos.
It has been really good for me.
(01:54):
I had been resisting my relationship andmy calling from God for...
a very, very long period of my life.
And it has been really good to open upthat conversation again and to really feel
like I'm being guided by something greaterthan myself.
So you're welcome for that gift of sharingin my business.
I don't know if I talked about this lastepisode because I think it happened, but I
(02:17):
don't know if I actually mentioned it, butI got my first big, big client and it's
going great.
It is more of a VIP.
boutique service for this client, they'regetting more access to me than I've given
before, but the price tag was worth it.
It was, and also I like working with thisperson that makes whenever you feel like
(02:41):
you're helping somebody, they appreciatethe help they're willing to pay for and
value to do the thing.
And then you also enjoy working with them.
It's kind of hard to say no to access.
to a certain degree.
Like obviously I still have my boundariesin place.
There are certain times that, you know,I'm off the clock.
I don't work.
I try to be available for my family duringhomeschool hours.
(03:04):
Like that's a non -negotiable.
But outside of that, we text every now andthen whenever she's working through stuff
and I'm trying to help her because I'mhelping her through several different
aspects of trying to be an ADHD parent.
And some of those things are difficultfrom day to day.
She's trying to launch a business.
She's trying to, uh,
(03:24):
trying to re -engage in some of therelationships that she has forsaken in the
past, which, you know, I don't know if youguys have seen this as an ADHD adult or
parent.
I feel like it is kind of like everythingelse for us.
Sometimes if it's not like urgentpriority, it kind of gets left by the
(03:45):
wayside and we forget to maintain therelationships that are important to us and
we get in the hole.
And then we have to dig our way out.
And that's actually something that I'vebuilt a...
A webinar based on is like how to engagein the relationships that we've let go
cold.
And I'll be talking about that later on,but doing working with this client has
been really great for me.
And I'm just really, it's been nice tohave some financial runaway to start
(04:08):
working on other things, trying to figureout how I'm going to scale my business,
how I'm going to actually run ads and dothe big things that businesses do.
It is, it's scary, but good problems tohave.
And things are all working.
in the right direction and things with mykids are literally out of this world.
(04:31):
Living the Warriors way do you likesticking to the system I've been sticking
to doing the things I teach my clients todo has living the life that I'm that I'm
coaching has really, really, really beenbeneficial for me.
My kids and I are closer than we've everbeen.
They.
(04:52):
are a constant source of energy and loveand kindness for me versus it being this
responsibility I have to shoulder.
And that is a really big difference.
I spent the majority of my first 13,almost 14 years of parenting running from
(05:12):
the responsibility of parenting because Ididn't know how to do it.
I was scared.
And in learning how to live in truth andbe vulnerable, it was...
pretty easy to find out that once you'reable to like stop being so toxic to
yourself and you show up and you are openwith your children, they start to mirror
(05:33):
that back.
They start to be open and vulnerable andthey want you in their lives.
Even if you are not providing everythingthat you think that they deserve, they
just want you to show up.
And I have seen great results from beingthere and I just...
I'm really happy to share that in my lifeit has been going really great.
Things have also been going really wellwith my wife.
(05:55):
If you listen to my show, which I hope youdo, I really hope you do, then you know
that there has been some pretty messed upstuff that I've done throughout our
history together.
And so it is easy for me to say thateverything is great and wonderful now, and
it is, but there has been a lot of backand forth with that.
(06:17):
There's been a lot of, you know, gainingmomentum and then losing and falling back
because of the things that I've done inthe past that keep rearing their ugly
heads.
And the biggest part of that that haschanged is I really like before it was
taking accountability, but not learningthe lesson.
And that is what I mean by that is like, Iwould say I'm really sorry that I cheated
(06:42):
on you and I, and I, I really don't wantto ever do that again.
But in that, in that affair, there was alesson that I didn't learn.
It wasn't, don't cheat.
Like that's, that's obvious.
There was something deeper there that I'mnow learning how to like take these, these
events that have been really painful formy wife, painful for me, like all these
(07:05):
different things I've been through and howto actually actively learn from them
because there is a lesson in every one ofthese triggers that we, that we face in
our life.
But most of the time we're too afraid tolook too deeply at it because we get too
angry or too guilty or too scared orwhatever it is.
And then we don't actually find the lessonthat was hidden inside of that event.
(07:29):
And that has been really, really essentialto me growing as a man much quicker and
showing up in a way that is consistentlysurprising my wife.
She keeps waiting for the old me to showup, but the old me, he died.
(07:49):
He died because like I had to, in orderfor me to be the next version of myself, I
had to let go all of those stories of whatI was before and had to start rewriting
who I was going to be.
And in order to do that, I had to learnthose lessons through the events that
happened to me.
And as they continue to happen, as Icontinue to get angry or irritated or
(08:10):
anxious or scared, I take those lessons.
and I'm able to stack them and learn fromthem and show up in a consistent way every
day that she gets to see an unshakablefoundation of truth that allows her to
trust me again.
And that's big, it's major.
(08:31):
So if you have ever struggled with thattrust issue of you've done something and
how do you trust again, it is finding theability to be unconditional.
unconditional and unshakable that isbrought that trust back into our
relationships, into our relationship,because she is going to have all of the
(08:52):
feelings and she is allowed to have thoseand I validate them and they are
absolutely, she is worthy of all of thosethings.
But my responsibility and myaccountability stays the same.
I have to live with the things I've done,apologize and own those things and take
control of that story and say, here's allthe things I did wrong.
(09:15):
But in taking all of the blame for thatstory, I also have the power to rewrite
that story in which in the end I grow fromit versus being stuck in that place.
So that's all of that.
Like things are going well.
things like across all of my core for bodybeing balanced business, things are all
(09:38):
moving in the right direction.
And I feel like as we are actually reallyleaving this physical state, we are also
leaving this state of scarcity where I wasstruggling across body being balanced
business, like all of these things I waswanting for so much more in all those
areas.
(09:59):
And now we are seeing that.
All of those things are starting to happenlike I just described and we're also
leaving this state of Oklahoma.
We are putting the final pieces togetherto get the fuck out of here.
And it has been hanging out for so long.
Like when is this going to happen?
When is this going to happen?
And we had been trying to find a specificplace and it just hasn't happened.
(10:23):
And as I'm stepping into this journey ofbeing a warrior trainer, learning how to
life coach and also help.
people find deeper connection in their,with their inner self, there's been a lot
of just step out on faith.
Like me getting a message from, from God,like from a higher source that it is, that
(10:46):
this is direction you need to move, butthat's all you get.
You just need to trust and step out onfaith.
And as I've done that with my business,things have gone really well.
I've found success.
I have found,
Things I didn't find the year before andas soon as I trusted God that he had my
back, I saw returns within days.
(11:08):
Literally doing it by myself for a year,struggling within days of trusting God.
Financial success.
Not like I'm not done, but like in theimmediate term, like room, like runway,
all of these things, like objectivesuccess for the moment.
And so now we're seeing that maybe that islike that's the way that it's time to face
(11:33):
this physical journey out of Oklahoma iswe just have to trust that God has got our
back.
It's time to go.
We have done all that we are supposed todo here for now, at least.
And it's time for us to go out of Oklahomaand find something new.
And I am a little scared, but I'm mostlyreally excited.
(11:53):
Like the the signs I've seen in my lifethat if I trust.
the journey and I just take the step thatthings will start to reveal themselves has
got me really excited about what this nextphase looks like.
So that's what all is happening there.
The reason why I wanted to talk about thiswarped mirror of self perception is
(12:17):
because it was something that came up inone of my stacks today or yesterday is
that there's.
As an ADHD person, adult, parent, we havethis person inside of us who was told that
they were wrong and that they wereimperfect and that they were not, they're
(12:40):
not normal.
They're not the way they're supposed tobe.
And in that moment, we were told to stoptrusting who we are.
We were trained to be somebody differentthat did not jive with who we were
actually supposed to be.
And a dissonance was created.
there was never again going to be the sameperson as you felt on the inside when you
(13:01):
looked in the mirror looking back at you.
And I found through the years that thatdistance grew farther and farther apart as
I tried to figure out what life meant.
And I got told more and more that the wayI was was not right.
That I was too loud or I was too
(13:24):
unfiltered or I should have more shame orI you know, just a lot of things that were
just kind of who I was I needed to hideand bury not learn how to manage better,
but just like change completely and Nobodytells you that you don't have to listen to
those things you you just do it becausethat's what I have like a lot of people
(13:49):
are telling you that so you think thatit's true and
as you as the dissonance grows and growslike you that mirror becomes more and more
warped.
And so when you look, look at yourself,there are parts of you that are bigger
than they're supposed to be.
They're bigger than they actually are inreal life when there's other parts that
are smaller.
And that's for me, that was both physicaland metaphorical.
(14:13):
Like I literally could not look at myselfand my body and see what was there at the
moment.
Like I can look at pictures and look back.
and always see how I physically was at thetime and want for that constantly.
Like I'm never OK with how I am right now.
I'm always looking back at the physicalversion of when I was.
(14:35):
And that is that's really hard to havethat dissonance there, a disconnect.
And it also happens a lot in, you know,delusions of grandeur or that negative
inner dialogue that
that I think exists in, if not all, mostADHD people is that you, you're always
(14:59):
telling yourself that you can handle thisthing and that you can do it all by
yourself, or you can never do this thingand you're going to fail every time.
Whenever the truth is often somewhere inthe middle, or you're better at the thing
that you think that you're weak at andyou're worse at the thing that you're
strong at.
Here's an example of this for me was,
(15:20):
Back in around 2005 to 2008 somewhere, Iused to work at Whole Foods.
I was the, I was an early morning guy.
I'd either work in the meat department orthe fish counter and I would set up the
case.
And I thought for about two to threemonths, I was the bee's knees at this job.
(15:44):
Because whenever I set up the case, it wasliterally the best looking case in the
state.
Not in this state, and like in the entireregion.
We had been told that our case was thatgood looking.
One day that I'd set it up.
So I knew that what I did looked amazing.
And that was like a result that reallymattered to me.
(16:05):
It was like I wanted to be beautiful.
Well, after that three months and I got myreview and I was told that like they were
thinking of trading me out of thedepartment because I was so slow.
I was really, really shocked.
I really thought that the work that I did,I was like a Picasso of setting up this
(16:27):
case, that it was so important to havebeauty in this fish that I would be
getting not only a raise, but they wouldwant me to take over the whole department.
And this was like one of the most obvioussituations where I had a little bit of a
delusion of grandeur because I thoughtthat the beauty was the most important
thing.
(16:47):
in setting up this case.
When you look at what's important to you,try to ask yourself this question.
Are the people I work with or the peoplein my family, whoever is in the situation,
are their priorities the same as mypriorities?
And whenever I asked that questionfinally, I realized that their priority
(17:10):
was speed.
They wanted it set up quickly.
And I always thought it's like, well, Imean, I'm set up like 15 minutes before
anybody ever shows up to buy anything.
So I always thought I was good.
But what I see now, 10, 15 years later isthat there was other stuff that also
(17:30):
needed to be done after open.
It's like, once you open, then you weresupposed to do these things.
And I was always 30 to 45 minutes behindall day because I set up such a beautiful
case and.
everybody else was on the page of speedand efficiency, and I was on the page of
beauty.
So as much as I it was objectivelybeautiful, I thought that what I was doing
(17:55):
was more important than it actually was.
And that is something that you can applyit to your life.
If you like, if you just take away thefish counterpart and just like, think what
am I what do I think I'm crushing it at?
Like, what do I just think I'm justnailing?
And then ask?
What what is a priority to me a priorityto everybody else in this situation?
(18:19):
And then once you've asked yourself if youare working in a co -working type
situation if you were not an entrepreneurThen you need to actually ask this
question of your boss your manager your co-workers say hey This is what I find to be
really important in this thing that we'redoing Is this something that you
prioritize as well and you will besurprised at how often the answer is no
(18:40):
like you think
Me working in the fire department in thepublic at off like pub at office.
I thought getting new presentations donefinished quality built up Getting better
at these gaining new skills.
That was what I need to be focused on butBeing part of the team was what everybody
else prioritized So I was constantly onthe outs and I couldn't understand why
(19:06):
because they were busy buildingrelationships and I was busy building
presentations so
That is a lesson that I promise you, youcan apply and you will see instant results
in your business.
I've used it, like I've talked to a clientabout this and I was just like, I just
want you to have this conversation with acouple of your coworkers and then reframe
(19:29):
your mentality.
And within 30 days, he had gotten a raiseand had started to see them talking to him
about becoming part of leadership.
Because generally as ADHD people, we are,if we are in the workplace and we have not
gotten fired, we're pretty damn good atwhatever it is we're doing.
We just need to be redirected a little bitto be on the same page as everybody else.
(19:51):
And if you can take the time to ask thosequestions, you will see a massive amount
of growth because you are good at what youdo.
You understand it better than otherpeople.
You can adapt and grow when other peopleget stuck, but you have to care.
and you have to ask the question.
So another place where like this warpedmirror affected me, it was actually for
(20:18):
this podcast, not this specific episode.
But when I was recording for season one ofthis podcast, I had a friend on who, her
name is Larissa, it's episode, I don'tknow, somewhere episode 12 or so, Larissa
Port, and she is an amazing friend ofmine, really, really beautiful soul.
(20:38):
But I was terrified of this woman for likethe first, I don't know, five, six times
we met.
And even as we became friends, I oftenstill think that she doesn't like me.
Like, you know, she's got a very, just aquiet face, beautiful smile, but she just
doesn't talk that much.
(20:59):
So I often would think I'm doing somethingwrong.
Like just in the silence of her face, Iwould just assume that for some reason she
hated.
And in doing this interview, she told mesomething that really shocked me because I
had considered myself kind of the, I don'tknow, the annoying friend of our friend
(21:21):
group.
Like, I'm, you know, I'm the one who waslike, Hey, you guys want to do anything?
You guys want to hang out?
Like I was the, like, I don't know, the,just the annoying kid, like the book
reading kid in the back of the class.
It was just like, Oh, him again.
That's how I felt.
And
In the episode, she told me that I was thethe glue to our friend group because we
(21:43):
were talking about moving and she gave methe gift of knowing that if one that when
we left that Things would never be thesame because it was me who brought us all
together That is never how I consideredmyself.
I still struggle with it to this day islike what?
(22:04):
me
because I always thought that me trying tobring everybody together was annoying.
Like it was a selfish thing.
It was like, I want to see my people.
So come to me people, come to my house.
I'll make you food.
But come to me.
And it was a shock to the system torealize that my reaching out to them meant
(22:28):
something to them.
They want they wanted to be part of what Iwas offering that community that I was
trying to build for me.
It was a, you know, a selfish motivationfor me and my family.
It's not totally selfish.
Like I want my kids to see their friends.
I want my wife to have, you know, somebodyto talk to besides me all the time because
I get I get to be a lot.
(22:49):
But in her saying that I had to I had topause and I had like the lesson I learned
from that was like you are somethingimportant.
to somebody that you don't see.
Like that blew my mind.
And when we had our initial going awayparty, like four months ago, which we
(23:12):
still haven't left and you can put that inyour pipe and smoke it, because we're
going soon.
But we had our going away party and shegave me a bottle of glue and told me,
thank you for being the glue in front ofeverybody.
And I cried like a little baby because itreally meant so much to me.
to not only hear her say it out loud, butto have our other friends confirm that
(23:34):
that's it, that's true.
Because this is something I didn'tconsider of myself.
So once again, this is just anotherversion of that mirror in which you
perceive yourself being warped.
You can't really trust it.
You have to do...
(23:54):
Objective analysis before you can trustwhat you see in the mirror.
You can't just trust the vision on its ownYou need more and another example of that
is this I did a for the warrior Methodtraining like I had to do a critical
feedback assessment.
So I had to ask People that didn't whoknow me either.
(24:16):
They worked with me or they they'refriends with me family mentors, whatever I
had to ask them like
what my strengths and weaknesses are, whatmy X factor is.
And once again, the thing I thought I wasgonna be great at was, you know, like,
it's like talking to people, like, youknow, it's like, oh, he's just like a
(24:36):
friendly guy and.
I'm not going to say that was completelywrong, but it was it was actually like
pretty overwhelming that the answer I gotis what am I strong at is having hard
conversations is that I'm the person whois going to talk about the thing that is
hard for other people to talk about.
And it's not that I didn't think thatthat's an important thing or a good thing.
(25:00):
It's just not something I'd everconsidered as being a strength of mine,
because it's just natural for me to talkabout hard shit.
I just come in and I just start, you know,I just.
I come in hot and that's something that isnatural to me and.
As you start to do the work on yourselfand you start to like actually pull away
the layers of what is natural to youversus what is a strength.
(25:26):
If you look at it, you think that thethings that come naturally to you are
probably actually your strengths becauseyou do it so often and they're so
commonplace to you that you do it wellwithout thinking about it.
And that is me and hard conversations.
And that comes largely from the fact thatI fucked up all the time and I was
constantly having hard conversations inorder to.
(25:46):
try to put back together the mess that Imade.
And like I said, I built a webinar off ofit.
That is the connect method is me trying toteach people how to have the hard
conversations to re -engage with therelationships that they have left on coal.
Like pretty simple.
And the lesson I want you to take fromthat is your biggest strengths and your
(26:10):
biggest weaknesses often feel commonplace.
So the things that you are actually weakat as well.
often feel commonplace to you.
Because for me, once again, thecommonplace weakness was I come in a
little, not unfiltered, a little brash.
It can be like I have the hardconversations, which is fed by that
(26:33):
brashness, but I also don't back off supereasy because I'm brash.
And that is feedback I got from multiplepeople.
So I have to take this gift.
And I have to mold it to where I'm able touse it appropriately because like hearing
that from my friends is like, oh man, thatsucks to hear that I'm kind of an
overwhelming person, like notoverwhelming, I'm coming on strong
(26:58):
whenever it comes to things that could usea little more nuance or tact.
So I thought it was fairly nuanced, butapparently I'm not.
brief peek in from my wife.
I don't know what she wanted, buthopefully it's for tacos because I'm
starving.
So yeah, that is another reallyinteresting thing about the the warped
(27:22):
mirror that we perceive ourselves through.
And the reason why I'm telling thesestories is because I want you to look at
yourself in a way that says like, whatstories am I telling myself that are not
substantiated by facts.
Because when you start living thewarrior's way, when you start living in
truth, you stop caring about like, how youfeel about everything and you start to
(27:46):
look at what is actually true?
What can I prove?
What can I prove about this thing?
And then how do I feel about that?
You still need to feel things, you stillneed to have emotion, but you don't just
like, for example, there are a lot oftimes whenever you perceive that somebody
feels a certain way about you or about
something you've done, but you've donenothing to actually substantiate that
(28:08):
fact.
Like sometimes, you know, me thinking mywife is mad at me.
I'm like, why did you like, why is shelooking at me like that?
Fuck, what have I done?
Like, you know, something that there'sthis whole spin out that happens.
And like now I don't like, I just stoppedthat and I just say, okay, either I need
to let that go because there's nothingproving that she's mad at me or I need to
(28:32):
go ask the question and just have aconversation.
Hey, babe, is there anything going on?
Like, are we good?
Do we need to talk about anything?
And more often than not, it's like, oh no,I'm just working and my head hurts.
Like, oh, those faces are not for me.
Because those of you who have not doneyour research yet, it is often difficult
for us neurodivergent folk to read socialcues properly.
(28:54):
And then if you're married to aneurodivergent folk, it is often, she's
giving, not incorrect or improper, likedifferent,
Signals then you are expecting like theydon't always mean what they should mean So
it's easier just to have the conversationand find out the truth and then work from
the facts and then also Deal with thefacts if it does turn out you did
(29:17):
something fucked up like deal with it andjust you know handle that shit right there
so the last story I want to tell is my Myneighbor it's been a really you know been
a great friend while I've been here and
Has had me over several times.
We've drank lots of nice whiskey and he'staught me a lot about the different kinds
(29:38):
of whiskey and bourbon and I Probablywon't remember whenever I move and that's
sad because I feel kind of Fonse wheneverI'm drinking whiskey with them on the
porch and you know using the fancy glassesand not just getting hammered but actually
learning about the complexities of thisalcohol, but
(29:59):
So learning about those complexities andas I'm sitting with him and we're starting
to, you know, do as I do and have the hardconversations and talk about the deep
stuff, he talks about how he wishes hecould get big like me.
Like right now, like this was not thatthis is like a month or two ago.
(30:20):
Like I am objectively obese.
Like this is not, this is not like mefeeling bad about myself.
It was like I am 347 pounds.
and I'm 5 '11".
Like objectively on the scale, I am obeseand every like every chart that you look
at, I feel obese.
I feel very uncomfortable.
(30:40):
It's hard for me to feel like I can situp.
And this guy to me looks like a beachvolleyball player.
I'm like, what in the fuck are you talkingabout?
And his story for him is that he's neverbeen able to put on muscle or weight like
he wanted to.
And so me looking at him and thinking,
Not that I wish like I've becomecomfortable enough in my skin to where I
(31:04):
just want to get this body healthy again.
I don't want to look like anybody else,but I wish that I had the problem that he
has of being like not having not beingable to put the weight on.
I've always had so much trouble getting itoff and like I guess the the real point
here is like I understand the facts of mybody.
(31:26):
I understand that my body is.
unhealthy right now and I'm doing like allthe things to deal with the Unhealthiness
like if my muscles are tight so I stretchand foam roll my you know, my cardio sucks
So I walk daily.
I want my you know muscles to Help burn upmy fat again.
So I'm lifting, you know multiple times aweek for him He Just wants to get bigger
(31:53):
and he's not actually looking at the factsof what does that function actually mean
for him?
And like that's that's what I I guess Iwould say learn to deal with the facts in
your body yourself and how to like processthose because the opinion of others will
never accurately tell you anything andyour opinion will never accurately tell
(32:16):
you anything.
However, your function can accurately tellyou something.
Your actually your actual, you know,health readings can tell you something and
what you actually want for your body todo.
It's like, I want to be able to, you know,play with my kids.
(32:37):
I cannot do that for a sustained period oftime.
So that is my body is not fit to do what Iwant it to do.
I don't know what it is that he wants hisbody to do that can't do.
And that is going to like for me, that isa dangerous game to play because how do
you find confidence in yourself in thatplace?
So anyways.
(32:59):
The point of this episode is this, likedon't make decisions based on how you
feel.
After looking in that warped mirror, likedo the work, figure out the facts first,
then decide how you feel about thosefacts, then define a result that matters
(33:21):
to you and use those feelings to drive youto that result.
stop being controlled by the emotion thatyou feel in the moment and start living
for a greater goal that guides you to thepurpose and passion in your life that
makes you feel alive in life.
I just used my brother's old businessname.
(33:44):
So anyways, here's the thing I can tellyou is if you live by a code and you learn
to tell the truth about your situationsand deal with what you can.
prove to be true.
You can prove to be true.
Then you define a desired result andaddress the facts in a way that gets you
the result that you want.
You will start to find true passion andpurpose in your life.
(34:07):
And if you're wanting to stop letting lifehappen to you and you want to start making
those decisions on your own, we shouldhave a conversation.
At Impulsive, we stop the guilt, fear andshame that is conditioned into us by all
of society and we learn
to do kind of how I just described before,live by a code and deal in the currency of
(34:30):
truth and in the facts.
And from there, we teach you how to trustyour impulses, to use them to guide you to
a future full of passion and purpose thatis only for you.
Nobody else can get it.
You're special.
You are not broken.
You do not need to be fixed.
The impulse of you needs to be uncovered.
(34:50):
And in that there is a lot of power.
So if you're interested in having aconversation, go to www .impulsive .life
forward slash console.
And if you like my content and you likethe way I teach, then you will love my
webinar.
It is on the connect method, which Italked about some earlier.
If you're an ADHD parent, I can almostguarantee you there is at least one
relationship that you have left or let getcold because it is in our nature to get
(35:16):
overwhelmed and to check out of something.
Hopefully it is not your kids or yourspouse, but if it is, it's okay.
There is a path back.
The connect method teaches you how toconnect with who matters most in a way
that will engage in deep and trulyauthentic connection in a way that you've
never seen before.
(35:36):
But it is not easy.
It is simple, but it is not easy.
In my course, I will tell you everythingthat you need to know to get started down
the path, to have deep conversations, evenif you have been estranged from.
this person from years, if there was everlove there, there is a path back through
the connect method.
And you can sign up for that right now bygoing to www .impulsivelife, or sorry,
(36:03):
impulsive .life forward slash connect.
And they'll be teaching that classThursdays at 3 .30pm.
Please go check it out.
It is completely free.
I promise you if you are struggling toconnect with
Anybody that you love any importantrelationship in your life if you are
struggling to connect at a level that isdeep enough or struggling to connect at
(36:26):
all This method will help you get back ontrack and get deeper results than you've
ever had before That is it for today.
I thank you so much for joining me onauthentic on air I love doing this random
and crazy show and I hope you guys willcome back next week to authentic on air.
Thank you guys, that's it.
(36:47):
Have a great night.
I will see you next week and yeah, beimpulsive.
Some pretty cool stuff over here.
Good night.
Hello and welcome back to Authentic On Airwith Bruce Alexander.
I am your host, Bruce Alexander.
And today we're gonna be talking about thewarped mirror in which we view ourselves.
It's kind of a deep subject, but I'm notgonna get into it quite yet.
First, let's just give a quick update bylet's, I mean me, I'm gonna give a quick
update about what's going on in my liferight now.
(00:26):
So first off,
Against conventional wisdom, I am growingout of mustache.
If you're watching this on the video, youcan see that it's starting to come a
little bit.
You know, I don't look too porn stashyyet, but you know, one can only hope.
I've been keeping up with my workouts,I've lost a couple of pounds, things are
(00:48):
going in the right direction.
It is, the back spasms are happening lessand less.
Still happening, still sucks.
It's still hard to get through workoutswithout the lower back tightening up
really bad, but I'm doing the things Ihave to do to get this taken care of
because I want to be around for my kidsfor a long, long time.
(01:10):
I want to be able to take care of myself.
And that is the result that I have in mindis to be there for my grandkids.
And in order to do that, I got to takecare of me right now.
So that result is driving me forward andit is going pretty well.
If you have not heard me,
on social media talking a lot recently, ifyou haven't been following closely, you
(01:34):
will start to see much more of me talkingabout God.
It has been quite a whirlwind romance.
Me and God have gotten real close, realquick.
Some might say we're moving too fast, buthonestly, you can go eat a bag of tacos.
It has been really good for me.
(01:54):
I had been resisting my relationship andmy calling from God for...
a very, very long period of my life.
And it has been really good to open upthat conversation again and to really feel
like I'm being guided by something greaterthan myself.
So you're welcome for that gift of sharingin my business.
I don't know if I talked about this lastepisode because I think it happened, but I
(02:17):
don't know if I actually mentioned it, butI got my first big, big client and it's
going great.
It is more of a VIP.
boutique service for this client, they'regetting more access to me than I've given
before, but the price tag was worth it.
It was, and also I like working with thisperson that makes whenever you feel like
(02:41):
you're helping somebody, they appreciatethe help they're willing to pay for and
value to do the thing.
And then you also enjoy working with them.
It's kind of hard to say no to access.
to a certain degree.
Like obviously I still have my boundariesin place.
There are certain times that, you know,I'm off the clock.
I don't work.
I try to be available for my family duringhomeschool hours.
(03:04):
Like that's a non -negotiable.
But outside of that, we text every now andthen whenever she's working through stuff
and I'm trying to help her because I'mhelping her through several different
aspects of trying to be an ADHD parent.
And some of those things are difficultfrom day to day.
She's trying to launch a business.
She's trying to, uh,
(03:24):
trying to re -engage in some of therelationships that she has forsaken in the
past, which, you know, I don't know if youguys have seen this as an ADHD adult or
parent.
I feel like it is kind of like everythingelse for us.
Sometimes if it's not like urgentpriority, it kind of gets left by the
(03:45):
wayside and we forget to maintain therelationships that are important to us and
we get in the hole.
And then we have to dig our way out.
And that's actually something that I'vebuilt a...
A webinar based on is like how to engagein the relationships that we've let go
cold.
And I'll be talking about that later on,but doing working with this client has
been really great for me.
And I'm just really, it's been nice tohave some financial runaway to start
(04:08):
working on other things, trying to figureout how I'm going to scale my business,
how I'm going to actually run ads and dothe big things that businesses do.
It is, it's scary, but good problems tohave.
And things are all working.
in the right direction and things with mykids are literally out of this world.
(04:31):
Living the Warriors way do you likesticking to the system I've been sticking
to doing the things I teach my clients todo has living the life that I'm that I'm
coaching has really, really, really beenbeneficial for me.
My kids and I are closer than we've everbeen.
They.
(04:52):
are a constant source of energy and loveand kindness for me versus it being this
responsibility I have to shoulder.
And that is a really big difference.
I spent the majority of my first 13,almost 14 years of parenting running from
(05:12):
the responsibility of parenting because Ididn't know how to do it.
I was scared.
And in learning how to live in truth andbe vulnerable, it was...
pretty easy to find out that once you'reable to like stop being so toxic to
yourself and you show up and you are openwith your children, they start to mirror
(05:33):
that back.
They start to be open and vulnerable andthey want you in their lives.
Even if you are not providing everythingthat you think that they deserve, they
just want you to show up.
And I have seen great results from beingthere and I just...
I'm really happy to share that in my lifeit has been going really great.
Things have also been going really wellwith my wife.
(05:55):
If you listen to my show, which I hope youdo, I really hope you do, then you know
that there has been some pretty messed upstuff that I've done throughout our
history together.
And so it is easy for me to say thateverything is great and wonderful now, and
it is, but there has been a lot of backand forth with that.
(06:17):
There's been a lot of, you know, gainingmomentum and then losing and falling back
because of the things that I've done inthe past that keep rearing their ugly
heads.
And the biggest part of that that haschanged is I really like before it was
taking accountability, but not learningthe lesson.
And that is what I mean by that is like, Iwould say I'm really sorry that I cheated
(06:42):
on you and I, and I, I really don't wantto ever do that again.
But in that, in that affair, there was alesson that I didn't learn.
It wasn't, don't cheat.
Like that's, that's obvious.
There was something deeper there that I'mnow learning how to like take these, these
events that have been really painful formy wife, painful for me, like all these
(07:05):
different things I've been through and howto actually actively learn from them
because there is a lesson in every one ofthese triggers that we, that we face in
our life.
But most of the time we're too afraid tolook too deeply at it because we get too
angry or too guilty or too scared orwhatever it is.
And then we don't actually find the lessonthat was hidden inside of that event.
(07:29):
And that has been really, really essentialto me growing as a man much quicker and
showing up in a way that is consistentlysurprising my wife.
She keeps waiting for the old me to showup, but the old me, he died.
(07:49):
He died because like I had to, in orderfor me to be the next version of myself, I
had to let go all of those stories of whatI was before and had to start rewriting
who I was going to be.
And in order to do that, I had to learnthose lessons through the events that
happened to me.
And as they continue to happen, as Icontinue to get angry or irritated or
(08:10):
anxious or scared, I take those lessons.
and I'm able to stack them and learn fromthem and show up in a consistent way every
day that she gets to see an unshakablefoundation of truth that allows her to
trust me again.
And that's big, it's major.
(08:31):
So if you have ever struggled with thattrust issue of you've done something and
how do you trust again, it is finding theability to be unconditional.
unconditional and unshakable that isbrought that trust back into our
relationships, into our relationship,because she is going to have all of the
(08:52):
feelings and she is allowed to have thoseand I validate them and they are
absolutely, she is worthy of all of thosethings.
But my responsibility and myaccountability stays the same.
I have to live with the things I've done,apologize and own those things and take
control of that story and say, here's allthe things I did wrong.
(09:15):
But in taking all of the blame for thatstory, I also have the power to rewrite
that story in which in the end I grow fromit versus being stuck in that place.
So that's all of that.
Like things are going well.
things like across all of my core for bodybeing balanced business, things are all
(09:38):
moving in the right direction.
And I feel like as we are actually reallyleaving this physical state, we are also
leaving this state of scarcity where I wasstruggling across body being balanced
business, like all of these things I waswanting for so much more in all those
areas.
(09:59):
And now we are seeing that.
All of those things are starting to happenlike I just described and we're also
leaving this state of Oklahoma.
We are putting the final pieces togetherto get the fuck out of here.
And it has been hanging out for so long.
Like when is this going to happen?
When is this going to happen?
And we had been trying to find a specificplace and it just hasn't happened.
(10:23):
And as I'm stepping into this journey ofbeing a warrior trainer, learning how to
life coach and also help.
people find deeper connection in their,with their inner self, there's been a lot
of just step out on faith.
Like me getting a message from, from God,like from a higher source that it is, that
(10:46):
this is direction you need to move, butthat's all you get.
You just need to trust and step out onfaith.
And as I've done that with my business,things have gone really well.
I've found success.
I have found,
Things I didn't find the year before andas soon as I trusted God that he had my
back, I saw returns within days.
(11:08):
Literally doing it by myself for a year,struggling within days of trusting God.
Financial success.
Not like I'm not done, but like in theimmediate term, like room, like runway,
all of these things, like objectivesuccess for the moment.
And so now we're seeing that maybe that islike that's the way that it's time to face
(11:33):
this physical journey out of Oklahoma iswe just have to trust that God has got our
back.
It's time to go.
We have done all that we are supposed todo here for now, at least.
And it's time for us to go out of Oklahomaand find something new.
And I am a little scared, but I'm mostlyreally excited.
(11:53):
Like the the signs I've seen in my lifethat if I trust.
the journey and I just take the step thatthings will start to reveal themselves has
got me really excited about what this nextphase looks like.
So that's what all is happening there.
The reason why I wanted to talk about thiswarped mirror of self perception is
(12:17):
because it was something that came up inone of my stacks today or yesterday is
that there's.
As an ADHD person, adult, parent, we havethis person inside of us who was told that
they were wrong and that they wereimperfect and that they were not, they're
(12:40):
not normal.
They're not the way they're supposed tobe.
And in that moment, we were told to stoptrusting who we are.
We were trained to be somebody differentthat did not jive with who we were
actually supposed to be.
And a dissonance was created.
there was never again going to be the sameperson as you felt on the inside when you
(13:01):
looked in the mirror looking back at you.
And I found through the years that thatdistance grew farther and farther apart as
I tried to figure out what life meant.
And I got told more and more that the wayI was was not right.
That I was too loud or I was too
(13:24):
unfiltered or I should have more shame orI you know, just a lot of things that were
just kind of who I was I needed to hideand bury not learn how to manage better,
but just like change completely and Nobodytells you that you don't have to listen to
those things you you just do it becausethat's what I have like a lot of people
(13:49):
are telling you that so you think thatit's true and
as you as the dissonance grows and growslike you that mirror becomes more and more
warped.
And so when you look, look at yourself,there are parts of you that are bigger
than they're supposed to be.
They're bigger than they actually are inreal life when there's other parts that
are smaller.
And that's for me, that was both physicaland metaphorical.
(14:13):
Like I literally could not look at myselfand my body and see what was there at the
moment.
Like I can look at pictures and look back.
and always see how I physically was at thetime and want for that constantly.
Like I'm never OK with how I am right now.
I'm always looking back at the physicalversion of when I was.
(14:35):
And that is that's really hard to havethat dissonance there, a disconnect.
And it also happens a lot in, you know,delusions of grandeur or that negative
inner dialogue that
that I think exists in, if not all, mostADHD people is that you, you're always
(14:59):
telling yourself that you can handle thisthing and that you can do it all by
yourself, or you can never do this thingand you're going to fail every time.
Whenever the truth is often somewhere inthe middle, or you're better at the thing
that you think that you're weak at andyou're worse at the thing that you're
strong at.
Here's an example of this for me was,
(15:20):
Back in around 2005 to 2008 somewhere, Iused to work at Whole Foods.
I was the, I was an early morning guy.
I'd either work in the meat department orthe fish counter and I would set up the
case.
And I thought for about two to threemonths, I was the bee's knees at this job.
(15:44):
Because whenever I set up the case, it wasliterally the best looking case in the
state.
Not in this state, and like in the entireregion.
We had been told that our case was thatgood looking.
One day that I'd set it up.
So I knew that what I did looked amazing.
And that was like a result that reallymattered to me.
(16:05):
It was like I wanted to be beautiful.
Well, after that three months and I got myreview and I was told that like they were
thinking of trading me out of thedepartment because I was so slow.
I was really, really shocked.
I really thought that the work that I did,I was like a Picasso of setting up this
(16:27):
case, that it was so important to havebeauty in this fish that I would be
getting not only a raise, but they wouldwant me to take over the whole department.
And this was like one of the most obvioussituations where I had a little bit of a
delusion of grandeur because I thoughtthat the beauty was the most important
thing.
(16:47):
in setting up this case.
When you look at what's important to you,try to ask yourself this question.
Are the people I work with or the peoplein my family, whoever is in the situation,
are their priorities the same as mypriorities?
And whenever I asked that questionfinally, I realized that their priority
(17:10):
was speed.
They wanted it set up quickly.
And I always thought it's like, well, Imean, I'm set up like 15 minutes before
anybody ever shows up to buy anything.
So I always thought I was good.
But what I see now, 10, 15 years later isthat there was other stuff that also
(17:30):
needed to be done after open.
It's like, once you open, then you weresupposed to do these things.
And I was always 30 to 45 minutes behindall day because I set up such a beautiful
case and.
everybody else was on the page of speedand efficiency, and I was on the page of
beauty.
So as much as I it was objectivelybeautiful, I thought that what I was doing
(17:55):
was more important than it actually was.
And that is something that you can applyit to your life.
If you like, if you just take away thefish counterpart and just like, think what
am I what do I think I'm crushing it at?
Like, what do I just think I'm justnailing?
And then ask?
What what is a priority to me a priorityto everybody else in this situation?
(18:19):
And then once you've asked yourself if youare working in a co -working type
situation if you were not an entrepreneurThen you need to actually ask this
question of your boss your manager your co-workers say hey This is what I find to be
really important in this thing that we'redoing Is this something that you
prioritize as well and you will besurprised at how often the answer is no
(18:40):
like you think
Me working in the fire department in thepublic at off like pub at office.
I thought getting new presentations donefinished quality built up Getting better
at these gaining new skills.
That was what I need to be focused on butBeing part of the team was what everybody
else prioritized So I was constantly onthe outs and I couldn't understand why
(19:06):
because they were busy buildingrelationships and I was busy building
presentations so
That is a lesson that I promise you, youcan apply and you will see instant results
in your business.
I've used it, like I've talked to a clientabout this and I was just like, I just
want you to have this conversation with acouple of your coworkers and then reframe
(19:29):
your mentality.
And within 30 days, he had gotten a raiseand had started to see them talking to him
about becoming part of leadership.
Because generally as ADHD people, we are,if we are in the workplace and we have not
gotten fired, we're pretty damn good atwhatever it is we're doing.
We just need to be redirected a little bitto be on the same page as everybody else.
(19:51):
And if you can take the time to ask thosequestions, you will see a massive amount
of growth because you are good at what youdo.
You understand it better than otherpeople.
You can adapt and grow when other peopleget stuck, but you have to care.
and you have to ask the question.
So another place where like this warpedmirror affected me, it was actually for
(20:18):
this podcast, not this specific episode.
But when I was recording for season one ofthis podcast, I had a friend on who, her
name is Larissa, it's episode, I don'tknow, somewhere episode 12 or so, Larissa
Port, and she is an amazing friend ofmine, really, really beautiful soul.
(20:38):
But I was terrified of this woman for likethe first, I don't know, five, six times
we met.
And even as we became friends, I oftenstill think that she doesn't like me.
Like, you know, she's got a very, just aquiet face, beautiful smile, but she just
doesn't talk that much.
(20:59):
So I often would think I'm doing somethingwrong.
Like just in the silence of her face, Iwould just assume that for some reason she
hated.
And in doing this interview, she told mesomething that really shocked me because I
had considered myself kind of the, I don'tknow, the annoying friend of our friend
(21:21):
group.
Like, I'm, you know, I'm the one who waslike, Hey, you guys want to do anything?
You guys want to hang out?
Like I was the, like, I don't know, the,just the annoying kid, like the book
reading kid in the back of the class.
It was just like, Oh, him again.
That's how I felt.
And
In the episode, she told me that I was thethe glue to our friend group because we
(21:43):
were talking about moving and she gave methe gift of knowing that if one that when
we left that Things would never be thesame because it was me who brought us all
together That is never how I consideredmyself.
I still struggle with it to this day islike what?
(22:04):
me
because I always thought that me trying tobring everybody together was annoying.
Like it was a selfish thing.
It was like, I want to see my people.
So come to me people, come to my house.
I'll make you food.
But come to me.
And it was a shock to the system torealize that my reaching out to them meant
(22:28):
something to them.
They want they wanted to be part of what Iwas offering that community that I was
trying to build for me.
It was a, you know, a selfish motivationfor me and my family.
It's not totally selfish.
Like I want my kids to see their friends.
I want my wife to have, you know, somebodyto talk to besides me all the time because
I get I get to be a lot.
(22:49):
But in her saying that I had to I had topause and I had like the lesson I learned
from that was like you are somethingimportant.
to somebody that you don't see.
Like that blew my mind.
And when we had our initial going awayparty, like four months ago, which we
(23:12):
still haven't left and you can put that inyour pipe and smoke it, because we're
going soon.
But we had our going away party and shegave me a bottle of glue and told me,
thank you for being the glue in front ofeverybody.
And I cried like a little baby because itreally meant so much to me.
to not only hear her say it out loud, butto have our other friends confirm that
(23:34):
that's it, that's true.
Because this is something I didn'tconsider of myself.
So once again, this is just anotherversion of that mirror in which you
perceive yourself being warped.
You can't really trust it.
You have to do...
(23:54):
Objective analysis before you can trustwhat you see in the mirror.
You can't just trust the vision on its ownYou need more and another example of that
is this I did a for the warrior Methodtraining like I had to do a critical
feedback assessment.
So I had to ask People that didn't whoknow me either.
(24:16):
They worked with me or they they'refriends with me family mentors, whatever I
had to ask them like
what my strengths and weaknesses are, whatmy X factor is.
And once again, the thing I thought I wasgonna be great at was, you know, like,
it's like talking to people, like, youknow, it's like, oh, he's just like a
(24:36):
friendly guy and.
I'm not going to say that was completelywrong, but it was it was actually like
pretty overwhelming that the answer I gotis what am I strong at is having hard
conversations is that I'm the person whois going to talk about the thing that is
hard for other people to talk about.
And it's not that I didn't think thatthat's an important thing or a good thing.
(25:00):
It's just not something I'd everconsidered as being a strength of mine,
because it's just natural for me to talkabout hard shit.
I just come in and I just start, you know,I just.
I come in hot and that's something that isnatural to me and.
As you start to do the work on yourselfand you start to like actually pull away
the layers of what is natural to youversus what is a strength.
(25:26):
If you look at it, you think that thethings that come naturally to you are
probably actually your strengths becauseyou do it so often and they're so
commonplace to you that you do it wellwithout thinking about it.
And that is me and hard conversations.
And that comes largely from the fact thatI fucked up all the time and I was
constantly having hard conversations inorder to.
(25:46):
try to put back together the mess that Imade.
And like I said, I built a webinar off ofit.
That is the connect method is me trying toteach people how to have the hard
conversations to re -engage with therelationships that they have left on coal.
Like pretty simple.
And the lesson I want you to take fromthat is your biggest strengths and your
(26:10):
biggest weaknesses often feel commonplace.
So the things that you are actually weakat as well.
often feel commonplace to you.
Because for me, once again, thecommonplace weakness was I come in a
little, not unfiltered, a little brash.
It can be like I have the hardconversations, which is fed by that
(26:33):
brashness, but I also don't back off supereasy because I'm brash.
And that is feedback I got from multiplepeople.
So I have to take this gift.
And I have to mold it to where I'm able touse it appropriately because like hearing
that from my friends is like, oh man, thatsucks to hear that I'm kind of an
overwhelming person, like notoverwhelming, I'm coming on strong
(26:58):
whenever it comes to things that could usea little more nuance or tact.
So I thought it was fairly nuanced, butapparently I'm not.
brief peek in from my wife.
I don't know what she wanted, buthopefully it's for tacos because I'm
starving.
So yeah, that is another reallyinteresting thing about the the warped
(27:22):
mirror that we perceive ourselves through.
And the reason why I'm telling thesestories is because I want you to look at
yourself in a way that says like, whatstories am I telling myself that are not
substantiated by facts.
Because when you start living thewarrior's way, when you start living in
truth, you stop caring about like, how youfeel about everything and you start to
(27:46):
look at what is actually true?
What can I prove?
What can I prove about this thing?
And then how do I feel about that?
You still need to feel things, you stillneed to have emotion, but you don't just
like, for example, there are a lot oftimes whenever you perceive that somebody
feels a certain way about you or about
something you've done, but you've donenothing to actually substantiate that
(28:08):
fact.
Like sometimes, you know, me thinking mywife is mad at me.
I'm like, why did you like, why is shelooking at me like that?
Fuck, what have I done?
Like, you know, something that there'sthis whole spin out that happens.
And like now I don't like, I just stoppedthat and I just say, okay, either I need
to let that go because there's nothingproving that she's mad at me or I need to
(28:32):
go ask the question and just have aconversation.
Hey, babe, is there anything going on?
Like, are we good?
Do we need to talk about anything?
And more often than not, it's like, oh no,I'm just working and my head hurts.
Like, oh, those faces are not for me.
Because those of you who have not doneyour research yet, it is often difficult
for us neurodivergent folk to read socialcues properly.
(28:54):
And then if you're married to aneurodivergent folk, it is often, she's
giving, not incorrect or improper, likedifferent,
Signals then you are expecting like theydon't always mean what they should mean So
it's easier just to have the conversationand find out the truth and then work from
the facts and then also Deal with thefacts if it does turn out you did
(29:17):
something fucked up like deal with it andjust you know handle that shit right there
so the last story I want to tell is my Myneighbor it's been a really you know been
a great friend while I've been here and
Has had me over several times.
We've drank lots of nice whiskey and he'staught me a lot about the different kinds
(29:38):
of whiskey and bourbon and I Probablywon't remember whenever I move and that's
sad because I feel kind of Fonse wheneverI'm drinking whiskey with them on the
porch and you know using the fancy glassesand not just getting hammered but actually
learning about the complexities of thisalcohol, but
(29:59):
So learning about those complexities andas I'm sitting with him and we're starting
to, you know, do as I do and have the hardconversations and talk about the deep
stuff, he talks about how he wishes hecould get big like me.
Like right now, like this was not thatthis is like a month or two ago.
(30:20):
Like I am objectively obese.
Like this is not, this is not like mefeeling bad about myself.
It was like I am 347 pounds.
and I'm 5 '11".
Like objectively on the scale, I am obeseand every like every chart that you look
at, I feel obese.
I feel very uncomfortable.
(30:40):
It's hard for me to feel like I can situp.
And this guy to me looks like a beachvolleyball player.
I'm like, what in the fuck are you talkingabout?
And his story for him is that he's neverbeen able to put on muscle or weight like
he wanted to.
And so me looking at him and thinking,
Not that I wish like I've becomecomfortable enough in my skin to where I
(31:04):
just want to get this body healthy again.
I don't want to look like anybody else,but I wish that I had the problem that he
has of being like not having not beingable to put the weight on.
I've always had so much trouble getting itoff and like I guess the the real point
here is like I understand the facts of mybody.
(31:26):
I understand that my body is.
unhealthy right now and I'm doing like allthe things to deal with the Unhealthiness
like if my muscles are tight so I stretchand foam roll my you know, my cardio sucks
So I walk daily.
I want my you know muscles to Help burn upmy fat again.
So I'm lifting, you know multiple times aweek for him He Just wants to get bigger
(31:53):
and he's not actually looking at the factsof what does that function actually mean
for him?
And like that's that's what I I guess Iwould say learn to deal with the facts in
your body yourself and how to like processthose because the opinion of others will
never accurately tell you anything andyour opinion will never accurately tell
(32:16):
you anything.
However, your function can accurately tellyou something.
Your actually your actual, you know,health readings can tell you something and
what you actually want for your body todo.
It's like, I want to be able to, you know,play with my kids.
(32:37):
I cannot do that for a sustained period oftime.
So that is my body is not fit to do what Iwant it to do.
I don't know what it is that he wants hisbody to do that can't do.
And that is going to like for me, that isa dangerous game to play because how do
you find confidence in yourself in thatplace?
So anyways.
(32:59):
The point of this episode is this, likedon't make decisions based on how you
feel.
After looking in that warped mirror, likedo the work, figure out the facts first,
then decide how you feel about thosefacts, then define a result that matters
(33:21):
to you and use those feelings to drive youto that result.
stop being controlled by the emotion thatyou feel in the moment and start living
for a greater goal that guides you to thepurpose and passion in your life that
makes you feel alive in life.
I just used my brother's old businessname.
(33:44):
So anyways, here's the thing I can tellyou is if you live by a code and you learn
to tell the truth about your situationsand deal with what you can.
prove to be true.
You can prove to be true.
Then you define a desired result andaddress the facts in a way that gets you
the result that you want.
You will start to find true passion andpurpose in your life.
(34:07):
And if you're wanting to stop letting lifehappen to you and you want to start making
those decisions on your own, we shouldhave a conversation.
At Impulsive, we stop the guilt, fear andshame that is conditioned into us by all
of society and we learn
to do kind of how I just described before,live by a code and deal in the currency of
(34:30):
truth and in the facts.
And from there, we teach you how to trustyour impulses, to use them to guide you to
a future full of passion and purpose thatis only for you.
Nobody else can get it.
You're special.
You are not broken.
You do not need to be fixed.
The impulse of you needs to be uncovered.
(34:50):
And in that there is a lot of power.
So if you're interested in having aconversation, go to www .impulsive .life
forward slash console.
And if you like my content and you likethe way I teach, then you will love my
webinar.
It is on the connect method, which Italked about some earlier.
If you're an ADHD parent, I can almostguarantee you there is at least one
relationship that you have left or let getcold because it is in our nature to get
(35:16):
overwhelmed and to check out of something.
Hopefully it is not your kids or yourspouse, but if it is, it's okay.
There is a path back.
The connect method teaches you how toconnect with who matters most in a way
that will engage in deep and trulyauthentic connection in a way that you've
never seen before.
(35:36):
But it is not easy.
It is simple, but it is not easy.
In my course, I will tell you everythingthat you need to know to get started down
the path, to have deep conversations, evenif you have been estranged from.
this person from years, if there was everlove there, there is a path back through
the connect method.
And you can sign up for that right now bygoing to www .impulsivelife, or sorry,
(36:03):
impulsive .life forward slash connect.
And they'll be teaching that classThursdays at 3 .30pm.
Please go check it out.
It is completely free.
I promise you if you are struggling toconnect with
Anybody that you love any importantrelationship in your life if you are
struggling to connect at a level that isdeep enough or struggling to connect at
(36:26):
all This method will help you get back ontrack and get deeper results than you've
ever had before That is it for today.
I thank you so much for joining me onauthentic on air I love doing this random
and crazy show and I hope you guys willcome back next week to authentic on air.
Thank you guys, that's it.
(36:47):
Have a great night.
I will see you next week and yeah, beimpulsive.
Some pretty cool stuff over here.
Good night.
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